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prince-liest · 7 months

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Your last 666 series installment is the best thing that happened to me. Its full of gore, somehow fluffy and wait-.. do I finally see some FRICKING COMUNICATION between the two idiots!?!?!

Ngl, Vox's 'Alastor not being able to love' statement hurt my soul. Your writing is brilliant and and let's just see what ending ya wro-..O MA LORD IS THAT VAL'S LOVE POTION!?!?!?!?

Now I need to know what's next!!!! And VOX I SWEAR IF U USE THIS SITUATION IN ANY WAY IM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE.

This series is a blast♡ love it!♡ makes me weirdly passionate and excited hah!

Some communication, and some communication failure, hahaha. They're going to be talking a lot more in the next one, actually, because I meant to write some NSFW and they had to go and attempt a healthy conversation instead. What can you do.

Thank you so much, I'm delighted that you're enjoying! :D

And: Way more anon asks about the latest 666 getting answered under the cut! <3 I combined a bunch from the last couple of days.

prince, I'm going insane over the latest fic. so we know from Alastor's inner monologue that he knows the roofie was an accident, but considering the super stressful situation, the fact that Vox was the one to ask for a kiss and the fact that Alastor accused him of wanting instead of loving him not a few minutes ago…. makes me wonder if Vox might not be at least a little worred that Alastor might think it was on purpose <3 gonna be rotating this in my head for the foreseeable future - ✨

I am so glad that these things are on y'all's minds, hahaha. Because you can bet they are on mine. >:D And THANK YOU, very pleased to be dragging everyone down into insanity with me.

“Should I stitch together the scars your teeth left in me in a mirror of my own signature on your body.” Fucking. POETRY. 🐈‍⬛

I am always so happy when I write shit like this and instead of everyone pointing at me and going, "Look, what an EDGELORD!" the response is you people being VERY nice and leaning into the feelsy fun! 💛

holy moly ??? i love the new 666 addition aaaah 😭🙏 the trials and tribulations of feeling scorned and ghosted by a loser who confessed his love to you and the next time you see him he’s holding your LITERAL heart in his hands by alastor ! OMFG this was too good esp the part where vox is like “bro why do YOU CARE ?? i thought you didn’t love me huh?” and alastor is like well. maybe i.do. 😐 LIKE CMONN this really played out like some soap drama and i loved the neat details on resuscitative thoroctomy (learned a new word too so double bonus) the fact vel was on the line w her and val’s apparent surgeon for val’a little ‘incidents ??? GOLDEN I SAYY hope we see more of ur oc … 🫣🫣 btw ofc vox would love to an end an argument with a kiss OF FUCKING COURSE HE WOULD 😭 thank u sm for this chapter princeliest my dear <3 hope life is treating u well too !! -🦌

Vox is ahead of Alastor in terms of effective in-the-moment conflict resolution, but goddamn if he isn't fucked up in his own fun little ways. They're so not done with most of these issues, but at least they're on they're way to maybe be able to have a real conversation about them!

You know. If they chose to do that kind thing. Instead of whatever they will probably do instead.

Anyway, THANK YOU!! I had a great deal of fun writing this chapter and digging into some of the issues that have been slowly collecting underneath the surface of kinky radiostatic, so I'm happy you guys are enjoying as well!! :D

AS FOR MY OC... I WILL POST ABOUT THEM SOON. I LOVE THEM A LOT AND IT EXCITES ME THAT PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW MORE OF THEM. Tysm for asking Q^Q

Just read the new addition to the 666 verse, and inside of me are two wolves: The first is saying: Immaculate, artistry of the highest form. We finally get Alastor’s own confrontation with his vulnerability and him trying to figure out what exactly the relationship with Vox means to him. Cannot wait for how this all is going to develop. The other part of me: THE BREADCRUMBS WORKED THE MUSE IS WRITING!!! Followed by this image (since tumblr won’t let me attach it while being anonymous) https://i.redd.it/hx2shk642vs71.jpg -🕊️

LMAO THAT PIC. Amazing, flawless, thank you. The breadcrumbs DEFINITELY worked, please keep feeding. Digging into Alastor's shit is bringing me life and I'm happy to share it, hahaha. We're swinging even harder on the introspection in the next one!

As a sucker for medical gore and aroace angst, I lack the words to express my love and appreciation for your most recent installment of 666, but your writing of radiostatic's dynamic was captivating and proved to be such a lovely read as always! I loved that you touched on Alastor's relationships with the women around him as that has always been such an interesting aspect of his character to me! I never really put much thought into how Vox's apparent avoidance of Alastor in the show could mirror Alastor's disappearance, and now it will Not leave my mind. My heart hurts for these two dorks, super looking forward to chapter 2!

"Medical gore and aroace angst" should be the title of my memoir. Honestly, this series has ended up a lot more edgy-bloody than I expected it to, since I usually tend to prefer to portray my whump/angst/violence/etc in a much more roundabout way, but it's actually kinda tipped over into, like... part of the point is how banal it is, how beside the point. The upsetting heavy-hitting bits aren't the blood, they're everything else that goes on around it. Anyway, thank you so much! <3 I think your heart will find some relief in chapter two, haha, I hope you enjoy!!

Meanwhile alastor, completely convinced that there’s no situation where vox actually loves him and is happy with the way things are—either vox wants more and is going to start asking for more, or he doesn’t actually love him and just wants to have sex with him and thus either way he is a Liar. They’re so fucking bad at this. No one is capable of being the adult here. I think they need an auspitice.

It's really funny that you said that, because that is kind of exactly the role that [spoiler] ends up playing, though in a more roundabout way, hahaha. They certainly need someone to, like, get them to be having the same conversation with each other instead of two parallel ones. I think the fun thing about writing Alastor reacting to his own feelings is just how much his reaction can change based on how things are framed for him, and it leaves a lot of wiggle room for how differently I've ended up writing him reacting to the season 1 finale in 666 vs in Happily Ever After, and Other Shit Nepotism Can't Buy.

But, god, you really nailed the description of what Alastor is feeling. <3

Vox in the latest 666, my ENTIRE HEART. Literally nothing about how he read the situation was a bad take or a leap to conclusions, but alastor constantly says the opposite of what he means and refuses to admit vulnerability or friendship and what the hell else was vox meant to do with that, of course he backed off, they need to have this talk so badly

YES, PRECISELY! Like, I hope it came through that really neither of them was completely crazy to react the way they did! It's a result of how much of their communication has been nonverbal, implied, and talking around things - they'd been doing so well up until this point, but there's only so far that can take you before you start thinking that you're on the same page when really you're reading two completely different books! Thank you sm! <3

‘But I am capable,” Alastor says gently. “I love you very much.” Vox gapes up at him. “...I. Fuck you.” His voice is tight, strained. “I don’t fucking believe you.” Alastor feels his smile thin. “Well. That’s just dandy, then, isn’t it?”’ I AM NOT OK GOING FUCKING FERAL

Probably one of my favorite lines to write, ehehehe. THANK YOU ANONNNN <3 It's kinda interesting to see how differently some people read this. Some folks thought Alastor was saying it to hurt Vox (which is how Vox read it). Some folks thought it was true (how Alastor intended it). Some folks thought Alastor was trying to fit into the mold that he thought Vox wanted from him (how I intended it). All of them make sense as readings! >:)

#ask #personal #Anonymous #black cat anon #sparkle anon #deer anon #dove anon #t #long post #tumblr if you break the cut on this one I'm gonna fuckin cry #answering 9 asks in one post here

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rudnitskaia · 5 months

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Im desperately withholding the urge to ask like 13 questions for romauncebut ive narrowed it down to 3, 6, 18 and 19

Hey-hey, Edd! ✨

Thank you for your wonderful ask again! I'm very grateful for the inspiration and the opportunity you gave me to reveal more of the RoMaunce story. 💖

I decided to write and post the ficlets for the remaining part of your ask all at once. I remember you wanted a drawing for № 18, and I will certainly do it in the end of May / beginning of June (only from Rocky's perspective and containing that bonus part of the question), but now I want to cover it at least with a short story. :3

So, here they are, the ficlets for questions № 3, № 6 and № 18 from that list in the chronological (for the characters) order.

№ 18 - Who leaves little notes in the other’s one lunch? (Bonus: what does it usually say?)

A Real Unicorn

“Oh, Rocky, what a—” Ivy stopped short when she noticed that the pieces of paper she had picked up from the floor beneath the table where Calvin and Rocky had been sitting just a moment ago weren't trash, but… notes.

A pile of small, tightly crumpled notebook sheets, all neatly handwritten in pencil. It was unlikely that anyone had ever given Rocky an assignment on paper, and Calvin also had no reason to write so often to the cousin whom he saw every day. Maybe Rocky wrote down poetry that way? Though it would have been a bit of a stretch to assume that he was that meticulous. Ivy stroked the sheets with her fingers. Were they really valuable, since Rocky kept them with him, or did he just put them in his pocket and then forget to throw them away? It wasn't that important, actually. It was better to just return the loss… but curiosity eventually got the better of Ivy.

Forgetting about the plates and cups, she began to read the lines, puzzled to find a strange list of orders from the cafeteria. Pizzas, pastas, salads, coffee… no, Ivy didn't see anything surprising in the fact that Rocky might have dined somewhere else besides Little Daisy, but why did he keep the notes that the waitresses usually made for the kitchen?

She wondered about that until she accidentally turned over one of the sheets.

What she saw was hard to comprehend. With each new word, Ivy's gaze grew more excited. Her heart beat more frequently. Her eyebrows arched in surprise.

She didn't stop until she had read them all, from beginning to end, but even then she couldn't believe it. Ivy sat back in the chair and stared at the wall.

What was more likely? That Rocky had completely lost his mind and over and over again was writing himself tender endearments and, for some reason, wishes of bon appétit, in the same thin handwriting that listed the orders on the back side of the sheets, or that he had a… no, it couldn't be. It seemed ridiculous to even try to imagine.

After all, if somewhere in the world there existed a woman who willingly writes such words to Rocky Rickaby, then somewhere in St. Louis might as well live a real unicorn.

№ 3 - Most common argument?

The Chains That Are Too Short

“Someday I'll steal you away for more than a couple hours, and then we'll get really entertained,” Rocky chuckled, helping Mau roll up the blanket. Another night under the stars in St. Louis was coming to an end.

