#i'm terrified and anxious which is to be expected but what i didn't expect was the rage

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Hi admin. I really don’t want this posted unless you think it’s for the best. I’m extremely anxious right now. I don’t even know what to say. I’m the one who took the pic yesterday at the airport. I bought the event tickets and booked flights a month ago. I didn’t expect to ever see him outside of a public event like at an airport. I didn’t know what to do. Should I bug him and try to talk to him? Or not bother him? I’m too shy and anxious to talk and I’ve seen so many pics of him at airports and coffee shops and I thought Evan fans would like another. I completely regret posting it let alone taking it or even going near him even though I planned on sitting in that area before I even recognized him. I feel terrible that I invaded his privacy and I never had any bad intentions and never would want to upset him. It kills me most that he might be upset right now. I never thought it would blow up like this since others have done the same, but it did. I guess it’s because all I ever posted on Twitter was Evan stuff and nothing personal. That’s because I’m terrified of criticism and too scared to post things. But Evan stuff made me happy so I’d risk any negativity. I went up to watch them film Tron. The outdoor filming locations were public knowledge posted on Twitter and I don’t live far from there. I am weird like you said (the good weird) but I promise I’m not a stalker. I’m sorry to Evan if I offended or hurt him. Hindsight is 20/20 and I would do it all differently if I could. The account is deleted. I will never post or talk about Evan again. Thank you for taking the time to read this. I love your blog. And again, Evan, if you ever read this, I’m sorry.

i am posting this just because i actually do believe it's important for some of our twitter friends who may be reading my blog to get a reality check about this situation. i can promise you, the very same fans who are acting aghast at your airport photo regularly reblog/retweet/post and save photos taken over the past 10+ years of evan at airports, at restaurants, in all sorts of public places.. without his knowledge or consent, including countless paparazzi photos, which seem far more intrusive and inappropriate than a single airport shot. they do it without a second thought or any sort of guilt, but because you had a face and name they could attach to that one particular shot, and it was easy for people to click on your profile and see you had met evan previously and are a big fan of his, unfortunately some people have created a narrative and ran with it. ironic but… doesn't that sound familiar?

i'm not going to let people do this on my blog. you did absolutely nothing wrong or anything that you should be feeling badly about. i know i get on here and unload PLENTY of criticism for the fans who cross boundaries, disrespect evan as a human, and display unstable behavior but this is not one of them. this is about people being ugly and judgmental over someone, you, who paid for tickets to events and behaved as a fan. going to meet & greets you paid for does not make you a stalker. going to a movie set like tons of other people do every day does not make you a stalker. observing an awards show does not make you a stalker. none of these things are indicative of someone who is acting inappropriately or has some sort of delusions they're going to capture evan peters or find a way to enter into his life. and if you're someone outside of fandom, i don't expect you to understand that these things i just named off are extremely common and not some sign that you're going to kidnap your favorite celebrity. but if you're on my blog, i do sort of expect you to understand that people who engage in fandom routinely do meet their favorite celebrities and go to events to see them, and that isn't automatically indicative of anything nefarious. for instance: you know i have been very vocal in my criticism of the weird behavior jackie has exhibited online, but i didn't post any of the numerous messages from people who were speaking about her at the M&G because she paid to be there, and i have not heard she did anything questionable in his presence.. so why should i give a fuck that she stood in line and took photos just like the other tons of fans who did the same? that's an appropriate way to meet a celebrity you admire.

this will make some of you mad, but you need to hear it regardless: evan peters is not our personal friend from missouri. evan peters is a multi-millionaire actor, celebrity and public figure who is not entitled to the same privacy you and i are. no celebrity is - the very concept is contradictory. if you want discretion and privacy, you're not going to get it as a celebrity. period. argue with your mother.

if you believe evan peters is somewhere trembling, deeply traumatized because the 12 millionth candid photo of him has been released to the internet, i'm going to need for you (not literally you) to come to reality with me. he is most certainly fine even if he finds the concept of being photographed in public bothersome. and even as someone who is deeply sensitive to the fact that social anxiety and discomfort can be crippling, please remember that the man is damn near 40 years old and been in this industry for the majority of his life. he knows how to deal with it. i've said this multiple times already, but anyone reading this who disagrees and thinks a celebrity shouldn't be photographed without their knowledge and consent: you're absolutely entitled to your opinion and i respect that. but i'd be a total and complete hypocrite to sit here and tell you, while i'm running an evan peters tea and discussion blog, that i'm just outraged that a fan took a photo in an airport. i am not. we regularly engage in conversation about the darkest, most painful aspects of evan's life while we are actually strangers. why do we even know any of the things that we know? because he is a celebrity, not a private citizen.

please don't beat yourself up over this. even if you are regretful, at the end of the day, it seems like you had absolutely zero ill intentions and did nothing to bother him, or attempt to cross boundaries to be close to him in an inappropriate fashion. i'm sorry that people have taken something that made you happy and hurt no one, and turned it into something ugly. that wasn't necessary. quite frankly, within the fandom i think there are some people who feel envy that you got ''lucky'' and met evan, and that you've met him multiple times, in legitimate ways. people need to save their outrage for the ''fans'' who are quite literally acting atrociously these days and largely going unchecked. this is the last message i'm posting about this incident.

[laurelwinchester]

my grandmother finally seems to be recovering from covid but my grandfather is still in the hospital. he's on oxygen and he thinks it's 1994. i hate this.

[sanguineterrain]

Could we please get a drabble in which Jason and his partner have a fight and the partner walks out of the apartment to cool off and doesn't think the fight was something detrimental but Jason is actually terrified his relationship just ended?

anon?? are we sharing a mental connection?? i literally had this thought a month ago 😳 it fits him so well too :(

jason todd x gn!reader. tw fighting, jason thinks you broke up with him, misunderstandings, happy ending.

****

"You're not being fair."

You scoff, and pinch the bridge of your nose.

"Fair? This is what couples do, Jason! God, I'm not saying we have to go out with other couples every week, but can't we do it at least once in a while? What's wrong with going to one wedding?"

Jason scowls from the kitchen. His arms are crossed, jaw tensed. "Why aren't you happy with just going out together? You're not in a relationship with your friends."

"Because it's good to do new things, and you're someone I want my friends to meet. And I want to meet your friends too!"

"My friends are aliens and Roy. You don't wanna meet them, trust me."

"Yes, I do, Jason. Don't tell me I don't. And I know this relationship is new for both of us, but I don't want it to be that we never go out with people, never meet each others' friends. You don't even have a good reason not to go!" you say.

"I do have a good reason," Jason says. "We don't know them."

"I work with the bride! She's not a criminal—"

"We don't need to go to someone's wedding we don't know," he continues. "Too many variables. Too many things could go wrong."

You shake your head. "That is so ridiculous, Jason. It's not spycraft, it's a wedding!"

"I said no," Jason says sharply, like he's handling a Crime Alley thug.

You take a deep breath.

"Okay." You close your eyes. "This isn't going to work. I need some air."

You grab your wallet and keys and walk out of his apartment. The train station is only a block from where you are; you'll go to the city square, have some lunch, and go back after a few hours. Jason doesn't respond well when he's pushed.

****

It's close to 5pm when you get back to Jason's apartment. He hasn't texted you, but you didn't expect him to; no contact is best for a few hours anyway.

You unlock the door. The apartment is dark.

"Jay?" You put your things down on the side table. "Jason? You here?"

Had he gone on patrol already?

There's a bump in the bedroom, then the door creaks open.

Jason stands in the doorway, clothes rumpled. You turn on a lamp, and he squints. His eyes are red; the skin of his lips are chewed up. He blinks at you, shoulders going to his ears.

"Are you here for your stuff?" he asks quietly.

You frown. "What?"

Jason points tightly to his room. "Your clothes and stuff."

"Why would I get my clothes?"

He takes a deep, shuddery breath, then swallows.

"'Cause we-we broke up," he says, and his eyes become glassy again.

Oh.

"Oh. Oh no, Jay. Jay, baby. No, no."

You walk to him and wrap your arms around his neck. He plants his face in your shoulder, hands going from your hips to your back and down again. He sniffles.

"I'm sorry," he says. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. We can go to the wedding."

"Wait, hang on. Jason. Baby, look at me."

Jason picks up his head. His eyes are wide, his breathing is fast.

"Why do you think we broke up, Jay?"

He rubs his eye, pulling the skin so hard it turns red.

"'Cause we fought and... and when I fight with people, that means things are over."

"Things aren't over," you say gently. "We move on. We talk. We forgive."

"Don't deserve it."

"Oh, Jay." You pull him back into your arms. He bends so he can rest his head on your chest. "Sweetie, we're not going to break up over one fight. Certainly not over something like this. We can always talk things out."

He sighs. "I was stupid anyway. We should do normal couple things. You don't deserve my bullshit."

You stroke his hair. He hugs you tighter.

"Jay, being anxious about going someplace new isn't bullshit. And I don't want you to go to the wedding just because you're afraid we'll break up if we don't."

He pulls back to look at you. You're no more than a couple inches from each other.

"I don't want to go to the wedding," he says. "But... maybe we can start with something smaller? Less people? Dinner with another couple?"

"Are you sure?"

He nods. "Yeah, sweetheart. I'm sure. I wanna do that stuff, I just—one day at a time?"

"Yeah, Jay, of course." You kiss him. "Always."

[idwt-money]

Cabin Fever

MDNI 18+

1.8k words Noah Sebastian x fem!reader

CW: age gap, unprotected sex

(In my head, Noah is in his late 40s for this fic!)

It was cold and snowy outside. It was mid-winter and your dad, Joakim, thought it'd be a good idea to go out to his cabin in Washington. None of you expected it to snow this much, but nonetheless, it did.

You tried telling him over and over that it wasn't a good idea, but the stubborn man he was, you and the band packed your bags and made the trip.

You all lived in LA, so the trip wasn't horrible, but it was undoubtedly cramped. you were squished between Noah and Nicholas.

Nicholas was considerably tall compared to you, but Noah was a giant. A giant with spider-like legs.

“Noah move your legs!”

“I'm really trying! There's not much space here!!” Noah whined as Nicholas laughed at your bickering.

Without saying, it was a long ride. You all had to stop at a hotel somewhere in Oregon because it was all too much for the group.

The day you arrived, the snow was already falling but your dad assured everyone it wouldn't get too bad.

In his defense, it did stop…until that night. It was ankle by the time you all woke up. That's when Jokiam and the Nick's went out to get a ton of groceries.

You were invited, but you denied. You loved the cold, but the snow made your pants wet and it was never something you enjoyed.

“Well, if you're staying here, Noah is staying with you.”

“What?! Dad, I'm literally 20! I don't need a babysitter.

Your father went on about how you shouldn't look at it as babysitting. More as someone to “keep you safe” just in case.

You rolled your eyes. It wasn't like you hated Noah. It was quite the opposite. You didn't trust yourself around Noah.

His tattooed muscles and deep voice was enough to send you into a frenzy. It made your cunt soaked and your knees weak.

Your dad left before you could protest once again.

“Well, looks like it's just me and you, y/n.” Noah said, his arms dropping to his side.

You sighed and went up the wooden stairs that led to your room.

“Don't look so happy about it!” He chuckled from the living room.

You smacked against your bed, letting out a sigh and covered your face.

You decided to busy yourself with reading one of the multiple books you brought with you.

You had picked up “A Christmas Carol” by Charles Dickens. It truly was a classic, but you hadn't read it before.

About 30 pages in and you noticed the sun starting to set. You had called your dad, wondering where he and the other guys had gone and what was taking so long.

“The road is blocked. We tried going around, but it looks like we'll have to get a hotel for the night. Sorry, hun. We'll be back as soon as possible.”

“So I'm here. Alone. With Noah?”

“Honestly, I'm not sure what your problem is with him! He's nice, y/n.”

After conversing (bickering) for a couple more minutes, your dad had to go.

You knew you'd have to go tell Noah. You were already changed into your pajamas and just wanted the night to end so your body and mind wouldn't have to go through the torture of being alone with him.

Being alone with his warm body..his cologne, which you could smell every time you walked passed him. His fingers, his hair…

You shook your head, ridding the thoughts from your conscience as you walked down the stairs, you heard him giggling at his phone.

His hair was long and gorgeous, it was all put up into a claw clip. You would have stood there and appreciated him from afar forever if he didn't notice you.

“Oh, um, Noah, my dad and the guys are stuck because of the storm. They're getting a hotel for the night and- AH!!”

Your eyes went wide as the lights in the house shut off.

“Fuck. It's okay, y/n. It's just the storm.”

Noah found his way to you, pulling your shaking and anxious body into his arms.

You were terrified of the dark. This was the worst possible scenario to find yourself in. You took in Noah's scent. His cologne was soothing.

“I have to find some..fucking, like..candles or some shit.”

You laughed at his tone. He sounded so clueless, like he was wracking his brain trying to figure out what to do.

“Here, take my phone, use the flashlight until I'm back. You gunna be okay, angel?” His hand caressed your face as he sat you down on the couch.

You nodded and took in what he just said. Angel? He had never called you any pet names before. You figured it was just the situation, possibly making him more sympathetic towards you.

You heard him rummaging through boxes as you sat on the couch. It was so fucking cold, you couldn't help but shiver. You had a sweater on but you could feel the coldness seep in through the fabric.

“Okay, I have candles set up in both of our rooms. We can hang out together until you are ready to go to bed. Sound good?” His voice was low and seemingly sounded caring.

It almost made your heart flutter. He took your hand and you stuck to him like a magnet. He must have felt you shiver against him in the process, because he helped you under the covers once you reached his room.

The candles helped tremendously, the room was lowly visible, it was better than the pitch black of the living room.

He crawled under the blanket with you.

“Noah? You don't-”

“Shut up…you're cold. That's all.”

You nodded and sighed as his arms wrapped around you. His hand came up, petting your hair.

You both started small talk. It was comfortable, not awkward and weird like it was with other people.

You looked up at him.

“I guess I am kinda glad you stayed here with me..” You gave him a sheepish smile.

“Oh yeah? You better be.”

Your body was warm now, no need to be in the position you were in, other than the factor of comfort.

Something switched in his eyes, as it did with yours. Your thoughts were once again running wild.

This is wrong. This is so wrong. He's twice your age, he's your dads friend. Your friends would consider him an old man for god's sake!

There was a burning deep in your stomach. Somehow, you understood that Noah felt it too. Your hands, which were once curled up into your chest, now rest upon Noah's bare chest.

You weren't sure when he took it off, but you didn't have any reason to complain. You were subconsciously tracing the lines of his tattoos. Noah pulled you closer and lowered his hand, now resting on your hip.

Your hand felt every dip and curve of his skin as it went up to cradle his face.

“I don't wanna sleep alone tonight..” You whispered, only loud enough for him to hear as if others were in the house.

