#idk. idk where im going with this but i guess my tldr is i would NOT be surprised if a character namedropped this event in s5

[writhe]

[ectonurites]

I don't have fully formed thoughts on the matter but my brain has just been rotating these two images around next to each other for days. interpret that as you will

(Crisis on Infinite Earths #12, published December 1985/cover date March 1986)

(Stranger Things S4E9, takes place in March 1986)

[m00ngbin]

I am very grateful to my friends but one of them especially right now because he's so fucking nice and he always helps me do stuff I can't do by myself for various reasons and I love him forever

[cider-est]

The full lineup is almost done!! (just needs some touch ups and a Chunsik design👍) FEEDBACK IS GREATLY APRECIATED!!

Design process under here (whole lot of yapping)

General thoughts: Ive given them in my previous design sheet (you can find it in my blog)(tldr: designs match characters but still childish, 8-12 years old). Only thing different here, is that these eggs were eggs who I had less of a clear idea of what I wanted to do with them (though I still really liked where I ended up!!)

Empanada: Didnt want to go for the full sweet lolita route, mostly because I thought it'd take away the "little kidness" of it all, but something that still resembles the aesthetic. She's wearing "carneirinhos" (idk the name in english) which is very cute little girl to me, and shes also a demon! Her tail resembles a frying pan!! Though I might change her fringe (it was supposed to be baby hairs but now that I think about it, her type of hair probably wouldnt have them) and put some argyle pattern in her sweater vest. I just forgor💀 to do that...I also wish I had made her shorter, but unfortunetely I drew this before the eggs did the height check (YES ITS BEEN THAT LONG).

Sunny: My beautiful baby girl. She means the world to me. I love this minecraft egg with all my heart. Shes wearing Light up sketchers and some fairy wings like Pomme, and shes actually wearing a swimsuit, she just put a tutu over it. The diamonds they're always holding are rings, they have a "terere" in their hair (idk name in english😭😭) and the beads were inspired by an artist on twt (@\BLUETOMATOSODA). Also if you are wondering why her hair looks like tentacles, its because I had originally made it puffy, but changed my mind after doing the lineart, so i had to get creative with me covering it up. Just pretend she has a fan, shes a star after all!

Pepito: Basically, he is very smoll. Chiquito even. He has strawberry hair and MASSIVE glasses that take up his entire face. Hes wearing a swimsuit aswell (dont ask how it works idk either), and has floaties since he cant swim. Hes got crocs, since flip flops hurt his toes, with a spider man charm on them! Also hes got a sunhat, mostly cause I wanted some other accessorie but didnt want to go with gas mask since it'd kinda kill the whole swimming vibe (since his model is wearing a swimsuit). sorry if its not too accurate to his character. Side note: Him, Em and Sunny all have freckles! Him and Sunny all over their bodies while Em just has on her cheeks.

Leo: Cute sporty vibe, love her shorty spiky hair. Wanted to try to make her face spiky aswell, for the whole shark dad thing. Shes got a necklace with a shark tooth (I guess she got it from Foolish??). He changes tshirts randomly, and opens and closes his attack on titan hoodie depending on the tshirt's expression (basically my version of Leo changing her player heads constantly). His trainers have dragon wings and also: whealies!!

Dapper: Im gonna be honest: did not expect to like his design THIS much. The colouring really elevated, with the long blue hair (the same colour as the ghosties!). Wanted to make them, y'know, dapper, so I had to sacrifice some of the "little kid vibes" unfortunetely, but I think it fits her still. The hat has part of the helmet that they used to wear a lot, demon horn to match Pomme, and a suit that is VERY inspired by Death the Kid from Soul Eater (very fitting for a reaper in training imo). Might be my favourite design!

Ramon: Jesus fuck you'd think designing your fav egg would be easy BUT NO. I struggled long and hard. Again, he doesnt have that much "little kid" vibe whatever man😭😭 Im just happy that I even managed to make SOMETHING. Hes got Create googles, his meathead is a massive hat that completely hides his hair. Very simple, very Ramon, though I will probably end up making a version with an ugly sweater just like he likes instead😔. I still like it but. man...

ANYWAYS IF YOU READ ALL THAT MWAH, YOURE A REAL ONE, THANKS FOR ENTERTAINING MY THOUGHTS🫶🫶🫶

[proxii-mity]

opinion on the new quest? spoiler warning

what were your thoughts on the last season quest? my overall thoughts were that it was... kind of underwhelming tbh.. with such a huge area with tons of seats you would expect them to utilize most of it or maybe schedule an event where skykids can group together at the concert hall to watch something, kind of like the aurora concert (but not THAT many people yknow im just making a comparison). the final concert (at least in my expectations) could've been really cool and awesome and i understand the demos of the song were short in the previous quest for obvious reasons but for an actual performance.. the song was less than a minute long i think. idk in my personal opinion a whole song performance by two passionate reunited song writers should be like, a full song instead of like 30 seconds of an unfortunately not very catchy melody. i did like the beginning of the song like in the first few quests but from there on it doesn't really sound that great tbh. it's great if you like the song but i think its underwhelming and kind of uninteresting sorry. were my expectations just too high and dramatic for this season??? was i expecting too much?? i was kinda hoping for more