“Really? Are you planning something for a whole three hours?” quipped Maura at him.

“I was rather hoping for something between fifty years and forever,” Rocky shrugged, picking up his violin case. “And then it is as it goes. You know, all that happily ever after, but… livelier. With a bit of sparks here and there.”

“Hmm. So, you’re going to take me, like a princess, away on a white horse to your sugar castle in the kingdom beyond the clouds, and we'll live in love and harmony, become exemplary neighbors, start paying our taxes, have a bunch of obnoxious kids and die the same day.”

“Why not?” Rocky seemed not to notice her sarcasm. “Yes, the script is old-fashioned, but it's proven by both time and folklore. It's almost a guide to action, if you know how to apply folk wisdom properly. And if we dig deeper into the poetry of feudal Europe, we can probably find a couple or three good tips even about paying taxes.”

“Maybe so, but unfortunately, happy fairytales are now left only as an exception and only on the stages of theaters. And you and I don't have enough for a single ticket even together,” Mau started to walk toward the fire escape, but Rocky caught up with her and took her by the arm. Her words, or rather what was clearly between the lines, made his heart feel totally uneasy.

“Mau… I can get some money. I…”

“It's not about money, Roark,” she sighed. “Or rather, it's not just about them. You know it well already…” she took only a step before Rocky stopped her again.

“Come with me,” he blurted out anxiously.

“Where to?”

“In general! Now! We could live together…”

“You sleep in a car. Which isn't even yours.”

“If I rearrange a few things, we both could fit in there. And I could give the cactus to Freckle…”

“Roark…”

“And… and! And I could also ask Miss M. about a job for you. Sooner or later things will get better at Lackadaisy, and… what if we could rent a room together?”

“That's the very problem. I can't be seen anywhere in criminal circles. My father and I are being chased, and rumors will definitely spread if I show up in the underground, and then… then my father and I will have to run away again, and if anyone finds out that you and I are together… Dio mio, don't you realize they'll kill you?”

Rocky quietly groaned and started pacing back and forth. He was almost shaking from nerves. Mau, meanwhile, continued, oblivious to the need to speak in a low voice:

“These thugs are not going to stop at anything to get us. It's bad enough that you're at odds with the locals, so I pray every night that you'll at least stay alive after your ventures, and I don't want to bring the New York Mafia down on you too! This is madness, Roark! I told you many times, I can't be seen with you while you're in the bootlegging business. Maybe we could rent a shabby little room somewhere if you were just a musician, but you ain't, and you ain't going to be!”

In despair, Rocky flailed his arms.

“But I can't! I can't leave Miss M.! I can't—”

“I know,” Mau interrupted him. “And I'm not asking you to. But you can't tease me with a bright future either… It's too much even for me. We're alive, and we have each other, here and now, and that's more than I could ever hope for. Please, just be with me while it's possible…”

Rocky still couldn't calm down. He was breathing erratically, heavily… when Mau stepped closer to him and gently embraced him, he pulled her against him so tightly that she involuntarily sighed. He was sickened by how right she was. His entire being was rebelling against that rightness, wanting to burn that truth to the ground and recreate his own, happy truth from the ashes, whatever risks it took. The seconds lingered… Rocky didn't unclench his hands. Anything to keep Mau in his arms now… anything to avoid going back into the night alone.

But the chains bound to them were too short to allow them to reach the morning.

Interesting fact: The question № 3 was the hardest for me to explore, because for me Rocky and Mau are not the couple that has many constant, repetitive topics to argue about. At first I thought to write about Rocky ignoring his health issues, because that definitely would've got Maura's nerves, but that topic becomes a 'constant argument' only in the distant future from the Lackadaisy current timeline. But finally, I found the topic that is definitely difficult for them both and may cause repetitive uneasy discussions. I hope it covered the question.

№ 6 - What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

The Serenity in You

The Epigraph: When stars drown in the night and the storm fills your mind, it's important to find the safe haven to hide…

The summer heat in the car was becoming unbearable. Rocky felt as if he was drowning in the dense air, almost as much as in his own thoughts. Whenever he was able to doze off, fears and memories began to flood his mind, to crash over him in suffocating waves. Carefully, so as not to wake her, Rocky found Maura's hand, gently intertwining their fingers together. Even back then, when he hadn't had the courage to tell her about his feelings, she had taken his hand in hers so often that it had become almost a sacred act for Rocky. She didn't even seem to realize how every time they were sitting or standing in front of each other she began to stroke the back of his hand… and how much peace, serenity even, that gentle touch brought him.

Suddenly he heard a whisper:

“What are you thinking about?”

Rocky slightly shivered from tension. What he was thinking about… he wished he didn't know himself. Keeping his eyes shut, he mumbled:

“Ah, it's nothing. You know, there's a pesky streetlight out there, and its reflection in the window keeps me awake…”

Mau was silent for a while, and only turned slightly on her side, resting her head on his chest.

“I love hearing your voice, Roark. Falling asleep listening to the tune you hum and the sound of your heartbeat. It's soothing… almost like the sound of the rain outside the window, only… much warmer. Dearer. But when your heart beats like this… like how it beats now… I want to know what makes it so heavy.”

Once again, the nightmares that had haunted him became clearer in his mind. He hesitated; he was uncomfortable with these ugly thoughts himself, and the last thing he wanted to do was to make Mau sink into them, too. But when she gently, yet confidently squeezed his hand in hers again, his doubts receded. She was here, right next to him. And as long as she touched his fingers with hers, they would not drown in this boundless sea. So finally, gently leaning his cheek against the top of Maura's head, Rocky began to speak.

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esse-lunam · 5 months

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an introduction to: my 90s fame dr!

please read this god please there's art in here also ive put 5+ months of work into this dr at this point so i swear that there's interesting shit in here yall I SWEAR I AM NICHE.

reblogs greatly appreciated! this took me forever teehee

ohhh my god this is a long time in the making, ive put this off for so, so long and i really couldn't tell you why. this can act as a script me into ur dr post if you like as well!

for starters, you can find my pinterest board for this dr here :3 just in case u want some cool visuals i guess :3

so lets get the basics outta the way shall we?

full name: marley jo veitch

nicknames: mar, marley barley, mars bars, tink (reserved for s/o), living poet (public figure nickname type deal? yknow how stevie nicks gets called the white witch? yeah that)

pronouns: they/she

DOB: june 1st, 1970 (which makes me a gemini btw!)

occupation: musician (piano, violin, guitar n bass, some drums, and saxophone), poet, author (fiction and nonfiction), actor on occasion, also a comedian that one time

skills: all things music + writing basically, film analysis, pop culture analysis i guess, home decor, drawing, fashion?, and being the most autistic person in the multiverse

appearance stats: 5'3", 145ish lbs, long brownish-reddish hair with some light brown highlights in there, sorta wavy but barely

body mods: COVERED in tats (theres a tattoo section on the pinterest board but i also drew some so), septum piercing, snake bites, and a fair few ear piercings. and also i have glasses but thats not a body mod thats just a thing on my body.

"workin and workin't? you have a job?" more on that later!

relationships and such! with photos!

s/o: robert sean leonard

"hey, do i recognise this guy?" you might! he played notable roles such as neil perry in dead poet's society, claudio in much ado about nothing, and james wilson in house md!

best friends: dylan kussman, allelon ruggiero, alexandra powers, and kimya dawson

"do i recognise more of these people?" again, probably! dylan, al, and alex were all in dead poets society, and kimya is a musician best known for her indie songs, some featured in the movie juno!

my career! (oh good lord)

writing based - undedicated musings

(1986-1993)

alright so this is a bit hard to explain, bear with me. undedicated musings is an anonymous newsletter-based poetry... publication? run by me, under the pen name 'chartreuse', and the whole shtick is that i write poetry, love letters, and whatever else to the person i'll end up spending my life with, but the recipient of said writings is completely unknown, even to me, so im kinda just writing to nobody. until! i actually set my eyes on someone (obviously rsl) and then the writings start to get a bit more specific and yearn-y and personal. since the recipient is anonymous, all the writings are written for a 'vermillion'. both chartreuse and vermillion's identities are revealed when we get married in 1993. and no, rsl doesn't know that i'm chartreuse, nobody does until i reveal myself. i think its kinda cool :3

film based - dead poet's society

(1988-1989)

so for starters, i was part of the crew that worked on the set of dead poets society, now all my friends (except kimya, her and i become friends in the late 90s) make sense! my actual job on set is kind of a vague be-here-and-do-a-bit-of-everything type deal, so there's no set title beyond "assistant to lead" even tho it's essentially government assigned 'friendship' LMAO. but! me and the cast get on like a house on fire, so i kinda just get to tag along on their wacky teenage-ish boy adventures. this totally does not stem from a desire to be part of a teenage boy friend group, and i am, in fact, totally cisgender. i am also lying. anyway, without going into too much detail, me and my s/o-not-yet-s/o (will be referring to him as rsl from this point on) sorta have a painstakingly long will they wont they type deal, because i guess i like torturing myself. we meet a day before all the actual film stuff starts just as a sort of preliminary get to know eachother because you'll be in close proximity VERY often for months. thats some time in march - june-ish? of 1988 (i shift to my dr the day before!) and we don't actually get together until june of 1989. so.

also! some changes to the movie because i can make those: knox overstreet is now played by matthew lillard instead of josh charles, because josh charles is a fucking zionist and i dont want to associate with him in any reality! knox also isnt a b plot to the movie at all, instead focusing on meeks and pitts because i find them much more interesting! and also knox's b plot is creepy as hell! also, the racism against natives (read this!) is completely gone! no thanks!

music based - MAURZI

(1988-2004 technically)

strap in boys because this is the main event of this dr and the lore is VAST. MAURZI (must be spelled in all caps, like MF DOOM) is a sort of musical person/character i've made to tell the story of via a series of albums. i release my first single in october of 1988 titled "lunarian", which is a fun little song about a being from the moon arriving on earth and having some inter-planetary culture shock. and thats the only song i've actually planned! i release 6 total albums that map out the MAURZI storyline kinda

- MAURZI (1989)

- GONE TO SHIT! (1991)

- Charmed (1992)

- I found Him in Santa Barbara (1995)

- Waterworks (1998)

- also bibliography (2004) but those are released as songs By Me and not MAURZI, just released under the same artist. MAURZI storyline ends with Waterworks.

now here's where you get the very extensive MAURZI lore. MAURZI is a sort of alternate-universe representation of me, where in i'm much more famous than i actually am in my dr, and i am absolutely RUINED by my fame in a fuck ton of ways. each album is a different section of her life so i'll explain it album by album. also for reference, in my dr capitalism/ currency isnt a thing, but in the MAURZI... verse? it is. because i like anti capitalist art! same goes for most other media im in/ participate in, actually. MAURZI uses she/her pronouns btw, i dont.

