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crimeronan · 3 years

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march, august, september, ancient for fic asks <3

march: do you listen to music whilst writing?

yeah!! but i don't usually listen to music with lyrics, unless they're in a language i don't know. i'll go on youtube and find instrumental compilations that fit the mood i'm writing. you would be amazed by how many there are!

august: are any of your fics associated with certain genres/artists/songs/etc?

oh a SHITLOAD of my fics are titled after or inspired by certain songs. the two bands/artists that have the most fic influence are definitely rise against & regina spektor. unbecoming jordan hennessy, on the other hand, is an entire series where every piece is titled after one of the lyrics in unbecoming by starset, which is Such a hennessy & the girls song that i just.... hhhh

september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?

people have left me a lot of really wonderful and deeply personal comments over the years ;-; a few come to mind -- here is one that's long and that i still need to reply to on ao3, but which is fairly recent and makes me lose my Mind whenever i reread it:

"ASD;HGLAJR;UWAGHFSDJKV.NLJ;OFOHULTR.EIJA/S I'M IN TEARS author, this fic is one of the most gorgeous things i've ever read. HOW did you manage to make this so hilarious and meaningful at once? i LOVE the platonic ronanessy that feels like a slow burning dumpster fire (in the best way). i want to give every character in this a puppy, a warm cup of cocoa, and a big hug (lmao they would all hate that). your hennessy made me reread cdth and mi because i missed how frickin wonderful she is the first time around and now i think i'm in love with her. also, not to sound like a completely crazed fangirl, but your characterization of adam is just. 😭🤗 i think i've read chapters 17-19 three or four times now (AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN!) ngl, adam's "i wish you had died" in chap 4 almost made me stop reading the fic but i am SO GLAD i didn't because you know what you're doing. both hennessy and adam seemed so mean and awful in the beginning, and the way you slowly unpacked their respective mental states/past trauma was just *incoherent bawling* sorry if this is weird or too personal, but this fic resonated with me so much. i have bipolar and i'm more than familiar with SI and i was hesitant to read this in case it wrecked my fragile mental state, but that "Healing" tag really didn't lie. this was unbelievably cathartic and immeasurably comforting. thank you, thank you, thank you. i didn't know i needed a 113K anti-soulmate aus soulmate au to cure my book hangover from reading trc+tdt in <1 week and cure my depression(/j), but i did. seriously, thank you so much, author. i feel very called out. this isn't my fav quote from this because there are FAR TOO MANY ridiculously sweet moments to choose. this has a special place in my heart:

“I’m prettier than Parrish.” “Not to me.”

asashgj;afghkavnsa 😍😍😍 whoops i just realized this comment is a long rambling mess. sorry! i just wanted to say that YOU ARE AN ABSOLUTE GOD and i can't wait for jordeclan thing/whatever the next installment in this fic is! if you read this whole thing ily and i hope you have a great day!"

ancient: the first fic you ever posted online?

it's long since lost to the ether, but it was a twilight fic i posted in 2007 on ffnet. it was set in the 1920's during edward's "rebellious years," and it involved him accidentally attacking & then turning a teenage girl OC.

#replies #ask meme #long post

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unnamedelement · 3 years

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even the WORDS studio ghibli steampunk inspired 4th age au is intriguing to me - I’d love to hear more about it!

I am so pleased you asked and I will talk about it forever. Basically, the idea is just something I write on--a paragraph or two here or there--when I'm feeling down and need a pick-me-up, though I haven't done so since May now as I've been so busy! It's set in a 4th Age Middle-earth in which all the basic things are the same, except that the technology advanced slightly differently, as if every major cultural and intellectual hub in history hadn't been wiped out in the first two ages. I mean, they have been, but the ideas were revisited and propagated instead. Which puts us in a bit of a steam era, a bit more modern warfare, I suppose (I imagine it as, like, Legend of Korra equivalent technology, but subtracting the radio broadcasting). I call it Studio Ghibli inspired because, in my head, thats the way its "animated," with similar color palettes to, say, Howls' Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Spirited Away. The same sort of observational attention to detail, but not overwrought, and an air of the magical in the every day... It's really just a domestic sort of thing, with an added twist of the Straight Road being shut for purposes that aren't entirely clear to me yet but, somehow, tie into the technological aspect. It, at least, explains to me why the elves are so goddamn committed to technology and Middle-earth in the 4th age, in this universe, in a way that aren't in non-AUs because, well, Tolkien. The lore of this ridiculous sandbox is only very slowly evolving, but giving elves unresolvable sealonging is a certain type of hurt/comfort that is highly attractive to me. Whoops. And it is Legolas- and OC-focused, of course, because that's just who I am as a person. There is also a university in Minas Tirith because I say so, and because I need to project my woes about academia somewhere, but I try to justify this to myself by tying it into that preservation and propogation of knowledge aspect. Anyway, that was way more than you asked for! Ah well. Here is the first scene I ever wrote in this AU, because I've never actually shared it publicly, I don't think. I believe @roselightfairy has been the only one privy to my nonsensical AU drafts thus far! I usually just ramble about it in tags, but you caught me this time, ha. Thanks again for asking!

