#if the stars aligned just right i would've ended up being the one to do that

[enkas-illusion]

Games at the Fair

Fandom / Pairing: Jujutsu Kaisen / Nanami x f!reader

Rating: Fluff – nonetheless, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT 

Theme: Friends to lovers (more like situationship to relationship I guess??) ; non-sorcerer au

Content warning: fluff, jealous Nanami, flirty stranger Choso x reader, suggestive, mentions of smut

Summary:

You've been conflicted over your situationship with Nanami Kento ever since the two of you shared a moment two weeks ago. The elephant in the room has been left unaddressed so meeting your crush/friend for the first time in two weeks makes you feel some type of way. The stars align when a hot stranger named Choso tries to woo you at the fair, you decide to indulge in his advances a bit to force a reaction out of Kento instead of talking to him like a sensible adult.

Author's Note: Hello, this is my first attempt at writing a one-shot. Borderline giggling-in-your-bed, kicking-your-feet type fluff but love is cringe so it is what it is. All characters are in their 20s. If you enjoy it, feel free to like, reblog or comment. Open to criticism, just be kind about it. Thank you for reading! 

-Eren’s Birdie

Song dedication: Yes or No by Jungkook / Love Talk (English Ver.) by WayV

Your eyes wander to the cafe door once again when you hear it open. You think you're being sneaky with it but your desperation did not go unnoticed by a certain loudmouth.

"He'll be here, chill already! Kento is a man of his word," Gojo teases, making the rest of the group giggle.

"Yeah well... okay whatever." You reply curtly. Your gaze moves up from your coffee to look at your friends, only to find Satoru, Suguru and Shoko all looking at you intently.

"We were pretty drunk that night but not so wasted that we’d forget everything. We saw you two leave the club together and you're kinda painfully obvious about your infatuation... So what's up with you two?" Suguru inquires calmly.

Geto often swears he couldn't care less about gossip but he's annoyingly attentive when it comes to catching hints and linking pieces together when there's any sort of drama encroaching. 

You consider rolling your eyes but for some reason you feel like a criminal caught in an act... there's only so much one can evade before they gotta surrender. So you give in and lean forward towards the table but not before glancing at the door. Only this time, it's to make sure Nanami isn't the one walking in.

"Well, that night, if you guys remember, Kento was the only one who had decided to stay sober since he assigned himself as the driver-" You began, only to be interrupted by Gojo.

"Yeah and for what?! He booked an uber for the rest of us anyway when he left alone with you." Shoko smacks him on the head as if to shut him up. You side-eye him as you continue your story.

"Anyway... so, having had one too many shots, I was right up there with you guys. But when I started feeling a bit uneasy, Kento offered to drop me home and come back again." You realise you're fidgeting with the sugar packet on the table nervously but you stop the action as you look up to see all three of your friends leaning in, waiting for you to continue. It almost makes you laugh but you hold back because you know the odds aren't particularly in your favour with this story, and you’d hate to be teased for it by them later tonight.

"And then he drove me to my place. I invited him up for a cup of coffee-"

"At like 2 in the morning?" It's Suguru this time.

"It was the alcohol talking, okay?" You sigh and he simply shrugs, urging you to continue.

"We did end up having some coffee and we talked till like 4am? I’m not actually sure but it was late late. By that time, I was neither buzzed, nor uneasy. I was well aware of everything that was happening... and it just so happened that we kinda kissed and then he blurted out some excuse and left." You mumble towards the end of the sentence; so much so that if your friends weren't as invested in this story, they would've probably missed what you'd just said.

"HOLD ON- what do you mean kinda kissed and left?" Satoru almost yells. "Please elaborate." Suguru adds.

"Well, it just happened, okay? I don't know how to explain it, one minute we were talking and the next minute he held my face and pulled me in to kiss me so sensually, yet so softly that I honestly don't know what to make of it! But when things got heated, he excused himself cause he didn't think it was right to take advantage of me when I was drunk. I tried telling him I wasn't but he just left. He said he'd talk to me later but he has texted me about everything BUT the incident as if it never happened and do you know how annoying it is cause it's been TWO WHOLE WEEKS!" You sigh, out of breath, only now realising you could probably give Eminem a run for his money with how quickly you blurted everything out.

"Jeezzzz... that's bad. How can Ken fumble so badly?" Gojo laughs in disbelief. 

Shoko adds, "He clearly likes you, and it's obvious you like him too - yet both of y'all are pussies who are too scared to do anything about it. It's the most frustrating trope of all romances if you ask me."

"Well, what do you want me to do? He has to be the one to initiate it. He's the one who left me hanging." You state, matter-of-factly.

"Whatever it is, figure it out asap cause here comes your man." Satoru gives you a sly smile before waving and smiling at the door. You turn to look at Kento walking in. He's wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up halfway and you mentally slap yourself for instantly feeling aroused at the sight.

"Hi," his voice breaks your trance as you greet him back along with everyone else. "Sorry for being late, I had to wrap up some things last minute at work." He adds. Maybe you're being delusional but it sort of feels like he's directed it specifically to you.

"No worries Kennyyy, we've got our tickets right here, we can walk right in front of the line at each ride." Gojo waves the tickets proudly as Kento makes a less than pleasant face at his friend's stupid nickname.

"Thank you Satoru, what would I possibly do without you." Kento says it with a straight face, making you snort quietly. Your eyes meet for a split second when he looks at you and suddenly you're reminded of how nervous you're supposed to be around him.

"Let's get going? Would still hate a big crowd even if we had the premium passes." Suguru interjects as you all pay and leave.

You hand Kento a Matcha-flavoured cold coffee. Although it's common knowledge that it's his go-to drink of choice, he raises an eyebrow in surprise while accepting it. "Thank you." He gives you a quick smile as he walks out the coffee shop, next to you.

But wait a minute... Your brain goes into overthinking mode as you realise you seem too pliant. Bringing him his favourite drink, making those eyes at him, laughing at his jokes, seemingly ignoring the elephant in the room for his convenience.

And before you could rationalise with your own self, you clarify, "We knew the guys would want to rush to the fair as soon as you arrive so Shoko thought it'd be a good idea to order yours beforehand." 

Lies. Pure bullshit. But two can play this game so that’s exactly what you were planning to do.  

The carnival was a short walk away and Gojo generously allows everyone about 20 minutes to do their own thing before calling them to where the roller coaster is.

Suguru and Satoru had split from the rest to check out the Mirror house and Horror house. You lock arms with Shoko as the two of you seemingly share a single brain cell when you rush towards the candy stall. This stall in particular had been on your list ever since Shoko had heard that they had candy in every flavour imaginable. Nanami tags alongside with his hands in his pocket, comfortable with being left out. 

"Let's get the basics out of the way. The sweetest, tooth decaying batch for Satoru?" You wonder out loud.

"And half sour, half spicy for Suguru?" Shoko adds and the person attending to you suggests a few options. While you're busy choosing for the boys, you hear Nanami speak for the first time in what feels like forever. "What are you planning to pick for me?" 

"Kento you're never really picky about food so I don't really know what you enjoy… I'm the wrong person to ask…" Shoko says awkwardly. She was trying to give you an opening. He looks at you to check if you caught onto the fact that the question wasn't for her to begin with. 

"Hmm… since you're here, it'd be best that you pick whatever you like." You give him a half-forced smile.

He looks like he’s about to retaliate but his mouth closes as soon as it opens and it has you wondering what he’s fighting his own mind over so hard. Was it really that conflicting to decide whether he liked you or not? You push the unnecessary thought to the back of your head, not really wanting to dive deep into the feelings department at that moment.

Instead he turns around and picks a mixed bag of chocolates that ranges from pure milk to 99% cocoa. You would've picked the same for him and it kind of makes you happy that you know him so well. Maybe you were being a bit mean now, but nevermind - this is the plan, to rile him up so much that he has no option but to realise that some issues need addressing. 

Once you pay for the candies, you buy a few more snacks from other stalls before you see Gojo's texts on the group chat, calling everyone to where the roller coaster is.

Like Gojo had said before, the premium ticket really does push you to the top of the line. You barely have to wait for a few moments for them to do the basic machinery check before the group of 12 people that you're a part of is let in.

As if following an unspoken agreement, Shoko and Suguru sit together at the front but Satoru is too much of a dumbass to get the memo. As soon as Kento sits on one of the seats, Satoru climbs in next to him. You quickly sit behind Kento to avoid further embarrassment. 

Shoko turns around and her face almost looks murderous when she stares at Gojo. He only shrugs back at her. Seriously, how can someone be so smart yet so oblivious and clueless when it actually counts???

You're too busy to notice the person next to you. But you turn your head when you see their seatbelt being secured in place along with yours.

"Well if it isn't my lucky day," the guy says as he looks at you, "... sitting on a roller coaster next to a pretty lady."

You're amused by the compliment. You know this all too well — the easy to flirt, charming, hot guy who knows exactly what to say to get the girls swooning. The tattooed sleeve and dishevelled hair only feed into the fuckboy image and you know better than to be serious so you decide to humour him.

"And why might sitting next to pretty ladies be of any consolation? Don't tell me you're scared of a carnival ride." You feign shock.

"Nah, it's a relief. We get the hand holding part out of the way, and when this is done, we can move onto better rides." He winks at you.

"And who says I'm holding your hand?" You raise an eyebrow at him.

"And why wouldn't you want to?" He challenges you, copying your tone. He makes a waving motion over his face and body as if to present himself to you. It kinda makes you laugh as you visibly cringe.

"Alright, fine! We can go the usual route of dinner and a movie first!" He adds.

"My god, you're relentless!" You're fully laughing at how unserious this strange man is.

"Actually people usually call me Choso but I think I can get used to Relentless." He puts his hand out and you shake it briefly. 

"Hi Relentless, I'm y/n," you reply, smiling.

"A pretty name for a pretty lady," he says, repeating your name. You hear the first signal that secures the seatbelts in place. Choso puts his hand out and you look at him.

Your eyes briefly wander to the front to check if the stranger's words had any effect on Nanami. Even if it did, you're disappointed to see that he wasn't showing it at all.

"I don't remember saying yes?" You question playfully.

"Will it improve my chances if I say that I'm terrified of roller coasters?" He retorts.

"Are you? For real?" You ask, surprised.

"Nope." He snorts, still holding his hand open invitingly. You laugh before swatting his hand away.

"I don't hold hands till the 10th date!" You joke as another signal blares and the roller coaster slowly begins moving towards the drop.

"So does that mean I can hold your hand after 9 more dates?" He teases.

"Guess you'll never know unless you try." You tease him back.

Just before the dip, you swear you saw Kento look back to give Choso a quick stare down, but before your brain could note it for later analysis, the adrenaline overtook as soon as the ride commenced.

When it ends, you quickly say your goodbyes to Choso before you regroup with your friends. You'd stay here all night if you were to decipher each of your friends' emotions but more or less everyone made a what was that!? face, except for Kento. His face had pure annoyance written over it. You were almost surprised by how obvious his usually unreadable face was.

You change the subject to talk about random shit as you walk towards the games section. When the rest of the group starts chattering about whatever, Nanami pulls at your arm to slow your pace to let the group walk ahead. You slow down as you fall behind and he finally speaks up.

"Care to explain?" His voice is calm but laced with irritation.

"Explain what?" You frown.

"I thought we..." he trails off, as if he's unsure about the right words to use. You decide you’ve had enough of him wanting to say something yet saying nothing at all. So you decide to do it for him.

"Yes, I also thought we had something going on but it's okay, you take your time, ignore me for 2 more weeks if it suits you and run away again the next time something happens." You say, mostly calm but almost not. It's only now that you were letting your annoyance take control because you were upset. Clearly. The last two weeks had been awful, mentally playing a game of ‘he loves me, he loves me not’ each time he texted you.

Kento's eyes soften as he runs his hand through his hair, "I'm sorry, I should've reached out. I got busy with work after the weekend and later I figured I could just talk to you face-to-face when we met today." 

Excuses. Not good enough.

"You had plenty of chances to do just that in the last hour or so. I like you Kento... I don't know how many more hints you want. But I'm kinda disappointed..." you look at him. 

Nope this is enough, best not to take shit any further, you decide. But that's the problem with confronting someone, you always test the limits of how much you can poke a person till they burst, "I hate indecisiveness. At least Choso knows for sure what he wants and makes his move on time." 

The puppy eyes he was looking at you with up until a second ago fade away and his jaw tightens as he gulps whatever words he had on the tip of his tongue. Speaking of the devil, as if on cue, you see Choso near the games section, only to find him already looking at you.

"Date 2?" Choso grins at you, "Tell me sweetheart, do you like stuffed toys?" You nod.

You can sense the tension as Choso ignores Kento who’s standing right next to you the whole time. You walk further away from both the men, suddenly finding the display of the soft toys a bit too interesting. Shoko is looking at the stacked toy pyramid and you ask her what prize is for what game.

"The dolphins and elephants at the bottom are for whack-a-mole," she says, pointing at Satoru who's frantically trying to win it.

"The random tier above it, ugliest by the way, is for the ring hoop thingy," she points at Suguru trying his hand at the game.

"And the top tier with the fluffy teddy bears is for Target shooting," she points at the stall where you were just a minute ago. You turn to look at Choso and Kento both picking up rifles to begin shooting their respective targets.

No matter how annoyed you may be at him, you can never ignore just how beautiful the man is. His forearms look delicious as he adjusts the rifle to his shoulder. You peel your eyes away from Kento’s veiny arms with much difficulty and focus your eyes on the target.

Each person gets five shots. Five clean shots to win the teddy bear. And both the guys take their aims in tandem. It almost feels like watching two teams take penalties during a FIFA world cup finale, not knowing who's gonna win. 

You know Kento is competitive but he's always a good sport even when he loses a card or board game to you. Once again you’re surprised to see him groan out loud in frustration when he misses the last shot, whereas Choso gets a perfect score, winning the teddy bear.

Choso brings the big teddy and hands it to you, "Let's exchange gifts? My teddy for your number?" You smile at the soft toy in your hands. Before you have a chance to respond, you hear Kento’s stern voice coming from behind Choso.

"No. There’s no way in hell I’m gonna let that happen." he declares. Hell of an awkward situation to be in as Choso, you and Shoko all stare at Kento, who looks visibly angry.

Kento points at the Panda at the very top, the biggest prize of them all, "What the hell is that one for?"

"Oh... No one tries that ‘cause it's the hardest, Beat the bar challenge. You gotta hang onto the pull up bar for 3 whole minutes so it's basically an impossible prize." Shoko explains.

"Okay." Is all Kento says in return as he walks towards the man in charge of the bar challenge game. He gives the man a token and pulls up his sleeves even further as he grabs the bar.

