#idk i can’t words right but. having dealt w meltdowns as caregiver??? it’s not fucking okay to criticize the child about what they did
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also. while i’m ranting about stupid shit in the tumblr tags.
#d speaks#another thing that’s slightly annoying me rn#which is 100% a me problem ofc#is this fic i’m reading#i’ve loved this whole series and all the other chapters#but then this character just had a slightly violent/aggressive meltdown#which is fully acknowledged as being a meltdown. and was triggered by some HEAVY stuff#and like. in the middle of the ‘comfort’ in this hurt/comfort… they had the person who was comforting them#say shit like jsyk you’re not gonna be punished because punishment is bs (valid) but your behavior WAS unacceptable and you need to apologiz#which is BEEP NO WRONG NOT VALID ACTYALLY!!!! like. hooo that made me big mad. it was said in the most kind/‘this is right’ way#and like. i can tell that the fic is gonna continue on with that being the correct response to the situation#which just makes me a little bit sick to my stomach!!! esp because the character was ALREADY EXPRESSING DEEP REMORSE#like absolutely fucking not !!!! miss me with that!!!!#idk maybe i’m just very triggered by a very clear depiction of an autistic meltdown being labeled ‘unacceptable’#like yes violence is wrong and saying mean things and throwing shit is wrong.#and yes impact > intent#but like. when there’s no control to be had like there isn’t ANY intent because the actions taken were fully not in that persons control#yes it’s important to focus on the impact absolutely but also???? shaming someone for it is just. not it#idk i can’t words right but. having dealt w meltdowns as caregiver??? it’s not fucking okay to criticize the child about what they did#ESPECIALLY not during the immediate aftermath/when they’re still coming down/don’t have space from it yet#like it’s one thing to say something the next day under the context of like. hey so let’s discuss what happened and how we can prevent it#and deal with issues caused by it. and maybe even say like let’s make a plan for a healthy physical manifestation of aggression if you need#but to just straight up say ‘btw your behavior was unacceptable’ is just wrong!!! just wrong#anyways i had a dream about M & C last night actually (M is the boy who used to have big meltdowns w aggression)#so maybe i’m also extra sensitive to this rn#because yea ofc we don’t want to say it’s okay to throw or break shit or lash out verbally. but also??? it is NECESSARY to acknowledge that#that shit is often happening at a base level with no conscious decision making coming into play??? and therefore isn’t something to critique#like okay here’s what it is. it’s like when parents blame a kid for wetting the bed while asleep. they’re asleep they weren’t in control#their body was doing instinctual shit and that’s not their fault and it’s not something they deserve to be guilted over#and this i think occupies a very similar space in terms of like. the mindset you need to have when discussing it after the fact
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