MAURZI - my self-titled album is about as close and personal to my life as i'll get, which an average amount because i still throw in some songs about shit that i have not at all done/ experienced. (ex. songs about cheating, toxic relationships, and things along those lines. thankfully ive had a mostly healthy relationship with relationships! except that one time!) MAURZI is new to the music scene but she's here to make some lovely tunes to help process some stuff! artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): sarah kinsley, dodie, jeff buckley, tv girl, mitski, and peach pit.

GONE TO SHIT! - MAURZI's first album blew the fuck up! now she's thrown into the midst of dealing with an incomprehensible amount of attention on her at all times, which she was absolutely not prepared for. what does she do to cope? sex drugs and rock n roll, baby! she also gets addicted to 2 outta those 3 things! can you guess which ones?? now, obviously, this album is entirely fictional and is only tangentially inspired by some life events, heavy emphasis on the tangentially. artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): the nonstick pans, panic! at the disco, forest, david bowie, chappel roan, and king gizzard & the lizard wizard.

Charmed - the love song album! this is basically comprised of songs i sorta wrote about rsl, but changed up a fuck ton because i wrote them while i was pining and did Not want him to knkw who they were about. in terms of MAURZI stuff, she meets someone just after deciding that she's gotta clean up her act if she wants to exist healthily. recovering alongside a loved one and them being a motivator for recovery! now i should specify here that MAURZI's s/o is not the same as mine, and is entirely gender neutral/ doesn't even have a canon(?) human appearance at all. they're named Vermillion because we love a callback! artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): the smiths, siouxsie and the banshees, james blake, queen, laufey, and her's.

I found Him in Santa Barbara - yknow how when a banana ripens too much and it starts to tuen brown? yeah imagine that logic but applied to recovery, i guess. NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO REITERATE THAT MAURZI AND I ARE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE AND MAURZI IS JUST A CHARACTER. essentially MAURZI had a spiritual awakening and "found god." but what that ACTUALLY means is that she started viewing vermillion as a sort of god? but she's keeping it on the down low (making an album about it) because she doesn't want vermillion to thing she's CRINGE. themes of loving a god, being IN love with a god, being in lust with a god, temporarily thinking youre a god? stuff along those lines. its a bit intense, VERY experimental and.. heavy? both in themes and in musical style for some portions. this is my fav album out of all of them if you couldnt tell. artists im taking inspiration from include (but are not limited to): sleep token, WILLOW, type o negative, slipknot, lemon demon (specifically songs off spirit phone), hozier, violent vira, pierce the veil, gorillaz kinda, bjork, kate bush, deftones, destroy boys, and rammstein probably.

Waterworks - so yknow how MAURZI was having a whole trouble with god moment? yeah well thats gone now, no i haven't figured out how that'll work narratively, thats for me to figure out in like 10 years from now (now being 1988, naturally.) we've returned to our self-titled roots in terms of musical style! now we've just got some fun themes of trauma and such! and then that's the and of MAURZI as a character story wise, as i said earlier the album after this one is just a Me album. same artist inspo as self titled!

and guess what! music lore isnt even fuckin done! my music in this dr is a multiverse in itself goddamn. so basically the album covers for each album tell a completely seperate story about a completely seperate alter ego/ character/ whatever named Moonzi. name given by my audience (which is my excuse for coming up with such a shitty name and then keeping it.) the story of moonzi, without going into too much detail because i dont wanna type it all out, is a sci-fi type story about a being from the moon (lunarian callback!) on a quest to bring this space artifact back to its original place, basically. a bit more on it later, emphasis on a bit. also! each album cover is drawn by a different artist, and each album artist animates one official music video off their respective album, just cuz i like art and stuff! those music videos kinda follow the moonzi storyline loosely, but incorporate MAURZI elements. is this confusing? hope not. drawings!

writing based - novels

can you believe im still not done? like not even close? certified yapper. anyway! my 3 fiction novels (Manchester, NH - 1991, Curator Rye, 1997, Sand Dollars + Pearls - 2008) are about my ocs basically! thats it really, i dont feel the need to share the plots of those tbh.

writing based - autobiographies

two? yep! one is a fictional autobiography about MAURZI (MAURZI - 1999) and one is a non fictional autobiography about me (Radio Free Marley - 2012.) take a shot every time i say MAURZI and you will need to get your stomach pumped. she just. she means a lot to me :3

film based - doctor who

(1994-1999)*

*these dates are when im on the show btw, not its total runtime, same applies to other cr existing shows.

big disclaimer: never seen doctor who. dont know the plot, dont know which doctor i'm gonna be, i just wanna be in it.

so! my version of the doctor is kinda weird. its one doctor, but played by two people, but theyre one person. we're both the doctor. and by we i mean both me and rsl, obviously. the viewer sees the doctor as two different people, but NOBODY ELSE IN THE DAMN SHOW besides our little companion buddy guy (played by my cr friend fish!) SEES, ACKNOWLEDGES, OR IS ABLE TO VIEW THE DOCTOR AS TWO PEOPLE. its really complicated and i really did not have to make it that way, but its cool to me so i really dont care. also we're breakjng the doctor who cycle of boring suit and tie (this is NOT about you 15 <3) and going steampunk-esque. again, cuz i wanna.

film based - house md

(2005 - 2010)

marley veitch be in a show without rsl challenge (failed.) i play a character i made up named Nanette Amesbury who is essentially wilson's first ex wife. does he have a canon first ex wife? think so (i actually havent finished house oops.) do i care? you can take a guess. nanette (nicknamed ninny - which im well aware means dumb) is the director of the pediatrics department at princeton plainsboro and she kinda has a fwb type deal with wilson before figuring out shes a lesbian, having a crush on cuddy, being besties with kutner, then leaving the show in season 6. (zeth if ur reading this yes i made her show up for more than 2 seconds she just. means so much to me. also i want cudbury content.) im also a writer for the show so im there for its entire run time :3 i really like this show :3

film based - moonzi

(2016)

YEAHHHHH BABY SHES BACK!!! moonzi's storyline gets adapted into an adult swim animated tv show! i do screenwriting, stiryboarding, and voice acting! style wise, think teen titans mixed with bojack horseman mixed with archer. sick space visuals also!

comedy based - dying art

(2020)

idk i wanted to do a standup special! dunno what it's about. ill leave that up to future me to decide because this isn't happening for 32 damn years and i really just dont wanna come up with a standup special rn.

film based - radio free marley

(whenever)

i wanted a biopic, but i wanted it to be both about me and MAURZI, and how points in my life influenced or inspire songwriting. so the episode structure is like

ep 1: about me, point in my life

ep 2: about MAURZI, point in her life thats sorta related but not entirely to the events in ep 1

ep 3: about me, point in my life

ep 4: about MAURZI, point in her life thats sorta related but not entirely to the events in ep 3

ep 5: you get the idea

and then this goes on for 12 episodes and ends with the MAURZI story wrapping up and with me sorta retiring kinda. dont know when it'll be made, probably at some point in my 60s or whatever. im permashifting if you couldnt tell btw.

and thats it! after all this im just kinda existing and living life and whatever else. so with that outta the way i'll list some fun facts and i'll FINALLY BE DONE JESUS CHRIST IVE BEEN WRITING THIS FOR LIKE 3 HOURS.

- i live in new york city! manhattan to be specific

- i also have a lake house in new hampshire because i Need to be in a rural area at some points

- my house's interior design is very 70s themed and its WHIMSICAL AND FUN! maximalism, whimsigoth, nooks and crannys to be in, fun and varied seating options, conversation pit, loft bedroom, whole 9 yards. ive also got a gazebo on my roof!

- i have 2 siblings in my dr (not here im an only child in my cr womp womp) named lia and monty, theyre my best friends in my cr!

- ive also got a cat! she's a ragdoll kitty named yvonne, shes a sweetheart!

- i scripted out light pollution so the sky is all pretty at night, highly recommend you do the same

- im in STOMP at one point, dont know or care when, i just wanna be in it

- robin williams........... he is a father figure to me................ sniff sob

- yes i scripted out his death i simply cannot deal with that

- PUBLIC TRANSPORT AND WALKABLE SOCIETY!!!!! NO MORE CAR BASED US SOCIEY WOOOO!!!

- i cant fucking believe i havent mentioned this yet but im scottish?? im not scottish in my cr i was just thinking about david tennant when i was forming the dr idea back in january and it stuck. MAURZI is american tho

- hilson is canon in my dr LMAOAOOA

- thats all i got

sweet lord in heaven above if you've read this whole thing im giving u a big kiss. this is so long and i really dont wanna proofread it so im not gonna, excuse any spelling or grammar mistakes.

#VOLO LUNAM #LUNAM est. 1988 #reality shifting #shiftblr #desired reality #reality shifter #shifting realities #shifting #shifting community #shifting antis dni #dr intro

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eurydicees · 3 months

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in need of fanfic/book recs from ya <3

ooooooh okay idk what genre of book or fandom/ship fic you want so here are my general recent favorites! i'm not gonna give a summary, just a small note/review with my thoughts, so ur gonna have to google the books and click the ao3 links--my apologies but this post was getting way too long lmfao

real life books!

gideon the ninth / the locked tomb series by tamsyn muir: i'm really working my way through this series and i loooooove it. the characters make me crazy and every turn in the plot has me screaming a little. there's been a lot of deranged texts to irls about this one.

under the whispering door by t.j. klune: this book DID make me cry. it's a really well woven story about love for your family and your friends and death and finding satisfaction and fulfillment in life (and death) and moving forward. HIGHLY recommend his other book (the house on the cerulean sea) as well!! i read that one first and it's a really gorgeous, satsifying read.

the shell collector by anthony doerr: this is a short story collection technically but i loooooove it. each story individually is really beautifully done and i absolutely LOVE his writing style. i think i take a lot of inspiration from him for my own writing!

on earth we're briefly gorgeous by ocean vuong: top books that, like, make yourself feel seen. another author/poet that i feel i can attribute a lot of inspiration for my style and love of words to in general.

sharks in the rivers by ada limón: poetry collection! but one of my all time favorite poetry collections and i can't let this go unnamed. i absolutely ADORE ada limón (you may know her from "the great blue heron of dunbar road" or "instructions on not giving up", which floats around tumblr pretty regularly). i think i first read this collection for class but it genuinely changed something in me. i actually have a tattoo based on these poems <3

post-colonial love poem by natalie diaz: another poetry collection but this one, like, fucked me up. it's woven together as a collection in an absolutely breathtaking way, but each poem also stands alone really beautifully.

fics - haikyuu!!

a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam by swampdragons (iwaoi, 6911 words): i read this a bit ago and really loved it, though it was also really emotionally difficult for me to personally get through--one of those fics that really drives the emotions home so deeply that it hurts to keep going. part of that might just be my own personal connection to the topic. idk. but either way it's ABSOLUTELY worth it.

