#i've been crying over merry these last two days

[so-called-quail]

'Are we riding far tonight, Gandalf?' asked Merry after a while. 'I don't know how you feel with small rag-tag dangling behind you; but the rag-tag is tired and will be glad to stop dangling and lie down.' 'So you heard that?' said Gandalf. 'Don't let it rankle! Be thankful no longer words were aimed at you.

Sorry, Gandalf...

Merry felt more like unneeded baggage than ever, and he wondered, if there was a fight, what he should do.

Merry got up and yawned. His few hours' sleep had not been nearly enough; he was tired and rather dismal. He missed Pippin, and felt that he was only a burden, while everybody was making plans for speed in a business that he did not fully understand.

'I am afraid I am only in everybody's way,' he stammered; 'but I should like to do anything I could, you know.'

...Merry absolutely let it rankle.

[icallhimjoey]

Can we have a sweet and soft Christmas eve with Joey? Just the two of us? pretty please

this was requested at the perfect time, so thank you, and merry christmas my sluts! Wordcount: 1.7K

---

Still Love Me?

"I'm sorry, I'm not crying because I'm upset, d-don't worry, I just..."

You don't get like this very often. Usually, trying to be extra affectionate makes you scrunch your nose up, makes you squirm and laugh and cringe. Makes you push him away, not taking the extra hugs and kisses seriously at all.

Joe doesn't mind.

"What's wrong?"

It's actually nice to not always feel the need to give you more. To not be afraid that maybe you'd be upset after not immediately coming over to hug and kiss you when he'd walk in at the end of the day.

But something's different tonight.

It's likely the holiday stress that's getting to you. Nothing a pair of extra affectionate warm embracing arms won't fix.

"I thought we had more cheese, but all we've got left is this..."

You suppress a sob.

Unsuccessfully.

Joe knows the tears are only there because all of everything has come together for the perfect storm, and you're just about ready to fall apart.

It's sort of cute that it's a lack of cheese that does it, and Joe's secretly glad it's not something that he'd done or said that got you. That it's not his fault, and that he doesn't have to apologise over something unimportant.

It's fine, though, the crying.

Joe had been ready for it.

He's got steady hands and is prepared to catch whatever needs catching. Knows how to put you back together just fine.

"Why did I do this? I've got to stop sneaking things, I– look, there's no... this is all we've got..."

You've got family coming over tomorrow, and it's the first year that your place is the spot for the big get together. It's nerve-racking in new ways you didn't know existed before because you're bringing both sets of parents in, and all you want to do is make the family proud.

Be the perfect daughter.

Have the stepmothers and stepdads get along as well as all of the divorced people. All of the siblings. Step-siblings.

Fuck, there's too many people coming over.

Could you still cancel, do you think?

You just... you just want Christmas be wholesome, and festive, and cosy, full of laughter and love and just... have it be perfect.

It's almost become a bit of a passion project, and it's quite literally driven you mad.

Well. Driven you to tears, at least.

Joe looks over and sees you hold a little block of brie cheese. It's not much, and it's got a bite taken out of it.

"Wait, did you–" Joe's already smiling, because what the fuck is he looking at right now? His girlfriend's got tears in her eyes and is stood in front of the opened fridge door, holding a bit of French cheese that has teeth marks in.

Surely, you are able to imagine what this looks like from his point of view.

It's at least a little funny.

But another sob wracks from your chest and all Joe can do is step closer and wrap arms around your shaking frame.

He's allowed to laugh as he does so.

"I didn't know- I thought we had more, b-but this was all we have, and I snuck a bite last night, because I– I was peckish and just wanted a little something, and–"

"Hey," Joe leans back and gets your face in both his hands. He's still smiling. Can't not smile, because this is ridiculous, but you also look very cute. Red nose. Fat tears stuck in your eyelashes. The colour of your eyes about ten times brighter because of the unshed ones.

"We'll serve 'em dry crackers, and they'll fucking take what they're given, all right?"

You pout and hold up the evidence of your late-night-snack-run in your own kitchen from the night before. It's right in between your faces and gives Joe a chance to really see the cause of the outburst.

"Still love me?"

Joe looks at the brie a second and then lurches forward with a growl, sinking teeth into the soft cheese for a bite of his own.

"Still love you." he replies, mouth full of cheese.

You can't help the choking laugh, head cocking to the side as a defeated soft chuckle leaves you. It only makes Joe want to grab hold of you tighter.

"Hmm," Joe hums, now chewing, and he frowns. "This is good. We should–" he can't finish the sentence without laughing, knowing it's likely the wrong thing to say, but he's already started the sentence. You get a good eyeful of the cheese in his mouth, in between his teeth. "We should get more of this."

Well, you can't.

Hence the crying.

You pout once more and then groan. It's so stupid, you're well aware. You just need a bit of sleep. Your family won't hate you because there's no cheese.

And if anything, you could throw it into the group chat and are sure that at least three people have some brie to bring along tomorrow.

You really are just very tired.

"Tell you what," Joe says, now taking the little piece of cheese from your fingers, one arm still around you. "We'll finish this, have some hot chocolate and just... relax. Watch a Christmas film. Tomorrow is tomorrow and tonight is tonight, you've done enough prepping and it'll all be fine–"

"Perfect." you correct.

It's important that everything will be perfect.

"It'll all be perfect." Joe coos, voice smooth like butter.

You sniff and look at him a moment. He's still chewing. Smiling. Joe's being all playful and it's reminding you of why you love him so much. Glancing into the living room, you know Joe's right. Everything's ready. Everything's done.

It's Christmas Eve.

"Calm before the storm." you sigh, patting Joe where you're holding onto him. Then lower down, quick touch to the bum. Joe easily lets you.

"Calm before the storm." he confirms before you let go of each other. You move to collect yourself, wiping fingers below your eyes, and Joe opens a cupboard to get to mugs out and says, "And I'll go get extra cheese tomorrow, it'll be fine."

You're about to protest. Tell him that the shop you usually go to won't be open. It'll be Christmas. And everyone's stocked up already. Shelves are empty all over. But Joe sees it across your face before you can say anything and adds, "I'll find some, don't worry about it."

And so you don't.

You accept a kiss to your temple, a deep inhale of your hair and you tilt your head for a kiss on the lips. A quiet thank you.

After a squeeze of your arm, Joe gets started on the hot chocolate and you decide to see if there's anything good on TV or if it'll be Netflix for the night.

Before you've been able to make a choice, you hear mugs being filled and you scurry back into the kitchen. You get to the fridge before Joe does, which was the plan. You find the can of squirty cream amongst all of the food and drink - your fridge has never been this full. It's almost triggeringly full; so much food, yet so little cheese.

It takes you too long, and Joe joins to look over your shoulder, to see if he can spot it before you do.

He doesn't.

You find it and giggle excitedly, a little delirious (you've gone mad, remember?) as you shake it with a wild arm. Your demeanor is the opposite of what it was minute earlier.

No tears. Just manic laughter.

Makes Joe laugh just the same. His girlfriend's gone insane and, if he's honest, he's kind of into it.

You spray some cream into both mugs that Joe's filled with hot chocolate, and before you place it back into the fridge, you shake the can again.

"You just said you should stop sneaking things," Joe isn't exactly trying to stop you, but he knows what you're about to do. Feels like it's worth saying something, to maybe prevent a further break down.

It's of no use, though.

His comment makes you glance him pointed a look. It's ridiculous of him to assume you'd been serious. Of course you're not going to stop sneaking things. He doesn't see the deadpan stare you give him because he's busy placing mini marshmallows onto your drinks, but despite the advice, you go for it anyway.

You tip your head back and spray some of the cream directly into your mouth.

"My God," Joe says when you let it go for a little too long, and when he looks, he barks a laugh.

You've overdone it.

It's too much.

Well, is it ever too much? Not really. But it doesn't fit into your mouth and thus there's a problem. This is going to be messy.

With your head still tilted back, you release a small sound of panic at the inability to close your mouth and raise a cupped hand, ready to catch whatever is going to spill.

But Joe knows just the perfect fix, and he's quick.

Before you know what's happening, your boyfriend's got his hand on the back of your neck, digging in strong fingers and guiding your head forward.

Just before whatever your lips can't curl around is about to slide down your chin, Joe's mouthing at it and manages to get it all, tongue licking and lips closing around your opened ones.

What follows is a weird, full-cheeked sticky, creamy, sugary kiss that has you giggling into each others mouths.

It's still messy, but you'd easily do this again. Would it be too obvious if you just went for an insane mouthful once more?

Joe pulls back, sees he's missed a bit and doesn't hesitate to lick at the corner of your mouth, making you shriek with your mouth closed, pushing him away.

"You're gross," you say fondly after swallowing.

He's also adorably sweet, but he doesn't need telling.

Joe lets his head bobble back a little as he silently laughs, wiping at his own mouth with the back of his hand, glad to have been of service.

"Yea? Still love me?"

Tomorrow's going to be fine.

There's no cheese but for the little chunk you're about to share. It'll likely be all gone if you both have a single cracker with some on.

And there probably also won't be any squirty cream left, what with your plan to bring the can over to the sofa for top-ups after you've eaten all of it off. Or, you know, after you've sprayed more of it into your mouth just so Joe can eat it out of there again.

You families can have hot chocolate without any, and Joe's right. They'll fucking take what they'll be given and be grateful.

Or, Joe can find some tomorrow.

Somewhere.

Whatever.

You're no longer fussed.

It's Christmas. Christmas Eve.

"Still love you." you beam, because you do.

You really, really do.

---

The Taglisted

@adoreyouusugar, @alana4610, @ali-in-w0nderland, @alwayslindie, @babybluebex, @barfightzanddiscolightz, @bettyfrommars, @cancankiki, @capricornrisingsstuff, @chaoticgood-munson, @chrissymjstan, @choke-me-eddie, @demonsanddemogorgons, @did-it-work, @dirtyeddietini, @dylanmunson, @eddies-puppet, @electricmunson, @emma77645, @emmamooney, @everythinghasafacee, @figmentofquinn, @frootvelvet, @ghost-proofbaby, @ghostinthebackofyourhead, @harringtonfan4, @haylaansmi, @jasminearondottir, @jewellethief, @joesquinns, @kellyxo1, @kennedy-brooke, @lovelyblueness, @manda-panda-monium, @miserybeans, @nadixq, @notverywise, @pepperstories, @phyllosilicate-s, @roosterisdaddy36, @sherrylyn628, @sidthedollface2, @thebellenouvelle, @thewondernanazombie, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @winterwakesthewolf, @witchwolflea, @yelyahcardella, @yunirgo

taglist currently full, sorry

[binkszamsstuff]

Cindy Lou who

I know it’s past Christmas but life got in the way of me editing this fic so pretend it’s Christmas Day still okay? Sorry 🩵❄️🎅 merry Christmas and happy holidays! I’ll see you in the new year!

Warnings:angst, kissing, Bucky and reader are idiots this fic is safe for work but I’m putting this ⬇️ here because my blog is strictly no minors! 🔞

“Wow plum look at you go!” Bucky laughed as you almost hit a rail skating too fast to come to an easy stop.

Just as you got your balance back and stopped laughing at your clumsyness you looked up to see Bucky on his phone again. Lately, for the past two months, bucky has been possessive of his phone and always on it. Smiling at it too. It made you uneasy, Bucky had had plenty of girlfriends in the past but he was always present when hanging out with you. You had lightly asked him last week if he was seeing anyone, he didn't hear you the first time because he was on his phone.

“W-whatcha’ you say plum?”

“I asked if you were seeing anyone, you’re constantly on your phone” you repeated

“No, what? no! why would you think that? You’re my best friend you know i wouldn't hide anything like that from you” james spoke nonchalantly, he patted your head like a child right before he went back to smiling at his phone and texting.

It worried you. This year after ice skating you and him were gonna go get dinner (this usually isn’t a part of your tradition) you wanted to admit your feelings for him tonight but his recent behavior had you second guessing, for one he was always on his phone texting and he sure as hell doesn't look like a giddy school girl from texting sam or steve, and secondly when you asked him if he wanted to go to dinner afterward he was suspiciously happy. He said that it was great that you asked actually because he could “kill two birds with one stone” When you asked him what he meant he brushed you off and now he’s saying he has a surprise.

You had a feeling that he was seeing a girl and you hoped and prayed that you were wrong but the way he was acting proved you right, but you tried to take his word for it because he was Bucky your best friend and he would never lie to you. Right?

Wrong. As you walked into the small restaurant bucky’s smile grew 10 times wider, he waved to a blonde girl sitting at a four-person table. He walked over to her you followed a desperate feeling coming over you where you wished this wasn't what you thought it was. ‘No not tonight! the night I was going to confess my undying love for you no. bucky why?! Why do you have to be a stupid man?’ you thought.

She stood out of her seat he put his hand on her lower waist, lower than a friend would. She pecked his lips. You noticed everything he did or didn't do, you watched as your personal hell ripped itself into the small restaurant.

“y/n this is Polly, my girlfriend,” Bucky said him and her still standing in front of you. You wanted to cry and run away, she was perfect the opposite of everything that made you. You stared in shock.

“Uh um, h-hi im y/n” you swallowed thickly after speaking. You hated yourself you should have listened to your gut.

Bucky looked at you confused, he didn't expect your reaction to be so flat. He thought you would be so happy but now you looked pale and uncomfortable.

“It's too nice to meet you y/n I've heard so much about you” Oh god she was nice too!

The three of you sat, you wanted to puke.

“I thought you weren't seeing anyone bucky?” you asked shakily

“Well, bucky and I wanted to keep it a secret. We just wanted to live in our little bubble for longer ya know” she answered for him

“How long have you two been together?” you asked, anger creeping in towards yourself and Bucky. Yourself forever thinking Bucky could love and him for lying.

“Two and a half months” she answered again. you abruptly pushed your chair out from under the table you hadn't even taken off your coat but you felt cold like you were dying in the North Pole. You grabbed your coat in a haste. Bucky's confused eyes follow you.

“Hey! Hey y/n what are you doing?” he asked as you walked towards the exit you didn't respond. You felt humiliated and heartbroken. ‘God the man I've loved like a fool for seven years! How could I be so stupid!’ you though to yourself

“y/n get back here! Whats wrong with you?!” Bucky yelled after you while he tried to catch up with you as you walked down the street. Finally, he did, he grabbed your arm yanking you around to face him.

“What the hells matter with you?!” he said angry now too.

“I have to leave! I-i cant be friends with you anymore!” you screamed

Bucky's face dropped “Wh-what why?” he said confused and sad.

“B-because I-I just can’t okay!”

“Bullshit tell me. Now!” he demanded

“I-I’m in love with you okay!?”

“What!”

“I invited you to dinner tonight because i wanted to confess my feeling an- it doesn’t matter anymore okay. You have a girlfriend an-and she seems so lovely and im sorry that i made her uncomfortable i-i need to leave.” you said

“How long?” his tone stoic and hard, he wouldn’t let you go

“Since high school b-but i didnt realize what my feelings for you were until this past summer when we went on our trip to the ocean” you whispered ashamed.

“I-i dont know what to say” you broke his hold walking away as fast as you could. Tears finally falling. He didn’t need to say anything because you already knew he didn’t hold the same feelings you did for him.

“Wait wait y/n” you were gone.

December 21st

You got on a flight back home for the holidays usually you would take this flight home with bucky but you couldnt face him. He called and texted you all night, but the pain and embarrassment was to much.

The flight was horrible and your mom picking you up from the airport was spent listening to her cheer on and on about how bucky had a new girlfriend. Your familes were very close.

You wanted to the ground to suck you under itself.

Sitting in your mom’s livling room while your family and buckys talked and laughed was awful. You could feel his sorrowful looks on your skin and thats what really ate you alive. After some point of faking smiles you went up to you old bedroom. It was just like you left it last year and before you left to explore the world with bucky. The laughs you and him had in your old room made you tear up. When you used to get sad or when his parents fought he would climb in your window in the middle of the night. You two would watch movies, cuddle one another whichever one of you who needed the comfort. Just two kids trying to find peace in the world they share with everyone but also their own. the two of you cheering eachother up. As you looked back you scoffed towards yourself for being so stupid because how could you not tell you were selfishly in love him? Holding him while he cried or when he was angry, cuddling while watching movies or playing bored games in secret so your parents wouldn’t find out. The shorting pain in your chest when he would introduce you to one of his new girlfriends was not normal friend behavior.

