#idk i just want them to share their feelings about things…especially traumatic things

[apocalyptic-byler]

just thinking about nancy comforting mike after he learned about eddies death

[i-willstealyourtoes]

Hi! I just saw requests were open and I was wanting to request a few of the tf2 mercs (heavy, medic, and engineer) with an s/o who has night terrors. I have them due to ptsd and the medication for them doesn't work 100%

Hi, I just thought I'd let you know I have no knowledge on PTSD, so I apologise if any of this is offensive or inaccurate, I more just wrote this about people who have frequent sleep issues!

Heavy, Engineer and Medic with an s/o with night terrors

Heavy

- Heavy is a very understanding and patient man with the people he cares about, so you best know he will be here for you any time of the day/night

- If you decide to tell him about this, he appreciates it for sure

- "Thank you, (Y/n), for telling Heavy."

- He's glad you trust him with this, especially if your sleeping issues come from something that happened to you

- He has personal experience of traumatic things too when he was young, and has some nightmares too

- Depending on how long you've been together, he might just tell you all about his past too

- If you haven't been together, he'll just briefly mention the topic

- "Heavy understands this too well. Too well..."

- If you tried hiding it, he isn't angry at you of course, since he hides things too

- But he lightly scolds you the same way he scolds his sisters

- "Why did you not tell Heavy? Heavy does not judge. Do not hide from Heavy. Please."

- He loves you, and wants you to trust him with this :')

- He definitely asks Medic for advice, both about how to support you but also if there's any medication

- He does trust his Medic, but he does threaten him to give you something actually helpful and nothing suspicious

- "Doctor gives this. Helps with night problems."

- Will make you at least try it (not by force, but he'll heavily encourage it)

- If you want, he'll read to you (in Russian, preferably) if it helps you relax before sleeping

- Most nights will end with him gently holding you as you both sleep, as his unconscious way of keeping you safe

- If you wake up from a nightmare, he'll probably feel it, either that or you wake him yourself

- When he does awake, no matter what time it is, he'll still stay up and help you with whatever you need

- He loves you, he will always care for and protect you :)

Engineer

- Engineer is also very caring of his partners, so he definitely wouldn't judge either

- If you tell him straight away, he's glad

- It warms his heart to know you trust him with something like this

- He is a great listener, so if you want to talk about the cause of these he's your guy

- Dell's patient, super patient, so if you don't want to talk about it at the time he understands

- "Whenever you're ready, sweetheart."

- (When he calls you 'sweetheart' >>>>)

- If you do tell him about it in further, he can't help but furrow his brows in sympathy

- How could someone as brilliant as you deserve all this?

- After you tell him, he definitely holds you close and leaves kisses on your head

- "Thank you for sharing this, honey."

- If you do hide this from him though, he has the same sort of reaction as Heavy

- In which, he scolds you a little for not trusting him with this

- He isn't mad, but he hopes you'll be able to tell him these things sooner rather than later next time

- Anyways, he definitely has a trial and error sort of thing with your sleeping issues

- While yes, he always spends hours late at night working anyway, now he spends a couple of those hours writing notes on what helps you out

- Since he usually works late (no matter how much you try, you can't fully stop him from doing so), he doesn't usually go to bed with you when you do

- But after a bit of working here and there, he'll eventually slide into bed with you, resting your head on his chest

- He likes watching you sleep (bit creepy, tbh) for a little before drifting off

- If you have a nightmare whilst he's in bed, he definitely wakes up before you (he has a sixth sense, idk) and gently wakes you up by stroking your hair/face

- "Hey, wake up honeybee, you're alright, it's just me..."

- If he's at work when you have a nightmare, just come up to him and he'll hold you on his lap (if not possible, he'll just cup your face)

- Either way, he'll be here for you, giving you a hot chocolate/tea/warm drink, holding your hand and leaving small kisses on your shoulder and knuckes

- As previously stated before, he is very patient, so he doesn't mind staying up for hours with you

- He genuinely loves you, and if caring for you includes this, he doesn't mind at all

Medic

- He does more medical checks on you than any of the other mercs, so he probably finds out about it then

- If you tell him first, he's happy that you trust him, even if he already knows

- "Thank you, for telling me this liebe. I already knew by your check-ups, but thank you anyway!"

- Still, he appreciates your honesty and is glad that you told him

- It's better to hear it from you, since you're the one suffering from the issue

- If you talk to him about the cause of these/what they often are about, he can't help but hold your hand in support

- "I know I'm not the best with emotional support... but I am here for you. We will solve this together!"

- If you don't tell him and try to hide it, he's probably going to bring it up at some point, since he'll figure it out rather quick

- "You have... nightmares, correct? How long has it been this way?"

- He would ask quite a few questions during the discussion, writing down any important notes on his notebook

- He will try almost everything to try help, writing down the results of each trial

- By almost everything, I mean he'll be so obsessed on finding some sort of medical solution, he'll forget that sometimes just holding eachother can help too

- "You want me to... hold you? Oh, liebe, of course. How could I forget?"

- Like Engineer, he also stays up quite late sometimes, but tries to remind himself you like sleeping with him

- He always holds you close, leaving a kiss on your forehead with a smile undeniably on his face

- "Sorry for being so late, dear. I'm here now."

- When you wake up from a nightmare, he'll be there no matter what, whether he's in his medbay or he's beside you

- I think he has some sort of sixth sense like Engineer, where he just knows something has happened

- Either way, he's there for you, holding you to his chest, running his hand through your hair/rubbing your back

- "Do not worry, my liebe. I'm here..."

- If any medication can help, he's definitely encouraging you to take it

- As for his notebook with all the ideas, he's definitely going through all of them until you calm down and can try going to sleep

- He cares for you so much, he's willing to stay up anytime with you

[live-laugh-legolas]

The fellowships fears

I’m not including fears they may have developed during the events of lotr. These are meant to be a bit less traumatic lol

Aragorn:

-Ok this isn’t a fear per say but I want to include it

-He gets motionsick

-Not from horseback riding because he is so used to it

-But never put him on a minecart

-Idk if it feels too ooc but I could see him being bothered by bees

-Not that he doesn’t like them or is scared of them in general; but he doesn’t want them flying near him

-He does the duck and slide move if one flies by his ear

-It’s sort of an instinctual thing; like in his brain he isn’t bothered by them but his body reacts anyway

-He also has a slight fear of little kids

-Not of the kids themselves necessarily; but of the things they do

-Like don’t show him a loose tooth that you spin around

Legolas:

-He gets claustrophobic

-He grew up running around tree tops and shit

-So being in a small dark place feels unnatural for him

-Also he is terrified to eat anything that is still moving

-Like he won’t kill a bug with his teeth (Aragorn just munches on bugs) and gods help him is he ever sees the tentacles that are still moving or will like suction to your throat?

Gimli:

-Heights

-I just sort of imagine a lot of dwarves having this fear

-And I should specify the heights really only applies to climbing up things

-Like walking across bridges in Moria wasn’t a problem

-But climbing a tree is

-If he was already above something it’s fine (like a ravine)

-Idk if this makes any sense

Boromir:

-Fires

-Not contained ones like torches or campfires

-But he is very cautious about making sure they stay contained

-Like he is a little paranoid about the dead fire; like what if the ashes are hot and start up a fresh fire?

