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#idk I’m scared in like the worse way
celestrials · 2 years
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The one piece live action remake is going to make me want to kms I just know it
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willowfey · 1 year
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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lookatlavender · 1 year
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btw masculinity is a beautiful and divine force in the same exact way that femininity is 💖 being a man is amazing! you should get to love being a man! masculinity and manhood should never be punishing or painful, please please i’m begging you let it be the wonderful, uplifting, positive force in your life that it wants to be!!!
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valewritessss · 1 month
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Something about me is that I’m always dehydrated.
I always have been. I went to the ER in first grade because I didn’t drink water all day during summer camp.
I feel thirsty but for some reason I can just ignore it and I forget I’m thirsty.
I get constipated because I never drink water. I have so much water retention because I never drink water. My skin is suffering because I never drink water. I’m low on energy because I never drink water. My hair falls a lot because I never drink water.
Part of the reason I forget to drink it is because two years or so ago, I hated that I would get bloated after taking a sip of anything (I also hated the way I looked I thought I was fat but this was why) so I decided to just not drink water until I got home from school. I also started skipping meals which made things worse but this is about water right now. Obviously, this made the matter worse because I was already dehydrated to begin with so I started to get even more bloated, more tired, I felt like shit all the time, and my anxiety levels skyrocketed. Then I went to the doctor and told her about it in hopes that she would give me some magical solution. She just told me to drink water and I was like oh…
Long story short, drink water. I started drinking a lot more water and my skin sighed in relief, my hair is try thriving, and I get less bloated now. I overall feel more confident and energized, I would definitely recommend.
I still forget to drink water a lot since it kind of became a habit to ignore my thirst but I’m working on it and it’s helped a lot
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szczylpierdolony · 6 months
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life is falling through my fingers more that usually
#i’ve been in a pretty much constant state of panic since january#and it’s gotten worse recently bc of 1. thesis writing (or lack thereof)#2. administrative problems at uni that i caused due to the constant state of anxiety and depression#like whyyyy do things like going to the uni office send me spiraling like nothing else#and i’ve been feeling weird and disconnected for a while now and nothing seems to interest me anymore#like i’m light headed in the worst way and i think if one thing goes badly i’ll genuinely fall down crying#and i can’t seem to do anything productive bc of the anxiety either#ok i checked usos. the administrative problem got more or less solved#oh thank god#i love depression loveee it love causing problems for myself that i later have to bother other people about bc i can’t solve them by myself#esp when you have to admit to them that mental illness is what caused them bc even when they’re sympathetic and nice about it i still feel#like such a pathetic idiot my god#also i’ve been thinking a lot abt how a pattern that repeats in my life is the lack of closure#from silly things to more serious ones#like how i didn’t attend my elementary school graduation nor the hs one#the first one bc of travelling and the second bc of covid#so i just closed my laptop and then went to pick up my diploma after matura results and that was it i never saw any of my teachers or#thanked them etc#and how all my friendships that died out were this kind of sudden drop like nothing happened but we just stopped talking one day and that#was it and idk where we stand#and how i seem to leave loose threads everywhere i go and i can’t tell if it’s just a coincidence or if i do that on purpose but#unconciously so as to not have to deal with things ending bc that scares me#i’ve never felt grounded in any moment and it’s so strange#also yeah yeah weird behaviour meant to save me from abandonment whatever#📓#niedziela wieczór i humor popsuty co mogę powiedzieć
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hobisexually · 11 months
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#hm its time for a rant again <3#but my roommate has a date again and that makes me feel…….. extra mentally ill snsnsnsn#I’m a little bit upset because I spent this entire year trying to rebuild right. rebuild my social life rebuild the me I used to be#and every time I think I’m almost there shit derails me?#like okay first my dad and I. collide in unprecedented ways#then my back problems got worse than ever before#then I try to recover from not speaking to said dad and work throws a blow in my face that I quite frankly still haven’t really gotten over#then new body problems arise!#then we find out I definitely have pcos and can’t ignore it any longer#then everyone in my life is. moving on to a life phase I can’t follow to#but I had it all under control I was taking it in stride I was Coping#and then ……… I catch covid again#and it really triggered 1) my anxiety again in ways that. Sigh#and 2) im still not okay? it’s been three weeks and I’m still dizzy every day I have a headache all the time I am So tired I can’t focus#and my eyes are being weird#and idk that happened in the last week and also my neck is FUCKED and my shoulders feel like concrete#and last time my eyes were weird and I couldn’t focus and had a headache all the time it was also my neck#but I just…….. am 1) terrified it’s long covid I am so so so scared#2) how can I live life normally if this. keeps happening.#but mostly 3) I am so tired of it being blow after blow after blow#I am too generally busy with work or therapy or physio therapy or FUCKING pelvic floor therapy#which is a whole different kind of hell I can’t even begin to discuss on this website it makes me so uncomfortable#that I. can’t even date.#like where do I have the energy to.#I am about to turn 32 and what the fuck do I have to show for it#and what if this is it#what if? this is it?????!!???!#I don’t know if I can live with that#ugh this doesn’t even touch the root of it but I am Deeply Upset and I don’t like complaining or acting like a victim (im not!) but Jesus#I for once would just like to. be carefree. instead of feeling like I need to fix 29292993 things about myself before I can Live. fuck.
