#idk I put all the ships I've been reading today

[daredvssy]

Stress

I thought I wasn't going to be able to finish this tonight, but by some unknown power, I managed to complete it. I hope you all enjoy this silly little bit of smut I wrote instead of travelling to campus today!

If you prefer to read on AO3, you can do so here! :)

Ship: Papa Emeritus IV x Reader

Rating: 18+!!!!!! No minors PLEASE!

Wordcount: 2050

Warnings: smut, male receiving oral sex, face-fucking, praise, thigh riding. Idk what to tell you it's all incredibly self-indulgent.

You found Copia in his office, sitting at his desk with his head in his hands. You gently rapped on the doorframe to alert him to your presence. The soft noise drew his attention, and he sat up promptly in an attempt to regain the dignified demeanor he felt he should possess as Papa.

When he realized you had been the source of the knocking, he relaxed somewhat, a soft, weary smile gracing his features.

"Hello mi amore," he greeted you. "Please, come in." You made your way over to his desk, quietly closing the door to his office behind you. He leaned back in his plush office chair and opened his arms to you, a wordless invitation to sit in his lap that you accepted immediately. His arms enveloped you in a warm embrace, holding you in your place on his lap. You placed a quick kiss on his jaw. This earned another smile from Copia, although it was not enough to disguise his complete and utter exhaustion.

"Is everything alright?" you asked him, concerned. "You seem very tired."

He sighed deeply, his brow creasing as he gave up trying to conceal what was already so obvious to you: he was worn out.

"I am tired," he agreed. "My work seems to be neverending recently. My predecessors never made it seem like being Papa was so much work!"

"Maybe it wasn't," you mused aloud, reflecting on the habits of the first three Papa's. "They all put in the necessary work as Papa, and I know they were certainly all known to spend a lot of time partying, but the band has never been so popular as it is now. The Ghost Project has never been more successful than it is under you my love, it's only natural that the workload would increase."

He nodded in consideration; you raised a point that was pretty difficult to ignore.

"I suppose this is true," he agreed, "And I am very grateful. But it is getting to the point where I can hardly manage it on my own. Nearly all of my waking hours are consumed by my work. I haven't even been able to eat with you once this week! Cara mia I feel as though I have hardly seen you at all!" He complained, practically pouting.

You leaned up to place a gentle kiss to his lips, smiling softly.

"While admittedly, I miss you too, I fully understand. You worked so hard to become Papa, I know how important it is to you," you said.

“Cuore mia you are important to me too,” he argued. “My work is not more important to me than you are.”

“I know, Copia,” you acknowledged, gently stroking his cheek with your thumb. “But I don’t resent that you’re busy. I know that people are depending on you."

“I still wish I could spend more time with you,” he grumbled.

“I know. But we’re spending time together now, right?” you reasoned. “And if you'd like, I can bring dinner here tonight, and eat with you while you work?"

Your offer drew another smile out of Copia, slightly bigger this time.

"I'd like that very much, amore," he said. "But still, I wish I could give you my full attention, like you deserve. I regret that you will have to settle for sharing my attention with my work."

"I'm sorry that you're so tired and stressed, Copia. I wish there was something I could do to help," you lamented, nodding pensively.

"Just you being here helps more than you know," he told you earnestly, his mismatched eyes meeting your own. "It's nice to be able to feel you like this. I feel like it has been so long since I've been able to touch you."

His voice betrayed a thinly veiled longing, a hunger even. Truthfully, it had been some time since the last time the two of you had been together in any way that could be considered sexual or intimate. He often spent his whole day working, with you only seeing him briefly each night as he returned to his quarters, crawling into bed beside you and passing out quickly. It was unusual for the two of you, to say the least. This planted the beginnings of an idea in your head. You may not be able to lighten his workload, but maybe there was something you could do to make him feel a little bit better, for now.

"You know… I have an idea that I think might just make you feel a little bit better, Papa," you told him. There was a playfulness to your tone, that when combined with the use of his title made him raise his eyebrows at you suspiciously.

"Oh yeah? And what's this idea?" he wondered, narrowing his eyes slightly. You could tell he had already an idea of the direction your thoughts were heading. Instead of answering him verbally, you decided to spring into action.

You quickly repositioned yourself in his lap, twisting in his loose hold until you were straddling him. Before he had the chance to even attempt to say anything, you captured his lips in a kiss, threading your fingers through his hair.

While your previous kiss had been soft and chaste, this one was nothing of the sort. This was a kiss full of heat, designed to stoke the fire that was always burning, just beneath the surface with him. Always quick to succumb to his own carnal desires, Copia melted into the kiss, a moan catching in the back of his throat as he accepted the desire you breathed into him where your mouths met.

When you eventually pulled away for some air, his chest was heaving, and his mismatched eyes bored into your own. The black paint on his lips had begun to smudge around the edges, only adding to his now disheveled appearance.

"Will you let me help you relax? Just for a little bit?" You asked him, sucking a mark onto his neck as you awaited his answer.

"I don't have much time," he began, and then interrupted himself with a moan as you laved your tongue over the mark you had just made, his hips bucking up into you. "But I suppose…” He trailed off. “I suppose I can make a little time for this. Yes," he decided.

A lascivious grin spread across your face.

"Good," you cooed, pressing a palm to his chest, wordlessly urging him to relax back into his seat. "You always work so hard, you're so good at what you do. You deserve to relax Papa, let me take care of you."

He watched you through heavily lidded eyes as you slid off his lap and onto the floor, gently urging his legs apart. His breath started to come in shallow puffs as you dragged your palm over his hardening bulge, pulling apart the laces of his pants with a practiced ease. You made to remove his pants, and he raised his hips a little to help you ease them down his hips enough to free his cock from its tight confinement. It was fully erect at this point, the tip a rosy shade of pink and beginning to leak a bit of precum.

You looked him directly in the eye as your tongue darted out quickly to lap it up. He let out a strangled noise at that, his gloved hand coming down to gently rest on the back of your head, gently threading his fingers through your hair.

You kissed and sucked a wet trail down his length, all the way to the base and then back up again, enjoying the needy little noises the action coaxed out of him. Then, after checking to make sure that his eyes were still on you, you slowly took him into your mouth, swirling your tongue around the tip.

“Cazzo,” he gasped, taking in a shuddering breath. “Always so good to me,” he moaned as you took him even deeper into your mouth, moaning around him at the praise. You gradually worked your way up and down his cock, taking in more and more of his considerable length with each bob of your head.

