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#if me and the vegetarian guy becomes close I'll tell him too but he so truly genuinely thinks I'm a cis guy right now and I'm loving it
birdmenmanga · 1 year
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I've come out as trans to the more perceptive of the two guys I'm befriending (the motorcycle guy if you even care) but I think the other guy (the vegetarian) probably barely even knows what transgender people are. tomorrow we're going to go see some art and I can't wait to drop vaguely transgender statements and have the vegetarian guy nod and agree while interpreting my statements with the most cishet of lenses while the motorcycle guy stands in the corner going "he doesn't even know soh is trans"
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allsassnoclass · 3 years
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hiii hazel, would love to see you take on "hi we're neighbors and omg are you alright I could smell (cooking) burning- whoaaa now that's embarrassing? step aside I'll handle this" with Lashton? or anyone with Luke tbh this is a Luke thing to me 💜
alrighty here you go! Luke being a bad cook is something that I try to include in fics as often as possible so this was fun
The hallway smells.
That's not completely unusual, because the apartment complex has a bunch of different people living in close proximity and inevitably some of them will like cooking or use too much air freshener or smoke weed, not to mention that the building itself isn't always scentless, either.  Ashton has been here long enough that he typically barely notices when he gets back from work.
Still, the hallway doesn't usually smell so strongly like burnt food, and he can't typically hear the sounds of someone swearing and fretting over their ruined dish coming from the door across from his.
That apartment belongs to a guy named Luke.  He's devastatingly pretty and owns a dog but otherwise lives alone.  That's the only information Ashton has managed to learn about him in their short time as neighbors, despite how much the first fact intrigues him.
More swearing comes from behind the door, then it's being thrown open, a little bit of smoke vapor trailing into the hallway.
Luke still looks devastatingly pretty, but in a much messier way than usual.  The top half of his hair is pulled back haphazardly in a scrunchy, the rest of it curling frantically around his neck and chin.  There's flour or a similar white substance smeared across his shirt (broad chest!!! Ashton's inner voice says), and something darker is smeared on his forehead.  He has two oven mitts covering his hands, and they need to be washed.
"Oh," Luke says, spotting him.  His face is red, but Ashton can't tell if it's from embarrassment or because he's been leaning over a hot pan or oven for too long.  "Sorry.  I didn't want to set off the smoke alarm.  There's no fire, don't worry."
"I wasn't," Ashton says.  "I could smell the cooking."
Luke laughs bitterly.  "You mean burning."
"What are you making?" he asks.  Luke leans against the doorframe, taking off the oven mitts and frowning at something dried onto them.
"I was trying to make quiche.  I have friends coming over and they keep saying that I can't cook.  I was trying to prove them wrong."
"Wow," Ashton whistles.  "Quiche can be hard.  Don't feel bad about messing it up."
"Okay, but I still have to face them when we eat take out instead of the home-cooked meal I promised."
"Can you make something else?" he asks.  Luke sighs, heavy like it's being dragged up from deep inside him.  He's pouting now, and something about a pretty boy pouting is making Ashton feel a little weak at the knees.
"I could help, if you want.  I'm a great cook."
Luke bites his lip for a moment, chewing at the corner.
"No, you have other stuff to do," he says eventually.
"Not really," Ashton says lightly.  "Seriously, I like cooking, and I'd feel better about the fire alarm if you weren't attempting to do it alone."
Thankfully, the joke makes Luke snort instead of falling flat.  Ashton watches his internal debate play out across his face with bated breath.
"Okay," Luke says.  "Thanks.  I need all the help I can get."
Luke's apartment is a mirror of his own, complete with a cluttered side tables by his futon in the living room.  The biggest difference is that there are dog toys scattered across the floor, squeaking when he accidentally steps on one.  The dog they belong to looks up from where she's laying in the corner, but otherwise makes no other noise or movements.  He wouldn't have even noticed her if her collar hadn't jingled.