Then tears fell as you sat on your bed holding a pillow to your chest. You hated that you ruined your friendship, you hated yourself for thinking bucky, the play boy who got women who looked like models could ever love you back. You beat yourself up for not shutting up and sitting through that stupid dinner and at least being ale to keep him in some way even if its just as a friend it would be better than nothing.

Just as yout thoughts of self hatred were stacking up bucky walked in.

“What are you doing in here?” you asked trying to swipe you tears away before he could see them

He sat at the foot of your bed looking at you. “Hey hey, plum,” he reached forward bringing your hands into his “you never have to hide from me”

“I-im so so sorry bucky. You must hate me” you cried

“How could i hate the girl im in love with?” he brought his hand to cup your wet cheek lifting up your face so your eyes could meet his.

“ no no” you shook your head refusing to believe him. 

“Ive been hiding my feelings for a lot longer then you plum” he chuckled sadly. “i ruined the dinner you planned it was stupid of me to surprise you with me having a girlfriend. Every girl ive ever been with as always been me trying to distract myself from not being able to be with you. I thought i wouldnt have a chance with you in a million years, i thought having you as a friend was all i was going to get and thats better then not having you at all so i never told you and last night was was the best night and the worst night of my life because i found out that you loved me and i hurt you. Last night i broke up with polly. I only want you plum, i love you too”

You pulled bucky into a kiss, it was soft, new, it held every word the two of you have ever wanted to say to each other but thought you couldnt. It was love.

“I love you bucky”

“I love you too plum” bucky smiled pulling you back into a kiss.

[m0use123]

The snow was falling gently outside of Asami's office window on the 200th floor of Sato Towers.

The top floor was empty as everyone was downstairs in the events room, for the company Christmas party.

There was a sudden knock on the door.

Asami:- (not looking up from her paperwork) I've already told you Opal. I'm not in the mood to celebrate.

She was met with silence but she could still tell that someone was standing in her open doorway.

Asami:- I know what you're going to say, but it's just not the same without Korra. I know she said to live my life whilst she was serving but .....

Voice:- That sounds like very good advice to me, you should really listen to it.

Asami's head shot up at the sounds of that honey coated voice she fell in love with.

Asami:- (tears forming in her eyes, with a giant smile on her face) Korra!? I don't understand. How?

Korra:- (dumping her duffel bag in the doorway and walking slowly over) I got permission for extended shore leave. I'm home for Christmas baby.

Asami cried openly as she stood and hugged Korra tightly. They swayed slowly on the spot, trying to memories eachothers scents.

Asami:- (only pulling back slightly to talk) You've lost weight. Your Mum's going to go spare.

Korra chuckled and gently kissed her girlfriend on the lips.

Asami:- I've missed you. So much.

Korra:- (fitting her face in the warmth of Asami's neck). I bet I missed you more.

Asami:- (giggling) You've only been here for five minutes and you already want to push my buttons?

Korra:- (standing up straight with a crooked smile) Why quit the habit of a lifetime.

- - - - - -

The function room fell silent as the CEO and the Commander swept onto the dance floor.

Asami very slowly took off Korra's Commander's cap and passed it to her assistant for safe keeping.

Korra delicately took her girlfriend's hands and they waltzed around the room. All eyes were on them. Even their own.

- - - - - -

Hours later, and it was only the two of them slow dancing in the middle of the dance floor.

Korra very reluctantly removed herself from her girlfriend's arms. Asami looked slightly hurt.

Korra:- Only for a minute beautiful. Then I'm all yours.

Asami nodded so Korra hurried over to their table and put on her officers uniform.

Once fully dressed, Korra hurried back over and delicately cupped Asami's hands in her own.

Korra:- Being in the Navy was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Then I met you. My whole life changed overnight. You're now the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing I think about at night. When I make a decision, it's your voice that guides me. When I'm scared, it's your voice that comforts me. The open seas can be a lonely place, then I look up at the sky, and I know you're looking at the same one, and I don't feel so lonely anymore.

Asami started to silently cry, Korra was a woman of few words, but the ones she uses has meaning.

Korra:- (kneeling down on one knee, continued) During this last tour, I've made two decisions. One. I can't live another day away from your side. So I've put in for a desk job. The second ...... Asami Sato. Will you be my first mate? For now and always?

Asami laughed and tackled her Navy officer to the floor.

Asami:- (whispered in her ear). You're such a dork.

Korra:- (smiling broadly) Only for you.

Asami:- Yes (kiss) yes (kiss) a thousand times yes (kiss kiss).

Korra started to cry aswell as she gently tucked a stand of hair behind her fiancée's ear.

Korra:- (softly) Merry Christmas Sami.

Asami:- (kissing the tip of her nose) Merry Christmas K-bear, and to many more.

....... They lived happily ever after .....

~ Fin ~

[bluejayblueskies]

ao3 year in review 2022

happy new year!! 🎉 with 2022 done and gone, i wanted to take a quick moment to look back on the fic i wrote last year 💜

Top Fandom: Malevolent (15 works, including anonymous fics and fics on my separate nsfw account)

Date of First Fic Posted: January 2, 2022 (it's my party and i'll cry if i want to, Encanto, 5.6k words)

Top Multi-Chapter Fic: ten thousand flowers in spring, The Magnus Archives, 47.5k words

I finished this one just a few days ago and I had such a good time writing it! It also may very well be my last major TMA work (unless the TMA muse returns to me at some point) and I'm happy with it being the capstone on my multi-chapter TMA experience 💜

Top One-Shot: The Cube Rule of Food Identification, The Magnus Archives, 1.6k words

This fic surpassed 1.5k kudos recently and I never expected it to 😂 it's the silliest fic I think I've ever written, given that I usually trend towards angst and whump, and I'm glad that people enjoyed it!

(more under the cut!)

Fic I’m Most Proud Of: whisky old fashioned sour, Malevolent, 58.5k words

I love whisky 💜 this fic is my baby at the moment, ngl, and I'm so excited to wrap it up in the next month or two (depending on how fast I write). People have made some truly spectacular art for it that continues to blow me away every time I see it, and the community has been so wonderful and encouraging over this AU that I thought nobody would really find interesting other than me 💕

Fic I Wish Had Gotten More Attention: cicatrix, Malevolent, 4.7k words

I get why this one didn't get a lot of attention--it's a niche AU (a daemon AU) that's rather whumpy, and I posted it at a weird time. Still, it was (and still is) a concept that really excited me, and I still wish it had gotten a bit more attention. Oh well! That happens sometimes. I like to think that I've gotten more resilient about writing weird niche things that will get like 5 comments and 20 kudos max XD

Fic That Challenged Me The Most: Fata Morgana, The Magnus Archives, 41.7k words

I wouldn't necessarily say that any of the things I wrote this year were particularly challenging (unless you count the HTML stuff in whisky 😂). However, I did have a super rough time starting this fic. It really did not want to get off the ground for whatever reason, and it fought me hard for the first couple of chapters. It was pretty smooth sailing after that though, and I'm proud of the final product!

Favorite Quote/Passage: I always struggle with this question because I forget what I've written beyond what I wrote like. Yesterday lol. So I think I'll just pick a selection of lines I enjoy!

from whisky old fashioned sour:

This close, John can count every single one of Arthur’s freckles—or he could if he had the time, which he immediately adds to his to-do list. Does Arthur have freckles on his shoulders as well? His back? The inside of his thighs? John has never needed to know something so badly, so desperately.

from pov you're an arkham taxi driver:

The last glimpse you catch of him is in the bright white of a lightning strike, high above in the clouds. He looks … taller, somehow. Like his shadow has peeled away from the ground and now looms ominously above, an unholy specter of darkness that winds around him like it’s trying to consume him utterly.

from merry and bright:

There was a choir somewhere else in the festival, and the faint sound of Christmas carols mingled with the jingling of bells and the crackling of fire and the ever-present crunch of snow underfoot. The sounds, along with John’s descriptions, painted a brightly-colored picture: vendors adorned with reds and greens and silvers, children with one hand clasped in a parent’s and the other clinging to hand-carved wooden toys or big round lollipops, people with handcarts peddling candied orange peel and apple cider and warm roasted chestnuts.

from do the stars gaze back?:

Then, Jon reaches out a hand and traces a finger along the curve of Martin’s cheek. “You have constellations within you as well,” they say softly, mapping out the spaces between Martin’s freckles and leaving a warm, tingling sensation in their wake. Their finger reaches the bow of Martin’s upper lip, and they hesitate before shifting and cupping Martin’s cheek in their palm. “They’re lovely.”

from live wire:

They’re beautiful, Jon thinks. In the same way that poison dart frogs are beautiful and belladonna is beautiful and a knife is beautiful right before it buries itself in your lungs.

Total Words Posted: 253,945 words

I suppose I did write two full multi-chapter works and one almost-full multi-chapter work this year, but wow that's still more words than I expected! I'm super happy with the progress I made last year, and I plan to continue writing and posting in 2023 🎉 Thank you SO much to everyone who has commented, kudosed, reblogged, chatted with me in DMs or discord servers, and otherwise supported my writing--I appreciate all of you 💜

Some things to look forward to from me this coming year 👀

Malevolent

The last few chapters of whisky 🥃

Episode 20 time loop fic with themes of whump and heavy angst

Some assorted oneshots, including a Christmas PWP I really meant to have done last year and an exchange fic!

More selkie AU 🦭

TMA

Some assorted oneshots via the bunnies in the archives event that I'm participating in

A oneshot where Tim and Jon quit the Institute together in season 4 that I'm planning on finishing and posting!

A magic AU featuring magician Martin who may or may not have accidentally summoned a Jon by writing sad poetry. Featuring hurt/comfort, sickfic vibes, and a happy ending 💜

[f1-disaster-bi]

Hey bestie ♥️ first of all the last omega Nico post was 💋perfect! How are you sweetheart? I wish you a merry Christmas and hope that you have a wonderful time! ♥️ feel yourself hugged - IttwuH

Hey bestie ❤

Ahhhh I'm glad you liked it! I'm in love with the idea of all the omegas using Nico as a little cuddle pile 🥺

I wish I could say I was doing good but the last month has not been a great one. My family are going through a lot right now, we've had multiple family members getting ill and having accidents. We almost lost my uncle about two weeks ago, but he's fine now. Four days later my aunt went into hospital with an infection in her foot that spread to the bone, and currently she is still in hospital and it looks like she might have gotten the flu now and she isn't doing well. My nans sister is also in hospital with sepsis, and my grandads sister-in-law is also in hospital. All this has upset my nan, and my family and myself so it's been a holiday of tears.

I am a little excited as I am currently on the way to pick up my gorgeous and lovely girlfriend at the airport who will be staying with me for a week which will make having to leave my family because I've work this week a lot easier. She's honestly the best, and I'm probably going to cry at her when I pick her up later

I hope you get a break over Christmas and that you have a wonderful time! Or at least a better time than my family and I are having this year 😅

[etlu-yume]

Been thinking about this song recently (I did a listen through for Ayumi's albums up to when I got her Greatest Hits collection in 2008 - I need to brave the rest of the discography sometime too)

This track wasn't actually on the CDs I got as a student buuuut it was on the performance DVD and it struck a cord at the time.

Because going back to check over the translations, and between them and what I can translate of it myself, it feels very... appropriate?

「衝動が重なり合って　出口のない迷路にはまる」 ("Seized with several impulses, I'm lost in a maze with no exit")

I *swear* I could feel the weird depressive feelings coming on the first day I came off the Evelyn. It's been a whirlwind of a shitshow this month, so I didn't make much of it until reflecting on it. I'd had a grand total of 4 days without mood swings for the month - and whether that was because of the shitshow, or because I was already predisposed to them I don't know. But after 4 weeks of bullshit, a sudden gut feeling to go to bed early was strange. I thought it could be one of two things - dinner didn't sit well (the last time we'd had that I /did/ get strange 'go to bed early' signals and I /did/ wake up at midnight throwing up), or it was depressive symptoms worming their way back in.

And that week after going onto the sugar pills? An absolute wreck. I'd been struggling with mood swings for weeks; I'd go up into a rage at a drop of a hat, and then be sensitive to the smallest reprimand or hint of rejection. Things that shouldn't set me off (like getting peas out of the freezer) did, and it was worse knowing that these things shouldn't piss me off, but they did anyway.

Swinging between wanting to crawl into a deep dark corner and cry, and ripping paper to shreds with a pen (neither of which are exactly "normal" behavior) some of the closing lines to 'Game' really hit home that week;

「言って　きっと痛みだなんて幻想だって 言って　こんな私だなんてらしくないよって」 ("Please tell me this pain is surely an illusion, Please tell me I'm not like myself right now")

Because it really did feel weird. And frustrating. I couldn't help it, no matter how hard I tried to keep it together. I'd been fighting those snaps for weeks, and it was exhausting.

The flip side, of course, is the "withdraw from everything". Sometimes a quiet, almost hurt train of thought. Aaaaand then the rage hits and combines with the withdraw and makes it into a "fuck everything, set it on fire".

And in those moments the chorus refrains like "I've always walked like this [smiling/laughing as if nothing happened]" and "That's okay - I can find another game" hit hard.

I don't know where I'm going with this. But the more I look at the song, and the more I listen to it, the more it hits home about how I've felt about the mood swings the last few weeks. How it feels like I'm trapped between two opposite ends of the scale, and if I'm not careful one end would happily set the world on fire without a care for the pieces that would have to be picked up afterwards.

And I just want someone, or something, to help get off this fucking merry-go-round.

(Credits: Most lyric quotes and translations from https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/ayumihamasaki/game.html )

[catofadifferentcolor]

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

...he thought to make a great shield-wall at the last, and stand, and fight there on foot till all fell, and do deeds of song on the fields of Pelennor, though no man should be left in the West to remember the last King of the Mark.

I first read The Hobbit in sixth grade. It had long been one of my mother's favorites, and the fact she delayed so long in giving it to me to read was almost certainly so I could appreciate it fully the first time I read it.

I read The Lord of the Rings a year later, but there was some sort of delay between when I finished The Two Towers and when I started The Return of the King - a family trip that was so chaotic that even I couldn't read find time to read - and so my overriding memory of RotK beyond wow was frak, where did the palintir come from?

That being said, Part V remains one of my favorite parts of LotR - though I know I've said that a lot by this stage in the game. If Book III is graven on my heart, this one is probably on the ribs which surround it. I bawl like a baby every time I get to the Battle of Pelennor fields - Theoden's death! Eoweyn and Merry against the Witch King! Eomer's reaction when he finds them dead! Eomer's speech when he sees the black ships on the river!

I often say Faramir is my favorite, but frak if Eomer isn't a very close second. To say nothing of the growth of Merry and Pippin! And Aragorn's final acceptance of his mantle - although one of the few things I think the movies do better is show this journey rather than have Narsil reforged at the beginning and Aragorn announcing to all and sundry in Rohan who he is before the bitter end.

Part VI is... well, who doesn't cry at the Crack of Doom? And maybe there are a few too many endings, but there are many heroes and many tales, and each person's part finishes at different times. I do adore Faramir and Eowyn finding each other... and both loathe and love that Legolas and Gimli are always mentioned together, because they were able to shine fully in Part III and their role feels much reduced in RotK and I love them dearly.

Also, the first time I read The Return of the King I didn't appreciate fully "The Scouring of the Shire" - indeed, it felt a bit like the narrative was ramping up unnecessarily again - but with age comes wisdom, or at least the ability to see narrative echoes in the pity of Bilbo for Gollum and the pity of Frodo for Saruman - and Wormtongue. The Rangers went to aid Gondor, and for that the Shire suffered, and all things can fall to darkness - but so too can be they be healed.

And frak, being the terrible nerd I am, I even love the appendices. ("Then Legolas built a grey ship in Ithilien, and sailed down Anduin and so over Sea; and with him, it is said, went Gimli the Dwarf." !!!!!)

