#idk. first ill have to see if my doctor will even work with me on this i guess

[tkbrokkoli]

:3

[tulipatheticee]

i've been waiting for you

violet bridgerton x youngest! daughter

bridgerton siblings x younger! sibling

synopsis; From the moment Edmund Bridgerton passed, leaving his wife widowed with eight children and one on the way, Violet found herself adrift until the arrival of Isadora, her youngest daughter. Isadora, quiet and calm, becomes Violet's constant companion in bustling Mayfair, offering solace and steadfast support at her mother's side.

word count; 1.3k

master list

a/n; i have arisen yet again, this is my first bridgerton fic so hello to the brigderton tag! i have archived all my old stuff because they are old and tbh the fandoms have died SO LET ME INTRODUCE MYSELF

my name is tulippa and im from sicily, im pretty confident in my english now but let me know if you see any errors! i mainly write fluffy family stuff like this, i love it idk. if you like this and want to see more like it let me know and ill provide for you! but its not like i wont write x reader romance cmon of course i will, but im best at parentxchild and siblings (PLATONIC ALWAYS DONT BE WEIRD) anyways i could go on and on but i wont, enjoy!!!

kinda proof read, kinda not, you've been warned

I'll carry you all the way

Violet Bridgerton had weathered many storms in her life, but none so devastating as the loss of her beloved husband, Edmund. His passing left her shattered, a widow with eight children to care for and another on the way. The pregnancy was fraught with complications, exacerbated by Violet's grief and the toll it took on her health.

Days turned into months as Violet withdrew into herself, mourning Edmund's absence even as life continued around her. Her family rallied, but Violet's sorrow was a heavy veil that separated her from them. It was during those long, solitary hours that she felt the weight of loneliness and the fear of losing both husband and child.

And you'll choose the day

The labour came unexpectedly, fierce and unforgiving. Violet's strength waned, her heart weary from loss and longing. The doctors and midwives worked tirelessly, their faces etched with concern. Hours passed like eternity until finally, a cry pierced the air—a fragile, yet determined cry that signalled new life.

Isadora was born amidst tears and relief, a tiny bundle of hope wrapped in Violet's trembling arms. The room, once fraught with fear, now glowed with a soft, golden light as mother and daughter gazed at each other for the first time. In that moment, everything seemed to still, and Violet knew she had been granted a miracle.

When you're prepared to greet me

She named her daughter Isadora, after the delicate Dahlia flower that Edmund had loved tending in their garden—a reminder of the beauty that bloomed even in the darkest of times.

As Isadora grew, she became Violet's constant companion, a beacon of joy and innocence in the Bridgerton household. Her older siblings doted on her, especially Anthony, Benedict, and Colin, who saw in her a reflection of their lost father's spirit. Isadora's laughter filled the halls of Bridgerton House and her curious mind sought solace in the quiet moments spent with her mother.

One afternoon, in the hushed serenity of the drawing room, Isadora sat at the pianoforte while Violet embroidered nearby. The soft melodies Isadora coaxed from the keys wove through the air, a testament to her growing talent and Violet's nurturing guidance.

"Does this sound right, Mama?" Isadora asked, her voice a melody in itself.

Violet looked up from her embroidery, a fond smile gracing her lips. "It sounds perfect, darling. You have a gift."

Isadora beamed with pride, her small hands continuing their dance over the keys. Despite her tender age, she played with a grace that belied her years, a testament to the bond she shared with her mother and the legacy of love that surrounded her.

I'll be a good mum, I swear

Anthony, Benedict, and Colin entered the room together, their voices low with shared memories and unspoken affection for their youngest sister. Anthony, ever the protective eldest brother, approached Isadora and knelt beside her.

"How are you today, Isa?" he asked softly, brushing a strand of hair from her forehead.

"I am well, Anthony," Isadora replied, her gaze never leaving the keys. "Mama teaches me a new piece every day."

"Is that so?" Benedict chimed in, leaning over to peer at the sheet music. "You are quite talented, little one."

"Indeed," Colin added with a smile. "Father would have been proud."

Violet's heart swelled with bittersweet emotion at the mention of Edmund. She had feared she might forget the sound of his voice or the warmth of his touch, but in Isadora, she found echoes of him that kept his memory alive.

You'll see how much I care

"Mama, are you well?" Isadora asked suddenly, sensing the shift in her mother's mood.

Violet blinked back tears, her hand reaching out to clasp Isadora's. "I am well, my love. I am with you, and that is enough."

Isadora nodded solemnly, her understanding far beyond her years. Together, they continued their afternoon ritual, finding solace in music and shared moments that bridged the gap between past sorrows and future joys.

When you meet me

------------

In the sunlit gardens of Bridgerton House, where the scent of roses mingled with the laughter of children, Isadora found herself in the company of her older sister, Hyacinth, and brother, Gregory. Despite their lively spirits, they adapted to Isadora's quieter demeanour, creating a harmony that transcended their differences.

You thrill me, you delight me

"Isa, look what I found!" Hyacinth exclaimed, holding a caterpillar in her small hands with excitement.

Isadora approached cautiously, her eyes widening with curiosity. "Oh, wow! What is it?"

Gregory, always eager to share his knowledge, chimed in, "It's a caterpillar, Isa! Hyacinth and I were just talking about how it turns into a butterfly."

Hyacinth nodded eagerly. "Yes, Isa! It's like magic! One day, it will have beautiful wings and fly everywhere!"

Isadora's face lit up with wonder. "That's amazing! Can I hold it?"

Hyacinth carefully passed the caterpillar to Isadora, who watched it crawl across her palm with fascination. Gregory leaned in, his eyes bright with enthusiasm. "Let's play tag, Isa! You're it!"

You please me, you excite me

Isadora giggled as Gregory darted away, Hyacinth joining in the chase. "Catch us if you can, Isa!"

Isadora laughed, her heart light as she chased after her siblings through the garden paths, their laughter mingling with the rustle of leaves and the gentle hum of bees. Despite their differences in temperament, they found joy in each other's company, weaving memories that would last a lifetime.

You're all that

I've been yearning for

— —- —- —- —-

In the quiet of evening, as the Bridgerton family gathered for supper, Isadora remained close to Violet's side. Gregory and Hyacinth, full of youthful exuberance, regaled their siblings with tales of mischief and adventure, and how Isadora won tag earlier in the afternoon. The three eldest Brigderton men shared the lovely pianoforte they witnessed Isadora performing in the morning and spoke of how she is progressing very, while Eloise, Francesca, and Daphne shared knowing glances over the table.

I love you, I adore you

"Isa, do you have to be better than us at everything?" Eloise teased playfully, nudging Isadora with her elbow.

Isadora looked up, a hint of confusing in her eyes, she went to speak before Violet interjected “ "Eloise is just being foolish, darling, she means well”

Isadora quickly understood and replied "I only wish to be like everyone else Eloise, you are so clever, and Francesca is so graceful, and Daphne—"

"—is the epitome of charm," Francesca finished with a smile, her gaze softening as she looked at her youngest sister.

I lay my life before you

Daphne reached across the table to tousle Isadora's hair gently. "You are quite the storyteller yourself, Isa. Perhaps one day you'll write tales that surpass even Eloise's wild adventures."

Isadora's face lit up with delight at the praise from her sisters. "Do you really think so, Daphne?"

"Absolutely," Daphne assured her. "You have a way with words and a heart as big as all of Mayfair."

I only want you more and more

Violet watched the exchange with a tender smile, her heart swelling with pride at the bond between her daughters. Despite the challenges they had faced as a family, moments like these reminded her of the joy that filled their lives.

