#i'm not very good at drawing conrad

[soapkaars]

A little drawing of Conrad Veidt as the Scarecrow and Peter Lorre as the Riddler to unwind, based on this inspired idea by @thebrideofreanimator

[cecedownbad]

Hold On

Summary: A missing child's case resurfaced so many memories you wished to keep buried. Sure enough, seeking comfort from the heavy feelings came by as a form of a person. [Spencer Reid X Fem!Reader] Part 2.

Warning: Child abduction, death of a child, angst, no Y/N, made up last name: Cyrus, made up case, light fluff, hurt/ comfort, not too romance-y but alluding to it, not proof read, I don't think the mystery/crime aspect is good but let me hear thoughts guys. Something extra in tags, read after the story.

Word Count: 4.1k

Part 1

I'm so sorry this took so long, my exams, mental health, projects, assignments allll just rolled in the past months, and I've been doing everything to stay on top of writing. It's rushed towards the end but with all that's going on I hope it's okay. If anyone is up for part 3, I'm all for it .

Enjoy

"Those who cannot remember the past, are condemned to repeat it."

-George Santayana

'Okay, let's see, Conrad Miller, 16 years old, went missing on June 12th, 2007. Last seen by the local church with one of the volunteers, she was questioned once but was never linked as she had a solid alibi, her name was Grace Cyrus.' Tara paused. 'So she took Conrad, no she definitely didn't just take him, poor kid is definitely not okay.'

'Right now Stephen is our priority, the anniversary of Steven's disappearance is in 4 days, so what does she want with him now?' You pace in the room, spinning a pen you grabbed in your hand. 'I think that's something only you can answer, what happened 4 days prior to Steven's disappearance?' Tara pondered, she sat down, looking at you, intent on finding answers. '4 days prior…that was the day my dad— Daniel had come to visit, they, Grace and him got into a fight and Stevie, Steven tried to "protect" Daniel in his own way, he thought Mom was going to hurt him…'

Was it then that this all weighed down on you? Words long lost had started pouring through the cracks of memories locked away. You were never in that station in that moment, no, now you were back there.

'Stevie, get back here! We can't stop them!'

'No! No let go! I don't want Dad to go, Mom's going to send him away!'

'Steven!'

No matter how hard you tried, he slipped from your tensed grasp, landing right between two enraged adults.

Pacing the floor helped gather your thoughts, a little better.

'What was the very last thing she said to you when you left?'

The thought of how it all ended passed through your minds, each time much like a bullet to the brain but you push it all down, now wasn't the right time for you. 'everything okay there?' Tara asked you, it's only been a few minutes since you and Tara confronted the idea that Grace might have done more than anyone could have put together.

'Yeah just a lot going on in my head, I think I need a breather.'

'Hold that thought, JJ and Luke are back with Daniel,'

Your hand now wrapped around the empty coffee mug, a dad you haven't spoken to for the last two decades, what would you have to say? or better yet, what would he say to you? This isn't an official reunion, it's an interrogation and who knows what will spill out of your mouth if you see the very first man in your life that disappointed you, taught you that having a person in your life was enough to make you fall apart.

'JJ and I will go in first, you sit tight.' Tara patted your shoulder giving it a good squeeze before heading out the conference room.

It was soon after that Rossi, Reid and Emily came back in, all three harnessing disappointment with their stride. 'Hey, what happened?'

'Well, Rosa was not in her home, we searched the house and by the looks of it, she hardly came back there.' Emily sat down with her legs crossed. 'but, her room had keepsakes, maybe from the time you lived with her?'

'What did she have?'

'She had pictures, some old folded drawings, and the weirdest one, an old juice box.' as Emily finished, you sat up from your chair, 'an old juice box? Do you remember what flavour?'

'I think it was Apple? Why? Does it have something to do with Steven?'

'…'

'Cyrus?'

'That, uh, it's nothing, I think sentimental feelings do surface no matter what kind of person you are.' You began fidgeting with your sleeves, your mind now slowly began recalling events that transpired long ago. 'Is there something else? It looks like you aren't sure about something.' Rossi eyed your movements, he knew something was keeping you. 'My mother, she'd never show any sign that she felt remorse, not even as far as I could remember.'

'Okay Reid, stay with her, I'm going to check in with JJ and the rest. Rossi? Do you mind?' soon after, Rossi and Emily exited the room, leaving you and Spencer in the conference room. 'Could you tell me what kind of person your mother is?' Spencer sat down right before you, urging you to take a seat right next to him and you did.

'She was an uptight woman, she loved to be in control of her life that meant being in control of mine too, it's why I left. She loved being seen.'

'Being seen? What do you mean?'

'She was always a respected figure no matter where she went, be it at work or in the neighborhood, she pushed for that at home too. When Steven had disappeared, I would always remember how she would tell me he was in a better place, and that if I do anything to disobey her or question her authority, I would be punished.' your head hung as you remembered more, 'I would study, day and night, that was the only life I knew, if my grades dropped by a mark, she'd lock me in my room, made sure I only had books on my desk.'

'Did Daniel ever drop by after what happened to Steven?' Spencer asked gently, 'No, I never saw him after that, I thought he finally got sick of mom and left, but I see now that wasn't the case.'

'Okay—'

'You know the one thing I can't seem to remember though?' you looked up at Spencer, his eyebrows now furrowed in question. 'My mother would always say how beautiful I am, and…and that I look just like her, her very own reflection but, Spencer, I can't…I can't remember her face.' your voice sounded shattered at what came out of it. You felt the tears fall, but you couldn't turn away or hide them, Spencer saw just how much this hurts you.

'You are your own person, no one can ever take that from you, no matter what, you are you.' He held your hand, rubbing his thumb over the back of your palm, that gave you a sign of comfort and you smiled at him. 'Alright, let's get back to the case.' quickly wiping away your tears and pasting on a smile, which you flash at Spencer, he in turn regained a more unmoving figure. 'When you said Rosa knew that Steven would never come back, what did you mean?'

'I was only a kid but to me it felt like she already knew that Steven had maybe...and all I could remember was a frown anytime I even remotely related to Steven.' You return with an answer. It was then the phone on the table went off.

'What is it Garcia?'

'So I dug into Daniel a bit more, and you aren't going to like this, so he was actually never in Bakersfield until a week ago, before that he was working as a cab driver in Nevada. He was in Nevada for a long time, but he touched base sometime in 2007, in the month of June. Looks like he tried several times to contact his ex wife but she never entertained any of it. What is concerning is that he was reported of stalking a young boy, said he mistook the boy for a boy he knew and he meant no harm but he was fired from his workplace and when was that? A little before coming over to Bakersfield.' Once Garcia had informed both of you, it was then JJ, Emily and Luke walked back in.

'What did the boy look like?' Spencer asked, 'I sent his picture to your phone.'

'Thank you Garcia.' You picked up your cell and scrolled through to find the image.

'No problemo.'

Upon quick inspection, you could tell at a glance the young boy and Steven shared a few similarities, nothing too obvious except hair colour and facial structure, age is the more obvious factor.

JJ walked in, arms crossed, she sighed but began asking what Garcia checked in for, 'Looks like Daniel was fired from his work place prior to coming to Bakersfield a week before Stephen's abduction.' You informed the three.

'If I didn't know any better, I'd say that's a trigger for him.' Emily began, 'Yeah, I agree.' and Luke followed suit.

'So he not only gets rejected by his ex-wife, but fired from his work place for stalking a boy that looks like his son, then he goes and kidnaps a boy that Rosa seemingly dotes on? Something doesn't add up.' JJ looked on with confusion. 'How did it go with him?' you asked finally.

'Said he had something vital for the case but he would only discuss it with you.' Emily sat down, her voice already etching with exhaustion. 'He's hiding something and my gut is saying it can't be good.'

'I'll go talk to him.' You were close to leaving the room, but Emily had halted your motions.

'Wait,'

'Yeah?'

'Reid will go with you, Tara might want to step out.' You gave a quick nod to Emily's order.

Every step to the interrogation room, you could hear the pained voices of yours, more precisely, from when you were a child. A young girl, alone in a room with nothing but her thoughts, you swallowed hard as you stood by the entrance of the viewing room. When you entered, you let Spencer call Tara from the interrogation room to the viewing room. 'No matter what, don't give in to his requests, you need to break him down, and if you ever want to leave, you can.' Tara gave you a small nudge and she stayed back in the room.

This was it, you let Spencer lead you into the interrogation room, allowing him to get there before you creeped on behind.

'How many times do I need to tell you people? Can't you bring my daug—you, your—'

'Let me be very clear, you have something vital for this case and I'm willing to hear you out, but say or do anything and you will be escorted out of the door by agents, understood?' the firm voice you let out hid every sorry cry that was wailing in you, having not seen your father for 20 years was a shock but not something that should be seen. 'Look at you, what it's been 15, 20 years, oh my beautiful little angel, I missed you.' honey coated words slipped from his mouth and every cell in you twisted in anger and contempt, 'Mr. Carter, the case.' Spencer stepped in this time.

'Always in such a hurry, well, since you brought my little girl. I know where the kid is being held.' He sat there with no remorse, no care that a child, close to the age of the son he lost years ago, was missing.

'Where might that be?'

'I can take you there, but I'll only go if she goes with me.'

After so long, he cares or at least that's what he's showing but you knew what he was playing at, he thought he could get away light just because his flesh and blood was in the justice system, what a sorry bastard.

'I think we're done here.' Spencer had got up from his chair but you stayed seated, deal or not you wanted to break the man in front of you and that was what was nailing you down to your chair. 'Mr. Carter, what good will it do if I went with you? Was it not enough that you came in here demanding to see your daughter about a case I know damn well you don't care about?' you pressed, choice of words were clearly targeted but your composure remained cool. 'What do you mean, you know what happened to Stevi—'

'Your son that you never bothered to report missing? I don't believe you have a right to bring that up, Sir.'

'Now listen here—'

'In the time Rosa had left you behind, you did nothing but fail to bring yourself together, I have a question for you, what were you doing on June 12th, 2007? Why did you come back to Bakersfield prior to that date?' you swiped through the tablet that Tara handed to you, it contained everything Garcia had found including some case files. 'I don't know why you're asking me that, don't you have the life of a boy to save?' He avoided it with such harshness, you only wanted to pry further but somehow it felt like you knew the answer, but the words never fell into place.

'Answer the question Daniel.' Spencer sat back down now jabbing at him as well. 'I just had someone to meet, is that really so important?'

'Why did you need to meet them? Did you coming back here have anything to do with Rosa Cyrus, your ex-wife?' Your slowly tapped at the desk, it was a timed beat. 'I did visit her once but that—'

'Were you aware that a teenager was reported missing around the same time you arrived here? His name was Conrad Miller, he was 16 years old.'

'W-what? I-I don't know anything about that.'

'Really? Because it says in the case files that Rosa was the last person to have seen Conrad, but you knew that didn't you?' He flinched at the response, at this point he wore a sign that screamed suspicious.