He looked your face up and down before softly pressing your lips together. The kiss was intense and hot while at the same time, soft and sweet. Your lips intertwined together felt so right. Like this is where you were supposed to be.

You pulled away, swallowing the lump in your throat.

“You don't have to, angel.” He smiled before connecting your lips once more.

Your arms wrapped around his neck. This kiss wasn't like the last one. It was hungry and needy. Your tongues danced together and you pushed yourself against his body, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible.

His hands dipped into your sweatpants, grasping at your ass. His hands were so warm, like fire on your skin.

It all unfolded so fast. You started to grind your hips against his growing bulge.

“I've been waiting for you for so long, y/n.” He was out of breath, the distance between your two faces felt stuffy and crowded but neither of you had anything to say about it.

“You have no idea…” You smiled back, your fingers now doing the same as his and peeping into his pants.

“Let me have it, please.” You said, palming at his bulge through his boxers.

He was quick to remove his bottom clothing along with yours. You didn't move from the position you were in. You threw your leg over Noah's hip, giving him full access.

He slid his tip throughout your wetness, hoping to make it easy to push into you.

As he did so, you gasped. He was thick and the perfect length. It stretched you out perfect.

You softly whined, moving your hips ever so slightly, hoping he would catch on.

He gasped as he started to fuck into you. The space between you felt almost non-existent. Your lips were ghosting over each other with each thrust Noah gave you.

Your breathy moans were hitting Noah's face. His jaw clenched and he littered your neck with open mouthed kisses.

“Oh fuck, this is so wrong.” You muttered.

“I don't care. You're too perfect for my cock.” Noah's words were low and caring, yet so deep and almost like he was growling.

Your heart felt like it was going to explode and your stomach felt like it was tying itself in knots.

“Don't. Not yet, baby. Don't want this to end…fucking ever..” Noah pulled you in closer and put his full body into his thrusts.

His body was grinding against yourself and his skin felt hot radiating onto yours.

Noah was barely visible under the candle lit room, but you could see every facial expression ever so slightly. His hair was sticking to his forehead.

It felt euphoric. It felt un-fucking-real. With previous partners, it had never felt like this. It felt like you were off some kind of party drug. Noah's cock was doing this to you? You almost couldn't believe it.

Noah's fingernails were digging into your skin on your hips, slowly dragging across your body.

The soft burn the scratches Noah gave you were all too much.

Noah, seemingly knowing you were close, barely sped up.

You dug your fingers into his shoulders before entering your orgasm. Your body convulsed against him. You felt Noah's cock pump thick ropes of his babies into you.

His grunts and jagged hip movements made you weak.

As you came down and back to reality, your chest was heaving and Noah gave you a kiss on your forehead.

“I can’t believe we did that.” Noah chuckled.

You laughed and rolled your eyes.

“You're my secret.” You said, kissing his chest.

“And you're mine, angel.”

[gotham-daydreams]

Okay, so, I love Isekai fanfic. I just do, it's so fun. I like the idea of the reader loving this stuff and dreaming of it, but being so worried about them thinking ill of you. I would also be so embarrassed. Like, "Crud, they're gonna think I'm so lame and stupid." Only to find out, "Oh. I have some of the most dangerous, intelligent people on the planet obsessed with me who will never let me go home... Not the kind of bad I expected, and yet this is somehow worse." I'm also interested in the Idol one. The idea of someone being friends with Idols, and this fear that people only like you to try to get close to these people. That you're just being used. And then the sudden whiplash of them wanting you, and the fear it brings when you realize you're being stalked. From one kind of bad, to very different and worse kind of bad. I am very excited

Yes!!! Exactly!!!

For the Isekai one, I also decided to do that because... well, usually the MC is placed right at the foot the the yanderes/Batfam, or tries to go to them - which isn't bad by any means! Honestly it'd be pretty smart to do that considering things, and it works out for plot convenience.

Though, I couldn't help but think about a reader that just... avoids them? At all costs? Not because they have something to hide necessarily, but moreso because, well, that'd be really embarrassing... and sure, it's one thing to read about them- but its an entirely different thing to meet them face to face. How are you supposed to act? Of course you'd have to pretend you don't know them... but they're scarily good at reading people! What if they think you're some kind of stalker??? Or worse!

Basically, I need a reader that is super anxious and an overthinker so they decide to take a harder but socially 'easier' route of just... avoiding them, LMAO

Though yeah, when that realization comes around, and the reader notices a little too late that maybe the Batfam is obsessed over them? And they can't go home? It's so over. A breakdown is definitely imminent.

As for the switch one? I know!!! I love it so much!! I've only read a handful of yandere stories where the fixation for the yans switches, and even less where the original fixation wasn't an asshole, so this is me trying to do that but with the Batfam :]

The feeling of being used will definitely appear every now and again, but there is more of a fear of "something you didn't take seriously now becoming serious and it's too late for you", especially as the reader does try to pull away and break things off from the family, but it definitely doesn't work out.

I'll be honest, there is more than just the idols and the family using the reader to get what they want out of them, but that is the general premise without me getting into details and writing even longer descriptions, lol

For example: just to live, the reader does some shady buisness - but they are trying to get out of it (the family doesn't know they're even doing that kind of buisness, though). The reader also knows a lot of people... more than the Batfam thought! And just generally the Batfam looking into the reader as they realize they don't actually know a lot about them, and through that some of them become obsessed and super jealous...

It's not a lot as the whole switch from the idols to the main character does take more of a focus, but what I've mentioned above is just more things in between and during that gradual switch.

It's even worse then you think that the Batfam was doing it out of malice at first, then it slowly became something else.... oh man. And just how all these little things that meant to harm you, are now supposed to like, be signs of affection??? Super confusing, but god is it dreadful and terrifying.

[queenshelby]

The Basement (Part Two)

Pairing: Dark! Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Smut, CNC, Anal, Rough, Derogation

Four weeks after you signed the contract, you arrived at Cillian's house which, at least from the outside, looked like every other house on that street.

You were greeted by a woman named Mandy who took your bag and gestured for you to come inside.

"You brought clothes, that's sweet," she chuckled, raising an eyebrow as she led you into the house and you simply nodded shyly, feeling slightly intimidated by the thirty something year old woman. 

"You know, you won't need them sweetie, so maybe leave them in the spare room for now," she then said, indicating a small room off the hallway.

Feeling like you had no choice, you quietly dropped your bag on the floor and followed Mandy down the corridor. The rich scent of expensive perfume filled the air, mingling with the faint aroma of exotic spices wafting from somewhere deeper within the house.

"Uhm, may I ask who you are? I didn't expect anyone but Cillian to be here," you said hesitantly, trying to get more information about your circumstances.

"Oh! That's right, you don't know me yet, do you?" Mandy replied coyly, winking at you. "I'm Mandy, a friend of Cillian's and I'm going to look after you for the next two weeks," she added cheerfully before taking your hand and leading you downstairs to the basement.

"Where is Cillian?" you asked Mandy as your heart pounded wildly against your chest. You couldn't help but feel anxious about what was coming next; the prospect of being trapped in this home for two whole weeks was terrifying but also strangely arousing.

"He's out at the moment, but will be back in a few hours," Mandy stated. "He asked me to get you ready for when he returns," she added, leading you down a winding staircase until you reached a dark but spacious room, containing a big, beautiful bed with chains, a leather chair, and a mirror on each wall. There was also a spa bath and small ensuite and whilst the room was nicely decorated, the sight of your windowless surroundings made your stomach churn nervously.

"What do you mean ' getting me ready'?" you then ought to ask, swallowing hard and Mandy smiled kindly at you. Her tone was soothing, almost maternal.

"Well, for starters, I will talk you through what you can expect from your stay here and then he has asked me to restrain you for your first encounter with him, just to make things more interesting," Mandy explained, reaching out to stroke your cheek gently. You flinched away instinctively — Mandy chuckled softly.

"You read the contract before signing it, didn't you?" Mandy asked, cocking her head slightly to one side, her brow furrowed in concern. The question hung between you—a loaded gun aimed straight at your guilt. Your eyes darted toward the corner of the room, avoiding any confrontation with the older woman.

"Yeah, I did," you finally admitted, mustering all of your courage. 

"Good, then you should know what is about to happen," Mandy said, patting your shoulder reassuringly. "So, how about you undress sweetie, so that I can apply the restraints properly?"

With a weak nod, you began to unbutton your shirt while Mandy turned around. It felt strange to undress while someone else watched, especially since you knew what would happen once you were completely nude.

As you slipped off your shirt and pants, leaving only your underwear on, Mandy cleared her throat loudly before turning to face you again.

"Very nice, darling," she murmured, looking you over appreciatively. "Are you comfortable with wearing nothing at all?" Mandy asked, her voice softening. "If not, we can cover you up with a robe, if you prefer."

She seemed genuinely concerned about your comfort, which struck you as odd considering the circumstances. However, there was something oddly comforting about her gentle, patient manner. It made you trust her enough to respond honestly.

"No, I guess I'm okay with being naked," you managed to say weakly. "It feels weird, though."

You could see Mandy smile at your response, her expression warm and understanding. "It does, doesn't it?" Mandy responded sympathetically. "But I guess it makes things easier access wise," she then told you while you began to remove your bra and panties, leaving behind the stark reality of your vulnerability.

Mandy's gaze wandered across your body, taking in every curve and line. "Beautiful," she whispered under her breath. "You have such stunning curves, no wonder Cills took an interest in you."

The compliment left you feeling both flattered and embarrassed. "Thank you," you muttered awkwardly, averting your gaze to the ground.

"Now, please put your wrists behind your back," Mandy instructed in a soothing voice. You hesitated for a second before complying, apprehensive about what would happen next. You clumsily interlocked your fingers, feeling the cold metal touch your skin as Mandy attached the first chain. "How tight is this supposed to be?" you whimpered, squirming uncomfortably.

"Just right," Mandy answered confidently, tightening the chain further.

"A bit uncomfortable, but not too much." You tried to relax your shoulders, but the cold metal digging into your flesh made it impossible, which was something Mandy ought to ignore.

"Now lets talk about the particulars, shall we?" Mandy started, sitting you down on the edge of the bed. "Cillian asked me to go over some details with you so that you know exactly what to expect during your stay," she explained, her tone warm and friendly. "The first thing is that you'll be staying in this room for the entirety of your stay, unless he decides otherwise. All meals will be delivered to you and the bathroom is equipped with everything you might need, including fresh towels and toiletries."

You glanced around the room, noting the luxurious amenities.

"Now let me tell you what is expected of you, little one," Mandy spoke in a calming voice, her hands resting on your shoulders. "Cillian will come down here four or five times a day, to... entertain himself with you. This includes intercourse and anything else he wants to do. Anything he asks for, you do. No questions asked."

You swallowed hard, the lump in your throat growing larger by the second.

"Occasionally, he asks me to join in or hold you down for him," Mandy added casually, checking the chain's tension. "He will like to watch you struggle a bit and I can guarantee you that you will become rather sore after the first few days. But it's all part of the fun, isn't it?" Mandy said, patting your bare leg gently.

"Now you consented to him ejaculating inside you and the doctor has given you a depo shot two weeks ago to make sure you don't get pregnant. You also consented to anal sex and you agreed to him having sex while you are asleep, for which sleeping pills were prescribed to you, correct?" Mandy asked, her voice matter-of-fact.

"Uh-huh," you croaked, nodding feebly. Your throat constricted painfully, your breathing shallow and ragged.

"Good," Mandy nodded approvingly, patting your knee. 

She paused, her tone turning softer. "Also, you understood that you are forbidden to masturbate or play with yourself, yes?"

"Yes," you managed to utter, blushing profusely.

"Good," Mandy said, patting your knee affectionately. "Now I will let you relax. Cillian should be here soon," she reassured you and you gave Mandy a weak smile, nodding in agreement.

The thought of enduring countless sexual encounters with Cillian, without any chance of escape or even self-pleasure, terrified you. Yet, a strange sense of anticipation began to wash over you. What kind of person would choose to endure such humiliation willingly?

The thoughts swirled in your mind, creating a whirlpool of confusion and doubt. You tried to rationalize what lay ahead, grasping at straws to justify your decision. Was it curiosity, perhaps? Or was it the lure of his fame that enticed you into this predicament? Regardless of the reason, you found yourself submerged in a sea of desperation as you faced the inevitable truth. You sighed heavily, casting a longing glance at the door, willing it to swing open and reveal the object of your fascination.

As the minutes ticked by, your impatience grew, gnawing at your insides like a ravenous beast. You were chained to the bed, naked, and time seemed to slow down, the seconds stretching into eternity until, suddenly, the door creaked open.

"Alright, little one," Cillian murmured, stepping into the room as he shut the door behind him. His presence sent a shiver down your spine, the mere sound of his voice causing your heartbeat to race.

"I can see that you have settled in nicely," Cillian said, his voice husky, as he walked closer to the bed. His eyes, bright blue, held a hint of excitement as they scanned your body.

You nodded silently, your throat constricting. Words failed you, replaced by a tumultuous mix of emotions. Fear, anticipation, shame, and arousal swirled within you, creating a whirlwind of sensations.

"Why don't you turn onto your stomach for me?" Cillian suggested, his voice calm and confident.

Your heart raced, but you managed to roll onto your belly, facing away from him while the chains twisted tighter, the rope tangling up at the bedhead.

"Perfect," Cillian murmured, running his fingers along your spine while caressing your upper thigh.

His touch sent goosebumps dancing up your arms, and you shivered involuntarily.

"Now tell me," Cillian prodded, his voice dripping with wicked intent. "Have you ever had anal before?"

You swallowed hard, your voice barely audible.

"N-no, I haven't," you stammered, your heart hammering against your ribs. 

"And yet you agreed to it," Cillian murmured, his voice laced with a hint of satisfaction. "This should be interesting, then," he chuckled, his eyes twinkling with anticipation.

"Please," you whimpered, the word escaping your lips like a plea for mercy. "Just don't hurt me when you put it in there," you begged and Cillian's laughter echoed in the room, filling the space with an unsettling energy.

"Don't worry," he soothed, stroking your back gently. "I promise to be gentle. At least at first," Cillian murmured, his fingers trailing up and down your spine.

"You're trembling," he observed, pausing to brush loose strands of hair away from your neck. "Is it because you're scared?"

'A little,' you manage to squeak out, your breath hitching in your throat.

Perhaps it's the thought of the unknown, or the realization that you're bound to a stranger, powerless to escape his whims. Cillian smiles, his teeth white and perfect, the corners of his eyes crinkling with amusement.

"Don't be, I will ease you into it," he assures you, placing a warm hand on your back. "I might fuck your pussy a little bit first, that should loosen you up," Cillian said, unbuckling his belt and pulling down his pants, revealing his erect cock.

