#i've given this a solid 5 years of thought and a lot of back and forth on whether or not the label fit

[infinitystation]

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - All's Quiet on the BL Front

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

May 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Wandee Godday (Sat YT) ep 3 of 12 - I love how were getting a solid depiction of two queers just genuinely enjoying sex with each other. That’s actually rare in BL. In this case, it manages to also be weirdly adorable and cute.

Dee is such a tease. I guess Y likes a brat? 

LOOK at those bedroom eyes!

Linguistics corner: when these two are being serious, sweet, or flirty with each other they use rao/nai which is kind of old fashioned and charming and not common in BL. They move pretty seamlessly into gu/mueng and back depending on the style of convo, tho. It's FUN to hear them talk.

Let the fake relationship commence!

My Stand-In (Thai Fri iQIYI) ep 4 of 12 eps - I HAVE THOUGHTS. I'm really enjoying the sinister backbone of this show. I hope they have the courage of their convictions in that regard and lean into a kind of sexy evil revenge narrative. It was a pleasure to watch the break up and I do not want a redemption arc for Ming or a romance for us. Fuck 'em, let’s just ride a revenge train, okay Joe baby?

That’s said, I totally sniffled at the ending scene where Ming (for two years!) has been paying penance cooking for two and waiting alone. Excellent pathos. Now, I understand how they're gonna make this a full 12 eps. And I’m excited about it. Carry on!

We Are (Weds iQIYI) ep 7 of 16 - I wasn't a fan of Winny & Satang in My School President but I'm loving them in this. The thing with Q, Toey, and Chain had me hooting with laughter. I think I’m finally just easing into the relaxed absurdity of this show. The key is not to expect anything from it. Just them being tiny gay idiots.

Two Worlds (iQIYI) ep 10 fin - Someday I’d like to really enjoy a MaxNat show, but today was not that day. (I feel like ever since Between Us I’ve been generally disenchanted with established OG pairs and what they’re bringing to the table. Perhaps that’s a discussion for another day. Cherry Magic excepted, of course.) 

OK, so this final episode, they sure tried to fit a lot in. But that made the pacing better for me. So I kinda liked this weird cliff notes resolution to the story.

In conclusion:

MaxNat do a credible job with a messy script about parallel worlds, gangsters, and strange diseases cured by forest fruits. It sounds confusing because it is. The chemistry is excellent the side pair is entirely forgotten about, and one could drive a Tardis through the plot holes. Still, I found it modestly enjoyable if not at all rewatchable. 7/10 

Only Boo! (Sun YouTube) ep 6 of 12 - I do love how bold and brash Moo is. He’s truly a great character, such an utter outgoing sunshine puppy focused on his pursuit of his older boy. I'm charmed by his utter harmlessness. They gave us a sweet coming out scene, and an awesome supportive mom. Frankly GMMTV has a good track record with moms. (With a few noted exceptions, of course.)

That said, I do keep forgetting this is a GMMTV offering. It just doesn't FEEL GMMTV. Just me?

OMG Vampire (Thai Sun ????) ep 1 of 10 - Starts tomorrow, will report on sitch next week. LeeFrank are back - not unlike the undead. But how do we feel about it? Unsure given their track record.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

At 25:00 in Akasaka AKA 25 Ji Akasaka de (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 5 of 10 - I like it. I like our sulky 2nd lead. He’s pouty, adorable, brash, and adding some much-needed tension to this narrative. The blurring lines between show within a show is a lot of fun. Probably the best I've seen done in BL so far.

Living With Him AKA Kare no Iru Seikatsu (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - I like that we got backstory, but we also sort of already knew it. So this ep felt a bit like filler. They are wonderful when they’re on screen together but when they aren't it's a bit dull. I hope we just get them together for the next 4 eps. But this is Japan, so I doubt it.

Blossom Campus (Korea Thurs Gaga & iQIYI) ep 1 of 6 - The image resolution on this show (via Iqiyi ) is terrible. Meanwhile, awkward crush. Jock nerd pairing. Dorky. Maybe a bit too much awkward/dorky for me? I'm not sold on this one.

Meanwhile the ordering then not eating or drinking of food continues. Very upsetting.

Boys Be Brave (Korea Viki) eps 5-8fin - This show was just never sure what it wanted to be. Slacker sunshine KiSub moves in with nerd JinWoo, mostly because he knows JinWoo likes him but won't confess and that's never happened to him before. It reminded me of some earlier KBLs like Behind Cut, yes is had bones but not much flesh, so it only just hung together and progressed through not very much plot in a jerking rattling fashion like an animated skeleton. All the story and chemistry was with the side couple and none of the screen time. That just annoyed me. What did this BL want to BE? Who tf knows. I, for one, don’t care, and resolve to think no more on it. 6/10 

Blue Boys (Korea Sat YouTube) - This ended at 4 eps on a cliffhanger. Since this is a very small studio I don’t have a lot of faith in there being a part two. But they have bundled both this BL, and the GL, bingable chunks on YT. So if you want to binge it, it’s there. Just be aware that it ends on a cliffhanger.

My thoughts?

Promising reunion romances full of class and coming out struggles but I grade with what we got, not on expectations, and you know I HATE a cliffhanger. So yeah, it HAD promise but as of now it gets a 4/10 - fatally flawed. I reserve the right to change my mind if they amend for damages.

It's airing but...

You Made My Day (Thai YT) ep 1 of 5 - mini series staring the I Will Knock You couple Tar & Bom, started but I couldn't find it. I also didn't try very hard.

Lady Boy Friends (Thai WeTV grey) 16 eps - reminds me a bit too much of Diary of Tootsies only high school. Not my thing. DNF unless it turns a corner and is truly amazing.

A Balloon's Landing (Taiwan movie) trailer - A frustrated Hong Kong writer, Tian Yu, meets a Taipei street gangster, Xiang (Fandy Fan from HIStory2: Crossing the Line), and the two of them embark on a journey to find the Bay of Vanishing Whales. Along the way, they discover unexpected twists and turns and close bonds, which brings out the message that "there is always someone like you in this world who is waiting for you. This released to cinemas in Taiwan, no word on international release.

In case you missed it

A really really thorough and fascinating article on 2 Moons 2 and what happened.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

May Releases

VBL (Taiwan) is releasing 4 'Special Episode' epilogues to their 4 2023 shows every Friday this month on Gagaoolala, Viki & Viu. Not sure on search terms or how to find these. (Or, frankly, if we need them.)

5/10 – You Are Mine

5/17 – VIP Only

5/24 – Stay By My Side

5/31 – Anti Reset

5/25 The Time of Fever AKA Unintentional Love Story 2 (Korea movie) trailer - HoTae & DongHee are back but unfortunately not in a cinema near me. Side couple from Unintentional Love Story, same actors, same character names. I love them. I NEED TO SEE THIS.

5/28 My Biker 2 (Thai movie YT?) - trailer

5/30 Knock Knock Boys (Thai Thurs WeTV) - I'm hoping I can get it elsewhere since my WeTV account is inactive, but I do love Best and I'm interested in seeing him in a new pairing. That said, I'm not wild about Seng... so I won't be too cut up if I can't get hold of this. More here.

5/31 The Time of Huannan (Taiwan movie) - May not be BL

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I'm a sucker for this king of casual claiming. (Only Boo)

It me! (Wandee Goodday)

(Last week)

Streaming services are listed by how I (usually) watch, which is with a USA based IP, and often offset by a day because time zones are a pain.

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @sunflower-positiiivity @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious

If ya wanna be tagged each week leave a comment and I will add you to the template. Easy peesy.

[sukimas]

thought wrong! 7, 12, 32?

7. That's a really hard ask. Most of my favorite stuff about FE isn't per se the characters, rather how the story applies to them (for example, Ishtar would be the most boring character in the world were it not for the situation she finds herself in.) But probably Naga? I mean, we don't really get to see her much at all (outside of heroes which doesn't count) but she's eccentric, has very different morals to human beings while still being unquestionably and even self-sacrificingly on their side, and makes a lot of mistakes/questionable decisions. The Tiki thing, non-interventionism in human affairs except when she personally is cool with it, giving people dragonslaying weapons just in case (the valentian falchion was given long before degeneration began at the very least), absolutely NO compromises we are taking human form NOW, "have you considered suicide, fell vessel?"... all while she ended up exhausting her power and eating shit to save the continent of Jugdral, created the Binding Shield to protect humanity for generations, will literally come back from the dead for 5 minutes to save you if you have unutterably fucked up your shadow dragon save file (and just for fun in new mystery)... She's really neat and I like her. Also her dragon form is cool and I will never never never forgive yusuke kozaki for awakening's divine dragon designs.

12. Thracia deserved to be released earlier than SEVERAL YEARS INTO THE N64'S LIFESPAN. And it deserved better than being treated as esoteric and unplayable thanks to a bugged translation patch for twenty years. TF?rururu. But it's one of the best games in the series, not particularly difficult and a fun challenge with a guide, and has really interesting mechanics and an excellent story. Yet it is continually overlooked even by people who play Genealogy (the second most popular game in the series in Japan, by the way). Very sad.

32. I'm pretty positive about the current direction the series is taking. Engage was developed mostly before 3H released and IS saw how positively people reacted to the tone in that one- the story is still more serviceable than many in the series, and the gameplay is some of the most fun I've had outside of Thracia or RD. I personally hope that future games have more varied map objectives, go further into giving the Avatar agency (since at this point, the avatar is just a normal lord again rather than the weird shit the 3DS did) and perhaps even allow them to have their memories, put an increased emphasis on worldbuilding and villain character development and keep comedy strictly to supports (the latter of which this game mostly does well but there are moments. timerra meat song). Of things that I think probably won't happen: I don't think that the games will ever have some of the really good bits of the kaga sagas, like esoteric character interactions for insane PRF weapons. Of things that could happen: I'd really like conversations on maps to make a comeback; 3H had them to some extent, but nothing like Genealogy, and I think they often do better work at character development than an entire support chain thanks to their relevance to the current story beats. I'd also like more unique boss conversations a la POR/RD. Basically, I think IS's writing chops are solid, but they need to be a little bit more ambitious with how they deliver their ideas without thinking "being more ambitious" means putting too many routes that you can't finish in your video game. Also please keep whoever directed Engage around solely to tell all the other potential directors if the way they're writing women is weird. This is the most normally women have been written in any FE game besides Tellius and it's incredibly refreshing. I don't know if Tei or Nakanishi is the one responsible for this, but by god. Women are written like people, in story and in supports. Revolutionary.

