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#if you are unable to look at a community and go ''there WILL be bad apples and I will not judge the community based solely on them''-
zeldasnotes · 26 days
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YOUR LILITH PLACEMENT: UNEVOLVED & EVOLVED
These are my personal observations and not facts. If you are someone whos sensitive to reading negative observations about your placement then dont read this post or only read the evolved part.
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LILITH IN THE 1ST HOUSE
evolved: Strong leadership abilities, independent, sexy, brave, confident, attracts attention easily, ambitious and driven, using your drive and energy for good purposes, indpiring, refusing to back down, standing up for the underdogs, goes against societal expectations.
unevolved: No boundaries when it comes to your body, treating your body like an object, hiding behind a bitchy phacade, feeling a strong need to change your looks, overdoing the ”the bad guy” act, aggressive, too much need for excitement, seeking conflict, too attention seeking, shocking others for reactions and attention, rude.
LILITH IN THE 2ND HOUSE
evolved: Good at making money, not letting people use you, able to recognize those who are only after your for your looks or money, saving & investing, using your sensual energy for good, artistic, good at cooking, good at pleasing all senses, seductive, understanding the power of your smell, touch and how you look.
unevolved: Low self worth, settling for less than what you deserve, letting people use you to feel a sense of worth, no self respect, shopping addiction, materialistic, financial self destruction, trying to heal emotional issues with material stuff, body image issues, greedy, never satisfied, settling for less.
LILITH IN THE 3RD HOUSE
evolved: Extremely intelligent, cunning, always an ace up your sleeve, able to get yourself out of any situation, the perfect socialite, great storyteller, using your communication skills for good, picking up on hidden undercurrents, able to seduce and convince others easily, musical talent, writing talent.
unevolved: Lying, strong envy towards a sibling, mindfog, hard time controlling your tongue, gossiping, tongue turning into a knife when you feel insecure, calling out peoples insecurities, underestimating other peoples intelligence, unnecessary mean comments.
LILITH IN THE 4TH HOUSE
evolved: Nurturing, understanding of other peoples needs, good mothers if you choose to have children yourself, a soft aura that others are super drawn too, excellent sense of hospitality, generous, sensing other peoples psychological state easily, breaking the generational curse if you have your own children.
unevolved: Moody, bad relationship with women, projecting your motherissues onto other women, homewrecking, issues with femininity, treating other women like your mom treated you, fixated with traditions, manipulating, cold when in a bad mood,
LILITH IN THE 5TH HOUSE
evolved: Healing your inner child, marching to the beat of your own drum, knows how to make others feel special, great party planner, decides to do different for your own children, praising yourself instead on looking for praise and admiration from others, making your taboo taste into art, changing the industry.
unevolved: Using arrogance to make up for feeling small, no sense of reality, boasting, projecting onto your own child, refusing to co parent, going out of your way to get attention, deadly afraid of rejection, gambling, fixation with dark art, baby trapping, gambling, repeating childhood patterns with your own children.
LILITH IN THE 6TH HOUSE
evolved: Interested in health, healthy relationship to health and your body, learning that its ok to be human and not a perfect robot, very skilled at what you do, being of service to others because thats what you live but not to the point of forgetting yourself, taking care of yourself, taking small steps instead of expecting instant perfection.
unevolved: Neglecting your health or obsessive about health,living in filth, unable to follow a routine, not visiting the doctor for years, refusing to ask for help, critical, overworking yourself, not feeling satisfied until its perfection, overdoing your work, envious of those in the same business as you, envious of other peoples work, weird relationship to pets.
LILITH IN THE 7TH HOUSE
evolved: Charming and social, excellent social skills, seeing your own faults in your relationship, learning that sometimes confrontation is needed, compassionate, supportive instead of competetive towards others of your gender, refusing to fight or manipulate someone into loving you, seeing your own beauty instead of focusing on others, setting boundaries.
unevolved: Passive aggressive, inappropriate relationships, attracted to 3rd party situationships, attracted to the bad guys, homewrecker, using politeness as a weapon, turning people against eachother, naive, thinking everyone wants your partner, losing yourself for the sake of pleasing others, manipulating instead of confronting, too nice for your own good, people pleasing.
LILITH IN THE 8TH HOUSE
evolved: Using your power for good, magnetic, born psychologist, spiritual, strong but healthy interest in dark subjects, self aware, exploring your sexuality in healthy ways, good at uncovering the truth, letting go of the control issues, learning that your body belongs to you.
unevolved: Obsessed with power, abusing your power, lack of sexual boundaries, sex addiction, having to rely on others for money,control issues, struggling with obsession, vengeful, risky sex or sex with risky people, unhealthy interest in dark subjects, unhealthy fixation with sex.
LILITH IN THE 9TH HOUSE
evolved: Intelligent, humanitarian, fast learner, adventurous, able to find hope in any situation, exploring other belief systems instead of judging, giving back to your community, rebelling against cultural expectations, modern, not afraid to break societal rules, refusing to be forced or silenced into conforming.
unevolved: Extremist, hypocrite, cultural appropriation, too easily manipulated when it comes to opinions, fixation and envy towards another culture, using religion as a mask, hiding your faults under a ”churchmom” image, fanatic, hard time understanding people who are different, lying about where you are from, extremely judgmental.
LILITH IN THE 10TH HOUSE
evoled: Ambitious, seeing worth in yourself no matter what others think of you, refusing to bow down to ”high society”, refusing to be labeled, a force to be reckoned with, refusing to beg your way into rooms you are not welcomed in and instead kicking the door open, letting go of the need to be seen with the right people, letting go of trying to be accepted by a toxic father figure.
unevolved: Workaholism, working as a way of avoiding pain, social climbing, using others for status, obsessed with status and image, seeing ”important” people as better, thinking that social standing is everything, judging people based on social standing, seeking fame or clout to feel protected, hiding behind a ”name”.
LILITH IN THE 11TH HOUSE
evolved: Humanitarian, understanding of people from all walks of life, thinking for yourself instead of being influenced, not afraid to befriend the outcasts, seeing more than labels, rebellious, fighting for justice, standing up against the ”in crowd”.
unevolved: Envious of friends, befriending or staying friends with someone to keep an eye on theme, fake, detached, mistrusting everyone because of early experiences with friends, betraying before you get betrayed, unable to see whos your friend and whos your enemy, befriending bad people bc you think they will be different to you.
LILITH IN THE 12TH HOUSE
evolved: Psychic, accepting your shadow side, listening to your intuition, saintlike, working on your triggers, dealing with issues instead of escaping, extremely compassionate, using your psychic abilities for good, helpful but without sacrificing yourself completely, very empathic, saviour.
unevolved: Unable to be alone, addictions, hard time facing reality, making up a fantasy image of things in your head to avoid dealing with reality, self sacrifice, thinking you are the victim in every situation, constantly, finding ways to escape your feelings, refusing to deal with your triggers, focusing on other peoples problems to avoid your own, naive.
©️ 2024 Zeldas Notes All Rights Reserved
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zarnzarn · 7 months
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i see all these comments talking about this after the new episode, but. i would like to state for the record that stolitz isn't. toxic.
first off, the concept of a toxic and a healthy relationship are such... vague terms. when you're online, drenched in language and tight moral boundaries, trying to put a nuanced story like helluva boss's into boxes is easy to attempt and impossible to do.
a toxic relationship is one where one or both parties is maliciously affecting the other. I'm talking fetid, nasty, rude interactions where there is more hurt than love. they're unhappy more often than not when they're with their partner, there's no respect or give from the other side.
stolitz is nothing like that.
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Stolas actively cares about Blitz and actually has no fear or hesitation in ADMITTING IT OUT LOUD TO OZZIE. he has been calling, texting, commenting, laughing and finding ways to spend time with Blitz. he's throwing everything he has to the wind, finding the courage to move forward with the divorce, putting everything he has into trying to keep him. he's been alone in a palace since he was born, on medication, with such less people dear to him that he remembered the circus boy who spent a day with him DECADES ago- so when blitz comes into his life and brings back in laughter and color and sex, he's holding on with everything he's got.
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and blitz does care!!! he cares a LOT, the whole series we see him falling in love with stolas through SHOW NOT TELL (his expressions, his choices, his fear, his lashing out) and utterly unable to process that stolas cares about him too when talking to fizz; almost a desperate kind of denial-
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cause yknow. the first time he tried to confess something to someone he really liked, he accidentally killed half the people he knew and ruined the lives of the rest?
thats gonna leave just a teensy impact on the will to express your emotions in the future, methinks.
even before that, he clearly felt like on some level that he was unworthy and he's said twice that he despises himself for the accident even though it wasn't actually his fault. being self aware doesn't stop the emotions from emotioning.
he keeps insisting its only sex so urgently to anyone who doesn't ask because he can't even imagine it being anything else. he's both disappointed and relieved when he repeats that stolas sees him as a novelty, because what else can it be?
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(there's a whole other spiel of how brave both Stolas and Blitz have to be to say it out loud even when asmodeus can't afford to, considering how publically and completely beaten down both were at the club.)
(there's also another whole spiel about how frustrating it has been for ME to see all these comments over time with such bad takes based on like,, 20 min worth of info of a show that takes months to release an ep. like godDAMN have some patience?? let the story UNFOLD MAYBE? IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE AN EXPLANATION WHY WOULD YOU CRITICIZE THINGS THAT ARENT EVEN FINISHED ESPECIALLY AN INDIE ANIMATION- i digress)
mind you, this has NOTHING to do with abuse. an abusive relationship is one where one is actively harming the other with full awareness. Stella is an abuser and their marriage is abusive.
and stolitz isn't that; it isn't even unhealthy or toxic. it's a consensual, transactional fuckbuddy relationship that slid into something more for both of them.
but!!!!! one of the main reasons for the problems that everyone looks over is-
they're in a BDSM relationship.
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I can't possibly delve into dynamics without making this a 10k research paper BUT even though we've gotten only hints and costumes and dialogue- they're very clearly and undeniably in a BDSM contract. Behind the scenes of this crazy show is a whole different story, of these two delving into the most hardcore kinks out there- knifeplay, painplay, bondage.
if you've gotten into the community, if you've read a couple dozen particularly good fics by authors who know what they're talking about, hell; even if your only experience is fifty shades or 365 or whatever- you gotta know that BDSM scenes are crazy fucking emotionally heavy. there's so much that has gone down between them during their full moons that helluva can't get into!!
but you know how in so many of these popular medias and fics, the dom in the relationship is also like,, the billionaire/mafia heir/prince, etc, the one with financial and physical power? this isnt that. it has been very clearly stated that stolas is subbing, blitz is domming.
now take a moment and think about how much that fucks up the dynamics.
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in stolas' eyes, blitz is a confident, dangerous individual who's an old friend and cherished memory of his, who he's trusted wholly with his safety during sex and he's lucky to have; and he has been in an abusive arranged marriage for the past eighteen Years, he's probably not going to be pushing his luck with his dom that much in the first place. plus, blitz is never cowed by him during their conversations- think back to the first phone call right after he stole the book, completely unafraid.
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and for blitz, it's someone trusting him again- but it's also a royal- a blue blood who's nearly untouchable and so much more powerful- who couldn't possibly like a piece of shit like him, apart from the sex he gets out of it. he only flirts once he gets some sort of cue from Stolas; he's desperately trying to view this as only a Goetia trying to get his rocks off, despite all the evidence to the contrary, because anything else is unfathomable to him, no matter how clearly Stolas shows it, because of the ptsd.
both of them thinks the other has the power. both of them aren't expecting the other to keep shut if something's bothering them.
and there's so much conflicting messages from the other too!
stolas calls him a plaything when trying to intimidate the humans; stolas cups his face gently and asks if he's alright
blitz asks him on a date and tells him to get better soon; blitz yells that it's only sex and doesn't reply to his messages
ya see?
bring it to fizzozzie for a second now; even though they do look all good on surface, you can still see fizz's trauma and doubt in all their interactions, they're still forced to keep the relationship secret. do you see his face when Ozzie says in hyperbole that he's never leaving the house again, or when someone accuses him of being a pampered house pet or when he got sexualized in the 7th ep? whatever happened in the interim between the accident with mammon, it fucked him UP. even though oz seems to be well aware of this when he tells him not to apologise and in their general interactions, fizz still visibly has trouble separating plaything/commodity from healthy relationship.
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shout the fuck out to Ozzie btw, man knows whats UP. rooting for these two so much omg.
i forgot where I was going with this point, I'll edit it when i remember. but yeah! lovely fucking relationship, but damn what angst filled issues.
anyway, to sum up- stolitz is not a toxic relationship. the relationship is stuck sludging through misunderstandings and careless microaggressions and trauma responses, but it's not unhealthy or toxic because of the simple reason that most of the current hurt comes from... a misunderstanding. stolas didn't realise blitz would need reassurance about what they were and blitz didn't see stolas as someone who could get hurt.
unecessarily calling it toxic, even online, is more impactful than people think too. almost all spindlehorse ARE on all social medias; so MANY YouTube animators i know have found jobs there; they see your words, especially since a lot don't tag posts with "anti hb" correctly to keep them out of the main tag. there are Very few queer medias made BY queer people that haven't gone through heavy corporate revisions- helluva boss is practically a historical landmark in its success. it's very very very fucking easy to forget that not ten years ago some of the only queer videos on YouTube were butter lover (one kiss at the end post credits), dirty paws and welcome to hell (subtext).
the amount of "critical talk" helluva boss gets for what it is is very unprecedented. it's a beautiful show. can't wait for the next episode.
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pigeonpeach · 1 month
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Yandere sex shit
Cw: fem reader, pregnancy risk, degradation, dubious consent for some, somnophillia, breeding, women with dicks, might be mildly misogynistic in arlecchino’s but idk if it really counts as that.
Characters included: Diluc, Arlecchino, Neuvillette, Yelan, and Pantalone
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“I can’t stop…” his voice was like a growl almost. You raised your head, your body felt sore as you took in the scenery and the position you had been forced in. You were on your side, leg hitched onto his shoulder.Diluc must’ve come home late while you were already asleep. The fact your nightgown had been hitched, your panties pushed aside, and your womb had been filled was enough to incriminate him yes. But it wasn’t like you could leave this olace anyways. As his pace resumed the chains on your hands clanked slightly. You hated how you still had to be chained to this day. You had been so good and yet his staff still doesn’t trust you. Or is it their way of offering you as a sacrifice to him, leaving you defenseless so he can have his way. Although initially you were numb to all pleasure, your mind sleepy snd still processing everything. You suddenly gasped as you felt him knock against your g-spot. Your arms thrashed, the chains clanked and jingled.
“You feel like so good.” He commented,”Haah… fuck If you squeeze me like that… oh… fuck.. shit I’m going to cum.” Your eyes widened as you looked down. Unable to communicate your concerns as you realized you had no form of birth control here. Nor was he wearing a condom. But it felt so good you didn’t want to stop deep down. The previous rounds sloshed inside yourself as you couldn’t help but spread your legs s little more. Your sensibility actively fucked out of you.
You just had to hope you weren’t ovulating
“Please~~~!” You whined. The vibrations of the toy inside had been edging you for so long now. Each time you would get close to release Arlecchino would pull it out making you squirm desperately. You had tried to escape recently, growing a bit paranoid after being here for so long against your will. But after what must’ve been hours of orgasm denial the torture session’ had turned you into what you would later regret. But currently you were dumb and horny and really just wanted to cum already.
“You haven’t earned it. Disobedient wives to be don’t try to escape in the middle of then night now do they? You’re a bad little fiancé and therefore you need be punished until you’re absolutely sorry.” She growled into your ear. You whined as she pulled it out once more.
“N-no no I’ll be good i promise! I promise I’ll be good!” You whined desperately. Your hips chased the toy to no avail. You heard her belt unbuckling. You looked down to see a rather impressive cock. You were to out of it to think about how she wasn’t reaching for a condom or any form of protection.
“You promise? As if that has any value.” She smacked your face with her cock. “Don’t just stare at it, be a good little whore for me and I’ll consider letting you cum.” You gulped but quickly pressed your lips to it as she quickly forced it in. Your sounds of surprise were muffled as she quickly settled her own pace.
“A useless little whore. Am i the first to defile this little mouth? Will I be the first to deflower you?~” she grasped your hair like a leash. Forcing you up and down until suddenly pulling out.
“W-wha-“ you whined as she suddenly flipped you over.