"And while I fuck your little pussy, I might start stretching your asshole with my finger," he continued, moving onto the bed.

"We'll see how that goes," he teased, crawling up behind you.

You gasped, the sensation of his throbbing member rubbing against your hip sending a jolt of anticipation rippling through your body. You could feel your juices pooling between your legs, soaking the thin mattress beneath you.

"Let's see how much you can handle," Cillian murmured, guiding his cock towards your entrance.

You braced yourself, your muscles tensing as you waited for the entry. He pushed, his length sliding effortlessly into your wet heat. Your moan echoed in the silent room, a muffled cry of pleasure reverberating off the walls.

"That's it," Cillian growled, each thrust driving deep within you. "Fuck, you are so tight," he groaned, his hips moving rhythmically, pistoning in and out of you. Each stroke sent waves of pleasure crashing through you, your muscles quivering with desire.

"Good girl," Cillian purred, his grip tightening possessively as he thrust deeper. "Take it all, baby. Show me how much you want it."

You moaned, your voice hoarse and desperate while Cillian groaned, his pace quickening.

"You're so wet, so hot," he moaned before pulling out of you abruptly.

"What are you doing?" you cried out, your voice cracking with frustration.

"Shhh, little one," Cillian murmured, stroking your back soothingly. "Relax, I'm just preparing you for what's to come," he said, kneeling between your legs, pulling you onto your knees so that your chain hands were resting on the bedhead.

He then thrusted in to your pussy again, harder than before, ramming into you like a jackhammer.

"That's it," he growled, his voice laced with lust. The room was filled with the sounds of your grunts and the slap of flesh meeting flesh.

"Now I will spread your ass cheeks apart. alright?," Cillian murmured, his voice laced with anticipation and you gasped, your body stiffening in anticipation. "So that I can see your little virgin hole back there," Cillian he then told you, squeezing your cheeks apart roughly.

You winced, your body protesting as he rubbed your asshole with his index finger, coating it with your pussy juice, making it slippery.

He then pressed his fingertip against your sphincter, applying gentle pressure. 

You flinched, your body resisting the invasion. 

"Relax," Cillian murmured, his voice thick with lust. "I'm just getting ready to stretch you out," he told you as he slid his finger into your rear, breaching the barrier with a gentle pop. 

You gasped, a wave of discomfort washing over you.

"That's it," Cillian purred, his voice laced with anticipation.

"I'm just testing the waters," he said, adding another finger, widening the gap. "Can you feel it spreading wider?" he murmured, his voice husky with lust.

"It hurts," you whined, squirming beneath him.

"I know, baby," Cillian murmured, his voice thick with lust. "Just breathe through it," he said, pressing a firm kiss to your collarbone. "You're doing great," he praised, his voice laced with adoration.

You inhaled deeply, letting out a shaky sigh as you adjusted to the intrusion.

"Good girl," Cillian praised, his voice laced with satisfaction. "Now, lean forward onto your elbows," he instructed, slipping his fingers out of you.

"I want to prepare you for my cock," he said, stroking your back soothingly.

Without hesitation, you complied, leaning forward onto your elbows, presenting your sore little hole to him.

"Good girl," he cooed, kissing your back. "This might feel a little cold now," he warned, lubing himself up with a generous amount of K-Y Jelly. He then positioned himself behind you, his hard cock pointing directly at your ass.

You shuddered, bracing yourself for the impending invasion. He grabbed your hips tightly, holding you steady as he rested the tip of his cock against your opening.

"It's going to hurt a little," he murmured, his voice thick with lust. "But remember, it's all part of the experience," he reminded you, his words a whisper against your ear.

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly.

"Ready?" he asked, his voice low and gravelly. You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest.

Suddenly, he thrust forward, the head of his cock breaching your entrance.

"Oh god fuck, you are too big," you screamed, your muscles spasming in shock.

"Shhhh, baby," he murmured, his voice softening. "Just breathe through it," he repeated, pressing a tender kiss to your exposed neck. "You're doing great," he praised, his voice thick with adoration.

Cillian continued to work his cock into your rear, inch by excruciating inch. His rhythmic, deliberate movements felt as though he was carefully sculpting you, carving his path deeper and deeper.

"It hurts," you yelped, your voice breaking. "Fuck!" you spat, squirming beneath him. 

"Shhh, baby," Cillian cooed, his voice thick with lust. "This is what you wanted, right?" His words were meant to taunt you, but they served a different purpose altogether.

"You wanted me to use you," Cillian murmured, his voice soft and soothing as he pushed all the way into your rear.

"To claim you, own you, and fuck you however I wish."

You whimpered, your muscles clenching involuntarily. Every push sent a sharp pain shooting through you, but it was accompanied by a growing sense of fullness which felt strangely satisfying.

"Tell me what you think about me using you like this, Y/N," Cillian breathed into your ear, his hot breath fanning your neck.

The command, so blunt and demanding, left you stunned, unable to form coherent words.

"Come on, little one," Cillian urged, his voice softening. "Tell me how it feels."

You struggled to find the words, your voice cracking as you forced out a reply.

"It feels strange," you croaked, your breath hitching in your throat. "Fucked up, actually."

Cillian chuckled quietly, his warm breath fanning your neck. "I bet it does," he murmured, his tone dripping with smug satisfaction. 

"What else?" he asked, his voice husky with lust.

Cillian's question hung heavy in the air, a weighty reminder of the depth of your surrender. You squirmed, feeling his erection pulsating inside you, filling you up in ways you never imagined possible.

"It feels dirty," you confessed, your voice breaking. "Like I'm just your toy," you said as your voice trembled, a quiet whine echoing in the room. 

Cillian laughed, his voice deep and rich with satisfaction. "Exactly," he replied, his tone laden with triumph as he thrusted into you again, hard and fast.

You gasped, your body responding despite the agony coursing through you.

"You're mine now," he proclaimed, his voice echoing with confidence. "My little toy."

The words stung, yet there was a bizarre sense of satisfaction in knowing that you belonged to him, body and soul.

"Oh god, why am I enjoying this?" you asked, your voice strained and desperate as the pain increased. "Why do I crave more?" you asked out loud, confused by your emotions. 

Cillian smirked, his eyes gleaming with mischief.

"Well, clearly you like being dominated, controlled, and used," he said. His words cut deep, but there was a strange allure in the idea that you were a natural slave.

You felt ashamed, disgusted, and utterly helpless as you accepted the truth. You were indeed a natural slave, thriving under the control and domination of others.

"I think you enjoy it even though it hurts, don't you?" he asked, his manhood relentlessly plunging into your ass. With each brutal thrust, you could feel your resistance melting away as the intense pleasure consumed you.

"No, I don't," you lied, your voice cracking. But deep down, you knew he was right. You did enjoy it - the roughness, the pain, the complete submission to his desires. It was liberating, freeing you from the constraints of societal norms and expectations.

"You're a liar," he growled, his fingers gripping your hips tightly. "Admit it, you love being dominated and controlled."

"Oh god," you panted, feeling your insides tighten around his massive shaft. 

Cillian chuckled, his voice deep and dark as he pulled out slightly, before slamming back into you, sending a jolt of pain through your core.

"Your ass is going to be so sore after this," he gloated, his cock thrusting mercilessly into you. "It's going to hurt a lot actually," he teased, grinning wickedly while you moaned at the sheer thought of it all. 

"And guess what? I won't let you cum until you've earned it so the pain will be even worse," Cillian said, his voice dripping with wicked delight. "You'll beg and plead for release, but it won't come until I say so."

You shivered, the prospect of endless torture exciting you beyond measure. This is what you signed up for, you reminded yourself. A man who possessed the ability to dominate and control you completely. The idea thrilled you, sending a surge of adrenaline coursing through your veins.

"Now, I need you to hold nice and still for me while I fill your little hole with my seed," Cillian murmured, his voice thick with lust. "Are you ready for me to mark you as mine?"

You nodded, your heart racing with anticipation. As Cillian withdrew his cock, you felt a sense of loss, a void forming within you that only his presence could fill.

"Put your face down in the pillow," Cillian ordered, his voice commanding. "I'm going to slide in deep now, baby," he said, positioning himself behind you once more.

"I want to feel you squeezing my cock with your tight little channel, begging to be marked with my seed."

You could hear the hunger in his voice, a palpable force that resonated loudly through the room. The thought of being claimed, owned, and possessed by him excited you beyond belief. You moaned softly, arching your back in anticipation.

He rammed his cock back into your now gaping rear with such force that it hurt, causing you to scream out in pain.

"Ah! Fuck!" you yelled as tears welled up in your eyes from the intense penetration.

"Good girl, let me hear those pretty little screams of yours!" Cillian roared, his words punctuated by the forceful thrusts of his cock. 

You grimaced, biting on the edge of the pillow to muffle your cries. "Ow! Ah!" you groaned, your voice muffled and shaky. Despite the mounting pain, you couldn't help but revel in the sensation of being thoroughly taken by someone so unrelenting.

"Here it comes, baby," Cillian rumbled, the words vibrating against your skin as, with a final, triumphant thrust, he surged into you, filling you to the brim with his seed.

You cried out, the sudden influx of warmth overwhelming you.

"There we go," Cillian murmured, a satisfied grin playing across his lips. "Now tell me, how does it feel?" he asked while withdrawing his cock slowly, causing your gaping hole to shrink almost instantly.

"It burns," you whispered, your voice quivering as you felt his hot semen leak out of you, staining the bedding beneath you. "But I loved it," you admitted, the words tasting bitter on your tongue.

"I knew you would," Cillian chuckled, his voice dripping with pride. "Now you're mine."

You flinched, a wave of dread washing over you. Now that it was done, the reality of your situation hit you like a ton of bricks.

"What happens now?" you asked hesitantly, your voice trembling.

"It's simple, really," Cillian replied nonchalantly, his voice laced with amusement. "I'll continue to use you as I please, whenever I please. And you'll learn to accept your new role as my pet," he explained before giving you a quick wink and untying you from the bed. 

[aestherians]

Change and Loss

Word count: 1362

Expected reading time: 10-11 minutes

"If your otherkinity still serves you, it will never really leave you," is what I used to say - more as a reassurance than a statement of fact. I mean, how could I know for a fact that it was true? I didn't have any experience with losing a kintype. I still don't think I do; not really. And I always saw the idea repeated in the community - one time otherkind, always otherkind.

But I don't believe that's true anymore. I'm still a bison for sure. I've never doubted that. I'm still Ɐwhrayɐ the gnoll and I'm still Ben the shapeshifter… but I'm beginning to accept that those sides of me have changed.

"One time otherkin, always otherkin. If your otherkinity still serves you, it will never really leave you"… but what if that's not true? What if you still benefit from your kintypes, and they disappear regardless? What do you do if you lose a part of yourself, or if a part of yourself becomes unrecognizable to you? How do you keep living when you've lost yourself?

Sometime in 2023 the distress of always having to hide my true self became too much to bear alone. But I'm not a brave person. I think the better solution would've been to just bite the bullet and start expressing myself, but hindsight is 20/20. I've survived 25 years by hiding everything that makes me 'weird', and the idea of leaving my one dependable survival strategy behind was (is) terrifying. I went to a free self-help seminar ("Take control of your life!") but all it taught me is that I need a dependable support network before I can take control of my life. I went to my doctor to try and get a referral for a therapist (it's cheaper than just finding your own therapist). Instead he sent me to a psychiatrist for my 'delusions'. The psychiatrist told me my experiences, worldview, and self-perception were unusual but not harmful - they could only help if my goal was to get rid of my schizotypal traits (traits that weren't even significant enough to warrant a diagnosis). If all I wanted was to learn how to conquer my fears and express my true self, they couldn't help. It took months of visits to get the diagnosis: Traumatized by peer abuse, too poor to afford my own therapy, and too anxious and ADHD to even find a therapist in the first place.

I can't even say I was left at square one. I had started out hopeful. Nearing the end of 2023, I just felt helpless.

At the same time, my studies were drawing to a close. I completed my bachelor's degree in animal science and all it took was a diagnosis of ADHD so I could legally buy amphetamines, a compound-diagnosis of autism so I wouldn't get kicked out when I inevitably misunderstood exam questions and failed final after final, and 5½ years - almost twice the expected time for a bachelor's degree in my country.

It should've been freeing but instead it left me directionless. Helpless and directionless - that's how I entered 2024!

In the past, in the strictly structured day-to-day of school, my kintypes have been a source of comfort. Especially my Ben fictotype, which probably fell into the category of coping mechanism. I awakened in a time of intense stress and retreated to that world whenever my present life got too much. When crowds got me overstimulated or I missed an important deadline or fought with my neighbors or drifted apart from old friends, I thought about all the times Ben!me had gone through similar or worse. I cut off a friend in my present life after finding out he'd abused his ex - but in my other life I'd cut off a friend who tried to murder me, and things still turned out fine. I lived through it. I could live through it again. Every situation had a parallel in my other life.

I still don't know why that method failed me, but eventually it did. It's not that it didn't work, it was more that I suddenly had to put an effort into making it work. As if I'd always been able to enter Narnia and now suddenly I had to personally petition Aslan to let me back in. It started in the fall of 2023 but it wasn't until spring 2024 that I fully realized. Coping had never been an effort before, and the worst part is, I don't even know why it suddenly was.

My fictotype was drifting away, even when it still served me! This wasn't supposed to happen! Had I been lied to?!

I think our community has a lot of survivorship bias. Whichever mailing lists and newsgroups get archived, and whatever snailmail gets published, that's what our history is based on. The people who made archivable geocities sites get to write our story - not the people on closed forums or in private chat groups. People who leave the community don't tend to leave behind pristine essays on their fully archived websites explaining why they left. It does happen, don't get me wrong, but it's rare. And when they do leave behind messages, it's usually some variant of "I still love the community that fostered my awakening, I'm just an adult with responsibilities now and I don't have time for this."

But what about the people who don't love the community? Who 'unawakened'? Who aren't passionate enough to leave behind a final message? Do we ever hear from the otherkind who 'fizzled out' and became human - or at least lost a kintype?

You can understand my panic, right? I considered turning my fictotype into a copinglink, but my ADHD is so debilitating I barely remember to brush my teeth - no way I was gonna remember to do daily reinforcement exercises. Especially frazzled 2024 me (still frazzled as of June but I'm hanging in there!).

I was forced to accept whatever my come.

I'm still Ben, on some level, but I won't say "I'm thankfully still Ben," 'cause is it really that bad to not be Ben? Even if that facet had served me well and could still serve me? $1,000,000 could serve me well, but uselessly pining after it doesn't serve me.

I didn't prepare myself for loss because I really wasn't sure I was gonna lose a part of me - and, in any case, grieving preemptively is a waste of energy if you ask me. Instead a turned to the Bison - not my own bison theriotype, but the archetype of the Bison. When one woowoo solution fails, why not try another?

