#if it rained on a wednesday no it fucking didnt

[starflight707]

i could never be a custom doll youtuber bc new york is so humid all the time!!! i usually get a 4-6 hour window a couple times a week at MOST where the humidity is lower than 60% so most of my repaints take a month on just the face alone... id put out like. one video every six months or smthn

[ariscats]

some averyjameson headcannons, bc i can

- they’ll do the most cliche things you ever saw. Kissing in the rain, slow dancing in the rain, walking wt a umbrella in the rain…(they use the rain as a excuse to do stupid couples things a lot). They are that couple that makes you think if you settle the bar too low, bc one of them is gonna tell a history that seems like a Hallmark movie as its a normal Wednesday.

- their song is “cant help but falling in love” by Elvis Presley (source: their love for slow dancing).

- Avery said “i love you” first. Jameson thought she was joking, but kept that to himself. It took him a good while to realised that she wasnt.

- Jameson dint knew how truly fucked up his relationship w emily was until he started dating Avery. Of course he knew that the whole switch btw him and Grayson was wrong but he thought that, outside the games, they had a normal relationship. Sometimes Avery would do smt caring or sweet and it would take a while to him to realize that that was the normal thing in relationships.

- the thing that put them out of the honeymoon phase was the fact that they didnt know how to be vulnerable. Avery thought that her feelings would be a burden and she never told jameson how insecure she was w some things (she wanted to be more confident after the emancipation and she thought that she could overcome those insecurities alone and in a short time. Spoilers, she dint.). Jameson would simply not acknowledge some feelings and ignore them. He was also kind of jealous in the start. Also, he dint understand that a relationship its also a place you can talk abt your feelings, every time Avery asked him abt it, he thought he would “darken” the mood w unnecessary things (its important to note that even when he did acknowledge some feelings, he would thought that they dint matter). They both dint know how to handle the fights as the start, Avery never rl saw a relationship at close, her mother never dated and Libby’s love life was just not an example, and Jameson dint trust his own knowledge abt relationship bc even thought he knew nothing abt relationships, he knew that what he learned w Emily wasn’t the right thing to do.

- It took them a while, but they finally figure the magic of communication. Tahiti was born after one of their last fights abt their communication issues. It was Jamesons ideia, he came up with it after some talks with Nash.

- Talking abt Nash, Jameson would (indirectly) ask for relationship devices to him. He would also talk with Avery sometimes.

- when they went to collage they had a place that was halfway from each campus. Dating in collage was kind of difficult, manly bc of others ppls opinion abt “not enjoying collage enough”, but they made it thought (the fact that they survived collage is non debatable, argue with the wall if you disagree)

- they dint have kids. Jameson is restless, just like his mother. I took him a while to understand that it was ok to be like her, he just couldnt do the same choices as her (like having kids when you know that you dont want to stay at home all of the time). Avery works too much, and she dont want to change that. They but spoil and love their nephews a lot but they are happy with giving them back to their parents at the end of the day

- came back to the Hawthorne House after collage

[borathae]

Chapter 10

ALSO HOW DID SHE GET BACK LATER?? wasnt she waking out of the uni? how did she end up in bed?? doesnt she have any classes on tuesday or wednesday? cuz then she would have realized somethings wrong

hold on i checked, she didnt have any classes on tuesday and was in library studying, so she is doing the same thing on wed too. and uni/colleges doesnt call you if you didnt attend until its not enough to apply for exam. holy shit she is only going to realize it until she goes to her class and finds out the said class was yesterday and today is tomorrow

GO AWAY (JIMIN) ANNA ofc joon stood up cuz it was yesterday and not today

THE MOVIE RAIN SCENE YEEHAW He is drenched, hair sticking against his forehead and shirt clinging to his body. IM GONNA DIE IM SIMPING TOO HARD AAAH

ok apology accepted i guess

“force of habit perhaps."  that hurt

keekek they are running home in the rain THEY ARE RUNNING HOME IN THE RAIN AAH JAOLXGWUIS giggles

STOP THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WITH ALL THE SPLASHING AAAH I CANT PLEASE WHY AM I SINGLE AF 😭😭

If he keeps kissing you like this, you can’t guarantee that you won’t jump his bones right here and now. You twist his tie, needing him closer. TWISTING THE TIE AAAH PULL THE TIE FUCK

ALLOW ME TO FUCK YOU HOLY MOLY NOBODY SAYS THAT AND THATS SAD AS FUCK but it also makes it extra hot when tae says it

30 BUCKS FOR AN UNDERWEAR WTF YALL IT BETTER HAVE GOLD LACE OR SOMETHING i can get a dozen of normal underwear for less than 30 riyals???

FUCK THE TURN FROM ALL THE SWEET TALK- DIRTY TALK TO DESPERATE AS FUCK aaah my skin's hot??? oof

shit she is soo ruined, You are pretty sure you just gave birth. SHE GAVE BIRTH TO KTH 1 CONGRATULATIONS

Allow me to find my release on your chest”, THIS IS SOO FUNNY AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME

LICKING HER CLEAN FUCK IS THIS THE HOTTEST SMUT I READ OF YOURS??? (me with all your smut fuck)

“Vampires?” Taehyung gasps and inhales so harshly that he chokes on his spit, “my” – cough – "darling" – cough – "why would" – cough – "you think that?” - cough. ha caught u in 4k

SAYING JOON was in her dream caught his attention ALSO RM??

NOT YOU TO TAE NOOOOAUR AARGH *im this close to jumping off a cliff

oh my god idk what to do AAAH IM PULLING MY HAIR OUT

ALSO HOW DID SHE GET BACK LATER?? wasnt she waking out of the uni? how did she end up in bed?? doesnt she have any classes on tuesday or wednesday? cuz then she would have realized somethings wrong. hold on i checked, she didnt have any classes on tuesday and was in library studying, so she is doing the same thing on wed too. and uni/colleges doesnt call you if you didnt attend until its not enough to apply for exam. holy shit she is only going to realize it until she goes to her class and finds out the said class was yesterday and today is tomorrow

THE CONFUSION IS GROWING LIKE WHAT DID JOON DO TO HER?? WHAT ARE THEY ALL DOING TO HER?? HELP HER

THE MOVIE RAIN SCENE YEEHAW He is drenched, hair sticking against his forehead and shirt clinging to his body. IM GONNA DIE IM SIMPING TOO HARD AAAH

relatable. valid. me.

ok apology accepted i guess

hahah me when wet!Tae JFAJSDF

“force of habit perhaps."  that hurt

the pain </3

keekek they are running home in the rain THEY ARE RUNNING HOME IN THE RAIN AAH JAOLXGWUIS giggles

HAHAHHA ME

STOP THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE WITH ALL THE SPLASHING AAAH I CANT PLEASE WHY AM I SINGLE AF 😭😭

me fr (I was at a street festival yesterday and the men there reminded me why I'm single. imma stick with my delulu fictional men tbfh)

If he keeps kissing you like this, you can’t guarantee that you won’t jump his bones right here and now. You twist his tie, needing him closer. TWISTING THE TIE AAAH PULL THE TIE FUCK

LIKE I NEED HER TO PULL HIM AROUND BY HIS TIE

ALLOW ME TO FUCK YOU HOLY MOLY NOBODY SAYS THAT AND THATS SAD AS FUCK but it also makes it extra hot when tae says it

like he is the king of consent AND I NEED HIM

30 BUCKS FOR AN UNDERWEAR WTF YALL IT BETTER HAVE GOLD LACE OR SOMETHING i can get a dozen of normal underwear for less than 30 riyals???