Legolas twisted the ring on his index finger distractedly as he waited for the train. It had been a long day in Minas Tirith and he was ready to return to Ithilien, to take in the rolling plains that edged the river as they flew past, for it was always only then that he could reflect, in uninterrupted silence, without hobbit tourists at his heels or the accidental shove of an impatient lady in the shops.

There were too many people in Minas Tirith for Legolas. Accordingly, and much to Aragorn and Gimli’s chagrin, it was not his favorite place.

But they understood, and that was all he could ask. He tried to schedule all of the city errands on the same day or two, because longer than thirty-six continuous hours in Minas Tirith and he became an absolute nightmare with which to coexist. For the most part, his friends and family had accepted this and he was trying, after all, but that did not make it any less obnoxious for the rest of them.

It did not help that the only place in Gondor with Sealonging-certified healers was on the fourth level of the city. A wildly insensitive choice, in his opinion, though he kept that perspective well enough to himself after Ithildim and Gimli had tried to advocate, a few years before, for the relocation of the clinic to the Healing Houses on the Sixth, in a string of rejected proposals at City Council.

Gimli would not look at Aragorn for a month after that, and so Legolas had quit his whingeing and suffered in silence the abrupt buffeting that occurred in the busy streets after his appointments. He made it his own prerogative to schedule at the end of the day so he could spend the morning with enough wherewithal to do his errands and take care of whatever sundry things he had managed to commit himself to. It kept him relatively sane and it kept his friends on speaking terms and, so, that is what he did. (And it was not as if any of them had control over the West-way being shut, so there was no point in any of them falling out over it.)

Legolas heard the heavy-huffing of the train approaching long before its lights rounded the bend of the river. He preferred to walk to the stop at the Docks than get on at the Gates because it gave his mind time to settle. Waiting that close to the river after therapy was, perhaps, not his brightest idea, but the pros outweighed the cons and what Ithildim didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him.

Besides, it was Summer, and the cattails were up again all around the station, and a family of osprey had made the light pole by the river their nest, and it did lift his spirits to watch these things alone as the world moved on about him...

A few more people rushed the small platform as the rumbling of the train on its little steel bridge above the banks increased. Legolas only readjusted his ring, unbuckled the satchel in his lap and rummaged around for the hardtack he had bartered for Ewessel. (She would have no idea how many pieces were there originally—what she didn’t know also wouldn’t hurt her). He was just tugging on the pair of oversized leather earmuffs Gimli had given him a few years prior when he started taking the train routinely when two pairs of very familiar shoes suddenly appeared in his line of sight, and he froze—

There was no point in hurrying—he had been found out so he adjusted his earmuffs and tucked the hardtack into his cheek, noticing vaguely that the sturdier pair of boots were well-shined and dirtless, while the more slender, elvish ones were caked in mud along the edges and splashed up the shins.

He had thought Ithildim was in the Emyn Arnen buildings today. He had seen him head off that way through the trees and he had obviously been there for that was forest mud and yet here he stood with Gimli, clearly just come from their Minas Tirith office so...

He had apparently been wrong. It would not be the first time he had lost track of other people’s schedules.

The train rolled up slowly, then, and Legolas finally looked up from his seat on the bench to find Gimli at eye level—glaring at him with arms crossed—and then, looking further up, was Ithildim—hair neatly pinned back despite his other uncharacteristic untidiness—and he looked down on him with a bemused and mildly irritated expression.

Legolas did his best to offer a guileless smile.

It did not work, and Ithildim pulled him to his feet. “I thought your appointment was at 4(?), auren.”