-It’s a reasonable thing to worry about but not to the extent he does

-If he was in modern times he would not like leaving things like toasters plugged in when not in use

-I have this and I just could see him having this problem too

Frodo:

-I’m totally not projecting here…

-But mice

-Not like the animal in general; seeing them outside or as pets is fine

-But when one is in the house; absolutely fucking not

-I unfortunately discovered this fear recently and I’d like the think maybe Frodo would share my mortification

-I’m pretty sure he is also canonically scared of dogs

-He wants to like them but he’s just too traumatized from Farmer Maggot

Sam:

-Chickens

-Not all birds; just chickens and roosters

-I imagine he once was collecting eggs and got attacked by the mom or a mean rooster

-He will never reach under a chicken again

-“nice chicken” while he sees a friendly chicken minding its own business that just wants to look for bugs in his garden

Merry:

-Things in skin

-Like needles and splinters

-I absolutely have this

-A splinter will make me faint

-This one is kinda a joke though because of Dom with the splinter incident

-Maybe not a fear per say but he gets really nervous when he doesn’t know where the people he cares about are

-Like he has to know what you are doing and where you are going

-He claims it’s just so he knows where to find your body should you not come back

Pippin:

-This hobbit is a bit squeamish

-Faints at the sight of blood

-Especially his own

-But not in a serious situation; then he is fine; he can keep a level head then

-It’s like paper cuts and stuff that are the problem

-He could look at open heart surgery and be totally fine

-But one little nick with a knife and he’s on the ground

Gandalf:

-Galadriel

-Ok not really; but also he wouldn’t say he’s NOT afraid of her

-Anyway

-I honestly can’t think of anything for him; but lmk if you have any ideas

-I just think he’s too high and old to give any fucks

[grizztheexplorer]

MmmmMmmmm read chap 104 of how to get my husband on my side (manwha) and idk if i like the change from the novel????? This is the only change i dislike so far but idk how to feel about it

On one hand im glad its not a whole chapter of constant torture for Rubi, in the novel while she was standing up for herself it also sort of felt like she was still very much suicidal and just didn’t care even after her realization of deep love for Izek. I do like that in this manwha she’s not as careless but rather firm in what she is saying. She’s not laughing manically ready to die because she actually wants to spend her life with Izek. She’s sure on herself and simply telling him, no manic energy in it, that she’ll do everything in her power to fuck Cesar’s life if he kidnaps her AND makes it clear what he has comes from a feeling of inferiority and a power trip rather than love.

HOWEVER at the same time he barely touched her. The big moment in this chapter was everyone, including the og fl, realizing the rumors about incest and even the kiss they saw was rooted in a very violent abuse. An abuse mind you that the manwha hasn’t shy away from before this chapter (so why now?). It was a big reveal to see Rubi both stand her ground but also be almost killed for it. Having all the characters eat their words and realized rumors affected their judgement. Here Rubi was only pushed?????? They don’t really see the extent of her abuse??????? How she’s not really the precious princess???? Izek has seen it but not the others. Also it IS important for the rest of the story too how injured Rubi gets. She 1) needs help walking towards the dragon afterwards but can’t even see properly. 2) was unconscious many days afterwards which leads to her being taken care of and for the King and Duke (izek’s father) to be aware they truly have to politically react because they can’t brush it all to the side. Like feelings aside what happened was so violent and left such an after mark that they are FORCED to react politically.

Also og fl is so traumatized by the scene that while she doesn’t want to apologize she knows she has to. It sort of breaks reality for her (and her brother) but its also what made her connect to Rubi’s good brother (Enzo). (Only thing i do hope they change from the novel is that Enzo lives. I truly was upset he died. He truly cared for Rubi and she herself said thats the only person she considers family even without being sure he loved her. But he assured her he did). And ALSO Rubi being so violently hurt its also what causes Enzo to realize she was abused because he had no idea AND Rubi realizes Enzo had no idea and actually cares for her (because she thought he sort of knew but was indifferent about it).

Also everyone reacting to the scene and freezing BEFORE Izek attacks Cesar was also important??????? Rubi herself sees it before the attack happens.

Its just??? Underwhelming???? Its the culmination of the entire story even if it isn’t the last battle. Its when everything gets exposed and EVERYONE’S perspective changes, especially after they were disgusted by the kiss. Izek’s sister also realizes shit and not only feels guilt but truly starts to realize mental health issues Rubi shared with her mom are not something that primary hurts those around them, but they come from a place of deep hurt. Seeing the extent of Rubi’s trauma in a way makes her reflect of her own mom even if the mom didn’t share said trauma. Is seeing the physical representation of the hurt.

Like I didn’t want the chapter to be trauma porn at all, but even if they had skipped it and made it short, Rubi should have been a lot more hurt and we should have seen everyone’s reaction before Izek’s attack. There wasn’t even blood.

[buckybarnesss]

I’m back with more Thots™

(Sad ones this time sorry)

When Kate shows back up in town and comes to the burnt out Hale house and attacks Derek it literally makes my stomach turn. Like. This is his rapist, assaulting him in the place where she murdered his family, the place where he’s punishing himself by staying. Like. To me, it always reads as an act of psychological self harm to stay in the burnt out ruins of his home, the destruction of which he sees as his fault and it just. It ruins me.

It’s always interesting to me to see how quickly Derek accepts harm to himself as acceptable—he tells Stiles to cut his arm off, pushes him out of harms way, and over and over again we see him devaluing his own well being. As a therapist watching the show, it makes me ache for him, to see his trauma so deeply affecting his every decision, to see him being hurt over and over again because he thinks he deserves it. He throws himself on the sword every time to try and protect others, and it’s always at the cost of himself.

And then I think about Stiles and him losing his mom and how he’s got his dad but he doesn’t really—he shares him with all of Beacon County, and what a lonely heartbreaking existence that must be for him. I feel like he sees in Derek so many of the things he feels, and that sparks a deep interest in him, a sense of kinship that only grows as he learns more about Derek, and in turn, Derek senses in him a person that understands pain, loss, and loneliness and with whom he can be himself.

Idk idk, I just, there’s so much depth to these characters that is so rich and I wish we had gotten more time with Derek and Stiles one on one where they talked about these things they’ve experienced.

this is such a good analysis. you are absolutely correct. i've said it before but i'll say it again: derek hale is one of the most traumatized characters to be on television.

the scenes in the tell where kate is just tormenting derek are brutal once you know the whole story. kate is truly an evil, evil person.

in my meta on laura i discussed how in addition to everything kate is doing to derek she's also demeaning laura and refusing her personhood. she never uses laura's name, refers to her as a literal bitch dog and croons at derek how they desecrated her body. it is a deeply, deeply fucked scene when you peel back the layers.

kate and gerard argent are the two biggest villains of the show and so many issues are because of them. especially gerard. like, fuck that guy.

most of stiles and derek's relationship is in the subtext of the show but the threads are there and once you pull on them it unravels revealing a surprisingly deep relationship despite the audience not seeing it all playout on screen.

(a lot of the relationships on the show are like this tbh but it's there).

it amazes me to realize that stiles learns so much about derek and is the only one who actively seeks out to know and understand him. stiles wants derek to trust him and once that trust is earned derek would do just about anything for stiles. it's such a core aspect of their relationship.

their first real scene in the back of the cop car where stiles is all "I'm not afraid of you." is practically his thesis on derek the entire show. derek believes he is something to be feared not because he's a werewolf exactly but because people around him die. he thinks someone caring about him, loving him is a death sentence and he doesn't deserve it. stiles deconstructs all of it by sheer stubbornness.

in the finale of the show stiles -- on his own -- saves derek from an fbi raid where he was falsely accused of murder. it's the inverse of the beginning of their relationship where stiles was the one accusing him of murder.

and the writers never make stiles confront derek over anything, or use it against him. it does nothing but give stiles more pieces to the puzzle that is derek. he holds derek's secrets just like he holds his own.

i think if derek had been around in s5 stiles would've turned to him for support with the whole theo ordeal and derek would've backed him up which would've honestly been a nightmare scenario for scott for a lot of reasons.

(but theo would've had no choice but to go die of shame once derek called him the wish version of peter and shooed him away.)

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

I like ur takes and I just wanted to share some stuff from another side. I watched spop as I was in my teen years, incredibly sheltered, queer, and lashing out because I was also dealing with abusive family dynamics. So… yeah I shipped it. I idealized it. And I heavily identified with Catra. But unlike with Zuko(who I also identify with) Catra didn’t change.

Every time she’d travel to a new part of the world I thought omg her moment is coming! Escape!! But she’d just get into a slap fight with Adora and then go back to the Horde. It was so strange it felt like every other character was in a story progression show and Catra was the villain of an episodic show until s5

And s5 was…. Weird. I don’t understand how Catra has a change of heart by getting more hurt by Horde Prime. She was getting hurt the whole series??? I still cried and was elated at the series finale but only bc I wanted an Adora who’d forgive me and love me and say I wasn’t bad. And I think a lot of people are like that.

