#if it makes you feel any better i cant even say what hits myself

[perelka-l]

The Arcana is in fact a romance game and every one of the 12 possible endings leads to some sort of relationship with one of the 6 main characters (all 6 characters have both a good and a bad ending depending on the choices you make)

However. I'm not saying you'd enjoy the story (some of the bad endings are a bit fucked up but Idk if it would be your flavor of fucked up, it's still a romance-like game after all) but there's this one character called Valdemar (who's also canonically nonbinary, together with a bunch of other characters) who does look to me like the type of fucked up character you'd like

They're a non-human entity who uses a human disguise because their true form is too much for the human mind to understand (described in the game as an undulating mass, their surface boiling with clusters of eyes, teeth, rib bones emerging from within and dissolving back into it and numerous long, terrible, blade-like limbs), their patron Arcana is Death (the game revolves heavily around the various Major Arcanas from a tarot deck) and they work as a "doctor" (I doubt they have an actual license to be a doctor) because they love watching humans suffer and witness their last moments before Death claims them

They're possibly the only character in the game the MC is never able to either "change for the better" nor defeat and I actually quite like that tbh, although in two of the endings they do help the MC but it's because the "bad guy" is trying to erase death so that no one will ever lose anyone important again and they don't like that because they love it when people die

I'm personally obsessed with the game and every time Valdemar is on screen being their fucked up creepy self I can't help but think "Perelka would like them"

Here's a picture of them ⬇️

With the mask (how they look like 90% of the time) https://pm1.aminoapps.com/6942/bbedaaad076d3d77d89ed29ae10bd566b576c967r1-539-726v2_00.jpg

And without the mask (they have sharp as fuck teeth and I love it so much) https://64.media.tumblr.com/6c6738737662a37ae846f9dc7d7bc7a7/tumblr_inline_pmk3rzE20w1wyc8bu_1280.png

Also I'm sad there's no image for his fucked up non-human form, just the description I put earlier

Tbh their design isn't really something I would like ;;;;w;;;; They seem kinda... bland to me? Apologies, you seem to like them, but after a description that sounds rather fun I was expecting something different. I feel kinda bad that after you have put so much heart into description I just coldly react like that but ngl I cannot really get excited.

But it's great that you like them, and the game! There is always something fun about characters that hide their inhumanity (I do enjoy that, just in different form, classic G-Man or the Outsider come to mind from examples I deeply appreciate). I suppose it's the medic part that turns me off, I never enjoyed much the play on doctors bringing the pain (admittedly, that kinda makes me uncomfortable orz)

Also, I am guessing it adds to the eldtrichness of their real form being impossible to perceive, it would be a bit boring if it was shown!

[mejomonster]

I hate panic attacks

[tabootasaur]

...

[rissararity]

Wrote a little fic inspired by this meme. Art is not mine!

Astarion/Half succubus bard oc. Cat calling, references to SA, comfort, friends to lovers, partners in crime, protective Astarion

Might eventually become a more put together fic, if it does it would be a slow burn friends to lovers

“Do we have any other takers? Any more bets? How about you, sir? Betting man?” the gorgeous bard beamed while she played a melody to raise anticipation on her lute.

“You know what? Sure.” The man tossed a couple gold into the pot.

The crowd cheered while Astarion gave a close lipped smile, eye fucking a couple of the women in the group.

A few more coins trickled in, clinking against the others.

“Now watch and be amazed as I throw this dagger, up to the second floor, it bounces handle side down off that, that then that,” he pointed to a couple of things, “and into the center of that barrel.” He announced with a flourish, parading around dramatically.

While he distracted the crowd, the bard cast a little spell to ensure he’d succeed. Astarion felt the power and confidence surge as her spell took effect, making a big show out of throwing the dagger.

While it flew through the air, Liv took the opportunity to pick a few pockets then make her way to the front before the trick shot was over.

As the blade hit home, the crowd was a mix of cheers and jeers.

“Aww better luck next time, friends!” She offered a supportive smile that hid the inward smirk she felt.  She validated a few peoples feelings and casually got each of them to walk away.

The bard scooped up the gold while the rogue retrieved the dagger. They smiled at each other for a moment before quickly and discreetly leaving the area.

To an outsider they’d look like lovers exchanging a look. But they knew they were shit eating grins of victory, and they were in fact not lovers, but 200 gold richer.

Each.

As they reached the end of the alley, they waved to Gale, who stood with his arms crossed. “Again? Really?” he glared, falling into step on Liv’s other side.

“Oh relax, you benefit from the spoils too. Most of this ends up going to potions and gifts for you.” The half elf snickered, purposely hip bumping him.

The wizard’s glare softened and he ducked his head. “I suppose that’s true. But if you two get caught, you’re on your own.”

The elves smirked at each other, “Somehow I think we’ll manage.” Astarion turned his ruby gaze to Gale who rolled his own.

The men grew uneasy while the trio walked by a group of men who began to whisper after them, staring at Liv in particular. The vampire could have torn their heads off with his bare hands for the disgusting way they spoke about her.

Gale glared back at them, putting an arm around her shoulders protectively. “Honestly, Liv, we can’t take you anywhere civilized.”

“I’d hardly call this place…much less those meat sacks civilized.” Astarion agreed, now wishing he’d been the one to grab her first.

“I’m not doing anything on purpose.” She muttered, dropping her chin.

“Boo hoo, it must be so hard being effortlessly gorgeous.”  The vampire rolled his eyes.

“When I cant go anywhere alone without being hassled, propositioned or having wives threaten me for stealing their husband’s eyes-“ “And hearts.” Gale added.

“Right. A few of them did say that.” She pouted, “I know I can more than take care of myself but I get so…” she crossed her arms over her ample chest and shivered with a frown.

The group had noticed fairly early on she seemed fairly oblivious to the leers she got everywhere she went, and that  when she no longer was, the attention made her extremely uncomfortable.

She could flirt her way out of trouble no problem but was easily flustered and nervous if a man just started commenting on her body. It made a pit form in her stomach that stayed until someone else from her party found her.

Even Shadowheart had played the role to make the men think they had no chance.

She sighed, “And Astarion,” he looked at her. “You sound jealous when you say stuff like that. You’re too pretty to be jealous.”

Gale smirked as the vampire’s jaw dropped for a moment, blinking in surprise “I…er..um..you’re absolutely right.” He pushed his hair from his face and shook out his shoulders, “You passed the test.”

Liv rolled her eyes while the wizard shook his head, a small smile on his lips.

Red eyes grew annoyed as he saw this, prompting him to cross his arms and pout, “I’ll meet you back at camp.” He strode of into the masses of people on the street.

The pair laughed, keeping their leisurely pace.

“He adores you,  you know.”  Gale told her once their laughs became little giggles.

Her cheeks grew dark, “No, he would have made a move by now if he did. We’re just good friends.”

He arched an eyebrow, “Is that so?”

She mimicked him, raising her own and dropping her voice, “Yes, that is so.”

The wizard made a face, “You’re too good at that.”

Wind whipped her long blonde hair around while carrying her laugh.  “What can I say? I give a performance like no other.”

Liv yelped as a hand seized her elbow. “I bet you do, babe. Why don’t you come with me and give a private show?”

Her entire body froze as ice set in, eyes wide with fear as her legs stopped moving.

“I’m going to give you one chance to let go of the lady and be on your way.” Gale’s voice dripped with venom in a way she’d only ever heard in situations like this.

The barbarian sized him up then laughed, yanking her arm confidently, causing her to stumble closer. “Fuck off, mate. If you can’t defend your woman, don’t bring her outside.”

They couldnt go throwing magic in the middle of town, the creep knew that.

What he didn’t expect,  was Gale to cast a hold person spell, locking him into place.

He then gently unfurled the man’s fingers from Liv’s arm and put a protective arm around her waist. “You need to learn some manners. Best hope we don’t ever meet in a battlefield.”

The man’s eyes burned with rage as Gale pressed a kiss to the still shocked bard’s temple and led them back into the crowd.

She pressed herself into her companion’s side all the way back to camp, trying to match his breathing the entire way.

