#if you can’t manage 3 LI don’t ever do it again imo

[griffinsboyfriend]

Idc if it’s spoilers but as a VIP user I feel I have to say. With just 2 chapters of TDG: PB still doesn’t know how to manage multiple LI.

[realcatalina]

Is this the lost portrait of Mary I as Princess?

Let’s find out!

First of all, painting A(on left) is extremely similiar to this painting on right(painting B):

The face and proportions etc. But obviously B has very different background, some jewels are not in A. However they look as if made by same person. Or that one is an excellent copy, and the other is original.

This level of similiarity, is frankly astonishing. You’d think it is same painting after and prior to cleaning of later alterations! But it isn’t. Becase B is painting in Ashmolean Museum and nobody knows what lies beneath the layers of 19th century mixture on top of it. As far as I understand the description on their webpage, the painting not only wasn’t ever properly cleaned, it cannot be cleaned(with our current technology). They tried in 1976...but that had catastrophic results(thus those weird smudges.) 

So what could be the explanation for this photo?

1)One is copy by excellent forger/by excellent painter. We once seen it with portrait of Margaret Beaufort. The copy made about 100 years later was very true to original in most aspects. Most being the key word here. Very few artist manage to do the perfect copy. This explain some of differences, Especially B was later altered or if B is the copy. But imo both look they have some alterations.

2)They were twins(twin portraits). By twin portraits we don’t mean exactly same portraits, but two portraits which are nearly same, but have some minor differecences. Catherine Parr had twin portraits, where posture was same, outfit was nearly same, just the gown and jewelry was different.

Here, however the jewels seem to be same, exactly the same and gown also. Unless of course, the quality of photos or alterations are hiding something. Hence could possibly be the case, we just can’t see it at the moment.

3)They were made exactly the same originally, and somebody altered heck out of B. (well almost exact same, amount of forepart you see is different+ some minor differences in french hood(in A it is smaller slightly). But it could be that they were ment to be same.)

Yet it doesn’t make sense for two exact same original portraits of Mary to be made in 1540s.

Unless both are copies, based upon single original, which predates them both! This seems to be most logical to me, but it could be any of the prior options. 

I could only find photo of A, idk where it is located and B cannot be cleaned at the moment. Maybe in future technology will improve and it will be able, but right now we can’t tell what is altered what is not.

Because Ashmolean Museum doesn’t meantion the photo or any other version of this painting, I think it is sadly possible that this old photo is of painting which was lost during WW2. (usually the case with lost art.)

This 3rd option-both being copies, would explain why even A does not have perfectly accurate Tudor outfit. But at same time, it seems like A itself is subject of alterations, and some appear to be visible in the photo. 

In lower half, obviously the girdle is missing, the pattern of fabric of forepart seems off(possible altered), the shape of oversleeves is wrong(they were never this small), there is like big smudge?/dark area on right(which i marked orange), and more cuts of undersleeves are partly see-through on both sides.

B doesn’t have such weirdness as far as I can tell. Though same problem with lack of girdle and too small oversleeves(+ the too wide forepart). On A the gap around waistline revealing forepart is more historically accurate, and it existing suggest the original painting could have been done in late 1530s/ealry 1540s. Because with Parr the gap disappeared.

And this is oviously the six-cut style undersleeves. This might help us narrow down dating of Streatham portrait. And once again, it is on Mary!

But what is most interesting to me is that those shadows behind her head are as if she wore gable hood! One back veil pinned up, one down. 

Except both on same side! It’d have to be same part of the veil-which is impossible. You cannot have same part of veil both unpinned and not pinned.

I mean it is possible that Mary originally wore gable hood. This shape of french hood is strange, so it’d make sense for it to be alteration. 

Yet the way that upper part is facing suggest is not corresponding to the shape on right, this is not how gable hood should be. That loose veil should be on left(where now french hood is).

But perhaps the person who altered it, tried various alterations. Who knows, maybe they went from french hood to gable hood or other way around.

I am just saying it’s possible that original painting was showing Mary with gable hood and please don’t use this french hood’s shape as inspiration. It’s shape is not correct, though better than on B.

Painting A is not that bad for probably a a copy. I mean if you compare it with young Mary by Scrots(on right):

Then there is a lot of similiarities in the face. I know it is not perfect, but it is certainly one my new favourites depictions of Mary.

And now if you’re still reading check the date. 

It’s April the First, Happy April Fools Day!

Did I fool you? I created this painting using photopea and old photo of Ashmolean museum’s painting. Took me several hours.

So this entire post was a prank.

I hope you’ve enjoyed it and that I fooled many of you. 

[emotionallyits2009]

deancas fic rec list!

hello everyone! happy christmas to those who celebrate it, my gift to you is my fic rec list that i said i would make like a month ago. the only thing it is organized by is canonverse vs alternate universe. tried to cover a variety of subjects but there are in particular many fics of the genre “postcanon where cas is human and he and dean live together and slowly finally get their shit together” because i know what i’m about, son. HOPE U ENJOY. and if you wanna talk about any of them or rec me other fics please do. :) 

Canonverse:

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo, 30k, explicit “Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.” There are many fics set in a post-canon universe where Cas is human and he and Dean live together and slowly fall into a relationship. Imo this one is the best of the best of that genre. This was one of the first fics I read back in July when I was getting Back Into Supernatural where I was like oh fuck I’m like in this. Dean builds Cas planters and bookshelves and a chicken coop and they fight and work through it.

Cuckoo And Nest by komodobits, 10k, explicit For a long time, Castiel thought that every earthly possession other than the immediately necessary was excess to requirement. But Dean – Dean who named his car, who keeps a photograph of his mother in his wallet, some thirty-plus years after her death, who still has the crumpled ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign with a sleeping pelican emblazoned on it from the Microtel outside of Roanoke where he first kissed Castiel, clumsy and unsure, under the unsteady fluorescence of an exhausted bathroom bulb – is sentimental. It puzzles Castiel, where Dean draws the line between what is meaningful and what it is worthless. Really Gets the dynamic of Cas doesn’t think Dean wants him to stay/Dean thinks Cas will leave the first chance he gets. Also a nice example of Cas thinking he’s not wanted if he’s not useful/powerful and being told otherwise. Another all-time fave!

lonely hearts by outphastthemoat, 4.5k, gen He thinks he might give up having his own anything just to be able to step foot inside the room next door and sit on the edge of Dean’s bed instead. This one is for the CAS GIRLS who know what LONELINESS feels like.

Helionneiros by aeli_kindara, 24.2k, mature In which Dean visits his mother, and Claire takes Cas on a hunt. I’m always on the lookout for more fic with Claire and Jack. Jack doesn’t show up until the end here but the relationship between Cas and Claire is really nice.

Crawl by aeriallon, 11k, explicit It’s been almost four years since Castiel left Kansas; he'd eventually settled in an island town where he has a job, a house, and a life without the Winchesters. Every winter, Dean drives down to the coast to see him. Another fic where Cas is human but in this one he took some time for himself and got some distance from the Winchesters! He gets to be competent and weird as a human and we love that for him. I must warn you all that this fic contains one use of the phrase “making love” which would normally put me right off but it’s still worth reading. The first of a three-part series.

home where you hold me by microcomets, 1.6k, gen Cas and Dean, in the moments between their battles, ache for quiet spaces. Technically this is a coda to 10x20 but you don’t need the episode for context. Short and very sweet.

Build a Home by domesticadventures, 20.1k, teen After they save the world, Dean expects Cas to come back to the bunker with them. He doesn’t. This one is so cute it’s like what if once they were done saving the world Sam and Dean actually invited other hunters to move into the bunker with them. Obviously Dean wants that to include Cas but doesn’t know how to use his words.

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo, 22.4k, explicit This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore. Angst fic! They go on a road trip and Dean is severely fucked up post-Mark of Cain.

Unknown Quantities by xylodemon, 8.6k, explicit No one ever tells Dean anything. Another nice getting-together fic.

Creature of Habit by trinityofone, 5.2k, teen The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well. This one is ancient by destiel standards (written during season 5) but it manages to nail the married couple vibes they give off in later seasons. Cas is a bitch and Dean likes him so much. <3

The (Mostly Accidental) Courtship of Dean Winchester by Tuesday, 11.2k, mature Angelic marriage rites were never intended to go quite like this. Another old one that is a lot of fun! They get Accidental Angel Married and if you don’t enjoy dumb fanfiction tropes like that I don’t know what to say to you.

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi, 4k, teen In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything. The OTHER accidental angel marriage fic written in 2010. 

Crazy Diamonds by pantheon_of_discord, 24.8k, explicit A week ago, Dean was pulled out of Hell. Now, he’s apparently woken up in 2018, and the angel that a mere twenty-four hours beforehand had threatened to chuck him back into the pit is sleepily pouring himself coffee and wearing Dean’s second-favourite Zeppelin shirt. It all seems like a perfect happy ending, but with Hell’s scars still so fresh, Dean can’t imagine how he could have possibly gotten there. At the same time, the Dean who went to sleep in the bunker, right next to Cas, wakes up on Bobby’s couch in 2008. He’s instantly bombarded with questions by a Lilith-obsessed brother and a man who’s been dead for years, and must decide between keeping his finally-perfect life intact, and the lives he could save by re-writing history. Regardless of these choices, both Deans are trapped in the wrong decade, and their only way back lies with a Castiel still very much under Heaven’s thumb – one who might find the future Dean describes difficult to believe. Time travel is FUN. There’s an excellent part where (minor spoilers) future!Dean is like, “Guess what, asshole? You like me so much you marry me!!!!!!!!!!!” to 2008!Castiel that made me laugh out loud the first time I read it. Also just a good reminder of how most problems in life are temporary and if you could go back in time to talk to your younger self you’d be like, “Hey man. Chill out. You get through it.”

The Path of Fireflies by museaway, 63.7k, mature After his humanity is restored, Dean wakes up in bed with Castiel, a wedding ring, and no memory of the past twelve years. There’s a lot of amnesia fic and djinn fic out there were Dean wakes up ~suddenly together with Cas~ but I like this one in particular because he’s initially very confused and kind of a dick about it until he acknowledges that being with Cas makes him happy.

take the long way home by dothraki_shieldmaiden, 95k, explicit Three months ago, when Dean decided to retire, he thought his life was going to end up differently. He'd thought that he might get to have it all, Sam, Cas, Jack, and nice little place to live. Instead he gets Sam and Jack off on their Summer of Love Tour, radio silence from Cas, and a never-ending road trip consisting of himself. Still reeling from the loss of his grace, Castiel travels the country in search of hunts. Driven by a need to prove his usefulness, he pushes himself beyond all limits of endurance. Together, with the help of a few friends, a crumbling Victorian house, and a stray cat, Dean and Castiel patch themselves back together and create a home together. Do you wanna read almost one hundred thousand words of Dean and Cas having extremely intense feelings but refusing to voice them aloud? Haha of course you do that’s why you’re here. There’s also a lot about Cas adjusting to being human and being depressed about it which might resonate if you’ve ever felt weird about having a body. To be honest the author could stand to use a few more commas but there were also half a dozen moments that made me put my phone down and drag my hand slowly over my face and whisper “oh my god” to myself which is like, the ultimate measure of a good fanfiction so it gets to be on the list.

like moses and batman and james dean by saltyfeathers, 31.6k, explicit dean used to turn tricks. over a decade later, he met cas. Have you seen the fanon (apparently pioneered by Mr. Jackles “Original Deankin” Ackles himself) that Dean used to prostitute himself to feed himself and Sam when they were younger? Are you interested in exploring that concept in fanfiction? Well, this is the only fic you need. Mind the tags on this one! It’s not what I’d call happy but it’s good.

Some Assembly Required by narrow_staircases, 47k, mature It’s September of 2005, and Dean Winchester, in an attempt to outrun old mistakes and painful memories, finds himself in southern Kentucky on a wild goose chase. He’s completely certain this weird religious movement he’s “investigating” is a hoax, despite the miraculous healings people report, and he’ll be back on the road in a day or two. Things are looking up when he meets Cas, an awkward (and gorgeous) graduate student who’s actually doing honest-to-god research into the local tent revival meetings. When that research takes a weird and personal turn, Dean’s left to face two very serious realities: one, this may be a real case after all, and two, he’s fallen way harder for Cas than he should ever have let himself. Stanford-era AU of Dean trying to avoid his father and getting in over his head on a case.

Alternate universe:

And This, Your Living Kiss by opal_bullets, 57k, mature Only a very few people in the world know that the celebrated and reclusive poet Jack Allen is just Kansas mechanic Dean Winchester, a high school dropout with a few bucks to his name. Not that it matters anymore; life has left him so wrung out he never wants to pick up another pen. Until, that is, a string of coincidences leads Dean to auditing a poetry course with one Dr. Castiel Novak. The  professor is wildly intelligent, devastatingly handsome...and just so happens to be academia's foremost expert on the poetry of Jack Allen. Mundane AUs in this fandom have to be really, really good to catch my attention and this one is! It’s exactly what it says in the summary and the characterization is spot-on. 

Out to Drift by deathbanjo, 20.9k, mature Dean drives a black car with a loud engine. He lies too easily. He keeps a gun in the back of his jeans, and Castiel isn’t sure, but he wouldn’t be surprised if Dean has killed someone before. Two people in fucked-up unstable situations meeting and forming a connection. Honestly guys I really just love deathbanjo.

[amphibious-entity]

TMBS Book 1 Brain Dump

~An Embarrassingly Long Post~

I don’t know why I’m writing this or why I’m so determined to do it. Maybe to finally assume my true form and become a mega dork on main, or maybe just for fun!

This is basically a compilation of all the main points running through my head after reading The Mysterious Benedict Society (2007) for the first time. Rather than posting a ton and spamming the tag, everything’s here in one neat package! (hopefully this gets it all out of my system rip)

Contents:

The Book Itself

The Book Itself, for real this time

The Characters

A Funny Parallel

The S.Q. Section

Lines & Scenes I Liked

Spoilers abound!

The Book Itself

Upon acquiring the first three books (don’t judge me pls), I was surprised at just how long they are. Like, they’re still pretty light being paperbacks and all, but these books are hefty lads.

The first book has this Disney+ Original Series circle thing printed on it, which is kind of unfortunate. Regardless, I love the cover illustration and yellow is actually my favorite color :D It made me weirdly quite happy whenever I saw the book lying around in my room

Also, it’s really cute how there’s a letter from Mr. Benedict at the end! (It only reveals that you can find out his first name if you “know the code”, meaning the bit of Morse printed below the summary on the back.) Shock and horror, though, as I realized I’m starting to recognize some of the letters

The Book Itself, for real this time

It’s wonderful how the tone of the book really shone through to the show adaptation. Something about the deliberateness of the aesthetic, from the set designs to the fashion to scene compositions, that really sells that particular style— like it’s very clear that this story is being told to us, rather than one we’re seeing unfold, if that makes sense.

Where that narration style stood out to me the most was the first chapter. We are told (rather than shown) how Reynie gets himself to the point of the second test, and there’s this whole twisty time maneuver for that whole sequence of events that’s really interesting

A super secret fun fact about me is that I wanted to be a writer when I was younger! So this particular balance of show vs. tell is really neat, since it runs counter to my own tendencies. The sheer amount of commas in every sentence is also kind of comforting, since Ahah, I Do That in those few serious-ish attempts at writing lol

Overall this book’s style reminds me a lot of Roald Dahl’s books, which are very nostalgic for me :D The whole “kids are more competent than adults” angle helps a lot too haha

The Characters

Oh boy here’s where I get a little bit critical! Overall I did really like this book!! it’s just that that expresses itself in all this weird “”analysis”” lol

Reynie - much better in the books than in the show

It’s sort of a lukewarm take but I feel like show!Reynie is kind of boring? He doesn’t have a lot going on flaw-wise, and obviously since he’s the protagonist he can’t have too many weird traits or else the kids watching can’t project themselves onto him as easily

(I call it the difference between an aspirational protagonist and a vessel protagonist. Going off of the Roald Dahl vibes, think Matilda vs Charlie. show!Reynie is more of a Charlie)

Thus when we get to see him really struggle with the Whisperer and doubt himself it gives him a lot more dimension, at least in my opinion

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

Sticky - my son

I’ve long held to no one besides myself and my long suffering sister that Sticky is The Best Member of the Society

He happened to hit a lot of the Bingo squares of Stuff I Like In Characters: glasses, anxious, nice :), kind of a coward but ultimately is there for his friends, etc

For some reason I don’t talk about him nearly as much as you-know-who, but I love him just as dearly

Kate & Constance - I don’t have much to say

Kate is really interesting in this book! I like how we get to see more of her depths, in particular that one passage about her belief that she is invincible being the only thing that keeps her from falling apart? :c

Also her constant fidgeting is relatable lol

Constance is somehow a lot more tolerable in the book. I think I’m just one of those people with no patience for small children, unfortunately lol

(Some of) The Adults

It’s interesting that they had such an offscreen presence for most of the book. Giving them more time was probably one of the stronger changes of the show

However if that decision was made at the expense of the white knight scenes I think the choice should have been clear

I like the way Rhonda and Number Two are written

Milligan always on sad boy hours 😔✊

The “mill again” passage is touching but kind of messes up the pacing of the getaway, at least for me. Maybe I should read it again to make sure I didn’t miss something

Miss Perumal is much better in the show. We see so little of her in the book she doesn’t function well as an emotional anchor for Reynie, imo

The Institute Gang

Jackson and Jillson serve their purpose well, and Martina was surprising to say the least. I like the direction they took her in the show! I can’t imagine how funny it must have been to watch the tetherball subplot come out of nowhere lolol

These sections were written out of sequence, so random tidbit I couldn’t fit in The S.Q. Section: I like how he stumbles over his words. relatable

Mr. Curtain

While I think I know why they decided to not give Curtain the wheelchair in the show, we were totally robbed of Actor Tony Hale’s performance for the reveal during the final confrontation

Speaking of the wheelchair, it’s such a powerful symbol of his need for control or rather, his fear of losing it

The Contrast between him and Mr. Benedict. This point is expanded on in A Funny Parallel

Mr. Benedict

Oh boy, Mr. Benedict… How do I say this

I find it hard to trust Mr. Benedict, unfortunately

I mean to say, I do in the sense that I know he would never hurt the kids, thanks to knowing that a) this is a children’s book series and b) the meta (tumblr) states that he is really nice and lovable and stuff, but seriously. Why do the kids trust him at first?? I probably missed something somewhere

I like to think I’m an optimistic person, but unfortunately I’m also super paranoid. The premise of “a bunch of vulnerable orphans team up with a strange old man” is just so odd to me I don’t know how to explain it

I don’t know!!! I really want to trust Mr. Benedict

One of the strengths of the show is that we get to see him more often, and thus he gets to acknowledge more often that the plan is weird and that he feels really badly for putting the kids in danger and that he’s trustworthy and genuine

But his lack of presence for most of the book just makes him into something of a specter, invisible and unknowable, speaking only in riddles from across the bay

Which is why the white knight scene is so important!! I loved that scene ;-;

Because here’s an actual emotional connection! We can actually see it happening, rather than only being told that it exists

Reynie asking for advice and receiving encouragement, in words that demonstrate that Mr. Benedict actually cares about him and worries about him and agghh

It is a federal crime that the white knight scenes were not adapted into the show

But overall this whole issue didn’t ruin my enjoyment of the book at all! It’s just ->

A Funny Parallel

Okay, ready for my biggest brain, hottest take ever??

Mr. Benedict and Mr. Curtain…. are… the same

I mean obviously not entirely, given that one is benevolent and kind and the other is… Mr. Curtain

But seriously. Genius old man seeks out children (mainly orphans) to enact a plan. Said children often end up incredibly devoted to his cause and deeply admire him this is a little flimsy

Undoubtedly that’s intentional and is supposed to show the difference between them, like some kind of cautionary tale? “Let yourself be vulnerable and let others help you, lest you turn eeeeviiillll”

I guess that’s where the aforementioned epic contrast comes in. You get Mr. Curtain, strapped into his wheelchair and hiding behind those mirrored sunglasses, terrified (but unwilling to admit it) of ever showing the tiniest hint of vulnerability, vs. Mr. Benedict, who can let himself fall knowing that someone will catch him :’)

Anyhow I have nothing against the parallels, I just think it’s funny

The S.Q. Section

The S.Q. Quarantine Thread so it doesn’t leak out everywhere else <3

I’d like to meet the emo angstlord genius who read this book and decided to make SQ into Dr. Curtain’s son. What in the world

Okay I should probably preface this by saying that I absolutely adore both book!S.Q. and show!SQ with all my heart. Somehow, despite being a completely different character in both mediums, he has managed to be one of the best characters in either and certainly one of my favorites (besides Sticky of course) in the entire franchise, despite the fact that I’ve only read the first book/watched the show so far. I am confident in this statement.

