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cowgurrrl · 1 year

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I’m Still Standing

Pairing: rockstar!joel x actress!reader (except he’s at home with the kiddos in this one)

Author’s note: yes I was influenced by Pedro’s Actors on Actors interview

Summary: Actors on Actors: You and Carolina Garcia-Long [2.0k]

Warnings: talk of pregnancy/family life, the age gap is finally ✨revealed✨, relationship stuff, Carolina being the best, discussions of sex scenes, I think that’s it!!

Carolina sits across from you in a beautiful white dress that perfectly compliments her olive skin tone, smiling big and bright. You've already been talking as the crew sets up around you, and you're struggling not to have too much conversation without the cameras rolling. It's been a long time coming, but after more than a decade of working together, you two are finally sitting down with Vanity Fair to discuss your jobs. Somebody calls to action, and a set of questions pops up over Carolina's shoulder, but you don't look at them immediately; you look at her.

"I'm so happy we're doing this," you say, and she smiles.

"Me too! I feel like I haven't gotten to pick your brain about this stuff in forever." She says, settling into her big plush chair, and you nod.

"Well, it's like every other year one of us is pregnant."

"That's true because you had Sam like three or four years after I had Victoria, and then the girls were born last July, right?"

"Yeah, they're gonna be one soon." You say bittersweetly, and Carolina pouts her lips sympathetically.

"Do you think becoming a parent has changed the way you work?" She asks, and you nod.

"Oh, absolutely," you say. "Even before we had Sam, Joel and I's older daughters totally changed my life and what roles I took and how much I worked. It's kinda crazy to think about how fast it all happened. Like one day, I was able to binge-watch Law & Order: SVU with no problem, and then all of a sudden, these girls came into my life, and I couldn't even think about it because it would make me sick to my stomach."

"That's how I felt after I had Elizabeth! They just change your whole world, man."

"And can I gush about you really fast while we're talking about our kids?" You ask, and she laughs.

"Uh oh."

"No, it's all good. After I had Sam, I was so worried about how having a baby would affect my career, and my body looked different and whatever else, but you made me feel so safe and secure and loved. You reminded me I was able to have a career before I was a wife and a mother, and I could continue that career after. I don't know if I can ever describe... what you gave me because it was so integral to the actor I evolved into, and I've always had so much respect for you, not only as a friend and an actor but as a mother. And seeing how hard you worked made me want to work just as hard. Not just for me but for my children. So, thank you." You say, and Carolina reaches across the couch to grab your hand, and you smile.

"Thank you for saying that. You know how much Ryan and I love you, so I'm glad to know that we were able to give you some actually good advice," she laughs, squeezing your hand. "We've been friends for a really long time now."

"Fifteen years."

"God, are we old?"

"I don't know. Our first project together is about to turn thirteen." You say, both of you groaning as the fact settles between the two of you.

"Oh, my God, you're right!" She exclaims, dropping your hand to cover her face. "When we did Sweet Water, you had just moved to LA, right?"

"Yeah, it was my first series ever. Ryan told me you had just been cast, but they were still looking for someone to fill the role of Alex, so I went in for the audition, and I wasn't expecting anything, and they cast me right then and there."

"Which never happens."

"No, never." You agree, still not fully understanding what it is those directors saw in your all those years ago to cast you on the spot. Carolina points to her nose like she's remembering something, and you smile at the habit. She always does that when she has something to say.

"I will still get people who come up to me and tell me how much they loved that scene of us in the hospital because it was so raw."

"Well, yeah, neither of us had slept the night before because we were filming, and we just let whatever was going to happen happen, and it ended up being one of those scenes that is just… once in a lifetime, y'know?" You say, and she nods. "You were and still are such a generous scene partner in everything you do, like in how you listen and react and really find your characters. It was an amazing thing to work on with you, and I still brag about you whenever I get the chance."

"I remember filming the scene where you came into the hospital all bloody and bruised and going home to tell Ryan, 'I think this kid has some serious potential.' I mean, you were just phenomenal, so I was not surprised when you started getting picked up by all these major studios," she says. "Speaking of which, tell me about The Beginning of the End."

"What do you wanna know?" You sigh as memories of those fifteen months flood your brain.

"Everything. What was it like filming it? What did you think when you read the script? What was it like shaving your head on camera?" She asks.

"Well, shaving your head on camera isn't much different than actually shaving your head because you pretty much get one shot to make sure it's good, and that's it. But, yeah, that was a hard movie to make. I was in a really weird place mentally, and Ruth was such a complex, nuanced, broken character, so it was interesting getting to know her and hard to let her go when we wrapped up. For better or worse, I still find pieces of her in my daily life."

"I remembered you calling us from Ireland and being like, 'I don't know if I can do this. It's so hard.' And I remember telling you there was no one else out there who could bring Ruth to life the way you did, and I still believe that to my core. There is nobody who could've played Ruth the way you did."

"You and Ryan were such an anchor when I was over there because I was alone and I was working all the time, and then it was always fucking raining, which is just not good for anyone's mental health and-"

"And you and Joel weren't together at this time, right?" She asks, and your jaw drops a little as you look at the cameras.

"Caro," you say, laughing. "I don't think I've ever talked about that publicly before."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Her hands fly over her mouth, and you reach out to grab her hand.

"No, it's okay. It's fine. All our loved ones already know the story, so it's okay," you say, squeezing her as a comfort. "But yeah, Joel and I were separated at that point which is another reason why it was so weird to be there alone."

"I remember you telling me you guys broke up, but it's been so long, and you are always together, so it's easy for me to forget about that. How long were you guys separated?"

"Pretty much the entire time I was there."

"Wow," she breathes. "Do you think that separation made your relationship stronger, or have you just not thought anything about it until I brought it up in front of cameras?" She asks, and you laugh.

"No, I definitely think it made us stronger. We were both going through a lot, and I won't speak to Joel's experiences, but for me, separation was the best thing I had to offer at that specific point in our lives. And we really didn't speak at all while I was over there because it just hurt too much, and we were both working, and he was being a dad, and there were just too many moving parts. But when I got back to LA, we had coffee, and it was like no time had passed at all."

"Things were back to normal. Just like that?" She asks, snapping her fingers, and you nod.

"It was kinda crazy because we had both grown so much in that year or so, and I was worried that he wasn't gonna like the person I was coming back as or we wouldn't feel the same, but, oh my God, I'm gonna start crying," you say as you dab at the corner of your eye. "I still had so much love for him, and being with him and the girls… it just felt right like there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to be with them. And I knew if we could survive that, we could survive anything."

"And now look at you."

"I know. Five kids and ten years later."

"How old were you when you met Joel?" She asks, and you have to look at the ceiling as you do mental math.

"I was… Gosh, I think I was twenty-eight or twenty-nine. Somewhere around there. We met when Ryan and I were filming Hyde." You say, and she furrows her brows as she thinks.

"And how old was Joel?"

"Joel was either thirty-nine or forty when we met. Or..." you trail off. "Maybe he was forty because we met in the fall, and his birthday is in September."

"Can I tell you something I've never told you before?" She asks with a mischievous glint in her eye.

"Please."

"When Ryan told me you were dating Joel, the first thing I did was google how old he was because I knew he had two kids, so I was a little worried," she says, and you laugh. "But then we met him, and he was so goddamn charming. It's really hard not to like him."

"Isn't it the worst? He's got that accent and those stupid guitarist arms and those big, brown eyes," you gush, rolling your eyes. "And he doesn't even know how pretty he is, which is the most annoying part!"

"Wait, so if you guys met during Hyde, did he know what the movie was about?" She asks, and you make an eek face.

"No, and I wasn't going to tell him because I didn't know how serious we were gonna get, but then he showed up to set with me one day, and we were filming the cabin scene-"

"Oh, the cabin scene!" She half-yells, and you laugh. "Dude, when that movie came out, I got asked about it all the time."

"Really?"

"Yeah! Well, everyone knew how close the three of us were, and when the movie came out, people were shocked that I would let my husband do a scene like that with one of his best friends. But Ryan told me he wasn't going to take the part until I read the script and approved or disapproved or whatever, but I thought it was just fantastic. Because it wasn't just about this relationship between these two people, it was about the different paths each wanted to take when it came to your character, Amber, being pregnant. Plus, it's just work. It's not like this was a real thing that was happening." She says, and you nod in agreement.

"I remember I got cast first, and then they brought us both in for a chemistry read, and we were like, 'this would be so crazy if we got to be in this movie together,' and then we were. And I think I do recall Ryan saying something about letting you read the script and you encouraging him to do which, thank you, by the way."

"I didn't do anything except give him a nudge," she shrugs. "Wait, so Joel was there when you filmed that scene?"

"Oh, my God, yeah. I tried to get him to wait in my trailer, but he didn't wanna listen to me. So, he was off in the corner while I'm, like... filming this sex scene, and it was so embarrassing because we had only been dating for a few months at that point. Plus, you're already so vulnerable in scenes like that, but Ryan and Tanya Reid, our intimacy coordinator, were so supportive, so I felt really safe," you explain. "You did a good job with that one." You say, and she laughs.

"Yeah, you too."

#one for the money two for the show #rockstar!joel x actress!reader #rockstar!joel miller x actress!reader #rockstar!joel miller #tlou au #the last of us au #dad!joel miller

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begebege28 · 3 months

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This is by no means hate to this individual, but I’m sick and tired of hearing “buddie is never going to happen” because buck is with tmmy. Like I’m sorry. It pisses me off so much because for those who have watch since s1, we have wanted queer buck for SO LONG and we always were told “you guys are delusional” or “it’s never gonna happen” by the GP AND the SR”. IN IN INTERVIEWS canonically, at the time, THEY ALL talked about buck as STRAIGHT. 9-1-1 s1 came out in 2018 and here we are in 2024. It took them 6 years to make bi buck. As a buddie and someone who viewed these characters as queer coded, i always knew on FOX, it wasn’t going to happen. But now on ABC they made bi buck in ONE EPISODE. ONE!! Of course you are going to see posts about BuckTommy because people they are a couple who touch and kiss. We are to believe in a heteronormative society, that’s what shows you aS bi/queer/gay/etc. what we do know, in the show, the buck and Eddie/Christopher dynamic is the most different from everyone else in the show. Buck and Eddie both have been queer coded from the beginning of the show and NOW we are being policed as to what we are allowed to think? If anything, those same individuals who are policing your thoughts about gay/queer Eddie, they better have been shocked/angry/confused about bi buck if they “NEVER” viewed buck as a queer coded character. They scream “endgame” but yet has less screen time than Natalia. Ali had less but even her character we knew them AS A COUPLE. how are you screaming “endgame” but never did with Ali, Taylor, or Natalia or when buck said “i think she sees me”. Did they forget the way Oliver spoke about Natalia and bucks relationship after the finale? That’s what gets me??? While everyone (myself included) was happy we got bi buck and (yes even Tommy), but that was BEFORE i remembered who he was as a character. You need to ask, Are people excited because Buck is bi and dating/kissing tommy or simply because he’s a bisexual character who happens to be DATING A MAN. I’ve seen more of those people who ship BuckTommy, defend Tommy previous actions but then blame buck for his and don’t LOOK INTO the relationship for what it is. Becuase if they did, if Tommy was a FEMALE LI, her character would be getting ripped to shreds. Not dressing up. The disgusting comments. Not caring for buck. I can go on lol.

For example, ppl view buck as the “fun uncle” to Chris BUT

but if he was simply the “fun uncle” why did they make buck be the one to tell Christopher what happened to his dad? Why make Chris call buck when his dad was breaking down. Why did Chris leave to buck on the chances of his dad dating again. Why does the show continue to have buck be involved in HUGE moments in Chris’s life. Why involve buck in 7x10. Why CONTINUE to have him be there with the Diaz family? When Christopher left. Why? Why? Why? Why have the show allude to “good cop bad cop” and BOTH answering no. Why, “he takes Christopher there all the time” (the zoo). Why does buck essentially have be there, for Chris, after his dad is in the hospital ? Carla was already there and yet he’s there? Eddie has the breakdown? Buck takes him to school. Buck helping Chris with his school projects/homework? Buck Diaz having multiple dinners together? That’s the fun uncle? Where is all this with bucks own niece? Last but not least, they LOVE to use “Buck is a scapegoat” in 7x10 but Eddie himself says to Buck “I-I don't need you to explain it to him, I just...I need you to check in on him. I'm worried. He won't come out”. There he is never one asking anything of buck but to simply see how Chris is doing after everything. NEVER does he try to sway Chris’s opinions or trick him or anything of the sort. It reminds me of the talk Chris and buck had in earlier seasons of where Chris ran to buck. And buck and Chris simply had a heartfelt talk. Where is dynamic between chimney and Denny? They had 1 SCENE throughout the whole 7 seasons. Chim and hen have been friends LONGER. Where there the dinners scenes. Where are the school projects?

This season unfournately had 10 episodes. They did bi buck in 1 episode. BuckTommy had 3 dates (failed pizza date), second coffee date (where Buck gets Tommy order wrong and invites him to the wedding literally days after coming out?(SPEEDING RUNNING THE RELATIONSHIP) and then the dinner scene. 2 kisses. That’s it. Nothing special in comparison to his previous relationships. I’m sorry. This season in terms of Eddie, he also SPED RUN (or attempted) to with M. He moved her in quicker than when he was dating Ana. And yet, when he saw all her boxes, when does he do? Asks her to move out”. But why? It shows he’s more interested in her than Ana right? What gets me, is, in both relationship, specially Ana, they were lovely. I liked them together. What stopped them from being married. If Eddie ONLY wants a mother role for Christopher, there was his oppporotuinity. But just like Shannon told Eddie “i don’t need a provider, i need a husband”. If Eddie and Ana, were to get married, he would need to be IN LOVE WITH HER. Not only become a “step mom” to Chris. Eddie admitting he has catholic guilt. This season, AGAIN, was a continuation of Eddie doing for Christopher. He wants Christopher to have a “mother role”. Going into s8, this will be the first time, he has no girlfriend and NO CHRISTOPER. When was the last time this? Oh i didn’t know? Maybe before HE MET SHANNON!! Eddie had to grow up at the age of 10. He had to be “the man of the house”. He wasn’t allowed to be like his friends. Why he allowed to cry, was he allowed to express any emotions? This was at the age of 10. I can see this season Eddie going back to his childhood and having the opportunity to understand who is he WITHOUT his son and a partner.