Overall: Keep what was good about Engage (which was a lot) but be more ambitious in terms of how you deliver the story. I think broadly "you're a young lord on the defensive against a greater foe and you fight an evil dragon at the end" is a perfectly fine FE story (Kaga certainly seems to think so, as it's the only story he's ever written); the difference is in how you tell that story. You can be more experimental with the types of stories you tell if you want, but it isn't as necessary as simply delivering that story well.

[bookwyrminspiration]

what’s kotlc and is it better than the great library? i read the latter and it was fun, perhaps not the height of literature but fun

OKAY! Keeper of the Lost Cities by Shannon Messenger is a long, ongoing middle-grade fantasy series following Sophie Foster, a 12-year-old high school senior who can read thoughts following a bump to the head at age 5--or so she thinks, until she's approached by a cute stranger who reveals she's really an elf who's been hidden away.

She's whisked away to a secret, supposedly perfect world of elves, goblins, ogres, and more. Sophie wants nothing more than to be normal, and tries to fit in--go to school, play with friends, etc.--but all her abnormalities have followed her from the human world. She's still weird, and it turns out it might be the result of bigger forces working behind the scenes. Forces she needs to uncover to learn who and what she truly is--but there's no taking it back, and plunging into the underbelly of her supposedly "perfect" new world opens a seemingly never-ending rabbit hole to try and understand and save it from itself. Full of rebellions, corruption, mysterious notes, stuffed animals, a large cast of characters, and so. many. sparkles. there's a lot going on for Sophie to discover

I think tgl and kotlc are hard to directly compare. tgl has a lot of explicit found family, fast-paced action, and is, like you said, just genuinely fun to read. it's quick, speaks to booklovers, and embraces a variety of different moral stances in a way that distinctly characterizes everyone. but it does falter in terms of consistency, and there are several contradicting details throughout it. kotlc is more structurally sound, but it is meant for a younger audience--which is not to say it's bad, but that it does impact reading. There are some cliches, such as experiment children, excessively powerful ocs, a love triangle, etc. It also has a fairly developed and explored world on several fronts, though there are some gaps. It does, however, want for diversity and representation. There are few non-white characters, few disabled characters, and no acknowledgement of queerness so far--though given recent releases it's possible that last part will change.

While kotlc is a special interest of mine and I'm quite attached to it, I don't necessarily recommend it to people outside the middle-grade age range. It's a solid series despite its flaws, but that doesn't mean you'll be head over heels; if you read it, I think it would be similar to how tgl was fun but not the height of literature. It's enjoyable and there are a wealth of characters to get attached to, compelling plotlines/character pasts, but unless you really click it'll just be a solid, time-filling read.

The series has also had a rough few years recently; the author has a lot going on in her personal life--which is totally fine, it just means there are long waiting periods currently. And not everyone thinks its worth it, because the story is going an unexpected direction and there are some creative choices made not everyone likes (too much focus on the love triangle, deposing the main character, butchering character arcs last minute, etc.).

All this to say kotlc has radically altered the course of my life and is an incredibly dear series to me, and I will be keeping up with it and blogging about it until the end of time with anyone who wants to join, but it's also not my favorite series I've ever read, if that distinction makes sense. If you do want some simple, if long, reading--go for it! We're always excited to have new people around and would love to have you. There's actually a pretty consistent, if small, fandom and a lot of art, fic, and other things to explore. But we'd also all understand without any pushing if it's not for you.

That was longer than I meant it to be, but if you have any further questions please do ask :)--and again, this is my view on it! Just my opinions and assessments

[little-green-lies]

I can't believe you think they're treating Choni badly this season or that they have bad storylines and especially that they painted Toni as a villain in 708 when she was simply finally granted some perspective and they tackled an issue with their own writing that always plagued Choni back in the high school days, to show how much they've matured. Their content this season is nothing short of excellent.

Okay this is the second time I'm typing this because Tumblr glitched and wouldn't post the first one. I probably typed too much but I really wanted to give you a solid answer. I will try to keep this more succint but I have a lot of thoughts on this so hopefully it posts this time.

I apparently also deleted my first paragraph so I've typed this section out three times now. I do not think they are treating Choni bad this season. My issue is and will continue to be the setting for this season. After two seasons of them not being together they've now thrown them into a situation in which they "can't" be together and that irks me. I thought when we got confirmation that they were soulmates, that maybe just maybe they'd let them be fully happy in the final season. And that is the full crux of the issue, it's the LAST season. I discuss Riverdale a lot more on my main page (which I encourage you to check out because I do speak about this a lot more in the tags of a lot of my Riverdale reblogs) but i actually just made a post stating that I think this may be Riverdale's best season. They opened this season with one of the strongest episodes I've seen in television thus far. Especially coming from a CW show. I do think this season is also shaping up to be Choni's second best season. They've had a lot of solid scenes and Vanessa and Madelaine are giving it their ALL. That being said, forgive me for hoping the last season would be spent wrapping up happy endings mixed with the usual Riverdale drama. I did not go into this season expecting SO MUCH new plot. And if it wasn't the last season, I wouldn't complain as much. That's always been my biggest gripe, it's the last season. That's all. If this was season 5 or 6 and I knew we had 7 seasons, then I would have nothing to say. Because yes, it's given us some really good content. I just don't want it for the finale. They could've tackled homophobia back when Kevin came out to his dad or when Cheryl came out to Toni. I don't want to see my favorite character forced back into the closet because they decided to set us in one of the worst eras in American history.

Now for my villain comment. I stand by that. I do think that scene framed Toni in a really bad light and here's why: Everything she said was valid and yes, it's an issue I've been wanting them to tackle for YEARS. What she said is not what made her the villain. It was the way they framed the scene that I knew would be misconstrued by the people that watch this show and always have a bone to pick about whatever she says or does. Up until that scene, we were led to believe that Toni's biggest issue with Choni is that she lost herself. But all they show that as, is she's given up writing for cheer. Okay fine, drop cheer and go back to writing. Cheryl wants to see her gf but she's not gonna stop her from doing what she loves. However, Toni breaking up with her felt out of left field to me because she's allowed to be her own person AND still date Cheryl. So I figured maybe they were setting it up for the fact that she doesn't like commitment and the other greaser got in her head about Cheryl being a rich girl too scared to come out of the closet. Also a valid reason. But that's not the scene they gave us. What they gave us was Cheryl asking if the issue was because she was white and Toni saying yes. Nothing up until that point had given us any indication THAT was the issue. What frustrated me even further was that they don't even give them room to have a discussion about it. Toni says her peace and leaves and all we get is a shot of Cheryl crying. She clearly cares about Cheryl enough to have pursued her for that long and then she drops her without even having a discussion?? And so soon after they got together? If we had gotten a scene where the difference of their skin was brought up before that (and that could've have been anything from an offhanded comment to Cheryl laughing about something someone says in their presence she didn't know was meant to be a dig) and we see that register with Toni, it wouldn't have felt off balance. Especially since her and Betty get along and she's white. Her and KEVIN get along and he's white. Kevin and Clay are dating and there seems to be no problem THERE. So they can be okay but she can't date Cheryl because of it? It just felt like after they gave us such a strong opening ep regarding race, to then have her drop that with no nuance didn't sit right with me. All of the digs against Toni that we had seen had been because she was bi or at least "queer adjacent" as far as Evelyn was concerned. The only time we see anyone being racist, is when she's dealing with the adults, never the teens. And I knew someone was gonna watch that and say "oh of course the black girl has an issue with her white gf blah blah blah". That's why I said they set her up to be the villain. Not that she was one. Purely based on how that scene was framed. It just felt like it was missing context. And who knows, maybe they filmed a scene and then cut it but either way, it felt off to me and having it not get brought up again until the Black Athena ep just left me feeling unmoored.

[softly-potter]

Still Friends | Chapter 9: A Christmas Moment

Summary: After a chance encounter at a party, Wanda and Bucky find they have more in common than they realized.

This fic is heavily inspired by 'Friends' by my lovely friend Poppy. She is aware of this fic and I've been given permission for this marvel-version retelling! If you haven't read her dramione fic 'Friends', I HIGHLY suggest it. I fell in love with the story and couldn't help but wonder, what if it was Wanda and Bucky instead of Hermione and Draco? Thus "Still Friends" was born. Enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky X Wanda

Word Count: 33,068

Warning: smut, drug use, depression

A/N: Find the rest of the chapters here; Chapter 1: Greetings | Chapter 2: Unloading | Chapter 3: Cherries | Chapter 4: Worth the Wait | Chapter 5: Books | Chapter 6: Grief | Chapter 7: Unlikely | Chapter 8: Happy Birthday, Solider | Chapter 10: The Best Holiday | Chapter 11: Permission | Chapter 12: Revitalize | Chapter 13: Backstabber | Chapter 14: Luck of the Dead | Chapter 15: Pain Reliever | Chapter 16: Apologize | Chapter 17: Specially Gifted | Chapter 18: New Day

-

December 23rd, 2027

What does one get a witch for Christmas?

Bucky hasn’t the faintest idea. He’d searched the internet, scrolling through pages of lotions and candles, window shopped on his way home from the gym. He even texted Client, the texting alone taking over half an hour, asking what the man normally got his wife.

CB: Laura doesn’t like flashy things, she prefers memories over items.

Bucky didn’t know what to make of that, so he didn’t respond.