You stare in disbelief as the countdown lights up on an LED display next to the bar as he hangs to it. It has you baffled that Nanami is doing this out of pure spite and jealousy but you'd be lying if you said you weren't turned on by the change in his demeanour, seeing him all worked up like this.

As he passes the two minute mark, without any sign of struggle, a sizable crowd gathers there to see if he really takes the panda home. Towards the end, Gojo and Geto start the 15 seconds countdown, hollering and hooting to cheer at their friend.

When Nanami's eyes meet yours, his cocky smile only grows when he sees you cheer on him as well. The tiny crowd roars when the 3 minute mark is crossed.

He half-yells a, "Just to be sure" as he does a muscle up with ease before jumping down from the bar. You're impressed but you still mouth a ‘show off’ as you roll your eyes at him jokingly. He walks towards you with the prize panda in hand. 

The panda is about three feet tall and extremely fluffy — no wonder it was the top prize.

Kento, not so politely, pulls away the bear Choso had won for you and instead holds his panda out in front of you. He looks to the side to find the other man and with a smug smile tosses the bear back at Choso, who catches it with quick reflex.

You're still processing the whole thing because you kinda want to memorise every moment - this is so out of character for the stoic man you've always had a crush on. You've liked him for how calm and composed he is but seeing him like this has almost multiplied your attraction to him tenfold. Guess you pressed all the right buttons.

He pulls you out of your reverie as he says, "Is this decisive enough for you?"

And before you can answer, he pulls at your waist with his free hand till you're flush against his chest.

His head leans down to your level as he kisses you more passionately than he did the first time at your place and you can't help but feel weak in your knees. You feel as if your brain is going to short-circuit any minute now but you kiss him back, relishing every moment of it before he pulls back.

"I'm going to assume that's a yes." You can't help but blush as you look down to avoid his eye contact. How can you possibly stay mad when he has so clearly declared his intentions with you in front of everyone. 

"Satoru, I take it you have your car this time. I’m gonna ask for a raincheck on drinks night." Nanami says to his friend. You feel dazed as you simply look at your three friends with equal amounts of embarrassment, shock and excitement.

Reading between the lines isn't hard. Kento might as well have said 'I'm going to fuck her and I cannot wait one moment for it' cause that's what his words seemed to imply.

“Why am I even surprised?" Gojo sighs.

Shoko punches his arm, "I'm pretty sure they couldn't care less about those drinks."

"Righttt," Satoru grins at you and says, "Have fun! Kenny has a really big penny. Saw it in the gym locker room once."

"SATORU!", you scold him.

"Hey dumbass, maintain some decorum." Suguru cringes.

"It's okay, she's about to find out anyway." Kento says coolly as he intertwines his fingers with yours and starts marching towards the gates.

You stare back to see you can't find Choso anywhere. Makes sense, you note to yourself. Then your eyes land on your friends and you grin with all your teeth. You turn your head to the front again as you look up at your man.

Up close, you notice the tiny beads of sweat on his forehead from all the exertion at the pull up bar. Holy shit, you wonder, everything about this night couldn't have gone any better... but you have a hunch, he's about to prove you wrong all night long.

[lucifersresources]

speak now (taylor's version) vault tracks rp meme.

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

electric touch.

just relax, it'll be okay.

i've got my money on things going badly.

got a history of stories ending sadly.

still hoping that the fire won't burn me.

this could either break my heart or bring it back to life.

your electric touch could fill this ghost town up with life.

i want you now.

i've been left in the rain, lost and pining.

trying hard not to look like i'm trying.

every time i tried hard for love, it fell apart.

i've grown accustomed to sleeping alone.

maybe the stars align and maybe i call you mine.

maybe the moment's right.

when emma falls in love.

this one could go wrong.

she's the kind of book that you can't put down.

all the bad boys would be good boys if they only had a chance to love her.

i wish i was her.

she takes on the pain and bears it on her own.

she won't walk away unless she knows she absolutely has to leave.

she won't lose herself in love the way that i did.

his whole world's about to change.

i can see you.

i spend my time trying not to feel it.

what would you do if i went to touch you now?

what would you do if they never found us out?

i could see you up against the wall with me.

i can see you.

something's changed.

they kept watchful eyes on us.

it's best that we move fast and keep quiet.

you won't believe half the things i see inside my head.

wait till you see half the things that haven't happened yet.

meet me tonight.

i could see you being my addiction.

you can see me as a secret mission.

i will start behaving myself.

castles crumbling.

i had an empire in a golden age.

i was held up so high.

i used to be great.

they used to cheer when they saw my face.

i fear i have fallen from grace.

i feel like my castle's crumbling down.

i watch all my bridges burn to the ground.

i will just let you down.

you don't wanna know me now.

i held that grudge till it tore me apart.

power went to my head.

i sit alone behind walls of regret.

i don't know how it could've ended this way.

people look at me like i'm a monster.

never wanted you to hate me.

foolish one.

my cards are on the table.

you've already got plans.

chances are i will talk myself to sleep again.

you give me just enough attention to keep my hopes too high.

you are not the exception.

you will never learn your lesson.

i know how to act like i'm fine.

i can't call you mine.

i will do my best to seem bulletproof.

how could i not see the signs?

you got her on your arm and me in the wings.

i'll get your longing glances, but she'll get your ring.

maybe i will finally learn my lesson.

timeless.

the kinda love that you only find once in a lifetime.

i know that you and i would've found each other in another life.

you still would've turned my head even if we'd met on a crowded street in 1944

you still would've been mine.

we would have been timeless.

i believe that we were supposed to find this.

even in a different life, you still would've been mine.

i'd die for you in the same way.

the story started when you say 'hello'.

sometimes there's no proof, you just know.

you're always gonna be mine.

i'm gonna love you when our hair is turning gray.

oh my, we really were timeless.

[atxxzist]

broken | c.s (02)

prev // next // series m.list

pairing: choi san x reader

word count: 5.3k

warning: just san being a whole ass red flag

"my man, choi san!"

choi san.

as if the stars align, everything suddenly falling into place; the handsome stranger from the party is... wooyoung's friend.

"sit down, sit down!" wooyoung hustles, pushing san down onto the seat, yeosang scooting to the wall to make space. and now even the puzzle fits; san seated right across from you. a handsome smile on his face when his eyes meet your shy ones.

wooyoung plops himself down at the end, fidgeting in his spot.

"this is yeosang," he starts; the two boys next to each other exchanging a small head bow.

"and this is yunho," wooyoung goes on, head snapping from the side to in front of him. san follows along.

"hey," yunho murmurs, a small wave in the air.

"and then this is--"

"--y/n," san finishes off.

"--what--I mean, yes. how did you know?"

both mingi and yunho as equally surprise, except for yeosang who has a stoic expression permanently stickered on his face.

san sends a gentle smile your way, replying as his eyes still linger on yours.

"we met at the party. there was a little drink accident."

redness grow on your cheeks from such a thing being made known to everyone, and something in yeosang shifts, like he finds entertainment from it.

you definitely would kick him again if he was still sitting in front of you.

"i'm gonna take a guess and say it was miss y/n's fault," mingi comments, yunho chuckling along before san follows. his laughter like music to your ears.

that still doesn't stop you from growing two times more embarrassed from your best friend's remark.

"it's okay, there were a lot of people," san assures, and you don't know whether you're flattered at the defense or if it just raised the temperature on cheeks even more.

he thinks you blush way too effortlessly.

wooyoung chuckles at the interaction before continuing on, "and that's mingi."

said boy uttering a small 'hey' to san with him returning one.

"so, san..." yunho starts up, "you go to wooyoung's parties often?"

something about the question piques your interest, eyes wide and toes curling in anticipation, you don't even register the fact that you're staring at him right now like some awestruck fool. but he does.

"just about every one of them," wooyoung answers before san gets to it. he scoffs and a smirk graces the corner of his lips.

"i help, you could say," san reply, gaze on yunho before moving to yours so suddenly, you believe a person this good looking needs a warning on him beforehand.

"i also helped y/n, when she got lost and was looking for mingi."

you just nod, getting more flustered by the second, afraid someone at this table will be able to pick up the pathetic crush you already have on this man. you're not even doing the best at hiding it.

"she's a little bit of a klutz, i'm sorry," mingi teases, causing you to snap head to him immediately with a frown.

as if you already forgot about the cute boy in front of you, the response loosely escapes your lips with a snide tone.

"well, none of it would have happened if you didn't leave me in the first place."

but it's a little too late, turning back and seeing an amused smile on san as he tries to bite back a chuckle--damn mingi for triggering you.

"are we still at it with this? thought you would've let it go by now," mingi retorts dramatically. you only roll your eyes and let wooyoung take over the scene when he goes to ask what you guys want.

not minding the fact that you're sitting squashed in between both of your friends, hanging out with fucking kang yeosang and out to a dinner being treated by jung wooyoung, what's more concerning is how you literally cannot stop staring at san.

you've already picked up so many little details about him just from the time you've been stuck to your seat.

you've noticed the little freckles decorating his neck like stars, the sharpness of his jawline, so prominent it mentally hurts just checking them out. and the way he looks at someone when they're speaking.

like his attention hanging onto every words and he's digesting every bits of it. you're not sure how long it's going to stay just being a tiny crush.

watching as he converses with wooyoung in such a calm, cool, and collected manner--something you've only seen on tv shows.

so fascinated yet at the same time, consumed by your thoughts, only until you feel another kick to your leg do you realize you've been staring at wooyoung dumbfoundedly without the pretty boy wracking your mind so heavily.

you shift gear yeosang's direction, about ready to deliver another blow, only for the sight of him so peacefully stuffing his face to greet you.

that's when your eyes slowly drift away from him and to san; a mischievous but subtle smile on him as he pretends to take a bite out of his food.

his act a repeat of yeosang's, but it doesn't annoy you. your stomach even churns in some weird excitement.

you do a quick check of everyone else around; all similar to yeosang and too busy slurping down the pieces of meat on their plates, your eyes quickly dashes back to san, and something playful comes over, a small surge of confidence as you lightly poke his leg back--immediately turning to your food acting as equally aloof.

he smirks, watching as you keep your gaze down, only to momentarily lock it with his a few seconds after, thinking you were in the clear.

his deep, beautiful, brown eyes burning into yours and making you feel all kinds of way.

"so, y/n, how are you enjoying seoul so far?" wooyoung's voice steals your attention away.

"oh--uh, i haven't really been out..." you stammer.

"you should. lots of things and places to see."

you only nod slowly, before answering, "i hope to."

"made any new friends?" san joins in, much to your surprise. your attention moves to him. that mischievious sparks now in his eyes.

you shake your head.

"she's a little bit anti-social," mingi adds, "took forever for her to open up to us."

"oh..." san thrums, "i like a challenge."

there's an edge to the way he said it that has you as red as before, but has wooyoung rolling his eyes on the other hand.

yunho chuckles.

"your friend." he turns to wooyoung. "he usually this cheeky?"

wooyoung dryly returns a laughter of his own.

"he's... a lot of things."

san snickers an amused tone and leans forward on the table, hands clasped together, eyes never leaving yours.

"just want to get to know y/n better. that's all."

yeosang swallows down a chuckle overlooking the entire scene, but you couldn't give two shits about him right now; especially with san spewing things that makes your heart leaps inside your chest.

"that was your first time at wooyoung's party?" he asks.

"that's her first time at any party, actually," yunho answers for you.

san acknowledges it with a nod though you did told him something similar before. he straightens his posture, before leaning back with a relaxed stance.

"you should come again."

such a statement, especially when uttered by someone like him in that position, is not good for you.

"only if mingi and yunho comes along," you reply, soft tone.

san smiles. "i'm sure they will. wooyoung's got the invitations, right woo?" he snaps to his friend.

"right," wooyoung says, not much color in his voice.

"so... you'll be there?" he turns back to you.

you hesitantly comply. "i guess so."

"sweet," he comments.

say you were pressured or gave in because of the attention, but truth is, san so openly voicing the fact that he looks forward to seeing you again is all the convincing you need.

even if you already hate parties and the crowd that comes with it. but you want to get to know san better, and maybe he might feel the same... or else he wouldn't have been so keen about it.

the dinner goes on; conversations passing left and right--how you met one another, learning that san and wooyoung has known each other for almost as long as you and mingi.

yeosang isn't much of a talker, whatever's still left on his plate much more interesting than the small talks. if anything, you learn that he got a full ride scholarship to study here, but that's about it.

you don't really care for anything else he has to brag about. you'd rather go listen to forks on walls.

but with how san keeps stealing glances once in a while and initiating a foot game under the table, it's not very hard to forget yeosang's even here at all.

"i'm gonna use the restroom," you say, after the drink you had from earlier finally catches up.

mingi slides off to make way, san's intriguing gaze on you, but you try to not think too much of it heading to the women's restroom.

it's a tiny two stalls fitting for the humble restaurant, both unoccupied. you're impressed by how clean it is, at least in comparison to other public restrooms you've been to in the last couple of years.

you do your business, washing your hand and drying it under the lone hand dryer, maybe a foot out the door when you hit right into someone's hard chest.

"i'm sorr--san?!" a small gasp leaves your mouth, taken aback by the appearance of the man who has been on your mind ever since the first time you met him; now in front of you again.

"hey!" he smiles.

you take a step back to regain balance, eyes looking up into his.

"w-what are you doing here?"

"i wanted to make sure you're safe and okay."

a slight frown of confusion overtakes the shape of your lips; the image making san bite back a flesh of his own. he wonders if you're doing it on purpose or if you really don't realize how fucking pretty you are.

"i-in the restroom?" your voice so low and serious, but it makes san laugh because of the question.

he shrugs.

"there was a fight here last time. two guys with pocket knives."

he watch as your face changes into a horrified expression, the motion of your eyelashes that flutters so innocently.

"oh..." you say, a short silence befalling, "thank you for looking out for me."

he returns another smile.

"of course."

"you tired?" he goes on.

"just a little..." your hands are curled together by now and resting in front, unsure of how to position yourself when talking to him like this.

"want to go back?"

"i do but... i think i'm gonna have to wait for both mingi and yunho."

san chuckles quietly.

"we can go ask. trust me, wooyoung takes his time whenever he's out at places like this. he doesn't leave until midnight. i think the two might tag along."

"oh okay." you nod compliantly. "did you wanted to go back, too?" you ask.

"somewhat. but, i don't mind walking you back."

you're not sure how to take in the offer, feeling as if you've already bothered him enough just from the last meeting, but before you can say anything else, he already takes one of your hand into his and out to the where the rest are still seated.

this time, his fingers are intertwined with yours; locked together, and you can feel the warmth of them sinking into your skin. how odd that someone you barely even know can make you feel so safe.

it makes you want to trust him, believe in him, though there's still so much about him you don't know. but you want to find out. you want to know more about choi san and why he makes your breath hitches from a mere sighting.