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mer-se · 8 months
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I vaguely mentioned in conversation the other day while making a sandwich how bread at the store has a bunch of gross shit in it and how fresh would be better whatever and I went to the kitchen and saw my dad made a loaf of sandwich bread today and it was on the counter…..made sure it was ready before I went down to make sandwiches for work………love is real.
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blodeuweddschild · 10 months
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Yknow thank god that “this is a simulation” stuff doesn’t trigger my derealisation or I’d be so fucked
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fogwitchoftheevermore · 4 months
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girl help. secret life bigb. i am thinking about him again.
#space rambles#really really really excited to see where his character goes next season#i’ll be honest i am kinda banking on shit (shit being his abandonment issues) never getting better at this point#it just. it feels like it can’t happen#the heart foundation was THE BEST CASE SCENARIO for him in secret life. and he still outlived them. he was still so alone#and maybe i’m wrong and he’ll be better next season idk i can’t see the future#but he is just caught in this constant cycle of reaffirming his worst fears#i think it might be possible for him to start getting better after he wins#because then he will probably stop outliving all his teammates#since he won’t be trying to make it to the end as hard#BUT that’s not the whole thing#he also needs to. yknow. get allies who care about him#and there are members of the server who will probably never be his allies (scott. cleo. potentially lizzie.)#and so many of the ones who might be are. at least a bit scared of him after last season#it’s just. as bigb’s issues gets worse the more this becomes visible to the group at large#and obviously. for content reasons. SOMEONE will ally with him. probably#actually i can’t say that we’ve had our fair share of loners#he won’t be totally isolated people will TALK to him but allys are never guaranteed#so maybe no one will. and maybe he’ll ve another lonely winner#but holy shit i can’t even begin to anticipate the consequences if that’s how he wins#i really really need him to have some good allies that he can win with#or that he can not outlive but who try their best to keep him alive#like truly i think that is the only way to start seeing the light#am i making sense. who knows. it’s 3 am. i am ill#about bigb. not in general
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alittleemo · 4 months
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#lee’s bullshit#literally ignore this im just using tumblr as my personal acne terror feedback loop for another minute#I have a derm appt tmrw w a new person and im j so scared they’re going to put me on accutane#like it’s very evident that since coming back from school my skin has looked Considerably Worse and it’s very disheartening#and my mom and sister are both advocating for accutane since it worked well in the end for my sister to clear hers up#but like. I’m genuinely terrified abt the side effects esp the mental ones bc almost everyone I’ve asked was like yeah I was way unstable#while on it. And tbh I don’t need to add more instability and depression into the brain slop when it’s just finally started working well.#and like it’s just so intense on your body as well like idk.#she also was saying it in such a shitty way I guess. Like ‘oh since ur not an athlete it won’t be as bad’ ‘ur not in the sun like me’#k im working outside in the sun on my feet for two months of the summer. what.#‘the aches won’t be as bad’ i already have chronic scoliosis pain. I don’t need to add more into that.#it’s just shitty.#but also like I was looking through old photos to see if I could track progress and 1 idk if I rlly could it’s hard I take bad photos and#2 it’s been bad since college started !#like all of my pre first year photos ?? skin is so clear. even in covid w my mask acne it looked so much better than it does now.#so it’s also disheartening to see how good it was vs is now.#and I do wish it was better obviously like im not happy w it. but also it isn’t worth all of that.#just frustrating you know. im still kinda surprised how good it was. so annoying.#like literally first move in day i noticed the jaw acne appearing and its not rlly there before then ? so idk what the deal is man. :(#anyway :( will update tmrw post appt
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Hey guys.
I know I’m not a big creator so no one might care, but this is the original owner of this blog, Øzzy.
Tw: Illness, mentions of terminal illness, mental health, Hospitals
Recently, (meaning the past year) I’ve been getting weaker. I’ve been losing weight against my will, I’ve been vomiting a lot more than usual, and overall sick. I’ll be 15 in a few months, on February 24th, and every day I live my life thinking I won’t make it til then. It’s why only Henry has been active, because I genuinely can’t even get myself out of bed to look at my computer/phone. Cleaning and showering has become energy-consuming, school makes me sicker. Not only this, but I feel like something is deeply wrong. In the end, this blog may become mostly inactive. Henry has a job, and I’m so exhausted I barely want to finish this paragraph. I’ve attempted to combat my weakness by going to the gym, but I couldn’t once I got a cyst on the nerve of my foot. I was in a boot for weeks, in and out of hospitals, etc. My mental health has declined, specifically due to me getting weaker, and my memory has gone to shit. And before any of you tell me to tell my guardian, she’ll scold me for making it up.