You brought one hand up to gently caress his balls, and he bucked his hips up involuntarily at the extra stimulation. The shock of the motion gagged you a little, and he tried to pull you off of him, instantly apologetic.

Instead of letting him, you relaxed your throat and swallowed him down in his entirety. A high, desperate whine escaped him. You clenched your thighs together in an attempt to alleviate some of the ache that was steadily growing between them.

You pulled off of him for a brief moment to take a deep breath. You spoke, your voice sounding ragged, desperate even.

“Use me, Papa,” you pleaded with him. Copia required no further invitation than this. With a deep groan, his grip on your hair tightened, and he began to thrust up into your mouth at a desperate pace. You moaned around him, letting him use you to chase the pleasure he so deserved.

As he continued to thrust into you, a litany of curses and praises flowed out of him.

“Such a good fucking girl, letting your Papa use you like this, so fucking perfect for me,” he moaned. You could tell Copia was getting close when the rhythm of his thrusts into your mouth started to become erratic. You hollowed your cheeks around him as he fucked your mouth, humming a little around his length. The vibrations from this alone were enough to throw him over the edge.

As the first spurt of his cum hit the back of your throat, he practically yelped. Resuming control of the situation, you took him in as deep as you could, moaning and swallowing around him as he rode out his very intense orgasm.

When he finally came down from his high, you pulled off of his length gingerly, bringing up a hand to wipe at your mouth. Your breath was coming in heavy pants as you stared up at him. His gloved hand came down to cup your jaw, and you leaned into the touch automatically.

"Come here, bella," he said, patting his thigh in invitation with his free hand. You didn't wait to be told twice, climbing back up into his lap as he guided you so you were straddling one of his thighs.

He captured your lips in a heated kiss, his hands coming down to your hips, sliding up under your skirt and encouraging you to grind down onto his thigh.

He broke the kiss, leaning back just enough to look at you. He continued to guide your hips in a steady rhythm, the worn fabric of his pants catching on your clit just right, sending lightning shocks of pleasure through your entire body. As worked up as you already were, it didn’t take much time at all before you could feel tension ramping up in your core. You buried your face in his neck, a high, pathetic noise escaping you as your legs began to shake.

"That's it, amore," he encouraged. "Cum for your Papa, just like that.” You were powerless to disobey his command. Your release washed over you like a tidal wave, leaving you gasping and crying out as you twitched in his lap, your vision going blank with the intense pleasure. Copia held you through it, whispering praise into your ear as you came down from it, catching your breath.

When you met his eyes again, a warm and goofy smile was plastered on his face. He gazed back at you fondly.

“Thank you, cara mia. I don’t know what I did to deserve you,” he said softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

“Of course you deserve me, Copia. I love you,” you stated plainly. “Anyways,” you asked, unable to help returning his smile. “Did it work? Are you feeling any better?”

“Oh, yes amore. I feel infinitely better than I did before,” he replied.

“Good,” you said, your smile growing even wider. “Now give me a minute to recover and I will go see about getting us that food. I don’t think my legs will work properly just yet.”

[hikennosabo]

#tristampparty day 8, episode 8: our home

okay i was very busy (read: distracted) today so i'm posting this late but LET'S GOOOO

let's start out with some psychic damage targeting me personally 👍 my heart hurts so much already

thinking about how both young vash and nai relate to food... they have opposite needs, but it must be an isolating experience for both of them. nai is different from vash and rem, vash is different from nai and other plants... they're both in between humans and plants without really belonging to either.

nai specifically, though... he doesn't seem happy that rem made him food, but it might be equally isolating if he was the only one who didn't get served food... so it's awkward either way. rem did the best she could.

what if i died right now

the geranium on the table... is it... i wonder... if rem put it there for tesla...

LOOK AT HIM HES SO HAPPY AND HE LOVES HIS MOM SO MUCH :((((((((

i don't know what it is but something about the footprints is getting to me, man. the way that nai's go on ahead of vash...

is it the composition maybe. nai's footprints leading down to the bottom of the frame... down... fallen angel... etc etc am i just making things up- no i'm right. i'm right.

brad is the one who noticed vash... even though he acted pretty hostile to him for a while after... he's the one who saved him... i wonder if that's some of the reason for his hostility? like if vash did turn out to be dangerous brad would have been the one responsible... idk

also brad is voiced by junichi suwabe my beloved

this has gotta be an orange original, right? we never learn how plants are made in the manga...

"sinners"... i've heard that word before... wait a sec...

here!! the EoM broadcast right at the start of episode 5!! what does it mean...

why would scientists call themselves Sinners, as like a formal(?) group name(??) is it because they know they're playing god by studying plants? i wonder about the radio program, too. here it could simply be referring to humanity as a whole, but then why the capital S? conrad is the one who ties this all together... the "team leader," huh...

"plant research," huh...

(insert "she should've been at the club" joke here)

much to think about. lying about nai being dead yes but. not the only thing he's keeping from them. "just one" more independent?

brad is so mean sometimes, lol... tbh i think they really nailed his personality. his role in the story and his relationship with vash are both very different than in the manga but he's still recognizably brad, and i think that's cool. it shows orange really understands the core of his character.

it's probably natural that this is the first question she asks, but it's also kind of mean... not on purpose ofc, but it probably hurts a lot for him to be asked that, especially now...

also vash isn't eating again. his unhealthy relationship with food... not eating as a form of self-harm... when we got reminded just at the beginning of this episode that it's something he needs to do. i remember reading a meta post a while back about his relationship with food but idk if i have it in me to try and find it right now...

once again glad i can watch this in hd so i can notice that vash covers his ears when luida says this hahahahahaha (<- in pain)

we see the one on the left the most so we need to look at the other family photos for a second. they're so cute what the heck... rem's big smile in the bottom right one... and i see both vash and nai are right-handed... *jots that down*

wasn't there a theory post about vash's number tally on the walls. i don't remember what it said.

she asked "who did this" so she knew it wasn't something like a computer error. Did She Know.

ohhh sister i'm so sorry but no they will not be

this is such a blink-and-you-miss-it, but brad shielding vash from this guy is really sweet. because as we've seen the other residents of the ship haven't exactly been nice to vash. brad's been mean too but he's just... a tsundere, really.

sorry this post lacks substance, there is probably a lot more to say but my brain just isn't working at full capacity and i need to go to bed

mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah. up until now the only clear, non-obstructed shots of nai's face were from when he was a little kid. he's still young here, and the shot itself is pretty dark, but here he is... the boy...

next episode is going to kill me dead! goodnight

[alwida10]

Apologies if you've already answered it. I've been reading your metas today and linked posts and ngl I really love them and I feel like we're in full agreement with everything.