For reference i added the interviews Oliver talked about buck and Natalia after s6 finale. One would say, screams endgame right? “Things are aligning for them”

#buddie #buckxeddie #buckeddie #buckley diaz family #buddie 911

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charfletchh · 2 months

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IN CHARACTER TASK 006 : INTERROGATION PT 2. (the remix)

several of her classmates seem to have lawyered up. charlie could have, she supposed, if she'd told her father about the interviews. but after thanksgiving, she wasn't sure he'd offer to provide one. so she'd go it alone, like she'd done the last time. after all, she had nothing to hide.

"miss fletcher?" the door creaked open. "we're ready for you now."

once inside the interrogation room, charlie folded her legs under herself onto the hard metal chair. she'd never been one for sitting in chairs the normal way. blinking at the officers owlishly, she shrugged. "not sure why you wanted to talk to me again. i already told you everything i know the first time. did you just want to hang out with me?"

"see, we wish you had told us everything the first time," the officer who charlie assumed must be playing good cop sighed. "could have saved us a lot of time. but now we have to go through this all again."

"charlie, are you aware of any information about greer morrison you hadn't shared before?" the other officer interjected.

"well, i am now," she laughed, with just a small edge of bitterness. "i didn't know about her and milo and now the whole school knows. look, greer and i were friends, but if you think we had sleepovers and talked about our deepest darkest secrets, you are fundamentally misunderstanding greer morrison. and me."

"see, that's just it. we'd like to understand what you and greer did do together."

"are you asking if we ever fucked?" charlie's eyebrow raised in a taunt. "i don't really like to kiss and tell."

officer whoever slid two printed out pictures to charlie. "can you describe these to me?"

"sure. this is greer and i at... some music festival. not coachella, the one in chicago. that was a fun night," charlie smiled. "she had backstage passes, which was sick because i really wanted to meet the hot guy from maneskin, so i basically stalked him backstage."

"and the second photo?"

charlie didn't know. "that looks like greer and... i can't tell who." she squinted in at the pixelated ink. "it almost looks like sam jiménez?"

"it doesn't?" the officer matched her raised eyebrow. "but samantha jiménez provided you with those fraudulent backstage passes, didn't she?"

"excuse me?" charlie's jaw dropped. "they were legit. and i don't know sam like that. she wasn't even there that night, it was just me and greer."

"was she?" the officer tapped the timestamps on both images. "the backstage passes you and miss morrison had that night were counterfeit, and have been traced back to miss jiménez. now, you're not in trouble, but we need to know how often you used miss jiménez's particular skillset. i have plenty of pictures for your perusal," and a full file of charlie's instagram slammed down on the table. "you and miss morrison at the carlyle hotel. you and miss morrison at a beach club in ibiza. you and miss morrison on a yacht."

"are you dumb?" charlie laughed shrilly. "the morrisons are rich as fuck. i'm rich as fuck. this kind of stuff just appeared. no one was scamming anyone. and i don't know what sam jiménez has to do with this. i don't know fucking anything about sam, so you better go ask someone else."

the agents looked at each other, and then at charlie. "sure. let's switch gears. miss fletcher, you were supposed to graduate last spring, correct?" she nodded. "but you'll be graduating this winter? pending you pass your exams?" she nodded again. "why were you not able to graduate last year?"

"i was missing a requirement."

"due to you failing a class, yes? looks like data structures with professor wollensky your junior year?"

"unfortunately."

"and yet you're taking a class with him again this semester."

"can you not read a transcript?"

"it's just strange. you failed the class as a junior, which put you a year behind your requirements in the computer science major as it was a prerequisite for several other classes. you then retook data structures with another professor your senior year. and this year, you're taking Cloud Computing with the same professor who failed you. not many students would take the same professor who failed them before."

"yep! you got it!" she was starting to fray at the edges. "i'm a poor planner and not very bright. anyone will tell you the exact same thing. but i'm going to pass this year. you can pull up my grades and everything, i have a very steady B- in every class. and an A in Cloud Computing, thank you very much. i'm gonna graduate this winter, and then we won't be able to hang out anymore," she pouted.

"one more question, miss fletcher. we understand from other students you had a particularly close relationship with ida clarke. is there anything you know about her death that you'd like to share with us?"

charlie inhaled, sharp and deep, before she leaned in across the table. "yeah. here's what i'd like to share with you. if you start trying to rake up shit on her instead of doing your fucking jobs and finding the psychopath who killed her, i will shove every hotshot lawyer on the east coast up your ass until someone takes your badges. let it be."

positive she had just secured herself the top spot on their suspicious students list, she swiped all the printed out pictures of herself off the table, letting them gently flutter to the ground as she left the room.

#this is long #sorry #;)#ogdentask

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hannahhook7744 · 1 year

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Hello, I'm so sorry I'm asking this. But if you would be up to it/ want to do it or anything. Could you do something w/ Chad Charming and 'StopRewind by Natewantstobattle'?

I understand if you're busy or not interested. So- Not forced!

Hope you're having a great and lovely day! Bye!

Trigger Warnings; child abandonment, orphans, implied ableism, resentment, implied depression, attempted suicide, sick children, etc. Chad is implied to be Neurodivergent.

🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴🤴

“Day and night my mind is running,

Reaching out ‘cause I want something more

that I’ve never had before.”

Chad’s earliest years consisted of a loneliness that he had never been able to explain to anyone in his later ones. Because the type of loneliness he had faced was the kind only others like him could face.

He had been left on the doorstep of Auradon’s Orphanage when he was barely an hour old.

Already abandoned 60 minutes into his life.

And that was a pain nobody who hadn’t experienced it for themselves could properly understand.

“I’m scared to chase what I’ve been dreaming,

Beyond a want and now I need it.

Push me by surprise,

So I can take the dive.”

Chad had spent the first six years of his life alone in all the ways that mattered. Alone despite the fact that he was surrounded by dozens of other children just like him and the people who were paid to take care of them.

Alone because his biological parents hadn’t wanted him.

Alone because no one from previous interviews had wanted him.

Because he was born different—born ‘wrong’ according to those who surrounded him.

And because of that, he was alone.

“Day and night my mind is racing,

Dents and foot prints I've been pacing

What am I supposed to find?”

Chad had thought that he was gonna be alone forever at six years old.

He had thought that he was never gonna be wanted.

Until they showed up.

Princess Cinderella and Prince Kit Charming.

And they chose him.

“My god I'm the bait and the predator's my mind,

It eats at me all the time.

Can we stop and rewind.”

Chad had thought they had truly wanted him. Like his grandfather did.

He had thought they were telling the truth.

That they had loved him more than anything.

He had truly believed it more than anything in the world—more than he had believed anything else before.

“I'm not so sure.”

Even when his mind had told him otherwise.

He believed they wouldn’t abandon him.

He had believed that his grandfather would stay with him forever.

He had believed that his friends—Ben, Audrey, Lonnie, Doug, and Jane— would never forget and leave him.

Even when his sickly little sister, Chloe, was born.

He had believed.

“When'd I become my own enemy

I don't understand what you see in me

'Cause I'm just another story

(That's not worth a reading)

Now you've got me pinned up against the wall

Why aren't you afraid that I'll take a fall?

There's more that came before me

(Am I worth believing?)”

Chad had been wrong to believe.

His grandfather died.

His parents slowly started to forget him due to their work and his little sister who they feared wouldn’t make it.

And his friends outgrew him like he always feared they would.

Because he wasn’t worth remembering as he was.

And he slowly, slowly became his own enemy.

Like the other unwanted children before him had.

Not even aware that he was one. Doing what he thought would get him everything back. Unsure himself and of Audrey, who he wanted so desperately to stay. Even though he knew that she wasn’t what he remembered. Even though he was sure he wasn’t the boy his grandfather used to read to.

“I'm not so sure.”

Chad grew more and more unsure of himself.

And even more unsure of Audrey.

Because she was growing bitter too. Bitter as her cousin’s taunts hit closer and closer to home. Bitter as her mother was away for her show. Bitter as her father worked on running two kingdoms because her grandmother wanted to make her into the perfect princess, regardless of what she herself had wanted.

He could tell. He could see it. He could feel it whenever she stared at him with cold eyes that had once held a warmth that could rival the sun’s.

A warmth that faded over the years until it was destroyed by the news that Maleficent’s daughter would be coming to Auradon.

Chad couldn’t blame her for being angry.

Not when he had been angry ever since his grandfather died.

“Eye to eye our worlds collided

Ear to ear you kept me smiling

Kept me happy kept me grounded

Before I flew away.”

His grandfather who had kept him grounded after his sister was born wrong in a way worse than he was.

His grandfather who had loved him more than anything and whose death had shattered who he used to be.

The grandfather he would never stop missing. No matter how many years passed.

“And I felt it breaking

Then you came around

In this world of white noise you're my favorite sound.”

He kept shattering over the years, into smaller and smaller pieces. Wondering why he had been born so wrong. Wondering what was so wrong with him that he hadn’t been wanted even as a tiny baby.

What could a baby had done to cause it to be unwanted?

Chad never could quite figure it out.

Though he knew now why he wasn’t wanted, even by the person who he knew he couldn’t live without.

He was everything Ben wasn’t. Everything his parents hadn’t wanted.

He wasn’t unwaveringly sweet and loving like Ben. He didn’t have good grades and a good brain. He wasn’t good at watching his mouth or his temper. He wasn’t good at anything other than sports, driving, and looking good, He wasn’t what Audrey wanted.

He wasn’t the person his adoptive family had wanted him to be.

And he wasn’t fit to be a king no matter how badly he wanted to be.

“We brave and broken fewer

Three cheers to fear the future

We brave and broken fewer

Three cheers to fear the future.”

He feared the future more and more as the days went on.

He feared that he didn’t deserve one.

That he didn’t really want one.

He knew he wasn’t a good person.

That he hadn’t been in a very long time. And he hated himself for it more than he had ever hated anything in his life. More than he had ever hated his biological parents for leaving him to fend for himself at 60 minutes old. More than he had ever hated Chloe for taking the parents who had once wanted him away. More than he hated his grandfather for defending his parents and sister every time he was forgotten.

More than he hated his friends for being everything he wasn’t.

It was really no wonder that no one had wanted him.

“When'd I become my own enemy

I don't understand what you see in me

'Cause I'm just another story

(That's not worth a reading)

Now you've got me pinned up against the wall

Why aren't you afraid that I'll take a fall?

There's more that came before me

(Am I worth believing?)”

No one but Gil that is.

Gil who had talked to him when he saw him trying to drown himself.

Gil who was smarter than people gave him credit for.

Gil who took him home and piled blankets upon him, still talking.

Gil who saw him and liked him in a way no one ever had.

Gil who’s friends also liked him after a while.

Gil who fixed his friendship with Audrey.

Gil who believed in him when no one else did.

“I'm not so sure.”

Even when he himself didn’t.

Even when he wasn’t sure that he didn’t have anything to fight for.

Chad wasn’t sure what he would have done without Gil and his friends, and he never wanted to know. Not when he was finally happy again.

#descendants #disney descendants #melissa de la cruz #disney #descendants au #disney descendants au #disney descendants alternate universe #descendants alternate universe #chad charming #adopted chad charming #sad chad charming #chad charming is a confused hurting teen #neurodivergent chad charming #lyric fic #etc

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amberjazmyn · 11 months

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matthew gray gubler

𝓲𝓶𝓪𝓰𝓲𝓷𝓮 - already gone

𝔀𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼 - character death, mentions of cancer, tears, loss of matthew's wife

𝓭𝓮𝓼𝓬𝓻𝓲𝓹𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷 - for ages, matthew's wife, adrienna gubler had been extremely sick, going in and out of hospitals until she loses her physical battle after she had given up on her fight ages ago mentally.

𝓪𝓾𝓽𝓱𝓸𝓻'𝓼 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮 - i have recycled this so many times but this time it's about mgg! also, i take my trigger warnings seriously so only read if you can.

masterlist

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remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted.

matthew and his wife, adrienna, had planned to do so much together after only being married for just over a year, fourteen months. they planned on renovating their house in las vegas, trying for kids, and hopefully having those kids, to continue living together, travelling when matthew wasn't busy on criminal minds or doing interviews, making silly youtube videos together, the absolute lot. they had planned so much but now, these memories were just haunted and won't ever be experienced together.

adrienna was sick, very sick, she had been in the hospital for the last couple of months due to intense chemotherapy, meaning she would be missing some of the filming days of criminal minds. and, it was utterly devastating for the newly married couple. adrienna was barely able to leave her hospital bed without feeling weak, dizzy or nauseous and as though she'd throw her guts up if she lifted a single finger or toe. it broke matthew's heart right down to his core, especially when he couldn't be with her in the hospital to keep her safe and make sure she wasn't scared when he was out of las vegas entirely or just in los angeles during criminal minds season.

we were always meant to say goodbye, even with our fists held high.

adrienna and matthew both believed in the saying that, "everything happens for a reason." and, at first, of course, adrienna and matthew did not think that her cancer diagnosis was a blessing. they thought it was a mean, rude, cruel curse put upon them. however, throughout the process, slowly, adrienna started to go back to having a faith and she started praying to a god again. all of a sudden, the curse of her cancer went away and, it became a blessing in disguise. yes, sure, she never expected this was how she'd say goodbye to her husband but, she and matthew, no matter what was always meant to say goodbye to each other in some capacity. even with their fists held high in celebration of adrienna's strength, they were always meant to say goodbye to each other.

it never would have worked out right, we were never meant for do or die.

although getting told that adrienna's treatment was no longer working was heartbreaking and terrifying, it just meant that adrienna and matthew's "till death do us part" vow was coming a little bit earlier than the other criminal minds couples was and it was okay, it was just needing some time to come to terms with and get used to. despite the fact that matthew struggled in comprehending that he was only going to have been married to his wife for not even a full year, never have kids with her and never have the fun experience of renovating their home together, it made him realise so much more and it allowed him to look at the bigger picture of the situation.