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roaringroa · 10 months
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had a panic attack at the airport 🤪🤪🤪
#actually it started before the airport but i had to go catch a flight so i just ignored it#and then it didn’t go away so like 20 min before boarding i called my therapist and she calmed me down#and since there was no pharmacy in the boarding section of the airport and i forgot my calming meds at home like an idiot#i instead bought a beanie baby ball cause i needed something to squeeze#so now i’m in the plane waiting to fly squeezing a beanie baby ball lol#hate panic attacks so much cause i always believe 100% that i’m going to die#like i’ve calmed down now and yet i still tected my parents/friends saying i love you etc#not in a way that indicated i had the panic attack cause i don’t want them to worry but still#just a ‘boarded my plane i love you!’#and yet i had never done that when flying alone before#i’m not usually scared of planes and even now i’m still not#what i’m always always afraid of is having a heart attack#even though i have no heart or related diseases and no precedent in my family#except for like my grandpa when he was very old#idk man i just feel like it’s how i’ll die#and i started having a panic attack because i felt like i was gonna have one now#and having to fly today made it worse cause like if i have a heart attack in the middle of a flight there’s no much one can do to help#but whatever i know i won’t have one#and the flight is only 2.5 hours long#so if by the time i get there i still feel this way i’ll ask my parents to take me to the hospital to do heart exams#i’ve been to the hospital because of that before and it was nothing but it eased my mind so much#anyway… i won’t die but if it’s been like a week since i posted this and nothing more i love yall ppl on my phone#my post#i won’t die though. i’ll prob come back here in like 3 hours#okay turning off phone now
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jcbmcdrmtt · 10 months
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Sorry if I am not as good about tagging stuff for the foreseeable future. I shattered the screen of my tablet (to the point where there are chunks missing and glass dust coming off under your fingers and you can see the electronics under the screen), and I normally use that + a keyboard case to browse tumblr. I’m using my phone now which means a.) no physical keyboard, and b.) I don’t have as much battery life so my time is more limited. I do not see a point where I can replace the tablet or get it fixed anytime soon either.
All that coupled with the fact that I normally use tumblr in a browser, not the mobile app, means it’s a lot harder to tag things now, especially if I can’t just tap to apply OP’s/the reblogger’s tags because they didn’t add any or i don’t like what they used etc.. Tumblr mobile is honestly tiny and kind of crap on my phone browser - the keyboard makes the screen elements squish together and some things like tag rearranging are broken.
TL;DR: You may possibly see more untagged posts from me in the coming weeks. I apologize, understand if you unfollow, and just. Yeah. I guess I just wanted to explain myself as I normally pride myself on my tagging etiquette.
#i was so sad when it happened#it actually fell like 10 ft because I dropped it while going down the stairs#right in front of my sister and brother in law too#we all froze and they audibly gasped when i picked it up and the glass chips fell on the floor#i walked back to the kitchen to begin making my lunch and i could tell they were horrified because they just stood there in the doorway#in silence#they know how much i use/depend on/love my tablet i’m on it so much and i use it as my primary computing device#so they just stood there in horrified silence while i walked away and my BIL asked if i needed anything and i said no i’m good#and i sounded so normal???? which i hated because i was very much NOT okay like after they left i say in the living room petting their dog#and crying a bit#idk why my default response to situations like this is to pretend everything’s fine??#i know HOW i can do- being in the closet for a decade will make you a great actor#but i’ve been out for ANOTHER decade now#i thought i had worked past that instinct#apparently not#fuck that took forever to type on my tiny ass keyboard AND i lost 2% battery while i did it#fuck this#i don’t even need the tablet that badly i can fall back to my ancient laptop for most things#but now i have to sit in my room alone to do all my tumbling instead of introvert socializing on the couch with my sister and BIL#i think i cried mostly because life just keeps kicking me#i quit my awful awful job on the verge of a mental breakdown and then proceeded to take a full fucking year to realize the trauma from that#was WAY worse than i had originally thought and i was straight up mentally no longer able to work in IT/computer programming anymore#i lost my apartment and i literally would have been living in my car until that got repossessed too and then been homeless#if it wasn’t for my family offering me financial support and a place to live#and i am SO privileged to have a support network that is both willing and able to help me out like that#but sometimes i have a panic spiral when i think about the fact that i could have EASILY become another statistic#another person who became unhoused because of mental health struggles at the perfectly wrong time#without my family i would have been living in a bus stop enclosure by now#it terrifies me how close i came to that. a homeless person came up to me and asked for money the other day and i almost started crying#both because of how scared i was that that could have been (and still could eventually be) me