With season 2 of Loki merely 6 weeks away (idk, are you going to watch it? I think I will, regardless of my current feelings about it) what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it? Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh. Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2? Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki. Sorry for lenghty ask 🙈 my season 2 anxiety is off the charts, I expect it will be more of the same with Sylvie leading the story and Loki following her and I'd love to hear your thoughts about s2

Awww, thank you!!! Season 1 was something I felt so deeply for! All my hopes and dreams were focused on it. And then it shattered me in a way I didn’t know was possible. Now, I see that it took me a full year to cope and decode what I was feeling. The metas I wrote during this time (including the survey) are more like an open diary of how I processed the show and stabilized my mental health. It means a lot to me that now those thoughts may help others, too. 💚

I’ll put the answers under a cut, because there are some triggers included.

what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it?

Frankly, I expect the season to focus mainly on Sylvie and her character development. If I put my criticisms aside and try to see what the creators wanted to do with the series, it looks to me like their only goal for Larry was to morph him from a villain to a hero in a way that would be undeniable for the general audience. This was achieved by him watching the video and finally finding someone he cares for. So his arc was completed in season 1. His role now is probably to serve as a guide for her, and maybe to discover that his true power is only achievable through or with her. I don’t count this as “his” arc especially, but more the core of the general admiration Sylvie is supposed to get from everyone in-universe. It’s a part of being a Mary sue. As is excelling at everything, even stuff that is opposite to your characteristics and you have no former knowledge on that would make it seem believable you’d excel. Like this, you know?

I‘m quite certain of this because Eric Martin is a huge fan of Sylvie and the ship. If you want to confirm I suggest looking at his Twitter. His tweets imply he intends to stay true to Waldron‘s and Harron‘s original ideas. This was confirmed by some people working on the set of season 2. I made the effort to find the original post, and it turned out that two people contributed to the post I experienced as thoughtful and reliable on Reddit. I personally believe those leaks.

Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh.

I think it will be more of the same. Sorry, I wish I could tell you something more to your taste. I absolutely share this feeling, and so do others.

Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2?

This article claims that Tom was supposed to leave the MCU at the end of season 1. Allegedly, season 1 was supposed to have 12 episodes and only was cut short because of Corona. This would mean that the original end of season 1 would be now the end of season 2. Does this mean he will leave? I can’t say. Disney‘s stock is progressively decreasing. Social media opinions on the MCU seem to grow more and more negative and depreciating. Perhaps Iger and Feige feel like Tom is one of the last strong pillars and try to keep him. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to keep the MCU afloat with Tom’s personal fandom. I don’t think that will work since Google stats show that his popularity decreased after season 1 to a point where it is now below the level it was after endgame. But they might attempt it.

Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki.

Even if he leaves I assume cameos are always a possibility, especially now that the studios are utilizing AI. But Loki? I‘m heartbroken, but I am very sure we have seen the last of him in TDW (and Ao3). May his reign bring him all the joy he deserves.

So last but not least:

idk, are you going to watch it?

I honestly don’t know. I certainly won’t pay for it. The last time I always watched the episodes was the day they came out so I could write my thoughts down here. But ngl, I’m tired of the fighting, the anon hate, and the feeling that opinions online are getting more important than the love for Loki. Right now, I’m trying to focus more on my fanfics than on the canon. Season 1 made me unable to continue my fics for almost a year. I don’t want to repeat that with season 2.

I still think that the show has done great harm to the fandom, to (some) people with poor mental health who needed Loki as a focus point, (some) gender-fluid or non-binary people who got exposed to sexism because of it, and possibly Tom‘s reputation (based on the google trends Infos). But for season 2 we know what to expect. We know it’s not Loki but Larry who will appear. And in this case, I think it might be best to leave the season to those it was made for, so they can enjoy it and keep as far away from it as possible.

If you want to watch it and still want to give Disney some negative feedback, I recommend watching every episode more than 7 days after it aired. Afaik Disney only counts views in the first week as real interest. Alternatively, 🏴‍☠️.

[ariesbilly]

misc. tag game

tagged by @blood-mocha-latte

a band you don’t like that many others do:

maneskin... tried a couple songs, wanted to like them.... cant do it

a childhood memory that you remember vividly:

this costume contest i refused to enter because my costume was boring and i knew i was gonna lose by the adults were like "no just join come on itll be fun" and i was like... already consumed by the darkness at that point lmfao and i sat watching everyone crying. fun! lmfao

least favorite animal and why:

i hate a snake. i respect their role in the ecosystem but dont you ever put one near me. dont put one within 5 miles of me. no. i dont trust anything that slithers bitch aint got no legs! i dont like that. and the striking? dont like that either. i have to stop talking about them now im genuinely uncomfortable

hot fandom take:

steve harrington is not a good character. he is badly written. yall only like him cuz you think joe is hot. thats literally it. the man has literally zero positive qualities. apply this to every other loved st character as well theyre all bad the show sucks i hope everyone dies

do you were any jewelry, if so, what’s your favorite piece:

i wear a friendship bracelet and a rope bracelet i got on a cruise (i forgot what theyre called. sailor bracelets or something?) and thats about the extent of my jewelry wearing

a movie others liked but you didn’t:

i don't think i've ever cognitively watched a movie and thought that i loved it or hated it. i'm usually just like Well That Sure Was A Movie. <- im keeping prevs because thats what wildest thing ive ever read in my life i need to study you lmfao as for my answer, insidious movies are bad. youre next is bad. many movies this website loves i havent even seen but i know they are bad thats why i havent watched them.

three things you love about yourself:

my hair is getting real cute lately. i am a huge bitch. i stare at my butt a lot i think its fun

a place you hope to visit in the future and why:

italyyyy i want to trace my roots

an actor that gets on your nerves and why:

idk if theres actors i have beef with for their personality lmao several i dont like because they are overhyped and im sick of seeing them. ariana grande she counts as an actress i cant stand her lmfao the vibes are rancid also stop dating married (taken) men its gross its weird

things you’re excited for in the nearby future?:

for my dog to finally be healed from her surgery cuz god its a lot of working making sure she dont pop her stitches

least favorite ship in a fandom you’re in:

if stancy is endgame im setting fires to buildings i want you all to know this. also fuck a steddie and a ronance but that goes without saying

what’s the most toxic fandom you’ve been in?:

stranger things. riverdales a close second but stranger things... you are all genuinely mentally unwell i would like to speak to your therapists and tell them shit aint working

list three things you find beautiful about life:

the ocean my best friend the ocean. animals just be out here looking for pets... brings a tear to my eye. im really struggling for a third life is bad lmfao my best friend? thats it.

any dreams for the future?

i try not to think about the future it gives me panic attacks

how are you really feeling today?

sleepy

tagging (no pressure): @panickedpenguin @avalonlights @ihaveacorgi @imsodishy

[publishinggoblin]

Indie Creation is...