But seriously! How?? Why?? I could probably write a whole other essay about why show!SQ is such an interesting character, and the change works so incredibly well. I’m just. Baffled

Okay, focus. book!S.Q. is such a sweetheart, oh my goodness. Like, 100% one of the most endearing characters in the book. Poor guy. I don’t even know where to start!!

He just seems to be a genuinely good guy at heart, despite being technically one of the bad guys. He’s genuinely happy for Reynie and Sticky when they became Messengers and helped Kate when she “fell” and was concerned about Constance when she looked sick and how he was in that meeting with Mr. Curtain and Martina?!!? aaahhhhghgh ;-; he just wants people to be happy TT-TT

Comparing him against literally every character at the Institute is probably what makes him so endearing tbh. When everyone else is so awful to the kids, it really makes him stand out. Like a cheerful little nightlight in the worst, most humid and rank bathroom you’ve ever been in

It’s kind of pointless to theorize about a book series that’s already concluded (I think?) but. Is the implication of S.Q.’s forgetfulness supposed to be that Mr. Curtain used him in brainsweeping experiments somehow? The timeline probably definitely absolutely doesn’t line up but like. How did he get to being a Messenger being the way he is now, given how cutthroat the process is? And then of course Mr. Curtain keeps him around as an Executive because he’s fun to mess with and presumably his loyalty. I’m very curious as to how their relationship develops in the other books, if at all. Those are probably where the seeds of the “let’s make them family” logic were planted

But wouldn’t it be hilarious if the reason we don’t know what “S.Q.” stands for in the books is that he just. Forgot

Another thing that occurred to me. Given that he and the other Executives were Messengers at some point, what were their worst fears? What is S.Q.’s worst fear?? Inquiring minds need to know

One last horrible little anecdote: I was thinking about book!S.Q. while eating breakfast, as one does, and suddenly it hit me.

I want to believe The Author Trenton Lee Stewart had the name for a character, S.Q. Pedalian, and was like, “Hm! What sort of quirky trait should this young fellow have?” Because, of course, in this style of fiction every character has to have at least one cartoonish or otherwise distinguishing trait to stand out in the minds of children. (For instance, Kate has her bucket, Sticky has his glasses, Constance is angry, and Reynie is Emmett from the Lego Movie)

Anyhow, he looks around the room, searching for inspiration. Suddenly he comes across a jumbo box of plastic wrap. Completely innocuous in design, save for one line of text. 300 SQ FT.

“…large… S.Q. …feet? THAT’S IT!” i’m sorry

Lines & Scenes I Liked

In no particular order!

Sticky quotes Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Evil combination aerobics/square dancing in the gym with the Executives

Everyone being happy at the end :’)

Everyone partying after Sticky reunites with his parents, and later finding Mr. Benedict asleep at his desk from the moment they shook hands :’’)

Literally any scene with Sticky in it

Any time Kate says “you boys” or “gosh”

[“Um, sir?” S.Q. said timidly, raising his hand. “A thought just occurred to me.” / Mr. Curtain raised his eyebrows. “That’s remarkable, S.Q. What is it?”] clown prince of my heart </3

S.Q.’s determined monologue about searching for clues after he bungled up the first time

Literally any scene with S.Q. in it (please refer to The S.Q. Section)

Reynie trying to resist the Whisperer.

[Let us begin. / First let me polish my spectacles, Reynie thought. / Let us begin. / Not without my bucket, Reynie insisted. He heard Mr. Curtain muttering behind him. / Let us begin, let us begin, let us begin. / Rules and schools are tools for fools, Reynie thought.]

NO MORE HURTIN’ WITH CURTAIN

Milligan showing up on the island!!

Remember the white knight hhhhhh

“controle”

A Super Secret Bonus Section

I would be extremely surprised if anyone read through all the way down here lol. Regardless, here’s a little acknowledgements section :D not tagging anyone since I don’t want to bother all of these people

Special shoutout to tumblr blog stonetowns for unknowingly yet singlehandedly demolishing my reluctance to read the books by posting a ton of cute quotes. Thank you for your service o7

Thanks to the two OGs that liked the post I made right before this one, for being my unwitting enablers and for sticking around despite being a) technically an internet stranger (hello!) and b) someone I haven’t spoken to irl in literal years (hey!!)

Last but not least thankz 2 my sister for putting up with me ranting about the book when I first got it and for asking about “CQ” sometimes lol. (i desperately hope you’re not reading this orz)

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 319 Spoiler Analysis: Found Family

Holy crap what a phenomenal chapter!  This arc in general has been great, but this chapter might be one of my favorites of the arc.  Not just because it focuses on Class 1-A (I’m so glad to see the kids again), but because of the growth we see in these kids in general especially Bakugo and Shoto IMO.  Like, holy shit ESPECIALLY BAKUGO!  I stand by my opinion that Bakugo is one of the best developed characters in the series.  There’s so much I want to say about this chapter and I’ll try my best to do so if my poor injured left hand will let me 😭:

The chapter starts off with the first of 3 colored pages we’re going to get over the next few weeks to celebrate 7 YEARS OF MY HERO ACADEMIA!!!  CONGRATS, HORIKOSHI-SENSEI!!!  This series revived my love of anime/manga and really helped me in some really rough spots in my life.  I will forever be grateful towards Horikoshi for bringing this series to life and blessing us with such an incredible story full of beautiful characters.  MHA may be a little overrated, but I still think it deserves all the love it can get.  

Anyway, the color page.  It shows Uraraka, Iida (who has red eyes here, so IDK why the anime gives him blue eyes though I do think they work better for him personally *shrugs*), Shoto, Tokoyami, and Bakugo after basically figuring out where Deku went.  Bakugo is shown tearing up his letter (which says something like “Thank you for being there, Kacchan”; there’s more but I can’t translate it 😭) and you can kinda see some bandage wrap around his arm where he was stabbed.  Also, both Bakugo and Shoto still have some visible injuries on their faces and Bakugo’s hands, so they’re still recovering from the War.  It’s a really pretty page in general and I can’t wait to see what the next 2 color pages are going to look like.  I also kinda want Horikoshi to take a break after this too again so he doesn’t overwork himself.  Maybe he’ll treat himself to the MHA: World Heroes Mission movie 🍿.  

So, Shoto and Bakugo have figured out that Deku is most likely with Endeavor, Hawks, and Best Jeanist.  Problem is that none of them are answering their phones.  I like that Bakugo calls Best Jeanist “Pair of Denim Pants” 😂 and Shoto’s image of Endeavor is still a very angry version of his old man.  Shoto’s still making amends with his father, but he’s still not THERE yet.  Regardless, these kids are smart enough to know that something’s up.  Especially since All Might hasn’t returned to UA either.

It’s basically confirmed by Ojiro that because classes have been suspended, our Class 1-A kids are still 1-A; they haven’t moved into their second year yet.  That clears up the confusion on whether we should still refer these group of kids as 1-A still or not.  

Now Bakugo’s showing how much of a genius he really is despite his personality.  Bakugo figures out that the Top 3 and All Might are working together as a group based on how they all connected with each other back at Central Hospital.  Also, Bakugo concludes that All Might snuck Deku’s letters under their doors while Deku started running.  Ultimately, Bakugo does know more about Deku and All Might more than anyone else does.  He’s been around his childhood friend and he’s admired his idol longer than most people have.  Bakugo understands how bad the situation is and he’s ready to take action.  

As are the other kids.  You can see how determined they are and you can see Kirishima’s black roots coming in 🥺!  Even Uraraka gets some shine here by bringing up the idea to trick Endeavor to come via getting help from Principle Nezu as Endeavor was a UA student.  It’s really interesting to see Ochako in a more serious roll than usual, but I actually like it.  I hope she’s still as bubbly as she always was at the end of the day, but she’s definitely matured and grown a lot over the corse of the series.  Even the simple things like her hair show it as it’s not as floaty as it was before.  I love it when Horikoshi shows small details like this.  It adds to the characters and stories a lot.  Also, the art in this chapter is amazing.

And now it’s Endeavor vs. Class 1-A in a much needed conversation.  All the kids are wearing their school uniforms to make this as formal and serious as they can.  EVEN BAKUGO IS PROPERLY WEARING HIS TIE YOU KNOW SHIT’S ABOUT TO GO DOWN!!!  And, I must say, Bakugo looks damn good with a tie 😳.  You can also get a decent height measurement on the kids here if you want.  Ngl, sometimes I forget that Shoto’s about 2 inches taller than Bakugo.  It’s definitely the hair.  

Shoto’s the first to step up and he scolds the hell out of his old man.  Rightfully so tbh.  Endeavor shouldn’t have ignored Shoto’s calls even though I kind of understood why.  Shoto reminds Endeavor of their plan to stop Dabi though thankfully that’s what’s pushing Endeavor forward so he hasn’t forgotten.  Shoto calls his father “Endeavor” and gets mad at him fro leaving Deku and All Might alone.  The rough translations say he called Izuku “Deku” here too btw.  Endeavor has no response.  I think this anger Shoto’s unleashing is very justified and has been burning inside him since Deku left UA.  His best friend just up and left him and his friends with nothing but a letter to kinda explain things.  Also, Shoto and the rest of 1-A (minus Bakugo) have basically been lied to for about a year.  I’d want answers too if someone did that to me.  

Bakugo steps in by putting a hand on Shoto’s shoulder (🥺) to calm him down a bit and to say his piece.  Ultimately, he thinks what Deku is doing is right, but that the way they’re all doing it is wrong.  I love Deku and All Might, but they’re sacrificial idiots.  They care more about others than they probably ever will themselves.  That’s how All Might lost his OFA in the first place.  It’s because of that that All Might doesn’t have it in him to stop Deku from going down this path.  They shouldn’t have been left alone.  Someone should’ve kept a closer eye on them.  I know the Top 3 were all worried about getting too close to Deku before, but really, someone should’ve been watching them closer on the sidelines.

The next page is a really cool drawing of Endeavor flinging his phone to the kids to catch.  The previous panels showed Endeavor with this face that’s regretful and I think he realized something: That Bakugo is right and that the kids might be better off finding Deku than he is.  So he basically gives the kids his GPS on his phone.  Those are just my thoughts, but it does look like that.  I don't think Endeavor’s just going to up and give up though.  He’s probably going to start rethinking things though.

As Sero manages to catch Endeavor’s phone, he and the rest of the kids think about how even though they’ve only known Deku for a year, they still think of him as family and cannot let him go down this thorny path alone.  They’ll carry the OFA burden with him if they have to.  They can’t smile without Deku around.  These kids truly have become a family over the year.  It’s amazing to see.  Everyone’s like a brother and sister and it’s really nice to see.  I just love Found Family stories, guys 😭❤️

And really quick, I want to focus on my ❄️🔥 boy, Shoto, really quick.  As he’s thinking about Deku, he mentions how shocked he still is about Deku keeping OFA from them and how Deku thought just a letter would suffice.  He has this sad look on his face like he’s trying to say: “I still can’t believe my best friend hid this from me for so long.  Why?  Did he not trust me?”  That’s just my interpretation.  Still, I can’t imagine how upset Shoto must feel.  I think he still cares a lot about Deku enough to go out and find him, but he’s gotta feel some sort of betrayal.  More so than the other students outside of Bakugo because, again, Deku was essentially Shoto’s best and closest friend 💙😭

Endeavor is rightfully worried about letting the kids out in the state of Japan right now, but now Principle Nezu speaks up and praises the kids on growing up so well.  He’s also took into account Deku's feelings about his mission which is why he agreed to the team up.  Also, Deku’s still welcome back to UA whenever he wants thank god ☺️.  He’s a student who has to be protected.  There’s a cute panel of Uraraka and her mom crying happily after getting her acceptance letter too.  Not 100% why this is shown other than Acceptance Letter part, but it’s cute to see.  Maybe Ochako realizes how much Deku needs to be protected or something.

As for the refugees, Nezu had the security system strengthened in time for the Cultural Festival earlier, but they never used it before.  It’s call The UA Barrier.  God, how strong is this thing?  Is it strong enough to stop Shigaraki who was able to Decay the last barrier?  This seems like something that’ll be used in the final battle TBH.  

So, Nezu trust the 1-A kids to bring Deku back home.  Which is exactly what they plan to do as all 19 of them enter Kamino in a badass full page.  I actually wasn’t sure if all 19 of them were there at first since I couldn’t find Shoto for the life of me, but then my eyes saw the BIG-ASS ICE WALL IN THE BACK AND I THOUGHT “OH THERE HE IS!!!” LOL 😂 

The next panel actually does show Shoto with Momo as they capture the villain from the last chapter.  Momo politely calls Bakugo “Bakugo-san”, but Bakugo demands that he be called his insane hero name: “GREAT EXPLOSION MURDER GOD DYNAMIGHT”!  I CAN’T WITH THIS DUDE SOMETIMES WHY DO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH 💥🧡

Deku sees his friend and wonders why they came.  Ochako answers because that they were worried about him, but Deku tries to convince everyone (including himself) that he’s fine.  He’s obviously not and Bakugo calls TF out on him!  He even drops a good F-bomb for good measure.  Bakugo mocks Deku for trying to act like All Might and asks Deku if he can even smile right now.  I actually really like it that Bakugo’s calling Deku out on his shit.  I think Deku needs some good tough love right now to knock some sense into him.  Who would be better to do that than Katsuki Bakugo himself?

As Deku is trying to convince everyone that’s he’s fine (while still looking like a demon btw), there’s a small focus on Iida.  Actually, a few panels this chapter have focused on Iida.  Maybe he’s remembering the time Deku saved him back when they went up against Stain.  Deku saved him then so it’s now Iida’s turn to save Deku.  Also, Iida hasn’t gotten much focus lately and I really like his character, so I’m glad he’s being brought back to the forefront again.  Also, I like hearing Kaito-san’s voice in general so I’d be happy to hear him again (thanks for that one, Haikyuu).

The final spread shows Deku telling everyone to move away while Bakugo, Iida, and Ochako get ready to stop him.  IT’S DEKU VS. CLASS 1-A!!!  WE’RE ENTERING CIVIL WAR FOLKS!!!  Seriously, though, this is great.  I was thinking that it would be just Bakugo and a few other students finding Deku.  Instead we got the whole class.  And looks like that “helping hand” thing will happen later because we got a battle to fight first.  

Bakugo’s become a damn fine leader and I love to see his growth every freaking time🧡! I like how Iida has his hand on Bakugo’s back to support him btw.  It’s weird that Shoto’s not in this page though.  He’s one of Deku’s best friends, so I would think he would be in this page along with Bakugo and his first 2 friends (Ochako and Iida).  Maybe Horikoshi’s saving Shoto for a more 1-on-1 conversation with Deku.  God, I hope that happens because I think along with Bakugo, Shoto deserves a good talk with Deku the most.  

Honestly, I’m not sure who would win this battle.  I’ve been going through scenarios in my head on who would win, but I can’t come to a solid answer.  Class 1-A has 19 versatile Quirks under their belt and they have more energy than Deku to fight, but Deku still has 6 insanely powerful Quirks that he’s been practicing for a while.  The kids could probably win if they strategize enough and use Deku’s exhaustion against him, but again, Deku has OFA and multiple other Quirks.  If he could beat Lady Nagant, one of the best snipers around, he might be able to beat the 1-A kids.  He could just escape with Smoakscreen, Black Whip, and Float if he wants to really.  That would put 1-A on another wild goose chase.  There’s also Deku’s Danger Sense which will be a pain to deal with.  Also, Deku said that he’s as strong as All Might was in his prime with Fa-Jin and OFA combined.  Only AFO and Shigaraki were strong enough to take on THAT.  Plus, we still don’t know what the 2nd OFA Holder’s Quirk is yet.  Deku might use it in this battle.  God, I have so many theories in my head now.  I think this battle will be awesome, but ultimately, I want Deku to come home 😭💚

Me reading and loving My Hero Academia: 

[potahun]

Personal top 5 in Wo Men De Ge  / Our Songs, Season 1

After finishing all 12 eps of the 1st season of  “Wo Men De Ge” / “Our Songs”, I am listing my personal top 5 pairs of “Young Singer x Old but Gold Singer” teams in the show, mostly just to have an excuse to gush and recommend some of my favourite performances from this beautiful, beautiful music show. 

5. Xiao Zhan x Na Ying (and Angela Chang) - Team: Na Zhan Dui

What I really liked about them: The fact that they challenged many styles! Perhaps it’s because Xiao Zhan is currently an actor and not specialised in any music type, but their performances were among the most diverse. They did rock, disco, old Chinese classics...Singing-wise, Xiao Zhan does nice switches to falsetto, Na Ying’s voice is broad and with its own feel, and Angela Chang who replaced NY for a few eps has such a special and beautiful voice ugh. But what I liked most about them is probably Na Ying herself. Her outspoken personality and sense rly got to me and she was my favourite “Model Singer” in Group B. She was also so open to accompanying XZ in trying new styles and to put an emphasis on performance (as in, the visual aspect of it) to help XZ out. I think for someone who’s not currently a singer, he got very lucky she was his partner. 

What I found to be a pity: Xiao Zhan sings pretty nicely, but it’s true that when you have Ayanga and Zhou Shen next door, it’s pretty hard for his voice to stand out. A few times, I found myself feeling like Na Ying or Angela was carrying the song single-handedly and couldn’t rly notice his voice anymore. Angela’s voice especially stands out, so sometimes, it feels like what I remember most from Na Zhan Dui performances is Angela’s great voice and the visual effects. Also, maybe it’s because he has to manage his image a bit more than the other young artists, but Xiao Zhan did come across as quite nervous during the entire show, including during many of the performances. If you only watch him based on this show, he comes across as just a very polite young person (with a pleasant voice). 

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Gen Zhe Gan Jue Zou / Going with the Feeling (not rly a performance but the song with which NY and XZ got “blindly” paired up, and somehow the song in which he was the most relaxed imo)

Jun Gang Zhi Ye / A Night at the Naval Port (classic lovely song. Imo it was the song in which their voices matched up most seamlessly)

4. Xiao Gui x Luo Qi - Team: Wang Zha 

What I really liked about them: I knew neither of them before the show, but felt like this team truly tried to make a new sound each time and to mix modern elements into old songs (which fits perfectly with the show’s theme). Luo Qi is so open to Xiao Gui’s suggestions and so humble about trying things outside her comfort zone, even though she is the senior. They also had a really nice old sister-little brother relationship, full of mutual respect, and it was kind of refreshing to have the young artist be like ‘it’s ok, it’s ok’ and being the encouraging or optimistic one in the team. Among the younger artists, Xiao Gui is the only rapper, so being on this show could be pretty challenging but Luo Qi being so open to trying new things made it work. She really went outside her comfort zone, and I loved this team for it. They are also both really pleasant - mostly quiet but polite and comfortable. All-round lovely pair. 

What I found to be a pity: In a way, because Luo Qi was so accommodating and humble, sometimes it felt like Xiao Gui might have overpushed her a bit? Perhaps he could have been a tad more considerate, but we don’t see much of their interactions and overall they do seem like they have a good relationship. 

Favorite performance(s) from them: Hui Lai / Come Back (the way the rap got mixed into this song feels so very natural) 

3. Ayanga x Fei Yuqing - Team: (God Xiao Ge team names are hard to remember) Yun Dan Feng Qing 

What I really liked about them: Well of course, the voices and the singing technique. haha I did not know Ayanga before this show, but HOLY SHIT. Not a musical actor for nothing. HE CAN SING. And he can sing so many styles, too. He is GOOD. Watching them, I thought, shit, among all the young artists we saw, only he could have been paired up with a senior like Fei Yuqing (and perhaps Zhou Shen, but we’ll come to him later). Their voices are distinctive, but the style in which they sing have certain similarities, so they match quite well. Basically, this is a team based on talent, skills and experience. They only sing songs that sound like classics but holy fucking shit, I loved the way they sang them. Other than the singing - and this is not a team thing - but I was rly surprised to find out that Fei Yuqing was quite funny. Individually speaking, both he and Ayanga were entertaining while remaining ever so pleasant. They were real pleasures to watch. 

What I found to be a pity: I thought there was a lack of team chemistry, which could be in part due to how they got paired up, but yeah, they just never really felt like a team, more like two very polite and courteous singers who decided to work together for a few performances. Also, I am absolutely not surprised by it, but I guess, since it’s the Fei Yuqing, both young artists were fully accommodating him and not the other way round. It is not a bad thing in FYQ’s case because his singing is beautifully amazing and hey its his last show anyway, but it would have been fun to see more sparks here and there.