Everything about the way Catra is framed points to her redemption even in the first episode… but it just makes me feel insulted now. To me as a survivor… it’s like they waved a magic wand and killed off the abuser and gave Catra a gf and that was supposed to fix it. It doesn’t work like that. My abuser died and it made things WORSE for a while (I think it would especially damage someone like Adora since Shadow Weaver “sacrificed” herself and therefore can’t be bad ever) . And I’m not looking for hyper realism in a Princess cartoon but at the time I watched it I couldn’t have really used yknow ?? Some guidance??? Something that wasn’t a fantasy lala ending that once the initial high wore off left me feeling confused and hollow. There is nothing in spop that teaches you how to get that kind of happy ending. Especially if you’re Catra who just says I love you and is suddenly resurrecting ponytail Jesus. To the me who identified with her, it was mostly about wanting to FEEL redeemed through her. FEELING strong and badass and GOOD and like things would be okay even if I was never a princess type. The actual result was feeling like I would never attain a happy ending of any sort because Catra’s didn’t feel real and her “arc” had no footsteps to follow in. How do you make a kids show and not teach good lessons??? Idk the show bad no matter who you identified with was my whole point.

At least I had/have zuko.

Also shipping zuko x sokka x suki is based I do too lmao.

first off, i'm so sorry about all the trauma you went through. i hope you are healing now, and thank you for sharing your story.

secondly, i think this is what a lot of fans felt. i can understand that people relate to catra. hell, even i relate to her a little. i know what it's like to be considered useless and weak, and to desperately want validation from a parent. i get it. when i say i dislike catra, it's not because she's a traumatized child or even because she adopted many of the toxic habits that shadow weaver portrayed. it's that she faced no consequences for any of this.

as much as spop tried to be mature, in the end, it was really childish. s5 got rid of all the complexity and just went "everyone deserves forgiveness", ignoring all of the glaring issues it had yet to solve. the protagonists forgave catra because the writers wanted them to, not because that's how it would have went down in real life.

most spop critics aren't heartless monsters who despise abuse victims, they are people who relate to either catra or adora. and they just want to see a better representation of abuse victims.

it would have been much more fulfilling and satisfying to have catra and adora take some time explore themselves and heal from their trauma, separated from each other. this kind of relationship is harmful for both of them. as long as adora is with catra, she'll continue blaming herself and putting pressure on herself, feeling as if she was responsible for everyone's problems. and as long as catra stays with adora, she'll continue deflecting her issues and being envious of adora. they needed time away from each other, but spop chose to invalidate trauma instead.

it's a pity that spop was one of the very few representation we had, at the time it came out, so people genuinely believe that c//a is a healthy ship, because they don't have many other examples to compare it to. i'm glad there are more and more queer shows coming out lately, and most of them seem to portray healthy relationships.

[bilolli]

Small things small things!! Slow burn it's always so many small things!

General things:

Like does y/n trusts Moon and Sun immediately because they're their caretakers or y/n is a little wary about them? Same question about Moon and Sun, what is their impression? What makes them change their impression if it was not the best?

Is y/n their first patient?

Will we see other patients? Some crazy funny rich people? XDD

Does Vanessa(or William) use bots for the same bloody things as in fnaf? Like, making them clean up everything, or do the dirty work... You know, in hospital it's much more easily to explain blood on the floor. But animatronics know. And Sun & Moon are afraid that one day it can be y/n's turn?

What IF boys already had a lot of patients but every time their memories are erased so they can concentrate only on their new patient, without any triggers of their past experience?

Sweet things:

What if y/n has cold hands? If so, boys can have a little gesture to try to heat them up every time they can.

y/n doesn't like the food and even if boys are against them eating something unhealthy they still sometimes steal for them, something not so unhealthy but something that y/n likes. Like feeding the cat under the table bhaha

Them having a little "sleepover" together, it's not allowed but who tf cares, Moon reading spooky stories about hospitals, Sun cracking jokes or making some "magic" tricks idk about it haha

Boys being extremely careful with y/n like they're made of glass and y/n acting like they're made of iron XD

Angst/bonding things haha oops:

(cliché one<3) y/n feeling especially unwell, they feel cold, trembling. They try to stand up from their bed, squirming, almost crying, trying to do at least something to feel better and even tho bots try to keep them in place, it doesn't work until y/n just leans on one of them, and surprisingly it helps, they don't try to escape anymore but now dca needs to, apparently stay like this for hours.

What if previous hospital was incredibly terrible sometimes? Like the staff being absolutely indifferent, sometimes scratching skin while taking blood or leaving bruises and so y/n is wary about every move that Sun & Moon do? It worries them a little, making them more aware of their movements as well but after a while y/n sees that they're careful and starts to trust them with it without hesitation?

Y/N can't sleep thinking about their death and shares their thoughts with one of the boys and as much as boys want to say "no, it's not true, you will be okay, everything will be okay" they just... Don't want to lie.(hahaha oh uh oops)

Y/N having a small depressing period about their previous life, before of all of these endless procedures, needles, meds and instructions from nurses. They say that they're so fed up of being locked in here, not realising that boys were locked up from their first day?

What if boys don't know what exactly happened with y/n? Like they know about their injuries but they don't know what caused it and y/n doesn't want to talk about it bc the experience was traumatic?

Y/N needs immediate help from any of the doctors but the second they are brought to the operating room doctors command boys to leave? So they just anxiously make circles near the operating room waiting, afraid that they won't make it

Teasing dialogues, dark humour about death that in the end turns into uhh something even more darker?-

"You look like a deadman"

"You're not far away from truth"

"Wait what"

-Kinda way

I don't know what you have planned for William and Vanessa but boys aren't allowed into some places, like they physically programmed not to go in there but y/n isn't so they go there, have some trouble while Sun & Mon just panic hearing their pleads for help and understanding that they just physically cannot do it?

It's more of an idea for a drabble but y/n starting to make 1000 origami cranes(if you know you know)

Sun & Moon having conflicted feelings about allowing themselves to actually be affectionate to y/n because if they attach their possible death will be x1000 times more painful

Sorry for so big "question" and sorry if it's in someway annoying, I really like this au X'D

OH BOY WAIT, I NEED TO SIT DOWN AND THINK TO ANSWER ALL THAT- OK

I'm gonna aswer under the cut 'cause I don't want to fill all your feed with my ramblings.

Anyway don’t worry! I like when people ask things about my ideas and it helps me focus on some points that I neglected! Thank you for asking!

first of all the general things!

I don't remember if I wrote this in another post but y/n decided to change hospital precisely because the staff of his previous hospital were inappropriate, cold and insensitive.

Not only were they not delicate in any of their activities but the hospital was even overcrowded and y/n had to stay in a room with other 3 people, and 2 of them happened to die in front of y/n for complications linked to hospital viruses. Imagine how traumatizing it must have been for them to just wake up and find out that your roommate, who you may have spoken to a few hours earlier, was dying in front of your eyes and you couldn't do anything but shout for help. Now imagine it happening two times in less than a week. That and the constant paranoia to be the next even if they weren't really ill pushed y/n to change hospital. And to lower the odds that such a thing could happen again they choose the most luxurious private hospital they could get.

They didn't know at the time that they had contracted a similar virus as the ones who died in front of them and they had a panic attack when the new doctors  told them. 

Hospital viruses are not lethal if treated properly and if the patient is healthy and didn't have previous health complications when they contracted it. But y/n had a pretty significant and recent trauma so that's why the doctors at Faz Co told them to change "plan" and switch to the "premium silver pack" which had an emotional caretaker included.

Now now, about your first question, y/n has no reason not to trust Sun and Moon. They were assured that the animatronics couldn't proceed with any medical treatment so no fear about their touch. They are just a little skeptical because they have never seen such sentient robots and because they are essentially strangers.

Sun and Moon's first impression of y/n was similar. They are a new patient, nothing less and nothing more. It's not like y/n is a super model or special for them at the beginning. They were just another patient who needed their care and a new person they had the possibility to know before they inevitably had to leave them.

The fact that made y/n special is the time they spent together and the memories they created in the meanwhile.