And finally it seems

My lonely days are through

Later that night, as Isadora drifted off to sleep, surrounded by the love of her siblings, Violet tucked her in with a sense of peace. The Bridgertons, each unique in their strengths and passions, formed a tapestry of love and support that would guide Isadora through the years ahead.

I've been waiting for you

"You are so loved, Isadora," Violet whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her daughter's forehead. "Never doubt that."

Isadora stirred, a contented smile playing on her lips. 

I've been waiting…

And as Violet watched over her sleeping daughter, she knew that the bonds of siblinghood, and the enduring love of family would carry Isadora through any storm that life might bring.

…For you

pt2

a/n pt2; thats it guys :( i actually had so much fun writing this and if you want anymore of violet and isa or any of the siblings with isa let me know because i'd love for this to become a little oneshot series typa thing! your feedback is greatly appreciated <3

all my love!

~tulippa

[restinslices]

ALRIGHT ENOUGH ANGST MY HEARTS DEALT WITH ENOUGH 😭 CAN I REQUEST THE LIN KUEI BOYS TAKING CARE OF A SICK READER?

I also got another fluff request but for Kitana. Y’all make me sick, I could just BAFFGSGTGSGG (me vomiting cause y’all don’t wanna be depressed). Using stupid pictures because I don’t think I have for them yet.

Bi-Han

The haters will try to convince you that Bi-Han wouldn’t give a fuck. That he’d tell you to walk it off or some other mean shit 

I encourage you to ignore them

Bi-Han is snippy but y’all let’s be fr, he’s an older brother. He’s the older brother. He’s definitely been forced to take care of his brothers 

As the oldest brother he’s always had to do shit for his brothers so this is not his first rodeo 

If it’s something small and you’re in the middle of something, like a mission, he’d encourage you to pull through. If you’re not in the middle of something then he’d take care of you 

A small illness can become bigger so he makes sure to address it right away

He knows random remedies you’ve never heard of. Jump down, turn around, pop your ass, swallow a lemon and now you’re ok

You’d recover way quicker with him watching over you 

And if I said he makes you meals will y’all boo me for making him soft?! Idc.

Once again, he’s the oldest. I’m the youngest so I’ve seen how much weight the older ones gotta carry. He for sure knows how to do things like cook, clean, take care of sick people, ect. 

He makes these heavenly soups and just like that, your sore throat is gone 

Soups, teas, a nice healing stew, he’s on it

If you have body aches, he makes you do certain stretches 

You swear this man knows witchcraft because everything he suggests works 

Obviously if you’re heating up he’ll put his hand on you. We knew this was coming.

He’d prefer you to use an ice pack or use a cold rag but let’s be real, you’re not gonna do that when you could just cling onto him 

The best doctor the Lin Kuei has ever seen even if he won’t admit it

The strongest of illnesses mean nothing to him. He’s gonna get the job done 

Kuai Liang

Also a good nurse

He’d ask Bi-Han for some help when it comes to soups and shit. Kuai Liang can cook but he recognizes that Bi-Han got a magic touch 

If you’re in the middle of a mission and feel unwell, he wouldn’t tell you to stop what you’re doing but he has you doing less. He’ll have you behind him and would suggest you to do simple things, like keeping watch 

If you’re not on a mission then he’d pay more attention. You expect that Bi-Han would have you wait and Kuai Liang would treat you right away but I think it’s the opposite. Bi-Han being the caregiver knows how annoying it is to take care of someone really sick (which could have been prevented) and Kuai Liang is the younger sibling who would put off mentioning his illness 

He’d have you track your symptoms at first to see if it’s something serious or something a quick nap could fix 

Lingers around you to make sure you’re ok

Cooks you warm meals if you’re cold but if you’re warm he’ll give you cold liquids 

You can’t sneakily miss taking your medication cause he’s on your ass. Probably has an alarm set and everything 

If you’re overly warm he won’t be all on you because he’s warm, but if you want physical touch he’ll let you hold his pinkie 

Bi-Han gives you remedies even if they taste absolutely vile but I think Kuai Liang would try to give you remedies that don’t taste that bad 

Has you laying down a lot so you can recover quicker. If you have no responsibilities to tend to he’s not letting you get up 

You’ll have to convince him to let you do things like, oh idk, walking around? I have the flu, I’m not dying 

When you start to recover then he lets you move around like normal. He just doesn’t want you exerting yourself and getting worse 

Tries to find out if there’s a certain thing you were exposed to that got you sick so it doesn’t happen again

Tomas Vrbada

Similar to Kuai Liang in the sense that if you’re on a mission he’ll want you to do less intense things, like keeping watch 

He constantly asks if you’re ok and what your symptoms are 

If it was up to him, you’d be sent back home immediately. You’re just gonna get worse and you probably can’t focus 

If you have nothing to do then he’s basically right on top of you

I feel like he has random thoughts he doesn’t want to have and he makes himself paranoid. He’s the type to google his symptoms and legit starts to think he has cancer because WebMD said so

He also thinks out loud so he’s the type to say “what if you’re dying?… that actually wasn’t appropriate. I’m sorry”

Nah, you gotta move now Tomas 

Because of his paranoia he’s constantly checking up on you 

Kuai Liang but worse because you can convince him to let you move like a normal person but that’s not happening with Tomas 

Becomes your nurse and your butler because he’s doing everything for you 

Cooking? He got it. Making tea? He got it. Making sure you take your meds? He got it. Grabbing a cup of water? He got it. Wanna walk to the bathroom? He got strong arms-

He’s neither hot nor cold so feel free to snuggle next to him 

His brothers are soup kind of guys but I think he’s more oatmeal and tea 

Also tries to give you better tasting medicine but sometimes you just gotta thug it out 

If a mission comes up but you’re still sick, he will not let you attend at all 

Constantly drying your blankets so they can be extra warm if you’re cold 

Distracts you by talking about random shit

Only convinced you’re not dying when you’re no longer sick

He’s on your ass 24/7 but it’s Tomas so who’s complaining?

This is not me turning over a new leaf. If I think of something sad, y’all WILL hear about it💕

[fatuismooches]

omg omg how would fragile reader use foxtorre in gameplay? idk why the first thing i thought of is reader throwing it at their enemies but they wouldnt do that 😭 im suddenly thinking how their gameplay would be like, their vision, their idles, etc... IF YOU COULD PLEASE MAKE VOICELINES FOR THEM I THINK IT WOULD BE COOL

Fragile reader throws the creature onto the field to do the work for them! Depending on whether their skill is held or tapped, Foxttore will summon multiple little Puffttores that will attack enemies to heal the team or do damage, based on reader’s current HP. Using the skill also consumes a set amount of fragile reader's HP. But using their burst will let them recover HP, as they will steal a certain percentage of HP from their fellow party members. All they want to be is healthy, they can be a little selfish, no? But fragile reader isn’t that mean, they’ll grant the party members who they stole HP from a random buff (ATK, crit rate/dmg, EM, etc) so they can sit back and relax as the others fight for them. And no, they won’t steal HP from Dottore or another Harbinger on the team, that’s their beloved and their friends after all! But they can’t do elemental reactions, they don’t want that horrid thing from Celestia and even if they got one they would refuse to use it. (But I still have hope another element will be added, I cannot see Dottore using a Vision HE BETTER NOT he’s stronger than that 😞)

Their idles include pulling out Foxttore and squeezing it really tightly, and then they suddenly pause for a few seconds as they feel something fuzzy moving inside of their shirt... and then a few small Puffttores jump out of their clothes making them laugh :) Another one, i imagine they carry around a small bag to hold their necessary items (such as medication) but also to bring around a scrapbook they've made with all their memories. Lots of photos and journal entries spanning many years. They pull it out and flip through it, before sighing almost sadly and putting it away again. Their BIS weapon is the same one from centuries ago, Dottore had preserved it for all those years so they could use it once again (not really though because they wobble all over the place if you use their normal attacks)

Hello: "I am [Name]. I doubt I'll be much help to you, but I'm here now. By the way, I won't do anything I don't want to. If you have a problem with that, you can take it up with Dottore."