"hey," san greets the group of the boys, all their heads turning to the both of you side by side, hands interlocked as if you guys just went through a whole relationship progression without their knowledge.

yunho raises an eyebrow at the contact but yeosang's the first to take notice.

"think i'll be leaving early tonight, woo, hope you don't mind," he speaks to wooyoung first, then turns to mingi.

"i also hope you won't mind i'll be taking y/n with me. i'll be sure that she makes it back safe and sound."

mingi hums an approval, already seeming to have some form of trust in san just because he's wooyoung's friend.

yunho though, is silent and looks as if he's juggling through a few crisis, not completely on the train of letting you go alone with someone he'd still consider a stranger.

but yunho has never been someone to make things more complicated than it needs to be, unless he absolutely has to.

"text us when you get back to the dorm," is all yunho tells you.

~

the crispy march weather is still unbearable though winter has come to an end. the cold only seems to get worse as the night goes on; the long sleeve you're wearing not doing much in terms of keeping you cozy, even if the dorm is only a good walking distance from the restaurant.

san has let go of your hand by now, but he's still walking next to you, towering over and with an intimidating presence from how attractive he is, it's fucking nuts.

"earlier," you speak up, breath fogging the air, "when you said there was a fight last time at the restaurant, w-were you scared when it happened?" you look at him through your curious eyes.

he laughs, a dimple popping on one side of his cheeks that makes him so handsome. he shakes his head.

"you weren't scared?" you repeat, almost in disbelief.

he smirks, fully turning to you.

"only because it didn't happen."

and it takes you another second to process what he meant, only to settle on the realization that he's admitting to having lied to you.

"i didn't mean to lie, i'm sorry," he mumbles the apology, "i panicked in the moment."

you don't say anything for the next couple of steps, thinking back to how casually he was able to say something as untrue as he claimed.

but like he said, he panicked. so who are you to say otherwise.

"it's fine," you assure with a smile. "thank you for walking with me."

"for sure," he replies, taking another glance at you and noticing the shivering and how awfully thin the fabric of your top is. something too fragile for this weather.

when he removes his jacket to place it on you, the sudden warmth hugging your body like never before, you immediately snap to him with guilt, observing the fit he has on that also isn't enough to counter the cold.

"san," you whisper so sweetly, attempting to rid the jacket so you can return it, only for him to stubbornly fight back to keep it on, shushing you.

"we're almost there anyways," he tells you, "keep it on."

so you give in... reluctantly, but you allow him to win, because there's something so magical about him. choi san. he's so good at enchanting you whichever way he chooses to do it, you fall every single time.

walking the rest of the way, you realize something else so scary about san. he's so easy to talk to; even someone like you who'd usually stop at an introduction, but able to hold a conversation with him because he carries himself so effortlessly.

a man you haven't even known past a week, having you by the tip of his finger because not only is he beautiful outside, but he also listens so attentively like he really wants to get to know you better.

it should scare you more, how easily you already trust him; so much to the point that the big '43-d' stickered on the wall is a reminder where you are, just if he ever looks for you.

choi san now knows the exact floor you're on, and the dorm number to remember for future purposes.

"this is it," he's the first to announce the arrival upon reaching the door.

"yeah..." you reply, volume low, looking so unnatural in this state, it's obvious a guy like san has never walked you home before.

"don't wake up your roommate," he tease with a sly smile that even gets the shyest giggle out of you.

you don't notice his lingering gaze on your smiling lips, taking in the shape of how pretty and plump it is, he already wants to take a guess on just exactly how it would taste. but he think he'll find out soon enough.

"i don't even think she's back yet."

the thing about being as well-off as yuna, is that she's always running around.

if she wasn't out to dinner with her parents and their friends, she was out with her other equals. people of similar status and just as pretty in glitters and high-end brands as she is.

you haven't really seen it for yourself per say, but she's shown you lots of pictures and has told you countless stories.

"oh," san coos an intrigued tone. "is she out often?"

you nod.

"practically almost every night. i pretty much have a single dorm to myself at this rate."

he has to contain the creeping smirk at your answer. not only are you fucking cute and blush way too much, but your roommate is also rarely ever in, which just makes it all more convenient.

"i see," he tries sounding as normal as possible, like just the thoughts of the things he can do to you already not making that sick side of him so eager.

"so the party. you still coming?"

your eyes doe into a visual san thinks he can definitely get used to.

"oh, uh... when is it?"

you can't even believe you're actually really asking and even considering the possibility.

"should be this weekend. if not, mingi or yunho should be bringing it up, sometime when they get their invitations."

"oh, okay."

god, you feel so elevated already just knowing you're going to see him again. it's pathetic.

"see you then, y/n," he says, your name falling off his lips more comfortably than last time.

but just as he's about to leave, you suddenly remember his jacket is still clasp around your shoulders.

"wait, san," you call out, closing off the little distance he managed to create, by taking light steps. "your jacket."

you only get it off one shoulder before his deeper voice stops you.

"keep it."

your face that's full of confusion meeting his relaxed one.

"wear it to the party, and you can return it when we meet again. i'll be able to spot you more easily. you can do that, right?"

perplexed written all over you, your expression mirroring those dumbfounded jaw-dropping reaction you hate so much, but is currently going through because choi san really wants to see you.

he invited you to a party again and gave you his jacket, and it makes you so fucking happy; like wanting to jump around and scream into your pillows happy.

but all you do instead is nod. such a simple gesture but of so much meaning only if he knew.

"see you soon," he mumbles, shooting one last handsome smile of the night and walks off.

you watch and admire his physique until he disappears, the two or three butterflies in your stomach multiplying by the minutes.

choi san. the stranger from wooyoung's party that helped you, who also turned out to be his friend.

he's all you've been thinking about.

wishing the weekend would come faster, not because you need a break from school works, but because you want to see him again.

replaying his words over and over in your head, unable to hide the smile that threatens to blossom every time you remember it.

"wear it to the party, and you can return it when we meet again. i'll be able to spot you more easily. you can do that, right?"

not just how he said it, but even how he looked; that anticipation in his eyes, a small smirk at the corner of his mouth that's so tempting--

"so, this guy, san." yeosang is the one to break the train of thoughts, head slightly cranked to look at you. "you guys look close already."

whether it's his tone or that comment that is rather sarcastic, it doesn't take long for you to already be ticked off, coming to the realization that you have dozed off and everybody else has left.

if he's taking his sweet time packing his things just so he can have the opportunity to get under your skin, you're not here for it.

san had done such a good job of keeping your head occupied, you merely forgot this class is still shared with yeosang.

"and you care because?" you reply, giving him the same dry tone.

the notebook in front of you barely filled up except for a few scribbles and the screen of the computer already in sleep mode. just exactly how long were you gone.

you scramble your belongings together, refusing to meet yeosang's gaze because then, you'll just be letting him win.

"just curious. you don't really think someone like him is actually interested in you?"

but you lose and end up giving in, when you shoot him a glare like he's wounded you. a statement so hurtful, that ache that gnaws at your pride a reminder of who you really are and all that you lack.

you know someone like san is too good for someone like you. still, yeosang didn't have to say so.

"i know," you mutter so coldly but with something sadder, shoving your things inside your bag, throwing it around your shoulder.

"you don't have to tell me. i know you probably think someone so dull and lackluster like me isn't fitting for someone like him. but i already know."

it's all you say before you're out the door, yeosang's protest inaudible, only cursing to himself when you're out of sight.

he didn't mean for it to come off like it did; like he was implying there is a disparity. he meant for it to be a warning, and if anything, he definitely doesn't think san is too good for you.

back at the restaurant, watching as san so unashamedly flirted with you, he's more astonished at the fact that this dude is so blatantly trying to get inside your pants and you don't even realize it.

but your face and reactions to anything san did, tells him this dude got you right where he wanted.

and truthfully, he doesn't really care. he think's you're overly emotional and too sensitive. maybe even stubborn, boxing him into this character just because of your guys first interaction. he can save a person's life and you'd still won't like him.

but as courtesy for being mingi's and yunho's friend, since he actually likes them, he feels it is somewhat his responsibility that you don't fuck yourself over getting infatuated with some college boy who knows all the right things to do and all the right words to say.

you come off exactly like the kind of person who has never been in a relationship before or probably has such a limited experience of one that you can't tell just because an attractive guy is nice to you, doesn't mean he don't have other motives.

because that wasn't the first time he's seen san, and he thinks he already has an idea of who he really is.

one minute he's still talking to yunho, and the next, he's in the middle of someone's living room surrounded by a bunch of sweaty bodies and drunk people.

yeosang isn't exactly for parties, but yunho had invited him so nicely, he just couldn't say no to the kind roommate.

but he's already starting to regret having made the decision because now he's alone and he knows absolutely no one.

he pushes past the crowd, trying his best to maneuver through the open spaces just so he can get somewhere where breathing is a little easier--somehow finding himself at the entrance to what looks like the kitchen.

a big, modern kitchen that will probably echo if he steps in since it's so huge but nearly empty. only two other occupants in the room close to the sink.

he doesn't mean to snoop but he can't help but to study the two for a moment. bouts of laughter filled with joy, his hand gripping at her waist and a shy smile on her face when he goes to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear.

taking in the features of the male, he could've swore he's seen that familiar head of black, slicked hair coupled with that same haughty look in his eyes before.

but with the loud music and obnoxious setting, he's more concerned about trying to get the hell out of here, than to try and remember some stranger.

and somehow, he ends up in the backyard that's even more unpleasant. he pulls his phone out to text yunho and stand off to the side, waiting for his friend and maybe for everything else to die down.

that's when he sees you stumbling in. a drink in your hand and looking just as clueless as he was. he could've laugh if you weren't such a mirror image of him.

but he has to make a comment at least; somewhat overjoy at seeing someone he recognizes.

"i didn't think i'd see you here."

even if you insult him back, he'll take it since there aren't a lot of options right now. but he's just the littlest bit of disappointed when you don't say anything, proceeding to walk away.

his eyes never leaving you, though. he watches you clumsily try to make way inside, a move even too bold for him--only for you to slam the cup in your hand right into the oncoming person.

the small giggle bubbling out of him soon dies when he gets a proper viewing of just who it is.

slicked black hair and a dark fit. his arm now around your waist and a smirk on his face so shamelessly checking you out. what are the odds that you bump into the same guy he just saw in the kitchen.

his appearance much more richer in the outdoor lighting but nothing's still clicking in yeosang's head; all a little too late when he drags you back inside.

it still didn't hit him, until that day yunho invited him out.

“my man, choi san!”

he turns, ogling at the new arrival and roaming just about everywhere. and for some weird reason, it just snaps then. all recollection of san coming back and why he looks so familiar.

because he's seen san in between the passings of his classes, always in the hallways and with a different girl each day. not that he took enough time to look, but he's sure they all had different hair colors.

sometimes the same, but he wouldn't be surprise if they didn't belong to the same one.

so it just doesn't sit right; this guy's coy attitude and body language; even more so when he needs to use the restroom just right after you left--which of course, turns out to be bullshit.

he'll try his luck again another time. but he really don't think this guy remotely gives a shit about you. at least not like that.

"i just don't know how you can be friends with him," you say to yunho, seated in a cafe as opposed to the usual library. he came across it accidentally one day and said the place would be a nice change.

mingi has a class and isn't here. you're also usually not one to complain, especially when it comes to anything yunho because you love the man to heart, but you can't stop thinking about what yeosang said.

and it really, really bothers you that both of your friends seem to have a good overview of him.

"he's wonderful once you get to know him better," yunho defend. you quite literally gagged.

"i think i know him enough."

"okay, come on now. what did he really do?" yunho slouches in his seat and crosses his arms, a creeping gut feeling that you're holding back some information--which you are.

how do you tell him it's not just because yeosang made a rude remark the first time you guys spoke, but also because his comment is making you insecure about your crush for san.

you scoff, a frown on your lips, turning away and refusing to meet his eyes.

"he's just... rude, and made another mean comment yesterday."

"what did he say?"

you finally look at him again, wanting to be upset that he's not taking your side, but also knowing how he is; always wanting to be fair and get the gist of everything before forming an actual judgment.

"well... because san walked me home the other day, he now thinks i'm head over heels for him and just said some shit. i already know he's way out of my league, i'm not really expecting anything anyways..."

there's a slight insincerity in your voice. it's the first time in a long while yunho's heard it again. because you are just the tiniest head over heels for san and you are expecting to see him this weekend.

"no one's out of anyone's league, y/n. and yeosang could have good intentions. i don't really like thinking negatively of someone before i get to know them, but san, that guy... i don't really have a good feeling about him either."

the disbelief is obvious in the way your jaw drops.

that yunho will stand up for kang yeosang, and in the same breath, make a jab toward san.

"san is nice, yunho..." you say lowly, not very confident but he knows you're being sincere.

"he could be," he reply, sitting up straight again. "i just don't like how he acted last time we were out."

"i don't see anything wrong with it. he hasn't made me uncomfortable at all."

yunho sighs and grab his pen, clicking the end of it.

"some people are just very professional assholes, they just don't always show it. that's why you always gotta keep your guards up."

"i would probably be able to tell if a guy is genuine or not. and san... he's different. he isn't anything like junseo."

yunho wants to say something; he has so many things, but decides against it, catching that dejected expression on you--one he's seen too many times.

"okay, i'm sorry. maybe i just haven't talked to san enough. for that, you can order any drinks. it's on me."

but what he really wants to say, is that you shouldn't trust too easily and love too hard. junseo didn't even try at all in concealing that side of him. you just loved way too much. that's just how you are.

your precious little heart that always give its all, but at the same time, too fragile, he's afraid someone like san; someone with a sweet smile and alluring eyes, will be able to hurt you.

because he wants to tell you that just because a guy walked you home and made you felt like the safest girl in the world, it still doesn't mean he actually wants to get to know you or take you out to a nice dinner.

people are nasty, that's just the reality. he knows you've experienced it first hand.

but your pure soul that's always filled with hope, that no matter how hard life beats you down, you keep moving. that one day you'll find a place to belong, a time where you'll be content in yourself and how far you've come.

you always just hope and hope, hanging onto the faintest of light dingling in the center of the darkness... he really is so afraid for you.

next // series m.list

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[etherealyoni]

888 PORTAL MESSAGES 🦁✨💛

Aries, Leo, Sagittarius Out with the old and end with the new feels like your mantra. You're letting go of many things that have been keeping you stagnant. You were probably afraid to let go because you weren't sure if you could move forward without these things. But you'll see in time that you never needed these things to be great because you already are. Always stay true to yourself even when it's hard. No one is entitled to you and people may have felt this way for some time. But you know who you are, these people aren't even familiar. If people really took the time out to get to know you, they'd see how fucking dope you really are. If you still feel like you're having a identity crisis then remove the mask and step into what truly makes you happy. Don't live for anyone else's amusement if you're not having a good time.

Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn There's something you're looking to learn right now. You've probably been contemplating if you're actually meant to take that step but here is your confirmation. If you've been thinking about expanding your knowledge and skill set there's an opportunity for you. Don't doubt your abilities, you are more than capable. Learn as much as you can because whatever this is, I see it as fulfilling. Explore all your interests too, don't stop here, make sure you allow yourself to learn as much as possible. I see you may feel you didn't take your education seriously in the past. You may even feel like you would've gone farther if you started earlier but Earth signs, you were focused on surviving, and working through things no one knew about. Don't be so hard on yourself for trying to work through a mess you did not create. You are on the right track to success, this new mentality is everything, just remain intentional! Gemini, Libra, Aquarius You are no one's sacrificial lamb. People may have tried to tear you down, block your blessings, and make you hate yourself. They will never succeed. Their hatred and bitterness towards you isn't a reflection of your character no matter how they try to diminish it. You may have felt like giving up at some point. I know you're feeling so many things right now. Take a moment to acknowledge the power it would take to overcome everything you've been through. You are a fucking star and you deserve to know it even when the world wants you to forget. You are abundant, cosmic, and intelligent. You need to be reminded. Your mistakes and insecurities do not make you. There is much more to you than that. So allow yourself to beam brighter than ever before. If they tell you you're too bright, tell them to close their damn eyes cause you're gonna shine anyways! Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces Transitions are hard and you may be adjusting to a new lifestyle. I see you're getting a lot more familiar with your surroundings. Use this time to explore more to gain more clarity on what path best suits you. Also, know that you are not being rushed to figure things out. You have time to decide so think thoroughly. Whoever is rushing you or making you feel rushed isn't steering your life, you are in control. You may have felt limited in the past. It could've felt as if your life was in someone else's hands but that's not the case in present day. You are aligning with the version of yourself that knows your worth, has a vision, and always sees it through. Stand your ground Water signs, because you deserve to live a life that's fulfilling for you. You deserve to be pleased with yourself and your decisions. You are expecting miracles all you need to do is release yourself from what was. I'm thinking of the Ancient One speaking to Doctor Strange, she told him he would have to forget everything he THINKS knows (Amazing movie, check it out if you haven't seen it already). There's so much more for you to learn so don't assume you know it all. Be willing to learn and even see things from others perspectives even if you don't agree. There's so much to learn from those around you.

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[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Gilmore oc’s of your choice + favorite/theme song from Taylor Swift midnights? 👀

oooooh okay let's go!!!

Kirsty: also okay this one is coming back again but You’re On Your Own Kid gives me such big Kirsty vibes!!!  Like I can hear it playing when she goes to New York at the end of s2 and then being repeated when she moves to New York again in season 7? (You're on your own, kid / Yeah, you can face this / You're on your own, kid / You always have been)

Kirsty 2: Lavender Haze is just such peak Kirsty & Jess!  Like Kirsty has all of the eyes of the town on her but Jess sees right through all of it, and the entire “I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say” really fits them coming back to Stars Hollow and facing all of the criticism from the town, Lorelai, and Rory!

Sophie: okay Mastermind actually really hits for her?  Like the idea that Sophie has always planned to end up with Logan and was just playing the long game for it — in some ways it doesn’t fit because it’s been much longer term, but the parts that don’t fit them do totally fit Sophie x Rory! (No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / To make them love me and make it seem effortless & Once upon a time, the planets and the fates and all the stars aligned / You and I ended up in the same room at the same time) 

Bonus: Glitch gives me major Sophie vibes but very specifically Sophie x Richie? like it doesn't fit Logan quite as well because they've been a long term Thing before they get together, but it feels perfect for meeting Richie and just being like "oh fuck i wasn't expecting to actually care" (A brief interruption / A slight malfunction / I'd go back to wanting / Dudes who give nothing)

Brady: Brady's theme song is absolutely Would've Could've Should've I'm sorry about the angst but like "Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" and her relationship with Asher just fit painfully well

Allie: Snow On The Beach is just so Allie x Jess!  They’re an interesting dynamic in that they know that they’re going to end up together and it’s just a waiting game (but like, in a different way than Sophie x Logan), and Snow On The Beach feels like the prefect song for them getting together and having this “oh my god, is this really happening?” feeling because this has been building for so long that the idea that they’re actually together now feels impossible! (And it's like snow at the beach / Weird, but fuckin' beautiful / Flying in a dream / Stars by the pocketful / You wanting me tonight, feels impossible)

Avery: oh man I love her but Anti-Hero is such a strong vibe with her other theme song being This Is Me Trying and like… the feeling that she’s always messing up, especially combined with her dad just generally sucking and making her feel like she’s never good enough (The mark they saw on my collarbone / The rust that grew between telephones / The lips I used to call home / So scarlet, it was maroon)

Willow: Willow is You’re On Your Own Kid in a heartbeat like my goddddd it’s such a her song (So make the friendship bracelets, take the moment and taste it / You've got no reason to be afraid / You're on your own, kid /Yeah, you can face this)

Casey: it’s not entirely specific to the lyrics but the overall vibe of Maroon gives me huge Casey x Jess vibes!  They do become extremely close again but that nostalgia for their past relationship is such a significant part of Casey’s story! (The mark they saw on my collarbone / The rust that grew between telephones / The lips I used to call home / So scarlet, it was maroon)

Jane: Paris feels like such a Jane x Lindsay x Jess song where they’re out in Philly and both Jane and Lindsay have their moms constantly telling them about Stars Hollow drama and they just don’t care at all because the three of them are in their little bubble and they’re so happy and none of that shit matters to them! (I'm so in love that I might stop breathing / Drew a map on your bedroom ceiling / No, I didn't see the news / ‘Cause we were somewhere else)

Jacqueline: Sweet Nothing!! It just feels so perfect for her relationship with Jess and how they both have other shit in their lives and with their families (and with everyone thinking that for Jess this is some weird Rory-related thing) but they’re just shutting the rest of the world out and staying in their sweet little bubble and being the only people who never expected or demanded More from each other! (They said the end is coming / Everyone's up to something / I find myself running home to your / Sweet nothings / Outside, they're push and shoving / You're in the kitchen humming / All that you ever wanted from me was / Sweet nothing)

(I definitely focused on theme songs over favourites bc I freaking love Midnights and would not have been able to pick favourites for them outside of these being the songs they'd relate to the most!!)

[onmymasa22]

My life would suck with out youI dony feel OK. I'm shaky and want to cry and want to die or smoke a cigarette or not be here. I'm so tired. I'm tired on the inside. I'm here for everyone but I need to be here for me. I need to just do what I need to do. I want to just be OK. I need a self care shabbat.

Drink alcohol and watch a movie

I have right now a mini obsession with ballet dancers. At first I feel like the inspiration comes from that being everything I'm not. Delicate, deliberate, calculated, effortless looking, feminine, pretty. It's everything I am on the inside and don't let it show.

Black polish One day

Love RosieSo I'm nervous. I'm going on a date for the first time of actually 100 percent my choice.

Good parts

He asked me if I wanted to go out. Him and most people probably don't realize how much that means to me because guys usually just take what they want from me without needing actually anything from me. They don't want me, they just want my body. And it's even worst when deep down they know me. I love that he asked me. I cry thinking about it. But oh my God. Finally that small little sentence question that means everything to me. Do you want to go out? Finally, after 25 years of assholes who touch me and treat me like shit and letting them cuz its better than being alone or not letting them and dealing with the trauma or just disconnecting so I don't need to be there for any of it. Finally a guy who seems sweet and normal.

A guy who appreciated that I made Aliyah and made Aliyah alone.

A guy who maybe will give me compliments

A guy who I chose to talk to and not as a favor to anyone else. A guy who came at the perfect time. When I felt I was going to get married this year and I look at the mitpachat and I say to milysekf, that's what u want. Do what u need to do inorder to get it. Overcome the anxieties u have about dating. Ur scared. What if he doesn't like u. What if he doesn't like ur scars. What if u don't have anything to talk about. What if u pass out. What if you overheat. What if he thinks ur disgusting. Breathe. Dalya, he'll love you. Of course he'll love u, look at you. You're a model and you shine. U need to be the one to decide if you want him.

I love that he likes tuna melts. I love that he is yeminite. I love that he compliments. I want him to be nerdy and love me. I want him to be good to me. I want everything to be everything

Things to figure out

Can u speak nerd

Can u speak torah and gemara

I just came back from the date, it bothered me nor hugging him. It feels weird to meet someone and not hug them. I liked certain comment that he made- that he and someone else at work know how to work and that together with him cleaning and everything means that he's probably not lazy. I liked when he said that he can't imagine playing video games and being married. The only thing that bothered me from the whole day I think is that he didn't walk me to the train but one, I left quick and he needed to pay. 2 I'm glad I had that time to breathe. And 3 he said he would've come if I missed the train cuz he didn't want me to leave.

I really want to see if he's gay, if he's real, if he's kind of the same as he is in texting

Hashem I want to want to be religious. After this break up that didn't have closure, I'm finding it a little hard to want these things. I hate that it ended without an actual breakup. I think he's just gay. But after all that, I'm back to square one. I'm back to being alone. And it's not easy. I don't want what anyone else has, cuz their story is not my story. But when will my story start. When will it be my turn. Who's up there helping me. Do I have anyone trying to put me in the right place and aligning my stars with theirs. I feel physically alone, Ike no one is thinking of me,no one is asking me out, not one cares cuz they have other people on my plate. I feel really alone. Please put the right people in my path. I want it soon. I thought this year that I would have it, and It all felt right enough but I guess you thought I'd be happier with someone else. I have people up there who said- wait, not him, you can have better. But why no closure? I don't need closure, but why couldn't a get a reason in this world.i guess I just didn't need it. I want to want to keep shabbat, I want to want to keep kashrut. I want to want a lot of things. I want to want to be. I know you are all up there. Just give me the signs that I'm ready. Maybe I'm destined to be alone. Why am I jealous of people that go on a bunch of dates. I don't know what's better- to go on a bunch of dates where its a no, or to not go on any. I just wish people thought of me. I wish someone said- dalya this guy really wants to date you. I wish I could just be okay

[scribblehooves]

Imagine... TOME Caramelldansen... first Alpha and Flamegirl dance as pair... then Nylocke and Gamecrazed... Archy and Rockoon... Webmaster and Kindarspirit... Bitshrum and Execk... Zetto and Kizuna... Rubirules... then Kirbopher

HSFFDGDHDGF KIRB BY HIMSELF

[myuni-moon]

#heart in paradise, body in abyss

synopsis: you may be kind enough to forgive but never to forget. those who would've cherished you the most know it, perhaps too well.

warnings: yandere content, yandere cult stuff, mentions of harassment and violence, mentions of death; impostor is referred with fem!pronouns but does not mirror reader’s gender

note: @nicebonescomrade's villain au that @mikachuchu brought to my attention :)) i'm not too proud of it, but i hope it's good lkasngldfag

“you will never know kindness, not even in death will you find peace."

perhaps, it's true that you'll never know kindness. you’ll never feel it on your skin when the breeze of mondstadt tickles your cheeks. you’ll never see it on the kind faces of the citizens of liyue. you’ll never hear it from the gentle pluck of a zither. you’ll never envision it when the stars align once more in place long forgotten.

maybe that is what fate has decided as your body caved into the pain, and the tests of your strength has failed you. your legs had long gone numb, your arms just the same. it’s such a nice place to rest, you think. if only it could stay that way for you, letting yourself fall into the solitude of nature once for all; you’d never have to run until your lungs have pit, never had to starve in the midst of being hunted down.

you no longer recall whatever fault it is they decided you committed, only offensive enough to invoke the wrath of those you loved once upon a time. it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, knowing that the era of your laughter has long passed. instead, it has been replace of an age where the reign of such a tyrannical ruler clawed at you.

the swift rustle of grass keeps you wide awake, even when the call of death coaxes you to finally close your eyes and rest your weary soul. the sickening high-pitched laugh of teyvat’s beloved deity rings in your ear that you’ve come to akin to the annoying buzz of a mosquito. you wheeze painfully on the forest opening, accepting your fate.

your gaze remains on the cloudless sky before you, too painful to move even a single muscle of your body. you don’t even care to identify which characters on your past roster that she brought with her.

“given up, i see.” her tone is obnoxious, yet you can only imagine of shutting her up; you’re too powerless to ever go up against the characters you oh, so tirelessly built for months on end. how ironic that they’d kill you with the weapons that you provided for them.

“can you hurry it up? i’m tired enough as it is. i don’t even want to deal with you anymore.” you’re able to pick up all kinds of sounds after that, a few growls and clicks of tongues. nothing you aren’t used to before.

“be more respectful to her grace, scum—” you faintly hear the voice of scaramouche as footsteps indicate someone has moved closer— “you’re lucky that our beloved god has shown you kindness. if it weren’t for her, we would’ve killed you where you stood.”

you almost want to double over.

“kindness?” you wheeze painfully. “what do you know about kindness?”

“mercy.” zhongli retorts from afar. “it’ll be the only kindness you’ve been shown, yet you don’t even deserve it.”

despite the ache that roots itself deep within your bones, you force yourself to smile. a cloud drifts right in front of you, and you wonder what it’d be like if you were one. at least, you’d be able to live in bliss, no longer paranoid if you’ll live to see the next day.

“i suppose offering a little more wouldn’t hurt,” their god exclaims and puffs out their chest in pride, “say your last words. it’s the least i can give for such a pitiful creature.”

“last words, huh?” you hum. there’s nothing in particular in your head. you’ve long since been abandoned by the ones you’ve cared for the most, so who’d even be kind enough to give you a eulogy? you can no longer dwell on the pain, to spout out curses in your last moments. instead, you reminisce on the times of joy.

the grass underneath you caresses your skin as you sink further into the earth, back into the soil from whence you came. "i knew kindness once— offered it, even. i always thought that teyvat was a beautiful place, but i underestimated just how cruel it would be."

"the merriment of mondstadt's windblume festival, the lights of liyue's lantern rite, the fireworks of inazuma's summer festival— i'll never forget them. the adventures we went on, and the time i spent with you all are things i cherish the most." you smile. "maybe somewhere in my heart, i can find it to forgive you. i'm just thankful for the good memories."

as soon as that is said, your face falls once more, and the grin on your lips drop into a frown. "but i'll never forget what you've all done to me."

liquid gold drips down your nose, and you can just imagine the horrified looks on their faces now that the truth has come out. you, their true god, would die of the injuries inflicted by your very own acolytes; it'd make such a good drama, you muse. you've lost enough feeling in your body that you fail to register the desperate hands that run up and down your limbs in hopes of soothing the pain that pulsates underneath your skin.

a shriek rings in the air, and you're mildly surprised it isn't yours. you find yourself crowded by all kinds of bodies, but you can't force yourself to care. if you die here, at least you were kind enough to show them the truth— even if it meant leaving them to blame themselves for teyvat's downfall.