The Bison has always been a good teacher to me - better than any self-help seminar or psychiatrist. The Bison takes everything in stride. The Bison survives until it can thrive. The Bison ruminates on the present, it doesn't ponder the future. The Bison doesn't grieve or fret unnecessarily. It exists in the now. I exist in the now.

Of course, the chance that anyone reading this works with the Bison spirit is slim, but I think its teachings can help everyone - regardless of spirituality.

When turning to other worlds doesn't aid you, accept it, and turn to the present world. Let your worries pass through you, you can't see clearly when you're pent up with worry. You can't prevent the seasons from turning, all you can do is turn with them. Accept your lack of control, instead of trying to grasp at the uncontrollable. Sometimes change is unexpected, and you may not like it, and it might not even open up new doors for you. Not all change is good. But you cannot prevent every unwanted change, and you have to keep living regardless.

My fictionkinity doesn't have the intensity of my first few years post-awakening, but it also doesn't have the casual reassuredness of decade-old kintypes. It comes and goes, and when it comes it's like a whisper. And one day it might become too quiet for me to notice. One day it might not return.

But I think I can live with that.

[hobisfavoritespritecan]

𝕸𝖆𝖈𝖆𝖇𝖗𝖊

Pairing: Hannibal X Reader

⚠️ Warnings: mentions of weapons and murder, implications of sexuality, that's about it ⚠️

AN: Hey panko shrimps, it's been a while! I hope to make this account more active going into 2024 so I hope this Hannibal fic is a good ease back into writing! 💛🦐

Your feet tapped against the hardwood floor in anticipation. It had been a long time coming to actually go along with your doctor's referral to see a psychiatrist and here you were, against your initial wishes. There wasn't much to you that you didn't already know as you considered yourself to be quite introspective most of the time; yet here you were with your anxieties hopefully concealed to your best ability, and the faux smile plastered on your face to hide whatever was left over. An unsettling feeling was still in your stomach which you hoped would eventually subside.

The waiting room itself was nothing short of grand. The marble flooring and intricately carved stone walls gave the impression of perfection but hindered the possibility for any sunlight that could have potentially set you at ease. It was a cold sort of old money interior, not that you had been directly expecting anything else of the sort, just silently hoping for a more inviting atmosphere. Dressed to match the occasion (and the environment, it seems), you were wearing a knee length black skirt and a white button down top. Black tights and matching flats with your hair neatly in place made the rest of the outfit cohesive. You weren't looking to stand out, especially not to whomever your new psychiatrist was.

But oh, how fast that would change.

A few more agonizing minutes went by before the large door to your right opened up revealing a tall man seemingly in his forties with unkempt hair and jackets piled one on top of the other. Black framed glasses adorned his angular and unshaven face; almost as if they were strategically placed there to cover the large under eye bags he had. Your initial response was one of surprise and then somewhat of a let down. If a man who was supposed to aide others through their difficulties looked as if he had a million and one of them himself, what work was there he could provide?

Setting your initial judgements aside, you reach your hand out to shake his. "Y/N. You must be Doctor Lecter?" You asked in a small voice, smaller than you intended. There goes your original plan of coming across as dominant and straightforward. Guess you'll have to use another tactic to try and withhold the fact you were terrified for this meeting.

"Oh, ah no." He said, offering his hand to shake yours and then immediately after doing so, wiped his hand on his jacket. A rude gesture that didn't go unnoticed. "I'm Will Graham."

Another anxious twinge ran through your whole nervous system. Were you in the wrong room? The wrong place? The wrong building, perhaps? That's infinitely more embarrassing than anything else you could've mustered about this gathering.

Stepping slightly aside and placing his hands into his pockets, another taller figure emerged from the doorway from beside this supposed Will Graham. This man, unlike the other, immediately had you floored. Slicked back greying hair with a chiseled face that of a Danish statue paired oh so wonderfully with a black tux, pink button down and an expensive tie was the only thing that filled your vision. His eyes were piercing with a hint of some unfamiliar darkness, however, that calming sunlight you had hoped for seemed a silly request now. It was almost as if those two things, this man's eyes and the sun, could not exist within the same place as though his expression would diminish the light emitting from the solar system. You'd never found yourself so infatuated so quickly and the thought scared you but drew you in with a perplexed curiosity that you hadn't experienced yet before.

"Y/N," he smiled, reaching his hands out to hold the both of yours in a formal greeting, "I must be the man you're looking for."

You almost said yes, yes you are right there and then. His hands were cold but steady, artist's hands. You briefly remember being told of Doctor Lecter's past occupation with working in the surgical room.

"Doctor Lecter?" You asked, as if you needed to confirm. You smiled at him, forgetting your worries and your determined voice came back to you and you silently thanked Will for being the person your meekness was originally directed towards.

"Ah yes, that would be me. Please forgive me for going slightly past overtime, I was just finishing up my appointment with Mr. Graham here."

Cordial and charming. What a dangerous mixture of the two adjectives.

"I'll be out now," Will said, looking down at his phone with a poignant expression, "Jack will be wondering my whereabouts anyways."

"Then you must go," the doctor said, never taking his eyes off of you once, "wouldn't want him to worry."

You watched as Will nodded and placed his hands into the pockets of his overcoat and made his way to the polished staircase leading to the exit. His disappearance almost didn't entirely register to you at all as you looked down and noticed your hands were still intertwined with the doctor's. As if he just noticed it as well, he offered up an awkward chuckle as he gently removed his hands from yours, not wiping them on his shirt as his counterpart had.

"Shall you come in?" He asked, placing the large of his back against the doorway with an invitation in the form of an outstretched hand towards the room he'd just come out of, making room for you to walk through.

"Oh uh yeah." You remembered your reasoning for being there in the first place as your senses came back to you. Let's get this over with.

• • • 💉 💉 💉 • • •

Inside, the office was massive, the marble flooring continuing into the carpeted room. A large desk loomed towards the front of the room with a decorative Turkish lamp placed atop along with various writing utensils and a laptop. A couple of chaise lounges took up residency by the furthest area of the study and were closest to the largest curtained windows you've ever seen in your life. A small table with large papers littering the top of it wasn't too far off from the designated seating arrangement and to top off the grandeur of the room itself, was a second half-story with walls lined with books.

It was as if you had stepped into some sort of museum with the way everything was spotless. Everything was clean and if it wasn't organized, it was a neat type of disorderly. What stood out to you the most was this small table of disorder with all the papers haphazardly sticking off the ends and so you went to investigate as the doctor stood a few feet behind you, watching your every move. With the slight sway of your hips and the way your hair fell, he would be amiss to not focus himself on you. It was not like him to feel this strongly, whatever this feeling was, about anyone upon first introduction yet here you were. A presence so familiar yet so foreign to him as he became mentally aroused by the thought of something that wasn't murder. Something that could captivate his interest and lure him in. Perhaps it was a good thing he'd gotten the patient referral.

Your outfit was inviting, yet not too revealing. It left him with an appetite for more yet an appreciation for the craft. The way you held yourself was one of someone who has been guarded her whole life, but has done the emotional work of opening up once more, although with caution. The slight dirt on your soles gave him enough information to know that you cared about your appearance, but not to the point where you were vain or someone who required a lot to make them happy. You were gorgeous, of course that was a given, but you came with the inner workings of a traumatic past- one that made you feel as though taking up space was a crime in itself. He was determined to rewire that thinking of yours, not just as a psychologist but as someone who could see the beauty in you.

Unbeknownst to his observation, you slid your hand carefully over the papers to see they had been drawn on in graphite. Beautiful images of anatomy danced over them in an alluring yet subtly worrisome way. The figures were beautiful, yes, but the compromised positions they were in and the sharp weapons that stuck out of their flesh had your heart skip a beat.

As if he could hear what was going through your mind, the doctor spoke up to alleviate any worries you might have. "The macabre. There is art in death and I hope to shed light on that through my drawings." He said, calm and sultry.

You heard his shoes against the floor as he made his way over to you. His cologne was sharp but not unpleasant as the scent filled your lungs, his arm just brushing yours as he looked down at his own works as if critiquing them in his mind although he was only really looking to see what your reaction would be. Would you flinch away from him after seeing these? Would you be drawn in, curious or would another wave of nervousness hit like what you had felt in the waiting room?

Instead, you look up at him, the two of you very close now. "They're lovely, I think your attention to detail is phenomenally done."

A wave of heat went down his spine. Why did it fill him with such satisfaction to hear a compliment of his work (which he knew was quite good) escape your lips? He dismissed it almost as quickly as it arose, however. He must keep things professional and he wasn't fond of the way his entire demeanor seems to have gone awry upon your arrival. It was so hard to be collected in your presence. How is that so?

Returning to his original formalities, he gestures for you to take a seat on one of the lounges, away from any implication of the monster he truly was on the inside, although his stoicism concealed it well.

You complied, respectfully making sure your skirt was correctly placed before sitting down on one of the velveteen sofas, trying your best to make yourself comfortable. Any forwardness you may have regained upon walking into the study has now left you alone, struggling to regain your composure. You tried your best to go down the list of everything making you anxious so as to tackle each problem in an efficient and healthy way, as you had been told to do from previous visits to therapists in the past.

1.) You're in a new setting.

This is something that a lot of people struggle with, you told yourself, trying to put yourself at ease and to not blame yourself too much. It'll become a familiar setting with the more meetings you have with the doctor.

2.) You're nervous about keeping up appearances.

Well, you had just met the guy and you haven't embarrassed yourself all too badly yet. You had mistaken his patient Will for him, but that was an honest assumption. You doubt he would've thought anything too much of it as it didn't seem entirely unusual.

3.) There is a very, very attractive man sitting across from you right now.

This was the one thing you weren't sure you could talk yourself down from. From the way he positioned his legs comfortably one over the other with his head rested against his palm in the armchair to the notebook he had in his lap, he was the literal definition of temptation. It was as if the devil himself were trying to get you to bite the apple and consume yourself with desire. This random invigorating feeling of lust springing up on you out of nowhere was so out of the ordinary for you. There was an undeniable tension between the two of you, yes, but this sudden satiation was seemingly preposterous.

You folded your hands in your lap and settled on looking at the floor rather than Doctor Lecter.

He cleared his throat and began to speak in that tone that drove you wild. "Would you perhaps like a drink?" He asked, innocently enough.

"Sure, as long as it wouldn't be an imposition." You say, finally mustering up the courage to look at him.

He smiled and arose from his chair to busy himself at the liquor cabinet you hadn't noticed upon first glance of the study. "Not at all, are you more of a wine or beer type of woman?"

He took off his blazer and laid it upon the backing of the chair closest to the large desk, revealing the pink button down from before. He opened the cabinet and poured himself a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon before turning to face you.

"I like wine, if you don't mind." You said, offering up another one of those faux faces of confidence. You felt yourself sit up straighter in your seat.

"I hope red is alright, I'm more of a red wine enthusiast myself. Pairs well with dishes." He states, before going to pour yours and offer you the glass, which you took tentatively.

"You're a chef?" You ask.

"Yes, it's a hobby of mine," He sits down in the chair again, placing the notebook in his lap once more before he asks, "Do you have any hobbies?"

He begins to write. The session has begun.

"I'm somewhat of an artist myself." You say, staring at the page as you see his hand create the unmistakable swirls of the cursive alphabet. Of course he writes in cursive.

"Mhm." He smiles to himself, reaching for another sip of the Cabernet. "Of what medium?"

"I prefer portrait work. With pencil, I mean." You notice a lipstick mark on the side of the glass you had just used, much to your dismay. You didn't want to make his dishes any dirtier than you already would be by drinking out of them. Lipstick could be difficult to remove.

He had also noticed this too, and had silently prayed for you not to remove it. Something in him told him he would be cherishing that glass after you had left it, reveling in the dark red makeup left behind by your lips. Even your stained imprint in his dishes had a divinity to it.

You set the glass down and continued the conversation. "I also enjoy reading, so you can imagine my surprise noticing your extensive library."

"You like my library? It took quite the time to build it, much less fill it with literature of my liking."

You allowed your eyes to move around the room and take in everything you may have missed on the second floor, seeing now the ladder that was placed against the side of the balcony. You would have a field day in here.

As if reading your mind again he adds, "You're welcome to it any time you'd like."

"I- thank you, that's very kind." You say, turning to face him once more. He seemed pleased you didn't immediately turn down the offer although he wasn't quite sure where the offer had come from himself.

"Not an issue at all." He states, looking directly into your eyes now. It's a gaze you don't feel as though you'll ever recover from. It's intense and cold but somehow so inviting in a way that's more peculiar than anything else. There's a darkness behind them, despite their bright blue nature. Everything around them fades to black and it's almost as if you're so deep into them that you've traveled to an alternate dimension entirely. You feel as though you're looking right through them, not into his soul, no. But to something much darker, much more insatiable.

Snapping back into reality, you notice how close the two of you have gotten to one another. He stands up, extending his arm out to you and then pulling you up with him, wine glasses and notebooks discarded along with the conversation you two never finished. Your eyes never left each other once as you were now face to face almost chest to chest, him towering over you.

"D-doctor I-"

He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, looking down at you.

"Please, call me Hannibal."

[runnning-outof-time]

This Storm Will Also Pass | Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: no - written for @toms-cherry-trees 1.5k celebration

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x reader

Summary: Tommy manages to calm down (Y/N) after he finds her hiding and riddled with anxiety during a late autumn thunderstorm.

Warnings: descriptions of a panic attack (anxious!reader), fear of thunderstorms, mentions of war/air raids, mentions of breaking and entering

Word Count: 1883

A/N: congrats on 1.5k Mars!! I’m so happy I’ve met you on here!! This idea came to me during a thunderstorm (it was a spring one, but it reminded me of the fall) and I decided to incorporate it into the story…I hope that it passes as autumn enough. Enjoy! :)

A/N 2: this is also dedicated to one of my very first supporters on here @a-lil-bit-nuts … I saw that you were looking for a Tommy x anxious!reader where he’s calming her down and wanted to write this for you. I hope that those feelings have since passed and you’re doing well, B! Sending much love your way!

PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!

Comment/Message me if you’d like to be tagged in future stories similar to this one!

The halls of Arrow House were dark, even though it was the middle of the day. Tommy had decided to leave work early due to the nasty looking storm that was hanging overhead. It was shaping up to be a rough one, and he didn't want to get caught driving in the middle of it.

Frances had told him that (Y/N) hadn't come out of the master bedroom since the clouds turned dark. He instantly knew why she'd decided to sequester herself in what she deemed to be her 'safe space'.