The Benefits of Patience by Moami (iwaoi, 3363 words): this one's silly and funny and so much more lighthearted than the prev rec lmfao. it's like. healthy but messy but established but not established but a real relationship but an almost relationship to be iwaoi <3333

The Way He Looks At You by roobtheboob (iwaoi, 3805 words): i think i read too much iwaoi. but this one's really cute i PROMISE. i like the kyoutani POV idea a lot and i think the way kyoutani is written overall is really well done, particularly in the team dynamic and his respect for iwaizumi.

The years shall run like rabbits by ladyoflalaland (ushiten, 7292 words): obsessed w this fic. ushijima's mother is written out to be a REALLY interesting character and her strained relationship with ushijima is fascinating. the passage of time of it all......man.

fics - other fandoms

"Normal" by OnigiriCat4Ever (fruits basket, kyohru, 7140 words): this one's a really cute post-canon character study of sorts and i really love it. i love how the 7yo hajime is written and his relationship with kyo is really sweet.

The act of loving in return by kindokja (bllk, ryusae, 2809 words): this one's both funny and heartwrenching and sweet and painful all at once. beautiful, necessary mix in a fic. i like it a lot.

turn your face (towards the sun) by youareoldfatherwilliam (atla, gen, 5813 words): im normal about fics abt the chit sang and the 41st, in case u were curious!

that's all i got for now? i literally just went through my most recent bookmarks and cherry picked some special highlights lol. feel free to let me know if you want anything more specific!!!!! u already know i loooooove giving recommendations<3

#ask #book rec #fic rec

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thebisexualwreckoning · 2 months

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Mind analysing your poem a little? 👀

Incredibly long post alert to anyone who plans on reading this

Obligatory transphobes and terfs dni. The following poem is about and written by ‘them gotdamn trannys and queers’ and is about beautiful beautiful t4t sex

i am kissing you. on the mouth.

thank you so much for sending this in i genuinely love talking about my poetry so much muah muah muah!!!

Original poem if anyone wants to read it:

Anyway.

Welcome to Prof A. 's line by line analysis of his poem*. So buckle your seatbelts because this is gonna be loooong ride. Let's get started!

*Disclaimer: you might interpret some of these lines differently then i do and that is perfectly alright. poetry depends on everyone's own lived experience and that does not make any one interpretation less valid. i might have written the poem, but your interpretations are still just as true.

I'm going to start with inspirations and the title first because i love providing backstory and talking about other poets. Very specifically one poet that inspired me to write this actually. You can skip this part if you just want to know about the technical structures and literary devices and specific meanings behind the poem

The title was originally part of a completely different short story/prose poetry (i hadn't made up my mind yet) thing i was going to write but then never got around to finishing. but i just so happened to be going through my old writing (always keep a handy little notebook on hand. it has saved my life so many times) and find the little snippet i wrote and go, 'wait i actually like this very much' and decide to reuse it for something else.

but anyway, couple hours later im doing a voice of country thing for my literature class and analysing poetry by indigenous and aboriginal Australian poets. and i come across this little poem called 'a portrait of a genderkweer on fire' by a certain Ellen van Neerven (who belongs to the Mununjali Yugambeh people of south east Queensland btw) (go check out their poetry it is genuinely life changing) and it sticks with me you know. it really does. poc trans people writing about their lived experiences as poetry? why didn't I, a poc trans person, think about that!

(no seriously, in all my years of writing poetry it for some reason never occured to me to write about my people. so genuinely thank you Ellen for that!)

now i've already got a first line ive been wanting to use, i am feeling extremely queer and angry because of unrelated transphobia a friend faced and i have a mechanical pencil and notebook in hand.

So i start writing.

(Apologies for my awful handwriting. i was writing while pacing and waiting for the bus)

Alright, kiddies. As you can see, most of the poem was taken verbatim with very few changes to the actual word choices behind the poem. (I will be doing a deep dive into the language as well, dont you worry)

The biggest change made actually is the switch from prose poetry to a more traditional stanza poem. i made the decision to do this actually because originally the poem was meant to be much longer and incorporate the original piece i decided to rework this into.

The quote 'sometimes i imagine what heaven is like' was meant to be repeated at the start of different stanzas which would be written in prose form, each detailing a different phase of queer love in secret, from secret night time affairs (this specific poem) to escape and loving loudly (the original thing i wrote). however, it didn't really work the way i wanted it too and i decided this was fine as it was and started to edit and play around with it a bit.

i changed 'sometime i imagine what heaven is like' to 'Do you imagine what heaven looks like?' and made it the title of the poem instead of the first sentence. the poem itself now becomes the narrator's idealised image of what heaven would be like for them. i go a bit more on depth about this in point 3 of Changes to the structure

Changes to the structure

As mentioned, the first change was from prose to stanzas. I'm about to get full on literature student about this so bear with me

Each stanza has one (1) extra line from the previous one in the poem. For ex: stanza 1 has 4 lines, stanza 2 has 5 lines, and stanza 3 has 6 lines. this was a deliberate choice i made. not to be too english teacher about this but it shows the narrator is coming to some sort of a revelation soon. (i wont spoil too much about this tho. for reasons)

ENJAMBMENTS!!! if you don't know what an enjambment is, it refers to a line break that interrupts the flow of a sentence: usually the line usually doesn’t end with punctuation, and the thought continues on the next line. now, i heavily fuck with enjambments in poetry. which is why i was so eager to use them over here. they represent a kind of stream of consciences here rather than structured thought. enjamments also help in rising tension and drawing the reader in deeper, making them want to continue reading to find out what happens next.

syntax: now the poem is actually meant to be wish fulfilment of sorts for the narrator, where they imagine all the things they wish they could do with their lover. that's why its not written in present tense using sentences like 'the moon shines' or 'the bedsheet are sweaty...'. The narrator is basically telling the moon to shine through his windows and the bedsheets to be stained and his lover to run a finger down his spine. we don't actually have anything written in present tense till 'She holds me close...'

the random spaced out/missing words a.k.a SYNTAX 2.0! because yes. there are certain words missing. ive intentionally left a space between 'left' and 'tramp' and between 'Boy' and 'fuchsia'. there is also a missing word before 'count'. now, if you read my original version of the poem, you can find out what words are actually supposed to be there, but when i put it into verse form, i found that many of the words id written in prose didnt actually fit. but without them the sentence kind of fell apart. so i decided to leave blank space where those words were supposed to go to signal to the reader that something is missing while not actually needing to mention that

4.5. just like the stanzas growing by a single line in each verse, the missing words also increase in a frequency of one (1), zero of them in stanza 1, a single missing word in stanza 2 and 2 of them in stanza 3.

5. capitalisations and Punctuations to immerse the reader more and help with the stream of consciousness style of the poem, most of the poem is written in lowercase with no punctuation being used throughout the only things capitalised are 'Factory Made Cunt', '... Boy' and 'She holds me...' you may have noticed a common string between these words is they are all related to gender. 'Factory Made Cunt' especially was written to put emphasis on the inherent transness of the character while '... Boy' was capitalised for this and to have more of a visual distinction from the black space that follow. 'She hold me...' however was written to directly contrast the lowercase 'god' and how to the narrator their lover is the divine being instead of any so called god (which is weird because i personally am a religious person).

Language choices and line by line analysis:

'moon shine through the' - moon shine over here is meant to show how queer people often can only exist in the freedom on night time and their love is often only seen within the secrecy of moonlight and not under the brightness of the sun. (also all moon deities are queer icons).

A friend of mine also provided the connection to 'moon shine' being a reference to illegal moonshine (home brewed extremely strong alcohol) and how that itself was a reference to illegally transtioning without the goverment knowing/able to get medical stuff

'window illuminating short bristles of': the narrators lover being a trans girl with a buzz cut was an intentional choice to show that gender expression does not equal actual gender. buzz cuts are traditonally associated with men, but also many butches in the community rock a buzz cut as well and its too show that there's no right way of being trans and presenting as a woman.

'her hair tickling' and 'the underside of my nose': im going at these two together since i don't really have much to say about them separately. it's more meant to be visual imagery, reinforcing the two are intimate in some manner but not really expanding whether it's platonic or romantic yet. its also meant to evoke the image of the narrators lover lying on their chest and but the narrator not caring about the fact that they might be slightly uncomfortable but loves their girl too much to push them away

'bedsheet sweaty and cum': confirming the fact that they are in a sexually intimate relationship and are lying post-coital (i cannot believe i just used the term coital. this has become an academic essay)

'stained entangle around the curve of' - some sensual imagery and tactile imagery

'her thigh where my' - more imagery

'lipstick left tramps stamps on her' - tramp stamp is a reference to how trans women are often oversexualised and is meant to be a reclamation of their own bodies and sexualities

'Factory Made Cunt' - emphasis is placed on these words by being the first capitalised words in the entire poem as of yet. its meant to kind of condemn the never ending discussion about trans women's bodies and especially their genitals and the hyper sexualization of girlcock by fetishisers (not that there is anything wrong with girlcock. this user loves girlcock and boypussy). its kinda like the narrator is saying 'so what if her pussy is surgically made. how does that make it any lesser)

' count down the' - once again, not really much to say

'knobs of my spine leaving behind a shivering' - more more sensual imagery

'mess of a Boy fuchsia bright silicone' - just like how 'Factory Made Cunt' condemned speculation on trans women's bodies, this condemns speculations on those of trans men. it also challenges the assumption that just because you are a man or that you top, you immediately have to be the dominant one in the relationship. 'fuchsia bright' was also a deliberate syntax choice. the silicone is the bright thing here not the fuchsia giving the narrator the chance to have a dick which is bright/illuminated moment for them as a trans boy.