"That's Petunia," Luke says.  "Piggy, this is Ashton from across the hall.  Be nice."
Petunia lays back down.  He'd be more offended over being dismissed by a dog if he wasn't fully focused on looking at the pictures Luke has on his walls, trying to spot if a significant other is present.
None of them look particularly romantic.  Interesting.
"How long until your friends arrive?" Ashton asks, following Luke to the kitchen.
"Half an hour.  I can delay them a little if I need to."
"What ingredients do you have?"
"Um, not much," Luke says.  "Cal is a vegetarian, so we can't use any meat."
"Pasta then?" Ashton asks.  "It's relatively easy but will still taste good.  We can add some stuff to the sauce, make it a little heartier."
"Sure," Luke says.  "I might have some garlic toast in the freezer, too."
He opens a cupboard, rifling around and pulling out a box of rotini from behind all the open boxes of cereal.  Ashton takes the opportunity to look at how his shirt stretches over his back, hugging his shoulders and ribs.
"I don't know if I have sauce," Luke says, breaking Ashton's trance.
"That's okay, we can make some.  I have canned crushed tomatoes, then we just throw some spices and garlic and maybe vegetables in there and it'll be fine."
"Sure, whatever you say.  I'm at your mercy here."
Luke leans against the counter, looking up at Ashton from under his eyelashes.  Ashton swallows.
"I'll nose around your spices then get the tomatoes," he says.  "You should put the water to boil."
He takes the time in his own apartment to try to compose himself.  He takes a few deep breaths, then checks his hair in his phone camera to be sure it doesn't look like shit.  He grabs the tomatoes and some mushrooms then heads back to Luke's apartment to be the cooking hero he needs right now.
Luke isn't an awful cook, but it quickly becomes clear that he's inexperienced and easily distracted.  Ashton doesn't exactly want to let him near more knives than necessary, but having him slice half a bell pepper and some mushrooms is safer than asking him to mince the garlic.
"Wow, that smells really good," Luke says, craning his head to see the pan where the garlic is cooking in a little bit of oil.
"Eyes on the knife, Luke," he commands.  "Don't cut off your finger, please."
Luke flushes and resumes his cutting.  Ashton gets a can opener and starts working on the tomatoes.
"So, you cook a lot?" Luke asks.
"Yeah, I guess," Ashton says.  "I used to make dinner for my siblings a lot, and I figure if I have to eat I might as well make things that taste good."
"I'm not good at teaching myself," Luke says.  "Nothing I try works."
"If you ever need a cooking tutor, I'm your guy," he offers.  "My rates are very cheap.  For someone as pretty as you, I'd do it for free."
Something clatters and Ashton considers that maybe he should have waited until Luke wasn't holding a knife to start being forward.  A quick glance over reveals that there's no bloodshed, thankfully.
"I'm sure I could find some way to pay you back," Luke says.  "I have many other talents."
"Oh?  Like what?"
"You'll have to stick around to find out."  Luke winks at him, cocking his hip a little.  Ashton feels a thrill  flourish in his gut.
"Ashton, the water's boiling."
Right, cooking.  Ashton is cooking right now, not only flirting with a cute boy.
The pasta goes in the water with a timer set, the garlic toast goes in the oven, and the vegetables and some basil go in the sauce.  Ashton and Luke move around each other easily except a few moments of contact like the brush of an arm or a hand ghosting over the small of a back, too purposeful to be coincidence.  It sets the hair of Ashton's arms on end.  The fill the time with more conversation, both small talk and a little flirting that Luke picks up and returns.  Ashton is so wrapped up in Luke and their food that the sound of the buzzer makes him jump.
"That'll be Michael and Calum," Luke says right as the timer for the pasta and the one for the sauce go off.
"Buzz them up, I'll take care of this," he says.  He turns off the stove and drains the pasta, putting it back in the pot and tossing the sauce in.  He's taking the garlic toast out of the oven when the door to Luke's apartment opens with a bang.