It was then that Daniel remained silent, you believed that any word that came out of him at that point would dig his grave deeper.

You stepped out of the room and walked into the room behind the mirror. 'Now he won't speak,' Rossi now stood there with his arms in his pocket.

'We need to find Rosa and Stephen soon, the man is hiding something and Rosa is the key to finding out why.' Rossi took the words right out of your mouth, looks you both knew what he was playing at.

'I think I can help with that, how much can you guys bet on a gut feeling?' You asked the three of them, weary of their answer, 'At this point? I'll take it.' Rossi let out, the two soon followed. 'Rosa will most likely be at the house we used to live in, which is not in this area, I'm hoping that she's keeping Stephen safe,'

'Safe? How come?' Tara asked you, 'Daniel here, came a week prior to Stephen's abduction, not only did he lose his job before coming here, he needed to have a reason to come here,' you deduce.

'His reason being Rosa? But wouldn't that not trigger Rosa?' Looks like you still needed to elaborate your theory, so you continued. 'It did, Rosa having heard that Daniel came here must have caused her protective instinct to kick in, call me crazy, but I think Rosa is keeping Stephen away from Daniel.' you finally let out a sigh, your palms clammed from sweat but if you were right, the little boy you came here for was safe.

'A mother's protective instinct, I'm guessing that something happened 20 years ago that she didn't agree on, which caused her to completely reject this guy, I'll have Garcia send the address of her prior location.' Rossi curtly exited the room, Tara followed along.

Spencer stood before you in silence, you didn't register any movement from him because all your focus was on the man, sitting on the other side of that glass.

'You can go on ahead, Reid, I need to talk to him.' 

'But I can't let you go in alone...'

You huffed, your eyes did what it could but meet his but looking away won't make what you want go away, 'Given the chance, I might punch the daylights out of him—'

'More of a reason for me to stay.' 

Spencer interrupted, you returned with a sharp look in your eyes before you relaxed, 'Let me finish, I would want to give him a piece of my mind but I need to know, I just, he's the only one that has got to know something about Steven, maybe I can finally put him to rest.' 

It was selfish, that's what you called it, asking for just one more clue when you couldn't do anything before. Maybe now that helpless little girl all those years ago, can see her brother off. 'I need to do this, alone...'

'...' 

You stood there, waiting for something, a sound from him in response, anything at all. 'I'll wait here, being short of another agent will not slow down the rest of the team.' He'd finished but his response ticked you, it poked at the idea of a child being monitored by their parents.

'I don't need you watching my every move, Reid.'

'I'm just following orders.'

'Following orders? Do I look like a child to you? Do I need a leash around my neck too? I can handle him, he's one man!' Your voice raised, and you stared up at your fellow colleague with a ray of contempt.

'A man you can't stand being around for long, you sounded just fine in there earlier to anyone that watched, but do you want to know what I saw? I saw that you were holding back, hard enough your hands curled at his answers, your feet apart was enough for me to know that you would have given Emily a reason for you to be dismissed from the case.' He'd stated what was right, but it wasn't right to you, not right now, you don't know when it would be. 'I'll wait here, you can go in alone.'

Your feet put you in place for a good moment, his words tore right through you. He was right, somewhere in your clouded judgement, you understood he was right, but just because you understood doesn't mean you accepted it.

With a second left to pass, you turned from Spencer. All in silence, it was accepted that you had a job to uphold, no matter the personal toll.

-------------------------------

The dial ups in the station, voices of police officers, movement all around you had become void. Nothing, that's what you heard when you left the interrogation room, you couldn't even hear one Agent calling out to you when you had left. Something gathered, something rotten had formed in your stomach. Your body felt hot, your head on a swivel.

You felt the acid burn at your throat, the half conscious part of you managed to drag your feet to a bathroom stall for you to expel the choux pastry you ingested.

Standing before the mirror now, you washed your mouth, feeling the remnants of the expelled food at your throat.

Nothing felt right to you, not right then, not right now. Having no mind to lose any more time, Reid waited in the conference room as you begrudgingly walked yourself back into it. You said nothing.

You dialed in Emily immediately, hoping she hadn't reached the house yet. 'What have you got for me Cyrus?' 

'I spoke to Daniel.'

'What did he say?'

'He'd been sending frequent messages and calling my mother, they met once, 2007. There was an argument and Conrad had gotten in-between the two of them, it didn't end well.' you informed her, almost mechanically.

'What did he say about Steven?' JJ chimed in.

'Steven was, he said he was never meant to be hurt and Rosa in the mess of things, covered up for him. He told me where...I know where his body is.' Your voice strained, as it got to harsher details.

Nothing came out though, you tried filling in the rest of the details but your voice was overtaken. A pleading look carried over to Spencer and he took over. 'He said that you have to ask where he's sleeping, Rosa's delusion right at this moment is that Steven would come back.'

'Okay, we'll get back to you as soon as we're done here.' The line cut. If you'd carried a boulder on your shoulders, the weight of it might be the same as your conscience. All that was left was you see a family reunited and you get the closure you've been searching for.

------------------------------

The team was back, so was the little boy, he was safe. The Turner family could now go home with their son safe and sound in their grasp.

'Nothing beats seeing that.' you stood, satisfied in a way, the others agreed in unison to your words.

'Cyrus, I need to have a word with you.' Emily called you to a secluded corner of the station, but you had no fear built in you, in fact you felt rather empty, exhausted enough to be emotionally drained. 'We found Steven...' she said quietly.

'Where was he?' you met her in the eyes, having nothing left to tie you down. 'Remains were found in the wall of a small bedroom, it looked like he was initially buried but moved there later.' Every word had struck you, the smaller bedroom was your shared one, no doubt. 'Was he, uh, covered?' a crack sounded in your voice.

It took Emily a moment before answering, 'He was...' 

The last bit of remorse. You'd promised yourself for 20 years that he was found. Part of you wanted him to be alive, maybe he ran off and just found a better life or he was on the streets, alive at least. But you knew how far-fetched that sounded, hope was the one thing you were aware that could end you. '...Thank you, can I, um, I want to be alone.'

'Of course, take all the time you need, listen, once this is over I need to speak with you, but only when you're ready, okay?' She patted the side of your shoulders, adhering to your request, she left you alone.

You let out a wavered breath, trying to breathe in and out to calm yourself. What you needed now was to mourn, you knew that but having a hard cry at this moment would slow down everyone.

Not long after, Rosa and Daniel had gotten arrested. You couldn't catch a glimpse at her face, or more accurately, you refused to see the face you'd forgotten. That didn't bother you that much, as a mother she never cared to look out for you, there wasn't any good reason to remain adherent to the details.

Bakersfield PD would have no more reason to have you stay, for now at least but before you could leave it all behind, Steven deserved a proper burial.

The Funeral was small, no relatives, just few friends from school and the BAU were attending, with Chief Marks as well to pay respects.

You stood over the coffin, looking at how small it was, how it all came to an end, all in silence. Quietly you watched as the coffin was buried, soil tossed over it but before it was over, you had to have one last goodbye.

'I did what I promised, took you long enough to come back from playing, huh? You must be tired, rest well, Stevie.' The Carnation held in your hand had been placed on the coffin, a mark of innocence now put to rest. Once it was all over, you stood, not waiting or expecting anything but just, letting the weight gradually let go of you. This was what you needed yet, it didn't feel enough, something remained in you. 

Footsteps were heard behind you, and you took a peak at the intruder before lifting the corners of your mouth to him. 'He was a handful you know, always wanted my attention no matter what, saying that one day he'd make it to the moon just so he could get me some space rock.' Spencer said nothing to your bouts of reminiscence, 'He told me once, "I'm going to be no.1, so watch me!" I thought he was being silly, Dad left right after and we were alone, it was us against the world.' It all came back, then you knew what you hadn't let go, knew what it was that made you feel utterly at loss. 

'Hey, Spencer, you don't have to do this, but, um, I...' You wanted to ask just for a bit, that little comfort that you so desperately pushed away.

Without another word, he lightly turned to face you. Your mind was too caught up on other memories that when you felt his arms wrap around you, you didn't think for that second. All it took was this to let it all go, no longer in silence but in wailing agony.

He didn't need another word, he simply knew. It was like some crazed superpower of his but it's like he's always known.

He couldn't let go.

Tagging:

@treehouse-mouse

[deconstructthesoup]

Finally talking about the Enchanted AU now...

First off---the way the fairytale world works in this universe is inspired by Dimension 20's Neverafter, in that it's shaped by the authors who tell the stories. Currently, it's all happy and bright and Disney-esque, but there were times when it was much more reminiscent of the Brothers Grimm, with doom and gloom and no happy endings. The Narrator, as the evil king, has reached awareness in this sense, and he intends to reshape the world into the land of horror it once was.

Of course, the Narrator (aka the Crow King) has to deal with his two twin nephews, Simon (Smitten) and Skip (Skeptic). Simon, as the firstborn, is the heir to the throne and is set to become king once he gets married, and Skip found out about the Crow King's nefarious plans before he was even an adult. But the Crow King is clever, and has found a way to manage both of those problems---with Simon, he continues to send him out on dangerous quests to keep him distracted and prevent him from meeting anyone, and with Skip, he put a hex on him that forces him to cooperate.

Meanwhile, in the Enchanted Forest, a beautiful and sweet young woman named Danielle (Damsel) lives alongside her many animal friends, sewing clothes and dreaming of one day meeting a prince... but not just so she can finally have her love story. About a year ago, her twin sister Priscilla (Prisoner) mysteriously disappeared, and since maidens don't go on quests in this world, Danielle hopes that her prince will find her sister for her. So when she meets Simon after he saves her from a troll and the two fall in love immediately, she feels like her dreams have come true.

Naturally, this is bad for the Crow King, because not only does this mean that Simon will inherit the throne once he and Danielle get married, he's the one who took her sister. Priscilla happens to be an incredibly talented alchemist who'd also discovered the truth about the world, and she's secretly being kept prisoner so the Crow King can learn from her knowledge---though, she sabotages him while she can. She and Skip are also well aware of each other, though their relationship is... well, fraught, seeing as Skip is working for the man who's imprisoned her, hexed or no.

On the day of their wedding, the Crow King, in the guise of a beggar, sends Danielle to, in his words, a place where there are no happily ever afters---the place where the fairytale world draws its power from. One of Danielle's bird friends, a parrot named Conrad (Contrarian), alerts Simon, and the two dive in after her. And the Crow King sends Skip and his misbehaving crow familiar Harry (Hero) to the real world... along with a hexed Priscilla, as he's close enough to succeeding that he has no need of her anymore.

Meanwhile, in modern-day New York City, a thrift shop owner named Willow (Witch), has lost a lot of her old zeal for life after coming out as a lesbian, getting divorced, and having to take care of her six-year-old Bea (Beast) on her own. She's currently in her first ever queer relationship with a tarot enthusiast and museum worker named Sienna (Spectre), but she's got a lot on her plate, and she's too wrapped up in everything she has to deal with to really pay that much attention to Sienna... or realize that the two of them aren't really that good of a fit. So, when she and Bea run into a very lost and very distressed Danielle on their way home from Bea's karate lessons, Willow's first instinct is to leave her alone---except, Bea likes her, and for some reason, Willow starts feeling a little bit of sympathy for Danielle very fast.