But now that I have reached the end - having read all of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings in four days - what can I say? What is left to say about something that is so perfect though it follows almost no convention? It is too long, too dependent on a history only hinted at, has too many characters with too many names and too many passages untranslated or unexplained - and yet that is the very reason it succeeds. It was not written to meet a deadline or a publisher's standard. It does not spoon-feed the audience. It is rich and deep and the tip of a glorious iceberg.

But at the heart of it is a simple premise: hope always prevails. It may seem dark, and your own life and people may fall to darkness and despair, but while there is hope all things are possible. And more than magic rings or Dark Lords or hidden kings that is a story which resounds.

Tolkien knew what he was doing. If I could have even a sliver of his talent, I would never need anything else.

[wiypt-writes]

25 Days Of Chris-Mas

Day 3: Here’s To You, Mrs Robinson

Summary: Ryan takes you with him to meet the Martins.

Pairing: Ryan Ackerman (Cellular) x Reader

Warnings: Bad Language, Adult situations, Alcohol, Smut (NSFW, 18+)

W/C: 1.6k

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction, any likeness to any persons or events in real life are purely co-incidental. I do not own any characters contained herein bar the reader and/or any original characters. I do not give consent for my work to be copied and posted/translated onto any other sites. If you see this fiction anywhere other than Tumblr, it has been taken without permission.By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer and ALL warnings posted here.

25 Days Of Chris-mas Masterlist / Main Masterlist

Day 2: Kyle (The Perfect Score)

'Bells will be ringing this sad sad news. Oh what a Christmas to have the blues. My baby's gone I have no friends. To wish me greetings once again.....' 

 You tuned out the Eagles as Ryan spoke up. "You okay?"

 "Yeah," you replied, taking in the posh neighborhood you were driving through.

 Palm trees with lights, expensive homes decorated no doubt professionally given the nature of the skillset. It was a far cry from your small hometown.

“We don’t have to stay long, just have dinner and then back to yours.” Ryan looked at you as he started to slow, “I just feel like I had to show up, you know?”

“Well, you’ve been going almost every Christmas Eve for what, four years now?”

"Yeah, the Martins have kept in contact with me since everything happened. It's only a few times a year but...."

"I think it's nice, I just... I've never met them and it feels a little odd on Christmas Eve, you know.”

“Don’t sweat it, Peach, they’re gonna love you. Just like I do.”

"I love you too," you sighed, taking his outstretched hand. "And thank you, Ryan, for spending Christmas with me. I didn't want to go home to an empty house for two weeks."

He chuckled, “like I’d wanna spend it any other way. It’s gonna be fun!”

"I'm excited to see your family tomorrow," you added.

You and Ryan had been together since the end of the last Spring term, having met in your Economics lecture and finding out you shared English together as well. Now, ten months in, you were definitely in love and spending holidays with families.

Ryan pulled into the long drive of the mansion before you and you looked out over the windshield. Your eyes grew large as a man whom you assumed to be Mr. Martin come from the large doors, a young man behind him.

"That's Craig, Mr. Martin and their son, Ricky."

“Okay,” you nodded licking your lips. Ryan gave your hand another quick squeeze and you both climbed out of the car.

You adjusted your flowy skirt and pushed up your sweater sleeves as you walked to the front of the car with Ryan, dressed in slacks and a button down.

"Mr. Martin," he smiled and stepped into the father-son like hug Mr. Martin held out for him.

“Craig, please Ryan! How long have we known each other?”

Ryan smiled before he turned and gave Ricky a five. “What’s up Squirt?"

"Dude, I'm fifteen!"

"Still a squirt."

Ricky rolled his eyes and Ryan stepped back. “This is Y/N,” he reached for your hand.

You smiled and shook Craig's outstretched hand. "Nice to meet you, Merry Christmas."

Then did the same with Ricky.

"Come inside, Jessica is just getting things finished up. Can I get you two something to drink?"

“I’ll take a beer, please.” Ryan nodded, “you want a gin, Y/N?”

"Please," you replied shyly.

“Beer and Gin, you got it.” Craig led you both inside the huge entrance hall and directed you through to a room on the right. "Jessica, honey," he paused, "Ryan and Y/N are here."

At that, another door opened and you turned as a woman bustled into the hall and Ryan smiled.

“Hey, Jessica!”

"Ryan, sweetheart, Merry Christmas," she smiled.

Your eyes took in the tall buxom blonde with full lips and sultry eyes. 'Wow.' You thought.

"Jessica, this is my girlfriend, Y/N."

"Oh it's so nice to meet you. Ryan's told us a bit about you. I'm glad you could come tonight." Jessica hugged you. You smiled politely and stepped back from her embrace.

“Thanks for having me, I’ve heard a lot about you so it’s nice to meet you.”

"Same here, sweetie."

"You have a beautiful home," you complimented. Your eyes roamed the floor to ceiling windows with the beachfront view.

"Thank you. After everything... With how we met Ryan, I told Craig I didn't want to live in that house anymore. So.... Here we are."

“Yeah, I can’t say I blame you.” You nodded.

"Anyway, Craig's getting your drinks, why don't we go sit in the lounge, dinner is just about ready. Ricky, help your father."

"These are for you," Ryan handed over the bag of packages for the Martin family that you had wrapped delicately and neatly.

Craig returned with your drinks, Ricky helping with the beers and two gins for you and whom you now deemed the new 'Mrs Robinson' in your head.

"Estelle said it'll be another twenty minutes before dinner, so why don't we open our gifts now and then it'll be time to eat?" Craig offered.

“Oh that’s a fabulous idea!” Jessica smiled, “Craig, honey, could you get the ones from under the tree for Ryan and Y/N?”

Craig nodded and moved briskly to the corner of the room where the brilliantly decorated and brightly lit Christmas tree stood so that passers-by from the beach could see the lustrous Noble.

In no time, paper was strewn on the floor and tissue too, while you looked at the beautiful cashmere blanket you'd been given, Ryan a pot of zinc sun protection along with a fancy surfboard servicing kit which came in a gorgeous wooden box. The Martins were also looking over their gifts, Mrs. Martin delightfully happy, surprisingly, about the handmade candles you'd found at the farmers market for her.

“These smell divine, Y/N,” she beamed, taking a sniff of one. 

“They’re all Christmas scented,” you shrugged a little and smiled, “they just seemed nice when we saw them.”

With a warm smile she nodded and set the candles down on the coffee table.

It was then a small, Hispanic woman peered into the room, "dinner is ready, Mrs. Martin."

Jessica turned around, "thank you." She smiled as she walked over to the woman. "Go home, we can take care of the rest."

The woman beamed and thanked her, wishing you all a happy evening and merry Christmas before she left.

The dinner was lovely, the food top quality and it was a fairly pleasant evening, but you couldn’t help but notice the more Jessica drank the “warmer” she became towards Ryan. Little touches to his arm here, a loud laugh and a wink there…

And either Ryan was playing dumb or he was dumb, you didn’t know which one was worse.

As nice as the Martins were, and the clear relationship they'd developed with Ryan over the years, you were glad to go when the time came. You gave them all polite hugs, trying not to stink eye Mrs Robinson as her hands rubbed up and down your boyfriends’ back. It wasn't until halfway down their drive and around the bend from their Malibu home did you look to Ryan with a sigh.

"So you ever get some one on one time with Mrs Robinson?"

“What?”

"Have you and Jessica ever..."

"No!"

You took a deep breath and looked out of the window.

“What the… why the fuck would you even think that? She’s old enough to be my mom!”

"Just asking. She's a little friendly with you after a few drinks. Sorta touchier than I expected, I didn't mean anything by it. Sorry."

Ryan looked at you for a moment before he snorted, “you think I got a Stiffler’s mom thing going on?”

"Yep," you popped the 'p'.

At that he laughed, “no, absolutely not. That said, I do have a thing for older women, otherwise I wouldn’t be with you.”

“Two months you jerk!” You slapped his arm.

At that Ryan pulled over at the nearest outlet he could, driving down into a parking lot at the bottom of a hill.

“What are you doing?”

"Making a point." He parked and turned to you.

"Which is?"

His response was to reach out and pull your face to his, kissing you deeply. You whimpered and tried to turn more comfortably only to end up pulled into his lap, enough space given his extended cab truck.

Ryan’s hands slid round your back, one resting on the back of your head as he held your face to his, gentle swipes of his tongue against yours set your skin ablaze.

You pulled back and pressed your forehead into his, repeating your earlier question. “Seriously, Ry, what are you doing?"

“You know, for someone with a first class college degree you’re mighty dumb at times.” He scoffed, pecking your lips, “what does it look like I’m doing?”

"Now? Here?"

“Yup.”

"Okay."

Ryan grinned as your hands went to the waistband of his slacks, gently sliding over his taught abs.

"That's the spirit," he smirked against your neck.

“You’re such an ass,” you scoffed, your eyes fluttering shut as his lips traced a path to that spot behind your ear that always made you melt.

His busy hands bunched that chiffon skirt of yours to your waist as you unzipped the flies of his slacks, pulling him free. Long fingers slid your panties to the side.

A slight shift forward and you sank down on him, a gasp flying from your mouth.

"Oh, Peach," he crooned, his hands at your hips, pulling you further into him as you rolled your hips, meeting his upward ruts.

“Ry…” your hands fell to his shoulders, fingers curling into his shirt, “fuck…right there…”

It was quick, it was dirty, the fact you could be caught at any moment all the more of a turn on as he bounced you on his dick in the dark corner of the lot. In a ridiculously short time he had you panting his name even louder, as he pulled your face down to his. You came, his lips pressed to yours, swallowing your cries as you pulsed around him.

His load filled you and your knees locked at his hips, a heavy grunt from him swallowed down himself.

Sweaty and spent, the pair of you slumped a little in the seat, foreheads pressed together.

And it was then your ears registered the radio softly crooning in the background.

'So here’s to you, Mrs Robinson…' 

🎄🎄🎄🎄

Day 4: Bryce Langley (Fierce People)

[emf005]

A Merry Surprise

Draco x Potter!Reader

Warnings: Pregnancy, a bit of angst, a bit of fluff(Maybe a bit more than a bit), Probably a swear word or two. Let me know if I missed anything!

Note:This takes place if voldy didn't win and lily, sirius, remus, and James

are still alive

I hope you guys enjoy! Let me know what you think.

Shit

Shit shit shit shit

You had noticed your mood swings the past few days. Also your missed period, but you didn't think much of it. At all. Actually you had just dismissed it.

But sitting at the counter at two in the morning eating peanut butter and watermelon wrapped in cold bacon, you knew something was up.

You snuck out of your house and scrambles down the street.

You slid into the 24 hour convenience store and brought what you had hoped not to buy for yet another few years… a pregnancy test.

Xx

You paced you room as you waited for the test to finish. It had to be wrong, right? You where In your last year of hogwarts, secretly dating, hiding your true plans from your family, you didn't have time to

Ding

You scrambled to the test and stares at it. As soon as you saw the mark, the test fell from your hand and clapped a hand over your mouth.

No.

No no no no no.

This couldn't be happening. You didn't know how to raise a child. You didn't know how to be that responsible. You could barely keep yourself alive! But more importantly what will he say. You couldn't loose him. But what if you do because of this?

You swallowed and slid to your knees. Tears slid from your eyes. That's were you stayed all night. Crying yourself to sleep.

Merry christmas to you.

Xx

That morning was Christmas eve. The party was in full swing, you nursing a glass of sparkling water and staring out the window as your parents and rather entertained your guests. You weren't in the mood for partying, you weren't much in the mood for anything at the moment.

"You look lovely but lonely. Why are you all the way over here?" You look up to see Harry, your brother. For being twins you two were very close and very rarely fought.

You sniffles and hid smiled at him pitifully.

"Harry, I need help." You rasped out. He could tell you were crying from how red your eyes where making him worry. He knelt by you and placed a hand on you knee.

"Of course. What's wrong?"

"How do you-um… how do you feel about being an uncle?" He chuckled.

"That's an odd question. I mean its not like it'll happen for a while but" He noticed you weren't laughing and his grin dropped. "Right?"

"Merry christmas?"

His mouth dropped open and he stares at you. His eyes moving between yours and your stomach.

"Y/n? Are you-is there?" You nodded. His face changed between shock, surprise, worry, anger, and happiness for about five minuets, as if he didn't know what to say. You didn't blame him.

"Do you know who the father is?" You nodded. "OK. Who?" You remained silent. "Y/n? Who?"

"Ummm… you won't be mad?"

"Who?"

"Draco?" Harry's face turned bright red, you could see steam coming out of his ears as his anger rose.

"I'm going g to kill him!" He stood and you latched onto his arm.

"No! Harry, please, don't!"

"He fucked my sister! Of courses I'm going to kill him!"

"I fucked him!"

Harry froze and stares at you.

"Wh-what?"

"I-I've been seeing him.. for a while… and we got super drunk and I got really horney and I just… I wasn't thinking and…"

"How long?"

"5th year.."

"5th year! Bloody hell y/n!"

"I know. But I knew none if you would approve and we wanted to say something but I was scared and I wanted to protect us cause I really love him and I couldn't loose Him and and and."

"You love him?" You swallowed, not realizing you had said it. You hadn't even told draco that yet. But heating Harry say it, you realized that you did. Would he feel the same? Especially after this?

"Yeah. I really do."He sighed and sat down beside you. You rested your head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." He kissed you head and held your hand.

"Don't be. We'll figure this out. Why don't you invite him over tomorrow?"

"Harry!"

"I'm serious. You need to tell him. And if you really like him then, I guess I need to try and get along with him." You could tell he wasn't particularly pleased with trying to get along with his arch rival, but it was what you two did for eachother. You had to learn to deal with Ginny, so he would learn to deal with Draco.

"I'll go write to him." You stood and stares towards your room. "Um, Har?"

"Yeah?"

"What if he doesn't take it well? What if he wants to stop seeing me?" Yoir chest began to tighten again. You didn't want to loose him, but what is you did?

Harry stood up and placed his hands on you shoulders.

"If he breaks things off with you and leaves you stranded, he us a fool. And remebr you have me and sirius and mum and dad and Remus. Ok?" You smiled and nodded running back to your room to write to Draco.

Xx

Knock knock

Your stomach knotted at the sound coming from the hall.

You and draco had a notebook that led directly to the others so you didn't have to send letters and wait for a reply. He had answered back immediately that he would, needing to get out of the manor and away from his family.

You had told your parents you invited you boyfriend for Christmas day dinner. The look of shock on their face that precious y/n was dating the unholy prince of Slytherin would have been priceless is you weren't so scared.

You scrambled to the door and opened it up, finding a very put together, but also very nervous, looking Draco Malfoy.

"H-him." You breathed with a smile, butterflyes igniting in your stomach.

"Him." He smiled back.

"Oh come on! Save it for later, please." Harry begged as be walked down the stairs. You threw your shoe at him as he laughed and ran into the house. You chased after him, leaving draco at the door.

"Harry James Potter! You get your scrawny ass back here!" Draco chuckled at the door, blushing slightly as you chased and started to beat up your brother, Harry begging for mercy.

"Ah, you must be Draco." He looked up yo find a tall man with black hair standing in front of him. The man looked slightly familiar. "Sirius Black," he stuck his hand out. "Pleasure to meet you." Draco took his hand, nervously, and rightfully so. Sirius pulled him close and whispered in his ear, " hurt her and I hurt you. Got it? I promise, my bite is much worse than my bark." Draco swallowed as they backed away from each other and sirius smiled, pleasantly but also threateningly.

"Sirius! Stop torturing him and let him in! Y/n got destracted-y/n let go of your brother's hair! You're gonna tear it out! Wait! That's much worse!"

Draco smirked as he and Sirius walked in to see James holding you, kicking and clawing at your twin.

"Let me at 'iI'm! I can take him.!"

"We know, sweet heart. But I'm not sure if your brother can take it." He set you down on your feet and you huffed.

"Fine, but only because I'll need a punching bag later."James and Sirius smirked while Lily and Remus sighed.