About the Archons: "... Do not mention them in front of me... it makes me sick to my stomach, thinking about the divine. However, there is one exception - the Tsaritsa of course. She is truly the epitome of what a God should be, benevolent and kind. I may not be able to help much, but I will support her until the end. When you meet her, Traveler, I hope you will understand her goals."

About the Illness: "Ah, my sickness... it has plagued me for countless years, laying a horrible curse upon my body and mind. It's... it's been quite difficult sometimes... er, forgive me. It's hard to speak about."

"Oh... to be honest, Paimon always thought you were faking it for the Fatui's goals to some extent."

"... this is why I only confide in Dottore."

About Dottore: "My one and only... words cannot express my tenderness and love toward him. Not once has he given up on me, despite the times I've given up on myself. And he has always taken care of me, not once faltering in over four hundred years. I- I don't know what to do sometimes when faced with that information. I wish I could be... less of a burden on him... *sigh*"

About the Akademiya: "Say, does anything good come out of that school anymore? Hm? You say a brilliant mage graduated from there and is now a librarian? Well, good for her. Who would want to be associated with them anyway? And there's also a doctor who's very sick, searching for the answer to immortality? Well now... how interesting."

About the Past: "You wish to know about my past? Well, there's not too much to say. I was a regular student in the Akademiya before I met Dottore, and we fell in love... we did many things together before I... It's not like it matters anymore, being the way I am now..."

Chat - The Body: “One’s body is extremely important, yet many take it for granted. Please, make sure to treasure and love your body. It does more for you than you could ever imagine.”

Chat - Walks: "I love taking walks. It seems so normal to you but, it brings me great happiness. Especially now... I have not felt the sun caress my body or the soft breeze sweep through my hair for a long, long time. Hm? I don't mind if you come with, but... Dottore will be joining me shortly. Would you like to see him? No? Hehe."

When it Rains: "Oh no... do you have an umbrella? Dottore's going to- a-achoo!- get mad at me for not taking care of myself properly..."

Likes - Dancing: "O-oh. You saw me just now? I was just... practicing. I'm not very good at it, but dancing with Dottore as he twirls me around makes me... happy. I just need to stop tripping and falling over his feet all the time."

Nahida - About You: "You've met the Doctor's spouse? Please, would you enlighten me about them some more? I have always been extremely curious about the kind of person who would capture his attention. Hmm... I see. Still sick, are they? Perhaps Dottore sees something in them that the rest of us cannot. Though, I have to commend their spirit. Being able to wake up every day and face what's in front of them while being afflicted with such a condition... takes a strong will."

[nvuy]

how do u feel ab yandere necromancer jiaoqiu .......... like idk how to explain it since hes a healer in canon it just makes sense to me even though necromancy is basically the opposite of healing or whatever LIKE ITS NOT A CONCRETE IDEA BUT ITS THERE also since necromancy is like the highest form of love ehehheehheheheeh can u see my vision idk ...........

ok so u sent this a while ago & i did NOT know what to say because this idea is so so so so so based but i just genuinely did not know how to hop on the jiaoqiu necromancer train but i have two cents

2.5 spoilers under cut , necromancy, death. because. necromancy, jiaoqiu kills you Because necromancy, animal death but again, necromancy, yandere themes if you squint, and another instance of What zero pussy does to a mf

so it basically goes:

a ) you’re one of jiaoqiu’s valued patients, and you’ve had an illness that has been steadily getting worse. it’s grown to the point where doctor jiaoqiu can’t figure out how to cure it, and though he tries his best, all he’s doing is delaying the inevitable.

b ) in his fit of rage and panic, jiaoqiu accidentally kills a small invading animal in his home, or the clinic he works. maybe a rat, and he freaks out because doctors are supposed to give lives, not take them. so, he drinks to exhaustion, and guilt, and in the process, he loses his taste.

c ) he freaks out over his tongue not working, and amidst his panic, the rat has come back to life. by some miracle. he realises after a while, as long as his taste doesn’t return, the rat will live.

d ) i think you know where this is going .

e ) jiaoqiu comes to your side when you’re on the brink of death and tells you he can kill you and bring you back. “it’ll work,” he insists. it looks like he hasn’t slept in years. “it has to.”

you tell him it sounds like insanity.

“it is,” he says. he holds your hands tight. “but it will work.”

f ) so, he poisons you, and ends the first part of your miserable life. then, he poisons himself and almost dies on top of you. but, you return minutes later, alive and healthy, at the expense of him losing his vision.

but what does it matter? at the end of the day, you now owe him everything, and you’d never leave this poor, blind and old foxian all on his lonesome, would you?

[phoenixonwheels]

The ~discourse~ around the term cripple punk is so wild to me bcs from what I've seen the people arguing that it includes mental illnesses/disabilities are mentally ill people who are ALSO physically disabled explaining from experience that not only are mental illnesses oftentimes disabling in exactly the same way physical disabilities are, but that trying to draw a hard line between "physical" and "mental" conditions is reductive and unhelpful in terms of actually accommodating us and understanding our conditions, especially given that both have so much overlap that it's hard to distinguish what's coming from where in the first place. Like when I'm having a bad enough depressive episode I feel real, physical pain in my chest that's so bad I can hardly stand up, and the accommodations that help me when my hEDS or POTs is making it hard to stand help when it's the depression instead. And yet I'm supposed to believe these two things are completely different, 100% of the time, no exceptions?? Plus like, idk every time I see people argue that mental conditions are somehow different from physical ones it just reminds me of how often doctors will brush aside the physical symptoms of my mental illnesses bcs they're "all in my head" despite how much I'm clearly suffering. For me so much of learning to live with stuff like my bipolar and adhd is unlearning the idea that my brain is like, a separate entity from my body, and accepting that the physical stuff I'm feeling shouldn't be dismissed just bcs it's caused by my brain and not like, my POTs or hEDS. For so often I've seen positivity posts talking about how mental conditions do physically affect people and understanding and accepting that is important, it's wild to see a group that should be on top of that sort of thing fumble it so badly.

And god, so much of the world is already against disabled people, getting mad that the "wrong" disabled people are using the term cripple punk while society does everything in its power to make life impossible for us feels like we're just doing their work for them. We should stand united in our very much shared struggle instead of desperately trying to shove everyone in separate boxes and make sure they stay there, insisting that we have nothing in common and could never share a community. We have everything in common and we need to stand together, now more than ever.

All of this! And also it’s clearly never occurred to them that a huge percentage of the medical gaslighting we’ve all experienced is having doctors blow off our physical disabilities and illnesses by claiming we’re mentally ill. Gee hmm I wonder why that is? Could it be that mental illnesses and disabilities are even more discriminated against than physical illnesses and disabilities? And if we all fight together for respect and rights for people with all types of disabilities and disorders we all benefit?