No one knew what caused this reaction in her, but they had an idea. None dared broach the subject and figured talk if and when she wanted.

Normally in battle, she was fearless and thoughtful. But when confronted with someone like that barbarian she locked up.

When they returned to camp, Astarion had already thought up a snappy quip-the perfect amount of sting and sass.

Unfortunately,  it died in his throat as soon as he looked over at them. One look and he knew.

Gale was softly rubbing her forearm, reassuring her while he led her to his tent.

The vampire frowned and exchanged a look with the wizard on the way.  He immediately regretted his hasty exit earlier. He noticed pursuers were more easily deterred when she was with more than one man.

Astarion silently crept over to listen, able to hear their magic friend leading her through breathing exercises. When she’d calmed down, Gale finally left the tent to get some dinner.

He was about to stand only for Shadowheart to beat him to it, heading toward Gale’s tent to comfort the half elf.

 Annoyed as he was, he knew for Liv’s sake that only one person could be with her at a time.

Much to his dismay, she stayed for an entire hour and a half.

He started to head over only to stop in his tracks when the tent door moved and Liv emerged, looking tired but otherwise okay other than her red cheeks and the fact that she used a spell to change her appearance to the one she preferred-the one that more clearly showed her half-drow ancestry.

Her skin kept its pink hue but her hair shortened to a pixie cut, blonde at the root morphing into silver tips that sat perfectly in place. Her blue eyes shifted to one bright blue and one silver. A ring sat in her septum above her lips that wore a coat of black paint, matching her winged eyeliner and eyeshadow.

Her pointed ears were dotted with two in her cartilage on both sides, and a silver ring on the lobe. She bore tattoos of solid black up her throat with flame-like tendrils licking at her jaw, a small flame adorning her forhead.

This was who she preferred to be. Who she felt the strongest,  and most confident as. It was also her defense.

The others knew not to be surprised or comment on what she decided to look like that day. The long blonde look was always used for public performances; it had even earned her the title “The Angel” by word of mouth.

Astarion thought she was perfect both ways, but he knew the other men liked The Angel, while Shadowheart and Karlach shared his adoration of who he dubbed the demoness, the little devil, and simply the drow.

She hadn’t noticed him,  and headed for her bedroll by the fire.

Astarion’s chest tightened as he realized he was too late to comfort her. If he hadn’t ditched her this probably wouldn’t have happened. They’d be sitting around the fire while she played her lute and told them legends and stories.

He should have stayed. This was his fault.

He should have stayed.

Jaw clenched,  he thought, I’ll never abandon you again, my angel. You have my word I will remain close at hand.

What he couldn’t see, was her small smile as their tadpoles relayed the message in his voice.

In fact, he'd been so distracted that all his thoughts of guilt and protectiveness were made privy to the blonde.

He didn’t know it, but they grew closer that night without him ever speaking a word.

--

The following morning when they returned to the little town of Hodge to continue their search for information. Gale noticed Liv go out of her way to insure they passed by the same intersection from last night.

It was fairly early and the roads were fairly clear,  blue sky above them.

As they neared it, Gale stepped forward and took her hand. To everyone’s surprise, she turned her blue and silver gaze to Astarion and held her other hand out to him.

Shadowheart pouted as the visibly confused vampire somewhat hesitantly took her hand and walked on her other side.

Liv squeezed both of their hands as they strode down the road like they owned it. When they got to the next street, she pressed a kiss to the back of Astarion’s hand and gave him a grateful look before letting go and repeating the gesture with Gale.

The vampire blinked in surprise as an odd fluttering feeling danced in his stomach, Gale’s cheeks darkened a little as he returned her smile.

He followed her blindly like they were magnetized, eyes wide as he tried to make heads or tails of this feeling.

Her still short hair shined like silver in the sun, contrasting the warm, sunny light from the blonde near her scalp. Even painted with dark makeup, she was breath taking-silver septum ring glinting back at him a top her confident smile.

Especially when she was exuding confidence like she now was, leading them through the streets to their first contact.

Her rapier carefully tucked into her overcoat, lute strapped to her back, she walked through intersection exuding joy once again.

Astarion’s maroon eyes stayed locked on her profile while he continued to remain at her side. Gale went to talk to Karlach, leaving the two side by side leading the group.

The vampire's eyes flicked down to her hand, yearning to hold it again; to feel her soft, dainty hands in his calloused but well manicured ones.

The butterflies in his stomach hadn’t quite settled down yet-he’d heard some young women gossiping recently and learned that’s what it was called.

Though if it meant what they insinuated it did he refused to believe that was what was happening to him.  

He supposed Liv was pretty enough…oh who was he kidding?  They didn’t call her The Angel  for nothing. She was beauty incarnate, in both of her forms. Her movements were naturally elegant and graceful, her acrobatics during battle were unreal.

Everywhere she went an air of lavender and vanilla followed. You couldn’t be in a bad mood when she was around-he would know. He tried.

She was exactly what Cazador would have sent him after.

At that, he looked away from her shamefully. He didn’t deserve to walk beside her, figuratively or literally. His steps slowed so he could merge with the others but this stopped when her hand brushed the back of his – making his breath catch for a moment as sparks shot up his arm.

She caught his eye and winked, a small smile on her soft lips.  “Walk with me, Astar.”

He was about to scold her for the nickname but for some reason from her he didn’t mind it.

“Gale holds your arm through town.” He murmured quietly as they walked.

Her cheeks darkened, “So he does.”

“It’s only fair-rr- I mean….proper.” He collected himself. “It’s only proper that a lady gets escorted.” He raised his chin, keeping his eyes ahead.

“Of course.”

“After all, you tend to get sidetracked and lost.”

“Sounds like me.”

“Hells forbid you see a cat!”

A  little annoyed now, she glared, “Are you gonna do it or what?”

“Of course I am, don’t be stupid!” Came his rushed reply just before he almost aggressively looped arms with her like Gale often did.

Behind them, the entire team silently laughed. Gale crossed his arms over his chest, batting away Shadowheart to pretended to try and loop arms with him. He turned away from her and glared playfully before pushing her into Karlach who caught her then gave her arm a reassuring pat before going back to minding her business.

Astarion glared venomously at any one that looked at them too long, thankfully only a few people due to her still being in little demon form. He felt like her bodyguard, and as such had to be the scary dog that made outsiders keep their distance.

And unlike most bodyguards,  he actually HAD bite.

Meanwhile, Liv was blissfully unaware of the mission he’d given himself, waltzing down the street casually.

When they arrived at their agreed upon meeting place, Liv wanted to go in alone but the entire group was quick to shut that down.

“Just in and out-it’ll be quick. Everyone leaves happy, no big deal.”

Astarion’s lips quirked up in a grin while he held his laughter, little sounds sneaking out. Karlach immediately began to belly laugh, drawing the attention of a few townspeople. Gale sighed and shook his head while the bard looked at him oddly.

“Sweet summer child.” He pressed a patronly kiss to her temple and hugged her cheek to his chest for a moment.

With knit brows, she let him hold her for a moment. “Anyway, any alternative plans then?”

“Well, you aren’t allowed to go anywhere alone so write that down.” The vampire rolled his eyes, missing her little smile.

“Our best bet here is to not arouse suspicion, and to appear as normal as possible to blend in. I think Liv and I should go in together,  since we look the most like the locals." The wizard spoke up.

“Human, you mean?” Shadowheart asked, crossing her arms at the other half-elf.

“And not head to toe in armor. Not exactly common garb in these parts.”

She relented, “Liv and I could go. Two women won’t look odd and I’m sure she has an outfit I can borrow.”

Gale gave a snappy retort, angering the Cleric. They bickered over who was going in with Liv until Karlach  physically turned their heads to show them Astarion had already whisked her away and toward little café, both in all their silver headed glory.

After casting an apologetic look over her shoulder, she spoke “You didn’t ask me to put on the angel.”

He paused, “I’ll never ask you  to change, darling. However you feel best is how I want you.”

She squeezed his arm, smiling up at him while he avoided her gaze.

Luckily everything went according to plan for once and they got another lead.

Before they returned to their team, waiting in the distance in the town square, they decided to slip out the back door  to see if they could make a few extra coins.