'dick still hard whispering lover' - the 'dick still hard' part was meant to be an ironic comment on how cishetero patriarchal society is always going about people in sapphic relationships using dildos and saying that they should just fuck a real man instead of a fake approximation of one (not that they are that eloquent) but the joke is that while those criticising sapphics who use dildos actually need to wait for a dick to get hard again before they can have sex while the sapphics don't have to worry about that since dildos are always hard. also the 'whispering lover' thing was written completely out of spite to prove the friend with the moonshine interpretation wrong when she said that lover cannot be an appropriate term of endearment and to her credit she has since changed her mind and has been very gracious about it and glad to be immortalised in a poem in this form

'in my ear She holds me close' - more more more sensuous imagery along with auditory imagery of whispering in ears.

'leaving behind no space for god' - a play on the popular phrase 'leave some space for Jesus'

Anyway, this turned out way to big and way to detailed for a simple little analysis but once again, i am a student of literature and this is quite literally my life's passion, made even easier since i have direct access to the writer's brain instead of having to make my own assumptions and spend hours researching.

I hope you enjoy if you or anyone else even bothers to read through considering just how much i actually wrote. but yeah, here's my final literary analysis of my poem Do you imagine what heaven looks like?

#kismet ki kahaniya #answered asks #kisses from kis #literary analysis

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superconductivebean · 3 months

Text

#1118

Okey @infernalrusalka @limonnitsa, The Ficbооk Post. I think you @theladyofshalott1989 might be interested in reading this, too.

So.

While I was away, the site managed to up a mirror but still, its block is certainly a tragedy for the fanfiction written in Russiаn and Russiаn fandom in general. It's our history; and our queer history, too, despite the quality of the discourse ensuing over the years was as bad as you can remember from the LJ days (if you weren't around then or weren't catching up, recent аnti vs prо-shiр is basically the nth wave of it). However, the tragedy hasn't had its first act premiered today.

Or rather, yesterday. I fell asleep mid-writing.

Anyway.

Some will say, Ficbооk was doomed at its inception, June 22d, 2009. Unlike AO3, Ficbооk wasn't created from the ashes of the fanfiction archive purges. Its birth is attested to the state of the runet's fandom and social spaces in general and most importantly, runet didn't have its own fanfiction.net.

The Inception

Slowly, LJ was becoming an ad-riddled retirement house as the most prolific authors were moving to Facebook or building their own sites to work the work, leaving regular diary owners behind. Those, in turn, were either going off the site, or migrating to the wellbeloved Diаry.ru that embraced them with open arms as it did former forum dwellers. However, neither of those platforms was well-equipped for hosting fanfiction — or any work of literature whatsoever. Not that it was an impossible mission to publish anything at all but you must agree, the search function on those websites wouldn't bring up everything that was ever posted. Forums and blogs being what they were, the hoster could've and often did restrict certain topics thus an entire fandom group could be wiped one day. For runet, it wasn't something people only heard about; not many fandom spaces faced this treatment but for the Ficbооk admin and perhaps many others, it was enough.

So in the summer of 2009, the admin, Entrery, launched Ficbооk.

I must mention that Entrery was the admin for the early period of the site's life, selling it to the man named Kostya in 2014. Until that point in the site's history, I'm giving a short overview of the site and how people used to view it; consider 2009-2013 as an exposition to the entire drama.

Speaking of the runet fandom spaces, Diаry.ru, LJ (and numerous of its competitors like Yа.ru, LiveIntеrnet) and forums weren't the only platforms that existed then. Everyone knew Aeterna and Beon, but Aeterna was a quiz website, and Beon was a kid's version of LJ with sparkly graphics and bizarre public chats. There were also groups in vkоntаkte, оdnоklassniki and mоimir, plus, fandom websites on the ucоz engine. As an English-speaking fandom person, and I mean the one familiar with English-speaking fandom spaces, you'll quickly find equivalents to all of those; but keep in mind those are close matches.

At this point in time, runet had never had a platform dedicated to fanfiction, entirely. We only had General Publishing Websites. Those were:

paleolithic sаmlib. Seriously, just search it up and look at it;

prozа.ru, the one for the prose one;

there were few more of the less-known sites but not a single one dedicated for fanfiction besides blogs.

I think it's important to mention:

runet's queer culture is deeply rooted in fandom and subsequently in fanfic. it doesn't matter if GL novels are silly or funky those yaoi fanfictions if they are or were an augenblick realisation for people. boys can kiss boys. girls can do girls. it can be for real, in real life. im not going on a long tangent here but feel free to ask away.

Entrery wanted us to have a multifandom fanfiction archive. It ended up supporting original works as well as translations, poetry, meta but sadly, no artwork support. Even to an extent AO3 allows it, no. It did not really matter, though, albeit people were used to look at fandom websites and see sections for artworks, gifs, fanfiction, vids, forums, chats, guest rooms. Everyone accepted it, at some point. But before that would happen, Ficbооk's launch was met lukewarmly.

Entrery's project didn't create much of a hype for the fandom people.

The notable Diаry.ru was the site of, you know, clique behaviour. LJ users inhabiting it were rather supportive of it as well. Drama and the couloir games thrived in that community; locked blogs, userlists, do you remember that? People from there wanted Ficbооk to introduce exclusionary policies of any kind to keep those Beon and Aeterna children out of the site, saying kiddos needed to finish school at the very least before they could open Word and type any kind of fiction.

Entrery never did set any such policy, instead he let everyone in.

His project was quite literally an archive. Everyone could post and as there wasn't list-based access, there wasn't such a thing as posting exclusively for a certain number of people (with a subsequent drama of that posting being a spite-vague-fic written specifically for those who people used to call the rat-kun). However, Ficbооk had its own pits of despair: The Dislike Button and The Popular Of The Week.

Other things included:

edit records are kept for months. It was and is rather easy to work with betas and see what has been changed, although it could've been significantly improved by the time 2024 rolled around, back in 2009 it was fine as is;

Public Beta is a feature I think every single archive should have, it is a must. Imagine you spotted a typo but instead of going into the Edit Text and rewriting everything you just send yourself reports? and then run through them? fixing only those things that are easy, quick fixes?.. brb gonna cry;

drafts are kept indefinitely;

private and live chats;

User Moderation, a feature that has become the site's first flag for eventual downfall but until then, everyone's favourite pastime: it meant you would scroll through an endless flow of fanfiction and flag those works that violated the rules (then similar to AO3's TOS).

Many of those were largely unknown to the blog fandom people but social features, moderator status and ease of work were calling cards for those who weren't prejudiced or was in searches for a better place to be than — ahem — every platform in runet is infernal. There aren't any exceptions but while the new place hasn't developed any cliques, it's totally bearable.

What's 'moderator status'? If you were helping the site to filter out spammers and trolls, Entrery thought you needed to be rewarded somehow. It basically meant ad-free experience and all you needed for to achieve it was to successfully pass a test. Yours truly became a mod at 11 or 12 yo, to give you a gist of how trivial that test was. If you think I was an outlier, no, Ficbооk became a significant part of life of many fandom kiddos my age.

It's crucial to bear in mind because we were part of the reason the site faced prejudice and was constantly reprimanded for letting us punks in. No one believed a website where any child could post something wasn't full of children writing Investigation Discovery kind of fiction about their pixel anime dolls. Then, authors who somehow weren't children were thought to be people not able to write anything but trashy pulp. If your primary platform back then was Ficbооk, you would be told that you're either of those and you couldn't be neither.

Obviously, it wasn't true. But I will smother my nostalgia if I'm not mentioning Entrery's communication policies.

Bans weren't a thing unless you were a spammer. Comment removal wasn't a thing as well, you had to send reports and wait for the site mods — not content mods — to remove them for you but only if the mod deemed the comments inappropriate, too. In 2013, these things were introduced but wasn't it too late? Certainly was.

Aversion from receiving any kind of critique or criticism weren't an argument to bring up the table; you had to suck it up regardless of how stupid, blood-thirsty, or utterly brainded was that comment. Nor you could delete the consequences of a randomly opened floodgate.

Rules prohibited flooding and flaming but each site mod had their idea of what that entailed. Good luck to get everything you didn't need removed. Re-publishing the work wouldn't solve this. So yeah, bullies were thriving in that environment.

Any talk with the Support could turn a heated discussion because those people, including Entrery, did not know tact nor they had any awareness regarding how to work thousands of people. They would dismiss you, be rude to you, they would never listen.

Later, this prompted Entrery to think the site's userbase was a bunch of grown manchildren Who Certainly Knew Better aka if you told him the search could use some improvements and perhaps more tags, that would be called something in the fashion of We Aren't Turning The Site Into A Kink Encyclopedia. Yes, Entrery, I still remember this and will take that to my grave idc if it was 10 years ago.

Long story short, Entrery created a pit of infernality we all grew to love at some point. In the best post-U2SR tradition, we weren't really presented a choice; It was this or nothing but Diаry.ru's stuck-up bitches or LJ's grandparents calling you a sweet summer child.

I will mention these two fandom population were known for writing the Big Game Of Albus Dumbledore theory and asking questions such as Will I Be Able To Fuck Someone After Ripping Their Spine Cord Off Their Body And Will They Be Able To Feel Everything Still🤔? After reading threads like this I'm practically emotionally immune to whatever people can put up online. They, too, were deranged.

Fandom Kоmbat

Rocky start gravely injured Ficbооk in the management department but we were yet to realise this in the sweet sweet years of 2010-2011. The site grew in popularity, some authors were becoming popular — everyone didn't just know their names, they could easily look them up in the Popular Authors section.

This feature was originally planned to be a kind of motivation for the people to write more and compete against each other. To keep the engagement numbers up. To build a community. What could possibly go wrong (tldr; turned out the dislike button was an excellent tool for bullies to live someone off the platform hence it was disabled, 2012).