Memories over items. Like photographs? Didn’t that still count as an item? Rebecca had always claimed to hate Christmas, but when the time came, she’d always gifted something impossibly thoughtful, like she’d peered into your brain and knew it was something you’d been hoping for.

Bucky wished he had that gift.

The few Christmases he had spent in the service had been mostly uneventful. No gift giving, sometimes a haphazard tree had been erected and the guys would gather around, drinking and cheering to the Christmas before.

During those years he’d always wished there was a girl he could send postcards to back home, a girl he could visit when he was on leave. But then he’d remember how dangerous his situations were, and how unfair that would be to any person, and he wasn’t a selfish person.

Christmas wasn’t even a thing when he was with Hydra.

Out of all his Christmas’, he never thought he’d be spending one with her; but she wants to. She’s already deciding on what she’s going to cook, for just the two of them, and she’s busying herself by writing down a list. Her handwriting is large, loopy, and she’s rushing, her excitement nearly palpable as she sits across from him at his dining table. His laptop obscures his view of her, scrolling hopelessly, his anxiety growing by each failed attempt at finding a gift she’d enjoyed.

“Do you like sweet potatoes?” She asks, head bent. “I've heard that's a typical American staple for Christmas dinner.”

“Don’t cook too much, lord knows you don’t eat a lot.” He chuckles. Her head shoots up, his only indications of that action is her red hair bouncing, lines etched on her upper forehead.

“Bucky Barnes,” she warned, but her tone was laced with joy. “I have never experienced an American holiday like this. Are you going to strip me of that possibility?”

He rolls his eyes at her dramatics, bringing his coffee mug to his lips. “I'll strip you of something else.”

She leans to the right, giving him a scrunched narrowed look to indicate she heard his raunchy remark. Pulling back to her position, she resumes writing.

“Just you wait, solider.” She mutters, and he surpasses a laugh. “This will be better than any Christmas your mother would have cooked for you.”

He huffs into the cup. “That’ll be easy to accomplish.”

Her pen scratching pauses, can hear her shuffling slightly. “I take it your family didn’t celebrate?”

Bucky flexes his fingers, places the cup down. He’s glad the laptop is obscuring her from view slightly.

He didn’t want to talk about this, he didn’t want to unbury the dead, especially to her. She already carried so much, she didn’t need his weight.

Wanda sits up, her face in view now, green eyes questioning, and he clenches his flesh hand. His nerves grow as the silence stretches on, and she’s patient, waiting for his response. Glancing up, he catches her expression, and he feels a knot grow in his throat. Lips raw, he’s biting down hard.

“Not really.” He replies eventually. Wanda seems to let out a breath. “My sister did, a little.”

Pushing the chair back, he stands from the table with cup in hand, leaving to the living room. She calls after him, but her voice is echoy, like she’s calling through water, and he sits gingerly on the couch, like he’s aching. Like he’s old.

His throat is tight and he wishes he’d died from that fall off the fucking train. It was a simple question for fucks sake, and he was unraveling. Its natural for people to want to know things about you, your family or your job. One mention of his semi-abusive mother and he’s having trouble focusing.

But its hurting. He can’t remember a time when Christmas was good, purely good, a time when Christmas meant just joy. No fighting, no gun powder, no narsocitic let downs.

Just joy.

And he wants it with her, badly, but only her. He wants to remove the edges of his mother and the war from christmas time, and repaint it with her cooking in his kitchen, wearing those dumb fuzzy socks she loves so much.

His jaw aches from clenching.

“Buck?” Her voice is soft, pleading, and he screws his eyes shut. Her hand is on his shoulder, pressing lightly. “Honey?”

She’d just recently started calling him that; it makes him feel warm. He quickly got used to it.

He reaches up, grips her hand from his skin and gently pulls it away. “I’m fine,” he mumbles, releasing his hold. “Just not a big mommas boy.”

Even the phrase sounds odd in his mouth.

Wanda inhales slowly, and then she’s shoving his crouching arms back, crawling into his lap, resting her backside on his left thigh. Cupping his face, she looks at him, and he blinks rapidly, hoping there’s no wetness there.

“That's ok,” she says, her breath ghosting over his face. “Conversation for another day yeah?”

“Yeah.” He responded, hoping that day would never come.

“Listen, I know it’s…hard,” she says, and he can tell she’s watching her words carefully. “to move on when there’s so much hurt surrounding certain days. But, if your mother took so much from you before, don’t let her continue.” She strokes the side of his face. “Don’t let her keep taking it away.”

He stares at her, teeth still picking at his lip. He’s lost for words, in awe of her yet again, and his heart is hammering within his ribcage.

“There's no one i'd rather spend the holidays with,” she whispers, smiling, and pecks his lips. He leans forward, trying to catch them again, but she backs away with a small laugh.

“I’m not a big Christmas fan,” he teases, pulling her back, holding her on him. He spreads his fingers over her back, pressing his digits into her skin, and inhales. “but I can be into anything if it's with you.”

And now he’s standing in the cold December air, a knitted hat snuggly warming his ears as his breath blows out and he searches for the perfect tree.

He’d never had a Christmas tree before, so a part of him was excited. The other part of him was irritated that he wasn’t snuggled in bed with her, feeling her smooth skin against his, and instead freezing his ass off for a tree that would eventually die.

Scouring the woods two hours away from his apartment and his girl is not how he had planned to spend the day before Christmas eve, but she had asked and therefore, he would do it. He searches for a while, peering between sticky pine needles at the base of trees, shaking them slightly to test their sturdiness. They’re all decent, full of color and tall, but none quite right.

Until there’s one.

It’s a dark, mossy color, its tip not just one end but a collection of sharply shaped branches that twist into one, and when he presses his metal hand to it, giving it pressure, it merely stands, not budging.

Bucky grins, switching the ax in his grip from one hand to the other, and when he begins the process of cutting it down, his brows sweating and back aching, he thinks of her.

It amazes him how strong she is, after all the heartbreak. Bucky can’t imagine, and he’s grateful. Grateful for her strength, grateful that something as stupid as christmas brings them closer. He wants to peel back her layers, learn everything about her, and as the months trudge on he’s been able to learn more and more, and he’s so grateful for her in his life he smiles as he chops.

They decided to have the tree in her apartment, an idea she came up with but he heartily agreed with. He didn’t want to deal with the fallen pine needles littering his floor and her apartment seemed so hollow soemtimes, it was no wonder she was nearly always at his. A tree might brighten the mood, make the space feel more homey for her, and he hopes she likes his pick.

The drive back to her apartment is quick, his excitement to see her making the time go faster. He still hadn’t decided on a gift for her, and wondered if he even needed a gift. Of course he needed a gift, but a gift didn’t have to be a material item, isn’t that what Clint said?

All thoughts of presents and christmas are discarded as he pulls into her apartment parking spaces, and is greeted with a dark, unmarked car parked in his guest space. Bucky swerves his car against the back end of the other vehical, jumping out before he can turn off his ignition.

Hes through the door, hand already gripping the knife he keeps in his boot, silently taking in the surrondings. She’s talking, her voice low, but it doesn’t sound distressed. Entering the kitchen quickly, he surveys.

“Calm down, James.”

Clint gives him an incredulous look. A teenage girl with dark hair pulled into a pony tail is beside him, her lip is cut and she’s got a bandaid across her brow. Her eyes are wide as she takes in Bucky with a knife.

“Oh my god you’re the Winter Soldier!” The girl squeaks, a hand raised to her mouth. Leaning against the sink with her arms crossed, Wanda looks from the girl to Bucky, and finally to Clint.

“This, is the girl?” Clint’s flabbergasted, and Bucky rolls his eyes, putting the knife back into its hoslister.

“Barton.” Bucky replies, as way of greeting. The girl sticks her hand out, a goofy smile stretching her features.

“I’m Kate, Kate Bishop,” she says happily. “I’m his partner.”

“Thought you didn’t do partners.” Bucky muttered, ignoring her hand. What was he doing here, bothering Wanda so close to the holidays? Didn’t he have a wife of his own to bother?

“I didn’t,” Clint replied. Kate lowered her hand in disappointment, her cheeks pink. “I wouldn’t even count Nat as a partner. This is my friend Kate, she’s coming with me to see the family for Christmas.”

“Great, fantastic,” Bucky huffed, crossing his arms. “What’re you doing here?”

Wanda seems to be shaken back to life, and she pushes herself off the sink, moving to stand beside him, and snakes her hand into his. His chest blooms.

“He was just leaving,” she says, tone icy. “Right, Clint?”

Clint raises a brow at her, but doesn’t object. He nods his head, and Kate follows him out the kitchen into the foyer. Bucky places a chaise kiss to her hairline. “Be right back, trees in the car and I may have blocked their room to reverse.” Wanda gives him a look, knowing full well why he did that, but there’s humor in her eyes and he winks.

After reversing his truck, Bucky watches as Clint puts their car in drive. He rolls down the window, sticking his head out and Bucky shoves his hands in his pockets. Clint stares for a moment, sucking the side of his cheek, and for once Kate looks quiet.

“Has she ever talked to you about Westview?”

But you’re trying to act like my husband and you aren’t. My husbands dead. Thanos killed him, and then SWORD took him, and I can never see him again.

“Sure.” He keeps his answer short, and while it’s not overly detailed, it is true.

“Did she tell you about what happened?” Clint presses, arm on the window rim. “Did she tell you about her kids?”

The air is suddenly very thin.

“Figured not.” Clint hums, then looks forward. “I would tread lightly with her. If she likes you, she’ll eventually tell you but…be patient. And be aware.”

Bucky wants to ask him what he means, and why he knows information about her that Bucky himself does not, but the marksman closes his window, speeding off into the winter air, snow flurries brushing up in his wake.

Inside, Wanda is pacing, the corner of her index finger nail lodged between her teeth, nipping at it. Bucky drags the tree inside, propping it against the wall. The air is thick with unknowing, and he stares at her as she stares at the floor.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” His tone is harsher than he meant, cooler, and she fidgets.

