#if they set a boundary you need to respect them no matter what was posted before?

[lover-of-mine]

.

[actual-changeling]

On unhealthy relationship dynamics

A little while ago, I stumbled across a post discussing Aziraphale's character on a meta level, and without knowing the content, I was completely unprepared when one single sentence pushed me from 'uncomfortable but doable' into 'triggered and panicking'. The post itself was triggering from start to finish, but that phrase stood out to me.

Why am I telling you this?

After calming down and thinking about it for a few hours, I realised what exactly my brain had reacted to—victim blaming rhetoric repackaged to fit Aziraphale and Crowley's situation. Victim blaming is, to provide a short summary, the act of putting blame for mistreatment on the victim instead of the perpetrator. It's a concept often used in r/pe discussions, but it can be applied to any abusive or non-abusive situation as long as a power imbalance is created, meaning you have at least one person harming another in whatever shape or form.

If you broaden the definition, you can apply it to more situations, including—and this is where we reach the actual topic—their relationship and the Final Fifteen (F15).

That is exactly what some people have been doing—putting all the blame on Crowley and absolving Aziraphale of any and all responsibility as if it were his fault that Aziraphale broke his heart

Before anyone runs to the comments, let me clarify what I assume will be the FAQ.

no, I do not think Aziraphale is abusive

I do not think that their relationship is abusive either

no, I do not hate Aziraphale

yes, I know what I am talking about

everything I will talk about is largely based on what we as the audience actually see and know, combined with interpretations of the intentional subtext Neil wrote into the show.

I have been actively in this fandom since the second season was released, and I have seen a lot of (hopefully accidental) ableist & generally insensitive takes. These are the ones I see the most and what I personally consider to be important topics of discussion, but the same logic I will be applying to these can be applied to many, many more situations.

Since my meta posts get very long very quickly, I will be posting them in parts and always linking back to the others, plus this one as the masterpost.

Part 1—Nice Is A Four Letter Word

The basic pattern is this:

Aziraphale refers to Crowley with a 'nice' term -> Crowley gets upset and tells him to stop -> Aziraphale hears him but continues anyway.

There are reasons behind Crowley's rejection, and I will go into detail, but I want to make one thing very clear: It does not matter why Crowley asked him to stop. He set a boundary, and Aziraphale repeatedly and intentionally overstepped it; this causes understandable anger and frustration.

Crowley does not owe Aziraphale an explanation, just like you would not owe someone an explanation when you don't want to be called x-term. Mutual respect requires the acceptance of personal boundaries like that, and by breaking them over and over again, Aziraphale tells Crowley that his own wants are more important than Crowley's needs.

In the 1827 Edinburgh flashback, we see the consequences of Crowley doing good/being called good (which are usually connected, meaning if they notice someone is calling Crowley good, he most likely did something to cause that) firsthand, and so does Aziraphale. He gets dragged down to hell and tortured for up to thirty years.

Even before that, Crowley expresses numerous times how hell punishes good deeds, and they are 'always listening' in on him. You would assume that Aziraphale would stop to keep him safe—and yet he doesn't because he cannot accept the reality of Crowley's situation and refuses to listen to him.

On top of that, Aziraphale only ever "praises" Crowley when he does something he personally sees as praiseworthy, aka something good/kind/nice/angelic/etc. but never when it is something that CROWLEY would like to be praised for, or at the very least acknowledged. We see it in season 2 over and over and over again: Aziraphale cares for no one's thoughts or plans except his own and has no interest in even hearing Crowley out.

Aziraphale calling him nice is not a sweet little gesture, it is an intentional overstepping of a boundary Crowley has been trying to enforce for centuries, and it reinforces the dichotomy of good angels/bad demons, with angelic existence being the ultimate goal. At the very least, it's disrespectful towards Crowley, and at worst, it is actively keeping Crowley in a trauma response, tugging on his leash whenever he tries to explain reality to Aziraphale.

To have a healthy relationship, Aziraphale needs to stop.

part 2 - part 3

[ghostedgrim]

Fandom Etiquette

It has come to my attention that today's fandoms just keep turning toxic, getting created and ruined within a week, and the etiquette we used to follow like law is vanishing. More and more people, especially minors, are joining fandoms, and they don't know the etiquette or unofficial rules that we once went by.

These "rules" are merely what I have observed through the years.

1) Understand what a fandom is- A fandom is a SAFE SPACE where people can talk about a show/movie/game/book + characters within it that they like. It is a space where people can be free to make headcannons, self-inserts, ocs, memes, shit posts, create and share theories, create fanart and fanfics.

2)Respect - If you don't want something happening to you, then don't do it to others. More directly: don't hate on other people for their preferences of reading, writing, and characters they like. So if someone likes character A because of __ but you like character B, that doesn't give you the right of hating on the other person fit liking character A. If a person sets a boundary: "I won't write _ _ and _," then don't push them to write it.

✨️Jingle Jingle ✨️sparkles✨️lemme keep your attention✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

3) Creators of a fandom (people who created the characters, movie, book etc that you like).- If they request something, respect it. "Please don't sexulize this character" so don't sexualize them. Do not force a creator into a fandom, don't be sending them fanart, graphic contents, threats to get a specific ship you want, etc. They are a person, treat them like one, if they want to be in the fandom and interact with it they will do it in their own time, don't force them.

4) 18+ spaces! 🔞- Now minors, I NEED you to understand this part. A person with 18+, 🔞 or MDNI (minors do not interact), don't interact ESSPECALLY if it's a group chat, discord, and/or rolepay. I emphasize this FOR YOUR SAFETY! As a minor, you can easily get groomed, no matter how safe it seems adult predators are there and will make you feel like they are the safest person to be around before they attack (I did an essay on this just a few months ago, trust me it's bad). Some people make an 18+ space because they fear a they cannot prevent a predator from going after minors who enter that space (predators will often be your friend before they attacked via grooming).

5) 18+ pt2- Many people create an 18+ space so they can talk about more adult related topics, or simply because they find it easier to talk to people their age when speaking about fandom related topics. Also it's weird being like 20 and agreeing with a 12 y/o that a character is hot, it's extremely uncomfortable for us adults when we realize we're having that conversation with a kid.

⚠️NEVER PRETEND TO BE 18+ IF YOU'RE UNDER 18 BECAUSE THEN THE ADULT YOU'RE TALKING TO WILL NOT REALIZE YOU'RE A MINOR, YALL TALK ABOUT ADULT CONTENT, MOM/DAD CATCHES YOU AND THEN THE INNOCENT ADULT GOES TO JAIL AND/OR BECOMES A REGISTERED CHILD PREDATOR!!⚠️

6) MDNI and 18+ tags!- These are warnings that a topic in a post is NOT CHILD FRIENDLY!! Also us adults can get in trouble if a child interacts with our 18+ content- a parent could see, report us, get us banned and possibly worse scenarios depending on the situation. Also adults don't want children reading 🌽, graphic violence etc.

✨️✨️💥✨️✨️stay with me now✨️✨️💥✨️✨️

7) Shit posts💕- I have not seen them in ages and I miss them. A shit post is just a funny, likely cringey thing you make at like 3am. They're funny, stupid, meant to make everyone laugh and cringe, they're not meant to be pretty. It can be headcannons like "Thrawn from star wars sucks at painting that's why he only admires art!!" Or self insert x character doing something stupid. Crack fics are some of the funniest things because you can read it and wonder if the person who made it was high in that moment. They're like memes.

8) Self Insert OCs- Idc if you hate them because guess what, a person has a right to create them, Hell a person has every right to make a fanfic with them. Yes, you're allowed to feel distaste when you see them, but don't give hate, it's stupid to hate on something so harmless. I got maladaptive daydreaming, and while it may be boring in a fanfic, I find may daydreams much more entertaining when I have powers and a backstory that's fictional.

9) Warnings- Put warnings on your post if it contains; violence, sa, abuse, sh, sickness, vomiting, and any other possibily triggering thing even I'd it seems stupid put the warning there please ✨️

10) Pro-shipping- If you do this you're not welcome, and leave the fandom. For those who don't know, these people support minor x adult ships, incest ships, dad/mother x their child ship, abuser x victim ships and likely sa ships too. There is no excuse, if you support them, make art, fanfics, headcannons, get out and leave the fandom. If you're so desperate for it then go make a bot for it on character ai. 👋 bye

10.5) If you make headcannons or stories romanticizing a character 🍇ing, and or sa and or abusing y/n, or another character you ship them with (especially if it's a minor x adult 🤢), get tf out. If you romanticize yourself sa, 🍇ing and/or abusing a character (especially if it's a minor) get tf out. LEAVE THE FANDOM

✨️Almost done, just a little further my friends✨️💕

11) Help support the people writing fanfics, writing isn't always easy, so leave the author a comment or preferably reblog it, it helps motivate them to write and keeps the fandom alive

12) Don't be toxic, it kills a fandom. Unless a person's opinions or creations are harmful just leave them alone if you don't like it.