The community around the site's popular fanfics, originals & authors was toxic beyond comprehension, as you can imagine. People were doxxing each other, submitting dirt to the Confession Page, ripping apart the most popular works, building up the site's user stereotypes and documenting history in memes. The usual gist of things in every community; except runet being an infernal thing it is, it was viciously cruel. Some attribute it to the generational trauma, I personally think we are stuck living in the slum fiction, but anyway, by the time 2013 rolled around, the site was alive as ever. Even the Apocalypse of 2012 didn't crash its spirits, instead it busted the sense of community in its users for the first — and only — time in the website's entire history.

In December of 2012 the server fucking died and took an entire month worth of data with it.

However, 2013 was also the time of this Old Ficbооk — a pool of toxic brine — beginning to dissolve. Everything we were used in 2011-2012 suddenly wasn't there. Old heroes faded, new figures were aririsng. But they were becoming increasingly more local and less known to the general public.

And then, came the people from Diаry.ru. Fandom Kоmbat writers.

You could see these people, too. Ever seen a titled that looked like this?

WTF [Fandom Name] - 20XX

That's Fandom Kоmbat event. It's held twice a year, every fandom can participate, for those who are unlucky to have one can write for multifandom Kombat teams. Amazing thing, English fandom could never, honest. I'm rather bashful of Diаry.ru but I'm ready to forgive them a lot for this event's inception alone. Anyway. The event had (and it has) an annual crop of fanfics and original works and at some point — 2014, but first harbingers flew in 2013 — people needed a safe place to store their work.

Ficbооk claimed to be operating from Latvia, Riga. So people flocked to the .net domain from a seemed-finicky .ru, hoping it will protect their work from a potential deletion.

It brought many people to the website and eliminated many past problems it had. Diаry.ru bitches spat critics in their faces and called them out on being cheap good-for-nothing egomaniacs, didn't tolerate usual Ficbооk bs and could destroy anyone. Besides, they were wonderful writers and aspirational models for many writers.

However.

Communication Breakdown. Act 1

2014 was the year of unanswered questions, constant server issues and mad commenting.

Ficbооk was about to turn 5 years this year but it was stuck in its development. Changes were minor at best but and rare gems could not sweeten the sad realisation the website wasn't interested in any kind of conversation with its users.

What's the point of having the best bookmark system among all fanfiction sites and pride itself on having built-in request pool if the servers are crashing down every evening and the admins wouldn't hear any ideas on how to improve social experience, fix the search, add any kind of limited CSS support, fix co-author feature, etc etc.

If you recall, 2014 was the year The War began. Draconian laws were passed along with it. Ficbооk had to be complaint, promptly banning all underage (=the police cares more about pixels because it's easier than solving real cases => don't push your law enforcement to fight pixel hurters, I beg of you, don't be stupid) but for whatever reason, everything queer remained in a relative safety — until 10 years later.

Deaf to complaints, refusing to talk, thinking everything's done and not done was not in vain, Entrery perhaps grew tired of us. Diary.ru was worried more than we did, however, and they were the most interested party in improving Ficbооk's UX; and they were especially curious about Entrery's desire to keep the underage change rather hidden, besides, there was another new rule set.

On Ficbооk, you can't write about real life tragedies until 6 months will pass — or the tragedy would end, and then, 6 month later, you can begin posting something about it. Wild policy.

Nothing has been done, and in the very end of 2014—early 2015 the site was sold to Him. Quietly. Nobody knew until years later.

Kostya. Act 2

All previous problems weren't ever addressed, and people began to grow weary of the site's stagnation. 2015, 2016, 2017 were years of eerie quietness. Everyone thought Ficbооk might die soon because the only signs of life we had had seen were increasing numbers of ads and rarely, major updates, such as the design revamp.

Remember I said The User Moderation was a precursor of doom?

At some point in between 2014 and 2016 the moderation's main perk — no ads — was challenged by the update where a new feature was introduced. That feature was 'acquire 100 kudos and see no ads'.

Kostya, now the admin, decided the content mods needed to be compensated somehow else. Thus he introduced Coins. Not the cryptocoins, the in-site currency. With it, you could buy in-site gifts, change you nickname, stuff like that. Certain amount of the approved moderation decisions converted into 1 Coin.

For many, moderation thus turned mindless tippy-tapping just to get a huge portion of them.

It quite literally broke site's economy, so to fight it, this genius man began thinking of a number of premium features. Coins were turned into an in-site purchase; moderation was promptly disabled and was never reinstated as its own, separate, currency-free feature.

Nobody really minded it at the time, however.

Moderation was a remnant of Ye Olden Days, many old users were gone for good, and old farts like me at the time were considering other places to move to in case Ficbооk would go under.

Premium Accounts. Act 3

During 2017, 2018 and 2019, while site's functionality remained the same, Kostya tried to implement various paywalls.

2017 was the year when fests were implemented. Basically, you'd submit your work to receive 3 comments but in exchange, you'd have to comment on 3 random works in the same genre. It was fun. While it lasted.

The system required improvements and new features, rulesets and other things, but instead of working on it, the feature existed as is until in late 2018—early 2019 it was removed for good. Individual groups of writers and readers alike tried to keep the idea afloat but many of them either died out, or turned cliques.

Meanwhile, Kostya was filling the site with ads, tried to make the 'online' status behind the paywall, and although he changed it later to be available for everyone, things like basic customisation, detailed stats and custom fandom feeds went behind the paywall.

If I remember, 2019 was also the year of introducing covers. Also a paywall feature.

In that same time window we also saw the inception of the new work selection, The Hotties. It's a separate feed in every fandom where you can place a work for a humble price sum-for-views-amount.

With no social activity, but ads and general sense of people actively leaving the site, Ficbооk looked as grim and sad as ever.

Clicks Clicks Clicks. Act 4

2019 and 2020 were years of investigations. Long stories shortened, Ficbook made six digit number in ad revenue. I'm no stranger to how a business would allocate funds but Ficbook didn't see any money put into its development. Same features for so a lot of years, no ad campaigns, no socmed presence, no moderation on its public pages mane of which were abandoned.

Seeing this made people to turn away from the site for good. I was among them. There was no future, only the consequences of an one greedy man actions.

Kostya perhaps felt proud in making the UX unbearable. Everything is designed to keep you at the site for as long as possible. Modern site-building wants you to either look at the front page, or browse quickly to find what you're looking for, because faster looks means more buys and calls. Ficbооk, living off the ads, couldn't afford that.

It wants you to stay everywhere. You can't click away on the link to another site. It will ask you for confirmation. Moreover, it places ads in text, in headers, in footers, in comments and masks its ads as the comments; every free space is used to be filled with an ad like they do on every single shady website, e.g. those for gamblers.

When people are this obsessed with money, they will do anything.

Fake Riga. Act 5

Ficbооk now is a child of greed and love malnutrition.

In 2021, Kostya introduced Promo slots. Your work would be added to the daily roster at a certain date so people could stumble upon it on the site's front page. Later, this roster will invade other pages of the site. Overall, this year was uneventful and quiet, if you don't count the socmed where the admins finally learnt you can ban duraks ebanyis.

Anyway.

You are all aware of the '22.

And what do you think Kostya did?

Quietly, in the dead of the night, he purged our hopes in being safe on that hellsite. He sold us out. All of us. There his loyalties lied, and as it often goes with fleabags like him, he hoped he would save his business this way. And what does it cost to give out someone's info.

Correct, nothing.

Business people here have no dignity. He doesn't either.

So people stood up, purged their works, and left.

Its Ban Our Comedy

Ficbооk never allowed multilingual posting. It naturally drove away not just English-speaking folks, a rather rare sight in runet, but all the people speaking other languages. I'm not asking a fanfiction website to be a linguistic treasure trove but it did a lot to the queer history and online history here, and 'here' includes more than one language.

Evidently, it meant Ficbооk would eventually give a cold shoulder to anyone hoping their favourite escape will have them a safe retreat.

Instead, it spat them in the face.

That little number of us who hoped something might work out from Ficbооk and supposedly Kostya being in the EU; we were shattered to know this moron valued his digits more than everything we built, had and could have. This site wasn't ever his creation yet he claimed to be its admin since its inception. I mean. No words. Only swearing.

Kostya tried to handle the situation but no damage control business he is, when he reverted the Private Info Disclosure section back to how it was before, it was already too late.

Few days ago, the site has been officially banned.

It was impossible to avoid. Either up a mirror, or teach people how to circumvent the blockage. That it took two whole years was a result of a scheme of Kostya's (he was turning links into gibberish).

Kostya saved himself enough time to, perhaps, sip off enough gold from this dying cow to soon close the site down — a long page of our Internet history — because he doesn't care, and never did. Or this all would've been prevented. I might be wrong and pessimistic but I lost all my hopes for this place many years ago now to ever rekindle it.

To Conclude

I'm evidently sad about the site's demise. But I'm happy this bloody arsehole may perhaps loose his income and as he's entangled, more than this. We live an infernal life here; he should've never come.