"--i'm so sorry mr gubler but, after going through some last-minute tests with adrienna in regards to her chemotherapy treatment for her cancer, it has been found that her body is no longer responding as well as we would have liked to the chemo and, we'll be taking her off the treatment per her own request. because of adrienna's awareness of the failure of the chemo's response to cancer in her blood cells, she was more than happy to start the refusal of all types of treatment. she's also requested that you don't try to fight with her against this as she's very adamant that if she knows that one type of treatment isn't going to work, she doesn't want to bother with any other sort, even if it has a high percentage rate of responding well..."matthew could barely let oxygen through his lungs as his wife's oncologist, dr callahan brings the young man the worst news he had ever heard since the original diagnosis

"...do you know why exactly she's refusing all treatment revenues?" matthew felt his ears ringing as he asked that question, tears burning the back of his eyes as he was handed a tissue by dr callahan, the married man keeping it in his lap for a moment before his fingers absentmindedly played with it as it was then rolled into a ball

"it's, unfortunately, private information due to doctor confidentiality, cannot be told by me. if adrienna does wish to tell you, that is most certainly okay, however, it is not my place due to the rules and requirements. i am very sorry matthew, i know you and adrienna were hoping for some better news as it really did look as though she was responding beautifully. if you two need anything else, please feel free to ring either me or doctor keating up. adrienna is in the patient room and all of her tests have been completed if you two wish to leave, goodbye matthew," dr callahan was a lovely man, he was a little bit older than matthew's father, john and was a brilliantly intelligent oncologist and one of the best ones out of what felt like the hundreds that the married couple had gone to all around las vegas so they didn't have to travel to a complete different country when it first came to mind that adrienna had fallen ill

the moment dr callahan excused himself from his own office, allowing time for matthew to fully process and absorb the information the elder man had given him, matthew truly started to break down. he never thought of the day that he'd be told by his wife's oncologist that the chemotherapy wasn't working and that she'd no longer be receiving any other form, even if it was proved to have a good percentage of her survival because of her own refusal of wanting any more treatment. his eyes burned due to the tears that he had been fighting back the entire meeting with the doctor even though it wasn't the first time that matthew had dissolved into silent sobs or sometimes moderately loud ones during a meeting with the oncologist in regard to the progress in regards to his sick wife. just for one meeting, matthew didn't want to be clutching a tissue or the entire kleenex box in his lap as he cried to himself in the office but, once again, here he was, utterly inconsolable about the new news on his wife's health.

the tissue caught every single tear that fell from matthew's eyes as he rested his right arm, his right hand holding the tissue, against the shockingly comfortable chair that sat in the middle of the gubler's oncologist's office, the door that opened into the said office behind matthew. it took an entire hour for matthew to stop crying and, due to adrienna having to take just a couple of smaller tests last minute like she did every check-up, she wasn't too fussed that her husband seemed to be taking an extra-long time with dr callahan. however, it wasn't until she looked up from her comfortable seat in the room in which all her tests were taken that for the past hour, matthew had been crying, all alone, in dr callahan's office. despite the fact that he had wiped all the tears away and gone into the bathroom to wash them away with water, adrienna could still see the red and puffy silhouette that his tears left on his face as evidence. it twisted her heart in all the ways that hurt the most as she realised that at the majority of her check-ups, matthew would end up in tears and crying all alone when she was getting her blood leeched out, when her pulse, blood sugar and blood pressure were constantly taken when she could have been consoling her very much distraught husband.

i didn't want us to burn out, i didn't come here to hurt you now, i can't stop.

for what felt like weeks, adrienna had been trying to tell matthew to stay in los angeles with his criminal minds cast because she knew that soon, she wasn't going to be alive much longer. she didn't want to hurt him, that was never her intention, no way when she first met matthew and the rest of their criminal minds family. however, because of how much he loved her and wanted to be sure she was safe, he refused to leave her bedside during filming and stayed with her all day, every day whilst the rest of the cast covered for him.

"--matthew, sweetheart, i thought you said you were going back to los angeles?" adrienna whispered as she woke up, her voice groggy as she notices that matthew still hadn't left las vegas as he promised her he would

he didn't answer adrienna, as if he knew she was right and that he should have listened to his wife but, he didn't. adrienna, obviously curious, asked him why he lied to her, matthew feeling extremely guilty that he lied to his wife.

"matthew, come on bubs, why did you lie to me?" adrienna sat up as much as she could as he sighed heavily, he didn't answer because he had no answer to give her about why he lied

"i...i don't know, i just, i wanted you to rest and get some sleep so, i said that to you so you would go to sleep because i knew you weren't going to fall asleep until i told you that i'd book me a flight back to los angeles for work. i'm sorry..." matthew whispered as he plonked his head onto adrienna's leg as she pouted, her hand brushing through her husband's messy brown hair

"it's okay babe, but please love, go back to los angeles, i'm sure you can get your mum or even mine or even our sisters to come over and make sure that i'm okay if you are that paranoid. i promise you that i am okay, matthew, i'm just tired," adrienna convinced matthew as he rolled his eyes, hating that his wife always somehow convinced him to leave, grunting as he didn't want to leave his wife but, he trusted if anything were to go wrong, his parents, her parents or even their siblings or castmates would tell him

"fine! but, i do trust that my sister laura and your sister alania look after you and if anything were to happen, they contact me and everyone else immediately!" matthew spoke with a more assertive tone (which honestly turned his wife on) as adrienna smiled triumphantly, nodding her head

"okay, that's a deal babe. now leave, you need to go back to los angeles, i'll be fine!" adrienna smiled as matthew nodded his head, giving his wife one last hug and kiss before leaving after his flight was successfully rescheduled

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, but someone's gotta go.

as she sat with her sister and sister-in-law, alania and laura, adrienna smiled. to her, it didn't matter that she was going to die, for she had gotten over that fear ages ago. so, she knew that she didn't want matthew to go through any of the emotional pain of watching the love of his life slowly succumb to her illness so, she refused to have matthew be anywhere near her hospital room during her chemo treatments or transfusions. she knew that someone had to go and, that person was her and, she was more than okay with that.

"ari, aren't you scared to die?" alania hesitated, the three girls all sitting down on the gubler's lounge room couch, grabbing a tight hold of her sister's clammy hand as she sighs, a small smile playing on her lips

for context as to why she was no longer in hospital, it had been a couple of weeks since adrienna had made matthew go back to los angeles so he could rejoin his castmates on the set of criminal minds whilst alania and laura took care of adrienna. however, recently, adrienna had been discharged back home due to the fact that she was now on hospice care because she was coming closer to the end of her life. meaning that the hospital agreed in bringing her home to las vegas on hospice care as well as having her pass peacefully in a familial setting rather than the hospital room being the last thing she sees.

"no, alania, not at all," adrienna smiled softly as she caressed her sister's hand, the two girls giving their sister a sad look back as they cuddled up closer together

"how come?" laura questions next as the sick girl shrugs her shoulders with a small smile, the shrugging of shoulders movement being one of the many limited things that didn't cause the dying girl pain

"i dunno laura, maybe because it was destined to happen. everything happens for a reason my love, and, this *adrienna referring to her situation of cancer* happened for a reason and, i'm blessed to have gone through it. even though i'm literally on the doorstep to my death, i couldn't have been any happier than how my life turned out i mean, i've lived my life, what more could i have lived for laura?" adrienna smiled as laura nodded her head, trying to hold her upset at bay over her sister-in-law

"we're all gonna miss you, ari," the front door opened, revealing matthew and laura's dad, john, adrienna's father-in-law as he walked over to the couch, the father and daughter-in-law sharing soft smiles with one another

"awe, john, i'm gonna miss you guys too but, i guess this is what was supposed to happen and, i couldn't have been any more grateful for the life i've lived," adrienna smiled, her voice soft and tender as music softly started to play from the radio that laura had turned on, the song playing immediately recognised as already gone by sleeping at last

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on, cause i'm already gone.

hearing the lead singer of sleeping at last sing that specific line was nothing but excruciatingly painful. no one wanted to even think about moving on from the loss of adrienna but, none more so than matthew. he didn't want to move on, he was wanting to continue making his life with adrienna, have kids with her, get the renovations of their house done together so it was a home, and continue going on fun trips with the criminal minds cast together. all he wanted in his life was just to be with adrienna, no one else otherwise he wouldn't have gone to such lengths to show adrienna how much he loves and appreciates her if he was just going to simply move on. however, matthew knew that that wasn't ever going to happen and was having to lose the one girl he wanted his forever with to then maybe one day down the line, "replace" her with someone else and have someone else's kids. and, that hurt matthew��more than any other pain in this world could hurt him.

looking at you makes it harder, but i know you'll find another, that doesn't always want to make you cry.

during the entire journey of adrienna's cancer, the amount of despair, tears and unknowingness that had been shed was way more intense than ever expected. especially by matthew since he didn't think that one day his wife felt ill it would turn out to be cancer. and normally, matthew was able to hold his tears back even though he has said he is an emotional person, however, it seemed as if seeing his wife in so much pain, no matter how well she had hidden it from him, it really seemed to knock down his wall of vulnerability. so, the number of times he would cry at the hospital, get emotional during a criminal minds scene, maybe even an interview because of how worried he was about his wife, to crying at home, to even crying on his own was such an intense amount, it seemed neverending. when adrienna came to light about this situation, she did not think it was fair at all that matthew was crying all of these tears and being so fearful. she believed that he should at least get a break because it seemed as if everything was converging and she hated it, she never wished to inflict such pain on her husband and extended family. adrienna firmly believed that matthew at least deserved a break from crying every single hospital consultation because that was all he could ever do when being told what was happening with regard to his wife.

it started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in, perfect couldn't keep this love alive.

it was true when it was found out that when adrienna and matthew had their first kiss at how perfect it was and how perfect their kisses, whether they were passionate, emotional, soft, slow, hard, quick etc. they were always perfect and they were always a meaningful thing for the married couple. meaning that, no matter how hard he tried, matthew couldn't ever convince adrienna that she was going to be fine and stay alive, despite the desperate makeout sessions he'd initiate as he'd cry and pour his heart and soul out to his wife in the hopes that all of those kisses were going to be mixed in with the exact nonexistent cure that could keep his wife alive for the rest of their living days. no words or actions spoken by matthew, however, could convince adrienna. she already knew and accepted that she was gone and that she had become peaceful with it because it no longer bothered her as much as it used to. meaning that, even if matthew hadn't, she had accepted it and that was all that mattered to her, even though it broke matthew immensely. she knew that his perfect kisses couldn't keep their love alive even though nothing else was wrong with it except for the fact that she was dying.

you know that i love you so, i love you enough to let you go.

adrienna smiled at her husband who had now arrived back home to las vegas alongside the rest of the criminal minds cast and their spouses, the song playing on the radio in the background

"matthew, i love you so much my darling. i know you'll find someone who won't leave you the way i have. okay, you have to promise me that you'll move on. i love you so much, my sweet boy. i'm giving you permission to let me go now that i've let you go," she spoke softly, the song seeming too quiet as it filtered into everyone's minds as background music, matthew nodding his head hesitating at his wife's request, a small tear tracking his cheek

"i love you too adrienna..." matthew sniffled softly, pressing his cheek against his wife's, making her smile, giving her husband a peck behind his ear as he sniffled a few times

everyone else watching on with broken hearts as they only wished they also had the same healing powers that nicky wished he could have to save the love of his life. heartbroken as they watched their castmate and best friend go through the grief of having to become a widower so quickly after marrying the love of his life. of whom everyone thought they'd outlast every single person in the room because of how much they loved each other.

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter, where we take this road, but someone's gotta go.

it seemed as if adrienna's hospice care was stopped after she had suddenly fallen extremely ill, way too ill for anyone's liking, due to an infection in her bloodstream that absolutely mortified everyone. adrienna's oncologist, dr callahan however was taking the best care of her alongside the rest of his brilliant cancer team at the hospital as he handed her the medication. however, when adrienna took said medication, it was always a moment of subconscious fear and uncertainty as to the side effects that came with her prescribed medication really loved interfering with her and there wasn't always a 100% certainty that if she took a nap due to the fatigue, another side effect of the medication, that she would wake up from the nap and wake up without any complications.

knocking lightly, dr callahan came into adrienna's hospital room to give the terminally ill girl her medication, "knock knock, here's your medication, mrs gubler-sorry, adrienna," it always made adrienna smile and giggle slightly whenever dr callahan would always try to be professional with her and call her by her last name and she then smiled as he corrected himself

"thank you so much dr callahan and, please, stop worrying about what to call me. if mrs gubler slips out, let it slip out, it's fine," adrienna smiled sweetly as she gave a look towards her medication that had been placed next to her large glass of water

"no worries and, thanks for the reminder and, also, after you've taken your meds, matthew could you and the group please come outside with me as i need to have a chat with you all? thanks so much, i'll just be outside waiting," dr callahan smiled, not wanting to let anyone worry as everyone, including adrienna, nods their heads

"course we can doctor, is everything okay?" matthew responded, a tight smile forming on his lips as dr callahan just gave a faint look of uncertainty which for some reason gave matthew the heebie-jeebies and a very unsettling feeling

"thanks, matthew," dr callahan smiled tightly as he then walked out of adrienna's hospital room to the hallway, finally able to catch his breath for this was the worst part of his job as an oncologist

then, not even a couple of seconds after dr callahan left her room, adrienna took her medication and then a large gulp of water to help glide the medication down easier, placing it back on her side table, her husband gulping worriedly. matthew's sister laura quickly moved from the seat next to adrienna's bed so matthew could sit there, instantly grabbing a hold of his wife's paled, weak frail hand, caressing it carefully for a few moments

matthew's pov

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better, but i want you to move on, so i'm already gone, so i'm already gone.

finally, after a few moments of stalling after dr callahan had left, adrienna had finally taken her medication and was starting to relax as the side effects started to come over her. this meant that it was now time for me, my sister laura, her sister alania and the rest of the criminal minds family to go outside of adrienna's hospital room for our chat with dr callahan. and, in all honesty, we were all a little scared since usually, dr callahan only asks to talk with me whenever he has news about adrienna so, it only made my head spin. i was just so scared that my nightmare was going to come true; having to move on from losing adrienna and becoming a widower.

"come on pretty boy, we have to speak with dr callahan. let ari sleep, i'm sure she's a little tired and she has to now relax from her meds," laura tried to get me to leave as i gave adrienna a small kiss before following after my sister, sister-in-law and criminal minds castmates whilst everyone else sat in the waiting room

"okay, fine. i love you so much, adrienna," i whispered softly to my wife, sighing as i gave her a small kiss on the head and i then followed after the small group to meet with dr callahan to chat with him

on our way over to dr callahan, it seemed as if he was becoming more and more nervous and was no longer finding it easy to hide it like he was usually a master at. and this when inadvertently made all of us nervous about what he suddenly needed to tell us.