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bitchdafuqyousay · 11 months
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#for more than a decade i’ve had this like. lump. in my armpit n while i hated it for aesthetic reasons it’s never bothered me#if i lift my arm you can visibly see it there like a bouncy ball under my skin. imbedded in the tissue but it’s never hurt#a few weeks ago it decreased in size n i was happy because of vanity reasons but about two days after it went down size wise it became sore#n then it progressed to pain like every time my arm is down n there’s pressure on the lump it hurts#n for a while now i’ve been feeling ill but it was a light thing like cold symptoms but with the pain of the lump it’s gotten sm worse#my bones hurt n feel heavy n my organs feel thick they feel like they’re too large to be mine n too big to fit in my body#it hurts to breathe n breathing becomes difficult when i stand up n i’ve got no appetite#n for a couple days now my dog is like. reluctant. to accept pets from me#he’s still clingy n kisses a lot but he hestitates n is super gentle when he does it n he’s always guarding me#he gets between me n anything even my own family now he’s always guarding n herding me to my bed or the couch#he’s reluctant to let me pet him n he’s so stiff when i do. n when i pick him up he gets really tense n clings to me with his claws#like he’s scared i can’t support him or that ill give out in someway n he’ll fall n he’s v gentle when taking things from him#he’s just so. gentle. around me in ways he didn’t used to be it takes a lot to coax him to play with me but he doesn’t hesitate to play#with others. i told my mother n she wants to take me to the dr#but because of my mental health history i feel like ill just get told i’m imagining it n won’t be taken seriously#idk. maybe i am just nuts n it is my head n my dog is reacting to the smell of my stress n not an illness#vent post#long vent post
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kuiinncedes · 1 year
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:P
#not saying i know more abt music than the music teacher who is the music/arrangement director for the concert i just watched#by my old music school but bro#king why did you why are you scared of acoustic songs 😭😭😭😭#the way the songs were either full band w drums electric guitar bass keys piano voice#or just . piano solo#like they had songs that obv worked w that full band#but then they had like dos oruguitas from en/canto which was the point that i was rly like#fuck they’re doing g this for all the acoustic songs bro 😭😭😭#i was so sad lol and also slightly kind of cringing let them be acoustic lmfao 😭😭😭#and it was even worse bc the drums and electric guitars totally drowned out the voice mics ….. idk why they didn’t have anyone notice that d#during their dress rehearsals or anything#anyway lmao :D#they also didn’t need the drums electric guitars etc on every single song bc the same ppl were playing those the whole time#where the others were mostly switching out students like let them take a break LMAO#esp when it’s not needed for the songggggg 😭😭😭😭#they can be acoustic goddamn !!!!! let them be acoustic !!!!!!!!! lmfao#anyway lmao 🥴#they also .. had the piano angled away from the audience like as in the person playing had their back to the audience#which was especially kinda awkward when the person was playing and singing#but ok 😭 i wanna give them constructive criticism but they didn’t ask for it so i’m just#vaguing abt it on tumblr ig XD#i enjoyed myself … it was what i expected sjdhcfhdjd#jeanne talks#i need to play piano again 🤡
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incognit0slut · 4 months
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REFLECTED BLISS
When you discover a mirror attached to the wall in your hotel room, Spencer decides to take full advantage of it.
Warnings: (18+ MDNI) afab reader, established relationship but they're being sneaky, fingering, guided masturbation (f), unprotected sex with a mirror involved, creampie, and spencer being spencer a.k.a he uses fun facts as dirty talk ~3.9k words A/n: Told myself to make this 'cute and sexy and less filthy' but… idk man, from a scale to 1 to 10 how filthy is this be honest Requested: Here
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“Oh my god.”
“What? What is it?”
“Spence,” you urged, pulling him into the room. “You need to see this.”
He followed you, stepping further in, and his eyes widened as they landed on the wall opposite the bed—a wall that wasn't just a wall, but a vast, floor-to-ceiling mirror reflecting the entire room. “That’s… interesting.”
“Interesting?” You mocked before peaking your head out the door, making sure no one was in sight before clicking it shut. “It’s terrifying.”
His duffel bag hit the carpet floor. “You’re scared of a mirror?”
“No,” you responded, placing your own bag alongside his. “I’m scared of the idea of it. I mean, look at it—it’s like it sees everything.” 
“It’s glass. It can’t actually see us.”
“Yeah, but still,” you said, crossing your arms defensively. “It’s placed right in front of the bed. Who would want to watch themselves sleeping?”