I'm not gonna go into the rest of the story here, but I will say who everyone else is:

Willow's employees are as follows---Zora (Razor), an overly chaotic metalhead and the lead singer in an amateur band; Addison (Adversary), Zora's girlfriend, her bassist, and a professionally trained boxer; Scully (Stubborn), Addison's best friend-slash-fellow boxer and the drummer in the band; Oliver (Opportunist), Scully's boyfriend, the electric guitarist, and Willow's annoying cousin; Natalie (Nightmare), a mischievous goth girl and a premed student in college; and Percy (Paranoid), Natalie's long-suffering classmate and a "skittish little nerd" in everybody's words but his. Literally all of them constantly badger Willow with their version of advice, and literally all of them think that they know better.

Sienna shares her apartment with her brother Colin (Cold) and their friends Stace (Stranger) and Ben (Broken). They end up taking Simon, Skip, and Priscilla in, and they all constantly have to deal with frequent visits from Ben's ex-girlfriend Tiana (Tower), who's a big-time lawyer and thinks she's the queen of New York. Right below their apartment is a bookstore owned by an older couple named Hunter (Hunted) and Chester (Cheated), both of whom are a little bit grumpy and a little bit wary of new people, but are very nice when you get to know them.

I, of course, have a lot of other thoughts, but... that's it for now.

[mrdarcygenderenvy]

Recent Austen adaptations yelling

Ok I DID make this blog to review historical-set Pride & Prejudice adaptations (with an exception made for iconic B&P). But for everyone who was DEFINITELY WONDERING, yes I have also been storing away a lot of opinions about other recent Austen adaptations that I Must Tell Someone.

.

Fire island (2022)

A modern gay party cheesy rom-com P&P that genuinely made me laugh. Having seen some other (whiter) cheesy gay romcoms that were extreeeemely PG & playing it safe, I was pleasantly surprised.

Also Bowen Yang and his story just came across really earnest in a way I was into - would watch this man cry again, 10/10.

Personally as an extremely disabled british nerd (now tragically unable to travel and/or go to the club...) this gay scene is a long way from my queer scene. But I still had emotions, you know?

Kinda wanted more of the Mary analogue and generally just normal looking people (almost everyone is so ripped) but I appreciate that's how beautiful smooth people often look in mainstream american films, we can't have everything.

DARCY WATCH: I do not want to dress like this adaptation's chinos Mr Darcy. But Conrad Ricamora was generally great and very hot and awkward and understood the assignment. Good ice cream throw.

.

Emma (2020)

I know I know, it's pretty... but I don't think that's enough!!!!!

Lovely production, beautiful costumes, a candy wes-anderson cinematography that really suits the story, and it's fun to notice references to actual outfits and prints from the time but lads. LADS. UNPOPULAR OPINION TIME: Where is the chemistry???

You can’t make Mr Knightley a nice sweet boy (so funny to have cast a posh folksy singing man) and leave the plot the same and expect it to work!! Also I was personally pissed off that a lot of the promo/ ads for this made it look like ~forbidden love~ when it's the 2 richest white people in town getting together?? ? There's actually not even a class difference in this one, guys.

Basically this romance was nothing to me!!! I felt nothing!!!!!!!! WHERE'S THE DEPTH

I did like the bit where he lies down though. Relatable.

Also why are you drawing so much attention to the servants when you don’t seem to have anything to say about class...? 'Wow look how many servants they had! Anyway, they don't get any speaking lines'... it's 2020 guys!!! like what are we saying here. 'isn't it cool to think about how people were rich'??

kind of the point of Emma (character) is she's pretty superficial, but the story does not, in fact, have to be

.

Persuasion (2022)

Weeping softly into a pillow........ did you know this version meant a version with Sarah Snook and Joel Fry got cancelled?? we could have had it all

(standing on a table yelling) THE MODERNISATION WAS NOT THE PROBLEM WITH THIS FILM!!!

Honestly I actively liked all the entire secondary cast in this. Louisa and Mary were extremely charming fun takes to watch. ('I'm an empath' IS right for the character if you're doing modern jokes!!!) And nobody can deny this was a correct and powerful use of Richard E Grant.

Henry Golding was naturally great. Apparently he got offered the lead and took the villain instead, which DOES mean the villain is super charming and fun to watch which is... hard to match and.... kind of shows up.... the main man.

It's been said before but the main two were WOEFUL imo. I have no beef with the actors I just question the DIRECTION and whether anyone making this knew (or cared) why people... enjoy things.

Book Anne is the quietest gentlest loser and I LOVE HER and so does basically every Austen nerd. Making her a quirky wine-bath girl who's honestly just cruel sometimes fully stops the main romance chemistry and plot from working.

And it means the main boy is still like 'god I'm so horny for how KIND AND CAPABLE YOU ARE' which is just 100% no longer true. You can't transplant a personality in a romance but leave the plot the exact same and expect it to work. The chemistry IS the plot in a romance..........

you can't act morally superior to your siblings and still rate people out of ten.... also so funny to me that everyone else gets period outfits and hair whereas this protagonist looks like she just glanced at a picture of any time in the past and grabbed a couple shirts from primark. it doen't even look good or build character!!!!!

Anyway, not to be an elderly man like 'ohhh why does nobody care about character these days' but the reason something like Clueless works is because it has the heart of the story right, instead of just copying the surface level stuff.

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 1, episode 1: noman's land

normally i draw stuff for fandom events... but i don't really feel like it so instead i'm going to rewatch tristamp for @tristampparty :D it's been a few months since my last rewatch, so i'm excited~ (this will be my fourth time watching it...) subs this time, since i've watched the dub the last 2 times i watched. AND also my first time watching it start to finish after completing the manga. i've been wanting to do this for a while so now's as good a time as any!

i don't know how much i'll have in the way of coherent thoughts or analysis so i guess i'll just... do it like i did my bookclub posts? and write my random thoughts/observations as i go :'3 if i'm lucky it will turn into coherency and analysis LOL

okay episode 1 let's gooooo

i don't think this was shown in the manga so this caught my eye immediately - that there are robots helping maintain the people in cryosleep. the fact that there were only five other crew members besides rem, and that only one person is awake at a time barring emergencies, was brought up and questioned by multiple people in bookclub. maintenance robots make a lot of sense, one person can only do so much, even a small crew wouldn't be enough for such a huge ship.

iirc we don't see the other scientists on the ship at any point in tristamp, so i guess they were all integrated into conrad's character...? which means this rem was more alone than ever. and also had less people to fight against re: the experimentation on tesla...? or... hmmm. one minute into the episode and i'm already saying so much lol help

nai being cast in shadow... that's cinematography babes!!!! and the two blooming geraniums...

UGH!!!! this always gets me!!!! the fact that NAI is the one who invites rem onto the escape pod... knives's love for rem compounding his guilt over her death makes me want to eat rocks. i think that combination of love and guilt is definitely present in the original but it's not blatantly shown as it is here. i've said this a lot and i'll keep saying it but one of the things i really like about tristamp is how it puts a microscope over knives's emotions.

"i thought i'd spare her" he says!!! and with his face covered in shadow... this is from volume 2, so it's in part to keep him ~mysterious~ as the antagonist at this point in the story, but the shadow also serves to show us he's not being fully truthful here. obviously!! but at this point in the manga we don't know much about knives at all, and he's very much framed as sinister and menacing. tristamp does things a bit the other way around, showing us that nai cares about rem and then having him do his evil speech-laugh at vash later in the episode... but we're not up to that just yet. anyway.

we don't really get a clear look at nai's face after the pod launches but because i'm unwell i went frame by frame

he definitely looks angry here i think, or frustrated... of course he is...

so as vash cries here i can't help but think he's emoting for both himself and his brother. in stamp and in the manga both. like the lyrics of tombi.

...less than 5 minutes and i've already written so much. okay. enough about knives. let's all look at meryl's face.

>:T

it's been discussed how tristamp frontloads a lot of information, and this specifically has been pointed out already, but the reveal of the planet's name being NML doesn't happen until... the penultimate chapter of the manga. not like keeping the planet's name a secret really matters in the grand scheme of things, but in the manga the reveal was an emotional beat following the final battle, reinforcing the resilience of the people living there. here it's framed the opposite, almost - as the fact that this place SUCKS. also roberto is purposefully talking down to meryl in this scene but it still comes across as a bit clumsy in that it's obviously exposition for the sake of the audience.

i think this rewatch i want to pay more attention to roberto. i just kind of forget he exists most of the time since he's not in the manga, and not someone i ever really got attached to seeing as how he's clearly telegraphed as the Dead Mentor character, there to push meryl's character to the point where she needs to be by the end of the season. i wasn't around to see this happen but when tristamp started airing i'm pretty sure he got shit on a lot for Not Being Milly. but i do think he fulfills milly's role in one specific way; he's a very observant person. i don't know if i want to dive deep into a roberto-milly comparison though... i kinda feel like that would do a disservice to him lol. but i like the contrast of what kind of relationship each of them has with meryl.

the biggest wettest eyes you've ever seen

i just like the level of detail here with meryl and roberto being reflected in vash's glasses. very neat!

*squints* i just wanted to post BDN's wanted poster to lament the fact that he doesn't actually appear in tristamp, and perhaps laugh at nightow's poster again, but the guy on the left... that's the guy from 98 episode 1, right? and i think the guy in the middle is the guy who lina kicked in the face. there's a poster for the nebraska daughter later in the scene, too. the attention to detail is insane, man.

oh. he's referring to knives here. i think.

see, here's the thing. i only just now realized that he might be referring to knives because the subs i was watching previously (the ones uploaded to aniwave) translate this line differently. it's a lot more vague, about how things will just get worse if they don't do something. the dub line is similarly vague. this line is a lot more clear. but i don't know, man. the reason why i've mostly stuck to the dub is because i could tell the subs on aniwave were of dubious quality, but my japanese isn't good enough to tell which subs are the ""most"" correct, this included. it makes a lot of sense that he's referring to knives here, so that's the interpretation i think i'll stick with. and at least these subs are like... better grammar-wise than the ones on aniwave, lol.

Thinking About This Again. okay i don't remember where this was confirmed by staff or if it was just a theory but this was a bounty put out by knives, right? as "this is what humans think of you, as an object you can put a price on, not as a person." it's all been said already by people who aren't me. but i'm just thinking about knives's hypocrisy again. he doesn't exactly view vash as a person either.

...as i watch this i'm realizing i have a lot less to say about the second half of the episode than the first half.

i've seen people say that vash not having any bullets for the duel was on purpose. and that's probably true. i've also seen people say that running around screaming and crying was on purpose, like, it was part of his act. i... don't know about that. he does scream and cry and throw up to present himself as a harmless idiot, but contrast that with the bullet dodging and the disarming of the cluster bomb... he's kinda... showing his hand? especially because he tries to laugh it off as luck immediately after. NONE of that was part of the plan.