"is everything okay, doctor?" laura, my sister laura, questions with a haste breath as the small group all look in between each other before back at dr callahan as he gulps

"that's the thing mrs dahl, we-we seriously think that adrienna isn't going to be well enough to last the rest of the day today. although she may look okay, the looks are truly deceiving and it seems as if all of her recent tests are plummeting. if you noticed, which you possibly did, possibly didn't, the medication i gave her was slightly different to her normal--"

"--code blue, i repeat code blue room 799a!!" hearing that suddenly ring over the intercom is truly something you could never get used to - dr callahan perks up straight away however, his flight instinct kicks in within seconds

that was when we realised the room number that was just called over the intercom, suddenly interrupting what dr callahan was explaining to us...

...room 799a... that's adrienna's room! no, no, no!

"i...i am so sorry guys but, i need to rush off but, stay in the waiting room and wait until i come back!" dr callahan then almost panics, ushering us into the waiting room where the rest of our "party" of visitors were waiting for us, thinking we had already been told the new information

"wha-what, dr callahan! aren't you gonna finish telling us about adrienna's medication?" i splutter out in a slight bought of disgust and fear, my dad pulling me back as i tried to get out of his grip which failed - not that i was disappointed or mad at my wife's oncologist, i just didn't know how else to physically respond in any other way

"i'm so sorry matthew but, i seriously can't stay back. i really, really need to handle this emergency code. it's a code blue, i cannot have this patient dying! just please go into the waiting room and i'll speak to you later, i promise!" dr callahan called out, fear and so many other emotions i couldn't distinguish swimming in his eyes as he ran up the stairs that less than five minutes ago, not even, we just walked down as we watched chaos unfurl

within a second of just blinking every single medical professional that you could think of that works in a hospital was either running up those stairs behind dr callahan towards adrienna's room or was aggressively pressing the lift button to take the lift up to her room.

"dr callahan, wait--" i tried to get him to explain to me more but, i was too late, he was way out of my sight now, no longer running up the stairs as i huff and step back, my dad's hand finding the small of my back

it seemed as if straight away, my dad knew what was about to happen and that i was starting to panic because of the unknowing fact as to what was happening to my wife at this current moment in time.

my breathing immediately started to get quicker, the panic quickly rising in my chest as dad tried to calm me down. he pulled me down the hallway, the last time i caught in my peripheral vision was my castmates going down the hallway a couple of doors down from where dad and i were.

"ssh, matthew, it's okay! everything's going to be fine, okay? maybe it was a mistake and adrienna was moved into another room." dad, bless his heart, was trying to think up ways to try and make me calm down yet, i knew what he was doing and, although i'd love to say it was working, it really wasn't helping much

"that...that isn't helping dad!" i sniffled into his shoulder as he huffed dejectedly, wondering what to do as i just muttered something to him

"play the song," i muttered softly into my dad's shoulder before he made some distance between us, his eyebrow shooting up in confusion

"what song?" he asked softly as i smiled instantly at the thought, already gone, although it was a sad, breakup song, it was like adrienna and i's song as it related to her cancer diagnosis and her eventual, oncoming death

"already gone, adrienna played it on the radio a couple of weeks ago, please," i mutter softly, dad nods his head without hesitation before grabbing out his phone and finding the song as it started to play

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories are haunted. we were always meant to say goodbye.

as the song played from my dad's phone, i was pulled right back into his embrace as it sort of became background music, closing my eyes and placing my head to his chest, his steady heartbeat being the calming cure. the music continued to play as many memories of my wife and me ran through my head as my dad just hugged me as though i was a little boy all over again.

i want you to know, that it doesn't matter where we take this road, but someone's gotta go.

it was then decided between dad and me that we would sit down as we both felt our legs were going to collapse from underneath us any second. we smiled at each other before dad allowed me to plop my head on his shoulder as the song continued to run its length. more memories that i had remembered over the years with adrienna came flooding into my brain as well as dad's as he smiled a smile that was a smile that adrienna, his daughter-in-law only saw.

and i want you to know, you couldn't have loved me better.

i smiled softly at hearing the singer of the song sing that line because it was true. i couldn't have loved adrienna any better than i already had done and the same goes for everyone else that adored adrienna. there was no way in which we could have loved my wife even more or even better. i heard so many times during her stay in the hospital that they had never seen a cancer patient be so positive and loved during her time of cheo that that was one of the only things that stopped my tears alongside adrienna's comforting hugs, oh and the endless supply of kleenex tissue boxes and soppy movies that we watched when we lived in the hospital for the first few months.

but i want you to move, so i'm already gone, i'm already gone.

"dad..." i whispered as it had now been close to a couple of hours maybe since the code blue for adrienna's room had been called out and we still had no answers for what happened

dad then turned his head from my castmates as we had all since come back to the waiting room now that me and my castmates were less panicked and less emotional. dad gave me a small, soft smile that was comforting as he then responded.

"...yeah matthew, what's up son?" dad smiled, a small giggle leaving my mouth due to the "son" at the end of his response as we were all now equally worried about my wife and her condition

"do you think that adrienna's okay?" i questioned softly, a worried expression painted on my face as dad huffed, his shoulders falling in a sad position as he bit his lip nervously

"i truly don't know buddy. i wish i could say something else, we all do, but, i don't know and i am so sorry that i don't know," dad sighed with the saddest look i'd ever seen on his face as i just gulped and nodded my head slowly

turning my head away to the empty hallway, i noticed who i recognised to be one of dr callahan's junior oncologists who worked with my wife, dr keating, he looked absolutely devastated and in distress. i decided i'd walk over to him to make sure everything was okay. using the chair to help me stand up, i kicked the pins and needles out of my legs and cracked my back before walking over.

"guys, i'll be back, just wait there, i'm gonna have a chat with dr keating," i muttered as dad widened his eyes, also noticing dr keating as he looked over to laura and my castmates in concern but let me go

"okay, be careful matthew," dad responded as i turned back around and started to walk, nodding my head in response to dad's response

"i will," i whispered once i was out of hearing sight of the group as i softly tapped the junior oncologist on the shoulder as he looked up at me in a little bit of panic as i noticed his blue eyes were no longer blue, they looked as if he had just watched someone die

after tapping him on the shoulder, dr keating jumped at my touch but when his usually bright blue eyes looked into my blue eyes, i could tell something wasn't right. especially considering dr callahan was nowhere in sight. but even more so when dr keating grabbed me and pulled me into a hug, slightly scaring me before shortly after letting out a small cry as i felt my heart smash to the ground. the only patient that i knew that the other junior oncologists who were being mentored by dr callahan were working with was adrienna. i felt my lips and throat dry over, my biggest fear starting to settle in.

"is...is everything okay, doctor keating?" i whispered softly, fearing the worst as dr keating sniffled, trying to speak as he pulled out of the hug

"she's gone, matthew," he softly cried out as i felt my heart sink, the physical pain creating a burning, cracking sensation in my chest as i felt my eyes tear up

"adrienna's dead?" i whisper, trying to confirm what i already knew was confirmed as i saw his head nod as i tried to hold back an ugly sob that was building up in my throat

"uhh, yeah *sniffle* sorry... she-she was going in and out of consciousness before her body just gave up on itself. the medications dr callahan had given her earlier in the day were slightly different dosages and brands to her regular ones because finally, at the last minute, adrienna had agreed to try to see if it was the medications that were making her sicker so, dr callahan thought if he changed them that maybe she'd get better again. so, since the start of this week, dr callahan and the rest of us had been trialling this new medication with her in hopes that it would work but, it-it didn't *sniffle* i am so sorry matthew... we, we didn't think the medication would cause her to overdose..." dr keating was utterly devastated at losing adrienna which meant that dr callahan and the rest of the team were even more devastated as i clenched my jaw

i couldn't do anything else but close my eyes and cover my face with my hand as dr keating didn't know how to comfort me anymore as i blinked back the tears to no avail as they quickly started to stream down my cheeks.

"please...please don't apologise, dr keating, you guys and dr callahan didn't do anything wrong other than making my wife happier and comfortable whilst she was in the less comforting place you could ever be in," i cried out softly, sniffling a couple of times so my now runny nose wouldn't make a mess

i then turned around to see my dad, my castmates aj, shemar, paget, thomas, joe and adam, their partners and me and my wife's families all together in the waiting room. they all looked so anxious and hopeful, just wondering what was going on in regard to adrienna and why they were still just waiting with no answers.

"thanks, matthew, that-that really makes me feel better and would genuinely make the rest of the team feel better," dr keating whispers as we both wiped our tears as discreetly as we could

"it's my pleasure, doctor, because it's truth, doctor callahan's team made all the difference for my wife and made sure she was always taken care of, especially when i wasn't here," i spoke softly, managing a small smile of gratitude as i then looked over to my dad and the rest of the group as they tried to calm alania, adrienna's older sister which just destroyed me even more and made me feel a certain pain that i'd never wish for anyone to feel

how was i going to tell them?

it seemed as if dr keating could read my mind however, "do you want me to tell them, matthew?" dr keating then asks, suddenly realising whom i was looking at, making me look back over to him as i furrowed my eyebrows

"you sure, doctor? i-i can tell them if it's easier," i responded as my eyes grew bigger as doctor keating shook his head and ushered me with his head to follow me over to the waiting room where it was just the group for adrienna that was waiting in there

"no, matthew, i'll tell them, it is my job after all. i was adrienna's second oncologist, after doctor callahan, so, the least i could do is save you the trouble and a lot more tears if i say it over you," doctor keating smiled small, a travel-size pack of kleenex pulled out of the pocket of his scrubs, handing them over to me as i chuckle slightly as i take them from him, placing them in my jacket pocket knowing that it wouldn't take too long until they'll be of great use

"thanks, umm, thanks again, doctor keating," i responded back with a small smile, one of my hands resting in the jacket pocket that had the pack of tissues whilst the other one rested comfortably and we then walked over to the awaiting group as they stood up with hopeful looks

it goddamn almost killed me to see all of my best friends and my family look so hopeful in the news about my wife and, it was so hard not to break down. most especially when i caught eye contact with my sister-in-law, adrienna's sister, alania, her hopeful look killed me tenfold as i fought so hard at shaking my head no at her. i tried so hard but, the look, that alania showed me back gave me the impression that she already knew what doctor keating was going to say and i was pretty confident that, that also broke my heart even more.

"is adrienna okay, doctor? do you have any news on her? is...is my sister alive?" alania then questioned, my heart breaking at hearing her begging for her sister to be alive as doctor keating and i looked at each other before we took in some deep breaths

"alania, guys, there is no easier way of saying this to you all as i know how much you mean to adrienna and how much she means to you but as i've already told matthew; adrienna has passed away..." doctor keating spoke softly and with the same tone that he spoke to me in as a switch flipped in the group - their hopefulness now shattered as alania sobs and practically falls to the ground as i watched the way my sister followed her down to the ground and wrapped her arms around her and into a hug

"and, the reason why she passed away was because of the new medication trial we had been giving adrienna since the start of this week in the hopes that it was her old medication that was making her sick and not cancer itself. the medication that doctor callahan tried to explain to you guys but wasn't able to. in a short summary, it was a trial medication that was of a different dosage to her old and original medication in the hopes it would help but, it wasn't the medication making her sick at all like we thought it was. so, basically, it wasn't cancer that caused the death but an accidental overdose of the trial medication that had been administered to her over an hour ago," doctor keating explained, his hands resting inside his nurse scrubs as i felt my heart break a second time if that was even logically possible, alania crying hysterically into my sister's shoulder as everyone else just looked as if they had disassociated so they could momentarily ignore the grief they were feeling - not something i ever want to see again because it was not my favourite sight at all

"so, it...it didn't hurt her?" alania softly questions like a small child, managing to compose herself as i gulped, my hand reaching into my jacket pocket to grab a couple of tissues, one more me and one for alania

alania should not have even had to of asked that question about her younger sister, whether or not it hurt for her to die.

"no, it didn't hurt her at all, alania. it was the least painful death, she couldn't feel a single thing, it was as if she was falling asleep. you'll be able to visit her soon but, she just needs to be dealt with by our in-home coroner and then you'll be able to see her and say your goodbyes..." doctor keating speaks softly as he personally comforts each person, a hand on their shoulder and a handshake or hug, completely depending on what they chose as he spoke up again

"once again, everyone, on behalf of me and the rest of doctor callahan's team, we are so terribly sorry and our condolences go out to you guys and everyone else that was personally affected by adrienna. but most especially to matthew, her husband and the rest of her family. i have to, unfortunately, go now as i have more patients of doctor callahan's to deal with but, i will see you guys later, i promise," doctor keating smiled and brought me in for a hug after grabbing my hand and squeezing it, bringing me a surge of comfort as within seconds, he was back down the halls of the hospital, off to doctor callahan's other patients

this was when it all came tumbling down around me, finally smacking me in the face that i was about to say my final goodbye to my wife and she wasn't even going to be able to squeeze my hand or comfort me like she used to be able to do. bringing the tissue up to my face, i just cried and cried, my left arm wrapped around my waist whilst my right hand covered my face with the balled-up tissue. i absolutely hated crying in the hospital because it always happened but, now, it was the final time i was ever going to be in this hospital and i won't even be able to bring my wife out of there alive and that stung.

almost immediately, dad pulled me in for a hug, "oh, buddy, i am so sorry, matthew," he was strong in his hug but absolutely weak in his words as he tried to soothe me but refused to let me go

"she's gone, dad," i whimpered into his shoulder as my body wracked with sobs, making dad hug me even tighter as the group watched on

it had then been decided that we wanted to leave the hospital, making doctor keating and doctor callahan aware that we were going to come in early tomorrow morning to farewell adrienna for, there was no way we were all emotionally inept to do it tonight. which allowed us a day in between to process everything and really allow the grieving process to begin for us all. they had both agreed in letting us do our farewells tomorrow and, now, i sat on the couch, tears streaming down my face still, as i became fidgety with my wedding ring, making the decision to make an instagram post of a few photos of my wife and me. not just because i knew it would bring me some comfort but because i knew that the criminal minds fans and just general fans of my wife and i, would also wish to know about my wife and what happened to her.

remember all the things we wanted, now all our memories they're haunted, we were always meant to say goodbye

liked by alaniawalsh, shemarmoore, kirstenvangsness, thomasgibsonofficial, joemantenga and 985,21k others

gublergram whilst it absolutely breaks my heart to even write this caption and post it, it is with a heavy heart that i have to announce that my beautiful wife, adrienna gubler has sadly lost her battle with leukaemia and died in the late hours of tuesday the 5th of july at 8 pm in the nevada cancer centre of nevada general hospital in las vegas. adrienna was the absolute love and light of my life, she truly made me the happiest man i could have ever been. adrienna never ever failed to make me laugh and make me feel like i was the only person on the planet. i was always the centre of the universe and so was everyone else that my wife loved and adored. whilst it does hurt my heart to even think about it, the filming for the new season of criminal minds will be postponed for at least another month, so we al apologise for any inconvenience this has caused. adrienna has always said since the start of her cancer diagnosis that if she was ever to die due to cancer or because of her medication that she would rather the show be postponed by at least a month than for me and the cast and crew to work whilst grieving her loss. and that wish of hers has been granted and as i write this post, the cast and our crew are having to sort out all the public announcements in regard to our reasoning for the postponement of the filming.

adrienna may have only been my wife for a year and two months but they were the best fourteen months of my entire life. she truly didn't care if she was only my wife for a week or forever, as long as we were able to have our wedding with her breathing properly and well enough to the point where she didn't need any help from breathing tubes or having to be wheeled everywhere in a wheelchair, she was happy with the way we got married. and, our wedding day is a day i'll never be able to forget even if i tried. i had never seen adrienna look so happy and relaxed until the day of our wedding. she just looked like an absolute angel and just writing this is bringing tears to my eyes because i know that whilst she is no longer here, she is still my wife and, i'm always going to love her, even if i do end up dating, proposing to, marrying and then have their kids with, i'm always going to talk about the first girl that i ever loved because she showed me what it was like to love because she is the definition of love. whilst my heart does hurt right now and will probably hurt for a while, i know i'll eventually be able to wake up every day and smile. but for now, i'll cry and i'll be sad and that's also okay.

i love you forever and always, adrienna gubler. i'll never forget you because you were simply unforgettable and the true girl of my dreams, sleep tightly my angel.