lmoaoao me fr JFADJ

FUCK THE TURN FROM ALL THE SWEET TALK- DIRTY TALK TO DESPERATE AS FUCK aaah my skin's hot??? oof

barking at him out of my vagina tbfh

shit she is soo ruined, You are pretty sure you just gave birth. SHE GAVE BIRTH TO KTH 1 CONGRATULATIONS

I forgot I wrote this BAHAHAH 😶 help why is she so unserious? jfasjdf

Allow me to find my release on your chest”, THIS IS SOO FUNNY AND HOT AT THE SAME TIME

HFAHDSHF I need him so bad

LICKING HER CLEAN FUCK IS THIS THE HOTTEST SMUT I READ OF YOURS??? (me with all your smut fuck)

LIKE BESTIE I ALSO FORGOT I WROTE THIS LIKE BARKING AT HIM

“Vampires?” Taehyung gasps and inhales so harshly that he chokes on his spit, “my” – cough – "darling" – cough – "why would" – cough – "you think that?” - cough. ha caught u in 4k

hfhadshf he is panicking hard

SAYING JOON was in her dream caught his attention ALSO RM??

jfajsdfj they are NOT subtle with it AFHSDFH

NOT YOU TO TAE NOOOOAUR AARGH *im this close to jumping off a cliff

LIKE STOP GASLIGHTING HER!!!!

[jazz-bazz]

a fluffy raindrop inspired by my first synthesis step that didn't work because of the same reason it doesn't work for rain... the difference being i didn't get a picnic under the stars... also instead of getting a day off, i skipped half a lab day to get to band practice for an event... the luck these ghouls get *sigh* im jealous...

creds to @sexy-sea-basss for the lake picnic idea! 🖤

didnt plan on posting this today but after the heartbreak that is @alwaysjustmina ‘s whispers (love it so much) 😭… @webbyghoul and i figured we’d need raindrop fluff asap

The Day Off

The week can’t get any longer if you ask Rain, and it’s only Tuesday. He’s been working on just this one step since Wednesday last week, which is already ridiculous, especially the 3 days spent trying to isolate a product, or at least something. They’ve got to have something because on Friday Mist will ask for a weekly report. They’ve been losing sleep and surviving on energy drinks and protein bars, though sometimes Dew would stop by with ‘healthier’ snacks. 

The problem is not with synthesizing the substance, he thinks, although they wouldn’t know, they haven’t taken any spectrums yet, because the substance just don’t want to be isolated from the rest of the shit. They’ve tried all sorts of of solvents, n-Pentane, ethylacetate, diethylether, in various ratios, but nothing is working. The fucking polar nitro group they have in their substance is making it harder to isolate, even if they manage to do it the yield wouldn’t be good. They could change the starting material and methods, but they need to talk about it with Mist first when she’s back from her work trip, probably sometime later today. But damn if he isn’t going to wear themself out by trying their hardest. 

They’ve talked with Mountain and Swiss too, asking for ideas and opinions, even chatted a bit with Cumulus. But none of their suggestions work, it got closer with the ratio of solvents that Cumulus suggested, they could already see a bit of difference in the TLC he did earlier, but it’s still not separated enough for the column chromatography. Now they’re just sitting at his desk fidgeting with Bap, sometimes bringing it close to his nose so they get Dew’s calming scent.

“I have returned from the hell known as human science convention with old men who has no respect for women!” Rain suddenly hears, Mist is back, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel.

“Mist! Hi, how was the trip?” Rain asks, to be nice and even though he’s dying to ask her about their problem.

“Rainy, darling! It was annoying, they keep not believing me when I said I’m a participant in the convention and not the catering staff, ughhh. But enough about me, you seem down, what happened?” Mist sees the tired look in Rain’s face, the dark circles under their eyes, and the slump in his shoulder, not to mention the way they were staring into space clutching that crochet plushie of his when she first came in.

“Oh, Mist, nothing is working, I’ve been trying to isolate my product but none of the solvent ratios I tried worked, I even asked Cumulus and Mountain and Swiss and they have no idea either. Could I maybe get permission to redo the reaction with a different starting material? I can even propose to you a new reaction mechanism to get the same result right now, I have thought a lot about this, it just doesn’t work with this one. Or even if it works, the yield would be bad, and-“ 

“Rain, Rain, stop for a second. Take a deep breath, come on,” Mist smiles softly at her protegee, “Okay. You’re good?”

“Yeah, maybe, I don’t know,” Rain sighs.

“Here’s my decision, you are hereby dismissed for today, and also tomorrow, go get some rest, spend a day in bed, go swim, whatever, you’re far too stressed. You can show me your idea on Thursday. And because I know you’re just gonna stay here and stress some more. I will get Omega to let Dew off early and distract you, maybe you’ll even get your first kiss from him today. Got it?”

“Wait, what? No I can do it, we can discuss it now and because it needs to be cooked overnight I can do it today and tomorrow start with the work up, I’m fine Mist,” Rain pointedly ignores the last part.

“No, you’re not. You need sleep and to eat more than coffee and candy bars. My decision is final, you are hereby banned from this room and the labs for the rest of today and tomorrow, go pack your things,” Mist says while gently pushing on Rain��s shoulders to get them to their desk and start packing up, “Meanwhile I’m going to call Omega. Your things better be already in your bag when I get back.”

With a sigh (so much sighing today) Rain starts to save all the documents on his computer and shut it down, stuffing their journal and tablet and the rest of his things into their rucksack. And then he waits for Mist.

“Your knight in shining armour will be coming in about 15 minutes!” 

“More like in hoodies and ripped jeans,” Rain mutters.

“Aw don’t be so glum, Rainy darling, your project will be fine if you take a 1.5 days rest, you know. Then Thursday you can start with a fresh brain!”

“I guess… Thank you Mist, best boss I could’ve ask for,” Rain goes to hug their mentor.

“Hello my dearest loveliest bestest friend ever in the whole wide world both here and below! Thank you for the day off because Aether’s been getting all up my business today, and I am half a second away from burning his journals,” Dew announces as he barges into the office, “I have plans that involve a lake and snacks from the diner with no chemical reactions in the vicinity. Up and at it, bestie!”

“Fucking hell Dew, how can you still have this much energy?”

“By sleeping on time and eating enough food to sustain myself through a day full of quantum equations, which you should’ve done by the way, would be wonderful on those eyebags.”

“Oh fuck off.”

“Nah, you’re stuck with me because we are besties and you can’t live without me, literally, because we are roommates. Let’s go!”

They stop by the diner to get some food to go, and then their apartment to drop of their things and freshen up, Dew also gets his picnic blankets and a couple of towels and change of clothes for when Rain inevitably jumps into the lake and splash him.

There’s this one secluded lake on the edge of the town that Dew found on accident. Usually they just go to the lake at the Abbey complex, but he feels like this one would be perfect for Rain to wind down without anyone watching, the way to this lake is a bit complicated and requires a bit of hiking, which neither of them minds, they both love to be in nature no matter what.

After parking the car and hiking, Dew asks Rain to put on a blindfold just before the bend that would reveal the lake. It’s because he wants to set up the picnic blankets with food and tea lights he brings for a romantic date under the stars, as it was already getting dark, they got to watch the sunset at the parking lot.

Rain agrees with a bit of grumbling, and with Dew’s guidance they walk together to the edge of the trail heading to the beach, where Dew then leaves Rain for a bit while he sets things up. He talks with Rain the whole time, to reassure Rain that he’s still there, just random chatters mostly, like Aether being annoying that day, the plans the pack has this weekend to go to Zenith because it’s bingo night, the last hockey game they watched, and whatnots. Rain has to admit, it is relaxing to just chill like this, even without being able to see anything, he can already feel the stress seeping out from their body.