another thing is i kinda don't get why it was the abyss spirits specifically that we invited to the concert hall. at first i thought "why are we only taking the abyss spirits?? ohhh wait maybe we're doing all the seasons one by one!! or at least a few of them" but it ended up just being one season of spirits. season of performance did do the same thing with only valley spirits but at least that one was understandable because the theater is IN the village of dreams, which is a valley location. but abyss?? in concert hall?? i don't see the correlation. i think it would've been better to invite one spirit from every season. it would add more variety and make it seem more special. but i guess i understand if getting too many spirits would make it tedious but i just thought it was weird that it was just one specific season of spirits and not a variety. not really a big deal but so is everything i just said. its just my opinion im not tryna make a big deal out of it

(Edit: i didnt realize abyss was mentioned in the past quests, i forgot thats my bad)

my favorite thing was just the final animation at the end when the camera was zooming out and the duo were showing off only because it had unique animation that weren't emotes. those types of cutscenes are my favorites, the ones that the animators actually put effort into lmao. i'm not trying to get into why i strongly prefer these cutscenes because that would be going off on a tangent that's unrelated to this post

so what did you think of this finale? tldr for me it was....... ok... was expecting more tho

i've seen someone say that the season in general was very predictable which i totally agree with but that's not my main point here

[localgardenweed]

Mega awesome HRE and Chibitalia art dump cause i’m on that high rn

These doodles are on my old AU I tried to make a game with friends for a gamejam but had to drop out but still forever haunt my mind begging to be made. I'm still figuring out a lot of the plot and ideas for the story i guess and playing with ideas and concepts of the world and characters. Mainly Death and Earth personified, since they're original creations ya know, especially Death cause they're kinda the antagonist. TLDR Whole plot of the story is that HRE is dying and Death was supposed to make it comfortable for him for giving peace of mind but they were sick and tired of it and kinda punished him for being a greedy power hungry little shit.

In these doodles they're supposed to be dancing together in a ballroom, the jig is up and Death is opening up to HRE and probably giving exposition, probably talk about how they were wrong to do that to HRE, why they lashed out and asking if he wants to do something before he takes his life for good. I have a few old doodles where I designed the dress and stuff, the scene was also drafted to still be in the dream world/ HRE unknowingly thinking this is reality so this was going to be his final moment before the big reveal and Death snapping. Was also gonna be a mini game maybe where you had to do a memory game to remember the steps

These are for when HRE finally discovers everything in the game/story was all just this dream world and he never got that closer with Italy or his brother and where Death gets frustrated and just has a whole rant about their true feelings about humans and the personified countries. The scythe is so shit im sorry. The dream world throughout the game keeps getting flooded with this black goo, which in reality is just this limbo space before a soul makes it to the afterlife, as Death has a harder and harder time keeping the world together and/or just to fuck with HRE and make him paranoid

Here is a alternative version where Death takes off the disguise, probably doing the same thing as the last one but ya know just a bit different. In my note I drabble the idea that the disguises are made with the help of Earth since death ya know kinda kills shit so they can't really create stuff, in this scene I also had a idea where (kinda gorey sorry) they even pull off the skin and hair to reveal their true skeleton form to HRE.

These were just fun doodles, played around with sketching with highlighter and going over in pen which was super fun. I also just wanted to draw Chibitalia, cause idk he's silly. These were kinda just warmups and experiments cause art block has been hitting like a TRUCK.

I hope one day I can still bring this idea to game form, maybe blow the dust off RPG maker or try to get a team together again to work on it but who knows. IN ANOTHERR LIFFEEEE I WOULD BE YOUR GIIRRRRLLLLLL

[bright-and-burning]

A driver placing 12th over 14th in a single race can mean millions of dollars difference to smaller teams like Williams. I think its worth it

to be clear here i am relatively new to f1 and also still in the emotional react zone lol. ALSO ALL OF THIS IS SAID WITH LOVE! i do really like both of them so much

first off why didn’t they have a spare chassis. is that normal. that feels… dumb. i’ve never worked in logistics but that feels Really Really dumb.