Liv put on the angel to aid in the con on her own accord, excitement in her stomach as she and Astarion approached a small group of people already with a game in progress.

---

“Where is she? I need to see her.” Astarion pushed past Shadowheart and headed toward Wyll’s tent.

“She’s going to live. Don’t interrupt her healing session. It’s…private.” She trailed after him, wishing Wyll hadn’t taken some personal time away so he could cast a hold spell.

Ordinarily  Shadowheart was stronger than Astarion, but now he was in a protective rage, eyes blazing like a wildfire as he sought his little devil.

This fueled him to overpower her, tugging free of her grip and delivering a sharp shove that sent her on her ass, blinking in shock.

He entered the bubble of silence cast around Gale’s tent and froze as he recognized the sounds of lust and sex, as well as the all to familiar scents that went along with it.

His blood ran cold as he hid and peaked in. He knew what to expect but was still aghast when he saw Gale on top of Liv.

Liv’s nude body was dotted with scrapes and bruises from their last fight, her head lulled to the side, eyes half open. She didn’t react much to the wizards deliberate, confident thrusts, her breasts bounced in recoil to punctuate each one.

Gale bit his lip, brows knit as he began to speed up. Liv's shallow breaths along with a few gasps softly joined the other sounds.

Astarion felt rage like never before and had the biggest urge to reach straight through Gale’s back and pull out his still beating heart.

But he knew that was a bad idea.

Liv’s head turned to the other side and she accidently met the vampire’s eyes, her own going from half lidded to wide, cheeks ablaze.

Feeling much like a scorned lover,  though not sure why, he silently sneered at her and left.

--

The following morning, the air was tense between the two troublemakers-Astarion and Liv.

Gale hadn’t noticed him, and she hadn’t told him.

She avoided her rogue as much as possible without drawing attention, seeking a distraction.

Otherwise back to her normal self, she pulled her violin from her bag of holding  and began to play an upbeat jig, a smile on her face as she watched Karlach and Wyll prepare breakfast.

Gale and Shadowheart clapped in time with the music, smiling and enjoying the morning.

His eyes narrowed at Gale as he approached, considering how he could catch the wizard’s robe on fire, stopping short to watch the end of the song.

Liv hesitated a bit upon seeing him, but being the professional she is, she didn’t let it hiccup the song. Gale noticed the jovial mood in her eyes dulled, and used his tadpole to connect to the vampire -immediately realizing what had happened.

The bard finished the song with a flourish of her bow then bowed for the applause  that came from everyone that didn’t drink blood.

Gale connected to Liv for a moment to see if she knew, appreciating that she told him the truth and didn’t make him search her memory.

I think it’s time to tell him, Angel. He’s the only one that doesn’t know and he’s clearly upset.

She sighed, I have to, now. We can’t keep going like this.

He gave a short nod, then made an excuse about wanting to show Liv how to feel the weave so they could both go into the woods together.

They were correct in assuming Astarion’s jealousy would have him tailing them.

Once they were away from camp, his body froze mid-step as Gale cast a hold person spell on him.

The pair turned around and headed over to him, ignoring the slew of curse words falling from his fangs.

“What in the hells do you think you’re doing?!” He growled at last.

“We need to talk- and by that I mean you need to listen. We can’t have you attacking Gale or running off before we explain.”

He glared at her, inwardly annoyed that the passing breeze carried over her lavender scent.

“I’m not sure what I saw other than the two of you acting like a couple of randy teenagers.”

Liv crossed her arms, nodding, “That’s exactly why you’re stuck right now.”

Gale’s lip quirked up for a moment at her flat tone before he spoke, “That’s all you saw? Are you absolutely sure there was nothing else of note?”

“Gale, darling, I’m not going to comment on the size of your staff if that’s what you’re fishing for.”

The wizard blinked in shock, blushing,  “No! No that’s not what I meant.”

Standing slightly behind him, Liv giggled, cutting herself off when Astarian glared at her again.

“Think back. Really think-I’ll even help you.” She cast a focus spell on him while he huffed and closed his eyes.

His mind’s eye took him back Gale’s tent, his eyes glued to the scene before him. Liv looked exhausted from their last battle. Her body was scraped and bruised here and there and bags sat under her eyes.

Her baby blues lacked the spark they usually held.

The vampire knit his brows, growling at the other man. “Did you do something to her?”

Gale’s jaw dropped, Liv spoke up and vehemently denied it.

“It’s not like that either. I look right as rain today, right?” she gestured to her face- bright and clear as always.

He nodded.

“You know I’m a half elf, right?”

“Of course. Drow-correct?”

Liv smiled, happy he remembered that given her normal, warm and sunny appearance. “Right. Well…it turns out…the other half wasn’t human.”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed Liv is much more adept at magic than a normal bard…hells I’ve been trying to convince her to let me train her as a spellcaster…”

She rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, the other half…my father…was an incubus. So…I’m half elf half-“

“Succubus.” Astarion sneered, “It all makes sense now. The power you hold over others with the simple toss of your hair.”

They waited to see what he would say next, giving him a moment to think.

“That’s why you look so much better than you did…last night.”

She nodded, “I seem to have an odd mix of traits and abilities. My little demon appearance can’t be washed away by any manor of magic because it’s still real. When I take after my father, I become the angel. But my mother was the drow.”

“It doesn’t trigger my detect magic ability either.” Gale added, “Because of her half succubus nature, every week or so she needs to be…reset, or she gets sickly and weak.”

“That’s why she’s gotten so much stronger since the began traveling together.”

Liv blushed and shuffled her feet, “Look, I’m really not as smooth as I pretend to be-its an act.”

The vampire was quiet for a long while, “So when you say you cant sleep alone-“

The half elf gasped, “Not every night! God’s Astarion I’m not an animal! Gale told you…once a week. I try to hold out for as long as I can though…” she looked down, “I know it’s a big ask. More often than not I just need to cuddle.”

Gale patted her shoulder, a kind smile on his lips. “I assure you it’s no toil for us. I admit it can be difficult when you’re…in rough shape but knowing it’s the best way we can help you-“

“Mmmhm nothing to do with the fact that you get to have sex with her, I’m sure.” The vampire cut him off, winking when he was done.

The wizard’s warm brown eyes widened, cheeks darkening-it was certainly not a chore, but an honor.

Liv quirked an eyebrow at him, stifling a laugh and trying to force the corner of her mouth down.

Astarion relaxed as he watched her reaction to this. His jealousy faded as he realized for Gale, and hopefully Wyll, this was a friends with benefits situation, not a romantic relationship.

“Oh do let me go now. I’m listening.”

After a nod from Liv, Gale released the hold spell.

Astarion straightened himself and pushed his hair back, shaking off the stiffness. “The girls were already aware, I’m assuming?”

Liv nodded. “Unfortunately, my succubus healing only seems to kick in with men. I guess I need a…bridge to transfer.”

“You had sex with Shadowheart?”

Gale raised an eyebrow, “You tried to.”

“Well yes, but for a different reason. It’s not the same.”

“If anything, my reason is better than yours.” Liv glared.

He tilted his head, “Is it? Who’s to say? Besides, it only makes sense to gather as many…potential healers as possible and keep one on hand at all times. It was smart of you to try, since the two of you normally pair up when we split.”

Silence for a beat.

"Though I must tell you, I thought we were closer than this, little angel.” He turned to her. “Why was I the only one left unaware of your…condition? Did you not want my…” he gestured to his body, “help.”

Gale turned to her, too, curious.

The bard blushed, keeping her eyes on the ground. “We've always been great friends and I didn’t want to risk making it weird.”

“So you didn’t think it weird to proposition your companions weekly to steal their energy when they orgasm?”

Silence.

“It's really not bad. One sip of a health potion and you're back to rights.” Gale defended her.

“Alright, well,” he approached Liv, who shyly looked up. “This doesn’t change anything between us, darling, not if you don’t want it to.” He tilted her chin with one finger. “But if you decide you do, I assure you I’m more than capable of not treating you any differently if we slept together; dearest friend of mine.”

Her cheeks blazed, lips parting in shock. Gale rolled his eyes and looked away while the two had a moment.