“Okay, Rainy, you can take off the blindfold.”

When they take it off, the first thing they see was Dew holding a bouquet of lilies (who knows where he got it from) with a big smile on his face, and then behind him the picnic he set up, complete with a background of the lake and the starry night sky.

They spend a few hours there, snacking on the food while talking, kissing a bit (more like a lot) because there’s no one here and they can forget their running joke of not dating (they are both very serious about keeping up with it), taking a dip in the lake (Rain), and admiring the view of an unglamoured water ghoul in their natural habitat (Dew) before being pulled in by said water ghoul for underwater kisses (best thing ever if you ask Dew).

Then at about midnight they both get out of the water and dry up using the towels Dew had packed, and after finishing the snacks they pack up the blanket and tea lights and knick knacks they bring.

“Thanks for today, Dew,” Rain smiles while leaning in for a kiss, which lasts awhile, before they both pull back and rest their foreheads against the other’s.

“Anything for you, baby,” Dew smiles back, “Now, you ready to go home? We need to get some sleep, I know you have tomorrow off but I still need to come in after lunch for a bit. And you are not allowed to come with me, in fact I am ordering you to stay away from campus, go sleep in, swim, read, whatever, as long as it’s outside of a 5 km radius of the campus. Got it?”

“Yeah yeah, whatever,” Rain smirks, ”Let’s go, I need cuddles in my bed with you.”

[streaminn]

Can we talk about the dimension travel/unhinged Enid AU?

I would love to know the reaction Wednesday and the wolves has to this version of Enid.

The wolves realising something has changed in Enid. She's not taking their bullying anymore and is actually rather...frightening.

YES WE CAN DEFINITELY TALK ABOUT IT

the wolves dont expect it and when Enid takes the fight to the floor and nearly makes them choke on their blood, they realize that something is very wrong

even the mentions of her brothers didnt make her blink and sneers of half blood washes over her like water until they brought up her roommate. In the end they manage to overpower her and toss her off but in that moment, Enid looked ready to take a life

They take it as a fluke and they know they've gone too far when Enid wheezes and curls up in the back of the class but they can't shrug off that something is wrong

meanwhile, Enid's claws dig into her arm from how tight she's grasping it. She's in pain but something ripples under her skin as she wonders where the fuck is she

Wednesday looks ready to kill someone when Enid stumbles out of class and its only the wolf carefully grasping at her elbow that stops her from storming into the room and raining retribution

"don't take this from me," Enid whispers. It was a pride thing, she knows but the things they've said about wednesday.. If they weren't afraid to beat her up, what about wednesday? She still remembers the last time her dear has been bloody and enid isn't going to tempt the universe

Wednesday stares at her wolf, sees the steel in those blue eyes and jerks her arm back. "Come back alive," she hisses, knowing that this is the first time Enid has ever decided to stick to her words and act on it.

Enid's eyes soften. "Ofcourse."

[starboy-whump]

an absolute Situation last Wednesday for my Whump Enjoyer Self.

was starting my walk (about a half hour) home from college when, looking down at my shirt, I noticed that I had managed to stain the front with red chalk dust. It had already been drizzling a bit, so the red stain, in a rough oval shape with a few blots scattered around it, was well set into the light green fabric. I'd pulled an all-nighter the previous night (who the FUCK. gives 50 PAGES OF READING on the 2ND WEEK OF THE SEMESTER) so I was already feeling peaky, lightheaded, and exhausted, as well as really sore from a bunch of heavy lifting in Stagecraft on Tuesday. All in all, I was beat to shit and ready to go home, crawl into bed and Think Whumpy Thoughts all evening. So, seeing the perfectly-harmless-irl, clearly-just-chalk red stain across my lower abdomen gave me absolute shrimp emotions.

and then. it got better. I knew the temperatures were forecasted to drop that night, but even before I left campus I noticed that it was getting bitter and (in a rarity for my area) starting to spit rain. what I did NOT expect was for the temperature to drop so quickly that my hands went numb as I walked home, at the same time as a torrent of freezing rain and wind swept in.

so I'm walking home for a half hour, the cold and rains soaking my Dean Winchester Cosplay-Accurate Leather Coat (also a regular winter coat for me- actually warm when layered right, I just didnt bother that day bc I thought it would stay warm out), hair slicked to my forehead, rubbing my hands to keep them from going numb, with a massive red stain on my shirt.

like?????

okay????? whump daydreams come to life much????

anyway, 100% treated myself to some self-indulgent whump rp with my spn hunter's kit props (note to self: get better first-aid prop stuff??? tf??? cmon man you're slacking on this) when I did get back.

.....I do not understand why this is how my brain works......

[circle--of--confusion]

Well I had a shitty Thursday. The last 2 hours of my day were spent worrying about something I mightve fucked up back in November. Which might not seem like a big deal but I'm in auditing so idk. I said we had new customer documents for someone and we didnt! There's nothing I can do about it now lmao. I'll just do what I can to help and stay working hard

Also! I forgot to submit my time sheet on Wednesday/this morning so hopefully it's not too late tomorrow morning.

Also its been raining and it was the first time I drove after getting in ny car accident. Which happened.... on a rainy Thursday 😭😭😭

[weakfleshwillingsoul]

odd week on sunday i went shopping for katie for her birthday present after she contacted me after not being in touch for just under a year and asked me to attend her twenty second birthday party i bought her a beautiful copy of dracula and a pretty pair of earrings 30 dollars total the book from that place at the end of kensington ave the owners kid followed me around the whole time because i let him talk to me about the music and america and i also bought picnic at hanging rock for myself. on monday i came back home from downtown and went to work feeling as far as i remember apathetic. on tuesday saint valentines day i went to school for 7:30am and had a coffee before proteomics by the pond feeling an incredible euphoria and love of life. at 1:00pm as i was studying in the library an hour and a half before my lab my parents called and told me they were putting down the cat, sudden kidney failure. couldnt do anything about it ... it was over within ten minutes. went to my lab i was out of it. our restriction digest on the gel looked fucked up but at least we ended early. went back downtown, picnic at hanging rock on the subway. wednesday the next day i skipped first class and went for the next one at 11:30, ran thru the rain five minutes late to class and got there to realize it had been cancelled several hours earlier. Fucked over dead cat missed class showed up to school for no reason. tea and went to library and out of all serendipitous encounters saw nick as i was coming up to the second floor of the library we embraced and talked for hours. Any other way the day had gone i would have missed him. on thursday i left the house before my parents had woken up to be at school again by 7:30am and read picnic at hanging rock with a cigarette on the bench by the pond. after proteomics i asked dr donaldson about the lab and he showed me the restricted third and fourth floor of the life sciences building, the thesis laboratories, and the nmr spectrometer, then told me to stay in touch and enrol in his thesis lab for the fall semester. lab went okay, we had to redo the gel because i fucked up the wells but restriction digest showed up where it was meant to on the second one. Went back home and met some old high school friends strangely had a great time. Friday did nothing. Today went to work for rush hours till closing and nearly passed out halfway thru my shift, gave my supervisor a fright, the persian ladies fed me a ferrero rocher in the breakroom, realized my period started and i had bled thru my jeans. went home three hours early. the second i got home and took my coat off i received an anonymous love confession in my inbox. eyebrow piercing fell out about an hour ago, the top ball unscrewed as i washed my face. I gave up trying to put it back in, it looked like two open wounds. I was wearing my brothers old boxers today at work. He left them behind when he went away so he didnt want them anyways. i scrubbed the blood out in the sink with rose dr bronners and watched the rust coloured water wash down the drain.

my dreams this week were about seeing my brother, a dead pigeon run over on spadina with its wings stiff upright and feathers shifting in the breeze, and other things i dont remember

[thirstyvampyr]

Weekly tag Wednesday !!