13) Don't glorify Ai art, all the faces and smiles look identical babe, go for art created by a person. 100%

14) Don't whitewash

15) be inclusive

✨️ If you wanna read a story with multiple chapters you can find them on whattpad and Ao3. Ao3 is better at filtering out unwanted content and finding certain content you want. Tumblr fanfics are mostly oneshots, but multiple chapter stories do exist.✨️

16) Give support to authors writing multiple chapter stories bc those are hard af to make! Support via: Tumbler: reblog and comment. Ao3: kudos and comment. Whattpad: comment, and vote for it.

17) SUPPORT FANART ARTISTS! With Ai their motivation to create has weakened. Fancfictions and fanart are both vital in keeping fandoms alive, and artists are do much better at art than Ai. And we love the little comics the artists make, so give em some love

18) Cosplay- we all have to start somewhere and cosplay is expensive af. So support rather than critisize, and provide tips to help them (where to find affordable good materials, how to sew, good glues etc)

19) Writing is hard, some people like me are dyslexic and not everyone has English as their native language, ontop of that with grammarly (Ai based autocorrect) it's harder to notice mistakes and the autocorrect will also make incorrect corrections.

You made it!!!! I'm proud!!! Feel free to reblog, comment, and even copy then repost to spread the word, feel free to add, and summarize. People can't magically learn fandom etiquette, we have to teach them. Especially the minors

Now go be the weird nerds we all are 👋

[rainbowpopeworld]

In case someone else needs to hear this, I’m posting something that feels quite personal. Please be kind 💞

No matter how long you’ve known someone or been in a relationship, you get to decide what your boundaries are and what consent looks like for you. Always.

If that means you want them to ask before they touch you, every single time, that is a reasonable and valid expectation you can set. It is not somehow better or more romantic (or fill in some other word) for someone to be able to touch you without asking. And I mean any kind of touch: touching your shoulder, holding hands, kissing, sex of any kind -anything!

It took me realizing I had cptsd and having some extended triggering stuff happen for me to notice that I needed this and then ask for it from my spouse of 20 years. And yes it took them some practice to get it right, but they love me and want to support me in the ways I need. You deserve someone who knows how to respect your boundaries and consent.

This post brought to you by reading a fanfic where Aziraphale says to Crowley that now that they are together, he never has to ask before kissing him again.

Like, even without trauma, sometimes I’m in the middle of something, and I’d like a heads up before being surprised by a face in my face. This is a common trope in romantic fiction, and unfortunately one I’m still trying to exorcise from my brain. So I’m also sharing this for me 💓💕

[grimogretricks]

The Magnus Protocol 30- season finale

A gut punch of a season finale ! My thoughts on this, and how the relationships between the characters set this up, below.

Found myself exclaiming CELIA!!! out loud at this one! Genuinely, in retrospect, I think the dynamic between Sam, Celia and Alice was set up very well for the utter gut punch of this season finale ending.

At the start, Alice had the upper hand, she was the one in control, cracking jokes for every occasion, taking nothing seriously, very much by design. She overstepped boundaries at times with her jokes, and wasn’t all that respectful of Sam. At every turn she disapproved of him looking any deeper into things, and Alice’s constant insistence that they should NOT investigate anything was quite wearying. It was easy to sympathise with Sam wanting to investigate more and more, so we could get more information as to where the plot was going.

As it went on though, and Sam established his relationship with Celia and got an ally in the investigation, and finally it felt like, yes, here he was getting somewhere.

But we all know, from TMA, that the urge to investigate, the urge to actually go prying into mystery, is a double edged sword, made of many fears, ready to drag a person into a complex web of fear in which ‘knowing’ in itself can feed a dark power. The ‘somewhere’ that you can go, is not a good ‘somewhere’.

At the back of our minds then, whenever Alice says ‘don’t!’ we sympathise with Sam’s need to know, but at the back of our mind, know that Alice is right. Even if it’s also true, ignorance at this point couldn’t save them.

On the personal level as well, it’s easy to sympathise with Alice losing, as Sam gained, in his relationship with Celia, and hard not to cringe at Alice’s jealousy on the matter.

The way that alienation has been building between Sam and Alice, all that awkwardness around his relationship with Celia, all that Alice pushing too hard and too constantly for him to listen to her, for him to stop prying into things, stop investigating, for everyone’s safety, all that came together for that perfectly painful denouement.

 Sam, no longer heeding Alice’s warnings, Alice, panicked and having to let everyone ELSE fall by the way side (and maybe die.. I don’t think things look good for Colin or Teddy, they both had incredibly ominous send offs), desperately trying to get through to him, but she’s already said it too many times to be anything but too late. He’s stopped listening, and he’s followed Celia, right to the centre of Hilltop road, right to where he believes, something terrible will happen. In some futile belief that somehow, to go there is to be able to stop it.

And in doing so, he draws ever closer to the horrible truth of things, that won’t reveal anything good, that will only consume him, that has only awful secrets. That will take him to that somewhere, that is nowhere good.

And ahhh, Celia’s voice, the way, as they got closer, the way she started to show how she knew the answers to the questions, the coldness in her voice, the distance, creeping in. The way she spoke of the balance she needed. The revelation, of all that she’d been getting close to him for. That he was the sacrifice, she’d make, to keep herself from having to go back. That final confrontation, between her and Sam, interrupted by her statement. Powerful and painful!

So, yes, in retrospect, painful as some of that interpersonal conflict has been between Alice, Sam and Celia, I do think that it did a great job of building up to the crescendo of this moment.

And then, in the wake of it all, there’s Celia, having the gall to play innocent and say Sam played the hero.

I wonder what shall happen, in the wake of all of this! I hope we stay in the OAIR world, and not back to the post-apocalypse for too long, but I am not sure, considering where Sam went.

Overall, I think The Magnus Protocol made a solid start to its season, and I’m definitely invested. I’m surprised how enmeshed in TMA it actually turned out to be, although  at the same time, a lot of people seem to be trying to make it into something that’s more different from TMA than it has reason to be: The fears came here from the TMA universe, there’s no reason to believe that they are, in essence, different, even if they might manifest in slightly different ways. I believe that the difference of this world is that manifestation of the fears and efforts to keep them in balance are being more consciously pursued via alchemy and the endeavours of organisations like the OAIR on one side and the Magnus Institute on the other. But now we have inter-dimensional balance also to consider. And now the archivist from one world has gone through to the other, creating, presumably, a new imbalance.  

[shadyauthor]

My welcome home AU EXPLAINED

The "HeartStrings💕" AU

So basically short explanation, Giffany from Gravity Falls but Wally. But! Also DDLC but the cast of Welcome Home.

But the in depth explanation :

The AU itself is close to DDLC but Wally himself is more like Giffany, as in like his abilities!

But its not like the reader is IN the game no, the reader buys the game.

The plot of the AU itself is basically

Wally x Reader

Sally x Reader

Julie x Reader

Poppy, Barnaby, Frank, and Eddie are also in the game but are not romantically involved with the reader! The others will be considered as "route choices" but the book is truly just Wally x Reader.

This game is called: "Strings of their hearts". I don't know where I want to take this story yet, if I want the cast to have a good end or a bad end (as in like the ending in DDLC, where you are trapped with Monika forever till you delete her) or a "happy" ending, which I won't disclose since I already have that planned out and there is a possibility I could use it! I wouldn't want to spoil it nono! And I don't know if I want to end it at all, but I know that'd be impossible so an ending is inevitable

If you have questions please feel free to ask, as I might have not covered everything that I wanted to (curse my memory!) This is the basic covering of the AU itself.

Now onto the game!

The game will start by opening up to a screen (most of this will be described in the first chapter I will make when writing it all out) it is old and lagging but the reader persists! The game will go about the reader moving into a neighborhood and meeting all of their new friendly neighbors over the course of TWO DAYS. (Tbh I'm kinda just writing this out to remind myself the plot so I don't forget) meeting the "love interests" on the second day. You will have two months (in game) to get a date with one of the love interests!

You get to know each individual character to become friends or more (minus Poppy, Barnaby, Frank, and Eddie ofc) and that is all I can really say without spoiling the book!

The reader will be gender neutral throughout the ENTIRE story, as their gender is not needed for the book, I will try not to use pronouns at all but if I do they will be [They/Them], to try and be as inclusive as possible as I can.

This story will take place 2000-2005,[update: I changed it to be set in 2023 🤭] and the reader is an adult (this does not matter really as there will be ABSOLUTELY NO. NONE. ZERO. Nsft in this book, even if Clown changes their boundaries and opinions on it, the only reason they are an adult is because the cast are adults and this is a romance book)

If there is any questions please feel free to message me or comment I'll make sure to get to them whenever I can!

And of course, if I am going against ANY of Clowns boundaries PLEASE tell me and I'll fix or delete what I did immediately! We respect clowns boundaries in this household

NONE of this is Canon, this is an AU, and not at all affiliated with the original or Clown.

I will be posting the first chapter on here later today, I also have a tiktok account that will be dedicated to this AU and this AU alone

I will also be making drawings for this AU, like what the reader would look like IN game, Wallys outfit and basically the entire casts outfits, it will take time ofc! But it feels nice to see a visual representation.