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Juan Zhu Lian / Rolling up the Beaded Curtain (haha are you ready for pure skills to fuck you up? I liked Juan Zhu Lian before, but this version is incredible)

Xin Yuan Yang . Hu Die Meng / New Mandarin Duck. Butterfly Dream (again pure skills but also the harmonising. a+++) 

2. Liu Yuning x Ren Xianqi - Team: Jie Tou Pai Dang

What I really liked about them: This team is one of the teams that felt the most like a team. They have similar past experiences and I liked that they had a chill older brother + reserved younger brother chemistry. I also liked that they both seem to be people who are passionate about different aspects of music (like singing yes, but also music arrangement overall). Ren Xianqi was so open to letting Liu Yuning express what he wanted / add in the elements he wanted to each performance, or have LYN’s band be in charge of re-arranging the songs. Before this show, all I knew from Ren Xianqi was his “Xin Tai Ruan”, but I found him so lovely and nice during the whole show! He only had kind praise for all the other artists, was positive throughout, and well, Group A only had lovely "Model Singers”, but RXQ stood out in this respect. He and Liu Yuning had such a comfortable dynamics and many of the songs they sang happen to be all-time favourites of mine so of course bonus points. Singing-wise, I love Liu Yuning’s voice. It’s not like he can hit super high notes or anything, but this guy rly gets the right feeling out of each song through his voice. All in all, I loved the team.

What I found to be a pity: Literally, the only thing I find to be a limiting factor for this team is Ren Xianqi’s voice aaaaa TT. It felt like he struggled a bit at times, and compared to other senior singers, his voice doesn’t have as much of a distinctive feel, which I thought was a pity... Some of his uh...moves during some of the performances also felt a bit old-fashioned, but I think I can live with that.  

Favorite performance(s) from them: 

Tian Ya  (the song...the arrangement...the spirit...the LYN’s singing...)

Ai Jiang Shan Geng Ai Mei Ren (mainly because this song is one of my all-time favourites and you cant go wrong with it, but this is not my favorite rendition of it either)

1. Zhou Shen x Li Keqin - Team: Qin Shen Shen

What I really liked about them: EVERYTHING FUCK HAHA. ok so. I started this show with pretty even feelings for all the teams, but if one team really grabbed my heart from ep. 1 onwards and threw it into the fire pit, it’s these two. GOD Can I even talk about them neutrally?? Chemistry-wise...where did they even get all this chemistry? No one knows. On stage, I don’t know if I’ve heard two voices that match as well as theirs when they harmonise before, but if I did, I don’t remember. Zhou Shen’s voice is high and floating like some kind of ethereal mermaid’s, while Li Keqin’s voice is so stable, so warm it’s the perfect match. But the chemistry off-stage?? It’s even more incredible??? If Liu Yuning and Ren Xianqi are like a pair of older and younger brothers, what are Zhou Shen and Li Keqin? No one knows, and certainly not them. All the terms have been thrown in: match made in heaven, perfect match, a couple that separated and had a child (thanks LKQ) but also father and son, ‘someone who likes music’ (what?)....but basically, everyone on the show agrees that their chemistry is uncanny and it’s not stopping them from continuing with whatever they’re doing. This team basically has it all and they know it: Singing skills and technique? they both have it. Passion for singing? They both have it. Perfect chemistry? They have it. Stellar and complementary sense of comedy and humour? They have it. Theatrical smoke as their only visual effect on stage? They have it (jk). Every episode that they’re on, I am laughing and smiling from ears to ears and thanking the heavens that they got paired up. Why are they like this.

What I found to be a pity: The fact that I can’t buy an album from them as a duo? hahaha OK, perhaps just the fact that they stuck mostly with ballads (except for Ye Lang Disco) and so I would have loved to see more sparks from them. But this complaint is also very empty because it’s not like I didn’t thoroughly enjoy every single ballad they sang...haha haha....Ah, one thing I found to be a veeerrrry slight pity is that, as ZS himself says, he’s quite insecure. In contrast, LKQ is quite optimistic, so it makes for a lot of comedic clashes in this respect (annnnd it becomes a thing I like about them again). OK ok one thing is perhaps that ZS’s jokes can be a little bit borderline, but honestly, they receive each others’ jokes so well it becomes part of their charm and chemistry.........I guess I’m biased....ok....I'll shut up

Favorite performance(s) from them:

Tian Xia You Qing Ren / All the Lovers in the World (oh my God oh my God oh my God thank you Zhou Shen for choosing this song)

Ye Lang Disco / Wild Wolf Disco (?) (BECAUSE THIS IS Qin Shen Shen AT THEIR FINEST: ABSOLUTE DORKS WHO SLAY AT PERFORMING. Na Ying mentioned this as the inspiration for her and Xiao Zhan’s disco challenge, and that’s for a GOOD reason.)

Honestly I thought Zhou Hua Jian should be there somewhere, because I am a HUGE fan of Zhou Hua Jian songs, but I did feel like his performances were a bit...slapdash in this show haha. And Yi Qiao seems very nice but most of the time, I didn’t feel her presence as much, and it felt like I was enjoying the performance because no matter what, ZHJ’s voice  is fucking good. I also found it to be a pity that he had to constantly remind the audience about points and voting - in the beginning it was funny, but by the end it felt a little repetitive - and that some of his comments could be a little bit borderline and clumsy. So not in the top 5, but his team’s performance of “Qi Shi Bu Xiang Zou / In truth, I don’t want to leave” did make me cry. A lot.  

Anyways, overall, I rate this show 10 / 10 and would encourage anyone who likes music to watch it! I know many people who watched the show are international Xiao Zhan fans, well, if so, you’ll see a lot of him at least! (and your attention might get snatched by some others if you’re not careful)

[alextriestowritestuff]

Blood Of Olympus Read W/ Me

This was the worst book of the series by far. I almost didn’t finish it. I think my thoughts are going to be rather short but they’ll still be below the cut for spoiler reasons. There will also be Trials of Apollo spoilers so I highly suggest not reading this if you haven’t caught up with those books! Let’s get into it.

I’d like the start by saying what I like: Nico/Reyna POV. I loved their relationship (which I didn’t see coming at all) it was very big sis-little bro vibes. I love that Nico finally found a place and his budding relationship with Will. What’s funny is though I knew Will would be his love interest (You can’t avoid them in fanfic at all) I thought he’d be more like super sunshine/super happy and that would contrast with Nico’s emo nature. But he was just chill and was like Nico, stop being a dumbass, we’re friends. I think fanfic gave me a different impression of what he’d be like (Granted I never read the fics, just summaries) and I was surprised that he was not like that. It’s not bad or good, just pointing it out. 

Oh and Nico telling Percy he liked him and Percy just being like ‘say what?’ I didn’t expect Nico to actually fess up to that one but Percy’s reaction was gold. 

The best moment in this book is Reyna taking down Orion by herself. She was that BITCH. Correct me if I’m wrong but the only other person who defeated a giant by themselves was Percy right? In the Battle of Labyrinth when he fights Antaeus? I think Antaeus was a half-giant though because Percy, a demigod, managed to kill him without the help of a god. Anyway, Reyna was everything in that scene. Oh I lied, he took down Polybotes too. They’d be unstoppable together (though I love Percabeth). She was about to sacrifice herself too!! What a queen. I respect the crap out of her. UM Jason you really picked the wrong girl lmao. 

I appreciated the Thalia cameo (because again, I didn’t re-read the Lost Hero so I haven’t seen her since the last time I read the PJO series) and the mention of Zoe. I hope Kenzie didn’t really die though, I liked her. 

And that’s all the good I have to say about it. Now for the bad...so much bad.

So after thinking about it, I realize that what makes HoO so different from its predecessor series is that there’s no consequences. The closest we got to consequences was Annabeth and Percy falling into Tartarus because they weren’t saved in time. No one important (protagonist/good guys side) died. Leo was resurrected (And I looked it up and found out that he came to Camp in the Trials of Apollo series so everyone knows he’s alive). Even for the Tartarus one, we didn’t even get a PTSD arc. It would’ve been helpful to have Percy or Annabeth’s POV in this book to wrap up that subplot. Instead we get two lines about their time in Tartarus and when Percy brings it up, Annabeth tells him not to mention it. So no PTSD arc. Got it. But we can just casually mention that Octavian committed suicide (which I don’t care for that ending at all).  Right.

The HoO books are boring because there’s no consequences. I never felt true fear apart from Percy/Annabeth being in Tartarus. In the Last Olympian, mortals were put to sleep, Annabeth was gravely injured, Silena and Beckendorf died. Luke and Ethan died. There was no magical save for them. Blood of Olympus had NO stakes, coupled with a weak, slightly developed new characters made it a bad series imo. It also doesn’t deliver on the questions posed in the book.

Hazel’s curse is still active, no descendant of Neptune has taken it away. I read the wiki summary for every book of the Trials of Apollo (The last one isn’t out yet) and there’s no mention of her curse being lifted. I think Frank’s stick is resolved imo being that it’s safe in the fireproof pouch but for some readers, they don’t think that’s resolved. Kym told Percy he’d have to face his fatal flaw. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I don’t feel as though he did. Percy also never helped Leo find Calypso but Ig that’s null because he never got the chance to. Also is Black Jack, Frank’s grandmother, Hylla okay? Orion said Hylla got away but I was hoping for another cameo. 

Let’s talk about the villains/the entire quest of the Seven. The quest was boring, Nico/Reyna/Hedge’s quest was 100x more interesting and they were transporting a freaking statue. The quest of the Seven was fight this minor god/villain who is working for Gaea who promised them something (Even Jason has a line where he makes fun of this), outsmart/fight them, get to Athens where all the monsters are. Percy and Annabeth’s blood awakens Gaea. The gods come down which makes me angry because most of them weren’t helpful throughout the series. Poseidon wasn’t in this series at all. He didn’t even send a symbol or talk to his son who went missing. I’m pissed that the battle against Gaea wasn’t even in Athens! I’m pissed that they got slapped to New York, like what? The gods really couldn’t poof them back there, they gave some excuse but it was still bs. But I guess Rick needed Argo II to get back to NY so Leo can turn festus back into a dragon. But anyway, the gods come down, the demigods work with to defeat the giants in less than two pages. The giants that were poised as a massive threat for four books straight. Defeated in mere minutes. We don’t even get a cool battle description, they just hack and slash at them and they’re dead. Huh? 

Percy, Annabeth, Hazel, and Frank were reduced to background characters and I understand they don’t have a POV but I never felt that characters who didn’t have a POV in a certain book were ever forgotten/not utilized. They didn’t really get to do anything. 

We also don’t really see the Roman and Greek gods all that much. I know they’re the same people, different Greek and Roman personalities. But like I thought their Roman side could be seen a bit more but they were having difficulty maintain one persona throughout the whole series. I can tell you what the Greek gods are like and how they interact w/ each other based on the throne room scenes/anytime they help demigods in PJO/HoO. But Roman gods as whole? I can’t tell you how they even interact with each other. 

But wait, it gets worse. There’s not even a formal recognition thing like there was at the end of the Last Olympian (where Percy is offered godhood and Annabeth is given position of architect) there’s a little meeting with the gods and the Seven in which Jason is like give minor gods shrine and the gods aren’t really all that interested in what he has to say. There’s no thank you demigods. No, thanks Annabeth and Percy for literally going through Tartarus and Hazel for sacrificing yourself at 13 back in the 1940s. And the rest of them sacrificed something too. Like damn, no wonder why Luke was always like the gods don’t care about their kids. 

Gaea was built up to be a big bad (honestly not really, she talked trash the entire time/sent people to do her work) and the woman is easily overpowered by the three demigods. She’s not even awake for 20 minutes and she goes down. WHAT?? 

Overall, it was anti-climatic and totally did a 180 on everything else established in this series-the fact that Gaea was such a major foe and turned out not to be (that SEVEN demigods had to take her down, not just 1 like Percy’s prophecy) and the giants were to be feared too but they get taken down. At 200 pages in, I dead ass wanted to DNF, it was so boring. I gave it a one star because although the good I mentioned was really great, it doesn’t save the book. So for me, this series had every book be 3 stars or under except House of Hades. 5 books and I only really was able to like one and get through it easily and it still had issues. Like what?

Lastly, I want to touch on Jason. I still think he’s bland though I appreciated him giving Nico a hug at the end there. Again from ToA/being spoiled over the years, I learned that Jason died and I won’t be reading ToA but I read the summary of the book where he died and um, wow. I don’t feel anything for his death but the fact that he and Piper broke up sent me into a laughing/anger rage. Laughing because they really said ‘I love you’ at the end of BoO and they didn’t even make it a year lmao. And the fact that PIPER, miss always insecure in her relationship with him, McLean broke up with HIM. WOOOOOW. But it made mad because I listened to her complain/fawn over Jason for 4 freaking books (not counting tSoN) for NO REASON cuz they ended up breaking up. Overall, I appreciated what Jason, Hazel, Frank, and Piper did in the HoO series because they were helpful but I couldn’t connect with their characters. I’ll admit that in BoO we got a little bit more bonding between characters which is what I asked for in my last read with me and I like the Percy/Jason scene underwater and Piper/Annabeth scene from the beginning. I do think some relationships were summarized when they could’ve been shown--i.e. Annabeth/Reyna/Piper friendship but they have potential. 

The bonding was good, it was just too late. It should’ve happened in MoA/HoH as well. Random but I also hate how Leo was treated (esp. by Jason and Piper) throughout the series and I’m glad he got out of that mess. He was reduced to a deus ex mechanic and that wasn’t cool. The Seven wouldn’t have been able to do this quest without him. 

Sooo I guess this is it. I don’t think I’m going to read another Rick Riordan book again unless I hear something drastic happens to Percy or Annabeth/Any of the PJO characters and Reyna. I’m strongly reconsidering removing him as my fav author. I still love the PJO series but this one was not it. I don’t know if Rick was on a tight deadline for these HoO books but it was just poorly executed. I don’t regret reading the series, I think reading HoH was worth all the time I spent reading this series. I wish I had just read a summary of tSoN and MoA, especially because I already read them years ago and knew I wasn’t into them from my first read. I wasted my own time by doing that. So if I had done that I would’ve gotten to just read HoH and then only be disappointed by BoO as opposed to three books. It is what it is. It’s nice to be in the loop because I always see these things about HoO characters and spoilers so now I know how it went down. 

But that’s it guys, thank you for reading this entire thread and the ones before it. I have a lot of opinions and I don’t think I’m in the minority by saying I didn’t like this series overall. I will get back to my writeblr content and I will leave you guys with my final ratings for the series (My rating system may seem generous compared to my read with me thoughts but I personally don’t give less than 3 stars to books that plot wise made sense. It may not be the most compelling plot or have the best characters but if it made coherent sense, I have to give it at least a 3.) :

The Lost Hero: This score is based off of my original reading in 2012/2013 and my thoughts on the main characters in that book, I give this a 3/5 stars

The Son of Neptune: 3/5

The Mark of Athena: 2/5

The House of Hades: 4.5/5

The Blood of Olympus: 2/5 

Worst book of the series: Mark of Athena (Blood Olympus is a close tie but the Nico/Reyna really saves it from this spot) and best book- House of Hades. 

[iamgaryrennells]

LITG Random Questions Tag

Thanks to @kingkassam for the tag and @lilithlibrxa for making this! I had A LOT of fun, as always. ✨✨✨

1. Favorite Girl?

Priya and Chelsea

2. Favorite Boy?

Gary and Lucas and Carl and Bobby

3. Favorite Route/LI and why?

Gary, definitely. He’s a sweetheart but makes mistakes, he’s hot and seems like a lad at times but he has hidden depths, the love that he has for his nan is the cutest thing for me especially because I can relate (and I miss my grandma so much), he’s playful and loyal and amazing and stupid and everything. His route has a little bit of everything: doubt, impatience, angst, drama, love, banter, good times... I just love it tbh.

4. Season 1 or Season 2?

Season 2, somehow I’m not tired of playing it over and over, unlike Season 1. I’ve only played Season 1 twice (the first time I loved it but the second time I only wanted the gems for season 2)

5. Twitter, Tumblr or Reddit?

Reddit and Tumblr. I love both.

6. Try and guess each s2 islanders’ zodiac sign

I have no idea about zodiac signs so I wouldn’t even know where to start 😬😂

7. If you could meet any islander irl, who would it be and why?

To get to know them and develop a relationship (romantic or friendship): Gary, Priya and Chelsea, Jake, Tim, Bobby, Talia, Rohan.

To pick a fight: Lottie, Blake, Felix, Jo, Marisol, R!Hannah and Hope.

8. Do you have an unpopular opinion about the game/characters?

Okay, here we go:

Lottie: I have a love/hate relationship with her, even though Gary is my favorite and she’s a pain in my ass during his route. I really think that the writers did her dirty. She had some character growth. I understand why some people don’t see it as growth, but I really think she’s a great character (in terms of her place in the story, not because I think she’s a good person or anything). She’s easy to judge but there has to be a reason as to why she is the way that she is. And maybe knowing more about her background would’ve helped us to understand her (again, I’m not saying that everything’s forgiven and forgotten).

At first I didn’t think Felix was that bad. Maybe because I was busy getting annoyed with Arjun.

I don’t think Rocco deserved to be treated the way he was treated. It is a game to get to know people and flirt with them. And yeah, he went behind everyone’s back and chatted every girl but the latter is literally the reason why they all are there. Idk, idk.

9. Which islander are you most like?

A weird combination between Gary and Chelsea. And a little bit of Kassam. I enjoy staying at home and chilling but I also get FOMO (even though at the end of the day idc and I still stay at home), I don’t care about drama but sometimes I cause without knowing I’m doing it because I’m a very chill person and most things don’t bother me but bother others... And I’m unbothered by everything, use sarcasm a lot and I’m pretty annoyed about everything all the time.

10. Most and Least favorite islander of all time and why?

Most: Gary; he’s literally the sweetest guy ever and he’s so layered and so amazing and he gets judged by the way he looks or acts at first but then you get to meet him and he’s SO wonderful. I also love Tim, Bobby, Jake, Chelsea, Priya, Rohan, and Talia.

Least: Erikah and Hope, probably.

Erikah; I haven’t played S1 that much and I can’t remember exactly why I don’t like her, but I know that I don’t.

Hope; do I even need to spell it out? She’s the worst. She’s rude, manipulative, toxic and doesn’t care about anyone or anything (this last is not exactly a bad thing imo cause you can car about whatever you want, just don’t try to come across as a good girl when you’re clearly not). The way she treats ANYONE who dares to look at Noah’s direction, even on day one, is just horrendous. You are in a game that invites you to flirt with other people, to get to know other people and change partners if that’s what you want. If you don’t want that, then why participate in it? She only talks about Noah and that’s it; when people try to talk about anything else, she says something rude and kills the conversation dead. The way she treats Priya (or MC or both) at CA is beyond awful; how she says that she and Noah are the ‘only good couple’ is beyond disrespectful; the way she talks about Lucas when Noah is literally by her side and then criticizes Chelsea for saying something along those lines is beyond hypocritical; how she doesn’t let Noah think for himself and manipulates him for her own interests is beyond despicable.

A lot of people are ‘bad’ or ‘do bad things’ in this game, but they’re true to themselves adn others and they show their true colors and accept them and try to develop from them, but these two? They don’t. And we’re supposed to be okay with that. Well, I’m not.

11. Which Islander would hit 1M followers first?

Bobby, definitely Bobby. Or Lucas. And Priya. And MC, obviously.

12. Which Islander would land a major brand deal?

Priya, because duh and Chelsea, because duh, too. Also, Lucas and Bobby and probably Gary.

13. Do you think any of the s2 islanders smoke? If so, who?

I haven’t thought about this, but I think Lottie would. Also Blake. Probably Shannon.

Gary, Carl, Marisol maybe, under specific circumstances.

14. What’s your season 3 bucket list?

MC speaking for herself, defending herself and dragging the people that needs to be dragged

Better challenges! Maybe physical ones

DRAMA, but juicy drama. REAL DRAMA. not who kissed who and petty name calling

MORE TIME WITH YOUR LI

better female LI

People reacting to MC according to their reaction, but really reacting. I can’t have Lottie hating me for taking Gary or Hope hating me for looking at Noah’s direction and then them complimenting my outfit. If i’m gonna have an enemy or a rival, I WANT THEM TO BE MY ENEMY OR MY RIVAL

More friendships, too. I need a combination between the Rap Crew and Priya + Chelsea

Better customization options for MC

female and male and non binary MCs

MORE TIME WITH YOUR LI

MC being the MC

SWEARING, LET ME SWEAR FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Less generic, more personalized. Each route has a certain thing that only happens then and there, the characters have unique lines and chats. stuff like that.

