#if you read this i'm sorry you have to be subjected to my emotional bullshit lmao

[torchickentacos]

15 Questions!

Tagged by @gaycey-sketchit !!!!! Thank you so much for the tag, and I loved reading yours! Long post, sorry lol.

1. Are you named after anyone? Nope! Not to my knowledge, anyways. Though if my mom told me that she named me after Taylor Hawkins from Foo Fighters, I would not be shocked.

2. When was the last time you cried? I think monday? I cry really often, at every single emotion. Happy? I'm going to cry about it. Laughing? My high school theatre class would always point out when they made me cry laugh. Sad? ABSOLUTELY crying about that. I didn't cry but I DID tear up yesterday because I was really happy about something nice someone said to me.

3. Do you have kids? Nope, and no intention of having them. Regardless of my desire to or not (usually not, being the oldest of four is enough for me), my health is not, and never will be, in an acceptable position or ability to go through that, and I've accepted that for a while now.

4. What sports do you play/have you played? As a kid, I played soccer and did gymnastics! In middle school, I BRIEFLY did fencing. My mom told me that when I was fencing is the only time she's ever seen me look truly graceful (lmao, love my mom dw. She's right). Then health stuff came up and I had to stop, but fencing just came as easily to me as breathing did. I always wonder where I'd be if I could have stuck with it. Nothing's ever immediately clicked with me the way fencing did, but it's hell on my joints.

5. Do you use sarcasm? Sometimes, usually when I'm annoyed which isn't TOO often. Or if I'm being hyperbolic for a joke.

6. What is the first thing you notice about people? No clue. I guess their demeanor- if they seem happy or not, if they look stressed, how they're feeling (or how I perceive them as feeling, I guess).

7. What's your eye color? Blue! My friend swears up and down that they're kind of green. I think she's colorblind.

8. Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings!!! I am not built for scary movies. I can do some buzzfeed unsolved and I can watch markiplier play indie horror games but that's kind of my limit. I LOVE some types of horror, but my anxiety does not. I will be paranoid for a month after.

9. Any talents? I can play music by ear. Give me a guitar and a random song and ten minutes at most!

10. Where were you born?

11. What are your hobbies? Landscape/scenery art (also other art but it's much harder), writing, playing guitar (used to play piano too but not well. I also own a ukulele that I'm bad at, but generally I can play something on any instrument you give me). But mostly, I pick up and put down hobbies all the time. I've dabbled in crochet, embroidery, sewing, painting, archery, coding, needle felting, gardening, cooking, a little bit of everything. Never long enough to get good at most of them, though. I get bored too quickly.

12. Do you have any pets? A lovely husky (shelter girlie <3) and a gecko! And, for the gecko, a bunch of crickets at any given point in time, which I guess counts because I have to take care of them, too.

13. How tall are you? 5'2 and a half. 5'4 with my doc martens.

14. Favorite subject in school? Assuming lunch doesn't count, I was a theatre girlie. Assuming THAT doesn't count, English. I liked English because if I didn't have an answer, I could just bullshit one, but I usually did enjoy it and had real answers. I'll tell you why the curtains are blue and why they're the specific fabric they are and what the rest of the room means- if I'm interested, anyways.

15. Dream job? Oh boy, uh. Still trying to figure that out. DREAM job, like, without worrying about money or my physical ability to do it? Pro fencer, but I gave up on that a looong time ago. I genuinely believe I could have done it if my knee hadn't gone to shit at fourteen. I'd love to work in a record store or a music store, though, which is a little more in-reach.

Tagging: Anyone who sees this, lmk if you do it from this post!! But also, NO PRESSURE AT ALL but @soulsilversprings @nowandevermore @lostlegendaerie @mozukumi !!! Also whoever else wants to, I get nervous to tag people so assume you're tagged, too!