Update: I've decided to take off Poppy Partridge x reader 💔

Heart Strings AU tiktok : wh_heartstringsau._

Where to message me : ꜱʜᴀᴅʏ 𝘗𝘳𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝐃𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞#4047 (I will change this if I change my username!)

So yeah, I'm nervous and I don't know if this will get attention at all, but I hope who ever decides to read this (or the chapter) I hope you enjoy!

[csphire]

The mystery that's a part of Dammon's appeal and a solution to preserve it.

From this clip posted by Frazer Blaxland, provided to me by northlandcleric I'm starting to understand where his voice actor is coming from and can even respect it.

But it's also a really brilliant idea for his romance conflict and/or character arc. The thing is, Larian could keep some to most of Dammon's history and motivations a complete mystery. By simply having him struggle, dodge, or even outright refuse to open up about his past and present.

They could drop little ominous clues. Scraps of paper are found during his missions or around his tent in camp with drawn symbols not even Gale can recognize. For his character arc missions, he needs our help to collect a few mysterious items from various sometimes dangerous and highly guarded locations. But the problem is he won't tell you what they are, he refuses to show you them or admit why he needs them. They all just go into this peculiar box of his which he works on out of view of the camera. Much like when he was preparing a fix for Karlach's heart. It could cause the device inside to glow and make some chilling sounds that make us question our decision to keep helping him.

If that wasn't bad enough, there are odd things he mumbles to himself in passing you can't quite make out. We could have a cutscene where we catch him continuing to work on this mysterious device that he quickly hides away.

He could occasionally disappear from the game. As in, he's not available as a companion for a day here and there. He warns you this could happen beforehand and not to worry. Or there is simply a note he's left behind.

I should be back in a day, possibly two. - Dammon

When he comes back, and we ask where he went, he tells us he can't say. Sometimes, he comes back shaken or injured and still won't tell us what has happened or what's wrong.

His story is filled with all kinds of little things that would pique our curiosity and cause us to wonder and yearn for answers.

Perhaps the items he collects look to be transfered into a special locked chest at camp near his tent that he says is private and to not touch. And if the player doesn't listen, picks one surprisingly low roll lock, and opens it regardless, it provides zero answers. It contains just a few mundane, possibly sentimental items. What do these items mean? It doesn't matter, at least not yet, because it was a duplicate box. A temptation. A test to determine if Dammon could trust you, and you just failed it. Upon opening his chest, and violating one of his boundaries, he leaves the party and disappears forever. Or better yet, the game suddenly ends, and the credits roll.

What the hells happened?

We'll never know but we just messed up big time.

Why do I think this idea is perfect for him?

One Frazer wants him to be a man of mystery. Okay, that's valid. Here is your mystery, another paycheck, and more acclaim Frazer.

Two, because it's already set into Dammon's character somewhat. Upon minutes of knowing us, when he speaks of his time in the hells he outright admits, "I hope to forget most of it."

Again, that could be the issue the player character has with him. He simply doesn't want to talk about his past, his trauma, and possible sins. He wants to focus on the present and future with you and/or Karlach. Dammon can be a rather private and guarded character. Why is he like that? It's another mystery.

Being with him as a friend or lover is a complete leap of faith.

Perhaps he actually did, or was made to do, something horrifying and possibly unforgivable. If he confesses, maybe he fears it would destroy our warm view of him and the better person he wishes to be now. Maybe something unspeakable has happened to him, and he doesn't want to be an object of pity. He could be a god, a devil, a Great Old One, or something else in disguise. He could be from the future or an alternate dimension. Or maybe he's entered into an infernal pact of some kind that's bound his tongue on the whole matter. The list of what his secrets are can go on and on.

Then as his love interest or just friend, do we accept that he has a few secrets and respect his boundaries? Do we keep our hands off his metaphorical Pandora's box? Or do we break things off with him for refusing to trust and open up to us? Better yet, he could choose to break it off with us eventually or even leave the party for good if we keep pressing and again, open that chest of his.

This would allow us fanfic writers to go wild with theories. The fandom as a whole will debate over which ones seem more plausible. None of which the developers at Larian will ever confirm.

Parts of his past will never be explained to us the player.

Finally, after he's collected the last thing he needs, and fiddles with it after he places it in the box, it just winks out of existence. Maybe dramatically, it hums, levitates, and glows first then poof! A real "Stand back!" like it's going to blow up moment.

After it's gone, Dammon drops to his knees, shivers, and lets out this huge sigh of relief, maybe even laughs next. Make it a touch maniacal? Sure, that would make us sweat over if we did the right thing in helping him. Make us squirm Larian, please.

The important thing is, that whatever problem Dammon had is over... or is it?

The player character can ask him if he can now explain himself. If a friend, he'll just shake his head and thank us. If we have low approval with him, he'll just shake his head and apologize that he still can't speak of it and ask us to, yet again, drop the matter.

But if he's our love, he'll ask if we are sure we want to know and if we can keep a secret. If we vow to, he will lean in and whisper something into our character's ear. We the audience won't know what he's told our character. But at least now there are no more secrets between him and the one(s) he loves.

We just get to watch on as our character's eyes go wider and bug a little in shock as he whispers away. When he pulls back, we can choose to rush and hug him. So tight with an expression of utter belated fear of all that could have gone wrong on our character's face. Or we could choose to break up with him because whatever our character heard has damaged the relationship beyond repair.

Now that the player character knows everything they can consummate the relationship. Why now? Because full disclosure is sexy, and so is a good slow burn.

Oh, and remember those sentimental items? After telling us about his completed mission to our character, he finally shows us what's in that locked chest that had been a test of trust. The one we decide to respect his wishes and leave alone. He finally opens up about his past a tiny bit and talks about why each item he kept in there was so important to him. But of course, most of his trinkets will not be related to his time in the hells or his mysterious now completed task.

Later on, we can ask, "What in the hells were you thinking, taking all that on?!"

Dammon's response? He gives a sheepish shrug and says, "I think you know why. Everything is in order now. That's all that matters, my love. Thank you for trusting, helping, and believing in me."

To just a friend player character, who tries yet again for an explanation, Dammon will only offer, "Just know everything is in order now. That's all that matters, and you have my deepest thanks."

Again, to be clear, we the players are still kept in the dark. It will be only our romanced player character that will know what happened, and there could be an option to whisper Dammon's secret to others. That temptation could always be there among the dialogue options when speaking to the other companions. But kissing and telling will come with consequences. Anywhere from earning a large chunk of disapproval with Dammon to him outright breaking up with the player's character and leaving the party. Maybe he tells all to Karlach too or maybe not, it could all depend on your and Dammon’s relationship with her.

But no matter what, Dammon keeps a majority of his mystery.

Frazer is hopefully happy. We'll be happy.

Everyone. Can. Be. Happy!

If you agree, please consider sharing this to help bring it to Larian's attention. Feel free to discuss your thoughts in the comments below too.

Let's get Dammon into a starring role as an origin character and romanceable in a DLC to help feature the Artificer class!

[femmefatalevibe]

Femme Fatale Guide: How To Rediscover Yourself, Set Boundaries, & Master Interpersonal Conflict

The beginning of a new year marks a prime time for self-reflection and resetting our intentions. Take some time and use this post as a guide to self-assess your purpose, goals, desired self-concept, and boundaries to bring confidence and self-love into 2023.

Ways To Discover Your "Why":

Start by checking out my guide on Self-Discovery & Mastering Personal Branding and doing the linked exercise (more tips here) to uncover your 'Dream Girl Archetype.'

Tips On Setting/Upholding Boundaries:

Make it about you and never about them.

Know the difference between boundaries and expectations: A boundary is about you and how you will respond to another person's actions. An expectation is the way you expect others to conduct themselves (at least in your presence/relationship). Gently bring up the behavior or actions that bother or trigger you. Communicate your boundary to them when it comes to these conversation topics or behaviors. Say "when you talk about "X" topic or do "X" behavior, I feel uncomfortable/stressed/upset and need to remove myself from the conversation (either physically, hang up the phone, stop answering texts), etc. If they're well-meaning friends, family members, partners, etc., they will respect your boundaries and know that there's an expectation in your relationship for these topics/behaviors to not come up and, if they do, be apologized for and corrected immediately (humans slip up occasionally; you will know the difference between disregard for your well-being and an honest mistake by their reaction to your calling them out).

Always use "I" statements to communicate your needs and requests: Telling people what they're doing wrong instead of how their actions make them feel automatically puts others in defense mode. So, always make sure to describe the exact words/actions/behaviors that are bothering you and how these situations make you feel. Don't personalize these actions – unless you want a negative reaction from the other person (you don't).

Make time for self-care: It's true that you can only be fully present for others when you fill up your own cup and have your needs met first. Otherwise, you're only showing up as a fraction of the person you can and strive to be. Spend time alone. Take long showers and walks. Read books, journal, draw, meditate, and watch your favorite movies or TV shows. Eat healthy meals and work out. Focus on your goals and activities that make you feel good no matter what or who else is trying to enter your mind at any time.