OKAY AM I JUST MAKING THIS UP OR ARE THOSE TEARS IN HIS EYES. THIS ISN'T JUST ME RIGHT. he could just be crying from laughing too hard UNLESS...?! also, why am i reminded of vash saying to rem "when you cry, you look like you're laughing." so the other way around would be...?! we know how much nai is hurting here, how much he didn't want to kill rem... and he's laughing... but with tears in his eyes... is this anything. am i overcooking. it's getting late and my brain isn't working at full capacity anymore.

GOD just. he's so young. in the flashbacks in volume 2, the twins look a bit older, i think, and especially since knives's face is completely blacked out in shadow, it doesn't fully register just how young he was at the time... but man. he was just a kid.

ugh, and the first thing we see of adult knives is him playing the piano, knives's piano being a cry of loneliness from his heart... as we know... i'm going to combust. and his... piano room(?) is so haunting with the dead plants all around.

here's a detail that i like in tristamp - the worms are ever-present from the beginning. for the first couple of episodes they just seem like window-dressing, simply part of the environment to give the setting more character, nothing more. we don't learn about the worm hivemind or zazie until episode 4. but it's obvious upon revisiting that this is how knives is getting information about vash's location and also where any dying plants are.

which i also want to point out because!!! in this scene knives says, in japanese: 「見つけたか」 which in the subs is translated as, "so you've found him." it's translated similarly in the dub, referring to him, as in vash. but in the subs i initially watched, the line was translated as, "did you find it? [...] i'm taking it back." if you know anything about how japanese grammar works, it's that japanese doesn't have pronouns the same way english does, so exactly what or who knives is referring to when he says 「見つけたか」 is not actually specified. so we have a potential double meaning that gets lost in translation - knives could be talking about both vash and the dying plant.

...and that ends episode 1. i... did not expect to write this much. also post this before the date turns over challenge failed. i'm tired and i need to go to bed lol.

we're just getting started. see you tomorrow.

[holdmytesseract]

Lil' Announcement...

It's nothing bad, I swear. Rather good. 😁

I have been struggling a bit with my writing - like you know. Now, I'd say I have it under control again. The smol writing department in my brain isn't misbehaving anymore - which makes me honestly very happy. I've been writing A LOT of Baby Fever fics lately and I decided that I need a break from it. Don't get me wrong. I love this AU with all my heart, but we need some distance, in order to work perfectly together again. Therefore, I'm postponing the wedding (again, as well as the requests in my askbox) and write some other stuff. I need a ✨change of scenery✨. I hope this helps, 'cause I want the wedding to be perfect.

To cut a long story short, I decided to open up requests again. 🥳 Not that long, though, 'cause I've still got a few left and if I have too much I feel under pressure quite fast. 🙈 Plus, I don't want y'all needing to wait so long. So, I thought about a 'new concept' for doing this...

Rules:

I will only leave them open for a few hours (12 max. Depends on how many requests I get... I think I won't take more than 15 😬)

Everything that gets send in after I close them again will be deleted. I know this sounds hard and I'm really sorry for that, but I need to draw a line. Every time I opened requests and got 10 (for expample), I ended up with 15 - long after I closed them again. I've always been so kind to still accept and write them, but this puts me off my stride. I don't close them without a reason. Closed means closed. I hope you all can understand that.

No nonnies anymore. I love nonny requests - don't get me wrong. But I had a lot of moments in the past, where I wished to talk to the person who sent me the request and I couldn't. If you don't want me to publish your blog name, no problem. Just tell me and I'll keep you anonymous.

There are things I'm not comfortable with to write. Please respect that and take a look at my Request Rules for that.

I can't promise you that I'll write your request. This is something that happens VERY rarely. Sometimes there's simply no inspiration for a certain request and it's neither cool for me to pressure me into writing it, nor for you who gets a shitty story to read in return. I hope you can understand that as well. Happens really not that often, though.

Please be patient. I'm not always the fastest writer.

Characters I'm going to write for:

Loki (No requests for the Baby Fever AU please.)

Tom Hiddleston

Will Ransome

Jonathan Pine

James Conrad

I wouldn't say no to a Magnus Martinsson request either... 👀

Well... I think that's it... 🥳

Let's get started! 🔥

Peeps, who might be interested in knowing this... @fictive-sl0th @muddyorbsblr @lokisgoodgirl @eleniblue @aagn360 @mochie85 @multifandom-worlds @lokiforever @anukulee @chennqingg @loz-3 @jennyggggrrr @lady-rose-moon @lou12346789 @evelyn-kingsley @iamlokisgloriouspurpose @smolvenger 🧡 Absolute NO pressure, though. Just thought you might be interested. ☺️

[mermaidsirennikita]

Any reca where after the first time the mcs have sex, either of them are like “eh I dunno that was mid” so the other one is determined to fix that?

I’ve seen it happen once.

Well, I will say that I just finished The Mistress Experience by Scarlett Peckham, coming out 6/25. It's SO SO GOOD, can't recommend it enough, and it focuses on a sexually inexperienced (not virginal) hero who hires the heroine, a famous courtesan, to teach him how to be good in bed for when he gets married. Obviously, their first couple of encounters aren't GREAT and there's some really interesting stuff done regarding experience and stuff. SO GOOD.

Dark Needs at Night's Edge by Kresley Cole has the virginal Conrad Wroth get with Neomi, a former burlesque dancer who's super experienced. I don't even think he makes it inside her the first time lol and he's very UGH OH NO I SUCK and she's like petting his head very understanding all "don't worry bb you'll figure it out". It's actually quite cute.

Actually, in Kiss of a Demon King by Kresley Cole when Rydstrom takes Sabine's (technical) virginity she REALLY doesn't like it. She's not like... traumatized? But he's very caught up and she's like telling her sister "well, NEVER doing THAT again". (She does that again.) Rydstrom is an AAAAALPHA so he's like "well I am in fact going to make her come five billion times".

A Rose at Midnight by Anne Stuart (which is, to be clear, a dark historical romance with dubcon between the leads at first) has a variation of this. She's pretending to not be into it but she is (though she doesn't come the first time because she's trying to enjoy it and is angry that she's enjoying it) and he's like... devastated by the fact that he came REAL FAST (after telling her he wouldn't lmao) and she didn't and SHE HAS THE UPPER HAND!!!! They're both kinda morons in love I love them. He is determined to get that upper hand lol.

In Nobody's Baby But Mine by Susan Elizabeth Phillips, they have very mid sex twice (where he's actively like "I don't even know why??? I want to have sex with you so badly???") but after she gets pregnant, very much by her design, and he forces her to marry him (lmao) he does eventually resolve to fuck her good.

His at Night by Sherry Thomas has a very sort of like... quick and ouch first time, and there's a lot of resentment between them, but he does make it up to her for sure after being like "yeah I flubbed that".

Bass-Ackwards by Eris Adderly has a very WEIRD kinda coercive first time wherein the heroine gets fucked over her boss's desk in exchange for some PTO (and he's like in the moment all "can I fuck your ass" and she's like "I guess???" which was a choice) and then later he actually tries to give her good sex lol.

Act Your Age by Eve Dangerfield has a variation on this wherein the hero and heroine have great sex throughout the book, BUT one of several elephants in the room is that he won't go down on her, and I thought that was dealt with in a really interesting way.

Run, Posy, Run by Cate C. Wells has a hero and heroine in a relationship at the beginning of the book that's really disconnected, and he honestly doesn't care to really give her good sex and she doesn't really know to expect it... And then he's tricked into thinking she's cheated, she goes on the run because he's a mafioso, he realizes he was tricked and chases after her, and realizes he needs to go back to the drawing room sexually as part of his efforts to get her back. And boy does he.

The Chief by Monica McCarty has the hero and heroine have sex in a situation where he didn't actually know it was her lol, and she was a virgin so it was a big surprise ouch deal, and then he couldn't even finish... So after they're subsequently forced to marry, he kinda has to fix it lol.

Tempt Me at Twilight by Lisa Kleypas has the infamous scene where Harry withdraws because he thinks he's causing Poppy agony (he's not it just hurt a bit and he freaked out and stopped and was all I'M A MONSTERRRR) and he basically ghosts and Poppy has to be like "YOU GET BACK HERE AND FUCK ME GOOD".

[crimson-nail]

Love Swap!Elendira's propensity for kicking people in the shins. She's just like me fr... Also love that Nai is the shortest in the group I'm sure he's Very Normal about this 💚 do Elendira and Legato still have powers in this AU or is that a spoiler kinda question 👀

knives being like 6’ yet looking shrimpy bc he’s in the company of a beanpole, a science experiment who never takes off her 4” heels, and another science experiment specifically made to kill things good will never not be funny to me.

elendira yes, legato no!

legato is more of a direct story swap with meryl; therefore, i’ve given her an adaptation of his canon powers, because she’d need them to play his role in the story. instead of controlling people with wires, she can compel them with speech

elendira in comparison doesn’t really have a 1:1 character i’ve swapped her with. i say milly/roberto kinda, because she’s alongside legato as a reporter, but i’ve moreso incorporated trimax elendira into tristamp’s framework — she’s the clone that was made prior to stamp’s elendira, so both of them exist :) conrad has still been making them, but he’s been incorporating the plant DNA over multiple generations. swap elendira defected from vash’s group when she was informed she’d be sacrificed and replaced by a better, more powerful copy of herself.

while stamp elendira can synthesize nails out of thin air, i’ve always liked reading trimax elendira as needing her briefcase to fire them bc her abilities are not as streamlined — particularly in swap, i have that she can draw and amplify iron out of her own blood to summon her nails, but she can’t use anyone else’s blood nor can she create them from nothing. she needs an initial drop of blood for each shot, so to answer what’s in her briefcase is a fuck ton of blood bags

[aragarna]

For the Character Ask Game...

Sara Ellis from White Collar, please!

one aspect about them i love

I love that she's badass but still very girlie. Like, she's not my style at all, in term of fashion. I'm no girlie. But I love that she can be very feminine, with all those fancy expensive outfits, and at the same time, quite intimidating and not taking any BS from anyone. She's strong and independant and is not afraid to put herself or her career first.

one aspect i wish more people understood about them

drawing a blank on that one, sorry!

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have about this character

If the show had continued they would have found a clue on her sister's current whereabouts. She's had a rather rocky adventure after she left home, but she's living a good life now. I haven't really figured out what happened but because I'm soft, she has to be alive and well, and there will be an emotional and happy family reunion.

as well as

one character i love seeing them interact with

Neal, obviously. They make a great couple! I think the reason why among all of Neal's girlfriends, I like Sara the most is because she sees right through him, doesn't take any of his conman act, but *also* accepts him for who he is.

one character i wish they would interact with/interact with more

Peter! The couple of scenes they have together (the one in the office when she's "dead" and the one in the car after they're back from the island) are so good! There's a genuine affection between them.

one (or more) headcanon(s) i have that involve them and one other character

Despite her abandonment issues and how badly she took Neal's disappearance, they got back together. They did get two kids, Conrad and Connie. They lived in London for a while, but they missed their old NY life. They had their best memories there. Their best friends, too. It didn't help that they'd visit the Burkes often, scratching that itch every time. So when Sara got a good opportunity to get back to the NY offices of Sterling & Bosch, she took it.