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alaniawalsh adrienna absolutely loved you so much matthew and this was a beautiful tribute to her. i hope you never stop posting about her, even when you find the new love of your life, love you goob 🤍

gublergram alaniawalsh thank you, alania and i hope i don't stop posting or talking about her either, she truly was the one for me, even if i do find someone new. i love you too alania 🤍

shemarmoore love you pretty boy. anything you need, i got it, as do the entire criminal minds family. adrienna loved you so much and she'd do anything for you! my heart aches for you 🤍

gublergram shemarmoore i love you too shemar and thank you, my heart aches as well 🤍

kirstenvangsness reading this makes my heart ache for you matthew. adrienna will never be forgotten and never forget how much she absolutely loved you and doted over you every single day

gublergram kirstenvangsness writing this made my heart ache. and i know she won't be forgotten and i know i'll never ever forget how much she loved me because she made sure to remind me all the time

thomasgibsonofficial i'm heartbroken for you, matthew. we are all here to support you. we loved you both so much so anything you need, we'll take care of it because if anything, the only thing that's important right now is taking this month off from our filming schedule to grieve your wife so, fuck the show right now, don't even worry about it. i love you forever, matthew!

gublergram thomasgibsonofficial i am heartbroken as well thomas. and thank you so much, this means so much to hear and i love you too, thomas!

joemantenga she'll never be forgotten, matthew. adrienna was perfect and she was so loved by every single person that encountered her.

gublergram joemantenga i know she won't joe. and she was perfect and so very loved

username oh, matthew, i am so sorry my love! my heart breaks for you with this news, adrienna was an absolute angel. sending my love to the entire family 🤍

gublergram username thank you love, and my heart breaks having to even make this post and read all these comments even though they are so healing at the same time 🤍

pagetpagetgram adrienna will never be forgotten, matthew and i promise you that, as does everyone else that knew her and loved her every single day!

gublergram pagetpagetgram no, she won't be forgotten paget! i'll never let her be forgotten and i don't think you guys would allow me to forget her either!

liked by gublergram, pagetpagetgram, thomasgibsonofficial, ajcook, aishataylor and 82,34k others

alaniawalsh i can't even believe i'm writing this but i have to and it breaks my soul into pieces. as you all would have seen from my lovely brother-in-law's post, my sister adrienna gubler died from a medical overdose of chemo medication at the nevada cancer centre in the late hours of tuesday the 5th of july at 8 pm. and not at all in this post am i bashing my sister's oncologists or the hospital, it was not their fault at all as to why my younger sister overdosed and i will not tolerate any comments that may suggest that that is what happened because that is anything but what happened. my sister died because she willingly decided, like she put her own hand up, last minute to give a medical trial one last try and see if it was her old medication that was making her even more ill than she already was and was on a new medication this last week which unfortunately is the reason why she passed away, not because of medical negligence or anything of that sort.

my little sister, adrienna amelia rose walsh gubler was a beautiful girl. she was always a happy, fun, crazy little girl that always wanted to make other people smile and be happy like she was. she was fifteen when she met her future husband, matthew gray gubler and ever since that first meeting, had been inseparable so, that's why it's even more heartbreaking that they were only given the chance to be married for fourteen months, only a year and two months. my heart absolutely breaks for you, matthew, that you had to lose your beautiful, angelic wife so early in your guys' marriage. it's absolutely not fair and i only wish it didn't happen. but if you do choose, later down the line or whenever you feel it's right to do so, fall in love with somebody new, just know that it's absolutely fine! you deserve to be happy and fall in love again, and there are no rules on how quickly or slowly how you do that. you are still so young that i promise you, one day, you'll find another beautiful girl and you'll fall in love all over again like you did with my sister.

and i hope you know matthew, that you are still a part of the walsh family, even though your wife and our sister and daughter are no longer alive with us anymore. you will always be my brother and you will always be my parents' son and that will not change, not even when you fall in love again. i will adore you until the end of time matthew and i know my parents share the same sentiment and if there is ever a time you need us, we are always a phone call or a message away. we love you goober 🤍

all of these photos that you see in this post are all of the best moments of adrienna. and yes, even the photo of my sister in the hospital is the best moment of her and this is why. even though the photo may not look it, throughout all of her chemo treatments and transfusions and other things, adrienna never failed to have a smile on her face and have a little dance and that was even if she was very sick or tired, she always managed to be happy and still feel blessed that she was still alive and well enough to get those treatments and transfusions. but, i do have to say that whenever adrienna and matthew were together, that was when they were both the happiest and the most alive. when they were together, it was like royalty had entered the room, that's how it was like when adrienna and matthew were together. i love you so much adrienna amelia rose walsh gubler, they'll never be an adrienna gubler like you ever again. rest easy my sweet angel 🤍

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gublergram bawling my eyes out reading this alania. this was so sweet of you! this means the world to me and more! these photos really do show the best moments of adrienna. love you more alania 🤍

alaniawalsh gublergram i was bawling my eyes out writing it! and of course matthew, nothing will take you out of our family, especially not another girl. and i really do love those specific photos so that was why i chose them 🤍

pagetpagetgram oh, alania, this was a gorgeous post to your sister! just like you did her, she talked about you all the time 🤍

alaniawalsh pagetpagetgram thank you paget and i know, there were a few times that i overheard her talking about me and it warmed my heart every time 🤍

thomasgibsonofficial adrienna was always so beautiful and these photos truly show that beauty. love you so much alania 🤍

alaniawalsh thomasgibsonofficial she really was thomas, she was the definition of beauty and these photos really do show them. love you too thomas 🤍

ajcook your sister loved you so much alania. and your loving words to matthew are tearjerking and i know just how much it means to him reading that!

alaniawalsh ajcook i know she did, aj, she loved you guys as well! and thank you, i just want him to know and to never forget that he still has us as a family no matter what because he always will 🤍

aishataylor my heart breaks at reading this alania! your sister was gorgeous and she still looked beautiful when getting her chemotherapy and she truly loved you and matthew so much. sending all my love to you and your family 🤍

alaniawalsh aishataylor thank you for the words aisha and she did love us a lot, she had so much love in her 🤍

username i'm sobbing reading this and matthew's post. adrienna was truly one of a kind and was such a beautiful girl. and she truly does look beautiful when she's in hospital and that blows my mind. and it makes me so happy to hear that matthew's still a part of your family 🤍

alaniawalsh username i was the same reading matthew's as well love and writing my own didn't help me either and she was one of a kind. and matthew was always going to be a part of our family, even if it did come to the unfortunate possibility of adrienna's premature death and the possibility of him finding someone else because we've known matthew since he and adrienna were fifteen so there is no way we'd close our door on him after so many years 🤍

criminalminds we all love you so much alania. just like matthew is a part of your family, you are a part of our family. anything you need, we will give it to you 🤍

alaniawalsh criminalminds love you more criminal minds and thank you so much, that means a lot and i know you guys aren't just saying that too 🤍

- - -

phew, this was a lot! and yes, i did have alania, adrienna's sister, reply to the official criminal minds insta account, don't @ me, it's hilarious!

ok ily bye xx

wc; 10227

#criminal minds cast #matthew gray gubler x reader #angst #aj cook #shemar moore #paget brewster #joe mantenga #thomas gibson #kirsten vangsness

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rhythmic-idealist · 1 year

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Hi all. Some of you know my partner @crimeronan - maybe for her original fiction, her fanfiction, or her assorted queer/polyamorous/chronically ill life blogging.

If you do know—or know of—Kitkat, you might know them as a resource, or as a writer, or as that person who has been known to sit down and write six paragraphs of advice to the scared young person in their inbox. Perusing their blog I see people trading autoimmune stories, younger queer and polyamorous people asking questions about what it's like to be in your mid twenties and settled into those things, and people who found stories who resonated in ways stories don't always succeed at.

Or maybe not! That’s my platonic partner of four years. Happy to introduce u.

If you ARE aware of Kitkat, you might know that she recently FINALLY got an initial appointment with a rheumatology clinic. This after a big medical mystery that’s spanned over two years and taken them to the ER more times than anyone can feel good about.

The good news is that things are FINALLY moving forward. Kitkat has posted a lot more about that entire saga, if anyone is interested, but the main thing right now is that there are test results that are usable in a diagnosis, there will be a diagnosis that is usable in treatment, there are follow-up appointments in the very immediate future that will do a lot of good. It's all kind of astounding after the amount of time it took to get here.

The bad news is that their car broke down.

To say the money situation is already tight would be, though I’m sorry to put it like this, understated. Kitkat makes most of her money from freelance writing, and, first of all, is a fucking wizard at it in ways I don’t understand. But she recently lost her biggest consistent clients when— and she was told this outright— those clients switched to ChatGPT.

Perhaps more to the point— they're often too sick to work. They've pivoted to gig economy delivery jobs, but that is an enormous physical demand on ANYONE’s body, let alone when you’re severely sick.

So that’s where the financial situation is at right now.

I do slot into this, so to give you the story on that: I’m moving to Oregon to live with my partners next month, and will be contributing to the household income then (which is why I'm moving so soon). But I was originally planning to finish trade school first and move in January 2024, so everything’s very last-minute, and a little haywire. I now have at least one job interview lined up in town, but I won’t even be in Beaverton until mid-August, and this auto repair bill is due now.

Basically: because of this auto repair bill, they’re not going to be able to make rent. I expect we as a group will probably be okay once I’m in Oregon and more established/able to help out with the household income, but things aren’t there yet, and this isn't money we're going to be able to make back later.

Kitkat's been too sick to work consistently for so much too long, and that's why they need to turn to community support right now.

(I know Tumblr is famously not a "meet every goalpost before deserving help" website, and I think a lot of fundraisers with less explanation than this deserve support. I'm just a very wordy person. Thanks for bearing with me.)

Kitkat has limited mobility and is going to need to get to upcoming appointments, and speaking honestly, also just really needs access to a car to make things like groceries feasible. She’s not the only one in the apartment with limited mobility or chronic pain. Add to that the gig delivery jobs as a main source of income right now, and this is a necessary bill, just one that is sky-high relative to the income trying to tackle it.

So, you know, hello. I've brought a couple of fundraisers onto Tumblr in the past on other people’s behalf. This time I’ve gotta ask on behalf of my own found family.

The bill has come out to $717.80.

As of now, rent money has been used to pay it—the car has been repaired now, but that money was for rent and daily expenses. There is already financial assistance in play, particularly Medicaid. As it stands, because of this bill, they're not going to make rent.

To account for GoFundMe's fees of 2.9% + $0.30 per transaction, the goal is set to $750.

If you’re in any way able to give, the link is here: https://gofund.me/c0f9d7fe

Otherwise, a share goes a really long way.

Thank you a ton for reading this far. Times are hard all around, so please know: this post is an appeal to those among us who have disposable income and are looking to donate some of it.

Thank you.

$1,323/750

Date posted: July 27th, 2023 Updated: July 28th, 2023

#mutual aid #kitkat car gfm #I WILL MAKE a short post at some point #God. wordy person ever (me)

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softlyscreamingintothevoid · 24 days

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9/3/2024

Last week I got passed over for a promotion at work.

A few weeks back, my work opened a new position in my department and it would be a salary role, paid higher than I am making in my current role. I felt like I matched the job qualifications and description pretty well. I was actually confident in myself and did the long process of updating my resume, writing a cover letter, and filling out the application.

Getting this job would pretty drastically improve my situation. It meant I could afford better housing. It meant actually being able to go back to the dentist to get the root canal and fillings they told me I needed. It meant actually getting to do the procedures needed to see if I have endometriosis that I can't afford right now. It meant being able to own a pet in the future. Even being able to fix or replace my sad, dying car.

I found out the next week that at least one of my coworkers also applied and that immediately shook my confidence since she has seniority and is the lead for one of our work programs. I cried that day when I got home from work because I felt like I had no chance. My wonderful partner tried to convince me that I felt confident for a reason and had the qualifications and experience to run a program like this. I felt better but still was a little nervous.

I had my interview and while the questions were hard, I was proud of my answers and was anxiously awaiting the results.

The next week rolled by and in my one-on-one with my boss I was told they didn't pick me. I got through the rest of the meeting just brushing it off. I've learned to never show your real feelings to others. Nobody would know. I got back to my desk and immediately it just hit me. I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom just crying it out and spent the last two hours of my shift dissociated. I didn't want to feel anymore.

The next two days weren't too bad. But the lead who I think got the promotion had been out sick. I was honestly kind of dreading seeing her and thinking that she probably got it and having to come to terms with it.

Finally today she was back to work and it still hit me that I'm kinda mad about the situation. I just don't feel like she would be any more qualified at the role than I am. We have a team meeting this Friday and I'm sure I'll have to hear about whoever got it that morning and I'm dreading it already.

I know I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up on this job, but damn does it still suck. I've applied to some other positions recently as well at other companies as a what if and got denied from those as well. This job market sucks.