How To Approach Conflict:

Ask for permission to bring up a conflict: Allow the other person to consent to a less comfortable conversation. Depending on the situation, feel free to assertively ask: "X statement made me uncomfortable/offended. Can we discuss this topic/how I'm feeling for a moment?" If someone is overstepping a boundary/trying to push your limits, just say: "Hey, that statement/action crossed X boundary. I [insert boundary]. If X boundary is crossed again, I'll need to remove myself from this conversation/leave/hang up/etc. "

Always approach conflict with "I" statements: Make standing up for yourself about just that – standing up for YOURSELF. Share how you feel and why certain behaviors make you feel comfortable. Don't use language that leads with a "you" statement. Make the conversation about asserting your own needs, not the other person's actions – this will only escalate a conflict and make someone else feel attacked.

Guide your conversations using someone's behaviors/actions, and never attack someone's character during a conflict or a disagreeable conversation: (e.g. Say something like "When you say things about X group of people or topic, I get very uncomfortable or angry." You can elaborate with a reason if you feel it's necessary, but your feelings are complete and valid on their own. Don't say: "You're a close-minded/rude/unappreciative person, etc," even if you have their past actions to back this statement up. It's not a good look.)

Seek to understand, not win in conversations: Unless the person, is hostile or deliberately trying to provoke you/upset you, listen to the other person to understand their perspective before speaking. Ask them why they said an uncomfortable/offensive statement or did a certain action that left you with negative emotions. Seeing where the other person is coming from helps you better communicate with the person in the context of the situation and minimizes the chances of a conflict. In the worst-case scenario, entering these less comfortable conversations with this intention will make you appear as a mature and respected person – both to yourself and others – and keeps you in a calmer state, so you're more careful with your words and less likely to say something you regret.

[wildlife4life]

Seven (+) Sentence Sunday

Tagged by @disasterbuckdiaz, @forthewolves, @wikiangela, @jesuisici33, @hippolotamus, @giddyupbuck, Thank you! You are all so amazing and I cannot wait for your works!

I feel like I've shared almost half this fic by now (I have not, there is still plenty to be consumed for when I actually finish). Anyway...what else would it but NFL Buck!

“I know we’ve been pushing a little too hard with all the snooping and questions. And I am so sorry for not respecting the boundaries you clearly set.  But Eddie,” She reaches over and grips his knee, giving it a gentle squeeze, “We just wanted to get to know you, be your friend and it really sounds like you need one. Christopher too.” He nods, letting out a wet chuckle, “My um…boyfriend basically told me the same thing. Said I needed friends here, especially for moments like this, and that I should let you all get to know me.” “He sounds like a very smart man, and you must have your reasons for keeping him a secret.” Eddie blows out a breath, “Yea, yea I do. We both do. Christopher and I are his secret too.” He looks directly at Hen, “And maybe one day I can tell you the why’s and how’s of it all, but for now, the matter of Buck is off limits, unless I intentionally bring him up.” The paramedic nods in agreement, “Okay. I can respect that and will make sure the other do as well.” “You mean threatening Chimney?” Eddie smirks. “With a chainsaw if need, be. I’m sure Ravi would happily help, considering Chim scared him into hiding in Bobby’s office with one.” Hen retorts and they both snicker at the image of Ravi being chased with a chain saw wielding Chimney. Eventually they settle and Eddie takes a deep breath, Evan’s voice ringing in the back of his mind, Be less of a mystery, get to know them. Make friends. “Are you-uh- a native to L.A.?” he asked a little awkwardly. Hen snorts, “Trying to get to know me Diaz?” “Trying to make a friend.” Eddie replies. She softens, “Two-way street newbie.  Have to ask a few questions of my own as well.” Eddie mockingly contemplates her offer, earning a pinch to his knee, “Hey!” he squawks with a chortle, “Deal, okay? Just ease off the physical harm.” Hen rolls her eyes, “You gay men are so sensitive.” “And you lesbians are just a little too mean.” Eddie fires back, sending them once again into a titter.

Hen is so wise and loving, but she is so devious and fun. The perfect friend to all. Especially Eddie. Hope you all enjoyed!

If you want to see more posts about NFL Buck just search under the nfl tag on my page.

Tagging (no pressure): @thekristen999 @thewolvesof1998 @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @shortsighted-owl @spaceprincessem @starlingbite @devirnis @housewifebuck @alyxmastershipper @transbuck @loserdiaz @princessfbi @cowboydiazes @cowboy-buddie @cowboy-buck @honestlydarkprincess @911onabc @911-on-abc @bigfootsmom @glorious-spoon @exhuastedpigeon @brokenribsdiaz @lizzybizzyzzz @try-set-me-on-fire @bekkachaos @sibylsleaves @homerforsure, @watchyourbuck @eddiediaztho @rogerzsteven And anyone else I missed or who just wants to share!

[hecckyeah]

two weeks of chenford challenge day 4 - april 19th

prompt: open door

type: ficlet

important side note: I have plans for this to expand it, but I literally fell asleep in the middle of writing the next part which is why it's a day late, but since this was cute enough on its own I thought I would post it for y'all anyway, to have something for yesterday's challenge :) HOWEVER. stay tuned for the finished product soon!!

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In Which Lucy's Apartment Desperately Needs Proximity Sensors . . .

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As Tamara pushes the door open, all that’s on her mind is a hot bowl of noodles and a couple episodes of Stranger Things waiting for her after that day she just had at school. Gen ed has its perks, but logic class is not one of them. She’d been thoroughly humbled by the midterm exam, walked through a bowl of yogurt some idiot had spilled in the cafeteria, and fell asleep in anthropology – the one class with that sort of professor that has an eagle eye and a tendency to dock any student whose behavior he finds “unbecoming of a university student.”

But as her key clicks in the lock and she shoves open the heavy apartment door, only to see her roommate and said roommate’s boss with their respective faces at a physical proximity that is definitely not LAPD standard regulation, her brain takes a moment to catch up with her eyes.

It’s almost comical how fast and how far the two immediately fly apart, practically shoving each other away, putting as much distance between them as physically possible in such a small space. They look absolutely stunned, guilty, and just a little bit dazed.

She has no idea how to respond, except to flee.

“Oh, I . . .” Tamara drags out the word and points behind herself out the hallway. “I should probably go.”

“No!” Lucy exclaims, almost a little too quickly. “This is work.” Her hands are hidden under her sweater sleeves as she gestures broadly at Tim, who looks about ready to jump out the window. “This is . . . work.”

“Yeah,” Tim agrees. “We’re – We’re going undercover, and–”

“Hey, hey,” Tamara interjects. The why doesn’t matter, just that she clearly overstepped her roommate boundaries and they obviously need their space at the moment. No big deal. “It’s cool, I mean you don’t have to explain yourself.” She would just crash at Drake’s place. His sister probably has a set of pajamas she could borrow. “I should probably go.”

But again, Lucy is adamant that she stay, and as Tim rattles off some half-formed, awkward excuse and practically sprints out the door, barely sparing Tamara a sideways glance and a rushed, “Bye,” she has to wonder what the hell just happened.

She can tell Lucy isn’t ready to explain herself yet. She holds back the gut reaction she has to laugh and spares her roommate’s feelings by simply tilting her head and waiting for her to say anything. But Lucy only stares back, clearly too caught up in the whatever just happened to form any sort of coherent thoughts or sentences, so Tamara makes the executive decision and relieves them both of the pressure to communicate.

“. . . I’m gonna go to my room.”

“Yeah,” Lucy immediately agrees. “Me too. Good.”

And just like that, both the bedroom doors click closed, and Tamara throws herself onto her bed, feeling a laugh bubbling up in her chest as she stares at the ceiling in stunned silence. If that wasn’t the most awkward interaction she’s ever seen or experienced, she doesn’t know what was. 

One thing’s for sure, though: This is a story she cannot wait to hear.

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[pumpkincurryelote]

Furthering the world-building thought experiment of Midwives as an independent organization or governing body in a stateless/moneyless world: Imagine their purview extending not just to birth, but to abortion, women's health, women's history, and women's liberation by force where necessary up to and including the execution of rapists. Exclusively female membership, living in facilities akin to non-religious convents. In fact the most powerful of any large organization. How their services/protection might be engaged would vary depending on region. If this be a post-patriarchy world, they would be the first line of defense against the resurgence of said disease.

Farmers would be second most powerful. As permaculturists in a world where everything is locally sourced, and they would be responsible for protecting biodiversity of both flora and fauna in their biomes. There is no mass production of anything in this model. Wild animals are respected members of the community alongside domesticated ones. They monitor and survey the land, on guard for outbreaks and potential disasters, tending the food forests and keeping the biome healthy. They deliver non-human medical care to every creature in the land. Their voices are heard first on the floor of any development project and they can set hard boundaries or veto projects outright. While not explicitly stated to be female only, females would nonetheless outperform males in this field. Even in hunting.

Next up is Libraries. Librarians collect, organize, and administer all manner of public resource, not just books. Knowledge, tools, furniture, clothes, technology, seeds, genetic material, whatever is needful. They keep mundane records of everyone in their community, and community members can deposit personal logs for safekeeping here. Indeed anything the community deems of utmost value may be stored here. Every library is built to withstand assault, and to protect its contents-- a last resort lockdown would fully seal the library from the outside world for 100 years, killing anyone inside. The identities of chief librarians with access to sensitive collections (and the ability to lock their library down) are shrouded in secrecy. Field librarians go out on expeditions to collect data, specimens, etc where permitted by a region's Farmers (and always with a Farmer in attendance).