Thank you @transsexual-dandelions @atthedugouts @mickeym4ndy im doing it this time ^^

Name: Mina/Sara/Nin/depends where and when you catch me online

Age: 39

Location: satan's pubes south of france

top sheet, yes or no?: of course

how many stuffed animals do you own?: one bear i bought for myself 22 years ago

the names of your pets (and the explanations behind them): they're all dead and im done with pets i cant take any more loss

favorite color: green/yellow/purple

Any tattoos? no, i wish i could but it's the permanent nature of it all... id have gotten a cat and that stupid fucking libertines tattoo in carl barat's handwriting

how you transport your belongings (purse, tote, hands, pockets, etc.): i got a small murky green cross body bag. i hate that pockets are too small because i really never have more than my phone, keys, earbuds and my wallet. since i have the bag i also have a pack of kleenex and some bandages because my feet always blister but i could go without.

the last movie you watched: challengers

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?: 5 minutes and it's mostly me cursing at my fucking curly hair that i hate with every fiber of my being

favorite weather: when i dont have to be outside? dark grey apocalyptic thunderstorm and heavy rain/wind. end of the world type shit. best sleeps of my life. when i do need to be outside: dark grey, light or no rain, gloomy.

relationship status: ready to jump ship

ice cream flavor of choice: rum raisin/mint chocolate chip/pistachio/praliné

first fandom: fandom as in being obsessed with the media and talking about it with friends at recess? probably batman the animated series (1992). i was harley quinn my bff was the joker and this one white boy in our class was batman. except the plot everyday was us villains "torturing" batman. like we'd have him lay down on benches and pretend he was tied up and we'd fake drop acid on him and chemicals from empty bottles of water. it was all good fun we didnt bully the guy i know how it sounds lol we had notebooks to write back and forth as our characters and we'd chase each other

how many books have you read this year?: 0. i used to be so ashamed but now im like it is what it is. in 2022 i got a kobo and i made myself read 9 books. last year i read 2, then i quit again :/

first 4 words of your last notes app entry: i dont use one i use ✨ paper and pens ✨

and finally, if you had to change your URL tomorrow, what would you change it to?: something unrelated to fandom because i know ill change too often or something related to ian and mickey because i am weak

Tagging anyone who wants to i guess

[aboynameddash]

3/26/23 - 3/31/23

Sunday march 26 I allowed myself to feel like a loser for one more day so I pretty much day drank and facetimed mommy since it was her bithday. We sent her a huge bouquet of flowers and I eventually left the house kind of tipsy and took a long walk around balboa park and it was actually kinda nice to get steps in. Then I came home, took a short nap, felt like shit and guilty for no damn reason, went out again to get some pizza and then circled back, did some self care and felt a little better .tHat was the last time I washed my hair lool

Monday March 27 I worked and then took dash out to the dog park, trolley barn and then this random soccer turf acroiss the street fom pop pie

Tuesday March 28 I worked and randomly decided to take Dasher out to little italy dog park and a long walk around water front park wwhich was lovely because the weather was great and I was crampy and bloaty. I didnt really source for a coffee shop which I really should start but it was later at night and I was moody. I then called for a massage and got mcdonalds chicken nuggets and mini fry for dinner

Wednesday March 29 Went to homegoods later at night with Seanna, but before that I took a good ass nap for like less than an hour but for some reason I woke up confused on what day and time it was. Like legit, I looked at the clock and thought it was 5 something instead of 6pm. 

Thursday March 30 Seanna and I decided to take a befit pilates class but guess what? it was opening day and due to the rain, they postponed first pitch to way later during our class. So not only was it already fucking hard getting into the parking lot (which was impossible to find), it was crowded af. We ended up just taking a walk around the neighborhood because it was so bad and stressful. Like I was actually sweating from driivng downtown AND getting around the crowds.

I’m feeling super unfufilled and lifeless lately. I’m not excited anymore and I feel like I’m just exisiting and waiting to die. I Dont know how or if I ever want to include another person in my life because why tf would I.

[heinousactszx]

I've mentioned before that every time I go to the comic store it rains.

I didnt get to go on Wednesday (new comic day) because of other stuff, and of course it was raining then. But today I went and wouldn't you know, its fucking pouring out

[pbandjesse]

Im currently playing DND with James and all the friends. But I hate how this always happens where we say well stop at a certain time and now its gone on 40 minutes longer and Im tired and hungry and I just feel like my time isnt being respected and like if this was not a work night I wouldnt care as much but I just. Feel so mad right now and its making me not even able to enjoy the game. I just want to take a shower and get in bed. And like. I know I wont be able to fall asleep for hours. So this just makes me feel worse. 

Its hard to think about the nice parts of the day. Cause it wasnt a bad day at all. Im just tired. I didnt sleep good again. I dont know if its stress or what. But its not fun. 

I woke up today in an alright mood. I wanted to like. Just keep sleeping. But I got up. My chest was hurting but I was doing alright. I got washed and dressed. I didnt love my outfit and changed a few times. It is becoming harder to make outfits with just black bottoms. Which is annoying. I dont like that my favorite color clothing is being tainted by work. 

Because I slept in a little later I only had an hour to do anything. I did put some stuff away and I did a silly digital drawing project for a video. I watched a video and had a bagel. I was in a good mood besides the rain. 

It was a gross and rainy day. I wore my new windbreaker thing and had a nice walk over to the site. And today was a pretty alright day. One of the women I really enjoyed from my last site started working at our site. So that was nice. 

I spent some time making pieces out of construction paper to make pizzas to explain to the kids what it means to be an ingredient and what it means to make things from ingredients. And that ended up being a really fun little project. I had a good time leading that. 

I actually was really proud of myself today with the pizza project and I also lead the kids in an improve story telling game that went on for almost 45 minutes. I would ask different kids for a place, a character, and an action and then we go around the room telling the next parts of the story. We had aliens and monsters and skeletons. We had ex cons and redemption and fighting and a princess on a diplomatic journey. It was a lot of fun actually. 

But there was also a lot of yelling? A lot of crying? I dont know why Wednesdays are so terrible but it keeps happening. And its just exhausting. 

And now I am being told that this site is planning on us being there through June 15th?? Excuse me?? I did not sign up for that. I will stay to the end of may at the latest. But really I thought we were done at the begining of may. So I am just. Not feeling happy about it. I want to work on selling my plushies for a little bit before the summer. And I just feel like both being taken advantage of and being forced into something I wasnt prepared for.  

I had some fun parts of the later half of the day when I just read to the kids for a while. I read like 5 books?? They all seemed to have a good time. 

Most of the kids left before 5. And then our last 2 kids got picked up pretty soon after that. I got to leave here at 530 and the rain wasnt coming down hard. 

I got home and heated up my leftover chipolte. I rested on the couch and was feeling a little overwlemed that we were playing DND tonight. 

I laid down in the studio and got myself set up for the game. And the game was really fun for the first few hours. But I wanted to be done at 10. We played from 7 until literally 5 minutes ago at 11pm. And like. I have been writing this for a half hour now. It was to much.  And Im trying not to be upset because I know a lot of this was I was planning on eating something when we were done and we dont get good service in the kitchen so I kept being like. Well be done soon. But I knew we werent going to be. And finally at 1030 I was like. Fuck it and went and had peanutbutter crackers and just got really quiet on the call. I had fun for the most part. Got to cast some spells. But Im tired and I just dont feel all that great right now. 