Seeing Draco you smiled and blushed, walking to him. You grabbed his hand and intertwined your fingers, a reassuring feeling.

"Um… I guess I should introduce you all to my…" you stare at him, almost scared to say it out loud. You two had kept it a secret for so long. Never has your tongue spoke the word. What if he-

"Boyfriend." He said confidently, holding your eyes for a moment more before looking at your parents. "I'm y/n's boyfriend." You beamed and bit your lip.

Looking back at your parents you could see the reality settling in.

Surprisingly, James was he fist to recover. You father stretched his hand out and offered to Draco.

"Well, its a pleasure to meet you, Draco. Welcome to our little corner of the world."

Draco smiled, shaking his hand back.

"A pleasure to meet you too, sir."

The evening went well. Your parents even invited Draco to stay which he agreed upon, not wanting to return home. Now, came the hard part.

Everyone had gone to bed and just Draco and you sat on the couch, cuddled up together, watching the fire roar.you licked your lips, but it did not taking to add moisture. The reality of what you had to do was settling in.

"Um… Draco?"

He turned to you and smiled, making your heart melt.

"Yes, love?"

"I- I need to tell you something."

"Oh! I almost forgot!" He slipped a small box from his pocket, a red bow tied to a green box. Red was not a usual color to be in his possession, so you knew that it stood for Gryffindor "I never gave you your present."

With shaky hands you took the box and opened it.

A small delicate ring sat in the middle of the silver cushions. A beautiful ruby sat on a silver band, carved to look like a snake encircling the gem.

"Draco!"

"It's not a proposal, if that's what you think. Not yet anyway." His eyes fluttered between you and the ring. "I think the muggles call them promise rings, or something. But, I wanted to give you something that would reassure you that I'd be there for you, through everything and anything. Y/n, I love you." You were Quickly losing Air as he continued to talk. Everything you wanted to hear, but all at the wrong time. "I just," he took the ring and twisted it in his fingers. "I wanted to promise you that I'll always be here for you. And I know I'm no good with words, I'm better at actions and gifts and… Well, you know. But, now I'm just rambling and," he shyly looked up at you, his pale cheeks burning. "Do-do you like it?"

You swallowed, preparing yourself for him to take the ring back. You have to tell him.

"I love it," You croaked out, hating the Way his perfect face lightened up with joy. "But-i need to tell you something, before you do something you regret."

His face fell and his brows creased.

"Regret?" His voice cracked slightly and the worry in his face made you loose it.

"I'm sorry. I-i can't," you cried out, running out of the loving room and to the roof. You flew past Harry's room, knowing you woke him up, but not caring. You needed to be alone.

Cldraco sat in the loving room, tears blinding his vision as he held the ring in his hand.

What had just happened?

"Malfoy?" He looked to see Harry on the stairs. "What happened? Y/n just… wait, are you crying?"

Draco wanted to say no. To throw some snarky comment and storm out, but he couldn't.

He shook his head "no" as a tear rolled down his cheek and squeezed the ring so hard that it broke his skin.

Harry made his way to him and carefully sat down next to his enemy.

"What happened?"

"I-I down know. She-she said she had something to tell me and then she ran out saying she couldn't. She… she doesn't," he looked down at the ring, not knowing what to think. He loved you. He didn't 3ant to be with anyone but.

Harry sighed.

"Damn, y/n." He grumbled, catching Draco's attention. "Draco, y/n is… uh… dammit!" He ran his hands over his face, not knowing how to explain this and hating his sister for sticking him in this situation.

"What? Is she in trouble?" Draco became frantic, jumping out of his seat, his entire body going tense.

Harry studied him for a moment.

"You really care for my sister, huh?" Draco nodded. "Draco, y/nis… pregnant." Draco stares at him for a moment.

"That's it?" He watched relief wash over Draco.

"It? Draco, your kid is growing inside of my sister. How can that be it for you?" He floped on the couch, his mussels relaxing.

"I thoight… I thought she came to her senses."

"What?"

"Harry. Its not exactly a secret that I'm not a good person. Your sister is perfect. She beautiful and smart and kind and pure."

"Not anymore." Harry grumbled. Draco licked his lips.

"No. She still is." Draco looked at Harry and he could tell everything he said was the truth.

"She's on the roof. You better go talk to her. And give her… that." He pointed to ring.

Draco smiled and jumped out of his seat.

"How do I get to the roof?"

You stare over the town, your knees curled up to your chest. Tears fell down your cheeks as you looked over the roofs.

Slowly, you where Losing everything.

Freedom.

Life.

Love.

Someone sat beside you but you didn't care.

"Go away." You mumbled.

"But you never took your ring." You looked up to see Draco. Your heart clutched at the sight of him. He had a gentle smile on his face, so unlike the broken hearted expression you had run away from.

You opened your mouth but nothing came out.

“I know, Y/N.”

“Know? Know about what?” He flashed you a guilty smile. “Harry told you?”

“Quite politely actually.”

“I understand if you want to leave.”

“Leave? Why would I want to leave?”

“Becuase I ruined our lives? Because I had to go and get knocked up?” He snorted.

“Considering I am the one who, as you put it, go you ‘knocked up’, I’d say it's both of our faults.”

You sighed, not feeling any better.

“Y/n, I always planned on starting a family with you one day.” Your head wupped around to look at him.

“You-”

“Yes. To marry you and take care of you and start something with you. This wasn’t a fling to me. You were never like the rest. I have loved you since day one. It's just earlier than I expected and a bit out of order, but we can do it.” He grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. “Together.”

“You can be such a sap,” you laughed, a hitch still in your throat from crying. He smiled and kissed your head, letting his lips linger on your hairline.

“Only for you.” He breathed out. “Only for you.”

[jeonggukkiepabo]

CRYSTAL SNOW ❄ MYG

SUMMARY: Christmas has always been a stressful time for Yoongi: buying presents, decorating the tree, baking cookies, you name it-Yoongi does it. It wouldn't be so difficult if Yoongi had someone to help him, but all he has left in his life is his beautiful daughter Ara.But maybe this year, he won't be all alone.

GENRE: christmas fluff  ❄ a bit of smut

WORD COUNT: 7,3k

WARNINGS: f l u f f, single parent yoongi, kindergarten teacher y/n, oral, satoori, domestic christmas vibes :(, mentions of death

AUTHOR’S NOTE: the secret collab is finally here! thanks @kimtaehyunq​ for letting me join💞 i’m so excited to read the other fics as well! & thank you Mags for doing this amazing banner I think this is the prettiest banner I've ever had. 🤧 Tysm love💞

MERRY CHRISTMAS

People usually say she looks a lot like her father, but all Yoongi sees in Ara is his wife. Wherever his daughter goes, his wife's ghost follows, the memory of his teenage love and the wonderful years they spent together until she left their lives.

Min Dasom died almost one year after Ara was born, her death coming too sudden for anyone to bid their last goodbyes-leaving her husband and baby heartbroken and alone.

It was awful, Yoongi won't be able to forget that one night the police called him, telling him that his precious wife drowned in the ocean during her monthly trip to the beach with her friends. 

Ever since that call, Yoongi has never stepped near a beach again, never felt hot sand between his toes again, never went swimming again.

It was hard, being a single parent and Yoongi was tempted to give up many times, but seeing Ara grow and bloom into the beautiful girl she is now, Yoongi is beyond thankful that he survived the pain and sorrow.  

He never drowned his thoughts in alcohol because his sunshine always looked at him with her sad little eyes, almost as if she knew what he wanted to do and hugged his legs tightly until Yoongi set the bottle away and picked Ara up and spent the night cuddling her.

Things got easier as soon as Ara was old enough to finally go to kindergarten, allowing Yoongi to work more hours and on a daily basis again. It's not like he needed a lot of money, it's just that Yoongi needs to work. 

He's used to working all the time, he's always been-because working doesn't give him time to think about the tragedy that is his life.

Money wasn't an issue for the Min family, Yoongi used to be one of the most successful pianists and producers in South Korea, but he gave up on that as soon as Ara was born, just to have time for his family.

His friend Hyunjin offered him a job as a songwriter and composer at his own label JinHit Entertainment. 

Yoongi could work from home whenever he wanted and needed to, but the studio Hyunjin set him up was way better and filled with new technology that Yoongi loved playing and experimenting with.

The acclimatization to her new daily routine wasn't easy for Ara because she wasn't used to having women in her life-until now, it has always been Yoongi and Ara. They ended up switching kindergarten two times before Ara came into the one that you've been working at for a while now-instantly falling in love with you.

The first few days with your new reference child we're quite… interesting because the little girl was full of action and so curious about every little thing in the room that you couldn't sit still and talk to her father for a while because Ara grabbed your hand and pulled you towards the next game she wanted to play.

Her father, Min Yoongi, sent you an apologetic smile as he watched you play with his daughter from a distance, giving you time to get used to each other and build a bond. You winked at him as you took a seat next to Ara and started to explain the rules of the board game to her-impressed about how well she was understanding them.

It didn't take Ara a long time to send Yoongi home, waving him goodbye and pressing a loud kiss onto his lips. "Go and work, Appa! Uncle Hyunjinnie waits for you to make good music!"

Yoongi looked at her with a pout, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're telling me to leave? Just to go and work? That is rude, princess."

You giggled and hugged Ara as she ran over to you, Yoongi long forgotten.

"Would you like to bring your dad to the door, Ara? I think he might be sad if you won't. Remember: he won’t see you for a few hours and you don’t want your dad to be sad during lunch, right?"

Ara giggled but nodded nonetheless and grabbed Yoongi by the hand. "Hurry!"

Yoongi looked at you in shock, desperately trying to hold in his laugh. "I think you gave me Ara's evil twin instead of my sweet little princess! Where is my nice girl that always kisses Appa goodbye?"

You shrugged your shoulders playfully as one of the other kids asked for you to help him with building a big tower out of building blocks. "Have a nice day, Mr Min. Oh and make sure you won't forget about our appointment on Thursday! I don't think it'll take longer than an hour, it's just to talk about Ara's development so far."

Yoongi was one of the few parents that were always punctual, not even a minute too late-and the only parent you've never felt any kind of rage towards. Not only that, but he attended every kindergarten fest, always prepared little cupcakes for Ara's birthday to bring with her to kindergarten and share with her friends.

May was rolling around quickly and you were as eager as always to craft some little gifts for the children to give their mothers. 

You prepared some candle wax and melted it so the kids could fill it in plastic forms and add glitter and scent to their preference, just to have a nice little gift to give. 

Most of the kids had fun, some of them were a bit grumpy because they got glitter all over themselves, but there is one little girl pouting and trying not to cry in front of them, not even touching the wax.

Ara.

It breaks your heart every time, knowing that Ara's mother died years ago and that she probably had no other woman in her life because you’ve already heard that her father works quite a lot. 

Squatting down next to the little girl, you gently pinch her stomach just to hear her little giggles. 

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Don't you want to make a nice candle?"

Ara looks up at you, one single tear slipping out of her eye. "I don't have a mom, so no candle for me."

You coo, playing with Ara's hair as you stand up again, leading her towards the crafting table.

"That doesn't matter, Ara. I think your dad will be happy to get a candle too! We can pick a different color than pink, what do you think does he like the most? I’m sure we will find something!"

Ara taps her chin, smiling slightly as she thinks about Yoongi's favorite color. "Black! He wears black clothes! Always! Do we have black glitter, Y/N?" 

She scrunches her nose at the first few oils, but one scent really lights up her face. "This smells like Appa! Can we use this?" 

"We do, I didn't put it on the table because usually nobody wants it so it sits on the shelf, all by itself. I think the glitter finally deserves to be used!" You smile at the kid, grabbing the small container of glitter from the shelf and handing it over to Ara.

"We do have a few scents, would you like to smell them? Choose whichever you think smells the best and we can put a few drops in the wax,' you offer the bowl of different oils to Ara and help her open the lids.

Ara holds up the little bottle of rose oil and you smile to yourself. Black roses, that really seems to fit the impression you have of Mr. Min.

"Of course. Now, let's mix the glitter with the wax and we can put it into the mold. Alright, now stir it while i put in a few drops of the rose oil, okay?"

You guide her through the process, talking to her and listening to her rambling about the piano lessons Mr. Min gives her on a regular basis, just because Ara wants to be like her favorite man in the world.

"He is a great dad, Ara. You're so lucky to have him, I know that he must be sad sometimes too, but you're such a sunshine and help him as much as he helps you," you hug her from the side, enjoying the way Ara leans into the hug as well.

"I want a mom, but Appa is almost like a mom! He lets me paint his nails, goes to ballet with me and always bakes princess cookies for our tea parties!"

Ara giggles as she dips the wick into the liquid wax.

"Appa needs a woman to love, the only dates he goes to are work-dates with uncle Hyunjin," she says.

And yes, you think so as well.

One day around September, you decide that it’s definitely hot enough to prepare the blow-up outside pool for the kids, allowing them to change into their swimsuits and let them play around, even adding some bubbles to the water to let them experiment.

Mr. Min smiles at you, his gums fully showing and you can’t help but smile as well as you hear his words.

“And I think there’s no job that you could do better than this one.”

You’re sitting next to the pool on a bench in the shadow, reading some books to those few kids that don’t want to hop into the water as Ara jumps out of the pool.

“Y/N, come inside as well, it’s so nice!” She jumps up and down, her wet ponytail dripping onto her shoulders.

You pout, pointing to the kids next to you. “I can’t, you know that some of the kids are still afraid to go into the water with so many other children around. Maybe next time. Now, go and enjoy it, it’s super hot and I don’t know when autumn will come around and surprise us with bad weather!”

Ara nods quickly, hopping back into the water and continues splashing some water around with her friends, but she glances at you every few seconds. Then, she whispers with her two best friends before all three of them nod as they look at you.

Suddenly, they run towards you, surprising you with wet hugs and loud giggles, leaving your white summer dress almost see through.

Suddenly, there’s someone clearing his throat right behind you and you wish you could sink deep down into the pool once you see that it’s Mr. Min. 

“Girls!,” you can’t help but yelp, the cold water causing you to jump up from the bench. Yet, you laugh with them, the cooling really helping you with the heat.

“You can’t just do that, Ara. Look at my dress now, you can almost see through it, you’re lucky that the parents won’t come in within the next two hours, otherwise they would see me like this,” you try to look stern, but to be honest: you would have done the same if you were Ara.

“Ara, why did you do that?,” he asks with his calm voice and tries his best not to look at your hardening nipples under the dress. 

Ara’s bottom lip trembles as she looks at you with sad eyes. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I just thought it would be funny…”

Mr. Min turns to you and bows slightly. “I’m sorry, she shouldn’t have done that. And well, I came to pick her up earlier because we will visit her grandparents over the weekend. I should’ve informed you earlier. Is there any way I can help you with your… erm, dress?”

Mr. Min nods at you, picking up his-still wet-daughter as he looks you up and down slow enough to leave goosebumps all over your skin once again. 

You blush, shaking your head as you grab Ara’s clothes and hand her to her father.

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, it’s not your fault-and a water fight is too much fun to just not do it, right, Ara? It’s sunny enough so I’ll just bring the bench into the sun and I’ll be dry soon enough! I hope you’re having fun with your grandparents, Ara! Have a nice weekend, Mr. Min.”

“It’s alright, Mr. Min, really. You don’t know how many children happen to call one of us mom without realizing it. It’s nothing too wild, I’ve gotten used to it and I think especially in Ara’s case… It was supposed to happen, you know? I mean, I don’t want to intrude on your private life, but I suppose you’re not seeing another person and Ara isn’t growing up with other females, so she takes those she sees here as a female person to bond with, you know?”

“Thank you, mommy! Oh… I mean Y/N..,” Ara quirps as he turns around in her father’s arms, even though it doesn’t look like she’s really sorry at all.

“Ara!” Mr. Min gasps as he looks at his daughter. 

Yoongi shakes his head. “I haven’t seen another woman ever since my wife died. Ara is the only woman in my life, the only one I give all my love to. She deserves it,” he sighs. “But you’re right, I think another female person would really help her with growing up. I just don’t want to introduce her to some random woman I might not even want to spend the rest of my life with. Is this egoistic?”