Thanks for asking :-)

[childofaura]

Again apologies for the downer episode earlier this late afternoon and yesterday for Lindbeck’s situation, so let’s switch back to the usual things people ask you:

Any thoughts you have for Teita? They’re the artist for Saias, Arvis, Innes and M!Byleth (I could be missing more)

Outside of their work for FEH, they were the artist for a otome visual novel called Charade Maniacs.

Honestly no worries, it's all good!

Teita is the artist for the above-mentioned characters, they've also drawn Conrad and Ballroom Quan.

Teita has a very distinctive art style, which I can really appreciate. It helps their artwork stand out a lot and makes it identifiable.

And I'll forever adore their interesting decision to make Conrad's thumbnail portrait in the barracks masked while when you click on the full portrait, you get this:

Conrad looks so angelic here, I love it.

They're also pretty great at doing expressions when they're actually given an expressive character as well:

I think what makes their style distinctive is the hair, eyes, and the way they shade/draw the mouth. Their anatomy also checks out most of the time, and they've got a nice thing going for their colorwork, beautiful picks of color and the lighting/shading is good.

Now, there's two criticisms I can note for Teita's artwork. The main one is posework. Now some of their pieces have some pretty good posework going on:

Some are... passable. Conrad's a bit rooted but the perspective is neat and he's got a nice strong stance:

And then there's... Quan, Arvis, and Saias:

Arvis and Saias are pretty rooted, they have their cloaks to give them some illusion of movement and some nice handposes going on but other than that, there is NOT much going on with their poses. And Quan is the biggest offense of them all, he doesn't even have his weapon! He's wielding a bow, is he not? So what's he doing in his attack pose? He's just... standing. With a dramatic hand. And that's it.

Ok so posework was the first complaint, the second one is a minor one but it's the lack of variety. Teita has drawn men and not much else. I'm hoping maybe they can expand a bit and experiment with drawing a female character, I have a feeling they could do a good mature character like Shamir, or Marisa, or even Reina.

Honestly other than that, I like seeing their work and it's kind of sad that we haven't seen their art in a while. I'd give Teita an 8/10, and here's hoping they come back again soon!

[rauko-creates]

Master List

List/links for all my Supernatural, Venom, and original works (under the cut cause wow there's actually kind of a lot lol)

Original Art:

Even If We Can't See You

GISH Stuff

Lily and the Stars

Mockingbird for @aloha-cowgirl

My Hallows Eve: Summoning

Punk Mermaid (b/w sketch) (with color)

Tiamat

Trogdor Fire Safety Poster

You Made Music Over Me

Spn Art:

Art for Carnivore (Destiel Hell Rescue Fic)

Art for Enemies at Sea (Destiel) by @rathskitten

Art for Rapunzel, Rapunzel by @diminuel (Destiel)

Art for The Curse of Years by@blueraven06 (Destiel)

Attack Dog Cas

Both Hands on the Wheel/"Touch It"

Cas With Wings

Cas With Wings and Halo

Dancing Gentleman for Hold Me While You Wait (Destiel wip)

Dean and Cas Kissing in the Shadows for Talk Green to Me by@winchester-reload

Feminist!Cas (On Thursdays, We Stab the Patriarchy)

I Deserved to be Loved

"I Should Have Protected You"

Jack, Winged Protector

Misha (because I can't stop drawing him)

Rachel Miner Skittles Portrait

The God of Laundry and Hipbones (sleepy crop-top Cas)

Trenchcoat Angel

Wayward Ladies

When there's Nothing to Burn

When Your Eyes Match Your Mood (Blue)

Original Poetry:

A Lily is a Good Flower

Change

Closeted Gross

Exist

Find Me

Much

Purple

This Fucking Box

You

Spn Poetry:

"Don't Do This, Cas" (Destiel)

"Hello, Dean." (Destiel)

His Name on Your Tongue (Destiel)

I Deserved to be Loved (Crowley)

Ocean's Brawl (for Destiel pirate!au)

Roses Are Red, Don't Lock Yourself in a Coffin You Fucking Martyr Destiel)

Son of a Bitch (Destiel)

The Very Touch of You Does Not Corrupt (Destiel)

Venom Fic:

He Helps (Part 1) (Part 2) (1,623 words) (Rating: M) (Symbrock, Anne/Dan) Tags: established relationship, Eddie and Venom are THAT couple okay lol, kisses, shower not sex lol, Venom's clingy but doesn't like being called out on it Summary: Dan get's a little too curious for his own good about just how much Venom is there for with Eddie's daily activities (Spoilers: the answer is he's always there)

I Saw You (792 words) (Rating: T) (Symbrock) Tags: angst, fluff, emotional hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, coda Summary: What if Eddie actually HAD seen Venom at that rave? (In which Eddie goes to get Venom himself when he realizes he misses him instead of sending someone else to do it when he realizes he needs him)

Kiss Him Yourself (618 words) (Rating: T) (Symbrock) Tags: kissing, Anne knows, coda Summary: I'm just saying that there was space between when Anne got Venom from Mrs. Chen and when Venom rejoined Eddie and I think Anne and Venom probably talked, and Anne probably gave Venom some good advice.

Let Me Do It (100 words) (Rating: G) (Symbrock) Tags: skipping stones, fluff Summary: Venom is a show-off

The Loser Who Will Save Him (Symbrock)

What We Feel (476 words) (rating: G) (Symbrock) Tags: beech scene coda, fluff, blatant use of quotes from the comics, Eddie calling Venom My Love Summary: “It had whispered to him things about himself which he did not know...and the whisper had proved irresistibly fascinating. It echoed loudly within him because he was hollow at the core. “It was written that I should be loyal to the nightmare of my choice.” -Joseph Conrad, Heart of Darkness

Destiel One Shots:

'Cause I'm Yours (2,210 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel, Saileen) Tags: dancing, love confessions, angst, fluff, Dean Winchester's low self-esteem, everyone knows, post-canon Summary: Cas gets tired of watching Dean dance with bridesmaids and steps outside for a breather. Dean notices and follows him to see what's wrong. ***or*** That one where Cas is so very tired of pretending that he isn't madly in love with Dean...and also of pretending he can't see the way Dean loves him back. Feathers (2,324 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel) Tags: canon-verse, wing fic, wing grooming, mild angst, fluff Summary: Cas finally has his wings back, but...they're stuck on this plane, and they're getting feathers everywhere. He thinks Dean hates them. He's...very mistaken. I Need You (1426 words) (Rating: M) (Destiel) Tags: time skips, Dean needs Cas, love confessions, fluff, mild angst, first kiss, canon-verse Summary: Dean needs Cas for...well, maybe he just needs Cas. (Written for the prompt "A kiss...out of necessity) Nothing Fucks With My Baby (620 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel) Tags: protective!Cas, BAMF!Cas, BAMF!Dean, murder husbands, established relationship, canon verse, canon typical violence Summary: I was feeling an intense need to listen to Hozier's NFWMB on repeat while writing about Cas smiting the shit out of everything in the way to get to Dean and slaughtering everything that dared to lay a hand on him. Not that Dean's a damsel in distress in this situation; he's actually holding his own just fine. Cas is just intense. Sing Love (2,688 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel) Tags: idiots in love, singing, mild angst, fluff, love confessions, first kiss, Sam ships it, canon-verse Summary: Castiel returns from a grocery run with Sam and overhears Dean singing love songs in the shower and decides to confront Dean with a song of his own ***or*** The one where Castiel finds out Dean's might just be in love with him too The God of Laundry and Hipbones (1,819 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel) Tags: college au, Cas is too pretty for Dean to be smart, Dean's pink panties, fluff Summary: Written for the prompt "I’m sorry you caught me moving your clothes out of the dryer but in my defense I’ve been waiting for one to open up for about an hour now." Basically, Dean catches Cas moving his laundry, gawks at him like an idiot until he leaves, and then spends the next several months not being able to find him...until he does and falls all over himself again. The Nature of a Thing (1,569 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel) Tags: first kiss, fluff, profound bond Summary: Wherein Dean is pretty sure that he and Cas are a thing but is trying to figure out exactly what that thing is.

The Ocean (224 words) (Rating: G) (Destiel) Tags: fluff, canon-verse Summary: Dean finally gets to go to the ocean, and it helps him figure out some familiar feelings

Thief (229 words) (Rating: G) (Destiel) Tags: fluff, pie, canon-verse Summary: Dean makes pie. Castiel is the best thief.

This Is What You Give to Me (479 words) (Rating: G) (Destiel) Tags: fluff, cuddling, established Destiel, post-canon Summary: Just a fluffy little thing about cuddling and Cas musing on how glad he is to be with Dean.

This Is What You Give to Me [PODFIC] (see above for details)

Until You Understand (1529 words) (Rating: M) (Destiel)

Tags: mild angst, fluff, character development, non-explicit sexual content, Dean's low sense of self-worth, emotional hurt/comfort Summary: Castiel loves Dean. He loves him. He loves him. He loves him.And he is 100% done with Dean’s self-sacrificing and self-deprecating. It’s no longer allowed.

We Are Hope (533 words) (Rating: G) (Destiel)

Tags: spn 15x02 coda Summary: Castiel finally understands the essence of hope, and he's going to be that for Dean, even as the world crumbles around them.

You Love Me? (100 words) (Rating: G) (Destiel)

Tags: POV!Dean, Angst, Requited Love Summary: 100 word drabble for the Ficwip prompt "something you don't mean."

Destel Chaptered:

From Perdition: Carnivore (44,868 words) (Rating: M) (Destiel)

Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, rape/non-con (not explicit and not Dean/Cas...Dean goes through a lot in Hell) Tags: emotional hurt/comfort, canon compliant, desitel hell rescue, BAMF!Cas, BAMF!Dean, whump, angst with a hopeful ending Summary: Sometimes, something beautiful pierces the blackness. Sometimes, an angel comes along with power in his eyes and lightning in his wings and grace in his hands, and he makes you remember that the universe has wonder in it. Sometimes, he sings over you until you remember how to take comfort in it. Sometimes, he flies you through the stars until you think that it might be okay to exist again as part of it. Sometimes, good things do happen. This story is about Dean’s time in Hell and Castiel’s battle to save him. Long story short: Dean is amazing, Castiel is one bamf, Alastair is horrifying, and in the end, half the battle is convincing Dean that he deserves to be saved.

From Perdition: Gripped Tight (38,297 words, wip) (rating: M) (Destiel)

Tags: major character death (temporary, this is an Empty rescue fic), canon divergent, angst with a happy ending Summary: Castiel once gripped Dean tight to raise him from perdition...now, Dean's gonna return the favor.