And nope! Y/n isn't their first patient! They had many people they took care of before them.

Some of their previous patients are still alive and well, never to be seen again after they went away from the hospital and they understand why they won't return willingly. Some others unfortunately passed away during their stay and, even if it's never easy, they have learned to accept that as well. They are caretakers in a hospital, they had to.

About other patients, I was thinking of adding some crazy and lunatic rich old woman or man to the story. Something like your typical grandpa/grandma who always talks about their golden age or something similar. It would be funny.

About the use of the animatronics for shady things, they weren't used to take care or clean up the scene in the canon and violent fnaf style. 

Before William's death, the previous animatronics didn't have a medical database and access to the patients files so they had to trust what the doctors (and William) said to them. They were used by William to administer poison or other things to the patients without leaving a trace. And if someone noticed it he could just decommission the animatronic in charge at the time and call it a malfunction. No one would ever think it was the genius doctor's fault. But after William's death and the public scandal, Micheal decided to download medical knowledge in their animatronics but to revoke their permission to administer anything to avoid problems and to calm public opinion.

If an animatronic were caught bypassing the rule in some way, they are decommissioned.

Sun and Moon remember every patient they had. Memories, good or bad, are still what makes them the animatronic they are now and to just erase the memories of the people they met (either if they are still alive or if they are deceased) doesn't feel right to them.

NOW SWEET THINGS!

A lot of what you wrote is actually really on point and already in my list of cute things they can do. I won't spoil anything but I'm writing a little shenanigans with food as the main subject (the comic with the whopper is a scene I'm planning to write lol). The "feeding the cat under the table" metaphor is actually a Sun thing! Moon is similar but in a more "do it yourself" way.

"Boys being extremely careful with y/n like they're made of glass and y/n acting like they're made of iron XD"  THAT'S THE PLOT. THAT'S THEIR RELATIONSHIP. like:

y/n: yo guys *coughs up blood*

S&M: Y/N YOU OK?????

y/n: yeah, just some allergy thing I think.

Angst/bonding things:

The clichè one is just you reading my mind. And the funny thing is that you are not even the first hahaha. But, hehe, even if it's really similar to the clichè one, the actual episode will be a little bit more dramatic.

I already wrote something about the old hospital and y/n traumas at the beginning but, yeah. Y/n would be sensitive to others' touch at the beginning but they gradually understand that this is a private hospital they are paying big money to stay in, the staff MUST be careful with their patients. And they seem like good people.

That doesn't mean they won't have nightmares about dying like their roommates in the other hospital. And at the beginning Sun and Moon are sure it won't happen. Y/n is young and healthy and they are just recovering from a normal hospital virus and some broken bones so they are not lying when they tell y/n they'll be alright.

When y/n has nightmares about their assault that's another thing. At the beginning they just waited for y/n to be confortable enough with them to explain and then they treated the argument like a normal person would. "Nobody will hurt you here", "you are safe" and they recommend y/n to take some self defense courses when they leave the hospital.

As more time passes their emotions about y/n nightmares are going to change, especially when they contract the unknown disease.

Black humor is a big no no to Sun and not really appreciated by Moon. As medical bots they had to do with the subjects of the jokes a lot and they don't find them really funny.

The boys can go anywhere inside the hospital perimeter, they just won't go in some places because they have no need.

1000 origami cranes hhhhhhhh, it would be just a SHAME if y/n managed to make just 999, uh?

lmao no, they are going to finish them all don't worry. It's actually a cute activity though.

I can imagine Sun bringing a ton of sheets after an especially depressing day/night for y/n and just helping them fold the cranes. They are both really stubborn and they would try to finish all 1000 in a day ending up exhausted. At least that night y/n would be too tired to have nightmares.

Sun and Moon having conflicted feelings about y/n and their situation? Yes.

I think I answered everything? If not I'm sorry hhhh

Anyway don’t worry! I like when people ask things about my ideas and it helps me focus on some points that I forgot about! Thank you for asking!

[cringelordofchaos]

i kinda wanna get into sp??? not nearly as much as you but like watch a few episodes. i probably wont watch it for a while cause i have a LONGGG list of stuff to watch but everything else is relatively short wheras south park. well. even though im probably a sonic mutual to you i think south park has wayyy too much stuff for me to like. just start from anywhere.

anyway point is do you have any episode suggestions??? i dont really mind if you just decide to give me all the creek episodes and call it a day tbf, the only one i actually have it in my head that i "need" to watch is the transginger ep

SJJFJEJFBFJRJFNF this makes me so happy for some reason !!

The thing is with this show you don't really have to start from anywhere or go in a specific order, at least I didn't and it's pretty episodic so it's really easy to be a casual watcher tbh

I will say thought the show has a ton of like, shock humour n a lot of bigoted characters, like cartman who's a bigot in every way possible but he's never actually justified in his bigotry and the creators of the shown obviously don't share his views but yea

You can watch it on southparkstudios.com for free and with very rare ads - though for some people it won't let them watch anything on it so idk

For creek episodes - there's "tweek x Craig" (my first episode!!!) and "put it down" which is sometime after the aforementioned episode (my second episode-), there's also "tweek vs Craig" which takes place much before tweek x Craig but it doesn't really have much of an impact on their relationship afterwards, though I really like all those episodes especially put it down, for some reason, it actually helped me understand relationships and emotions better ??????? Even though the advice is pretty simple it still helped

Creek also makes minor appearances in splatty tomato (though the episode is mostly about Cartman and Heidis toxic relationship), and buddha box (ep focused on isolating urself from societu pretty much), though they're there !!

As for heidi there's also doubling down which takes place before splatty tomato, and also put it down where her n cartman's relationship is paralleled to creek in a way

This is random but theres also episodes focused on gay acceptance, such as "big gay Al's gay boat ride" (aired in 1997!!!), where Stan learns to accept his dog for being gay essentially, and "cartman sucks" which is actually pretty cursed because half of the plot is about Cartman sexually assaulting butters, uhm but the other half is mostly an anti conversion therapy message (though there's a lot of moments referencing suicide rates in conversion camps)(episode aired in 2008) which is when butters was sent to a conversion camp

Speaking of Butters he's absolutely horridly traumatized and abused and if you'd like to see it on screen there's "butter's very own episode" and "Marjorine" ,both are dark as hell though so uh tw for murder attempt, referenced suicide, and uhh horror themes in general ???

OH ALSO RIGHT. THE TRANSGINGER EPISODE sorry j lost track of my words. It's called "The Cissy". I like it though some people consider it to be anti trans I beg to differ, it's mostly about gendered bathrooms and pop singer Lorde though

My fav sadder ? Episodes are "Kenny Dies", "you're getting old", "ass burgers" (the latter two connected and focus on Stan's depression), though they still use dumb humour

For Craig centric episodes there's "pandemic" and "pandemic 2 the startling"

If you want to be cursed to hell u can watch "Scott tennorman must die" though it really freaked me out even though I exactly knew the plot twist I was still horrified lmao

For STAN and KYLE episodes (?) (the super best friends I adore as well) you can watch "guitar queer-o", "follow that egg" and "smug alert!"

If you want episodes about Kyle feeling like a total outcast you can watch "the list", "chinpokomon", "Mr Hankey the Christmas poo", "the world-wide privacy tour" and "south park is gay"

Dang sorry I dropped like what. Twenty episodes at once.. well I think I watched tweek x Craig first, then put it down, then you're getting old?, then Kenny dies? And I just like spiraled from there

If you want any more specific episode recommendations feel free to ask !!! I haven't personally watched all of the show myself (still omw to do it) so I don't know everything

Uhmmm I understand if you don't want to be my friend anymore cuz of how cursed this show is though 😞😞 but good luck if u decide on watching it !!!

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, can something attract you and trigger you at the same time? An (oddly specific) example: I love neon things. I stare at them for hours and they remind me of my childhood. Idk of what exactly but actually it was something bad and I feel bad but also good? Idk, I find myself being attracted by triggering things more lately. Especially things that don't trigger a specific memory but more a vague unwell feeling. "Something was odd back then and it is somehow connected to the neon light". But I can't stop staring at it, once I started.