This shit is absolutely wild to me. And it leads to things like people yelling at me - an actual wheelchair user who is currently mostly bedbound - that I hate cripples and am somehow trying to “steal cripple privilege” and insert myself undeservingly into “cripple spaces” because I refuse to join them in their bigotry against mentally ill and mentally disabled people.

MERDs are to the Cripple Punk and disability rights movements what TERFs are to feminism and the queer rights movement. They’re dragging us back decades.

*MERD: mental-exclusionary radical disabled

[monalovesstarsz]

Maybe we could

I'm super new to this so this and it's the first thing I've ever written (and it might horribly suck) so bear with me 😭 I'm doing this to keep me busyish and my grammar might also suck.. This is also probably not accurate and I had to make some stuff up

Genre: Non idol au and idk what else to say 😭

Pairings: Shy sick sunghoonxsick shy y/n (I clearly don't know how to do this)

Summary: Y/n starts to spend a lot of time in a hospital due to her health and its super lonely until she meets sunghoon and they agree to try their best to live as regular teens.

Warnings: uhh I'm not totally sure but illnesses, thoughts of death, hospitals, depression, mentions of death (probably)

Prologue:

Your leg starts bouncing up and down anxiously. You had told your mom that you weren't nervous but that had been a complete lie. How could you not have been? These results were going to affect the rest of your life. You could tell your mom was also nervous even though earlier she had told you everything was going to be fine and you had nothing to worry about. You turned to her and you gave her a painfully obvious fake smile. You looked down at the inside of your elbow noticing that your bruise hadn't faded. You had gotten it after you had your blood drawn to get it tested. That's why you were here to begin with. If this was like any other time they had drawn your blood you wouldn't be nervous, but it wasn't they would usually call you for your results or even a voicemail. They called you up here to give your results in person they never did that. Your deep in thought until they finally call you up. "Okay can I see Y/n l/n up next" You and your mom walked up to the nurse who gave you a friendly smile. It was warm and it has comforted you. You gave her one back trying to make it as sweet as possible. She walked you and your mom up into a room and as you stepped inside you got the same almost nostalgic feeling. Your doctor told you to come in and sit down in her office. She lead you to it and you sat down next to your mom in front of a work desk with a computer and lots of paper work scattered across it. On the other side your doctor sat down turning the computer on before typing on it.

"How have you guys been so far? How has your day been so far?" "We've been doing good so far, y/n doesn't leave the house a lot though which is quite odd of her."

Your mom answered for the both of you

"So how have you been feeling recently Y/n?"

you looked at your mom like you always did and she nodded for your to answer.

"I've felt the same. I still feel nauseous and dizzy most of the time. Recently I have been really tired too." "I see. I called you guys in because these symptoms can be quite scary but I'm happy to let you know that the results came back negative!"

You let out a sigh of relief and you smiled at her.

"Oh thank God she's alright." Said your mom after giving your hand a squeeze. You were happy no doubt but you still had a question.

"Why have I been feeling like this then?"

You asked, it was bugging you. Had this all just been an overreaction on your part? Was it just a bug? Had it been your imagination all along?

"Well sometimes we just feel like this because we might not be taking the best care of our bodies, this just might be a sign to tell you to drink more water and sleep more."

You were happy that it wasn't anything serious but now it was a bit embarrassing wasting people's time just because you hadn't slept or drank enough water. You decided to let it go as you got into your mom's car.

"Hey why don't we celebrate with some good food. I know you don't feel your best when you eat recently but let's celebrate still!" Your mom says this hoping you'll feel better "Okay thanks mom."

As your alarm woke you to get ready for school you had gotten started and got up too quickly making you even more dizzy than usual. You chose to ignore this feeling. You got up and washed your face, did some skin care, added makeup, ate breakfast, and finally you got changed. You decided to wear loose baggy grey sweats and a tight fitting baby blue top almost covering your stomach. You put on a zip up black hoodie and grey new balances. It was comfy but cute. You didn't feel well but you had missed enough school. You asked your mom for a ride since you were too dizzy to walk. You got to school just in time and you had texted your friends that you decided to go today. You had missed your friends and if you were being honest you had missed school. You did your best to keep up with schoolwork so you weren't too worried about that. As you walked to meet up with your friends you couldn't help to think if you were getting stares or if it was your imagination. If it was the first option you told yourself that it was because you had been gone for a while. As you walked you saw on of your friends Danielle in the spot where she had told you to meet her at. She was busy on her phone so you decided to sneak up on her and tap her on the shoulder.

"Oh geez- Y/n!!!! I've missed you! How have you been? What have you been up to? Where did you get that shirt? How do you feel? What did that doctor say?"

She was just as bubbly as ever.

"Woahh slow down once question at a time."

You said through small giggles as she pulled you into a hug which made you a bit dizzier since it was a quick movement. You hugged her back happily though.

"I've missed you too Danielle your texts always made me feel better. I've been doing okay, I haven't been up to much, I think I got this shirt thrifting, I feel the same but luckily the doctor said I don't have anything."

Danielle laughed at how you answered all her questions and she pulled you in once again for a tighter hug.

"I'm so glad you're okay! All of us were worried but it was nothing luckily!!!"

You gave her a smile which she happily returned back.

"Where's the rest of them? I thought they would be here already."

You asked

"I see hanni walking up to us right now and jay and Jake are on their way."

Right as she finished her sentence you turned and you saw Hanni. She quickly rushed over and hugged you tightly you of course hugged her back.

"Y/nnnnnnnnnn!!!! You're here finally!!! How are you feeling?" "I've missed you too Hanni, and I feel the same sadly but the doctor told me I'm good!" "That's great y/n!!!"

She finally lets you go. Her happy expression turns into annoyance when she realizes that jay and Jake aren't there.

" where are the guys? Class is about to start and they aren't gonna greet y/n? There gonna get jumped if they don't show up soon."

You and Danielle giggle at her joke but once it dies down jay and Jake show up.

"Finally" murmurs Hanni. Jake attacks you with a hug whilst practically yelling your name and even lifts you up causing you to get pretty dizzy and Hanni scolds him for doing so and as he calms down he dabs you as if he didn't just squeeze you so tight you probably would have turned purple if hanni didn't stop him. Jay dabs you up but then pulls you into a hug.

"How have you been y/n we've all missed you!." Jay says as he has you in a comfy hug and you answer as he lets you go.

"I'm doing good jay, y'know I have forgotten to ask you all how you guys are feeling?" You let out a giggle since they are all so worried about you but you forgot to be polite and ask them in return. "We've all been bored and we've looked forward to you coming back, Hanni has been leaving me for during lunch for some club leaving me alone with dumb and dumber." Danielle says that whole rolling her eyes teasingly towards Hanni. "Yeah yeah we're not that bad to sit with." Argued Jake. "We should probably head to class now the bells about to ring." Jay says to try to get his friends to be punctual for once.

Your first class of the day was Math, luckily you had Jay and Hanni in that class. When you and your friends walked in all together your teacher greeted your friends and when she had finally seen you she welcomed you back to class. Class was boring as ever not like you were paying attention since you had a major headache, and nausea.You had Jay and Hanni to get you through it. You dreaded your next class. It was Physical education. P.e. If you were a normal healthy person you wouldn't mind but you walking up the stairs made you want to take a long nap and never wake up. Once class was over you walked down the halls with Hanni. You thanked whoever put you in the same p.e class as Danielle. What made it even worse was that you had to go outside for p.e today. Once Hanni saw Danielle you guys waved and she walked you up to her and said her goodbyes. You greeted Danielle

"If you don't feel well enough just tell the teacher." Danielle said it with much concern.

"Nah I'll be okay I think."