#днявочка #eng tag #днявочка: фандомное

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raspberry-fool · 1 year

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wip intro post!

so i'm currently actively working on a few main books (but i have a lot more that are just milling about in my head so expect this list to grow)

The Hands of God: Set in a vaguely Byzantine Italian town named Mizzene, this story is narrated by Gian, the son of the ruling family of the area. As various characters, passing by, stop in Mizzene, he and his older sister deal with private desire and despair. Then a devastating disease sweeps the town and Gian is forced to watch tragedy after tragedy unfold, unable to stop any of it. I have elsewhere explained this WIP as "desire + large numbers of people coming and going + nothingness Outside = a lack of disease so stark that it becomes disease in and of itself" and I think that sums up the themes of the story pretty well. tag: #mizzene Merlin Motors (working name): Set in an alternate London in the 1920s in which a fanatical cult competes with an immortality-obsessed airship magnate to be the first to awaken the ancient, powerful gods lying dormant beneath a mysterious monolith in the centre of Westminster. tag: #fitzgerald Honourable Dishonour (working name): Two powerful politicians of the Royal Court and advisors to the king fall in love and conspire to end the brutal monarchy and establish a democracy together with the Crown Prince, the King’s favourite concubine and a kitchen maid. tag: #honour, #cyrelius Favour Fire (working name): A story inspired by the X-Files 1x12 (Fire) which centers around a butch lesbian named Kit, her twin brother Jasper and their elusive, beautiful mother, Elsie. 50% light-hearted bildungsroman, in which Kit and Jasper each have their own silly romance story and their new neighbour, a man recently fired from the police force, falls for their mother, and 50% ghost story, in which the image (and, eventually, the heat) of a young man who, long ago, burned himself alive in Elsie's front garden, having been rejected by her, starts to haunt both Elsie and her children, the story explores themes of tradition/social rules and structure, destruction, love, gender and queerness. tag: #favour fire Other tags: #dwightgar (important wip i just can’t explain it), #poetry (self-explanatory), #creative writing (for projects that aren't linked to my main wips), #roland hall, #the sherringtons (a wip thats on hold rn but which i might still take back up) #sst and #odikleos (abandoned wips............sorry)

im gonna add all the tags to this post for ease of navigation so just click on one if youre curious!! theyre usually a mixture of posts that remind me of the wip, me talking about the wip and, on occasion, snippets of my writing

#honour #cyrelius #fitzgerald #roland hall #the sherringtons #favour fire #mizzene #dwightgar #poetry #creative writing #sst #odikleos #my writing

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not-poignant · 2 years

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im finally sick of my brain being shitty enough to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, but in the meantime i thought i might ask you this: in your wonderful answer to my ask re writer's block you mentioned burnout, which im pretty sure is whats happening to me. i dont want to ask you to give me a long answer if you dont have the energy for it, but i would like to know your thoughts on the matter. its been head empty hours over here 24/7 for months, lol, i miss creating

Helloooo,

I actually have written about burnout quite a bit because I've gone through burnout er, quite a bit... In fact I'm going through it again right now.

I have written a fairly long post about it in the past, so that's there if you want to read it.

I've had different kinds of burnout. I've had 'I couldn't write for years' burnout (literally, after university I just couldn't write anything for years and just assumed it was dead and gone because I didn't want to do it either), I've had burnout that's lasted months (even while like...writing as I am now), and so on.

A lot of dealing with burnout is just...resting more. Taking the pressure off yourself more. Grieving that you can't create right now without guilt-tripping yourself for it, a sort of 'I mourn that I can't do it, but there's nothing wrong with me and I am not failing because I can't do it. I need rest and care.' You can try little writer's block tricks here and there when you want to prod again. You can try other kinds of creativity. I can't write like I used to write, so I tried fanfiction. I can't write like I used to write fanfiction, which is why I've never written another Game Theory, because I just...don't want to write another story like that right now (I mean specifically all the sex every chapter, not the politics lmao). I've been feeling an urge to write poetry lately.

For you, through burnout, low-stakes creativity may help. Stuff that can be automatic (cross-stitch kits, where you're just doing someone else's pattern and don't need to really think about it beyond the stitching), colouring books. Or stuff that's low-stakes for you. For me that's often poetry. For you it might be something else.

I also think of getting through burnout where I can't create anything as needing to 'refill the well.' I catch up on shows I've been missing (writing as much as I do actually gives me no time for reading / watching media), I read books, I watch movies, I listen to new music and comfort music, etc. If my well is empty, rest will partially fill it, but so will inspiration. Watching Studio Ghibli for example almost always makes me think 'I want to write the way this makes me feel' - even if I don't write it, that little urge is like, a pulse or spark of alive-ness that gives the well a drop more inspiration for when I'm ready to write again.

It's very different for everyone though. It's important to address the basics - sleep, medications, quality of life, hydration, being well-fed, health (as much as health is possible) etc. If you're anxious and have insomnia and skip meals and forget to drink water etc. then it's back to square one with just...doing your best there. If that's mostly covered, then burnout is often just about meaningfully resting your mind.

I'd also add that there's different kinds of rest. Physical rest (sleeping / stretching), sensory rest (unplugging from screens and social media and overstimulation), emotional rest (time and space to express your feelings), spiritual rest (connecting with something greater than yourself - going into nature, community, giving, meditation etc.), mental rest (breaks, journalling), creative rest (like the cross-stitch and stuff I mentioned above) and social rest (spending relaxing time with people who love you as you are now).

So it's also worth looking at maybe... you're only focusing on one or two kinds of rest right now. Sometimes burnout requires that you address more of them. <333

There's no easy way through, because rest is the easiest way through, and rest is very hard (and not always possible to the degree we need it) for all of us in this day and age. Be gentle with yourself. I wasn't going to write a post as long as this but actually as someone who needs to hear these things myself right now, maybe you might need to hear some of them as well.

The main thing is burnout doesn't last forever, it's cyclical, it's not like chronic fatigue, or other chronic illnesses. Even people with chronic fatigue (like me!) can experience burnout cycles. So this will pass! You may not feel like writing again in the same way, and that's okay, whatever new version of you evolves out of your current exhaustion, I hope you enjoy that version of yourself, and learn to care for and show compassion to the current version of your tired self as well <3

#asks and answers #burnout #creative burnout #pia on writing #look burnout is just really hard actually #there's no easy answers #like writer's block is hard but writer's block isn't hard like burnout is #because often in that exhaustion #we don't have the energy to care for ourselves properly #so do what you can #when you can #and be gentle with yourself

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spraykit · 7 months

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ok chat time for a new intro post idk i just felt like rewriting the old one. HERES MY CARRD!

i go by many names but main ones are in my bio! i go by it/its mainly, but also some neopronouns (pronounspage here) . important note Please don't use they/them while referring to me

currently interested in: literally anything and everything sacristuff made.. Also i'm interested in a veeery special person Wow i wonder who

sideblogs and other info under the cut!

homestuck- @sodasober (i might post homestuck on main too sometimes)

backrooms and weirdcore stuff- @th3sh4dygr3y

poetry and writing- @tarn8ion

And @axie-bots-lore, a roleplay blog for my roblox/myth oc

hapy star ask blog @the-perfect-askblog

anyway feel free to chat with me! im not good at being social so sorry if i dont respond well :3 my ramble/talking tag is #paint.txt , it used to be #ronnies random rambles and #blair.txt

Also one last thing . follow @mac-4 my scrunkly scrimblo spoingle mipy tiepnsy cutest tootsit onglydoople (she also made the image in my banner)

uhhuhuhu i think thats it! bybye

#paint.txt

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slowdripsunrise · 1 year

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BOOK REVIEW AGAINNNNNNN yippee i have actually been reading... not a lot but well i am ! kinda forgot about this blog ok thats not true i was just lazy and didnt want to write a post. well anyways heres a big post for all the stories i read there are 4 - things have gotten worse since we last spoke by eric larocca, paradise rot by jenny hval, soft science by franny choi, and the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard ! spoilers under the cut

ok first i read things have gotten worse since we last spoke because i wanted to go on a little kick of reading weird crazy people books at 3 am. and i did! chose this one because i saw it was very short so. anyways i thought this was.... okay. i think what made it a little worse off for me is that i already knew about the whole parasite thing from tiktok, so it wasnt that crazy to me when it actually happened. gonna be honest i do Not remember how the book ends at all so i dont even know if it was satisfying or not. was my experience worsened by it being 3am and me not having any thoughts at all? probably. would i do it again? yeah. i was a lil bit disappointed in the apple peeler part too... i thought it was going to be more relevant than it was unless there are some hidden symbolism meanings motifs going on that i didnt get... actually now that im thinking about it big long unbroken peels of apple + a big long probably worm-like parasite? next to each other thats kinda cool. other than that thought i literally just had now typing this out i didnt see anything else. omg speaking of seeing the tagline and also its mentioned in the book, "what did you do today to deserve your eyes?" crazy ass fuck sentence. i kinda love it actually and this is maybe where i would have like to see the apple peeler come in. she takes the apple peeler to her face and peels her eyes out of her head idk. also i feel like either on tiktok/goodreads they were supposed to be ballerinas? but that wasnt mentioned at ALL? i might be misremembering but that also could have been a cool little anecdote. anyways all this to say i thought the book was alright. i was entertained for like 2 hours. my favorite part of this experience was going on goodreads after and seeing a one star review of the book that just said "men stop writing trauma porn about lesbians." which is SO FUCKING FUNNY. because 1 im pretty sure the author is nonbinary, so hes not a man. 2. WHO IS GETTING OFF TO THIS. sorry i do absolutely not see any fetishization here, and also i think they write stories like this in like collections,, so there are probably people other than lesbians in them. idk i just thought that was funny. jesus christ this is getting long and i'm only 1/4 done. i pity anyone who opens this.

next i read paradise rot by jenny hval, which i had heard was dubbed the "bisexual piss book" intriguing and also a short little story i read at 3am. i did like this one, i thought it was fun and interesting and im a big fan of rot. just in general. vibes were on point. this book was moist. however, not as much piss as i expected. as in like quantities on page. they did talk about piss a lot and by they i mean the narrator. not as horror-esque as i thought it would be but i did like it! ohhh to simply rot away...... would not recommend this to normal people and i like that about it.

soft science by franny choi !!!! really liked this! im going to be honest i do not remember more than one poem from this collection. but i do remember liking them !!! sorry i think i need to train my brain to like and remember poetry more. and not just like the ones from tumblr webweaves even though all of them slay.

finally i read the country will bring us no peace by matthieu simard. i liked this, thought it was super interesting,,, ok i didnt think it was super interesting i thought it was good. god i am trying to program myself out of academic reviews of stupid dumbass books i was forced to read. this isn't like that at all. anyways i thought the whole grief aspect was done very well, the sadness at knowing literally nothing will work or come together to make your life go back to the way it was, go back to being whole again. and that deep deep sadness of not only losing their daughter but also the life they had before, the life they had with each other,,, losing all hope. it definitely got to me i did almost cry i think. i think i have more to say about this but i don't remember it. oh well. i thought the vibes of a hostile small mountain town were cool ! i think one of my favorite scenes was when the lavoie's kid falls from the antenna and they are just standing there doing nothing and simon has to go save him... idk the fact that they were shown as perfect parents for their perfect children and how not great they actually were <- this thought is dumb and obvious you get what im saying. one of my main issues is that the ending did feel rushed... and i was a bit confused,,,, the last line "a bird starts to sing" i couldn't tell if that was meant to be marie and simon hearing birds in the afterlife, in the woods by the bowling alley? or was that just the birds in the town finally starting to sing? because if its the latter i don't really get how simon and marie dying would bring the birds back.. the town is still dying and tragedies will still happen... idk its probably the birds in the afterlife but oh well. ok final thought i think but i think the title in french is interesting. it's called "ici, ailleurs" which means "here, elsewhere" or more like "here, something better. here, a new beginning." i like that, obviously it's what the book is about, and idk i think the translator did a good job at conveying the message. i think i would read this book again but in french, mostly to practice because my french is shit but i think since it only really stays in one setting, there's not a lot of characters, concepts are pretty easy to understand, i think it would be fun !!!! ok im done those are my reviews of all the books ive read in the past week or so thanks to anyone who reads this whole thing you are crazy. peace and love

#thoughts.txt #book review #things have gotten worse since we last spoke #paradise rot #soft science #the country will bring us no peace

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thefoulbeast · 2 years

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🎀🧿💌

Thank you for the ask! <3

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing!