His honest words hit you, knowing how lonely he must be, all alone with his little girl and a bunch of work he has to do. “It’s not, Mr. Min. You don’t have to date just because you think it would be the best for Ara. There are many single fathers that raise their kids perfectly fine and I think you’re one of them! Ara never tells bad stories about you and I think you’re doing a really good job, spending all of your free time with her and allowing her to experience so many fun things. I’ve met so many ‘happy’ families that didn’t even manage to pack breakfast for their kids, so really, don’t break your head over something like this! I’m happy that Ara accepted me so much and that she always comes to me whenever she has a problem. This is why I chose my job.”

Over the next few months, Mr. Min is all that’s on your mind, even though you know how unprofessional it is, but he’s even kinder to you than he’s been before. You usually have a small chat with every parent whenever they bring or pick up their children, but Mr. Min makes sure to always catch you and ask you about your day, if there’s anything new in your life and you can’t help but ask him about his work and the songs he’s been working on as well.

“Ah, it’s really stressful right now. I’m working with this band that’s debuting soon and we have to prepare and finish the entire album I wrote about five songs for. They’re really good but still so young, I think the oldest is 16? Or was it 17? Whatever, that’s like ten years younger than me! I think I’ll grow grey hair soon when I keep on working with such young idols,” he sighs playfully as he helps Ara to put on her shoes and jacket. 

“I mean, you’re not that old, Mr. Min. Don’t worry-as long as you keep that handful smile you will look like you’re straight out of some perfume poster. But I’d love to listen to one of your songs! I mean, if you’d let me,” you smile with honesty as you hand Ara her backpack. 

Mr. Min shrugs, pulling his phone out of his pocket as he opens his Spotify account. He types something in and turns the screen towards you. AGUST D, it says. You scrunch your eyes at the name, trying to remember where you’ve known it from, but it doesn’t ring a bell right now. 

“I’ll make sure to listen to some of your songs, I hope they aren’t too sad though, I prefer my music to be more… pop and rock?”

You cringe at your own words, hoping that the man knows what you were trying to say. 

And fuck, you did like it. Turns out that AGUST D wasn’t some softie that plays guitar lullabies, no. 

Yoongi cracks a grin, then winks at you playfull before he takes Ara’s hand after she said goodbye to you.

“I think you’re going to like it.”

AGUST D seems to be one of the best rappers in the music industry that you’ve ever been listening to. He sounds so aggressive and fast that you needed to listen twice to some of his songs to understand what he was saying, but you ended up adding much more songs into your playlist than you’d like to tell him.

But you did tell him.

“Oh, I’m not doing that crazy rap thing anymore. It was a phase, I guess. By now, I use the name to help smaller musicians and trainees, produce their songs and write their lyrics. It’s better to do so with a bigger name, but AGUST D died a long time ago, I guess I killed him.” Mr. Min says the next day.

"I mean, as long as you keep all of them on Spotify, I'm alright with that. Most of those songs match my aggressive driving vibe and I can't imagine driving to work without it." You try to joke before you realize what it must've sounded like. "Oh lord, I didn't mean it like that!" 

You blush, trying to hide your reddened cheeks in your palms, but Mr. Min just laughs it off.

"Don't worry, I get what you mean. I usually play Love Talk as soon as i leave this building."

He even has the audacity to wink at you before he leaves with a grin, causing Ara to coo.

"Appa really likes you if he teases you!"

And the teasing goes on and on, there’s almost no day without a snarky comment from Mr. Min or a sarcastic comment from you-but neither of you takes those words to heart because that’s what you need in your lives, someone to laugh with, someone to make jokes with.

Even though there are plenty of other children in your group and so many parents you talk to daily, the only one you’re happy to see in the afternoon is Mr. Min.

The summer is long gone and fall said goodbye a few weeks ago, December came around and your little crush on Mr. Min isn’t as little anymore-and you can’t help yourself but wonder if he might be into you as well. You’ve shared a few noons talking about Ara’s development and if she’s ready for school next September, but most of the times you didn’t talk about the girl for more than thirty minutes before one of you switched the topic to something more private as the man leans closer to you and locks his gaze with yours.

You’re not as nervous around him as you were before and you can feel him starting to open up towards you as well. Yet, you’ve never met outside of the kindergarten, knowing it would be way too unprofessional and you’d never want to ruin the wonderful bond you share with Ara just because you’re desperate to jump into her father’s lap and call him Daddy too.

You’re not one of those women to go into a club and have a dirty one night stand with a random stranger, but you’ve been too busy to actually go and meet people, so you’ve kind of gotten used to being alone, even though you’re really missing late night cuddles and Disney marathons.

It’s Saturday afternoon and you’ve been strolling through the mall for a while now, looking for some christmas presents for your friends and family-but also wanting to treat yourself because work has been more than just exhausting lately.

You’ve been handling the entire group alone, having a lot more smaller children because new kids have been coming to kindergarten and having to deal with so many parents alone can be pure hell. Sadly enough you’re living all by yourself, only having a few close friends that don’t understand why you’re even doing this underpaid job and your last relationship crashed almost two years ago.

The mall looks amazing, beautiful christmas ornaments are hanging from the ceiling and there must be someone playing the piano somewhere because the soft melodic tunes fill the entire mall, reminding you of Mr. Min once again.

You just stepped out of a lingerie store, something you’re really passionate about even though nobody but yourself sees you in it, but you love the feeling of lace on your skin, love how beautifully the soft colors compliment your skin and love imagining Mr. Min ripping the soft material off you.

The small paper bag in your hand, you look around for another shop that might hold the next christmas present for one of your friends. 

“Appa, please! I already have a picture but we need you to have one too!”

You know that voice too well to ignore it, searching the area for the small owner of it, giggling as you found her. Ara and Mr. Min are in the Santa area of the mall that gives you the ability to sit on Santa’s lap and take a picture with him as you tell him your biggest christmas wishes.

But the little girl is not sitting on Santa’s lap, she’s trying to push her father towards the man with the fake beard, clearly wanting him to sit down on that lap.

You giggle, walking towards them just to find out what’s going to happen.

“Ara, I’m too old and heavy for poor Santa, I think he prefers girls your age-wait, no not like that. I think he likes boys and girls-ugh. You’re driving me crazy, princess. Look, there’s a few other kids wanting to have their time with Santa as well, why don’t we just leave and try to find some more presents from the giftshop here, hm?” The man tries to talk his daughter into leaving the uncomfortable situation, but Ara is as stubborn as ever-she always gets what she wants, especially from her father.

“But… I want you to have pictures with Santa too!” She pouts, looking over at the confused Santa before she hears your giggle. “Y/N!”

Mr. Min turns around, a shocked expression on his face and a soft pink tint on his cheeks.

“Oh, Ms. Y/L/N. What a surprise.”

You giggle even more, stepping closer towards them. “Hello Ara, good afternoon Mr. Min,” you bow slightly before accepting the little girl’s hug. 

“I see, you really want to sit on Santa’s lap, but Ara doesn’t want to let you because she’d be embarrassed.” 

Yoongi hums in agreement. “Horrible, those children. I mean, I just want a nice christmas picture with Santa, but you know how they are… right before puberty hits them.”

“Y/N, Appa doesn’t want to take a picture with Santa, would you sit on his lap and take a picture for me?” Ara looks up at you with her big eyes and like always, you can’t say no. Instead, you hand Mr. Min your bags-not thinking about the fact that one of them is from the lingerie store-before taking Ara’s hand and walking over to the smiling Santa.

The picture is quickly taken and not even five minutes later, Mr. Min hands you your bags, whispering, so Ara wouldn’t hear you. “I think the peach one will suit you the best.”

Ara nods and rips the bags out of Mr. Min’s hands to show you her cute dresses and bows while the man just stares at you with an open mouth. Did you really just say that to him? 

You gasp, hiding the bags behind your back but who are you to deny the fact that this man is the exact reason you stepped into the store?

“Thank you, I hope someone will get to see them before Christmas. It would be a shame to waste those pretty pieces for some lame mirror selfies,” you smile innocently before squatting down next to Ara. “Did you buy something nice yet?”

“Appa, we wanted to get hot chocolate, can Y/N come too please?”

Yoongi is speechless once more as he quietly follows his daughter and her kindergarten teacher towards the mall’s cafe-realizing that he shouldn’t have chosen his tightest pair of skinny jeans because somehow, they got quite uncomfortable as soon as you arrived.

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at his daughter before he picks up all the dresses that Ara tried to shove back into the bags. “If she wants, she’s welcome to join, but I think you should ask her first, maybe she is busy.”

You blush at the invitation, not sure whether to accept it or not-but you’re not one to decline on hot chocolate. Smiling at Ara, you nod. “Show me where to get the best hot chocolate, I’m craving something sweet and thick down my throat.”

He watches you as Ara grabs your hand and swings them around with a soft giggle, heart warming as he sees your fond smile.

Ara talks about you a lot-hell, Yoongi asks about you a lot whenever Ara doesn't want to talk about you but watch her favorite show.

It's unprofessional and probably not allowed, Yoongi knows, but Ara leaves for school in March anyways, so who cares? 

It's obvious to the both of you that you're interested in each other, the flirting and teasing coming to a point where Yoongi can't wait for another snarky remark of yours.

And now that he has the chance to sit and talk with you outside of your workplace, you just chose to buy a bag full of fucking beautiful lingerie (yes, Yoongi looked inside, no, he doesn't regret it).

Ara leads you into this beautiful cat cafe that apparently has "The best hot chocolate and bubble tea, but it's too cold for bubble tea… Can they make hot bubble tea?" as Ara says, earning a harsh "no" from Yoongi, because that's something he wishes for as well.

"Go find a place with Mr. Y/L/N, Ara. I'll get your order, yeah? What can I order for you?" Yoongi looks at you as he pulls out his wallet, giving you some time to read the menu.

"Oh, the candy cane hot chocolate, please! And please, as long as we are not talking inside the kindergarten, call me Y/N. I mean, you've seen my underwear, I think you deserve to call me by my name."

Yoongi blushes, nodding and rushes towards the cashier to order your drinks. You smile at the man, then at the cats-they look somewhat similar-before you sit down next to Ara who is currently petting four cats on her lap.

"They're adorable," you coo, "Do you have any pets?"

Ara nods with a big smile and hands you one of the cats, a pretty one with orange fur and big eyes. 

"I have a turtle! Gukkie gave it to me and Appa didn't like it first, but I love her!"

You enjoy the cat's purring as you gently stroke her chin. "A turtle sounds lovely, I hope you can show it to me one day."

"Oh, that won't be a problem, I can invite you for dinner and Appa will get shy and red in the face, but he wouldn't say no because he's super soft for-" "ALPACAS! I'm soft for alpacas, haha, here we go, three hot chocolates."

Yoongi appears with a pained expression as he places your hot chocolate right in front of you.

"Thanks, Yoongi," you smile at the man and Yoongi swears that his heart stopped beating for a second. "I'm soft for Alpacas as well."

Right after you all finished your drinks, Ara decides that it’s time to walk through the mall once more, just to make sure that Santa is still there and will take another picture with hot chocolate-filled Ara. 

“Did you enjoy your date with Y/N, Appa?” She looks up at her father as you walk towards the mall. Yoongi trembles, blushing brightly. “I’m pretty sure this wasn’t a date, Ara. Don’t assume things like this, it’s rude,” he mumbles as he gently pets her head to make sure she isn’t hurt by his comment.

You giggle, whispering loud enough for Yoongi to hear. “I really liked it, Ara. Your Appa can be funny if he wants to.”

The picture with Santa comes out pretty, even though the man groaned as two grown adults decided to sit on each of his legs, the bright smiling Ara kneeling in front of them. But it’s really worth it, because Yoongi’s smile never leaves his lips this evening, gums showing beautifully on the picture and you quickly make sure to get a copy of that picture as well.

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “So was this a… you know?” It’s endearing, how shy he suddenly seems to be. You’ve never seen him like this. Stressed, overworked and happy - yes. Shy and blushing? Never.

You nod with a soft smile as you lay your hand on his shoulder.

“Yes, I’d like that to be a ‘you know what’, Yoongi.”

You can't even tell when the two of you officially started dating, but you'll never forget the first kiss you've shared during one of your walks-thanks to Ara for snapping a picture of it. Yoongi's hands wrapped around your waist, eyes clenched shut and lips curled in a soft smile as fresh snow fell down on you.

Seeing Yoongi at work wasn’t as weird as you had expected it to be, it’s quite the opposite. He’s attentive and lovely, bringing you fresh croissants or donuts every morning or puting little chocolate for you and Ara in his daughter’s lunchbox.

He’s caring, picking you up after your shift to invite you to dinners and walks through the forest with Ara, because that little girl just loves walking in the fresh snow that has started to fall recently. She takes pictures of your footprints with Yoongi’s phone and makes him promise to print it for her to hang up.

“Of course I can, Ara. You’re already wearing your sleeping clothes and you’ve brushed your teeth with Appa, so hurry up and pick out the book you want me to read!” 

Ara grows closer and closer to you, until that one day where you stay over the Min’s house for dinner, she asks you to bring her to bed.

“Can she, Appa? I want her to read my favorite bedtime story to me! Please, Y/N,” Ara looks up at you with a pout, her beautiful eyes-that remind you of Yoongi-sparkling with admiration. 

That girl really makes your heart melt, combined with the soft smile that Yoongi gives you. And suddenly, you feel like you’re meant to be here, helping that man that you’ve grown so close to, helping the girl that lost her mother way too early and maybe even helping yourself with accepting that love really comes unexpectedly.

You gently tuck the soft blanket over Ara and place her favorite stuffie next to her as you smile at the girl fondly. "Sleep well, Ara," you whisper quietly, trying not to wake her up.

"Kissies, please," she mumbles sleepily and makes grabby hands towards you.

"Ara, I-" "Please," she whines and opens her eyes, tears starting to build up.

"Okay, it's okay, Ara." You swipe her hair out of her face before you plant a soft little kiss onto the girl's forehead. "Good night, sweetheart."

"Good night, Y/N. Will you be there tomorrow morning?"

Your smile fades, unsure if you really want to tell the little girl the truth. 

"Probably not, I have to get ready for work. You know that I love to wear dresses on Thursdays and I didn't bring mine. But we will see each other in the kindergarten!"

"Okay," she whispers before she falls back into a quiet slumber.

Yoongi has cleaned the kitchen in the meantime and poured more wine for the both of you to enjoy in front of the fireplace.

"She really adores you," he says as you sit down next to him, sipping the rosé Yoongi bought just for you.

"And I adore her. She's an angel. Thank you for allowing me to spend so much time with her, Yoon."

Yoongi blushes again, shaking his head. The greyish blonde hair got messier as the evening passed. "No, Y/N. You're the first mother-figure Ara has, I have to thank you in both mine and Ara's name. I know that dating a single father is a lot, but you're accepting my family so well… I never thought I'd find another woman in my life again. Ever since my wife died, it was hard for me to even look at other women, let alone build up something like a relationship with them because I always felt bad. But that's what she would have wanted for me. To love again, to not waste my last handsome days," his lips curl into a smirk before he shakes again. 

Then, his sharp eyes met yours and soften within seconds. 

"I… I don't know if it's the right time, we've known each other for two years, we've been officially dating for only three weeks, but I think I won't change my mind about it-no I know that I won't change my mind. I love you, Y/N. And I know that Ara loves you too."

You gasp, lips beginning to tremble once your eyes meet Yoongi's. "Yoongi…," you whisper before you place your glass on the table and basically jump onto his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck. 

"I wanted to be the one to tell you first. I love you so much, Yoongi. I've had this stupid crush on you ever since you saw me in that wet dress, ever since you've shown me your music. Ever since I've seen you being the wonderful father you are-and that's so sexy, you can't even imagine."

Yoongi smirks as his hands find their place on the curve of your ass. "Sexy, huh? Me, doing the laundry and cooking dinner? Or me walking Ara to kindergarten with the homemade lunch boxes? That turns you on?"

