#if im doing lots of low brain focus but physical tasks like laundry or going for a walk? excellent good okay

[calamitys-child]

How to take a rest day bc of brain fog and physical exhaustion without feeling the most emotionally wretched it's possible to ever be

[xurkitips]

When Life Gives You Hellbrain...

Y’know what sucks? Depression. Y’know what sucks even more? Depression: Hard Mode. Also known as: coping with the fact that you’re tired and feel like garbage all the time without any medication or other help to combat the constant exhaustion and wallowing in sadness.

I’ve been battling this miserable hellbrain of mine since I was around thirteen, when I first noticed being inexplicably upset/self-hating, tired, and unable to enjoy things that used to make me happy. 

Now I never got diagnosed back then, and didn’t until about a month ago, but it was absolutely a very real, ongoing issue that I regularly had to deal with. I’m twenty-four at the time of writing; so that’s about eleven years right there of brain gross. That, coupled with the joys of anxiety, made for a wonderful stew of hellbrain.

Much of that time was a massive struggle. However, going into adulthood I started to find, try, and utilize some healthy coping mechanisms. They may or may not work for you, but these are tried and true for me:

Physical exercise

This sounds like the worst idea ever. Why go do stuff when you feel like crap? But hear me out, it can help.

Sometimes in my low moods and depressive spells, I would be stewing in awful hellthoughts about myself, my future, stress from chaotic situations, school, etc. And as I would lay there wallowing in filth I’d be compelled to just sit in bed all day and not move.

In the warmer months from spring to fall, I started going for walks. For those of you reading this who are anxious about walking alone or feel unsafe, there’s no shame in inviting a friend to walk or taking the dog with you (if you have one). Fresh air and sunshine can do wonders, especially the latter which provides vitamin D and can help ward off depression.

If you can’t or don’t want to go outside, simple things like chores (dishes, laundry, cooking and cleaning) can also get you up and moving within your home. Small exercises depending on your physical limits such as lifting weights, stretches, and other things can help too. If you like shopping, need groceries, or have a nearby mall, they’re good places to walk around.

I found that, even if I ended up still thinking bad thoughts, the focus on my surroundings or the task at hand helped me ward them off for the moment. It also got some energy out, and provided some physical benefits.

Access to fresh fruits and vegetables.

Doesn’t seem like it would help much, but having a supply of fresh things not only provides nutrients, but it seems to help mentally. There’s satisfaction to biting into a crisp apple, smelling the tartness of an orange, the crunchy head of broccoli, the sweet taste of corn....

"Milo, why are you getting up on your soap box to talk to me about this.”

I just think they’re neat.

Not sure if there’s any strict science to it beyond nutrient intake, but boy. That freshness? Endlessly pleasant. I think there’s something to that old saying of, “You are what you eat.” Chowing down on largely fatty snacks, candies, and canned or heavily processed food is great, don’t get me wrong, but only ever eating those things? You do feel it, physically, which feeds into your hellbrain. 

Supplementing with more healthy choices and a more balanced diet does help. In succession with the exercise blurb up there it sounds like I’m doing that neurotypical thing of, “Fix it with diet and exercise!” but. They’re genuinely good things to consider, so I’m getting them out of the way now.

(Consuming too much sugar makes acne worse, by the way. Learned that one the hard way.)

Changing your sheets weekly and clothes daily

Nothing smells and feels like depression more than laying down in disgustingly sweaty pajamas in a set of filthy bed sheets you changed three months ago.

I ended up in this cycle a lot, wearing the same shirt for a week if I could and never changing the sheets. Which sounds really gross, but a lot of us do it unconsciously, I think. The effort’s gone, we’re busy with other things, you feel too tired to do it. 

But, my god, even doing those two simple things can make you feel a lot better. Or at least cleaner and more satisfied when you go to bed.