“I need to know how pure my beloved little fiancé is.” She responded with immediately sinking her cock into your pussy. You whined as you felt absolutely heavenly. Squirming as she established a brutal pace. “You’re tight, even after all that foreplay… fuck… i need to defile you, make you my whore and only mine. I’ll turn your body into my little cumdump!” You gagged from the ferocity of her thrusts. You tried to say something but it came out in stutters and mumbles. She seemed to understand it somehow. “You’re going to cum? Good. I want to feel you cum on my cock again and again until I fill your womb with my seed.”
“The Iudex is… currently in heat.. miss please do consider your position on your marital responsibilities!” The maids pleaded with you. The Iudex, the hydro dragon was currently in heat but hadn’t the heart to make you accompany him during it. You turned your head away. You could care less if your captor was suffering, it hardly would be as painful ad you felt just being here. “Please its been absolutely torrential rains!” The maids pleads ment nothing.
“I don’t care. Now where is that tea I ordered?” Normally you would be polite and respectful of service workers. But considering who they were working for and what their intentions were you really couldn’t give s fuck if you made them cry. What you didn’t know was in that tea they begrudgingly brought out was a aphrodisiac.
“My love… they said you weren’t feeling well…” His hands traced over your face. You didn’t really know where he came from just that he emerged from hiding to help you. You were certain those maids had some role in your current predicament, but also you were too horny to care. Your body felt firey and hot and you needed him more than ever. He opened his mouth to lick at your sweat as his hands reached down below your nightgown.
“Just… get it over with..” you whined, trying to maintain some defiance. It was humiliating sure but… oh you couldn’t help but fall apart as his finger entered inside. His cold hands making you clamp onto him tightly.
“So.. warm.. fuck.. you’re fertile too.. i can taste it in your sweat.” He purred. “I won’t be able to control myself. Please pardon me.”
“Ne-neu-neuvillette!” You whined as he slammed every inch of his cock into your sopping wet little cunt. His hands pinning you down as you squirmed mindlessly. All resistance long drawn out as you had been fingered through three orgasms until now. You were practically his little bitch now. Unable to think straight.
“You’re so tight for me… fuck I can’t… i need to breed you my love.” You gasped at his words but couldn’t respond as he started to fuck you at a brutal and unrelenting pace. His cock dragging against your insides only to slam back in. “So good for me. So good…” his whines turned you on more than you would like. But who could blame you when his cock was just so thick and reached all the right places, his voice bordered on a purr as you were held in a mating press unable to stop or resist as his cock bulldozed any thoughts out of your head. The aphrodisiac making you into a fine slut.
“Cum inside! Please!” You begged instinctively. Your body wishing to be fertilized and impregnated beyond your senses. You needed him in this moment more than anything.
“Fuck… can’t.. stop… ugh!” He groaned loudly as he came, his seed flooding your womb as you whined in release. He paused briefly before resuming his pace. “I’m going go knock you up, maybe then you’ll finally be a obedient little slut for me”
“You’re such a bad liar you know. I wonder what your god would think if she saw one of her top soldiers bouncing like this.” Yelan was simply smarter than you, a simple Fatui agent. But you really couldn’t resist. Her charisma was irresistible. Her voice itself was aphrodisiac that made you buck your hips.
Pantalone would no doubt be utterly disgusted if he saw you now. Although he’d likely be more disgusted that you were bottoming than your sexual orientation. But the chances of you ever returning now were low. You had a feeling this encounter would leave you in her grasp forever based on that possessive stare she held. “Fuck… you’re such a good slut. I don’t know how you haven’t been taken by that harbinger yet, although he already doesn’t have good tastes in fashion, he must’ve been blind to your true potential~”
“N-noooo… ah~”
“No? You aren’t a good slut? I beg to differ. I don’t think I’ve had this much fun interrogating any of the other agents before. You certainly are a catch.” She purred. You tensed up at the idea that your colleagues may have similarly found themselves in your position. “Don’t worry, you’re the first I’ve done this too. I just couldn’t resist the way your uniform looked on you. You’re always so well dressed. Maybe I should steal your clothes and send you back to him nude?”
“N-no!” You gasped, blushing more than you should’ve. She winced as you clenched on her.
“I’m only teasing now. I have absolutely no intentions of letting you go back at all.” She grinned like a cat as she suddenly held your hips down, forcing you to feel her deep inside. You flinched and squirmed. Desperately trying to get off or finish. “Look me in my eyes now.” You hesitated before eventually obliging. Your hands bound tightly in some artistic pattern behind, your legs sore and exhausted. You were used to the point of exhaustion, a normal sensation but not in the sexual sense. You thought if you could break your restraints now and gain some freedom you could make a escape now, you would just have to cover your torn tights that left your cunt exposed- “I know what you’re thinking. You’ve already tried to break those restraints and you haven’t succeeded yet. Why would you even want to go back anyways?” Her hands pushed your thighs so you were on your back, legs in the air, you tried to kick at her with what little sense and strength you had. But she grabbed it with amusement.
“I’m not letting you leave. I think of all those nick-knacks I’ve taken from that harbinger you’ve certainly been my favorite. I don’t care what he tries, you are going to be mine. Even if I have to melt your mind myself. I’ll happily train you to be a good little slut~”.
“I-i didn’t mean anything sir I was just trying to be polite to her!” You whined. You were simply his secretary. Used to handling and recieving guest when he was busy. Apparently Signora had a bone to pick with the Regrator, some drama you weren’t aware of and she decided to… make him jealous? You hadn’t even known of his feelings. Despite his smile he is hardly expressive minus when he’s angry. What were you supposed to do other than abide by her advances! She was a harbinger afterall!
“I don’t care about that. I don’t care if that manual didn’t specify or told you what. You are mine.” Pantalone was certainly pissed now. His eyes revealing a unnatural and omitting a possessive aura. You felt like a mouse in the clutches of a cat. You hadn’t even been stripped yet as he had simply thrown you onto his desk. He towered above you as his hand trailed up your skirt, which was now pushed up to expose you. “You are my secretary. And I swear if I have to lock you up in some room in my mansion I will gladly do so. I don’t care if some harbinger catches your fancy or whatever prior commitments you have. You will henceforth be considered mine both in mind and body.”
“I-I didn’t know that you considered me in su-AH!” You squeaked as he tore your tights. Those tights weren’t the fragile type either, special made and lined with thicker fabrics to help insulate in the typical blizzards you would encounter leaving the office.
“It doesn’t matter now…. You’re practically leaking right now. You tremble and shake but your body is as ripe as a peach. I wonder if you’ve dreamed of this scenario before…” his voice grew more assertive. “Or maybe you were thinking of that woman instead. Hoping she’d be the one to see this perhaps?”
“N-no! No sir!” You shivered. Your legs trembled as you were utterly lost on where to go from here. You couldn’t escape and you hadn’t ever fucked your boss before so this was a quite the adjustment. A shiver ran up your spine as you suddenly felt his lips latch onto your dripping cunt. Your hand reached to cover your face from embarrassment. Trying to stay still as if it wasn’t already to late. What made you even more embarrassed was the sounds he was making. The sensations and pleasure you felt was in your veins but the sounds of wet smacks and slurping could be heard potentially out of his office. You knew they hadn’t finished soundproofing it. Anyone passing by would hear it. Your hand suddenly was tugged away.
“Don’t muffle your sounds now. You were oh so chatty just a few seconds ago. So go on, scream, cry, beg I don’t care. The louder you are, then the better other people will hear you.”
“Bu-but that’s p-mmmmm!” You bit your lip as a finger suddenly entered. You didn’t even notice the rings had been removed.
“Go on. Let everyone in this building know your mine!” He growled as he began to finger you more aggressively. The tips of his fingers still clothed by his gloves, reached your g-spot making you yelp and squeal. “I’ll make sure you never go unmarked again. You aren’t going to leave this office or my presence until I’m thoroughly satisfied.”
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Kinkmas (10)- Let It Snow
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Natasha X Reader 18+
Summary: When a mission on Christmas Eve goes wrong and leaves you and Natasha stranded in a random cabin in the woods, you can’t help but be disappointed at the way you were going to spend your first Christmas together. Natasha, however, shows you that it’s not so bad being stuck together.
Word Count: 4.5k
Warnings/Tags: Mentions of Missions, Brief Angst(?), Fluff, Teasing, Smut, Dom Reader/Sub Natasha, Soft Smut, Fingering, Oral Sex, Begging
Kinkmas Masterlist
Your gaze was firmly locked on the fire that crackled in front of you, eyes taking in every little flame that flickered and wavered, the orange hue illuminating the abandoned cabin the two of you had found, the warmth desperately needed.
Your body was pressed up against the redhead’s, front flush against her back in an attempt to keep her warm, your clothes draped over old furniture near the fireplace in hopes of drying it off, the fabric soaked as you trudged through the blizzard that occurred outside as you seeked refuge in the abandoned cabin. The two of you immediately searched for sheets to wrap up in, needing to take off the wet clothing and make a fire to prevent hypothermia, the two of you luckily trained to adapt in these situations.
So here you were, the two of you locked in an embrace in front of a fire, bodies wrapped up in old cotton sheets as your arms snaked around her middle, head resting atop of hers as you felt her shiver slightly, your eyes still transfixed on the fire in front of you both, lost in thought.
“Detka?” Natasha hummed softly, trying her best to read your body language and lack of communication as you sat silently behind her, your arms a little tense around her waist, legs seemingly unable to remain still as you bounced one of them slightly, nerves and discomfort evident in your features. She tilts her head back slightly, causing yours to move from her silky locks, eyes blinking as you look away from the fire to her mesmerising green, snapping yourself back to reality.
“Are you alright?” you ask as she looks at you curiously, gaze wandering over your features as she takes in your slightly red cheeks, the tip of your nose also red from the cold weather you’d previously endured, gaze lifting to the subtle way you scrunch your eyebrows, worry and confusion creeping onto your face.
“I’m fine,” she whispers back, honesty lacing her tone making your brows furrow a little more, confused as to why she was looking at you in that way, her fingers trailing down your forearms and down to your fingers, interlocking them softly, intimately, as she made sure you were alright, not used to seeing you like this after a mission. “Are you alright?” she asked cautiously, not quite sure as to what had caused this unusual mood from you, your gaze flickering away from hers nervously, the action not being missed by the spy. Something was definitely wrong.
“I’m fine, love,” you murmur back, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head, listening to the whistling wind outside and for anything or anyone else, your body still on edge from the mission, adrenaline still flowing throughout your body as you tried to remain calm and collected, pushing your slight paranoia to the side.
“You’re an awful liar, Detka,” she teases softly to lighten the mood, turning around in your arms and prompting you to let her hands go, your eyes naturally drifting down to the exposed skin that you could see before snapping back up to her eyes, the small smirk toying at the corner of her lips indicating she saw your gaze, cheeks tinting a darker shade. “What’s wrong?” she asks, fingers moving to play with the baby strands at the back of your neck as she straddled your lap, your mind trying to remember how to function with her sat on top of you like that, the dark spiral of thoughts about the mission seeming to fade from your mind.
“I…” you start but the raise of her brow and the look in her eyes has you pausing in your lie, a sigh of defeat leaving you as you snake your arms around her once again, wanting to pull her impossibly closer. “I don’t want to be here,” you mutter as your head rests against her shoulder, her fingers sliding up into your hair and scratching at your scalp, lulling you into a more relaxed state, body still a little tense though.
“Surely I’m not that bad as company,” she whispers once again with a slight teasing tone, your lips naturally pulling into a smile at her actions and words, her ability to calm you something you’ve always appreciated. “Why don’t you want to be here?” she asks, her tone soft and curious, waiting for you to answer and help her solve the mystery of your current mood.
“Because it’s Christmas Eve Nat,” you say, a little annoyance in your tone that wasn’t directed at her, more the Hydra agents that ruined your mission and made you miss your ticket out of the snowy terrain. Her green softened at your tone, her mouth parting a little, having thought you didn’t want to do anything special for Christmas. “I just- I just want to be home, with the team, with you,” you explain, feeling rather stupid for ranting, the secret plans you had going to waste, “Instead, I’m here, in this freezing cabin not knowing when we’re going to leave, if we’re safe. What if one of the Hydra agents followed us? What if-”
“Hey,” she says, cold fingertips cupping your cheeks and guiding you to look up into her green, her fingers brushing over your warm skin softly. “Don’t go down the spiral of what ifs,” she murmurs gently, knowing it was the worst thing to do after a mission, your eyes trained on hers, letting the emerald soothe you. “We’re safe and we’re together, just focus on that for the moment Detka,” her voice was wrapped in a comforting tone, your lips forming a small smile at the tender one she offers you, lips titling to briefly meet hers.
“I know but,” you trail off, a hint of doubt still gnawing at the back of your mind, “I think I’m going to check outside once more,” you say, letting out a heavy sigh as you go to move, her body on top of yours preventing you, her hands moving to your shoulders, firmly keeping you still.
“You’re not going outside to check Detka, we’re safe, I promise you,” her words are slow and laced with confidence and care, trying to emphasise to you her point, wanting you to stop worrying. “Plus, the weather outside is frightful, and the fire is so delightful,” she sings softly, a huff of laughter escaping you as you cast your gaze back up into her alluring green, unable to stop the small smile creeping onto your lips as you shake your head at her antics.
“Nat,” you whined a little, her simply chuckling softly, fingers trailing along your bare shoulders, dipping lower behind your back to lift the sheet back over you.
“You’re the one who mentioned Christmas,” she teases, lips pecking yours intimately as you melt against her body, arms wrapping back around her body and caressing her perfectly sculpted curves. “Promise me you’ll stop worrying, Detka,” she whispers as her forehead leans against yours, your eyes fluttering shut as you try your best to forget about the haunting mission, your mind focussing on her and only her.
“Ok,” you murmur back, tilting your head to catch her lips, claiming them briefly and further allowing you to delve into the thoughts about her.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you wanted Christmas to be special,” she murmurs after a comfortable silence, your head pulling back from hers to look into her apologetic green, noticing each and every swirl of emerald overflowing with love. The two of you had never mentioned anything about the festive season so Natasha naturally assumed you weren’t a massive fan of it, your immediate response to shut anything down about it her biggest indicator.
“It’s ok,” you mumble but Natasha gathers that you don’t truly mean it, “It just means my surprise plan can’t fail because it can’t happen,” you joke, trying to make yourself feel a little better as the last few weeks of planning a surprise without her, the infamous Black Widow, figuring it out was difficult and involved a lot of effort on your behalf.
“You planned something?” she asks, her head tilting curiously making you smile sheepishly, an excitement and flood of warmth filling her at your thoughtfulness.
“Maybe,” you mutter, shrugging your shoulders innocently to tease her, knowing you were going to spill everything to her as you’d been waiting ages to see her reaction to it, it just sadly wasn’t going to be the way you wanted it to be.
“Tell me all about it, Detka,” she encourages, fingers returning to the back of your neck, her eyes slowly drifting across your features as you both admire one another, your thoughts successfully straying away from the mission entirely.
“The first step was to bring you breakfast in bed,” you explain, watching how her eyes soften as you continue, “I persuaded Wanda into helping me learn how to make syrniki,” the dish a traditional Russian cheese pancake you overheard Nat talking about once, saying how she hadn’t had them for years and craved them. Natasha’s heart was unable to process the overwhelming feeling of love bubbling in her chest, warmth enveloping her entirely as she can’t help but gaze at your wide smile, excitement replacing the worry in your eyes.
“Syrniki,” she corrects softly, your pronunciation a little off making you blush a little, remembering Wanda’s teasing comments on your pronunciation as you somehow kept adding syllables.
“Syrniki,” you try again, her smile growing a little wider as you say it correctly, your fingers trailing higher up on her back and tracing over the various muscles that twitched under your slightly cold fingertips, your mind thinking through rest of the plan, deciding on what to tell her. “I’d bring you those and traditional Russian tea before we go into the living area for a surprise,” your tone growing more excited, her brow raising expectantly at your words.
“Surprise?” She asks amused, a hint of curiosity lacing her tone as your genuine smile makes her ponder what it could be, the spy usually able to figure out what you were hiding. “I assume you’re not going to tell me then,” she whispers, leaning down briefly to let her lips ghost yours as you scrunch your nose cutely at her antics, knowing how she was going to try and trick you into giving her what she wanted.
“Nope,” you say while popping the ‘p’, claiming her lips cheekily as she can’t help but roll her eyes at you playfully, “You can interrogate me all you want, I’m not spoiling this one,” you murmur against her lips as she brushes hers over yours once again, her gentle breath caressing your mouth.