You laugh, hiding your face in his neck as you lean closer to press your lips against his ear.

"All of that-and the way that you love Ara with all your heart, that's maybe the sexiest thing about you."

The man groans as he grabs you even tighter. "I never thought that sweet talk would turn me on even more than dirty talk," he laughs shakily as he wiggles his hips slightly to get into a more comfortable position that won't suffocate his hardening erection.

You sigh, sit up and run your hands through his hair. "Isn't all of this too early? I always tell myself that I shouldn't fall so fast, but here I am, ready to go every step with you."

Yoongi nods before he presses a peck on your nose. "Same, but we have all the time on earth. Ara wants us to get married by tomorrow, but I'm sure she'll survive it if we decide to postpone it for a few weeks."

You giggle as you look over your shoulder to the fireplace. "Did someone ever suck you off in front of a fireplace? Isn't this the definition of Christmas?"

The man underneath you gasps in shock. "No, but… I mean, I… You don't… have to?"

Laughing, you slide out of his lap and onto the floor, thankful for the soft carpet. "I want to, bubs. I wouldn't do something either of us isn't comfortable with. I assume you're alright with it?"

"Of course, but… I guess nobody ever did it because they wanted to, but because they feel like they had to?"

You raise an eyebrow at him, obviously disappointed in his previous partners. 

"It's as much fun and pleasure for me as it is for you, believe me, Yoon. Now lay back and enjoy, yeah?" You give him a calming smile as you open his pants carefully, then sliding them down his toned legs.

You press kisses all around his thighs to warm him up to the feeling, knowing that it has to be overwhelming to have some that close after all that time. Then, you gently remove his boxer shorts as well, leaving him bare and proud in front of you.

You groan as you start to stroke his cock, earning a low growl from Yoongi. "So beautiful," you whisper, then you take him into your mouth, getting a feeling for the weight on your tongue before you start bopping your head. 

Yoongi tries to contain himself, knowing that Ara could wake up every second, but alone the sight in front of him could make him come with a scream.

Instead, he cups your cheek, feeling the bulge that he causes there. Another groan leaves his lips. 

You look up at him, smirking-or trying to, with a mouth full of cock-and leading his hand into your hair, using it to push you down even more.

Yoongi's eyes lighten up. "Really?"

You almost laugh out, but you're doing your best to contain yourself and nod, placing your hands on his thighs to stop whenever you can't take it anymore. Yoongi is long and thicker than the average you've had before, but it's a challenge that's worth it.

He pushes you down slowly, enjoying the hot warmth of your mouth and then your throat as he pushes in-surprised that you didn't really gag around him.

Spit trickles down your chin as he moves faster, thrusting his hips to meet the movements of his hand and enjoying the gurgling sounds you make.

He comes far to quick for his own liking, shooting his load down your throat with a quiet groan. "Fuck."

You giggle as you swallow what he gives you, standing up to sit back on his lap to kiss him.

"You're welcome." 

Then, before you can grab your wine again, he flips you around and goes on his knees in front of you. "My turn," he smirks, eyes shining dangerously behind his fringe. 

"Yoongi, I-," you try to say, but he shushes you with a sloppy kiss.

"I know that I have to, but believe me: I love giving pleasure more than receiving it."

You pout, hands running through his soft hair.

"I didn't shave…," you whisper, a bit ashamed because you didn't come prepared, not thinking that this would be happening today.

The man in front of you raises an eyebrow.

"Do you think I am a 15 year old, pre puberty fuckboy that cares about shaved pussies? It's natural, love. Even if you can't believe it: I grow hair too, nobody is freshly shaved every day. I don't mind that, okay? Now, stop pouting and let me do my work, will you? Can you be a good girl and do that for me? All you've got to do is lean back, open your legs, throw them around my shoulders and let me devour you."

His shameless words turn you on, you can't even deny it-especially not when your panties are that damp. So, you naturally obey and help him to remove your pants.

"I told you, peach is your color," Yoongi groans in his deep Satoori as he looks at your clothed core. The peach colored lace has darkened from your arousal and the man can't help it but press his face against the material, licking one bold stripe over it.

Nobody has ever done that to you, rather pulled them off in a hurry because they thought that body fluids were disgusting, but Yoongi didn't seem to mind as he gently bites your folds through the lace. 

"God," you moan in pleasure as Yoongi finally pulls your panties to the side and spits onto your pussy, making it even wetter.

You're a whimpering mess as soon as Yoongi's tongue is on you, flicking and playing with your clit, collecting your juices and spreading them all over your pussy. You've read about that before; men eating pussy like they're starving, but Yoongi is somewhat different.

He eats pussy like he wants you to always remind it, to make you obedient and never being able to enjoy anyone else doing that job.

He does it well-of course. His tongue is as fast as he's been spitting rhymes on his mixtape, and you're more than thankful for that.

He doesn't even get to use his fingers before your orgasm approaches you, strong waves of pleasure hitting you as Yoongi keeps on kissing and slowly licking you through your high.

Then, he grins at you. "Round two, here we go."

And this time, it's not only his tongue working wonders, but also his fingers stroking you on the inside until they found your spot. 

You press your hands on your mouth to keep yourself from screaming out loud, hips bucking wildly as you come for a second time within less than ten minutes. And again, Yoongi guides you through it and softly caresses your stomach.

"Fuck, I love you," you pant as he comes back up and steals a kiss from you.

"I can't wait to have you in my bed properly," he whispers and takes a large sip from his wine. 

You can only agree.

You've started to spend the nights at Yoongi's more often, bringing Ara to work with you and helping Yoongi with her and the household whenever you can. Your relationship blooms beautifully and Ara is the happiest little bean when you're around.

Obviously, you spent Christmas with Yoongi and Ara as well, buying little presents and enjoying the comfortable atmosphere with the family.

Yoongi gave you a spare key to his house, so you're always able to visit them, spending the nights there and soon enough, you moved in.

❄❄❄❄

The Christmas after that, you surprised Ara with the adoption papers, telling her that now that she's in school and not one of your kindergarten kids anymore, she'll be able to finally call you Mommy (not that Ara minded before, you just felt weird and guilty about it).

And here you are now, preparing the huge breakfast for your third Christmas around, smiling at the ring that adorns your finger. 

"Smells fabulous, Mama," Ara says as she runs towards you and falls into your arms.

"Do you want me to help you with dessert, Mrs Min?" Yoongi asks as he presses a kiss onto your cheeks. You lean into his touch, shaking your head. "It's almost done. You can go into the living room, I'll be there in a minute to open our presents, bubs."

Yoongi prepares the fireplace, lightens some candles with Ara and lets his daughter hand out the presents. 

"I have one more for you, Yoon," you whisper as you hand him a small box.

"Oh? Can I open this first?" He tilts his head curiously, shaking the light box.

"Open!" Ara squeaks and sits down between her father and you. You nod with a fond smile as Yoongi lifts the top. Then, silence.

"Really?" He whispers with teary eyes.

"Yes, finally," you smile, "Ara, you'll become a big sister!"

Yoongi sniffs, hugging his family tight.

"And she'll be the best sister in the world. Merry Christmas, loves."

[cryptiql]

untitled god song

pairing: bakugou/m!reader (trans reader in mind you can see it if you squint but can also be read as cis)

words: 2k

warnings: themes of religious trauma, homophobia, mentions of blood, the author projecting their mommy issues

a/n: this is purely self indulgent, don't mind me 😩✋ (written in first person)

i wish i had known him before the pain started. perhaps it is a fools dream to think that his presence would have solved anything, and it is likely that he might blown me sky high at the time, if given the chance, but i often ponder his place in my narrative. he is nothing less than a king—nay, a god—and what else am i to be except his humble servant, adoring him in the only way i've been taught?

i would bruise my knees as i kneel for him, and should he turn me away, i shall be lost and without purpose. but he does not, and instead, he snorts out a laugh and pulls me to my feet, roughly squeezing my cheeks together with a shit-eating grin. he'll tell me a joke i've heard a thousand times, and yet i laugh with him anyways, the pads of my fingers idly tapping the pulse on his wrists.

"dumbass, at least take me out to dinner first."

i never thought i'd ache to hear such a demeaning nickname, but it's like birdsong to my ears, and i long for the myriad of butterflies it provokes.

i would heed his every word like a faithful disciple, and—if i knew he would not use this power for the wrong reasons—carry it out without question. he'll roll his eyes at the notion, far too prideful at the idea of being praised, and card hands through my hair, gripping softly. "right. and if i told you to go to bed before five in the morning, would you listen?"

my smiles are genuine, as they all are with him.

"no." i wish my mother had been more open-minded; more loving to those she claimed were goners. maybe then, i could still call her my mother, and not a snarled version of her first name steeped in vinegar. maybe she could have met him, and maybe she would have keeled over in the process, but that is how we put it "killing two birds with one stone".

he was a fallen angel if ever i saw one—emblazoned in smog and ravenous inferno, the pieces of child-like innocence turning to ash. something happened to him when he was a kid, just as all gifted children, and oh, what a fool i was to let my gaze dawdle on his gorgeous form. but i will never regret it—no, not ever—for there is no such feeling that can compare to his eyes on mine, burning with a mind-fogging intensity.

it was instantaneous, the moment my thoughts turned on me with malicious intent, her voice ringing out like a gunshot.

you'll never be him.

his hand slots with mine perfectly; deliciously warm and comforting in a way i haven't felt in years; and hauls me up, the flecks of dirt and rubble from the road clinging to my jeans.

"watch it, pretty boy. i won't always be here to save you, y'know."

my heart batters against my ribs like a caged bird, screeching and wailing to be set free, and i wonder in a haze if i've died. judgement day must have come early, i think, not realizing that it was spoken aloud until the blonde quirks a brow inquisitively. he does not speak on the matter, but continues on his merry way, leaving my helpless; hopelessly enamored; and praying that we will meet again.

no, i could never be him. but i am like him. he has a sureness in his walk and fervor in the way he talks that is only recognizable when i look in the mirror. and we do meet again. it is a shame, however, that i must burden him with the weight of my past. i remember too often the troubles of my youth, even when all has passed into fleeting memories that haunt me as ghosts do to an abandoned house. yet, i still live in this house, and the ghosts are here to keep me company.

i remember the church, first and foremost; nestled between the barren country road and the outback; a beacon of hope to all those who stood in its doors. the luster of freshly polished wood still sits in my mind, accompanied by the echoing remnants of dulcet tones and multicolored bands of light, glaring from the stained glass windows and dancing across the musty carpet floor. the doddering pews were just as uncomfortable as the poorly padded chairs squatting in the front row, but every sunday, they were filled to the brim with hungry worshippers. they sang praise as though they were starved, but i was too young to understand for what. i am older now, and i still don't understand. all i know is that despite its reputation, the church was a cursed place, and i should never set foot in it again lest i go mad. i remember the creaking stairs which lead downstairs, and the winding halls that reeked of torment where shadows loomed. the paint was corroding and foul, and my conscious always loitered too long on the merlot stain on the ceiling; its origin unknown, but nevertheless urging my stomach to twist with nausea.

i remember the feeling of tall grass grazing my ankles; itching horribly from the old moth-eaten socks i was forced to wear. it had become second nature—running and hiding from my problems, from the church, from her. i shall never know a greater animosity than the likes that my mother encouraged, although unintentionally, with her pressuring views and sickeningly sweet smile. it's fake, and i would know, because ours are the same.

we are too similar, and i am sickened by the fact. will i become the wretched woman she is? will i fail to be the father i've dreamt of being? it is an easy thing to fall prey to haunting questions, and it serves as brain rot for every moment of silence that leaves me clawing at my skin, trying to reap the memory of her touch. then i began to think—about nothing and everything—and it does not stop. i will be kind; unforgivingly so, and without biased judgement; like my mother never was, and i'll make her hate me for it. i will grow in leaps and bounds, not for her sake or for god's, but for mine, as it always should have been. i will drink and curse with reckless abandon and kiss who i damn well please, because in no life does she have have the power to make me something i'm not. why should i feel sorry when the tears she wept were forged by my own blood; by the childhood memories locked away to rot in my subconscious? yes, she has suffered too, but it is through clenched teeth and raw-bitten lips that i must confess this, for her suffering was born in me and grew from a seedling into a thorned flower, nourished by her hatred and mine. she'll tell me the lie of all mothers before her: that she knows best, and i'll never know joy that is not from my savior's gracious hands.

one day, when she lies not with words but in silence, under worm-filled earth and withering pastures, i'll tell her that she was right. i'll tell her, with his hand in mine, that my savior arrived with hellfire in his eyes and fury unrelenting. his tongue holds venom that would make the devil blush, but he tastes of a sinful sweetness that i've drowned in more times than i care to count.

mother you should know, my god is like no other. he has a broad chest and muscles, i attest, that are sculpted like fine marble and smooth to the test.

my god is a man who loves other men, unashamedly; in all that is true; and kisses me like real people do. and i know it sounds silly, and a bit cliché, and he'd surely make a mockery of me if ever he heard, but i love him. i love him as passionately as you she does lord above, and it is a crime in itself how much i crave him, so yes, i will burn for this—not because my mother said so or by the ancient script that foretells it, but because i promise it. i promise to let neither hell or high water deter me from that which gives me life, and i'll do so with a ring.

"you hear that mom?" i'll whisper in the dead of night, his body flushed against mine in the most delightful way; his fingers curled into my nightshirt, pulling me closer as listless mumbles fall from his parted lips. he is dead to the world amid his dream ridden stupor, but still leans into my touch when i smooth back the wild tufts of hair to kiss his forehead.

"i'm gonna marry him." part of me wishes she didn't live on the other side of the planet, just so i could rub it in her face, but i won't give her the satisfaction of seeing me again. i won't let her think she's won, because i know, and katsuki knows, that he and i are one in the same.

i do not know who i should thank for my stubbornness, be it my mother or my father, so i will thank the pain they both caused me, for it made me stronger than they ever could. no, i did not become a better person, because the scars have yet to heal from how deep they cut, and the smell of blood still lingers, and i am angrier than i once was, but i cherish my wounds. the stench of my agony has long since been subdued, and i have learned to swallow the sickness it evokes. and yes, this anger is unhealthy and i've chosen not to purge it from my mind like the weed it is, but how lucky am i to have found one whose malice rivals my own?

the tales of his glory have littered my notebooks in smudged ink. you would hate him, is scrawled messily on the last page, but i only feel giddy with excitement. you would hate him for his spite and his unapologetic behavior, and that is why he's perfect. he's everything you hate about this world, but everything i love.

so when she gets to heaven and asks the angels "why?", they'll tell her it was him who made the devil cry. him, who held me like she should have—could have, if she hadn't terrified me—and who chased the nightmarish visions of her from my weary mind with his callous palms and soft-spoken reassurances. i wish i had known him when we were young; when things were not so simple and i needed a hand to hold; but i suppose we'll have to settle for faded photographs and stories told through the bitter aroma of alcohol. that's more than enough, i muse to myself, legs hooked over his as i rest my head on his shoulder, keening softly at the gentle scrape of his nails on my scalp. his arms wind around my waist as he mutters something along the lines of "i love you", his lips curling into a smile, illuminated by the televisions glow.

so when they ask of my religion, i will think of only him. i will recall the way he looks at me, the sound of my name on his tongue, the feeling of his lips trailing between the valley of my breast; featherlight, cautious and unfitting for a man of his nature. i've written songs of praise, all dedicated to him, and if only he knew, oh how smug he would be. but i love him, i love him, i love him. and when he spins me around like a marionette, it is with overwhelming pride and joy that i tell him this, and with rose hued cheeks and bashful grumbles, he tells me the same. so mother, wherever you are, i hope you know i've found my god.

[joi-in-the-tardis]

I'm trying to go off the Mucinex today. Fingers crossed! So far, unlike past mornings, I haven't had a coughing fit.

Our store manager has been extra spicy the last few days and I'm sure something is up, but I'm not sure exactly what. I had thought it was due to the coordinator coming in, but he came and left on Saturday (and, I believe, had little to complain about in Bakery). Sunday found her even more spicy. So, I'm not sure what's going on.