“It was,” he said, and he shrugged. He was tired and did not want to talk yet. “I prefer walking the plains for an hour or so after, to calm my mind. I did not know you would be here.”

“You do this every time?” Ithildim asked with eyebrows raised, and then Gimli was chivvying them forward as the train doors opened and the inward-bound commuters poured out and the outward-bound ones moved forward.

“I did not know you would be here,” Legolas only said, shrugging, as they found a small table in the back of the car and piled around it.

Ithildim opened his mouth to ask again but Gimli interrupted—

“That is answer enough, Ithildim,” he said softly. “Leave him be, hm?”

“But—”

“He is always back to himself by the time he gets home, is he not? Let him do what he needs to do. He is his own keeper, Ithildim.”

Legolas was no longer watching them, and he instead stared out the window as the train moved forward and he was rocked slightly as it picked up speed. He did not notice the sound of a crinkling bag or the half sandwich Gimli slid in front of him. He did not notice Ithildim watching him wearily but intermittently as he arranged his notes on the small table, comparing a neat chart to x’s drawn on a map spread across its surface.

Outside, the sun was dipping dark but his mind was far away, and his mouth felt dry as he finally blinked and turned away from the flashing landscape.

Gimli had placed a reassuring hand by his thigh as he leaned over Ithildim’s map, and Ithildim was watching him unashamedly, silver eyes narrowed as Legolas glanced at him.

He pulled a travel mug from his backpack and handed it across the table to him.

“I take medicine for this now, you know,” Legolas said quietly, and he considered the coffee and tilted his head, waiting for Ithildim’s reply.

“I know,” he said immediately. “But you have that look in your eye that you get when…”

“Ithildim, he is his own keeper,” Gimli interrupted firmly, and Ithildim looked away. “That being said, Master Elf, it is summer again—“

“I know that—“

“—and the weather folks are predicting a mighty storm this week, which is probably why you are like this.”

Legolas picked up the coffee without a word and reluctantly drank it, and he twisted his ring again as Gimli continued:

“I’ve told Aragorn again and again that he would be much better served employing you lot for storm prediction than the fellows he has but…” he trailed off, and Legolas smiled.

“But he thinks it is unethical to use a bunch of Sea-longing elves for the protection of king and country, yes,” Legolas finished. “Honestly, those of us who are afflicted are going to suffer whether or not he consults us, so I’ve never understood his reticence.”

Ithildim looked up again and was finally smiling. “You are a bit like a barometer, in that,” he admitted. “Gimli has a point here.”

Legolas laughed. “So, what? We wait until I become uncommunicative and morose and a general pain to be around, and then we send Aragorn a warning letter? What, set smoke signals?”

“This is our stop,” Gimli was saying as he folded up Ithildim’s map and notes and shoved them into his hands. He stood up and gestured at the elves to join him. “Normal people would use the message systems, Legolas, but since you refuse to—”

“Really, Gimli?” Ithildim had pulled Legolas to his feet and was dragging him by the hand out the door. The wind was heavy beneath the eaves of the trees that overhung their stop. “We are lucky he only uses birds. Otherwise it would be constant updates about the exchange rate of rye, or flash-pictures of bread, or flowery descriptions of some lady he met in the gardens!”

As they started down the side path to the houses they shared with Saida and the children Legolas laughed again. “It is mushrooms I am fascinated with right now, Ithildim. It is painfully obvious sometimes that you do not listen when I speak.”

“Mushrooms?” he asked, turning to Gimli.

“That is his current passion project, yes. Have you not been in the downstairs bathroom recently?”

“Thank you, elvellon. I am so relieved someone listens to me.”

“Eru, Legolas, you know the downstairs bathroom is supposed to be for Ewessel so she doesn’t slow anyone else down in the mornings.”

Legolas had walked past them now and was several feet ahead as the main house came into sight. He shrugged and turned, walking backward. “It was her idea, Ithildim. You can take it up with her. I am in her good graces now, and I am not playing with the fire of adolescence to tell her no on your behalf.”

Gimli was laughing now and then Legolas had turned and took off toward the house. By the time they arrived a few minutes later, the lights had all been turned on or lit and Legolas was at the kitchen table with Ewessel herself, helping her with her schoolwork.

He barely looked up as they entered. “Stew on the stove,” he said quietly, and Ithildim sighed to hear the distance in his voice.

The door swung in again as Saida came in with Alfirinion at her heels—

“Smells like rain,” she announced as she slipped off her shoes and dropped her bag to the ground.