Idk is that one of those odd things that are "actually super normal for traumatized people"?

Hi anon,

What you described reminds me of self-triggering, and yes this is common for trauma survivors. Self triggering is essentially when a trauma survivor "seeks reminders of their traumatic events" and can feel compulsory or tempting. There are many reasons why someone may experience this, and everyone may have different reasons, or they may have multiple reasons. As someone who experiences this, I wanted to share a bit I wrote about exploring possible reasons why I personally self-trigger:

Part of it was to just try and make sense of it all, analyze it down to the finest detail, try to find a motive in the fabric of his shirt or the greed in his eyes. Trying to find myself. Trying to regress. Trying to give her justice by never forgetting what he did to her. Trying to mourn myself in a perpetual funeral. Trying to just hurt myself. Trying to overcome my triggers by constantly confronting them in hopes that one day I’ll just be numb, as if it’s a victory to be numb. Trying to prove to my inner gaslighter that it really was that bad, only to destroy my mental health in the process. It feels like running back into a burning building trying to find any valuables or anyone that may still be alive, even though there’s nothing.

Experiencing self-triggering can be extremely damaging to your mental health - I have had several mental breakdowns from doing this consistently, as it's mentally and emotionally exhausting to repeatedly expose yourself to things you know are at least somewhat upsetting to you. If you can access or afford it, I strongly recommend working on this with a mental health professional such as a therapist. They can not only help you develop some healthy coping mechanisms that you can use to substitute the urges to engage with your triggers, but they can also help you process your trauma as well.

I wish you the best of luck in your healing journey, and I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[fruityfroggy]

Remember Hecate, my ts Li oc that I’ve only briefly mentioned before because I can’t draw her? Probably not, but that’s alright. I’m just in the mood to spread some propaganda about her rn.

So if any MCs are curious about a tall, goth, phantom-harpy woman, keep reading!

These are some interesting things about Hecate, and you should know them!

She lives in a house in the woods of an alternate dimension. It’s the dimension where she made a deal with Lucifer (how she got her beast form), and she’ll let you stay in her gothic house as a bed and breakfast if she likes you enough. Who needs the Wet Wick when you have the luxury to stay at her place any time? Just don’t question where she goes when midnight arrives…

Her dark red eyes can glow in different brightnesses, depending on the negative emotion she’s feeling. This is an interesting way to take a peak at how Hecate truly feels about someone or something. For example, her eyes glow a dim red light when she sees Mhin. There’s some tension between the two at the moment, but her eyes aren’t glowing bright enough for it to be anger towards them. She’s…sad about it. About what happened...

SHE GIVES YOU BAKED GOODS AND PASTRIES (as long as she likes you of course). She does this mostly because my desire to give Mhin sweets made me do it, but it adds to the appeal, right? Plus, SHE HAS A PASTRY POCKET. A POCKET THAT SHE USES TO CARRY AROUND HER PASTRIES (and baked goods, but pastry pocket sounds better)! Idk why I’m so hyped about this idea (maybe because of the gap moe of it), but it did make me design a belt for he pocket to go on

But basically, all the other Lis and MC will get their share of Hecate’s goodies when she bakes a fresh batch (not Leander tho, she refuses, so he’ll just have to beg the others to share some with him). Once you get close with her, she’ll also come out of random alleyways to specifically give you certain sweets!

Hecate has the most similarities with Leander, funnily enough, because she fuckin hates this man’s guts. She wants to kill him, he’s trying his hardest to change her mind. But fortunately, her curse helps her learn his exact intentions, and if getting executed by the Senobium didn’t teach her anything about manipulators, then I don’t know what will (so it was…kind of a good thing she died?). Anyway, let’s talk similarities before I forget!

Their major similarity is how they’re both unaffected by your curse. You can touch them with your bare hands all you want (they both secretly like it...for different reasons though). This brings us to their second similarity, which is their powerful magical ability. Just two mages who both have a source of power that’s hard to access (as well as their overall skills in magic), making them more powerful than most. The last one is one that all of them have to some extent (so Hecate kinda had to have it), which is the different (almost opposite) sides to them that obscure their true nature.

She knows the secrets of everyone else (the other Lis AND you). Hecate has a curse that automatically forces information on whoever she meets for the first time, into her brain. Specifically, info on everything that has happened to them and everything they've done in life (I called this " the ability to read life force" the last time I talked about it, which doesn't make any sense, so it's a curse now). She's fine with it since it is quite helpful in a place like Eridia. But, having memories that aren't yours can be quite terrifying. Especially traumatic ones...

So, even if you're not romancing Hecate, it's still best to keep her on your side and at least consider her warnings and advice (especially the ones that she repeats).

That'll be it for this nonsense post! If you're still here, then...I'm kinda sorry lol. But yeah, hope I didn't bore you.

Just one question tho...would you choose Hecate's route?

[marlesbian]

How i perceive Lily Evans

Basics

- Liliana Selene Evans

- Bisexual (with a preference for women)

- she/they but still identifies as a girl.

- January 31st, 1960

- irish and spanish. (I love the jewish Lily hc but idk about judaism so i won't write about it)

- Born january 30th, 1960

- Gryffindor

- has OCD (obcessive compulsive disorder)

Life, family and history:

- Working class family, her dad was a miner, mother was a housewife and costureira.

- Her family was complicated, she was very close with her dad but never with her mom, though, her mother always complained about her weight, her hair, her friendships, everything really.

- Her mother was blonde, skinny and had been a model in her youth, so she tried to traumatize Lily a lot with weight related things, but Lily never ler herself be bothered, because her dad always hyped her up.

- Her father was a sweet kind man, he was big and brute looking, but those were just looks. Lily was his little princess, she looked just like him, big and ginger, with the same emerald green eyes.

- They were thrilled to have a witch in the family and that was when the relationship with her sister started to get bad.

- Her father died when she was 15 and mother died when she was 19, a few months before she found out she was pregnant.

- Her and her sister had a fine relationship growing up, because of the 4 year difference, Petunia looked after her a lot, especially when Lily was a toddler. Lily always looked up to her big sister and while at hogwarts sent letters all the time, but as she grew up and her sister ignored her more, she stopped trying. Didn't send any more letters, didn't talk to her in the summer.

- They stoped talking to each other after their mother died.

- She did want Petunia to be Harry's godmother, but they hadn't spoken to each other in years. She also died not knowing Petunia had a son.

Hogwarts years:

- Top of the class on almost everything. Favorite classes were Charms, Divination and DADA.

- On her first month of divination classes she got there late and had to sit with James to share a tea cup. The teacher came to their desk to talk to them and noticed something curious, both of them had identical fate lines. The teacher then began to do a complete reading of their palms. The professor told her that both of them had short life lines and identical fate lines, and that they would still develop a stronger bond. That kept Lily up at night, what did it mean that her and Potter had twin fates?

- She started loving to watch quidditch, she found it so interesting and fun. Lily loved the wizarding world and everything about it, it fascinated her, specially hogwarts. She loved discovering stuff about the castle and most Sundays she took the afternoons to explore the castle, she befriended the ghosts and loved talking to them, she loved the elves and wanted to do something to help them when she graduated.

- She always knew she liked girls, her first crush was a girl, her first kiss was girl and first relationship was with a girl, and she always knew she liked boys too. The first boy she had a serious thing with was James, otherwise all the boys were random kisses at parties. Like she fell for James HEAD OVER HEELS.

- The first person she wanted to kiss, like really kiss, was Mary. Mary who always had some lip gloss on, whose hair smelled like coconut and cinnamon, whose smile bightened everyone's day. Yeah Lily wanted to kiss her, it wasnt even a crush, she didn't feel that way about her, she literally just wanted to kiss her. A LOT.

- Her first kiss ended up being Marlene and her first girlfriend was Alice mf Fortescue. (She and alice were literally perfect i have written loads about them)

- She had a duelling club where she helped and trained muggleborn students to defend themselves. In her last two years the club became more about helping everyone defend from the death eaters.

- Great amazing student, naturally smart but studied a lot because she did got introduced to magic quite late, she was a perfectionist and a bit bossy. She craved academic validation and had a thirst to prove herself, prove that yes she was muggleborn and that did not make her less, that made her stronger for having extent knowledge of both worlds.