From Perdition: With My Bones (1,896 words, wip) (Rating: M) (Destiel, Anna/Ruby, Midam)

Tags: Canon Complaint thru 14x08, Canon-Typical Violence, Memory Loss, Angst, Pining Summary: Angels aren't created to want. So, how does one survive learning to, figuring out exactly what they want, holding it in their arms, then being forced to give it away? The answer: barely. He barely survives it.

Ocean's Brawl (54,568 words) (Rating: M) (Destiel, Donna/Jody, Claire/Kaia, Bobby/Ellen, brief Charlie/Gilda, mentioned Andrea/Benny)

Tags: pirate au, enemies to friends to lovers, pirate!Dean, naval officer!Cas, slowish burn, openly bisexual Dean, swashbuckling, pub songs/shanties, naval battles, historical themes, lgbtq+ themes, idiots to lovers, angst, fluff, character injury, hurt/comfort, canon typical violence, slavery, racism, drinking Summary: In a time of oppression, the Winchester brothers and their family of misfit pirates sail the seas attacking slave traders and offering the liberated passage to safe-havens, or–if they choose it–a home on the Impala as part of Team Free Will. Dean meets Castiel, a Naval Captain with orders to enlist him and his band of honorable sea rovers as privateers. Dean refuses, but they end up working together when Castiel offers his vessel as transport for some rescued slaves. Castiel, in turn, travels with Dean as collateral to ensure there is no foul play. Along the way, Castiel witnesses the horrors of slavery and begins to doubt his cause. He comes to admire this wild crew and their kind hearts…perhaps falling for one man in particular.

To End Up With You (20,751 words) (Destiel, Saileen, Garth/Bess, Kaia/Claire, Donna/Jody, Dean x Sam)

Tags: Fix-It, Fluff, Castiel Out of the Empty, Love Confessions, Domestic Fluff, The Bunker Is Full Like It Should Be, Canon-Typical Violence, The Rebar/Rusty Nail (you're gonna have to trust me on this one our boy is fine I promise), Happy Ending, Nothing Hurts, Weddings, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode Fix-It: s15e19 Inherit the Earth, Episode Fix-It: s15e20, Carry On, Post-Canon Summary: Okay, but what if Dean actually rescued Cas and DIDN'T die on some rusty rebar…

Too Damn Long (4,313 words) (Rating: M) (Destiel)

Tags: 13x05 coda, angst, fluff, love confessions, implied sexual content, canon-verse Summary: Coda to Cas's return from the Empty

What the Water Gave Me (20,574 words) (Rating: T) (Destiel, Claire/Kaia)

Tags: fantasy au, god/fae!Cas, protective Dean Winchester, hurt/comfort, pining, mutual pining, ALL the pining, angst with a happy ending, fluff, angst with a happy ending Summary: Dean meets Castiel in the woods and spends a long time wondering if he's some sort of vision or dream...until Castiel gets hurt. Dean saves him, falls in love with him, and is convinced there's no way this otherworldly child of the ocean and sky could feel the same for him. Of course...he's wrong.

Spn WLW Fic:

From Perdition: She Keeps Me Warm (8,984 words, wip) (Rating: T) (Anna/Ruby)

Tags: pre-canon, canon compliant, 1600s period fic (at first anyway…), human!Ruby, angst, fluff, Summary: Angels don't disobey, don't rebel. It's their murder one. But, sometimes, you just…fall. And Anna falls in more ways than one.

She's Nice (682 words) (Rating: T) (Anna/Ruby)

Tags: canon divergent, 4x09 coda Summary: Anna and her words get stuck in Ruby's head in a way that she can't shake…so she doesn't.

Spn (non-destiel) MLM Fic:

A Howl at That Moon: Bring You Back (604 words) (Rating: T) (Drowley)

Tags: 9x23 coda, canon compliant Summary: The truth was, Crowley had simply developed a bloody soft spot for one flannel-wearing, denim-clad nightmare...and he couldn't help but be excited to show Dean the world through his eyes.

A Howl at That Moon: "Hello, Boys." (402 words) (Rating: M) (Drowley)

Tags: demon!Dean, implied sexual content (no actual sexual content this is just flirting in the bar and Crowley trying to pretend he doesn't have a Dean-shaped problem) Summary: "We've howled, we've bayed, we've done extraordinary things to triplets..."

A Howl at That Moon: You And I Go Hard (1,294 words) (Rating: M) (Drowley)

Tags: demon!Dean, angst, non-explicit sexual content Summary: Crowley confronts Dean. Dean pushes back. Crowley tries to put him in his place. Things escalate. Turns out, Crowley can't help but give Dean everything he has.

A Howl at That Moon: You And I Go Hard (1,294 words) (Rating: M) (Drowley)

Tags: 12x23, Angst With a Happy Ending, Pining, Temporary Character Death Summary: Crowley deserved to be loved.

From This Dark Room (1,287 words, wip) (Rating: T) (Dean/Gabriel)

Tags: pre-canon, emotional hurt/comfort Summary: When Sam leaves for Stanford, Dean is lost. Luckily, a certain trickster is there to pull him out of his downward spiral...or...that one where Gabriel can't help but temporarily come out of hiding to help Dean.

Gabriel (306) (Rating: M) (Sabriel)

Tags: non-explicit sexual content, fluff Summary: Sam is in awe of what he holds in his arms

Honey, There Is No "Right" Way (10,181 words) (Rating: T) (Calthazar, past Cas/Dean, past Balthazar/Hannah)

Tags: Roommates!au, Ace!Cas, Aro!Balthazar, Demiromanantic!Cas, Demisexual!Balthazar, queer themes, internalized ace/arophobia, fluff, angst, emotional hurt/comfort, hurt/comfort, Domestic Fluff, Sick Character, best friends, friends to lovers, Happy Ending Summary: “That’s not how you feel about her.” “Castiel, that’s not how I’ve ever felt about anyone. This whole…” He waved a hand in the air and propped up against the arm of the couch, “in love business...it’s complete bollocks. If you ask me, people’ve just seen too many blasted movies, got so hopped up on the rush of getting to know someone that they think that's it, that’s love, but it isn’t. Love is…” He glanced down at Castiel. “Love is choosing the person you get on with best, someone you’re able to be mates with and that you find attractive. All this ‘romance’ rubbish is just propaganda.” Castiel looked at his friend. He thought about the warm feeling that grew inside him when they were together, the way his heart beat just a little faster every time Balthazar was close. “Yes...maybe you’re right.”

Spn M/F Fic:

Absolutely Not (1916 words) (Rating: T) (Meg/Gabriel)

Tags: college au, idiots in love, crack that became plot Summary: Meg and Gabriel go to the same university. He is openly obsessed. She pretends to find it annoying but actually adores him. (Inspired by and talked out with@moderatelypanickedbiromantic)

Not As Intended (3454 words) (Rating: T) (Sam X Gabriel, Debriel, alluded to Sastiel)

Tags: fake dating, college au, fake dating but instead of falling in love...they find out the kinda can't stand each other Summary: Sam brings Gabriel home from Stanford in hopes of pissing off his super conservative/homophobic family, but they all actually LOVE him instead. Dean...maybe likes Gabe a little too much...

The Luckiest (630 words) (Rating: T) (Gabriel/Rowena)

Tags: Schmoop, Canon Divergence, Cuddling, Gabriel’s a little obsessed with Rowena’s hair, and just smitten in general, she adores him too Summary: Just a bunch of cuddling and softness for two characters who deserved/needed more of it

[iviarellereads]

The Neverending Story, Introduction

(Curious what I'm doing here? Read this post! For the link index and a primer on The Neverending Story, read this one! Like what you see? Send me a Ko-Fi.)

In which we set our scene.

A picture of a sign on a shop's front door which reads "Carl Conrad Coreander / Old Books". It's a rainy November morning,(1) when the door opens violently, tinkling the bells above it.(2) A fat little boy(3) of perhaps age ten or twelve is soaked through from the rain. When he notices that he's in a bookshop, he seems to become overwhelmed.

A puff of smoke rises and then dissipates from further in, and the narration draws attention to the resemblance to smoke signals.(4) A voice tells the boy to close the door, whether he's staying or going, and the boy does so, then peeks around the bookcase hiding the speaker. He ends up being a "short, stout man" in a leather wingback chair.(5)

The man, seeing the child, says he cannot abide children, they're good for nothing to him.(6) The child says not all children are like that, and the man raises his eyebrows and asks if he's the great exception. The child shrugs and make to leave, but the man says he's rather impolite, not introducing himself. They exchange names: the boy is Bastian Balthazar Bux, and the old man is Carl Conrad Coreander.(7)

Mr Coreander asks why young Mr Bux came into the shop in such a hurry. Bastian says he was running away from some other children who were bullying him. Bastian's incapable of doing anything to make them stop,(8) he's not physically or mentally very strong. When Bastian says one of the names the children call him, at Mr Coreander's prompting, Corander asks why they use that word, and Bastian says he makes up stories and names for things and says them aloud to himself sometimes. Mr Coreander looks thoughtful and asks what Bastian's parents think. His father doesn't say anything, and his mother is dead.

Just then, the phone rings, and Mr Coreander reluctantly goes to answer it. It's a very long conversation, and at one point Bastian's name is said.

Bastian just looks at the book Mr Coreander had been holding, which holds a sort of magnetism for him. He walks over, and touches the cover, and it's as if something clicks inside him.

Bastian had a vague feeling that touching the book had started something irrevocable, which would now take its course.

Bastian picks up the book and examines it. It's titled

The Neverending Story

Human passions have mysterious ways, in children as well as grown-ups. Those affected by them can't explain them, and those who haven't known them have no understanding of them at all. [...] In short, there are as many different passions as there are people. Bastian Balthazar Bux's passion was books.(9)

If you've never loved books as Bastian did, you may not understand what he does next. This book feels like everything he's ever dreamed of, he must have it, at whatever price. But, knowing that he has no money to pay Mr Coreander for it, Bastian… steals it. Tucks it into his coat, opens the door only just enough to slip through so the bell doesn't ring.

Outside, he starts running, getting soaked in the rain as his conscience flares to life and starts telling him off for stealing what's obviously a very rare book, "surely Mr Coreander's greatest treasure."

Still, he holds tight to it as he runs, with no particular destination yet, because he obviously can't go home. His father can't find out that he's become a thief, and if Bastian runs away, his father might never even notice that he's gone.

Bastian slows when he realizes his feet have taken him on his usual route to school without his input. The place seems dead, with everyone already in their classrooms. Bastian shuffles through the halls until he realizes there is a place here where no one will go looking for him for quite some time: the attic. Bastian turns the key in the lock, opens and closes the squeaky door, closes it, locks it behind him. Even if someone comes, they'll have to contend with the missing key from the janitor's cupboard(10) and he'll have time to hide.(11)

Soon, he adjusts to the dim light, and he starts to feel cold from his wet coat. It occurs to him that he'll be here a long time, but not that he might feel hungry or thirsty. The space is filled with junk, the discards of schoolyears past. He finds some gym mats to stretch out on, and takes off his wet coat and shoes.