Hospitals are fourth, and we all know what they're supposed to do. Universities are arguably fifth, and bosom buddies with Libraries. Universities would be the only "large cities" you ever see, and are major transportation hubs. Any large scale project happens here-- rocket to the moon large. Trains occupy this status bracket as well, being the main arteries of civilization/transportation. Ocean cargo could be an extension or a symbiotic relationship.

Of equal influence are Mail and Sanitation. The postal service delivers through whatever means necessary. Any interference with another person's mail results in brutal application of force. No matter how isolated or alone you think you are, the post service will find you. If anybody at all sends you a message, you WILL receive it. They're the best trackers in the world. Many have working dogs as companions. Some have birds. All of them tend to be loners unless someone has done them dirty or behaves dishonorably.

Sanitation encompasses recycling/repurposing of non-compostable goods, composting itself (composting toilets are the norm), janitorial work, pandemic/outbreak containment, and burials (where applicable). If there's a landfill or old oil spill that needs remediation, they're there. Many have skill in repairs/fabrication, and choose this life to have first pick of scavenged parts. Many are also skilled at soapmaking, extractions (Greek oregano, eucalyptus, wintergreen, etc.), and distillation (vinegar).

[dragonmama76]

Where We Fell In Love Matters

Written for @thefreakandthehair 's Summer Spicy Six Fanworks Challenge, my prompt was "rocking chair." Length: 3.5k, Rating: T

Also Posted on A03

Now 2023

“Ooof” Eddie puffed out as he lowered himself to the porch rocker.  Glancing over at the other chair he stretched out his legs and started rocking.  “Sorry, I’m late, Stevie.  Your grandchildren are running me ragged.  But I’ve got them set up with a movie and popcorn and I think they’ll stay put for now.  I remember the kids used to be a handful, no rose colored glasses here, but this generation is something else entirely.”  Feeling familiar eyes on him he continues smirking, “They are a bunch of nosy, mischievous brats who never do what they are told….”

“Grandpa Eddie!!” a small voice cries out, “Thas not true!  I’m notta cheevius brat!  I’m your little man!  You SAID!”  

“So I did, little man.  And seeing that I just set you up with a very cool movie, what may I ask what you are doing out here?”

“Auntie Robbie said not to come out ‘cause this was your special time with Grandpa Steve, but I wanted to come out to have special time with Grandpa Steve too! So I sneaked”

“Oh you did, did you?”  Eddie sighed and rolled his eyes in the direction of Steve’s rocking chair, but gathered the curly haired monster up into his lap and started them rocking.  “Well, I suppose I could share just this once.  I was just telling Grandpa Steve how much fun we had today.”

The little body settled into the warm lap and snuggled his head to Eddie’s chest.  “Mmmmm…we went mini golping!  And you won and you didn’t let ME win.”

“Golfing, yes.  And I don’t let anyone win.  I’m the best at mini golf and no one can beat me.”  Eddie grinned into his curls.

“Daddy says you never let him win either when he was little like me, but he says now if he wanted to he could beat you good.”  Eddie laughed out loud.  “Maybe he could and maybe he couldn’t, but I didn’t see him out there trying.”

“How come you and Grandpa Steve have special time every night?”

Eddie paused and looked at the boy.  It seemed like he was here to stay, so he began, “Have you ever heard the story of how your grandpa and I fell in love?  It started with a couple of rocking chairs….”

Then 1986

Steve was bound and determined to get Eddie up and outside.  The man had been staying with him for a few days after the hospital fast tracked his discharge.  The professionals reasoned he was awake, eating and drinking normally, could walk at least a few steps on his own, and (the real reason, Steve supposed) Eddie made the staff uncomfortable being a murder suspect and all.  The sooner he was out, the happier they would be.  That was all well and good, but the apartment Wayne had found for them was up on the second floor and there was no way Eddie could navigate the stairs yet.  Steve was in Eddie’s hospital room visiting when all this went down and shocked even himself when he insisted Eddie come home with him.  He was still waiting on Family Video to reopen so he had the time, his government payout had just come through, so money wasn’t an issue, and his parents were out of town indefinitely so he had the space.  Plus, his house had more than one guest bedroom including one on the first floor.  Steve made his case and all parties readily agreed to his idea.  

It wasn’t exactly what he expected.  Eddie was not a great patient.  When his pain levels were low he was great company and Steve was enjoying getting to know him without the oppressive weight of the upside down hanging over them.  They talked about music and movies and the kids and while their opinions didn’t always line up, they both enjoyed bickering like two little old ladies.  But Steve could always tell when the pain was bad because Eddie would shut down and refuse to leave his bed.  He wanted to respect Eddie’s boundaries as a guest in his home, but he also felt a keen responsibility for his well being.  Fresh air was what Eddie needed, so fresh air would be what Steve would provide.   

“C’mon Eddie!”  Steve was using his most persuasive tone in order to cajole the man into taking a few steps out onto the front porch where a double rocker packed with pillows and blankets waited for them.  It was just past sunset and the sky was still pink and creamy.  The street was quiet and the air was starting to cool down from the thick heat of the day.  

“Now listen, Eds, we’re going to sit out here for one hour every day and relax and get some fresh air.  If you want I can read to you while we’re out here or we can just talk or whatever, but you’ve got to get some exposure to the outside.  Hardly anyone ever drives by so you don’t need to worry about being seen and even in the unlikely event someone does see you and says something, I’ll be right here to protect you.”

“Fine,” Eddie groaned and then brightened, “And I can smoke?”

“Not a chance, man.  You quit in the hospital so no reason to start back up now.  If you’re good when we go back in I’ll make your favorite dinner.”  

“Mac and Cheese and hotdogs?”  Steve knew Eddie needed more fruits and vegetables in his diet, but he was dealing with a man who had the palate of a stubborn six year old so they were working up to more healthy stuff.  It wouldn’t hurt to skip the veggies this once.  

“Yup.  Now you get settled in all comfortable so we can enjoy our hour.  Do you want me to grab your book?”

Resigned to his fate, Eddie arranged the pillows so they would support his back and sides and tentatively leaned back.  “Yeah, okay, this is okay I guess. No book, we can just rock and talk.” 

Smirking, Steve carefully dropped down next to him so as not to jostle the pillows and gently set them on a back and forth motion.  Eddie closed his eyes and sighed with pleasure and Steve couldn’t resist  glancing over to appreciate just how pretty he was when he was relaxed like this.  It wasn’t particularly concerning to him that he thought of Eddie that way.  Steve had known for years that he found both men and women attractive, but growing up in Hawkins he had learned early on to keep those kinds of feelings to himself.  Even when his platonic soulmate, Robin, had confessed her affinity for the fairer sex, Steve had kept his secrets.  He knew she would encourage him, but he wasn’t ready for that kind of push.  Although, the more time he spent with Eddie the more he wondered if a push wasn’t exactly what he needed.

Steve relaxed back into his place next to Eddie and couldn’t help letting loose a small sigh of pleasure when Eddie leaned into him.  His heart felt like it might beat out of his chest, but he willed his breath to slow so as not to startle the injured man.  They rocked together slowly and allowed the fresh air to wash over them like a gentle calming wave soothing their hurts and calming their souls.  

It worked so well that Eddie allowed Steve to bully him out to the rocking chair every evening to watch the sun set.  His healing wasn’t linear, sometimes he walked and sometimes Steve had to pick him up and carry him out.  But without fail their bodies fell together in comfort and somewhere along the way, hands reached out to clasp and there were soft hesitant touches.  They never spoke of it inside the house.  Each night they came in feeling shy and a bit wary of the other as they fled to separate rooms until it felt normal to be together again, laughing and teasing and bickering.  

Eventually Eddie recovered enough to move back home with Uncle Wayne.  Steve was happy he was doing so well, but if he was being honest with himself, he was sorry to see him go.  It was selfish, but his feelings for Eddie had only grown and having him around made Steve feel like maybe he could keep him all to himself forever.  Not that he had confessed any of that to Eddie.  Especially when he didn’t know if his feelings would be returned.  So instead he helped pack Eddie’s things in the morning and drove him to the apartment Wayne had set up for them.  They lingered at the door neither wanting to be the one to say goodbye until Wayne yelled at them for letting the bugs in.  Steve managed to croak out, “Well, don’t be a stranger.”  And Eddie looked at his feet and managed a, “Yeah, you too,” and shut the door.  

That first afternoon without Eddie around felt so heavy.  Steve felt inexplicably restless and spent the day washing the guest room sheets and cleaning the bathrooms trying to keep busy.  It still wasn’t enough to fill the emptiness inside and out but he pressed on.  When the sun began to set, Steve found himself almost unconsciously grabbing a pillow and throw blanket.  When he opened the door, to his surprise Eddie was headed up the porch stairs and as Steve’s heart fluttered, Eddie settled himself in the rocking chair with a shy smile.  “I’m not late, am I?  I didn’t want to miss our rocker time.”