“Even if I use my very specific skill set on you?” she teases, tone dropping an octave as you merely chuckle at her seductive words, not wanting to give in despite the warmth pooling between your thighs.
“Nope,” you repeat, popping the ‘p’ once again to further torment her, her huffing a laugh out against you before melting further against your body, arching her back slightly to press further into your toned and warm body. “And then after the surprise,” you say, exaggerating the word to tease her even more, the surprise being a visit from Yelena as Natasha had struggled to locate her sister after the two of them met to save the Widows from the Red Room, having mentioned it to you multiple times how she wished to see the blonde again. “It’s present time,” you say, grin somehow growing as you think about the domestic scene of the whole team just spending time together, trying to be normal instead of heroes of the world for a moment and relax with one another. After that it was going to be the plan Natasha already knew with Tony and Clint bringing their children around, everyone in charge of helping out with the various bundles of joy and dinner Wanda was in charge of, the redhead excited to spend time with the mini Bartons as always. “Then, later on after dinner and the children have gone to bed, I was hoping to give you another present,” you murmur, a hint of suggestiveness underlying your words as her smile turns into a sultry smirk, her brow raising a little once again as you sit up straighter, letting your lips brush over hers again while your arm wraps around her waist, Natasha welcoming your subtle advances.
“Another present huh?” she sighs out as you lift her off your lap and flip the two of you around, gently laying her down on the old bear rug, the sheet sprawling behind her and accommodating the red locks that cascade down onto the cream material. “What does this present entail?” she softly murmurs as her fingers guide your head down to meet her lips, claiming them softly as her legs wrap around your waist, encouraging you to press your body into hers, one of your hands bracing you above her body and the other cupping her cheek, deepening the soft kiss.
“It involves me showing my girlfriend how much I love her,” you rasp out into a kiss, tongue effortlessly sliding into her mouth, the two of you fighting a little for dominance as the kiss gradually grows more intense and messy, the redhead eventually caving and giving in to your wet and wanting mouth, a small moan leaving her. Your lips tug into a smirk as she lets you take control, your mind fogging with desire as you pull back from the passionate kiss, panting for breath as a string of saliva connects your lips, her tilting her head back up to crash her lips back to yours, a sudden intensity and lust taking over you as your bare bodies press into each other, her nails scratching down your back satisfyingly. “How much I love her beauty,” you husk out, trailing your kisses along her sharp jawline, nipping occasionally to watch the creamy skin tint red momentarily, soft gasps leaving her at every teasing touch, her head lolling back and encouraging you to go lower. “How much I love her moans,” you whisper, mouth at the shell of her ear, a small groan leaving her as your hand drifts lower, nail scratching down her abdomen, feeling her muscles twitch and tense under your sinful touch, the pad of your finger resting at her hip bone, tracing idle patterns to make her head spin with arousal. “The taste of her on my tongue,” your tone sultry as you swipe your finger through her folds teasingly, coating your digit in the arousal that’s pooling between her thighs, Natasha’s heart pounding against her ribcage as arousal has consumed her sane thoughts, her eyes meeting yours and overwhelmed by the sheer amount of love in them, your enamoured gaze going straight to her core.
“Detka,” she sensually sighs out, your lips finding hers once again, pouring all your emotions into it as her back arches off the sheet slightly, giving you the space to slide your hand more comfortably between your bodies, your finger brushing over her clit and earning a soft moan in response, the sound causing a throb between your thighs. You drag your finger through her slick, spreading it around her wet sex as she moans once again, your head spinning with the thought of her as you work her up slowly, your lips a contrast to your steady pace as the two of you refuse to part, a mischievous idea entering your mind, your teeth gently dragging her lower lip down before releasing it, casting your gaze to her eyes, enticing her emerald to stay trained on you.
“It’s just a shame it’s not Christmas yet,” you murmur teasingly against her lips, pulling away from her body as far as you can before her legs instinctively wrap back around your body, her strong thighs effortlessly pulling you back into her.
“It’s Christmas somewhere in the world right now,” she reasons while pulling you by your shoulders back down, a chuckle leaving you as you return your hand to between her thighs, her teeth warningly nipping your lower lip at your playful actions. “Please,” she whispers against your lips and you can’t help but smile smugly at the pleading tone to her voice, her hand wrapping around your wrist and silently requesting you to give her what she desperately wants.
You move your finger back through the abundance of arousal that’s pooled between her thighs, sliding your finger to her clit and slowly circling it to begin with, your mouth claiming her lips once again, addicted to her soft, plump ones while her hands bury themselves into your hair, keeping you as close as possible. As you touch grows more confident and firmer, moans spilling from her lips and her hips rolling against your hand, you sigh into her welcoming mouth, the kiss that was feverish and teasingly full of tongue breaking off as she struggles to reciprocate it, your mouth descending down her jaw and the column of her throat, teeth scraping against the warm skin tauntingly.
You can feel the vibrations of her muffling a moan when you slide your finger down to her entrance, teasingly thrusting it in before sliding it out, coaxing her to chase your finger with her hips as she bucks against you, the redhead able to feel you smirking against her skin.
“I want to hear you,” you mumble against her neck as you continue in your journey down her body, a desperate sigh leaving her as you enjoy watching her give you control, the power going a little to your head. “You’ve got to tell me if you want something,” you tease, lips meeting the burning skin of her shoulder, your touch driving her delirious with desire as you toy with her body in all the right ways, every brief touch sending heat between her thighs, your finger coated in her arousal.
“Detka,” she groans, a little reluctant to beg just yet, your smirk growing wider as her body shows her desperation, your mind savouring this side of her as it was rare she’d let you be so in control of her body. “I…” She trails off as your mouth ghosts over her sensitive chest, tongue flicking over her nipple tauntingly, revelling in how she arches her back into your touch, fingers tightening their grip in your hair.
“You what, love? You need to use your words for me,” your words and dominant tone makes Natasha’s composure crack, an unrestricted moan leaving her lips as she gives in to submission, your lips pressing a gentle kiss to each of her breasts, your finger continuing to tease her entrance, waiting for her to tell you what she wants.
“I need you,” she whimpers out ever so quietly, eyes squeezed shut as she focuses on the way your mouth kisses everywhere but where she wants you at her chest, lips peppering hot, open-mouthed kisses along her soft skin. “Fuck me…Please,” she pleads, your head leaving her chest and claiming her lips passionately, your finger finally sliding into her earning a broken moan, pleasure jolting through her body.
“That’s it,” you praise as she moans into your eager mouth before you part from her mouth once again, letting the room fill with the sinful sounds that spill from her lips and the wet sound of your finger sliding into her dripping core at a torturous pace.
“Please Detka, Fuck,” she groans when you kiss lower down her body, teeth nipping at her hip bone as you slide your finger back in slowly, purposely taking your time with her as you intended to drive her mad with your touch, her eyes fluttering open and casting down to where you were, meeting your enamoured gaze as you curl your digit inside her, the redhead’s mouth parting at the feeling. “Shit, just like that, please do that again,” she practically begged as you thrust your finger back in, hitting her sweet spot perfectly while heat floods through you at the sound of her desperate voice.
“Do you need more, love?” You mumble against her skin as your mouth hovers over her intoxicating core, wanting to hear how desperate she is for you, your finger persisting with your deliberately slow pace, gradually building the pleasure within her as her hips gently rock against your hand, pleasure building at the pit of her stomach.
“Please,” is all she moans back in response, your resolve crumbling, unable to resist her anymore as your mouth licks a stripe up her core, moans escaping you both at the feeling.
Your wet and warm mouth sparks pleasure and delirium within her, her hips bucking up against you as you nuzzle your face closer, desperate to get a better taste of her heavenly arousal on your tongue, intending to show her exactly how much you love her.
The sound of her lewd moans and the taste of her on your tongue makes you lightheaded with the thought of her, addicted and constantly craving more of her as your tongue swipes through her folds, pleasure flooding through her body as you thrust your fingers into her faster, forgoing with anymore teasing as you couldn’t handle anymore, never mind her.
Her fingers tighten once again in your hair, nails scratching your scalp to create a dull pain while your hands wrap around her thighs, pulling her impossibly closer as you get lost within her, lips wrapping around her clit and sucking firmly as you focussed on every little reaction she offered you. You longed to forever remember the desperate moan that was ripped from the back of her throat at the way your finger curled and mouth sucked on her at the same time, the hitch of her breath as your tongue swirled around her clit, the way her body twitched as pleasure took over her, swiftly pushing her towards her release. You needed to remember it all.
Her hips soon started to roll against your mouth, coating your chin in her slick as your tongue lapped at her clit, alternating between sucking firmly and swirling your tongue around her, sinful sounds spilling from her lips as her body started to tremble in your grasp, her moans growing louder at you slide in another finger, stretching her out beautifully.
“Detka, I- Please,” are the only words that she can manage as one of her hands shoot down to grip the sheet beneath her, knuckles bleeding white whilst her other one persists in keeping your head between her thighs, needing you to push her over the edge. “Please don’t stop,” she groans as you curl both of your fingers against her sweet spot, her vision almost blurring at the overwhelming feeling of love and pleasure coursing through her body, your body desperate to watch her fall apart at your touch.
“Look at me,” you rasp out against her core, the vibrations from your words causing her hips to buck against you harder, a whimper leaving her at your tone. When her eyes stay squeezed shut due to the euphoria flooding through her, you ask her again, your tone dropping an octave to gain her attention, “Look at me, Love,” you repeat, lust and desire swirling in your eyes at you peer up at her between her legs, her body waiting for you to let it experience the wave of pleasure. When her emerald caught yours, it was like time froze for a moment, the way each swirl of green that were laced with desperation stared at you had you forgetting about everything else in the world but her. Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow, needed you to make her come, to fall apart in your arms. Fuck you don’t think you’d ever be able to get the sight out of your mind.
“Detka,” she moaned and you were gone at her pleading tone, a moan spilling from your lips as you curled your fingers perfectly inside her, tongue still lapping at her clit.
“Come for me,” you murmur against her, keeping your eyes on hers as you watch them roll to the back of her head momentarily, her head lolling back and showing off her defined jawline as her hips stutter against your face, body tensing. A broken moan escapes her at the amount of pleasure that floods through her, her fingers almost tearing through the sheet as she lifts it to her mouth, trying to muffle the small scream of your name as her release crashes through her.
Your lips pepper soft kisses against her inner thighs as she attempts to recover, your fingers tracing random patterns against her skin as you wait for her to look back down at you, your eyes admiring her, in awe of her beauty as she lays beneath you, chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.
Soft pants spill from her lips as she moves her fingers in your hair, pulling you back up so you were hovering over her body, hand quickly wiping the remnants of her arousal off your lower face before kissing her softly, her arms wrapping around your body, wanting to keep you as close as possible, her red locks tickling your cheek as you press another kiss to her forehead, a soft chuckle leaving her.
“God you’re incredible,” she mutters, speaking her thoughts involuntary making you laugh as you roll onto your side, pulling her naked body into yours, wrapping the sheet back around the two of you as the fire crackles in the background, the warmth a gentle reminder of your situation, not that you minded anymore. You were with her, that’s all that mattered.
Upon feeling you smile smugly against the top of her head she moves so she’s hiding her face at the crook of your neck, rolling her eyes at your antics as she can picture the look on your face right now.
“Don’t even,” she mumbles, your body shaking a little as you try to stifle your laugh, unable to express the amount of joy that you were feeling.
“I won’t,” you whisper back, giving in this once as you didn’t want to ruin the tranquil atmosphere, her fingers travelling up and down your back soothingly, her gentle breath tickling your skin. “Thank you for distracting me earlier,” you murmur, truly grateful for her always being able to care for you, the simple act of asking you about your Christmas plans easing the worry that built inside you. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” you say whilst pressing a kiss to her silky locks, her smile growing at your soft words, a hint of mischief appearing on her face.
“You'd probably still be staring at that fire,” she mutters playfully, another laugh escaping you as your heart melts in your chest, your nose pressing against her hair further and relishing in the smell of her shampoo, losing yourself in the domestic moment with her.
“Shush,” you mutter out in faux annoyance, the redhead smiling against your skin and nuzzling closer to your warmth, a relaxed sigh escaping her. “Merry Christmas Nat,” you murmur after a while, the comfortable silence lulling the both of you to sleep, your arms securely wrapped around her middle, the two of you locked in a tender embrace.
“Merry Christmas Detka,” she murmurs back, kissing your skin softly, unable to comprehend the love she has for you as the snow outside continues to fall gracefully from the sky, showing no signs of stopping. 
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teaboot · 25 days
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you have some really evil, selfish and toxic ideas irt whos allowed to have friends, you know? i see pop psy people like you all the time making lists of things that are clear and obvious trauma induced behaviour, and then immediately flip to how if you have a friend who ever behaves like this they are evil and need to be cut off, theyre not allowed to have support systems to get better! you really hate bad victims, huh? if someone isn't demure and cowering and self effacing in their symptoms they don't deserve anyone? i got assaulted and when my friend group threw me out on my ass and called me too fucked up for acting erratic and strange in the aftermath and being unable to communicate why they used your posts to justify it. its sick that people like you will look at someone uncontrollably acting out their ptsd and go wow you aren't doing this nice enough to be tolerated! people like you talk so much about compassion but when it comes to people in actual crisis you don't give a shit. no, theyre acting too problematic. just cut them off! no one should help their friends!
original post
Please allow me to take this opportunity to make some things clear.
First, you do not know me. You do not know anything about me. You do not know where I've been, where I'm going, or where I am. All that you believe that you know is extrapolated from information I have volunteered to share. Information that is, by clear and honest choice, edited for both safety and personal security. Remember this.
Second, and I say this in the kindest of ways, because I have had to learn this lesson myself:
Nobody Owes You Shit.
Have you ever saved someone from drowning?
I have.
Do you know that a drowning person struggling to get air will instinctively drag you under them?
It's hard to save people in the water. It takes specific skills and knowledge that not everybody has. Not everyone can save a drowning person without drowning in the process.
The lifeguard needs energy, and strength, and expertise, and persistence.
The swimmer needs self-restraint, and composure, and the desire to be helped, and the ability to do what they can to facilitate their own rescue.
I believe in kindness, and generosity, and compassion. I believe in trying persistently, and in giving the benefit of the doubt wherever possible. I believe that people are good, and small, and trying. And I believe that I can give all the energy I have inside of me to help someone and still come up short.
So you're drowning? I'm sorry. That must be terrifying. That must be miserable. You must be experiencing the worst moments of your life. I hope someone nearby knows how to help you. I hope they have a raft you can climb into, or a rope for you to grab, or a float you can cling to. I hope things get better. I'll call for help, and give you what I can to get you to shore.
But don't you dare drag me under water and curse me for saving myself.
Now get out of my fucking inbox.
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mellowsaturns · 1 year
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you’re my purpose
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JOEL MILLER X READER
summary: you and joel get into a fight after he refuses to let you come with him to find his brother
warnings: angst with a happy ending, fluff, protective!joel, argument, hurt/comfort, allusion to an age gap, slight mentions of grief and loss, bad communication skills, confessions 
wc: 1.2k
--- 
Like many days before, you’re making your way over to Joel’s unprompted.
He gets grumpy when you do that because you live on the other side of the QZ and he doesn’t like you making the journey over.
But like always, you don’t listen to him.
It’s not your fault he gave you a spare key or the fact that his place is significantly better than yours.
When you enter, you do the secret whistle to let him know it was you before locking the door from behind.
Silence greets you—then the noise of rushed shuffling. “Joel?” you say softly, and seconds later he comes out of the bedroom and stuffs a shirt into his bag that’s laying on the kitchen table.
“Are you going somewhere?” you ask in confusion.
He looks up at you with guilty eyes then clears his throat. “I’m leaving.”
You start to panic just slightly. “What do you mean you're leaving?”
“I need to go find Tommy.”
You sigh. “I’m sure he’s fine, Joel. You know how he is.”
He looks down and lets out a breath. “No… It’s… Something’s wrong. It’s been a week and no signal.”
You see the nervous look in his eyes and your heart aches for him. But leaving the QZ? That was a suicide mission—and if you remember correctly, Tommy was heading to fucking Wyoming. That was days from here.
If he wanted to put himself in danger then so be it, but you would be right behind him. You would go wherever he would. “Let me come with you, then.”