Sleeping on clean sheets and pillowcases also keeps acne at bay, so I’ve discovered. I found that I would also be sleeping a lot better, too. It can also help in being a small scheduled thing for you which brings me to my next point:

Scheduling dailies

Can be simple things. Eat breakfast, brush your teeth, take a shower, walk the dog, put laundry away. The important thing, though, is always doing those things at the same time every day.

In times when I got severely depressed, my schedule would completely fall to pieces. I slept anywhere from 12 to 5 AM, I ate randomly during the day or often not at all, left clean clothes unfolded on The Laundry Chair, and really wasn’t able to do much. I started making a set morning schedule for myself that I told myself I had to follow; get up, shower, put on fresh clothes, feed the cat.

It’s less combative of depression symptoms themselves, and more helpful with returning to a sense of normality. Also, having something to do that you maintain will effectively get you moving.

Self-affirmations and Use of language

After you complete something, compliment yourself. Sounds cheesy or undeserving, right? Wrong. 

Even if it’s as simple as getting yourself out of bed in time, eating, or going to school when you don’t want to, it’s still an accomplishment. Maybe not one worth bragging about to your friends and neighbors, but when it was something you didn’t want to do or was difficult for you? It’s absolutely worth a compliment to yourself.

How you talk about things matters as well. Maybe you hate your job, hate school, hate chores, which leaves you inclined to complain and prepare yourself for another bad experience, which then makes you feel upset. Maybe you hate yourself, too, on top of that. It could be as bad as you think, but maybe it isn’t.

Instead of saying, “I hate this and it’s going to be horrible,” consider, “I don’t like this, but I can get through it.” Or instead of, “I’m a terrible person,” consider, “I’ve done something bad, but I can apologize and make up for it,” or, “I don’t like who I am now, but I can change that.”

Saying things with more positive mindsets can work wonders, and I used both that and compliments toward myself in college especially. I finished a project? Great job! I sat down, talked to, and apologized to a friend with sincerity? I’ve definitely grown and taken a step to be better. I did a presentation that I was terrified of? It was scary, but I could do it and I did it!

Saving heartfelt things from friends

You’re upset. Your friends are offline or busy. That person you’ve been talking to hasn’t responded to your texts or IM messages. 

You’re there stewing in worry that they’ve found other friends, don’t want to deal with you, or even secretly hate you. You don’t want to ask them for another confirmation they still like you, or break out rambling. That would make you needy and therefore undesirable, right? 

Oh no, you’re a bad person and a worse friend for even thinking about any of this. Here come the tears.

Pretty simple trick that I think helps a lot: when someone gives you a compliment, sends or gifts something that made them think of you, a message about how they do care--save it. Screenshot it, write it, put the item (digital or otherwise) where you can see it regularly. They’re little tokens of appreciation from them to you, reminders of your friendship with them.

Take a deep breath. Look at the screenshot or thing you have and remind yourself, “This person is likely occupied. I have no reason to think it’s out of dislike of me.”

Putting suicidal thoughts in context

This may not work for everyone, but this was the one and only way that I managed to handle this issue on my own.

I would get low a lot. Something would happen that upset me, causing an immediate spiraling into a massive depressive episode. I wasn’t trying hard enough, things were bad, I was bad, nobody like me, y’know how that is. On many, many occasions I would think that I needed to die, or deserved to. No, I never did act on those urges, but they were there. Constantly, at times.

Someone once told me about how suicidal thoughts or intentions were a direct response to the stressful situation you’re in. It’s an easy button, of sorts, to escape your problems.

It’s good to remind yourself that being in a stressed state of mine that at some point your situation is going to change. High school and college don’t last forever. You can get a better job. You can move out and away from your family. One failed school project can be made up for. 

And that’s just it. I started to catch myself when my thoughts dipped into that dark place and stepped back. School was stressful, but did I really want to end it all? There were people who treated me poorly on a regular basis, but was it worth it to go through with that just to avoid them? In most cases, the answer to myself was no.

Changes can, and will, be made. There will be opportunities for you in the future. Remembering that there is still hope for you even in your darkest hour can help you pull yourself back out of it.