I'm not even sad anymore. I'm more... Mad? I guess? I'm trying not to be resentful of my job, but I find it so boring and tedious now and I wanted a new role change to shake things up. It's monotonous and it's easy, but I'm so mentally bored all the time.

I also really wanted that extra income. Who doesn't want more money??? I live in a very high cost of living location in the US, so rent is insane even for small 1bed/1/bath.

The cynical part of me thinks they didn't want to replace me in my current role since apparently it was hard to find someone who wanted it in the first place. I also got added onto a new program (against my will) that they probably don't want to replace me in either. But that's probably just my jaded thoughts.

Anyway, that's enough ranting for now. I have a PowerPoint to make at work 🙄

Signed,

A jaded Rose

#journal #journal thoughts #passed over for promotion #my work #work troubles #inside thoughts #dear diary #too poor for therapy #too poor for life #at work #rant post #personal rant #vent post #vent #be kind #be respectful

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sweetanxiousangel · 11 months

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Themes

Have you ever noticed that every day has a theme? Or maybe every week?

Maybe it's just me over thinking... or maybe astrology has something to do with it... But I have noticed that there are patterns of events, thoughts, and observations that lead up to a daily or weekly theme. Sometimes it clicks randomly and I'm like "oh shit... Today's theme is___." It's kinda fun. I feel like themes add more meaning to my life.

Today's theme (11/15/2023) is "What is 'good enough'?"

I graduated university in May, finally got my license, then quickly after got into a car accident that forced me to go a few months without a vehicle. I stayed home to fulfill my end of a deal between my great-grandmother, which was: I get to live for free as long as I take care of her. In other words, I'm at Walmart every other day. I am very grateful for the deal, but it's hard being alone without much support. I had to raise myself, a bunch of kids, and my mom. I have a mother who is physically present but genuinely absent. She has always forced me to handle things completely alone. I managed to get a degree and my license with some help from my long time boyfriend but it was still a lonely journey. Well, anyways....

Now to the theme.

My mom has the tendency...uh... to not be honest to get her way? She has always loved to attack my insecurities in ways that she feels are subtle. The biggest, most recent example of this was telling me about a conversation between her and my great-grandmother. She insists that my great-grandmama said that "She is sick and tired of waiting for us to get our shit together." I don't understand. My mom has refused to work for years so she can recieve more child support from her ex and more benefits from the government. She doesn't contribute financially or even emotionally. She forces me to figure it out for my great-grandma, sisters, and myself. Yet I'm being told that I'm not doing enough. I'm not working because I was without a car and I live far from everything. My mom was always weird about me using her car... and defintely didn't want to help me get to interviews or appointments. Why am I being seen and treated like a loser because I'm not making money? Why are family members who do not talk to me call me names despite me dedicating my time and effort to ensuring that their mother/grandmother/aunt is healthy and safe?

It's funny. Honestly. I feel guilty for not doing more. Especially those months I literally could not do more. I had to rely on my boyfriend who has recently gone back to school. I felt guilty asking for help because my family really isn't his problem.

My theory regarding that conversation between my mom and great-grandmama is that there is some truth. My great-grandma wants to see me work before she feels comfortable giving me my inheritance (the home we live in). I feel that my mom is adding pressure on me to "handle" the situation, so she feels safe living here. As in... as long as I'm the owner, she will always have a home.

For a woman who is aware that she has failed me constantly... she sure has a lot of nerve to feel this entitled.

I've tried my best my whole life. I was only ever met with "Good. That's what the fuck you should be doin'." :| It's like I was trained to go above and beyond and never stop. I'm so drained.

I'm 23. I'm a woman now. Why can't I recognize my worth and give myself some credit?

What is good enough? Why am I so unhappy despite doing so much with so little?

So... What's my next step? I got a little excited thinking about my blog that it has already motivated me to take headshots to update my LinkdIn and resume. I can't wait to start my career. I just want to be secure finally. Secure in all aspects of my life.

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lovecolibri · 2 years

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As always ai agree with you, people have this head canon that lucy is this mystical foil for buck and bad for him, but maybe they should tell the writers too, cause from the interviews she's BaDasS, but very centered too, and oliver said buck enjoys having her around so what kind of foil she's going to be? Another LI foil, if oliver had said "well lucy's influece is not so good for buck" would've been a different story

I think people are still hoping she will be the Lena for Buck. Lena wasn't *bad* for Eddie, she was far enough removed from the Buck situation that Eddie could talk to her a bit, and she tried to help, but Eddie took that outlet and used it in an unhealthy way. And then Buck came back and she left forever because while Eddie might have leaned on her a bit, he never bothered to learn anything about her or be there for her. It wasn't a friendship, she was a coping mechanism, and a narrative tool for us to see what was going on with Eddie.

And I was looking forward to see the mirror image with Buck, but a) the cheating thing is gross, b) we might find out differently but right now we have not been told that this is about Buck spiraling because of everything else ONLY that he's not getting what he needs out of his romantic relationship and that's what brought the cheating on. Which is gross. And c) this isn't the beginning of these character's stories anymore! Shannon was around for most of season 2, and while we know Buck and Eddie are close, it's still barely been a year since they met and since Eddie joined the team. Now? Buck has been with Bobby and Hen for 5.5 years at this point! We JUST went through the Buck Beings arc where everyone found out more of the heart of the reason Buck is Like That. Him and Eddie are so much more immersed in each other's lives, and are still making the effort to spend time together now that Eddie's working a different job. IF we see Buck spiraling (which has context clues but is still not particularly being directly addressed because KR is allergic to deep conversion moments or the mains talking to each other about anything so who knows), he's perfectly capable of doing it on his own, he doesn't need the same kind of "push" Eddie did, so there's not really a reason to have the same kind of storyline for him. And with Lena, their meeting made sense, they hadn't replaced Buck, and her firehouse was damaged. But now Ravi is already replacing Eddie, had been for quite some time, and there was no need for L on the initial rescue call or for her to be on the team!

It's just a reason for KR to throw another (older self-insert) woman at Buck for no reason, trying to make one of them stick. But this one is already hated by nearly everyone, I doubt the ga will ever come back around, and KR doesn't get the final say, Tim does and even he has people to answer to if their numbers drop too much. So let's all hang on, pray that they cut as much as possible, and hope that those interviews were an exaggeration. Because if I have to sit through 6 episodes of them "poking" at each other and het pulling the same shit as Buck but for personal kicks and glory while getting praised and respected for it, when Buck has always just been yelled at, I'm gonna riot.

#my sweet nonnie friends #911 #911 spoilers #anti lucy donato #anti bucklucy #anti bluck #i'm so sick of her already just because of what those interviews told us we had to 'look forward to'#HARD PASS #anyway i am super out of it this evening so if this make no sense or didn't actually have to do with the ask then i'm sorry #but i'm too tired to proofread 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️

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lem-20 · 4 years

Text

Welcome to the team

Summary: Ethan isn't happy about the new addition to the diagnostics team. Set directly after 3.4 (Ethan's POV)

Book/Pairing: Open Heart/ Ethan Ramsey x f!MC (Casey Valentine)

Category/Rating: Fluff/Teen

Word Count: <1000

Disclaimer: Characters and some dialogue owned by Pixelberry

Prompts: @wackydrabbles Have you lost your mind? (Will appear in bold)

@choicesmonthlychallenge March Day 18: In Between

A/N: I love that Ethan has become super soft when it comes to MC, but I really miss him being a grumpy bastard, so here's a drabble with him being all moody and cynical 😁

"Please welcome your newest team member!" Bloom announced, gesturing towards the door as a familiar figure entered the room.

"Oh my god..." Casey muttered.

"You!"

"Hello, Ethan. Dr. Tobias Carrick, reporting for duty."

Ethan's eyes flew to Bloom.

"Is this some sort of joke? Him?" he demanded, nodding towards Tobias.

"What exactly is the problem Ethan?" Leland asked, eyes narrowing. "If you had been faster and more efficient, then I wouldn't have had to make the decision for you."

"You planned this. You knew two of those candidates you had me interview weren't suitable. I wouldn't be surprised if you already had him lined up before you poached Baz from the team."

"Excuse me? Are you sure you want to continue down this road of accusations, or are you forgetting who is in charge around here?"

Ethan tried hard to control the anger building inside. But as his eyes darted between the smug smiles on Tobias' and Bloom's faces, he felt as though he was a volcano on the verge of erupting.

Both Casey and Harper remained silent, choosing not to get involved, but as Ethan's gaze flickered towards Casey he noticed that the look on her face was screaming for him to stop talking.

"I can't deal with this right now," he replied, fighting the overwhelming urge he had to tell Leland to shove his job up his ass.

He made his way towards the door, stopping just shy of it.

"Bringing him in is going to destroy this team," he stated, before storming out of the office.

He walked down the corridor not knowing where he was going, but knowing he needed to distance himself from the situation.

The quickening sound of clicking heels behind him told him that Casey was following. He knew she would, well he'd hoped she would. As she caught up with him, he felt her hand grip around his arm.

"Ethan, stop."

Just having her near him was enough to reduce his anger back down to a simmer. But as he turned to face her, he realised she had brought the look she had given him in the office with her.

The usual warmth of her green eyes had been replaced with a piercing stare and the luscious lips that had left a trail of kisses over every inch of his body the night before, were pinched together tightly to complete her disapproving look.

Instead of the calming effect he had become accustomed to, he now felt like a naughty school boy who'd been dragged into the principles office.

"Have you lost your mind? Or are you trying to get fired?" she snapped.

"No, I'm not trying to get fired, which is exactly why I had to walk out. I can't just stand there and accept Bloom bringing Tobias into the team and act like I'm not extremely bothered by it. He's not a good fit Casey."

"I know you and Tobias have a complicated history..."

"You only know some of the story. I feel like Bloom is playing some sick little game, just like he was last year when we first met him. He said then that competition is the father of excellence, but our team has no place for competitiveness. Working together is what makes us succeed. You've seen glimpses of how Tobias works yourself, you've seen how competitive he is. It's all a game to him. He wants to outdo me at every given opportunity and patient care will suffer because of it."

"What about after the attack? He helped then when he really didn't have to."

"I am eternally grateful that everyone came together to help save your life. But it was a high profile case. When it comes to Tobias, cracking that case was going to make him look good, so I'm not surprised he jumped at the chance to get involved."

"Do you really believe he's that selfish? Is there not even a small part of you that thinks he helped because he wanted to do it for you? The man who was once his best friend?"

He thinks for a moment.

"Maybe. But I don't really care what his motive was on that day. All that matters is that you walked out of there."

He felt her wrap her fingers around his, giving them a tight squeeze.

"I don't trust Bloom, or his decisions any more than you do. And if you think I should be wary of Tobias, then I definitely will be. But please don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they have got to you like this. Just try to grit your teeth and get through the next couple of days, see how things go. I know it's going to be hard, but I will be on your side and by your side through all of it."

She placed a gentle kiss on his cheek.

"Come on let's get back in there."

They walked back to the office hand in hand and found the other three still in the room.

"Feeling better now buddy?"

Ethan felt his anger rising as Tobias flashed him a charming smile, but he forced it back down as he thought of Casey's words.

"Hmm, yes. This was all just a little unexpected."

"Hey, no hard feelings. I'm looking forward to working together again," he replied, with his hand extended.

Ethan looked at his hand then at Bloom who was watching them closely.

"Yes, it's certain to be interesting," he said returning his gaze to Tobias and taking his hand for a single firm shake. "Welcome to the team."

***

Thank you so much for reading 💗

***

Tags: @pixie88 @lifeaskim @shewillreadyou @queencarb @udishaman @lucy-268 @starrystarrytrouble @txemrn @ethanramseylover @schnitzelbutterfingers @drariellevalentine @irisofpurple @alina-yol-ramsey @maurine07 @stygianflood @iemcpbchoices @aussieez @missmiimiie @genevievemd @mercury84choices @aarisa-frost @binny1985 @caseyvalentineramsey @mainstreetreader

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

#open heart #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week

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atsunflower · 4 years

Text

Rated: SFW

Author notes: *sigh* for the third time the damned app ate up the tags. This one took me too long and I'm excited for write about my man suna again. This is also pretty different from what I'm used to write, but why not? Please enjoy your reading.

Warnings: cursing, substance usage/mentions, break-ups and me trynna be funny.

I – Cancel me.

Previous || Next

He looked at them with expectation as the beats smoothly faded, indicating the song's ending.

If he were to be honest, the pair before him was a pain in the ass, but their opinion was that important because, when it came to music, they were the best at it. He felt no shame nor jealousy in admitting it.

"Dunno, the hook sounds like a Vice headline ta me." The bleach-haired male said, hearring the song's outro blaring through the studio speakers.

"Isn't it a Kid Milli reference, tho?" The other asked while munching a chip. He frowned at them, not understanding their point.

"Whatever. You two are no help anyways." Hearring their bullshit, the brunette already regretted this collab. He paused the queued song, turning to the other two with a blank stare.

The twins before him snickered, knowing they successfully hit a nerve. They couldn't help it, provoking Suna was one of their favorite hobbies.

"The song is good, but I gotta tell ya this butt hurt phase of yers is pretty lame." The faux-blond opened his mouth again, spinning around the studio with the desk chair.

"Fuck you, Atsumu" He snapped, almost giving in to the desire of decking them both on the face.

"Tsumu's right, ya Lil Peep wannabe. Can't believe this break up ended up that bad." Osamu said in mockery, throwing the empty Lay's wrapper at him. He scoffed, disposing the wrapper on the bin before getting back at the screen to look at the FL studio interface.

"It's not that I have a broken heart. I just wanna know what's wrong with my life" He shrugged, blindly tacting over the desk in search of his Juul.

"Yeah Samu, he's just grieving over those fancy ass Dior Jordans. Sunarin is incapable of mundane things like a broken heart." His blond friend was partially right.

Suna Rintaro was many things: alt model, music producer, cloud artist and a decent volleyball player that almost went pro. But if there was something he could never be, it was a lucky man on love matters.

With his fair share of failed relationships, the artist could never pinpoint when things went wrong. It would always be the same: he would meet a girl, they would have a good time and then, the chick would turn out demanding as fuck.

In the end, every single one of them would slap him across the face and leave his life banging the front door shut like crazy — last week, it was Mika who broke things off, but not before setting his limited edition pair of jordans on fire. He would never get over those sneakers.

"Good for him, those kicks were kinda ugly." Osamu said in a bored manner. Suna felt his soul leaving his body.

"The hell, Osamu?" He was ready to fight, deeply offended by the attack at his taste in fashion.