SECOND OFF I JUST REMEMBERED TEAM TORQUE. OH THE VIBES ARE GONNA BE HORRENDOUS

anyways. this is gonna sound stupid of me but i kind of forgot how it works in terms of tie breakers so i wasn’t… super thinking abt non-points positions (AGAIN! thinking emotionally!!)

this is long and rambling. please don’t destroy me for not knowing what i’m talking about bc i really really don’t. also i don’t necessarily have a conclusion of “is it worth it or not” i am just . side eyeing. very unsure about whether it will be or not in the end. it kinda boils down to “i think this is complicated math bc trying to quantify some of the effects of this is literally impossible and im worried about those unquantifiable effects”

my thinking here is kind of. is 12th instead of 14th worth it if it means you’ve wildly undermined a driver’s … idk trust? confidence in the team? and i don’t mean this in a vague “think abt the emotional impact!” way i mean this as. how is this going to affect how the rest of the season goes?

i mean, even just this race lol. birthday curse aside, alex has just got a whole lot more pressure on him, on a course he’s got a not-fantastic history with, as far as i can tell. it’s his job to handle pressure, obviously, but it’s certainly an… interesting position to put someone in

in terms of the rest of the season… for me mentality was/is such a massive part of success in sports. i deeply dislike the “didn’t want it enough” narratives in other sports (whole other story) but. you do have to believe in yourself. and if thats true for a sport where you’re running around in circles, or where you’re kicking a ball around, i imagine it’s doubly so for driving around tight corners at nearly 300kph or whatever. it’s not williams’/james vowles’ job, i guess, to foster an environment where that self-belief is maintained or built, but in that case, what was the point of all that talk?

you spend all this time being like we have confidence in you and your improvement, and then bam. i would be desolate lol. like circling back to 12th vs 14th… idk a part of me is like. if we could quantify the impacts of this on logan over the season, what if that bit of confidence is the difference between 15th and 17th. but like, in every race. obviously we don’t know how this season would go without this happening so this is like wild speculation. and i am PRAYING for spite to kick in and become a massive motivator here. like i get that williams isn’t responsible for logan’s headspace but. they do want to maximize their drivers’ performance, right? i personally am unsure that this is the way to do that

tldr a) why no spare chassis. that fuckin spreadsheet bruh. b) why talk all that talk to do this. like i can follow the logic of the decision! i really and truly can (especially remembering how non-points positions matter. whoops) but i don’t respect the going from oh we have full confidence to a blatant demonstration that they… don’t. c) i am sad

[sagethegremlin]

ok so this is kinda rambley and a tad venty but uh yeah long post about my mental state lately ig? idk tldr im gonna get sillier c:

ok so this is weird but i think getting all my thoughts out on a post will help me out through this but anyway i think ive had like really bad anxiety i think? about my fics lately. ive found myself being way too scared about what other people might think of them (way more than the usual voice in the back of my head at least) and i think ive been really scared of i guess no one caring, like the only way someone would care about one of my fics is if its this huge professional thing that means something. ive found myself overhyping or underhyping my wips when i shared them with friends, losing confidence in them entirely even if my friends said something nice, like it was always gonna look stupid so long as it wasnt in my head anymore.

i think the reason these feelings are so frustrating is because something as simple as writing fanfic shouldnt give me this much anxiety, to the point where im losing sleep and procrastinating important things over however good i am at writing something silly thats supposed to be for fun. and it hasnt just been about fanfic either, ive been so scared of how people perceive me online, feeling like i always have to type like im some big blog and constantly being scared of what other people think of me, which is the wrong attitude to have in a fandom space. this is supposed to be fun, and it hasnt been, and i want to change that.

ive really been wanting to say something for i think a few months now. ive noticed how much ive felt like i needed to overhype myself, and just how bad my confidence has been destroyed. theres been a person in my life for a while now that i havent been distancing myself from as much as i should have been, but now i want to try and work on finding ways to enjoy fandom spaces again. im tired of being scared of being expressive and enjoying myself.

im going to start writing more fics that i just enjoy, fucking around and just having fun, and I’ve been starting to doodle a little bit too c: i dont mean to make a post to like say anything big i guess i just kinda wanted to air out my thoughts a little bit (and i do have to admit it feels amazing to just get this all off my chest) but i guess if you read all this i wanna say i love you and i want you to do something good for your mental health today because its so hard to recognize when something is hurting you and even harder to try and fix it especially when it feels impossible but I believe in you and I love you :3

[aropride]

hi

hello internet strangers want to hear about my personal life as per usual

well as those familiar w my lore know my title ix case (us-specific college thing where, tldr, if u get sexually assaulted u can do a little mini court case thru ur school) is finally fucking over + i won . which is awesome. unfortunately the respondent (title ix word for "person who did the assaulting") got preeeetty much no sanctions at all . like literally nothing changed . the lawyer recommended they be moved to the other dorm hall but they couldnt, so basically they got put on probation and that's it. Lmao. which means my situation is WORSE than before i filed the complaint, bc b4 i filed the complaint they were in the other dorm hall, and then they moved to mine. but i can't do shit about it unless i want to take my school to, like, court.

well anyway the respondent's life changed in no meaningful way Except they moved out of the dorms last month by their own choice. i assumed that meant they were embarassed abt what they did But i guess not. Bc they've been getting really into on campus events and hanging out in the central building that i like to hang out at. and its like. okay. whatever.