[burinazar]

what motivates you artistically? :3

well right now blelaf mainly. no ok hang on. alright. so.

when i was really young i had this feeling like if we could all just understand one another, if there was a perfect way to beam your thoughts and feelings into someone's head, it would fix almost everything re conflicts and human suffering. (naive obviously but this was what i thought lol.) when i started to be aware of what it was to read good books and look at good art it felt like in some ways the closest we could come to fully articulating an idea, a moment, a feeling, and placing it in its entirety into someone's mind. relatedly, uh, bad stories/art that didn't seem to respect their audience pissed me off at the squandered opportunity (sorry the snobbery came out sorry) and made me think, dammit, the audience and types of people evoked within this deserve better and i'm gonna try. with the combo of these two things it was like ..okay i'm going to start writing and drawing. it was all about stories ideas concepts. oh and also i really liked rodents and wanted to draw them as often as possible lol. i drew so fucking many rodents. gah. these concepts were no joke deeply linked for me because as a child i genuinely felt like the bad rap rodents get from people unthinkingly condemning them via stereotypes was a symptom of a societal lack of empathy and consideration. (possibly terry pratchett's fault)

(could not locate early rat art at this moment but here's relevant scribbling. i was nine i think.)

 tl;dr plunging themes and concepts i find interesting; communicating them to other people. (sometimes the concept is admittedly not highbrow. sometimes it is very silly. sometimes it is 'hey ! it would be hot if this happened to b*laf'.) it can be hard to reconcile the desire to 'communicate' via art/writing with some of my work just not having much of an audience or even feeling like i don't want to share it for various reasons lol, but in those cases i frame it to myself as, the effort of presenting the idea was enjoyable in and of itself, an act of personal communication between me and the subject or content of the work even if the thing itself will never be shown to another soul : v anyway fanwork can be a neat way to do that because it's like shared muses or canvases where what you see in them or love about them is already partially pre-communicated to people and you can hit the ground running on evoking emotions, concepts and narratives using the shared frame of reference, as well as skewing and transforming said frame as needed. btw i found another drawing of me and the sages that i didnt use in the other post so here it is

there have been many periods of my life when i was making more original work, though. (i'm sure i've said this many times now but before the sages i had a very comparable attachment to a couple of my OCs.) i also had a pretty terrible experience with fandom around middle school that sort of drove me away from heavily engaging for a long time; i was still in fandoms but basically never shared my writing outside of like PMs and servers. that's part of why my current abyss bullshit is so precious to me and also why i can get protective over it; it pretty much singlehandedly brought me back to the Blessings and Curses of being directly engaged in sharing a lot of fan content publicly. (man for a person who doesnt like bondrewd i do quote him a lot unfortunately.)

so anyway. yes. uhh sorry that was really long. i sort of just like blogging haha thank you very much for the ask! < 3

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

I think it's really rich how the Loki series showrunners like to talk about Loki's problems and emotions as if he were some moody, hormonal teenager, while currently in the show Sylvie is acting like some sullen, edgy, emo bitch-brat, hating everything and everyone, sticking safety pins in her armor and working at frickin' McDonalds. And this is supposed to be seen as cooler than Loki because her "trauma was worse and her scars are deeper", yadda yadda yadda. Like??? Do they not see their own double standard??? Do they not smell their own bullshit???

I know you aren't watching the show, and the Loki series is your least favorite subject right now, it is mine too, but every time I see something related to it I just. Want to put my fist through a wall. Everything these people have said about Loki is so wrong it's like my brain can't comprehend it. Anyway thank you for being so incredibly patient with all the Loki-related anons, including mine!

And on the subject of Sylvie's armor, I can't stand seeing her wear that design. If she is so special, being "her own person" and all, then she really should stop co-opting Loki's costume and find something else. Something that's just as, um...."original" as she is. 😒

Hey, I love the anons so keep 'em coming! (I know I'm super slow with them though, so sorry about that)

I couldn't agree more about the double standard. It genuinely baffles me that they're so uninterested in one of the most complex characters the MCU has ever had. They clearly understand he's like a magnet for the fanbase, hence all the promo centring him, but they seem so keen to grab that complexity and turn it to shreds in order to make him more palatable, and it's like... he already has a lot of fans kissing his ass. You want more? Don't change him, just make a good series! Get the same freaking character acting the same way he's always been, put him in situations and we'll watch the damn thing even if it's not that good just to see him. What's not clicking?! 🤦‍♀️

It doesn't make sense to me. Disney+ needed the Marvel series to be profitable, and they want a bigger audience and more money. Okay, cool. But why, why do the execs think the only way to get people interested is by nerfing the characters and making them simpler? It's such a classist belief that ""people"" will only understand something if it's on its most superficial state.