Incredible, exhilarating, rewarding, but also hard, demoralizing, and disappointing.

I'm proud of so much of what I've accomplished. The number of other creatives I've been able to work with, to give work to, to pay! It's amazing. But keeping this ship going is hard work.

Today I got a rude email. It wasn't that big of a deal, really, but I was overly affected by it to start off my day. Someone had downloaded the Alleyman's Guidebook PDF from my site and had some... unnecessarily rude critiques.

Recently I downloaded the alleymans tarot guide, via your PDF download link. As I began to read through it I noticed several discrepancies between the cards listed in its table of contents, and the cards then outlined in the actual guide. An example would be the series of death cards; there are death cards in the guide that are labeled incorrectly from the same cards that are  outlined in the guide itself. Furthermore there are even a couple of death cards outlined in the guide, that are not listed in the table of contents at all. It's already an irritant that the download offered on your website appears to be an altered version of the guide, edited into a short form version to suit the taste of idk; Its a big step past irritation for the download offered on your website to be incorrect in addition to having been edited. It doesn't seem like too much to ask that there be one legitimate copy of the guide made available to the public for download, nor does it seem like a very difficult accomplishment.

To put it bluntly, what the fuck? The entitlement is a lot. The final line, that not only should my works be available free and publicly to people, but that it should be up to their standards? I don't owe anyone free ANYTHING, but I give my guides freely on my website for my decks and dice. (You can get those here!)

Their email was uncalled for, the tone, the repeated lines about being irritated with my lack of work and how this didn't "seem like a very difficult accomplishment." Really got under my skin.

And to be clear, of the issues they called out, only one was a real issue or mistake. In the Table of Contents for 137 cards, two cards had their pages swapped (they were within 2 pages of each other anyways) and two of the nine Death cards had their subtitle wrong.

But I have left the PDF as the exact print file that made the in print book out of respect to that time and work I put in to make it originally, given all the work I did alone on that impossibly large project.

All of which is to say, be kind yall! I receive way more kind words in emails and comments than rude ones, but as with anyone, the shitty ones stick in your teeth, a splinter in the skin. They're harder to ignore.

[seagullcharmer]

nine people you'd like to get to know better

tagged by my darling @photon-hypernova mwah <33 and like them i'll put my responses under the cut, so here. tags:

@cherrylavendertea @awberryy @deeppurplebeauty @chemicalbrew @traitorsinsalem @sylvaniian @thisintermezzo @slydiddledeedee @feluka if y'all wanna !! no pressure of course :-)

three ships

-alshiora <3 (xenoblade 1) or any split between them. i am a champion for xenoblade weirdness rights and what are they if not weird and endlessly devoted to each other in the worst ways <333

-pyra/natalia <3 (xenoblade 2 / tales of the abyss) silly crossover ships go brrrr

-zelink i guess?? (legend of zelda, all games?) smth smth we'll find each other in any world and we can be so weird <3

first ship ever

-i hate this question bc i truly Do Not Know. first ship where i knew what shipping actually was? idk probably like the tenth doctor/the master ???? first pair of characters i wanted to get together before i knew what shipping was? idk probably barbie and the nutcracker prince or smth. i have loved romantic pairings since i was a very wee child. maybe barbie doesn't count. taran/eilonwy from the prydain chronicles? i was very invested in them when i first read the series, to the point that my sister got very mad at me for spoiling the high king while we were hanging laundry (this was probably fifth grade?)

last song

-uhhh.... a kahoot cover of megalovania? lol. before that was spain (chick corea)

last movie

-sing 2? maybe? i've been meaning to sit down and watch some classic barbie movies but never get around to it lol

currently reading

-something close to magic / emma mills (haven't,,, actually started it yet but it's Here)

currently watching

-amphibia!

currently consuming

-haha what?

currently craving

-idk. instant acetaminophen? i have a headache. also been meaning to practise today so everyone send good vibes, okay? might try some mendelssohn later

[rocketturtle4]

Eclipse Episode 10

@thegalwhorants @wen-kexing-apologist @plantsarepeopletoo @grapejuicegay thanks for holding my hand

Of episode 11? Yes I fecking am.

Thoughts in brief (lol) I started taking these while I went fyi so they may feel a bit different from the previous lots idk

The way Akk changes his WHOLE POSTURE when Not!Max says the school motto is telling me everything I need to know here

with bonus award mention! Scholarship goals yada yada

GUYS THUA WAS SHAKING (I've done him dirty)

"What happened today has shaken me, whatever I used to uphold or believe in...has changed" - Thua

Okay so I still think he stole the diary and instigated the protestors but I am less convinced he's behind the other stuff but then WHO IS? also the message after the fire made me think it wasn't him too

Chadok thinks its Akk, is it actually Namo???

Everything about Akk and Ayan on the beach

"Mes managed" "Your time and his are different"

Then the fricken bedroom scene????????

CAN I PLEASE RELATE TO ONE CHARACTER AT A TIME, AKK IS TAKING UP TO MUCH SPACE FOR AYAN TO DO THIS TO ME

and Akk agrees, and he's SO HAPPY but it's not been dealt with yet right he hasn't grappled with his identity

See this is what I mean, he hasn't let go of anything yet he's trying to carry it all and he's going to break I can FEEL IT (I am ALSO PROJECTING WAY TO HARD ONTO AKK IF YOU WEREN'T AWARE - This show basically opened up my DO NOT READ journal from feckin highschool and put it on my screen AH)

THROUGH THE FRICKEN BARS

OTHER PEOPLE NOTICED TOO

AND NOW THEYVE RUN AWAY AHHHHH

for the record I also thoroughly enjoy all the Khan Thua stuff that is going on, it's SO GOOD. It's just that because EVERYTHING IS GOOD (AND I AM PERSONALLY DYING FROM AKKS EVERYTHING) I keep forgetting to mention them

He's SO CLOSE AAAAA

And now they're both at the protest

WAIT DID THUA NOT KNOW ABOUT KHAN being bruce wayne???

"Stop the Suppalo curse" LIKE I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT THE CURSE IS AND WHERE IT CAME FROM?