"Did you set off the smoke alarm?" one of the guys in the doorway says loudly while Petunia trots over to snuffle at their feet.
"Fuck off, Michael," Luke says.  "You're not going to get any if you keep insulting me."
The other man finishes petting Petunia and makes eye contact with Ashton, slapping his companion on the arm.
"Who's your friend, Luke?" he asks.
"This is Ashton," Luke says, coming to stand by him.  "He's going to teach me how to cook."
"Oh,this is Ashton," Michael says.  "Interesting."
"I'm Calum, he's Michael," the other man says.
"Nice to meet you," Ashton says.  "I should get going."
"Woah, wait," Michael says.  "You aren't going to stay for dinner?"
"Well--"
"Stay for dinner!" Calum says.  "Looks like there's enough food.  We've heard about you, but I think we should know Luke's cooking teacher."
He says "cooking teacher" with a waggle of his eyebrows.  Ashton wants to know what Luke could possibly have said about him before today.
"Calum," Luke hisses.
"Stay for dinner, Ashton," Michael says.  Ashton looks at Luke, who smiles slightly.
"Only if you want."
"Do you want me to?" he asks.  Luke smiles again, much too bashful for someone who was so confident while they were cooking, and nods.
"Okay," he says.  Michael and Calum cheer, but Ashton is more focused on how pleased Luke seems, tugging Ashton towards the table with a hand on his arm.
Sitting down to eat, Ashton hopes this is going to be the first of many meals together.
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dearchuchu · 5 years
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Long version.
I'm going to assume anyone who wants the long version is going to read the short version. So I'll skip what was covered there and go into the details.
I had mini bottles, but I drank them all by dinner time with the idea I would just pick up some more for the long flight in San Fransisco. The closest liquor store was about a mile and a half away from our hotel out by the airport, and Mandy, who didn't know my plan didn't like my plan. She also didn't like that I drank my mini bottles that were for the big flight. I always planned on this, but neglected to tell her.
An Uber to the liquor store was 7 dollars one way. Man San Fransisco is expensive. I told Mandy, who was not happy with the idea of spending 14 dollars to go buy mini bottles that I already had (and drank), to go spend MORE money on MORE mini bottles. I, however disagreed.
I decided, it's only a mile and a half, I'll walk. 50 minutes or so, no big deal. Mandy wasn't keen on that idea, but it was much cheaper than Uber. Then I remembered, "Wait, didn't bird start here?" Yes the scooter company bird is in San Fransisco. I said, "I'll just scoot up there!" Alas, no bird scooters out by the airport hotels. Then I remembered I have lime on my phone too! So I loaded up the lime app, and sure enough, there was a lime scooter on my way!
I located the lime, and it's a bike. I think, "that's fine, biking will still cut off at least half the time!" I unlock it, and the lights don't work. It's night time now, so it's dark. I thought, "Wow, this isn't very safe. You'd think lime would have lights on their bikes." I ride up to the liquor store, which ended up being in a nice section of suburban San Francisco. Once in the well lit area I noticed the bike said "ebike" on it, and I saw the motor for pedal assist. It turns out the lime I got was a lemon. It did have lights, the bike was just broken.
I get my WAY overpriced mini bottles, and then look for another bike, this one, hopefully not broken. I find one quickly, and it works great, lights and everything. Let me just say this, pedal assist bikes are super fun! I flew on the way back to the hotel! If you get a chance, ride one, the motor does all the work for you! I even made Mandy try it when I got back to the hotel. She had to admit, even as someone that doesn't enjoy riding bikes, it was pretty cool.
We both get a crappy night sleep, then eat a pretty good hotel breakfast, then off to the airport. Customs was stressful, as it always is, but the agents were in good spirits, because the TSA in San Fransisco is ran by a private company, so they are still getting paid despite the government shutdown. We find our gate, and get the last few things that we need to do online done before leaving the country for a while. Mandy doing work, me looking at cat memes.