Im going to go wash my face and lay down. I hope you all have a good night. Take care of yourselves. 

[nomchonks]

matt is normally such a happy person that seeing him sad is so tough. and there's nothing i can say to make it better. so last night we watched Speed, which I'd never seen, and it was so dumb.

we spent the last two days getting started on dehoarding his mom's house. ive realized she's not actually a hoarder, she just buys too much stuff and no one in the house was well enough to clean. his dad was kind of a slob and worked long hours on chicken farms so he didn't do any cleaning when he was home.

it was so hard to move around in that living room, i dont know how his mom was doing it. things are a little better now but we didn't make much progress.

im furious at his sister. first, she and her husband were supposed to bring their truck to haul away garbage that is just sitting in the backyard, waiting to get rained on. instead, she brought her toddler and dropped her off and went to do errands.

but she is the reason the house is a fucking hoard. she hoarded her own home and is spreading it out among other people's homes. she uses her parents' home as a storage unit.

then she and her husband stayed too long

all we did today was clear out a coat closet. every single coat in there got donated and so we had a bunch of trash hangers and his mom was like "i like those hangers for hanging coats" but lady we just got rid of all of them!! and then his sister's husband was like "hm yeah they're good for coats" and then walked away and im trying to throw the hangers away and his mom is like "i think mike wants them" and im like no.

apparently i was being really nasty. i was just so mad at his sister. i dont blame his mom at all but i upset her and i didnt realize until matt pulled me aside. then he and his mom did a donation run and i calmed down and scrubbed out the closet so there would be at least one single clean place to put things. i apologized to her later and she said she was also being oversensitive but it's like no, ma'am, i was being a huge bitch... you're going through your husband's things on the one week anniversary of his death and im like GRRR it's so FILTHY in here

im really embarrassed. matt doesn't hold it against me although i would understand if he did.

anyway i wish i could spend longer out there, but i cant' take any time off because we're so understaffed at work. there was an open interview day on wednesday, im going to ask how that went when i go in today. it would be nice if we got some good new employees!!!

[msshadows97]

“No romance intended you sick puppies”

“There’s a raccoon”

“Whoo”

“I’d strike the sun if it insulted me”

“I will face god and walk backwards into hell”

“Hope comes in too many forms --- who has time for hope?”

"hugs are merely a subtle attempt to strangle you"

"How did I get here?"

"She looked into the toilet and cried"

"I find Darwin's theory on survival of the fittest my personal challenge"

"The ozone is pretty in the winter"

"You dab like a child"

"Call me a basking Robin sample spoon because I'll snap like one"

"Its not gay its Wednesday"

"I'm like a shark if I stop moving I'll die"

"I have no mouth but I must scream"

"Look at the Christmas lights! Oh wait that's a stop light"

"Can you see the blind?"

"I'm going to eat your toes"

"Freshmen looks makes eating children look fun "

"If clouds are made of water, doesnt that make rain abandoned cloud pieces because they aren't good enough to be clouds"

"I have cried over pasta"

"The dog isnt cute its rabid"

"What's the clear tape called? Oh ya tape"

"That's how you left our friendship, on the ground.... broken"

"And then they pulled a nut out of his chest!"

"What's the wiki?"

"They found a beluga whale with a harness, it's a Russian spy"

"What if I had a duck army and the commander is named Jim?"

"Boats are weird, am I right?"

"Is it true human spawn are born from a ritual of blood and pain?"

"The amish are part of the government.... they have control"

"You dont know how much someone is worth till you sell them"

"*whispers* put the lotion on the skin"

"Right now I'm Switzerland"

"Grades? is that a sause?"

"Call me sister slug"

"My emotions give me whip lash"

"I have the social tack of a dysfunctioning wrecking ball"

"shark bait hoo ha ha"

"I am a dramatic bird"

" Rome wasn't built in a day but did burn down in one"

"I'm to much like a house plant"

"Due to personal reasons I'm evil now"

"My lucky number is pi because my luck is never ending"

"Follow me, I'm right behind you"

"My body parts are in different time zones"

"I'm like a key to a lock that doesn't fit"

"How dare the world tilt on its axis"

"If your possessed by a demon, we aren't taking you home"

"Rose's are red, that much is true, but violets are purple, not fucking blue"

"Drink some tea, while we spill some tea"

"How many hail marrys?"

"I’m more temperamental than a mercury thermometer.”

"Put the lime and the coconut and shake it all up"

"I'm like a kid in a candy store, I just don't know when to stop"

" My emotions are like an avacado"

"Its either my arthritis or caffeine I can't tell anymore"

"You mean you can't tell people tallies by their baldness"

"Don't touch me I'm poisonous"

"Im so fucking feral"

"Is this how it ends?"

"You never realise how pale you are till you buy foundation"

"Can my imaginary friend kill me?"

"Jesus will forgive me"

“I want to eat a butterfly…. I just might”

“I’d hit a bitch with a lamp”

“I murdered for a muffin”

“Emotional support does not exist in this world”

“If i find a ghost attractive is it necrophilia”

“Free baby with every purchase”

“Death has an american accent”

“Death did not choose. He made a mistake”

“Trying to clobber somebody to death with cheap bedside decoration”

“Mom Im scared come pick me up they're howling again”

“Guess falling makes you change genders”

“I was once inspired by the soundtrack to frozen 2”

“Bros before immortality”

“Sex with a ghost? How would that even work?”

“If i was an egg i’d drop it”

“I wish i was well adjusted”

“wow, my mouth is watering… No that's the rabies flaring up”

“Im a good dude who makes strange work for him”

“What do you call terorism against heaven and hell?’

“I didnt sign up for this now suffer with me”

“Food is a metaphor for love”

“Oh shit wrong body… before he realizes that it doesn't matter”

“Snowflake the stalker peacock”

“Shane kills a man and eat cocoa puffs”

“Summoning a demon is pretty chill”

“And god said ‘ its kinda boring isn't it?”

“laying an egg is fucking wack”

“God once said ‘they will never comprehend those lights’ he then asked why she yeeted him to hell”

“What's it like to forgive a dumbass?”

“Earth is a libra”

“ my life is a lie thats why i live in my mind”

“Whats it like to be straight?”

“Are the straights ok?”

“I hide my issues while you hide your distress”

“My solution to everything is a good neck rub”

“We are like two peas in a rotten pod”

“Cannibalism and love should never be in the same sentence”

“I’m wearing a tummie tuck-FUCK”

“It’s not gay if he’s dead”

“Another interruption during the presentation will result in you being thrown out a window.”

“Jeez he meant a Literal closet”

“You know you fucked up when the villain starts to Tortured the entity death”

“Names Richard but I go by dick… by choice”

“The human mind is my worst fear”

“I’m a switchblade”

“My soul jumped a little”

“My back is like a glow stick”

“i don’t have a brain actually. my head is just filled with lots and lots of dried flowers”

“Vleb the American musical”

“damn, you live laugh love like this?”

“Are you really making jokes about your death?”

“ baths are the accepted human soup”

“I don’t want a sugar daddy I want a salty daddy”

“Sanity is not real, it's a social construct.”

“ Sprite is the want to be water“

“I’m not gonna lock my car. What are they gonna do, steal my Cinderella booster seat?”

“That’s what Christmas is all about. Eating sugar cookie dough like it’s weed.”