Can I please go back to my regularly scheduled unrelateable highschool characters because this:

Is TOO MANY RELATEABLE CHARACTERS

OH MY GOD KHAN SAID IT

Good on Thua for clarifying about the kiss

Yay theyre together, WHY DOES EVERYTHING FEEL SO OMINOUS

NO NO NO NO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

at least Ayan is hearing this

reference to the armband and upholding the honour AHHHHH

oh god Aye came in

He's So scared

But THEN AYE JUST LEFT

oh he's gone after Chadok, I get the urge but it's NOT GOING TO WORK

That ship has sailed teacher chick

The breath Ayan takes to try and regulate yelling at the female teacher

THE HUG

Ayan: "I'm worried about you Akk" YOU AND ME BOTH

OH GOD AKK DON"T PUT ON A BRAVE FACE

AYAN IS TRAUMATISED ALREADY OKAY

is he finally going to tell him about his uncle????

OH GOD NO, He did but AKKs Crying HeLP

the neCKLACE

"right now you need it more than I do" CAN I HAVE AN AYAN PLEASE

OKAY real quick

if they use Akks attachment to Ayans uncle to break the schools hold on him without causing him to have a total breakdown I will be okay with this

Next episode doesnt LOOK scary but I AM STILL SCARED

Still confused whether the necklace WAS the uncles or if it was GIVEN by the uncle

Is everyone on the same side now?

Is anyone going to clue Wat in about the fact that his two besties are now in gay relationships? (Like he'll be chill but he should be told)

How much pressure is teacher chick under?

ONTO EPISODE 11

I'm just planning to react again fyi probably with less screenshots

[dollsome-does-tumblr]

thanks for the tag @sophiedevreaux !

3 ships: romangerri, romangerri, romangerri (also, amy/jonah because i'm superstore rewatching and so i'm feeling Fond of them)

first ever ship: jeannie and major nelson from i dream of jeannie. problematic to the modern eye? perhaps. but six year old me didn't give a DAMN! she was just thrilled by that "oh my god they were roommates" situation! i also have vivid memories of obsessing over gus and felicity on road to avonlea (who didn't? felicity's mom and dad are my avonlea otp in adulthood, however) and i really liked the romance between caractacus potts and truly scrumptious in chitty chitty bang bang!

last song: i honestly never pay attention when music is happening around me unless i've deliberately chosen to listen to it, which i haven't today, so i don't know!

last movie: a haunting in venice 👻

currently reading: the lie tree! i have also been rereading rosemary palmer takes the cake very slowly on my phone when i need a cozy pick-me-up because harry is my emotional support romcom book man.

currently watching: superstore, wilderness, only murders in the building, season two of succession aka the best of times hell yeahhhh

currently consuming: a cuppa darjeeling!

currently craving: dinner! my boyfriend and i are going to try to make a gluten free dairy free egg free meat pie. (idk what you even put in normal crust but i feel like it has some or all of those things.) that's code for: my boyfriend will do the heavy lifting, because he can cook and knows how to make crust, but i will chop things. oh, i will chop things! i better go chop things.

not tagging anybody because i need to go chop things, but if you're bored and you want to share these things with the blue abyss here, consider yourself tagged! 💙

[waltwhitmansbeard]

hiiiii, i'm fairly new to CR (it saved my life during the pandemic!!1) and i'm pretty much caught up with everything but my love for vaxleth is off the charts and it's both a blessing and a curse: i love everything about them but there's fewer fics about them than i thought they ought to have. i have gone through ao3 these past few months and read a lot and also saved some for later (including yours!! i want to save it for a cozy day where i need a pick me up). having said all of that i was wondering if you have any recs (preferably of the longer type but ok if not) not just in ao3 but anywhere else as well? and preferably happy endings and some smooching n stuff bc wooooooof. these two got so much angst (i do also love it tho). any smut rec is welcome as well!! AND!!! ALSO!! do you think there's any chance this last ep can reignite the flame so to speak so we can all get more and more fics bc honestly?? i'm obssessed and they deserve it. epic love needs eternal retelling.

well hello! first i wanna say welcome to the fandom, we're all pretty nice but completely feral so watch where you put your hands bc we like to gnaw on things. (i say this like i am not also very new to the fandom; i just looked it up earlier today and my 1-year anniversary is at the end of may.)

when it comes to fic recs, i actually have to admit that i don't read a ton of fics myself (i don't have time, lol). i'll start by saying reading @romeoandjulietyouwish's au posts and drabbles is what got me back into writing fanfiction for the first time since i was a teenager, so i definitely recommend checking her stuff out. @blorbologist is, in my humble opinion, the foremost perc'ahlia expert of the fandom, if that ship also floats your boat. i have started reading her extremely famous one for joy but as i said, i really do not have a lot of time to read these days so i am extremely behind. my friend @ravendruid has recently started dipping her toes into the fic-writing realm, and i've been really loving watching her style develop as she goes, and my irl best friend and platonic life partner @runforyourshield is writing a vaxleth summer camp au called camp cloudtop you should check out! other recs you can find on my blog under the tag #fic rec. also just generally we tend to rb each other a lot so just stalk all of those blogs and you'll find some good stuff.

on ao3, i actually just today read a little three-part vaxleth happy ending style fic called with grace in your heart and flowers in your hair that i really enjoyed, and i've started reading this incredible fic called Heaven Couldn't Shake that AGAIN i started reading and then stopped having time for (!!!!!!!!!!!! i am busy!!!!!!! i am sorry!!!!!) but it is really good and i highly recommend the one chapter that i have read lol.

as for smut, to be perfectly honest, there is a dearth of smut in the vaxleth fandom, and like, i get it, it is extremely common to headcanon keyleth as ace or demisexual, and i don't have a problem with that headcanon at all. but me personally, while i also hc her as demi, i absolutely believe she and vax have fucking incredible sex and i wish i could read more of it (*eyebrow waggle* keep your eyes on the mfl space for future one-shots, jussayin). my recommendation there is to go the keyleth/vax tag on ao3 and filter by E, tbh. (also, don't sleep on vaxlethmore, bc those fics are *chef's kiss*)

(also this isn't vaxleth and idk if you've seen c2 or not but truly one of the hottest fucking fics i have read in my life—and friendo i have read a lot—is this shadowgast fic that truly gave me a nicotine addiction, bc wow)

will c3e51 reignite the fandom's fire for vaxleth? i mean, i can hope so, tho tbh, i'm keeping my hopes low. i know that, generally speaking, more people care for perc'ahlia than vaxleth (which was truly the wildest thing for me to find out when i started interacting w the fandom at large, i assumed everyone would be as fucking feral for vaxleth as i was), so i don't imagine there's gonna be a ton of new people writing them, but hey, maybe the episode will spur some people who haven't watched c1 to go watch, and they'll be the new generation of vaxleth shippers (again, me talking like i'm not the new generation of vaxleth shippers).

i hope i answered all of your questions, and thanks for being part of this community! i hope you find what you're looking for.

