#if it's too rude for you don't bother tone policing me because being nice gets us nowhere

[girlcalledwhatsername]

This shouldn't even be need to be said but don't fucking report people who express being suicidal. I don't care how much you think you're doing it for someone's own good, it does NOT help us it only harms further

READ that AGAIN

You are ACTIVELY harming those people when you try to be a goody two-shoes and tell on them when they get suicidal

Don't fucking report them to social media app features that have the report for self harm option. Don't fucking call a suicide hotline on them. Don't fucking report them to therapists, paychiatrists, cops, controlling parents or partners

It does not matter how uncomfortable it makes you - this isn't ABOUT you - it doesn't matter how much it goes against your cute little saviour complex thinking you're being oh such a wonderful kind heroic person by "saving" someone from themself.

When you report a person to any of those places it heavily risks hospitalisation and incarceration. Where I live it's technically still a crime to attempt suicide, they never overturned the law. And if you think being in a ward might help them - do everyone a favour and go check out the actual conditions in the wards and talk to psych survivors about how they actually are. Otherwise shut up about things you have no experience with.

Everyone should have a right to autonomy, especially bodily autonomy, and you don't have to like what they do with their own body for you to know not to take that away from someone. It's not your place to judge, it's not okay to be moralistic about bodily autonomy suddenly because you can't handle the reality of mentally ill people.

And it's not fucking okay to lock us in and remove us from society just because our disorders are too fucking ugly for you to look at.

If you absolutely have to help just talk to a suicidal person if they're up to it, just ask them what will help, and if you can't do that then leave us the fuck alone you snitches

And don't come at me with the law, if you had to be an ally to mentally ill people, to queer people, to women, to any kind of marginalised people, historically a lot of it has always included standing against the law and with us.

STOP REPORTING US

[bronwiebear-brad]

Somebody to you part. 3

Warnings: this fictional story will include mature content, language, and themes including but not limited to violence and nsfw content. Storie line before covid. The male lead bears no likeness to the real Brad Simpson apart from PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. Please if you’re not confortable with this type of content, do NOT read. You were advised.

"So... It didn't..? " your voice tone was low. As this was a dangerous topic to discuss.

"No." He looked away from you. His eyes showed that he still got embarrassed. "I tought it was because of the alcohol or even the pill but I realised that she couldn't satisfy me". His eyes traveled back to yours as he kept talking and you found another position in the couch to get away from his uncomfortable stare.

They have decided to move the tea to the couch, there was a weird silence at first but eventually he started explaining what happened the night before.

"She couldn't pleasure me and I pushed her away. Obviously she got mad and then things escalated to her calling her boyfriend's lil gang to beat up the shit out of me..." He explained. "I didn't even knew she had a boyfriend, she came up to me staying all that shit" His hand located on his rib area indicating that he still felt pain. "They even wanted me to paid the shit I took, it was all her!" he raised his voice and she stare quietly at him.

You were still trying to process everything. You couldn't find words to say.

"You don't have to say anything. I know I was a fool." He said rolling his eyes and you just nodded silently. " But that's why they started beating me up, eventually James came to me and helped. When things escalated... you know... Tris grabbed me up before the police arrived." He was looking at you for some emotion or reaction. He began to think that he talked to much and frightened you, but little he knew you weren't like that anymore.

"i-" You got interrupted by your phone who started ringing making both of you jump. You answered without looking at the ID, gave him an apologetic look and he just smiled kindly.

"Hello?.. Hmm, yeah yeah, I didn't forgot I just got caught in the moment I'll be there in 30, it's that okay? Stay calm. Bye." You ended the call and looked at him.

"Everything's okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, it was Liv. She think that she's pregnant." You roll your eyes and got up from the couch. He just huffs humorously.

He was happy to know that not everything has changed after all. He remembered the time he met your friends.

"I feel nervous" He said while getting out the car. "like I'm going to a job interview or some shit" he made you laught while you two entered the restaurant.

"you're going to be fine. Don't worry." You look up at him and flashed him a reassuring smile. "Look, they are there"

Brad didn't even had time to turn his head in the direction she pointed, he could already hear the excited little giggles coming from the table.

"Hi everyone! This is Brad" you said and everyone looked at him. For several seconds he just stood there looking at them.

"It's nice to meet you all" he said smiling and you could feel him being more confortable."

"I'm going to leave now, I don't want to bother you anymore.. Thank you so much for taking care of me still. I-" He said while preparing to get up from the couch too.

"Do you want me to drive you somewhere?"

"No. I'll just walk to my car. It's fine, you already have done enought, thank you." he started to look for his things.

"Your shirt is in the dryer, I'll go get it for you." You got up from the couch and went to the kitchen. Few seconds later you were back, white shirt in hands. "I had to wash it, was covered in alcohol and blood." you handed him the shirt and that's when you noticed that this entire time he had been shirtless.