Alfirinion was just unloading his bag and armful of books onto the table inside the door when the house shook with a loud crash of thunder, and the building sound of rain—gentle to pounding and persistent—began to beat at the house.

Ewessel looked at Legolas, who had gone still beside her, and turned to her family. “I have known for days it would rain tonight. He is better than any weather report, if you are paying attention.”

“Ewessel,” Saida said with quiet admonishment, and she walked up and pressed a kiss to her niece’s forehead before settling down beside Legolas. “How about an early night?” she said to him quietly. “We can talk about our project tomorrow evening.”

Legolas cleared his throat and looked at his hands. “Yes, I think that would be good. The table isn’t…”

“Ewessel will set the table, won’t she?” Saida said lightly, and Ewessel closed her ledger and sprang to her feet. The dining room and kitchen were suddenly in motion and Legolas sat silent in his seat, until he dropped his head, defeated, into his hands, waiting for the sound of the rain to stop sounding like the crashing of waves at the shore.

“Tell us next time you notice, child,” he could hear Saida saying from the stove, and there was muttering under breath before Ewessel and Alfirinion were back in the room, placing a bowl at each seat.

There was the scraping of chairs around him, and then the feel of a cool glass pressed against his hand.

“It is just water, Legolas,” Ithildim was saying at his shoulder. “Drink, auren. The wide world is still here.”

And so he drank and ate and listened to his friends talk.

Alfirinion had had an argument with a peer at Rangers (though he had won, because debate team and shadowing Arwen over the summer had apparently paid off), and Ewessel was displeased no one wanted to see her forestry project (which, to be fair, was a log covered in mushrooms she had taken from Legolas’ project in the bathroom, so no one was particularly empathetic). Saida had made progress on curriculum redesign in her department at the main university, and Gimli and Ithildim had gotten clearance to start a project they were partnering on, to bring heated, running water to a new town outside Osgiliath.

Legolas, however, had only made stew. Had run errands for the family and for his business. Had gone to his appointment. Had lost himself to the wind and left his family fumbling.

But the stew was, at least, enjoyed, and that was better than nothing...

After dinner, everyone gathered in the sitting room to listen to Alfirinion practice his closing arguments for his competition and, eventually, Legolas fell asleep between Ithildim and Gimli on the couch. The last thing he was aware of was someone slipping headphones over his ears and dropping the needle on the phonograph so his senses were flooded with crackling birdsong, and then there was a blanket about his shoulders, and he was gone.

#nerysvevo #asks #my au #my fanfiction #this fic has accidentally gotten a plot tho which made me mad #because i was writing it to be comforting #but it is fun #and i wish i had the art skills to illustrate it #because it is absolutely and unbelievably a beautiful little world in my head!#long post #sry

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intheseautumnhands · 4 years

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Um! Kliego, and.... your favourite other TUA ship (lawd, I'm suddenly hoping that you ship kliego lmaooo, sorry if you don't :'))

Hah, it’s fine! I’m into pretty much every single Hargreeves ship to some extent. Klaus/Diego* is not super high on my list to be honest, but I’m definitely still into it overall! I think it’s just fandom saturation more than anything that puts it lower down, because I do think the dynamic could be of interest.

* (I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I cannot use smushnames. I don’t begrudge anyone else use of them, they don’t bug me *that* much, but typing them feels so awkward.)

Choosing a favorite is honestly harder because I just want to ship all of them but I will... I dunno. Maybe RNG stuff I’ve written lately to pick. XD

Gonna cut since I’m already rambling before I even put in the questions, whoops.

(Also, two-days-later A: Hi I fell asleep in the middle of this and then barely touched my computer yesterday. Sorry!)��

Klaus/Diego:

when of if I started shipping it: I walked out of my first viewing singing the song of my people at every single combination possible (Not even walked out, I watched over several days, it only took the first. not even half a season.) (The song of my people is, of course, I Ship It by Not Literally.)

my thoughts: Again, it’s not my #1 ship for the show, but I definitely could see it. I like that, of all the possible combos that could have hung out during the time between leaving home and the show, they seem to have the least amount of active vitriol and bitterness. It opens up interesting windows for that time period, as well as means it’s among the ships that need the least foundation work to get to somewhere decent afterwards. It makes it an interesting counterpart to some of the more actively difficult combinations, which I like especially in a poly context (because I am me and everything happens in a poly context).