Looking away, he crosses his arms as if he already expected you to say that. “You know you can’t,” he remarks.
“Joel,” you say his name slowly. “I want to come with you.”
“No,” he gruffs, “You can’t come with me. That’s final.”
“Why? You know I’m perfectly capable of—” you start to argue, but he’s not even listening to you, now opting to dig through his bag instead.
You huff and stalk towards him, yanking the bag out of his hand and throwing it to the other side of the table. “You’re not even listening to me.”
His jaw ticks. “You’re not fucking going. I’m not going to say it again.”
“I don’t understand you. I know how to fucking defend myself so I don’t see why—”
“Because you’re going to slow me down. Don’t you see? You’re just going to be extra baggage!” he shouts.
The words come out of his mouth and into the world, unable to be taken back.
You shut your lips and your tongue goes dry.
Baggage. You were baggage to Joel. You had always thought you were a companion of sorts, a friend, a partner, perhaps even something more (not that Joel would ever admit it). But you were just extra baggage. A burden.
Has he always seen you this way? Suddenly, the walls were closing in on you.  
Rubbing at his mouth, he sighs. “That’s not wh—”
You raise your hand to stop him. “No, I understand. You don’t need to explain anymore,” you say with a shaky breath.
Turning around, you blink a few tears away. However, before you could walk away he grabs your wrist and spins you back around.
He says your name with that low honeyed voice of his. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it. You’re not a burden.”
You know Joel was never the best at verbally expressing his feelings—acts of service were more his forte, but you can’t keep doing this anymore.
It’s your turn to get angry now. “Then what do you mean? I’m not a psychic, I can't try and read your damn mind everytime!”
His jaw is tense—he’s nervous, you conclude. You give him a minute but silence still surrounds the two of you. “Were you just going to leave without saying goodbye?” you ask, voice defeated. “God—” you pause, wiping away a stray tear, “Was I suppose to come here one day and find out then? How can you expect me to live without knowing what happened to you or when you were going to return?”
Letting out a small sniffle, you choke out, “Do I mean that little to you?”
“You know that’s not true,” he says, short and direct.
“Then why won’t you let me come with you?” you grit out.
“Because if you get hurt, I will never forgive myself!” He brings your hands together and holds them with shaky hands, a rare moment of vulnerability. “I can’t… I can’t go through that again. I can’t lose you too,” he confesses, voice trembling.
When you look into his eyes, he’s looking at you as if you meant the entire world to him. But doesn’t he see that in your eyes too?
“But… but what if I lose you?” you whisper. “Have you ever thought about that?”
“It’s different,” he replies. “It’s not the same.”
“What do you mean it’s not the same. If I lost yo—”
“You have a whole life ahead of you. If something happened to me, you can still bounce back from it. But if… if I lost you—” he chokes out, “I don’t think… I wouldn’t have a purpose anymore.”
There.
Joel was always a stoic man. He never let his emotions dictate his actions and most importantly, he never let his emotions show because that was weakness. But this, his confession to you, his greatest worry is finally out.
He laid his heart out on the floor—and it was yours.
It’s a wonder Joel even has the ability to feel anymore. But he does—and you’re the reason for it. You’re consuming his heart. You who just showed up and kept appearing again and again, bringing a little normalcy and humanity back into his life. Asking him about his days, making him feel like a human again. He spent years bordering up his heart and shutting people out, but it turns out, there was a spot he missed—one where you managed to creep in and lit a hearth and made home.
So he couldn’t help but feel overprotective of you, because you’re one of the only few things left that’s worth something to him.
“Don’t you see? I can’t lose you.”
You let out a whimper, knowing too well what he was implying. “Joel,” you say, bringing your hand to cup his face. “Please don’t say that,” you plead. “Nothing’s going to happen to you and nothing’s going to happen to me, okay?”
It doesn’t matter if he never says those three little words to you because he just did, in his own way.
You pull him into your arms and he leans against you. “I understand you’re trying to protect me, but I wish you would’ve at least talked to me about it.”
“I know, and I’m sorry,” he mutters against you. “I was scared and just wanted you to be safe.”
You hum, rubbing circles against his back. “I know. But you do know your aim is shit, right? You should be more concern about that.”
He chuckles at that and you feel the vibrations of his chest against your own, bringing a small smile to your face too.
“And you do know that I’m not going to listen to you, right? I’m coming.”
“I know,” he says.
You pull away and gently stroke his cheek before pressing a small chaste kiss where your thumb was just seconds ago.
“Wherever you go, I go.”
Because there would be no one else. Joel was your only reason you kept on fighting too.
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awfcspencer · 1 month
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Oxygen || jill roord x reader
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prompt: When the Netherlands beat the USA in the Tokyo Olympics, you need your girlfriend to take your mind off the loss.
warnings: mdni 18+ smut, bottom!reader, top!jill, oral, fingering, face riding, begging, praise, a few spanks
Everything about the Tokyo 2020 Olympics was different. Due to the previous worldwide pandemic, all countries and teams were completely isolated away from each other in the Olympic village to avoid a massive outbreak. Which meant that you hadn’t seen your Dutch girlfriend in the flesh in nearly three weeks. Three long, long weeks. Most nights you were unable to rest properly, knowing that your girlfriend was somewhere in the sweeping halls of the Olympic village lying in bed without you. You burned for her to be near, ached for her in many ways. 
For you, Jill was like coming back up for air after being submerged under water for too long. A lifeline, like oxygen to the body. The weight of playing professional football is tolling, especially during international windows that forced you to be apart from the midfielder. You had missed her warm embrace and relaxing nature that brought you back to reality when you had a bad day at training or when your boots just didn’t feel right on your feet. In her arms, it was just you and her, no fans screaming your name and no one to disappoint when your shots didn’t go in. Just the two of you. Your teammates tried to do their best to keep your spirits high, the Olympic window was a long, grueling one, but they all knew who you really needed. Most nights, they found you huddled in bed watching your girlfriend’s match. Even in a massive tournament where your countries were opponents, you would always support her. On the Dutch side of the village, Jill did the exact same thing, even when her national teammates poked fun at her on countless occasions.
It also didn’t help that the quarterfinals had been set, the United States versus the Netherlands. You would have to face off on the pitch for your countries for the first time. The United States and The Netherlands had a history, your countries oppositions during the 2019 World Cup. The set of games that you hadn’t played in due to an injury in your hamstring that left you off the roster two weeks before the announcement. In the privacy of your own home, you had worn your USA kit to cheer on your respective country, but secretly cheered when your girlfriend was subbed on during the 66th minute.
Before leaving for Tokyo, you and Jill had set a clear no communication boundary. You both took playing for your country with pride, and it was easiest this way to make sure the two of you were in the best mindset to train and play to your best abilities. If only you could back and eat those words. You assumed it would be the best alternative to keep your head clear, but it had the direct opposite effect and only made you long for the girl more. But luckily, walking onto the pitch the day of the match, you had only one focus, securing a spot in the semifinals. 
Your countries national anthem rang out and while you tried to calm your overworking brain that was filled with nerves, you couldn’t help but peer over to the Netherlands side to spot her. Locking eyes was nearly enough for you to settle down and breath correctly, letting out a ragged breath you weren’t even aware you were holding in. Trying to pretend Jill wasn’t mere inches away from you as you shook her hand before the match was crushing. Wanting nothing more to pull her in for even just a moment. You could tell from the quick look in her eyes that she wanted the same thing, a look you knew all too well. However, her once alluring gaze turned fixed as the referee blew the whistle and the game began.
In the first opening minutes, the United States came out firmly on the front foot offensively, gaining two solid chances on target that unfortunately the Dutch goalkeeper made impressive saves to keep the score 0-0. Playing in the midfield meant that you were stationed in close proximity with the one person who had been infiltrating your every waking thoughts. Forcing yourself to pretend the Netherlands number six was just another girl, a girl you weren’t head over heels in love with. Jill had apparently done the same, forwarding a risky tackle to your ankles right before halftime whistle that most certainly could have gotten her a yellow. Fortunately, the quick whispered apology as she helped you to your feet was left between the two of you. Her touch was electric and while it felt as if the world had paused on its axis, it certainly hadn’t and the ball zipping past your feet was the best indicator that you were in the middle of an important match. 
The Netherlands were able to capitalize first and get on the board through Vivianne Miedema, a red-hot forward you had grown to know through Jill. Thankfully, Lynn Williams sent a ball into the penalty area, and you had found the back of the net with a diving header to level the score. After the break, the game continued to be a back-and-forth battle between the two countries. Both teams had created hopeful opportunities, but neither was able to clear the net, sending the match into extra time.  Extra time was over just as quickly as it started and neither team had punched their ticket to the semifinals, leading the match to penalty kicks. 
Standing interlocked with your national teammates facing the goal while the shootout took place is where you come to the obvious realization that either you or your girlfriend would be leaving this match with a crippling defeat. Being so focused on match preparation and tactics, the heartbreak that one of you would be feeling after had completely slipped your mind. It was an instance the two of you hadn’t properly discussed before leaving. With two missed penalties on your side, it seemed you would be leaving Tokyo without a medal. A goal by Dominique Janssen sealed the deal for the Netherlands. As the players in the orange kits raced around the pitch celebrating, basking in the alive hope to obtain Olympic gold, you had fallen to your knees taking in the moment. Remembering every ounce of sweat, blood, and tears it took to be on this stage. You braced yourself for post-match discussion with teary eyes and sore limbs. Each second felt like an hour as Vlatko ran through his postgame notes and then finally left so you could get changed and return to your hotel room. The changing room was quiet as everyone kept themselves mostly, some older teammates helped the younger ones through the emotions with hugs and affirmations. Kelley had alerted you that someone was waiting outside the door for you. Peering your head out, you were met with piercing grey ocean eyes, and it was as if a god had answered your prayers.
“Hi baby.” Her voice was angelic and exactly what you needed. She was still in her sweaty kit but that didn’t matter much as you bolted straight into her arms. Your glossy eyes were enough of an indication that you just needed her, she carefully ran her fingers through your hair and hugged you tight.
“Missed you.” You voice was brittle as you spoke into her chest. She was slightly taller than you and your small frame fit puzzle-like into her, being able to rest your head in the crook of her neck and collarbone.
“I missed you too.” 
A small, fleeting kiss that quickly turned passionate and hungry. You didn’t want to think about the loss anymore, you just wanted to relish in Jill’s presence. With the tournament ending for you, Jill had extended the invite to her hotel room for the night. The USWNT was scheduled to take the first flight back to the States in the morning so this could be the last time you would be able to see her until she returned home, hopefully with gold around her neck. If you couldn’t win, you wanted her to. 
Jill had sent you the directions to make your way covertly over through the large Olympic village. Dressed in a matching black jumpsuit and a cap, you kept your head low and walked carefully as to not be spotted. A small knock on her room door and she swiftly ushered you into the room, checking her surroundings in the hall as you walked in. She had changed and showered, the edges of her hair were still damp as you hugged her.  Stood in her arms just taking in each other, breathing in her warm almond and coconut scent. It had been a long three weeks without her. 
“Do you want to watch a movie?”
A head nod in agreement as you settled in between her long legs, and she flicked on a film. Roughly fifteen minutes in, your attention was no longer on the television, instead it was on the lingering fire in your chest that you had felt lying in bed night after night without the Dutch. All you can think about it the feeling of Jill’s body against yours. With growing arousal, you turned towards her and pulled her in for a searing kiss, throwing your arms around her neck as you shifted to kneel between her legs to be able to pull her closer. She met your lips eagerly for a moment, nipping your bottom lip before she drew backwards.  In your relationship, Jill typically had the higher sex drive, so it was a bit out of character for you to pursue the midfielder, especially after a crushing loss.
“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to baby.” She dragged her thumb along the side of your cheek, her eyes darting to yours to scan for any sort of reluctance. The desire burned in the Dutch midfielder as it did inside you, but she was also content spending the night cuddling and interlocked with you. All she really wanted was to be near you, to make up for lost time. Jill’s large hands roam the outlines of your covered toned back.
“I want to. I need to,” you reassured her, looking up at her through your lashes with dilated pupils. You needed to forget about the loss, forget about the match entirely. You needed something, or someone, to free your clouded mind. Your look of approval was enough for Jill, shifting your bodies so you were now parallel under her. 
“I’ve wanted this for so long. God, you’re beautiful.”  Jill had not fully registered how long she had been without your body.
“I’ve really missed you,” you told her, meeting her lips.
Her hands trailed up your sweatshirt finding your exposed breasts, you had forgone wearing bra in hopes that this was how the night was going to end. A low groan fell from your mouth as she kneaded the delicate skin, inching the fabric upwards to pull it over your head and remove it from your body entirely.  Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you watched as her defined ab muscles flexed when she followed suit and quickly discarded her oversized tee. The burning desire only grew in your body as you surveyed her tanned skin, she had certainly got some sun in Tokyo. She bent down to reconnect your lips, her larger frame gently falling onto yours, your fingers ran through her dirty blonde hair pulling her in closer. You needed the contact, you needed her close to your body. It was a heated, passionate kiss while her hands grabbed desperately at your bottom half, eager for you to remove your bottoms. 
Swiftly throwing them to the side as she pushed your body backwards into the mattress, your head finding a pillow to rest on. Her warm fingertips trailed up and down your thighs, she could feel the tension in your flexed quads. She could tell your body was tense.
“Baby relax, I’ll take care of you,” she cooed, placing soft kisses to the inside of your thighs as she spread them wide.
A small wet circle had formed on your underwear as she lingers her fingers along the top hem. Drawing little soft circles and placing a soft kiss on your clothed clit, humming to herself that she can make you feel this good without even properly touching you yet. 
“All this for me?” she devilishly grinned against your skin.
Removing the last piece of clothing remaining between you and a release dangerously slow, taking her time to attach her mouth to your chest. Taking turns between your breasts, she takes a nipple into her mouth and sucks greedily, cupping the other with her free hand before she bites onto the flesh. Finding home in her locks, you pushed her head lower down your body.
“So needy huh baby?”
She licked a broad stroke up your cunt, finally where you really needed her, using her thumb to flick side to side on your exposed clit. A hushed moan left your mouth, forcing you to bite you lower lip to stay silent assuming her national teammates were just across the hall. You didn’t want them to hear your desperate noises for the Dutch. 
“You can be as loud as you want. The rest of the team is out celebrating. I want to hear you. Baby.”
Unhooking your lips in an o-shaped motion when she began gliding her long fingers through your slit, using your arousal to coat her fingers. 
“Fuck Jill,” shivering under her touch. 
“Good girl. You taste so good baby,” placing her fingers in her mouth as she sucked relentlessly on them to properly taste you, she had missed your taste. Inching them towards you as they entered your mouth and you tasted yourself, a line of spit connecting them as she pulled them out and pushed her pointer finger slowly into you. Your pussy easily swallowed her warm finger inch by inch. Her other hand on your thigh to hold you in place on the mattress, a grounding placement that helped the previous stress of the match fall out of your mind, relinquishing in her touch. 
“Don’t tease me Jill, I need more,” it was a sweet little plea that spurred her on. You needed her to fuck you hard, inching the sore limbs and upset emotions from the previous 90 minutes of football to the back of your mind.
Twisting her head downwards at your request, fluttering her tongue along your clit. Her slow thrusts with one finger speedily turned to two fingers stretching you out and working you open to eventually adjust to a third. Gripping your wrists above your head as she fucked into you. You were sure she was going to leave a trail of bruises on the skin but the way she pounding into you left the concerns a tomorrow’s problem. Her mouth found home on your neck, sucking roughly at the wide-open skin, running her tongue down the newly formed dark red marks she left across your body. Your moans only got louder and louder. She paid attention to the way your hips moved in rhythm with her fingers, essentially fucking yourself on her fingers.
“Mm Jill,” as she skillfully curled her fingers against your walls. 
“Who makes you feel like this,” she groaned out.
“You, Jill, only you can make me feel like this,” you yelled out, feeling no shame in letting everyone in the Olympic village know who pleases you.
Mercilessly fingering into you with an unrelenting tempo brought you closer to chasing climax. With her knuckles deep, shockwaves were sent through your body, tightening around her digits. 
“Close Jill…. Close.” 
“Let go baby, I’ve got you,” unhooking your wrists and instead interlocking one of your hands with her. Brushing her thumb along the top of your hand and with a few more thrusts you were falling apart under her. With your head thrown back and your breath hitched, your hips jut out towards her and your back arches off the bed as you reach your peak. Jill carefully coaxes you through your high, hand now stationed on your thighs kneading the skin as you come down. Once your breathing had returned to normal and your legs had stopped squirming, Jill met your eyes. 