"(Y/N)?" he asked softly as he knocked on the door, wanting to announce himself before he entered the room. He heard nothing in response, which he expected, so he opened the door and stepped into the room before gently closing it behind him. "Where are you, (Y/N)?" he called for his wife, noticing that the bed was empty and that the covers had been stripped from it.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked around the room, noticing that both her vanity chair and the chaise lounger were also empty. He was starting to think that maybe she'd moved to another room when another loud crack of thunder rang out, its intensity making the floorboards vibrate. A shriek came from the conjoined bathroom as the thunder continued to rumble, making Tommy turn and head into the room.

(Y/N) was laying in the bathtub with the covers from the bed hiding everything except her head. She had a white-knuckle grip on the duvet and a panicked look in her eyes.

"It's me, love," Tommy said softly, not wanting to startle her with his sudden presence. She was already looking in his direction, but he knew from prior experiences that she could just be looking through him. "I'm sorry that I wasn't able to get home before the storm started," he apologized as he slowly moved over to the tub.

"I...I did everything I was supposed to do, Tommy. I grabbed the blankets, I...I went in here; there's no windows in here...I got in the tub and I've been covering my head, I have, but when I heard you say my name I thought that maybe, I thought that..."

"It's ok, love," Tommy cut her rambling statement off, kneeling down next to where she had been hiding, "you're doing good," he offered some words of encouragement as a soft smile formed on her face.

"I heard the loud bangs and ran right in here. I feel so bad, I didn't even ask Frances if she wanted to join, oh goodness, is she safe?" (Y/N) continued, a panicked look present on her face as she mentioned the older woman, "I completely forgot to get her and make sure she'd be safe, oh my goodness, is she ok?" her words came out quicker than before as another round of panic washed over her.

Her breathing quickened and she began to scramble, fighting with the blankets she was wrapped in to try and get up from her position, something she was terrified to do, but would continue with in order to make sure Frances was safe. She had just rested her shaky hands on the edge of the tub as was attempting to lift her equally shaky body up when Tommy stopped her actions.

"Frances is fine, (Y/N)," he told her, his voice soft but firm, hoping to show her that there was no need to panic. “Slow your breathing down, you need to calm yourself, yeah?”

"She's in a safe spot?" (Y/N) asked, her eyes wide as they hooked onto Tommy's, ignoring the second half of his statement as she focused on the well-being of the older woman.

"There's no danger," he told her, shaking his head slightly for added effect.

"But...but all of the bangs...the house was shaking. Tommy, I...I tried to get in here as quickly as I could. I thought there was...I thought someone was coming in. Thought they were attacking the house," she shakily exuded her words, her anxiety still getting the best of her.

Tommy opened his mouth to speak but a loud crack of thunder sounded before he could get a word out. The shrill, loud sound made (Y/N) shriek in fear and grab onto Tommy's arm; immediately clinging onto him for dear life.

"They’re...they’re still, still here, Tom," she shuddered out, burying her head into his arm as her free hand waved around behind her, blindly trying to find the blankets so that she could cover both of them.

"No one's here, love," Tommy softly told her, "we're not being attacked. There's a thunderstorm happening," he continued, explaining the situation in its entirety.

(Y/N) slowly lifted her head as she heard his words. "But...but the bangs were so loud. I thought for sure that someone was trying to get in, or that an air raid was happening. I did what I was supposed to do, Tommy. I got into this safe room and made sure I was in the bathtub," she explained things from her point of view, making sure to inform him that she'd taken the necessary steps in order to stay safe.

"It's one of those late autumn storms...they’re always worse," Tommy continued to speak calmly, "just gettin’ the last few ones out of the system before the snow comes."

(Y/N) didn't answer right away. Instead she kept her eyes locked with his and searched them, trying to find any hidden lies; anything that would betray the words he was saying.

Tommy watched her as she did this, seeing the panic slip slowly from her features. He waited; watching as her breathing got slower with each second that passed.

Some time passed before (Y/N) finally spoke: "we're...we're not being attacked?" she asked, her voice much calmer now than it was before.

"No, love. It's just a thunderstorm," Tommy answered her.

"And we're ok?" she asked another question.

"Yes," he answered definitively.

"Ok," she breathed, nodding her head as then she took a few more calming breaths.

"This storm will also pass...just like all of the others have," he assured her, running a soothing hand up and down her arm as she loosened the hold she had on his bicep.

"I was so scared, Tommy," she recounted the beginning of the storm then, "I started panicking the second I heard the thunder. I really thought that someone was attacking the house," she shuddered at the thought, now feeling relieved that it had just been another storm.

Her thunderstorm induced panic attacks had been getting better with each one that rolled through. She'd carried this fear ever since she and Tommy lived on Watery Lane. It started during the Great War, when the threat of air raids would occur and send the city into a panic. Then she happened to be home when Campbell and his men broke into their house, so now she worried that any unreasonably loud sound could also be a potential intruder.

Her reaction was always much less severe when Tommy was home, but there were days - like today, when he couldn't be...and she couldn't decipher whether it was a storm or an attack by herself.

The two sat quietly in the bathroom for some time. Neither did much talking. (Y/N)'s hold would tighten on Tommy's arm each time that the thunder rumbled, but her reactions to it were much more mild compared to what they were earlier. Having him with her truly helped to calm her down.

"Do you think the worst is over?" (Y/N) asked once it seemed like the past few rumbles had been softer compared to what they were earlier.

"I think it's passed," Tommy answered with a nod, happy to see the slightest smile form on (Y/N)'s face.

"Can we go see?" she asked him, finally releasing her hold from his arm.

Although Tommy wouldn't freely admit it, he felt sad at the loss of her touch. He didn't comment on his thoughts, but instead nodded his head and allowed her to hold onto the tub's edge so that she could pull herself up and out to stand on the tiled floor again. He let her exit the bathroom first, following closely behind and watching as her eyes went right to the bedroom's large windows.

"It has passed," she said, moreso to herself, seeing the sun that was shining through the curtains. "Can we go outside to make sure?" she then turned to Tommy to ask him.

"We can," he agreed with her idea, allowing her to move to sit on the chaise lounge then, where the pair of shoes she was previously wearing were sitting. He watched as she slipped them on and stood again, coming back over to where he was standing without a word said.

"Let's go," she smiled at him, extending her hand for him to take. He grinned at her, glancing down at her hand before he slipped his into it, wordlessly allowing her to lead them out of the bedroom and down the hallway.

It didn't take long for them to get onto the grounds of their home. (Y/N) immediately took a look around, seeing that the dark clouds had completely passed over and whiter ones had returned in place. The trees, still full of colorful leaves, seemed to look even more vibrant with a coating of water on them.

That was one thing she loved about autumn. Nature always seemed to be at its best then...give or take a few late season thunderstorms. But she'd fight her way through them if it meant that she got to see this beauty each time that they passed.

"It's beautiful out here now," she voiced her thoughts to Tommy as they walked along one of the paths in the garden.

"It is," Tommy agreed with her, "the good returns once the storm passes."

"It does," it was her turn to agree with what he was saying. Silence fell around them then as they walked the grounds of their home. (Y/N) glanced over at him a few times, admiring how he looked in the sinking sunlight.

"Need something?" Tommy asked as he noticed her looking at him, his eyebrows raised in question.

(Y/N)'s cheeks heated up slightly as she realized she'd been caught. "Thank you for helping me earlier, Tommy," she said to him, slipping her hand into his so that she could give it a squeeze.

"I wish I could have gotten home earlier," he stated, his voiced discrepancy making her shake her head.

"Don't beat yourself up with the specifics. You came at the right time," she told him, her eyes holding earnesty.

"I'm happy that I could help you get through it, love," he said, a soft smile forming on his face as he pressed a kiss to her temple. (Y/N) smiled at the gesture and turned her head, pressing a kiss of her own to his jacket covered shoulder.

Not much else was said as the two continued on their way, enjoying one of their final autumn walks before the cold took over and winter arrived.

Tagged: @mgcldydrms @the-anxious-youth @cloudofdisney @look-at-the-soul @elenavampire21 @mrsalwayswrite @julkaamazing @evita-shelby @lilyrachelcassidy @notyour-valentine @shelbydelrey @december16-1991 @onlydeadcells @peakyswritings @just-a-blackhole @watercolorskyy @strayrockette @peakyduchesss @alexxavicry @captivatedbycillianmurphy @yummycastiel @dark-academia-slut @tommystargirl @stevie75 @lyarr24 @signorellisantichrist @zablife @anotherblinder @midnightmagpiemama @cillmequick @rangerelik @dandelionprints @letal-y-poetica @itscheybaby @gypsy-girl-08 @insanitybyanothername @depxiety @raincoffeeandfandoms @dragons-are-my-favorite @acewritesfics @forgottenpeakywriter @cilliansangel @cljordan-imperium @areyenotfondofmelobster @little-diable

MASTERLIST

[ingravinoveritas]

Hello, lovely followers. I was traveling for work again in the second half of this past week, but I'm now home and looking forward to answering all of your Asks that I've been seeing in my inbox. I first wanted to reflect a little bit, however, because this trip was also a personal one for me.

This week's travels took me to Anaheim, California, which is where Disneyland is (I think I actually must've not been far from where David and Georgia just were, funnily enough, as my hotel was right by the park). It wasn't my first trip to Anaheim, though. The last time I was there was when I was 11 years old, on summer vacation with my dad in California while my mom was on a tour in Italy at the same time. As you'd expect, my dad wanted to take me to Disneyland...but I was too scared and overwhelmed, and we only ever got as far as the parking lot. The gates were visible, and I remember how they loomed, that feeling of something foreboding washing over me...but rather than excitement, my tiny body was filled with dread. I mentioned this while in conversation with one of the hotel employees during my stay, and he said, "What kind of kid doesn't want to go to Disney?"

What kind of a kid. Well, an autistic kid. A kid who was constantly anxious, emotional, and terrified of sensory overload. A kid who hated crowds and noise and rides. A kid who didn't travel well to begin with, because she was afraid of new places, anything unfamiliar, anything that wasn't safe and home.

A kid who was me.

Even before this, there were so many ways that the world had said "This is not for you." But still, there was something different about it happening there, in the bright California sunshine. My favorite Disney princess as a kid was always Belle, because she also loved to read and didn't fit in with the people around her. Belle connected more with books and animals than people, and that made me connect with her. But Belle was also beautiful (as Disney princesses tend to be), and thanks to the bullying from my peers, I was very aware that was something I was not. So no matter how much I wanted to be Belle, there was no way I could ever be a Disney princess.

This is not for you.

Thinking about all of this during my trip made me feel so many things, but I was most surprised to find myself feeling a sense of nostalgia in particular, a longing for the child I was, who I wish I could comfort. It also made me feel such sadness for that child and anyone else who finds themselves in a situation or a place where the world thinks they should be happy, but they're not. And there are few things more difficult than feeling that way in (of all places) "the happiest place on Earth."

I didn't end up going to Disney on this trip, even though I had a little bit of time to do so. It's still not for me, but the difference now is that I am okay with that. That need to be the kid who wants to visit Disney--the "good" child, the child who isn't "broken"--has gone away, and I'm more than happy being adult me, and finding a place that fits me, instead of the other way around.

And that was my nostalgia trip, in quite the literal sense of the phrase. I have a picture or two to share in another post, so stay tuned for that as well...

[serve-corps]

Haruhi x fem RICH reader

Haruhi's secret girlfriend snuck Haruhi out of school for a date <3 part 2 here part 2

The cross-dressing girl sighs as the so-called 'daddy' of the host club shrouds himself in a corner with mushrooms being his only trusty companions.

she deadpanned at the male as he kept complaining about how his precious daughter held such low standards as she confessed how she didn't care if those girls from that school, what was it called? oh yeah! Lobelia Girls' Academy; didn't care if they flirted with her and tried to persuade her to join their school instead.

basically, the prefect and most idolized pupil of that school was a massive lesbian. she had no issues with this, but her friends did. Tamaki was terrified of someone stealing his precious little girl from him.

welp. that ship's sailed. ¯\_( ͡❛ ͜ʖ ͡❛)_/¯ she's already got a girlfriend!

our poor Haruhi, (I'm sorry for the bad joke there) flipped open her phone impatiently as she had been doing for the past 2 hours whilst dealing with clients sat RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER.

our (little shit) Kyoya took notice of this and was jotting it down in his little rip-off death note and further analysed her uncharacteristic anxious behaviour.

oh? this was new....her eyes were flicking to the outside, more or so to the entrance.

every noise that sounded like footsteps made her snap her neck in their direction with wide eyes, her facial expressions weren't giving away anything about her emotions or thoughts.

Now, back to Haruhi. She was only slightly worried which is unusual of her, but if the host club was reacting like this to the thought of her going to a different school, how the fuck would they react to her girlfriend who's been with her since middle school.

things got a whole lot worse when her phone vibrated 20 seconds after she put it down, she snapped it open almost at Mach 20, hoping it was her most prized person. AND IT WAS! her lips twitched upwards a little but fell once more as she read her beloved's message.

"hi daffodil, ill pick u up an hpur early today! dont worry i got consent from dad dearest and he phoned the school bout some appointment (fakest shi-) "

"but do u want me to go to ur class and pixk u up or meet me bo the g8? gimmi the word gurl"

"lets make this date as long as possible, ur dad gave the rec spot, said it was "✨️fabulous!✨️". yeah. i could see the sparkles as he said it bro. "

Haruhi smiled as she read over the spammed texts, as soon as she finished reading one text, another popped up with a buzz, she smile widened a bit and her eyes softened as she read over them. she jumped as she remembered she had to fuckin reply of course.

"ok tea cake, ill meet you outside by the gate, try be quiet. also, turn auto correct back on <3"

she closed her phone expecting radio silence but as soon as it was back in her pocket it buzzed once more, sighing and smiling, she flipped it back open to see her lover's message in retaliation.

"AUGHK BUT YOU KEOW IT PISSEs ME OFF >:("

she chuckled at the ironicness and childishness, she could almost hear how she was whining in real life, a phantom voice. God she was making her schizophrenic.

another buzz and she looked at her screen, in calm a calm manner which flustered her,

"love you daffodil"

her cheeks dusted pink at the message, it was the little things that got her down bad, she shut her phone with a loud clap, shoving it into her pocket and she looked back at the club.

all eyes were on her, shit.

for starters, all the clients left about 10 minutes ago when her middle school sweetheart started messaging her, but none of the host club members left.

some were giving her weirded out looks, some were smirking at her knowingly and some were just seriously fucking confused.

the 2 smirking were Hikaru and surprisingly kyoya, the weirded out was Kaoru, and again, weirdly enough mori the remnants were the confused one's honey, and the one and only Tamaki.

she snapped out of her embarrassment and flusteredness, turning herself to face Kyoya.

"Kyoya Sempai, my dad arranged an appointment for me today so I'll be leaving an hour early. I'm sorry but can you move my duties to tomorrow?" she winced at her own question, knowing this was going to be added to her debt.