[sea-dukes-assistant]

Since seeing your recent posts today about all this blatant lying about sea duke crap it reminded me that when I was reading a book last night which I believe was “The Royal Marriages” by lady Colin Campbell. (after some research I’ve done some people deem the author as reliable, some say she’s unreliable idk!). Either way she digs into the first 15 years of the marriage and she says how they were blissful until in 1952 when Princess Elizabeth became Queen and it put a strain on their marriage and parenting life because of the long hours, work, stress, grief, and how everyone who was around them was literally pushing sea duke away and treating him badly and QEII couldn’t do much about it. Anyways the author basically alluded to the fact that from like 1952 to about the early/mid 60’s (even when Andrew and Edward were born) that there was absolutely *no* romance left in the marriage and that they were practically separated in every way except publicly but obviously couldn’t divorce. She also stated that although there was no solid concrete evidence for anything happening physically (Although there were always rumors even about certain kids being his) that at the very least sea duke was basically having flirtatious affairs to have control over one part of his life and to prove to himself that he still had his manhood and that the queen found out about all of it over time through the grape vine, confronted him, sea duke denied all claims, assures her that he’s been faithful to her etc etc. (because in all technicality he had been). My personal problem with all of this is I don’t believe for a second that from 1952 to 1959 (Andrews Conception) that they were never physically intimate or romantic. You just can’t make me believe that. There is videos from that time period of him and her both giving each other the most adoring look in public. Not to mention there is accounts from people who were around them in the 50’s and 60’s giving anecdotes about sweet stuff they said to each other, how they behaved with each other and all that. Do I believe they absolutely could have had a strained relationship for a while in the 50’s? Sure. Did they probably have some tense arguments like most relationships? Sure. Did they have ups and downs? Sure. However do I believe that for upwards of 15 years and even after that they just didn’t like each other or were never romantic? Absolutely not. Do I think sea duke is a certified slut by nature? Sure. Do I think he was an certified slut in practice and was stepping out on the queen? No! If anything I think he was just very flirtatious and got a rise out of having conversation with pretty girls, and very well was maybe was missing that for a period of time in his marriage. Sorry for the long ask but thoughts on this?

First, I'd like to say how refreshing it is to finally have a nuanced perspective; I'm tired of being the only one!

More than one book I've read about him does go into his Big Dick Energy (dubbed "phallic swagger)." Sir just...*gasp* likes women? Not in the sense of pursuing sexytimes, but yes, that's exactly it; he is a flirt and he genuinely enjoys the attention he gets from them (I do too, but mostly because I'm under 6' and not "hot" so this sort of attention is alien to me).

But yeah, I agree with you, abso-fucking-lutely. It would be more concerning if there wasn't stress in their relationship during the first years of her queening. That's a hell of an adjustment to make in such a short amount of time. She hadn't even hit 30, and Sir had just earned command of his own ship.

I mean fuck sake just read the excerpts of letter he's written that are available. My man has been through Some Shit and literally said that his wife has been the only "absolutely real" thing to happen to him. Like, all that instability he'd dealt with in his childhood and now he's finally got a home (literally and metaphorically) and a family of his own, and some people think he just gonna say "fuck that" just for some instant poon-tang with the first society girl/celebrity who says "hi" to him?

I think it's shitty the rumors/badly written fanfic disguised as journalism had outlived them. A lot of this is due to the Baltimore Sun spreading that rumor of a "royal rift" during Sea Duke's 1956-57 solo tour (CDR Parker's literal fuck fuck games did not help), because "omg why is he away from her for so long" like this man had never been away from his wife while being officer as fuck in the Royal Navy. Why the fuck, after having stacked bodies in the war, and been stationed in other parts of the UK and world, is him being on "civilian deployment" suddenly the end of the marriage?

Me, an actual Sailor:

In conclusion, Sea Duke has Big Dick Energy and him being, *snicker*, "a certified slut by nature" gives me life (and erections).

[smoosnoom]

Lately I've been having a hard time writing anything. I keep having ideas that I think are good then I sike myself out and go "Oh, someone else has probably already written that," which is weird, cause I'd read 500 fics of the same ship in the same coffeeshop!au and not even bat an eye. I don't care if I've read the same trope or setting or idea over and over (I like it, actually) but when I'm the one writing I feel like I have to do something totally unique and I think it's cause I'm worried of being compared to other better writers who just... write better (<- exhibit A) OR worse, accidentally plagiarize someone? Like without remembering that, oh I've already read this before this isn't an original thought at all?? But if it's an idea that hasn't been done before there's nothing to compare. Right. So. Therapy session over.

Do you ever worry about writing something that's already been written? Do you ever check AO3 tags to see if somethings been done before/too much/not enough, etc.? Or are you excited to write something that's been done and put your own spin on it?

Maybe I should do the complete opposite and find the most overpopulated tag and write that so it gets drowned in the others and then there's too many to compare! That's like.. can't beat 'em join 'em or smthin. Yeah.

UUUGH MOOON I knooooow all my ideas are unoriginal but so is everyone else's 1!! And everyone's basic and just wants to see two losers in love hold hands so I should just get over it !! Like I know this objectively but how do I make me feel it SUBJECTIVELY !!

idk, Moon. Today's just not that day u kno

ok . anon . i need u to look me in my eyes 👁👁 and please listen carefully to what im abt to say to u .