but the thing is . theyve been going to a lot of queer-centric events recently . and while im the only person whos filed a complaint or won a case against them. i am not the only victim i know that for a fact and the other victim is also a queer person. So can you see why im worried about someone who managed to sexually assault two queer people within the first week of living on campus like, integrating themself into the community like nothing fucking happened

and theres this school dance coming up in a couple weeks and im worried that will give them an opportunity to like. hurt someone else.

and i want people to KNow what they did because i dont feel safe with them on campus anyway but i especially dont feel safe now theyre talking to people and making friends (especially bc most of their friends r like. friends of friends. like i dont know them but i know of them yk) . i dont know what theyre saying about me (if anything) and i especially dont know if theyve hurt anyone else. and they might have! because they demonstrated a frankly dangerous lack of regard for consent repeatedly Like i think this is a genuinely dangerous person, whether by malice or stupidity or both, and i dont want anyone else to get hurt

BUT THE KICKER IS...! well first of all we're bound by a no-contact order (baby version of a restraining order). you cant be in the same classes and you cant talk to each other (irl, online, or thru a 3rd person) the title ix coordinator has provided jack shit about what a no contact order actually entails btw lol 😒. But if i were to tell someone and they went and told that person, idk if that would be considered 3rd party contact, which would get Me in trouble

i also dont know if it would be considered "breaking confidentiality" if i said their name- again, don't know jack shit, don't have documentation of the actual rules i'm supposed to be following. but i really dont feel like this is a safe situation for this person to be on campus with no one knowing what they did

im also just generally worried about them finding out ive told people and getting mad and going to the coordinator and me getting in trouble when the only reason im even considering this is bc, again, the school didnt do jack shit

and i dont even know How i would tell aynone . like im not rly friends with most of these people . i see them around and some of them i think are cool but theyre not friends or really even aquaintences . so it would be fucking weird .

but i dont know what to do and i dont want anyone else to get hurt . and i know thats not on Me, but. i also dont want to sit back and Know. and not say anytthing

[vampyrluver]

sorry if this is weird out of the blue you can ignore it if you like! but i was re reading some of ur about and saw ur thinking about going into museum studies. ive wanted to work at a museum for a long time but have never really had the drive to make it happen. i was wondering if you have any insight/advice on how one could start taking steps even small ones toward following that vision. i graduated a couple years ago with my bachelors in psychology and since then just kinda been like "why did i do that." idk if its a viable jumping off point or if id have to do more school before grad which has also been kinda holding me back from looking into stuff out of anxiety i guess. anyway i know you dont know everything and sorry this is long i just was interested since i havent seen many people talk about museum studies as an academic path! ty if you do reply no worries if not! have a nice day :)

omg hi no not weird at all!! :D I love talking especially about academic things!!

The good thing about museums, is honestly almost any degree is a good jumping off point to potentially work in a museum! And the good thing about graduate school is that most programs do not care that much what your undergrad degree was, as long as you are willing to learn and do the work to catch up on anything that your undergrad degree may have not given you, you can just apply to grad schools! you just have to figure out where and what type of program you want.

i will also say, depending on where you live, there IS another way to get ur foot into the door of museums and that is by volunteering, or interning. Im located near DC, and because of my proximity to Smithsonian Museums, i am lucky as i have a lot of opportunities to get myself into the museum. Here, the museums will let you volunteer, and if you volunteer long enough (i think a year or two?), you can potentially get a paid job (especially if you put yourself out there and really make yourself know, the good thing about this industry is honestly a lot of the time you just need to have the right connections, a lot of the successful folks i know who work in or around museums, got in because they just...got around and made their existence known by the people they want to work with)

Also, something to consider is what exactly do you want to do in museums? Are you more of a curator? a researcher? do you want to be on the public facing side of museums (greeting, giving tours, educating etc), the back end side of museums (IT, event planning, archiving etc). Knowing the answer to this will also help you find a program for you. There are general museum studies programs which i think are good and that is what i plan on doing, but my goal is to work on the back end in archives OR as a researcher or educator within museums, so i am also looking at library sciences or similar degrees that work with the skill set i want to cultivate. there are a lot of museum adjacent degrees that may not sound like they would work in a museum but they would.

knowing what you want will help narrow down what you should do, because also if you are interested in the more public facing side, the giving tours and interacting with patrons etc, you may not even need a degree! you just need passion and the ability to info dump! if you want to work on more technical things, or hold a higher position that's where the graduate school education will play a part.

If you want help narrowing it down, message me!! I can also help you find programs or certificates that can help you get to where you want!

ALSO, don't be afraid to cold email people, something that has helped me a lot is finding people in the industry and just, emailing them and asking them questions, 2 outcomes happen either 1) i get no response ever or 2) they answer my questions! its pretty epic. If you want help finding people who may be of interest to you and cold emailing them, i can help its my favorite thing to do.

basically TLDR: narrow down what you want to do in the museum and jump off from there, depending on your future goals, more education may not even be needed, cold email people, and message me if you want me to help u find specific programs or people to contact! or if you just want more information in general.