"hm... I'll just cut today's costs and add them to your debt Haruhi. a completely understandable deal as you're about to go fooling around, not to an appointment." his smirk grew as he cornered her verbally.

he's been onto her for a few weeks about this but he could never picture Haruhi being romantically attracted to anyone. he must have been wrong because she jumped at the remark as if she was caught red handed trying to eat some fancy tuna without the hosts noticing.

her phone buzzed again and she twitched faintly, but since the hosts were already looking at her, they noticed this time, kyoya already noticed the past few times but this was the fist time the whole gang saw it.

she flipped open her phone and turned around, hunching over her phone in secrecy as she felt as though her privacy was about to be deeply invaded.

she looked intently at her screen and it was a message from her oh so precious girlfriend.

"hey daffodil, I messaged u while I was driving b4 but I'm outside ur school now ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ"

Haruhi's eye twitched at the thought of her girlfriend texting while driving only to remember her car can do text to speech, she also has a slang filter on it, it's a digital car! wowie! que the eye-roll.

she snapped her phone shut, turning back to the group, she slowly inched her way backwards to the door subtly, and casually said to Kyoya,

"right you can think what you want but...! well i gotta get to this appointment because as a commoner i can't afford a cancelation fee from the doctor! HAHAHA." she awkwardly came up with excuses and conversation to distract them until her hand touched the door handle. She yanked it down and swung the door open,

"BYE!" she shouted; slamming the door behind her, leaving all the hosts stunned into silence. a shared glance among them.

the crossdressing bloke sprinted down the halls, despite never being the most athletic, this was the fastest she'd ever run, she even skidded a few times on corners! badass.

Once she got to the doors, she barged them open with her shoulder and continued to run down the steps leading out the door, she undid her blazer and tied it around her waist, loosening her tie until it came off. her footsteps thumping on the tiled floors rapidly as she heard Tamaki shout after her screaming "WAIT! HARUHI!!" she was halfway down the path at this point, the gravel making her almost fall a few times but she quickly picked herself back up again. some students male and female blushing at the 'boy' changing while running extremely quickly.

the sound of a car engine could be heard, she panicked and miraculously ran even faster, hearing multiple sets of gravelly footsteps behind her made her panic and alarmed as she was hoping to avoid any confrontation. She skidded as she turned the corner around the fence, to keep herself stable she placed a hand on the cement to make sure she didn't fall, leaning on it as she rounded the gate seeing a car that she recognized in the distance, (y/n)!

she ran down the pavement, running past people who were drawn to the car, accidentally running into a woman and Haruhi apologised profusely.

She ran towards a crowd of people. people who were looking, not because of Haruhi's rush. Even people on the street were looking. not at Haruhi. people were covering their ears, not because of Haruhi. people were taking pictures, not of Haruhi.

they saw something sleek that looked jaw-dropping, it was attracting attention, it looked amazing and even sounded amazing, let alone expensive.

a Gordon Murray T.33, in white and reflective silver, it was stunning.

Anyway, it was a convertible and the hood was up, a girl that was no older than 17 was casually sat in the driver's seat with (y/h/c) hair as she had the sun visor mirror down applying the finish touches of mascara.

the (y/h/c) girl turned in the direction of where she heard running and a out of breath Haruhi who looked like she was being chased by a tall black-haired male and a set of twins lacking behind.

immediately the girl in the driver's seat pressed a button and the hood of the car retracted back into the boot/trunk of the car, she applied a lip balm while this went on, she was calm yet her girlfriend was getting chased by a bunch of men. she didn't give two shits. she knew they wont be an issue.

Haruhi jumped over the car door into the passenger seat with a hop, skip and a fucking jump. panting like there was no tomorrow and like she ran around the country twice at the very least. she looked at her girlfriend in panic as she was still applying lip balm, not even turning on the car to get ready to drive off, it was still in stationary.

"(your nickname!)" Haruhi shouted in desperation.

the boys were getting scarily close to the car and her girlfriend was meant to be a mystery! they couldn't let them find out she had a girlfriend which they already did, but it'd be so much worse if they found out who it was!

if they get caught they're done for!

"aaugh..." Haruhi threw her head back as she shook her head, accepting her fate that not even her lover could save her from this fate.

just as she had that thought,

you popped and smacked your lips together a few times, making sure the lip balm was evenly coating your lips. you snapped the cap back on, putting it into the side door of the car with a neutral expression.

your face then changed to a focused look, you cracked your knuckles and put your hand on the gearshift.

then, shifted the gearstick to automatic mode and the lights turned on in the car, it revved loudly and people cheered at the sound while some kids covered their ears at the loudness. with as much power as you could muster up, you put your foot on the pedal and pressed it to the metal as hard as you could.

the tires spun a few times as you stayed stationary; wobbling a bit as the tired made a squeaking sound and left marks in the road, but then the car shot off into the road, zooming away from the school going straight to 60mph casually building speed to 90mph! your girlfriend put on her seatbelt then she sat up in the car and stuck her hands in the air with a massive smile. this is why she missed her lover. She made her feel free.

the boys that were chasing Haruhi were left in the dust, even more shocked than normal, not even Kyoya was expecting that as he slowly walked up to the boys who wasted their effort in chasing her down.

"hm..." the male with glasses hummed.

back to the lovely couple,

"so haruuu, how was school?" you asked casually as you lowered the speed as there was no way the boys were still on your ass, going the speed limit to make sure there were no issues.

your girlfriend sighed, "some girls from this other school just kept flirting with me, trying to persuade me to join their school and their host club. I'm so done with it" she said in her normal voice.

the car sped up a bit at that comment then slowed right back down with a jolt, making Haruhi lunge forward a bit and turn her head to her girlfriend who was a bit wide eyed, holding the steering wheel tightly.

you slowly turned your head to Haruhi, keeping your eyes on the road until your face was pointing at her, then your eyes left the road and met her own eyes that showed worry.

"huh?" was all you could say.

"Don't worry, I whispered to them I'm taken....they didn't take it well...they thought it was with another member of the host club...."

you stared at Haruhi for a bit until you both jumped at a long, loud honk which was directed at you as you were now going too slow in the middle lane, you turned your eyes back to the road and drove properly only to squeak out a question,

"Fujioka....are you ashamed of me?" your grip on the wheel was faltering only for your worries to be soothed when she replied.

"oh god no. you're like the best thing I have in my life, other than dad." she said, not showing a care in the world. her head leaning on her hand as she absentmindedly looked outside of the window, watching as we sped by some stationary cars and trees.

you sighed a breath of relief.

"I just don't want people trying to be friends with me to try and get to you, and I'm not even talking about money." she said with a sarcastic eye-roll.

your heart swarmed at the consideration Haruhi had for you, that was her way of trying to be protective.

"I love you..."

Haruhi jumped slightly while turning her face to you, her cheeks only faintly pink because she was caught off guard.

"what's with that all of a sudden?" she said questioning your motive, though the comment wasn't unwelcome at all.

you chuckle to yourself then mutter a 'Never mind', you slowly increased your speed as you have a set time you were meant to arrive at the place you were surprising Haruhi with.

"Just let me treat my amazing girlfriend to something that's also amazing" you huffed as you moved your hand from the gearstick and placed it on top of Haruhi's hand which was resting on her lap, you stroked her hand with your thumb, she smiled softly at this and flipped her hand over so she could intertwine her fingers with yours.

"you don't have to y'know?" she retorted while smiling gently at you, observing every detail about your face, hair, smile, eyes, all of you.

you would never think that Haruhi would be a romantic sap but here she is, head over heels for someone who was always her shoulder to cry on when her mother passed, when times were rough, (y/n) always made sure to comfort her, she was good at it too. one second she could be shivering in fear from a lightning storm and the next she's doubled over and laughing her lungs out of her chest.

"again, Daffodil. i want too. anyways! we're gunna head to Tapas Molecular Bar. its about 10 minuets away from where we are now." you said with a wink.

"oh okay- WAIT WHAT?!" Haruhi reacted panicked as she knew damn well that place was expensive.

"nonononono!- I wont be able to afford that!"

you cut her off by clasping your free hand over her mouth.

"daffodil. I'm doing this for you. you do realise this is my 'I'm sorry' present because I missed your birthday?" you said with a frown, still beating yourself up over not telling your parents you couldn't go with them to Russia for business and celebrated with your girlfriend instead. but luckily Haruhi's friends celebrated with her which you were grateful for.

when will your parents realise it's your company not theirs? they treat it like it's their money.

she leant back in the car seat, hitting her head on the headrest in the process. "but (y/n)-" "No buts!" you said with a grin, going around a roundabout and pulling up to a services area and parking.

Haruhi looked at you confused, weren't you meant to be going to a Michelin restaurant?

"love, in the nicest way possible, I think you'd feel a smidge embarrassed if you went to a food place in your uncomfortable uniform" You already knew her question and giggled at her face.

"you don't have to if you want-"

she sighed, cutting you off. "no I see your point. do you have any clothes- of course you do." she rolled her eyes and you wrapped your arm around her seat and grabbed something from the backseats. you pulled out a folded pair of flared black trousers and a flowy white long-sleeve shirt. fashionable and androgynous.

you left the car and went around it, you opened the door for her to step out; clothes in hand. you shut the door behind her and clicked your car key to lock it.

walking in was simple for Haruhi, not for you. people were trying to get you to go in their shops as you looked like you had money to spend. some men hit on you but you scowled at them with disgust and they got angry and pissed off. leaving you alone.

you walked Haru to the bathrooms and kept a watch for any creeps. 2 tried and failed only to leave the building with 5 more bruises than when they came into the building.

Haruhi left the bathroom in her new set of clothes and you wolf-whistled, looking her up and down, apologising immediately after.

she smiled at you and walked out of the automatic sliding entrance doors, you snapping out of it and chasing after her.

getting back in your car, you finish the rest of the drive towards the restaurant. it was quiet as it was a weekday.

Haruhi and yourself sat in a secluded and quiet corner, not very visible to the public, she tried to order the cheapest thing on the menu but you quickly ordered some for her, seafood and a glass of lemonade/lemon soda with exotic berry flavouring while you ordered some other fancy shit that you know tastes damn good with a light cocktail to wash it down. (they didn't ask for ID in this place because you had to be an adult to book and it's pay upfront. they don't care)

Conversations were had between the both of you, laughs were shared and you just fell deeper in love with your girlfriend with every second. it seemed like she was feeling the same with you. some jokes from middle school were brought up which made you both cackle like witches, some problems currently happening were brought to the table and solutions and condolence were shared.

soon enough, the date was over, sadly. the very kind waiter that you two had today placed the cheque in the centre of the table, expecting the bill to be split. you snatched it quickly before Haruhi put some money in, you wrote down the payment of  ¥50,400 (£274.79, $348.76, or €405.10)

Haruhi was left with her hand reaching out to thin air going to grab the cheque before it got snatched with a shocked smile on her face, she didn't even see the price yet but she knew damn well the price was high. she'd pay for the tip at least-

"here, your tip ma'am" your soft voice said to the kind woman.

damn, you beat Haruhi to it. wait... that's a wad of cash! no way! that's more than 15%!

she felt herself die a little inside as you stood with the waiter thanking you profusely and bowing.

you grabbed Haruhi from her seat and rushed her to the car, once again opening the door for her, being a gentlewoman. you drove off back to her home, on the way, however, you forgot to buy dessert at the restaurant! shitballs!

you did some quick thinking and drove across a small stall along a road, pulling over to park somewhere quickly, you jumped out of the car, leaving Haruhi in and locking it. she just sat there confused as she watched you run away.

less than 5 minuets later, you were running back to the car with two large ice creams in your hands, you unlocked your car with difficulty and Haruhi rolled down a window and grabbed the both of them, you then sat in your car, clinking your ice creams with little smiles.

you gazed into her eyes as your hand didn't move, she started brutally attacking her ice cream like it owed her money, usually its the other way around.

she noticed you staring at her so she turned to you and tilted her head in confusion and innocence. you leaned over to her side of the seat and softly kissed her lips, her breath hitched and eyes widened only for her to melt like your ice cream. her lips were cold because of the sweet treat which largely contrasted yours as you hadn't even made a start on it yet. she was pushing you back a bit by pressing her lips firmly back onto yours, so you weren't leaning over her; straining your neck and you both enjoyed it.

you pulled away from her as her lips had warmed a bit and coincidently so did her cheeks, you smiled at your accomplishment at making her look more cute than normal, starting on your melting ice cream.

the silence was deafening for a minute or two, then both of you broke out into a fit of giggles, it always feels like your first time whenever you kiss her, I'm guessing it's the same for her but it just adds to the cuteness.

you finished your ice cream as it was basically liquid yet hers was still in her cone, you felt jealous. eyeing up her ice cream that was somehow by some miracle solid, you leaned your head on her shoulder, slowly shuffling your head closer and closer to her ice cream until she sighed and just put it in front of your mouth.

a bright look crossed your face as you stuck your tongue out and scooped a bit out of the cone. savouring the sweetness, you relax yourself back on her shoulder. She chuckled at what you thought was your pure stupidity. but to her; adorableness.

she turned her head to face you whilst your eyes were shut. they only opened once more when you felt her put her lips on your own, you let out a startled hum only for you to close your eyes again and place a hand on her cheek, now savouring her instead of the treat. this kiss lasted a long time, you were no where near complaining, you just remembered you had a deadline you had to bring your girlfriend home to. you shot up from her shoulder as well as her lips unfortunately and checked the time.

10 MINUETS TO GET HER BACK OR YOURE D E A D .

"shit! sorry Haru! i gotta get you back your dads gunna kill me!!!"

you started up the car and almost sped to her apartment, barely dodging a few tickets here and there but you made it in one piece. you parked your car and opened the door for your beautiful soulmate and held her hand, walking her up the stairs.

just as you got to the door, you noticed something. of course it wouldn't be a classic date if you got ice cream and you didn't clear ice cream off her face., you rolled your eyes at the cliché antics of how the world worked.

in the illuminated hallway Infront of her door, you said "Haruhi, don't move please"

you leaned down and pecked the side of her mouth, clearing away the remaining ice cream. she looked at you with wide eyes and then pouted at you.

