#idk I'm also just kind of in an emotional place this weekend anyway lol so this could be nothing

[xoxoemynn]

Feeling weirdly emotional that we're going from this:

to this

idk maybe this is just a me thing, maybe this is just from rewatching S1 last night, but going from Blackbeard, shrouded in mystery, where at that point the viewers still think he's going to be a Big Baddie, and we meet him at night surrounded by dark shadows and bloodshed with a big beard and his hair partially shielding his face...

and now we have Ed. Out and about in broad daylight, running some errands, as you do. Still has a beard but we see so much more of his face. And he's irritated and fed up and hurt and in love but also... a lil goofy. He's Ed. He's in love. We're still peeling off the layers to learn more about him but he's so, so real.

I'm just so excited to have him back.

[cielsosinfel]

cataloguing some twitter + bluesky threads about fc4/pajay thoughts (currently taking a break from revisiting it because of BG3 worming into my brain) (laugh track)

2:50 PM · Sep 18, 2023

something I've been stuck thinking about as I read all this FC4 fic from my time in the fandom a decade ago, and newer stuff written in the years since… very few people actually have Ajay go to Pagan's side over the Golden Path because of his mother

Like, outside of the secret ending. Stories mostly have him going over to Pagan because horny or because "damn the Golden Path is full of lunatics" (which bugs me for another reason lol the like. flanderization? of Amita and Sabal to the point it just reads like character-bashing

But anyway it's just like. I keep thinking about it. Ajay only goes to Kyra because his mother wanted her ashes laid to rest there. He has no idea what her relationship to the country's politics was. He has no idea who his father is at all. He just wants to be a dutiful son

And grieve, and do this for himself as much as for her. When he gets with the Golden Path, he keeps hearing Mohan Ghale, Mohan Ghale, Son of Mohan- why should this name meaning anything to him? His father was in his life for what, less than a year, he has 0 memory of him

So few people acknowledge Ishwari as a person. She's "Mohan's wife," "Mohan's child bride," I can't remember exactly but I'm pretty sure she's also mentioned disdainfully for "betraying" the GP because of everything with Pagan… no acknowledgment of her role in founding the GP

Everyone placing all of these expectations on Ajay's shoulders because he shares a name and blood with a man who may as well not exist in his life, and no one sparing a single kind word for the mother who he loved for 20+ years and lost just a few months ago

EXCEPT Pagan

When he has, on one side, Sabal who projects his ghost of a father all over Ajay while pushing him to go murder people for him, and Amita on the other who starts out hating him because of that same ghost of his father while pushing him to go… murder more people!

does it not make sense he'd get tired and upset and start considering reaching back out to the one single person in what feels like the whole country who knew Ishwari's name without Ajay even speaking it, and knew exactly where Ajay needed to go to lay her to rest

this is my tl;dr thoughts i've had all weekend

idk where i'm going with this and no one on here has even played this game good bye

if he even cared about the ethics at all, because this is a Far Cry game, ethics are kind of wishy-washy across the board