His eyes shifted back and forth between the mirror and the bed, the reflection capturing every detail of the room, including the bed’s plush pillows and crisp white sheets. “You know, I don’t think it’s used for sleeping.”
“What do you mean?”
His lips quirked up into an amused smile. “Think about it. Why would anyone want a mirror like this in front of their bed? It’s not for sleeping, it’s for... well, other activities.”
You felt your cheeks heat up as realization dawned. “Oh, you mean—that’s even worse!”
He laughed, closing the distance between you, his arms resting comfortably around your waist. “Actually, visual stimulation can significantly enhance sexual experiences. Mirrors can add a whole new level of excitement by engaging our sense of sight.”
Your face flushed even more. “I… did not know that.”
“Yeah, it’s all about the brain processing the stimuli.” He pulled you closer, his voice dropping to a softer, more intimate tone. “It can heighten our arousal and make the experience more intense.”
You could feel your heart hammering against your chest, knowing what he was trying to do. Every time he initiated something intimate, it never failed to fluster you. There was a time when Spencer was uncertain and hesitant about these aspects of your relationship. But the more you spent time together, sneaking into each other’s hotel rooms from time to time, the more his confidence grew.
Now, you could feel it in the way he was holding you, his arms wrapped securely around your waist. His touch was firm yet gentle, and the way he looked down at you, his eyes filled with warmth and a hint of mischief, was sending you into a frenzy. There was something different in his gaze—a new assurance, a quiet strength that made your pulse quicken.
He smiled down at you, a secretive, knowing smile as if he held a secret of his own, one that he was eager to share with you in these private moments. You swallowed hard, trying to steady your breathing. 
“I guess that makes sense.”
His smile widened. “So, while the mirror might seem creepy at first, it actually has its perks.”
“Perks, huh?”
“Absolutely.”
You pulled back slightly, eyes narrowing at him. “Are you trying to convince me to have sex in front of the mirror?”
“Is it working?”
You couldn’t stop the laugh escaping your lips. “A little.”
He laughed along with you, the sound warm and infectious. “Can I convince you more?”
But before you could answer him, his lips were already down your neck, drawing a sigh from you. You tilted your head to grant him better access. His hands slid around your waist, pulling you closer until you could feel the steady beat of his heart against yours.
“I thought—” You let out a moan when he sucked a spot just below your ear. “I thought we agreed… no funny business tonight.”
“Was that really your plan when you begged me to stay with you?”
“I didn’t beg,” you defended. “You offered. I told you this town gave me the creeps and you said you’d sneak in my room to keep me company.”
His lips paused momentarily, hovering just over your pulse. 
“You’re right, you didn’t beg,” he conceded with a soft chuckle, his breath tickling your skin. “But you have to admit, the offer was mutually beneficial.”
“Mutually beneficial? Is that what we’re calling it?”
“It’s accurate,” he murmured, drawing back to look at you. “And I seem to remember someone saying how much they appreciated the company... especially at night.”
You could feel the smile forming on your lips, even as you tried to maintain a semblance of indignation. “Well, maybe I did say that. But that doesn’t mean—”
His lips cut you off, soft and persuasive, making it impossible to continue as your protests melted away. The kiss deepened, driven by a mixture of long-held desire and the thrill of his hard body pressed against your soft frame.
“You make a pretty convincing argument,” you murmured against his lips, your earlier resolve softening.
He pulled away from you before taking your hand in his. “Come here.”
He led you gently towards the mirror, the expanse of glass revealing your intertwined figures in the softly lit room.
“Oh my god, we’re actually doing this?”
He positioned you in front of him. "Only if you're comfortable.”
You watched your reflections, the way his hands settled more firmly around your waist, how your bodies fit together so perfectly. Your gaze met him through the mirror.
“Convince me more.”
He smiled and wrapped his arms around you, fingers hovering above the buttons of your shirt. 
“Well," he began. "Did you know that mirrors don't just reflect visuals? They can also amplify emotions.”
You watched him in the reflection, the depth of his clear, brown eyes pulling you deeper into the moment. "It's like being both the spectator and the participant," he continued, his fingers deftly beginning to unbutton your shirt with gentle precision. "It makes everything more real, more intimate.”
You found yourself nodding, drawn in by both his words and the tender yet confident way he handled you. 
"So," he concluded as he folded back the fabric, revealing more of you to the cool air of the room and the warm glow of his gaze, "If we're talking about enhancing our senses, using a mirror could make every touch, every kiss, feel even more intense, don't you think?"
Words failed you; you were too overwhelmed by his presence, by the heat that radiated from his touch, so instead of speaking, you nodded again. He smiled, a slow, knowing curve of his lips that suggested he was aware of the effect he had on you.
"See?" he murmured, slipping your shirt off your shoulders. "Everything feels more alive, doesn't it?"