MORE TIME WITH YOUR LI

15. Do you read any fanfics?

Yesss. I just wanna say that WE NEED MORE GARY CONTENT OUT THERE BECAUSE OF REASONS. I’ve also read Bobby’s, Lucas’ and Noah’s.

16. If there was a Love Island the Game All Stars with islanders from S1 and S2, who would you choose to go back to the Villa?

S1: Miles, Rohan, Cherry, Levi, Mason...

S2: Shannon, Blake, Noah, Rocco, Arjun...

17. Which Islanders would struggle the most in quarantine and why?

Chelsea and Lottie because of FOMO. Felix, too. Henrik and Rocco would, too, but Rocco would manage with his spiritual travels or something.

[dorkshadows]

Ne Zha (2019) Thoughts

Guess who finally watched  哪吒之魔童降世  Ne Zha (2019)? ME!! I did not have big screen privilege, but I’d like to see it again whenever an HD version is available for me. I can’t offer any new takes that haven’t already been said, but here’s a rundown of my thoughts:

Nezha wears Guy Fieri pants!!!

The cloud master guy looks like clippy from microsoft office omg

Shen Gong Bao suffers so many microaggressions in this movie lol; he looks like the lovechild of Scar and Hundun, but I found the character super appealing, and never expected to say this but- this is my fav character from the film. Maybe it’s the stutter

Li Jing is a DILF, and we should make a “thank you for being a great dad” meme where every other Li Jing ever has an X over his face except 19!Li

Fuck that one teen who was always calling Nezha “demon”- hate him

Every time the Li famiy uses their wealth, I’m reminded of how absolutely broke Wukong and Jiang Liuer were in 2015 

More serious thoughts:

The animation was a lot better than I thought it’d be. I expected it to be good, but didn’t think it’d be every bit as good as the internet said it was. It really was fantastic, and beautiful from start to finish. Super fluid, colors popping, etc. It had that same issue as Monkey King (2015) where sometimes the “camera” cuts too close during fight scenes, but overall a huge improvement. I’d say that on average, Ne Zha was better than Hero is Back in all departments.

Story flowed well and Taiyi Zhenren was the perfect narrator. I thought the major characters were all well fleshed-out and there was never any question of what the moral should be. The pacing was a bit odd though, as in there are some parts I felt should just have been shifted around (Ex. the first flashback of Nezha being bullied by the villagers- that would have been more impactful if it came in chronological order). Act 1 felt kinda rushed imo, but the ending does make up for it and overall, a lot of parts made me emotional :’)

Also, I thought age was an arbitrary number for Ao Bing and Nezha, but they really do have the emotional maturity of toddlers, and it’s great haha. They are literally 3 years old, and it shows XD

Some of the gimmicks and dialogue were more “modern” than I expected, but they actually work pretty well. Even the potty humor landed sometimes, and actually managed to play a purpose in the climax XD

Another nice thing about Ne Zha is that unlike Hero is Back, you don’t really have to know the story to understand what’s happening. It helps, but in this case, not necessary- I do have to reiterate what everyone else has said when I say this movie changed a lot of Nezha’s tale. Like, a lot. 

I’ve always found Nezha to be one of the most hyperviolent stories in Chinese mythology, but this film was surprisingly kid-friendly. It’s actually a lot more family friendly than Hero is Back (!). There’s a lot of talk about death and threats of violence, but (spoiler!) none of that actually comes through. MK15 was actually the more violent movie lol. The next comparison I have to make between the two films is that even though Ne Zha wins overall, I actually felt that Hero is Back had the better final act. 

Nezha builds up to a really intense part/climax, and then takes a small break from that to jump to a different climax, and then ends on that one (so what I’m saying is after he spares Ao Bing, Nezha should have immediately faced the lightning strike thing instead of going back to talk to his parents; their talk should have came before the final Ao Bing fight). Don’t get me wrong- the ending is great and well-earned, but would have been even better if it had more time to digest its emotions. (Also, Shen Gong Bao runs away and nobody seems to notice lol)

All in all fantastic movie 10/10 everyone should watch it when given the chance!

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

Get out of this dark space post: How sad. Sam is questioning. Looking for an answer. A plan. And Dean doesn’t have one so Sam is disgusted? Disappointed? Aggravated? What Dean does have which Sam foolishly either didn’t see or brushed off - is faith. In them. “WE will.” They are running blind and don’t really know what their next step should be but Dean still believes that there is a way. He may get sidelined or find at times that he has to fake it til he makes it but for Part 1/2

Dean Winchester there is ‘always a way’ and that’s why I love this character. Is Sam forgetting that while Dean didn’t have to deal with Lucifer that he did have his own Hell to contend with or is Sammy’s pain/experience once again the worst pain to ever be pained. Sam uncharacteristically opened up. When he became dismissive Dean just went with the flow rather than say something to cause him to clam up. It looked like Sams attitude hit him where it hurts.  2/3. Oops.   

Hey there dear!

Seems like tumblr is pretty hungry for messages again since the last ask that I guess you had typed up wasn’t delivered, but I think from these two asks I get the jist of what you were saying. :)       

First and foremost, yes, Dean’s faith and his will to try again and again, rising everytime he falls, getting back up every time he feels like couldn’t possibly walk another step is also one of the many many reasons I love Dean as a character so much. With that out of the way, I think that that is a character trait that Sam doesn’t possess in quite the same way. We also saw that in the beginning of the season when Dean was more openly showing how depressed and exhausted he was. It’s hard for both brothers to get through to the other in these moments, but I think - and I don’t mean this is any kind of judging way, but simply as in how this transpires to me through what I see on screen - in contrast to Sam, Dean actually listens to Sam when he struggles and tries to support him emotionally whereas I see that as something Sam truly struggles with and simply isn’t capable of in the same way (this is part of the famous show vs. tell and misconceptions about the brothers that I have been writing about multiple times with how Sam is TOLD to supposedly be more prone to being emotional and good with words and listening etc., but all those things are actually things we SEE with Dean opposed to Sam.. His reaction to Dean being that way has of course a notion of worry, but also something like annoyance (and worse in the beginning of the season also with placing blame and guilt on Dean for feeling like he didn’t have as much of a connection to their mom as Dean did, which is ridiculous all in itself as S12 only showed Mary having interest in her youngest - seriously, I am still so angry about that entire therapy scene because there is just so much wrong with that episode), because if Dean isn’t stable himself and falls away for a bit, isn’t the rock that everyone can rely and count on, Sam lacks his support and has to shoulder more himself and that is something I think is really difficult for him and something he himself would never voice and likely isn’t even aware of. Sam in this regard is very self-centered.

And this kind of character trait sort of bleeds in many different aspects in the brothers’ relationship and imo also shows in the ending scene. Again, because I know I’ll likely have Sam stans all over my inbox with hate due to this reply, I don’t place judgment, but Sam’s self-centered-ness is also a key element of the entire show, because right from the start it was always “all about Sam”. Just like Dean didn’t exist to Mary when he tried to save her in late S12 until he started talking about Sam’s trauma (not his own, no, because apparently that doesn’t count for the writers and anyone. Ughhhhh seriously, I’ll never forgive Dabb what he did there and how disgustingly it made clear how he and the writing teams thinks about and treats Dean), basically all his life from age 4 onward was “Sam is the one that matters”, look out for him, do this, do that, you and your wishes matter least. And of course that kind of message didn’t just have an effect on Dean growing up and shaping him, it also had an effect on Sam too. For Dean the way he was raised determines a lot of his feelings of inadequacy, his fself loathing, his lack of self esteem, etc. because from early years onwards he was asked to function and not be a kid basically. Sam grew up much more sheltered due to Dean making good on those promises to his dad to always look out for his little brother and keep him safe. So in this regard the way the brothers grew up, Sam was fortunate enough to develop a much stronger sense of self. He learnt that he is the center of attention and that continued throughout all his adult life, which is why to me it is surprising that Sam only truly connects with people when he can someone make it about himself. Of course it is normal to connect with people more who you share certain things with, but if you compare Sam’s connecting to people with Dean it is drastically different. To me Dean is much more “organic” for lack of a better word in that regard. He truly feels for and connects with people in any kind, not only when he can see himself in them - which often times is a key aspect to Sam caring about others. We saw that with Magda or this season with Jack and right now also with how Rowena managed to manipualte Sam through forging a connection through shared trauma.

So, given the way the brothers grew up and what they learnt in that time, it makes sense that Sam is the way he is and that Dean is the way he is. The thing however is, what one can gloss over with a kid or teenager who shows this annoyance etc. over finding out someone else doesn’t have an answer either and can’t support him the way he would need, is much tougher with an adult. And Sam is an adult after all, so his reactions for that reason to me often times come off very petty and unthankful. Again: I don’t hate on Sam here, but this is how the show imo has been written and set up and how they have portrayed the brothers over the years.

I know I have already written an awful lot, but this preface and long sort of “analysis” imo is vital in order for me to explain how I feel and read the ending scene between the brothers. And yes, I think you can read Sam’s exasperated expressions as disappointment and aggrevation, which is more than uncalled for and absolutely unnescessary, but it is a reaction that makes sense given the established character triats and the character’s development. To me Sam’s “eye roll” there is more than a little annoying tbh, because it once more feels a little like Sam is placing blame on Dean for how he feels (like in the beginning of the season already) - but when I keep all that I have written about before in mind then Sam acting this way to me captures perfectly that Sam realizes that Dean cannot - as he was able to as a kid for example and Sam begged for something else to eat long enough until Dean gave in - give him an answer. He cannot lift the burden Sam feels and it’s also not Dean’s place needing to do that (though he does show more than a lot of support for Sam here, the way he listens and tries to back Sam up with words - which is why the way Sam dismisses him stings and hurts so much and yeah makes me a little angry), but Sam grew up with not having to shoulder these things alone that when Dean can’t be his “stone number one”, because Dean himself would need some support and healing, he reacts this way, because then it depends on himself to pull himself up by his bootstraps.

So yeah, in contrast to Sam who “fooled and lied to himself” at the beginning of the season with having faith to keep going, Dean actually here shows real faith despite not having a clue how to make things better, because he is honest and he tries. And I think that is the reason Dean takes Sam’s indeed uncalled for leaving very personal and seems really hurt and disappointed (and he has the right to be both) - because in a way Sam’s leaving feels a bit like Sam subconsciously blames Dean for how things are (I don’t think he actively knows that or is even aware of that tbh, but if I was Dean and Sam walked out on me like that when they have not been on edge with one another like they were in S9, but were pretty okay-ish, then this reaction would have left me feeling like I am not good enough (something Dean is thinking already anyway), I am a failure cause I can’t help and that I am to blame for all being wrong. Yes, I think despite knowing they aren’t a 100 % on top of things, Dean had counted on at least being able to count on them being a team - but Sam’s leaving and him rather sharing with Rowena than Dean, must have left him questioning if he may have been wrong in believing that.

And last but not least, the talk about Sam’s Hell trauma. I don’t have any issues if that is re-addressed as long as it is not played as this “Oh Sam had it soooo much worse than Dean, Dean’s Hell was basically Disneyland”, because that is freaking disgusting. Trauma isn’t something to make a competition about, trauma just is and it is awful for anyone at any given time. So yes, I  don’t mind that Sam’s trauma was brought up. I will be mightily pissed however if Dean’s time will not get the same attention later on as well.

Okay, sorry for the long ramble, sorry if I piss anyone of with this, but I truly see this as a discussion and voicing of how something traspires to me than hating on something or someone... Anyway... Hope I gave somewhat of a satisfying answer, dear anon!

[coffee-for-himchan]

It’s All Lies (Jongup mafia/gang AU pt.1)

Requested by: a cool anon

Word count: 8.1 k+

Genre/warnings: Mafia/gang AU (May contain a swear word or two. Contains violence and death, but nothing too excessive or vivid imo. Contains cuddles as well, so it ain’t that dark, really)

Summary: “I’m Jongup. Your boyfriend of three years,” he told you, sitting on the edge of your hospital bed. As you stared up at his face, you couldn’t help but wonder how you were able to score a guy like him, as he seemed near perfect, on first sight at least. One thing lead to another, and he seemed to be the only hope for you to ever regain your memories of the past, but when it finally happened, you wished you would’ve simply never remembered, or, even better - you wished you would’ve never met him in first place, as he wasn’t exactly a savior. Only a pathological liar and destroyer.

(A/N) This isn’t exactly a follow-up or something among those lines, but it is in some little and almost unnoticeable ways connected to the Himchan mafia/gang AU (1/2/3/4) that I wrote not too long ago. At least the positions and personalities of the guys are shaped the same way, among other little details, and Jongup’s personality should be described just the same way as in chapters three and four of that AU. Just wanted to put this out there.

THIS IS PART 1 // PART 2 IS HERE // PART 3 IS HERE

“Jongup-ah!!”

The second he closed the apartment door, two arms were tightly wrapped around his built frame. He chuckled to himself a little, locking the door and directing all of his attention towards you. 

He still had to get used to all of this. To coming home at a time of day no one should be awake at, just to be met at the door with a loving embrace. To be shown some affection and love without expecting anything in return. To receive without giving first. It was all new to him, a world he hadn’t been able to experience in his short lifetime yet, but he had to admit that he’d been underestimating it for the longest time. He’d been sure relationships were nothing but trouble, and that he could manage without any of that, but there he was. Feeling his body melt into yours as unknown and unusual, but pleasant emotions shook his heart and soul in pleasure. 

“Missed me much, babygirl?”

You quietly agreed to the statement, shaking your head that was buried in the crook of his neck in approval as he effortlessly threw his own arms around you, making himself comfortable in the embrace. His lips soon found your temple, and he playfully kissed it a few times, whispering sweet nothings as you chuckled into his skin. He knew exactly how to leave all of your senses tingling even with an action as seemingly insignificant and small as this, and it drove you to love him even more than you already did. How he held you tightly and called you all types of sweet names. How he didn’t even have to kiss you on the lips in order for his touch to strike through your whole body and hit every single exposed nerve with a force that felt stronger than electricity.

How he always left you craving his attention and affection. How he always knew how to tie you around his finger, and never misused it.

“Jongup-ah, you come and you go. I never know whether I’ll wake up to your body pressed against mine or to an empty space where you should’ve been instead,” you told him, shifting your head to look up at him. He smiled lightly at you, and you couldn’t help but admire how handsome he was for a little, inside and out. You’ve been feeling so lost in the past time that it hurt you physically, and Jongup was your only lifeline, as well as the only person to keep you above the water level when you felt the space around you filling with water and pulling you down, making you paralyzed and unable to breathe or swim.

“I’ve told you just about a thousand times by now, babygirl. I have a very inconstant working schedule that changes often, and even I sometimes can’t predict when I’ll be leaving the house and when I’ll be coming back. It’s been like this for years already, and you still keep telling me this every time I come back,” he said, slowly feeling you pulling away from his embrace. He had to admit, he only let go of you unwillingly, and when the last bits of skin that were touching finally disconnected, he felt all the warmth and comfort drain from his body and soul for a little at the lack of your touch.

“It may have been like that for a long time, but you have to understand that I’ve forgotten,” you quietly said, looking back at him and smiling a sad smile as you walked forwards all through the hallway and into the direction of the kitchen.

He followed closely, not daring to touch you once again, instead simply trying to keep eye contact whenever you looked back and straight into his eyes. You stopped in the middle of the kitchen, letting him wrap his arms around your waist from behind just to make one hand trail up your whole upper body a second later, putting it under your chin and tilting your head to the right and up, your mouths almost touching.

“I swear, Jongup-ah, I’m trying to remember. I’m doing my best, but it’s still not working out,” you told him, feeling his breath on your face, “And I want you to know I will keep doing my best to recall at least the smallest bits of what used to be-”

“Don’t worry about it,” he interrupted, inching closer, if closer was even possible at this point, “I can wait.”

Sealing the gap in between you two, you couldn’t help but feel your knees slowly getting weak because of his actions. Countless emotions were flowing through your heart, all of them screaming at you and frantically asking how you managed to get into this position. How you managed to score someone like him, and make him stay, even through something as tough for any relationship as the thing you were currently going through had happened. He could be off with someone else, as you didn’t doubt the fact he’d have quite some female attention if he actually desired it. But instead he was here, with a trainwreck like you. Fixing you up and healing your emotional wounds with soft promises and kisses.

What was so special about you that he wanted to keep you, no matter what, and refused to give up on you?

“Jongup-ah, just wait for a bit. I’m seeing doctors, and they’re saying I might progress if I continue on like this-”

“Babygirl, everything’s completely fine the way it is,” he said in between deep, passionate kisses, keeping his hand firmly pressed on your side, “It doesn’t matter. Nothing does, as long as you’re with me. We’ll make anything work, okay?”

To what extents did “anything” really go? You could only guess as you eventually had to untangle from him again, in order to heat up dinner. He must be starving, after all. Working such long hours must've tired out his body completely, although you weren’t sure about it.

You watched silently as he sat down at the table, browsing through his phone and being seemingly invested in whatever he was doing on it. He was silent and focused again, which seemingly was his default mode whenever he wasn’t all over you. His brows furrowed a little from time to time, and he had to brush a strand or two of his hair from his eyes every now and then. You could guess, but you’d never know what exactly was going on in his mind. He was an unsolvable mystery, and for now you couldn’t really do anything besides waiting in order to understand him better, as you wouldn’t be able to find out on your own, with guidelines or without. He’d have to spill it all out himself.

There were still so many questions. You knew a lot about him, but there were aspects he still seemed to be hesitant about. Thinking about it now, you realized you didn’t even really know where he worked. All you knew was that he was “the right hand” of a CEO of a not too small local business, and that his schedule was all over the place because of the many press conferences and meetings he had to attend, among other events, of course. You still found it amusing, as he’d be the last person that you’d think worked in a field like this. He really didn’t seem like this could be his cup of tea, but it somehow was.

You knew less to nothing about his friends, only having seen a few of them once or twice, and you didn’t know anything about his family, as he always avoided that question. You didn’t know where he was originally from. You didn’t know how you two met. You knew less to nothing about his past, or how he got to this point in his life. You didn’t know where he was whenever he left the house. You never knew when he’d leave or when he’d come back, and you never knew how long his periods of absence would last.

To be completely honest, you didn’t know almost anything regarding the past, only being able to judge everything by the present. You didn’t know anything about the Jongup that wandered outside these walls of your shared apartment, as the only time you ever saw him was here, inside. He could be a completely different person out there, and you would never know.

He rolled his sleeves up a bit, exposing his forearms. You were still waiting for dinner to heat up, standing across the room and leaning against the kitchen counters when your eyes fixated on something on his arm that shouldn’t be there.

“Hey, Jongup-ah?” you said hesitantly, waiting for him to raise his head and look at you, “Is that blood on your arm?”

For a second he seemed to freeze, and you were sure no one would’ve noticed unless they’d spent a decent amount of time with him or knew every inch of his body as good as you did at this point. His sudden wary and alarming stare quickly changed into something that resembled confusion as he inspected his arms, looking a little surprised when he noticed the rather large and visible splatter.

“Must’ve accidentally hurt myself somewhere today..” he mumbled as you approached with a wet tissue, ready to wipe the blood away.

“(Y/N), here, let me do it-”

“Give me your arm,” you commanded, and he had nothing left to do other than to obey. Testing your patience was useless, as he wouldn’t win anyways. He’d said already multiple time that you were the only person he wouldn’t possibly win against.

Carefully wiping the stain away, you were surprised to find out there was no bruise underneath. Your puzzled stare wandered from his arm to the reddish tissue you held in your hand as you tried to wrap your head around the situation.

“Jongup-ah, where’s the bruise, in that case?”

Your eyes met with his, and you noticed his gaze was mirroring yours, as he seemed just as confused as you - “seemed” being the keyword in this sentence. He may have originally wanted to display that emotion, but something in your heart told you he knew a thing or two you didn’t. Was it too embarrassing to tell, or.. What could even be the reason? What other possible explanation or reason could there be for a sight such as this?

“Weird, right?” he said, turning his arm around a little, “Maybe that wasn’t blood at all?”

“Well, what else could that be?” you inspected the tissue, being more than sure it was human blood, “Plus, the splatter was quite big. If you would’ve gotten a bruise that size, you for sure would’ve noticed it, as it would’ve hurt tons.”