honestly i'm definitely putting more thought into ajay's emotional interiority and reactions than the game writers did

~~~~

Sep 19, 2023 at 6:39 AM

& yknow, I think there's something to be said of the fact Pagan is the only person who never asks Ajay to kill someone for him. Unless you count the moment at the end where he suggests Ajay kill him even though it'd be Boring (and I do think he was full aware Ajay might actually go through with it.)

also think it says something he spent 20+ ys avoiding assassination attempts, only to sit there literally defenseless, waiting for the last remainder of a weird broken family he almost had to shoot him. After 20+ yrs of grief warping him. I'm turning this over in my head now

Sep 21, 2023 at 6:29 PM

another FC4 thing: I thought Pagan was the only non-Kyrati-native character that pronounced Ajay's name as "AH-jay" but apparently… Paul does too………? The choice to have Paul of all characters pronounce it AH-jay, but then Noore pronounces it A-J.. I wanna know how they decided these things

Sep 21, 2023 at 6:07 PM

Will I get suspended here for talking about how horny I am for Dadson, pseudo or not, and how insane FC4 in specific is making me right now

Pagan is SOOOO ATTACHED to ajay's simultaneous benefit (never at risk of Pagan's Actual wrath) and detriment (pagan being an overbearing creep forever)

[threetangerines]

hey, ryen!! how are you, love?

i was catching up with the blog just now and read the 📖 anon ask, and oh my god. i wanted to say a few things and you know i talk a lot, but bear with me, i promise this ask is gonna be a mess

i find it absolutely incredible and heartwarming how much 3tan is expanding. just the fact that you felt the necessity to create a separate blog to filter our craziness, or how each day we get to know more anons and how we recently learned that your writing speaks to and reaches men too. i feel so glad that you're receiving so much love and more recognition in each step of the way!

also, i love to hear how 3tan moved other readers. i love to hear about your inclusivity having an impact, about your caution whenever writing a character makes you write something that's relatable even if from a different background than yours.

urgh. you truly are such a great author, and i want so damn much to have a physical copy of 3tan once is over (if it'll ever be aksjak).

anyways, all this bc i wanted to share a bit of how your writing touched me too

when i had my 3tan journey, i was in a very bad place (that i wont detail bc i dont wanna trigger anyone or expose myself lol) and that's why i read all of it in one weekend.

i found shelter in your words in a way that i can't possibility explain. your story helped me to elaborate my feelings, and shed light on a lot of stuff i felt, but didn't understand. del sagno was a slap on the face for me, it was a wake up call in so many ways and i actually started therapy not long after it and i finally just worte my first fic and so much of it was fueled by you. like, whenever i listen to bts' songs i feel like you're promoting the same messages and you help me to go through my own healing process.

what 3tan means to me is... well. more than you know, and that's why i wanted to write you that forfeit analysis, i wanted to try and give back in some way.

anyway, it's three in the morning here, and im kinda emotional (as i always seem to be), so i just wanna say one last thing.

in flutter, reader talks about finding a home in a person, and i think it speaks to most of us who found home in bts and army. but i feel like you've proven to me that one can also find home in books, bc although i've always heard ppl talking about it, i've never felt it. 3tan tho? 3tan is easy to love bc it's real, 3tan is the easiest thing to love bc it feels like home.

hi, lua! i'm doing well<3 and idk if you meant to message this blog or kithtaehyung but omg 📖 is incredible, right??

i'm really excited that 3tan is expanding, as well (and i'm happy this blog now exists so that we can have our own little nook!) the recognition is cool but i'm truly just glad that people are finding themselves in this series and learning from it, just as i have.

there are so many people that love bangtan, and by extension, read bangtan fics. this is why i wanna be sure anyone can be comfortable reading mine and know that they are understood and seen<33 we shall see if there are physical copies! you are way too kind and i am so happy to have you here.

oh, love... i will say this: therapy is huge. proud of you for seeking that out and following through because talking out what's been on your mind and getting it sorted is crucial to feeling better, thinking better. to be able to lead you into something helpful like that? i feel so much in my chest idek what else to say..

self-love and forgiveness is what i want us to all have. if my stuff resonates with you as much as the boys' songs do, then i can retire peacefully and with no regrets. i've never received a compliment or comment like that.. kinda just sitting here and staring at your message. :')) wow.

your forfeit/3tanalysis (whoa, another word we can use!) is mind-blowing and i wanna print it and keep it forever i'm so serious. i felt like an actual author in that moment and it was surreal getting to read it. i love you.

3tan will always be there for you when you need it. it's home for me, too, and i'm super glad you've found comfort in it, as well. this was all wonderful to hear. thank you for saying these things but i wanna fight you bc i'm just one big pile of mush now T^T

[daantaat]

twu s2 thoughts even though nobody asked <3 just a brain dump and it’s quite long so I tried to separate my commentary by categories but it’s still a mess unfortunately. Spoilers under the cut!