She's dressed down the floral manager (who comes in early if there are custom customer orders, works 6-7 day weeks if she must- including at other stores when they are short on help, and otherwise goes out of her way to do things in the store that aren't her job), the gm department (who had a whole 40-hour person cut out of their schedule a couple months ago and can't make up for that, there's now only two of them), and when I left yesterday my new department head (who is 21 and has never run a bakery department, only been back up in deli and worked some in bakery) was being verbally eviscerated. I've also heard from the Deli/Bakery head that she's been yelled at, too (she broke her arm week before last and she's still working). I can only conclude that the store manager is abusing all of the department heads.

When the store manager wandered into our department yesterday 15 minutes from the end of my shift looking perplexed I asked her if she needed something. She snapped at me. And then screeched over the intercom for my department head to yell at her.

We're a training store. People literally come to our store to train. But, she doesn't train. She leaves people dangling and then yells at them when they have issues. My department head looked like she was about to cry any minute and she (at least pretends) to be a hard woman. I felt bad leaving her like that and I texted her when I got home to see if she was okay, but she didn't answer me.

One would think that when there's a very small pool of people willing to take on a position, you would do what you can to support the people who do. Especially when those people seem to actively care about what they're doing. This is the third department head we've had in the two years under this store manager.

And, all of that aside, I'm not out of the line of fire myself: the store manager is upset that a lot of my in-store made product is winding up on the markdown rack. She thinks I'm over-producing and not following the computer assisted production. And, I'm not. I'm consistently baking LESS than what the computer says (many times by HALF or more) and it's still not selling. But, that's the price you pay as a company when you inflate prices: no one can afford a $5 coffee cake right now. I know I sure as hell can't. I felt dangerous spending an extra 50 cents on nicer sandwich buns last week.

But, I see where this is going. We're going to lower my numbers even more and then yell at me when I can't meet the start times for the tables. We've been here. You can not keep the tables "full" at start times and keep shrink low at the same time in our department. You've got to pick one. A year ago not keeping it full was the nitpick, so I've erred on that side. I bake a little extra so I have something on backstock to fill the tables with in the morning. And I stopped getting harassed.

And, I swear, if the solution is that I need to start coming in earlier I'm quitting bakery. Stuff me in some other department. Find some younger person who hasn't been around this merry-go-round so many times. If I thought it would make a real difference, I wouldn't be quite so mad. But, I've tried it. Not only didn't it make a difference, it wrecked my life.

[jaskiersvalley]

So I just discovered your maned wolf Jaskier and I thought I might add something I know about them. As the original person mentioned they are not foxes or wolves but more like a wild dog but not. They are their own thing. Also their pee smells like marijuana. I've seen some at the the national zoo in D.C. they do better in pairs or with company then on their own. The last one they had before the pair of brothers they had when I went didn't do good on their own. Their legs are sk long because they are made to see over tall grass. I love manned wolves they are so unique.

This is such a delightful bunch of facts about maned wolves! Thank you for sharing your knowledge, I adored finding out more about these fascinating creatures. As thanks, here’s a slightly different take on maned wolf!Jaskier for you.

True Colours

It was rare for graduates of Aretuza to get together. Mostly because their motives and goals were rather at odds with each other usually so it wasn't a good idea to get together. Things could get rather unpleasant. But, once in a while, they could set their ambitions aside and enjoy each other's company.

"I'm telling you, she was scum," Yennefer giggled, leaning into Fringilla's shoulder. "You can do miles better."

"I just wish I'd known what she was like before I wasted all that time on her." Nursing a freshly broken heart, Fringilla was eager for any kindness her peers would show her. "Humans are scum."

All too eager to agree, Yennefer nodded along. Humans were rather unfortunate creatures, she couldn't really help with that, ridding the Continent of them was quite unethical. But the thing about true colours, she could most definitely help with that.

"I've got the perfect spell! We can reveal the whole Continent's true colours." Laughter went up around them at the declaration and Yennefer sniffed as she straightened up. "You can all help. Or watch and learn."

It was quite amazing, how much power five drunken sorceresses could harness. The spell took a considerable amount of rather raw, unrefined Chaos and they all sprawled on the ground in a sweaty pile by the time it was done. Alas, in their drunken stupor, they noted that the spell had done nothing other than make the sky flash and rumble in an ever spreading wave until it moved out of sight.

The next morning they were all suitably hungover and more than ready to return to their usual duties. There was only so much time they could spend with each other before the truce ended and they were at each other's throats again.

Somewhere else on the Continent it was another beautiful day for Jaskier to follow Geralt around. He said follow because he'd once again managed to piss his boyfriend off and sent him stomping off ahead.

"Look, all I said was that you'd look better if you just glowered a little less," Jaskier grumbled. The lute case bounced against his back like it always did when he did a little jog to keep up with Geralt. "You do give the wrong impression sometimes. I swear you do this deliberately, hide the fact you're an absolutely cuddly sweetheart under all those onion-y layers of doom, gloom and...I have nothing that rhymes. Broom? Shroom? Groom? Fume! Because you're fuming!"

Funnily enough, it did nothing to ease Geralt's sulk but Jaskier was undeterred. This was nothing more than a blip in the journey of their love. A bit of bad weather, not even a storm.

They wandered in a manner Jaskier would call aimless while Geralt described as optimal in the hunt for a contract. At least it got them to a town in decent time, the soft summer light enough to get to an inn for food and a performance. Jaskier was ecstatic.

His set was going great, everyone was merry, having a blast as he belted out shanty after drinking song. Ale flowed, as did the coin. The sun was setting and he set his lute aside for a quick break. One moment he was staring out over the tavern and the next the world lurched. He was shorter, on all fours and everything looked and smelled different. Especially the patrons. A variety of animals stared back at him before pandemonium exploded. Most creatures reared back, staring in terror into the corner Geralt had been in, which was quite glaringly empty.

"What has that bastard done to us?" The cry went up and the dogs and foxes in the tavern rallied, ready to hunt Geralt down.

"I did nothing." A familiar voice rang through the room and everyone backed away as a harvest mouse climbed onto the table. Cute and defenceless, Geralt stared out at the tavern from the top of the table, nose twitching.

From his vantage point on the stage, with his long legs, Jaskier could see how the villagers weren't convinced. In fact, they saw an easy target and looked ready to exact revenge on an innocent party. Snarling, he raced to the other side of the room and hopped onto the table, towering over Geralt.

"He's innocent." Sharp teeth were bared fiercely at the crowd. When it didn't look like they would back down, Jaskier did the only thing he could. He picked Geralt up in his mouth and pretended to swallow while the tiny harvest mouse clambered out the side of his mouth and got lost in Jaskier's thick mane.

The villagers didn't look all that appeased but Jaskier didn't allow them to get out of control.

"Tasted like disappointment. Now. Shall we howl at the moon?" For some reason it seemed to do the trick and the shock of being turned into animals turned into a celebration.

In the morning, everyone was back to their regular human form, including Geralt. They had to make a hasty run from the village before the angry mob punished them for their existence.

"Whew! That was exciting. But also, what the fuck happened?"

There were no answers. Each night, as the sun set, they changed into animal form. Jaskier a maned wolf, Geralt a harvest mouse.

"I can't work like this," Geralt growled. "We're getting to the bottom of this."

Only, there seemed to be no help. Everywhere they went, the whole Continent seemed to turn into animals from dusk until dawn. Most villagers were wolves, bears, cats and other animals that could be tamed but the wild, aggressive undertones of predators were still there. A few were goats, cows and sheep, a few bulls. By contrast, courts were full of snakes and birds. Rarer, less straightforward to deal with. In Geralt's opinion, less pleasant to deal with. And no court's sorceress would give him a straight answer. They had to know something, Geralt knew when he was being lied to. But he didn't know what they were hiding.

With no other option, he headed home. Each night he climbed into Jaskier's mane, allowed his boyfriend to keep him safe from owls - some natural, others transformed humans who enjoyed the hunt. At the base of Kaer Morhen, he ran into something most unusual. A hyena gave Jaskier a flat stare from where it was curled in the overgrowth. By its stomach was a capybara and a hare, both looking a bit patchy and weathered. Even more interestingly, there was a cockatoo on the top of its head, eyes closed.

"Friends," Jaskier called, "we come in peace."

Never before had Jaskier felt more threatened than when a capybara and hare looked ready to tear his throat out.

"Eskel. Lambert," Geralt called and climbed to sit on the end of Jaskier's snout. "You made friends."

The hyena got to its feet, looming over the transformed Witchers protectively. "You know these two?"

"Geralt you fuck," the hare growled. "Is this your doing?"

"Would I be here if it was?" Jaskier didn't have to see the harvest mouse's face to know Geralt was rolling his eyes. Still, he tried.

It made the cockatoo screech out a laugh. "Crossed eyes do not become you, weird wolf thing."

Puffing up, Jaskier wanted to object but Geralt cut in. "Leave Jaskier out of this. Who are you travelling with?"

"I'm Aiden," the cockatoo replied, spreading his wings wide and bobbing down in a bird equivalent of a bow. "Cat Witcher by name, cockatoo by nature."

That, Geralt could have guessed, he was much more interested in the hyena who seemed keen to be forgotten. He stared at him until it got awkward.

"Cahir." The name said nothing but there was a broad, southern accent to it. Intrigued, Geralt wished he could take a better look at the man. He would be able to do so in the daylight.

Introductions out of the way, Geralt climbed down, only to scuttle across the gap and climb onto Eskel's back. The capybara grunted sleepily and settled back on the ground.

"Sleep. We've got quite the climb ahead of us tomorrow." At least it was warm, meaning the trek should only take a day without snow impeding them. They'd be home by evening.

They staggered through on four legs the following night. Mostly because Jaskier had insisted on stopping and admiring every angle of every view, sighing wistfully. Finally, they arrived at the door which had been left open a crack, only needing to be nudged open on silent, freshly oiled hinges.

"I was wondering when you'd get home," a voice greeted them. Vesemir did not look impressed as he looked over them. A gopher stared at them with a rather done expression. "Aretuza had a lot to answer for."

[we-have-bangtan]

Random One-shot.

Pairing: Jungkook x reader

Theme: Angst, fluff, pain.

Warning: mentions of alcohol and swear words.

A/n: pls imagine long hair Jungkook from winter package 2021.

“I want an answer, goddammit!” Jungkook yelled in his drunk stupor. His eyes looking up to the sky from the large rock he was standing on, he wanted an answer, he was tired of this.

"WHY AM I NOT A PRINCESS???" He yelled again when someone yelled at him. "Jesus Christ, can you not shut up, dumbass' like you don't get to be princesses!" a female voice snapped

"GOD??" he asked, terrified, he wasn't sure if he was ready to meet God yet, he was still so young and dumb, a sinner who hadn't done a single act of redemption yet.

"No you idiot, look down here!" the voice said again, this time much closer, Jungkook looked down as instructed to see Yn looking up at him from the foot of the rock, "You!!!" he yelled, jumping off the rock in an attempt to look cool only to stumble and fall to the ground.

"Aish what a loser!" she playfully sneered as she reached out to help him up, "You didn't get hurt, did you?" she asked, taking his hand as pulling him along with her.

"Why did you come here?" he asked, stumbling after her to where ever she was taking him, he didn't care where she was taking him, he was just happy that she was with him. "Why? am I not supposed to be here?" she demanded watching in amusement as Jungkook tried to correct himself.

"Could you not be nicer to me? I'm going through a tough time here" he groaned, putting all his body weight on her as she dragged him to his car.

"You're facing the consequences of your actions Koo, you bought these tough times upon your self" she mumbles softly, resting him against the car door before patting his pants.

"Yah, Yn! you're hot and all but not my type, this is harassment!" he yelled, hiccuping between each word. "Shut up and stay still, I'm trying to find your keys" she huffed as she finally pulled his keys out of his back pocket.

She successfully shoved him into the passenger seat before heading to the other side, "Here have some water" she said, opening the bottle of water he always kept in his car. He obeyed quietly, his eyes growing wider as he put his lips to the mouth of the bottle, taking a few sips. Her cooing and praise motivating him to finish the whole bottle.

He rested his head on her shoulder as she rived up the engine, she didn't seem to mind the weight of his head, calmly changing gears as they went down Namsan mountain. "How did you get here?" he asked, already half asleep. "Yoongi gave me a ride" she answered as she pulled up on the main road which was quite crowded for 1:00 a.m.

"Why did you come to get me? I've been horrible to you" he asked feeling a pang in his chest remembering all that he had done to her, to sweet, sweet Ynnie who never saw wrong in anyone.

"You weren't horrible Gukkie, you were just hurt, you didn't hurt me or anything" she said, her eyes on the road, she refused to look at him as he spoke.

"Stop saying that, I put too much effort into hurting you for you to say that" he whined as un-shed tears pooled in his eyes, she laughed at his words, it was true.

He had gone out of his way to hurt her one too many times, and it had hurt like a gun shot right through her chest, but she was okay now, she was doing fine and had forgiven this brat a long time ago, but he didn't seem to be able to forgive himself for the pain he had caused her.

"Go to sleep Jungkook-ah, I'm here with you, just sleep, I'll wake you up once we get home." she mumbled softly, her words giving Jungkook the green light to fall asleep.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Jungkook felt like he was seeing God when he woke up, a blinding light in his eyes, but blinking a few times proved to him that that was not the case. It wasn't God, just his bedroom curtain being drawn away and the sun shining in.

He groaned as he realized where he was, 'was it all a dream?' he thought as he pulled himself off his bed, his head felt like it had been bombed with a M67 grenade, an unpleasant taste settling in his mouth from all the alcohol last night only to realize that he was in the same clothes he had been wearing yesterday.

He really wished last night hadn't been a dream, that Yn had actually come to get him from Namsan mountain. It had been their spot before they had stopped going there due to the amount of drunkards who went there to drink and left beer bottles everywhere.

He never would have thought he'd join that category but his actions last night made him ashamed of himself.

A shower was up next, the scalding water hitting his skin made him hiss, but he refused to wait till the water cooled down, his mind stopped thinking for a while as he showered.

The thoughts flooding back once he got back, pulling on a t-shirt as he went into the living room.

"So you're awake!" Namjoon yelled when he saw Jungkook emerge from his room. "My head is killing me!" Jungkook groaned as he headed to the fridge, "Yn left a note and something else for you, it's on the kitchen counter" Jin yelled from his place on the couch.

Yn's sticky note stuck to a lunchbox which laid on the counter, he wiped his hair with a towel as he grabbed a bottle of cold water, going to read the note,

Jungkookie,

Please drink moderately from now on, being an alcoholic is so not cool and don't drink in public, you'll get arrested.

I know you're going through a tough time so I made kookies for you, enjoy them to the fullest and please try to get the closure that you deserve. Don't coop yourself up in your room, you're starting to get too pale.

Please be careful, tell the boys I love them <3.

Yn.

'tell the boys I love them', Jungkook read the same line over and over again, did this mean she didn't love him anymore? was he no longer existent to her?

He didn't know what that line meant, but it made him sad, sad that he wasn't part of the 'boys' that she was referring to, nope, he was no long one of her 'boys', she was someone who he'd never be able to face again.

A pang went through his chest as reality settled in once again. He had no redemption from this, no one should forgive him for the things he had done to her, not even him.

"Did you see her when she left?" he asked as he picked up the lunchbox, seeing the perfectly made kookies inside, tears welled up in his eyes as he looked down at them, kookies were Yn's version of dasik, a traditional Korean cookie that she made often.

Nostalgia hit him like a truck as he picked up the fragile dessert, the smell of sesame seeds bringing back memories of the two of them in her parents' kitchen, him teasing her while she toiled away at the counter, grinding, kneading and pressing.

He didn't help because she always yelled at him for making a mess but oh, the things he'd do to get her to yell at him again, even if it was for just one more time.

"Yn made dasik????" Jimin said, peering at the delicacy, Jungkook quickly wiped away his tears, trying to seem strong, he didn't want his hyungs seeing him cry over sweets.

Jimin's words had caught the attention of everyone else, making them all whine, "How come he gets sweets and I get nothing!!" Jin huffed as he pulled his phone out to dial Yn's number, a number Jungkook didn't have anymore.