Everything Ever Has Already Been Written .

like every trope ever and every idea ever and every dynamic ever and every character ever and everything literally ever .

but uknow what hasnt been written ! these tropes ! by You !!!!!!

the way u write it is what makes it entirely unique . i absolutely worry about the things i write and if theyre even like . special in their way at all or if they even stand out in any possible manner but if u arent word-for-word copying something someone else has written, then yes !!! it will stand out !!!!! itll be something special and unique because its never been written the way u will !!!! that is literally it

so yea if u are worrying so much about the things ur writing and if theyve already been written then yes probably ! humans can only be so imaginative when it comes to tropes and stories but the way u write it and ur narration and turn of phrases and metaphors and adjective and dialogue have never been written the way u will, and thats what makes it good and great and amazing ! thats why people eat up the same au five hundred times !!!!! thats why people will eat up UR writing !!!!! ur going to do it in a way that just gets people going Oh my go d . u know what i mean ?

so yes i worry and i check and i feel absolutely terrible about it . but if i dont and i just feel great about writing Something at alll then it always turns out 1000% better because im not upset abt it ! readers can sometimes tell ur enthusiasm and passion being put into a work, and i think its best if u let it all go and write what ur heart is calling to . that by itself will make it all the special u need it to be

or dont idk im just . trying my best and sometimes it works out ! do what u want write what makes u proud eat what makes u full !!!!! and if u ever need someone to just . hit u with a hammer and let uknow that whatever ur writing is great and fantastic then I Am Here !

today has potential to get better ! tomorrow is on its way with a new beginning !!! u have me cheering u on !!!! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳 good luck !!!!!!!!!

[gg-selvish]

i saw your post and i realized that i definitely haven't left enough comments on your ao3 works for how much i enjoy them, so here. i wanted to let you know that you are one of my favorite, if not my all-time favorite, dream team writer. i love to read your nsfw works because they're hot and sexy, yes, but also? you have one of the best characterizations of the guys that i've seen, ESPECIALLY in nsfw works. i have had to almost immediately click off of so many fics because they just don't get the characters and their dynamics right imo, but your fics? i read them over and over. every single time i get an email that you've updated or posted a piece, i genuinely get so excited when i see that it's you.

your karl/george series is something that i will love forever and ever. i'm ace and i adore the way you portrayed karl and his sexuality in every one. it's so refreshing to find a good nsfw work that has a well written asexual character!!! i may not like knf as a ship very much, but i love them the way you write them so much.

there's so much i'm probably forgetting to say right now, but just know that i thoroughly love everything i've read from you. your works are amazing with and without the nsfw parts. please know that there are people out there (me) reading your fics for more than the smut. you deserve to know that.

<3

okay wow um this is a lot in a very good way but i'm definitely overwhelmed? normally when i get nice stuff like this i just say thank you but i've been in a chatty mood today so i'm going to turn this into A Thing if u dont mind... i really, really appreciate this. i've had a strange experience in this fandom where the whole time i've been here i've had a pretty even split of 'you're a delusional freak and i hope you die' and 'you're my favourite author please never stop posting' and my brain doesn't really know what to do about the black and white of it so normally i just move on and block it out but that's lead to me being incredibly insecure about myself and my work so i'm going to try really hard to process this and internalize it lol

so again, thank you so much for saying this to me. it really means a lot to me to hear that people like my fic because it takes up so much space in my brain and sometimes i get worried i'm only still getting any positive acknowledgement out of obligation and less so because what i'm doing is actually worth a compliment. i've felt really bad about my writing for a while now and it's nice to hear from someone who isn't my established friend that it's worth reading. and enjoyed too! wow thats crazy to me genuinely. i really do think im shit most days. especially my works of the last stretch.

regarding you (& only you) this is a lot easier for me to hear. i love that series so much and it makes my heart happy to know other ace people appreciate it and view it as positive representation because i'm asexual and always worry it reads as just porn. this comes into play with the comments thing again... me putting a lot of personal experience and deep thought into dynamics with no pay off. obviously i'm not saying every fic in that series is groundbreaking or even worth reading, but idk they each have a piece of importance to them. at least to me. i was just saying the other day that in my lapses of writers block i get anxious about the last thing i've posted being not my best work. in this current hiatus i'm in i'm actually quite content with EASE being the latest work in my recents. sure rules is unfinished but i kind of hate that fic so whatever. EASE is good. i love how that turned out and i'm proud of it and comfortable with that being the first thing people see on my profile

all insecurity and internal pressure aside i love writing for this fandom and hope i can do it for at least a little longer. i'm immeasurably grateful that people are willing to still read what i create, it makes creating it a little easier. i sound like a broken record but really thank you for this. it means more to me than you could know.

[blehblarghblah]

I know this is probably annoying. Great start right. But I just want to say, I read one of your very old stories (the untold avatar one) like once a year. Idk why, I only ever shipped that a little, yet the way you wrote the characters was so dramatic, fun and full of banter that it's one of the stories I haven't gotten out of my head since 2019 when I first read it. I'm not expecting a continuation btw, I'm an author myself and I know how you can lose the passion for a story people deeply love or just don't have the means to write it anymore emotionally speaking. But I just want you to know that whenever I think of that fandom, I specifically think of your fic. And I want to you to know the impact your stories have on people. You're a great author. And I'm sure in the years that passed you have become even better at your craft. You have a real talent at storytelling and especially at building character arcs. And you probably don't hear that enough.

Shit Anon, you got me actually crying here.

I really needed to hear this today.

This isn't annoying in any capacity at all, but instead very refreshing to hear. I gotta preface this with saying that Legends of Avatar: the Untold Story, is a very dear fic to me that I do plan to return to eventually. Not anytime soon, but ATLA's fanbase is timeless and I believe I can return to it whenever. But Taang has always been a special ship to me and so has Legend of Korra's lore and world building, and bridging the two quasi fandoms as a semi canon compliance/divergence fic mixed with a pre-canon timeline was a great challenge.

But in all honesty? That fic was a blast to write. As you say, the characters gave me so much to work with in the lens I wanted and I was warmed to see it was well received. Knowing I was working with an angle perceived as borderline crazy in shaking up canon, but still adhering to a strange set of consistencies was entertaining as I saw people slowly find intrigue. It worked.

Here's a crazy fun fact for all you new followers/readers of mine: all the shit I'm writing right now? Would not be possible if it weren't for Legends of Avatar: the Untold Story. It's why the stories I make today are thought out, thorough, but most of all, as true to character as I can work with. Putting my all into that story taught me that there is a payoff to dedication and practice. I was still an amateur then, but even I look back at that story and occasionally find myself gobsmacked with my prose.

"Wow, I wrote that? Me? Amazing!"

I don't think I'd edit anything aside from grammar mistakes when I do return, but I'm still proud of it. I still have notes and the whole plot laid out, so it's not like I don't know where it'll go. I still have the next chapter WIP set up and already begun. I've reworked it many times, but it's there!

And you, Anon?

You're the reason why I write these stories. I used to grow up reading fanfics, and to this day, I still stay up reading them. But I always had that feeling you describe, the one where when I think of a fandom there's just one fic, fanart, cosplayer, who just comes to mind. I never thought: "Wow, I wanna be that person!" But I always thought,

"I wanna make others feel things with stories the way they made me feel."