"it's rude to stare you know" he playfully said while putting his shirt on and noticed you looking at him.

"I-wasn't - hm-sorry-" you got embarrassed.

"hey, it's okay. Nothing you have never seen before." He blinked at you and for the first time you smiled.

"You really don't want me to drop you off somewhere?" you changed the subject and hopefully he didn't noticed your cheeks turn a little pink.

"don't worry it's fine, seriously. I promise I'll go and you don't have to see me ever again. Sorry for last night I was not myself" He started to move to the door and you followed him behind intrigued.

"not himself? what was he taking about?" you thought to yourself. As far as you remember he had always been this way.

"Don't forget to check that. Pleasem" She pointed to his rib area. He was already on the other side of the door when she added. "Bye Bradley." She grabbed the door while looking at him. He felt like another hard goodbye.

He looked back at her and smiled. Soon disapearing into the elevator leaving nothing behind but his scent. The one's she never forgot.

She closed the door smothly and stood agaisnt it. Her mind running miles.

"What the hell just happened?" you asked yourself.

...

Three weeks has passed since the last time you saw Brad. It was incredible how your life got on hold for one night because of him. The impact that he still have on you, even tho you decided that you were not going to be that girl from a year ago. All too innocent and scary. You wanted to leave it all behind. And that meant the encounter was nothing.

You were way to much interested in that message Liv sent saying that it was a false alarm with big balloons and inviting you all to celebrate the occasion to even notice that you had entered a busy street.

"(y/n)?"

As you heard someone call for you, you looked up from the screen and there he was.

"Brad?" you still could not believe the little coincidence. You really started to think that you would never see him again after that night in your apartment. "how are you?"

"I'm fine, thanks. What about you?"

"I'm great." You still could not believe he was actually there. There was a little bit of you that wanted to see him again but the other just remembered all the bad things about him and his life.

You could notice that he had a gym bag on his shoulder, he was dressed in sweatpants and his hair was pushed back with a little elastic bandana. He looked fucking great.

"How's your rib?" you asked not wanting to end the conversation right away.

"After a few days, it healed very well." He said smiling. "isn't swollen and the dark spot is barely noticeable."

"well that's great!"

"I had a big helper. She did all the work after all" he blinked at you and you looked away not wanting to be capture in his stare.

"it was nothing really. I'm glab I could help."

"Nonsense. I have to properly thank you. Do you want to have dinner?" he asked serious and you just got caught up in his words. "don't worry, it's not like a date" he said noticing you were thinking too much to answer.

"Like what then?" you were serious about the limits you wanted to put. So serious the you didn't realise you were sounding a bit harsh.

"Like two friends who have dinner together."

[theowlspeaks]

it's very nice to know that you're perfectly happy to publish outright lies if it suits your agenda, i guess?

anyway, there were no mods involved in the discussion in that discord, which someone who was actually present and involved in the server would know, and there was no romanticization of rape or abuse. what actually was going on was a discussion of kinks, and why rape kinks are so prevalent (if you don't like it, take it up with 62% of the population lmfao, it is a very popular kink--particularly among women, but not SOLELY among women--for a reason, and it is not at all linked to race), and the person who was being rude was actually the one who was insisting--to a survivor--that having a rape kink meant she enjoyed rape or thought other people did.

maybe think about the agenda people coming to you for this crap might have--or, better yet, don't post misinformation about a discord in which you are not present and a conversation for which you have zero context. if you really want people to believe you aren't a radfem interested in policing other people's sex lives, then stop fucking acting like one.

I have screen shots of the convo. I know what was said, because I asked for receipts after the first anon and someone provided them. That's also how I know a smut week mod was involved, because I recognized the name, and verified it with someone who knew the person (you're lucky I don't name them). Sounds like you're the one lying to me.

I observed lots of apologist language in that convo. People thinking that just because something is physically enjoyable means that it's healthy, first of all. There's also these sketchy stats that seem to change every time this conversation is brought up. 40%? 60%? 62%? What is it? Even if they were true, it doesn't hold up well. People do things that are harmful to themselves all the time. Do you think asking someone to stop self harming "policing their behavior" too? The answer is no, that's just apologism.

I'm also questioning if you were really there based on this message, because the point being brought up wasn't really about people who are on the receiving end of this, but people who perpetuate it. Acting this out requires someone to be turned on by their partner in visible distress. This is the problem. The normalization of using r*pe as a kink can and does (speaking from experience) lead vulnerable people to hooking up with legitimate sadists who are attracted to r*pe. Furthermore, it's incredibly insulting to victims to tell them their abuse "wasn't real kink" when they try to speak out. I know it makes people pissed, but you have to acknowledge the harm this does and it's irresponsible not to.