It reminds me of this idiot minister in the UK who said he was worried people wouldn't be able to understand The Crown is fiction and not a documentary on the actual events in real life. At the time so many news headlines read "The citizens are so stupid, they think TV series are an accurate depiction of reality!" instead of "This minister is so stupid he thinks everyone is as dumb as him".

Sorry about that, I needed to rant too lol I don't know what Sylvie is wearing now but I suppose she will be wearing the Loki armour still. It is funny, she's not a Loki but she has to wear the suit otherwise no one would remember she's supposed to be a Loki since she doesn't act like one at all. See how Loki is wearing stupid TVA clothes and we all know who he is? But she has to wear the Loki suit.

[obsoleteozymandias]

Hello I'm here for the exchange! Sorry for the hectic answers its my test period at uni 🫠

A BG3 match please! Just mention me when you're done ^^

She/her, Gemini, Intp, 5w4

Asexual/heteromantic

Chaotic Good

Appearance: 164cm. Brown wavy hair, dark Brown eyes. Curvy body I guess? I'm pale with visible beauty marks like on my lips. I wear glasses/sunglasses. I've been described as cute and a tease because I always bite my lips out of habit lol. I often have a tired/annoyed expression or a smile. I wear comfy clothes and even pj outside. Or cliché villain clothes, no in between. I try to wear gloves to stop myself from bitting my nails.

I appear as cold and very sarcastic. But I can be charismatic when I want. I'm always polite unless I dislike you (you'll know it because I become passive agressive). How I act depends on how you act with me, unless I'm in a bad mood. In that case I isolate to not break hearts too much. I act flirty around my friends and is known for sometimes playing with hearts (I'm oblivious to it). I'm petty and can go very far out of spite or vengeance. I curse a lot and will call you out on your bullshit with no issue no matter who you are.

I'm moody and not a morning person AT ALL. I'm brutally honest and it affected some friendships because people sometimes won't dare to approach me. I'm also socially obvious to a lot of things. I'm very curious and have a short attention spawn.

Getting along with me is easy peasy. As long as you're not whiny or a hypocrite we will get along. Now getting to know me is....nearly impossible. No friend of mine has managed to make me spill my problems even thought they share theirs and I help them out. My trust issues and daddy issues are too important for that lol. I don't open up and bottle my feelings all the time till I shut down or explode. I isolate a lot when I have problems or I'm just thinking (I love daydreaming). I'm rebellious but also a smooth talker. My friends know I have good intentions and would never wrong an innocent person. I'm the smart but reckless friend cuz I'll always hype up bad ideas for fun. I can be a bit naive. Even thought I have morbid curiosity and shared dubious experimental ideas....morals ain't my Forte. I'm more logical than emotional. I'm ambitious and can't stand my own failure. But I'm also lazy and a procrastinator which is a terrible combo. I'm always willing to debate and learn new things because knowledge is very important to me. I'm creative and innovative, I know when to get to business. I'm very competitive and try to hide it. Yeah I have an ego, so what? if you don't have a solid argument with me, I'll destroy you.

Despite that, I joke a lot and never take anything seriously. It happens that I underestimate people (I beat them later sooo). I'm a big tease and love to rile up people and see them get angry. I subtly insult people when they piss me off.

Because of that, I get very lonely and I'm misunderstood. I don't recognize my own feelings and mask that pretty well as it fools everyone. i don't consider myself to be a good person for some reasons. I envy easily and get annoyed easily because I want to succeed above all lol. Oh and I love money. I like gifting my friends and receiving gifts.

Hobbies: Reading (mystery, thriller, fantasy), true crime, video games, manga, drawing, baking, fighting sports (sparing and shooting), learning, daydreaming. I love space and mad scientists stories. My aesthetic is definitely related to those subjects as well as the sea and stars.

