#i've spent so long analyzing myself and my behaviors i might as well put it to use

[bookwyrminspiration]

hi. this isn't kotlc related, but i just started highschool and i don't have a lot of friends. i'm too shy to go up to people and i overthink things a lot. any tips on how to make good friends and juggling school work?

hey! don't worry, i don't mind getting asks that aren't kotlc related. congratulations on starting high school, i know that be really nerve-wracking, but I'm proud of you for getting there. I was the only person going to my high school from my middle school, so I knew literally no one. I was (and kind of still am) the stereotypical gifted kid who never had to plan or study anything in my earlier years and so had no experience doing so when it really mattered. Maybe some of my experiences can be of a little help <33

just to note beforehand: the kind of person i am, I have few friendships, but find them to be very close and meaningful. a couple really close over several more casual relationships, if that makes sense. so that's the perspective i'm approaching this from. These are just some personal things I do, there's no right way to make friends. also, there's nothing wrong with only having a few friends, so if you're happy with the number of friends you have don't pressure yourself to make more.

for me, the way my friendships formed was first through observation. especially since I'm introverted, i don't like to jump into conversations. Observe your classmates from afar at first, make note of faces or names or something you can recognize them by. See when else they pop up in your schedule. I find it easier to start conversations with people when there's something concrete that connects us, like a similar schedule. i actually first bonded with my middle school best friend because we had identical schedules, literally every single class together. Same with the two people I spent most of my time with in my freshman year. I don't think this is very common though, so just a few classes together is fine.

You can also use those little observations you've made to get a general sense of how others behave and who you think you'd get along with better. For example, the talkative and disruptive people generally make themselves known withing the first day or so. You can sometimes tell from appearances and apparel who the popular people will be as well. But, you can also find the people you'll connect with better. Figure out who you actually want to be friends with.

this may sound very methodical over natural, but I am not naturally socially adept and find it easier to navigate relationships with more of a plan, which helps my social anxiety too.

when in conversation with people, offer free information. this means when the other person says something or asks a question, reply with something that can keep the conversation going. A lot of people do this naturally, but it can be hard to remember in the moment. An example of this would be if someone asked, "what class is your favorite so far?" instead of just replying "English." or whatever is applicable, give a bit of information about why it is. Maybe it's because you like to read, maybe it's because you like the classroom or the teacher. This makes it easier for them to response, and allowing the conversation to move forward can lead to more personal topics and you can start to get to know each other.

for the school work part, scheduling has been my very important. I like to break it down into classes. However many classes you have, devote a basic amount of time to them however often it needs to be. I'll give you an example from my own life, but keep in mind my situation is not exactly normal and will likely not reflect your experiences. Over the summer I had four classes, all online with no real-time meetings. This meant i had the entire day to work with. So for each of those four classes I dedicated an hour of study/homework time each day of the work week. I'm a morning person, so I had no problem working early in the morning. between each of these planned hours, I would have a break so i wasn't constantly working. because I had the whole day these breaks were pretty long, but use whatever length of time works for you.

as the year progresses you'll learn which classes are more difficult and need more time, so you can adjust to prepare to give more time to those assignments and give less time to the easier classes. you can also adjust by keeping track of due dates. you can prioritize where you're going to focus your attention that way. For example, while you may have an assignment in a class, maybe it's due at the end of the week and you have something time consuming due tomorrow. you can use the time scheduled for that first class and use it for the more urgent assignment.

i understand that having schedules can feel restrictive or hard to follow, and for me it took practice and experience to get better at using them. I specifically leave my schedules kind of lax and less detailed so I don't feel trapped in them. Make note of your own reactions to the things you try and make changes when you need to. I've shared some of the things i use, but we're different people and will need different things. if something isn't working for you, change it. For example, I learned that I personally can't schedule things the day of. I need to lay out my schedule for the day the night before or I'll spend the entire day just sitting there not doing anything because I didn't plan anything and I couldn't get myself to do it in the moment. There's a certain element of trial an error there, so please be gentle and lenient with yourself <33. You're going through a big change,

This was probably very specific and niche as it was drawn from my own experiences, so if you would like me to explain anything else in more detail or provide more options or be more broad or share more personal experiences or anything else you (and anyone who wants to) are entirely welcome to ask /g. I'm on the older side of the fandom now, so I do have the lived experiences of high school and would love to help in any way I can because I know it can be terrifying.

I hope this made at least a little bit of sense. You'll be okay, starting at a new school is a big change and can be very unpleasant, but I promise you will survive. You've got this <33