“He’s just checking in, stopped by since I’m on the same route to his farm.” She looks up then, takes in the tree, then looks at him. “I think he’s taken over Steve's mantel of worrying about everyone.”

Bucky raises a brow. No, he had taken over Steve's mantel of worrying about her. Only her, the world could go fuck itself once again and as long as she was safe, he’d watch it.

“That's all?”

Her eyes find him, and he hardens his look. She’s nervous, throwing him another smile but he doesn’t waiver.

“Wanda.”

“I don't know what you want me to tell you.” She’s frustrated now, raking her hand through her hair. Takes a few steps, planting herself infront of him. “Please don’t let this ruin christmas.” The pleading in her voice is soft, fearful.

He needs to drop it. For the sake of Christmas, the sake of her sanity. She deserves a break, she deserves to enjoy the holidays.

So he does. They erect the tree together, hanging plastic shiny bulbs from the branches, Wanda wrapping a silky blanket around the ugly-colored base. She puts in premade cinnamon rolls to bake while they string the lights, turning on her radio and flipping it to the channel that plays strictly holiday music from December 1st to the 31st. The sugary smell wafts through the apartment, and they ice them together, devouring them as they watch the Christmas special of I Love Lucy.

They laugh at the bad comedy, kissing between sugary bites, and its wholesome, a simple bliss he’d never had the chance to claim for himself. It’s real happiness.

Cleaning the dishes, they wash their sticky hands and sweep the pine needles, getting momentarily distracted by each other's lips. He dumps the dust pan in the waste bin, watching as she puts away the dishes and she’s thoroughly happy. He’s happy she’s happy.

So when he kisses her goodnight, not staying over because he has an early round of training, he wonders why his heart isn’t settled.

“Thank you for today,” she whispers as she pulls away. “It was…fun.” He grins at her, hands loosely on her butt and he gives her a light squeeze. She pulls away with an eye roll, peeking through the crack in the door as she blows him a kiss.

Bucky tosses all night, before eventually making himself a cup of coffee at two in the morning, settling down in front of his desk top, and types Westview into the search bar.

[numetaljackdog]

what i'm listening to 3/5/2023 (song notes under cut)

spot. link//yt link

Laura Les - Haunted: haunted. by laura les.

Foo Fighters - Everlong: links to this post. this is one of the greatest songs in the history of popular music, i believe that genuinely. this song is reaching out and grabbing a loved one and pulling them close and saying "i know it all hurts a lot and this life is cruel to us and it will keep being cruel to us but i'm here with you. i'm here with you and we can live in this moment for as long as possible and it makes it all feel worth it. i would go through every minute of hurt, past and future, another thousand times over if it meant i got to share this moment here with you for just a little longer." anyway i'm normal

100 gecs - Hollywood Baby: did you guys see that laura is wearing a limp bizkit shirt in the music video. crazy stuff. i'm holding off on posting my march album ranking just so the new album can come out and i can put it on there i love this shit

Little Richard - Long Tall Sally (The Thing): if it strikes you, i would really recommend checking out the video for this one that i've put in the youtube version, it's a live performance from 1955 and he's just absolutely electric, it's tons of fun

Paramore - Running Out Of Time: the new album is really good and i'm shocked they were able to bear holding onto this single until the full record came out because this one is golden. hayley williams late queen 2023

Crush 40 - I Am... All Of Me: I LOVE YOU SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG!!!!!!!!!!

Butthole Surfers - Pepper: this song is basically if "loser" by beck was evil and fucked up, although these guys were doing weird shit way before beck. i was going back and watching some old one hit wonderland episodes and the one about this band came on and i was very intrigued, i'd like to hear some more of their stuff. i've noticed something about myself, which is that a todd in the shadows video is perhaps the single quickest way to trick me into engaging level 11 autism mode about any given band/artist/genre/whatever. guess i'm just lucky like that

Robert Johnson - Love In Vain: king of the delta blues babey. the melody and playing technique on this is nuts with a capital nuts. no wonder he was one of the many blues pioneers that the british invasion bands knocked off stole from admired greatly. i don't really have that much to say about these old blues tunes it's just Good Music

Twisted Sister - I Wanna Rock: twisted sister is so fucking goofy and awesome i love it. shoutout dee snider for being one of the coolest motherfuckers of the entire 80s. i listened to this whole album because as i mentioned i've been fucking w the hair metal and it's honestly a really solid record, surprisingly legit in a lot of respects. this is one of the silly pop singles, of course, but damn is it charming and just fun

Green Day - Longview: literally just a song about jerking off bc you're bored. heard it on the radio and said "oh i haven't thought about this song in years" and it proceeded to be stuck in my head for weeks. i grew up on green day so i definitely feel soft for them anyway but man why this song lmao

Paramore - Crave: one of my favorite album tracks. the mix is a little rough here (arguably that's true for a good portion of the record) but the lyrics really hit me big time. like yeah! i AM constantly pining for what once was! even when it was shit! what the hell! so real basically

Parkway Drive - Boneyards: every once in a while i have a moment that's like ohhh yeah... THAT'S why i loved metalcore so much for so many years. and this song gives me one of those moments every time i hear it because that breakdown is IN. SANE. greatest of all time possibly. in fact this whole album is such a landmark for this era of core it's crazy. shoutout parkway drive i hope they make good music again someday

Elliott Smith - Figure 8: first time hearing this song i just about fell out of my chair. the performing talent to take an innocent little educational song for kids and make it just absolutely and totally different in its meaning without changing a single word is staggering. i've always been fascinated by the idea of taking a song meant for kids (or just any song that has that sort of shallow quality to it, which kids' music often possesses in order to make it easy for them to enjoy) and recontextualizing it to actually have countless hidden layers of depth, and elliott smith did that flawlessly. fucking wild. i know some of his music but i need to listen to more

Weird Al Yankovic - Hardware Store: this is just one of those songs that crops up every once in a while to say "hey, remember me?" that video going around with all the cats definitely helped too lol. weird al was probably the first musical artist i could have ever been described as a "fan" of, and i'm continuously surprised by how much of his work holds up and remains just really good and honestly funny. goat

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man: good song but i'll be honest i mostly included just because i thought this story was kind of funny: i discovered this song by hearing the shinedown cover of it and, without knowing beforehand that it was a cover, immediately having the thought "this is a really great tune..... too great even. let's see who actually sang this originally." no real hate to shinedown they had some decent stuff but this would have definitely been above their level at any point in their career

The Beatles - Maxwell's Silver Hammer: whatever. fuck you. it's catchy and silly

Bill Withers - Lovely Day: i love bill withers but i'll warn anyone who intends to listen - this song is really quite annoying and repetitive. however it also has one of the most loaded hooks i've ever heard, the type that really just drills down deep into your brain. other than that it's just good vibes

Carpenters - All You Get From Love Is A Love Song: i've decided that i love this album actually and also karen carpenter's voice. this song in particular is just a nice little pop song but they really bring everything they've got to it, it's wonderful

Jamiroquai - Virtual Insanity: brought on mostly by paper-mario-wiki posting the video on here. you guys know me, i can't resist weird lyrics about the dangers of a digital future over a funky beat

[spaceghostyons]

I've been listening to J Cole and Kendricks discography the past few days to refresh my memory etc. Few thoughts.

Cole improved a lot the past few albums as a lyricist. Between Born Sinner and KOD, I think he was trying to figure out how to make 'commercial music', so the sing songy stuff and more flow focus over lyricism, which lost me as I was a fan before he got signed when I saw the Who Dat video, he had a fire and raw energy and upon getting signed its like he was trying to figure out how to fit in the industry and make hit music. And I just felt Drake and Big Sean was doing that so much better. Then Kendrick did the conscious thing so much better so Cole was trying to figure out where he fit in and he even acknowledged that in recent tracks and this latest Kendrick diss (which was cool). But he's found his stride as of recent years.

The Off Season is really good, he's really spittin on there. Might be his best work so far? Cole said TPAB was boring. I listen to that album occasionally but I went back to it this morning. J Cole has never had an album as layered and cohesive as this. As well produced, written and musical. I can see how it can be boring to people that only listen to hiphop and r&b, but if you have any depth to your musical taste, TPAB is in the top 50 hiphop albums ever. There's nothing to compare it to in modern rap. It changed the game in the same ways every bonafide classic did before it and no hiphop album has since. J Cole knows he's been playing catch up and admits that. If 'bars' is what you're looking for, then I'd say Cole has definitely been giving us solid bars more consistently! He's also given general hiphop fans more vibes as of late, Cole can fit in on playlists with a lot of contemporary rappers moreso than Kendrick rn. He's been busier for sure bc again he's playing catch up. I just don't think Cole is as good an overall hiphop artist and songwriter as Kendrick. I've yet to hear a song as well written and iconic as 'Alright', or 'Money Trees' or Backseat Freestyle' or 'Swimming Pools', or emotionally resonant as 'Sing About Me' 'The Heart Part 5' or Bitch Dont Kill My Vibe, or just flat out vibes or bangers like 'Loyalty', Element, DNA, etc. I really just think people have recency bias, Kendrick went quiet a bit and didn't make any radio singles on his last project and went away from the industry in silent protest and some people forgot how impactful he was and how much of a game changer his art is. But that's hip-hop and social media age for ya. It's looking like Kendrick is going to remind people this year.