- Her favourite subject was potions and she actually adored Prof Sulghorn and he adored her, he saw her dedication and innate talent.

How i perceive her:

Physical appearance;

- Ginger, flaming red wavy kinda curly hair. PLUS SIZED!!!!! had lots of freckles everywhere on her body, kinda tall like 1,73m

Style;

Her style was kinda hippie 60s movement but she was very punk rock and also a marxist.

She loved tattoos and she had a gold nose ring piercing.

Loved long skirts, button up shirts woth long sleeves, colorfull patterned dresses, embroided jeans, sweaters and jumpers and cardigans.

RINGS

Just a jewellery person, loved any type of jewellery (mostly earrings and rings).

Chipped black nail polish or no nail polish, kept it natural.

Random headcanons

- She had always loved astrology, muggle witchcraft, crystals, tarot cards reading and then divination, when she got to hogwarts.

- Lily loves the beach. Loves the Sea animals, to feel the sand, to swim with the fish, to taste the salty water on her face, the comforting ocean breeze, the distinct smell of the sea, loves seagulls and picking shells then giving them back to the ocean.

- She just had a lot of raw magic inside her, she was great at wandless spells and loved controlling that force inside of her with her mind. She was great with non verbal spells and the magic got very explosive and unstable when she felt any strong emotion (anger, sadness, happiness, anything)

- Lily was an artists and very good with manual labor art such as sculpting, ceramics, painting and crafting in general. She loved making earings out of clay in strange shapes.

- Lily loved music, her dad introduced her to the Beatles and it was one of her fav bands. Her favorite song was "Strawberry fields forever". She was the biggest Elton John fan and also a fan of Fleetwood Mac, ABBA, Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd.

- She adored reading and read almost every genre, her favs were mystery and romance. Huge Virginia Woolf and Brönte sisters fan, she absolutely adored Wuthering Heights and A room of one's own. She also loved reading biographies.

- When she was small she wanted to be a marine biologist (before she found out she was a witch). Then in the wizarding world, she became a soldier in the war and was one of the best duelist they had, she sometimes trained the younger recruits.

- While speaking, she had the voice of an angel but she was a TERRIBLE singer. She still sang anyway.

- Her and James started to bond after she drifted apart from Severus because of Elton John. They were both fans and bonded over it, they met on his show during the summer (James went with his parents, she went with Mary). It was a simple thing but it was the start. After they got together, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" became their signature song on karaoke night.

Jily

So i just feel like i really wanted to put this here bc jily is awesomeeeeeee. They are NOT boring, they're angsty, they have so much to be written about, like: how Lily went from not liking him to being friends then falling in love, how James felt when she rejected him for the first time, how hurt he felt all these times when Lily said something bad about him because she was defending her friend (Snape), the betrayal Lily went trough after that OWL test, how she had to question everything she thought to be true, how she started to trust James, see his true self, see his heart and his intentions. How Lily didn't want to admit to herself that she had been in love with someone she thought to hate for years. Her denying her feelings, trying to hide them, trying to be okay with the idea of falling in love with a man she once thought to hate. Also they were very good friends in their relationship, they trusted each other blindly, talked about everything, knew all about the other but still kept their relationship fun, loving, warm and passionate. THERE IS JUST SO MUCH TO TALK ABOUT WHEN IT COMES TO THEM. I will stan jily till i die.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH SHE MUST HAVE LOVED JAMES TO THE POINT WHERE SHE, A SMART, THOUGHTFUL AND INTELIGENT WOMAN DECIDED TO RAISE A CHILD WITH HIM IN THE MIDDLE OF A WAR????? THAT'S TRUE LOVE!!!

JAMES DIDNT SPEND HIS SEVEN YEARS PESTERING AND ANNOYING HER TO GO OUT WITH HIM. Yes she found him annoying for a long time, because he was over confident, couldn't seem to keep quiet, was always talking and up something, to some prank. She though he was mean and a bully for a long time. They were kind of friends the first years, but Severus was always trying to change her mind about James, he kept trying to rot her idea of him. In 5th year James did have a huge crush on her, asked her out a few times, mostly as a joke (internally hoping she would say yes), justto keep his character up. She started to get fond of him after she saw how James sided with Remus after The Prank. She had always admired him, how great of a friend he was, how strong and smart and extremely kind James always was. So they became close on 6th year, very close. He did have feelings for her but that never stopped him from going out with other people, falling for other people and that didn't make these feelings any less real. James was like that, he was always so full of love to give, it was impossible for him to not love everyone. She only started dating James close to the end of 7th year, after they had spent all of that time together on head girl and head boy duties. When she did fall though, she fell hard, no holding back, he was like a piece of her that was missing and finally got put back in it's place, their love was strong and powerful and the moment they kissed for the first time, she knew that was who she wanted to kiss till her last day.

[spacedlexi]

ive been intrigued by modern au of certain twdg characters, like we know some of their back stories (lee being a prof or javi a baseball player) but like actually picturing/designing them is interesting, idk if you've ever thought of it past clem, louis and violet [unfortunately im unskilled so just sharing my ideas!]

i dont think about modern aus all that often since ive always been more of a fan of in-universe explorations. the only time i Really think about modern au stuff is when im playing them in the sims lmao (i keep my traumatized faves safe there)

i dont think their designs would be all that different? the only reason i see clem vs modern clem as variations of the same person is because we knew what she was like as a kid and we saw how beat down by the world she became after 8 years on the road. but without the trauma of that i feel she would be able to retain a lot of that optimism and kindness she had as a child that she became hardened to as she got older (that kindness is still there deep down but shes become hardened by the things shes been through and shes had to become tough to survive). and even with her parents still dying, getting to have lee permanently as a supportive guardian lets her still retain that general attitude for the most part, she just becomes more of a realist. but she never gets as low emotionally as she was in like S3. she also has less responsibility since she doesnt have to care for aj alone either. she actually gets to be a sister. shes much more lighthearted overall while still taking things seriously

but for characters like lee or javi (or any of the adults), we've seen them outside of the apocalypse. and their outlooks didnt change all that dramatically because of it. at least not in ways that would influence their personal styles. just take the layer of zombie grime off them give them a bath and clean clothes theyre good to go

when i think of modern aus i imagine most of the adults to be the same, just more relaxed as they dont have to deal with fighting to survive day after day. its really the younger characters that i feel would have the possibility of being different. in-universe their lives were shaped by the apocalypse. but without the apocalypse who would they be? and how do you still keep those characters feeling like Themselves when you remove such a big part of why they are the way they are?

especially when it comes to the ericson kids who, when i imagine modern aus, were not sent off to boarding school by their families either. thats another huge change to something so so foundational to their characters. how were those situations handled? did those events even happen? in louis' case i personally keep his relationship with his father tense and strict, but i make his mother more supportive of him and his goals, and so while he still has to fight for what he wants there was never a time where he felt he needed to teach his dad a lesson, because at least he has his mom. in violets case things dont change all that much, her dad still sucks her mom still works 3 jobs and her grandma still offs herself in front of her, only difference is they have no financial ability to send violet off, and so she just has to Deal with it. but even these changes dont have all that much effect on their personal styles compared to their canon selves. louis just gets to keep wearing his expensive designer shit, and violet has had the same wardrobe for 5+ years and it shows in its wear and tear

when i think about how characters would dress its heavily reliant on their personalities, outlooks, and circumstances. how do i show these things based on looks alone? but thats why i dont imagine most of them looking all that different. theyve just been reverted. lee is still a fun but reasonable (for the most part) history professor who wants to start a family, and javi is still a happy go lucky uncle dealing with being kicked out of his dream career while trying to be more present for his family. their styles remain largely unchanged

[sharkneto]

Any ficlets in the works with Klaus as a primary?

Huh. I really don't have much Klaus in the pipeline. Hasn't been a lot of writing time as of late and all my random little nothings are Five (obviously) and HIT adjacent. The one Klaus thing I've got is a "deleted scene" from HIT ("deleted" in the sense that I played around with it like last month, and not at all during when HIT was written lol). I'll share it here, idk if I'll write more of it or not but it was a fun evening of writing.