“If you come up with a possible explanation, let me know,” he told you, smiling a smile that looked just a tad bit smug, “Because I currently can’t wrap my head around a decent, logical explanation in case that really is blood. But don’t worry, I’m fine and I’m certain that was something other than blood. Think about it, babygirl, if it isn’t mine, where and how else could’ve I possible gotten blood on myself?”

You eyed him up and down, meeting his gaze and trying to find something in it. The smallest hint, or a tiny clue to what had happened, because whatever he tried to tell you, you were still certain that was blood. But there was nothing. Nothing at all. Nothing that indicated any type or sort of information, and you were left without any proper guidelines yet again.

“You’re right, I guess,” you admitted after a while, understanding you were probably thinking too much once again, “You’re not a killer or a gang member to come back home with someone else’s blood splattered over you, right?”

Chuckling, you went back to the stove, humming a melody as you flipped the content on the frying pan over with a spatula. Lightly swinging in the rhythm of the melody, you never noticed his sharp stare piercing right through you, and his hands clenching into fists, his knuckles slowly turning white. You never noticed how he got tense, and you never noticed him gripping the side of the table surface, trying to contain his rising emotions.

He watched you, thinking once again. You weren’t stupid, but he might be. Thinking this was a good idea was so, so wrong from the very start already, but he couldn’t quite do anything about it. You were, if you knew it or not, literally a possession of his, and now, since he laid his eyes and hands on you, there was nothing other left than to continue playing this wicked and unfair game, at least if he wanted to keep you alive and safe.

There was nothing left - nothing except always keeping an eye on you and not letting you find out the truth. As well as keeping you away from remembering anything, or, in the best case - everything, because that might just destroy you. If not physically, then emotionally.

This would eventually turn out to be a long and sleepless night for Jongup, as once again he felt his world slowly crumbling at his feet for no reason. He watched you for the whole evening - during dinner and while getting into bed. He listened to your never ending babbling and took in all of your smiles and touches. His nose lightly poked against your hair as you fell asleep, and his hand rested firmly on your hip, stroking your skin up and down a little every now and then.

If only you knew.

It’s been close to a year now, if his mind wasn’t playing tricks on him yet again. Another mission, nothing different from the regular. He was at the very front again, his eyes displaying nothing but a hungry stare as he took down everyone and everything in his way. 

He found it funny, how he’d learned to love the sound of gunfire the most in his life. It scared oh so many people, but to him it was a soothing sound, as this was the only situation he was almost always prepared for in life. He knew exactly what to do, and could act quickly. There was no telling him to get a hold of the gun twice, as he always did it without hesitation, not always being quite able to inspect the situation himself but able to follow strict orders perfectly before even hearing the whole sentence.

The crime scene had become a home to him, and he was someone who liked staying in. Someone completely and utterly obsessed by the comfort only his home could offer.

Himchan was giving out orders again, being the perfectly shaped leader of the gang that he was and Jongup’s closest friend, or rather comrade, in this whole ice cold world. Youngjae and Daehyun were on backup again, as Junhong and Bang were the recently created but quite successful double combo, taking care of the sides and giving Jongup just enough space in the middle to fully put himself out there. He smirked, knowing yet again he was trusted to be the main man of the mission, even behind all of Himchan’s worries and trust issues from the past. He acted sharply and quickly, not caring for anyone or anything.

Until he saw you, being dragged into this whole mess.

It was quite rare to have unwanted guests accidentally wandering into the field of battle, but you’d been quite unfortunate, having stumbled into these exact streets at this late hour of night together with your whole family, going home from a family celebration and occasion, and, of course, being laid hands on by the rival gang immediately just because you were in the way and they were heartless animals, knowing nothing but pain and despair over any other emotion.

“Take them! Himchan won’t shoot at a hostage!” you cried out after hearing those words as someone yanked you away from everyone by your hair, holding a gun to your head.

“What now, commander?” Jongup smirked as he heard Himchan cursing under his breath. If there was one thing he wouldn’t allow himself or his members to do, it would be taking away the life of someone who’d accidentally gotten involved. At least it was like that in the past time, since he got his own personal reasons for that now, but that didn’t matter. His orders had to be followed anyways.

“I know you like blood that isn’t your own splattered all over the ground, but don’t you dare shoot anyone who doesn’t have to be taken care of. We’ll try to prevent any unneeded damage,” he heard Himchan say, and didn’t have to turn around to see his furrowed brows and cold sweat dripping down his forehead. Testing Himchan’s nerves at that point was about the worst he could do, so all he had left was to shake his head in approval and silently obey.

“As you say, commander.”

“Himchan won’t shoot, that’s right. But will I?” Joungup quietly announced, and as he approached quickly, showing less to no remorse or mercy to anyone who got in his way. You weren’t able to do anything other than flinch in fear for what might come.

“Hey, don’t you dare-” a bullet zapped right next to you, hitting the guy who’d been holding a gun to your temple right in between his eyebrows and sending him flying to the ground.

“Babygirl, don’t just stand there, duck,” you heard Jongup say as he quickly shielded your body with his, pulling both of you behind what seemed to be a trash compactor just in time not to get hit by a shower of bullets. Your brain was unable to process anything - all you knew was that you didn’t like this unknown guy who was hovering over you, firing perfect shots as the smug smile never left his lips. The confidence and cocky replicas. The “babygirl”, and the pleasure that was written all over his face upon killing. It all made you want to scream out and made your stomach twist in fear and disgust.

You couldn’t help but hide your face in his chest though, as fear had completely taken over you and you were unable to move or think straight. His arm wrapped around your shivering frame, making you slightly at ease with everything as he shot, and you found him to actually be quite comfortable. A deserted island in the middle of the stormy ocean.

He had to admit, this was a first time of his. Holding a girl he could only classify as eye catching in his arms and defending her, keeping her safe from this regular everyday world of his. He was more than aware he could care less, but he didn’t want to. Something had actually sparked a desire in him to get you to be safe, and it was more powerful than any of Himchan’s orders or any of his own sane thoughts. After all, he was missing a few screws, so why not try to save a complete stranger just because he felt like it?

You shifted in your sleep, causing him to snap back to reality and caress your sensitive skin with the hand that was still placed on your hip. He laid there, trying to recall the events of that night, but not being able to. There was a hole in the timeline, and the only thing he could recall after the scene behind the trash compactors were ambulance and police sirens as he stood in he middle of the crime scene, being desperately pulled away by Youngjae who kept screaming at him for being an “unpredictable idiot”.

Your body was laying right in front of him, and, unlike all of the other bodies that could be seen all around, was the only one with steady breathing and a heartbeat. It took Youngjae a few more mean comments and a slap to get Jongup to move, and eventually he finally obeyed, getting out of sight just in time. Going into hideout, but still observing the situation from afar, he saw you getting taken away to the hospital.

A hit to the head, wasn’t it? But by what? He could’t quite recall anymore.

You’d occupied his mind completely, and for the whole drive back to the base Jongup couldn’t think of anything else. It was a new, weird feeling for him, and he didn’t quite know how to react to it.

Women were nothing but creatures that, if treated right and nicely, could bring extreme pleasure, or so he thought at least. He never needed anything more or less than a one-night stand, and after he’d gotten exactly what he wanted, he’d disappear forever, not leaving a single trace or evidence of his temporary existence in the girl’s life. But this was a new feeling, a feeling that differed from all of the other ones and made him question himself and his nature as a whole.

He remembered your frightened stare, and how your body was shaking at first when he pulled you along with him, slowly calming down a little and warming into his body as you hid your face in his chest, afraid of everything happening all around you. He tried to brush it off at first, and tried to tell himself it was absurd - almost ever girl would act the same way in this situation, and there was nothing special or extraordinary about you and your actions. But the way you held onto him, making him feel like he was in charge of you and your precious life - it made him go through a rollercoaster of many weird, unusual feelings.

Clinging onto him as if you were a sinking diver and he was an oxygen tank. You couldn’t manage without him, yet you didn’t beg him for help. Not a single word escaped your lips as you quietly let fate decide for your survival, and considering Jongup could be called a murderous maniac for his unpredictable, sinful behavior at most times didn’t really make your chances stand out that much. Yet you had managed to occupy his mind fully, making him realize how it felt being in charge of someone as helpless, innocent and vulnerable as you were.

And he had to weirdly admit he liked it.

At this point in time he’d already forgotten how he managed to lose track of you for a second, and how you ended up injured on the ground. The only thing he knew was that this was one of the very few things in life he both regretted, and at the same time was more than simply thankful for. Because a hit to your head was all he needed in order to get to this point in his life.

Jongup’s mindset wasn’t really the best, and it was the thing that brought him into trouble most of the times. He was thinking too little, and feeling too much. Acting upon emotion rather than thinking his moves through. So when he walked over to Youngjae the following evening, his request didn’t sound surprising to Youngjae at all.

“I need help,” he casually admitted, sitting down in an nearby armchair while Youngjae was working on sorting some files and information on the computer in his cozy little corner of the base.

“Say that again but let me record it first,” Youngjae chuckled, his eyes widening in amusement and disbelief, “You asking for help. On top of that, someone like me. God, that’s pathetically hilarious.”

“Shut it,” Jongup hissed throwing one leg over another, “It’s not kill-related, and requires actual thinking and the ability to communicate. If you haven’t noticed yet, growing up I learned to shoot instead to hold a conversation, so I’d appreciate if you showed me some respect and mercy, as well as gave me a helping hand.”

“Mastermind Jae at your command,” Youngjae turned around in his chair, eyeing the lad up and down, wondering what was possibly going through his mind and at the same time being aware he’d never know. It wasn’t written all over his face, and wasn’t bloody obvious, so unless he wanted to spill it would never come to light.

“(Y/N),” he paused a little, seeing Youngjae’s puzzled facial expression, “is the name of the girl from yesterday. You remember her?”

“I like where this is heading,” Youngjae smirked, casually leaning on one of the chair’s armrests, “God, I’m curious now. Yeah, she’s hard to forget, isn’t she?”

“She’s currently in hospital, without any signs of waking up anytime soon, but only for now. I need you to sort a few things for me.”

“But why though? Looks like you’d been able to investigate on your own already, and if you know this much already, my help here is clearly unneeded-”

“I need to see her,” Jongup blurted out, looking at his hands as he felt Youngjae’s gaze teasingly piercing through him. He should’ve probably asked literally anyone else, but it would’ve been a hundred times more complicated. Youngjae would just remind him about this conversation up until he was on his deathbed, and if this was the consequence he’d have to live with, Jongup was ready to accept it.

“How do you imagine this? She wakes up to see you - the person she’s only seen brutally murdering at least ten other people while she witnessed - and you really think she’ll jump at you, call you her hero and drown you in kisses and hugs-”

“I don’t know what will happen, honestly,” he said, looking Youngjae right in the eyes, “But in case this will turn out troublesome, I’ve handled worse situations. Just make sure to, like, write me in as a relative or a close friend or something. So that once she waked up I’ll be able to go and visit her without additional question from the doctors and staff or additional people in the room.”

“Okay, this is interesting enough for me to work on it, we don’t have a lot going on here currently anyways, so wish granted,” Youngjae said, turning around in his chair to face the computer again.

“You know she won’t be at your feet the moment she sees you though, right?” Youngjae’s words came out right as Jongup was about to close the door behind him and step out into the hallway.

“Well, I  didn’t expect that anyways-”

“Just know that, whatever intentions you have - and I can’t really imagine you having any sorts of serious feelings towards anyone, and in the least a girl you don’t even know like her - it might turn out ugly once she gets into contact with you. Knowing you, she’ll probably get toyed around with for a while and you will use her till the last bit, just to throw her out of your life afterwards. And that might lead to a bad outcome, because she’d have “I’ve had ties with Moon Jongup” written all over her being, which would be quite life-threatening if the wrong people found out. Do it at your own risk.”

At his own risk. Yes, he was aware, and he was ready to take that risk, because he knows how this could unfold. He didn’t have any sort of strong feelings towards you at that point yet - it was rather plain interest.

Youngjae was a mastermind for a reason, as when you opened your eyes for the first time in days, the first person you you saw besides the doctors and the nurses was him.

Jongup, standing in the doorway and looking all sorts of things, but most of all - awkwardly cute and lost.

You eyed him up and down. Did he seem familiar? The real question was - was he supposed to seem familiar at all, because he didn’t. 

You felt your cheeks slightly turning red as you looked at him. He wasn’t that tall, but he was quite build, and the black t-shirt and casually thrown on unbuttoned plaid shirt looked surprisingly stunning on him. The floor slightly squeaked when he stepped into the room, and the closer he got to you, the further you wanted to scoot away from him to the other side of the bed.

He looked so perfect, you had to admit, and it made you slightly uneasy at heart. Out of all of the things in this world, the first thing you felt after this incident you had just woken up from was pure embarrassment and attraction to a stranger you were sure you saw for the first time today. He quietly sat down on the edge of the bed next to you, and gave you a sympathetic look. His eyes were so crystal clear, and his cheekbones so defined. His face was shaped to be a model’s, if it wasn’t for the birthmark on his nose. But you found it charming to some extent, feeling it only added some originality to his looks and made him a little bit unique.

“Can you recall this young man, (Y/N)?” you heard a voice say, and suddenly felt the whole burdens of the world on your shoulders.

You had to know him, after all, but you simply couldn’t wrap your mind around it. You studied his face, feeling like you were slowly drowning in his stare and unable to swim out of the deep end. Hurt seemed to be displayed in the looks he gave you, and you hated to know you were about to make it worse.

“I’m sorry, I can’t.”

Silence followed for a little moment, and you desperately wanted to look away and to run. But as realization slowly hit you, you couldn’t tear your gaze away from his, as it seemed like the only thing you currently had in this world.

Memories.. They all seemed to be.. gone. You realized you couldn’t recall a single thing about your life, and it scared you to the point of fainting, until you heard the doctor’s voice again.

“And how about anyone else? Is there someone you can remember that you want us to contact so you can see them?”

“No, I don’t remember anyone,” you said after a moment, gulping and finally looking away to the floor, “In fact, I can’t currently remember anything…”

“..I’m Jongup…”

You hesitantly let your eyes meet with his again, and his stare was less hurt and demanding than previously. You swore you saw a spark in his eyes, as well as relief and a newfound desire, but you simply shook it off. What could he be possibly happy about in a situation like this? Your eyes must be playing tricks on you yet again.

There wasn’t much to witness anymore, as everything was more than crystal clear already. The doctors and nurses left you two alone in the room for a bit, just for you two to have what you thought was a reunion.

“..Jongup.. You are.. ”

“Your boyfriend of three years.”

Silence followed as thoughts kept running not only through your mind, but through his as well. The sentence escaped his mouth rather spontaneously, and he was surprised at himself for not quite thinking this out, not even in the least. Looking into your eyes though, he understood you had a complete blackout memory loss, not being able to recall absolutely anything, so he could easily roll with this.

As long as nothing brought your memory back, he could use the situation to make it a thousand times easier for himself, even if it wasn’t a fair game. But nothing’s fair in love and war, or so people keep saying at least, so why should he care?

Since this wasn’t war, could this eventually become love?

You seemed to believe, suddenly getting all shy and non-talkative. He had to try his best to recall how to use a sweet tone, as he’d never done it, and try to remember what was appropriate in communication with pretty girls like you. He suddenly felt so lost, and found it hilarious how he could take down five tuff guys with ease, but found it hard to talk to a girl with memory loss who would believe literally anything he said.

Days kept passing, and he kept visiting, until you were free to go home from the hospital. Not knowing where this home of your was, you were met by Jongup who was waiting for you in the hallway, half-smiling at you and leading you out of the building and to his car. 

Those were some fun days, or so you liked to refer to them at least nowadays that they were gladly over. He’d tried his best to revamp his apartment to look like a female had been present in it this whole time, buying all sorts of things and putting them in places he thought would be appropriate. You stepped into the apartment, not being aware this was in fact the first time you set your foot here, instead being convinced you’d lived here before. Asking where everything was located and questioning him about different things, you made your way around the house, examining it. He watched you, feeling like a monster for taking a hold of you like that and lying to you, since he didn’t even know his intentions at that point yet, but then again - should he care at this point?

You were simply cute, and he’d decided he wanted you. For how long and in what way, he didn’t know. But since he was heartless and such a snake at heart, he figured this was just his regular nature and how he was. He was true to himself through lying to you.

Interacting was hard at first. You found Jongup to be awkwardly sweet, but most of all - patient, even though he had a hard time keeping that attitude up at first. He’d lived alone or with the other members since he could remember, and none of this sweet talk type of thing had ever happened before. He wasn’t used to little conversations in the evening, and he wasn’t used to curious questions, “thank yous” and heartfelt compliments. He wasn’t used to getting greeted in a kind fashion upon arriving home from what was either a boring day with paperwork and making plans or a murder mission, and he wasn’t used to the smell of homemade dinner coming from the kitchen upon arriving.

Slowly but steadily, he found himself enjoying your presence. In between this whole hate and pain that had fueled his life up until this moment in time, it was a nice escape from the ordinary. You went a long way, from the first night when he insisted he’d sleep on the couch since you probably felt uncomfortable sleeping in one bed with him but you insisted it was fine, because you wanted him to get good rest, up until the moment you wrapped your arms around him lovingly for the first time. You were developing your relationship from what you thought was scratch, and it seemed so humble and loving from him to give you your time and be patient, seemingly making sure you fell in love with him all over again before he would act like your lover again. 

Little did you know it all was a lie, and in reality he wasn’t the sweet boyfriend you thought he was. He was a horrible monster who’d taken you into his custody, lying to your face every morning he woke up next to you and called you sweet names.

You chuckled and smiled when he pinned you to the kitchen counter, telling you this was the spot you shared your first kiss at, and you even thought you tasted something familiar when his lips met yours back then. That’s how much he had fucked you up already, to the point your memory played tricks on you and you would start believing that all of these feelings in your gut that you experienced every time you saw him were something you could recall from the past, before everything you had ever known was erased from your mind for seemingly forever. He made everything seem so vivid, and the lies he told you were so perfect and well thought-out they even surprised him. With every passing day, with every little connection, no matter emotional or physical, you felt like you were slowly heading home again, while he felt like the complete opposite - he was caught in feelings and emotions he didn’t know he possessed, and he was simply scared that at some point you’d find out. After all, even the members who at this point knew about his devilish and twisted ways warned him. Youngjae was right when he said that you could remember even though the therapy classes he took you to were nothing but fake and a setup, and Himchan was right when he told him keeping you in the dark and alone, free to go whenever and wherever you wanted was a bad idea and would end in either scandal or death if the wrong people found out about you two.

This couldn’t end well in any possible case, could it? So his first initial idea was to keep you around only for a while, just to see how it felt having a lover instead of a one-night stand. Having support given to him instead of plain pleasure that would vanish soon enough anyways. But with every passing day, he understood more and more that he couldn’t resist anymore. Your stares warmed him, and the way you sat on the bed, your legs crossed as he quietly approached and sat across from you had his heart beating faster. The way your arms wrapped around him and your tongue played with his as you kissed all of his pain away, and the way you quietly chuckled, laying down on your back on the soft blankets and pulling him along, running your hands up and down his back as he buried his face in the crook of your neck, breathing deeply and closing his eyes, wondering why something as insignificant as this felt so good and so wrong at the same time. 

Why he thought it was utter madness to feel addicted to your presence, and why you believed all of his lies about him working as a business man and having an inconstant schedule because of that. Him being a sweetheart in the deepest corners of his soul. Him being a perfect lover and letting you take your time, not forcing himself on you. Him telling you to stay home only because he was certain he could make enough money for both of you to survive and you needed to emotionally get back on your feet after everything you’d been though.

Him being your angel, so pure and innocent. Him being beyond non-see through. Him being your boyfriend of three years, as well as being so peaceful he wasn’t capable of hurting anyone ever. It was all lies.

He’d lost too many screws already. He was not only a mad man and a murder machine, but a liar. A liar in love.

It wasn’t until the next evening when hell broke loose. Quite ironic, as he’d spent the previous night mostly unable to fall asleep as his mind raced of possibilities how to stretch this time he had left with you on for as long as possible, and how to hide the truth in order to keep you here by his side, forever.

“Jongup-ah,” you told him, making him smile as his face hovered only inches above yours, his hands holding you firmly by your hips, “You’re home early today. How was your day?”

“Bearable,” he said, not lying in the least, because this really was the only appropriate term to describe it, “But I feel like it might get a lot better now that I’m home..”

Too bad it didn’t.