This incident has just proved it even more to me. The person you're saying is "rude" messaged me about it recently and basically said they're afraid to say any more, because they already feel like everyone is talking shit because they tried to explain their perspective. They're a survivor too, and they've been pretty much silenced by accusations of being a "radfem" just for asking people to think critically. Willing to bet nobody bothered to ask for their side either, because I don't see any of you in my DMs. I just get DMs from woc who are depressed and want to leave the fandom because of your behavior, and because they're ALSO too afraid to speak up. Common theme.

Which brings us back to the issue: thinking critically

This all started because of disrespectful portrayals of r*pe in fic. It wasn't even about r*pe kinks. It was about actual r*pe being written in a romantic way (or not even acknowleged as r*pe), and people being worried that this would be promoted in the fandom. There have been many discussions in this fandom regarding appropriate ways to handle certain tropes or topics to be conscious of racial stereotypes. It's only an issue now because people think their god given right to masturbate supersedes the harmful implications of certain tropes. Nobody said you can't write about certain things. They asked you to be RESPECTFUL, which given your tone, you clearly can't be bothered to do.

I'm not a radfem. I'm just critical of people who masturbate to torture and r*pe for obvious reasons. I am by no means against all kink. I just agree with the position that being critical is healthy. In fact, I hate the way radfems approach these issues because they paint a picture where all victims and female and all perpetrators are male, which is a common theme in their ideology. I don't support that because it's misogynistic and ignores male and non-binary people that can and are harmed.

Calling people radfems for trying to have a conversation about this is the same logic as people getting calling p*dophiles for writing smut. You see something that challenges your ideals, so you toss around words like that instead of trying to understand the other side. Don't even come at me with "but you called people r*pists" either, because I didn't. I said it's messed up to masturbate to someone getting r*ped, especially if you're white and fetishizing the r*pe of a woc. Just reread that sentence and if you don't see the issue, I can't help you.

All I've seen so far is people bringing up serious concerns and you people ignoring them, resulting in more and more people leaving the fandom.

I never even expected to be hosting conversations like this. I thought it would be universally agreed that allowing r*pe in a romantic event was wrong, but instead we're being dictated by a couple irresponsible people who prioritize their fetish over the racism and misogyny in the fandom. Now it's even less diverse here, hope you're happy!

[feynavaley]

Wow, people really don't seem to get it. Do they? I'm sorry people are getting on your nerves. Don't listen to 'em. Just keep writing and do what you love. I for one enjoy your headcanons and writing.

Thank you, you’re really nice. ❤️❤️

And to be honest, I guess I’m overreacting a bit. I mean, once I put a story online, people can say what they want and I should be expecting anything. It’s just that… I’m hyper-aware of the fact English isn’t my first language, and I’m constantly second-guessing everything I do. So, when people correct something but it turns out they were wrong, I’m quite annoyed. It’s not like I’m angry or anything, but it has been happening quite frequently, lately, so it’s starting to get a bit on my nerves. Of course, it also depends on the circumstances – a couple of times, somebody has tried to correct me on what turned out to be a regional use, but they were nice and we ended up laughing about it, which was completely fine. When people correct something that I had actually done right, however, and in such a dry tone…? I don’t know, this irks me because I feel like I’m being treated like an idiot. And… okay, it’s not like I’m smart, but I do my research when I write in English and read a ton of books, it’s not like I started writing in a language I hardly knew just like that. I can (and I do) make mistakes, but not everything I do is one. I’m probably too prickly, but I feel kind of belittled, when people see something they’re not familiar with and automatically assume it’s a mistake just because I’m not a native speaker. And I honestly would have kept it for myself, I don’t want to stir some drama, but that interaction I posted seemed just surreal, lol. “Well yeah okay you didn’t misspell the word in English but in French it would have been written in a different way so I was right in correcting you.” I mean, what kind of logic is that? I was writing in English!

As for the headcanons thing, this is, admittedly, a huge pet peeve of mine, and definitely an overreaction. I don’t have any issue with people who ask clarifications on something or try to open a discussion on headcanons, but when somebody bluntly states that I’m wrong on something that is a headcanon – and, as such, not actually wrong or right but a matter of interpretation – it does get a bit on my nerves. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but claiming that your headcanon is the only right one and any different interpretation is undoubtedly wrong or ‘canon-divergence’ feels quite arrogant, to me. Headcanon-policing is one of the things I hate most about fandom, I cannot stand this kind of entitlement. It’s not like people have to agree with me and share my headcanons, but, when it comes to my fics, I have free reign on what headcanons to apply. People can decide not to read my fics if they don’t agree with the headcanons, of course, but I think that demanding another person to bow to your headcanons is quite rude. I’m usually not bothered too much, but in the long run, it’s kind of tiring.

But, these are just small pet peeves, not truly upsetting issues. They’re not going to stop me from writing. 😊 Either way, thanks a lot for this encouragement!