You were infact not okay

As you and Danielle walked to where your teacher was Danielle had climbed up onto a cement bench something you guys always did so you did the same. She continued walking and she hoped off, but vision started getting blurry. It's fine you reassured yourself.

It was infact not fine

Especially when some dumb boy had thrown a football a little too hard. If this was any normal day you would have acted like it didn't really hurt. But it wasn't a normal day. You had a massive headache, and you were incredibly dizzy. After the ball had hit you your vision started getting dark and you fell to the ground In Front of your whole class you passed out. Last thing you heard was Danielle calling for help.

Dawg I did nawt mean for this to be so so very long.

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[baylardo]

me type some of my Voyager episode ideas for Threshold AU chronologically,,, FOR FUN :)

BIG POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i made it up to season 3 lmao 😂 ill try and do more sometime but i piddled out

s2e1 The '37s - amelia name drop idea, but no ones really thinking about it yet.

s2e4 Elogium - somewhere in here, kathryn confides in either Chakotay or Neelix about the name "Philippa" that Mark wanted to name a daughter if they ever had one. :) her and chakotay have that intimate little scene in her readyroom/quarters i think, and neelix is just on the fence about having children (until he isnt) and i think kathryn would maybe have a lil conversation with him about her and mark's plans for their future or something idk.

s2e7 Partriution - tom and neelix bonding, something something laying foundation for kid naming ideas that comes up later.

s2e15 Threshold - obviously where stuff goes down. some less obvious side notes i have on it are that the re-evolution happens between Threshold and Meld. kathryn and tom are aware of their children existing on the ship by Meld. also need to mention somewhere that i think Kes would be the one to suggest they use "Edward" for the boy's name, she tends to suggest the names of her relatives to the doctor, i think she'd just kinda one track mind it haha. and maybe neelix or tom would stink "Owen" 'cause Tom hasnt worked through his daddy issues yet. the more i've sat on the naming process ideas the less i like chakotay, tom, AND kathryn being involved in it lol. i dont think amelia would be an obvious choice to chakotay. MAYBE he's the one to suggest philippa if kathryn did tell him about the name's significance to her (or neelix). its not super important but its something i ruminate on. babies end up getting situated in chakotay's quarters. neelix and kes (mostly neelix) do a lot of the babysitting while the babies' parents are on the bridge. oh i guess also like, its REALLY conveniently in a scene showing that the spy on voyager is in contact with the kazon -> seska. so they're like, vaguely aware at this point of how the warp 10 experiment went,, probably are aware of the triplets being kathryn and tom’s. kathryn and tom are avoidant of their children. tom for his mentioned daddy issues, afraid he'll mess them up, doesnt know how to parent, doesnt want to, etc. kathryn has this huge complex about being unfaithful to mark and that being so visibly apparent to her with these children, ummmm i think shed also beat herself up about being the first to have children on voyager, what her crew must think of her, etc. (before naomi is even born!!! IDIOT) aside from her struggles with her appearance too like yikes girl, visible failure moment. ALSO i think deep down shed know (and even said in the ep) that she was the one initiating things down on the planet and that she wanted children and everything so shes gotta grapple with this act she somewhat knowingly performed and got a clutch of eggs out of haha. oh my gosh ALSO!!!! idk where to mention this but i REALLY dont think belanna would be that involved with the triplets like, all that much if ever especially in earlier seasons. doesnt really seem all that interested, you like, never see her interact with naomi (yes itd be cute but weird that it doesnt happen all too often if at all i cant think of any times rn). like her daddy issues are mad buried and tom's not interested, theyre not even dating yet!!! YES in later seasons i think shed dabble in it just as tom is, and maybe she even pushes him to because of how uninvolved her parents are! but as of right now shes like nty about it haha.

s2e16 Meld - conveniently you dont see kathryn on the bridge in this episode, only her senior officers are seen visiting her in like her readyroom and sickbay and stuff. she's avoiding the bridge for a bit post-Threshold because shes feeling a little insecure about things and hates the looks her crew gives her. but mean!tuvok in this ep does not pull punches and i think hed berate her on like, her avoidance of the bridge or w/e. maybe say the warp 10 experiment was a bad call and she signed off on it idk, she feels really vulnerable afterwords but its an ugly truth thing for her that gets her to overcome her trepidations.

s2e17 Dreadnought - its still early post-Threshold and kathryn's 100% okay with blowing up the ship to save lives and doesnt really consider her children at all.

s2e18 Death Wish - the first time Q tries to tempt kathryn with turning her human again. :) establishing Q being into kathryn while in her hyperevolved state.

s2e20 Investigations - tom has his arc of being sassy with chakotay and overall a bad crew member. add onto it with the au that he and kathryn are both avoiding the children like a plague and leaving chakotay to take care of them. really funny that i think tom walks in late to his shift and bragging/lying about delivering Sam's baby like YEOWCH salt in the wound for chakotay he sure wasnt that ecstatic about his own kids. MAYBE theyre sleeping with each other to relieve lizard tension. chakotay's not vibing this situation at all. so understandably the two boys are a BIT on edge with each other for a surplus of reasons both fake and real. seska gets to see hyperevolved TOM for the first time in this ep but not kathryn!!!!! like to think him and seska would have a little quip about being lizards lol.

s2e21 Deadlock - just another early post-Threshold scenario where Kathryn's not really lingering on her children being part of the equation still. naomi is born in this ep, thats something haha. this might be an ep where she starts to linger on it though, feels somewhat guilty for neglecting them. maybe her and her other self would talk about it before one of them dies.

s2e25 Resolutions - forced exposure therapy for kathryn!!!!! learns while on New Earth that she likes bugs. Unfortunate <3 she also discovers she has an instinctive fondness for heat; she keeps slinking into chakotay's bed to snuggle up against him for warmth, wakes up next to him its real awkward, both choose not to read into it in the beginning but hahaha im trash for bed scenes like that where chakotay stirs to leave and kathryn would squeeze him tighter or something so hell stay with her. ummmmm i think her and chakotay would argue a lot about the kids for a while, then after the storm she kinda changes her tune and FINALLY gets more involved with them. had a side plot idea that Ed gets sick and kathryn gets REALLY frantic about it, like as its happening and his fever's getting worse shes begging whatever deities will listen that shell change and do better for these children if they let him live IDK HAHA.

s2e26/s3e1 Basics - seska gets to see threshold!kathryn here for the first time and she can BULLY HER about it. >:) i wanna dabble with these eps like, THOROUGHLY and i really havent yet, but i think seska would get a little booty injured about chakotay choosing kathryn's weird lizard offspring over his own son. SPEAKING OF SON i love the kolopak stuff about fatherhood it compliments the AU SOOOOO MUCH bc kolopak's like talking about the illegitimate children of a tribe being taken in despite their heritage JUST LIKE HIM!!!!!!! like chakotay could easily be talking to kolopak about his struggles with caring for these three infants that arent even his or something. maybe its vague haha. but inbetween Resolutions and Basics, kathryn's DEFINITELY pulled back on all that growth she did, like its a little different, but chakotay's frustrated about what to do. ALSO minor thing, but kathryn gets to eat weird eggs and bugs in this ep for survival and gets to make her crew do it too and i think that's awesome. :) also tiny note that the planet they get stranded on is hot and dry and i think kathryn and tom and babies would struggle with that so i think she'd be grouchy.