“Move!!” it was Youngjae who banged through the apartment door first, closely followed by Daehyun and a few more figures Jongup didn’t recognize. Since you were already wrapped up in his arms at that moment, it wasn’t hard for him to instantly cover your frame with his, pulling you away behind a corner that could at least halfways be considered a safe zone.

“Are you stupid? Why the hell would you lead them here?!” you heard Jongup yell, and as you looked up at him, shock clearly written all over your face, you couldn’t believe what you saw.

You knew this view, you were certain. You didn’t know when or where, but you’d already seen this before.

A devilish smile plastered across his face as he shot. A desire to hit targets perfectly. A face that displayed utter anger at first, but quickly changed into lustful desire when he saw the first body hit the ground with a thud. A fire arising inside of him that quickly made him turn into a murder machine, chuckling maniacally as he shot again and again, recharging in seconds just to shoot some more.

���Jongup-ah.. What’s happening here-”

“Let me take care of this first, babygirl,” he told you, sending shivers down your spine with the sly and disgustingly smug tone he used, “Then we’ll talk.”

Tears strained your vision as you didn’t quite know where to direct your stare. It was a whole gang against these three guys, one of those three being your lovely Jongup. The sweet sunshine you called your boyfriend. The guy who’d been through thick and thin with you before and after your memory loss. The guy who couldn’t sway a fly..

..But could take enemies down with ease, having perfect aim and an unbearably disgusting desire to set destruction into everything he touched.

B.A.P hadn’t lost an argument ever. Even without half the team present, it didn’t take the remaining guys long to deal with the enemy, showcasing their never ending skill yet again and ending everything soon enough with just a few swift moves.

“What were you two thinking?!” Jongup stepped out from behind his hideout, his arm that was previously tightly wrapped around you loosening it’s grip and disconnecting from your frame entirely as he went to give Youngjae and Daehyun a piece of his mind, “Does my apartment look like something you have the right to destroy during a gunfight?!”

“There was no time, and I couldn’t possibly reach you. We wouldn’t have made it on our own,” Youngjae said, panting heavily as he tried to regain his breath from the running around and trying to stay alive. 

You’d been frozen in your tracks from when this whole thing started, and only now you started feeling all of your senses slowly coming back to you. Slowly but steadily, rising up things that seemed like memories to you.

A family gathering. A walk through dimly lit streets and alleyways with your family in order to get home sooner. An unfortunate encounter. Gunshots and screams. Blood straining the pavement. Your cries when you saw you’d made it, but the rest of your family didn’t. And the main reason you made it - him, holing you the same way he did today and calling you the same name. Smiling that same wicked smile and shooting like there was no tomorrow.

And then, out of nowhere, what seemed to be a hit to the head followed.

You flinched at the thought, causing Daehyun to react and point his gun at you in less than a second. His eyes met yours, and he lowered the weapon immediately as he understood who you were.

That’s when Jongup snapped back to reality, seemingly remembering about your presence. Worry and fear crossed his face as he turned around slowly, facing your shivering and crying frame. His gaze met yours, and it was undeniable your world was breaking apart right there and right then. He gulped, trying to think of an excuse. And explanation. Anything, since he could wrap you around his finger and alter your emotions and memories the way he wanted them to be. But his brain refused to cooperate.

“(Y/N).. Listen, I-”

“You lied,” you quietly said, trying to keep your eyes locked with his. Your knees were on the edge of giving out after all of this sudden stress, and your head felt dizzy. He took a few wary steps towards, cautiously stretching his arms out to get a hold of you, but the second he touched you, you flinched, moving away to a distance you thought was a safe one.

“(Y/N), calm down, let me tell you-”

“You’ve told enough, I think. All I want to know is who the hell are you, because you definitely aren’t who you’d been trying to come off as since I first saw you.”

It finally got to him. The scenery you just witnessed was too similar to simply pass without triggering any type of emotions, but more than that - memories. His face displayed nothing but plain horror as he saw you moving further away from him, crying and wanting to get away, although the safest place on planet earth for you to be in were his arms.

“I-I’m Jongup, your boyfriend-”

“Of three years, or is it four at this point already?!” you cried out in frustration, “Don’t try to sell me that information, it won’t work anymore. You’re not my fucking boyfriend, and you’ve apparently never been, as I don’t even properly know you-”

“(Y/N), wait,” he said as he saw you backing off to the door and extending your hand back to try and figure out where the exit was without breaking eye contact with him. Jongup wanted to scream at Youngjae and Daehyun to move, to make you unable to run away and to help him lock you away somewhere, with no chance of escape up until you calmed down enough to talk first. But they stood dead in their tracks, and Jongup feared that if he turned to them or even just called them out, you would make a run for it.

Although, the run was inevitable at this point already, and it took him only a few more seconds to see you backing away enough to sprint out the door and into the staircase.

“(Y/N), wait, goddamn it!” he screamed in arising panic as he followed closely, running as fast as possible and somehow finally bringing Youngjae and Daehyun back to reality, making them follow as well.

You hadn’t run this fast in your lifetime, as you sprinted four or five steps down the stairs at once, clinging onto the railings in order to not smash against the wall at every turn you took. Even Jongup had a hard time keeping up with you, and when he exited the staircase and got out on the street, you were a little ahead of him, sprinting off to literally anywhere where he wasn’t present.

“(Y/N), I’ll catch up anyways-” his words were cut short as a bullet zapped past his nose, leaving a little scar on it as it barely touched his flesh while passing by. His senses were brought back to reality, as he understood that the guys he, Youngjae and Daehyun had just dealt with were only a part of the whole gang, the other part having just made it to this place.

“(Y/N), watch out!” he screamed out, just to be knocked down to the ground and behind a car by Youngjae.

“Keep it together now, man,” he hissed, throwing him a gun, “And watch them, or rather where they shoot. You won’t catch up with her now, so the best you can do is try to prevent those bastards from having and realizing the brilliant idea of shooting her before you.”

Your eyes were still filled with tears and your vision foggy as you ran, afraid for what might come. Freaked out by how you blindly believed him all this time and by how he toyed around with you, taking control of you while you trusted him with your whole heart. Making you believe. Using you. Making you his puppet and possession. Making you fall in love with him.

What you didn’t realize is his cheeks were about to be tear-strained too. He could count the times he cried on one hand, and this was another rare addition. A new fury and force rose up in him as he screamed out, shooting anywhere and everywhere. Youngjae and Daehyun had to be the ones to hold him back from running out in the street, and had to be the sane ones, as he had lost his mind completely. His eyes never left your frame, and, as he saw you disappearing into the distance, the only thing he was glad about was the fact you were away from this scene. Away from all the danger and the possibilities of getting majorly hurt.

But for how long would that last? How long could you be out there alone, without literally anything? Without a phone, without money and a place to stay. And on top of that, with an invisible stamp on you that marked you as his lover, if you wanted it or not. 

He wasn’t sure if anyone who could misuse that information at all, but there was still a possibility it could be used against him. Against you. Or rather, against both of you, as from the moment he took you in your fates were more or less sealed together.

“(Y/N)!” he screamed and freed himself from Youngjae and Daehyun’s tight grips, running off to where you had gone. They called him back, told him it was useless, but he wouldn’t listen.

He never listened anyways.

“(Y/N!!)” his voice kept ringing through the streets, but you were nowhere to be seen. He seemed to have ran around forever, but you’d left him without a trace. Wiping away desperate tears and hiding away his weapon, he slowed down, stumbling around a little before falling on his knees.

His stare was fixated at the ground as Youngjae and Daehyun finally reached him, cautiously staying behind a little and not saying a word in case his sudden sorrow and devastation turned into an angry tantrum in seconds. After all, his mood swings were no joke, and the guys knew it better than anyone else.

His breathing was heavy and sweat was straining his forehead as he squeezed his eyes shut for a bit and clenched his hands into fists until his knuckles went white. 

You were gone, and he didn’t know where you’d end up now. He didn’t know where to look or how to find you. And it was his fault all along, since the very moment he noticed you and decided he wanted you.

“(Y/N)…”

[xuxii-sushii]

“I knew it!” [Part-3]|m

Genre: Drama, angst! af, a bit fluff, smut.

Pairing: idol!Jungkook x Reader (ft. BTS)

A/N: ~Appearances by other KPOP idols~

Warning: Swearing, this chapter is very angsty imo, smut smut smut, need I say more,

Plot: You are a member of your school’s student council and a major event pops up in the midst of your last year of high school. Managing studies, extra curriculum activities, social life and now this extravagant pain in the ass. There is no way this could get worse. Or is there?

     Part 1       Part 2

“Y/N, could you come by the staff quarters? Also, bring the practice schedules planned for this week.”

You recall your phone call with Ms. Cooper as she unknowingly cockblocked you.

Why am I getting cockblocked so often these days? and I don’t even have one. But boy, that was something. That boy is something. Okay what just happened? I just made out with Jeon Jungkook. I mean, I wasn’t planning to. It just happened.

You start debating yourself.

 I kinda understand what he said about me holding something back. But how did he get that out of me? How did I, for the first time, lose myself while dancing? It felt extraordinary. He is.. something.

HOLD THE FUCK UP.

You widen your eyes while walking to the staff quarters. The wind is blowing softly in the dark of the night and the weather is somewhat cold but pleasant. 

Ah no way. I don’t like him. I am not catching feelings for him. Or anyone. I cannot risk myself getting hurt again. I cannot allow my soul getting shattered again. My own father broke everything I had inside me, how am I supposed to trust anyone after that? How am I supposed to bounce back after they destroy everything? I am not scared of feelings. I am scared of people leaving after I let them in. Will I ever be the same again after that person walks away leaving behind a mess named myself? No. I promised myself. That isn’t acceptable. I ain’t here to get my soul plastered with scars all over it. Every time, it takes a part of me. Every time he raised his voice, I lost a small piece of me. Every time he hit my mom, I lost something forever. Every time he threatened to hit me, every time my mom stood up for me, I lost a bit faith. The moment we left him to start a new life without that useless, excuse for a human, and toxic parasite, I decided, I will never EVER give someone the power to break me again. It took me years of self loathing, therapy, nights filled with panic attacks, and everlasting anxiety to understand the fact that I am the only constant I’ve ever had, and the only constant that is guaranteed to stay with me all through this life. No one has the right to destroy that constant. Nor am I giving that right to anyone. 

Your phone buzzed in your pocket.

Jungkook: When can I see you again?

Great. 

Your thumbs start doing a little dance of their own while you were figure out what to say.

You: I don’t know, I think we have practice tomorrow.

Jungkook: I thought you were dropping by later. 

You: Guess not.

Jungkook: Are you like freaked out by what happened between us?

Okay how the fuck did he know that? He texts you the exact moment you say “Wdym?”

Jungkook: Well, don’t worry about it. See you tomorrow.

Ugh. Does he have to be like this? Oh dear God, help me.

Why do I have to do this? Is Ms. Cooper Satan? 

Ms. Cooper asked you to come in to discuss about the selected volunteers and also handout the information pamphlet for the participants performing at the Gala. You gave the pamphlets to everyone except Taehyung and Jungkook.

Standing in front of room no. 428, you were questioning a lot of things like what if I just skip these two? What if I accidentally drive my car into a tree? What if I move to Cuba? So many possible ways to get out of this situation. Unfortunately, you cannot do any of those things.

You knock twice on the door and unknowingly take a stance to run away if someone does not open the door in 5 seconds. 

1. 2. 3. 4-

You hear the door unlock and see the knob turn.

Goddammit.

The door opens and you see Jungkook standing in front you. He is wearing a  white plain shirt made of very thin material which is loose but you still see his defined torso and shoulders. ‘He has blue ripped denims on with slippers. What a simple outfit to chill in’, you think to yourself. ‘Then why am I gushing over how amazing he looks? I was making out with him like an hour ago. Maybe he forgot? Maybe it won’t be awkward? Maybe the Men In Black agents came in and wiped this tiny memory to save me the awkwardness? Maybe?’

“Hm, I thought you weren’t going to drop by”, he exhales while looking at you.

‘Maybe not.’

“I- um, actually my coordinator ca-”

“Taehyung is not here if that’s why you came”, he gestures towards his empty hotel room still holding the knob.

“What? Uh, no. I’m here to give out these”, you hold the papers in your hand all the way up in front of Jungkook. You hand two of the pamphlets to him.

“One’s for Taehyung and the other one is for you. Please read it when you have time, it has all the vital information you guys need to know about the event.”

“Okay. Is that it?”, he says with the most neutral expression.

‘Ouch, that hurt. I think I deserved that.’

“Yeah, thank you.”

You turn on your heel and then start to walk away by taking small steps in the hopes of him stopping you. ‘Why do I want him to stop me? No. This is for the best.’

“Why did you act like that earlier?”, you hear him say.

‘Fuck.’

“Like what?”, you say without thinking how stupid that sounds.

“Kissing me and then shutting me down like nothing happened. Like that”, he says and you’re just stood there still. You can’t turn around to face him right now. You can. But you won’t.

“I..”

I don’t know what to say! 

“I- don’t know what you’re talking about”, you say and finally gather up the courage to face him by turning around.

He is standing there with his arms crossed loosely while he is leaning on the wall by his shoulder. He isn’t saying anything. He doesn’t seem angry.

He just wants an answer, right?

“I don’t know, okay? It happened so suddenly.”

“Right. Did you do the same thing with Taehyung?”, he bitterly speak out. Can he see through your lies? 

“Not really. That was different”, you almost whisper because you feel really small in this situation. You’re looking down on your shoes while fidgeting with your fingers. ‘Why does he affect me in this way?’

“How is it any different, Y/N? You know what, don’t answer that. I get it. It’s your choice. Just don’t kiss someone you don’t want to kiss next time yeah?”, he spits out without any anger in his words. He turns around to walk back into his room when your brain decides to make your eyes water for no reason. You didn’t want to hurt him. Why the fuck are my eyes watering? My tears gave up under the pressure, probably. They tend to do that when I’m stressed. This approves for a stressful situation.

“I did”, you say to yourself.

“You did what?” Shit, he heard me. He wasn’t supposed to hear that. Fuck.

You see him coming out of his room and his gaze meets yours. You actually couldn’t figure anything out as the tears were welled up refusing to fall which made your vision blurry.

“Y/N, are you crying?”, he sounds concerned.

Well, there they go. A tear leaves your eye.

“Okay what did I do now? Come inside. Please stop crying, I don’t know how to handle this”, he utters with his arm around your shoulders taking you inside while your try to sniff quietly.

“I’m fine”, you say only to be ignored by him as he sits you on the couch and jogs somewhere to get some water. You wipe your tears with your hands when he comes back with a water bottle. He opens the seal followed by the cap and hands it to you. You take a few sips before keeping the bottle on the glass table in front of you.

“Thank you.”

“Are you okay? Why are you crying? I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m sorry.”

“Not crying anymore. And don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything, Jungkook”, you look sideways to meet his eyes as he is sitting next to you in a tensed posture.

“Then why were you crying?”

“I.. don’t know.”

“Why are you doing this? I don’t understand you, Y/N!”, he exclaims while getting up from the couch to walk some steps away holding his head between his hands, “First you kiss me like the way you did then you shut me off for no reason at all. You come by when you said you wouldn’t and start crying for no reason? Can you please stop with these shenanigans? It is very tiring!”

He sighs when you say nothing. He is just standing there and you can feel him seeing you. He is radiating with frustration while you’re looking down on the dark greyish-blue carpet.

“I did..”, you mutter almost inaudibly.

“You did what, Y/N?”, he says calmly still standing in his spot.

“..want to kiss you, Jungkook”, you say eyes still fixed on the elegant patterns of the carpet, “and I actually don’t know why I am crying. Maybe it’s PMS. Maybe I’m just hungry. I don’t know.”

“I have 2 questions.”

You lift your head and look at him, “What?”

“You cry when you’re hungry?”

“Once. What else?”

“You wanted to kiss me?”

“Yes. Yes, I did. I still do”, you say while looking across the room at a lamp. That would look nice on my bedside table.

“Then why did you shut me off?”

“You’ve already had your 2 questions. You don’t get another”, you say with a hint of a smile on your face looking at him. He lightly chuckles at your save.

“I should be going now”, you stand up to fix your clothes and walk towards the door.

Jungkook gets a hold of your wrist as you walk past him and he pulls you towards him. “You still want to kiss me?”

Yes, yes, yes I do. I can’t say that.

You look into the brown yet twinkling eyes on the face that is an inch away from yours. You lift your hand to the back his head with his soft hair in between your fingers. You’re debating whether this is right or not. You’ve always had the will power to turn down people if it was needed. But this time, it’s a bit difficult. Your mind is flashing a big banner with ‘NO!’ written on it. You act like you cannot comprehend what it says, though.

I can’t do this. 

Nope. 

 His face. Those eyes. Those lips. If you could have the chance to stay in this moment forever, you would take it in a heartbeat.

I’m gonna do it.

No no no no no.

Shit.

And that’s how long your will power lasted. 10 seconds. 9.67 to be exact.

You kissed him. Despite fighting yourself to the very end, you kissed him. And he kissed you back. The kiss wasn’t rushed. It was neither too strong nor too delicate. You couldn’t pin point the right adjective for this kiss but it was somewhat..

Perfect.

It was perfect. 

As tender as it could get, you both didn’t move as if it was something to be cherished at the moment. 

Maybe it was.

It probably wasn’t.

You thought if you could stop at this very moment, maybe you’ll be able to stop this altogether. If only you could pull away at  this. very. moment.

You did. 

You pulled away. Eyes still shut, you didn’t know what his reaction was. You slowly opened your eyes expecting to see a shocked or confused or even mad Jungkook but he was neither of those. He was still in his position, eyes shut. Looking at him at that instance, maybe you forgot everything. Maybe you didn’t care anymore about anything. 

He had a look you’ve never seen before. Showing emotions you’ve never thought of before. Such a vulnerable state he would’ve been in to pull a face like that and feel things like that of the ones portrayed. You couldn’t leave that. 

Atleast not tonight.

There it went. You kissed him again like it would be your first and last kiss. He reciprocated with the same passion and maybe even more. Closing the distance between so quickly as if someone fired a gun at the starting point of a race. His hands wrapped on your waist, your hand around his neck. He lifted you an inch up to kiss you completely. He gave your bottom lip a slight pull with the help of his teeth before lifting you up completely from the floor and sitting you down on the table behind you. Obvious moves were followed after that. Your legs wrapped around his waist. No possible distance between both of as you were breathing heavily while kissing each other.

The warmth you felt was maddening. His body radiating with.. desire? Affection? Something you’ve never felt before.

His hands were caressing every inch of your skin while you tried to pull him closer which was impossible at this point. You tugged his white shirt and pulled it over him leaving him bare chest and what a breathtaking view it was.

He took off your shirt in the following moment with your lips never breaking contact for more than a second. Your hands fiddled with the waistband of his sweats while he unbuttoned your jeans. He pulled your jeans and underwear down to your knees while you marked his neck with kisses and bites earning a tiny groan from him. 

He cupped your face, “I would’ve taken the whole night fucking you but right now I don’t have the patience to wait any further.”

You felt a slight shiver running through your body when you heard him say that.

“Me neither”, you whispered before kissing him roughly not wanting to waste another second.

He held your shoulders and pushed you back until you were lying flat on the table. “Stay like that.”

He left and came back within a minute with a condom in his hand while you tried to catch your breath. He stood between your legs and kissed you again followed by trails of soft kisses on your neck & then on your chest to stomach. He was dangerously close to your heated core when you lifted your head up to look at him finding his stern gaze on you. He placed a soft kiss in between your folds when you heard ruffling of the wrapper assuming he was putting the condom on. He made his way back upto the top with gentle kisses which made you whimper in agony. His soft yet torturous moves were affecting you in a way you never imagined. By his actions you assumed this was going to be gentle-

-and that’s where you got it all wrong. As soon as he kissed you back on the lips, he hovered above you for a second before adjusting himself at your entrance and then thrust into with enough force to make you yelp out loud in surprise and immense pleasure while Jungkook groaned a loud “fuck!” He kept up with his steady and powerful thrusts which made you moan number of different profanities. The intensity in his movements was making you drown in pleasure. 

“Fu-oh fuck Jungkook!”, you screeched as your high was approaching with the increase in his speed. 

“Fuck you feel so good around me”, he says an inch away before kissing you again. His movements were turning a bit sloppy whilst you were kissing him you needed to let out some high pitched moans indicating that you weren’t going to last long.

“Come for me baby”, he whimpered in a hoarse voice after which you let  go and pleasure ran through every vein in your body. Jungkook made you ride out your high when he himself climaxed and collapsed over you on his elbows. After a solid minute of just heavy breathing Jungkook got up to throw the condom away while you wore your clothes.