I'm insecure about my weight despite not being overweight.

In a relationship, I'm the most chill person. I don't get jealous or clingy. You can do whatever you want. I'm always here to give you advices because helping you out, giving you my time and giving you gifts is my love langage. It bothered my last boyfriend because he thought I wasn't emotionally present and isolated a lot (which I did. I warned him that I accepted out of boredroom and didn't love him but he still went ahead. Then he emotionally cheated on my bd and everyone noticed but me lol. I separated from those friends cuz none told me and I value honesty a lot). I love cuddles but I'll take time to accept physical touch. I enjoy a partner that can keep up with me and be patient and honest because I value honesty. I also love receiving gifts because uh...I grew up with them validating love. I hate whiny and cowardly people. I don't fall first and don't make the first move. I'm a very understanding and loyal lover.

I speak Arabic, French and English. I'm an only child. I study electronics and want to work in space related studies.

Thanks!

Thanks for doing this with me mate <3 Hope you enjoy! 

== Baldur’s Gate III ==>

I match you up with…

Astarion 

This one is a tough one, because I think this relationship is very complicated. 

When Astarion first meets you, he finds a kindred spirit in you. He likes that you’re sharp and initellegent, and he especially likes that you’re willing to indulge him without asking for much in return. 

I can imagine the two of you having a casual relationship at first, one with no strings attached. Your emotional distance and his distrust make it easy to keep up, although you two never really trust one another. 

It’s convenient, and you both get some semblance of pleasure out of it, so what’s the harm? 

I imagine this goes on for a long while, until he shows you his scars. He’s being genuinely open and vulnerable with you, and he knows that you don’t share your emotions in the same way. 

But afterwards, it bothers him. He wants to console you. He wants to be there for you, even if it was clear that you wouldn’t be available like that. 

And so the situationship ends. 

And then you go through some absolutely batshit insane fantasy world bullshit, and something in you snaps. 

Whether it’s the pressure or the emotional strain, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is suddenly everything is too much and you bottled up your emotions again until they exploded and now you’re alone and struggling. 

And when Astarion sees that, he sees himself. He sees someone unwilling to accept help and to let others in, and he sees someone who needs a shoulder to lean on. And even if he knows he shouldn’t, he goes over to you, whether you like it or not, and stays with you until you feel better. 

That’s where the relationship succeeds: not in the casualness of it, nor in its easyness, but in the way that he allows you to be vulnerable, and in the way that he’ll wait for you for as long as it takes. 

After that, there’s a tentative but passionate go at a proper relationship. 

He’s somewhere safe for you. You can be blunt and honest with him, and you can laugh with him, and at the end of the day you can complain about people who annoy you with him as you fall asleep in his arms. 

And he can be rude and judgemental with you. He can be open with you. He can leave behind the fear that you’ll leave him because he sees himself in you so strongly that he understands your actions as if they were his own. 

Are there fights? Yes. Are there challenges? Absolutely. You two are so headstrong that a couple of fights and differences of opinion are bound to come up. 

But it never stops you two from being willfully in love and hopelessly devoted to eachother. 

[delusion-of-negation]

my opinions on this stupid shit:

morality and quality do not have objective parameters, and in casual conversation it's fine to say "that's bad", but if you're a professional then fucking explain what you mean, how you get from a to b. it's literally your only job to elaborate on it.

bitch try having your muscles, joints, heart, and lungs slowly disintegrate, while you get a couple hours sleep max, and tell me that you wouldn't start to get a more abrupt tone. ffs.

don't waste my time with hours debating subjectivity, only to turn around, when I finally think we've found our ideological difference and come to the root of our disagreement, to say actually all of this is because you're upset by phraseology.

you read into that. you made that shit up. anger, secret deep meanings about how stupid you are, whatever other shit. it's literally not something I said. sorry you're upset but fuck off.

when I say that I'm not going to "uwu apowogise for being wude mister pwesident" I'm not making fun of struggling to type, I'm making fun of fake meek self-deprecating bullshit.

why did this become a drama. somebody misunderstood my post and I told them so in an abrupt tone, and like five weird directions are already forming. I just wanna play pokémon.

re

also, don't read into this. I'm tired. I'm in pain. I'm blunt. you hurt some of my feelings by not talking to me and gossiping instead, while we were having the "friendly clearing it up" convo to me. it would be stupid of me to pretend that wasn't the case. but don't pretend that's deep or whatever, it's a papercut at best. I swear, I don't think that'd prove an anger. but I know I can't convince y'all.