“I want you to ride my face,” she suggested.
Locking eyes with her, “Are you sure?”
She shook her head and settled on her back in between two pillows and shifted you onto her lap. You grinded harder on her, interlocking your lips in a wet sloppy kiss. You stationed yourself over Jill’s face as she leaded back more to allow you to fully kneel around her head. Jill’s hair sprayed against the pillows with her dark hooded eyes staring up at you, you nearly could have came at the sight. You placed your hands on the headboard to avoid possibly suffocating the girl and settled your dripping pussy on her face. You could feel her hot breath tickling your skin. She cupped your chin and made you watch as you rode her face. 
“I want you to stay like that,” she murmured against your inner thigh.
The moment her tongue made contact with your folds, your hands flew from the headboard to grip her hair. She let out a loud moan and pressed her face closer to your core. The tip of her nose carefully rubbed against your sensitive clit. Her hands pinched your tits, rolling the buds between her fingers. Her pointed tongue skillfully buried inside you, moving with rapid pace. You couldn’t help but grind your hips, fucking yourself on her tongue.
“Taste so good,” she mumbled. 
You felt yourself throb and close your thighs around her head. Rocking your hips to grind down harder on the Dutch, smearing your arousal all over the midfielder’s lips. You could feel her moan against your core that sent vibrations throughout your body. She pulled your swollen bud in her wet, skilled mouth. She pushed her tongue past your tightness and prodded at your walls. 
“Oh fuck Jill,” you choked out a whimper.
“Come on baby, just one more. You’re doing so good for me.”
You reached your hand down to rub your clit as she increased her speed. You threw you head backwards as your eyes clenched closed when a sharp smack hit your ass and your hips bucked against air.
“Be a good girl and I’ll let you come.”
Your skin burned as the coil in your stomach was so close to snapping. You peered down to the girl between your thighs, her mouth glistening with your wetness as you rocked back and forth. 
“Please, please, please Jill, let me come. I’ll be good,” you begged.
Jill grinned against you and pulled you down by your thighs to be closer to her. Moans and whimpers slipped past your mouth as your walls clenched around her tongue, flicking against your sensitive nub. Your knees are tilting back and forth against her face, spreading yourself more open for her to hit every inch of you.
“Baby you taste so sweet. Such a sweet little cunt all for me. Let go for me.”
With another rough flick to your clit, you cried out as her tongue lapped up your juices and you caught your breath. You swivel your hips in small circles to ride out your high as your temple throbs with overstimulation. You fall forward against the headboard as Jill licks you clean. You topple off of her and instead next to her on the bed, trying to regulate your breathing and your blurry vision.
On the mattress next to the girl, you crane your neck to see Jill staring up at the ceiling with a cocky grin carved into her face. Licking her lips and using her hand to clean her chin to wipe off the leftovers of your orgasm. She turns her head slowly towards you and scoots closer to your body, brushing the hairs off of your sweaty forehead. 
Placing a soft kiss on your lips, “I really missed you baby.”
Curling in next to her and interlocking your hands, you told her, “I missed you too baby.” Jill pulled the once discarded comforter over your bodies and you snuggled more into her. You would think about the loss tomorrow, right now you were in Jill’s arms, and for right now, even if it was for just a few more hours, you were relaxed.
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anadiasmount · 2 months
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kisses with jude head cannon!! 🩷
- actually in love with your fics and blog sm!!
hi anon!! tysm!! means alot to me :PPPP 🤍
before you go to sleep he will either tuck into you or you into him, and kiss your forehead in a gentle manner. no matter if you guys are mad at each other, or if y'all are fine, he will kiss your lips to wish you goodnight. "goodnight pretty, sweet dreams..."
his kisses would make me feel nervous, so imagine your relationship is fairly new, and you guys kiss but hesitation and nervousness is always there. but after he just can't hold it in and kisses you out the blue, saying it was killing him not properly giving you a kiss like you deserved. "i needed to baby, it was killing me not being able to do that..."
if you're attending his games, HE WILL BEGGGG for a kiss from you. kiss you passionately in front of his fans and teammates before he goes off and plays, and no matter the result, he'll meet you by the sideline to get his deserved kiss after. "thank you for sticking with me always, y/n..."
maybe a forbbiden kiss, where you're not supposed to be around each other for certain reasons, but you guys have separation anxiety and sneak out to be with each other. maybe you're at your parent's house, or at a gathering and you've been separated too long, jude will pull you aside and kiss you like his life depended on it. "why did we agree to come to this hm? i need to be with you always y/n..."
messy kisses!! a nasty makeout sesh in public to be risky or in your home! him on top of you or you're straddling his lap. tongues dancing, lips smacking creating a clicking noise in the room. biting his lip and jude taking control of the kiss. unable to pull away but when you do your lips and jude's are slightly swollen catching your breaths. "so pretty, all mine to kiss and love..."
if you guys are out in public to an event, club, dinner, party, or anything, you guys have a thing made up by him, where three kisses mean "i love you". maybe you can't verbally say it due to it being quiet, but once he glances into your eyes and kisses your lips, it's his way of saying the three words.
PHYSICAL TOUCH IS MY LANGUAGEEE, and i think after all we've seen it's his as well!! small intimate pecks on your cheeks, temple, hands, shoulders, neck, thighs if he's laying on you, just because he loves to do that. giving you that cheesy grin he always does. "i love you, and every inch of you..."
drunk kisses!! he's looks like the type to be so needy and clingy when drunk, so i can imagine him wanting to kiss you wherever you guys are. at your house or out in public. grabbing your cheeks and pulling you into a messy giddy kiss. or you sitting on his lap and leaning down every now and then bc he has the most perfect kissable lips!! "keep kissing me and we'll give everyone a show..."
when he feel jealous, seeing another man make you laugh or spark off a unnecessary convo with you, or he notices you get uncomfortable and glancing to look at jude, he'd rush to you immediately, asking if you're okay before softly kissing your lips and then glaring at the guy whoever is in front of you, making it clear you're clearly taken. "you ok? who's this?"
we know jude loves his insta dumps, or posting on his story, posting a picture of the two of you sharing a kiss or pulling away after kissing because loves to show you off! or after a night out there's kiss prints left behind by your lipstick and he posts a picture of them bc he loves to be a little tease. "always leaving her mark... my y/n..."
kissing in the rain is a wantttt!! jude making you do it because its the inner child in him , holding you close to him, and the kiss is full of smiles and laughter, not being able to properly kiss because it feels so random to do it. will hold your waist and never pull back because it feels right and special! "i don't care if we get wet, just wanna hold and kiss my girl..."
if either one of you is having a bad day, reassure and communication always takes place. always wanting him or you to let their feelings known and comfort each other if needed. sharing soft pecks after talking because a kiss always let's jude or you know, that you are here for them. "let's focus on the present, forget about what happened, and let's enjoy our time here ok?"
SEEING JUDE AFTER SO LONG!! even if it was a couple days or when he has england duty, or preseason like last year. making time for each other is always a must, and after seeing him for so long all he wants to do is kiss you, because without them neither of you can't function! "missed you so much my pretty girl... taste so sweet like always..."
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luxaofhesperides · 15 days
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Ghostlight prompt: Danny and Duke being childhood friends, but Danny tells Duke the moment the accident happens and such cause he trusts him, only for Danny to go radio silent when giw decide to block the town communications in senior year.
So Duke-does he tell Danny he's Signal or not? Up to you-gets worried the longer no contact goes by.
Maybe the away game thing seen in other posts where the sports team still does away games and Danny gets enough good will with star or dash maybe and they send a message to Duke that's some coded phrase and Duke knows shits going down?
(yourlocalcorviddad, it's a side blog so didn't want to send from main sorry)
Danny is not someone who is on his mind a lot, these days. It’s to be expected, considering how distance and their double lives eat up all the time they have to talk. Really, it’s a miracle that they were able to speak enough to learn about their own individual vigilante work, especially with Duke bouncing around foster homes for a good portion of that time. 
They haven’t spoke in months but that’s normal for them.
Duke thinks he can be forgiven for not knowing something was wrong. He still won’t forgive himself for it.
“Danny’s gone?” he repeats, feeling numb. There’s static ringing in his ears, his entire world hollowing out.
The guy in front of him looks grim, unable to meet Duke’s eyes. Did he introduce himself? Duke can’t remember, can’t keep his spiraling thoughts straight in his head. “He’s gone. His entire family is gone and we haven’t been able to call for help because… well…”
“It’s those guys, right? The ones in white?”
“You know about them?”
“Danny told me. Danny told me a lot about what he did in Amity Park.”
The guy lets out a slow, relieved breath. “Good, then I don’t have to explain. Sorry, it’s just that it’s not something we talk about, especially out in the open. After the last few months, things got really bad. We know the GIW took the Fentons, but we can’t find out how or why and they’ve got us on a tight lockdown.”
“Then how did you get out?” Duke asks. Another arguably more important question pops into his mind a second later. “Actually, how do you know about Danny and… you know. The other things.”
The grimness on the guy’s expression fades away some beneath the sudden shame and embarrassment. “Oh, that. Well, I dunno how much he told you about his, like, daily life, but, um. I’m Dash. Baxter. I bullied him?”
Dash. 
Dash. That’s a name he recognizes. 
Danny’s complained about Dash a lot in the past. Since they were in middle school, really. Duke would always get mad on Danny’s behalf about how terribly he’s being treated, how no one would stop such obvious bullying. And every time, Danny would laugh it off and say in that soft voice of his, It’s alright, Duke, really. Having you care is more than enough for me.
It never stopped the bullying, though, but the way Danny talked about Dash changed when they both entered high school. He was still annoyed about everything Dash did, but there were less insults about him, less venting about every little thing that pissed Danny off about him, as if he just didn’t care anymore.
And there is, of course, the most memorable time Danny called Duke about Dash over the summer.
Hey, Danny, Duke had began, only to be cut off by Danny yelling, I kissed Dash?! Or he kissed me?! What am I supposed to do now!
And Duke, despite the jealousy he felt at hearing that Danny and Dash kissed, laughed so hard he cried while Danny yelled at him to be helpful. 
There wasn’t any discussion on Dash since, beyond a comment here and there about a funny fanboying thing Dash had said about Phantom. The focus of their conversations shifted towards how hard it was to be heroes or vigilantes, quiet reassurances that they’re both doing the best they can, tips traded about best ways to patch themselves up and get through the night. Sometimes, it felt like Danny was the only person in the world to really know Duke; all his pain and promises, his dreams, everything he was Before and who he became in the After.
He’s missed Danny, but the last message Danny sent him told him that things were getting rough in Amity Park, and to not call or contact him until he reached out first.
So Duke trusted in Danny and focused his attention in Gotham, putting his all into becoming a better hero, someone people can rely on. 
He thinks that maybe he should have fallen into the Bats’ bad habits of invading privacy to make sure Danny’s okay. 
Too late for that now, though.
“I know you,” Duke says after a long moment. “He talked about you sometimes. Come with me, we have a lot to discuss.”
Dash looks appropriately nervous, but he doesn’t argue. 
It’s a tense, quiet walk to the library where Barbara works. She’s stationed at the front desk when he arrives and greets him with a smile, eyes flicking towards Dash in question.
“Hey, Babs, got a private study room open?”
Her gaze sharpens and Duke can’t help the feeling of relief that flows through him, knowing that Oracle is ready to look out for him. “Let me check,” she says, turning towards the computer to click around a few pages. “Study room 8 is open.”
That’s the study room with a working lock and soundproofing. It also has cameras and a mic inside, but all the other study rooms have one too, just for safety purposes. Things could always go terribly wrong when people are locked together in a small room, and having video and audio evidence of what happened has assisted in more than a few cases. 
He leads them up to the second floor, past the students studying and the group of young children in the back corner of the library listening intently to a read aloud. 
The only occupied study rooms are those up front, closer to the stairs. The back rooms are empty and quiet, the perfect place for a little impromptu interrogation.
“So,” Duke says as he closes the door to study room 8 behind them. Dash sits down as if this is just a casual conversation, but the way his foot taps against the floor betrays his nerves. “Danny’s gone. And somehow, that lead you to me.”
Dash glance around, then leans closer to drop his voice into a harsh whisper. “The Guys In White got some insane upgrades a few months ago and forced every citizen of Amity Park into a surveillance state. The entire Fenton family is gone, but we all know it’s really because they want Danny.”
“Explain the situation in Amity Park some more.”
“Well. It’s like this: we didn’t take them seriously, so they upped their moves and got us trapped. No one goes in or out of Amity Park without good, verifiable reason. We have a curfew and we can be randomly stopped and searched for ectoplasm or exposure to ghosts. Most of the ghosts have left, but a few of the stronger ones hang around to cause trouble to get the GIW off our backs for a bit.”
“So how did you end up in Gotham?”
“I was invited to tour the college. And since outsiders were expecting me, the GIW let me go. But there’s definitely some that tailed me to Gotham, but I can’t find them at all. Even talking to you now is a huge risk for me.”
Which means they don’t have much time to talk before someone comes looking for Dash. His words, paired with everything Duke’s heard from Danny, paint a deeply unpleasant picture in his mind. “Are you going to be in trouble?”
“Nah, I’ll be fine. It’s Danny we’re all worried about. He told me before he got caught that if anything happened to him, I should find you. Tucker helped us narrow down where exactly you are and sent you that text to get you to where we met.”
“What do you think I can do?”
“I don’t know,” Dash admits. “But Danny trusts you, and he needs your help.”
Duke was never going to say no to this request to begin with, but damn if those words don’t make him want to run to Amity Park without waiting for anyone else.
“Okay,” he says. “Okay. I’ll help rescue him and bring down the GIW. You should go now, before they get too suspicious.”
“What are you planning?”
“I got a couple of friends who are good at destroying government property. Trust me, you’ll see what we’re up, we’re pretty noticeable if we’re pissed off enough.”
“Don’t take too long then,” Dash says, standing up, “I expect a good show from you. See you around, man.”
And with that, Dash pats Duke’s shoulder and leaves the study room. Duke doesn’t follow after him.  He’s got a rescue to start planning, and the less time he wastes, the better.
In the end, it’s pretty simple. It’s not a hard mission at all when the time comes for them to act, but the amount of data they gather and have to shift through is daunting. But that’s more Tim and Barbara’s forte, so he trusts them to handle it. 
Together with Red Robin, Spoiler, and Black Bat, they hit Amity Park hard and fast. 
One night was spent learning the lay of the land and every station and lab set up by the GIW. The second night was spent burning it all down and tossing open cages full of green blob ghosts and a few transparent, weakly glowing human ghosts. Stronger ghosts, glowing brightly, joined them in a few places with battle cries and maniacal laughter.
They split up and took down all the bases and patrol stations on their own, sweeping through the city like vengeful shadows. 
By dawn, the GIW were in shambles, without any bases or equipment, and rounded up for arrest. 
Cass was the one to find Danny and his family; his parents were forced to create weapons for the GIW under threat of Danny and Jazz’s torture. Danny was locked up like an animal and studied. Jazz had restraints on, including a muzzle, and a bloodthirsty rage in her eyes. Apparently, she had put up the most fight and, while being studied for repeated exposure to ectoplasm and radiation, started biting people.
The Fentons are big names in this conflict. Tim makes the executive decision to burn one of his out-of-state safehouses so they can hide and recover in peace, then promptly moves them into it as soon as the EMTs give them the all clear. They’re gone by the time the sun is rising over the horizon, and the curious Amity Parkers that have gathered behind the blockade of police cars have to be reassured that the Fentons have been taken away for their protection, not for further abuses. Even then, tensions are high and the locals are clearly prepared to start rioting now that they have a chance to fight back.
As vigilantes, they’re not meant to interact with cops much. Perhaps it’s simply their experiences in Gotham that keep them at a distance, disappearing into the neighborhood the moment attention shifts off of them. Either way, Duke is hurrying out of Amity Park with the rest of the team on his heels, eager to return to Gotham and follow up on their own leads to make sure the GIW is properly gutted and dismantled. 
Duke heads off for the Hatch as soon as they reach Gotham, hoping to shed the suit and finally be able to call Danny. The guilt of not noticing how bad things had gotten rolls through his stomach, and more than that, he’s missed hearing Danny’s voice. 
The first few calls go straight to voicemail. Duke leaves a quick message asking Danny to let him know how he’s doing as soon as he can talk. 