He knew his friendship with Liv was clearly different than whatever it was she had with Astarion, so hearing her admit that hadn’t stung like one might expect. It was no secret the two had more in common, more laughs and a knack for getting in and out of trouble.

Gale, as well as Wyll, knew what this was.

Giving the half elf a wink, Astarion turned around and headed back toward camp.

She didn't ask for his help yet, but he hoped she would.

And when she did he would be whatever she wanted him to be; a simple friend with benefits due to a caring heart and sense of obligation or...maybe...

Well he wasn't sure but he was looking forward to her helping him find that out.

[penkura]

Special [2/2]

Note: Second part from this request here! Sorry it took so long, I've been burnt out and just struggling to get things out lately. I'll have an update post later today, I think.

Sanji really does feel awful when he realizes what’s going on with you, why you walked away and said you wouldn’t bother anymore. He hates how he’s made you feel, without even realizing it, but he never expected you would actually like him back. He’d resigned himself to the fact that, in his mind, you didn’t have any feelings for him nor would you ever. He’s used to it but for some reason it hit harder when he thought it was you that would reject him.

So he never said anything. He treated you normally, as normally as he could when he thought you were so perfect, but it seems like he's made a mistake. He’s made you think there’s something wrong with the way you look, when it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Nami has heard it so much from him she’s started rolling her eyes while Sanji nearly cries to her about how much he adores you.

No, how much he loves you. He’s not told anyone else, only Nami, making her concern3d the moment she notices you avoiding and ignoring him. Once she gets Sanji to tell her what happened, she’s so close to smacking him upside the head for being so stupid.

“Of course she’s upset, you’re an idiot!”

Nami spends the better part of her afternoon berating Sanji, who cant even argue with her and just nods in agreement to everything she says. She stops him before he can even ask for ideas on what to do so he can make it up to you.

“No, you’re doing that yourself this time.”

It takes him most of the day to decide what he could do, what he could say, so it surprises you when he finally shows up after dinner that evening. He’s not looking you in the eyes, but he has your favorite flowers with him, it makes your heart ache a bit, believing he’s done this to every girl he’s ever upset in the past so you don’t move to take the flowers. You’re trying to stop your feelings, he's making it so hard though.

“Sanji—”

“[Y/N], I’m so sorry I made you feel like you aren’t special to me. I…it’s no excuse, but I didn’t think you’d ever have feelings for me like I do for you so I was trying to distract myself from you,” it starts to make sense, but you still don’t move, you’re not entirely sure you can trust him, “If you never forgive me I deserve it, but…can you give me a second chance? No, that’s not right…let me have the chance to make it up to you, and prove you’re so much more than to me than you think you are.”

You’re both quiet for a few moments, Sanji believes you’re completely done with him while you think it through.

A conflict between crewmates over something is always a possibility, but when it’s due to romantic feelings it feels weirdly worse to you. It feels like you’re letting it take over everything, but you’ve had these feelings for so long that you aren’t sure they’ll ever go away, even if you are trying to stop it. You still want to be his friend if nothing else, though it almost seems like he may want something more.

That’s something to discuss later.

Sanji starts to feel like things will get better when you reach out and take the flowers, not looking at him even when he looks up at you.

“…you can make my favorite dessert to start…and explain yourself better.”

The grin on his face makes you smile just a little bit in return, as Sanji nods and takes your hand to bring you to the kitchen.

“I’ll start right away while you put those in water! I’ll make you whatever drink you want too!”

“That sounds nice, Sanji…”

Before you get too much farther, Sanji stops and pulls you into a hug that you return.

“I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t special to me…you mean more to me than anyone else in the world.” You’re going to choose to believe him, especially when Sanji goes the extra mile to make sure you know how much he loves you.

[the-siren-in-your-fridge]

So I love gravity falls, don’t get me wrong, but now that I’m an adult and a writer myself, I feel like one of the few things it fumbled was the Ford reveal. Anyone who theorized that Stan had a twin would have been written off for reaching, the “Gideon is a vampire” theory had more substantial evidence (I’m joking but also kinda not). The foreshadowing to the Ford reveal are things like “Stan finds an extra pair of glasses in the spare room” and “Stan’s license plate is ‘Stanley mobile’” which is kinda weak for such a clever show? They make no sense until you rewatch them, I feel like stuff like that reveal had to be something you could guess without sounding insane. No one pre-Ford reveal would have EVER guessed that Stan had a twin which made it feel a little bit like a cop out to me unless you REALLY reached for it.

Don't get me wrong, l like it, but for a show with so many details hidden in the background, it's a surprise that they didn't allude to it any better than that. No photos in the background with Stan and Ford as kids where the Stan half of the photo is covered so all you see is Ford, who looks wayyy nerdier than Stan would look as a kid, but there's no way it's not him, it looks exactly like him, just nerdier. Plus, isn't that weird, it looks like he has six fingers? Maybe it was an animation error. Besides, current Stan doesn’t have six fingers or a scar from a finger getting taken off. Maybe you get one scene where Mabel finds it and goes “HAHAH Grunkle Stan, look at you, you looked like such a dweeb!” And Stan snatches it out of her hand and grumbles something like “I’m the only one who calls Stanford Pines a dweeb.” Dipper gets confused and goes “you know it’s really weird that he was a nerdy kid, I wouldn’t have guessed that” and Mabel’s like “well he was really smart in college, right? People change.” Now the question is “what changed? Why isn’t he like that? It seems so opposite of how he is now.” It makes being hit with “he’s been masquerading as his twin brother” make a little more sense.

And never ONCE did Dipper say "my parents told me you're a well accomplished genius who had a lot of scientific potential and you CANT see how weird this town is?" only for Stan to get all withdrawn and go "that was a long time ago, it was a different life, things are different now.” Dipper, being a nerd, would definitely be intrigued by Stan's past as "an up and coming genius who suddenly went quiet for a while & now runs a bogus tourist trap" SOMEONE WOULD HAVE POINTED THAT OUT. DIPPER WOULD HAVE INVESTIGATED (Mabel probably wouldn't care because "come on dude, people change, and isn't he cool now?" but Dipper would care). And their parents never pointed out how weird it is that Stanford went from this genius his parents were so proud of to this weird reclusive conman?? That's WEIRD, right??? Isn't conman stuff STANLEY-level nonsense??? Maybe they didn’t know much about him since he’s their reclusive uncle or whatever, but surely they’d know the bare minimum about him. “Yeah he was a real genius back in his day, went out to study something, I don’t remember what, and he’s still out there” which would mean Dipper and Mabel finding this old conman who couldn’t even tell you the Pythagorean theorem is Weird For Sure

I just feel like they could have done wayyyy better in the build up. It wouldn’t have taken much time to establish something more substantial than “Stan freaks out when he sees Mabel’s wax figurine” (which I always brushed off as “wax figurines are scary and he’s a weird looking old man”)

[satonpie]

“My homie as soon as a 20 dollar bill is involved” but unironically??

I want to be a sworn little straightie but without even a dollar in my pocket so I always have to bargain with my friends to have something to eat when we go out.

Until one of our friends jokes about me sucking his cock for a 20 piece. I get really defensive but he insists.

“You barely pull your weight with us. I honestly don’t see a reason to keep hanging out with you being a money siphon n shit.”

I’m really hurt by his words but I can’t really deny them. All I do is stay by them and ask for food… and without that I don’t really have much of a life so I don’t have a choice!

So we back into an alley and I hesitantly kneel down and wait…

“Hurry it up, fag. I’m tired of doing all the work for you.”

Silently I reach to undo his pants, the others chuckling and calling me a bitch. But I can’t shake off that this feels… good…

I pull his pants down and I’m met with his hard dick slapping against my chin, sending the others into a laughing fit while I’m blushing, embarrassed.

“Y-You guys are gross-“

This is the first time I see one up close, can’t say I ever expected to. I’m hit with the strong smell of a hard member which unexpectedly gives me butterflies in my stomach and cheeks…

“Well? Hurry it up sissy. Quit staring at it like a damn dog and pay for your food.”