Finally we board our plane, we're all set to go, and we sit. Then we sit. We sit some more, then we sit. Then Mandy points out it's been an hour and we haven't moved. No word from the captain, no word from the crew. Just an hour straight of sitting in a tarmac. The guy next to us, which was clearly flying internationally for the first time asked a passing stewardess, "Hey, what's going on? When are we taking off?" And she said "10 minute." Which is obviously bullshit.
We have a friend who works for Delta, and since we're still on the ground in America, we could still contact her, so we gave her the old "What's going on?" text. She looked into it, bad wind off the coast, Delta flights are delayed by 45 minutes. We watched several planes from several other providers take off, or taxi right behind us. We just sat. It was an hour and fifty minutes before we started moving. The FAA says that after 2 hours they have to provide you with a meal. They got in JUST under the buzzer.
I have no idea why we sat there. There was no work being done, no repairs. Delta got all their flights out in 45 minutes. There we sat. The captain never said a word. The staff said nothing. The only reason we knew anything is we have a friend in the industry. We flew China Eastern, for the record. This was strike one.
We get up in the air, and about two hours later they served our meal, 4 hours after getting on the plane. I could tell the service was going to suck, so I asked for a glass of wine, and a beer, and the flight attendant looked like I just kicked his dog. TWO drinks at the same time? Impossible. He did it, but you could tell it bothered him. I'm personally super glad I did.
The food comes after the drinks and the same guy starts handing us food, and we are like, "Woah buddy, what are the options?" This is when it becomes clear none of the staff speaks English. I mean enough for one to two words here or there, but clearly no real grasp of English. Strike two. He responds "Pork fried rice." Now if any of you are unaware, I haven't been eating pork. It's actually been well over a year, almost two now. I've made one or two exceptions, but those were always my decision.
Mandy says, "What about chicken?" He says "No. Pork fried rice." Luckily for me, I already decided I was going to eat pork on this trip, because the Philippines LOVE pork. In fact, in the first hour of being here we already saw a whole pig roasting on a pit in someone's back yard. What's important here is that I had already decided I could eat pork. I didn't want to on the plane, but with a 12 hour flight (14 with the delay), I had no options. Literally. Now the vegetarian behind me... He had quite a bit less options. I think he just didn't eat. Strike three.
It's important to note when we asked for our wine, he used the small cup, and poured a half pour. He also just had a sour expression on his face when he delt with us. I say "he" because we only delt with one guy for the whole flight. He then turned to the Chinese people across the row from us chatted them up enthusiastically, got out a big cup, and filled it up with wine. To the top. Mandy and I looked at each other like, "Are you seeing this shit?" First overt sign of racism, and that's a strike four.
After lunch, they got our trash, and no staff was to be seen or heard of again for four hours. No water. No snacks. Nothing. So in the 8 hours we were on the plane so far we got one shitty meal (did I mention it was horrible?) One glass of wine each, and one can of beer. At the 8 hour mark they came around with water, and we got yet again, the small glass, and a half pour... Of water. The Chinese people got full pours in big glasses. Strike five.
Two hours after our water (which after that first water, they came by on the hour with water) they brought out no doubt the shittiest sandwich I've ever seen in my life. I'm not exaggerating. This sandwich was, a half a piece of bread, with a meat we couldn't identify, no sauce, another half price of bread, then a wilted piece of lettuce the size of a half dollar, that I would have definitely thrown away in my kitchen, no sauce, then another half piece of bread. We were pretty sure this was going to be our last meal on the plane, and we debated eating it or not... But decided we would risk food poisoning because WE HAD NO OTHER OPTIONS. Strike six.
Two hours after that, about an hour from landing they come around with another meal, much to our surprise. Our dude comes up to us and just started to put a food tray on Mandy's lap (I was in the bathroom) she had to ask, "what is this?" And he said "pork" and she said, "Do I not get any options? Is that all there is? Just fried rice pork?" I'm walking up as he goes, "omelet." She says in her SUPER sweet "Fuck you" voice, "Yeah I'll have the omelet then." As I sit down I say, "Yeah I'll have the same. Also can I get a beer?" He just says "No." And pushed the cart away. Ok. Strike seven.