What makes me happy about them: Again, the possibilities during the time gaps! And the general sense of... friendliness? It does feel like they’d have a lot less to get over than a lot of the pairs and I like it. (granted I think Klaus in general, while he has plenty of issues, seems to have less of them with his siblings specifically than most, so that’s playing into it, but I also see Diego as probably the one with the most after Vanya, so that’s interesting in and of itself.)

What makes me sad about them: I’m just sad for all these children growing up in their shitty, shitty childhood. And by sad I mean I want to read a lot of things that make me want to cry. Either as children but also I’m down for adults unwillingly letting the conversation drag around to their trauma too.

things done in fanfic that annoys me: Klaus is snarkier, more clever, and a lot stronger, mentally and physically, than I feel like a lot of fic gives him credit for. I think that goes for a lot of fic in this fandom, but since it’s one of the biggest ships and he’s in it, I feel like it shows up a lot for K/D. I’m not a big fan of them being really close as kids, either, which comes up a lot; my headcanon for Diego being pretty distant from all his siblings is strong enough that it takes a lot of set-up for me to accept anything else. (Awkwardly getting close in late teens as both of their ‘get me the fuck out of here’ drives get stronger and stronger is easier for me to see than close-as-kids.)

things I look for in fanfic: Tropes! The writers for this ship give me all the tropes. I want to marinate in it. I’m also kind of into general ‘it was casual, then whoops, I caught feelings, now what??????’ for them, because I could see it. Other than that, like... look, if it looks like it’s interestingly written or has an interesting concept, I will read it. I’m not super picky in this fandom, if it’s Hargreeves-centric and doesn’t bitch at shippers in the tags I’m in to at least give it a try.

My kinks: Uhhhh. Hmmm. I haven’t actually read a lot of kink fic for this ship or considered it, but I feel like I want mutual sadism/masochism.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Honestly my hope is for most of the characters to end up without another major romantic plot. I’m here for canon Allison/Luther but hoping the rest of them just... don’t. Especially since I don’t see them going for two sibling ships and that’s really all I’d want to see. If not that, both of them with new characters would be my preference, because there’s no one actually in the show I’d be down for. Maybe if they somehow warp the timelines around enough to bring Patch back, but even then, eh, just let me have family stuff.

My happily ever after for them: In general as characters, my ideal endgame for both characters is in healthier places than their start point, still clearly working out their shit, and on good terms as a family. As a ship: I feel like both of them would get bored eventually by any kind of ‘and then they went and got a happy domestic place to live and nothing exciting ever happened again’, even if it might be nice for a little while, so... active, somehow. Either they end up somehow finding some kind of active hobby to screw around with together, and enjoy flirting with each other while they do it, or like, I don’t know, get bored one day and accidentally buy a business just to have something to do and find they get weirdly invested in running it. (Maybe, like, a restuarant or something else that’s really high-stress. Or maybe the gym Diego boxes at goes for sale and he doesn’t like the look of the most likely potential buyer and buys it himself before he realizes he has no idea how to run something and has to slink back home and let Klaus laugh at him. Shit, I want that fic now.)

who is the big spoon/little spoon: This assumes either one of them are capable of sleeping totally still which honestly I don’t see. They both seem like the kind of people who flip around in their sleep and wake up five times a night. So, they both take it in turns and also sometimes just end up in weird sprawled positions, either on top of each other or really far from each other.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Honestly, I feel like joking around and talking together would probably be it. I could see road trips, too.

Uhhhh I RNG’d things I’ve written lately and I got Ben/Allison. Nobody else writes that but it’s the tiny ship of my heart so I’m gonna do it anyway. I’m sorry, my random teeny ships are what you sign up for when I get to choose. >>

when of if I started shipping it: On like my third rewatch Allison’s little “I miss him” while she’s watching the cameras burned itself into my brain and I have wanted more for the two of them ever since.

my thoughts: I just! Look it’s pretty much canon that everyone loved Ben, but something about his snarky-but-because-I-want-you-to-do-better-and-I’ve-given-up commentary with Klaus and Allison’s alternating defensive and concerned mode -- I just want them to team up together to despair everyone else’s problems and try to figure out how to help (and often failing; I feel like in a general sense, they’re both better at pointing out the problems than actually fixing them on their own). And I feel like they both get prickly in ways the other would understand and be able to deal with easier than most of the family.