Ten long minutes pass in that alleyway with me trying my best to recreate what I’ve seen in porn. Bobbing up and down with it in my mouth and clumsily rubbing it with my tongue as it goes by. He’s on his phone, disinterested to what’s going on and flicking through his favourite material trying to get off on my less-than-adequate head.

He finally snaps out of boredom and pushes my head off his dick.

“You’re gonna have to do better than that for me to keep you around dumbass”

He grabs me by the hair and holds me in front of his cock before furiously jerking it off with his other hand, holding his tip up to my dazed mouth.

“H-how’s This for a free meal you f-fucking twat”

I feel his seed shoot into the back of my mouth, filling my throat with it and leaving me no choice but to swallow. Can’t make any messes that would make him angrier…

I did eventually get my chicken nuggets and no one spoke about that moment the rest of the day. Things went by as they normally would. Except I couldn’t shake off how hard I got during all of it

When I got to my shitty little apartment, I hopped into my bedroom and fantasized. Thinking back on the affair and I got all tingly again. I touched myself to the thought, calling myself a dumb gay fag for enjoying it. Not just the head but the constant name calling and humiliation. Was i really not just into girls? No time for my dumb cock drunk brain to think though, I was too absorbed in these little fantasies.

I came… and i came again… and again… faster than any time I would touch it to the thought of topping a cute girl. My mind was all around strong men making me slobber on their fat, smelly, hard cocks. Slapping my face with it, cumming on my face and on my soft, barely masculine chest…

And when I was done, I curled up in bed and tried to fall asleep despite the post-nut voice screaming about how much of a fag I am. I cant admit this to anyone… but maybe I’ll keep accepting these little bargains from my friend ♥️

-

Hope this goes without saying but this didn’t really happen (sadly 😞) I just realized halfway through I wrote this in past tense

…I Like orientation play a lot

Bye :3

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for ignoring someone who might just want to be my friend ?

i (F17) was recently in a college theater production with a guy we'll call S (M20-ish im pretty sure). me and S were partnered as characters who worked together on every scene so we were always in proximity to eachother every weekday for 2 months during rehearsals.

to give some background: S is autistic. someone who knows little about autism would be able to easily pick up on it. i am also autistic but not as "visibly" for lack of a better word and i have a lot of knowledge regarding autism. during rehearsals i noticed that S didn't really slip into conversations with the rest of the actors (nor did the other actors particularly give him the time of day) and sometimes he would sit all alone during breaks instead of with the rest of us. i felt sympathetic towards him as a fellow autistic person who has similar struggles and i wanted to try being inclusive to him. i gave it my best shot and paid attention to him, sat with him, and conversed with him when i felt able to despite my social anxiety. eventually we friended eachother on discord and by the end of the show i thought that was that.

however S became pretty lonely after the show ended and would hit up the actors' group chat a lot asking to hang out and no one including myself would bite. he also messages me on discord and asks me if im planning to go to certain local events or just try to chat with me and i have been either dejected and uninterested or i just completely ignore his messages.

im not sure why im so opposed to even just being polite to him and making small talk. i have been expirencing intense mental health issues lately and i may just be too exhausted to put energy into a new friendship. i also feel like i may not trust him, as his messages asking me if ill show up to certain events and also asking me what college classes im taking next semester (and then saying that he'll try to register for one of the exact classes im in) are a bit uncomfortable. although i have a history of being paranoid that any man i know is going to try to hurt me when im around them plus i suspect he genuinely doesnt understand how he comes across and just wants to hang out with me.

i don't want to lose solidarity with a fellow autistic person because i know painfully well what its like to try to reach out to people you thought you clicked with only to have them seem completely uninterested later. however ive described that i have social anxiety and socializing/maintaining friendships has always been something i struggle with. with the addition of my mental health issues becoming worse and worse, i cant find the energy in me to put in the effort. either way, i dont want to use any of this as an excuse to be rude to S when he seems to want to be my friend.

so, am i the asshole for ignoring him? should i put in more effort to be his friend and meet up with him?

What are these acronyms?

[fel117]

I NEED HELP WITH MANIFESTATION!!!

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ HIII this is like my first post ever on here!! i wanted to just yap and rant a little here about my stories and stuff here because i think it would be fun and everything and maybe there will be someone who can somehow relate to anything i say! no pressure well i basically kind of need help?? with manifestation SO THE THING IS im seeing my friend in june and im so nervous because i feel not ready at all, and yes, its just a month and i know and i believe i can do a lot of things to improve myself in that time, literally hop on higher stages of myself and become better yknow?? and achieve my goals and everything. one of my goals was also to manifest some physical appearance stuff because not gonna lie i never succeeded to manifest something big about appearance stuff even though i was regularly trying, affirming and all that stuff for it which made me so unmotivated because i couldnt manifest simple things like that as others do. after some time i kind of gave up with manifestation, now im getting back to it!! and im more than ever motivated to accomplish my goals (at least try to and be consistent with it) i noticed how i was comparing my manifestation to others manifestation and all that stuff and i believe there is a lot to fix about my mindset and all that kinda things i cant lie that im not nervous about the meeting i have in june (btw keep in mind that im not seeing regularly the friend im meeting there and i just wanted to yknow look awesome feel awesome and everything!!!) BUT MAN......i got horrible haircut. and maybe more like, not like its actually horrible but it just doesnt suit my face you know?? and im not quite used to having haircut like this, it just doesnt suit my face AND TRUST ME IM REGRETTING DECISION ABOUT CUTTING MY HAIR SOOOO BAD LOLLLL i wish i could reverse time or something FR the thing i want to manifest is obviously hair growth, like really rapid hair growth, and hair volume and all that stuff since lately my hair is just falling out like crazy and nothing seem to help?? LIKE HELP IDK and i definitely want to change my face features and all, i always struggled with baby kinda face and i know some people might say like ahahha baby faces are cute YEAH MAYBE THEY ARE TO YOU but i personally feel really bad with having one and i feel like puberty is not hitting me at all and my face just doesnt change how it look so i definitely want to try manifesting to change my face and make it more attractive!!! thats the main two things i want to focus on right now!!! though im not sure what to do to fr manifest it?? i mean i know that im the one who makes the rules about my manifestation and that its easy but seriously im seeing all those success manifestation stories and im like whaat how do they do this?? and btw if someone has any methods and tips please spill some because its really useful I SWEARRRR i want to get a total glow up or whatever you call it and manifest my desired appearance changes because i just really want to know how it feels but also because its part of my goals!!! im just quite unsure how to do all of that stuff because so many things didnt work for me in the past that i feel like its impossible for me to get results or something okay thats it for my little rant, also i feel just by letting this out i realized i might have some potential limiting beliefs and blockages that might be stopping me from getting results AND YK ALL OF THOSE THINGS!!! if someone read this THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH!!! and have a nice day or nighttt!!!! BYEBYEBYE <3

[mincedpeaches]

rvb19 liveblogging post. #rvb19 spoilers

Did Wash get a new voice actor? Why does he sound so off.

Why is Grif like this. Why is Grif's character so off. He's not really stupid, he plays it up to be lazy. Why does he seem so weirdly angry. Yelling did not make the "they're right behind me aren't they" joke any funnier Geoff.

Okay I didn't even CONSIDER that Donut would never show up. Like after the Apple Cast listing was seemingly incomplete based on already confirmed people that had recorded lines. Only to have the shot of Donut getting sliced up in a cartoon be his first and God forbid only appearance? The disrespect. If he doesn't show up later I'm rioting. Did I miss a Joel-style falling out with Donut's voice actor somewhere.

Okay actually Wash sounds fine it was just the awkward exposition dialogue earlier I guess.

479er???? Does this count as a minor freelancer cameo.

A SECOND "hes right behind me" style quip with Meta!Tucker in the case. Burnie PLEASE. Avengers came out in like 2014.

Why does Tucker!Meta talk. Why does he have an evil laugh. Remember when all the Meta did was occasionally growl and he was threatening. Remember when all they had to do was play When Your Middle Name is Danger and it would make the machinima actually tense.