[starstruckwillows]

Hi I was wondering if you could do a fred x reader. Draco x reader (platonic)

Reader and Fred had gotten together about a month ago and she hasn’t came out as asexual yet (they feel romantic attraction but not sexual)

One day they were all drunk, besides reader. Draco is only slightly tipsy. Fred and his friends are all making dirty jokes and reader even laughs cause she isn’t like grossed out by it or anything. She does however freeze up when they mention her and Fred doing things together and Fred just laughs being oblivious.

Draco sees her and when Fred doesn’t do anything and can tell your about to get sick. He lifts you up and Carrie’s you to his room. You end up getting sick.

Your not mad at Fred he doesn’t know. So she sleeps in Draco’s room and they cuddle (platonically) next morning draco gets Fred and you come out to him and he cries and apologizes and you eventually get everything resolved and just FLUFF

♡ love love love - f.w ♡

preface, i am not on the asexual spectrum, so if anything here is inaccurate, remember everyone's experiences are different, and then let me know if i need to make some edits!

starstruckwillows 🂱

pairing; fred weasley x reader

category; htc

summary; you're asexual, and only your best friend knows, but people at parties are surely not going to joke about your sex life... right?

warnings/content; inappropriate jokes, mentions of sex, implied sex between other characters, non-descript throwing up

other; if you're acephobic, get off my blog until you've educated yourself, platonic!draco, reader's house is not specified, fem!reader

music from the party thumped all around where you stood, in the center of the room with a throng of people, holding fred's hand and a drink.

your hair was messy and your outfit a bit worse for wear, but you were having the time of your life. the weasley twins knew how to throw a party, that was for certain. cheers went up for the quidditch team stars that were the cause of the celebration, while your group of friends gathered in a quieter corner to talk.

katie and angelina were practically making out by the time you got there, causing lee to laugh and throw a pillow at them, "get a room!"

angelina stood, pulling katie up with her and winking, "sure thing."

the two left and the rest of the group dissolved into laughter, including you.

despite being a year younger than fred, most of your friends were in his year. most. your best friend, draco, was in the year below. he got on with gryffindors for your sake, and your sake only. he sat with your group, a little quieter, but still with a drink and a smile. though you were guessing the drink was water.

his ethos aligned with, "you don't have to be drunk to have a good time."

to which you'd reply, "course you don't. i, however, do."

a ravenclaw boy called connor was handed a highly concentrated mix of firewhiskey and something else. nobody asked.

in hindsight, he probably should've, because he ended up coughing with watery eyes and fanning his face. once he was slightly more composed, he laughed shakily, "well, that was hard to swallow."

"that's what she said."

in a completely sober state, that would've earned giggles and eye rolls. in everyone's mildly intoxicated happy zone, it scored rib-aching laughter and gasps for breath.

somehow ending in a debate on who got laid most.

lee rolled his eyes, "fred's the only one with a girl, or boy you know however you lot swing, but point is he's not single, and hasn't been for a while, so i think he's got this one in the basket."

a small tendril of discomfort swirled in your stomach. you and fred had been dating for about six months, the first four of those you'd just thought you weren't ready. it was your first relationship, and would be your first time, so you didn't think too much about it.

the past two months, you'd slowly realised it was more than that. you just didn't want to. at all. it wasn't like the idea of sex disgusted you, in fact you'd never given it much thought, but it also didn't... do anything else. you just weren't interested.

draco was the first person you told, and it was only because you'd have a little liquid courage (another celebration party you'd been invited to) that you managed it then. to tell fred, someone you honestly thought you might be a little in love with, that was much scarier.

"i just feel guilty, draco. if he thinks he's wasting his time-"

"you don't owe him sex y/n. you need to be comfortable yourself before you even have to think about sharing that unprompted."

the scene of the party swam back to your vision as fred's shrug moved your hand up and back down with his shoulders.

george, definitely the drunkest one of the group, nodded in agreement with his twin, "yeah they haven't done that yet or anything."

connor coughed, "you haven't?"

fred shrugged again, while draco observed your discomfort, "nah."

you tugged at your hair slightly, while lee laughed, "must've lost your edge fred, can't get laid."

a deep breath left your lungs and fred simply laughed. draco stood, "this has been fun but i've really got to go now guys, early morning and whatnot. y/n, can you come?"

the bile rose in your throat as someone made a comment about why exactly you were leaving with draco. fred rolled his eyes, "they're friends you twit." he waved you goodbye, which you half heartedly returned.

your thoughts overwhelmed you, inhibited by the alcohol, and you hardly noticed the stumbling journey until draco alerted you that he had brought you back to your dorm, totally vacated as your roomates were enjoying the party.

you wiped your face, not having noticed the tear tracks, and nodded, "m'kay. thanks."

he sighed, "y/n, do you think you should tell him?"

with a numb nod, you replied, "yes."

seconds later, the fear churned with the alcohol in your stomach, and you were emptying it over the sink while draco tied your hair back.

"should i go get fred?" he offered, handing you a glass of water.

you hiccuped, "in the morning. i should- i should be sober."

he nodded sympathetically, easing you into bed.

"can we have a sleepover? we haven't in ages."

"sure, but you have to actually sleep."

he slipped in next to you and you rolled your eyes, "yeah, yeah. night draco, don't fall out."

"don't choke."

the next morning you woke up earlier than to draco, to your surprise, before any of your roomates were back, to your great surprise, and lacking a hangover headache, to your immense surprise.

you nudged draco until he'd almost rolled off the bed, sitting up and swatting your hand away, "i'm up, i'm up, stop poking me."

you snorted a laugh, stretching and bonking him on the head as you did so. he gave you a deadpan stare, before grumbling, "i'm getting fred."

exiting your dorm, you faintly heard the yell of, "weasley! no, wrong weasley! try again, not that one either!"

meanwhile, you swapped your clothes out for fresh ones and brushed your teeth while you nervously jittered, playing with your hair and twisting it into different styles until your boyfriend knocked at the door.

"you in there darling? draco said you wanted to talk to me."

with a nervous hum, you called back, "come in!"

he appeared at the doorway, hair wildly and dressed only in pyjamas as he leaned in the frame, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

you gestured for him to sit, while you stood from your position in kneeling in front of your mirror.

"okay, i've got to tell you something. so, i- well... alright, it's something i've only really figured out recently. and i should tell you."

fred cut you off, "i'm sure whatever you're gonna say is really important, and i'm gonna listen, but first of all, take a deep breath and don't stress yourself out, whatever it is we'll sort it together, so you don't have to be so nervous, k?"

you nodded, with a breath, "yup, right. i'm asexual."

"remind me what that means again?"

"i don't experience sexual attraction. only romantic. or, i only experience a small level. or i don't, but i might still be into some things. to be honest, i haven't really worked out where i am on the spectrum yet. but i definitely know i'm on it."

fred mulled it over, and for a moment of bated breath, you thought he was ending it now.

"okay. well, that's fine. it's not the only part of a relationship. so far, it hasn't been a part of ours, and i haven't enjoyed it any less. we can figure out what you want to do together. and we can stop anytime. just like we would anyway. please don't think sex is the only reason i'm in this relationship."

you sighed, relaxing with a nod while he tugged you towards him, burying his face in your neck as you stood between his legs and rested your cheek on his hair.

this was all you needed.

taglist:

@anordinarymuse @ellora-brekker

[jin0]

Heyyy congrats on 1k! I'm really late to the party but can I request an ❄ with any andrew character maybe? Totally fine if you choose not to do it.

I'm South Asian female. I have black hair, brown eyes & am 5'1. My sun sign is pisces, moon is leo, venus in aquarius and rising is capricorn.

I would describe myself to be very quiet and timid. I tend to get very anxious in social settings. I have a hard time letting people get to know me or trusting them. I honestly think I don't know how to open up to anyone.

But I'm also a people pleaser and often time will end up doing things for people that I don't want to or have to do just because I couldn't say no to them. I love being out in the nature. and I also really love getting lost in a good book. Love hanging out with my friends and family so holidays are times I enjoy a lot.

Whoa that was a lot of words I typed. Congrats again! I love your writing so much. Binge read all the peter parker once in one sitting :3

you, you like you'd be the softest ever !! you're honestly so cute from that one description so i give you a cutie pie :)

sweetest boy ever desmond doss !!

this was the life. there could genuinely be nothing better than this, yiu refused to believe it.

meeting desmond had been the best thing that had happened in your life. you would always praise the stars for aligning and bringing him your way. you'd never been able to find a man like him if he hadn't been the one to step in and approach you. you remembered how too, probably the brightest interaction you had that day.

you'd been pulled into helping the blood donation center by signing in all the newcomers and getting them ready. it was easy to do but you would've chosen to sleep instead of staying up all day to deal with people and blood.

then comes in this man, he looked like an angel, stepping in and smiling so bright you could've gone blind. he was all bloody but still had a sweet smile on his face. you'd taken care if him while holding your breath to prevent awkward moment but him asking you if you were fine was definitely worse than accidentally breathing on his arm.

the next day he was back, and this time with a corny pick up line about giving him his blood back. that was when you both fell in love. and now here you were.

the landscape was beautiful, that but what he was focused on, completely forgetting his surroundings, was you. you were the center if attention here, the sweet pixie in his arms. you were like a fairy, flowers, fresh berries and warm pastries following your every step and carving itself in his brain to follow him everywhere he went.

he watched you lay there, kissing the exposed skin of your shoulders as you read out loud, your voice being carried by the wind itself.

"desmond, love... you're tickling me." you breathed out, a whisper mixed with a giggle that he thought to be sounds coming right from heaven itself.

he let each of the little bells that formed your laugh tingle in his ears and turn him into a puddle of love and adoration for you. as you kept on reading, leaning into him a little harder and settling yourself comfortably into his chest, he dropped feather like kisses on your cheek. each word you'd utter would he followed with a paper like kiss.

"love, if you keep going i am never reaching the next chapter." you chuckled, a pure smile of love and amusement.

"my sweet, sweet doll... i can't help it if you taste like pure honey, straight from the hive. my honey comb, that's what you are. sweet all over, i could devour whole." he muttered, pressing his lips into your ear and holding you tightly when you started screaming in his arms.

the man simply ignored you, too focused on the softness of your cheek and how sweet all of you were.

when he started tickling you, you felt like you'd pee yourself because of how much you were laughing. he knew where to graze to have you giggling like a toddler hearing a funny word for the first time. that sweet laugh, resonating and echoing around the trees.

he'd never get tired of this, your sounds, matter what they were, they'd all turn into like specs of happiness and love. as you cried his name in a soft yet breathless symphony of pleas, begging him to stop, your breath getting short but your laugh never getting quiet, he was reminded of a thousand new reasons to love you.

as soon as his fingers left your side, you were quick to jump and attack him back, not sparing a second to catch your breath as you cursed him for enjoying torturing you. straddling him in this small and hidden part of the forest, this is where you came to life. the you who lived and loved vividly and as loudly as someone your size could (and god, could you be loud when you wanted. your vocal size were definitely not 'pocket size' like he loved to jokingly say).

"desmond doss ! one day i'll pick you up and throw you in a pond ! you'll be wet, cold and sorry for underestimating me !"

he couldn't help but laugh at you threats. everything you said just made him feel so warm inside, warm and in love.

"to pick me up you'll have to reach me first, honey pot. you barely reach my neck without a little assistance. but don't worry sweets, i'll lean down and let myself be thrown if that puts a smile on your beautiful lips." he grinned, wincing when you wacked him with your book. "lips that i should be kissing actually."

before he could kiss you like he desperately wanted to, you covered his mouth with your fingers.

"no kisses for the inattentive students m.doss. if you want a kiss, you'll have to pay attention when i read." you mused, staring down on his lips and smiling when he whined in displeasure. he loved his kisses' this man, loved them more than anything.

he grabbed your wrist in one hand, uncovering his mouth and grabbed the book with the other before flipping you both on the sheet you'd been sitting on. when you smile, he couldn't help but reach for your lips before laying fully in you. his hands held your waist tightly and his lips floated above yours. when you reached to kiss him, it was his turn to pull away.

"come on teach, you promised me kisses if i payed attention. you gotta hold your end of the bargain honey bun."

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 18

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

NOTE: Third Person POV starts after this sign: " ✪ "

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

With Bucky, three short days felt like three months.

The next few days were spent oh-so-blisfully slow with Bucky constantly next to you, either naked or clothed. You were always at each other's skin and flesh the second you would close your laptop (you have been busy doing your end of the presentation you had to pitch in next week for Sam, after Steve gets you formally and officially fired). You’d be making out on the couch and soon afterwards, clothes flew around like money being tossed carelessly. No matter what the situation was, it always ended up with you naked, grasping each other's bodies, grazing each other's skin — in your bedroom, in the kitchen, in the shower, and on the living room floor. He wore you like a necklace, your thighs wrapped around his neck as you sat on the kitchen counter, him on his knees, devouring every bit of you. That time, you tried your best to stare at him as he ate you.

Tantalizing were his eyes, his mouth moving against your core. Legs shaking, you’d scream his name over and over again as you came all over his mouth, your screams clashing with the sounds of pots clanging against each other.

Then, you’d move to the shower where you had your thighs wrapped around his waist, your bare back against the bathroom's slippery walls as he thrusted inside you. His strong hands kept you steady the whole time as your legs trembled around him, making you weaker and weaker each second, like your knees had been struck by a wrecking ball.

He gave and he gave and he gave pleasure, riding you into your euphoria, into your oblivion. You were no longer the master of your body. You became his, as he was yours. You submitted fully to his godly control. The phrases "fuck, babydoll" and "you feel so fucking good" and "say my name, sweetheart" were forever etched in your brain. You kept the frustration of not being in control to yourself. You kept it all as he instructed you to say his name, say it louder until you could no longer remember yours, until you could no longer hear the dripping noise of the water droplets against the floor.

His face, the epitome of a god and a devil. A god that brought your voice and soul to heaven, so bright and glorious. And a devil that brought unholy things to your body.

As much as you had your thighs wrapped around him, you knew he had you wrapped around his finger. You knew it all too well.

Since then, you couldn't hear the clinking of utensils against each other or the faucet leaking or any kind of liquid dripping without seeing what Bucky looked like during those hours — knees on the ground, head between your thighs, body dripping with water along with your juices. And how he made you feel. God, the thought of him alone already brought you to heaven.

Afraid that you won't be able to get your mind (and body) off of Bucky, you texted Nat to meet you in a coffee shop a few blocks away from the apartment, hoping she could accompany you while working on the pitch deck. If you spent one more time with Bucky with your presentation undone you would be — well... Either way, you would be screwed.