Please let me know if this helps at all! Sorry its long, i am a yapper.

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

i do think the jealousy in school reunion is really interesting i think thats a really fun part of the doctor companion dynamic to explore, what makes me roll my eyes is the we're both in love with him "the missus and the ex" thing

but like the jealousy thing on its own? just the flipside of the making people feel special thing that we explored a bit with 12. the doctor does single people out, does make them feel special, their attention is like a fucking spotlight who would be immune to that warmth

but the other side of that then is like, was it their attention that made me special? was it their companionship that made me special? thinking of donna going travelling "it's all bus trips and guidebooks and dont drink the water and two weeks later youre back home" like sure thats comparing what the trips are like but like, that also describes sort of like, who you get to be on those trips right? a tourist vs a hero

thinking of yaz in combat magicks being like "yaz liked wearing her uniform because it marked her out as someone who belonged anywhere. ready to help, and with the right to intervene. the doctor just breezed in and made the whole universe her business, like she was born to it, and yaz longed for that confidence." thats sort of what being the doctor's plus one gives you, right? access to everywhere, without consequences, except maybe your own death but the doctor makes you feel invincible too so you dont worry about that

so sure there would be jealousy but i think making it into an ex-girlfriend kinda jealousy flattens it? "in amongst 7 billion theres someone like you" and then you get to save planets. you become a part of the doctor's hero complex. you get to see beautiful amazing things but you also get to prove yourself a hero every day. thinking of rose "the doctor showed me a better way of living your life. you dont just give up. you have the guts to do whats right when everyone else just runs away" you get to feel powerful. you get a lot of agency where in your daily life you probably dont have a lot. thats what the doctor gives to those handful of the seven billion. so what if they take it away?

thinking of clara asking "why me?" and sarah jane "did i do something wrong?" why did i get this opportunity. and why was it taken away. was it anything i did? and if it wasnt, then doesnt that undermine all that agency you made me feel like i had? can i do this on my own too? and of course lots of companions prove they can, they dont need the doctor to be who they are but idk. i think it would still be kinda insecure-making when youre still with the doctor. when youre still in the middle of it like rose in school reunion. when you dont know yet what After will look like

and this is something the fam doesnt have to deal with i think. because they came to the doctor. they werent picked, they werent offered, they asked. they dont have to wonder 'why did you pick me'. which im kinda relieved about especially thinking about yaz? imagine having to wonder 'was i a friend of convenience' on top of everything else. oof.

and another thing is that of course for the doctor the rejection hurts just as much. when a companion says no thank you, your way of life doesnt seem that fun to me (anymore)

anyway so uh tldr i guess the jealousy thing is interesting but making it a romantic jealousy is not whats interesting about it

[how-to-scug]

Hello, hope your having a great day!!

Do you have any tips regarding stylising slugcats in different ways?

HI thanks, i am indeed having a good day thanks for asking!

as for your question, im not entirely sure how to go about answering it, however i can give some tips for developing a style, just in general

do you have any artists you like? im sure a lot of you guys have heard the "take what you like about your favorite artist" speil, but i find its a little more that that.., a lot of times what i find myself doing is taking an image that i like, and well, trace it (its not just tracing work with me here lmao)

alternatively i draw against it, if that makes sense, like use a reference, which is also really helpful because im not relying on the image that much (especially because i cant focus on looking at the drawing and the picture at the same time, so usualy i just look at it and draw from memory, would suggest, sorry for the tangent tldr use reference sometimes too! dont just trace lol back to tracing though ig lmao)

for this im going to be using this image

and the program i will be using is firealpaca (its a nice free software i like using for digital art, but thats not important right now)

i start off with this generally, as you can see, the image is lower opacity, on a separate layer, and although its not rainworld, its the first thing i saw mildly interesting on pinterest lol

alright now i have the iddy biddy bits done, i traced over the general pose, and now im ready to move on.

here is where its a little more than tracing

i turn the original picture off, and lower the opacity of the traced version, and then just, draw over it i guess.

i like to try to think about how the body would, idk, fit there, like if i was there how would i look? would i be stiff? relaxed? so on and all that. the goal here is to learn from tracing it, not just trace mindlessly if you get what i mean. be mindful about what your drawing

anyway heres the next stage, as you can see i wanted to deviate from the original image, that way im not making a carbon copy of the image. i do think the image is pretty good for practice though, as its a pretty dificult pose (at least for me) and i can use the (albeit very little) knowledge i have on foreshortening on the arm, idk man its a really cool image and i like how challenging it is, i really had to struggle to make it look right.