General

Overall, I enjoyed season 1 more than season 2. I’ve watched season 2 three times now, and I do think it had some good parts that I definitely overlooked during my first watch (probably because I was preoccupied with Charlotte x Shona 😶😅). My initial reaction to this season was like ‘hmm so that happened and I’m not sure what to think’ but then I rewatched it and tbh I think my complaints are mostly to do with the time jump between seasons and the pacing...

Like yeah there’s only so much to touch on in six 25-minute episodes but!!! I finished the season wanting a bit more, because I thought that some of the things that were introduced were either not explained fully/well or they just dropped off completely and didn’t really have an effect other than me asking questions after the season was over, like it felt as though there were missing scenes— more on that later (though maybe they will be addressed in season 3??? If there is one? How soon do shows get renewed? Idk). Though I guess the audience does have to do some interpretation of their own but still... Idk! Idk. And the assumption that certain events/plot points mentioned in a character’s dialogue would be enough for context had me kinda “:///” y’know? Like don’t tell me, show me?? I’d like the full course please!!

Charlotte x Shona (+ Vish I guess)

I think it was really jarring to see their relationship grow from colleague/business partners to friends and then finally to something more in season 1 only to see them awkwardly handle their unresolved feelings in the workplace with nothing to show for their actual relationship besides a mention of “a week-long gay safari” + the brief flashes of a sex scene that was intermingled with Shona and Vish’s cyber sex session, which in itself is 😐😐😐 like yes it shows that Shona still thinks about/fancies Charlotte in some capacity, but if I were to choose between that sex fantasy/flashback or a flashback of Charlotte and Shona together (like Charlotte telling Shona she was falling for her!!!!)... I think I’d choose the latter? I was just disappointed that we didn’t really get to see Charlotte and Shona being all cute and romantic with each other this season :(

ALSO I wished we got to see more of jealous!Shona; I was super hyped to see that since that scene was included in the trailer. It was nice to see her want the best for Charlotte because she’s “great” but the jealousy part of knowing Charlotte is dating someone great got settled pretty quickly and instead we got Shona evaluating her commitment to Vish and considering the idea of having kids after learning she has a womb of a 39-year-old (😐) and it felt.... like a lot!! It was definitely different from season 1 Shona (”I actually don’t want kids” “I genuinely, I genuinely don’t, you know, it’s not a big deal. Just never have” in 1x04) but if this was to show her dealing with comphet or internalized homophobia or just simply running away from her feelings then... idk what to think of it! I really don’t. I think this is where things could have been written differently because using an affair with Charlotte like that (an affair that we didn’t even get to see besides the stolen kisses at the finance event) was so... ugh, I’m suffering here

Anyway, I think their office scenes were definitely highlights of the season, like Indira and Sharon really gave those scenes their all!! Even though it hurts to see Charlotte so heartbroken and Shona running away from her feelings and hurting Charlotte in the process, I live for the angst lol. I will say though, the 180 that happened after their convo outside Charlotte’s office was a bit “🤔” considering Charlotte had talked to her therapist about Shona for 4 months. Like one hungover feeling dump from Shona and they can move on? Hmm communication is connection, huh. And I guess they were just excited that the article got good results? But how cute that they got each other gifts of their picture in the article??? Wtffff I love my “unfunny and obvious” gal pals even though I’m in pain

As for the voice note... omg, so many questions. Like did Charlotte try to reach out to Shona after she abruptly ended their call to check if she sent the voice note to Vish?? Was that gonna be the first time Charlotte heard Shona say “I love you” to her? What was the reason Shona said “I love you” anyway??? Is she, you know 👀 Also do y’all think Vish will listen to the entire voice note since it was clear it was meant for Charlotte? And who knows maybe Vish’s phone died and he can’t turn it back on or check his WhatsApp or whatever. I’m in denial lmao. But also I think he's a pretty good guy, like when he sent biscuits over to the house when Shona wanted some and him saying what’s the point of having fun in New York when she's not there with him... :/ but he was also a bit weird about her putting a nail in a wall or leaving out the egg duck or whatever as a display item in their house though I suppose that’s not a huge problem so like idk man idk!!! I'm just saying season 3 better not have a time jump I need to see what happens and not just in exposition

Shona and Aine

Love them :) I wish they had more scenes together (if that's possible??) but I liked the somewhat change in dynamic seeing Aine a bit worried about Shona (asking her if she’s okay when she mentions she’s thinking of getting a fringe lmao and again asking if she’s okay when they’re unpacking in Vish’s house). And of course Shona is still very protective and worrisome but seeing Aine just miserably lounging around her apartment over the weekend and getting in her bike accident after Shona wasn’t too supportive of her and James’s business idea made me so sad :( like Shona was so shitty about her not typing up everything in the notes for the meeting! And not even reading James's CV... big yikes. Anyway I thought it was odd that we didn’t get a follow up on the voice note Aine left Shona after getting into the bike accident... like she sounded soooo shaky and out of it :((( what luck Shona was sick and didn’t see Aine with a missing tooth before she got it fixed