"Yo, you two." Atsumu butted in, checking something on his phone "Y'all are drifting away from our problem."

"That is?" The other brother asked.

"Cheer up Sunarin before he fucks up with the Album." If Suna had the energy, he would kick both Miyas out of his studio "And I gotta the perfect thing. Let's hang out at Akagi's tonight, he just invited us." The already distressed musician felt the soul leaving his body for the second time that afternoon. He was sure both twins wished his death.

"Not a fucking chance. Last time I went there I almost died because of that weird stuff we smoked."

"Aw, Sunarin, Kita'll be there too." The faux-blonde tried to persuade. The mention of their older, responsible and straight edge friend made Suna look at them with interest. But he needed more, though. Based on the last experience, he didn't have the will to risk his life going to Akagi's house once again. A shiver descended his spine as the male recalled how much he threw up that night.

"Suna, man, I gotta agree with Tsumu. Yer feelings are showing in your music." Osamu said as if he was some kind of genius.

"Isn't art about it, tho?" He deadpanned "Expressing feelings and shit?" He asked, staring them dead in the eye. The males before him shivered because of its intensity. Suna snickered.

"Man says art, but most of his songs are about the Nikes on his feet and the Tesla in his garage." Atsumu mocked "What the fuck?" The blonde barely dodged the moleskine thrown at him.

"Don't chew on me when you do the same, asshat. This is called character development." As unnerving the twins were, he felt a whole lot better in their company "Just lemme produce my sad stuff in peace."

"Cut us some slack, ya dumbfuck. We're just worried about ya." Osamu protested " 'Sides, no wonder no girl sticks by yer side. You know what the chicks find sexy? Seizing the means of production, not yer dumb car."

"You two are so la—" The musician was interrupted mid sentence, startled by the blond figure clutching his phone with enthusiasm.

"Oi Samu," Atsumu's loud voice startled the other two, as he excitedly fisted the air.

"What the fuck?" Suna asked, dropping the Juul on the floor.

"She'll be there tonight." The blond said, looking at his brother with a new wave of joy.

"The fuck? She who?" The brunette frowned.

"Ya gotta go and find out, man." The gray haired twin said with a knowing smile, matching his brother's excitement.

The night out felt somewhat draining. The booze, the music and the company were great, but his lack of energy was a mood killer.

Cheer me up my ass, Suna cursed internally as he observed everyone getting wasted all over the place. He grimaced at the sight, realizing the meeting with the twins was enough social interaction for the day.

He didn't know what's gotten into him. The male knew it wasn't necessarily caused by the break up, but he couldn't help the feeling down.

Right now, life just felt lowkey suffocating.

Being a public figure meant being under the spotlights the most of time.

People talked.

People assumed.

Media was all over him, ready to catch a scandall.

And of fucking course his name was on gossip headlines. It even occupied a spot on twitter trending topics for a day or so.

"Fuck me." He said before the lukewarm beer went down his throat.

"Sunarin!" He heard Atsumu shouting from his right "I want you to meet someone!" And only now he noticed the blond had his left arm over a girl's shoulders.

Oh, that's the one they were talking about, maybe? the brunette realized. What's the hype, tho? He asked himself, eyeing your figure.

"[Name], this is Suna. Sunarin, this is [Name], best girl ever and the mastermind behind the visuals of mine and Samu's last album" The bleach-haired male said with a proud smirk, ruffling your hair. You were obviously shy.

How cute, the brunette thought.

"Dumbass, don't embarrass me in front of others!" You nudged the Miya with your elbow "Nice to meet you, I saw your name on TMZ last week—" You said beaming and he grunted.

I take it back. Not cute at all, the man internally screamed, not ready to talk about the recent events. He didn't even want to listen to the rest of your speech, your cheery voice went through his ears in a white noise.

"And this makes me really excited for your album. The interview about the collab with dumb and dumber was lit." You continued, the words were genuine and you seemed really interested "And I also relate on a spiritual level because I know working with them is hell."

Oh, she's talking about the album. He realized in relief.

"Yo, I heard good things about you too. The design of their album was hella sick, even though they two suck ass." Suna snickered when he heard Atsumu protesting. You only left out a giggle, joining him on the teasing.

The blond kept ranting about how bad of friends the two of you were.

"I didn't introduce y'all ta gang up on me. Bye, I'm finding another company. Ya two suck." The blonde Miya said, leaving only you and Suna in the sofa area.

"Uh, so…" He drifted off, trying to start some small talk

"Yeah..." You both giggled at the awkwardness "Not enjoying the night?"

"Too much happening right now. Lots of people talking shit 'bout me." He sipped the beer, grimacing at the stale taste of the drink "Hope they cancel me already. So all this shit dies down." Suna looked away, suddenly shy for opening up to a stranger.

"You're a famous guy and the break-up wasn't that scandalous. It'll be over eventually, just beware the sneaker cult." Your amusement was comfort enough. You didn't make intrusive questions about the events and merely joked it off. He felt so worn out by the situation but, at least, your presence wasn't overbearring.

"How is it everyone knows about the jordans?" You shrugged it off, laughing at the distressed face he mocked. Sighing in relief, Suna couldn't deny how refreshing your presence was. Not to be a jerk, but usually, the girls either were all over him or judged every single move he made. You were just that easygoing.

"Well, I don't think you came here to sulk on the sofa all night long. Why don't we join them by the pool and down some shots?" You hopped off of your seat, pointing to the glass doors. All the boys were waving at you two and suddenly, Suna felt a wave of joy run down his body.

Atsumu was right. Best girl ever.

At some point of the night, everything became about you.

All he could hear was the sound of your voice and all the time, his eyes were drawn to your figure. He couldn't figure out a reason for it, but the rapper wasn't complaining either.

A sharp pang at the side of Suna's head broke the trance he was in. Osamu had a shit eating grin on his face, eyeing the ravenette with amusement.

"We told ya so." The younger twin mused whilst he handed a long neck of vodka to the other.

"Stop. This is dumb."

"Yer dumb. But you ain't that dumb ta dare ta mess with her." The gray-haired Miya squinted at him, menacingly pointing the bottle in his hand at the brunette. The latter shrugged it off, opening his drink.

"Nah, I'm good." And he meant it.

But how could he explain the situation he was in?

Lips and hands wandered over the expanse of his skin. Everything was too hot and too good at the same time. Overwhelming, even.

He wanted more, more and more. There wasn't enough of you.

And if it wasn't unfair enough, his body felt lethargic. He was desperate, but couldn't keep up with the rhythm you imposed. Be it the alcohol or the stress, his body gave up and blacked out, even before you could undress each other.

In the morning after, a pounding headache woke him up. Suna didn't dare to open his eyes, but the morning breath fanning over his face was unbearable.

"I can't believe a cutie like you have a stinky breath like this." The complaint came out in a raspy voice, accompanied by an annoyed grunt.

Someone snickered on the other side of the room.

"Man, I didn't know you had the hots fer Samu." Atsumu was somewhere across the room, laughing at him.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" Hearing the other, Suna's body jolted, dizziness made his head spin in the process. He felt sick in the stomach and the morning light made his eyes sting. "When did I get back here?" The male looked around, realizing he was sprawled over Akagi's floor, right beside Osamu, who didn't even squirm at the loud voices in the room.

"What do ya mean? We never left" Atsumu frowned, uncaping a water bottle he was holding "Ya puked on Kita and passed out. The boys were too wasted ta drag yer sorry ass back home so we all crashed here." The blonde was dumbfounded, trying to figure out how wasted Suna got last night.

Suna wanted to know too. After all, there was no way the events envolving you were a product of his drunk mind.

facts:

• Suna's artist name is yosemite.

• He has a Tesla Model S because of Frank Ocean.

• He takes his Nikes very seriously.

• No, not all of his songs are about the car and the kicks.

• He and the Miya twins got a sports scholarship because of volleyball, but they dropped out of school to make music.

• The three of them created Inarizaki, the label they're making music under. Kita and Aran manage it.

• Both Miya twins are beatmakers and music producers. They recently debuted as artists and now are making a collab EP with Suna, thus Atsumu's concern about the album.

#suna x reader #suna rintaro x reader #suna scenarios #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines

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kirah69 · 3 years

Text

Hills Animal Home [Petopher]

Day 3: "Stop coming back"

For the @petopher-events

Tags: pre-slash, animal shelter, mentions of covid-19

[It's not betaed so if you find any mistake, let me know]

[AO3 link]

Hills Animal Home

The Hills Animal Home was an animal shelter that had opened at the beginning of the pandemic. Many pet owners abandoned their animals with the stupid idea that they could get infected by them. The shelter saved them from almost certain death. The place was big, it was on the outskirts of Beacon Hills, bordering to other two towns. The main building had space for a veterinary clinic with an operating room and spacious rooms for sick animals. Behind the building there were several square yards divided in areas for cats, dogs and other animals. There were big kennels for them to sleep outside if they so wanted and also closed huts with beds if it was cold outside. There were also large play areas with little trees to climb for the cats and lots of toys to play for the dogs. And everything was clean and cared for thanks to all the workers there. They did not receive any help from the State or the County, but it was rumored that the owner was some millionaire animal lover.

Chris hadn't paid much attention to it, but as the pandemic dragged on and things in Beacon Hills had settled down, he felt lonely and bored. He had had dogs when he was younger. Well, they were hunting dogs, and he wasn't allowed to treat them with love like any other family would do. He wanted to do it right this time.

He went to Hills Animal Home early on a weekday, when he was less likely to meet other people there. He put on his mask before getting out of the car. There was a woman in her seventies at the reception desk, her white hair in a bun and dressed in a striking pink flower shirt. She gave him a big smile as he approached the counter, or that was what he thought giving that he couldn't see her face behind the mask.

“Welcome! What can I do for you?” she asked.

“I want to buy a dog.”

“Adopt.”

“Huh?” Chris frowned.

“We don't sell dogs, we have them up for adoption,” she explained. “Would you like to adopt a dog?”

“Yes, I... I want to adopt a dog, please.”

He suspected they would charge him some money later with whatever excuse, but he already intended to pay so he didn't care. The woman called someone through an intercom, and another woman appeared. This one was a bit younger but not by much. She was wearing a skirt suit and had a folder in her hand.

“Hello, I'm Miranda. And you are...”

“Argent. Chris Argent.”

“Pleased to meet you,” she said with a little bow without even holding out her hand. Chris had to consciously refrain from doing so. “Come with me, I have some questions for you before we consider you qualified for adoption.”

Chris opened his mouth and closed it again. What was she talking about? He only wanted a dog.

As he learned in the following minutes, it wasn't that easy. Not here at least. These dogs had suffered a lot from the abandonment and even abuse, and they had no intention of handing them over to the first guy who walked through the door. She asked him a lot of questions about his daily life, about his house, his job, his previous pets, his family... He commented that it was a bit invasive (even more than a job interview), and Miranda told him that he was not obliged to answer, but then he would leave without a dog.

It seemed that his answers were satisfying enough, and he was allowed to go see the dogs. What he didn't expect was to find Peter Hale there. He was dressed in casual clothes (more casual than Chris had ever seen him) and was playing with the dogs. There was at least eight of them jumping around him while others ran after the balls he threw at them. He had a big smile on his face. A real smile. Chris had never seen him like that.

When Peter felt someone approaching, he took a mask out of his pocket and put it on. It was strange since Chris was pretty sure that werewolves couldn't get infected. Then Peter realized who he was and stood still. As if following his lead, all the dogs stopped jumping and running and looked toward Chris.

“To what do I owe this visit?” he asked coming closer.

“Mr. Argent is qualified for adoption,” Miranda said, handing Peter a clipboard.

“Thank you, Miranda,” Peter nodded and took the clipboard without taking his eyes from Chris. “You can go back inside.”

“Okay. Good luck, Mr. Hale,” she said and left.

Chris wasn't sure why he needed luck, but he nodded anyway.

“So you came to adopt a dog,” Peter said. It wasn't a question. He took a look at Miranda's report and left it on a table full of toys and treats.

“Do I get to choose?” Chris asked and wasn't surprised by Peter's answer.

“Of course not,” he said with a snort. “You only get to choose if you want a small one or a big one.”

“I don't really care, but I have enough space for a big one.”

“Good. Get one of those and play with them,” Peter said, pointing to the toys on the table.

Chris didn't know why, but he just took one of the knotted ropes and followed Peter to a more open area. The dogs relaxed as soon as Peter did and some of them came to Chris and started playing with him. Peter played with them too, and the man looked the most relaxed Chris had ever seen him, even if the 'wolf kept an eye on him all the time. He looked almost... happy?

Chris wasn't sure how long they were there and for what exactly, but he was having fun so he didn't mind. At some point, Peter walked up to him and with just a couple of gestures, all the dogs turned away except for one. It was dark brown, and Chris couldn't guess what breed, probably a mixed-breed, but he didn't care.

“This is Burger,” Peter said, petting its head. “I think he'll be perfect for you.”

“Burger,” Chris repeated arching an eyebrow. “Can I change his name?”

“No. And you can't turn him into a hunting dog either. I'll make sure of it,” Peter said with a clear threat in his voice.

“I won't. I don't work like that anymore,” Chris answered truthfully.

Peter looked at him, and maybe he was satisfied with his steady heartbeat because he just nodded.

“Let's go to my office.”

The three of them went back into the building and got into a small office with windows to the back yard. Peter sat behind the desk and Chris in front of him with Burger at his feet.

“You're the owner of this place, right?” Chris asked while Peter took out some documents.

“What gave it away?” Peter said sarcastic.

“Why?” That was what he had been wondering from minute one.

Peter shrugged.

“Because I can.”

“A lot of people could, but you did it. Why?”

Peter left some papers in front of him and leaned back in the chair with a pensive expression. He probably wasn't thinking of his reasons for opening an animal shelter, but if he should tell him.

“Cora left, Derek left, most of the McCall pack has left, including the alpha. And now this fucking pandemic and the first thing people do is abandon their pets as if they were not part of the family. The same assholes that refuse to wear a mask,” Peter said almost with a growl.

Pack. That was what this was for Peter, a pack. He was there for the same reason as Chris, he felt lonely.

“Why do you wear it, a mask?” Chris asked curiously while he started to fill the papers.

Peter seemed grateful for the change of subject.

“I may not get sick, but I don't know if I can carry it and infect others. Although it's mostly as an example for my workers.”

“I didn't think you were so aware.”

Chris signed the papers and gave them back. Peter was looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“You don't know me at all, Argent.” Peter got up and went to the office door. “Take care of him, let us know if you need anything and don't forget about the vaccines. You can vaccinate him here or at your own vet,” he said almost like a robot.