I'm pretty good at getting a vibe across vividly - setting the atmosphere so to say, be it with dialogue or surroundings description or my choice of metaphors/phrases.

🧿what steps do you take to not take things personally if a fic doesn't do well, or if your writing/posting/sharing experience isn't going how you'd like it to?

The thing here is that I've had like. One fic in all my writing experience do really well. The rest are, well - they get some views, they get some kudos, maybe even a comment. But I get my satisfaction mostly by showing fics to my friends who help hype me up - be it when i show them snippets or just talk about it.

There's always going to be this little voice in my head when I post something publically going "this is gonna be it - your breakthrough" and then... it never is! So I go back and say "at least i had fun writing this" or "at least my friends like it" (and note here it can be like. one or two friends, doesn't have to be a lot).

you can't control the reader, and the current trend in culture is less and less interaction with the writer. so i try to take solace that the journey made the destination worth it, even if that can have a bad aftertaste sometimes.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

well!! today i talked with a friend a lot about a pathologic roadside picnic/stalker au and it has me giggling foolishly! the main idea is that stalkers artemy and rubin help daniil the scientist go into the zone and look for a specific artefact... it's very much in the worldbuilding stage so far, and im only daydreaming (tho i have written a drabble) but maybe ill write something serious again if thesis work doesn't get me too down. but daydreaming about it is so exciting and fun heehee... i has me grinning like a fool!

other than that im still working on my poetry book! i think i might actually publish it and that has me very excited indeed.... >:3

#ask #transdankovsky #ask game

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ninjnerd-anaklusmos · 2 years

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How do you come back to writing? After taking a break.

Im writing an eruri reaper/human fic. Ive took a break and came back and was like what is this shit and went to edit 7k words and redid the whole thing. And looking back ive could have left the first draft which was good.

Ive read all ur fics, and its just the beauty and the imagination and the emotions of your writing makes me happy and kinda scares me in a way. The language used. Did you study English?

What are your tips for new writers. Or writers who have taken break for way too long and come back to the fandom

Hi there anon! Happy to answer your questions to the best of my meager abilities.

After taking a break from writing, I find that reading helps me get back into the groove of wanting to write, then subsequently writing. Or watching a movie I haven't watched in a while through a perspective lens.

I'll imagine my characters pr characters I'm writing about in that movie, and itmakes me wanna write. I also find rereading my own works helps me wanna write. That and reading nice comments :).

Now, if I left a fic half-finished and go back and read it? 9 times out of 10 I can improve it, but I edit it sparingly at first, adding little details that help it flow better. Of I still don't like it, I'll revamp it.

Jsnsksbdjsj, thank you for the compliment <3. I think the emotions might come across very realistically because I am a very emotional person that uses writing as an outlet. But either way, I'm glad they do!!

By study English I'm going to assume you mean as in depth as possible, rather than the required courses in school. I am a poetry and prose junkie, and I write lyrics whenever I get bored. My mind is always coming up with new ways to say something, because if I get bored I think about writing, or characters in scenarios that I could potentially write.

I really, really love to read as well, which helps with my writing abilities.

New writers or returning writers advice? Hm. As someone who only started posting fics less than 3 years ago, don't feel intimidated by the works already in the fandom. Don't compare your work to others, because you are going to think it isn't as good, which isn't true. Read a variety of authors, it'll help you build your writing style.

Someone in the world is waiting for you to post that one fic you've been thinking about, and they will be so happy you did.

#writing advice #ao3 author #fanfic writers #writers #writers on tumblr #writer problems #asks #anon asks #answered asks #thanks for the ask!#writing

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doodleybugg · 2 years

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i. apologize for the inactivity guys. i had a rlly bad episode recently and although im back rn i can't promise how long i'll stay JDBDHD

ANYWAYS how about we have a little update? (triggering topics such as sh, ed, etc descriptions will be in red, bold text! i'll try to keep most of the negative stuff at the bottom but no promises :/)

so i forget how long i've been gone exactly, i remember logging in some rare occasions to like and reblog a couple posts but otherwise i've been extremely M.I.A (pun very much intended) and honestly that's been a bit stressful for me.

i've had a LOT of drama in classes. yeah that's right, ya girls in uni now! and i am failing SO BAD. it's rlly hard going to school everyday, like i hate it i just wanna go back to working at a shopping mall or smth lol. but hey the map of my cities kinda set up well, being the uni is right next to a lake, and on the other side is a parking lot w mcds, circle k, chatime, etc. and next to the parking lot, like legitimately across the street, is my house. i moved back in with my mom cuz rent was getting too steep, and honestly id rather be on the streets lol

probably the biggest update ihave; i'm a did system. i got the diagnosis early december, and with a shit ton of research and help from friends who have the disorder because the doctors are no help, i'm getting comfy with the label.

if you're not sure what did (disassociative identity disorder) is, it's basically a disorder which defines the presence of two or more different persons in your mind, alike to multiple personality disorder. again, i'm not a professional, and you'd think my doctor would have given me a run down on why it meant before he diagnosed be but here's how it went:

me: hey, so i haven't looked much into the subject, but my one friend who has did was telling me about their experiences and they lined up with a lot of mine. i think i might want to go about being tested

doc: mia. you don't need to get tested, it's already in your file. we've spoken about this before?

me: ...i don't think we have?

doc:

me: so you're saying you diagnosed me with did and didn't even tell me about it?

doc: well, at least you're aware now, right?

yeah. so that's two doctors i've gone through in the past three years. i didn't throw a stressball at this one, but fuck i wanted too!!

anyways, i guess i should introduce some of my alters :)

i'm mia (she.they.fae.), the host and little, i identify with how the body looks.

enzekai (he.they.it) is the co-host and caretaker, as well as the first alter i purposefully made. kai has many sources, but his main is actually an oc of mine, cairo!

and dwelle (it.she.boo) is our resident trauma holder and nonhuman. she formed recently while i was splitting and hasn't had much time in the front. her main sources are casper from girl in pieces and cassie from skins.

i'll give everyone a better intro but i'll save that for another post!

i have gotten absolutely zero progress done in my book, the toll it takes, and i find it harder and harder to write anything but immensely sad poetry anymore. on the rare occasions i can make up some headcanons but i don't think i'll be able to write any (good) fanfics for a while now, sorry

okay, onto the bad stuff. if anything listed is triggering or unappealing, please don't read ahead: ed (anorexia), sh (cutting, self sabatoge), anxiety and depressive thoughts, suicide mentions, death mentions, and otherwise explanations of feelings like abandonment and lonliness that while, in retrospect wasn't nearly as bad as i thought so, can still be upsetting just to read.

you've been warned

recently, as mentioned above, i've just gotten out of an episode; a bad one. by gotten out of, i mean i've attached myself to select people and depend entirely on them to keep me from self harming or starving. and that's completely unfair, so i've been trying to recover. my friend @my-elysian-love is helping me immensely to eat full meals and reminding myself that i don't deserve what i think i do. i'm so eternally grateful and i can never repay any of them back <3

before my choice to try recovering though, it was getting worse. i weighed 68 pounds at 19 years old. a couple nights ago, i've cut deeper than i ever have before, and i've been stuck with this sinking feeling in my stomach that i can't quite explain. i took out all my bad feelings on people i knew and loved, and when they finally held healthy boundaries and left me to my own devices so i couldn't hurt them, i took everything out on myself. i know, real remus lupin move haha.

but that wasn't fair. and even now i still feel bad, i still hate myself for what i said and did, for how i acted and it scares me how easily people are forgiving me. because i said some messed up shit while i was splitting, and that's not an excuse. and i just keep thinking it's only a matter of time before i blow up again, and maybe i'll be worse next time. maybe people won't come back, and i can't honestly blame them because i'm fucked. and as scared as i am, i'm grateful. or maybe it's just selfish. selfish because i just hate when nobodies around for me to love, to love me back. but i'm still terrified. it's hard to change up my thinking, but i'm trying. i'm trying rlly hard and i just hope that it's enough.

i'm a couple hours clean for self harm, and yesterday i didn't technically eat a full meal like i was supposed too (my older sister got mad at me and wouldn't let me eat anything). i had multiple cookies, a fruit roll up, two cups of tea, a packet of uncooked ramen noodles, a bite of a chicken finger and also i drank water! just water! for the first time in a while.

i hate that it took me fighting with everyone i loved to the point where i didn't even need to push them away anymore, they went willingly, and having multiple panic attacks in public restrooms to finally start on the road to recovery. it is so fucking hard, it's really hard. but fuck, it's worth it to see my friends happy. to not detect worry in their eyes and to believe it when @my-elysian-love says they love me (again i'm so sorry for spamming you aaa). it's worth it to finally eat cinnamon buns again, and drink tea with real sugar, not cal free sweetener. i get a shit ton less headaches cuz i don't constantly need to count cals anymore, and i haven't passed out of dehydration in 2 whole days. ik people without eds are probably like "wtf is this bitch on about?" and that's what i'm talking about. recovery is never the same as sobriety, but it's the next best thing. and i might still struggle with my body or cover up with baggy clothes sometimes but at least i'm alive to do so. cuz a while ago i was too close to death.

i attempted to kill myself again. this time by starving and eating a buncha pills. i'm lucky cuz it didn't work, and i'm still alive. i can only think of what would've happened if it didn't work. if the last. thing i did was tell someone i loved and cared about that i didn't care if they were dead. that the last thing i did was get mad at them for feeling for someone else the same way i felt for them. yk, bpd moments ✨. but i'm glad i lived to apologize and now i'm trying to recover. and ig that's all the updates i have rn

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