“Is that what we’re calling it now?”  Steve grinned as he slid into the chair next to Eddie.  They rocked in unison in the quiet afternoon, hearts lighter as they leaned towards each other exchanging stories of how they had spent their first day apart.

When the hour was up, Eddie reluctantly stood and stretched.  “I’ll head out, I guess.”  

Steve found himself trying to stall, “I’m making dinner, did you want to come in -”

“I promised Uncle Wayne I’d be back for our first dinner in the new place.”

“Of course, sorry.  Tell him I said hi.  I’m so glad you both have your own space back and everything,” Steve mumbled looking everywhere but at Eddie.

“Hey, sweetheart,”  Eddie reached out and gently cradled the side of Steve’s face, “It’s okay.  I’ll - I mean if it’s okay…I’ll be back tomorrow?  For rocker time?”

“Yeah?” Steve breathed out.  “I mean, if you want.  I’ll be here.”

“Me too, baby.  It’s the best part of my day.”  and with that Eddie gave Steve’s shoulder a quick squeeze and bounded down the stairs to his van.

Steve watched him go and when he turned the corner he bolted back in the house and dialed Robin.  When she picked up the phone with a quick, “Hello?” Steve took a breath and confessed, “I’m having a bathroom emergency.”  Robin snorted and snarked, “I’m not really up to hearing about your digestive issues.”  Steve felt like screaming, “Not that kind of bathroom emergency, I mean OUR kind of bathroom emergency.”  Ever since they had been brought together by Russians and truth serum, their deepest confessions had been whispered or sometimes shouted in the comforting privacy of a bathroom, whether in one of their houses or the employee bathroom at Family Video.  “Oh, shit!”  Robin stammered, “Okay, your place or mine?”  “Mine if you can get a ride, yours if you can’t.”  “Uh…I can get a ride.”  Robin replied in a strangely vague way, but Steve couldn’t be bothered to work out her deal as he was too far gone in his own.  They hung up and Steve sunk to the floor. 

When Robin knocked and Steve opened the door he glanced out to see Nancy, Steve filed that info away for later, pulling out of the driveway.  He wasn’t sure what that was about, but today was about him.  Without speaking he pulled Robin into the downstairs bathroom and fully sat in the tub.  Robin perched on the side and waited calmly for Steve to speak.  If it was a red alert kind of emergency, she knew he would have just said so, so she could afford to be patient.  They were safe in the bathroom now and it would come out eventually.  

“Uhhhh….” Steve began.  “Ever since we came out of the Upside Down I’ve sort of been dealing with developing feelings for someone.”  

“I know.” said Robin and to Steve she sounded…sad? 

 “You do?”  he looked up, a little alarmed at being so obvious and so oblivious at the same time.   “I mean I barely knew it myself until today.”  

“Really?”  Robin asked incredulously, “It’s only natural that fighting Vecna together would bring it all back…”  

“Back?” Steve wasn’t sure what was happening, “I barely knew Eddie before everything happened.” 

“Eddie??” Robin shrieked.  

“Who did you think I was talking about?  He’s been living in my house!  I haven’t even really seen anyone else for weeks.”  

“Nancy!  Obviously!”  Robin shouted. 

 “How is that obvious?  Nancy is old news.  I mean, I’ll always love her but not like love her, love her.  That’s over and done.”  Steve shook his head.  “You know what she did to me.  I forgave her but I would never set myself up like that again.”

“Okay….okay.  I just need to reorient myself.  I thought we were going to have a very different bathroom conversation.  Eddie?  EDDIE?  I thought you liked boobies.”

“I do.  But I also like not boobies. Bisexuality is a real thing you know.”

“Is it?”  Robin asked hopefully.

“Of course it is.  Look at Bowie.  It’s why I keep saying you have a chance with Vickie.”  Steve felt like Robin’s reaction to his coming out was not exactly what he had been hoping for, but he also didn’t know what he wanted from her.  Recognition?  Excitement?  A medal?  He saw a flicker of something across her face and then it was gone.  

“So you’re definitely not still pining for Nancy?”

“No!  Why are we still talking about Nancy?  This is my big bathroom confession and I feel like maybe you are focussing on the wrong things?” 

 Robin schooled her face and got with the program. Placing her hands on Steve’s cheeks she smooshed them together.  “Look at you!  My sweet bisexual baby is having a crush.”

This was more of what Steve had expected and he huffed out a laugh.  “Might be more than a crush, Robs.”  Steve blushed and Robin gaped at him.

“Okay, then.  Well.  You’ve got to go for it.  Turn up the Harrington Charm and don’t suck this time.”

Steve ran his hands through his hair. He could do this.  He was Steve fucking Harrington and he could do this.

The following afternoon Steve spent making sure his hair was perfect, but not too perfect.  He threw on what Robin had called his slutty polo - just a touch too small so it hugged his chest and his arms, and the jeans that cradled his ass just right.  He gave himself several pep talks and was waiting on the porch when Eddie pulled up.  Steve didn’t have to overthink the wide grin that spread across his face when Eddie got out of the van.  That man was so pretty it should be illegal.  Ripped jeans and a band tee were his standard uniform, but in Steve’s mind, no one wore it better.  

Eddie seemed to sense the subtle change in the air and when he got to the rocker his gaze flicked up and down and he let out a breathless, “Hi.”

Steve’s grin widened and he shifted a little to let Eddie flop down next to him.  The rocker started it’s slow movement and Steve bravely reached over and grabbed Eddie’s hand.  He began toying with his rings and making small circles on Eddie’s palm with his thumb.  Now that he was here, some of Steve’s resolve began to crumble and he felt shy and unsure.  What if he was reading this wrong?  What if this was an insane error in judgment and he was about to ruin everything he and Eddie had built up between them?  He couldn’t look at him.  Couldn’t stand to see rejection, or worse revulsion on Eddie’s face.  

A finger under his chin lifted his face up to where Eddie was waiting, mouth a little open in surprise.  “Stevie, sweetheart, what’s going on in there?  I can hear you thinking from here.”

“I, um, I’m just glad you’re here, Eds.  I miss having you around and I’m so happy you still wanna come back here and spend time with me.”  Steve’s voice caught a little.  Damn it.  He was doing this wrong.  He had meant to be bold and brave and he was too in his head.  

“Hey, hey, hey I’m not going anywhere baby.  I always want to spend time with you, that’s why I’m here.”  Eddie’s voice was low and reassuring and Steve was grateful for the opportunity to collect himself and start again.

He inched himself closer to Eddie and slowly raised his free hand to tuck one of Eddie’s curls behind his ear.  His thumb drew a gentle line down Eddie’s jawline and he heard a sharp intake of breath.  “Eds, tell me if I’m reading this wrong and it’s totally fine.  Nothing has to change.  But - I really want to kiss you right now.  Is that okay?”

Eddie placed a firm hand on Steve’s chest and he felt his heart drop and his vision blur.  Stupid.  He was so stupid.  “Wait,” Eddie managed.  “Just, can we back up just a little?  Because my straight best friend wants to kiss me and I’m not totally sure what to do with that.”

“Uh,” Steve stammered, “Not straight?  Um, bisexual actually.  It’s okay if it’s a no though, just I know I’m not cool and I used to be a huge asshole back in high school so -” 

Steve was forced to stop as the hand on his chest fisted his shirt and pulled him so close that he and Eddie were breathing the same air.  “Yes.”  Eddie said.  “Yes I was an asshole?” Steve was having a hard time following what was happening.  “Yes, kiss me.”  And then it was happening.  

As first kisses go, this should have been unremarkable.  A gentle meeting of lips, Steve’s hands coming up to cradle Eddie’s face, tilting his head so they slotted together seamlessly.  Instead it was extraordinary.  It was brief, but charged with so much emotion it left Steve gasping for air, a whimper in the back of his throat.  “Okay?” Eddie whispered.  “More than okay,” Steve managed to say, bringing him back a second time firmer and more sure of himself.  

Now 2023

“Is this a kissing story?”  interrupted a suspicious little voice, “Mama says kissing stories aren’t propriate for me.”

Eddie jumped, having gotten lost in the swirling memories, he had forgotten about his little captive audience.  He grinned.  “Your beautiful Mama is always right and we can absolutely skip to the end past the kissing parts.  Okay?”

“M’kay!” agreed curly locks.  “Was that the falling in love part?  Did you have a true love's kiss and live happily ever after?”

“Sort of,” laughed the old man, “Never let it be said that even true love is an easy path to happiness.  There were plenty of times we argued or hurt each other's feelings.  Sometimes we didn’t even like each other very much.  But we made a promise.  You know what that promise was?”

“Was it sittin’ in the rocking chairs?”  Eddie bounced the boy up and down on his lap and smothered him with kisses, “You are my most brilliant grandchild, you know that?  Yes!  No matter what was happening with us, as long as we were both home, we sat in those damn rocking chairs and talked about our day and our family and everything we loved.  And you want to know a secret?”

The child rose to his knees in Eddie’s lap and put his ear right to Eddie’s mouth.  “Yes!”