Then he goes for a shower and to change into civilian clothes, prepared to make his way to Wayne Manor to let Bruce know how everything went. And hopefully distract him from his Disappointed Father/Leader Lecture about taking on missions behind his back, as if Duke can’t handle himself. And also because Bruce has no leg to stand on when it comes to this. He’s fully prepared to throw that entire lecture back into his face at a moment’s notice.
The post-mission exhaustion is hitting him hard and fast. Duke has to brace himself against the wall once he’s out of the shower, resisting the urge to just lie on the floor and sleep there until he starts feeling more human. 
Somehow, he gets himself into some sweatpants and a plain shirt, pulls on a pair of mismatched socks, and begins gathering his things so he can get to the Batcave. 
He’s in no state to be driving. Maybe someone would be willing to take him there?
Just as he reaches for his phone to thumb through his contacts and see who he can bother, it buzzes in his hand. Duke blames the way he jumps on his exhaustion, then blinks his tired eyes to squint at the name that pops up onto the screen.
Danny.
All at once, his exhaustion fades away. A rush of adrenaline runs through him as he scrambles to accept the call, already pacing around the room so he doesn’t fall asleep. 
“Hello?”
There’s a moment of silence, then the exhale of a breath that turns to static over the call. “Duke,” Danny’s tired voice says. “Duke…”
“You doing okay? I couldn’t get to you before you and your family had to leave and go into hiding, but I’ve been worried about you, man.”
“I’m good. We’re all fine, now. Fentons are strong, you know? We’ll bounce back in no time.”
From what he’s heard about Danny’s family, that’s most definitely true. He’s seen the pictures of walls Jack Fenton has burst through with his body. It’ still hard to believe that no one in the family is a meta, outside of Danny.
“You need anything? I can get it to you, just say the word. Anything at all.”
Danny hums, then asks with a playful note in his voice, “Anything?”
“Anything.”
“I need you. How fast can you come meet me? I’ll even pay for express delivery.”
Duke laughs, so relieved at hearing the lightness return to Danny’s voice that he feels weak in the knees. “It’ll be at least two days. I gotta sleep and debrief with Batman before I can see you. It’s gonna take some time to get out of Gotham again.”
“Maybe I can go to you, instead,” Danny suggests. “Fly over and be there is less than an hour.”
“Are you in any shape to be flying right now?”
“I’m fine! Already healing and everything,” Danny insists.
“It might be dangerous if any rogue GIW agents go after you.”
“Well,” Danny says, “That’s why I need to get to my knight in shining armor sooner rather than later, right?”
Duke bites his lip to fight back a smile, blinking his eyes forcefully to keep them from closing under the heavy weight of exhaustion. “Does that make you a damsel in distress?”
“I mean, I did need rescuing, so I guess? I’m not much of a damsel, but I could put on a pretty dress for you. It’ll be like playing pretend when we were kids.”
“Oh, man, I kinda miss those poofy dresses. I think I could still rock on, put it on top of the armor when I go out for patrol.”
Danny snickers. “Signal: the most well dressed vigilante in Gotham.”
“That’s me, baby!”
The last of the agonizing fear that’s choked him since he first talked to Dash finally melts away. Danny’s fine now. Everything’s okay; the GIW are done for and there’s plenty of people willing to look out for the Fentons. This will never happen again.
“Hey,” Danny says, voice suddenly turing more serious. “Send me your location. I wasn’t joking when I said I could fly over to you. And before you say anything! I do need it; Jazz and my parents are smothering me and I just need to get away from everything and pretend all of this never happened.”
The admission softens Duke, makes him shove away everything that tells him this is a bad idea, that Danny needs more rest first, that having Danny fly over alone and without warning any of the Bats fills Duke with anxiety. 
He does miss Danny. More than he can put into words.
“Yeah, okay,” he says at last. “Come meet me, Danny.”
He texts Danny the location of the Hatch before common sense tells him to be more careful with his base of operations. Not that it matters, anyways; if there’s anyone in the world he trusts with everything, it’s Danny. 
Then he sends the Bats a quick text saying he’s crashing in the Hatch and to not bother him until the sun is fully up two days from now. Oracle gives him a thumbs up emoji, which is a good guarantee that she will personally see to it that no non-emergency messages interrupt his rest and recovery time.
Duke has no idea how long it will take Danny to get to the Hatch, so he putters around, cleaning up the space and straightening it out in an attempt to keep busy enough that he doesn’t crash. Travel really takes it out of him. It’s one of the cons of being born and raised in Gotham: he doesn’t have the stamina to travel outside of it, especially when they were there and back in less than three days.
Thank god for Tim’s many motorcycles and his tendency to see the speed limit as a weak suggestion that can be ignored while on a mission.
Ultimately, the call of sleep is too strong to resist. 
One moment, Duke is sorting through files on the Hatch’s computer, and the next moment, he’s face down on a bed with his face shoved into a pillow. 
Blearly, he manages to pull his phone out of his pocket and send Danny a typo-ridden text that hopefully gets across the message of might be asleep so just come in, don’t wait for me to answer the door.
He’s out like a light as soon as it sends. The last thing Duke registers is his phone dropping out of his hand and falling against the mattress with a little bounce.
When he begins to wake up, something’s changed. As much as he wants to go back to sleep, awareness comes back to him slowly and Duke forces himself to claw his way out of unconsciousness to figure out what, exactly, is bothering him so much. Until he figures out what’s changed in the room, he won’t be able to sleep because he’ll be worried about someone breaking in.
His mind comes back online long before his body does. It’s only when he tries to move that Duke realizes he’s no longer alone on the bed; there’s someone wrapped up in his arms, body temperature a little too cool to be a normal human.
Blinking open his eyes, Duke looks down at the head of messy black hair and feels Danny’s soft breath ghost across his chest. 
“Danny?” he manages to say, voice rough with sleep. 
Danny hums and doesn’t move.
“Hey, look up. Let me see if you’re really alright.”
“Mmm, no,” Danny mumbles, burrowing his face into Duke’s chest some more. “‘m sleepy.”
A good argument. Duke is also sleepy. 
“Fine,” he says, “Check in the morning, then. G’night, Danny.”
“Night, Duke. Thanks for saving me.”
He tightens his grip on Danny, contentment burning warm in his chest. “Always, Danny. I’ll always save you.”
That’s why he’s a hero, after all. To save others, to reach a hand out to everyone the way he needed when he was younger. To keep the people he loves safe. To make sure Danny always finds a way back to him. 
This is what makes all the pain of this lifestyle worth it.
Danny makes everything worth it.
(@yourlocalcorviddad tagging to make sure you see this!)
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whereireid · 11 months
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𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐀𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐍 | masterlist
pairing: senator!steve rogers x fem!reader
⍟ — nsfw content ahead. soft!dom steve. married life. housewife kink. oral [f receiving]. degradation of reader.
Summary: Your husband, Senator Steve Rogers, has been acting strange recently. He makes it up to you after he catches you snooping.
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You don’t want to snoop on your husband.
Honest, you don’t.
Sometimes, though, duty calls. It feels like a crime to be in Steve’s office, perched at his desk, attempting to hack into his computer.
You’ve tried three different passwords, now. The first, the name of your daughter, and her date of birth — BeauRogers2012. The second, your anniversary — 19October2007. And, finally, the name of the family dog — CooperRogers.
Nothing. There’s nothing. All to no avail, the screen lighting a shade of red with each incorrect guess, your lips tugging down into a frown as you try to pinpoint exactly what his password could be.
If it’s not Beau, and it’s not you, and it’s not the family dog… then what is it?
Your eyes scan his office, desperate for a moment of realisation. You want something to click, your eyes dragging from a photograph of him and Bucky, to the miniature American flag which sits on his desk.
That’s it.
107thInfantryRegiment.
The computer lets you in. Steve’s desktop background is a photograph of you, him and Beau — baby Beau, curled in her daddy’s arms, asleep, in a pumpkin patch.
You pause. You feel bad, snooping, hesitating as you stare at the pixelated desktop background.
You feel awful, but you have to know what he’s getting up to.
Your lips press together as you swallow away the tightness in your throat, dragging the mouse towards his emails. Before you press down, you hesitate — Steve has never given you a reason not to trust him.
Yet, you’re in, now. You might as well look whilst you’re there, and you’re glad that you do, because a particular name piques your interest as you snoop through his emails.
Sharon Carter.
Steve’s ex-assistant, although you’d always assumed she was more than that. She helped your husband climb to the position of Senator — she was his number one fan, more obsessed with him than you.
Your brows knit together. Steve had told you that him and Sharon no longer speak, as a result of her switching to the Republican to spite him. This — these emails, which go back for months — is unfathomable evidence that he’s been lying to you. Your throat feels cotton dry as you frantically scroll, unable to comprehend that they’ve been communicating for months without you knowing.
“What are you doing?”
Fear cracks through your body like a whip. You feel like a thin sheet of ice, cold flooding through your body as your eyes dart up from the computer screen, focused on your husband, who appears unamused by what he’s found.
“So, what are you doing?” Steve repeats when you don’t answer, his lips pursed as he stares at you. The suit he’s wearing is somewhat tight on his arms, and you can see his muscles flex beneath his clothes. “Be a big girl and use your words, honey.”
“You’re — you’re messaging Sharon Carter.”
His eyebrows quirk upwards in amusement. “You went through my emails,” he comments, “without my permission.”
“You’re messaging Sharon Carter,” you repeat, your voice coming out a whisper.
The look that he gives you is degrading. It’s a look of pity — his jaw ticks slightly as he cocks his head, his tongue darting over his plump, pink lips, leaving a glistening sheen in its wake. “And you’re going through my emails,” he reiterates, pushing himself off of the doorframe. “Without my permission.”
“Are you cheating on me?”
An amused expression flitters over Steve’s face as he approaches you. You feel timid in his chair, his large frame overbearing as he looms over you, the blue irises of his eyes impossibly sheathed by his black and blown pupils.
“Cheating?” He asks, beginning to lower himself to your height. You brows furrow in confusion as he kneels in front of you, his hands placing themselves on your knees. “No. Why? Did you think that I was?”
“Yes.”
“Liar,” Steve whispers from beneath you, your skin prickling with goosebumps as his fingers run over the pleated fabric of your skirt. “You just wanted to know what I’ve been doing.”
You push at Steve’s head, forcing him to look up at you. You frown, a twisted warmth pooling inside of your stomach as his hand caresses the plump flesh of your thighs. “Yeah. You’ve been doing her.”
He snorts. “If I wanted Barbie, I would’ve had Barbie.” His hand beckons your thighs apart, and you flush as his hums in content. “No underwear. Whore.”
Your face flushes with warmth. "That’s what you like, isn’t it?”
Steve grins, his fingers parting your folds softly, his knuckle pressing against your swollen clit. You try to kill the moan which climbs up your throat before it can slip past your lips, but it refuses to die. “Like music to my ears,” he comments, his stubble grazing your skin as he peppers deliberate kisses to your thighs, his tongue a cool stimulant to your hot skin, “you’re a naughty girl, you know? Going through my things and then getting all worked up over what you find.”
You can’t bare to look down at his smug face. His blue eyes twinkle as he gazes up at you, and you force your eyes shut, the delicious, dirty feeling of desire brooding inside of you. It pulls at your heart and burns wildly inside of you, only to be smothered by the feeling of his fingers gliding through your folds.
“Aren’t you going to tell me what you found?”
You shake your head, your eyes scrunching shut as his tongue finally makes contact with your heat. “Oh, God,” you whimper as he glides the muscle through your folds, his fingers pushing inside of your cunt.
“Not God. Just Steve.”
His lips twitch, tugging upwards with a smile. Pleasure rides through you in a gentle wave as his tongue makes contact with your clit, his motions gentle as he suckles on the sensitive bundle of nerves.
It feels so deliciously wrong. You’re in his office, sat in his chair, with him between your legs. He wasn’t even meant to find you here — you were supposed to be in the kitchen when he got home, but you’d lost track of time.
“Since you won’t tell me, I’ll make an assumption, and I want you to tell me if I’m right.” His voice is gravely, rumbling against your cunt, and you shiver as his fingers curl inside of you. “You went through my emails. You saw Sharon Carter’s name and you had to click, and you read them in detail and you found information.”
“Yes,” you say shakily, groaning as his nose nuzzles into your pelvic bone, his tongue rolling small circles into your sensitive bud. “Yes, I read them. She’s — she’s a bitch and I don’t want you talking to her.”
His brows quirk upwards, his fingers carefully scissoring your tight cunt open. You clench down around him, the pointed look he’s shouting you making you tense. “She’s my spy. Why else would she have switched to Republican last minute?”
“Because you married me and she wishes it was her.”
A wave of pleasure ripples through you as he suckles on your clit, his fingers heavenly as they roll inside of you. “Is she the one getting her cunt eaten in my office, honey?” When you don’t answer, he hums, his voice muffled as he continues to roll his tongue up and down your sticky, wet folds, “no, she’s not, so stop being a brat and let me finish speaking.”
As if to make a point, his fingers still inside of you, and your chest burns with disappointment. “Okay. I’ll stop being a brat,” you submit to him, your voice shaking slightly as you buck your pelvis towards his hand.
“Good girl." His praise makes you shiver, a delicious pleasure crackling through you as his fingers contain their steady motions, his lips peppering soft kisses against your heat intermittently
“The information that you found is very important people, only meant to be seen by people in government.” A delicious pleasure cracks through you like a whip as his fingers glide through your glistening folds, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he rolls his thumb over your sensitive clit. “And, honey, you're not in government. You've got too much of a dumb baby brain for that."
You whine, your legs trembling involuntary as Steve licks up a deliberate stripe up your cunt, his tongue flattening against your clit. "I'm not dumb," you protest weakly, your thighs tensing as his fingers curl inside of you, the lewd squelching of your cunt echoing around his office walls.
Your body becomes electric with sparks, exploding with ecstasy as his tongue licks stripes up and down your slick. It's so intimate, so gentle — his movements are precise, your legs jolting at every movement, every lick.
"Really? You're not?" Steve pulls away, tutting from below you. "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought that only dumb wives went through their husband's stuff without permission."
"I'm sorry," you say.
"You're not," he replies, his tongue flat as he swirls his muscle around your swollen bud, "but that's okay, honey. I don't expect my wife and her dumb, baby brain to feel sorry for me. I'm the man of this house. I don't need feeling sorry for."
His kisses grow sloppy, his nose pressing heavily into your pelvis. You let out a shaky breath, your stomach flipping as Steve's fingers glide in and out of your cunt. A moan catches in your throat, and you're unsure of whether or not it actually escapes your lips or dies before it gets to do so.
Steve's movements are skilled, deliberate. You melt into the office chair, the leather fabric growing slick beneath you as you softly behind to grind against his face. He's slow and teasing, his tongue swirling around you bud, nipping at it softly. The pinching pain makes you gasp, your breath hitching in your throat as he groans against your cunt.
"Come on, honey. I know you want to let go," he purrs against your cunt, the sensation sending shivers up your spine. "I know you're not holding that much of a grudge against me that you're denying yourself of an orgasm."
You pout. He's right — of course he's right, he's your husband and he knows what's best for you. You finally allow yourself to relax, fully, a soft whimper slipping past your lips as Steve's movements makes your stomach tighten.
And then, it happens. You grow tired of holding back, needy and desperate, and Steve's fingers curl inside of you again, and you let go. Your slick paints his face, your legs trembling as he laps at your heat, his groans sending sparks to your core.
By the time he pulls away, you feel weak. The sight of him only makes you grow weaker, his chin glistening with your slick, his eyes black and blown, a sultry grin tugging at the corner of his lips. His hand runs over his lips and he hums, satisfied with the orgasm that he drew from you.
"I'm sorry, honey. You should have never seen those emails, or the documents attached to them. They're not for you to be concerned about." His hand runs over your thighs, his motions gentle and soft as he caresses your skin. Steve's lips purse, his voice dropping dangerously low as he speaks. "But if you ever go through my emails again, you'll be in serious trouble. You got that, honey?"
Your body grows stiff as he reaches past you to turn the computer off, his lips nestling against your head in the process. The kiss he plants to your forehead is soft and gentle, and you smile up at him.
“Yes, Steve.”
You nod your head like an obedient little wife, and he smiles down at you as he does so.
Domesticated bliss keeps him sane.