“Ghost be horny because they’re dead”

"What do you take me for, human?”

“I will put you in a neverending story full of plot holes and spelling errors”

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

Sleepless nights and a shift in character developments- A homestuck au strider story

I wrote this during a bout of insomnia(partially caused by excitement) and I couldnt stop thinking about it

@turing-tested This comes from one of the MANY things I babbled about this character, so if you see this you might recognize it. 

Im going to post more about this character soon its just alot to compile for one post-at least 5 years worth or development and passion so bear with me please

Note before reading : This is in the best put terms, an au epilogue i made before homestuck even finished, and the only thing accurate to any current epilogues is the canon kids ages. 

This is long and gets a bit dark and emotional and angsty but I promise it has a happier ending. It also glosses over some heavier themes like mentions and brief discussions of nonspecified eating disorders, so if that makes you uncomfortable you can skip this

enjoy

whrrz….whrzz…..whrrzz….

The damn clock ticking was endless. The figure tossed and turned restlessly on the bed, kicking and pulling up the cotton sheets as they ceiling fan lazily spun uncaringly from above. After another bout of struggling for comfort there was a glance at the nearby digital clock

2:45 a.m

“Goddammit……” 

With a angry groan the girl fell heavily onto her back and dragged her hands down her face, staring up at the ceiling with exhaustion. This just kept happened to her, ever since she and all her friends and people she gave any shits about crashed here in a new world. No matter what she did she could never get a full nights sleep, plagued by either ruthless insomnia or vicious night terrors. Pick your poison a night. It didnt matter what the 19 year old did really, nothing eased it. And so she stared at the bedroom ceiling and the spinning fan hopelessly before she finally dragged herself up into a sitting position, head hung low. Even with moonlight streaming in blue light things felt too dark. So one tired Dian Strider fumbled her hand around the room and turned on tv on the other side of the room, wincing and squinting as its bright changing light filled her room. She glanced back at the clock and grimaced at the two minutes that had passed. Then she shut her eyes and listened, muting the tv. The apartment was quiet….too quiet…

Her eyes snapped back open, a new look of anxiety crossing her face. 

“ Hes not back yet….its Wednesday…hes late…” She shook her head and looked at the wall by her bed, at the pinned up pages of scribbles hanging there contently

WEDNESDAY : RETURNS BY 1 AM

Now she as on her feet and pacing around on fragile boned legs, absently gnawing on the scarred knuckle of her index finger. Her thoughts drifted and tumbled through her sleep deprived brain worriedly, though she wouldnt admit it aloud just yet.

Dirk wasnt home yet. He shouldve been home by now. But hes not….is he?

She stopped and looked at her bedroom door, unlocked and fully capable of opening and revealing the knowledge she wanted to know, all outside her little space.

But could she handle opening it?

With a new look of tired firmness she padded barefoot across the carpet and opened her door as silently as she could. If he WAS back she didnt want to wake him up. And there it is illuminated by the light in her room and the gently dim moonlight from the staircase and hallway window : Dirk’s bedroom door, firmly closed. She took a few light steps and Dia was now in front of it, hand grazing the doorknob as doubts made her pause. Sure, she had been living with him for almost 5 months now, and sure he had been more than welcoming and generous in his…weird stoic and socially avoident tendencies and eccentricities. Dia couldn look passed those, who was a shattered and violently anti social and mistrusting girl to judge the man who gave her and her little brother a roof to sleep under and a home to call their own when he had absolutely no obligation to? The answer was she wasnt anyone to judge him.

Not after he let her take on his last name to ease some of the trauma.

But were they really close enough to give her the right to just….turn the knob and open his door as if she was really family?

‘ Yes. we…we are? God i dont really know…But Hal gave me an ok to do so if I needed to talk or got too anxious…he said Dirk doesnt mind me leaning on him a little…so…this should be fine…to just peek in and see if hes in there…even if hes not asleep…I can just make some excuse about…fuck…anything…’ With a metaphorical slap to the face and a small huff of “ Just do it already dia stop being a pansy its just Dirk” she tightened her grip with more false confidence and turned it, slowly pushing it open just enough to poke her head in…

Just to find it empty. 

She blinked and her shoulders slumped in disappointment. He wasnt there, which mean he just…probably wasnt home yet. 

So she re shut the door without venturing further and walked over to the stairs that led down to the first floor and front of the apartment and ended up slumped across one of the sturdy steps, glaring at the wall upset and exhausted….so exhausted that her eyes fell without her realizing…letting her drift into an uneasy sleep….

And fell straight into a unrelenting nightmare.

She was forced out of it by the sound of something slamming downstairs  followed by a thump she didnt register. Because she was sitting straight up shaking violently and tearing up, fingers digging painfully into her arms as she hugged herself, breathing too fast. She looked around like a cornered animal until she was able to calm down a little, her surroundings settling back into her mind. But that slam…

Dia was on her feet gasping for breath a little as she stumbled down the rest of the stairs and out into the living room, tripping on her own two feet in her panic. She felt so small and alone and alone was the one thing she didnt want to be for a little while–

And all the spinning in her head stopped when she saw him.

He was sprawled out not all that gracefully on the beat up grey couch, one of his arms hanging off as his legs dangled over the arm. His blonde hair, much lighter than hers was a damp mess of spikes from being outside in the misty rain of before dawn that plastered against his forehead and into his uncovered, shut eyes. On his hand against his chest were his sharp shades, a dim and fading red glow slowly going out on them, a clear indicating Hal was asleep. She watched his chest rise and fall rhythmically and deeply, indicating he was already fast asleep. She figured it was from the past couple all nighters he’d pulled, between work his own projects and his nightly outings. Dia watched him sleep for a few moments then quietly walked over to his side, noting the familiar bags of insomnia under his eyes even in the dim lighting Silently she sighed and walked over to another chair in the room and grabbed a two blankets off it, a soft knitted one Dave left here from someone she was had met two times now named Rose and a thicker fabric quilt thing Dirk’s had since before she arrived, mentioned by Hal to have been a apartment warming present from friends named Jane and Roxy. She carried them over to him and with a wobbly stance and some struggling to not wake him or Hal up draped the quilt over his body, making sure it wasnt awkwardly on him. 

Then Dia wrapped the knitted blanket around herself and plopped down on the floor next to his side, facing him and watched over him for awhile. 

It wasnt anything special or life changing to her at first. She just…her brain was in a dark place and right now, The man before her was a very real and very present and constant reminder of the good in her situation. She was out of that hellscape, she was free.

She was safe and in a better place. Next to him the these early hours of the morning on the living room floor nothing bad from her past could hurt her or reach her. And that was all she needed.

So Dia made herself more comfortable and leaned on the couch in the space next to his chest and side and leaned her head against the quilt covered space until it barely, just barely pressed up against said bodily area as her body curled and folded into a comfortable spot doing so and her tired clementine eyes drowsily watched the movement of his breathing and the distant tick of a far off clock until she didnt even notice herself falling fast asleep at his side, nightmareless for the first time in months.

‘ Dirk…dirk wake up already.’

‘Dirk I know you can still hear me, wake up’

It was irritatingly bright with the morning sun when Dirk finally pried his eyes open, squinting up in pain at the ceiling. God was he fucking regretting passing out on the couch right now. So he quietly unfolded his only small salvation from the light and slid the shades over his orange eyes, blinking the exhaustion from them after with a yawn.

‘ nngh….Hal buddy you on already?’ He got an immediate, if not amused answer that made him practically imagine the body motion and expression that shouldve accompanied it. He couldnt help but smile a little and crack his neck in an attempt to ease the stiffness….god he needed a new damn couch.