[mellifloraa]

i am very sad tonight and fixating on icky things and icky people so i will be posting a list of things that i love and things that make me happy as a reminder to myself.

i love myself. it has taken me so goddamn long to get to a place where i can say that and genuinely mean it, and i'm not sure if i'm quite there yet, but i am closer to it than i've ever been. i feel at home in my body most days. i try to accept every bit of my body as part of me and i combat dysphoria as best i can in the moment. i am doing the best i can and i am feeling better about my trans body than i have in a very very long time.

i love that i am driven. i am going back to school for the first time since 2016. the last time i was in college it was legitimately and literally the worst point in my life, and i'm working on moving forward and getting back into it to better myself and work on building a future for myself.

i love that i try to be a good friend. i mess up sometimes and i get things wrong sometimes and i go distant sometimes but. i'm trying my best. i'm working on reflecting the love and care that people show me and i'm trying to be as good a friend as i can to those in my circle. even if people who aren't in my life anymore say that i'm a bad friend or a bad person, i am trying. i am trying to be a better person than i was the day before. and even if i have a long way to go, the fact that i am trying says a lot.

i love creating. i love playing music on my little blue bass and i love writing shitty poetry in my notes app and i love writing fanfics about my dnd ocs and i love coloring black and white photos. i've been a creative all my life and ever since my mental illness really started to manifest and take over my life i've been distancing myself from the act of creating. it feels so good to start again. i need to focus more on creating for the sake of creating, rather than for the satisfaction of interaction and feedback, but that will come with time.

i love nature. i love space. i love being able to look up and see the sky at night. where i live it gets very cloudy very often, but every once in a while, the sky is so clear and you can see so many stars. it stretches on forever. it's so nice. i'm trying my best to get back outside again and take more walks now that it's beginning to get cooler and less sunny, and it's always so nice to simply exist amongst nature instead of being cooped up in my bedroom all day.

i love feeling like i have a future. for the longest time, it's been immensely hard to picture myself as having a future, be it because of my own mental illness or feeling like it's been barricaded off to me for whatever societal reason. now that i'm in school and working towards something that i genuinely enjoy and have enjoyed since i was a child, it gives me so much hope to think that my future is tangible. that it's real. and that it will happen. i'm still very anxious about it and i can't think about it for too long without panicking again, but any progress is better than no progress. i'm working towards it and that's what's important.

i'm trying to fall back in love with life. i'm trying to have a full experience here while i still can, and surround myself with people and experiences and media that i love. it's so easy for me to fixate and get stuck in an echo chamber where everything and everyone that's ever hurt me is just... overwhelming me. but i'm trying to push forward and live a full life in spite of what's happened to me. despite the hurt and the pain and the bad friends and the abusive exes and the trauma. and it's really fucking hard. but i like to think it gets easier. maybe. hopefully.

[thebibliosphere]

So I'm currently unemployed because I got fired for taking too much sick leave (it was legally sketchy blah blah blah but in the end I just can't work and take care of myself and investigate my mystery health problems at the same time). So I've been spending more time writing!

I really admire your writing and loved Hunger Pangs. I'm looking forward to the poly elements developing and I'm wondering if you have any advice for writing about poly. I've made one of my projects a snarky take on "write what you know" ... Apparently what I know is southern gothic meets Pacific northwest gothic, chronic illness pandemic surrealism, and falling back-asswards into threesomes.

I know this is a very open-ended question and I don't expect an answer, I'm just curious about it if you have the energy. As a writer, trying to write honestly / realistically about polyamory/enm, I'm curious if you have any thoughts on what's different about portraying monogamy or nonmonogamy in books, romance or erotica or otherwise.