The Reds overall reluctance to help the Blues both earlier in the canyon when Caboose asked them and then now leaving Caboose on the ship... I don't know. It rings a little different when its the last season and all also the whole "they say no but then they change their minds" bit has been done so many times by now. Especially if this is meant to be happening after Chorus. This isn't really a lesson they need to be learning anymore.

Over 40mins minutes in and no mention of Carolina. I am... concerned. I thought she was in a shot in the trailer. Am I crazy. If she doesn't show up I just. In what WORLD does Epsilon run five squintilion simulations and not choose to contact HER instead.

OKAY HERE IT COMES THE SARGE SACRIFICE. FOR A BLUE. IM SCARED.

Hes gonna get stabbed big time ooooh my god I can't watch.

I feel like. Okay. When rvb got serious. It didn't have to undercut itself with jokes. When Donut was shot by Wash it was 100% played straight. No quips. So why does Burnie undercut Sarge getting stabbed by having him say "well dang it".

I've paused this like five million times to say "I can't" and all variations thereof. I'm not ready for "Matt's performance".

Hand on Simmons arm. And if I lose it right now.

Very touching moments happening here with Sarge and the team I cannot complain too much or really at except when in one of my numerous pauses of the movie to fortify myself I cannot help but clasp my hands and think. Where's Donut.

And also I cannot help but think when we were about to get on Torrian for trying to kill Tucker and now its like. Welp. (Not nearly as bad as a killing to gas up your bad rvb spinoff but still. It kinda feels like this is approaching that ballpark.)

"Run away while you can. I'm coming for you." *laughs evilly* Is this supposed to be like Tuckers personality, like a Doc-O'Malley thing where the AI adapts its mannerisms to the host. Because either way its a corny ass bit that does nothing. And I kinda of hate it.

Doc is very obviously all in Wash's head which is uhhh.... not where I expected the season to go. With Wash.

Grif and Simmons standing in front of Sarge's grave, alone: Me: soooo. grimmons?

OKAY SO. IMMEDIATE PIVOT TO HEARTFELT DISCHARGE THAT I DID NOT EXPECT. OKAY. SCENE WHERE GRIF ADMITS HE DOESNT WANT TO LEAVE SIMMONS INCOMING?????

OR HE ASKED HIM TO COME WITH HIM. EVEN BETTER. HELLO.

man really great stuff here happening here but I still cant help but be like. so why isnt Donut here. is it the homophobia.

This song kinda sounds like. No. it couldn't be.

Okay over an hour and no Carolina I'm kind of feeling like when I walked into the Supernatural series finale thinking Castiel might return only to hit the point of the ten minute long wincest scene, with no Castiel in sight.

TEX RETURN???? THE PERSON WAS TEX??? NOT CAROLINA???????

All the budget went to getting Kathleen to return after her fallout with Rooster Teeth.........

Okay wait so is Doc real? He was really giving hallucination.

Wait okay drop from the sky. If this ISNT Carolina. I'm ending it.

THANK FUCKING GOD. THANK GOD.

Again I don't really know why getting to her wasn't part of Epsilon's plan but WHATEVER. whatever. do Donut next.

Also I would love love LOVE for some Carolina and Tex moments after this fight. really rooting for the Bechdel test pass.

Okay we really kill Tex again huh. Should have put that on my Bingo card.

If the AIs in Meta!Tucker are fragments of Epsilon, meaning presumably when he fragmented the Epsilon memories would be gone, how does this Sigma know about Allison =Tex = Beta.

The cone on Grif did get me lmao.

EXPLAIN TO ME THE SWORD THING WHAT. Did Meta!Tucker say "You never were?" Am I missing something. That isn't how the swords work.

DONUT ONLY GETTING A CAMEO IN A CHEERLEADING OUTFIT GAG. HELLO. WHAT AM I MISSING HERE. WHY IS DONUT NOT HERE. also simmons gay thoughts.

why does simmons get the good throwing arm bit that was DONUTS thing. im about to break into Burnie's house. where is Donut.

Chex handhold walk into the white void. I should have put Chex on my bingo card.

Okay no so Doc still definitely a hallucination. What are we doing with this Burnie.

I'm counting Carolina looking sad at the smashed capture unit as Carolina Angst. Taking what I can get here.

Carolina just ignoring Wash mentioning Doc lmao.

OKAY NO WAIT. DOC DEAD. DIED IN THE CHORUS BATTLE. WASH BEING HAUNTED BY GUILT OF DEAD DOC. Burnie recon'd the brain trauma but was like wait. hold my beer.

this sad as hell actually. damn.

also the revival of wash/doc as a ship concept like DAMN where my recollection homies at for real. Remember in Chorus trilogy when the gag was nobody gave a shit about Doc and forgot about him in the transportation cubes. I know Doc fans eating. Except for how he's, you know, dead.

North and CT appearances. THERES my minor freelancer cameos.

Man I have SO many thoughts(tm) on this scene that I cannot articulate right I need to digest it for a little bit but. Giving all this angst to Wash (instead of Carolina). The scene on the beach in s15 being better because it wasn't slanted toward Wash. Why did I think Burnie was gonna do my girl right.

Agent One appearance..... oh wow...... yay............ 😑

Grif leaving without Simmons? No. no way.

Okay im gonna. Thats not. man.

Sorry I'm gonna get hung up on this in the Grimmons way first and then the rest of it after. WHY would you have the little "come with me" only to split up after. Not that I expected Grimmons lets be real but I didn't expect a split and more importantly I didnt expect a HALF BLOOD GULCH split up. Is the ending really for SIMMONS AND CABOOSE to be 1vs1'ing in the box canyon. Season 11 they were planning to go "home" and then the ship crashed. There is long since no Command. WHAT are they going to be doing there. Burnie ANSWER me.

okay credit rolling and they really gave Meta a stupid voice so Miles could do it huh. okay. They also gave him Sigma which I did catch in the voice acting.

the one Donut line WAS Dan Godwin. Mr Godwin what was your schedule like. PLEASE. could you really not reprise your roll. COULD THEY HAVE WRITTEN YOU OUT OF THE SEASON WITH A BIT MORE RESPECT, AND DARE I SAY GRAVITAS.

shout out to the one Andy line too lmao I didnt mention that earlier.

IT WAS THE BARE NAKED LADIES. THAT SONG. I KNEW IT. thats where the other half of the budget went I guess.

okay well. Its over. I need to collect my thoughts. And make a post.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

i had sex for the first time and it was kind of a horrible experience. i was checking out a bdsm club for the first time and a man in his 50s invited me to check out a different (sex) club the next day and bc i genuinely, idiotically thought he just wanted to introduce me to the scene and show me around i went. at the club he bought me a couple drinks, we talked and then he took me to a private room and went down on me. i didnt say no bc i was drunk and curious, and im bad at saying no to people in general. i thought maybe it would be fun. i wasnt into it at all but felt too bad to let him know. i faked an orgasm and left after a while. as we parted he kissed my cheek and said he hopes we can be friends. drunk me told him of course we could. the next morning i was hit with the worst wave of self loathing ive ever felt in my life, as well as just general disgust and regret. i cannot believe my first time was with an old man i feel zero attraction to. i already knew im probably a lesbian, but still i keep trying to be with men and i dont know why. i guess my question is do you have advice on how to get over a sexual experience you regret? how do i come to terms with the fact that my first time was with someone i feel grossed out just thinking about? and was i taken advantage of? im in my early 20s, he didnt know i was a virgin (i active implied that im not), and i know if i had said no he wouldve stopped. i wasnt falling down drunk or anything. he didnt really do anything wrong. i feel so stupid and ashamed of myself. i just wish my first time had been with a woman. i wish i hadnt been so naive and stupid and i wish i hadnt gotten drunk. i know its not true but i feel like no woman will ever want me now. i cant even masturbate bc the idea of doing something sexual, even just alone, reminds me of him and what i let him do to me. how do i move on from this?

hi anon,

I'm deeply sorry that this happened to you.

in this case, I would say the way to make peace with a sexual experience you regret is to understand that you aren't responsible for what was done to you.

to answer your question - yes, you were absolutely taken advantage of, and this person very much did do something wrong! quite a lot of somethings! he made the choice to lure someone younger and less knowledgeable to a secondary location you weren't familiar with, get you drunk, isolate you, and pressure you into sex that you didn't give enthusiastic consent to. all of that is CLASSIC predatory, manipulative behavior and reflects on him - not you.