You stood up and buttoned up your jeans when Jungkook came from the behind and held you by the waist to turn you around. He smiled at you because you were probably smiling at him involuntarily.

“Let’s watch a movie”, he said, still smiling.

“Okay bu-”

“No, I am choosing the movie tonight. You can choose next time”, he says with a prominent smirk.

Next time. Hm. Sounds good.

“Whatever~”, you accepted your defeat.

He chose a classic, The Avengers. Little did he know you’ve seen the movie over 50 times as you’re a big marvel fan. You quoted the exact dialogues while watching the movie which surprised him at first but he was in awe of your passion for marvel later on.

“That was refreshing”, you remark loosely while stretching out your arms sitting besides Jungkook on the couch.

“Yah I thought I’ll be the one to show off my marvel knowledge!”

“Aw sweetie no one can beat me”, you say in a mocking tone.

“Avengers 2 it is then!”, Jungkook says with determination to one up this game.

Both of you were enthusiastic at first with popcorn and blankets but you forgot the fact that you both practiced today for about 8 hours. You started to drift off to sleep followed by Jungkook who was looking at you with half lidded eyes filled with admiration. 

You woke up to the rambling of utensils. You shifted a bit in your spot which probably caused Jungkook to wake up too. Both of you had arms wrapped around each other. You look over to see Taehyung doing something in the kitchen. 

The sunlight is entering the room through blue and somewhat translucent curtains on the window. You were resting your head on Jungkook’s shoulder, you realised. You lifted your head up and looked at the gorgeous boy by your side looking at you also half asleep.

“Hey”, you mumble while rubbing your eyes.

“Morning”, he says leaning his head on the top of your head and slowly closing his eyes to drift back to sleep.

“Hey it’s 9:40 am! We have practice at 10:30. Get up now”, Taehyung says while eating his cereal out of a bowl, “Also, good morning!”

He gives you a sweet smile before walking back into his room. 

“The fuck was that? He didn’t even say anything”, you say to yourself.

“Oh I already asked him if he would be okay with us dating”, Jungkook mumbles with the weight of his head still on the top of your head.

“Date? Somebody is eager”, you half-giggle.

“You have no idea”, he exhales while finally looking at you with open eyes.

“I don’t know if ‘dating’ would work with us. With me”, you say while making air quotes with your hands.

“Why not? I like you and you like me.”

“It’s not that simple, Jungkook. There’s a reason why I don’t do dates and relationships. It’s just not my thing. I don’t understand it. Nor do I want to.”

“That’s a hard assumption. Have you ever been with someone in a serious way?”

“No.”

“Then do it with me. You can’t say you don’t like dating and relationships without trying them, Y/N.”

“What is dating anyway, Jungkook? It always ends with someone getting hurt. I’ve been hurt plenty. I don’t need another thing to fuck me up more than I already am.”

“I don’t want to hurt you, Y/N. I understand what you’re saying. I’m not asking you be exclusive or anything. Let’s just take it slow, step by step, okay?”

You didn’t say anything.

“Back out anytime you want to. I won’t force you to do anything. I just want you to try something you’ve never tried before. Also, I like you. What more do I need than dating a girl I like, eh?”

“Uh fine! Stop pestering now. Step by step remember? I’m putting a lot at stake right now so, watch your step or I’d have to kill you and chop you up into small pieces, mate”, you say with the gesture of cutting your throat.

“Aye-Aye!”, he happily obliges to your death threat.

 It’s 11:05 am and everyone is warming up in the dance hall as it’s gonna be a long day of practice. Jungkook decided to annoy you till the time Ms. Cooper comes. First, he hid your wristband. Lame, you thought. In response you hid his shoes. Then he decided to scare you every time you’d turn a corner which made him very happy for some reason as all he did was smile like a bunny when he got you for the first and the only time. 

After that you scared him three times in a row resulting in a pouty Jungkook.

Ah, this guy. 

Suddenly, Jo, your hyperactive friend, comes in running.

“Y/N! Ms. Cooper is asking for you in staff HQ.”

“Why? What does she want now?”

“Go and find out”, Jo says and suddenly gets flustered when she sees Jin is in the room. Crushes, I tell you.

You tell Jungkook that this might take a while so he should go on and polish the choreography if he wants to.

“Y/n-ah no problem. Boys and I need to work on the comeback anyway. We’ll be in Building C. Oh did you know other KPOP boy groups arrived? EXO is here. Great people.”

“J-Hope did tell me something about them. I’ll check their music out tonight.”

“Only music, though. Don’t check out more than that”, he says with a sly smile.

“Oh shut up”, you hit his shoulder and dodge his counterattack as you run away before he can get back at you.

“Suck it loser!”, you scream while exiting the dance hall.

“Rephrase your words babe!”, he replies.

Apparently Ms. Cooper thinks you can handle everything she doesn’t want to. 

“Y/N, go meet Ms. Dallas. She needs your help.”

That’s all she said. You entered Ms. Dallas’s room who is one of your favorite teachers only to find a young girl, drop dead gorgeous, you thought, seated on one of Ms. Dallas’s chairs scrolling on her phone with one hand and sipping on drink with the other one. 

You knock on the glass door, “Hey um is Ms. Dallas here?”

“Yes she jus-”

“Y/N! thank goodness you’re here”, Ms. Dallas said emerging from the small studio she has attached to her room. 

You always envied her room aka office aka bliss. Maybe because both of you had the same sense of styling and interior designing. The room was sober yet popping at the same time, not to mention the personal dance studio, which you jumped into every chance you got. As you were one of her absolute favorite students, you got the chance very often. It was like a safe haven for you; every time school, studies, activities, family, just life in general got you cornered, she tossed you the keys to her studio to get your sanity back by being alone in there. And you loved her for that.

She walked up to you after placing some files on her desk, “Y/N, this is Lisa”, she gestured to the girl who was now standing up to greet you with a handshake, “One of the members of the famous KPOP group BlackPink.”

You shook her hand in awe of her beauty, “Lisa this is Y/N, the one I was talking about. She is one of my best students and just a really nice person.��

“I heard a lot about you, it’s nice to see in flesh”, Lisa said with a smile.

You smiled back at her while Ms. Dallas continued, “So I have loads of work to do as Ms. Cooper dumped it on me all of a sudden, I need you to show Lisa around. Get her familiar with the fest and this place in general. Make sure won’t get lost in this maze of a resort we have to stay in for the next three weeks. Her other members arrived earlier but she just came day before yesterday. Update her with everything okay?”, Ms. Dallas went on with her rambling she always does when she is stressed.

“With pleasure”, you bow down to Ms. Dallas in a comedic way. She hit you playfully on top of your head while you were still bowing down to her without moving.

“Okay enough with your drama. Get outta here and take Lisa to the east wing Auditorium all right?”

“Whatever you say my highness!”, you march out backwards laughing at Ms. Dallas’s reaction. It’s always fun to cheer her up when she is stressed.

Lisa was probably thinking how weird you were, you realized later on. She was walking besides you as you were telling her about the fest and your city in general.

“Woah, that sounds really cool! A gaming parlour for the sole purpose of online games for such low prices”, she exclaimed happily while you guys were waling through a park’s gallery close to your destination.

“I know, right?! It’s called Nexus and it’s just only 15 minutes away., open 24/7. Our city centre has many fun places to hangout at. You can check them out while exploring this place, if you want.”

“Yeah, I’ll go with my boyfriend. He loves gaming”, she says in a joyful tone.

“Oh your boyfriend is here?”

“Yes, he’s performin-”, she stops speaking and looks forward, “Yah, speaking of the devil.”

She gestures to the front gate of one of the resorts buildings that was adjacent to the auditorium you were going to. You look straight to see a handsome man standing near the entrance talking to some people wearing IDs who you supposed were staff.

“He’s cute”, you appreciated Lisa’s remarkable choice.

“No”, she said after she saw the guy you were looking at, “not him! That guy!”

She pointed upwards at the first floor’s balcony.

“That guy?”, you said with a complete blank face with no emotions whatsoever displayed on your face. You were stunned. Completely taken aback, not wanting to believe your eyes, you felt your face starting to heat up. Something in your stomach knotted up tightly which was a sign of your anxiety acting up. You felt entirely empty from within; unable to comprehend this situation. You just stared at the person sitting in the balcony.

“Yes, that guy!”, Lisa confirmed.

The next second he caught your gaze.

Jungkook.

He was Lisa’s boyfriend. And now he saw you both looking at him.

“Um I just remembered this thing I had to do”, you say to her with all your strength to not sound shaky, “That’s the auditorium. It was nice meeting you.”

You turn on your heel to walk away as fast as you can without waiting for her to respond. You needed to get away from this. From them. From him.

You kept walking. Without looking back, you kept walking. Without thinking where you were headed, you kept walking. Step by step. ‘That’s what he said. We’ll take this slowly, step by step.’

No! Don’t think about that!

‘I don’t want to hurt you, Y/N’

‘Liar! Fucking liar! I’m a fucking idiot!’, You scream at yourself as everything he said was now replaying in your mind.

You didn’t stop. You kept walking. Gradually taking up a bit speed. It was almost like you were running away from something. From someone.

Almost.

You almost fell for him.

All these years when you were determined to not make a mistake like that. But now, it meant nothing.

“I knew it!”, you say with anger dripping from your words.

Not stopping in your path, not caring about the people around you, you kept saying it.

“I knew it! I fucking knew it! I was right all along. It was just as vicious as I thought. I was right! How could let my guard down? After everything I’ve been through? How?”

Your eyes started to well up.

“I’m so fucking stupid. Motherfucker why am I even tearing up? I always knew this would happen if I put my guard down in front of someone. It was bound to happen with my careless actions. How could I do this to myself?”

You were now sitting on a park bench which was 3 to 4 kilometers away from the place you were dreading to go back to. Few minutes passed. Then some more. Maybe even an hour. Jo was constantly calling and texting you as practice had begun and you were nowhere to be found. 

You were holding your head while resting your elbows on your thighs.

“I should’ve known.”

A/N: Hey you guys! So technically it’s my birthday today (KST) but still an hour to go in my country. And I have an exam (I’ve been having exams on my birthday for every fucking year) so yay! The only reason I’m looking forward to it is because it’s on a Wednesday and I’m planning on dancing like Yoongi did on the family song ‘Wednesday’! Lmao ok well thanks for reading! Have a great day y’all :)

[heartsoftruth]

i have had a multi part in me since the neymar/cavani saga started so i thought i let it out. some things to get out of the way- cavani is a great player; neymar is a greater player; no hate just straight talk. 1. neymar went there(downgrade in league and club) to be the main man & thats exactly why psg bought him. he certainly wasnt tempted to go there to serve uruguays second best striker. idk what cavani thought abt it but likely it didnt escape him that his position as the team's star is

Anonymous said:2. threatened and he decided to put up a fight and show neymar whos the boss(insisting on all fk/pen, not passing to him). he scored many goals last year but didnt lead psg to trophies. i feel bad for him waiting so long to be the star but he is deluded if he thinks psg will be his team and neymar will accept. id bet my ass he wont. neymar is a better player not only in skills but also in leadership drive- e.g. the remontada. i think neymar tried to work with him(passing to him a lot, not asking

Anonymous said:3. the first couple of games for freekicks/penalties) and that made cavani think this is how its gonna be. idt cavani realizes that theres only one way this will end- with neymar winning, for 2 reasons- psg bought him to be the star of the team and moreover neymar is a better player then cavani. both of those are a fact and not an opinion. this embarassing problem now is the management and coach’s fault. emery may have other great qualities as a coach but HR mgmt doesnt seem to be among those.

Anonymous said:4. this is very bad for this team. *a divided team will win nothing and make no one shine regardless of the quality.* it was increadibly stupid to not address the pen/fk situation from the start,a huge fail by the coach. he didnt think they will both feel entitled to take them?!? one by virtue of being last year’s taker the other by being brought in specifically to lead the team. its like both the coach and cavani thought that if they ignore the potential problem it will just settle by itself.

Anonymous said:5. i read today that some psg brazilians are against neymar in this case- i dont believe that for a second: even if they are not friends already(which most are), they play together for br and with wc next year its in their best interest to keep him happy and well practiced and comfortable in all aspects, penalties and fk included. if he leads br to the wc they will all walk away champions not just him. dani alves tho is not doing neymar any favors by making it look like a playground squabble.

Anonymous said:6. i also read something about cavani saying to neymar on the first day do you think you are messi- i dont buy that either, it would have been openly hostile and childish and immediately soured their relationship irreparably. cavani cant be that dumb. its just an example how the whole situation has become a circus and everyone (media) is taking advantage to invent things. i cant imagine how neymar would have reacted on and off the pitch but it surely would have shown in the first games.

Anonymous said:7(final, thank god lol). lastly, while i do advocate neymar to be the fk/pen taker and psg as his team and i think cavani must fall in line(maybe ruthless but life often if), i dont applaud neymar spotlighting the issue on the pitch- imo he should not have aired it out for the world to discuss and mock. he should have waited and addressed with the coach after the game. probably even after the first game it happened(st etienne?) and not let it escalate as it did vs lyon.

Oh boyyyyy hahah. I think the most - whats the correct English word for this - organized way of answering this is part by part? haha. 

I wrote a long rant a day after the controversy with Cavani. I havent posted it on here - only showed it to one person on here - but some things I wrote you also pointed out. 

1. Indeed we all know Neymar went to PSG to be a leader and not play second fiddle to Cavani. He learned from the best and decided it was his time to lead. He won’t play under a player like Cavani who talent wise/potential doesn’t come close to Ney. 

2. Again: I think the main problem is that both players though they would be responsible for the freekicks/penalties. I can’t remember if Cavani also took all the free kicks in the other matches? (for some reason I think no but I have no idea). 

¾: The problem here lies with the coach for me. You can say he’s a new player in the team he should know his place, but he didnt came to PSG to know his place and work his way to the top. He came to PSG because he IS the top and they want to get to the European top. Emery should have known Cavani wanted to be the no1 still and it was clear what Neymar wants to be. If the little incident - that didnt blow up - against St. Etienne, but even after Lyon he couldnt act like a coach and leader and tell the press they will discuss who is the penalty takes… 

I like Unai. Don’t get me wrong. What he did with Sevilla was amazing, but at PSG he’s getting exposed. I know it’s not an easy task if you have two players with this talent act liker this, but step up. 

5. That’s the most dangerous thing with Ney: agreeing with him just to keep him happy. That’s why I always will find his transfer to PSG dangerous because I think with his personality he also needs someone who tells him the truth from time to time. Who tells him when he’s being a brat, when he should stfu and man up. Dani is annoying me since he left Juve the way he did so I won’t comment on him (since it won’t be good haha). But it’s bs to say Marquinhos is annoyed by him. I see him even more with Marquinhos than with Dani tbh (I love Marquinhos btw. What a sweetheart). Maybe Moura can secretly be annoyed by his arrival since PSG has to get rid of a few players and he’s one of them. 

6. These full quotes always amaze me and - after this whole PSG transfer sage - I know not to believe them tbh. 

7. That would mean Ney would think instead of acting immediately and - with all due respect to my hotheaded munchkin - he doesn’t so that in the moment. Also one of his biggest weakness but also what makes him world class. He doesn’t think when he’s on the field and just does what comes to mind. With the ball that’s good without it, it’s dangerous and it showed us manny times it can be (in the past also). 

To be honest it’s weird for me because I dont give af about PSG, but I care about Ney. So I can’t think in only Ney’s interest since I know he needs this team to achieve his goals with them… Normally - like most of the other football fans - I would have laughed at all these troubles for a buying team like PSG, but when you’re fave plays for them it’s like you wanna laugh, and you laugh, but then you realize Ney is in this mess too… 

PSG has a lot of problems to be honest and I don’t know how Bayern is doing - probably amazing - but they have more thing to worry about other than this incident. The fact is also that they are - even with all these buys - play very badly, slow tempo, wrong passes and with some players who don’t even deserve to be on the team. They have much work cut out for them even without this shit. And all eyes will be on them more then ever and most people outside of France hope they will fail. 

[haltandcatchfiretothemax]

Stuck with me, stuck in the middle with you: Cameron & Donna continue to confound in “FUD” (or, an inverse H&CF recap)

"FUD" picks up where the pilot leaves off, with the arrival of IBM's representatives. It also picks up the pilot's character dichotomy of Cameron the Mystery Gal versus Donna the Housewife, but deepens both of them and the other characters in unexpected ways.

The show masterfully uses IBM's visit to trigger a surprising amount of development, and without prolonging their stay. IBM's inquisition is over within the episode's first four minutes, but that's all it takes for them to sow the eponymous fear, uncertainty, and doubt! Before the opening titles roll, Cameron is paranoid about her expendability after she finishes the BIOS (and also her liability), Gordon is unsure of how useful his extensive microcomputing experience (and failures) will really be in fully realizing this project, and J*e manages to lull himself into a false confidence that his plan went off perfectly and that his prior personal implosion at IBM is in the past.

He finally reveals the big idea to Cameron and Gordon -- "2X FAST, 1/2 PRICE" -- and that's when all the feels start to come out. Gordon panics at first ("…that's physically impossible, I mean it's literally a physics problem"), but, typical engineer, within a few minutes he's ecstatically solving the seemingly unsolvable. Naturally, Cameron has the opposite reaction, seeing not a worthy hardware challenge, but a serious failure of imagination, and one that she signed on for without actually knowing what she was getting into. She and Gordon clash immediately over the project's basic worth, and he talks down to her for a few minutes before Bos and Debbie come to escort her to the 'clean room'. On top of having to contribute to an offensively boring project, she has to do so in a beige box of a room while a middle aged white dude lawyer sits there reading his fishing magazine watching everything she's doing. Confined creatively and physically, and stuck making a beige box in a beige box, Cameron confronts what is clearly her own personal hell.

Gordon's apparent contempt for Cameron implicates Donna, who is relieved and overjoyed when Gordon comes home in time for dinner to tell her that IBM is gone and the project is underway. As in the pilot, Donna only appears in this episode in relation to Gordon, and acts as his better judgment. Initially she charmingly insists that whoever they got to write the BIOS "must be the real deal if you're on board." But later, after she meets Cameron in the Cardiff ladies' room, Donna deduces that her husband is keeping a lot more than a colleague's gender from her. Donna is visibly mesmerized by Cameron, but is also attentive enough to her family's needs to not be distracted by her, or to trust her on sight. Delightfully incapable of coddling  Gordon, she responds to his eventual admission that he lied about Cameron and also didn't have very much say in her hiring with a wearily ominous, "Yeah, well…let's just hope J*e was right." The conflict between Gordon and Cameron manifests as tension between Gordon and Donna, introducing a strange but impossible to ignore dynamic between Cameron and Donna.

The dynamic between Cameron and J*e is a lot darker, and their interactions in this episode (which, no, are not romantic, so don't start or @ me) are difficult to watch. Cameron lasts less than a full work day in the clean room despite being legally mandated to be there, moving to some kind of concrete basement space replete with chainlink fence accents? (Every punk in Dallas is trying to set up shows there, I bet, every punk I know in present day NYC & Philadelphia would be.) There's this running not-joke of Cameron consistently not ever being where she's "supposed" to be; she isn't supposed to be at Cardiff at all according to Gordon, isn't supposed to be sleeping there instead of finding an apartment, and most of all she is never in her assigned workspace, much to the aggravation of her coworkers.

Which is how J*e realizes that he has no control over her, but damn if he doesn't try. He purposefully inserts himself into her space (…ew), repeatedly, to try to pressure her into following his plan of opening the IBM binder instead of writing her own BIOS from scratch, a criminal offense that could land her in prison. (Which, who would say no to that show? But, focus, Jamie.) He tries to sales pitch his way into forcing her to get on board, but then becomes really and truly rattled when he realizes that he unequivocally cannot smooth talk her, and also can't shame or exhaust her into humoring him or just going with it.  (Note his reaction to, "Wow, did you practice that in a mirror?" He starts to really lose his cool, and Cameron doesn't hesitate to interrupt or dismiss his spiel.) He invades her new workspace, talks down to and over her, and eventually yells at her, screaming in her face about 'getting in the game,' and to her credit, she doesn't cave. ("Why don't you go do whatever it is a product manager does?" Way to keep it sassy, C.)