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autistichalsin · 4 months
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I'm sorry, like, I can legit understand where quite a few criticisms of Halsin come from even if I don't agree, but when people get upset that he's a bad leader, I just-
You guys. That's literally the point. The entire point is that he is unable to balance his own moral compass with the strict requirements of Druidic leadership, leaving him with the worst of both worlds, because he can't find a way to act that satisfies everyone. (A lot of) non-Druids see him as too obsessed with nature at the cost of people, and (a lot of) his Druids think he's weak and ineffective. The Grove does as good, if not better, without him around because his successor is able to adhere to Druidic code, preventing discordance. Halsin comments on this several times.
He struggles the entire time with being a devoted worshipper of Silvanus, (who is the god of wild nature in particular and doesn't even care that much about "balance" between nature and humanity, though Halsin clearly does a great deal), and his deep love of humanity- caring so much about others, about suffering, even about suffering that is entirely the result of the problems with civilization.
The entire reason he gets the much-maligned arc about hating the city isn't because "lol hippies", it's because it is the ultimate stress test for his priorities- and what ultimately illuminates his solution. Let the people in need be at the forefront while also getting a chance to serve nature as he loves so much. Him creating his commune isn't just running away from a romanced player- it's him balancing his need to serve the greater good with his struggles with leadership with his love of nature with his love of humanity. And this provides the best solution.
And he agrees with the assessment that he wasn't meant to be a leader, at least not in the Druidic order; if a romanced player tells him his new dream suits him, he softly says, "better than Archdruid ever did. The old teachings could never have foreseen this world."
Halsin isn't bad at all kinds of leadership, if you look closely at OTHER situations where he takes the lead outside of being Archdruid. It's just that weighing his beliefs vs those of the Druids left him unable to act effectively. If he's no longer constrained by those rival beliefs, he shows himself to be extremely effective, and his kindness and compassion guide him to helping those the most in need.
There is, after all, a reason that the first thing we learn about Halsin is that he took a group of Tiefling refugees into his Grove- a highly unusual act for the leader of a Druidic circle. It was all foreshadowing, all along, that his soft heart was going to be in DEEP conflict with the harder nature of the Druids.
That is literally his entire arc. Snarking that Halsin isn't great as an Archdruid is like snarking that Shadowheart seems unable to fully commit to worshipping Shar.
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mitfloya · 2 months
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𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐃𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐒𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬: 𝐙𝐚𝐲𝐧𝐞
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pairings. Zayne x gn!reader
wc. 7K (yes, I like to torture myself)
synopsis. He was believed to be devoid of emotions, until you unveils his chilling secret. His hidden obsession with you has ensnared you in his icy sanctuary. You were blind to his fixation until it was too late, and now you find yourself trapped in his clutches, unable to escape.
warnings. The following content contains elements of obsessive behavior, yandere thoughts, stalking, possessive behavior, and may include poorly written narratives. Reader is referred to as 'you'. Proceed with caution, as this writing may be unsettling or uncomfortable for some individuals.
a/n. Hello people of the internet! I’m pretty new on this writing community so I hope I bring you guys some good crumbs to munch on! and excuse my horrible grammatical errors, English is not my first language. I may or may not have spend my time throwing up this whole ass detailed (press x to doubt) HC out of my mind, I tend to go overboard with my analysis and writing. Get some snacks and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy making this HC.
p.s. this is a reupload ver. the original of the post is accidently deleted
♡ Please reblog and comment on this post are much, much appreciated ♡
Ah…the ice king himself, known for his emotional detachment and seemingly heartless demeanor. His motives and intentions remain shrouded in mystery, as he builds impenetrable walls around himself. Yet, somehow, you managed to slip through those barriers, like a delicate flower pushing through the cracks in concrete, planting the seed of love without his knowledge.
Does he act upon it? Certainly not at first. He ignores it. Pretend that is was merely a sign you were someone he tolerated.
His acts of kindness are always subtle and unexpected. He treats you in a way that evokes certain reactions.
At first, he might seem out of reach. But you never know that he is always there for you. Always observing and studying your responses.
As you both transition into adulthood, he becomes your primary physician, a role that only intensifies his growing obsession with you. He never considered himself capable of falling in love at first sight, but his feelings for you gradually took root. He is always there with you, from childhood and in adulthood. Fate must have bestowed him with great luck to be your guardian, the one who monitors your health and controls your existence.
The time when you both went on your separate ways before you met again, he feels a void, a sense that something is missing. Maybe you meant more than he thought. The loss of you kills him. But does this heavy feeling affect his daily activities? no.
The thought of not knowing about your health and safety gnaws at him, like a splinter lodged in his mind. Have you eaten yet? Did you eat enough? Did you get enough sleep? Did you stumble upon an accident? Just a single scratch of wound on your skin would infuriate him.
You, on the other hand, dismiss it as the instinctual concern of a physician, and your own health condition made it even more difficult for him to let you go. You were far too precious to be released or, worse, left alone and broken.
Even when you’re away on your mission, he always ask about your being and whereabouts. He just wanted to know how you’re doing and it shows how much he cares for you, not monitoring you! That’s ridiculous, right?
However, whenever you were around him, you never felt like you were in control of your own bodily autonomy. Maybe you’re seeing things but have you realize how much you’re changing your lifestyle?
Zayne intelligence is no joke. You were far too naive to look back over your shoulder to notice he is manipulating you. He wants you to be completely dependent on him. But is it really that bad? After all, he was providing you with a healthier lifestyle, not to mention preserving your beauty. Or so it seemed.
Oh, but when you became his, everything changed. He became more open, more loving and caring, the kind that makes you melt to the ground and swallow you whole. Always attentive to your needs and wants, he has no problem with you buying expensive items, the money isn’t his concern. Your happiness is.
His actions become more evident, sometimes you notice it in the way he always makes sure you’re fully geared up and energized for the day, or the way he tries his best to brighten up your day in rainy days.
And when the time came for you to move in together, almost imperceptibly, it felt natural, that’s when he brings the real authenticity of himself, the carnal desire to claim over you starts to show.
He adorned you with the finest fabrics, adorned you with the most exquisite gems and jewelry that accentuated your beauty without overshadowing it. He always gives you the best and never less.
No one would question how many pictures he has of you around the house, as they simply depicted a man deeply in love with his partner…wait, you don’t remember taking this picture..how did he get this picture? 
Caleb gives it to him. As always he has answers to everything, it makes you think he is expecting that kind of question, which is an odd behavior.
Even the windowsill display those seals and trinkets he has given you over the years, customized to your liking.
You saw it as a preservation of memories and the time he had spent with you, when it’s clearly a growing sign of obsession with the abundance of things of your own possessions, or things that reminded him of you were around the house, to the dark corners of his secret room you were unaware of. 
You don’t realize you were brainwashed, did you? Or maybe because he is telling the truth from the start, he loves you very much and his actions serve as undeniable proof!
Until you try to resist or argue with him. It would be best for you to stay obedient and let him lead, he is the man in the relationship, you are his good girl, right? He never wants to hurt you, he is doing it for the better sake of you.
You learned your lesson when you got your first punishment. Each mistake or letdown adds a droplet, gradually increasing the intensity. When the glass finally overflows, it serves as a stark warning to never hurt or disappoint him.
Your life revolves around him. You want to buy groceries? Wait until he finish work. You want to go to the park? Let’s go together and don’t forget your coat, he doesn’t want you to get cold. You want to have some time alone outside? Sure.
Ah, the innocence of those early stages of dating, when the idea of tracking your partner's whereabouts seemed endearing. Little did you know that innocent app you stumbled upon on a social media platform would become the chains that bind you. In the beginning, it seemed like a cute way to track the distance between you and your partner.
That app, like a digital spider's web, silently weaves its threads around your every move. From the moment you installed it, it became his watchful eye, tracking your every step, monitoring your every move.
How naive and compliant you are, unknowingly making it easier for him to watch over you. 
He doesn’t react much when a guy approaches you, no one will be brave enough, because you will always stay glued to his side. He often uses his sharp tongue to highlight their flaws and insecurities. Give them a judgmental stare at the guy as if he was nothing and brings nothing good in life like a mosquito.
Resorting to violence or criminal acts were never his first choice to get rid of those pesky nuisances, his jealousy always remains hidden and possibly close to nonexistent.
Because he knows, you will always comes running back to him. Even if you manage to slip from his grasp, he holds the power to reclaim you, by any means necessary. In dire circumstances, he does not hesitate to resort to violence, to eliminate anyone who dares to steal you away. He doesn't care if he has to hurt you or isolate you, nobody could ever love you like he did. 
Once you are married and start a family together, your life will be forever intertwined with his. That's the end of you or maybe a better version of you that you never envisioned or hoped for, nevertheless it was all because of your love for Zayne that you willingly let him take control, it’s the best life you could ever live in, right?
You will never leave out of his sight forever.
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© 2024 mitfloya — all rights reserved. kindly refrain from altering, translating, or repost my works on any platform without my consent, do not claim my content as yours.
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1800jjbarnes · 1 year
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𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐌𝐲 𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐲 | 𝐁𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲 𝐁𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐬
【Synopsis】 : Bunnies shouldn't be wondering on their own. A big bad wolf is stalking the forest, and he will do anything to protect what is his.
『Word count』 : 1.84k
Paring: Wolf!Alpha!Bucky x Bunny!Hybrid!Reader
[Warnings] : Blood, knife, reader gets cut, Bucky goes wild, lots of gore, cruel words, swearing. Bucky in a suit cause that is a warning on its one. Dirty talk. Harassment, sexualising. Abuse. Toxic friendships. Triggering scenes. John being a disgusting person.
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You were just doing your normal run. Grabbing supplies and then heading back to your cottage. You were rushing a little bit because you needed to still pack your things for the couple of nights you will be at the den. Bucky had begged you to come over to see his brothers, so tonight you finally agreed. You were excited but very nervous as well. So your best idea you could conger was to get some supplies for a calming medicine. It is a simple recipe to calm anything from overthinking thoughts to a shaking body. But what you didn't expect to see was an old face on your journey.
You stopped cutting the fungi, hearing the leaves and twigs snapping under the weight of someone's footing. You looked over to where the sound had come from while still crouching in front of the large elm tree. His smile caught you off guard. He has gotten bigger since you've seen him last. His pitch black ears stood straight up high, not even flopping as he tilted his head to the side.
"Funny seeing you here." His voice got deeper too. It's no longer the pitchy mismatch tone you remember. He aged the two years you've been gone. Well, out casted... you were stunned, to say the least. Standing up slowly, you dropped your items in the basket with caution. Your community was housed in the far east, almost two whole forestry's down. Why would he be this far out? Unless...
"Wolf, got your tongue?" He chuckled, taking a few steps towards you. Hairs on your body stood up straight as a bad feeling rushed into your gut. Even though he was a friend back then, he has become nothing more than a stranger now. He didn't stop or even fight to keep you in the community. All you can recall is seeing him watch from the sidelines as you were shunned out of the village. He was no friend to you.
"Why are you here?" You finally speak up, taking a step back from him. He watches you closely, moving in time with you. Until a tree stops your footing, making you unable to step away from him anymore.
"I thought you'd be more of, Hey it's so nice to see you. It's been ages. How have you been doing John? I'm fine y/n thanks for asking." His words got sharper as each one fell. He was annoyed at your hostility, getting tired of the way you are standing your guard up as if he was going to do something to you.
"Why are you here, John... What do you want?" You sounded more stern this time, trying to keep your ground. You weren't the little defenceless bunny anymore. You had a voice. Bucky helped you with that. John, however, didn't like this new you. You weren't mould-able anymore. He can't bend you like he used to.
"I see being around these flea-ridden pests has turned you sour. Where did your manners go..." He traps you against the tree and his large body. He looks you up and down, fingers grazing over your flopped fluffy ears. "Where did my innocent sweet puffball go?" He twists his fingers over your cottontail, tugging slightly, making you gasp out in disgust. His breath pooled on your cheek, his lips parting lightly as if he wanted to kiss you. You closed your eyes, waiting for the worst, but he pulled away entirely, sighing out while stretching.
"Come on, let's go to this cottage of yours while we wait." He picked up the basket you had dropped.
"Wait for what?" You instantly regretted asking once you hear him reply, your heart stopping at his words as your blood ran cold.
"You're coming home."
-
Time was ticking, and as the sun began to fade into the setting, Bucky's pacing became more prominent. Where were you? You said to meet at the bend where the water met the hill before the pack grounds, but you were nowhere to be seen. He's been waiting for around thirty minutes already. Something was wrong, and he could tell. His bond with you made his wolf scream out in pain. No, something was definitely off, and he needed to find you now.
-
"ARGH, how long does this take?" His annoyance is spilling out of his words. He just wanted this to be done. He didn't want to be around you any more than he had to, but he had to do it so he could finally get the title of knight back at the kingdom. You sat in the same spot for the past hour, watching John pace back and forth near the front door of your cottage. He was getting impatient, biting his nails in annoyance. You watched him, hugging yourself. Your breath was hitched. You weren't terrified of him, but fear-filled your senses at his restlessness. He started to become more and more driven by anger. He needed to be able to prove himself. So he can finally be put as a knight in their court. He needed to be better. And if it meant to hurt you, he'd do it. In truth, he might have been friends with you when you were young, but now all he sees is a stranger whenever your eyes meet. He was not the boy that used to play hide and seek with or play jumping Johns or run around the castle halls. He was nothing to you.
"J-John can we just tal—Shut up, will you? God" He is laced with venom, swinging his pocket knife around his fingers as he sat down at your dining table. You straighten yourself, gulping slightly, watching him in the next room slowly slip more and more into impatience.
"Why do they want me back? It's been years." You try pushing your luck again, asking him an array of questions, in hopes it might gift you knowledge, but as he racks his finger through his dark hair, you know all you're doing is pushing his buttons until he snaps.
"Can't you just sit there and not talk like you used to, huh? God being around that animal and his friends really made you so dumb." He stood up, turning his back to you to look out the window. You felt hurt, anger even. You were scared, but not scared enough to push your luck.
"Mate...." He turned his head, with an eyebrow raised. At your sudden bold tone, "Bucky is my mate... not some animal." A growl buried in your chest. Maybe the wolves have brushed off on you.
"M-mate? Wow, that is by far the most disturbing thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth." Displeasure boiled on his tongue as he stood up tall, walking towards you. Your eyes widened at his sudden movements, crawling back onto the couch further and further, trying to get more distance from him. He knelt down right in front of you, pointing his knife in your direction, tilting his head along with the blade.
"You are so delusional, you know that. Soulmates? Mates? Bonds? Wolves just use that excuse to fuck one another. You know that, right? He probably saw you and thought, this little.." He leant closer, "Innocent..." His breath brushed on your cheek. "Bunny..." The tip of his knife grazed your upper thigh. "Looks so fuckable. I'm going to take her and make her my fuck toy." The knife sliced your thigh drawing blood immediately as he pulled away chuckling. His back straightens up as he looks down on you.
"That's what you are, aren't you? His stupid little sex toy. A slut for his own pleasure and here I thought you'd grow up to be a smart independent rabbit, but look at you now." He spat at you, some of it landing on your shorts as you hissed in pain from the cut. Your hand tried its best to keep the wound from opening but it was no use, blood was painting your couch, thigh and clothes. You become frozen, tears pooling in your eyes. You knew for a fact his words weren't true, but they still hurt you. He knew nothing of Bucky, nothing of his romantic tropes and loving nature. He didn't know anything about your mate, but the depiction he strode out made your heart shatter.
"You know, screw—" Before he could finish his sentence, the front door bursts open with a very sweaty, hot, and angry Bucky in its frame. John shivered slightly. All his talk might mean one thing, but seeing an actual wolf was another.
"Want to finish that sentence, John?" Bucky's voice was low, lower than you've ever heard it. His eyes were crimson, the gold only a small detail in his red pools.
"H-How do you know my name?" John answered with a question, his ears flopping down as a dead give away he was becoming frightened. If it was one thing you remembered about John, it was he was all bark and no bite. Pun intended. Bucky tilted his head, a snapping sound echoing from it as he cracked the plate in his spine. His hands pulled at his black suit cuffs, straightening his blazer upon his deep maroon blouse that hid underneath.
"I know a lot about you. You be surprised how much I know about my darlings kingdom. Every rabbit, where they live. Even where the king and queen, their parents." He pointed with anger in his tone at you. "Where they rest their little heads at night." He stepped forward, deeper into the room when a horrid smell, a smell he wishes never to smell from you. Blood. His eyes grazed your body, seeing your hand still holding the flesh wound, hot blood slipping through the cracks of your fingers.