you mentioned that you feel stupid; PLEASE don't. people are pressured into unpleasant sex all the time, very often in the exact same way you were: being entrapped in a situation where going along with it was easier than saying no. it's vile! and none of those people are at fault!

listen: you need to be on your side about this. would you tell anyone else who experienced this that they're stupid and naive? I hope not. I really hope you can find the compassion you'd extend to any other friend in this situation to yourself, because you're going to be the #1 person getting yourself through this.

feeling bad and gross about what happened is fine; what happened was bad and gross. please let those feelings happen and care for yourself while they do, because those feelings need to be felt! just be conscientious about which feelings you're indulging. it's fine to feel betrayed, violated, regretful, angry, sad, even to mourn for a better first sexual experience you could have had! just make sure to gently nudge yourself back if those feelings start veering into the realm of feeling guilty or responsible for the situation. not only is it unhelpful, it's not even true!

it's very sad that your first sexual experience was with someone you didn't want who treated you the way he did. in the future, when you're ready, I hope you'll be able to pursue healthier, mutually pleasurable experiences on your own terms. don't rush yourself to get back to any kind of sexuality, masturbation included - a good long break while you sort through your feelings may be very needed. there's no timeline you need to be on to recover from this; please don't get down on yourself for taking the time and space you need. if you don't have anyone in person you feel able to talk with, looking up online support and resources for people who have experienced sexual assault may be beneficial.

also, hey, please don't play the game of trying to say you don't belong in survivor spaces or how this wasn't an assault because your belief that he would have stopped if you'd told him to (a very generous assumption!) or because you led him to believe you had more sexual experience or it could have been worse or whatever. the feelings you're experience in the aftermath are textbook of assault survivors; that means the resources are for you!

also hey. listen to me. look at me. if any woman tries to tell you that you are less worthy of lesbian love and companionship because you have had sex with a man. ESPECIALLY a man who was taking advantage of you. you are going to send me their address and I will personally attack them with a baseball bat.

[luxsea]

so i finally beat bg3 for the first time last night :))

also hap halloweenie :]

(not all but some) thoughts dump

im honestly so glad i got spoiled for karlachs ending back at the start of act 2 so i had time to go thru the stages of grief, make sad playlists, etc bc my tav/karlach really hit me like a truck. i knew i was going to romance her before i even got the game bc she literally is the reason i started playing to begin with but doing her route feels very right for a first playthrough bc imo despite how devastating and lacking her story can be it sure does shine when its good. her introspective moments you can only get if you romance her are everything to me. knowing she cant be saved in the end lead me to choose more accepting dialogue options which lead to infinitely more satisfying and at times inspiring scenes than if i pushed the "what if"

as for the very end, in a way karlachs dying scene and/or going to avernus scene is a lot more than what most characters get even if theyre youre romanced character... despite her ending being shafted to begin with?? which is ridiculous. (correct me if im wrong. most of them had nothing to say and what ive seen uploaded ie shadowhearts romanced ending is so meh) lae'zels orpheus ending did make me tear up, everyone else was just kinda standing there wearing ridiculous armor bc i forgot.......

despite everything im really happy with karlachs scenes? and idk if thats just bc they were the romanced versions and bc i didnt have my hopes up for her (if i hadnt been spoiled i wouldve been LIVID) but it rlly was one of the most touching moments for me. the "how'd i do?" "you were spectacular in every way" "for you. and for the city, and for myself, and blah blah. but most of all for you" caressing tavs face and her repeating back to herself that she was spectacular like shes at peace just by those words alone. "it's the one thing i can't beat, isn't it? same below as above. i love. you." and the blue flames of all her love for them searing hot white and killing her engine faster?!? ough "you more than anything. i saw- ...goodbye, sun. goodbye, sea. goodbye" I FEEL SICK I FEEL UNWELL. i should be crying but my heart just aches she's just everything to me okay!!

and the avernus scene is better than i thought it would be, the music is so sweet and badass, sharing cigars!!, lots of gay fuel for my fire, the feeling that its just the start of a new journey and not the end, charging together into the hells its so mwah mwah as long as you ignore the trauma and the fact that we couldve solved this any other way!! (do wish wyll wasnt treated like an awkward third wheel if the three of you go considering he's the one who advocates for her and going to avernus is part of his ending too. but ofc im also going she's my wife and the interaction is rlly touching)

as far as the rest of the game the emperors writing was so flimsy and uh they did a really good job making it feel like your choices didnt matter much in the end considering the praise its gotten and how the game was marketed. rip it needs some serious work but i didnt hate it. karlach brain worms take a lot of credit

my highest praises overall are that ive never felt this attached to a player character that i've made before and ive never seen a more memorable cast of npcs. there's too many stand out moments to count that it makes the insane amount of lag and bugs i had worth powering thru

BUT IM FINALLY FREE I CAN FINALLY REPLAY AND DO IT ALL AGAIN BUT BETTER

[slashingdisneypasta]

💛RE anon, here. I mean, I was gonna just say that names fine, but then I read your whole reply and started vibrating into another dimension and muffling my screams because OK OMG OK jealous Blackie, right?! I had this thought the other day. So, this is, again, entirely your fault because even though Freddy turns up in my dreams with…slightly alarming frequency and I’ve written myself so many self-indulgent things in other fandoms over the years, the Robert parts of my brain have been sadly neglected for some time.

Anyway anyway anyway: you know that part where the creepy sheriff is hitting on Fay just before Blackie pays the bribe and does that cute little “I’d like to strangle him” claw thing? The sheriff is being too familiar with the reader/oc or what have you while Blackie is at the register and clear as day I’ve got the image of him coming over and clapping the sheriff on the shoulder a liiiiiiiiittlle too hard. Laughter just a bit forced. Teeth gritted. Nearly growling. “Now, sheriff…reckon you oughta be a little more RESPECTFUL to my wife.” He does the claw while the sheriff gives an oily apology, she feels a sudden pressure on her hand at the same time, looks down to see a ring. The matching one is on the hand Blackie was resting on the counter. Cue the eyebrow raise but she’ll call him on that, later, if he’s through dancing around it.

But, no, he’s not admitting anything. Not Mr nonchalant “oh, I was having so much fun watching you all run I wished you were here. Iced tea?” It goes about like the “you think I’m gorgeous” scene in Miss Congeniality. You know, one with the candy bar of rejection? Rings disappear. He was just being nice because she was uncomfortable. She’s very annoyed. And kinda hurt.

Post attempted firing squad, when he was clearly keeping her behind him, she gets up the nerve again and with the close call it goes like the second “you think I’m gorgeous scene.” With the smooch.

So, after that possibly unhinged digression…which should probably be a warning that when I have time to turn up I’ve been writing too many headcanons…you may also call me the madly inspired anon, if you like. (PS, feel free to answer this on whichever blog you’d prefer. I’ll definitely be checking both.) And for now, I’ll say goodnight 🙋🏼‍♀️

💛 Madly Inspired Anon!! Thats a beautiful name actually, I'll use that one so long as you like it too! ^^

Y E S Jealous Blackie XDD For my own ideas, I've been on and off considering a fic where reader is another cook or waitress, or maybe a dishwasher or a cleaner, or something at the cafe, and she l i k e s Blackie. Right? And he knows it- she doesn't make any attempt to hide it. She's trying to get him, and he's acting like he's not interested (because, immortal trauma)... b u t, whenever a visitor gets too comfortable with Y/N (And maybe she's liking it- enjoying the attention she's not getting from Blackie) he always swoops in and ruins it for her. And she gets s o f r u s t r a t e d by him she ends up confronting him about it like 'you are acting like my boyfriend but without any of the benefits. if you want me, tell me. if you dont- leave me alone!'. I just cant figure out where that quote comes from though 😅 I know the first part did not come from my head but I cant remember what I scooped it from and I must give credit!!

ANYWAY though- your idea is way better XD And- y e s I know that claw thing XD Here:

I do that myself all the time XD 😂😭 He is my spirit animal.