"oh c'mon...how could you miss?" she retorted with sarcasm, you were confused so this time it was your turn to tilt your head in questioning, only for her to grab your cheek and go on her tippy toes to plant the softest peck onto your lips, your face turns red at the display of affection as you were very under prepared for that, your mind was scrambled as she rubbed your cheek and chuckled, she tuned away towards her door and yanked down the handle, shouting a " DAD! I'm hoommee!!"

she walked through the door, giving you a wink before she got glomped by her father and closed the door on impact.

you strode back to your car and headed for the location called home which was all your property by the way, your parents just claim it's theirs despite the fact you paid for it.

as soon as you left, you were unaware of the group watching you drop her off back home, most were left stunned for multiple reasons, for the fact Haruhi was so happy for once, it seemed genuine. she seemed different, she managed to get someone romantically and finally, someone was crying because his "daughter" was no longer pure.

despite how hard he tried, kyoya couldn't find out a single thing about you...the only one who matched your description was the self-made billionaire child prodigy who originated from the United Kingdom and travelled globally for work, named (y/n) (l/n). there was no way....she could shut all of their companies down as a host club and their parents in one collaboration... how did Haruhi get with someone like her?

your thoughts on your drive home and for the rest of the night were, 'how in the hell did I get with someone as great as Haruhi?...'

part 2 here part 2

THANKS FOR READING! PLEASE GIVE ME SOME RECOMMENDATIONS!

[sihtricfedaraaahvicius]

My EACON3 post is finally here... with all my photos.

I'll skip the trip and go straight to the con because I fear it's going to be a long one. I am not going into details about the panels and other things that went on, but mainly about my interactions with the guests as that's what the con is about, right? I am also probably forgetting a bunch of stuff, so I might add things later if I recall them again, and here and there I may remember things in a different order.

The con started friday evening, I had won tickets to the game night and let me tell you I was terrified and not prepared. On top of that I was exhausted from the trip and had shitty medication side effects too because I had swapped meds earlier that week. Yes, fuck my life.

To make all THAT worse, while I was waiting in line to enter the game room I got texts from my friends who were at the cocktail party with the guests and they told me Arnas had long(er) hair and some facial hair. It was over for me before it started (IYKYK)

Luckily his facial hair was minimal and his hair wasn't long enough for me to go insane, but still, the tone was set and I avoided him like the fucking plague for real

Let me first say that I didn't expect Arnas to recognise me to be fair, as it had been like, what, half a year since we met in Germany? We had a brief interaction on insta a few days before eacon tho and that had made me a little anxious that he might remember me, but I did not want to be delusional so I kept telling myself he simply wouldn't remember me (haha....)

For the game I was in a team with Eliza, Stefanie and Ossian. Eliza is the life of the party and made everyone introduce themselves in our group. For some reason people always struggle with my name, so I had to repeat my name like 5 times and the entire group eventually shouted my name back at me to get it right, which the whole room could more or less hear, and behold; I looked up and saw Arnas glanced my way and then I just knew for sure that he now knew it was me (and I stressed out)

The game itself was hilarious, we played the card game Werewolves and Eliza was simply so much fun, Stefanie was more quiet but so sweet and Ossian… fucking hell, me and Ossian became rivals real fast. He kept saying he didn't trust me (in the game) and felt I was suspicious, which led to him turning the whole group against me and being cast out (which was part of the game). Eventually it turned out that he was completely wrong about my character in the game and, well, I casted him out the next round in revenge. We were going at each other, lovingly, and he was 100% the biggest surprise of the weekend for me by how cool he was and I became an instant fan of him because of his personality. 10/10, cool dude!

Random note: at some part during the game I heard Arnas laugh so hard in his own group while our group tried to concentrate and I struggled not to burst in laughter because of that and it was rough.

When the game was over, Christian and Harry stopped by every group for a brief chat and wow; Christian, beautiful man irl?! He also photobombed my group photo we took afterwards. 10/10, lovely dude! and Harry was HILARIOUS. Did not expect, another 10/10!

After the game I left the room and literally walked past Arnas without looking at him because I just couldn't??? I was so nervous because of the stupid jokes I made to him since Germany, I just couldn't face him for some reason and my meds side effects made me want to hide (constant flushed cheeks, it's awful, even when I'm shivering cold) however, I felt bad about avoiding him because I worried then maybe he wondered why I didn't say hi when we clearly "knew each other" so to say but, well, I went to bed and called it a night.

Saturday morning was rough. I slept well, the meds side effects had lessened so I looked more decent (until later that day again ugh) and I had a selfie lounge ticket for 10am (that's no hour for selfies). I met up with @mrsarnasdelicious and we stuck together for the lounge.

James was the first to approach us, and he was incredibly lovely (and tall, wow). He asked us where we were from and was overall just super kind. We took a few photos and then he continued to the next people. 10/10!!

Then Stefanie came over and again, she is lovely and gooooooorgeous!! She told me she liked my dress as it had the shoulders cut out and she loved that it showed my tattoos. I can't remember what else we talked about unfortunately, but just know she was a pleasure to meet. 10/10, hope to meet her again!

Up next we had Mark! I was so excited to finally talk to him, because in Germany I only saw him during my duo photo op, and we couldn't really talk. I told him I was super excited about him being in the second season of Rogue Heroes and he was so enthusiastic I mentioned it that he rambled on about several things that happened on set when he was filming that season and my heart was so, so happy. I did truly have a hard time keeping up with him talking because of his accent. Mark also agreed that 10 in the morning was an ungodly hour for a selfie lounge and we felt both tired lmao. He's a whole 10/10!!

Eliza was next and she remembered me from the game night and I ended up telling her that I saw on her insta that she went to a Coldplay show in Sweden earlier that year, which I was supposed to go to as well, but I had to sell my tickets due to several reasons. We had a Coldplay fangirl moment and it was everything, I got to show her my several Coldplay tattoos as well and basically she's just a queen who hypes everyone up. Love her! We agreed that at the next Coldplay tour we'll be together at the show (I wish!) 10/10!!!!

Then we met Eysteinn!! My god!! No words. He is so sweet and shy and soft spoken, we absolutely vibed. We bonded over the fact that we both love to travel by train and really don't like travelling by plane. He loves to journal during his trips while I told him I love to read or just watch the scenery. Absolutely a blessing of a man! When I took our selfie I told him that I suck at taking selfies, and he said he has the same problem, so we just made the best of it together. 14/10, he's absolutely adorable.

The dreaded moment arrived…………… Arnas came up to us at this point and I had no chance of avoiding him anymore and all my bad jokes flashed before my eyes-

He greeted me with a happy 'Labas!' (Hi in Lithuanian) and he gave me a hug and I told him 'Laba diena' (good day) which he said was very good. Before I could say anything else he asked me where Danas was (long backstory to this, won't write that all here) I told him Danas did not want to join me to the con so he's back home. Arnas then went on a ramble about how he understood that, because he also wouldn't want to be in the same room with the guy his partner would have a crush on and also wondered why it's okay for women to have crushes, but boyfriends are not allowed to have crushes. I said 'I asked Danas several times who his crush is, but he always tells me he has none.'

Arnas was very pleased with himself here and said; 'haha, see, I totally tricked you into telling me I'm your crush, because I didn't know that.'

me: well *rolls eyes, lowkey shrug* (I believe at this point he "teased" @mrsarnasdelicious for a moment and girlie, you know you were rightfully flustered and it was cute, while I was left rather unphased by his remarks and I still believe that is why he began to rile you up hahaha)

Arnas then went on about the crushes problem in relationships and mentioned to me his gf would "not be happy" if he had a crush. He then somehow flipped the topic towards being obsessed with someone and I cut him off there saying; 'wow, but now you're implying I'm obsessed with you, and that is completely something else.'

Mans got put back in his place and apologised because he was totally blowing smoke up his own ass there (in his own words) and agreed that having a crush and being obsessed are two different things. And honestly the whole moment was chaotic and very surreal.

We also somehow ended up talking about other Lithuanian words and I told him I knew the word that means chicken, which he agreed was very important to know and we started saying 'chicken' in different languages, he then asked me what the French word was and we pondered for a second but I then remembered and it was rather wholesome and completely random????????

We finally got ready to take our selfie but then he wanted to record a video for Danas in Lithuanian. He started talking and I was like; 'what, no, I'm taking a photo?' He then said we could take a photo first but insisted on the video so yeah we made a video where he said some Lithuanian saying and yeah.. It was again very, very surreal. 10/10, still baffled he remembered me and Danas, who he has never met.

Up last we met Timothy and I told him I was very excited to meet him, because in Germany I was too broke to get a photo with him. We spoke about the German con and he said how surreal that con was because he had slept at the airport, arrived just in time, then at one point he went to the toilet and walked into William Shatner, which left him kinda starstruck, and he said 'it felt like I was in the upside down!' and then he apparently walked out of the toilets and walked into a Stranger Things cosplayer and he was about to lose his mind. Genuinely the most amazing anecdote of the weekend. Another 10/10!

Later that day I had polaroid photo ops, one with Eysteinn and one with Arnas. Eysteinn was once again lovely and asked if we should just pose cool, and well, see the result below.

The polaroid with Arnas was chaos again. For some reason he likes to say 'Sanneeeeee' when he sees me (vocal stim? perhaps. also he never struggled with my name, bless) so he did that, but I was exhausted from the whole day and couldn't hide it anymore while he was still high energy. He gave me a hug as I said I was so tired and we then cursed in Dutch at the same time. I asked if he knew anything else in my language and he proceeded to say in Dutch; 'what do you want?' and this left me shook: 'sleep tight, hot thing' (roughly translated). James then asked what language we spoke, we said Dutch, which James thought was cool and he got ready to take the photo. I asked Arnas how we should pose and he went 'should we do the Lithuanian anthem or is that too much?' I jokingly agreed it was too much and we both placed our hand on our heart and James said he loved the pose and told us to hold it. See the result below!

The panels I went to throughout the day were fun and I also met several super lovely people during the day like @whitedarkmoonflower, @bubblyabs (we hung out most of the con and again, bless you!) and also I met @sihtricsafin!

Later that day I was getting an autograph from Arnas and gave him the letters and art some people had sent to me, which he absolutely loved at first quick glance, and he said that his favorite con moment is actually after the con where he goes through the stuff that people have given him. He randomly told me he liked my necklace and I told him I actually got in in Vilnius at a fair earlier that year and he liked that, then asked me which fair it was but I told him I didn't remember. We then spoke a bit about Vilnius in general and it was great. When he saw the keychain that @thalygremlinsson made him (a gremlin with his mismatched eyes) he said he'd put it on his keychain and he also told me a random story how a firework flew into his home when he was a kid while he was playing with a gremlin toy??? I also have no idea besties. Anyway, we got to take another selfie again and…

Speaking about my friend @sihtricsafin… we joined each other in the autograph line for Arnas, and she had bought a recording of her autograph and asked me to film it, which I did, and well, the problems between me and Arnas then began. His handwriting was brought up and he remembered I messaged him as a reply to his story months ago that I thought his writing has not good enough to get tattooed (lighthearted) he agreed then and wrote he was happy I hadn't tattooed it, but apparently he was still "bitter" about that and we got it all on tape.

Also we found out he has never seen Nightmare Before Christmas and did not know who Jack Skellington was after asking my friend about the skull on her beanie (it was Jack), he then jokingly said something like that they didn't have a tv in Lithuania when he was younger. 

Also found out he thinks Muse is a great band and he played Otherside by RHCP on his speaker at some point (bass player!Sihtric confirmed???)

Aaaand that was more or less the end of my saturday at the con!

Sunday was rough. I was very tired from the days before but we pulled through. The day started with a group panel and later that day I had a photo op with Arnas.

Mans absolutely looked me up and down when I approached him at the op and ngl, I am not attracted to Arnas in real life (unless he has the SKMD/Masema haircut and the facial hair) but that split second 100% affected me and left me bewildered for a sec LMAO

I had no idea how to pose, and he said 'oh, classic, Sanne,' (someone was still petty (jk)) and then we both just posed as if we had no clue what to do, but it turned out to look like we are a married couple in the verge of a divorce and I love it

@whitedarkmoonflower gave me an autograph ticket for Mark (as I gave her two selfie tickets so we kinda swapped) and Mark gives great hugs btw! He signed my book but the marker fucked up so I got the cover and the inside page signed by him. bless.

Later that day I had a selfie with Christian and one with Harry because they weren't at the selfie lounge on saturday. Harry was so kind and I wished him good luck with all his future projects and he really really appreciated that. He's so sweet! When I took my photo with Christian he said 'oh, great camera! Or do we just look good because we are two beautiful people?'

Now, I usually ignore compliments bc I suck with them, but I just said 'both,' because in that moment we were just two beautiful people taking a selfie. He said he loved my skull tattoo and that he considered getting a skull tattoo himself (something along those lines) which was really cool???

I then went to Eysteinn to get my polaroid signed, and he said he liked the photo and that we looked like a death metal band. I said I'm up for that and told him I can play drums, he then told me he can play piano and I said we could make that work, to which he smiled (god… that smile). He loves to give hugs, so I got one, and it was great!!

Okay… so, very last minute I decided to get my polaroid with Arnas signed and it was a shit show (positive). It started with the fact he mentioned he didn't like the Beatles (he was playing his own music on speaker again) except for one song and he then looked at me and said 'or is it because I am a snob?' I shrugged and said 'perhaps.' Big mistake. He was "offended" and said he thought he was amongst friends here. I snapped back and told him I heard from my friends the day before that he told them that I trash talk about his handwriting to everyone (something like that). He got defensive and said it wasn't true blahblahblah, we both didn't give up and (lovingly) argued about it. He then finally signed my polaroid and messed up (obviously with that handwriting) and he said that it was my fault (man child) and wrote a petty ass message on the polaroid (toddler). We then told each other (more quietly) that he wasn't talking bad about me and I told him I knew that, but it was sweet of him to clear up that he truly never intended to make something sound bad and I in my turn told him I understood that, and there was this mutual understanding that everything was just a joke but that bickering was rather intense, and I think we both felt the need to make sure we both knew this was never serious, which truly made me love his personality even more.

We ended on good terms and a hug, I told him good evening in Lithuanian and then left. And with that, the con got to an end too.

When I got home the next evening I had only stepped through the door and received a dm from Arnas with a photo of the postcard I gave him, indicating he had read my message to him and it was honestly the most perfect way to end that entire weekend. The timing was insane and I shed a tear!

Well then… if you are still reading this, damn, thank you! I hope you enjoyed this mess of a post and here are the photos. also yes I know, I have like one selfie face, I already said I suck at selfies...

[maochira]

reader x Kunigami, Chigiri, Shidou, Sae, and Rin where reader has a deep phobia of needles (as in, she'll go pale, start trying to crawl away in the chair, start crying, etc.) LOTS OF CUDDLES PLZ (this totally isn't because I'm due for my covid booster and my mom forgot that I needed it so she hasn't set an appointment and I get nervous everyday about it😐)

Hi anon!! I feel you. I have a huge phobia of needles as well,, Also I'm kinda bad at writing Sae and Rin outside of sibling stuff so I didn't do them for this sorry!!

Requests open!

Current writing event

Tags: gn!reader, comfort, uhhh needles mentioned, is written with the intention of platonic headcanons but can be seen as romantic as well

Sypnosis: you need to get a blood test done very soon and feel anxious about it due to your phobia, but luckily you got your best friend to comfort you!!