This morning, you left a note on the nightstand, letting Bucky know you were with Nat. You planted a fleeting kiss on his forehead one last time, smiling at him, hating to leave his side, before heading out to meet with Nat who was almost an hour late, anyway. Still, you didn't get much done, missing Bucky's presence.

Then the hopes of getting your mind off my man went down the drain, hearing the clinking of glasses and the dripping liquid from espresso machines on the café counter. You bit your lip, staring at the laptop screen in front. Your screams echoed on the walls of your brain, together with morphed images of you and Bucky leaving your traces everywhere in the apartment, tainting lust everywhere. You bit your lower lip harder. A sudden rush of heat climbing on your body, from your toes, to your thighs, and your center.

Why didn't I just go to the public library?

"... Y/n? Hello? Earth to y/n?"

The images vanished like dust in the wind, and were replaced by Nat snapping her fingers on your face. Bucky's voice, together with yours that were echoing in your mind soon became faint street noise, along with the café's playlist. "Are you okay?" She asked. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

With your throat dry, you cleared your throat (which hurt even more). "Y-yeah." You finally managed to say. "Yeah, no, I was just having a tiny problem. You know what, I'm thirsty," You tapped a waitress' shoulder, "Hi, can I please have a glass of cold water? Thank you."

With that, she nodded and turned around, fetching what you needed. As soon as she handed you the glass, you immediately downed the whole thing but it still didn't quench your thirst.

"Is he riding you?"

You nearly choked on your water, hearing Nat's question. "W-what?"

"Sam Wilson. I mean, the work. With Sam?" Nat frowned, stirring her cup of coffee. "Is he?"

"Oh no, not at all! He's been really great and very appreciative." You replied. "But he has this assistant who's a complete total bitch. Even Bucky doesn't like her."

"Oohhh, interesting." she said. "Tell me all about it."

Thankfully, telling Nat about the meeting that happened three days ago did get your mind off Bucky. Highlighting the little banter you and Sharon had in line with the models and the whole marketing strategy was Nat's favorite. Of course, Nat lived for the drama. Especially if it were others'. To her, you were just characters on a television show. Now, all she needed was a bucket of popcorn.

"You should've seen the whole thing, Nat." You smirked. "The look on her face when Sam agreed with me? Priceless!"

"Wow, you ate her up." Nat chuckled. "Now, I'm sad I missed the show. If I were there, I would've taken a photo of her disappointed, sad ass and had it framed and had it hung on the bar. Steve would approve of it."

You raised your eyebrows, shaking your head. Even though that was pretty badass of you to do, Sharon was a woman living in a man's world and as you thought about that encounter, she was just doing her job. If she were a man, you would've still said the same thing. "Too harsh. A little cheer would suffice."

Nat rolled her eyes. "Like a woop, woop?"

"I mean not literally but sure. Whatever floats your little boat."

"Peter was right. You're a boring old hag." A sip of coffee. "Hey, how's the little skipper, anyway? I miss that little kid."

You fowned. She always had a nickname for Peter. If it's not skipper, it's slugger, or sport, or tiger, or any nickname for a kid you could think of. "You know he's just as young as I am, right?"

"The guy looks like a kid and sometimes acts like one." Nat pursed her lips, pointing it out. "So, when's he getting back from his corporate retreat?"

The last you heard from Peter was yesterday when he sent photos of him and the rest of his team somewhere by the lake. He looked a bit worn-out by the deep bags under his eyes but his wide smile said otherwise. Winston Schimdt was with him in all the photos, hair still perfectly gelled, spiking up in one direction. You wondered how much gel he always had to consume. And then felt sad for his sticky hair.

"Some time on Tuesday, I think." Then, you showed the photos to Nat who carelessly took the phone from your hands.

"Where on earth is this?"

You shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. I couldn't even pin his location. It seems like he's literally off the radar."

"Maybe he's in a galaxy far, far away." Nat joked, remembering Peter's fondness for Star Wars. "What do you even do on a corporate retreat? Think about money?"

"I don't know but whatever it is, he says it'll help keep his mind off things." You said, leaving out the part that Peter was, dare you say, "lovesick." You honestly didn't mind telling it to her but you just knew that she'd ask you a bunch of questions you don't even know the answers to.

Nat nodded while scrolling mindlessly on your phone like it was her own. You tried to get it back but she gripped it tighter.

"Hope Bucky's taking care of you? Oh," she lifted her eyes back to yours, the light on your screen illuminating her smirking face, "he's taking care of you, alright. I heard you two haven't been able to keep your hands off each other. You're like... leeches."

"Ew. Think of another metaphor." You scrunched your nose up, cringing.

Nat took it way too seriously, thinking off into the far distance. "Barnacles on a boat?"

"No."

"Sorry, that's all I can think of."

You chuckled. "Where did you hear that, anyway?"

"I didn't."

"So, how did you — "

"Remember how you found out about me and Steve?" She cut you off.

You hid your face on your palms as soon as the realization dawned on you. "Oh no."

"Oh yes." She took another sip of her hot coffee, her eyes fixed on you. "Babydoll, you've been wearing him like a damn perfume since day one and you love it."

And just when you thought you had kept Bucky away from your mind, there he was again, slithering his way back. The images flashed back, like a montage in a romance film — however cliche that sounded.

"Well, I don't not love it." You shied away, looking down on your shoes which still had a tiny bit of mud from your previous running sessions.

"So, you two are dating now?"

You sheepishly nodded your head, avoiding her stare. You told her about that same day you had your meeting: Sam's confrontation and the conversation you and Bucky had that night. As much as you didn't want to put a label on things, and as much as you hated the god-awful "talk", you fat did it anyway, under the stars as you lied on your backs in that little tent of yours.

"Sometimes, I think," Bucky traced the stars in the pitch-black skies with his finger, "that the stars aligned for us." He finished by poking your nose which elicited a giggle from you. A weird sound you only used with Bucky, and for Bucky.

You turned around and wrapped your arm around his torso. "You're getting cheesier and cheesier each day, Mr. Barnes."

"You bring it out of me, doll." He chuckled.

"Hey, why do you call me doll?" You asked in a whisper. "I'm sure as hell do not look like one."

He looked at you and traced your jaw with his finger, the sensation sending shivers down your spine. "Dolls are sweet yet fun to play with. Remember when I made you that drink? You said it tasted fruity and minty — "

"Fruity and minty." You laughed, reminiscing.

"And I've never played with quite a doll before." Then, he met your eyes. "Then, you happened."

"When you say play, not like, playing with my feelings, right? 'Cause you know this doll can punch, James. I won't hesitate."

"Don't worry, y/n." he kissed the tip of your nose.

The word "dating" wasn't explicit at that moment, but you didn't need to, anyway. All you needed to hear from him was the next words he uttered:

"I won't give you any reason to."

"What have you guys been doing when you're not having sex, anyway?"

"Nat." You scolded but answered anyway. "We watch movies."

"Boring."

"Oh, you know what's a good movie?" You asked, ignoring Nat's little comment. "The Grand Budapest Hotel."

"It's Budapesht."

You tilted your head to the side, frowning. "I'm pretty sure it's Budapest. 'Cause y'know, Budapest is the Budabest."

"No. Budapesht." She insisted.

"Budapesht is the Budabesht?" She nodded. "Yeah, that doesn't sit right with me. I'm gonna stick with Budapest."

"Anyway... will you tell Peter about you two when he gets back from... wherever the hell he is?"

"Well, yeah of course. It's Parker." You replied, chewing your inner cheek. "But not right away." Bucky's words echoed in yours.

"Oh, you're gonna butter him up." Nat chuckled, finishing her cup of coffee. "I know how. Give him free drinks for life."

"Even if I wanted to, I can't 'cause last night was my last shift at the bar." You smiled proudly, thinking back to the last drink you ever made last night. Everyone was there to witness it — except Sam. When you sent the photos to Peter, you were bombarded with a series of questions that you promised to answer once he gets back.

"Oh, that reminds me!" Nat suddenly exclaimed, catching other people's attention, clearly annoyed with her. She stifled a giggle, looking away from them. "That reminds me." She said it quietly this time. "We're throwing you a little party tonight. Steve's idea."

"Like a surprise party?"

"Well, it's not a surprise anymore 'cause I blabbed. So, act surprised when you get there and finish up your presentation."

You posed no further questions, the idea of a surprise party warming your heart. You just smiled at Nat, and got back to the laptop screen. "Yes, ma'am."

Later that night, you did as you were instructed to do as you opened the door to the bar: act surprised. "Oh my god, you guys!" You exclaimed, putting on a wide smile on your face. The small party might have been a surprise but the decorations put up wasn't. Hanging from the ceiling on multiple threads were your photos which used to be on the walls.

Every single one of them.

Below were everyone waiting —Nat, Steve, Nick, Bucky and even Sam — and watching your reaction as you adored the whole set-up. Steve was the first one to approach you, enveloping you in a hug.

"Oh my god, Steve." You muttered, hugging him back.

"Surprised?"

"Not really." You pulled away. "A pretty little number may have told me." you said, looking over at Nat who already had a beer in her hand. She acknowledged you by winking.

"Natasha." Steve sighed, also looking at Nat. Caught, she turned around and took a big gulp of her beer.

You began to walk towards the little group; an odd combination of people, you might as well add. "This is amazing, Steve."

"The whole party was my idea but these photos?" He said, pushing you carefully towards Bucky's direction who took delight in your expression. "Was your man's."

You walked towards Bucky, wrapping your arms around his neck. "Hey, you."

"Hey, doll." He greeted, kissing your cheek. "Like the place?"

"Are you kidding me? I love it!" With your arm still around his neck, you admired the photos hanging from the ceiling once more. Bucky let you go, greeting the others as well.

Nick engulfed you in a hug, and whispered. "If he hurts you, I'll kick his ass."

You chuckled, ruffling his hair. "Nick, you can't even hurt a fly. But thanks, anyway. I'll be sure to keep that in mind."

"You better." He said. “We actually got acquainted while we were decorating the place. He's a good man, y/n. It's a good thing you didn't go out with me."

"If you want, I'll set you up with Parker." You joked.

"Ha-ha, you're a very funny girl."

With all the tables drawn towards one side of the bar, a big space on the center was in view, perfect for dancing or any kind of performance you could possibly think of. You all went towards one of the largest booths that could accommodate all of you. On the table were a bunch of American food — wings, fries, burger, you name it. And of course, cold beer.

While eating and finishing your first bottle of beer, you asked the group to settle a tiny debate, which Nat didn't like.

"It's Budapesht!" Nat exclaimed, insistent. A crack on her voice was evident.

"Budapest!" Nick boomed, downing his first bottle. "Don't you know how to spell? It's clearly Budapest!"

"I told you, it's not Budapesht! Budapesht is not the Budabest. Budapest is!" You argued with Nat, high-giving Nick. "Team Budapest for the win!"

"Take it easy there, honey." Bucky chuckled, grabbing you by the waist.

"Budapesht!"

"Budapest!" You and Nick exclaimed.

"I'm Russian, it's Budapesht!"

"Bup-bup-bup-bup." Sam butted in, one elbow on the table, a finger pointing up the ceiling. "If there's a swarm of termites in my house, do I call the pest control, or the pesht control?"

"Ha! Budapest wins!" You yelled which annoyed Nat to no end. She threw a stick of fries to your face. "Hey!"

"Come to Russia." She said in an accent. "I dare you."

You all broke out in a laugh.

After eating most of the food, Steve stood up, retrieving something from the back of the bar. When he came out, a big karaoke machine was wheeled in. "Rented this baby for a special occasion." Steve said proudly, slapping the top of the karaoke machine. On his other hand was "Who wants to go first?"

"Hell yeah, I'd go first!" Sam shouted.

You couldn't even begin to describe the first few hours of that night. Sam and Nick were the most wasted among all of us, quickly developing a weird friendship. They hogged the karaoke machine the most, singing duets, singing a LOT of Adele, and Lady Gaga. At one point, Sam even sang a Taylor Swift classic, We are Never Ever Getting Back Together, and made a weird "weeee" sound while singing the song which cracked you all up. Steve sang an old mellow song. Nat sang American Pie, her raspy voice blending all too well with the melody. The only people left who haven't got a chance to sing and dance on the floor were you and Bucky.

"Come on, you lovebirds!" Sam groaned, shoving the songbook in front of your faces.

The others joined in a chant, finally convincing you and Bucky. You stood up, hand in hand, and approached the machine. "Wait, before we start," Bucky said, holding up a bottle of beer, "let me raise a toast to the girl I like most — "

"Oh, Bucky."

"To y/n!" He said your name proudly, raising his bottle. The others did as well, saying your name.

"And to Steve!" You raised your own. "For having the guts to fire me."

"To Steve!"

"And to you," you turned towards Bucky, "for believing in me."

"Oh, cut the crap already!" Nat shouted, cupping her mouth with her hands. "Sing, bitches!"

And on cue, Bucky punched in some numbers. A familiar melody came out, which made you shake your head at Bucky. "Oh god no."

"You love this song!" Bucky said.

"No, you love this song!"

He started to sing the first verses and when he almost came to the chorus, he offered his hand. "Come on, doll. Sing it with me... Now, I've got you in my sights. With these..."

"Hungry eyes!" You finally gave him, letting him pull you towards his body so you can share the microphone.

"One look at you and I can't disguise!"

"I've got hungry eyes. I feel the magic between you and I!"

"I feel the magic between you and I!"

You continued to sing, your backs facing the door. Suddenly, another voice chimed in, making you and Bucky turn around.

"Hey, guys!" Peter closed the door behind him, dropping his bags on the floor. "What did I miss?"

✪

On a high-rise building in the Upper East Side, Tony Stark of Stark Industries sat on his office chair, looking over the never-sleeping New York City. He watched the cars and people go by, like watching ants do their work in an ant-farm. So tiny. He thought, happily sitting on his empire he had been building for decades. He watched in amusement as more and more car lights appeared. The hues of red and yellow looked like teeny little dots in his view, which reminded him of stars, making himself the glimmering moon which stood high up on the skies, unreachable yet adored by the many.

A knock on the door interrupted his high. "Come in." Tony said.

A tall figure walked in, with legs that could go for miles and with hair as golden as the sun. "Sir." He spoke.

Tony didn't turn around in his chair, rather he looked at the tall glass windows in front of him. The city lights became blurry. All Tony could see now was his reflection staring back at him, and Jarvis'. He glanced at Jarvis on his right, then back at his own. "Jarvis." He acknowledged. "You have something for me, I believe."

"Yes, sir." Jarvis replied, the English accent heavy on his tone. "But I'm afraid you're not going to like it."

A frown started to form on Tony's face. "James?"

"Yes, sir." The tall blonde replied.