What makes me happy about them: I feel like this just blends into the thoughts above. I love the potential for how they might interact, and the potential for them to call out each other’s shit (and probably everyone else’s).

What makes me sad about them: Everything about Ben in canon is sad! Even the happy things are sad!

things done in fanfic that annoys me: There are exactly two fics for this pairing and one is me and one is PWP smut, which just isn’t super my thing. So uh. there needs to be fic to annoy me. Please write fic specifically to annoy me, oh no, don’t throw me into that briar patch. (That said, in general, I feel like both of them get their sharper points filed down a lot in fic. They both have their pointed sarcasm and their moments of outright lashing out, and I want to see more fic deal with that.)

things I look for in fanfic: Again, I say, please let fic exist. Also, I badly want a proper AU of Ben surviving and running off to Hollywood with Allison. I did not do it justice in my tiny thing.

My kinks: I want switchy powerplay with an emphasis on play -- competitiveness and teasing and wrestling. Also younger or AU Allison who hasn’t yet tried not to use her rumors for everything not trusting anyone but Ben enough to gag her, because her voice is her best weapon.

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Please please give me an Allison/Luther endgame. Ben I have no feelings on -- I still stand by not wanting any other romantic subplots, really -- but I am rooting for Allison/Luther in canon no matter how many others I ship them with.

My happily ever after for them: Possible in canon, as characters: Allison figures out how to balance ‘not using her rumors at all’ and ‘rumoring everything always’; Ben gets brought back to life and gets to be happy. As a ship: Honestly, connected to the family and both doing their own, fulfilling, non-superheroy things. Allison can act and Ben can get a chance to figure out what he wants to do, because I feel like even if he’d survived that would’ve been hard for him.

who is the big spoon/little spoon: Especially if we’re going with some semblance of canon and Ben’s died and come back, he’s the little spoon, because being wrapped up in someone else is comforting. But also just any kind of cuddling is welcome.

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: Judging everyone. No, I kid. Sharing and discussing books and movies, maybe. Ben passes along books he liked* and they watch movies together and Allison dissects acting choices and they both debate themes and ending of more ambiguous stories. They are loud movie watchers if they stay home to watch things, and go have loud debates over coffee after if they go out. *(I actually have a whole tangent in a fic that got cut out that I want to reuse for this fact, specifically about Ben having a slightly masochistic Lovecraftian phase in his early teens and passing it on to Allison, and Allison in her 20s thinking that if it fits either of them, it’s her, because she gets in people’s brains and rewires them and they forget what she’s done to them, and if either of them could make people go mad, it’s her.)

#spikeymarshmallows #asked and answered

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askmadampresident · 7 years

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((This is a mild PSA about some recent drama, If you’re honestly sick of it, trying to avoid it or don’t want to hear it go ahead and skim right by this, otherwise I personally don’t want to just ignore this, but after this post, this ask blog shall move on resume as usual, continuing with the latest M!A with Prez getting slapped for every stupid idea :3))

((for those wanting to read on it’s all under the cut, and all of it is ooc))

I’m going to be honest. I’ve thought about this for awhile and I legitimately do not know how to phrase this no matter how much I think about it so, I’m just going to ramble and share my thoughts and hopefully not offend anyone.

Alright, heeere we go, moment of truth, moment I’ve been dreading for two days

alright for those of you going what the hell lemme give you a breif rundown of the situation: As brief as I can put it, this recent thread sparked quite a bit of controversy in the discord under the accusations (none of which I deny, let me make this clear) of unnecessary angst and lack of proper tagging.

I don’t know why but my brain is going into speech and debate mode so I guess i’m formatting this like an LD round argument now, but essentially I’m going to go over my defense, the counterarguments against my defense, and finally a summary to conclude

welp defense time. In my defense, I’ll address unnecessary angst first and foremost, while I do admit that thread was going overboard the way I RP is I am given a situation, or some sort of stimulus essentially, be that an ask, a thread, an M!A, an IM, etc, and what I do is I react as the character to said stimulus. The argument can also be made that I did not need to reply to said thread, that at the sight of it going overboard I could have stopped, BUT you see, the thing is I honestly can’t not reply. I have 4 prominent mental disorders, one of which being OCD, which I was very recently diagnosed with. Whenever there is a thread or a message or something and it doesn’t feel complete and it’s my turn to respond, I HAVE to respond, otherwise it can sometimes bother me for weeks on end. I don’t mean to use my mental disorder as an excuse, since that is just honestly a dick move and because either way I am still at fault, I still made the choice, even if my mental disorder caused my decision to lean toward one side more so than another. The argument could also be made that I did not have to write out that scenario and that I could have had Prez do something else, but you see, doing that would actually bother me more than not replying. Because it really, really rEALLY bothers me when I don’t play a character as accurately as I can, and it just feels so ooc and I just cannot stand that feeling at all, so I suppose yeah I made my decisions, and yeah, in retrospect they were wrong, but I honestly wouldn’t have done anything different now because it would really bother me, call me selfish, but that is how I feel.