‘ Dirk…dirk look down.’ He quirked an eyebrow but didnt even get a chance to ask 

Because he moved his hanging arm and brushed against another solid mass that made him look down anyway.

He didnt dare move for a few moments when he saw Dia curled up beside him on the floor, his hand having brushed against the slim girl’s too bony arm. But didnt wake up, only shifted slightly as her head burrowed into his side a bit, looking more relaxed than he’d ever really seen her. 

‘ When did she…?’

‘ I am not sure. she was already there asleep when I first started up this morning. I can only assume shes been there since we got home.’ He dragged a hand through his hair as he looked over her and carefully moved his arm so he didnt wake her up.

Dirk decided not to sit up or move from the couch yet either. 

‘ She almost looks happy…’

“ Yeah… I know. Too bad she doesnt always look like this…’ There was a silence between them and Dirk sighed through his nose. 

‘…im going to make breakfast.’ Was the only thing Dirk finally said before carefully getting up and heading to the kitchen. ‘ Oh? Thats a first for you…you normally skip breakfast.’ Dirk didnt respond right away, scavenging the simple, cluttered kitchen for anything to cook and scrunching his nose a little when he wasnt really finding anything.

‘ Dirk you KNOW there hasnt been any grocery restocking since you started your latest project…’ He groaned and pressed his forehead against the freezer door and stayed quiet for another moment, gears in his head turning and things lining up in his head. Hal didnt try prodding him too much for an answer. He knew the human too well by now, Dirk was working something out in his head. And on top of that he had barely been awake maybe twenty minutes after a total of maybe four or five hours of sleep, doing three all nighters before that. So Hal wasnt quick to call Dirk all to responsive lately. 

Maybe he should contact Jane after all to get him into a healthier…well…anything.

“ ….I really didnt want to go outside this early…but if the kid will be asleep for awhile…hmm…” 

‘ Hmm what?’ The blonde shook his head a little and rubbing an eye with the palm of his hand as if forcing the drowsiness away. 

“ Hey Hal….mind messaging Dave for me and asking when he’s planning to come back home from Karkat’s this week?” ‘…alright Dirk I am, anything else?’ Hal asked, a bit sympathetic at the exhaustion in his voice. He knew Dirk didnt like to bother Dave with too much, especially when the younger strider stayed with them specifically to make sure Dirk took care of himself. He wanted him to live his own damn life without worrying about him, and so didnt ask him when he was coming back or how long he’d stay.

“…yeah. Ask him if its today and if he could possibly grab some groceries on his way home…” There was a silence but Hal told him he would and Dirk’s shoulders slumped when they got the reply that Dave would show up in about a half hour, and asking for a general list or if he should just wing it. 

Dirk said to just wing it. He wasnt picky right now.

Dia hadnt woken up by the time Dirk pulled on a decently cleaner shirt and his shoes, though she had shifted somewhat. He was a little relieved, she’d been sleeping worse than him recently and any rest was good rest. Yeah…it was was all he concluded as he slipped outside into the bright sunlight and sat on the stoop step that led into the apartment, absently gazing over the city lost in thought. 

“ Yo Dirk.” He glanced down to see Dave coming up the steps in casual clothing, face mostly neutral as he carried up two big bags of food. Dirk saw the slightly furrowed brows and the way his mouth tugged down in concern and heaved a sigh, standing and walking down to take one of the bags.

“ Gotta be quiet when you go in, the kid’s fast asleep in the living room and I kinda want her to stay that way. Where’s Derik?” Dave shrugged as he followed him up.

“ He was video calling Jay when Hal pestered me, so I left him be and came alone.” He got a nod as they walked in, Dave raising an eyebrow seeing Dia on the floor but not voicing the question. 

Dirk probably didnt move her so she’d sleep longer. He knew she had issues with being touched.

Though when they entered the kitchen his eyebrows furrowed again.

“ Dirk when was the last time you cleaned the damn apartment? You’ve got shit lying everywhere again it wasnt like this when I was here last.” The older man shrugged as he shoved junky clutter out of the way and replaced it with the bag of food, not exactly wanting to answer. The knight sighed and resisted any urges to smack the other person he considered family. Because goddamn was it hard to resist when he was falling back into bad habits and going back on months of progress being made.

“ You know what? Dont worry about it Dirk. I’ll help you pick up later or something since I’m here. Lets just get all the food put away and make something to eat, because damn am I starved and Im sure she will be too once she actually wakes up.” Dirk mumbled an agreement and started putting things away and setting stuff up to cook…something, anything. 

“ So…what is with the sudden desire to make breakfast? Hal and I usually have to force you not to skip it.” Dave wasnt really expecting an answer, To be honest neither was Hal at that point. Dirk was clearly in a more antisocial mood and that was fine really, but the silence was making the shorter blonde…twitchy. Maybe he just wasnt used to it anymore, when he considered half the time he stayed with Karkat further out of the city in a house that was distinctly more…energetic with two teenagers running around living with them. He had thought having Dia here might break him out of that but she could be just as bad as he was honestly, a sometimes too perfect match in their isolation habits.

He was thinking about it so much he almost missed Dirk’s reply, turning towards him blinking. 

“ Wait wha–” “ I said I’m not doing it for me…im making food for Dia.” There was a moment of a much more fragile silence and dirk pulled off Hal and set him on the counter, gripping it with both hands as he stared tiredly at the wall and cabinets in front of him, his eyes a bit distant as if he was seeing something else entirely Dave couldnt. He sighed heavily and continued with a low tone that sounded like he was trying to stay neutral, unemotional about it.

“ She doesnt eat enough. Coming from me already is a big deal but, I…Im almost positive she has some sort of eating disorder Dave. One she just wont tell me about. But I see the signs of it all over her. The underweight, the fragility of her whole body, the fatigue, the way she tries to avoid eating as much as possible, the way she hides herself away after meals…but I cant push her either because well fuck. What place do I have to really say anything? I’m not blood related, I’ve only known her about 5 months and ive barely tried to get to know her that much or get close to her but she’s grown on me a little and im worried one of these days her insomnia and her lack of eating are going to do her off right under my nose and there’ll be no one to blame but myself for not looking out for her enough. Like fuck,” His nails scrapped along the counter as his fingers curled in frustration. “ Im a goddamn wreck half the time and she’s almost worse than me and I just…I dont even know. The kid deserves better than that? She probably deserves alot better than staying up at night waiting and worrying when I’m going to get home and falling asleep on the goddamn floor and–maybe…maybe I should’ve had Roxy or Jane take her instead. Or even Jake. Somewhere where’d she’d-she’d get help for her issues, not a place to let them fester.” The air was heavy as he finished, his shoulders slumped in defeat and his head hung as if it had become too much to stay up on its own, eyes screwed close in a frustrated kind of pain. Dave was a little speechless, he knew Dirk felt a little responsible for Dia and part of that mightve been from himself but…He didnt know.

He shouldve known though. 

“ Dirk…Jesus Dirk why didnt you mention any of this sooner? If you’ve been so worried you could just tell me and I’d help you.” He moved closer and put a hand on his shoulder, pushing up his shades and leaning over to try to look the older man in the eyes. 

“ Dirk cmon dont shut me out now after that damn word vomit of you actually opening up. You are not shutting down on me, hell no. You opened your own floodgates and we’re going to swim through what the fuck you released together and work this out because clearly help is needed right now. If it wasnt you wouldnt have asked me to come back out of nowhere, and we wouldnt be having an emotional brotherly moment in the middle of your shitty kitchen at nine in the goddamn morning with the kid you’re clearly worried about dead asleep on your living room floor. So, lets talk ok?” With another tired sigh Dirk nodded as they kept cooking, neither noticing the thin figure slip away upstairs to shower.