"Yah, Jungkookie, sharing is caring you know" Namjoon said as he got up from his place when Yoongi stopped him, he knew how much the cookies meant to Jungkook now that he and Yn were no longer the same that they used to be.

Jungkook quietly walked back to his room with the box and water bottle, plopping down on the floor so he could lean his back against the bed, he opened the box again.

He picked one delicate kookie up, she had named it after him when things had still been fine, no, not fine, when things had been wonderful. He never thought these cookies would mean so much to him.

The tears that he had controlled so carefully in the kitchen flowed free as the memories flooded his mind, every memory of Yn fitting like the beautiful stained glass windows of churches, he rushed to pull out his phone, scrolling through the bin in search of pictures of the two of them.

He didn't know why Yn's presence had affected him so much, but it had affected him in a way no break up could. It had been an year since he and Yn had gone off the deep end, cutting off contact with each other. Jungkook had gone the extra mile to delete all the pictures he had of Yn and to make her life as horrible as he could.

He couldn't blame it on his, now, ex-girlfriend Minjoon who had encouraged him to cut her out, all he could do was blame himself for it, he had no reason for being like that, no excuse to make himself feel better, he never thought Yn leaving his life would be more painful than Minjoon leaving.

Fuck, he had never though Yn would leave his life, if someone had told that to 19 year old Jungkook, he would have laughed in their face. But now, here he was, crying over Yn's kookies and her photos.

He had been a terrible friend and he'd never forgive himself for it, he had done unmentionable things that had ripped Yn from him despite her trying to hold on for so long.

His tears turned into sobs as he remembered all the times she had just taken his abuse without a word while the rest of the boys had yelled at him.

He was a fool for choosing Minjoon over her, when he had broken up with Minjoon the day before yesterday, he hadn't been sad that they had broken up, he was sad that he had let go of Yn, that he had lost hold of the one constant in his life.

------------------------------------------

Namjoon pressed his ear to the door, hoping to hear something, anything, that would indicate Jungkook was still alive in there. It had been 3 days since he had locked himself in, only coming out at the dead of night to grab more booze before going back inside.

He felt Jungkook deserved ever inch of pain he was going through for everything he had done to Yn, Namjoon pitied him, the kid was still young, supposed to be carefree and making merry, but here he was, drinking his life away.

While Namjoon definitely wouldn't mind leave Jungkook alone to get over it himself, he couldn't let the kid just die in there.

.

.

.

.

.

Jungkook jerked awake when a bucket of water was splashed on his face, his head and neck aching at the sudden movement, "What??" he thought as he looked around, empty bottles of alcohol scattered around his room.

He didn't think as he laid back down in the puddle of water, ready to go back to sleep when a sharp pain shot through his body, starting from his leg, he immediately jerked up again, his gaze on the chunky pair of shoes that had just caused him pain.

"I TOLD YOU TO DRINK MODERATELY" a voice yelled as his eyes traveled above the shoes till his eyes met Yn's dark ones, he didn't know what to do or say now that he was face to face with him.

"You need to get over Minjoon, she was a hoe for breaking your heart, but that doesn't mean you become an alcoholic, now go take a shower, you smell of garbage" she said, pulling Jungkook onto his feet. He swayed a little letting the words sink in.

"You think I'm this upset because of Minjoon?" he asked when his brain finally started working again, "Ummm... are you not?" she asked, seeming surprised at the revelation.

"No, I'm not" he said, stepping closer to her, quickly stopping when he saw her move away, "Go shower Jungkook, we'll talk once you've eaten something" she said softly, her concern for him evident in her tone.

He quietly left, heading to the bathroom, praying that she'd still be there by the time he came back. He washed his hair and body as quickly as possible, clumsily dropping the bottle of shampoo and bar of soap in the process.

He stepped out to a somewhat clean room, the puddle of water was gone, but the bottles remained the way they were before, he quickly gathered them up, using his foot to swing the door open as he head into the living room.

He saw Yn and Jimin chilling on the couch, giggling over something on Jimin's phone, oblivious to his presence. He loudly dropped the cans and bottles into the trash making the two of them turn towards him.

"All clean?" Yn asked, craning her neck so she could see him clearly. He nodded, he had freshened up although his hair was still wet. She beckoned him over to the couch, shoving Jimin out of his place next to her (it made him whine but he left eventually) .

A bowl of steaming hot ramyeon sat on the coffee table, the serving was enough for two people and Jungkook assumed it was both for him and Yn. She turned onto her side, facing him as he sat on the couch, he did the same, pulling his feet up and crossing them as she stared at him with a smile.

She picked up the bowl of ramyeon, handing it to him, "Eat." she demanded, giving him a pair of chopsticks as well. "Are you not eating?" he asked, digging his chopsticks in, "You haven't eaten in three days, Jungkook, you need to eat" she answered as he slurped the noodles, "this is good!!" he exclaimed.

Yn almost drooled at the noises he made while eating, her mouth watering at the thought of exactly how good that ramyeon was, "you want some?" Jungkook asked as he pulled up a piece of chicken from inside, hovering it within the reach of her mouth.

Yn gulped as she stared at the piece, no, no no, she should not, "go on, one bite" Jungkook tempted, his hand still infront of her mouth, "no? are you sure?" he teased, seeing right through her poker face.

Yn gave in when Jungkook made a huge show of pulling his chopsticks away, leaning forward and grabbing the piece of chicken with her mouth. "I'll go get you another pair of chopsticks" Jungkook aid as he got up, he felt better, maybe he and Yn would go back to how things were before.

He hopped back onto the couch, handing her the chopsticks. They passed the bowl back and forth, each of them taking a bite and passing it back. "Why did you come here anyway?" he asked as she slurped on the noodles.

"Why? should I not come?" she demanded as she passed the bowl back, he paused, looking up at her, "I just never thought you'd come back here after everything" he answered, taking a big bite before giving it back.

"want to order some jajangmeyoen? I don't think this ramen will be enough" he said, scrolling through his phone for the restaurant's phone number, Yn hummed in agreement as she passed the bowl back, "here order" he said, handing her his phone as he continued to eat.

"I came because Namjoon called me saying you drank yourself to death" she admitted as she dialed the number, ordering a variety of side dishes before hanging up.

"You were worried" he said, reframing the answer she gave, "I never stopped" she mumbled as she finished the last of the ramen in the bowl, the sauce getting on her upper lip as she drank the rest of the soup.

"Why did you care so much?" he mumbled as he pulled his long sleeve to wipe away the sauce o her face, like a parent tending to their messy child. "Because I love you" she huffed as she saw tears well up in Jungkook's eyes at her words.

She pulled him into her arms, holding him tight as he cried, 'poor Jungkook, he's been through so much' she thought as she hugged him tight, "I though you didn't love me anymore" he sobbed as he held on to her waist, refusing to let go.

"Aigoo, why did you think that, did I ever give you a reason to think that I don't love you anymore?" she coo'd, it was funny, how Jungkook was much bigger than she was in size, yet he tended to make himself as small as possible when she held him.

"But I hurt you so much, why would you still?" he sobbed, she held him tighter, letting him cry, "you were in love, I don't blame you, you didn't know any better" she assured, "That doesn't excuse everything I did" he mumbled.

It was true, it didn't excuse what he did but he was too precious for Yn to push away, he meant too much for her and she knew it wasn't totally Jungkook's fault that they had fallen apart in pieces.

She had put all her baggage on him, regardless of if he could carry it for her or not, it had been a key factor in driving him away. She had been too dependent on him, she basically revolved around him till they broke apart.

But Jungkook going away had made her better, more independent and more social. She stopped connecting comfort with Jungkook, he was not her comfort during those times, she had learnt to comfort herself, make herself happy.

During the time her and Jungkook had been fighting, her ego had flared up, she stopped trying with him, preferring to return the snarky attitude that he was giving her, his actions had hurt her pride but she was over it now, she had made peace with the past and with Jungkook's behavior.

She knew he was suffering and she hated seeing him like this, "don't cry, don't cry kook, it's okay, I'm fine, I'm over it" she mumbled as his sobs turned into silent tears.

She looked up to see Namjoon standing at the doorway, seeing awkward and uncomfortable. Yn gave him a small smile, he considered that as permission to sneak into his room quietly.

Jungkook's sobs turned into silent tears as he came to terms with reality, Yn was here with him again, she was the same, she didn't hate him, she still loved him the same. "Who the hell even told you that I don't love you anymore?" Yn demanded as she saw his tears subside, he just held on to her now, no more crying.

"You wrote 'tell the boys i love them' what else do you want me to think" he whined as buried his face in her neck, not wanting to see her eyes narrow at him, "yah, I didn’t write that note so you'd overthink and cry about it" she scolded as she squished his cheeks in her hand.

He pulled away, getting up to go drink some water, he just had the most satisfying cry of his life and he felt lighter, maybe it was the dehydration, he didn't know but he certainly felt lighter. His head was more clear than it had been in ages.

He was washing his face when the doorbell rang, "jajangmyeon!!" Yn exclaimed as she went to answer the door, taking the various boxes before grabbing his wallet, "where is your card?" She yelled as she dug through it. "Its on the desk in my room" he yelled back as he scrubbed the soap off.

He felt happy, hearing her shuffling around in the apartment after such a long time, it made him think that they could go back to how they were before. But for now, he was satisfied, happy, he'd take whatever she'd give him now. He had a lot of making up to do and he swore he'dtreat her better than he had. He'd make himself a better friend for her.

Even if they didn't become best friends right away, he swore he'd put in the effort and consideration to make himself deserving of her love again.

[fanmoose12]

i've got this lowkey painful n angsty hc/prompt that i've always wanted to get off my chest lmao wherein hange hated her left eye injury with a burning passion. after what happened in shiganshina, whenever she'd stare too long at the mirror in her room, all she can think of is moblit being blown to pieces on the same day that she lost erwin </3 imagine if levi was tryna cheer her up and the moment "four-eyes" slips off his tongue, hange just,,, tries not to break down (and ultimately fails hehe i love pain) by saying stuff like "i'm more like three eyes now, shorty" and just avoids levi in general while her eye is healing just bc??? she doesn't want him to see her struggling with tasks like adjusting to reading or signing documents with one injured eye throbbing continuously??? and levi is genuinely confused bc he still thinks hange is beautiful (what a dork i love him) and he just wants to take care of her after what happened (why do i make my favorite characters suffer god help me) AAAAAA imagine levi helping her change her bandages and she refuses by saying "i don't want you to see it, the wound looks nasty" and levi grumpily says "i know you're already the commander but you're still four-eyes... my four-eyes" IM FOOKIN SOBBING NO ONE CAN CONVINCE ME THIS SCENARIO DIDN'T HAPPEN OK

It hurts. It hurts not just physically, Hange knows how to deal with that kind kinds of pain, no, it hurts mentally too. 

Everytime she passes a mirror, every morning she prepares for a day, washing her face and combing through her hair, because she can't appear as a messy crazy scientist anymore, she sees it - a place where her eye once was. 

The visions of the last thing that eye saw haunt her and she can't make it stop. 

She isn't not the same without them. She feels tired without Moblit's constant care and she feels useless and weak without Erwin's guidance.

She misses them more than she thought was possible. She's no stranger to losses, they've been following her through her whole life, but this loss hits harder than the rest. 

She followed Erwin for five years, trusted and believed in him. Admired him. He was her commander and her friend, he made her believe that this fight was worth it.

And Moblit, sweet, gentle Moblit. Ever since they've met, he never left her side. No matter how crazy and unmanageable she became, no matter how reckless her plans were, he was always standing just behind her shoulder, offering his devotion and support. He was with her until the very end, he sacrificed his life for hers, Hange could never thank him enough for that. She never thanked him enough, and now Hange regrets it more than anything.

The image of his terrified face and a desperate cry is a center piece of every nightmare. It haunts her during daytime as well - every time she sees her reflection in the mirror, every time she has trouble focusing on a paper in front of her, every time she bumps into walls and trips over thresholds because her coordination is fucked up. 

She can't show her suffering to the others. She puts on a brave face and covers her eye with a patch, removing it out of sight but not out of her mind. She is commander now, the whole survey corps - as scarce as their numbers are - looks up to her. She has no time for grieving, she lost that privilege long time ago.

For the most part it works. No one seems to notice her forced smiles and fake laughter. Except for Levi. He suspects something, Hange's sure of it. He doesn't say anything, not yet, but he watches her. Hange feels the heavy weight of his gaze everytime they're in the same room.

Hange wants to snap, she wants to yell at him to go away, to leave her alone. She wants him to leave. And at the same time she's also afraid that he will. That he will realize the same thing Hange did. That she is useless, that she can't do that, can't lead all of them, that Erwin made a mistake in appointing her his successor.

In the end, it's Levi who snaps first. He enters her - his - office and locks the door. He approaches the desk she's sitting at and looms over her.

"Stop it." He tells her, his voice low and gravely.

"Stop what?" Hange asks. She stares unblinkingly at the paper in her hand. She avoids his gaze. She knows if she meets Levi's eyes, she won't be able to keep her composure anymore.

"Stop this." Levi snatches the paper out of her hands. "Stop ignoring me. Stop avoiding talking with me. Stop-" he falters after that, unsure.

"Go on," Hange urges him in a detached voice. "Tell me, Levi. What should I stop?"

Levi takes a shaky breath.

"Stop acting like everything is fine."

"And what do you want me to do?" Hange stands up and walks to the window, leaning against the frame. "Do you want me to go around, wailing? Crying for everything I've lost? You know I can't do that. Not anymore."

Levi lifts his arm and touches her shoulder. "Four-eyes..."

Hange recoils as though she was slapped.

"That nickname doesn't fit me anymore,” she forces through her teeth. “I'm more like three-eyes now."

She feels the tears forming in her remaining eye and Hange lowers her face and passes Levi by, heading towards the door. She can't do this right now, she can't show her tears. Even to him.

She takes two quick steps and then she is stopped, as Levi wraps his fingers around her wrist.

"You missed the doctor's appointment," Levi tells her, and the change of conversation is so sudden, it takes Hange a moment to catch up to what he's talking about. "Let me take a look at your eye."

"No," Hange says, her voice resolute. "I can take care of it myself, thanks."

"Hange-"

"I don't think you can take it, clean freak," she laughs, but the sound isn't merry or joyful. It's hollow and forced. "The wound isn't pretty."

"That's what that is about?" Levi asks. "You worry about your appearance? Since when?"

Hange doesn't answer, just turns away from him. Levi sighs.

"Your eye doesn't make you ugly, dipshit. It doesn't change in any way. For me, you're the same annoying four-eyes I've met all those years ago. You’ll always be."

Something breaks in Hange after hearing his words. Her shoulders starts to shake, as she tries to stop the tears from falling.

"Hange? Hange, what's wrong?" Levi approaches her, sounding almost desperate, almost like he's begging and that is enough to turn Hange around. He sees her tears and gasps. "Hange-"

"I'm fine," she says before Levi can say anything else or, god forbid, tries to apologize. "I'm fine, Levi."

He looks at her, his expression is open and sad. It breaks Hange's heart.

"Please, let me help you," he whispers and the tears start to fall down her cheeks. She stuggers at her feet, the pain and grief making her knees weak. Levi is there to catch her, though, just as he always is. He gathers her in his and presses her face to his chest.

"I know that it's hard, but you don't have to do this alone,” he whispers into her hair. “You have me and the brats. Just let us help, Hange. Just talk to me, please."

"It hurts, Levi," she sobs, staining his uniform with tears. The clean freak Levi doesn't protest, only pulls her closer. "It hurts so much."

"I know," he whispers softly. "And I'm sorry."

"For what?" she manages to ask.

"For not noticing it earlier. For letting you suffer alone."

"Levi-"

"But I'm here now, Hange. You have me. You'll always have me, four-eyes."

Hange nods and a smile curves at her lips. It's the first true one in a while. Her heart still aches, her soul crying for those who are lost. But with Levi by her side, maybe, she can learn how to cope with it. 

Maybe, she can become whole again.