"Deleted" scene from Holding It Together, in the middle of Chapter 16: This Could Be a Win, as everyone is headed to the cafe:

Klaus hangs back a moment as everyone shuffles into cars, waiting to see which one Five ends up in. He’s ninety-nine-point-seven percent sure that Five died back in the kitchen, and that’s his wheelhouse so he’s given himself the job of… what exactly he isn’t sure. Five-watching? Making sure he’s all alive properly? What would he even do if Five wasn’t alive properly? Off himself for a quick chat with the Girl On The Bike to get it straightened out? Everyone would hate that, they’re all paranoid one of these times he won’t bounce back, but he always bounces back, so really no big deal. It’s his thing.

As he is distracted looking around the garage for the least traumatic way he could temporarily-murder-himself in front of his siblings, Ben leaks a small hum of surprise. Klaus pulls his gaze from a metal rake hanging by the garage door (terrible idea, awful, messy way to go, especially when he’s never really done It on purpose; he’d have to work himself up to Death By Metal Rake) to catch Five slipping out of the garage after Number as the rest of the family sorts themselves into Rob and Sarah’s cars.

“Huh,” he agrees with Ben. He starts after them.

“Wait,” Ben hisses for no reason, forgetting no one else can hear him. Klaus slows anyway, head tilted back to show he’s at least pretending to listen to whatever ghostly advice he’s about to be given. “Do we want just me to ride with them? They’re not going to say anything if you’re there.”

So they are on the exact same page that Five needs watching, at least. Klaus turns more to give Ben a considering look, which is a mistake because it is also the moment he steps out of the garage and directly onto a small patch of ice. His foot tries to shoot out from under him and he flails an arm back to catch himself, managing to only half fall into the wall and missing the metal spikes of the rake with his head by inches.

Goddamn. He has to stop goading the universe like that. Five would lose his shit if the second he turned his back Klaus actually (temporarily) died by garden tools.

“Klaus?” Viktor asks, halfway into crawling into Rob’s sedan. “Are you alright?”

Waiting for his heart to restart as he pulls his eyes from the rake, he forces a smile and tacks on a quick laugh for good measure. “Yeah! Just a little slippy over here!”

The corner of Viktor’s mouth twitches up and he jerks his head to the car. “We’ve got room? Or are you…?” He glances at Sarah’s SUV behind him. It’s lurching a little as Luther folds himself into the passenger seat.

Klaus looks between the two cars and then out at the street where the Fives are getting into Number’s little red car. “No!” he decides. “I’m gonna catch a ride with Numerino and Five-o.”

Viktor considers that for a second before his expression pinches a little. “…are you sure?”

Everyone knows that car ride is not going to be a pleasant one. But: “Yeah! Someone’s gotta make sure they don’t metaphorically kill each other before we get to wherever we’re going.” His smile feels stale as he jokes about Five dying, but he holds it. Viktor buys it, too, his smile twitching up again in fondness for both Fives’ acerbic personalities. He nods and ducks into the car.

Klaus finally rights himself and more carefully steps out onto the driveway.

<WRITE>

Number’s car rumbles to life and Klaus and Ben break from their stare-off at one another. Klaus dives for the car door to launch himself into the back seat before he misses his chance. Once he rights himself and scoots to the side so Ben has room to haunt, he turns his attention to his brother and not-brother in front of him. Number and Five are both twisted back so they can look at him, identically surprised and unimpressed by his sudden presence. Klaus pulls on the biggest smile he can. “Hi!”

It hangs between them for a long second, the three (four) of them all just looking at one another. Then Five says, “Klaus.” With that, he turns back to the front and crosses his arms. It wasn’t a very pleased greeting, but it also wasn’t very hostile.  A solid neutral. Klaus can work with a solid neutral. He shifts his gaze to Number, trying to make his eyes as large and sympathetic as possible, trying to communicate… something. He’s here as backup? He needs Number’s help to open Five up about what happened? He’s here as support for Five? Something.

Number remains unimpressed with him, although his gaze flicks between him and Five once before he minutely shakes his head. He also turns his focus to the front, pulling his car out of park as Rob backs out of the driveway into the street in front of them, Sarah already out.

They follow. The Fives stare out the windshield, Number’s grip too stiff on the steering wheel.

It is so quiet.

Klaus exchanges a look with Ben. Ben is giving him an I told you so look, so he aborts on that attempted camaraderie to focus back on the Fives.

It’s been a whole minute of silence and the Walters had said the coffee shop or whatever they’re going to is only a few minutes away. He doesn’t have a lot of time.

 “So,” he says, too loud for the vacuum of the car, “how’s it going?”

The Fives clench their jaws at the exact same moment in response. Klaus lets himself enjoy that for a second. They’re so weird.

“That was all a lot in the house, it’s nice to get some space,” he continues pushing. Ben lets out a judgmental little breath next to him. He ignores him.

Continued silence from the Front Seat Five Zone.

“Really intense in the kitchen. Big fight. Sushi. Rob said it was close?”

Five’s arms tighten across his chest. Klaus catches Number’s gaze in the rearview mirror as the car slows for Rob stopping at an intersection ahead of them. He waits for Number to say something, help him move this along. Number had said he thought Five keeping this secret was stupid and he’s got a big enough brain to think of a too-revealing-but-seemingly-innocent comment. Five’s unsocialized enough to probably not pick up on it being on purpose, chalk it up to his usual assumption that Number is dumb and impulsive (which is so funny, they’re the same goddamn person, what does that say about you, Number Five Senior?). Although Five is also ridiculously paranoid, so maybe he would accidentally see through it…

Rob pulls through the intersection and Number breaks their eye contact to follow him, cutting off the person whose turn it was to their right. They get a honk. Number is unbothered.

Klaus waits.

Number. Says. Nothing.

Klaus focuses really hard on the rearview mirror to try and force the kid to look at him again and feel his fucking say something vibes he’s trying to send through it. He does, only to look away again immediately and readjust his grip on the steering wheel.

Really?

What an asshole. Klaus is doing this for him, too! Kind of. Tangentially.

It counts, though.

[multiplicity-positivity]

Just a question: if a system integrates and eventually fuses, will the fused single person remember the trauma? And is it normal to not want integration to happen?

I’m the protector and main trauma-holder (a few alters have varying memories of the trauma, and a few don’t have any memory at all) and for some reason I just feel like if we integrate and that wall of amnesia goes away, I guess it’d just feel like I remembered and took the pain of the trauma all for nothing. And I don’t want the other alters (especially the younger ones) to have to deal with something I’ve can deal with myself. It’s pretty selfish of me and I’m worried I’m going to hold the system back for healing. Idk

yes. and also... yes.

a big part of integration is lowering those dissociative barriers and allowing all alters to have access to different memories, even traumatic ones. it comes with the territory of learning, healing, and processing trauma together.

(lil disclaimer - fusion and integration mean different things, though integration is necessary before fusion can occur. integration involves breaking down dissociative barriers so that the system can all be aware of each other and share their memories. fusion involves multiple alters coming together permanently to form a single entity.)

many systems feel nervous and apprehensive about integration, and are downright terrified at the thought of fusion. as far as we understand, this is a pretty natural response to someone learning their trauma history may be more extensive than they once thought. it’s natural to push back against that, to want to deny or ignore trauma, and to feel like one or two alters have to exclusively handle trauma memories in order to protect the system.

and honestly, without access to meaningful treatment, we feel like this is one of the best ways for a system to continue functioning without letting their trauma destabilize and overwhelm them. no system should be forced to integrate before they’re ready. and keeping these trauma memories separate may be one of the only ways for a system to effectively manage their dissociative symptoms.

you say that you think if your system were to integrate, it would leave you feeling like remembering and taking the pain of your trauma was for nothing. we understand why you may feel this way, but we’d like to respectfully disagree.

at the time of your trauma, you formed as a means of protecting your system. your whole life of knowing and holding onto traumatic memories was protecting your system from events that they were not ready or able to know about. as a trauma holder, you have fulfilled a vital and necessary role for your system - holding onto traumatic experiences so that the rest of your system wouldn’t have to deal with them.