Chris hooked Burger to a new leash and left the office with him. Peter disappeared through a door, and Chris took his new dog home.

Not even three weeks later, Chris was back at the Hills Animal Home. Again in the morning of a weekday. Peter appeared immediately at the reception desk with an angry look.

“If you're here to return him-.”

“No, no, Burger is wonderful,” Chris hurried to say. “He's quickly adapted to the house and is a fantastic boy.”

“I'm glad. Why are you here then?” Peter relaxed a bit and rounded the desk towards him.

“I thought... Maybe Burger would feel better with a friend.”

Yeah, that's why he was there, there was no other reason. Right.

“Well, dogs are pack animals so yes, I think it'd be a good idea. Beside, you have the means to take care of both.”

Peter gestured for Chris to follow him, and they went to the dogs enclosure.

“Should I take Burger too,” Chris asked at the door.

“Of course, it's gonna be his companion after all.”

And just like that, they spent a couple of hours playing with the dogs. Peter laughed, he really laughed even if Chris could not see it with the mask, but the sound of it was... The dogs, he had to focus on the dogs. Yeah, he was there for the dogs. Fuck.

Chris left the shelter with a golden retriever with only three legs that jumped higher than any other dog. His name was Nigel. And no, he couldn't change it.

“Stop coming back!” Peter almost whined when Chris returned to the shelter two weeks later. “You're not getting another dog, two are enough for now!”

Chris opened his mouth and closed it again. Burger and Nigel were with him and greeted Peter cheerfully.

“I wasn't... I didn't want another... dog...” Okay, now he didn't have an excuse to be there.

“Then what?” Peter asked, crossing his arms. Chris' eyes went straight to his cleavage (you couldn't blame him). Why was he wearing a V-neck instead of casual clothes like the other days? And why did it have to be so wide? “Oh, I see.”

“What?” He was glad that the mask partially hid his face. Surely he had blushed (which was ridiculous for a man his age).

“You don't need to adopt a dog to get a date.”

“I-I don't-,” Chris stammered.

“I can smell it, Chris, even through the mask. Knowing you, you'd fill your house with dogs before you muster up the courage to ask me out,” Peter sighed, rolling his eyes.

He gave the dogs a treat and turned to the back door while Chris looked at him speechless.

“Pick me up at five!” he said before disappearing.

Well, he now had two dogs and a date. That was a lot more than what he had five weeks ago.

#Teen wolf #Petopher #chris argent #peter hale #fanfic #fanfiction #covid mention #covid19 #animals #dogs #pre slash #gay #yaoi #petopher events

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detectiveinchicago · 4 years

Text

Sparks Fly: Chapter 8

Chapters list here

Note: Hi guys! Thank u for all the comments and reviews, you are amazing. If you want to be tag in this story please let me know. THANK U FOR YOUR REVIEWS!!! English is not my first language. Enjoy xxx.

DISCLAIMER: GIF IS NOT MINE.

WARNING: Bad language and anxiety issues.

“They won’t talk” Sheryll said walking into the room “Anything on the house?”

“Nothing on the house” Caitlyn answered

“We are still checking the cameras but so far nothing” Hanna added looking at her computer.

“So basically we have nothing on them” Sheryll concluded.

“It’s hard to say it but yes” O.A answered.

“We will have to release him” Caitlyn said.

“We still have a few hours left” Clinton pointed “CPD is talking to the detectives in the other cases and running some labs on the lipstick”

“This is a waste of time” Kenny said “We have nothing on this guy, nothing, we don’t even know who he is yet”

“Well, start digging then” Jess answered walking into the room “Re-interview some the recent victim’s coworkers, see if they have seen anything suspicious or have anything to say” he explained walking around the room “This guy can’t be invisible, serial killers don’t hide, they like attention and recognition”

“Thing is we are chasing a ghost” Caitlyn pointed

“Not for so long, he must have left behind bread crumbles” Jess answered “If we find them, we find him. Let’s work” He finished coming back to the interviewing room.

The next few hours burned slow, Kenny went through the club cameras where these girls used to work while Hanna checked the cameras in the alley one more time. Jess and Sheryll had to let the gang go and they along with Clinton went to interview some of the girl’s coworkers. Caitlyn went to every pharmacy record or suspicious purchases and O.A was re-reading the files.

“So what do we have so far?” Jess asked entering the room.

“I have nothing on cameras” Kenny said looking at Jess.

“Me either” Hanna added

“No suspicious purchases in any Pharmacy” Caitlyn said.

“The forensic has just confirmed the lipstick clue but it was meaningless since it was a popular brand” Clinton notified “He confirmed we have 55 victims matching this patron in the last six years”

“I have notice something in the files, all the girls have a little or any family circle, he made sure no one would be looking out for them” O.A informed “As we already knew they were all exotic dancers or hustlers with blue eyes and brown hair but three of his last five victims where exotic dancers at Clubhouse”

“He is out of control” Jess said walking around “He is killing almost every day and he is repeating places, that’s unusual”

“At first he used to kill every two months, he was smart by waiting the cases to go cold” Caitlyn added.

“Something must have taken him out of place” Sheryll pointed “He is more dangerous than ever”

“He is reckless” Jess added “He doesn’t care anymore”

“We can give Clubhouse a try” Clinton suggested

“We need eyes on the inside” Jess told them “You are going undercover” He pointed to Caitlyn.

“Why me?” She asked.

"Well you are his type, brunette, short hair, and blue eyes" Jess said “He might bite the trap”

"You want me to go undercover... as an exotic dancer" Caitlyn said “It’s not the usual work”

"You can get some information of their coworkers and then if he bits the trap he might target you and then we will be able to track him you down" Jess clarify for her.

“Why only me? Hanna is brunette too” Caitlyn complained.

“You are more athletic” Hanna pointed with a little smile.

“Shut up” Caitlyn answered “Since I know you guys, I always do the undercover work”

“What can we say? You are talented” Clinton added jokingly and Caitlyn gave him a death look.

“Let’s keep digging but we have a plan” Jess finished.

“I will put everything together for tonight” Clinton added.

Everyone dispersed and Sheryll approached Kenny and leaned on her partner's chair “I saw you”, she said.

“What?” Kenny asked.

“You are stalking her” Sheryll pointed out “You are still in love of her”

"It's been years; Caitlyn means nothing to me anymore” Kenny said without taking his eyes off the computer.

“Why can’t you just be friends?” Sheryll asked raising her eyes bows.

"Most people don't befriend their exes” He answered looking at her “There is a reason why Sheryll”

Sheryll nodded without quite believing him before taking a file and walking to the table.

As if the situation wasn't already uncomfortable enough, his colleagues insisted on raising the issue. Kenny was perfectly aware that everyone was waiting for him or Caitlyn to explode at any moment like a time bomb. However, he knew himself and knew Caitlyn well enough to know what to do in public scenes was not their thing. Was he angry? Yes, he was. But he didn't need people to remind him of Caitlyn's existence any more than he was already aware of.

He had to admit though he was angry that his love was still intact. He needed her, more than he will ever know but he was too proud to admit it. Too much water had passed under the bridge, there was too much history between the two and it just wasn't that easier to fix. He was bereaved, his heart still hurt every time he looked at her, not only because he loved her madly but because his heart had left with Caitlyn when she left him five years ago.

Her blue eyes were a fantasy, she still had those dimples on her cheek every time she smiled and her brow furrowed every time she was focused on something. Those things were just some of the reasons he had fallen in love with her. Of course, she was smart, her sense of humor mixed with sarcasm could drive him crazy, Kenny had learned to ignore her bad mood in the morning and still remembered how adorable she looked every time she watched a hockey game.

"I found something” Hanna said getting up of her chair and interrupting Kenny’s thoughts “He avoids cameras so he should know where the cameras are and study the places for that”, Hanna explained showing the cameras on the TV “This guy was around Amelia's block on Tuesday night, you can't see his face but he is there and then, he is again on Thursday night and then he is gone. He never comes back, on Friday night Amelia was killed"

“Do you have his face on any camera around Amelia’s block?” Sheryl asked approaching to her

“Nothing so far but I will keep looking” Hanna answered.

“We know that Amelia and Sienna, our Jane Doe, where killed probably at the same time so they should have been together when he killed them” Sheryll told her.

“They worked together so maybe they went home together and he took them from there?” O.A asked.

“Kidnapped two at the same time without anyone noticing it?” Kenny said “Does the club have any cameras apart from the ones pointing the entrance?”

“The detectives were on their way here, I will tell them to go back and check it” Hanna said referring to Hailey and Jay.

Caitlyn had to admit that she liked being back with her team, it was like going back to the old days. She had to admit that over the years her FBI coworkers, first the Most Wanted team and then the New York team had become her family. In the absence of her true family, she had created bonds with everyone, had spent Christmas with Clinton, Jess and Tali, thanksgiving with Sheryll and Charlotte, and even once Kenny and her went to Florida to spend a New Year with Hanna. Then, in New York, almost the same thing happened, her first Christmas after breaking up with Kenny, she thought she was going to spend it alone in her apartment, but Jubal took her to meet his family. The last Christmas she had spent with her siblings and her parents was before her mother got sick.

"God, I'm almost naked," Caitlyn said to herself, adjusting her suit, Clinton got her a "suitable" suit, but that suit was many things, but adequate was not one of them. She was practically naked, it fit her perfectly anyway. She took off her suit and put it back in the bag, she was supposed to enter as a new employee, the owners of the club were not very friendly when they interviewed them so she would go completely undercover."I guess exotic dancers don't wear a lot of clothes" Caitlyn thought to put on a sleeveless shirt and taking the outfit that was hanging on her locker door.

When Kenny entered the locker room holding the microphone in his hand, Caitlyn was finishing putting on her jacket.

"I need to wire you up" Kenny said quietly.

"Go ahead" Caitlyn said accepting the necklace she was offering her.

"That's your camera and this is your microphone" he said handing her the microphone and placing the microphone on the neckline of her dress "Sorry"

"Stop" Caitlyn answered putting the necklace "Nothing you haven’t seen or touched before"

However, Kenny chose not to answer and continue adjusting the microphone.

"What? You came here and you were very quick judging me but when you can finally say something you choose to shut up and be condescending to me?" Caitlyn said frowning "Are we going to tiptoe around and play cat and mouse?”

“You broke it” Kenny said simply looking at her after finishing with the microphone.

“I don’t want to blame you but let me remind you that you broke our relationship, Kenny” Caitlyn pointed adjusting the necklace.

“You left me” Kenny answered starting to raise his voice.

“Our Marriage was way broken before that and you know it!” Caitlyn shouted “Nevermind I had the guts to walk away!”

“You’re right but you didn’t have the guts to say goodbye so don’t expect me to play nice after all these years” Kenny answered shrugging “I don’t know who you are anymore, beautiful angel” He added before walking outside the room.

“I don’t even know who I’m anymore” She answered overwhelmed by the old nickname.

"Beautiful angel" That's what he used to call her, especially when they started dating but sometimes he just dropped the nickname in a casual conversation like: "How did my beautiful angel get up this morning?" or "What is my beautiful angel cooking?" He just dropped the nickname out there naturally and Caitlyn had to admit that he managed to speed up her heart. The nickname brought back fond memories she must admit.

----flashback----

“What are you doing up so late?” Kenny asked walking into the living room “It’s 2 AM Caitlyn”

"I can't sleep yet" she answered looking at the TV screen "I watched the NBA Finals and then I was hooked watching the replays"

"Tomorrow we have to go to Sheryll's house for Anais' birthday" Keny remembered her

"Yeah, I know" Caitlyn replied getting up from the sofa and walking towards the kitchen "I'm sleepy"

"Then come to bed with me" Kenny replied walking behind her.

"I need jellybeans" Caitlyn said checking the kitchen drawers.

"Caitlyn, jellybeans are not going to help you sleep" Kenny pointed out "They are pure sugar"

"I know, there are no more jellybeans anyway" Caitlyn answered opening the refrigerator

"What are you doing?" Kenny asked

"I have late-night anxiety" Caitlyn explained "I need sugar or something to eat to kill it”

Kenny knew it, eating was a way for Caitlyn to keep at bay the anxiety caused by certain situations but what he was wondering was what had caused it this time.

"So ... are you going to tell me what's going on, or will you make me guess?" Kenny asked leaning on the counter.

"Nothing is going on, Kenny" Caitlyn answered with a bad mood.

"Let's pretend I believe you" Kenny replied, surrounding her and opening the freezer "Here you go, beautiful angel" he said offering her banana ice cream.

Caitlyn was a fan of jellybeans and banana ice cream and sometimes had a soft spot for popcorn and wine.

"Than...?" Caitlyn asked looking at her with raised eyebrows

"What can I say? I'm always well prepared" Kenny replied jokingly before Caitlyn climbed onto the counter with a spoon and the ice cream pot "So what's going on?"

"My father" Caitlyn replied "I hate to say it but today's case left my head spinning"

"So..."

"Then then it took me back to when I was a teenager and my life was a complete mess" Caitlyn added, "Today's case showed us that there are shitty parents everywhere". They had caught a man who since his wife had died not only He beat his children until they broke their bones, but starved them so much that they ended up dying of inaction, they stumbled upon it by accident while investigating a trafficking ring.

"You know Jess also had a father who was far from ideal" Kenny replied standing between her legs "Maybe you can talk to him about it"

"I don't want to talk to him about it" Caitlyn said "I just want to bury him and stop the pain, even when I left home he keeps coming back to haunt me"

"Beautiful angel, our personal experiences are what make us good agents and even better people" Kenny said to her "Your father is a son of a bitch, you know that"

"Yeah, I know," she replied with a sigh.

"C'mon, don't be sad," he whispered, stroking her cheek. "Changing the mood," he added with a playful smile before taking the ice cream and leaving it on the counter. He picked her up and carried her over his shoulder.

“Stop Kenny, stop” she said laughing “Put me down”

"Ok but promise me that you are going to sleep" Kenny replied going to the bedroom "I don't want a sleepy and grumpy girlfriend in the morning"

"I'm not grumpy" Caitlyn retorted hitting him in the back

"Yes, you are" Kenny replied turning off the television before heading to the bedroom "You are the grumpiest person I know in the morning"

Kenny tossed her onto the bed while Caitlyn giggled "Stop, I will go to sleep"

----flashback----

“Ready?” O.A asked her.

“Yes” Caitlyn answered getting up from the bench.

--------------------------------------------

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