Occasional praise like yours is all I need sometimes, because it's a good reminder that though I have progressed as a writer, I still did touch people with my stories even then. Thanks, Anon. And I'm glad I managed to impact you and others, in ways like this.

Stay safe and take care all!

Until next post,

-- Bleh

[nathank77]

4/3/24

8:48 p.m Updated/Edited/Slightly Added to 9:16 p.m

I took the 1MG and passed out rapidly. I slept for about 5 hours. I needed to pee and I couldn't fall back to sleep bc of it so I took a Benadryl... and slept until 4:45 p.m.

So my doctor sent me the paperwork to get my hsv2 test. I scheduled it for Friday.

My endo called me today when I was sleeping and he wants me to try the Atorvastatin again and stop if I get muscles spasms again. He said my thyroid ultrasound went well. Yet there are two nodules so I'm confused. Are they talking about my 3 year inflamed lymph node they always scan and the original nodule on my thyroid?

Also they said nothing about my eye exam... Maybe that means call the eye doctor cause he already did it? I'm going to call the eye doctor tomorrow.

Anyways I woke up at 4:30 p.m. My new Ray-Bans will be here tomorrow, as well as all my boxers/socks and my new shoes. The nerdy rimless are still in, "the works." EVGA received my package and idk if they shipped another.... the RMA is, "complete." But I don't see tracking and never got another product. I'm going to call them tomorrow.

I decided I needed to go grocery shopping as the weather today sucked but will be the same tomorrow. I had therapy at 7 p.m. There is a huge puddle around my car and my engine has been ticking, so I had to put oil in it. Idk if it resolved it bc of the hail and shitty weather. I used the whole bottle and didn't see anything on the dipstick... I'm sure there is enough. I know I haven't done an oil change or filled it in a while and my car has 7 oil leaks. It usually needs oil once every 2 months or so. I will find out if it fixed the ticking on Friday when it isn't a fucking monsoon and I can hear my car.

The puddle was so bad that it was taller than my shoes plastic bottom. Water sunk into my sneakers and soaked my socks all the way up to the top of my feet. So I had to go to Walmart and stop and shop like that.

I only grabbed the necessities. I need a decent amount of stuff still but I'll be good until Friday. I'll go to Quest, then grocery shopping and then cvs for my Xanax.

I got home changed my socks and shoes and attended therapy. Mike was saying my report isn't formated correctly.. I'm going to read the thing he sent me but I have put a lot of work into it. He was like you don't need a notary, ummm yes you do I called and talked directly to the office and I need to have a notary so the people I listed can release information.... I'll read what he sent me but I'm pretty sure I did everything right. He said I need bullet points and headlines... I don't think that's true...

Either way it was a generally ineffective therapy session. Not the worst one. I'm not mad but he said you got to make sure you do it right otherwise they won't even read it.....I'm pretty sure I am doing it right.

Beyond that he said something concerning, once I report her it will be available publicly... Idk how true that is but if it is, I mean I still need to do it for my internal peace and suffering... I'm concerned about that.... but I can't let her live her beautiful life and potentially endanger another client... she truly is negligent...

He also said benzodiazepines are going to get phased out in 10 years like quludes... like bro please stop giving me anxiety. They are the only reason I fucking sleep.

I feel like the first 35 minutes was the Mike show. I can't wait to leave. I'm going to give him maybe a month, I need him to read the report so he knows what I said. I'll still read the website he sent me but I'm 90% sure I did everything right.............

Anyways now that I've had a little time to go over my test results I took pictures of everything concerning. I'm the most concerned about my Alkaline phosphate jumping so high within like 15 days... I'm concerned about a few other things but I got to do my research. It's funny cause I'm on less Methimazole than I was before. So in theory it's likely not the Methimazole or maybe I'm going into remission and I need to stop it idk....

[nukeaspen]

usually when I call for medical stuff (prescriptions, appointments, mail order stuff, whatever) I kinda dread it. a lot of the ppl you end up talking to are just gears in the machine. they don't understand the urgency of not having your medications or supplies, they really just can't do much and don't really care about you. it's exhausting when the people meant to help you don't really even want to half the time

today was different though! I was calling to order some sensors and was put on the phone with this sweet old western guy. turns out he's also diabetic, has been for 50+ years, and has a diabetic wife!! he was so kind to me, and we talked a bit about our struggles with getting medical supplies, especially recently as prices have gone up and wages have stagnated. I could hear him mumbling to himself, wishing he could send me more supplies, fighting with his computer and the programs he was using. it was more human than any other medical call I've had to make in my own 10 years of being diabetic

he got me my supplies, made sure shipping and all my other information was right, and then we parted ways. the attention and care he showed me was seriously unlike anything I've ever gotten from the able-bodied people I have to deal with regularly for the same problems.

he said we need to group together, fight this system. he said it needed to be someone smarter than him, but I don't think that's true at all. he seemed incredibly knowledgeable with a lot of lived experience, he appreciated my struggle and hoped for future solidarity.

idk maybe I'm reading too much into one phone call. I just appreciate this mystery guy a lot,,, for even making one step of the process easier and less stressful for me. for reminding me I'm not alone.

[narastories]

Another completely off-topic thing I put in my drafts today. I've read the first two Dominion of the Fallen books (as a pre-yuletide rec). This isn't a review just me screaming into the void.

In the first book, I didn't really like Madeleine just because it felt a bit weird that so much was from her POV when her choices didn't really have an impact. She was always relatable and I liked it but it always just felt like she was at the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time and nothing would have changed if she wasn't.

Which obviously was very different in the second book and I'm so here for it. I really liked all the Asmodeus & Madeleine shenanigans especially because of how blatantly platonic it all is. And that is very surprising for me because I have a tendency to immediately ship characters. I don't ship them at all but their dynamic is just *chef's kiss*

I especially like that scene when they are both collapsed basically in the garden, spitting up branches, because they've been force fed an entire hawthorn tree, horribly injured, and it's just... insert "oh we're really in it now" meme lol

Madeleine the unremarkable gardener, struggling with addiction and PTSD, and Asmodeus the prickly thornbush that randomly keeps catching on fire and almost killed her a dozen times and saved her just as many times. And he's horrible, a bastard, like absolutely the worst no question about it, and she's terrified of him and yet... when push comes to shove she would sacrifice herself for him. And you can say it's stupid, but he is the devil she knows and it's just idk. Delicious to me.

It's saying that being afraid is not a moral failing. And that being afraid of someone doesn't automatically make them your enemy and that is I think a message we all need to sit with a bit more.

Okay, I'm finished.