i wont be adding any more detail to this, but its generaly how i go about learning and tracing art

side note, im sure you've heard of this before, but dont post art you traced as yours, and if you do, add the original image before your drawing, and give a disclamer

awf man i lost my point, but i put too much effort into this to delete all of it

anyway im gonna be making something else to make up for this im sorry lmao

[zero-braincells-left]

not a vent post but idk if anyone actually wants to listen to me talk about romance and my gf and. my confidence in my romantic attraction shattering right in front of me lmao. anywho

tldr: hmmmmmmmmmm hey i might be lithromantic. but first let’s go on several unrelated tangents that only barely go together to prove whatever point i was trying to make??

ive kind of felt like i feel romance. wrong ? like i know there isn’t a wrong way like this and whatnot but it’s still just. idk. first of all like,,,, i just don’t get the concept of falling in love (romantic). what being in love would even feel like. but most definitely not in an aromantic way, no, i 100% do have crushes. i am. extremely sure about that part. but that’s just liking people. i feel like im too young to be in love, but everyone else announces such. last time i used the word love romantically was fucking forever ago when i was in 4th grade with my very first crush. that, in fact, was not love. love is just a strong word.

(after writing everything else im unsure where to put this where it fits, but also, I haven’t really been able to imagine myself in any sort of long term, romantic relationship. i don’t want to get married, and i can’t see myself dating someone for, like, life.)

but i love my friends. because that’s platonic. love is a perfectly acceptable word to use for platonic or familial things in my mind. just not romance, at least not for myself? like i get the thing of having a partner and being able to say “i love you” and i mean. cmon. with all the ships i have I’ve imagined that with characters plenty of times. but like

i love my best(?) friend so, sosososo much more than i “love” my girlfriend. because, with dating, i just like her. romantic . and she knows that and the feelings mutual because love is just too strong a word for a relationship both of us know isn’t forever. but. do i even like her (romantic.)? i think so? i had a crush on her for like. half a year. and i know that was a crush, for sure. and that day on Halloween when we started dating i was happy, i was excited. but something about calling her my “girlfriend” felt so. weird. ive never dated anyone before, not even a shitty 3 day long elementary school “dating” kinda thing, so i just kinda chalked it up to that. i still can’t pinpoint what it is but right now. yeah, okay, we’re dating. whenever i think about that fact—I like the thought of it but i don’t like that it’s real. that it’s happening. the thought of being ‘romantic’ or holding hands or anything feels genuinely uncomfortable if i think about it now, even when it used to be a nice idea. and in practice, before either of us knew the other liked them, and we had all sorts of “fake” flirting bullshit, i was also perfectly fine and even happy (and flustered) by the closeness because. i liked her. and now with a relationship, even if the idea makes me really uncomfy, in practice I don’t really mind. it’s just, kind of, neutral.

speaking of which, I’ve made several “if you say that again im breaking up with you” or when she does something dumb/silly and goes ‘oh yeah? what you gonna do? break up with me?’ “yes” jokes. and like. she’s fine with that and we both think it’s funny but. i genuinely don’t not mean it, like, the idea of breaking up with her doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit.) and the idea of staying with her, still dating, also doesn’t bother me (well, it does a bit). again im just completely neutral on it, and she knows this. but i feel like im only here because she likes dating me more than i enjoy it. i cant tell if I like this or not.

it’s like, knowing my feelings were reciprocated and being able to date her like I wanted to, made my feelings go away or at least. lessen (cause i still, I guess, do like her? sort of?)

anyways i guess I might be lithromantic then ? i already know of that label AND I’d considered it before.

for long as I can remember now, I guess, whenever I have crushes I can get over them really quickly. it’s just having that closure that’s fine. hell, earlier this year I liked one of my friends so i told him, got confirmation he didn’t like me back, and then got over it the next day. that was just a few months of crushing though—a couple years ago, i had a crush on one of my main friends at the time for one whole year. December to February of the following year. my feelings didn’t weaken over that time, either. then i got peer pressured into confessing, got confirmation it was a no, and the VERY. NEXT . DAY. i was over him. i knew it was a no so I didn’t dwell on it.

it’s just always been like that, I guess. i can get over anyone if I have the closure.

but nobody’s ever liked me back before. what happens if that ‘closure’ is a yes? i thought about it one time maybe a year or so ago and thought that, yeah, maybe I’d stop liking someone if that was the case. and now it… sort of is. i don’t know how I feel about my gf or what to do about it and I don’t know how to talk to her about it. i know she’s understanding of that so it’s not that im scared she’ll think im weird or wrong for it, just. idk. i dont even know what I’d say, but I might try tomorrow.

im fine dating her, i honestly don’t mind it, i just feel like being able to. express how i do feel about it at least haha. and i feel really guilty that this might be mostly one-sided on her end.

i have another thing to say actually but I’ll rb and add it on cause I want to end this specific thought here

[sluckythewizard]

EVERYONE GGET BAAACK IM ABT TO RAMBLE ABOUT FINN TIDESTRIDER. SPOILERS FOR EEVERYTHINGGGG ALL UP TO EP 113 YOU GOTTA RUN!! YOU GOTTA RUN AWAYYYY!!!!