He looks at the book, thinking how his class would have history about now. He wonders what's in a book when it's not open.(12) An "almost festive mood" takes him, and he settles and starts reading.

=====

(1) I'm writing this on one of the hottest days of the year so far here, so, not exactly the same mood. Also, it feels worth noting here that all Bastian's-world text is in italics in my paperback, here and in the regular chapters. It's an effective way to separate the layers. (2) I love old shops that have these. Conversely, I hate Discord servers with welcome messages. It's one thing to say "you have a customer and they might have needs" and quite another to say "We see you whether you want to be perceived or not" (since people go into shops to browse and buy, and people join Discord servers for many reasons including to check the vibes before they start talking.) This is in no way relevant to the book, just the way my brain works. (3) You know, I think this bit especially gets lost in a lot of people's minds across time, particularly because the film cast a straight-size lad in the role. (4) I'm not calling them what the book does because it's quite beside the point, smoke signals were used the world over. However, I've long since come to terms with Europe having a very strange understanding of First Nations/Native American cultures. (5) I'm sure the rest of the description is supposed to convey quite a lot of things to the reader, but I don't form mental images, I don't typically remember visual information, so a lot of this sort of thing I'm really clueless on. What do you think of the descriptions of Bastian and Mr. Coreander? Besides the statement of "suggested a vicious bulldog", I haven't any impressions at all. (6) It's unfortunate that it's still acceptable to say this sort of thing to children even today, forty years on. Children don't deserve to have to deal with your baggage, even if you really do despise them and they don't just make you uncomfortable for other reasons. Feel your feelings, but choose your actions wisely and kindly. (I don't seek out the company of children, and being responsible for them gives me stress breakouts, but the kids don't deserve to feel uncared-for because of my hangups.) (7) Do you feel like alliteration is going to be a part of the story? Or is this just a seeming coincidence to tie these two characters' fates together? I wonder if there was more alliteration in the original German. (8) Coreander seems reluctant to believe that Bastian is so helpless, but Bastian's story indicates, to me at least, that Ende had endured some of the sort of bullying that nothing seems to fix, and the way Coreander reacts rings true to my experience with most adults including school admin. I got into more trouble than my bullies/abusers ever did. (9) World's biggest mood for me. (10) The order in which things are revealed in the book maximizes the sense of mystery and floaty fantasy, but isn't all that great for those of us who don't remember every detail from previous readings and start making our assumptions at the first hint, not realizing there's a reveal literally on the facing page because we don't read ahead. (Which is to say, I had a whole nother comment here until this literally just happened to me, gosh dangit.) (11) Good old child logic. It's a finite space, Bastian, they'll still find you. (12) Schrodinger! (shakes fist at the sky)

[alexthemenace]

Inktober 2019 archive

Posting all my Inktober 2019 pics cause it was the only year where I successfully did a drawing for every day of the month. And also used actual ink for these which I know is not required but I wanted to. Most of these were never posted outside the "Rebel Taxi" Amino so I wanna document their existence and share them with the public. My gimmick with these was to do them in 5-15 minutes as a challenge to come up with ideas on the spot. And also so I wouldn't spend too much time on these since my college projects took priority. I also had my purple Halloween neon lights on when I took these pictures so that is why they're all purple (minus day 31's drawing). Anyway, here they are in order of the days I made them.

Day 1: a generic east coast rapper on the mic rocking a show. Mostly inspired by Chuck D of Public Enemy and maybe subconsciously Todd in the Shadows. Oh and totally forgot that I was watching Vin Diesel's 1997 feature directorial debut, Strays, before I drew this which had a very gritty 90s NYC setting. At the time I was very impressed by his short film directorial debut, Multi-Facial, so I wanted to see if his feature was just as good (it wasn't).

Day 2: a defeated young man submitting to an alien/holy light shining down upon him. You could also interpret it as seeking of a higher power. Inspired by the CD artwork of OutKast's ATLiens album. This was later turned into a self-portrait oil painting for class which turned out really great.

Day 3: vaguely retro comic book Batman crashing through a window upon a crime scene. This was done right before I went to see Joker in theaters. The perspective and anatomy is meh but it was a quick drawing so I can live with it. Apparently I took 20 minutes with it according to my notes from Discord in 2019 which wow.

Day 4: Close-up of Cesare from The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari. This was one of two drawings where I intentionally broke my 5-15 minute rule as I did this in about an hour. I used a reference of the iconic scene of him waking up but I still tried to be quick so the face looks less like Conrad Veidt and more like David Bowie imo but I'm still quite proud of it.

Day 5: a possessed woman. Took a wee bit longer to do but this was a fun exercise to draw longer hair like this (something I still don't have a lot of experience with) and to play a bit with perspective and anatomy without a reference iirc. She is also supposed to vaguely be from an older era far from civilization - hence the lack of clothing (she is tastefully censored though). Apparently I wasn't happy with how stiff she turned out back then but I think in hindsight it works quite well.

Day 6: a bald child from a mental ward stares at a man laying face down on a haystack. The girl was loosely based off Eleven from Stranger Things. The man in the haystack also reminds me of that one Junji Ito manga but I don't remember if that thought that came to me while making this or that's just hindsight. Also I didn't start with a finished concept in mind for this one so, very randomly put together.

Day 7: Nostalgia Critic 2Pac. As it says, it's Doug Walker if he modeled his Nostalgia Critic character after 2Pac's aesthetic. I personally really like this one. Have also been told he resembles a Beavis and Butt-head character which I see lol but that's ok. Apparently I was watching JAR Media's video on if Nostalgia Critic was cringy and for some fucking reason the idea of 2Pac came to mind lol.

Day 8: a baby with a dripping spear celebrating the head of a medium sized therapod dinosaur they successfully hunted. This one was inspired by Genndy Tartakovsky's Primal which I was a very big fan of at the time. Censored cause I like my Tumblr account and don't wanna risk losing it.

Day 9: Count Orlok from Nosferatu opening a door. I think it turned out nicely but don't really have much else to say about it other than the fact that I didn't use a reference.

Day 10: sullen twink laying bare on the ground. This was inspired by that iconic image of Maria from Silent Hill 2 laying down on the ground by the Heaven's Night neon sign. I think I just particularly like this kind of imagery since a mood piece I shot later that month incorporated a shot that is exactly like this (minus the lack of clothing). Also, the uncensored drawing actually shows nothing explicit since I intentionally had that area covered in shadows. But I worry Tumblr will think otherwise and smite down upon me so it's better to be safe than sorry. Also the perspective on his right leg is off so better to not see it in full anyway.

Day 11: gentleman combing his hair in a mirror that reveals a skeleton doing the same thing. The pic crops off the bottom part of the drawing which shows his legs and the tail flaps of his suit. But I always thought that part looked extra janky so I never include it. It was a rushed drawing anyway.

Day 12: Tim Burton inspired child sitting in the corner of a room, looking very sad. Supposed to represent being overwhelmed with life and emotions. I recall I also had Dib from Invader Zim in mind when drawing this. I don't tend to draw in this art style much so I'm pretty surprised even now how good it turned out. At the time I was doing a presentation for my Directing class on Tim Burton - so he was definitely on my mind for this.

Day 13: imprisoned droid waking up in the middle of the night. Apparently I was thinking of a bunch of movies when I did this plus I think Scud: The Disposable Assassin and my own avatar. Also I just like robots with this kind of thin pill shaped build.

Day 14: my idea of man that has fully evolved into only being able to eat, sleep, and stare at a screen. I didn't sleep the night before so I thought to draw a human that has devolved into a lazy slob who only eats and sleeps and as a result is incredibly out of shape save its legs to move around as it scours the land for any food before deciding to fall asleep for days. Thank you Discord notes from myself in 2019 for helping me remember this exact story lol.

Day 15: Undead Pan Pizza of RebelTaxi singing his pathetic little heart out. The design is based off of Jack Skellington (namely the proportions and spooky qualities like the stitches across Pan's face) during one of his more sad song numbers in The Nightmare Before Christmas. It's worth noting this era was sorta the last big hoorah for my obsession and fanboyism of Pan. I had a mild burst of being hooked one last time around Fall 2019 after losing interest in his podcast around the beginning of that year (a podcast I previously would follow religiously). I still liked him after this era and would definitely have periods of renewed interest but not to the same extent as before sadly.

Day 16: an imprisoned boy looking at the light coming through his barred window. This one used more pencil than ink to break away from mostly keeping it ink. It's very janky but the idea speaks to me. Apparently was also trying to think of a portrait for my oil painting class so this was one of the ideas that came to mind (didn't end up using it for anything though).

Day 17: a spooky little sickly old guy. I apparently was inspired by a character from Courage the Cowardly Dog when I did this. No clue which episode now though unless you guys can remember what he looks like.

Day 18: guy getting his face vacuumed off. I like that one episode of Ed, Edd n Eddy where Eddy's face get sucked by a vacuum. I got nothing else to say.

Day 19: self-portrait of me directing. It's a cutesy little drawing of me! And also the outfit I wore when I directed my mood piece that day.

Day 20: a large and vicious snake lizard hybrid. It's pretty self-explanatory. I think ultimately it's more just a snake with forearms and a spike tail. I guess I just was thinking at the time "what would be the ultimate snake?" Like a snake that can beat any snake. Also this was done on day 21 since I didn't have time on day 20 for it.

Day 21: large older guy hiding a knife behind his back. His looked is based on a friend of mine I went to college with and how he looked on set a few days ago when the light glistened over him. Although instead of a knife he held a script. He also vaguely reminds me of Al from Toy Story 2.

Day 22: sleep paralysis demon taunts twink. I like twinks, ok. Also I think just noticed something about that demon that I forgot I did but oh well. I think it'll be fine.

Day 23: guy with a very, very itchy head. I really like the pose and facial expression so it's actually one of my favorites here despite it being relatively mundane. Also, the itchy head may have been cause my head was itchy while drawing this but I don't remember. But I do remember part of the influence here was how sometimes great feelings of stress and anger would trigger an itchy head for me.

Day 24: a corpse brought back to life in a very rough and unfinished form. Obviously a bit of a Frankenstein's monster meets I guess Sally and Dr. Finkelstein from The Nightmare Before Christmas influence here. I may have had Pearl from Steven Universe in mind when I did this too since me and another friend definitely saw the resemblance.

Day 25: a twink who hit their face a little too hard on the bathroom sink. Twink. The full picture isn't really that gruesome imo (the face isn't visible) but I was trying to censor the liquids a bit for obvious reasons I already disclosed earlier. Also, he was loosely based on me but don't think too hard about that. I just had a bad day directing on set was all.