s3e8/s3e9 Future's End - just have to start that this ep has its opening with janeway as her like practicing tennis in her room and saying she's out of practice and 5000% AU associate her rusty skills with having a tail. :) canon compliance kinda necessitates these episodes have kathryn and tom look like, normal human. :/ the AU has to compliment proposed/used/failed solutions down the line in episodes as they organically occur like Ashes to Ashes where that's their FIRST time testing something to try and make Lyndsay Ballard look human, which to me means they wouldnt have attempted it prior to that episode and its waaaay in season 6. theres potential like, temporary disguise/genetic alteration ideas too like what they do with neelix and chakotay in some episodes, but i dont think theyd be able to do anything about hiding their tails! and these are the eps where the holographic emitter is ESTABLISHED so they dont even have that haha. the solution that seemed the EASIEST to me is like, some technobabble explanation accompanied by the weird time travel shenanigans voyager experiences in these episodes causing their genes to revert BACKWARDS just like they do in time. :) so theyre like, legit back to normal for a bit. but the triplets remain unaffected because they were born that way. i think building up to these eps, kathryn's like DABBLING in parenting but kinda noncommittal. this is also around the time that the triplets would start i think likeee talking or walking? put a pin in it i guess lol. kathryn and tom are hyped to look like themselves again, maybe act a little overindulgent on earth, being able to not stand out and get weird looks and all that. was thinking maybe the babies dont recognize her when she looks normal and a part of her feels sad about it. eventually they turn back when they return to their own time.

s3e11 The Q and the Grey - Q being infatuated with the only hyperevolved lady in existence real? i dont have some of the important details and ideas figured out in this ep, only that i can have fun with kathryn getting turned human and chakotay getting hyperevolved for a time. :) was thinking that when Q takes janeway to the continuum, that's when she gets forcefully turned human, i think she'd decline if he tried bribing her again. subsequently ms. Q feels a little threatened by janeway and she agrees to work with chakotay to help win Q back. i think the idea i'd had was that she'd hyperevolve chakotay to try and get janeway interested in him and not Q but idk if i like that idea. or she just does it for giggles. ANYWAY janeway at this point is kinda over it in regards to getting turned human again, it doesnt work. i think she'd assure chakotay that he doesnt need to change for her. :)

s3e12 Macrocosm - liked the idea of kathryn being alone but finding philippa uninfected and crying somewhere in a jeffries tube or something so she has to carry the baby around while she saves the ship.

[uselessheretic]

i feel like i see the thing relatively often where someone will say that ed's not actually that mentally ill, fans are just racist and also somehow this is izzy's fault because the only time he shows symptoms of mental illness is through izzy supposedly. even though in episode four alone we see him talk about suicide ideation, how discontent he is in life, and how burnt out he is.

but when people urge others to add an antiracist lens to their analysis and point out the historical racism within the psychiatric system it seems like?? they think that the only explanation is for ed to just be a lil depressed and that poc who are otherwise perfectly fine are constantly being slapped with extreme diagnoses. which, that is a thing that happens btw. people will call the cops on and forcefully institutionalize black folks who they have disagreements with and weaponize psychiatry against them.

that said, when talking about something like the uneven diagnosis distribution between poc and white people of schizophrenia (since that's something that's been researched) it's not that doctors are talking people who are otherwise perfectly mentally healthy and attributing their behavior to mental illness (although again it does happen.) usually though what people are referring to is how doctors are quick to diagnose poc with schizophrenia before doing their proper diligence and going over the other possibilities including histories of depression, trauma, and abuse. certain traits they exhibit are overemphasized and others minimized or ignored. a black person and white person may show the same exact symptoms, but the doctor will first have the white person tested for PTSD or BPD and try alternative treatment plans, while marking the black person off before considering other possibilities.

it's dangerous and disturbing where poc will be put through a series of medications that do not help, receive no treatment for the actual root of the problem, and then in the process often be criminalized as well since there is a much greater social stigma and forced state control over people diagnosed with schizophrenia.

i just feel like if you're gonna talk about ed and misdiagnosis through a racial lens, it'd be more accurate for him to immediately get diagnosed with something like schizophrenia without the doctor doing anything more to look into him. ignoring things like his history of child abuse and how trauma can cause certain responses. or for something he said metaphorically to be taken as literal where he might describe himself when angry as "the kraken" and the doctor marks that down as a sign of delusions. overemphasizing verbal expressions of angers as signs of violence. hearing ed say "it feels like my boss is out to get me" where he means that the boss keeps picking on him and it feels racially motivated, and the doctor puts on the record that he suffers from paranoia.

also just saying but there is actually a LOT out there you can read about māori mental health and the issues surrounding NZ's system. about 1 in 3 māori adults meet criteria for a mental disorder and this is a result of a racist health system, poverty, and, very importantly, colonialism. but like? i promise you don't need to create your own theories on how ed's identity interacts with mental health as if you're the first person to considered that. kaupapa māori mental health services are literal resources in place to address māori mental health needs within a cultural context. like! it's very cool actually for these things to be made available through hard community work that rejects colonialist psychiatric systems and instead utilizes a holistic and indigenous approach to wellness.

idk it's just so much more complicated than ignoring ed's very real mental illness and writing it off as no biggie. tbh it feels very um american centric as well to make assertions about relationships to mental health and race without ever acknowledging the specific community history here and that this isn't a new conversation. if you want to say you're examining ed through an anticolonialist framework then it would help if you did literally any work to find out what that looks like currently.

[gay-for-thirteen]

Ok heres my full ramble about the episode cause i have noone to talk to about this spoilers below

So in general this was a 9/10 for me

Its so lovely 14 is played by david and i love how it feels so 10 but also a bit different, a lot calmer and heavier in some parts. Really subtle acting choices made this work so well so as always fucking DAVID TENANT EVERYBODY

I really liked the plot and motw as well, it was kind of unhinged but also exciting and nostalgic and funny. Just everything id need from an episode. Also DW said trans rights and i love this 💅

Which brings me to the next point: seeing such a diverse cast of characters was ducking dope like a woman in a wheelchair WITH DARTS AND ROCKETS ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? SHE WAS A TOTAL BADASS!! I also love how they handled rose in such a natural way and donna was like "look at her wrong and ill kill you" never expected anything less from the queen.

Also short shoutout to cinematography, budget, practical effects / puppet and music (MURRAY GOLD, THE KING).

Now to the downsides... unfortunately.

So far every regeneration wore their predecessors outfit and got their new sonic in throughout the first episode. We knew about the outfit change, but to not get any post-regeneration shenanigans or a (upgraded) screwdiver moment was a tiny bit disappointing. There will be a harsh cut between jodies last episode and the special which is just a bit of a pity. This is super minor to me, it just wouldve been nice (also david wouldve rocked jodies outfit just saying).

The main thing that i couldnt understand was the ultimate solution of the meta crisis. Splitting it with your child? Great, makes sense. And then just "letting it go" which this "male-presenting doctor could never understand" seems so weird to me? This episode was so great about being respectful of gender identity, even asking satan furby from space for it's pronouns, but then i feel like this moment dropped the ball so much. I appreciate they didnt say "male" and went with "male-presenting" since that is simply accurate, however then implying that men (although the doctor is not a man per se?) dont have this magical ability to let go? Also this was a hugeee stake that was well established in season 4 and also the main stake for the whole episode and then its resolved by just.. letting go? Damn i should try that with my depression. Idk maybe i missed sth there.

Except for that last part, overall i still really loved the episode and im hyped for next week!!