Anyhow, Aine was right when she said Shona needs to talk to her and talk about her feelings more!! AND this is part of where my complaint about the pacing and the missing scenes comes into play! I think we should have seen Aine and Shona fighting about Shona’s affair and leaving Vish the voice note. The audience knows Aine cares about Vish and I’m not entirely sure where her relationship with Charlotte stands since Charlotte told Freddie about her being in rehab (on the assumption that he knew, as Aine’s ex-boyfriend) but!!! Just cutting to them on the floor waiting for Vish’s flight to land was not as hard hitting as it could have been

Aine x Bradley (+ Richard)

OKAYYY. Cute!!! I definitely overlooked the signs during my first watch here but yeah they were definitely there during my rewatch(es)!! I quite liked seeing Bradley try to get Aine to stop talking negatively about herself and just try to treat herself better in general like exercising and actually eating off of a plate :’) and the comparisons between Bradley and Richard have me like 👀📝 Bradley saying he likes how much Aine talks vs. Richard’s friend Mark saying she talks a lot and how he wasn’t expecting a whole show to which Richard replies he thought that at first too but she “calms down” like brooo... alright. Anyway Bradley going with her to Tom’s funeral/service made sense since he actually met Tom (though Aine did vaguely talk about him and his drinking problem to Richard in 1x05) and the fact that she told Bradley about PACT and her time there but she didn’t tell Richard (to be fair she was thinking about telling him) hmm 👀 Also Bradley saying “Sometimes it would just be nice to be with someone you could just relax with as yourself” yeah I’m on board with them

Loneliness, COVID, Communication is Connection

Initially I thought these themes could have come across a little stronger but after rewatching... hmm. Yes, Shona was lonely in the house by herself; she even asked Anil to stay for dinner, had her own “pile of shit” boyfriend on her bed (which she did clear off), and told Vish that nobody had time for her. Also after the business meeting she asked Aine what she was doing during the weekend (which Aine also spent alone anyway), but I dunno... oh yeah her hen/bachelorette party was a bit lonely since places were starting to go into lockdown and not everybody could attend, but I think the COVID element entered a bit too late into this season? I’m not sure it really added much in terms of the loneliness. Maybe it did add to the uncertainty of things though

“Communication is Connection” was there but I thought it kind of fell flat as well, but maybe that was the intention— to highlight the mess that a lack of communication can cause? Shona apparently writing off Charlotte’s feelings and them not necessarily talking about their relationship/feelings until their convo outside Charlotte’s office... Shona talking to Seema saying she’s never really asked what Vish wanted (regarding kids) and Seema saying that’s a convo for her and Vish to have... Aine not telling Richard she overheard him and Mark talking about her... Richard not consulting Aine about telling Etienne about them and just getting a new tutor for him... hmm. What does it mean. What does it all mean

Other stuff I’m still thinking about/have questions about

Shona mentioning it’s “annoying” how Aine talks like she’s the only person to ever get sad in episode 1 but still telling Aine she’s fine and then in episode 6 Shona saying she only has two emotions or whatever so she doesn’t need to talk to Aine about her feelings as much -____- istg we need to get Shona to talk to a therapist in season 3!!!

I also liked that Shona, Aine, and Eileen talked more. I’m still a little disappointed that the fact Eileen leaving Shona for three months when she was a baby was not mentioned at all. Yeah it was a secret but when Eileen said “well, you should never lie. You’ll always get caught out.” I— HELLO? If anything, that secret seeing daylight could have had something to do with Shona's sadness + loneliness this season. Also could you imagine that becoming a fear of Shona’s, like what if she doesn’t want kids because she’s afraid of doing the same thing to hers if she has any??

Jim asking Charlotte if she’s straight and Shona immediately going “what does that have to do with anything” or something like that and apologizing to Charlotte after Jim left— I’m not sure how I should have read that??? Did Shona mention to Jim that Charlotte is a lesbian?? When he started to ask, he was still looking at Shona (yeah I’m reading too much into this I know)

Marcia figuring out that Aine and Richard were seeing each other (after he touched her hand on his way out to get a taxi)— what was the purpose? Other than Marcia obviously feeling bad for Etienne, whom I assume she sees as a son of her own (based on the Mom Instinct™ snooping when she was doing housekeeping + her convo with Aine when he came back from France). She didn’t talk to either Aine or Richard about it, just told Aine to have a good time when they were leaving the house to go to their “separate” events. I guess it wasn't her place to say anything, but hm. Speaking of Etienne, it was obvious he had a schoolboy crush on Aine (or at least he was vying for her attention) in season 1 and it’s really too bad we didn’t get to see his reaction to suddenly getting a new tutor or dealing with Aine and Richard’s relationship other than him looking at them hugging while the new tutor was teaching him. He deserved some more screen time this season :(