Day 26: Cute, unamused Hot Topic employee being bitten on the left leg by his pet lizard. Yet again another twink but this one's outfit is based mostly on my wardrobe at the time (minus the Jack Skellington shirt but I did/do have some pajama pants of him). And I guess I find reptiles cool so, only just noticing a bit of a reoccurring subject here (along with twinks).

Day 27: a melting zombie-like corpse crawling away from a puddle of acid. A tad more gruesome, sure, but I think it's a pretty cool drawing. And also it's like, a zombie, so it's not that inappropriate for standards here I hope. Apparently took a while to come up with an idea for this one.

Day 28: that one guy from Jacob's Ladder with a bag over his head and no legs walking with his arms. When I drew this, I had just seen Jacob's Ladder the night before for the first time and it became an instant favorite of mine. So, I drew a character from it. Him walking with his arms is based off of Mugshot's mode of travel from Sly Cooper.

Day 29: Jimi Hendrix inspired voodoo guy with a crystal ball. Pretty self-explanatory. Had fun with the texture and lighting although I was never quite satisfied with how I did the shading on his hair. The straight lines make his fro look like a porcupine lol. Regardless of that, it's a pretty cool drawing. Also worth noting is that during this time I fell back in love with 60s music. The Doors and Beatles in particular were major points of obsession for me. Especially their psychedelic period and ofc Jimi Hendrix was part of that era so that deep fixation for psychedelic and hippie music made its way into this.

Day 30: lizard amphibian fish mishmash girl with pony tails happily waving at us. This was definitely my least favorite of these and if not for my next and final drawing, would've been a lackluster way to end this. It's not awful but eh, just never really personally resonated with me. Also, she is wearing a seaweed braw so don't panic moral guardians of the world. For some reason Mrs. Bighead from Rocko's Modern Life came to mind when I drew this. Along with a certain friend of mind, @fishboigazer-blog, (which if you or a mutual is reading this lol hey).

And that's it for now since I can't fit more than 30 pics. Which is fine by me cause Day 31 deserves its own post since that one I did spend a few hours on as opposed to the rest of these. That one I also did actually post to Tumblr back in the day so I may just reblog it come Halloween.

If you actually read this far, thank you! I spent hours trying to put this together in a way that is satisfactory to me and hopefully gives plenty of insight into my process. This has been a very long time coming and hope to actually post more original stuff on here instead of just endlessly reblogging things.

[reviewsthatburn]

BLOOD HEIR is set in the same world as the Kate Daniels books, and serves as both a sort of sequel and as a new story which can be enjoyed by readers who are unfamiliar with the earlier book. It has its own story with Julie, renamed Aurelia Ryder after she left Atlanta at the conclusion of the earlier series. One of the draws to this book is that it continues a world readers will already know, but there have been a lot of changes in Julie as a person and in Atlanta as a city so this is very approachable for new readers. 

Full review at link.

[goattales]

Just Breathe

Conrad x Male Reader

Requested by anonymous: Hi! Could you write a Conrad Hawkinsxmale reader where the reader is staying the night at Conrad’s apartment and has an asthma attack mid make-out session?

There was always something very hot and very addictive about a make-out session with Conrad Hawkins. Maybe it was the way his lips tasted like energy drink- something otherwise not very appealing -or perhaps it was that his hands always knew what they were doing.

But each time his lips touched yours and his tongue found it's way into your mouth, joining your own in one of those kisses you had seen in movies and called gross, it felt like you couldn't breathe.

It had only happened a few times. The first was after you had dinner at a nice restaurant, not far from his apartment, and got side tracked in the taxi. The driver had to pip her horn when she pulled up outside of his apartment complex because neither of you had realised.

The second time was in a supply closet at Chastain, following an appointment with the asthma specialist. Devon had walked in on the two of you and just reached past the two of you to grab a cath kit and then left.

The the third time was on your sofa, the first and only time there had been chance for him to come over to your apartment, and had lasted almost all night.

This was the forth and definitely best time you had ever made out with him, in fact your chest tightened as his hands snaked under your shirt and pushed it up into a bunch around your collarbones, cupping the sides of your ribs with his hands and brushing thumbs over the gentle rise on either side of your chest. He caught your nipples with the very edge of his thumb and you gasped.

You felt Conrad smirk against your lips as he muttered "Good boy," before he stole your breath once again with another deep kiss. Your lungs screamed and your chest heaved and in a second you felt like you were floating through the room without a care in your mind. Your throat tickled with each breath you took, driven mad by the smell of Conrad's cologne and body wash and shampoo and the laundry detergent on what little clothing he had left on his body.

Unlike the last three times there was a sense of anxiety that came with this one, and though you couldn't put a finger on why it was setting in your veins and making you sweat. You could feel it on your forehead, and you wondered if that would put Conrad off but that stopped being a concern when he pushed you down to the bed and pressed his chest to yours.

But when your breath caught in your throat and pulled a cough from the very bottom of your chest, and you had to push him away and turn to the side to cough into a hand- but it didn't stop.

It didn't stop and your throat was starting to feel tighter and tighter and now the unease made more sense. You found yourself holding hands to your chest, as if that would stop it from feeling like someone had put a hundred rubber bands over it.

Conrad spat a curse word out and made quick efforts to encourage you over to the edge of the bed, where he told you to put your feet on the floor and your head between your knees. Only then did he leave your side, and even so it was barely for a second. He just had to grab your bag from the floor, to search for your rescue inhaler.

The second he put fingers on the inhaler he dragged it out and held it tightly in his hands, almost as though he had to convince himself he found it.

"Sit up and open your mouth. Here" he said, voice level but words rushed. He uncapped and shook the inhaler before he put it to your lips, and the second you formed a seal he closed the gap between his thumb and fingers. The Albuterol released with a short, strong hiss.

The first dose made it easier to draw in air and the second started to ease the pain in your neck and chest, starting to dampen the cough. A third saw you wheezing less and not coughing at all, just sitting cross legged on the bed with your hands in your lap and your eyes caught in the concerned gaze of Conrad.

"There we go, just take deep breaths."

Now the imminent danger of you suffocating had passed, he was just watching you breathe, mirroring each breath and encouraging you to slow down.

He let the doctoral side of him run free only when you sounded fine, human.

"Have you been taking your steroid inhalers like you're meant to? There's a reason you've been given them, Y/N." Conrad put a hand on your shoulder but you shrugged him off, scowling at him.

"You're not my doctor, Conrad, you're my boyfriend. Stop trying to treat me." the words came out harsher that you intended but he didn't take any offense, instead drawing closer and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"I'm asking as a boyfriend, not as a doctor, I promise. I just worry, I've seen how bad asthma can be if it's not controlled."

You nodded without replying and took Conrad's hand in your own, and you smiled as the cool feel of his skin started to you. "What is it about doctors and always having crazy cold hands?" You muttered, and Conrad gave a quiet chuckle.

"It's a requirement to pass med school, if they aren't bellow 40 degrees at all times you can't graduate."

"And that's why I could never be a doctor. Warm hands, see?" You crept closer, watching his expression change from relieved to confused and then to something very much like hunger. You touched a hand to the dip right in the middle of the top of his chest, where the collarbones meet and start to shape the curve of his abdomen, and you dragged it down slowly.

A shuddering exhale gave you the go ahead and closed eyes begged for more, so you leaned up and very, very gently, touched your lips to his in a slow kiss. You took a few seconds to deepen it but soon you had Conrad pressed back against the headboard and you were on his lap. Drawing away to look at him, you smiled, and rubbed your thumb over his cheek.

"Lets take it slower this time, yeah?" you said.

"I was going to say the exact same thing."

[theropoda]

1, 3, 6, 8, 19 (I'm Gryffindor :3c), 22, 26, 29 Sorry that's a lot but I'm curious sjfhsh

HEY SORRY it took so fuckin long to reply, im really eager to answer but im also tired as fuck ugh….also dw about sending too many !! thank you for that actually!! again, putting under a readmore

1:if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to? answered already!

3: list your fandoms and one character from each that you identify with. askin for my kin list huh….real sneaky of you…. honestly i have so many damn fandoms and so many damn characters in each, this is hard, but off the top off my head, narancia from jojo (we both didnt get a proper education and suck at maths...brothers in arms) the batter from OFF,, uhh god i honestly forgot what other fuckin fandoms im in,,,, OH um. that khajiit from the elder scrolls oblivion in the shivering isles who you have to kill but he just likes dogs :( and?? hmmm. james sunderland from silent hill? i didnt kill my spouse but we (handshake emoji) guilt shame and regret, also heather from, again, silent hill, and uhhmm.... thats all i can think of rn Fuck

6: are you religious/spiritual? kind of complicated answer but basically yeah, even though i don’t really connect with the religion i was raised as…? i’m not sure. i was raised as a muslim but never felt like one because i know like, nothing about the religion, so i’m not sure i consider myself one. i am trying to learn more about islam though but. Boy it’s not easy. but i am determined to learn as much as possible! but yeah i do believe in god

8: what musical artists have you most felt connected to over your lifetime? “lifetime” i assume this means artists ive listened to for a loooong time....  my answer would be AJJ, i don’t know when i started listening to them but it’s been a while now....three years? that’s the longest i’ve listened to one particular artist. but other than just period of time i’ve also felt connected to them for a long time. as i mentioned earlier they’ve been a big help for me when i was going through tough times. i’ve also listened to alias conrad coldwood ever since i played off which was like WAY back in 2014 or 2015, i don’t think i’ve ever found any other artist like him, and both his soundtrack for OFF and the thing’s he’s done outside of that are amazing and when i listen to his stuff i feel like this music was just. MADE for me, i was made for this music, like it’s a key and im a keyhole. i absolutely love crying girls especially it’s just fucking amazing and there’s not a SINGLE track on there i dont like holy FUCK i love that sound im gonna stop before this turns into an essay on why i love it but . ITs. Good.,

19: which Harry Potter house would you be in? or are you a muggle? i don’t know much about harry potter, all i know is that slytherin is the Evil One so i’m going to assume that. but honestly i’d be a muggle (i hope im not using the word wrong, it means non-wizard right??)

22: list the top five things you spend the most time doing, in order. umm...hm.. 

1. being on discord (if anyone is online lmao, thanks timezones)

2. browsing thru tumblr/twitter 

3. listening to music

4. taking a nap :)

5. drawing

26: how would you describe your gender/sexuality? ah easy! my gender is pee pee poo poo poo pee.... hm but for real it’s kinda complicated, been thinking maybe i’m genderfluid because my gender doesn’t seem to be constant. sometimes i’m more feminine, othertimes more masculine, sometimes both sometimes none, it changes...as for sexuality, god i don’t know lol it’s complicated...i think i fall for people regardless of gender? so maybe pan? because i’ve never felt gender to be a barrier to who i fall for, so long as they’re a wonderful person with a good heart my own heart will shit the bed...it’s all very (thinking emoji) but i’m figuring it out!!

29: three songs that you connect with right now.  i’ve did this already but i’ll do it again cause it’s fun!! stagnation by genesis, walk through the fire by peter gabriel, and running on a treadmill by oingo boingo!!