What really are the odds of Cameron going to prison, or of J*e (or Gordon?) turning her in? I don't know, but it would be a convenient way to get rid of her, and J*e and Gordon do agree to let her go after she finishes the BIOS. J*e tells Gordon he plans to do this, interestingly, after Cameron manages to chase him out of her workspace by aggressively propositioning him, and going out of her way to make him very uncomfortable. (But that scene is worthy of its own post, if I ever have the wherewithal to write it, ACK.) Again, ICYMI: J*e does not like that he can't control her, and no, it's not hot, it's just disturbing.

Since Bos has been doing his job during all of this, he knows something fishy is happening. He's the only one who isn't completely shocked by IBM's unexpected but inevitable final offensive. J*e is forced to admit that he didn't foresee the raid, but even that isn't enough to knock any sense into him. If anything, by the time he, Gordon and Cameron confront each other in the Cardiff parking lot (the first time we see them all together since the beginning of the episode), J*e has fully doubled down on his need to regain control of this scheme, even if it requires a bewildering but admittedly spellbinding, shirtless monologue about how different and dangerous to the world the three of them are, and how much potential they have if they could just work together and rise above this new threat of Cardiff's recent financial decimation. There's no room for infighting; it's only a few days into the pc's development, and they've all already invested far too much, and begun to learn the real cost of doing business.

If nothing else, J*e's monologue convinces him, and when he gets to work the next morning, he seems elated to see Cameron and Gordon. But Cameron is there because she literally has nowhere else to go, and Gordon, stone-faced when J*e smiles at him, has no real choice. J*e can spin whatever story he wants, but Cameron and Gordon (and by extension Donna, though not onscreen with them here) know that they're really just stuck with him, and each other.

Stray bytes:

I didn't even get into the bathroom or dressing room scenes, what kind of camxdonna blogger am I?! I've said if before though: Cameron goes shopping after she meets and gets thoroughly cruised (!!!) by the unattainably perfect and deceptively prim Donna. Donna is already having an effect on her, if not a positive one.

Gordon, with his cushy job, nice house, cute kids, and utter gift of a wife calling Cameron an 'entitled school kid': L M A O

This scene is saved by Bos though imo, when he comes in and refers to Cameron as "Slim" <3 <3 <3

Not to get overly deep with it, but the way Cameron figures out what J*e is doing and unhesitatingly yells back at him suggests life experience to me, i.e., that she's used to being berated, but I'm thinking by her mom. For the record, I'd also completely buy Cameron responding by shutting down, because every survivor is different.

How satisfying is it when Gordon sees Cameron's work for the first time, and says it's 'brilliant'? Judge not, betch.

That very last scene though. “Is that right?” As always, Cameron sees right through you, dude.

"…Carl's a no." Bos is the both the show's moral compass and sole source of humor. That doesn't feel like coincidence.

Every time I watch the parking lot argument, I think of Carrie Bradshaw shouting, "Stop it! You're MIDDLE AGED!" at Big and Aidan. It also makes me think of, "I know cooler heads should prevail, but am I the only one who wants to see this?" It s too easy to imagine Cameron thinking both of those things, at the same time.

[maspwinj2]

hey! I just wanted to say upfront that this definitely isn't an argument or anything. I know sometimes things sound rude bc it's text and not spoken, so I just wanted to say that ahead. your one of my favorite bloggers, so I just wanted to get your thoughts. you said #what will those kids feel when they find out the truth? but, maybe they already know. not the whole story, but j2 seem like their raising them like their all collectively as their children. and I don't think (1/2)

(2/2) they’d pretend in front of the kids. like when they went on that island vacay for new years and the wives weren’t there, I can’t imagine they kept their hands off each other the whole time, not even holding hands. and they prob sleep in the same bed when in Austin. so wouldn’t the kids would know that? I can’t imagine them not acting like husbands and fathers of all the kids in front of the kids, you know? what do you think?

Oh my god anon i’m so sorry! you sent me this like 7weeks ago and i’m only answering now… the thing is that when you sent it istarted answering with a very long messy rambling and i didn’t post itimmediately to reread and correct it but the day after that, all the lolliebullshit started (i’m still so pissed about all that ugh) and it sucked all myenergy so i couldn’t get back to your ask and when that babygate shit was moreor less over i tried to make a better answer but i just couldn’t??? ireally tried but i never could make a satisfying answer and so i think it’stime i give it up because i’ve been thinking about all the different aspects but im never pleased with what i write… i just don’t know!! i think i’ve lost any ability tomake a proper understandable explanation of what i think and i’m even moresorry because this is actually a very nice ask! thanks! you were very nice and i failedyou! im sorry and maybe now you’ve unfollowed me so there’s no way you’d seethat i actually wanted to answer you T-T

But im gonna answer about the first part of your ask.You’re talking about what i wrote in the tags of this post, when i said “the truth” i wasn’t talking about the kids knowing that jared and jensen are together but more about the kids realising they’re being used to sell the straight image of their fathers, im pretty sure they don’t know about that truth yet haha

like for example with this pic of shep making J/G “kiss”. shep must have been like “why should i make you kiss when you never do it in real life???” and when he’s older he’ll get that he was just being used like a tool for his parents’ bearding. that’s why i wonder how will that make him feel? or with that ad jared did where he used tom and shep to prove he has the perfect straight family (and now you can add the popandsuki video with poor odette being used right after her birth with her brothers) or with this jj pic that she will remember as a nice birthday with her parents but when she’s older she’ll see they used it to project this fake idea to the world that they have a totally traditionnal family 

that’s what i was talking about, if i were those kids i would feel really hurt/upset when i understand i was unknowingly being involved in all those lies and fakeness for the benefits of my parents

And now about the rest of your ask and about the truth of the kids knowing j2 are together well, to be very short :no i don’t think the kids know about j2 nor do they have doubts and i don’tthink j2 have any kind of romantic gesture towards each other in front of thekids either and i put under the cut the reasons why i think this way because it’sa very long rambling and no one should suffer the pain of reading all of it, i don’t evenknow if any of it make sense and again im sorry because this is a veryinteresting question and i should have answered way earlier, honestly mea culpa

but just a warning that at the end there’s the usual j2 negativity because they’re using their kids and that’s just gross and also i make a comparison with cristiano ronaldo cos i think he’s the perfect example of a closeted gay man succeeding in having a family. 

So… about if the kids know the truth : i believe theydont

 i think that j2 are letting the kids assume they’re inlove with the moms, we see with the pictures and video they post in which thekids witness their parents acting like a couple and the kids , just like thegeneral public, believe it. They are letting our heteronormative society do thejob so the kids think « i have a mom and a dad who spend time togetherwith me so they must be in love » it’s the logical thought process mostpeople have

J2 are lying by omission to their kids so that the kids willnever go and talk to their friends or teachers like « mom and dad aren’t inlove but dad is in love with my uncle » . If the kids believe their bio parents are in love theyll never be able to sell j2’s secret so its notsurprising j2 do that to protect this secret they’ve had for so long, ruiningit by letting their guards down around their kids would be a waste. They’re notgonna take such an unecessary risk and it’s way easier to let the kids form thesame opinion that the public has because what can they possibly say to explainsuch a situation « so kids if you see dad kiss and cuddle with your uncleand sleep in the same bed , while you never see dad do the same with mom whenthere are no cameras around : it’s PERFECTLY normal ! don’t worry !But there’s  one very important thing youmust remember : it’s that you must NEVER EVER talk about that toanyone !! EVER !!! » ??? it would be so confusing for thosepoor kids ! and if they ever see j2 kiss it’s 100 % sure that they willtalk about it to someone imo.

-About acting like fathers : J2 love their kids likefathers and act like fathers BUT they are the « uncle » (NOT the dadaor papa) to 3 of them so if the kids saw their dad and uncle kiss, they are obviouslygoing to mention it to someone. It’s SURE. To me calling the other jay uncle isa proof that the kids don’t know

-About not keeping their hands to themselves : if j2 canhandle not touching/kissing during filming and conventions and everytimethey’re in public im more than certain that they don’t have any troublebehaving when with their kids and even if they did act very touchy and allwhile not acting this way with the mom there’s still no reason for the kids tobelieve that « my dad and my uncle are in love » because again wereally are in a heteronormative society where same sex people doing very lovingand tender stuff are just « guys being dudes » and « galpals » (and j2 take advantage of that to hide so that even with ALL thetime they spend together people still think they’re straight and that includestheir kids) And they’re not pretending in front of their kids, they don’t kissthe wives when there are no cameras around but that doesn’t mean that they’dkiss each other in front of the kids either you know ? it’s not becausethey don’t kiss or hold hands that they’re pretending. Again to me it’s justletting the kids assume that it’s the mom and the dad who are together and notthe dad and uncle because the most common occurance is the hetero couple evenif those two guys spend all their time together and go to vacations alone withthe kids (and im sure j2 sleep in the same bed, they could simply forbid the kids to go there because adults are allowed to ask for their privacy even from their kids imo)

-about acting like husbands, well when you’re building yourlife with someone and spending all your time together, being touchy and cuddly(in public and in front of their kids) seems pretty anecdotic to me. I f theymanage time to work on their intimate relationship or act romantic in private,Im sure they can handle keeping their hands to themselves when they’re takingcare of their kids, they’ve been doing that for 12 years and it must be hardsometimes but it’s the price they chose to pay to keep working on spn and theywon’t take the risk of being outed by their kids or of messing with their kids’heads just so they can hold hands

-About raising the kids as family : Im sure the kids cansee that j2 love each other but they don’t get the extent of this love and imsure they see j2 love all of them but i think j2 spend more time with their biokids than with the others for bearding purposes and if you went to jj and askher if tom and shep are her brothers im sure she’ll be like ??? no theyremy best friends or something like that and if you ask her who her parents areshe won’t include jared and same for tom and shep with jensen

What really makes me believe they hide their truerelationship to the kids is that it’d really confuse them because if the kidssaw j2 kiss , j2 would have to discuss and explain this situation (because ontv and in their lives the kids never see other peoples dad and uncle kiss, orpeople who are not married and not officially dating kiss each other, or ifthey do see that they must know it’s cheating and dishonest and overall weird,if j2 did that the kids would know it’s not a normal situation and would askquestions either to j2 or people around them which would lead to j2 beingouted) but the kids are way too young to understand what’s at stake and if j2let the kids see them kiss and still NOT explain what’s the deal. It would beSO confusing and very unhealthy to leave the kids with unanswered questions andadd the risk of outing to all that

-end with the usual j2 negativity whenever the kids arebrought up :

Let’s be real the way j2 use their kids like tools to hidetheir lifestyle and like « proof » of their straightness iscompletely DESPICABLE . You can argue all you want aboutthem « not having a choice », « but they really love theirkids », bla bla bla at the end of the day i don’t see how j2 can feelanything but shame for using their kids like that

And togo back to the tags i wrote « how would they feel » well i thinkthey’ll feel awful and used by their fathers because of their terrible decisionmaking skills. And it must be awful to find out when you’re older that yourparents have lied to you for YEARS 

Im pretty sure no one in the lgbt community would condonewhat j2 are doing, the lies they are furthering THANKS to their kids. Even ifj2 came out, i doubt the community will be proud of what they’ve done, thelenghts they went to (involving kids) to hide their sexuality

And if you want a comparison to know how a closeted gay man can have a kid without using said kid to further his straight image just look atCristiano ronaldo. He’s working in THE most homophobic business EVER and yet he’snot married to a woman, he has beards but he’s not pretending to raise his kid (thathe had with an anonymous surrogate) with a woman. Hes not affraid of postingfamily pics and being constantly seen with his long term partner ricky regufe.He’s not trying so hard to sell the perfect family image like j2 have done andhe did not get stupidly trapped by greedy beards like j2 did

J2 are incredibly nice and hard working guys and they don’tdeserve to live like this but involvinginnocent kids in this mess is just wrong

[spinnerprincess]

so i’m catching up on doctor who, after ditching the show at the end of s7 because i just couldn’t stand moffat’s bullshit anymore

i return to it with no less patience for his bullshit, but caring less makes me less angry about it, which is nice

and so, here is my doctor who series 8 review. 

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

I like clara and I like capaldi’s doctor and I hate most of the writing

the last four episodes are marginally better and just barely managed to drag the rating up to 3/5 instead of 2/5

here are some episode reviews if you care or if you just like hearing me complain (it is mostly complaining so don’t bother reading if that’s going to bother you) (no seriously don’t)

they are minorly spoilery but mostly just vague

episode 1: deep breath 

rating: 💜💜🖤🖤🖤 

the restaurant scene was the best part and the only scene really worth a shoutout. well built up to, suspense was grand. everything else was bland or confusing.

capaldi’s a fun doctor. clara is a good companion. the veil scene with clara and vastra was okay. the boyfriend thing was a little tiring since that whole gimmick always seems to have been based off moffat’s perception of all women finding the doctor attractive on some level, but sure. 

jenny and vastra continue to be delightful half the time and treated as if power imbalance in a relationship is a mere quirk and not serious concern the other half of the time (bonus points for this treatment in a wlw relationship). strax’s quirks have long worn thin. 

i already hate how “crazy” missy is. took two seconds. nice. 

episode 2: into the dalek

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

very entertaining premise. execution was acceptable. the twist at the ending does a good job of setting up for the doctor’s personal struggle of the season. however, I find that personal struggle very boring. lots of creativity was put into the structure of the dalek, very fun. 

cold open was very confusing. 

also already getting the impression that this series is going to gloss over the very real problems veterans have. when will people learn you can want to improve life for veterans while condemning the battles that forged them. 

might recommend.

episode 3: robot of sherwood

rating: 💜💜🖤🖤🖤

clara looked fantastic in that dress. the doctor’s pissing contest with robin hood was hilarious. the arrow shooting at the end was adorable.

entertaining, boppy. no real negatives, but no real positives either. kind of a snoozefest.

episode 4: listen

rating: 💜🖤🖤🖤🖤

an episode that might otherwise have been a promising 2/5 or maybe even 3/5 receives 1/5 for the last few minutes alone. 

as usual, moffat likes to break rules like “we can’t go to gallifrey’s history anymore it’s timelocked” on a whim, and by on a whim, I mean, because if he goes to gallifrey’s distant past, he can make it so his characters are somehow the most important people of all time, because they teach the doctor important life-long lessons, isn’t clara amazing, wow, the companion who knows the doctor the most, the one who told him not to fear monsters under the bed. 

it’s the smuggest bullshit i’ve ever seen and i’m so fucking done with this man’s insistence on his characters being the most important to the doctor. he consistently shows no respect to the companions and people that have come before his and it’s infinitely frustrating.

also the entire premise was apparently “the doctor is afraid of the dark” which is just an exhausting reveal for all the drama it puts us through to get there. especially since all the elements of horror are 100% recycled moffat bullshit: corner of your eye (cracks in time), monster under the bed (girl in the fireplace), don’t look at it (blink in reverse), like... so, so painfully rehashed

the date with danny itself was kind of cute but clara’s interactions with orson and rupert pink were awkward at best.

skip it. save yourself

episode 5: time heist

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

honestly with personal bias this one should be a 4/5, but again, that’s personal bias. I mean, come on. space bank heist. what’s not to love. i’m a sucker for a good ocean’s eleven.

good scary moments, good puzzles, interesting characters, fun times.

the architect reveal was obvious but it was a funny reveal the way they did it so who cares. the reason for the heist was a little cliche too but still very good. nothing outstanding, but good job.

would recommend. 

episode 6: the caretaker

rating: 💜💜🖤🖤🖤

I liked courtney. good kid.

the doctor was very in character and vain with the whole adrian thing but there was imo a slightly racist undertone of him presuming clara’s boyfriend was adrian, who looks like matt smith, over danny, a black dude, that made the whole thing kind of uncomfortable. 

the fact that disdain for pe teachers is never questioned was annoying too. even if i personally think so, it’s really irritating to see math elevated as somehow better than pe, inherently.

i spent most of this episode mildly annoyed. i do like clara though.

episode 7: kill the moon

rating: 💜💜🖤🖤🖤

an otherwise enjoyable episode, this one is brought down by the fact that all the main players towards the end are women, and as usual with moffat’s era, the doctor never seems to respect or listen to them when it really counts. 

this used to be a show I loved because the doctor picked up ordinary women and showed them extraordinary things, and more importantly, showed them that they could be extraordinary too. now it’s a show about extraordinary women trying to live ordinary lives while a man shows them extraordinary things but insists on treating them like mundane, ordinary beings. 

I really hope chibnall doesn’t continue this trend.

i suspect we’re meant to empathize with clara at the end, but disagree with her, but like honestly, tell him the fuck off clara. I mean, he won’t learn from it, because moffat’s doctor never does, but tell him the fuck off anyway.

episode 8: mummy on the orient express

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

pretty good. brought down, as usual, by the doctor’s personal struggle of the season, but pretty good. 

great build-up, good suspense, fun mystery. good atmosphere. unsatisfying to have no answers about the perpetrator. zero memorable characters, which is the biggest reason it rang dull, imo. 

clara wears the flapper look extremely well. it’s pretty sad when clara’s outfit is a highlight of an episode, though.

might recommend.

episode 9: flatline

rating: 💜💜💜💜🖤

I enjoyed an episode of doctor who!!!!!! will wonders never cease!!

the only bad part of this episode was the last minute or two where they touched upon the doctor’s "am I a good man” pity festival and gave us another glimpse at missy. 

everything else: fantastic. moral struggles! intense and frightening scenes! fascinating new ideas! neat special effects! the most thrilling new doctor who enemy I’ve seen in ages! clara being absolutely outstanding - moreover, finding out that she is outstanding! fantastic solution at the end! memorable characters who I rooted for!

that was a thrill from start to finish and the first time all season I’ve really, actually, truly remembered why I used to love the show. 

would recommend for sure!!

episode 10: in the forest of the night

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

pretty touching, and actually hit most of the emotional beats it was aiming for! that surprised me.

loved the concept behind the trees. appreciated maebh’s story for the most part. cute to have the kids from the school interacting with the doctor.

still not sure what the point of danny is? I like him and he and clara have their sweet moments but it’s hard not to feel like every writer writes him differently, and like him saying “I don’t care what the truth is I just don’t want to be lied to” rings false because every time she has told him the truth it’s been a problem.

also: so exhausted by the idea that danny, as clara’s boyfriend, has any say over how clara’s allowed to spend her time, or who she chooses to spend it with. 

that’s not danny’s fault I don’t think he’s intended to be read as controlling I think the writers are misogynistic little shits.

episode 11: dark water

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

I went into this one preparing to loathe it and as it turns out I was mostly wrong!

this would have been 4/5, except that only since missy’s a girl they have the gall to make her relationship with the doctor tread on explicitly romantic territory? uh-huh. seriously that kiss scene was awful and moffat’s “surprise kisses where one participant is extremely uncomfortable” strikes again. 

let the doctor kiss men, you fucking cowards.

but... masterful plan, pardon the bad joke. saw the twist when they went into the elevator, of course, and internally screamed. can’t believe I recognized the stinger, but I did. very well done, very well set up, very emotional. 

seriously if it weren’t for the fact that missy and her “romance” and her “craziness” represents everything I fucking despise about doctor who’s recent treatment of women, I’d say this was a damn good episode. what a shame.

episode 12: death in heaven 

rating: 💜💜💜🖤🖤

it was good but a large part of the reason I feel so good after watching it is just the fact that I probably won’t have to deal with so much irritating “blah blah soldiers suck” drivel and the whole “am I a good man?” pity fest from the doctor if I watch s9.

another large good part is the shoutout at the end to lethbridge-stewart, that was sorely needed tbh. about time. 

missy was well acted, but I’m still so fed up with the boring het treatment of it all. hey quick questions: why would time lords give a fuck about gender roles or gender orientation as more than weird, antiquated quirks? for that matter why do they even acknowledge the existence of a gender binary half the time? i’ll never know.

good choices include the plot and its resolution. laughing forever at doctor who’s insistence on upgrading their villains to make them somehow scarier all the time, but at least they had a plot reason for it too. also, clara’s bit about feeling special. that’s something I’ve thought was missing from doctor who for a long time, and to see it in a form I can almost believe was a breath of fresh air.

boring choices include setting up as if this episode is going to be all about clara being a total badass, only for it to last all of three seconds. which isn’t to say that clara wasn’t or isn’t a badass so much as, “boy do I love watching an episode where she spends nearly all of it upset and having no lines though.” hint: I do not.

mediocre choices include the characters chosen to be killed off. not like I expected better, of course. please, if you’re listening, let bill come out of her adventures with the doctor alright. people who don’t fit in moffat’s box of tricks so rarely do. 

i’ll watch the christmas special some other time. i sense another bad one coming on. 

s8 sucked but I liked some parts of it! wonder how s9 is.