Hmm so that was all very incoherent but if you made it this far thank youuu <3 here are some last silly comments:

Absolutely loved Julie!! I want to know what she knows about Charlotte and Shona 👀 girl give me the scoop on the last 4 months at the office

Super sad we didn’t get to see Charlotte’s cat (I’m always gonna be vocal about this 🗣🗣🗣) or know who her new girlfriend was but at the very least we were introduced to one of the most important side characters of all: Charlotte’s stompy boots <33333 she really wore those around the office with a blazer/blouse/leather skirt! We love that lesbian attire

[honeyfelix]

its important u are reminded that people love you! also TWO BOTTLES?? THAT'S GREAT ANGEL!!! Did u pee then? It's important to stay hydrated but also take care of those kidneys! if u're up an average of 16 hours you need to go at least 4 times 😤 also I'm so happy u had lunch! I hope ur salad was yummy! Sucks to hear about ur work :( but that's exactly why u should rest now! take some time for urself! And please DO wash ur face, air is dirty these days. Basic hygiene is BASIC dont skip it! -☆

Hey angel! Just as you said, remember this place and writing are and should always be an escape for you. I know you don't wanna let down your followers, but the main reason why you write should be yourself. Take the time you need to get your life straight the most you can and just then worry about us. This blog is not a job! We'll wait, ok? Rememeber to have water and a lunch break! If you can, try to spend some time outside and have a change of air. I love you! ~☆

My angel! I'm guessing it's like 8pm for you maybe? I hope you had lunch and dinner today! Or at least a snack! You did so well yesterday, did you have water today? Make sure to drink a glass before bed! remember! Also did you shower? If you usually shower at mornings maybe you can start doing it at night instead. That way you can also wash your face and make sure you get rid of the world's dirt. Hope you have a great weekend angel! I love you! Please rest enough ~☆

Morning my angel! Did you have work today? I mean it's Saturday but some people work on Saturdays !!1!1!!1 If you do then good luck! Try to have fun and don't stress much ^^ if you don't then rest!!!!!!! Please!!!! And don't forget to have breakfast/lunch! Remember to stay hydrated, did you drink water last night? if not then drink now!!! It will not only help your body but your skin too! If you go out use sunscreen! I love you! ~☆

Hello my angel, it's 2am for me and I was heading to bed, but of course I had to stop by here first! Please remember u are loved and needed. It's ok to not feel ok and I know it's hard to believe u matter when u're down but I can promise u that u do matter. U will get through whatever u're doing through. I know u're tired of waiting, but I'm begging PLEASE give it a little more time. I promise I'll try my best to help u as I can. I love you so much my angel, don't give up just yet, u'll be ok -☆

please remember to have some food and water :( I promise you taking care of yourself will help you so so so much. Maybe even take a bath or a shower. I'm not trying to be annoying, sorry. I know I said I was more comfortable on anon but if you rather talk 1:1 just let me know and I'll slide in your messages ok? Rest well tonight angel, you deserve a break ~☆

My angel! Im sorry I didn't send a message earlier, we're renovating a room at home and I was stuck with that the whole day. How did your Sunday go? I hope you're better. Remember to have some food and water even if you don't feel like, you don't wanna lack energy! I promise. Remember you'll be ok and tomorrow is a new day. Rest well! I love you! ~☆

Morning my angel! Remember to have some breakfast! Maybe bring some fruit to work, you can compensate with that. Please have lunch break! And drink water, ok? Today try to focus on the positive things. Did you see a cute dog today? Maybe saw a toddler playing? Did you smell the flowers in the air? Was it sunny or rain blessed you? Small things that matter and will brighten your day. Stay healthy! I love you!!! ~☆

hi my baby ⭐️ i just wanted to say - this is difficult bc this has made me so emotional haha - i have never had someone care about me like this in my life i dont think. the fact that you went out of your way to think of me and check in on me when i was off the grid is so meaningful and overwhelming. 

i dont know how to thank you for caring about me when you dont even know me, and never asking for anything in return ... i dont even know what to say. these messages maybe seem small to you but have made me feel so loved and proved to me that someone cares about me and is looking out for me. 

and you are never never NEVER annoying, it breaks my heart to hear you might think that. i know how i push people away and can be unresponsive but i never want you think that has anything to do with YOU, it’s me being trash and i want to be better.

anyway. i just want to say again THANK YOU and that i love you. being cared about makes me want to take care of myself even if it’s just a little bit. you remind me that the things that seem normal to other people (drinking water and idk eating lol) have for some reason become this major obstacle for me but u make it feel possible and like something to be proud of. 

idk what i did to make u want to check in on me but please know that i do not deserve your kindness and your care. 

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.