More than alive, your body was burning. You couldn't tear your eyes away from the mirror, where every movement and touch vividly reflected back at you. You leaned into him, letting the warmth of his body envelop you as his lips found the curve of your neck, planting soft, lingering kisses.
His fingers slid down the strap of your bra, the motion slow and tantalizing as his gaze traced the path. His other hand remained at your waist, holding you steady as if he knew how his actions were making your knees weak. 
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he urged when he caught you staring intently at your reflection.
"I'm thinking," you started. “That this mirror might be magic.”
His eyebrows raised slightly, amusement flickering through his gaze. "Oh?" 
“It’s making my clothes disappear.”
He laughed, the sound rich and warm in the quiet room. “I thought maybe I had something to do with that.”
“Well… you do love a good magic trick.”
“I do love a good magic trick.”
You felt his fingers on your back before he unhooked the clasp of your bra. The fabric loosened, and you felt a flush of warmth that had little to do with the room's temperature. His hands slid from your back to your shoulders, gently pushing the straps down your arms, allowing the fabric to slip away gracefully. 
“You’re so beautiful.”
You swallowed, trying to concentrate as his arms circled your waist before his fingers found the waistband of your pants.
“You’re… you’re pretty too.”
His chuckle was low and affectionate, his breath tickling your ear. "I'll take that as a compliment."
You felt his fingers undo the button of your pants, his movements slow, almost teasing, before he gently slid the zipper down. He gazed into your eyes through the mirror, seeking permission, and you found yourself nodding, your breath catching in your throat.
His hands shifted, not only guiding the fabric down your legs but also making sure your panties followed suit as he kneeled behind you. He let out a strained groan when he caught the evidence of your slick arousal clinging onto the fabric, momentarily pausing to kiss the back of your exposed thigh.
You were so pretty, so warm, so inviting. Spencer let his lips linger onto your skin while he pushed the last piece of clothing gently past your knees, allowing it to fall gracefully to the floor. He stood back up and led you both backward until the back of his knees met the edge of the bed.
With a smooth motion, he sat down, guiding you to sit between his spread legs. He carefully nudged your legs apart with his hand, and you couldn't resist looking away when you saw yourself in this position.
“No,” he said, his hand tracing along the column of your neck, coming to rest gently against your jaw before tilting your face toward the mirror. “I want you to watch.” 
Hesitantly, your eyes met your reflection in the mirror. You could clearly see yourself, how exposed you were, how you seemed to look smaller compared to him with the way you were naked and the way he was still fully clothed.
His hands traced a path from your jaw down your neck, and he watched himself move over the swells of your breasts. He gave them both a firm squeeze, admiring how they looked in his hands, how your skin radiated beneath his own. 
You gasped when his thumbs brushed your nipples. It seemed like it wasn’t much, but the sensation you were getting from it was making you wetter. Your nipples were so sensitive that you let out his name in an airy moan.
“Yes, baby?”
Your back arched instinctively. He knew what he was doing with his sweet, gentle voice and the way he was rolling your nipples in between his index and middle fingers.
You shifted your head to the side. “Can you kiss me?”
Of course he could, he’d probably give you anything you asked for. Spencer leaned forward, his lips met yours that melded with sweetness an intense longing. One of your hands found its way to his hair, pulling him closer as you kissed him with a clear desperation, but his hunger was unmatched.
He was kissing you as if he wanted to make sure he memorized every curve of your lip, the way your tongue felt, and how it felt good to get a moan out of you. You were moaning loudly, way too loud, and all he could do was swallow your moans—tongue exploring all over the inside of your mouth or press his lips hard against yours. 
Finally breaking the kiss just enough to speak, he whispered against your lips. “Should I continue?”
You nodded as his other hand, which had been skillfully teasing your nipples traveled down, tracing the lines of your body, over your ribs, pausing at your hips. He gently guided your hips to shift slightly, adjusting the angle, spreading your legs further apart.
“Can you keep your eyes on the mirror for me?”
You fixed your gaze on the reflection and felt a surge of heat rush through you. A glistening sheen of your arousal coated your inner thighs, and it almost embarrassed you, but it seemed like he didn’t mind. His large hands moved down your thighs, his touch alternating between gentle brushes and firm grips, exploring the softness of your flesh.
The moment his fingers made contact with the slick wetness, sliding effortlessly through your folds and parting them, a sharp gasp escaped your lips. The image in the mirror was boldly erotic, and he continued with practiced movements as he pushed you further into a haze of pleasure.
“Look at how responsive you are,” he murmured, his fingers rolling over your clit. "Visual stimulation can greatly enhance the physical sensations. Watching yourself like this, seeing how much you enjoy it, can intensify everything you feel."