Bucky had been missing quite some appointments with potential partners and investors. Not that he did most of the work, anyway. He would sit in on meetings on end, letting his assistant or Leonard, his concierge, deal with the negotiations. In the end, Bucky gets most of the profit "running" the hotel. He was merely a figure, a presence needed for signatures on piles of papers. But he would know if he was being undermined, if he was being scammed. He knew how to handle business but he just chooses not to. No one knew this, of course, not even Peter; except the parties involved on Bucky's side and Tony Stark. Tony lets it slide, only because the White Wolf had been improving the past years but God did he hate that name.

"I gave you that hotel and no way in hell are you changing the name." Tony sternly said. They were eating dinner at a fancy restaurant in the Upper East Side.

Bucky's treat to butter him up for his good news. Well, good news for Bucky but not so much for Tony.

"I knew you'd say that." Bucky replied. "That's why I went ahead and scrapped the old name and changed it into something new while the renovation was happening."

"Oh, James." Tony sighed, his knife stopping midway through the juicy steak. "What's the name?"

"White Wolf."

"Oh for fuck's sakes."

"Mr. Stark?" Jarvis repeated for the third time, finally grabbing Tony's attention.

"Sorry." He replied. "So, what is it? What did you find?"

"Mr. Barnes has been seeing a girl."

Tony rolled his eyes and finally turned around in his chair, looking at Jarvis. "He's always seeing girls."

"I'm afraid it's different this time, sir. It's why he's been missing a lot of meetings lately. And it's just not a girl." He said.

"Apparently, she's Peter's best friend."

"Huh, that's a twist. Around Peter's age?"

"Yes."

"That is new."

"But that's not all, sir. I'm afraid James is getting acquainted with Mr. Rogers once more."

Tony's body stiffened. Eyes unblinking. "Rogers? Steve Rogers? Are you sure?"

"A hundred percent. This girl James has been seeing is an employee of Mr. Rogers. Some kind of bar underneath an apartment building on the Upper West Side."

Tony frowned. "I thought Rogers had been taken care of."

"He was, sir. This was just some... big coincidence."

"It's a big mistake." He spoke. "I need you to keep an eye on James and pull out Rogers' files. Find anything — everything you can about this new life of his."

"Understood, sir. How about the girl?"

Tony frowned, not seeing anything wrong with it. "I won't worry about it too much. If he falls in love, then that's good." His eyes flickered to the photo of Peter's mom who passed away years ago. "I mean, I did before."

"Alright, sir. I'll be heading out now."

He nodded, watching Jarvis walk away from him. "Jarvis."

Jarvis stopped in his tracks and turned around to face his boss once more. "James can never know, Vis. He can never know."

[liibrii]

Chapter 2: Tattered 

Ojiro Aran x fem!reader

Series Masterpost || Ch. 1

wc: 3.2k

warnings: swearing, internalised guilt and shame, intrusive thoughts, self doubt, depression.

a/n: I don’t really have anything to say other than I’m enjoying writing for Aran so much. if you wanna be tagged in future chapters lemme know, and as always feedback is greatly appreciated! 

Aran knows people don't always mean what they say.  Even he had done it before and it destroyed a few of his relationships. Knowing that doesn't make your words hurt any less.

He tries to convince himself you didn't really mean it, still a part of him wonders if that's how you really feel. How you've always felt. For all those years he was assured of your friendship and now you've pulled the rug from under his feet. None of your words align with the image in his head. Perhaps you've never been the person he remembers. The you in his mind is just that, a memory, a perfect picture he created from bits and pieces he chose. Has he truly always seen only what he wanted to see?

Thoughts of you run through his mind as he stands on the back line. One more serve before he wraps up. Bam.

To always see good in people is what he was thought growing up and what he still tries to do to this day, even if years had thought him people aren't only their good sides. He always thought of you only at your best and failed to even get to know you properly. What kind of friend does that? You're in pain and he can't help because he has no idea where the wounds are. He has no idea where to look for them because he refused to see. 

Perhaps he is a terrible friend after all.

Bam. The ball gets caught in the net and falls. Aran watches it roll away before picking up another. He breathes deeply. It's all about focus, he reminds himself, even when his mind wants to slip he has to remain focused.

All of his teammates have left already. Home, to their partners, their families. What will he return home to? An empty apartment with take-out he'll eat on the couch. Alone. Maybe he should get a pet. But when will he have time to care for it?

Bam.

He should call home. Check on his friends. Maybe if he had checked on you more often then-

Bam.

What use is pondering over what could've been? With each serve his palm aches more, his muscles already sore from practice but he doesn't want to stop yet. One more.

“There's a difference between training hard and overdoing it, you know?“

Perhaps life is just memories of days long gone sipping into present.

When he turns to face you uneasiness rises in him. Any other time he'd be elated to see you. Now even words to greet you with escape him. You come closer, shoes softly squeaking on the gym's floor. “Doorman let me in. After a little bit of convincing.“

“Really?“

“No, I slipped past while his back was turned. How long are you planning on staying? I saw all of your teammates leave already.“

Aran turns the ball in his hands. It's becoming slippery from all the sweat. He can't bring himself to look you in the eyes. “My serves are gettin' sloppy. I need more practice.“

Bam.

You stay where you are, watching and fiddling with the strap of your bag, until you can't bear the silence anymore and speak up. “Aran, I actually wanted to talk to you. About you know... what I said.“

“T's okay. I know ya didn't mean it.“

“I did.“ Your voice eerily echoes in the otherwise empty gym. “As shitty as it is, it's how I felt.“ You're eyes stay fixed on the floor. “I'm sorry.“

Aran catches the ball he just threw in the air for another jump serve. When he looks over at you you're still intently focused on your shoelaces, gripping the strap of the bag so tight your knuckles turned white. Why are you beating yourself up so much? If you feel something, you feel it. What reason for it do you need to have? Knowing how you felt hurts, that much he can't deny. And yet he can't hold it against you.

He puts the ball on the top of your head, just like boys used to do back in high school to annoy you. “If ya really insist on apologisin' then I guess I have no other choice but to forgive ya.”

As his words sink in you shyly glance at him. “You sure?“

“'Course I am,“ smiles Aran, balancing the ball so it doesn't roll from the top of your head.

“You're not angry? At me?“

He takes the ball and starts throwing it from one hand to another. “Not really. Very surprised. A little hurt.“

“I'm sorry-“

“Yeah, yeah, I know,“ he cuts you off. “Set for me and we'll call it even.”

“Aran, my sets are in no way near the level you're used to.“

“So?“ he asks already walking over to fetch the ball cart. “Ya still remember where to stand, right?“ he teases, cackling softly when you roll your eyes and take off your bag and jacket, all while trying to hide a smile creeping on your lips.

It takes a few tries for you to remember how to make an overhand set. Aran's filled with giddy warmth when you manage to send the ball in the right position for him to spike it over the net. Perhaps all those lessons with Atsumu years ago didn't go to waste after all. Your little victory jump makes him burst into laughter and he rewards you with a high five.

It really is an echo of history.

Your skills are rusty, something that makes you apologise profusely every time you mess up, even after he reassures you he doesn't mind, and ruffles your hair.

With each set you relax more, till every smile and laugh seem sincere. Only now Aran realises how he missed this carefree side of you. Time always flies too fast when you're around and soon enough, out of breath and wiping the drops of sweat from your forehead, you call an end of this individual practice.

He hurries with showering and changing into fresh clothes, not wanting to leave you waiting for too long, especially since you have morning lessons tomorrow. He buys you a drink from the vending machine. It's not much, but staying hydrated is important, he tells you when you tease him about it.

“You know, that brought back a lot of memories,“ you say while walking to the train station, then poke his shoulder. “Thanks.“ The smile dancing over your lips makes his cheeks warm up. You glance over to the sky hiding behind a golden halo that city lights cast over the rooftops. “Do you ever miss Hyogo?“

“Sometimes.“

“I miss the stars.“ You kick a small stone from your path. “You've become quite a star too you know. With all the fans and attention I really wonder, do you get lonely?”

Your question catches him off guard. “I'm too busy to get lonely,“ he lies.

“I get lonely sometimes,“ your eyes still search for a glimmer of a distant star. “And tired. Some days I just want to sleep all day. Do you ever get the urge to do that? Skip practice and stay in bed?“

“No. If I skipped practice how will I become better?”

You purse your lips and nod. “That's why you're a professional athlete and I'm just trying to figure out why I have to separate blue and red laundry.“

“Those are two very different things.“

“Both are just some pieces of cloth. Why do I have to separate them? If they got problems with each other they should grow up and talk it out.” 

That’s not what he meant, but your slight annoyance over technicalities of doing laundry still makes him laugh.

In the coming days Aran checks his phone every chance he gets, just to see if you already wrote back. No matter what you talk about he wants to hear it; be it about your day or the delivery man being late with your order. His teammates notice and tease him about it yet he denies you're anything more than just a friend, and they exchange knowing looks when his back is turned. Even if his entire body heats up at the sole mention of your name Aran isn't ready to admit to himself, let alone others, he wants you to be more.

Not when he isn't sure if his feelings for you are being muddled by his memories.

That Tuesday you grab a dinner together that turns into a late night walk through the streets. It's not a date, Aran keeps reminding himself. It's just two friends hanging out as you've done a thousand times before. So why is his heart threatening to thump it's way out of his chest?

After that night weekly hanging out with you becomes a regular occurrence. Sometimes you go out to eat, sometimes you drag him along when you go shopping, saying he has a good eye for colour combinations. It has nothing to do with the fact he buys you ice cream every time. Some days you come to his place to play video games or watch movies. Seeing his favourite series making you laugh warms his heart.

As you become more comfortable around him your facade slowly, bit by bit, starts to crumble. He's scared to see what lies beneath yet at the same time he wishes it would break already. He can't help you if he doesn't know, can he?

Whatever is troubling you he wishes you'd trust him enough to confide in him. In the back of his mind lingers the question he's too scared too ask.

Does Kita know what's on your mind? Do you still talk to him?

You used to be close to the team. The one they relied on. The one who so lovingly tapped their fingers before each game. Do they know your eyes are puffy? Do they know every sleepless night that goes by makes the dark circles under your eyes harder to hide? Do they know his heart breaks every time he sees the tremble of your lips when you force a smile?

No matter how bad he wants to hold you, tell you it's going to be okay, the mere thought of reaching out paralyses him.

What if you don't want his help?

If you did, you would've asked already, right? Not even practice can stop him from thinking about you. His disappointment grows a little when he sees no new messages. Perhaps you don't want to talk to him after all.

He's just leaving the gym when his phone lights up and seeing it's your name makes his heart flutter. He eagerly picks up. “Hi!“

“H-hey.“ Already in the first word the strain in your voice is apparent. “Um, am I interrupting you?“

“No, of course not. I just finished with practice. What's up?“

“I-“ He hears you take a deep breath. “Um, I don't, I don't feel so good...“ Your next words are almost a whisper. “Could I come over?“

“'Course ya can come over. I'll be home in about an hour.“

By the time he arrives you're already there, standing by the entrance nervously stepping from one leg to another. You give a shy wave when he approaches. He noticed you've been acting weirdly sheepish around him and he's not used to it. You're friends. What's making you so nervous?

You trail behind him, hands tucked deep in your pockets. You don't even pull them out when taking your shoes off.

“Tea?“ he offers when you make your way towards the sofa.

“Sure,“ you nod, sitting and tightly hugging a pillow. “Sorry about that,“ you say when he joins you with two cups of tea, “I just... bad day, you know? Didn't want to be alone.“

With a smile he assures you it's no problem. You're welcome to come by whenever you want.

You tell him about college, about work. “Boss is a shit bag,“ you complain. The working hours make you late for your lessons and even professors are getting fed up with you always being late. Not to mention your classmates aren't keen on lending you notes to copy.

It's all too much, you say, work, college, the pressure of everyone's expectations. Your fellow students give you funny looks sometimes, you tell him. It's only a few years but you're still older than them, at the age where your parents are asking when you are going to settle down. Have children. Get a stable job. Well how could you when you haven't even gotten your degree yet? It all makes you feel like a failure.

And yet something tells Aran that's not why you're here. Maybe it's the nervous fumbling with the hem of your clothes. Maybe it's because you don't look at him at all. A silence falls on you as you sip your tea. Aran considers asking out right but you gather the courage before he does.

“Shin called.“  

“Ah.“ That's all he manages to say.

“He's doing good, in case you're wondering. He asked if we have any plans on visiting any time soon.“ Your eyes skim over his face. “That would be nice, don't you think?“

Aran forces a smile. “Sounds great.“ Once again your words threaten to shake the ground he stands on. All he hears is 'seeing Shin would be nice'. His grip on the cup tightens and he puts it away before he'd crack it.

“Do ya miss him?“ he asks, words coming out more choked up than he intended. He clears his throat when he leans back on the couch's backrest.

You think over his question. “I miss my best friend.“

He asks. Even if he doesn't want to know the answer, he asks. “Will you get back with him?“

“No.“ Your answer is quiet, but firm. You readjust yourself to lean on the backrest, facing him, the pillow still tightly squeezed in your grip. “Shin is a great guy just... not the right for me. Wasn't easy to accept but that's how it is.“ You fumble with the thread sticking out from the stitch. “I wasn't good for him, you know?“ you quietly continue. “He protected me since we were kids but at some point it all just... fizzled I guess. I was so used of always being by his side the thought of living without him terrified me. He was that stability I craved. For a long time I believed he would give me a goal in life, or something similar.“ You chuckle. “Try getting through seventeen-year-old-me's head that's not how relationships work. I knew we wouldn't work out. But I stayed because I was selfish and stupid... and scared. I think he knew. And it started to take a toll on him. So I left before he'd break.“ Tears start forming in your eyes. “Shin could never understand why I'm so sad without a reason... Maybe if I left sooner... well, it doesn't matter now.“

“Ya can still go back,“ hearing his own words shatters Aran's heart, “once ya feel better.“

The brief laugh you give almost sounds like a sob. “Can I?“ You forcefully wipe the tears away. “Even if I could it wouldn't be the same as I remember now. It's hard to explain but somehow, what’s in your memories is always better than reality. Know what I mean?“

He knows. Memory is the thief of future.

The lump in his throat grows larger, heavier as he watches you try to hide tears starting to run down your cheeks. He's lost, not knowing what else to do but to pull you closer, tucking your head under his chin. He hugs you and softly caresses your back. “It's alright,“ he whispers when you apologise through sobs and tears. He keeps repeating, it's alright. What else could he possibly say?

You relax in his arms and your sobs slowly turn to muffled sniffles. Aran only wishes you feel safe in his arms, your head leaning on his shoulder, your arms shyly wrapping around his middle. It's not the most comfortable position but he's to scared to readjust. He hears your hitched breathing sync with his own as he runs his hands up and down your back and, exhausted from your crying, you're soon fast asleep.