Kunigami knows about your phobia of needles, so when you tell him about the blood test you have coming up soon, he knows inside you're anxious, even though you're trying to laugh it off. He keeps asking if you're fine and if you want to talk about it, but you decline each time. You just feel like you'd be a bother with a fear like that. But Kunigami makes sure you know it's alright for you to vent, so the day before the blood test you talk a lot about it with him. He tries his best to reassure you it's going to be fine, but he also knows it's hard to deal with phobias, so he's trying to not push you too much. He sees how anxious you get when just talking about it and it makes him worried about how you're going to feel when you're actually at the doctor, so he offers to come along, which you immediately accept. Having Kunigami with you makes you feel a bit safer. You still feel panicked and cry, but Kunigami helps you to sit still and prevents you from getting a look at the needle, even while they're taking the blood, so you won't freak out.

You told Chigiri about your upcoming blood test immediately after you found out about it, and since he always knew and has seen you terrified of needles, he gets very worried about how you'll be feelings for the next few days. He tries to reassure you that you'll be fine and that you can get through this because taking blood only takes a few minutes. But no matter how helpful Chigiri tries to be, it can't calm your nerves completely, so you ask if he could come along when they're taking your blood. Chigiri is a little confused at first, but quickly agrees to it. He's already seen you near needles once, so he kind of knows what to expect. You really try to stay calm when the nurse walks towards you with the needle in their hand, but you keep moving in your seat, trying to escape. You only manage to calm down enough to sit still when Chigiri wraps his arm around your shoulder and makes you close your eyes until it's over. The entire time, he's talking to you about unrelated things to distract you.

When you tell Shidou about your blood test coming up soon, he doesn't notice how anxious you are about it right away. It takes him a few more minutes until he realizes your voice is slightly panicked, so he asks what's wrong. After telling him about your phobia, his first instinct is to reply with a joke about how he could bite your arm instead so they can get your blood without needing a needle. It makes you laugh and feel a little better, but the fear doesn't leave you. Shidou has no idea what to do, so he half-jokingly offers to come along and distract you when they're taking your blood. He didn't really expect you to say yes, but he didn't complain about it either. Usually, Shidou talks a lot, even when he knows shouldn't. But as he sits next to you while the nurse is preparing the needle, is one of the few times you get to witness him being completely silent. He just holds your hand and looks at you with a half-worried half-serious face. Although, his silence is weirdly comforting. But actually, he's most likely silent because he knows if he says too much he could get kicked out, and he doesn't want to leave you alone. Also, he brought a bandaid with tiny dinosaurs on it to put on your arm instead of the boring ones you usually get at the doctor.

[pikatrainer99]

So...I figured I should probably elaborate on Kieran after my last reblog so you all get where I'm coming from with my stance on him...

(Basically the TLDR of this post is this: I like Kieran much better when he's like this, look how happy he is, it's adorable 🥺)

(He legit terrifies me when he's like this though...😖)

My thoughts on him changed drastically throughout my playthrough of the DLC multiple times...and I'm gonna explain why.

First, when I first met him in the Teal Mask, I thought he was an adorkable socially awkward shy bean and I loved him because I'm very much the same way. Being (what seemed to me like) his first friend reminded me of how much of my childhood I spent friendless and the joy I felt at finally having one friend back in my last year of elementary school. As the Teal Mask story went on though, Kieran started to change...and I didn't know how to feel about the direction his character was headed...because it triggered traumatic memories in me...memories of that friend I had finally made...well...one day suddenly revealing that the friendship was never genuine and that they hated me the whole time, and they betrayed me...in a HARD-HITTING WAY...completely out of the blue, too...I had no idea what was happening with them or what I had done to deserve that awful treatment, but it didn't matter because I still got that treatment. I'm not going to go into the details because it's still terrifying to think about...but it was BAD...bad enough that I have severe PTSD because of this person. So, as you might expect from what I just told you, the way Kieran just suddenly turned on me in the Teal Mask story really made me have to make sure to use my coping skills and calming strategies in order to not have a PANIC ATTACK over a VIDEO GAME. And the ending of the Teal Mask where Kieran seemed to HATE me made me feel really scared for the Indigo Disk story and I tried my best to not think about it too much until it came out because I always felt nauseous if I thought about it. And even when it came out it took me a long time to be able to bring myself to finally play it... Kieran's new look reminded me even more of my real life friend turned bully I mentioned above, who also changed their look and even dyed their hair to a similar purple-ish color after the whole incident (yes I know Kieran didn't dye his hair, it's naturally purple-ish underneath, but my point still stands, it was similar enough to trigger me further), and I had a panic attack over it when I saw it in the trailer before the Indigo Disk came out. My thoughts were basically 'This is middle school all over again...' and I was not looking forward to facing the memories again, it was making me feel more and more anxious and sick as each day passed and it got closer to the release of the Indigo Disk. I also had more and more nightmares about that real life person which made me more and more tired and irritable, so that was not fun either. But...I knew I had to play it eventually, so to prepare myself for my own playthrough, I decided to prepare myself both physically and mentally by watching other people's playthroughs of the story first...multiple times. You have no idea how relieved I was when I found out that the story had a happy ending and Kieran was able to snap out of it, feel serious remorse, and resolve to change his ways and make everything right again. As you can probably guess from how visceral my reactions to this entire thing were, that did NOT happen with my real life friend turned bully...I'm pretty sure that individual still hates my guts to this day and I still to this day have absolutely NO CLUE what I did to make them turn on me so viciously like that. Anyway, I watched probably ten or twelve playthroughs on YouTube before I finally worked up the courage to play it myself. I finally finished it yesterday and I am glad that everything ended all well and good. I am so relieved and I am back to being a Kieran fan again now that he is back to his normal adorkable self. Now I only have the epilogue left to do in Violet and then I have to go through the entire DLC again in Scarlet...but I think I'll be fine for the DLC playthrough in Scarlet now that I've experienced everything in Violet.

So yeah, lots of complicated emotions and visceral reactions and stuff with my view of this fictional video game character...but I couldn't help it since he was a legit PTSD trigger for me during the last bit of the Teal Mask and the majority of the Indigo Disk...at least he's back to normal now though.

Anyway, what are you guys' thoughts on Kieran? How did you react throughout his arc? Which look do you like better on him, hair up or down? Feel free to let me know your thoughts on Kieran in the comments below!

[goodluckclove]

Hey so, in regards to my last post on electroshock, I'm processing more with my dear friend @ivaspinoza and have concluded that I am upset and need to rant a little about using this as a troupe. It's probably not going to be pretty or encouraging at the end like my usual thoughts on writing, so if you don't want to see me genuinely upset, I'd skip this.

Trigger warning for electroshock, medical trauma, family trauma, unreality. Be safe, friends.

So I read a whump prompt post that threw in "shock treatment" as a possible tactic that would leave a Whumpee "shaking and terrified". No further details on how or why, it was just a single reference as to a thing you can do to a character in your writing. I was surprised to read it, it was the first time I've seen it referenced in the prompt ideas that pop up on my For You page, and over the course of the next hour I proceeded to get more and more upset.

I wasn't planning on doing anything about it. It's frankly a new experience for me to be triggered like this over something I see online. I had no direct interaction with the post because I told myself that the writer just had a severely limited understanding. Maybe they're young. When I was in early high school I would've thought shock treatment was an edgy thing to happen to a person in a piece of media.

And it's that thought that ultimately motivated me to sit you all down and say something you might not realize. Writers, artists, you guys all know that Electroshock Therapy...still happens, right?

It happens a lot. 100K people a year, more or less, according to a singular Google search. It's not common, and it's only used for severe cases, but it is used. And oftentimes it's a pretty big deal. In fact, I'd dare say that it can be permanently and absolutely devastating for a family.

It was for mine.

My mom got ECT for severe depression when I was around 19 years old. From what I know, that's one of the only cases in which doctors will offer it - depression, mania, and schizophrenia that aren't successfully managed by any other means. For a few months my dad would drive her once, sometimes twice a week for treatments. She would have to wear diapers to the clinic they took her to, because since ECT is just the process of inducing multiple small seizures she would often piss herself.

She would not come home shaking. She would come home tired. I don't even think they gave her drugs. I've had a small seizure before, you aren't left twitchy and anxious - you're tired. You want to lie down. She would sit in the backyard in a daze. I would have to tell her to raise her arms so I could cut off her hospital bracelets. She wasn't catatonic, either. She could still hold a conversation and make jokes. In many ways she seemed normal. Just tired, tired, tired. A little absent in a sense.

The mood changes were stark and frightening. She would throw things. Dad told me she shattered a glass elephant I bought her as a present. She would storm into my room and scream at me for no reason. I bought a mini-fridge so I wouldn't have to go into the kitchen when I'd get hungry. If she was terrified, it didn't look like how you'd expect.

I stopped staying at home as often. I would leave the house before she woke up, sleep all day on the couch in the upstairs of a coffee shop that I considered a second home, and only come back once my Dad was back from work. While Mom was undergoing ECT, I was afraid to be alone with her. One night I had nothing else to kill time with, and to avoid going home immediately I skipped taking the lightrail back from downtown and instead biked eight miles on a freeway bike path, alone, at night.

My dad had me stay at my grandmas for a month because I couldn't take it anymore. This probably blew up in his face, as by then Mom forgot why I left. She thought he kicked me out. She kept asking me to come back and telling me she loved me. She did not remember almost kicking me out herself the night before I left.

ECT fucks your short term and long term memory. If you met my Mom she would tell you her depression is cured, and that's because she no longer has any memory of any of her childhood and most of her adulthood. That means, by proxy, she no longer remembers raising me or any of her other children.

I asked my mother if she remembered anything from my life growing up and she said no. For a birthday present that year I wrote all my favorite memories with her because now I'm the only person that knows they actually happened.

And you know what's crazy? Doctors use ECT as a last resort because they don't really know what it does long-term. I'm learning first hand, though. Mom went in for round two of treatment a little over a year later (Did you know ECT has a relapse rate of a little over 50%?) and the results were about the same. But as time goes on her memory is getting worse. When I saw her for the last time, about a month before going no-contact, she was forgetting things I said earlier in a conversation. If she develops early onset dementia I will not be surprised.

Was it worth it? I don't know.

Is it ever worth it? I don't know. I just don't know.

What I do know is that Electroshock is the most impactful thing that has ever altered my life and the lives of my family. More so than Mom's suicide attempt. It is a massive, tragic, terrifying thing. I'm not saying that you can't talk about it in media. Next to Normal does a pretty good job depicting it, and that's because they had the sense to research and ask people with experiences.

People use SA as a trope and understand it's a big deal. People use suicide as a trope and understand it's a big deal. If you're going to mention ECT as a plot point in your story, go ahead, just take the time to actually know what you're saying and doing.

Please. Have some respect.

[twinchampionsofkalos]

♚ - a memory of something paranormal

Serena wasn't scared. She wasn't scared at all. Sure the house was dark and full of odd creaking sounds, but that was nothing. It was all just for show, there weren't any real ghosts in here.

Shauna, on the other hand, didn't seem as convinced. She was clinging to Serena's arm pretty tightly. Serena had expected this. Shauna loved spooky stuff like this. Whenever they'd have movie nights she'd always vote for a scary movie and she'd been the one to suggest they visit the Scary House in the first place. Despite that, she always acted terrified and Serena was never able to figure out if she was faking it or was genuinely scared.

Regardless, Serena held her friend close and patted her on the head. "There, there, it'll be okay. There's nothing to be afraid of."

"Yeah, we'll be fine." Calem agreed. "There's no scary things here."

Serena could tell he was lying. Which meant he could tell she was lying. Both of them were actually pretty scared themselves, and just putting on brave faces for the sake of looking cool.

"You're right." Trevor said, scrolling through an ebook on his Holo Caster.

Trevor was the most timid of all of them. He'd always been anxious and socially awkward. He preferred to avoid confrontation and typically hid behind his friends when the situation got tense. Despite this, he was keeping a remarkably cool head. It seemed that if he was able to filter a situation through the lens of research and science, it became less scary for him.

"According to this, there's none of the signs typical of a haunting." He said. "Not even from a Ghost-Type Pokemon."

"A-are you sure?" Shauna asked. She almost sounded disappointed.

"Well, it is a bit cold." Trevor replied. "But it can get pretty chilly in this part of Kalos, especially at night."

Tierno laughed and smacked Trevor on the back. "That's our Trev for you."

Before they could continue their conversation, they came across a man standing in front of a crackling fireplace. He was dressed all in white, with a white hat and a white suit. His hair was also white and he had a pale complexion.

"Th-that looks like a g-ghost to me!" Shauna exclaimed.

The man chuckled. "I'm not a ghost. I'm flesh and blood, just like you."

Shauna breathed out a sigh of relief. So did Calem and Serena, though they hadn't realized they'd been holding it in.

"So, what brings you to my decrepit old house." The man said. "I don't get many visitors out here, you know."

"But isn't this-" Trevor began before Shauna elbowed him.

"I mean... we are but travelers seeking shelter from the rain."

Never mind the fact that there was no rain. The man chuckled again, clearly pleased that they were playing along.

"Oho. In that case, why don't I tell you a story."

"A sc-scary story?" Shauna asked.

"Perhaps." The man said with a sly smile.

Suddenly, the fire in the fireplace went out. There was the hiss of a match and a spark, and a single candle lit up the old man's face.

"It was a dark and stormy night many years ago. Lost, I arrived at this house and went inside. The lights would not turn on, so I fearfully looked around the house. Eventually, I made my way into the kitchen. There was no sign of anyone being there... I found the fridge, and when I opened it, a faint light leaked out. I could finally make out my surroundings. And I saw the faint outline of a man huddling in the corner of the room.

I tried to tell him that I was lost and I was hoping he'd let me stay until morning, but when I approached him... The man suddenly screamed,

"Stay back!"

I apologized and continued to plead my case. "Please, can't you help me?"

"I'm not talking to you!" he shouted.

I looked at the man in surprise. When I did this, the man asked me...

"Can't you see them? Behind you! A horde of faceless men!"

There was a pause. Nobody seemed quite sure what to say. It was clear the story hadn't had its desired effect. After about 30 seconds, the man clapped and the lights turned back on. He held out his hand expectantly.

"Well?"

"Well what?" Shauna asked.

"Aren't you going to give me a tip?" The man said.

"Seriously!?" Shauna exclaimed, all traces of her previous fear gone. "You're charging us!?"

"Hey, I've gotta eat too!" The man replied.

Shauna sighed. "Fine." She dug 300 Poke out of her pocket and deposited it in the man's hand.

"Thank you." He said smugly.

"Sheesh, lets get out of here." Shauna grumbled, leading the way out of the not-so-Scary House.