[puddingseikkx]

my mom wont trust me, she thinks im making bad decisions but im just trying to see what works for me. she wants me to at least graduate but idk if i can even make it to graduation, im fucking exhausted but im still trying so hard. i want to graduate and study too, trust me i do but im so fucking tired. no school i go to has been right for me, and im too scared to go back to traditional bc im worried ill repeat what i went through before. locking myself in the bathroom trying to catch my breath/crying. skipping school so often i maybe went once a week. and bc of how low i was at that point i fell behind in school. i dont want to be that student that was held back.

the reason i chose to drop out the school im currently in is bc its suffocating, the time limit and outrageous amount of work, i even called my dad the other day and told him abt the work and he even said “america is trying to keep kids dumb at this point, i dont get your school its so stupid”when my dad first came to america he didnt even go to a traditional high school he went straight into trade school. and hes been trying to push me to go to one as well but idk what trade i even want to pursue. he wants me to follow his footsteps and take culinary since i enjoy cooking, but im interested in medicine but at the same time i dont have the credentials for it and idk how well i can do and idk what other options there is for me.

and im trying to lose weight but either maintain or binge eat my feelings. im not moving on the scale and i hate it. im gonna attempt to ⭐️ve for a bit as see where it leads, hoping that i fall back into honeymoon. my aim is to lose 10kg in february or get back to my lw.

plus i have a doctors appointment she wants to discuss my test results so idk whats gonna happen but until then i wanna lose as much weight as possible.

if anyone has advice too that would be helpful cause idk what to do.

[youremyheaven]

Take this as constructive criticism or just me sharing my views. ITS NOT AN ATTACK

But I would really won't rely on doctors saying Lyme is just bunch of bs, I don't have it but I have 5 doctors at home and about pain , Man doctors are such sadist according to my sister who is a practicing doctor , she says if a doctor says you will be in mild discomfort it means it will hurt like bitch but if he/she says it won't hurt it means it will hurt but will be tolerable . My personal experience with medical professionals have also not been good I have been gaslighted so many times my symptoms were normal till I ended up in ICU so, no doctors/medical professionals are not always right.

Secondly, Andrew huberman is a piece of shit for what he did but supplements/probiotics do make a difference. Probably some supplements won't do things companies say, as companies often reach with thir claims like saying green tea will help you with weight loss, no for that you will have to drink a lot but saying green tea is not beneficial for health is false. As someone who was on very extended period of antibiotics, probiotics and yogurt has helped me immensely and it's still something that helps me when I have gut issues.

Anyways not an attack , I enjoy reading your work ✌

First of, I agree, doctors are shady as hell and esp as a woman, navigating the medical system and getting someone to take you seriously IS a challenge

I had already explained how Lyme disease is a legitimate illness caused by tick bites and "Chronic Lyme" is a separate "condition" that's unrelated to it.

Lyme disease is not a severe or life threatening condition btw. It's literally a very minor, completely treatable and fully curable condition that will go away with 2 weeks of antibiotics

Manyyy doctors have commented upon Bella's illness and how it makes no sense she has been suffering for 10+ years from ...a tick bite???

Also she has literally posted her medical history and it's all fake 😭😭

So yes, I stand my ground that whatever Bella has, isn't a real condition that can be verified by actual medical professionals :/

Another thing is that Chronic Lyme's symptoms are hella vague and not at all specific to cHroNic lYme, like if all your symptoms can be experienced by an average person, then how tf does one determine who is sick??

It's not like there hasn't been medical research done into this super rare disease and the entire medical community has been unhelpful to Bella. It's that, it's absurd and insane for this condition to persist over a lifetime??? Like that's not how it works???

I completely agree that doctors can be wrong but Chronic Lyme not being a real condition isn't some doctor's personal opinion. It's a medically disproven condition aka SCIENCE has proven that its not legit??

Obviously even science can be wrong sometimes, so maybe in the future we'll know about how Chronic Lyme is a super rare and advanced condition or whatever idk

Now about probiotics, research has shown:

"The majority of studies to date have failed to reveal any benefits in individuals who are already healthy.” The bacteria seem to help only those people suffering from a few specific intestinal disorders. “There is no evidence to suggest that people with normal gastrointestinal tracts can benefit from taking probiotics,” says Matthew Ciorba, a gastroenterologist at Washington University in St. Louis. “If you're not in any distress, I would not recommend them.” Emma Allen-Vercoe, a microbiologist at the University of Guelph in Ontario, agrees. For the most part, she says, “the claims that are made are enormously inflated.” (from an article published by Scientific American)

Even with vitamin supplements, unless somebody has a serious deficiency, I don't see how taking supplements is prioritised over consuming actual vitamin rich food??? It's literally just a capitalist technique to make people buy shit they don't need. Imagine brainwashing people into thinking they should take vitamin c pills instead of yk... eating oranges or whatever???

Probiotics help those who have intestinal issues, which as per your description, I think you do. Majority of people already have gut bacteria and don't need to take probiotic supplements for it??? Or they can consume probiotic enhancing food like yoghurt (which I love 🤤)

I'm not attacking the concept of probiotics, just the way they're marketed and sold to the public to be some miracle cure when it's just as easy and convenient for people to eat food meant to help with healthy gut bacteria instead of yk paying for unnecessary supplements.

[thedisablednaturalist]

so sorry ppl that cant read are sending you messages about those posts but i get it completely. rheumatologists and osteos and NP's want to hear more abt my decade old severe anxiety and depression and adhd and ~more~ diagnoses than chronic debilitating pain and just slap vitamin D pills on it and throw up their hands because "test results are weird idk what to tell u even tho i said it was this two weeks ago". abled friends and coworkers can have conversations about their mental health struggles but its looked at self pityingly if i bring up how my life is irreparably damaged by my physical disability because disabled people have to be strong and resilient to earn a place in their field and if you cant cut it just get on those snazzy disability benefits and let it get worse. i think a lot of abled ND people just cant accept that they do not experience the worst of life's struggles and that solidarity doesnt make us the same

I try to be understanding and answer peoples questions politely when I have the spoons and if they are genuinely confused bc I used to be ignorant as well about a lot of aspects of physical disability but it gets so tiring. Nowadays there are a ton of resources from physically disabled people talking about their experiences its actually quite easy to educate yourself on our struggles. Like sorry I get a little frustrated and rude when I'm constantly bombarded by ableism and rude ass people.

Also yeah that's exactly what I've been trying to say. Doctors can usually relate to people having mental health struggles and even some aspects of neurodivergencey. But they cannot understand someone looking completely fine and not being able to detect anything but complaining of horrible pain and constant tiredness outside of the lense of mental health. And if your mental health is managed or only suffering because you are in constant pain, they say you're faking, or OBVIOUSLY you just need to lose weight, or drink more water, or exercise more than any able bodied person does. People take one look at me and think the solution is obvious and I'm just too stupid or lazy to figure it out.

And me saying this isn't saying that mental illness is super easy to deal with. Its fucking awful as well and many doctors say this shit to neurodivergents as well. And this is especially true for poc and people with psychosis or bipolar disorder or schizophrenia.

I went to my first therapist in my sophomore year of highschool and got medicated that same year. I started investigating my health issues in college freshman year and have JUST gotten actual results from treatment. SIX fucking years later. SIX fucking years of CONSTANT PAIN. And I have great insurance and a great dad who just wants me to feel better (my mom is a different story). My parents are sort of upper middle class and I live in a very privileged area. Of course that means I can't afford to move out even with an ok salary, but at least there are plenty of doctors around to choose from and plenty of appointments available. I can't imagine how long it takes someone without those advantages. And even still I had to fight to be listened to, I had to listen to so much bs from doctors and had to go from doctor to doctor begging for someone to listen.