The omelette was covered with greasy soggy bacon. I thought to myself, "good thing I'm ok with this. Poor vegetarian behind me." My guess is, he just didn't eat. For 14 hours. Also, they made Mandy and myself raise our seats to upright while we ate, not the people in front of us, or any other other Chinese people. Outright racism. When they were breaking down the trash, our guy walks by me with an empty beer can from a couple rows up of, you guessed it, Chinese people. It dawned on me he never said, "No, we're out of beer" which is what I assumed. He just said "No." Blatant racism. Strike eight.
Had I not brought mini bottles, I would have been provided with one beer, and one half of a small cup of wine (about a quarter of a glass) for a 14 hour plane ride. Fucking ridiculous. Unacceptable. I will never in my life ride on China Eastern. I will tell everyone who will listen to me to never ride on China Eastern. Don't ride on China Eastern. Don't give them money. Their staff is racist towards white people. It's understandable if you have a domestic Chinese flight to have your staff not speak English, but if the flight originated in the USA, they should at least be able to answer simple questions.
If for some reason this should end up in front of someone at China Eastern, I don't want free rides, just fix your shit.
So we land, we're at the back of the plane, and our bags are no where near us. This is because the plane is full of people that are carrying 3 to 4 carry on "bags" and cramming shit in the overhead that doesn't belong. We decided to just wait it out and keep an eye on our bags until everyone gets done. The Chinese in my experience push and shove, and don't make lines. This is exactly what happened. They push and shove to be the first to get off the plane, to push and shove to be the first on a bus to take us to the terminal. Mandy and I calmly collect our belongings, and get on the bus patiently, and then the doors close, and we head to the terminal. Golf clap for the Chinese. Well played.
Even though we aren't leaving the terminal, we still have to go through customs in China, which consists of 1 getting your finger prints scanned. 2 scanning your ticket and passport, and 3 going to the terminal. There are self finger print scanners at the beginning of the airport, but literally no one uses them. I say "hey Mandy, shouldn't we scan our fingerprints?" She says, "nobody else is, there's probably more further on." There weren't. I said, "Just because everyone is passing it up doesn't mean they are all right." We debated for a second, then just went on with everyone else. Not ideal.
Meanwhile there are passport control people running through the crowd shouting "MANILA MANILA 10 MINUTES THEY SHUT GATE MANILA MANILA!" See, since our plane was 2 hours late, everyone going to Manila was going to miss their flight. This led to the unorganized shit show we expected in China. People NOT going to Manila started running behind these people. Everyone followed into the self serve line, none of them had their fingerprint scans. You can't use self checkout without the receipt from your fingerprint scans. Manila was being let through without it, because they were literally missing their flight. Quickly the agent figured out the entire line eventually was just people blindly running after them, none of them had the correct information, and none of them could go through.
One by one, after waiting through about 30 minutes in self check out, people were sent back to the back of the line to check in with an officer. The fingerprint scanner was in a section that once you left, you couldn't go back in there. It seems logical if you don't think about it.
The check out by a person line takes about an hour. They were randomly letting people skip the fingerprint just to keep the line moving at self check out, that line was shorter, so we tried to see if maybe they would randomly let us through. They did not. They scanned our face, scanned our passport, scanned our ticket, then pointed to the back of the line.
At no point did anyone try to explain what was going on, in English, or Chinese. This could have saved people (read us) at least an hour. "If you have fingerprint, line here, no fingerprint, line here" is that hard? When we finally get to customs (again) they... Wait for it.. take my picture, scan my ticket, scan my passport, and then tell me to go in to the terminal. They did NOT get my fingerprints. They did NOT stamp my passport. Seriously. You can't make this shit up. They made me wait in line for an hour to do the thing they already did, but then just wouldn't let me in.