Your stomach churned with a violent delight as he began to put more pressure, rubbing your swollen nub in a circular motion. You gasped, focusing on your reflection–your head tilting back, your eyes fluttering shut before snapping open again. It was intensely arousing to see yourself in such a raw, unguarded state.
"Watching can make the pleasure more acute," he continued, guiding your hand down to feel where his fingers were at work. "Try it."
Your eyes met his in the mirror. “W-What?”
“Here,” he encouraged, taking hold of your hand before placing it at the center of your cunt. The warmth and wetness were startling, even more so because you were witnessing it unfold in the mirror. His fingers guided yours, teaching you the rhythm and pressure that had drawn those sharp gasps from your lips.
"Like this," he murmured, his own hand adjusting yours, showing you how to circle and press. Your breath hitched, seeing the flush spread across your chest and neck, the way his fingers moved above yours.
"It intensifies, doesn't it?"
Your head fell back to his chest. “Y-Yes.”
“Keep going,” he instructed, and you followed, playing with your clit with the right amount of pressure you desired. When his fingers traveled further down, his fingertips grazing your entrance, your jaw slacked open.
You whimpered as he began to sink his digits into your cunt, savoring the way you clenched around him. Your eyes rolled at the back of your head before you instinctively closed your eyes. 
You felt his free hand gripping your jaw.
“Eyes on the mirror, Sweetheart.”
You obeyed, reopening your eyes. You settled to watch how his hand flexed as he began to slowly pump his finger in and out of your dripping cunt before adding another to stretch you out. You whined, your own fingers moving fast against your clit.
“Good,” he murmured, burying his face against the side of your neck, face nearly pressing into yours. His stubbled jaw scraped across your skin, causing you to shudder in pleasure. “Keep watching.”
You could barely think straight, your breaths coming in short gasps now, your focus split between the sensations rippling through your body and the erotic display in the mirror. His fingers curled inside you, finding that perfect angle to press against your most sensitive spot. 
The room was quickly filled with the lewd sound as he kept a steady pace, fingers rutting into your tight hole, your slick inner walls clenching around him with each thrust. Your hips jerked against him again as a tiny moan escaped your lips.
"I love seeing you like this," he confessed. "Are you close?”
You struggled to answer, your breaths coming in quick, shallow gasps. But he felt the way you clenched around him, a clear sign of your approaching orgasm. His other hand traced a path from just below your breasts, gliding down over the smooth plane of your stomach. He paused, his palm resting just above where your own fingers were playing with your clit, and applied pressure there.
A shudder tore through you, the sensation bordering on overwhelming before a sharp, involuntary whimper escaped your lips. Your body shook as your orgasm washed over you in an intense wave.
The mirror captured it all—the way your head tossed back against his shoulder, your eyes squeezed shut, then snapped open to catch glimpses of his fingers thrusting into your throbbing cunt while his other hand pressed gently on your lower stomach.
Your own movements paused as you tried to catch your breath and Spencer held you, making sure you composed yourself even though his erection was digging into the swell of your ass, itching to be inside of you. Fortunately, he had patience—you, on the other hand, not so much.
You gripped onto his thigh, noting the fabric underneath your palm. “You’re wearing too much clothes.”
Spencer chuckled softly, his breath warm against your ear. "Am I now?" 
"Definitely too much.”
"Maybe we should fix that," he suggested, shifting slightly to allow some space for you to turn in his arms. Your hands moved to the buttons of his shirt the moment you faced him, fingers itching to rid him of the unnecessary barrier.
He watched your every move with a slight smile playing on his lips. letting you push the fabric over his shoulder. “Better?”
"Getting there.”
You worked at the buckle of his belt before you unbuttoned his pants, urging him to lift his hips as you slid them off. "How about now?”
You reached out, your hands gliding up his now bare thighs.
"Almost. Still too much."
Spencer responded immediately, his hands removing the last piece of his clothing in a fluid motion. Then he was finally naked, and the sight of his cock, visibly aroused and gleaming slightly at the tip, drew a sharp intake of breath from you.
"Now we're talking," you breathed out, a satisfied grin spreading across your face.
His hands found their way to your waist, urging you to face the mirror again. “Get on your knees for me.”
“You’re really into this mirror thing, huh?"
“It’s hard not to,” he quipped, his hands gently guiding you into position as he settled behind you. "Don’t worry, all the attention is on you."
“Oh, really?” you responded, turning slightly to look up at him. "Or do you just like seeing how good you make me feel?”
“I do make you feel good, don’t I?”
“Cockiness does not suit you.”
“Mhm,” he hummed, gripping your hips with one hand and the other positioning himself right at your entrance. “Arch your back a little.”
You obliged, accentuating the curve of your body. “Like this?”
“Perfect.”