That's it all terms of charisma, composure and sense of calmness goes out the window. Looking at you one last time, his eyes meet Johns in pure red rage. John gulps, knowing what Bucky was looking at, but before he can even think about getting his was out of it, Bucky moved faster than anything he could see, pining John to the nearest wall by the throat. His fingers pinch down on his windpipe, and Bucky's teeth are bared.
"You should have really thought before you touched what is mine." Bucky's words rang in John's ears as he screamed out within the second, feeling his neck being pierced by sharp talon-like teeth. His flesh was ripped away in one motion, like a butter knife cutting through soft cream. James spat out the flesh along with the blood that had mixed with his saliva, dropping John to the ground, where he quickly grabbed his neck, gasping for air.
"You think we are animals. Being compelled by the need to hunt our prey..." He crouched down, becoming eye level with the dying rabbit. "If that's so true, then I guess this makes you my prey..."
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navstuffs · 11 months
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Wonderful Surprise
Pairing: Husband!Leon Kennedy x GN!Reader
Summary: After a horrible day at work, you find a surprise at your job's doorstep.
Warnings: comforting leon, self indulgent, cute fluff, domestic!leon
Author's Notes: can you imagine just leaving work and seeing leon waiting on you outside???? 😭 to have dinner at your favorite restaurant?? gimme gimme please!! hope you enjoy your reading!
my leon masterlist
You look at the clock, frustrated. Time couldn't be passing any slower. It had been such an exhausting day, and you couldn't wait to get home, unwind on the sofa, watch your favorite tv shows, and eat a warmed-up old pizza. Alone, you thought. No call or text from Leon, your husband, in two days. 
You knew Leon was busy with whatever he had to do in those secret missions of his, and you didn't want him to worry about you, so you didn't disturb him, for more than you missed him. Leon did warn in the last message he could go M.I.A. Since then, something heavy has installed itself in your chest. 
It was always like that, anyway. You became useless at work, at home. You tried to use Leon's shirts to sleep or watch the silly videos he recorded for you in case you missed him.
It wasn't enough. It would never be enough. 
When it is finally time to leave, you walk toward the exit, checking your phone: Still no text messages. You sigh, typing that you would be leaving work and going home. That you loved him and couldn't wait to see him. For him to stay safe.
When you exit through the main doors, you first notice the sky. It is the start of the twilight, and it looks so pretty. You sigh, taking a picture. You may send that one to Leon. At least walking until the bus stop won't be so bad. If you want to get home soon, you must hurry.
You finally notice the man leaning against the building wall, eyes closed, hands in his pocket. Golden locks in front of his serene face, wearing his famous leather jacket. Standing there like an illusion.  
"Leon?" You whisper, mortified. As if he would disappear or it was just your imagination going crazy.
Leon opens his eyes at the sound of your voice, giving a smile, the first one in days. You wait until he walks closer to you and hugs you, a sigh coming from his mouth. 
"Hey, sweetheart," Leon whispers. Work had been horrible for him, and being unable to communicate with you made it much worse. Being close to you and feeling your heartbeat and presence instantly wiped all worries away. You are still frozen, not believing your husband is back. It takes you a couple of seconds before holding him back. Innahiling his smell and presence, all of him, "I missed you."
How much you missed his arms around you. His voice. His touch. You hide your face on Leon, not caring if you are outside work right now and anyone could see you. You can feel the tears forming in the corner of your eyes, and you hug Leon even more tightly. Leon wipes some of your tears when you separate, his eyes full of love.
"Wh-when did you come back?" You wonder as he checks your face, analyzing and admiring simultaneously. 
"About an hour ago?"
"Fuck Leon, I have been worried sick about you. Why didn't you message me?"
"I wish I could have. My phone is gone, sweetie. It was just - fucked up this time, I guess."
You let out a sigh, feeling guilty. Leon looks fine physically: no visible bruises, no cuts. But you know, the inside must be a turmoil. You could see the pain in your husband's eyes, a pain you recognize well. You don't overthink that now, just glad he is home, placing a hand on his chest, another one to rub his cheek. 
"I am sorry. Can we just leave?" You request, and Leon nods, holding your hand.
"Yeap. Just give me your car's keys, I will drive today."
"Wellllllll."
"What is it?"
"I didn't come to work by car. I came by bus," You admit, embarrassed to look at this face.
"Is something wrong with your car?"
"No. It is just...it makes the ride home longer. I tend to do that when you aren't here," You confess, feeling ridiculous. Then you quickly add, to not sound so desperate, "Also, it helps the planet, fewer cars in the streets, pollution, all of that!"
"My car is nearby, don't worry," Leon replies, his voice calm. 
"There is also something else," You add before you can start walking. Leon stares back at you, his expression going a little worried. "We might need to get dinner on the way."
You don't look at Leon for his reaction, worried he might be disappointed with you. And he has all the right to be since you had promised him you would do your best to take care of yourself when he was away.
"I see. Your favorite, then?" Leon simply asks, maintaining the same calm tone from before.
You look at him, grateful and nodding. You are just happy you can have him in yours arms again.
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pinkie-pop · 6 months
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Pop's Self-Aware AU: Heartslyabul
Intro Heartslyabul Savannaclaw
Featuring: Gender-Neutral Reader, Twisted Wonderland x Reader. Yandere x Reader, Self Aware Twisted Wonderland
"Happy unbirthday! You're five minutes early and right on time. Hurry, pick a seat and grab a cup, you're the main character of today, so why not sit up by the front? Of course, by front I mean back, and by back I mean front. Oh, don't look so confused, dear, this is just how we do things around these parts. You'll get used to it soon.
Now, do you take your sugar with tea or with honey?"
>[Go to Heartslyabul]
Riddle Rosehearts:
He's a real stickler for the rules. Best not to anger him, lest it be off with your head. But you don't have to worry about that, do you?
Indeed, to Heartslyabul's housewarden, you are a being that sits above even the most important of the Queen's laws. Or, perhaps it is more accurate to say that you are the law itself? To Riddle, you are a perfect being—the pinnacle of righteousness. No matter what you do, no matter what rules you break or how unscrupulous you may behave, it does not matter. You are not wrong. You can't be. It is everything else that is wrong.
It is with this unshakable faith that he rules over his dorm, gradually changing everything to suit your tastes. Of course, you'll acknowledge his efforts—won't you?
You have to. If you don't, then what was this all for?
Please accept them. Accept him. For you, he'd do anything.
There is nothing more important.
Trey Clover:
There's something sinister hidden behind his kind smile and brotherly persona—a wolf in sheep's clothing, if you'll forgive me for sounding cliché. It's something kept under wraps, and few had ever gotten unlucky enough to see it...until you came into the picture, that is.
Don't get the wrong idea now. This sadism would never be directed towards you. Rather, it is everyone else that you ought to worry for, should you care enough to worry for anyone at all. Trey would do anything if it were for you. Whether it's making your favorite dessert at three in the morning due to a sudden craving or throwing it out should you change your mind, it hardly matters. If it's for you, there are no lengths he wouldn't go to. Why, if it were your wish, he would pluck out everyone's unworthy eyes so that they were unable to gaze upon your form.
It stands to reason, then, that he would be willing to hide his true self from you, as well, if only to stand by your side.
Cater Diamond:
Another one that's not quite what he seems. Cater has spent years polishing his persona to an almost sickening degree. Putting on airs is exhausting, and the rewards are hollow. A few likes on Magicam, a fleeting moment of cyber fame, or applause from the crowd at a club event---none of it means anything to him. The endorphins are empty, cold, and so, so lonely.
He's been looking for something all his life. He couldn't find meaning in the real world, so he looks for it online. There's nothing there, either, yet even so, he searches.
He can't give up. He has to find something. If he doesn't...
Perhaps the universe decided to finally take pity on him, to throw him a bone, because finally, finally, he found it. Something more than just what's tangible. A purpose. A goal. Something to strive for, someone to impress.
You.
Duece Spade:
He's never really been a good kid. Bad grades. Bad attitude. The only way he knew how to communicate was through his fists. He hated it, but he didn't know how to change. But Duece is nothing if not stubborn. Even if he didn't know how to do something, he'd still brute his way into doing it. Even when it was sloppy. Even when he did it badly.
He wanted to change. Wanted to turn over a new leaf and make his mother proud. He finally had a chance to, after enrolling in Night Raven College. It was clear that he was out of his element. He wanted to be an honors student without knowing what it meant.
Then he met you. And everything fell into place.
You, perfect, amazing you. You were everything he'd ever wanted to be. You helped people, even when you didn't have to. Reached out even when you were on the other side of a screen. You traveled to another dimension and still managed to carve out a place for yourself amongst the chaos.
You were everything. And he'd give anything to you.
Ace Trappola:
Ace isn't exactly the lovey-dovey type. Never has been and thought he never would be, either. But...something about you makes him want to give it a try.
It's gross, honestly---the way you make him feel all warm and mushy. It's lame. He's lame. And yet, he doesn't seem to mind. He can't find it in himself to hate you. Of course not, how could he, when you're so...you?
You've made him a real sap, you know? But that's okay. Ace doesn't mind being sappy if it's for you. The others may tease him for it, but he knows they're all jealous of him. After all, he's your best friend, isn't he? Sure, your first impression of him may not have been all that great, but he's still the one who's stuck with you the longest.
He was the first human you made friends with.
He was the first, and he'll do whatever it takes to ensure that he's the favorite, too.
Unbirthday parties are so much fun; it's too bad this one was over so quick. Still, you have to go. After all, there's another dorm just down the hall. They've been scratching at the door waiting for you, so let's hurry and join them, okay?
>[Go to Savannaclaw]
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palms-upturned · 2 years
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YEAH AND ITS LIKE KIM IS THIS WISH FULFILLMENT FANTASY FOR SUICIDAL PEOPLE RIGHT, LIKE HE MEETS YOU AT THE EXACT MOMENT THAT YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO REBOOT YOUR WHOLE LIFE, HE DOESN’T KNOW YOUR PAST OR HAVE ANY PRIOR OPINION OF YOU, HE ONLY GETS TO KNOW THE VERSION OF HARRY THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO RESHAPE AS THE PLAYER. AND HE HOLDS YOU ACCOUNTABLE WITHOUT BEING JUDGMENTAL, AND HE’S KIND AND PATIENT AND EVEN GENUINELY LIKES YOU AND YOUR COMPANY! HE’S LIKE A PILLAR OF STRENGTH AND THE MOMENT YOU LAY EYES ON HIM YOU JUST KNOW THAT HE WOULD LITERALLY DIE TO PROTECT YOU. HE’S JUST SOMEONE WHO YOU FEEL SUPER SAFE WITH IN EVERY SENSE OF THE WORD, YOU KNOW? SO PART OF THAT HALO IMAGERY IS A REFLECTION OF THAT, LIKE YEAH HARRY HAS A HABIT OF IDEALIZING PEOPLE AND ITS BAD BUT ALSO KIM DOES REPRESENT AN IDEAL TO THE PLAYER. WHAT’S HOLY ABOUT HIM IS THAT IDEAL OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE AND SUPPORT. AND ON TOP OF THAT KIM’S HALO HAS THAT SORT OF DOUBLE MEANING OF A SUNRISE. HARRY IS FIXATED ON THE IDEA OF A SUNSET AND HIS LIFE COMING TO AN END BUT KIM TURNS HIS ATTENTION TO THE SUNRISE INSTEAD. THATS WHAT THAT HALO BEHIND KIM REALLY IS. THE SOUND OF THE KINEEMA AND KIM’S ARRIVAL IN HIS LIFE IS WHAT WAKES HARRY FROM HIS BLACKOUT BUT THE INFERNAL ENGINE ISN’T THE KINEEMA, IT’S HARRY! WAKING UP EVERY DAY JUST TO DO IT ALL AGAIN! AGAIN! GETTING WORSE EVERY DAY BUT STILL HANGING ON IN THE HOPES OF SOMEDAY GETTING BETTER. SUNRISE PARABELLUM, TIME TO FIGHT ANOTHER DAY. BUT HARRY DOESN’T HAVE TO FIGHT ALONE! IF YOU TREAT KIM RIGHT HE’LL STICK BY YOU. AND THAT’S THE ONLY WAY TO GET THROUGH IT, YOU KNOW? WITH SUPPORT. BUT THE PROBLEM IS THAT KIM IS STILL A COP, RIGHT? AND HE ONLY GIVES YOU THAT SUPPORT BECAUSE YOU’RE ALSO A COP. THE SAD TRUTH OF THE WHOLE GAME IS THAT THERE’S NO ENDING WHERE EITHER OF YOU STOP BEING COPS. YOU PROBABLY NEVER WILL. WHEN THE GUYS FROM THE UNSOLVEABLE CASE GET DRUNK AND CAUSE TROUBLE, THEY GET BRUTALIZED BY HARRY AND NOBODY CARES BECAUSE THEY WERE DRUNKS. WHEN HARRY GETS DRUNK AND BRUTALIZES CIVILIANS, HE GETS OFFERED A PROMOTION BECAUSE HE’S A COP. AND KIM ISN’T ABOVE ABUSING HIS POWER IN PETTY WAYS EITHER. THE TRUTH IS THAT IF YOU WEREN’T A COP HE WOULD TREAT YOU THE SAME AS ANY OTHER ADDICT ON THE STREET. HE WOULDN’T BE YOUR FRIEND. ISN’T THAT FUCKING SAD? THE BEAUTIFUL HOLY MIRACLE OF DISCO ELYSIUM THAT HARRY AND KIM COME SO CLOSE TO GLIMPSING IS JUST LOVE. GENUINE LOVE AND CARE FOR PEOPLE AROUND YOU AND LETTING IT MOVE YOU TO BE KIND IN MATERIAL WAYS. THAT’S WHAT KEEPS THE INFERNAL ENGINE GOING. THAT’S WHAT SHIVERS MEANS WHEN IT SAYS “I LOVE YOU.” THE CITY LOVES YOU BECAUSE COMMUNITIES ARE NOTHING WITHOUT LOVE. AND ALL OF THIS IS COMPLETELY ANTITHETICAL TO THE POLICE STATE. THATS WHY YOU GET A GLIMPSE OF IT IN MARTINAISE, A TOWN ABANDONED BY THE POLICE. EVERYONE THERE KNOWS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE POWERLESS. EVERYWHERE THEY LOOK THEY SEE THE SCARS OF BOMBINGS AND FAILED ATTEMPTS TO GENTRIFY THEM. HELL, EVEN THE PALE IS CREEPING INTO THE CITY. BUT THE PEOPLE KEEP GOING. YOU KEEP GOING. AND YOU ALMOST REALIZE WHY. BUT YOU NEVER QUITE GET THERE BECAUSE A COP WILL ALWAYS BE A COP FIRST AND A HUMAN SECOND, INCLUDING KIM. HE’LL KEEP DRESSING LIKE A REVOLUTIONARY AND THERE WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS BE THAT LITTLE SEED OF SHAME IN HIM BECAUSE HE KNOWS HE’S LYING TO HIMSELF BUT HE’LL NEVER DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT BECAUSE HE’S RESIGNED HIMSELF TO BEING UNABLE TO CONCEPTUALIZE A FUTURE BEYOND THE FAILURES OF THE PAST OR THE PRESENT STATUS QUO. BUT THE TRUTH IS THAT THERE IS NO FUTURE FOR A POLICE STATE. AND HE KNOWS IT BUT HE WON’T FACE IT ANY MORE THAN HE’LL FACE THE DIFFERENCES IN HOW HE TREATS YOU VS CUNO OR THE KIDS ON THE ICE. HARRY IS THE ONLY ONE WHO WOULD EVER BE ABLE TO SEE KIM AS A SAINT BECAUSE HE’S A COP. AND IN THE END YOU AND KIM LEAVE THE REALITIES OF MARTINAISE BEHIND THE SAME WAY THAT DORA LEAVES THE REALITIES OF DISABILITY AND POVERTY BEHIND WHEN SHE LEAVES HARRY. THE LOVE WAS ALWAYS CONDITIONAL AND ALWAYS WILL BE IF THEY CAN’T STOP BEING COPS. ANYWAY HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF TEHO TEARDO AND BLIXA BARGELD—
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Image description: two people at a party or concert of some kind. One person is leaning into the other’s ear and shouting with an arm around their shoulder, the other is standing stiffly and looks exasperated. End description
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