Now for security. First, we notice no one is taking their shoes off, and Mandy asks me, "Do we have to take our shoes off?" And I go, "I don't think so" and when we get up she asks, "Do we have to take our shoes off?" And the lady said "Yes. Shoes off." Literally a Chinese couple in front of us is going through the metal detector with shoes on. Mandy goes, "They're wearing shoes" and this woman from the people's republic of China looks Mandy in the eyes and says, "No they aren't."
"No they aren't." Let that sink in.
So we take off our shoes. I have 2 of my 6 mini bottles left, which they pull out, say something to the other people in Chinese, and then laugh. I think it was good hearted, but, I don't know the language. We make it through, or so I think, until one guy goes, "Take out power pack." I'm like "Oh, yeah I forgot that in my pack. Sure here." He looks it over, flips it around, and says, "No. You can not take." I'm like "Seriously? Why not? I flew here with that. I've flown all over the world with that!" And he says "I can't tell how strong it is, it's not printed." Which is true, because it's been rubbed off from use. The technical info isn't on there. I used that battery 5 days a week for work. It's been on 4 continents. I've flown with it countless times. Now it's stuck in China.
Mandy got super pissed and started to go off, and I stopped her and said, "It's not worth it. We'll have to get another one." China is not a free state. They don't have freedom of speech. The last thing I want is for this to escalate at all. I just said, "Keep it." And we left it. There was no reason for him to confiscate it. At all. I've never had anyone ever even glance at it. Ever. In any country. Ever. Except racist ass China.
At this point, we just wanted to get the fuck out of China. So this is my final point about China.. I kinda wanted to go at some point, Mandy kind of didn't want to go. Traveling with the Chinese, they are rude, pushy, inconsiderate, don't follow any local customs, they let their kids piss and shit in the street (I've seen it multiple times), and they just suck in general. These are my observations from traveling with the Chinese abroad. Traveling with them on their home turf, turns out they are racist against me as well. That being said, thanks but no thanks. China is officially off my list of countries I will visit. I now have absolutely no desire to go to China. We will never ride any Chinese airline ever again, no matter how good the ticket price. I'll never pay someone to treat me like a piece of shit.
Anywho, we have a bit of a panic getting on our last flight to the Philippines because our gate had only our flight on it, and they randomly closed it. We didn't know what time it was in China, and there were no clocks in the airport (which is insane). We went to get a drink, and our flight was a 9:20. At the restaurant we went to they said, "No food, just drinks" we said, "Ok we will do drinks." She said ok, the we ordered two Johnny Walker blacks, the lady then said, "No. Only beer." And I'm looking at the bottle with my eyes, and we're like, "uhhhh" she then said, we "We close at 9. Only beer." Which were 6 dollars for VERY blah Chinese beers. No thanks.
Well, now we're thinking it's like 5 till or something, then we see our gate is closed, and they're people going dowm an escalator towards our gate, towards our plane. We panic a little, then a bilingual girl comes up, and she straight up goes into full panic. "The gates are closed!" Then some Chinese. She takes off, we follow, she finds someone who works at the airport, hurried Chinese speech, then she takes off, we follow her. She's trying to find a way to that escalator, we are too. She gets us pretty worked up... Finally I'm like, "I'm just going to turn on my phone for a second for it to update to Shang Hai time." it connects... It's 8:18. After running around.
Yet again, we close at 9, so we can't serve you anything but beer... At our restaurant. Racist bullshit.
We get on the plane, no TV on this one, so 4 hours of silence. Everyone tried to sleep anyways. Everyone on this flight was on a similar ordeal as we were. Everyone used China as a layover, so they are all as exhausted as we are. When we land the plane erupts in laughter and applause. We made it. We fucking made it.
Well, to the Philippines. We still had a bit to go to get to our island... For sure. I'll post the rest of the long version later.
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