“Even if one of us wasn’t home, the other went and sat in their own rocker and shared all about their day.  Do you know why?”

“Why?” the child’s eyes were open wide.

“Because rocker time is magic.  No matter where we are or what is happening, we can talk to each other here in these rockers when the sun is going down and the air is sweet and we always hear each other.”  Eddie’s eyes were shining now with memories and longing.

“So even though Grandpa Steve isn’t here you can still talk to him and he hears you?  And that’s why you come out every night to have special time with Grandpa Steve?”

“That’s right, little man.  And sometimes when it’s quiet and still I can hear him talk back.  Want to try?”  Eddie looked down at the child with a gleam in his eye as his youngest grandson struggled to stay still.  “Can you hear him?”

“What is he saying?”  the little boy whispered, eyes wide, mouth open.

“He says………TOSS MY GRANDCHILD IN THE POOL!”  Eddie shrieked and raised his hands as his little man screamed with joy and took off across the lawn.  Hell, his Son and Daughter in law were going to scold him again, but it had been worth it.

Before leaving to chase after the boy, Eddie turned to the empty rocking chair, “Sorry to abandon you early tonight, my love.  But I told you your grandchildren were a menace.  I don’t know who they get it from.”  As he stood to leave he felt a breeze like the whisper of a caress against his cheek.  “Love you too, Stevie. See you tomorrow.”

[multimystica]

Card of the Day!

Once more the same image, ik it's repetitive but I've run out of Photoshop so I may just start numbering these so y'all don't think it's the same post repeatedly. xD This is #4. Also, please remember to follow me, like and reblog! It'd help me immensely, thank you a lot!

So take a breath, think of the situation of choice and choose your card, then scroll down! I finally learned how to add the see more thing so y'all won't have to scroll past a giant post, YAY!!! :)

Card 1 - The Emperor

Rules, stability, structure! These are the themes for today. Needless to say, authority is quite relevant today.

First of all it's time to pay attention to who's in charge here, be it you, your father, a boyfriend, or a boss. This person may be quite authoritarian today, make an effort to follow their rules so things go their way, or else. *threatening tone*

In general, it's important to follow rules and to respect authorities today, but let's move on to more specific meanings.

Someone may be very controlling today - it'd be wise to evaluate wether this is a healthy thing or not. If unhealthy, it is of utmost importance that your boundaries are set today, keep them up.

In case you're the authority here (are you a parent, someone's boss, or the leader anywhere? are you in a leader-less place and feel the need to step up?) - Take charge, build foundations, set your rules and boundaries, make sure to step up to your role or you may be overthrown. Also, make sure to do so in a healthy way, don't be an asshole, know the difference between leadership and oppression, you must instill respect, but make sure you don't mistake that for instilling fear. It is also the time to be ambitious.

If you're on the bottom of the food chain - Make sure to follow the rules today, try not to be too proud, it may be a day to swallow your pride. Keep your job well done, try to stay in the good side of those above you, if you do it well enough you might be rewarded. This is definitely not the day to question orders, at all. Don't fuck up, The Emperor is strict.

Whoever you are and whatever your role may be in the power dynamic at hand, make sure your boundaries are in place & respect is maintained to and from other people. Watch out for unhealthy power dynamics, as they're likely to be shown clearly today. Also a good day for self-reflection on wether you're being too authoritarian, too strict, not placing boundaries or placing too many, anyways, take a look at the Emperor's qualities and analyze wether you're lacking or overdoing them.

Card 2 - The Empress

Creation, nurturing & mothering! These are today's main themes, along with self-care which is also quite important today.

This is a good time to care for yourself and others, but look at your own needs first. Let's go.

If you've been putting others first all the time or neglecting self-care routines - This is the time to take the day for yourself, put yourself first for once, for God's sake! Idk what your schedule is like today, but if there is any flexibility on it, it may be best to push your plans aside and care for yourself!! Make sure to eat well and nourish yourself, hydrate enough and get enough rest. This may also represent a day to be taken care of by someone else, a spa day, take a break!!! Self-care comes first for you today, no matter what. It's also a good day for getting your hair and nails done, shopping, and getting a makeover,

Now, if you always put yourself first and self-care has been kept in check - Take a look around! Look for people who need to be taken care of for the day. Your friend is down with covid? Go to their place, cook them a hearty meal and do some chores on their behalf. That's an example, but it illustrates well the idea. It's the day to do mother-like gestures for other people around you. Make sure everyone around you is well taken care of, well nourished, well rested, well hydrated, watch out for other people's needs and help them out!!! Have them take the day off for self-care if you see fit. Both topics above are specially important if you're a mother, pay attention to yourself and your children and which of you needs a day off to be taken care of for today

If you're a creative person or into arts and crafts - Today is a great day to work on your creative projects! It's also a good day to go out shopping or redecorating your home. The sky is the limit, go all out on that today. If you've been experiencing a creative block, today is the best day for you to try and overcome it, yet if it remains blocked after your attempts today, go down the self-care route and indulge yourself a bit.

If you have a eating disorder or health issues - Good healthy nourishment and care for your physical needs are a must for today, trust me. Take your bodily signs very seriously today, if anything pops up, go to the damn doctor right away! Don't procrastinate it.

A few general random tips for today - Be generous and giving. Comfort foods may come in handy today. Self indulgence is not a sin for today, it's also good to indulge others if you can. Listen to your body today, bodily needs are top priority for now. If you're into gardening, that's a great day for taking care of it as well. Also a good time for sensuality (have a dead bedroom? This is the day to bring it back to life).

Card 3 - The Lovers

Choices, love, and cooperation! These are the main themes for today, as well as personal responsibility.

In general, this is the time to make choices and celebrate all forms of love be it friendships, partnerships, committed relationships, significant others, all sorts of love. Let's get into specifics.

If you're presented with a decision or choice today - First of all, be aware your mind and heart must be aligned for it, and it's equally important that you know that if you go down a path it's likely that the other option will be sacrificed. Take your time to think it through and be certain of what you want before you decide so you don't later regret your decision.

If you've been thinking of moving forward with something - This is your confirmation to moving forward with your plans.

If you're wondering wether to take a love relationship to the next level - This is your sign that it's safe to move forward with that as long as you keep your needs in mind. This card is also a reminder that for you to love another you must learn to love yourself first so do some self-reflection about self-love and your needs before you take action to move forward with it. If your needs are being unmet yet you feel like taking this relationship to the next level, sort out your needs beforehand to avoid problems down the line. Either way, beware of relationships where you're looking for a emotional/spiritual connection but the partner is only concerned with physical connection with zero interest on something deeper. Communicate your expectations clearly and see if they're on the same page so they don't get the wrong impression.

If none of the above applies to you today - Take a good look around, there are good chances someone is interested on you, admiring you from a distance and you're not aware of it at all. A new love interest might just pop-up unexpectedly.

[spoofymcgee]

i just finished watching the power of three and. i didn't like it.

don't get me wrong, it has plenty of delightful moments. it showcases beautifully just how impatient 11 is, just how unwilling to stop moving and running. it's strange how he still feels so fresh and new half a season from the end of his run.

kate is, obviously, incredible and i would die for her, and the sweet little moments between her and the doctor, the doctor and rory, the kitchen scene with rory and amy, all of those were lovely.

but this episode feels like it's designed to hurt you, to set up the devastation of the next one. i haven't seen it yet, but i know what happens and.

i don't mind that it's there to make the next episode hurt. i don't even mind how unsubtle it is about that–this doctor's run i think has a very serious problem of talking so much about the themes and how cool it is rather than showing them, but that's another post, and i can set that aside.

what i do mind is that. there's no point. it's a big, flashy, dramatic, horrible sendoff for the ponds, when approximately three seconds ago they were ready to retire from travelling, to be normal. and then, totally against everything they'd been doing and saying, they went back. for really no apparent reason other than they suddenly want to when there's no setup for that.

and i think it's for two reasons.

the first one is that this whole run has no fucking clue what self-restraint and consent and respect for other people's boundaries are. you can see that in so many places–from the beginning, how the doctor doesn't give amy a chance to change out of her nightgown, the way she kisses him and keeps doing it even though he's trying to get away, the way they have her choose and commit to rory and then turn around and make rory weirdly possessive towards her, as if without him stopping her she would go and do who knows what with the doctor (who. isn't interested? stranger in a strange land much?) the weird bit where the doctor keeps asking rory if he can hug amy, and not asking amy. right up until the end–amy's chosen rory so many times now, and she has to prove herself again and never stop proving that she'll choose him over the doctor, despite that they're married, despite that she picked him. the story won't stop punishing her for being interested in someone other than him at the beginning.

and that's just off the top of my head. this whole run has basically no clue what consent is, and is operating on a very outdated understanding of boundaries.

so what follows is that the ponds can't choose to walk away. the doctor will keep running towards them, they can't choose to leave because we think the doctor doesn't have the ability to respect that boundary, so they have to want to stay, because otherwise. well, he wants them to stay. needs them to stay. he can't let them move on. but the doctor is the good guy, so we can't go there. so the ponds have to be put permanently out of his reach, because we don't know what self-restraint and respect for others is.