Like they really don't get how unbelievably hard it is to get care for physical disabilities, visible and invisible. If you're visibly disabled you get treated like a child and a monster and you're isolated from society. If you're invisibly disabled you get laughed at by doctors and ignored. If it's hard for you guys imagine that difficulty increased by 100%.

I try to be really visible when I'm working in a position I know has my back. I really try to educate young people and children on what my disability looks like and I hope disabled kids and kids who eventually become disabled can see me and know that their lives are valuable and they are valuable. And it is possible to find joy in your life and reasons to keep living. And employers shouldn't be able to throw away our resumes and pay us less just cause we may need a little extra help. I know what everyone thinks when they see me in my wheelchair and using my walking sticks and when I tell them I need to take a break as I'm running out of spoons. I know their first thought is what the hell am I doing here if I'm in so much pain? When people see me by myself in my wheelchair they think I must have gotten lost and separated from my abled handler. I love my job, I love what I do, and I want to be able to keep doing it. But I can't work as long as an abled person, I can't do it without accommodations. Hell abled people shouldn't be working as long as they do either. I wish to live a life where I'm free to do the work I love without killing myself and still be able to live a comfortable life. Every disabled person, working or not, deserves to live a comfortable life.

[skadream]

happy ummm 8th month on t? (9th if i were actually on t continuously but i ran out for a month that one time) i used to do monthly t updates on tiktok but i dont rlly feel like doing that rn so i'll yap about it here (its actually wild how little stuff i have about my transition on my tumblr generally speaking? as if this isnt the website that transed my gender in the first place)

it really is hard to notice such gradual changes from month to month, especially if its just me lookin at myself, compared to seeing a doctor in person which, i am getting rx'd T thru telehealth currently as my nearest planned parenthood or even a neighboring one does not actually do gender affirming care which is. insane and whack. esp when i do live in a pretty populated county maybe second or third to nyc and albany area. and i have to call in to a pp THREE HOURS BY TRANSIT from me. but like, its been working for now ok!

mentally and emotionally ive been very up and down overall but i think thats largely due to my medication changes rather than hormones. ALTHOUGH. when i ran out for a month in november and my period came back... dude it was so horrible like genuinely the worst period of my life. its one of those things where i didnt realize just how dysphoric something could make me feel until i had a taste of being able to alleviate said dysphoria. so mentally speaking testosterone is probably pulling the mental train even more than the wellbutrin lol. and im trying not to account too much for circumstance/environment cuz like OBVIOUSLY if things were going smoothly for me there a lot of my emotional issues would be at least somewhat relieved, but im working with what i got.

physically, since starting t in july i have lost weight. at first i was very scared it was my medication, and i think a part of it was at least a little, like two of my meds can cause some weight loss, but i am no longer losing weight in a concerning way but just yknow the regular amount of daily fluctuation. so i do think a lot of my weight loss was due to hormones just shifting around my fat and all that, or something idk lol. everyones so diff with hormones, i know some trans guys gain weight on t and not necessarily from muscle training, i know girls on e who have lost weight without any changes to diet or exercise, it really depends so as always, this is just my experience etc etc

i do have more facial hair but its still quite patchy, i think i might start filling in my stache tho. with my shitty goatee, its not my fav so i shave it off when im not just sitting inside all day, but also idk it makes my chin feel less. round. or smth. i do always think of my one friend telling me ill look like the lead singer of a nü metal band and honestly maybe i should start giving that energy more anyway! embrace goatee lifestyle!

oh yeah my voice dropped in like the first two months and has gotten deeper since, and on timtom i talked a lot about wanting to maintain the vocal range i had pre-t? i dont think thats fully possible like i think the highest notes i used to reach are just inaccessible to me, but i think if i did some like vocal singing warmups i can get back up to reach those higher notes. in retrospect the way ive sung my whole life has actually prob been destructive on my voice, partly from lack of proper training and partly intentionally trying to sound deeper and more gravelly, but now that i can access deeper sounds more naturally i really do wanna work on singing in a better way where i can reach some of those notes.

overall yea im liking whats happening so far, i do wish it was happening faster but i understand that some people dont get the progress ive gotten for like, YEARS, and new progressions will be happening to me for years after today. if you think about "real" puberty, it is a gradual shift its not like you suddenly grow a chest as soon as you Bleed or whatever its different for literally every person and since im the only one in my family that i know of who has done this, im kind of a guinea pig. but like im okay with that! anyway yeah really recommrnd testosterone if u want it i like it :)

[norondor]

I'm not sure it's possible to get a bingo with this card but pick any or all of Nearl/Siege/Horn and give me your Opinions

it IS possible to get a bingo! but you may not like me after this.

NEARL

Nearl is such a fucking chad. the first real events i got to do anything with when i started last year were the maria nearl rerun/pinus sylvestris/near light trilogy and holy shit. after being only mildly plussed by her in the intro chapters, nearl became a favorite almost immediately. I don't usually love super chivalrous knight type characters, they're fine, i have no particular bias towards them, but marge is a really well realized modern version of this trope that lands super well with all we see of kazimierz and its hellish culture. obviously as a huge lesbian i was immediately enchanted by her behavior in her event, the dance with liz melted my heart, the homoerotic light and darkness sword duel with viviana made me go insane, she's SO COOL dealing with the blood knight... i wasn't that into the kazimierz plot to start with but nearl (and flametail!) made it my second-favorite subplot in the game all on her own. red circle above is because i cannot tell, due to my somewhat insular choice of fan circles, whether the general fanon is that she's in a poly thing with the Followers or something stupider and more wrong than that; if that's the take, we have a bingo! If not, move that circle over to "everyone but me is wrong."

I know people don't like her staying in kazimierz, but if i can drop a hot take -- and i can, it's my fucking blog and you've chosen to be here, sucker -- i actually like the vibe in near light that you cannot just stride in and crush societal ills and overthrow Capital just like that. helping people is still meaningful; doing the work of dismantling oppression is meaningless without making sure people survive to do it in the first place. her decision comes from a place of altruism and care for the people of her homeland, not from a misguided belief that she can work from within to change the cops or whatever the fuck. i get with that; it's a different character motivation than i'm used to and i'm really for it. moving the decimal place still matters to the people who will survive because you did, and that's what nearl and the doctor are doing the whole time in near light.

SIEGE

I'm sorry. idk her at all. I've never pulled her, only used her once, and i haven't started episode 10 yet (SORRY) -- i expect this rating to change when i DO know more about her but right now i'm just scared they'll do some lame shit True King Returns plotline with her and somehow make act 2 worse than it started out. she's hotter than all fuck though.

HORN

Second blonde woman bingo! Anyway you can unfollow me now if you wanna.

I'm sorry to be so hard on her but again; having completed episode 9 but not yet started 10+ i despise her. my dear friend @deneviere put it well yesterday; they tried to make her the sympathetic authority figure in ep9 but she is, objectively, here to do some bootboy shit, so what she really is is a massive centrist. no, horn, i DIDN'T consider that trying to preserve a culture under threat of ethnocide could damage unity in the imperial core, because i'm not a fucking imperialist. shut the fuck up, you dumb dog.

It's entirely possible a lot of her bad writing is a symptom of ep9 just being a complete shitshow overall; her interactions with Hamilton Von Racist are incredibly fucking pointless for what actually goes down in them, and the ending after 9-19 was so cartoonishly stupid i couldn't even be angry (this is a lie). she's still very hot and stupid overpowered as an operator, but i'm leaving Horn at level 1 forever because i already have Ashlock leveled, and also i hate her. this rating is also subject to change but, uh, we'll see.