Perhaps for the first time in his life Aran's starting to really understand you. It pains him, knowing your struggles. You, who were always so full of light, you who were the pillar, tall and unyielding, one he could always lean onto. How memories managed to muddle his perception of you so much is beyond him. The only thing he can do is promise himself to never let them deceive him again. After all, who needs memories?

He messages you more frequently. Not too frequently, he doesn't want to appear nosy or pushy. Just often enough to let you know he's there for you if you need him.

You've been busier with college lately, so weekly hang outs turn to late night phone calls. Hearing your voice feels like a refreshing cool breeze on these hot summer nights.

He collapses in his bed, only half listening to your rambling on about one of the professors. He didn't catch her name.

“Aran? You still there?“

“Yeah, I'm still here. T's been a long day, t's all.“

He hears you hum and he can imagine the way you lean your head to the side. “Coach in a bad mood?“

“Not really. I'm just not feelin' my best. Couldn't sync with Aritsura's sets. But ya know, more practice 's all we need. How was your day?“ he asks, forgetting you just told him a few minutes ago.

“It was alright,“ you say instead of repeating what you already told him. “Actually, I wanted to apologise. About last time. I shouldn't have dumped all my problems on you.“

“How many times do I need to repeat it's okay. I'm here for ya.“

“Still. I'm sorry. It was a lot. I... I don't want to be a burden.“

His brows furrow. How many times does he have to repeat it? Why don't you get it? “Yer not.“ Your low chuckle makes him irritated . “I mean it. If ya ever need to talk just say, alright?“

“Yeah, yeah I will... Thank you. It's just that... I don't want to ruin this friendship too. That's all. Tell me when I become too much. Please.“

What are you talking about? “Whatever is on yer mind I promise I can handle it.“

“Can you? So you not being able to play your best has nothing to do with me dumping all my problems on you?“

Something in the way you say those words pushes the wrong button. He's only trying to be here for you, why can't you see that? “I don't care enough to let it impact me.“ Fuck. Even before the final word leaves his mouth he knows it came out wrong. “I'm sorry, fuck, y/n, I didn't mean it like that-“

“It's okay,“ you interrupt. “You're right.“

“I'm-“

“Get some sleep Aran. You have practice tomorrow. G' night.“ You end the call before he gets the chance to say goodbye.

Fuck.

Ch. 3: In the light, your name

Tags: @rosecaffelatte, @aonenthusiast

[n3verending16]

you were good to me - Oikawa Tooru x Reader

So, this is my first ever fanfic! Aah! Writing this was 100% a daunting experience for me, but I largely enjoyed writing it (posting it tho? *rapidly spams space button to align lyrics with the middle* *posts* *formatting is completely off and i have to do it all over again* *screams*). If you have any constructive criticism/ formatting tips, please comment it or send me a message ʕ •́؈•̀ ₎

Not requested, but certainly inspired by all the other oikawa x reader writer-chans out there (and a good friend of mine, yejin if you're reading this ily smkamsjskamssjk)!

caitlin and cindy ily too uwu

Based off "you were good to me"

All credits belong to their rightful owners

………………………………………………………………………………………

Lying, isn't better than silence

"I don't love you anymore."

Oikawa Tooru could feel the bitter aftertaste of his own words to you that night.

Floating, but I feel like I'm dying

One year later, and he still couldn't break off the chains that anchored him down every time he jumped for the ball in a match. He couldn't fly like he used to, the guilt in his gut pressing him down every time he looked towards the stands and you weren't there, cheering for him as you usually did. It was his choice, his fault. And he regretted it, although he wished he didn't.

Still, no matter where I go

At the end of every road

You had always been there for him before, whenever he felt he wasn't good enough. The gentle caress of your fingers through his hair and your soft eyes peering into his own chocolate irises had helped him get over the loss of the match and focus on getting even better than he was. On particularly harsh days, you sang him to sleep, the dulcet tones and lull of your voice relaxing him as he passed into a gentle slumber.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

You had always been understanding of him whenever he ended his practice sessions late. You never asked for his time, knowing his passion for volleyball burned brighter than anything you'd ever seen before, and you wanted to support him. You hugged and congratulated him with a smile on your face when he won, and you comforted him when he lost, but most importantly, you were always there in his life. A constant he could trust, someone he could rely on, someone he could love. He'd been thankful for it. And yet, when he saw the successful application to the Argentinian Volleyball Team, he was hit with the truth. Oikawa was moving to a country on the other side of the world, and things would've gotten so much harder for the both of you. You deserved someone that was so much more than him, someone who would hold you at night, someone who could go on real dates with you, someone who could, and would, put their own time away for you. As much as it hurt him, he knew for your own good, he had to let you go. So he did it the way he hoped would hurt you the least.

I know it's easier to run

After everything I've done

Cut it off. Keep your emotions away from this. This is what's best for them.

"I'm moving to Argentina, and I think it's time I tell you something..."

"I don't love you anymore. We should end things."

You were good to me

Yeah, you were good to me

He still hears your quiet sobs that night sometimes.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

Leaving, isn't better than trying

You'd spent that night lying on the couch, crying to yourself over your boyfriend who'd just walked out on you. What had you done wrong? Were you still not good enough for him? As soon as you had began to stop, reduced to sniffles, images of his silhouetted back as he walked out the front door and the cold glint in his brown eyes as he said the words that broke your heart flashed through your mind made you start bawling all over again. Had everything that had happened between the two of you been a lie? Had your presence in his life not mattered to him as much as his presence in yours?

Growing, but I'm just growing tired

You would've liked to say you were a different person than you had been one year ago. You would've liked to be spiteful and show Oikawa Tooru, international volleyball star, that you had outgrown being lovesick and was now independent and successful, with people who truly loved you. You would've liked to tell yourself that you were so, so much better off without him. But that was a lie, and you were not one to lie to yourself.

Now I'm worried for my soul

And I'm still scared of growing old

You had, honestly, tried to get over him though. You'd made yourself pass out from drunkenness only to wake up the next morning with a pounding headache and the incident more ingrained into your head. You'd busied yourself with cooking, gaming and knitting, and when that hadn't worked, considered a one-night stand from an overly amiable guy you'd just met at the corner café, after deciding against it when one of the girls standing in front of the window outside sent you two a deathly stare. You'd stacked all of his belongings and tried to burn them, until you realised your shaky hands couldn't start the lighter properly.

Even if you had forgotten him for a while, a dull, grey, reprieve from the emotions in your head, it wouldn't have been for long; the memories were everywhere. There was the book he'd accidentally spilt his bubble tea in when you snuck up behind him. There was the somewhat-lopsided drawer, a result of when it got stuck and he'd tried to force it in anyway, ending up in the sides breaking. There was the red christmas mug you'd gotten for him; only to realise he'd given you the exact same one, but green. The small bin in your room was full of milk bread wrappers. Even the study desk in the corner reminded you of days where he would try to draw something cute for you- you'd laughed and told him he had all the time in the world to improve.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

That had clearly been a lie. And yet, you couldn't bring yourself to believe the words he'd said to you before he left a year ago were the truth. You had been sure that your relationship was pure, built from the ground on trust and a mutual understanding of each other- you'd respect his love for volleyball, he'd respect your desire to work harder in your career. Sure, he didn't sound like he was lying, but he was THE Oikawa Tooru- a man who held his confident and flippant façade up to the spotlights, letting the light shine on him however he pleased. You needed to know the truth, and like a burning question at the back of your mind, it never disappeared- before you contacted Iwaizumi Hajime, his best friend and your former close classmate, who told you "It was about time you knew the truth". You were glad to have heard those words.

After having a long conversation with Haji (most of it was you cussing), you wanted to hug Oikawa and punch him at the same time.

One decision led to another and the next day, you were standing on an airplane one year after the breakup with a plane ticket clutched in your hands, and a ticket to the Argentina vs Spain match folded up neatly in your purse.

"Try to let him off easy, yeah? He hasn't been at his best ever since he left you. I think he still regrets it."

………………………………………………………………………………………

And I'm so used to letting go

But I don't wanna be alone

There's noise in the stadium, filled with the audience's cheers and camera shutters going off, but drowned out by the silence in his own head. Oikawa lines the ball up to serve, watching the other team, analysing their positions. "Where should I hit?" he thinks to himself. This is his chance to take another set against Spain. If he misses this one, they will have lost the match 3-1, and it would've been his fault. He can't let that happen. The whistle blows, the ball goes up, and he's doing his jump-serve again, feeling the chains around his feet ready to snap taut like always.

But then amidst the bright lights, among the screaming crowd, he sees a flash of white and teal. Time seems to stop, and he floats in the air.

Was't that his Aoba Johsai volleyball jacket from high school? The one that he'd left behind at your house?

At first, he dismissed it quickly, thinking it was another die-hard fangirl who had one made or maybe even someone from his old team, because no way in hell could you be here right now watching him play when he'd walked out of your life and caused you so much pain and heartbreak one year ago. But then he saw the black purse, with a delicate pink floral pattern and gold highlights. The one he'd gotten for you on your birthday. He meets your wide eyes, your name is on his lips as he stares at your form.

But time moves again. And he grunts as his palm makes contact with the ball, making it fly into the corner and the other team turns and gapes at where surely there was a dent in the ground from the impact. They'd taken back a set, the score was 2-2. His team cheers wildly around him. The commentators rapidly fire off about the service ace- something he hadn't been able to do for a long time.

He's still staring at you in mid-air, but then he falls, meets the ground, his legs give out from under him and everything blurs.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

You stare, lips parted as he collapses, slightly rising from your seat from worry. Had his knee gotten any better from before? Would he still be okay? Surely everything he'd worked for couldn't just end from a fall... but you realised if it did, it would've been your fault. You were, after all, the one who distracted him. Something punches you in the gut as you watch him get up, and he looks at you, the expression on his face one of pure shock and something you can't quite decipher. He keeps his eyes on yours as they shrug on his national sports jacket and carry him off, and you stare into his milky chocolate irises until the doors close behind him. Then you're pushing yourself through the crowd of seated anxious girls to find him again.

God only knows where our fears go

Hearts I've broke, now my tears flow

Oikawa finds himself in the hallway staring at the azure blue sky outside the window as a flock of birds soars past. The medics fuss over him, lifting his mildly sore leg and checking it once, twice, and he absentmindedly nods at their questions. There's a commotion at the door at the end of the hallway and he hears your muffled, strained voice. "No, please! I need to see him... you don't understand..." Eyes widening, he lifts himself up and hobbles over to the door at the end of the hallway, ignoring the protests of the baffled medics and guards. He puts his hand on the handle of the door and pushes, finding you arguing with a guard on the other side of the door. He hears his name from you, your voice giving him comfort. He smiles, albeit a broken one but still, a genuine smile, before he falls, his knee giving out again.

But this time, you're there to catch him.

You'll see that I'm sorry

Cause you were good to me

You were good to me

You hold Tooru as he sobs onto your shoulder. His tears cascade down his face as he clings to you, and he knows he doesn't deserve this, doesn't deserve you. Why had you tried to find him, after he broke your heart a year ago? You realise you're crying too when your vision blurs and all you can sense is the warmth from his skin on yours, his smell filtering the air around you. You take a deep breath in, honey vanilla with slight mint curling into your nose. People awkwardly stand by as they watch the reunion, mindful of the emotions and rawness in the air but also aware of the need to relieve pressure from his leg a bit. Eventually, someone bites the bullet and Oikawa sits down against the wall with you on his right. "You came here from Japan." Tooru hoarsely whispers. "Why?"

Before you could answer, the door opens and his teammate pops his head in, taking note of the people standing uncomfortably around.

"Hey Tooru, are you gonna be able to play?" he speaks in Spanish. He takes sight of you, a girl he's seen somewhere before, sitting next to his friend, and pauses.

"Wait, isn't that the girl on your wallpaper? I thought you said- never mind." He carefully speaks in broken English.

"Anyways, coach says if you're still fine we can send you in." You blink as Tooru puts his arm around you, a pout evident on his face. "I'm pretty sure I'll be able to play (the medic nods along in agreement), just give me a few moments." he answers. His teammate hesitates, nods, and closes the door. Tooru turns his head and rests his head on your shoulder, his fluffy brown hair tickling your neck. You nearly want to cry at what his teammate just told said. "Oh, Tooru..."

"You still haven't answered the question," he tells you. "Iwa-chan must've told you that I left because you deserved more than someone who couldn't be here for you. I don't deserve you, y/n-chan. You deserve to be happy, and... I'm not the one." He tucks away your air behind your ear. "But now that you're here, I can't help but want to be selfish. I want us to be together. I still want you."

You can't help laughing quietly at him, the little pout forming on his face again. "Oh Tooru... you wanted me to be happy. And you thought leaving me so brashly would achieve that? You forgot one very, very important thing." You lean into his shoulder, and play with his calloused fingers.

And now I'm closing every door

Cause I'm sick of wanting more

"If I'm ever to be truly happy..." You tell him, shifting yourself so you're cupping his soft cheeks and looking into his chocolate eyes. "Then you are, absolutely, essential in my life." His heart leaps, soaring at your words. After all that time, you still...

You tut at the dreamlike, adorable expression on his face. "C'mon, Tooru. Don't cry on me now. You've still got a match to win, don't you?" He breaks himself out of his reverie as you lightly pinch his cheeks, and grins ear to ear as you begin to move back to the stands. "Wait, wait." He shrugs his volleyball jacket off his shoulders and hands it to you. "Wear this over that, I want everyone to know you're still mine." You rolls your eyes at his childish request, "Your fangirls are going to kill me, I swear," but comply nevertheless. He's still smiling as he watches his oversized jacket swish around at your mid-thigh as you walk towards the doors. Anything else could come after the match, but for now, this was good enough for him.

You were good to me

You were good to me, yeah

For the rest of that match, for the first time, Oikawa Tooru flies. They do eventually win, 3-2. He's never felt more ecstatic as he pulls you in happily, kissing all over your face and handing you his Most Valuable Player award as you giggle from his childlike antics. The reporters rapidly take note of everything and theres a collective groan from the gaggle of fangirls somewhere, but it's you and him both in your own little world.

Swear I'm different than before

I won't hurt you anymore

Life goes on. You fly back to Japan, with a promise that he would never shut you out again. Sure, you would've preferred it if he was next to you, but you called and messaged each other so frequently that you found you had little to worry about. In rare spaces of time, he flew back to Japan to meet family and friends before spoiling you on dates, decorating your house ("Hey, we need to retake this photo! I'm even better looking now!") or cuddling on the couch together. Every relationship had its downsides, and long-distance relationships were even more a pain, but you were more than ready to take the troubles on if it meant you could still see his smiling face through the messenger call at 1am in the morning.

And you knew this time, he wouldn't stop you from trying.

Cause you were good to me