I'M VIBRATING AT THE IDEA OF BLACKIE GOING FREDDY-EYED (BASICALLY GLOWERING BUT WITH THE POWER OF THE CHARCOAL MAN) AT THE SHERIFF FOR BEING GREASY WITH Y/N AND THEN B R U S H I N G I T O F F, oh my goodness. And, uh, STEPPING IN FRONT OF Y/N DURING THE FIRING SQUAD SCENE!?? OH MY GOODNESS. And Y/N teasing him about it??? Oh my goodness XDD If he doesn't kiss her to make her shut up I'm gonna sue XD

You've given me so much material for before-sleep fictional man fantasies XD

[thevulturesquadron]

Hi! I just want to say that WOW you are an amazing artist. Your anatomy and colouring are just breathtaking. How long have you been drawing?

I am a thirty year old baby at art and trying to improve and push through being bad at art, but i'll be honest, it's frustrating having hands that just cant make what i am seeing in my head! Basically... how long do you think it took you to make art that is kind of good? And do you have any tips?

What??!! Thank you so much!!!!! 💜💜💜

I have no words, really. I always feel like I am such a fake when it comes to art because I draw once every 5 years under the impulse of a hyperfixation or another, and I feel like I never take the time to improve. You are too sweet, I don’t deserve it!

I’ve been doodling here and there since I was in highschool, but only seriously picked it up in my 20s. And trust me when I say ‘here and there’. I used to try my hand for a couple of months and then it would take years to go back into the mindset of wanting to do more and better. It’s been like this ever since. I just do things when I have too much love for something and I need to let it out somehow. But in all honesty I feel like I started to be confident with myself and my range only when I hit my 30s so what I am saying is - it’s never too late, as long as you return to it no matter how rusty you feel. But that feeling of never being good enough compared to what you envision - be it art or writing - that’s never going to go away, you just need to conquer it and accept that every piece you make is another step towards getting better. And I know it sounds like a cliché but try not to put any pressure on yourself because of that either -  even if you end up drawing once in a blue moon like me, it counts. It really does! And sometimes you get a bit proud of what you do, sometimes you’ll feel like you learnt nothing. Knowing and understanding that - that it’s not just a way up, that it has highs and lows - has been the one thought that has always kept me going. Gosh, when it comes to tips I feel like there are so many other artists here that are better equipped to help than I am, but I’m happy to share a couple of ‘quick/dirty first stops' that have saved me from giving up:

References!!! Don’t EVER be afraid of using references especially when learning anatomy. Look for poses that inspire you, gather angles for hands, feet, eyes. You are not cheating, you are learning. If you are like me also, and drawing/sketching is a hobby and not a career, using references for poses comes with no strings attached. I can’t stress enough how important it is to use references. 

Colours: I. suck. at. picking. colours. Trust me. Most of the things I draw I leave as sketches because my brain can’t comprehend colour theory so when I do end up adding colours it feels like a miracle each time it looks ok. So I use palettes. There are sites online but also most tools for digital art offer ways to create colour pallets. Sample & drop is your friend! 

Also depending on what tools you are using, don’t shy away from playing with colour balance, brightness, curves or from experimenting with colour overlay layers to unify the look. 

In general, based on what program you use to draw - look for simple tutorials to get familiarised with it. I use Procreate and to this day I am amazed about how many ‘cheats & tricks’ it has. 

Probably a beginner move but one thing I rely on is Pinterest - I create boards for poses, references, colour pallets. So that when I get an impulse to draw and I am not sure where to start or what colours to use I have a library of things I saved in time! 

Hope this helps! Again, I don’t consider myself a real artist, I don’t sell any of my work and I just post what I create here out of love for a fandom or another. BUT I am always happy to share the little I know or learned along the way so don’t hesitate to ask! <3 

[eirian]

saw a post earlier talking about how ppl dont have to play d&d they can play another ttrpg or even simply just roleplay with friends or larp, no dm or math required

i have mixed feelings abt it! like, i get where theyre coming from b/c i know wotc is uhhhhhhhh Bad and also not everyone enjoys/is into the whole math aspect of it (figuring out attributes, stats, skill sheets, weapon stats, etc.) so of course youre probably better off finding something that doesnt involve those things but is more enjoyable to you! but also i feel like there are those of us that enjoy the "math" aspect of it? and having a dm that has surprises in the story and lore for us and guides us on our journey? yknow? something about it hits different than just rping with a friend

im thinking about it honestly b/c i kinda do wanna find a way to do a sort of more "lowkey" version of d&d that involves way less of the math stuff but still involves rolling dice, just with simpler mechanics, yknow? what i myself love about d&d is the thought-out character sheet (minus the stats part--basically the backstory/ref pic, levels, moveset/weapons, and inventory, for the most part) and the added factor of a dm/gm guiding the story but letting me as a player take the reigns to an extent that goes with said story. if that makes sense

i cant quite articulate what im trying to find or get at but i hope it makes some sense what im saying here! if anybody has any input feel free to add :)

[celestie0]

ellie did you hear about the solar storm thing thats been going around?

my friend gave me a detailed explanation abt what it is whats going to happen n all n honestly i am TERRIFIED.

like it genuinely seems so real that i cant even convince myself that this is another one of those silly things that go around each year

the fact that research for this solar storm has been going on since 2019 is ???? scary ????

makes it seem more believable tbh bc if it was not real it wouldn't have been going on for so long

IM SO SCARED 😭 genuinely cried when my friend was telling me ab this and she also said thwt we'll get to know ab when the solar storm is going to hit about 30 minutes before AND NOW IM PARANOID BC IT CAN HIT ANY MOMENT NOOOOO

and to top this off my mother told me that not many ppl will survive till 2027 i have no idea where she got that from but she scared me even more

this is so bad.

hii my love yess ive heard of the solar storm, i know that solar flares in general have been talked about a lot for a while now but i didn’t know that there was recent news about it!

i’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety regarding it :””( yeahh ive heard that solar flares are near impossible to predict in advance for a lot of reasons, so that can definitely heighten the fear

hm idk if it makes you feel better but i remember nasa n other news outlets were talking about solar storms the exact same way about a year ago (i just remember telling my dad ab it cuz he works in aerospace n figured his company might’ve been discussing it) but nothing happened at all within the six month period that the news had been freaking out about LOL. i panicked a lot then too n my dad said it was just fear mongering lmfaoo 💀 (he’s kind of a cynic though haha) but yea i just bring this up because it’s not the first time this sort of news has been sensationalized

following any sort of space stuff can be scary for sure n it’s super easy to get lost in article rabbit holes that can really disrupt your quality of life in the present :( but i think there have been multiple instances of space phenomena that have been hyped up in media (even by a lot of reputable news outlets) that have not really affected daily life as much as it was thought to (like the never ending cycle of news about new asteroids, the whole aliens thing, etc)

i think it’s important to remember that the scientists that are actually behind the research are completely different entities than the people writing up articles about it online, so you always have to take the news with a grain of salt or maybe try to look into accounts from the actual researchers behind the findings (who, more often than not i’ve found, don’t even panic about their own research to the level of extent a lot of media ppl do online haha)

i’m not saying i don’t believe in the possibility of a solar storm or anything like that lol i just think there’s a lot of tendency in news these days to scare tf outta people for no reason

also correct me if im wrong but the largest danger of a solar storm would be disruption of radio & internet frequencies right? i thought they werent actually powerful enough to cause any sort of biological radiation harm ;0 loss of internet access would definitely be a weird thing to see and could put stress on more developed countries, but a lot of the world doesnt even have internet access to begin with so i’m not sure how much it will actually affect livelihood (i’m aware that it’d affect a LOT of things for sure, but i’m talking ab dangers like life or death situations, n i just cant imagine that being the case? but if you’ve looked into that more than i have n have more to share then lemme know i’m really curious)

sorry, im just bringing this all up in hopes it helps w your fears, n not to invalidate them! bc i totally get it, it’s scary stuff esp when it’s stuff you feel like you have no control over. but there’s a lot of things in life we have no control over, i think it’s best to just focus on what we can control n just try to enjoy today :)

thank u for ask bb <3