healing will not negate any of this. but eventually, through time, patience, and treatment, you may reach a point where you holding those memories isn’t protecting your system anymore. as y’all learn more about each other and strive for recovery, it may become more and more important for the rest of the system to learn about your trauma so they can understand how it affects them.

because even if all your traumatic memories belong to a few specific alters… that trauma still affects everyone in the system. even if they don’t know the specifics or have no memories of it, the trauma responses remain and the wounds left by trauma remain. and they will always remain until the system has had a chance to heal.

it is not selfish for you to want to protect your alters from dealing with those memories! we’re sure they are incredibly painful - no one should ever have to go through what you and your system went through. it’s good that you want to protect your system!

at the same time, it’s important to recognize that there may come a time when the best way to protect your system is to share your memories with them. not immediately, and not before you’re ready! but toying around the concept of openness is a great first step.

it is incredibly difficult (if not impossible) to process and heal from trauma without alerting the rest of your system to what that trauma even is. we certainly know in our system we could never hope to heal without clueing in alters about what happened to us. this is not something you should have to face and grapple with alone. you may feel like hiding these memories from your system is a way to protect them (and for now, that may be true!!) but as y’all start to heal we hope that will not always be the case.

sorry this turned out so long. we really really feel for you and have alters in our own system who are dealing with an incredibly similar situation (one of which is cofronting right now!). but this is what we think after having lots of discussions about trauma, dissociation, and our system with our therapist.

we wish your system the very best of luck with everything! we’re rooting for y’all and hope you’re able to heal, recover, and grow closer together as a result :)

🐢 kip, 🦇 kandi, and 🌸 margo

[xxchromies]

Rethinking antinatalism

I've been thinking more about antinatalism and like...I do stand by a lot of what I said. But I realized something. The truth is that there are so many things, so many ways of thinking that just aren't practical in the real world but people believe in them because they're thinking abstractly. And antinatalism is just another one of those. Idk if that makes sense.

Basically, I realize that there really AREN'T any non-selfish reasons for someone to have children. And you CAN'T consent to being born, so I suppose that does technically make it unethical. So I can see where antinatalists are coming from. And they're ambivalent about humans dying out because "nothing actually matters" and as an atheist I think they are technically correct! Some of my haters are getting it twisted, they think I want people to have kids even if they don't want any (I literally said I don't in the first line but APPARENTLY it still wasn't clear enough). But I DON'T think that and I don't know why anyone ever would!

My whole thing is that antinatalism is one of those ideologies that doesn't take real life into account. It doesn't take human nature into account. People feel a biological drive to reproduce, and yes, that biological drive can be overridden but we only have so much control. And also because I do still think it makes you antisocial to a degree. All these people claim that they are antinatalists because they have compassion for the human race, but some of them sneer at literal children and mock them. Even though they know that children don't consent to being born. And also, their arguments are illogical in many ways. The idea that the absence of pain is automatically better than the presence of joy is subjective, and that's just a fact. Basically, I think it's an ideology that comes from thinking about things too hard, and it inevitably alienates you from the people around you. And as much as mothers suffer under our patriarchal system, I still think motherhood and creating life are amazing.

All that being said, there are a lot of ideologies that don't take real life into account. They imagine a future that simply cannot exist. I am against communism and prison abolition for these reasons. But then, I'm a vegetarian! Because I think killing other sentient beings is wrong. But I KNOW that we are "wired" to eat meat. My hope is that everyone's desire for peace and humane treatment will override their natural desire to eat meat. That their logic will overcome their biology. I know that's a lofty idea. But that doesn't stop me from hoping.

In December 2022, when Alex Jones' trial was getting attention, I got curious about why people thought the shooting was fake. This led to a deep dive which naturally led to me learning more about the shooter himself. This was my first exposure to antinatalism. I think finding out about it in this way definitely led to a negative bias if I'm being honest. Hearing a MURDERER talk about how the propagation of life was inherently evil, well, how was I not supposed to conclude that it was a fucked up ideology? He also said that the only reason people are traumatized by rape and pedophilia is because society tells them these things should be traumatizing. These are clear examples of how thinking of things in an abstract sense, without considering the actual human emotions and lived experience behind them, can turn you into an actual fucking psychopath. And so naturally I concluded that antinatalism was the same way. And coming on here and seeing a surprising number of people share the same viewpoints frightened me. Then again, the shooter was also a vegan, so by that logic veganism/vegetarianism is terrible as well and I'm being a hypocrite.

I still can't help but feel an ingrained disturbance when it comes to antinatalism. But I don't think the majority of antinatalists, especially the ones who are also radical feminists, are evil people. You guys just have an ideology that is too abstract and is also somewhat cartoonish. I don't know. Just don't have kids if you don't want any. And please be respectful towards women with children. They can't go back in time and stop their children from being born. And be respectful towards children! Since they didn't consent to being born!

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Interested in your answers for 17 and 19 of the choose violence ask game, if you'd like to share them! Thank you :)

I was halfway through answering when I realized I totally misread the ask game. It is... not intended to be as dark as I made my answers, I think... oh well! I'm sticking to my guns. Anyone who's read my stuff knows this is a dead dove household lol

17. There should be more of this kind of fic/art

Oh man I'm about to Reveal Myself, but... I think KP as a whole could really use more noncon/dubcon, but KimChay especially (and Kim specifically). I read a fic a looong time ago when I first entered the fandom, it was like 400 words, and I'm not gonna name it in case the author doesn't want to be attached to it, but it was so good. Essentially Chay is very enthusiastic in the smut and Kin can't bring himself to say no, and I just!!! That is the good shit to me. I feel like especially post-reconciliation, Kim is exactly the kind of person that would overcompensate for breaking Chay's heart by giving him everything he wants. (i may be writing a fic about this already, called Stress Relief. That may or may not ever be posted. That may or may not be based on my own personal trauma. Anyway.) On a lighter note! I want to see more AUs! I'm a bit spoiled coming from the TW fandom, which is like. One of the most prolific fandoms on Ao3. But mannn, I want to see KimChay writers branch out and get absolutely unhinged with their AUs!

19. You're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

Lets be real. My first answer was non-con. There's really not a lot I'm ashamed about lol. I mean I've got like 3 different tentacle monster fics in the works, I've got a Wuju Bakery fic that's 90% slime and oviposition (technically still up for debate. Eggpreg?). I'm all in on the things I like, and don't care/think much about the things I don't. I think I've been in fandom long enough, and gotten old enough, that I just... don't have time to waste on being awkward anymore. Lose your shame! Cast off your shackles! That said I used to think rimming was really gross and I don't like it irl but there are some people who just write it like. unf. Hot damn. I'm a little mad at @ae-azile for that one chapter of Progression 👀

Also not mad/ashamed/horrified, but I was surprised at how much I love reading autistic Kim and writing trans!Kim. For the first one I think the writers in this fandom do an excellent and convincing job at characterizing him (esp @kimkhimhant my beloved <3) without infantilizing him, which... happens a lot with autistic characters. Like, the writing is so spot on that I didn't even question in, I pretty much immediately assimilated that into my mental rolodex of headcanons. 10/10 A+ effort for everyone around.

The trans!Kim aspect is also really fun. I'd never really written trans characters before, but this past year, and the past couple of months especially, I've been really struggling with my own gender and identity. So writing about that through Kim has been really therapeutic. (Adding to my first answer, we need more trans!Kim!) Although... I do hope that the particular way I've chosen to explore his gender in Dystocia is.. taken gracefully. Since it does revolve around Kim having a very traumatic pregnancy (and a lot of other trauma in general), which I know can be triggering for people. Whenever I eventually post that monster of a fic I'm just going to liberally tag it with all the things and hope for the best lol.

I think Dystocia and Stress Relief are two fics that I'm incredibly nervous to post, both because of how personally significant they are to me in a way most of my fics aren't, and because they're both very dark, which IDK if that's something people really want to see from KimChay (esp in Stress Relief).

Anyway! This is a lot wordier and darker than it probably needed to be, and IDK if it's what you were looking for dear anon, but thank you for the ask!