[notebookmusical]

Hi!!! I'm so so sorry I haven't replied! I know it's been days lol. I've been meaning to but I kept getting distracted or busy and also I've just been using Tumblr less and trying to be more productive. Never take it personally or anything..thats why I said before the back and forth replying can sometimes be hard for me having to keep up with it and I also like to take my time replying to you. I hope you don't think I forgot about you! 🩷

Haha I'm sorry I had to inform you about the back covers not matching. It is what it is but I'm also so excited to see some of the other photos. I think there is another one where she is holding an ice cream cone too, and I've seen one where she is wearing the white shirt from the pink or blue vinyl. I love that picture so much! But ya I actually connect with Rep a lot. I think that was my favorite album before Folklore cuz I love all the songs on it. But I never listen to an album if the rerecording hasnt come out...only a few songs. I made an exception for the concert when all the songs were on shuffle and rep was the only CD in my car. But usually I don't like to..so I won't know how to compare it..not that I would anyway. I did listen to 1989 before Midnights came out though cuz I wanted to hear most of her other albums. I also love Red and those would probably be my top 3. What about you? What would be some of your top albums or top songs? I probably have a good or solid top 5 I think. I know..my predictions are probably way off but that also makes it fun. I don't have many other predictions cuz I feel like it's similar to something else we already have on the album, and I don't really think there will be a ballad type song either but I'm happy to be wrong. Every vault has given me at least one or two songs i absolutely love though so I just hope that's still true and it probably will be! I'll be sure to send you all my thoughts..an exact month from now!

It is very hard for me to keep track of every show I've seen so I can't imagine how it is for you. I totally agree about the atmosphere of some shows..Rent was like that. I totally recommend the movie or cast recording though cuz I just love some of the songs a lot. But it is rock music so you might not like it as much. But if you like Tick Tick Boom, I would at least listen to it. I would probably feel the same about Newsies too cuz it seems like such a fun show. I did see Aladdin and it was fun to see a Disney show but I'm sure Newsies would still be different. There's also something so fun about seeing a show you know so well! I haven't seen a show more than once and I would really like to someday. Unless you count school shows that I was a part of in elementary school haha. But ya I can imagine..that's the point of theater really is that every show is different and each one can be special. Funny story..my mom didn't know what a thespian was the other day so I had to explain it to her..even when I said theater she thought I meant movie theater lol.

So..I actually haven't finished Theater Camp yet. That's another reason I waited to reply to but I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer! I waited to watch it with my sister and it just didn't work out. I put it on last night and ended up falling asleep. I woke up like an hour later and tried to rewatch it but fell asleep again! This is shocking to me cuz I was so excited to watch it and I'm usually never tired! But it was also 3AM. I've just been really drained lately I guess and that could be why I never replied. I've been sleeping more and sometimes that makes me more tired than staying up late. Midnight is usually afternoon for me lol. I am definitely going to watch it tonight though but I'm glad you liked it! The little bit I did watch I enjoyed and I know it's my kind of movie. I am also going to finish Some Mistakes were Made by the end of this week! This will actually be my first fully finished book I started of the year. Sorry it's so late but I think I liked it mostly. I w Thank you for thinking of me with your post and I will look more into the book you recommended. I will also tell you if I read the other ones. I have not been watching much of anything lately but I listened to Madison Beer's album and I think you would like it..and also Laufey and Mitski so you can share your thoughts if you want! I don't actually know what Ask Evans is besides gifs on here but im glad you liked it and I think Heart stopper is cute from gifs I've seen. The Bear will probably be the next show I watch..but I know I was saying that a month ago haha. I hope you're doing amazing!!! Love the new url if it makes you happy! I can't remember which url I followed you from lol. 🩷

hi friend!!! no worries at all; i don't take it personally at all and i hope your tumblr break is going well! 🤍

my top three albums are probably: debut / speak now / red but i love love love fearless and folklore and evermore and lover and midnights and 1989 and rep! she just has such a good discography. just one month away till 1989 taylor's version!!! i'm so, so, so excited! i took the day off (i usually take release dates off work, just because i'm notoriously bad at taking days off just to take days off) so i'm excited! i'm not sure what i'll do though — maybe something crafty! i've been in a major crafty mood lately.

i want to see rent! but part of me feels like since it's been so long i should just wait until i can see it live!! what shows were you in? i'm always so curious about school productions! and omg that's so funny about your mom! did you see the new papermill gatsby stuff? what are your thoughts? i know you were also excited about it a while ago! i hope you got some sleep + that you enjoy theatre camp when you get to finishing it! i did notice that you usually send me asks late at night for me (for us! since we're in the same timezone) and was a bit worried about your sleep schedule!

and no worries on being behind on the buddy read 🤍 i'm excited to know your thoughts when you're done! and yes — i totally forgot that for the wolf/for the throne has twins! i've been struggling to read the book (i bought a copy over a year ago) for months now so decided to just check the audiobook out from the library and my head snapped up when i heard "twin sister" and i was like OH I HAVE TO TELL 🩷 ANON IMMEDIATELY!!

i will add all of those to my list soon!! i finally treated myself to a badlands vinyl, so i need to spin that sooooon but i've been busy with work (and just generally feeling ill still) so i haven't been listening to that much music. and then there's the new del water gap album out tonight, and acoustic there it goes by maisie peters! so much new music! i love doing new music friday but i'm so bad at listening to things haha. i used to text one of my best friends a new music friday roundup, but i haven't done that in a while!

why didn't they ask evans is a miniseries that my friend jamie loves!! and i was very intrigued by it and watched the first episode many many months ago, and finally got around to watching the rest of it over the weekend! it's based off of the agatha christie book of the same title (which i haven't read, but want to)! heartstopper was very cute, and so lovely to watch while i was feeling poorly. and the music in heartstopper is phenomenal! i hope you like the bear; i can't wait to hear your thoughts when you get around to it :)

and hehe thank you!!! i have a (bad) habit of changing my url very very often! i'll probably change it in a month or so too (maybe for 1989, or maybe for holly humberstone's new album)! hope you're having a good day <3

[killconfirmed-topdownshooter]

Evaluation

I decided to use Unreal Engine 5.2 for my project. This allowed me to use the newest features in my game. I didn't really use a lot of other software, this project was pretty much only in unreal, and it's mostly because I wanted to work on just the technical thing rather than making assets or ui. I used a lot of youtube videos which I learnt from to make the game. Games like League and Cod coming together really did make a unique experience. Unreal has been an amazing tool for the past 5 years, I've used it since year 10 of high school starting on 4.21 I think it would take a while for me to adjust to any sort of new engine since Unreal has been everything I’ve needed from the start. Allowing me to make all my games. Youtube has been a big help in teaching me loads of super complex things right at the start of college, like on my second project ever I decided to spend half of the given 7 weeks figuring out how to make blend spaces and anim blueprints which I had never done either before and now since I did that struggling then I now could setup animBPs and blend spaces like there nothing.

I think my concept was solid concept and that having an idea from the start really allowed me to meet with the core ideas I had in my concept. I didn't need to alter any part of my concept but didn't really get everything I touched on in it, I said I could have added maps like a neighbourhood or a shopping mall and I think just with more time I would have been able to add these. Generally through this project I wanted to keep things super simple so I didn't run out of time and it worked I was blasting through everything and managed to get my MVP done before the easter holidays, but when my project got corrupted I had to restart all over again and since this time was meant to be for doing the written work it really put the pressure on me to get it back to the MVP and follow what my concept had stated as well as my MoSCoW. The general idea was still there but the direction and feel of the project had changed, before it felt that I was making a new quirky top-down shooter game with levels and missions, but after it feels like I just need to scramble to what I had before with no look into the future but as well as an icky feeling of boredom and frustration since I was just remaking the same thing but now I couldn't remember any of the code which was super annoying so having to remake it made it lack the enjoyment I had before. It did change but not in its final product just how I looked at the project.

I exceeded my expectations due to having my project nearly done which was at my expectations but when it got corrupted and I needed to remake it that's when I exceeded it since I didn't think I would get my project done and all my written work which I managed to do. I'm super happy with my project and it does fulfil the proposal. I think without the corruption I could have been generally higher quality since I would have still had the hype for the project.

In conclusion, I feel like this project was a success. Everyone who has played it had great positive feedback which was good, but I would have liked to get some larger-scale playtests I've learnt to always playtest with other people because they might notice quite a few things you missed. This project was definitely a learning experience for me since I have never done the top-down genre this seriously before my arcade project wasn't aiming with a cursor it was walking in the direction of the button press so having to get the character to rotate and look at the mouse cursor was the first task for me to overcome but once I did I managed to carry on. One absolutely huge learning experience was losing my project, it had never happened to me before and thought it never could but I was wrong and we all experience it at least once if you learn from it that is and I have, I now don't use the hard drive for projects but for assets other smaller files instead I use version control, now this is a lifesaver. There are many different version control software out there like Perforce which is what I use for work, I would have used this but it costs money to run the servers so I decided to use GitHub. GitHub is free and anyone can use it, it's super simple to set up I go over it in one of my blog posts but it allowed me to ditch my hard drive for projects and just upload everything to GitHub repositories, this means I can pull and push things from my desktop to my laptop and both versions are updated. Next time I just need to make sure I don't rush into things which I didn't do as much this time as in other projects, I really came into this fmp with nothing, no ideas in my head to give myself no bias when thinking of the project idea from the research I had done. Finally, I wanted to say that I have learnt a lot from every project I've done, every single one. I am so proud of myself and my work even if it's not fully the outcome I wanted or liked I think all my projects are unique in their own way even if they share assets from online. I look forward to making new projects in the future I can gather all the knowledge from the past 2 years and put it into every project going forward, I hope to make games that are more scalable, which allows me to expand easily on them rather than hard coding things in. my most recent projects like kill confirmed and working on an indie game allowed me to see and test scalability in games which leads to a more smooth dev and gaming experience.

[pale-silver-comb]

So I know absolutely nothing about Leverage except what I've been seeing you post lately and I have to admit you're making it look tempting to watch! Can I ask what are some of your favorite things about the show/reasons you would suggest people watch it? And is there really a poly relationship that is canon?

Okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I am going to do my best not to just “asdfghkjl” at you and answer coherently.

In a nutshell, Leverage is about 5 people. 4 are criminals (Parker, Hardison, Eliot and Sophie) with different and unique skill-sets and 1 is an ex-insurance investigator (Nate) who, at one point or another in his career, has tracked down (or at least attempted to) the other 4. The whole show is essentially: man reluctantly reforms 4 criminals to use their criminal powers for good and 4 criminals move into man’s life and stubbornly refuse to leave because, goddammit, now they have morals. 