Okay I’m just re reading this and whoops looks like I’m doing the counterarguments on the way oh well, it works

As for lack of tagging… I have no excuse, I completely forgot and that’s all there is to it. I mean I have the classic defense of “You could’ve just not read it” But that’s just dickish and shifting the blame on others which I will NOT do after a lot of people have thrown blame around ann it just… it disgusts me, all are at fault in an argument, it’s not just ever one person and if you disagree with me on that then please do not talk to me. We will never see things eye to eye if that is the case, and I would rather not have all that conflict in my life. Anyway, that defense is really just rude and I do not have any excuse to defend myself with so yeah I just outright forgot and I apologize. In the coming days I’ll be getting to work trying to tag what I can but please if you want me to tag you triggers please tell me what they are so I can tag them, otherwise I honestly won’t know.

On that topic please allow me to at least explain why I space about triggers since I believe everyone at least deserves the chance to see a story from both sides, but if you don’t want to hear it just skip over the next paragraph.

I’ve got two things here to address, my lack of triggers and my accidental habit of spacing about tagging things. As for my unfortunate habit, remember how I said I had 4 prominent mental disorders? One of which is bipolarity. I’m currently having a passive manic episode, and for those who aren’t familiar, having bipolar means having episodes of mania or depression that can last months on end, it’s not just a thing that happens and is gone in a day or two. As for why it’s important that I’m in a manic episode, for me this manifests on inability to focus on one thing at once, I have to be doing 10 things at a time or I can’t focus and get extremely bored extremely quickly and make extremely stupid and impulsive decisions, essentially I cope by doing too much at once, and unfortunately, that translates to me missing small details and sometimes large ones, and in this case that translates to forgetting to tag things, then remembering I forgot later, only to get completely distracted before I can, repeat. Then my lack of triggers… yeah this is ‘fun’, and well my manic episodes also come with minor suppression of empathy, so I at the moment cannot understand people who get triggered easily (in my depressive episodes I understand all too well and it affects me greatly then, but during a manic episode all that empathy boils down into sympathy which is something else and not completely synonymous with empathy, especially when talking in psychological terms) as well as a second factor here which is that a third mental disorder I have is severe anxiety. What does that have to do with it? Well you see I’m extremely strong willed by nature and well over the years I got reprimanded so often that I wound up sealing myself off, I made it so that nothing got to me that way I wouldn’t be anxious anymore, and as such the lack of triggers, or at least that’s the theory my therapist has. Nonetheless there are a few things that still make me breakdown in terrible panic attacks, where I can’t think, I can’t breathe, I can’t anything and I get violent if anyone tries to touch me. Such an attack nearly occurred when this discourse initially started, due to one of those few things being reprimanded by not one but many people I respect. I spent the next two days off of social media and trying to not fall apart, and only just succeeding.

AGAIN the fact that I have mental disorders in NOT to me a valid excuse for my actions! I still chose to do it and I accept full responsibility for any pain I’ve unintentionally inflicted, and I hope to do all I can to prevent it next time. If there is a next time, I do hope not.

All in all, I’ve spent two of my evening writing this, part of me being angry and upset about how this went down and because of the respect that I have now lost for some of the people whom were involved, part of me wishing preventative measures had been taken such as alerting us that we were going wrong beforehand or getting on our case about taggs early on, and part of me, the logical part, is jut ready for this to be over, but also knows that if I don’t publicly address it I’m pretty much digging my own grave, and seeming like I do not care or am a coward for not getting to this, of which I am NOT.

I thank those of you whom have read this far and listened to my little unorthodox part apology part summary part rant, because honestly it means a lot that you’re putting the time in to look at something as long as this since I believe that everyone should be allowed to know the full story before continuing on.