ITS FASCINATING to speak to someone who has lived 80 years. almost every conversation involves me asking about a story of theirs, places theyve been, things theyve done. i feel like ive seen so much in only 20 something years of life, imagine that 4 times over?

all those stories, to have each and every one of them written down i feel like would be a beautiful thing. record keeping, storing that experience in an edible form, preserved for the future generations to study and cherish. imagine how many stories could be collected from not just 80 years of life, but 200? maybe more? imagine?

i LOVE characters that live to observe and document, keeping all their findings and knowledge and memories in tomes and records. i have several ocs that are functionally immortal, owning vast libraries holding all the knowledge of their lives. one of them is a man losing his memory, who has all his most vital memories tattooed onto his arms, so he will never forget what matters. FINN TIDESTRIDER. A MAGICIAN? WIZARD? SCIENTIST MAYBE. RESEARCHER ABSOLUTELY. CHRONICLER. LIBRARIAN. I HAD NO REAL STRUCTURE IN MIND FOR THIS POST. WHICH IS WHY ITLL SHOCK YA WHEN I BRING UP:

SEXUAL REPRESSION UNDER A CORRUPT RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION. MORMONISM AND SOME OTHER JESUS CENTERED RELIGIONS WILL TELL YOU THAT YOUR BODY IS A SACRED THING. MASTURBATION IS EVIL, IT CORRUPTS YOUR BODY, WHICH SHOULD BE SAVED FOR MARRIAGE. CELIBACY PRESERVES YOUR BODY, FOR YOUR ONE AND ONLY LIFE PARTNER. SEX IS NOT AN ACTIVITY, IT IS SACRED, RESERVED ONLY FOR PROCREATION.

i dont know if the undersea is Perfectly comparable to religions like that, but it is certainly a culture that upholds a very 'the elders are always right and must be followed'. polygamy is punishable by death, releasing spawn is a natural step after marriage, etc etc, i wouldnt be surprised to find that the undersea has a crazy Purity Culture thing going on. to live your whole long life down there, where so much is forbidden, and finally breaking into the surface world to explore the unknown, who knew your own body would be part of that 'unknown'?

in that episode, in the uh. Book. he says 'his first man was a (shiphand)' or whatever idk i dont feel like relistening. but HIS FIRST MAN!! ur telling me Finn Sexguy Tidestrider wasnt banging dudes down in the undersea?? maybe hes just talkin about his first Human but whateeverrrr. is homophobia a thing in the undersea?? i guess itll be a while before we know.

EITHER WAY. to break free from an oppressive climate and finally having the chance to be sexually free. to finally be familiar with your own body and the bodies of others, to LEARN so much about what makes you and others tick, to experience a unique form of intimacy with another. while having sex is not a VITAL experience, to have the freedom and choice to explore that IS SO IMPORTANT...

sex isnt a disgusting thing, its not wrong and its not naughty its not sinful its not gross. but sex also is not sacred, its not a big important thing, its not vital. sex is JUST an activity. a fun thing to do with ur homies or someone youre close to. there are dangers of course, which is why KNOWLEDGE about it is such an important thing. ohhh my god i constantly have a huge ramble locked n loaded about sexual education but ill GET INTO THAT ANOTHER TIME.

TLDR i reaally like finn tidestrider because TO ME, he is not just a wacky funny old sex-having wizard. hes a man who lived a looong fuckin time under a religious climate that discouraged sexual exploration, and after he left, got to spend decades and decades of being FREE to explore. in MY heart.

i get like, haha funny old man yaoi, the shock of the old guy havin sloppy gay fuck sex, but yknow. i dont expect it but it would be neat i think if this sorta thing would ever be taken seriously and explored.

THE TIDESTRIDERS FASCINATE ME. for finn to say YES i LOVE having SEX all the TIME; and for gill to say NO i am NOT interested in sex EVER.. those are BOTH forms of sexual freedom. its the choice!! THE CHOICE!!!!

[literaphobe]

I am sorry to disturb you but sometimes I stay up at night, lying awake in my bed at 3am, staring up at the ceiling as I think about how they did ladynoir dirty and I wanted to talk to someone who understands 😭😭😭

Like let adriennette happen. Let it happen. BUT AT LEAST LET THE GHOST OF LADYNOIR HAUNT THEM. Let it be a question mark. A brushed away thought. An untapped yearning. Don’t give us one tsukuyomi episode and then act as if that wiped the slate of four seasons of a situationship cleannnn 😭😭😭😭

I just feel so cheated. That season 4 finale. THE SEASON 5 POSTER. We were so sure and then we we were left with our hands empty empty empty