After Dave left things were awkward. The two sat at Dirk’s kinda crappy dining table with a non microwaved meal in front of them both poking at it in silence. By the time they both decided they were done the house apartment felt delicate and tense. But regardless Dia holed up in her room for the rest of the evening to prepare for another fitful night and around ten Dirk pulled on his shoes and headed out. 

Dia checked the clocked a couple hours later, noting tiredly that it was only ten past midnight. So she simply rolled over to face the wall and shut her eyes, trying to shut off her brain. It almost worked too…

Click.

Her eyes snapped open and she lifted her head to look towards the door briefly confused, almost assuming she was hearing things. She glanced at the clock again. 12:13 am. She rubbed her eyes and slowly sat up.

“ No way…I heard him leave at ten…and he usually doesnt come back until at least two on thursday…” She listened for a moment to make sure, and sure enough there was the sound of shuffling downstairs, slowly coming up the stairs. When she heard Dirk’s bedroom door open she got up and shuffled over to her own peeking out of her door to see his back. Before she could stop herself she made a noise to announce her presence and Dirk paused, looking back at her. There was a moment where they both stared at each other as she briefly panicked at the fact she started this conversation.

“ y..you’re back pretty early tonight…” She almost visibly cringed at herself as he gave a small shrug.

“ Didnt feel like being out for long tonight…besides, keeps some anxieties down if im not gone too late.” She stood up straighter and looked up at him stunned. He…he came home early…so she wouldnt worry? Her mind flashed to the morning before and something warm filled her chest. She nodded and murmured that she appreciated it and swore she saw a smile on his face before he continued into his room.

“ Hey um…” She saw him pause again and she took a nervous breath. She wasnt used to this, but…

“ I um…im not that picky when it comes to food…but I dont mind spicy foods, as long as its not deathly spicy. I’m also willing to try most things put out for me to eat at least once…so I’ll at least try to eat most meals…” She glanced back up to see him nod, a small smile now clear on his face.

“ Alright kiddo, I’ll keep that in mind. Try to go to bed before sunrise.” She nodded back and slipped back into her room, somehow feeling a little lighter.

The next couple weeks after that were different for them both. At first it was hard to describe, but things were less stiff so to say. They both came out of theyre rooms more for meals together and…just talked. The talks were awkward as hell at first, but the more they did the more she looked forward to meal time, and the less she dreaded eating. Even though she struggled to open up to the older man she could still find things to talk about. At some point she started cooking again, which she hadn’t done since she took care of her little brother, over five months ago. Dia started when she noticed Dirk skipping meals, lost in his work.So…she started making things and leaving them for him with a reminder to eat. And once his portion was gone she ended up eating what was left for herself, the portion being enough to not make her feel too guilty most nights. 

But things were on a better track, Hal pointed out as much one night as Dirk slipped back into the apartment as the clock read 1:00 am. Dirk raised an eyebrow and got a bit of a half smile. “ oh yeah? You really think so huh?” 

‘ Yes I do actually. You havent noticed? She’s opening up to us both more than she has in months.’ Dirk nodded with a hum as he made his way to the stairs, listening to hear if Dia was moving about and noticed it was quiet. Maybe for once she managed to fall asleep. 

‘ You know, you two are alot alike, at least with your issues and and some of your traumas.’ Dirk paused halfway up the stairs and tilted his head as he thought about it, not exactly responding. But Hal continued on.

‘ I think at this point, the best course of action for you both would be for you two to try having a deeper conversation. It would benefit you both greatly to try discussing and sympathizing over your similar issues. At the very least it would help you both open up more, something we both know is very needed in this apartment.’ He…couldnt really argue with that one. 

“ Ya know what? fuck it why not. I’m not going to push her too much but…I’ll give it a shot.” 

And he did. When he saw her at breakfast he motioned for her to listen and took a deep breath through his nose, preparing for the worst. He vividly remembered how she could lash out when she felt cornered or afraid, and that was the last thing he wanted.

So he tried as gently as he could, following some of Hal’s advice and the advice of Rose who he’d talked about this with much earlier in the morning for ideas to approach the subject…delicately. He even vaguely put some of his smaller issues on the table first, made them vulnerable which made Hal rather proud of him for. 

“ Look Dia…I get it ok? I get the not wanting to talk to anyone about it and the need to be strong and unbreakable. But I also know how that can fuck you up even more. It has for me for years…and…I’ve lost trust with close friends because of it. I did things I still dont forgive myself for trying to bottle it up.” She listened and nodded. Then Dia looked down and touched one of her scarred knuckles and took a deep breath. Then she looked up with an expression he hadnt seen before, it was tired and sad and vulnerable. Suddenly she looked like her age, a broken and exhausted 19 year old who’d been suffering on her own for too long, and he watched her shoulders droop as she spoke as if a weight was starting to lift off them.

“ I…I-I have alot wrong with me Dirk…maybe too much to be fixed…so much you may not want to bother with me if you knew everything…I’m…Im beyond screwed up and I cant even eat anymore without trying to loss the nonexistent weight it brings…I…I’ve done too much I dont deserve this I dont…” She trailed off and Dirk reached out and hesitantly, understandingly placed his hand on her wrist, making her look him in the eyes.

“ Why dont we start by just being screwed up together kid? You arent alone in it anymore…and about the eating, we can work on that first and get you started on recovery however you need it. But lets start small and see how we survive it.” She smiled a little and nodded, relaxing.

“ Yeah, ok.” 

A few nights later Dia was tossing and turning again after waking up from another nightmareThis time a light rain drummed on the roof from a small passing storm. She looked at the clock and glared at the two am glaring back at her before sitting up and pulling on her hoodie. Maybe…

She got up and walked over to her door and stepped out, looking at Dirk’s door and expecting him to be out. But what she saw instead was a soft light coming from under the door, signifying he was still home and awake. With a deep breath she walked over and raised her hand to knock, only to pause and stare at the wood. She started doubting her right to interrupt him when their last talk flashed to mind. He had opened up to her a little and she had done the same, they had shared a moment and she felt…closer to him. She didnt feel like a burden as much.

So with more confidence than she had she grabbed the handle and turned it, letting the light wash over her warmly as she gazed at his back, sitting at his desk across the room making something. She only hesitated for a moment before her body relaxed and she smiled a little, taking a step in.

“ H-hey Dirk…I cant sleep…do you mind if I hang in here for awhile?” 

She shut the door behind her when she saw him smile while declaring she can have his bed since he’ll be up awhile longer.

She fell into a peaceful sleep that night, feeling safe and at home.

End

Tadaaaa, this took a long while to write but I hope it was worth the wait! And I hope you guys like it!

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[dickgreyson]

'i never went i was at starbucks' how many classes DID you go to

well i had first period off, P.E second (so thats a 10am sleep in baBEY). i would go to graphic design bc it was “fuck around on a computer unsupervised for an hour”

i did not go to math, i made it a point not to go. i would sit in another friends history class like im not kidding. she’d always be like “please take my class. i want to give you the grades u deserve” like i sat tests and everything

i also didnt go to science (i was a year ahead), and notoriously didnt go to lit. bc it was my friends lunch hour, so id be at starbucks :(

BUT i was at choir rain, hail, or shine. i could never go skiing on a wednesday, bc it was double choir. and heaven forbid i missed choir id like have a missed call from my teacher like “:( we missed u today sweetie :(”