I’ve got a lot of favourite things about the show but the main ones are as follows:

1. Found family. And I’m not talking about loners who come together to fight crime and happen to co-exist to the point where they realise they happen to have found themselves a family. I mean, Nate and Sophie are the Drunk Uncle and Wine Aunt who somehow become Mom and Dad to 3 beautiful criminal children. Mom and Dad love their criminal babies and the kids love them (as well as each other, but we’ll come to that in a moment). You get amazing family moments such as: Mom and Dad packing the kids lunch before sending them out to kick corporate greed’s ass; Mom and Dad giving the kids ridiculously expensive and personal Christmas presents causing their most Grumpy Kid to go very very quiet and soft as he runs off to gleefully play with his new murder toy; the kids interrupting Mom and Dad’s big Movie Style Kiss to ask if they can please keep their new underground layer and huffing and puffing when Dad tells them no.

2. Found family: the OT3 edition. To answer your question, the OT3 is indeed canon, confirmed by the creator. Now, usually, “confirmed by the creator” infuriates me because most of the time it’s a way for a creator to be seen as “progressive” without doing anything to actually be progressive. That isn’t the case here. The OT3 are built up carefully and while it is obvious the creators didn’t originally intend for all 3 of them to become a relationship in the romantic sense, by mid-season 5 we are given a very clear picture of where Parker, Hardison and Eliot are heading in their relationship. There aren’t any kisses at the end to signal this but there are solid marriage vows in not only one but two episodes. (And by marriage vows I mean literal equivalents of marriage vows: “for better or worse” and “’til death do us part”. I’m not even exaggerating). The OT3 also doesn’t need explicit romantic narratives to convey how much they love each other. Their love is laced through the whole show, from the way they teach each other things to the way they respond to each other and work as a unit. The way they fiercely protect and admire each other. Like someone once said, if you need characters to kiss or say I love you to let the audience know they love each other, you are writing them wrong. 

Aside from that, each of the parings in the OT3 are just. Gah. They are so well done, with friendship being the solid basis for them all. The creators never expect the audience to assume anything about them or fill in the gaps. They give us their relationships on screen and reference many things off-screen to show us how these relationships continue to build in between episodes.

Hardison and Parker are a canon couple and date in the show: it’s approached slowly and they are so goddamned sweet. They are basically every fluffy slow-burn trope with a healthy dash of mutual pining in the mix. They are basically that quote “love is patient, love is kind”. (I would like to add their romance never becomes the focus of the show or overrides the importance of any other relationship they have with the other characters, especially Eliot.)

Hardison and Eliot are the Old Married Couple and from day one are already bickering and looking at each other/making comments that are found in every UST fic ever (not to mention Hardison has a very good knack for making Eliot grin like a little kid, when usually he’s basically an Angry Little Chef Man). They argue, they play, and love each other plain as day. 

Parker and Eliot are more subtle but every bit as wonderful. They have an unspoken connection and understand each other on a level no-one else can. Parker and Eliot are not good with giving themselves over to affection for different reasons (and Hardison plays a central role in helping them realise it’s okay to want it and have it- that boy has endless patience) but there is something so beautiful in the way the two of them come together on their own and develop their own special bond that works for them. Parker and Eliot are that trope where the characters don’t need to speak to understand each other perfectly. They just do. Their love language is a lot of the time non-verbal but speaks volumes. (Parker also likes to annoy the hell out of Eliot and Eliot....just.....lets...her. Because he’s soft. The softest, grumpiest boy.) 

I could go into so much depth for each pairing and their dynamics as a 3 but that's for another post.

3. Subverting stereotypes. There is the occasional hiccup in the show regarding stereotypes but ultimately, Leverage gets an A+ when it comes to writing characters and making them 3 dimensional people who are not defined by certain characteristics or events. Nate could so easily fall into the White Man Pain trope where he uses the trauma of losing his kid as a reason as to why he is entitled to act like a dick. Nate is a dick but he doesn’t use his pain to excuse it and I appreciate that. Hardison is a black man who is soft and nurturing. Easily the most empathetic and patient of the group. He’s nerdy, an actual genius, and has the biggest heart of all the characters. Nate is maybe the glue but Hardison is definitely the heart. Media’s usual aggressive, amongst other, racist stereotypes can fuck right off. Parker is canonically autistic (I am sure this was confirmed by one of the creators) and she is not defined by it. It’s not written as some kind of singular personality trait. It’s part of what makes up Parker but it’s only one facet of who she is and not once is her actions, thoughts or feelings treated like a joke. Sometimes people don’t understand why she does and says the things she does but it’s met with patience and fondness over the course of the show. Equally, it’s not met with over-caution. Parker is just Parker. No-one tries to change her. The other nice thing is Hardison, who always makes sure Parker knows she’s amazing because of who she is and not in spite of it. Finally, Sophie is in her 40s. She’s not treated like she’s past her prime. Ever. She’s sexy, smart and never is she pitted against or compared to Parker (who is younger) for anything. Sophie is amazing and there’s never even a conversation of “I may be older but I am still *insert adjective typically associated with younger women here*”. Sophie is possibly the first female character I’ve ever seen who isn’t just unapologetic about her age but has never had to apologise for her age. It’s a non-issue and that’s that. The women on the show are written so well, right down to secondary characters and it’s beyond refreshing.  

4.) It’s just fun. The show has a “monster of the week” type format. Except instead of a ghoul or a ghost, the monster is some corrupt wealthy and powerful individual or organisation. The show draws on real-life individuals to do this and therefore closely parallels real-life people and events. It addresses important political, economical, social and environmental issues while at the same time remaining fun and light-hearted. The characters constantly get the chance to play dress up and by GOD do they have fun with it. You get to watch Eliot beat up bad guys in the most delightful of ways, usually after a witty non-sequitur and with a weapon you’d never think could be a weapon. The dialogue and back and forth between the characters is everything. And finally - my favourite thing- the team can never resist striking a dramatic pose after they’ve taken down the bad guy, making sure the bad guy sees them. I mean, they COULD just walk away, satisfied they’ve taken the person down, but nope. They gotta be dramatic bitches 24/7 and pose like they are models for every single month of this year’s Criminal Calendar.  

5.) Competence Porn. So. Much. Competence Porn.  

Honestly, I could list a thousand reasons for why Leverage is amazing but to list them would to be spoiling so many amazing moments you’d get to discover for the first time on your own if you do choose to watch it. It’s the kind of show you can watch with an eagle-eye and sink your teeth into. But it’s also the kind of show if, you would prefer, put on in the background for something entertaining while you do something else. Each episode is about the job at hand but it’s made up of so many moments between the characters that show how much the creators and writers care about them. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do whatever it is you do when something Soft and Wonderful happens that makes your heart melt. I am so beyond grateful for Leverage. It’s everything I always wanted in a show. Nearly every show I’ve watched in the past 10 years has disappointed me in some way, usually either because the writers run out of steam or characters who I love are treated poorly or given some kind of unnecessary “shock value” arc. Leverage doesn’t do that. Leverage is what it says on the bottle. Fandom isn’t something I joined because I needed canon fix-its. Fandom only enhances and celebrates an already excellent canon. 

[quirkle2]

POKEMON AU????????? yes yes please tell more I am already invested amazing stupendous yes good

WIGGLES IN MY SEAT im gonna ramble abt it under the cut cuz it might get long (edit: it'sfuckign long). so sorry if i end up talkin abt it for way longer than anybody cares for (edit: i absolutely did) VEIAUGV

it's sort of a world where the concept of pokemon is settled into it more realistically. not saying it's super realistic or anything like that, i just mean certain aspects abt the traditional pokemon world is changed to reflect what i Think it would probably look like irl

there's still magic, bc a lot of pokemon moves can definitely be considered magic. i don't rly care abt the whole like,, "omg this move would end humanity omg most electric pokemon let out the volt equivalent of like a small refrigerator omg the very concept of evolution is fucked and an evolution would kill everything within a 5 mile radius Probably but that's just a (game) theory" i do think that stuff is fun to think abt but for the sake of everybody Living i kinda ignore a lot of that GVIYEAGA

THERE'S,, a lotta little things abt trainers in this au that i've thought abt !! first of all u have to be 18 to be a pokemon trainer. this 10 year old child is not handling this 11 foot tall dragon. and most trainers do not have 6 pokemon !! raising pokemon is a fuckin Task, and i sorta equate it to like,, being a zookeeper and trying to train lions and tigers to obey u. it takes a lot of effort to train even one animal like that; now imagine ur taking care of and training six. that's,,, usually too much for the average person GVIYAEGV not to mention,,,, fuckign expensive

most trainers ofc start w one and usually get at least one more somewhere along the journey, but a lot stop there ! that's still a lot of work, and everybody deals w work and stress differently, so a pretty solid chunk of trainers stick to loving and training their one or two buddies

a lesser chunk of trainers make it up to 3 pokemon, an even lesser amount trains 4, and even lesser percentage trains 5,, u get it. wars in particular has 5 pokemon on his team, and another herdier at home that's simply one of the tamer, pet-like pokemon people have.