Well that and the fact that this is literally the blog of the biggest politician in gloomverse I’m surprised people actually care so much about it.

So thank you once again, get ready for more content momentarily~!

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shsl-doubttora-blog · 8 years

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Every Overwatch Character Saying "I Need Healing!" At The Same Time | Holly | Normdays ft Chou & Sarara

At this point, Holly was considering begging Doce to stuff her in a suitcase and mail her anywhere but here. Honestly, when did she turn into a doctor? She hated doctors! Doctors got things wrong! Doctors let people die! ROBOT doctors even kill people to make them die faster! Doctors don't let you play in national games even though the concussion was A WEEK AGO and you barely feel dizzy at all anymore! Doctors report you for playing in the national games anyways! When the hell did she join the ranks of the failures and party poopers?

If her life hadn't already so clearly spiraled out of control before this point, what with all the murder and pneumonia and deadly rabbits, she would probably have more of a reaction to the current nonsense going on around her. But as of right now, all she is is exhausted. She hasn't eaten, she hasn't slept, she has to deal with Michiko having some sort of….problem, everyone in the class is sick, they still aren't any closer to getting out of here and they're dropping like flies.

Sighing in frustration, not watching the execution because why would she, the athlete hoisted Chou up onto her shoulders in a fireman’s carry not long after Akio was...killed, dismantled, who knew - if she thought too hard about it her cheeks would get hot and her eyes would swell with tears that her body just didn't have enough fluid for, so she pushed it aside - and glanced at the art curator who was apparently planning to tag along. It was probably a good idea, she mused, making her way to the elevator with only a little more exertion of energy than she would have normally been accustomed to. God, she needed food.

But yeah, if Chou was going to be confrontational, probably best that they had a friend there to calm them down. Especially since Holly was in No Mood to be improving anybody's attitude. Was that bad leadership? It was DEFINITELY bad leadership. Maybe she would….do her best and hope it worked out.

Anyways, after this she had to check on Michiko, and then on….god, who else was there? Oichi she could take care of later - he knew he could count on her and she trusted he would probably be able to keep himself alive for a while until she came back. But Sugoi, Yuka, Jamie, Ai….a lot of her classmates had looked decidedly under the weather. She figured she would stop by Genta’s dorm first and go from there.

(Considering she had to stop halfway to the hospital to go into a fit of coughing that made her lungs burn and her legs weak, it's a miracle she didn't even consider going to rest herself. Too much to be done.)

Thoughts of how to effectively care for her classmates occupied her mind and attention until they arrived at the hospital building, meaning she had accidentally straight up ignored Sarara the entire time. Whoops. With an apologetic smile thrown her way, Holly set Chou down as gently as she could on the nearest flat surface and set out to find the materials she needed. When she was finished, she made her way to the patient again and pointed at her threateningly.

“Rice.”

She said, looking just as stern as any other disappointed authority figure would. It was a practiced look. She had experience. Her teammates used to get ridiculous injuries all the time.

“Rest, ice, compression, elevate. It'll help it heal, and not to hurt so much. And I swear to god, Nakahara, if I so much as see you LOOK at a pair of heels until this is completely cared for and fixed I will take your entire shoe collection and burn it in a fire. While you watch. Do I make myself clear?”

Gently, she prodded at the ankle in question, seemingly satisfied with her findings. At least it wasn't too bad an injury, anyways. Nothing that would need a REAL doctor - well, nothing that desperately needed one, anyways.

“I'm going to wrap it in an ace bandage so it stays in place, and I'll give you some ice to keep on it whenever you can. Don't put it directly on the skin, just over the bandage. Trust me. It's cold as shit otherwise. And don't put weight on this foot, okay? I'll find you some crutches somewhere in here, use those. Whenever you're lying down or sitting, which you should be doing one of those two ALWAYS if possible, keep your leg up about your heart. IDK why, I mean, my dad always said it was important, and he's the expert, or whatever. Uh, luckily it doesn't have to be put back into place, like - gross. I don't want to do that. Like, I will bring Robo-Doc McStuffins back the fuck to life and make HIM do it before I would. I mean, I would if you NEEDED me to, but-”

She continues rambling, while wrapping the ankle, apparently completely unaware that Chou might not even be awake to hear a word she's saying. Truly, the master of bedside attentiveness.

#I'M SO SORRY @ HOW LONG THIS TOOK TO POST #ic #da6t #week4 #normdays #holly

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