HI OMG!!! first of all PLEASE do not apologize because i seriously love love LOVE getting asks and i LOVE talking about ladynoir

secondly yes most of my free time is spent working on my ladynoir fic and when im on tiktok i see ladynoir edits and i am simultaneously so sad and so happy all the time. ALSO YEAH. like um i guess i get why they can't lean too heavy into ladynoir bc they are SO chemistry and we can't make them look like they're cheating on themselves but i MISS THEM and i want to see them so bad all the time. stanning ladynoir in s5 is like being obsessed w that one random side character and screaming crying throwing up when u see them show up on screen like YASSSS GO BABY GIRLS!

anyway i have decided to cope by being extremely delusional and overreading into every little thing ladynoir related on the show. and also overattributing value to every tiny interaction they have

i think ultimately no matter what we have to remember that ladynoir STILL has a romantic history and chat noir and ladybug did not fall in love with each other for no reason!! think of them rn as two people who almost dated and are now trying to be really chill and cool about the fact that they VERY RECENTLY got very uber sad and pissed about getting tricked into thinking they got married and had a family together AND now um boom suddenly they're both dating other people and its totally awesome and fun and they're not in a strange ambiguous situation anymore and now they have to NOT accidentally brush hands when theyre on patrol and this is a normal thing to think about

re the whole ladynoir arc and how things will play out I GENUINELY THINK adrienette will break up at some point bc this show IS like the drama show and it has a minimum of 3 more seasons left AND the love square is never be stable for long and ifl that will always be the message pre-reveal. like if u have 2 identities each that all constantly interact (ladynoir and adrienette) u will always eventually feel conflicted between both identities bc that's how perfect u r for each other! the whole point is that a reveal would eventually solve everything and thats why pre-reveal love square is always doomed. i love suffering btw. ANYWAY adrienette rn is interesting bc they're getting closer but also facing problems at the same time and i think their time as a couple will make them so very interesting like. as exes. SORRY im not preying on their downfall I HAVE ADRIENETTE VISIONS TOO and i think exes adrienette who r more comfortable w each other should have a fight someday where its v obvious they still want each other but idk theres like problems abound and shit. WOULDN'T THAT BE FUN <- crazy person

tldr i think the ghost of ladynoir will haunt them soon!! hopefully!! in the meantime lets be unnecessarily delusional!!!!!!!!! also lets talk about ladynoir all the time i always understand bro

[stinkbrat]

This is too long winded to truly get into tbh but like I feel like.. a lot of my life I get stuck in this rotten little area where I figure something out (like being trans or autistic) just before the crux of the "so many people are this now, it's such a trend, it's detracting from ppl that are actually suffering" and every time it happens I feel like i personally am the problem and that i must be wrong and it holds me back from exploring or addressing things because im "probably faking it because im sure i would KNOW"

Like it just leaves me feeling like I have to either suppress what I now have access to and "bottle it up" or just know fully I won't be taken seriously, even in safe spaces, when i talk about it.

Specifically too though like... I am diagnosed with autism right I have my letter and accommodations (not that they get met) but like. Diagnosed! And yet the resistance of ppl treating it like it's trendy (it's not) and insisting that not this many ppl can have it (they can) instead of realizing it just means more ppl have been suffering from it and deserve the space to exist within it?? Idk my ass ends up seeing the angry ppl posting that ppl have to stop "treating it like its cute" and I get so flustered because I'm like "ur right I should have never sought out my psychiatrist and tricked her into diagnosing me with something that only other people suffer from because it sounded fun" when I'm one of the lucky few to actually get tested and diagnosed!!!! And if I'm still capable of performing mental gymnastics to villanize myself, then I know that younger ppl are going through it much worse and its gonna set them back 1000 years in their coping and recovering process.. Idk its not my responsibility but the conversation is extremely difficult between "I've suffered my whole life from this and always had the word to throw my hate and anger at so when you say you have it but don't seem pissed off or ruined the way i feel, I get upset therefore you all have to stop acting like it's a trend" and "I've suffered my whole life from this and since I wasn't diagnosed I didn't have a word to throw the hatred at so I just directed it internally at me being stupid and broken so I'm celebrating this thing that has largely made my life impossible and that probably seems pretty offensive to the ppl that had the opportunity to know what it was the whole time" without it sounding like you're patronizing the other group of people under your umbrella or acting like the other group is wrong or privileged (when neither are neither)

Idk It applies to so many parts of my life (ur not REALLY trans if your not trying to "pass" or have bad enough dysphoria) and I'm so so tired of seeing both sides without anyone bothering to represent the middle: some of the things are going to get cutesyfied due to the pervasive nature of social media and pop culture but taking it out on people that are fresh into discovering, exploring, growing, and/or learning about themselves and saying they haven't suffered enough to be able to talk about it openly is not the answer CHIEFS...

Tldr that one meme with the mirror about calling ppl ugly when it only affects the ppl around you, not the people that are going to do wrong no matter what you say. Ultimately There's no right or wrong way to suffer or to cope and you're always going to alienate someone when you try to talk openly about it but talking openly about it is all there is to do so....I guess we will just die