on the more realistic side of things, trainers can get hit w moves, and it's not like a Oh Haha They Got Shocked and They're Smoking like in the animes or anything. it Hurts and it's very dangerous. pokemon training in general is dangerous as all hell, not just bc the obvious caution it takes to train a team, but also just bc most of the time trainers are out in the wild ,, yaknow. training. and being in the middle of the wilderness isn't the safest thing, especially when there's wild pokemon everywhere

on the more boring side of things, i think every trainer is legally required to have a pokedex. pokedexes here do a bit more, including basic phone features and emergency stuff cuz This Is Dangerous yaknow. also yes the pokedex Can run doom somebody's already tried it

uhhh more boring shit so sorry but im mentally ill abt the boring logistics of this. every trainer is issued an id card and u can see wars' in my drawing ! the back of it is the typical trainer id from the games, but the front is fancy and quickly gives info abt the trainer themselves

they r color coded !!!! different colored pokeball symbol on the card for the number of team members they have :) red is 1, yellow is 2, blue is 3, bronze is 4, silver is 5 (wars !!!!!!!!), gold is 6. the more important figures in the pokemon world (gym leaders, league winner, elite four, champion) have a black colored card to quickly tell people Hey Im Fuckin Good (hint hint legend has a gold id card >:])

the league competitions r prolly split into categories ?? like,, there's a league category just for trainers w one pokemon ! and then there's the typical 6-pkmn team category, and everything in between. it seems a bit unfair to let somebody w 3 pokemon go up against somebody w 6, especially given the fact that some people have Jobs they need to go to . training is a side-hobby for most people (not to mention a lot of people straight up can't afford it). so the league splits them all up into different challenges. (not quite sure what would happen if the winner of the 1-pkmn category tried to challenge the champion ...... maybe there's champions/elite four/gym leaders for each category !!! that'd be cool i think)

^ just bc people r shitty and dumb sometimes, there's prolly a stigma around people who only have one or two pokemon, but i like to think the Good, Nice trainers know otherwise. just bc u can train more pokemon doesn't mean ur immediately Better. yes, a trainer with 5 pokemon versus ur 2 will Probably win, but it's not rly abt that ? pokemon is abt bonds and all that mushy shit. respectful trainers will know that the 2-pkmn category champion is not Worse than the 5-pkmn champion. they r very, very different things, when u get into it

side note on that i feel like the 1-pkmn category would be strangely popular in this world. it's a 1v1 ? u only have one buddy w u, so covering ur weakness is very hard to do i'd think. idk i don't play online competitive GVIAEYGV AND ALSO, abt the categories being different ? in a competitive sense, a team of 3 is going to be WILDLY different in terms of strategies and plays than a team of 6. u have to think much differently

also im not totally sure abt this part, still kinda thinkin on it, but people who Aren't trainers still have pokemon at their side, and im wonderin abt the laws of that . similar to the law of like,, not being allowed to have a Fucking Leopard in ur living room, i feel like having super dangerous pokemon would be,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,not good <3 GVEAIYVGA i wonder how they'd fix that problem,,,

i debated on like,, they have pkmn in a tier list ? of like,, how dangerous they can be. and maybe if it's just a household pet, it'd have to be in This Tier (points at overly complicated graph) to be able to house that pokemon. and what abt like,,,,,,, pokemon that get Way more dangerous w their evolution ? they'd be in a different tier, surely. maybe they legally have to hold an everstone ?? i don't fuckin know GVEYAUGV

oh lastly i am very fond of trainers actually Asking a wild pokemon if they want to be caught. Not doing that and just catching them against their will seems like straight up imprisonment to me VGIEAGV so i think that's generally a good courtesy. if u Don't do that when catching a wild pokemon then everybody kinda thinks ur a ://////////// trainer

wait i lied that wasn't the end imso sorry GVIEAYGV the Bad Group in this world are actual criminals who aren't stupid and Will fuck u up. the end

[woodelf68]

I was tagged by @rins-love-wins and @brilliantminds19.

Favorite color: If I had to pick one, green. It really works for all seasons. A dark pine green for winter, a cheerful yellowy green chartreuse for spring, maybe a mint or blueish green for summer, a loden green for fall...

Currently reading: 'Together No More To Move Alone' by norationalthoughtrequired (Sifki pirate AU)

Last song: Something off the Ray Coniff Christmas album

Last series: Loki. Not much of a TV watcher any more.

Last movie: Um...Race to Witch Mountain maybe? Did not like. The original? Return to Wtich Mountain? 5 stars. The sequel? Escape to Wtich Mountain? A solid 3 1/2 when watched as an adult, maybe would have given it 4 as a kid. The reboot? Uh, 1 star. I did some a lot of fast forwarding through that one, but I felt I needed to watch it for completeness' sake.

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: Savory, usually, but I've had much more of a craving for sweets in the past year or two. Maybe stress from the pandemic?

Currently working on: Need to edit my teen Thor and Loki Yule fic. Wrote it fairly quickly then hit a snag when editing and a change that I thought made a scene better messed up some stuff I liked that came after, and I haven't been able to decide what to do about it. Must get back to actually writing instead of just thinking about it.

Tagging anyone who wants to do it!

[samtheflamingomain]

prognosis: fucked

It's been 4 months since I had a drink. My boss wins best joke with "Congrats, let me buy you a shot!"

I've heard that the TL;DRs are popular, so here you are: I've done everything right since rehab, lost 45 lbs, and my fatigue has only gotten worse to the point I'm getting memory loss, and a new diagnosis of Type 2 Narcolepsy. It's incurable and untreatable. I will never wake up feeling awake ever again. I'll probably be unable to work at all within the next few years. No cheery ending, sorry.

Now for those with 5-10 minutes to kill, I'd like to whine a bit.

When I was in rehab, I decided to go against the very solid and science-backed advice that says "don't try to change everything all at once, just focus on sobriety at first" and decided it was time to lose weight, eat better, meditate, exercise and save money all at once.

Well, slap my bald head and call me Jeff Bezos, cuz I'm in the 0.00001% of people who decided to do that and did it successfully.

Obviously it's an ongoing journey, but as of today, I'm as physically and mentally healthy as I've ever been, except for one thing: my fatigue.

Other than these excellent improvements, the only thing that has changed for me in terms of medication is a slow increase in the amount of Adderall I'm being prescribed, without having ADHD, due to a lethal combination of "my psychiatrist is out of ideas, but also won't listen to me".

I did a sleep study a year ago, and it came back "normal", so they just slapped me with a Chronic Fatigue Syndrome label and told me to go fuck myself, it's incurable and barely treatable.

But "barely" was always better than "un(treatable)". Which is what my new diagnosis, Type 2 Narcolepsy, is. It's very new, and the only treatment was approved in the States this year. Adderall and its friends like Ritalin and even actual meth don't work on this kind of fatigue, thus why it hasn't helped me. It also goes by "idiopathic hypersomnia" - "excessive sleep" (hyper-somnia) "without explanation" (idio-pathic).

But the reason my doctor changed the diagnosis isn't because it really matters, but because, despite being on meth-lite, despite all the great work I've been doing, I'm getting worse.

For a very long time, I was stable. Exhausted from the minute I was awake till the minute I fell asleep, every single day, for 7 years. And while this sounds exactly like what Chronic Fatigue Syndrome should be, CFS actually comes with a lot more problems that I don't have, which has always made me question it as my "real" diagnosis.

N2's criteria are exhaustion, sleeping more than 10h/night, and what appears to be a normal sleep study, but when examined closer, involves falling asleep in 12 minutes or less.

But also, in a lot of those with N2, there's a symptom called "sleep drunkenness" that, compared to a control group, a group with CFS, and a group with N2, is unique to N2. And that symptom presenting was enough evidence for my doctor to change my diagnosis.

Sleep drunkenness, named by a scientist who has clearly never been drunk, is characterized as having brain fog, moving slowly, a feeling of heaviness, and in some cases memory loss, when you first wake up. On the surface, I'd understand why some people would read that and say "that's just me before my morning coffee". But this is different. You feel confused and lost, you lose your trains of thought almost instantly. It's the odd combination of feeling like you're just about to fall asleep, but with everything you do, you snap awake, only to repeat over and over.

For most people with N2, this symptom lasts about 30m to an hour. I'm lucky at about 45m. I've always had this symptom, but until a few years ago, it didn't have a name. So when I was given some websites to read by my doctor, I knew this was it. It described me to a T.

And it explains the ways I've been getting worse - the sleep drunkenness lasting longer, sleeping closer to 13h than my usual 10-11. And it explains how, 5 times in the past 2 weeks, I've woken up at noon to find a lukewarm pot of coffee already brewed.

I've been waking up, doing the mindless task of making a pot of coffee, going back to bed, waking up again and legitimately thinking my roommates kept doing it for me to be nice. Only on the 5th time did I realize it had been me all along. And when you tell a doctor you're getting memory loss, they take you seriously. Got on the waitlist for a neurologist, but it's more due diligence than the idea of one being able to help me.

I thought CFS was a death sentence, but no, it does in fact get so much worse. Despite being very under-studied and not widely-understood, CFS has been in the medical books since the 80s. Narcolepsy wasn't separated into 2 types until 2018, and the first "long-term" study wasn't complete until 2020.

I read almost every study on N2 I could find - and it took less than 2 hours. There's just nothing known about it besides the fact that thus far, nobody has ever gotten better. Most get worse.

The Narcolepsy you're likely vaguely familiar with involves muscle paralysis that makes you fall asleep and fall over, called cataplexy. It's pretty much unique to Narcolepsy Type 1 and makes it easy to diagnose. N2 has no cataplexy. They don't even know if it actually has anything to do with N1 at all, since none of its drugs work on N2. They're literally at the point of just naming the damn thing.

It'll be 50 years before they find a cure, if they ever do. It's rare, so there's little incentive to study it and make drugs for it.

Despite having tried well over 50 drugs, done rTMS, ECT, every kind of therapy, inpatient rehab, quit drinking, lost weight... I'm just getting worse. And there's nothing I can do anymore. Nothing left to try.

Leave it to me to have the rarest form of a disease in the field of medicine even less-understood than mental illness. We still don't even know why we need to sleep on a physical level. We can map every neuron, every blood vessel, but this one area has completely eluded us. And because there's been zero progress in that area of science in decades, I have no hope of ever getting better without a literal medical miracle.

Stay Greater.

