#idek what to tell my psychiatrist on wednesday 'i think i just distract myself from feeling empty & worthless but i still feel that way'?

[amorremanet]

me: *is miserably lonely and desperately craves human contact*

also me: *constantly withdraws from people, blanks out and short-circuits when anyone is even remotely nice to me, always assumes the worst about people/their intentions and reacts accordingly without any actual reason for doing so, puts in no actual effort to meet anyone new much less befriend them, only barely keeps in contact with the friends i already have, and despite any apparent progress i ever manage to make, part of me still fundamentally believes that i am terrible and i deserve to be alone because i don’t want to die anymore but said part of me nevertheless feels like everyone would be better off without so why bother trying to connect with anyone or letting myself get attached*