His hand on your hips adjusted you slightly, ensuring the angle was just right. You sucked in a sharp breath, feeling his cock brush past your folds and you both moaned as he pushed himself further into you. Once he was all the way in, pausing to take a breath, he slowly slid back out to give you an experimental thrust. 
You whined at the sensation before adjusting your knees, spreading them further apart to give him better access. This new position deepened the angle, and when he thrust back into you, the pleasure intensified.
"Is this better?" He asked breathlessly, watching your expressions in the mirror for any sign of discomfort or pleasure.
You nodded. Your face felt hot, your mind was fogging up. The feeling of being filled was too good, but you wanted something more. Your hips, as if you had no control over them, started to grind against his.
Spencer groaned in pleasure, head going blank. His hands rested on your waist, pulling back to slide himself out before going back in slowly, meeting your movement. But he was treating you as if you were fragile, his thrusts were gentle, and despite how vocal you are with your little whimpers, it still wasn’t enough.
“Baby,” you gasped, pushing your hips back into his. “Can you—can you go faster?”
Spencer's response was immediate, his breath catching slightly at your request. His gaze met yours in the mirror, searching for any sign of hesitation, but when he saw none, he began to pick up the pace.
“Faster?” His hand tightened on your waist as he gave you a hard thrust, jolting you forward. “Or rougher?”
Both, you wanted both, but a breathless yes was the only thing that managed to slip out of your mouth. His grin was sharp, almost predatory. His movements became even more deliberate, each thrust gaining force and speed, driving into you with an intensity that matched the urgency in your voice.
“You like that?” he asked, voice rough with desire as he leaned closer, his breath hot against your skin. 
"Yes, I—fuck," You blabbered. The pleasure was building, coiling tightly within you. “S-So good.”
Spencer’s other hand moved forward, finding your chin in the mirror and gently turning your face towards his. “Look at us.”
The reflection showed every detail—your wide eyes, his focused expression, the way your bodies moved together in a perfect rhythm. It was overwhelming, and even more intense when the hand on your waist slid around you, fingers brushing your clit.
You mewled, your back pressing against his chest. The visual of watching it all happen, of seeing how your bodies worked together, amplified everything. The combination of his thrusts and the relentless circles his fingers traced over your clit drove you closer to the edge. 
"Spencer, I’m—" you started, breathless, the words catching in your throat as the building pressure within you neared its peak.
"I know," he replied. He could feel it too, the way your body clenched around him, and he was just about at his limit. “Me too… I’m so close.”
You felt every muscle in your body tighten, the coil in your stomach winding tighter and tighter. “Wanna feel you,” you gasped. “Cum… inside…  me.”
Spencer’s response was a deep, guttural groan, his breaths growing even more labored. “Yeah? You want me to fill you up?”
“Please," you whispered, urgency lacing every syllable. “Want your cum in me.”
That did it. He just couldn’t say no to you.
His fingers moved rapidly on your clit as he drove into you. The combination of his deep, determined thrusts and the relentless stimulation of your clit overwhelmed your senses. The room was filled with the sounds of the rhythmic slap of skin against skin, and you could see in the mirror how each movement affected you.
Then, with a few more powerful thrusts, you felt him tense, a deep groan escaping him as he reached his climax. The hot rush of his release inside you was the final trigger your body needed. Your vision blurred, your mind blanked, and you surrendered to the intense wave of your own orgasm, crashing over you with a force that left you trembling and breathless.
Spencer continued to move gently, riding out the aftershocks of your climaxes together, his movements becoming slower, more soothing. As the waves of pleasure subsided, he wrapped his arms around you more tightly, pulling you back against his chest protectively. His breaths were slow and deep, calming against the back of your neck.
You were panting, tired yet blissful, and your eyes met his gaze in the mirror once again.
“How many couples do you think the mirror has witnessed?”
Spencer chuckled softly, his chest rumbling against your back. "More than we can imagine."
He then pulled out from you and a soft sigh escaped you as his hot release slipped from your cunt. Spencer noticed it too, which was why his hand went back between your thighs, his fingers pushing the white, warm liquid back into you.
“Oh my god,” you gasped. “What–you—” You stared at him with wide eyes. “You are filthy.”
“Don’t pretend you’re not enjoying this.”
You sighed, because he was right, more so you were enjoying it too much because his fingers continued thrusting into you and you found yourself pushing back against his hand.
“Spence…” You warned him, although it came out too breathless to make it sound like a real threat.
He grinned, clearly enjoying your response. “Do you want me to stop?”
You paused, pretending to think, but there was no real doubt as you quickly shook your head. Because how could you want him to stop when his touch was so intoxicating, when he was focused so intently on your pleasure more than ever before?
Your eyes drifted back toward the expansive mirror in front of you.
Maybe you should get one for your room.
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