[mrs-nate-humphrey]

reading your tags on that post about dan’s writing, and it’s kinda ironic that come season 6, dan is literally the only (remaining) main character who actually does forge his own path, and ends his story quite differently than his parents. chuck pretty much immediately embraces the destiny his own father laid out for him (only pushing back when that destiny is threatened), nate - despite trying to break free of the cycle - ends up following in his father’s footsteps closely enough to the point of committing the same crimes, serena basically gives up on her dreams and focuses on being a socialite and finding love, and blair lays down everything she was working towards in previous seasons to become eleanor 2.0, running waldorf designs. dan and dan alone looked at both his father’s and mother’s paths, explicitly went “nah”, and did something completely different. bad, maybe, but different nonetheless. (can’t really speak to what jenny or vanessa ended up doing since we literally don’t know beyond their brief cameos in 6x10 🙃 but, y’know)

sorry about getting to this SO late! i actually had a perfect response to you, but i was too sleepy to answer when i got your ask, and then when i woke up i'd totally forgotten what i was gonna say :/ i'm gonna give it another go though, hopefully i nail what i wanted to say!

first off, i found this a really interesting take!! most analysis i've seen goes along the lines of like - dan does technically follow his father's footsteps by like... marrying one woman when he's in love with another - but that, in itself is a very dair reading. i think it's fair to say in s6 he's still not over blair - i mean, in 6x05 he's trying to win her back :( so given what we see in s6 i think it's not unreasonable to interpret the derena wedding (sadly) as dan being in love w/ blair but settling for serena.

THAT SAID- what we never take into account is those 5 years that are skipped, and how the derena wedding takes place in like... 2017? from s1- s6, pre time skip - that itself is 5 years, and during that time we see dan fall in love w/ serena, fall out of love with serena, and fall in love with blair. 5 years is a lot of time, enough time to fall out of love with someone (dan's done it before, maybe he could do it again) - so who's to say what happened in those 5 years. maybe he and serena are actually solid now, maybe dan doesn't want blair anymore, whatever. it's absolutely open to interpretation imo.

i also don't know if we can 100% say that dan did or didn't follow the footsteps of his parents - we don't really know enough about rufus or alison to be able to say that imo. we can see the patterns of like.. nate & howard, for instance, because the show really went into that, but with rufus & alison... so much of their backstory is left totally up in the air.

much like rufus, dan's creativity centres people he has strong emotional sentiments for, and much like alison, dan is not above using his writing in ways that are fuelled by venting/spite/other negativity, rather than just love songs (looking at you, rufus). maybe s6!dan has parallels with rufus back when he was actually a famous rock star, before he became forgotten? dan, for the first time in his life, is actually popular & desired by everyone, on his own merit, not because he's friends with nate or serena's ex or blair's boyfriend or... any of those things.

so what i'm saying is it's extremely possible rufus or alison had a similar arc & we never saw it- imo, it wouldn't be super out of character for either of them.

what you're saying 100% makes sense, though!!! i'd never thought about it like that before, but... yeah. it's a solid take on what we got to see from canon.

[julies-butterflies]

I must admit, sometimes I do feel like a ye olden solider, sending letters to my beloved across the waves during wartime. Oh my dearest Lydia, I hope the kudos and comments crops have been plentiful this season. Your last letter left me weeping. Why must you put poor Reginald through such pain?

(I gotta admit, I still can't believe that I'm talking to you. I've been looking up to your work for so long...it just feels a bit surreal, even now! Glad you like hearing my ramblings! And that you liked my vampire prompt! Did not realize you'd write back when I sent that in. Look at us now, huh?)

(Speaking of prompts, I sent those jukebox and willex ones too. And I loved them both so so much, I shall scream about them more when it is not 2 am because I need sleep)

(Oh and the update of If I Was You!!! Amazing, Stellar, Incredible, Reggie, Carrie, Julie shenanigans is my new favorite thing, DID YOU JUST DOUBLE THE CHAPTER COUNT, and I'm like 90% sure Trevor is in deep trouble with a certain angry jazz ghost. Seriously loving it)

I actually do not remember what it was like to send in 1/5 asks, because I did not get a Tumblr until very reccently! I've always been a nerdy person, but Jatp is my first time being really in a fandom. You gotta do something new in quarantine, right?

Ah yes. Luke and Emily. To me, it just seems obvious that there's so much love between them. Even with all the pain. You get it. You put it down so eloquently.

As for what kind of stories I like to read...it seriously depends on my mood.

I like niche aus, passion projects. Stories where you can just feel the author's love for the world they're inventing. But I tend to lean towards cannonverse. I like ghost stories, it's what drew me to this show in the first place. And I love exploring that concept. (Being forever gone, and always the same...it's just fascinating to me)

Platonic goodness is just WONDERFUL for this show. I will read anything with cuddles. I am touched starved and these kiddos are too, and I will cry about them puppy piling every damn day. Plus there's just some much POTENTIAL for future friendships! I love ones where Flynn and Carrie get to interact with the boys as well. And 90s content, from before and after the orpheum, just hits hard.

I really wasn't expecting to get invested in the couples on this show, but something about them is moving to me. So I do love to read about them. Watching two queer kids who lived during incredibly important areas of queer history find love together after death really hit hard for me, and there's just something so bittersweet about a girl and ghost deciding to love each other for the little time they're given.

I love family dynamics too. Anything with Ray and his seven disaster children, the band and Trevor.... I think Julie and Emily is one of my favorite dynamics to explore. A girl who lost her mother and a mother who lost her son, both grieving but with one able to speak to the dead...it's just very powerful to me.

(And of course, Luke and Emily, but I figured you already knew that)

Mostly...I like seeing the messy stuff. The unexpected consequences, the baggage. I want to see the messy emotions, the grief and anger, the jealously, the disorientation. I look for those glass shards, that might be too sharp to ever be addressed on the show. Not even the big, monumental plot lines just... the harder pieces of life, the little moments that don't fit neatly into a nine episode arc.

I just want to see them live you know? Love, laughter and loss all mixed together.

(One of my all time favorite tropes is "found family gets broken apart by trauma, only to find each other again and come back stronger than ever." I feel like this explains a lot of my taste in fiction)

Thank you for the writing advice. Your words were very motivating. I am trying to begin! I got up the nerve to start working on a little piece. Who knows if it will go anywhere. But it's been nice, to finally put some words on the page.

The POTC au is so freaking good man. The character dynamics are just on FIRE. Everything is broken and messy and the relationships genuinely tug at my heartstrings. It's such a fascinating story. Highly recommend, even with the cliff hangers.

OH HOW COULD I FORGET PAWPRINTER? Man oh man I love all her work. The wheelies art and steals universe is freaking amazing, not an avacado had me in tears (of laughter, till things got surprisingly sad). And All that Remains...slow burn Willex perfection. Jedi Alex and Pilot Willie have my HEART.

I don't think I've read firefall and weneedglitter (or if I have, I'm just not connecting the names to their pieces. I don't always remember author names. it's a problem). I will go look for them though! Cannot wait!

For more recs, I recently binge read We Found Wonderland. I was not mentally prepared for the sheer amount of feelings that gave me. Highly recommend, if you ever want an emotional rollercoaster with an incredibly satisfying end.

Going on to more serious subjects...I'm sorry your family doesn't see your grief for what it is: honest. Better to feel everything quietly, than make it an easily understadnable performance. Fake grief is so easy to spot.

I think of that scene from "Forever," when Buffy breaks down and tells Dawn that she has to keep busy, because if she stops, it means Joyce is really gone. There's a lot of truth there.

On a tangent here but.. there was a very long period in my life when I was told the ways I expressed my emotions were "incorrect". And I found that sometimes, no matter how you show your emotions, you'll always be criticized. Numbness can be called disinterest, but sobbing can be called attention-seeking too. Too big, too small: that jury was impossible to please This may not apply in your situation but...it's okay to feel however you can. It's the only think you can do, really.

As I've said before, Grief is such an odd trickster.

Don't you ever get tired of missing people... This past year, I've been so weary of grief. Sometimes it can be so sharp, but it's that dull ache. That ball and chain, no longer cutting through your skin, but rubbing it raw, weighing you down.

And people don't like to talk about that part, because it's long and tiresome, but oh, is it there. I find it hard to talk about my grief, because sometimes there's just so much of it. I could drown in it, and that fear keeps me from looking to close. To incorrectly quote Jane Austin: "If I missed you a little less, I might be able to talk about it more."

(Sometimes it's faceable. But sometimes you just can't bear it. And that's okay.)

But what you wrote in that eulogy...the love is there. It's in every word you write. I cried reading that section. I feel honored once again to see some of your jagged pieces. You're sharing your heart, and there's just so much love.

In the wise words of an author I know, "Love is like the snow Reggie. It never goes away."

And don't worry, I'm always with you.

Sending Love,

-LydiaStan7845 (aka Vampire Anon)

So...that Reggie and Nicky prompt

my god

my GOD

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

I think it's safe to say congrats, you've officially destroyed me! I was not prepared for that at ALL. I should know better by now I guess.

I can't get over that even though they all take place in very different universe, all your stories just feel so connected! The way this talked about those headphones, which you mentioned in the first chapter of Kill Your Heroes...it's just so cool. All the characterization and backstory is just so well thought out, and it genuinely blows my mind.

I didn't think I could love Nicky Peters more. I was wrong. The way you write about him...even though you never go into exactly what happened to him after Reggie's death, you can just feel how much it's shapped him as a person. And the trauma around his father, and how he fears becoming like that, was just so beautifully written. He's just so lovable and flawed and trying so damn hard and you made my heart ache for him. Again.

You always take these genuinely crazy situations and...you just make them feel so real. I love you explore the strains such a revelation would put on Nicky's own life, it just makes everything so compellingly messy. It seriously feel like I was watching a real-life account of a family trying to deal with such a massive complication.

That porch scene had me in tears both times I read it. Reggie's just always a big brother, even though Nicky is more than twice his age now. My heart was shattered, and then you slowly mended it, piece by piece. And for absolutely no reason at all, you wouldn't happen to have a reference for the porch, would you?

Just wow. Hope you're doing well. Sending love and applause

-Vampire Anon

i’m not even gonna reply, but i want these documented... on my blog... for posterity.  ( for any curious onlookers, i’m dating this anon now!! )