which is just fucking uncomfortable.

the second reason is why i think the power of three is mean.

and that's because it's for the shock value. it's for the flash, it's because we can't let people have a happy ending, a quiet exit in this show. they need to go out with a bang, they need to be ripped away from the doctor, it needs to be dramatic and tear-jerking and what does it matter if this is telling a sound, good story so long as we can keep it loud enough to keep people's attention?

because the story being told here is that traveling with the doctor is an addiction. you either kick it or it eats up your whole life and then itself and you're left with nothing. travelling with the doctor is something that chews you up and spits you out and kills you and steals you out of your life and won't let you go back. only the doctor needs someone with him, doesn't he? isn't that what we've talked about so much? what happens to the doctor, to the universe, when the doctor goes alone?

so that leaves us with an endless parade of people marching to their doom to protect the universe from the doctor and who he becomes without them. which is a story that fits, technically. the minotaur in the maze, snapping up innocent people and emptying them out and filling them with prayer and waiting for it to all end. the doctor in his box, sweeping people out of their lives and filling them with adventure and wonder and sacrificing them to stop himself from going mad.

and i hate that story. i hate it so much. i hate it if it's on purpose and i hate it more if it's by accident, if they stumbled into that by having a flashy no-substance exit for amy and rory.

it's every take i hate on the doctor, it's the antithesis to the first message amy's arc had to say: the doctor is ancient and the doctor is alone and the doctor is kind. the doctor doesn't let other people keep hurting when he can stop it, even when it makes him not the doctor, even when it's the worst thing he's ever done.

just. i wish amy and rory had been allowed to be normal, like they wanted. i wish the doctor could have dropped in on them occasionally for dinner, or stayed away if he couldn't. i wish that they could have had a happy ending instead of a bittersweet one that leaves a sour taste in the back of my throat when i think about it for too long.

[itsimaginetime]

So I've been seeing a lot of discourse lately about minors and smut. Is it ok for them to read it? To write it? Etc etc...

And so I wanted to share my own opinion and please, I would love to know your opinions as well (you can comment, reblog or anonymously send an ask to voice your opinion about the matter) and let's keep this respectful and civilized 💕

Alright so first things first, I myself wrote smut for the first time when I was 15 years old (I'm currently 18) and posted it on my insta account which didn't have my age on it and I was never asked to disclose my age on it either.

I've personally never seen anyone express their discontent with minors writing smut until this year. I'm sure I've just never come across it and it's actually been a big point of discussion for a long time and I was just never aware of that.

Now , before I go on and talk about things in more detail, let me say one thing:

‼️If you're uncomfortable with the fact that I used to be a minor who wrote smut then please, block me and move on with your life. I'm simply here to share my opinion ; as someone who has experienced being in the fanfiction community (as a reader first then later as a writer) since the age of like 11 or 12; freely and discuss this topic with people who are open to have a genuine conversation.‼️

With that out of the way, let's continue.

What's the situation all about?

To put it simply, a certain amount of writers are expressing their discomfort about minors reading their work and/or them reading smut written by minors and/or seeing minors writing smut and posting it.

(if you're one the people who doesn't like minors writing smut , can you please explain it in detail? I would love to hear your opinion and have you share it so that people can understand the situation from the p.o.v of someone who's directly affected by it)

How do I feel about minors reading/writing smut and posting it on the internet?

I feel complete and utter indifference towards this situation, that is why I feel like a neutral and unbiased opinion like my own is needed in this discussion.

Now, would I go out of my way to read and/or interact with a smut writer if I knew they are a minor? Absolutely not. But I do not care if they read my work and enjoy it. My work is posted publicly and I'm not interested in monitoring who reads it and who doesn't.

Should minors read and/or write smut?

Should or shouldn't they is truly up for debate and depends on the person.

What I'm interested in pointing out is the fact that they can and they will do so if they're determined enough.

Now do you ,as a writer and/or reader, have the right to be uncomfortable and have the right to set your boundaries? Absolutely yes you do, however that doesn't change the fact that kids are determined and will find a way.

Is it possible to get rid of minors in the nsfw writing space?

No. No , it's not a possibility. No matter how much you shame them and berate them , no matter how much you ask nicely and beg them to leave , minors have always been and will always be part of the nsfw writing community in one way or another.

And I believe it's not possible to get rid of minors in the nsfw writing community because they are kids. Let me explain.

They are underdeveloped humans. Majority of them do not understand nor do they comprehend why someone would feel uncomfortable towards them being part of this community. Most of them are simply not capable of understanding even if you explain it thoroughly.

Now you can , in fact, scare them off and berate them and shame them and attack them to make them leave. Yes, you can do that , but should you?

Being hostile or passive aggressive won't wield a positive result. On the off chance that they leave the community or delete their content after your confrontation , they could easily come back with a new account, a new identity and lie their way through to avoid your hostility towards them. And believe me , I've seen it happen before.

Not only would you be wasting your time by shaming them into leaving, but you'll also be encouraging other minor smut writers who witness your behavior to lie about their age as an attempt to avoid people like you. And that would only complicate the situation more.

What to do if you're uncomfortable with minor smut writers in general

Block them and move on. Trying to kick them out of the community won't work since even if you succeed they can always come back like I already stated in the previous section.

Is there a solution to this issue?

I personally don't believe there is a perfect solution that will satisfy everyone but I have come up with a solution where we can all meet in the middle. I don't believe that it's a perfect solution but it's the best solution that I could come up with. (Please don't be shy and let me know what you think is the best solution)

My solution to this issue

As I've already stated , I don't believe getting rid of minors in this community is possible so that option is off the table for me.

I think we should encourage minors to be honest about their age , that way whoever is uncomfortable with them can avoid them and block them.

Like I said before , I'm well aware this solution has its flaws and it's not perfect by any means, however I believe this is the most civilized solution we can use. If we can have minors disclose their ages truthfully, we can separate the community into multiple sections , one of those sections will house the minors all together, far away from interacting with adults who are uncomfortable with being in the same space with them.

Again , I would love to hear your opinion about this situation if you're part of the nsfw writing community, and I would love to have a nice , civilized and respectful conversation with anyone who's willing to talk. I want to broaden my understanding of the situation and having these types of discussions is the best way to do so.

[polyamzeal]

I don't know where I'm going with this, I think I just need to get it off my chest.

I'm a woman in a great, loving relationship with a man. However, I am also queer and would love to have more no-strings-attached sex with other women. Like, I'm not looking for a girlfriend or committed partner, but FWB would be nice, you know? Or, like, someone's booty call? That's not an unreasonable thing to want and *be open* with wanting, right?

But it's like, no matter how open I am about the fact that my husband would *not* be part of this (aside from like a quick convo so he can veto it if he's too uncomfortable for any reason), I get yelled at for being a unicorn hunter. I get banned from apps for being a unicorn hunter. I get underhanded insults about unicorn hunters in irl spaces. I get friends not wanting to be friends because I'm a unicorn hunter, even though I never hit on them at all. On top of that (and yes, I'm not a fan of this either, but it is what it is), my husband has a one-penis policy, so I get shamed and ridiculed for wanting to respect my husband's wishes, too. I don't want to be restricted to cis women only and I see how it sucks, but it feels kind of unfair that I get shit for respecting someone else's boundaries.

I guess I just wish people wouldn't act as if I'm trying to set them up with my husband when I'm not. When I'm specifically looking for things I don't get in my relationship and I openly state that aside from just saying hi to him once, they literally do not ever have to even be in the same room again. But nope, all I get is "unicorn hunter kys". The funny thing is that he finds women to sleep with just fine without ever getting these reactions, even when he mentions me. Hell, even when those women meet me, he's never accused of the same thing.

It sucks. I kind of wish my husband could just get over his fear of other people's genitals so I could just exclude cis women since that seems to be the major issue, but it's not fair to demand that he shifts his boundaries for my benefit so here we are. I guess I'm just asking this - am I really doing something reprehensible and unforgivable here? Am I just the perfect example of the cringe space-invading loser in a one-penis policy het relationship giving every polyam person a bad name by wanting to fuck a woman every now and then? Am I the stereotype of everything you shouldn't be? I've given up on all of this already and accepted that my husband gets the adventures and I don't, but I guess I just want a post-mortem on how much I fucked up here.

I swear I already answered this but it is in my inbox and I can't find a record of answer it so I am just going to blame Tumblr.

You are not doing anything wrong. I think the most important thing is just being upfront and honest about what you are looking for. Be clear and direct with people. If they insist on making up their own assumptions and accusations then their loss.

That being said, I do think your husband's OPP is quite troublesome. I don't know if I would phrase it as "respecting his boundary." I feel like a boundary would be more like "He doesn't want you to sleep with other penis-havers so if you do then he withdraws his consent to have sex with you until a week after you stop having sex with other penis-havers" or something like that where you can decide what you want to do and if it is worth it for you but how he reacts is on him. This just sounds more outright like 'rule' rather than a 'boundary'. Perhaps it is all semantics though.

Putting all that aside, I would say just be patient as you try to find woman that understand your situration. And are willing to trust you to work with your needs.