I'm trying to read examples but it's hard to find examples that fit the niche I'm looking at. Excuse me if this question is nonsense, it's the cluster headaches.

I'm sorry to hear you've been dealing with all that and solidarity on the cluster headaches. But I'm glad you're finding an outlet through writing! And I hope you're happy with an open-ended ramble in response because oh boy, there's a lot I could talk about and I could probably do a better job of answering this sort of thing with more specific questions, but let's see where we end up.

There's definitely a big difference between writing polyamory/ENM (ethical non-monogamy) and what people often expect from monogamous love stories.

Just even from a purely sales and marketing standpoint, the moment you write anything polyamorous (or even just straight up LGBTQIA+ without the ENM) you're going to get considered closer to being erotica/obscene than hetero romances. It's an unfair bias, but it's one that exists in our society. But also the Amazon algorithm and their shitty, shitty human censors. Especially the ones that work the weekends. (Talking to you, Carlos 🖕.)

So not only do you start out hyper-aware that you're writing something that is highly stigmatized or fetishized (at least I'm hyper-aware) but that you are also writing for a niche market that is starving for positive content because the content that exists is either limited, not what they want, or is problematic in some fashion i.e. highly stigmatized or fetishy. And even then, the wants, desires, and expectations of the community you're writing for are complex and wildly varied and hard to fit into an easy formula.

When writing monogamous love stories, there is a set expectation that’s really hard to fuck up once you know it. X person meets Y. Attraction happens, followed by some sort of minor conflict/resolution. Other plot may happen. A greater catalyst involving personal growth for both parties (hopefully) happens. Follow the equation to its ultimate resolution and achieve Happily Ever After. 

But writing ENM is... a lot more difficult, if only because of the pure scope of possibilities. You could try to follow the same equation and shove three (or more) people into it, but it rarely works well. Usually because if you’re doing it right, you won’t have enough room in a single character arc to allow for enough growth, and if ENM requires anything in abundance, it’s room to grow.

And this post is huge so I’m going to put the rest under a cut :)

There's also a common refrain in certain online polyam/ENM circles that triads and throuples are overrepresented in media and they may be right to some extent. Personally, I believe the issue isn't that triads and throuples are overrepresented, but that there is such minuscule positive rep of ethical non-monogamy in general, that the few tiny instances we have of triads in media make it seem like it's "everywhere" when in actuality, it's still quite rare and the media we do have often veers into Unicorn Hunter fetish porn. Which is its own problematic thing. And just to be clear, I’m not including this part to dissuade you from writing "falling back-asswards into threesomes." If anything, I need more of it and would hook it directly into my brain if I could. I'm just throwing it out there into the void in the hope that someone will take the thought and run with it, lol.

I’d love to see more polyfidelitous rep in fiction, just as much as I’d like to see more relationship anarchy too. More diversity in fiction is always good.

Another thing that differs in writing ENM romance vs conventional monogamy is the feeling like you need to justify yourself. There's a lot of pressure to be as healthy and non-problematic as possible because you are being held to a higher standard of criticism. Both from people from without the ENM communities, and from the people within. Granted, some people don't give a shit and just want to read some fantastic porn (valid) but there are those who will cheerfully read Fifty Shades of Bullshit and call it "spicy" and "romantic," then turn around and call the most tooth-rottingly-sweet-fluff about a queer platonic polycule heresy. That's just the way the world works.

(Pro-tip for author life in general: never read your own reviews; that way madness lies. I glimpsed one the other day that tagged Hunger Pangs as “ethical cheating” and just about had an aneurism.)

And while that feeling of needing to justify yourself comes from a valid place of being excluded from the table of socially accepted norms, it can also be to the detriment of both the story and the subject matter at hand. I've seen some authors bend so far over backward to avoid being problematic in their portrayal of ENM, they end up being problematic for entirely different reasons. Usually because they give such a skewed, rose-tinted perspective of how things work, it ends up coming off as well... a bit culty and obnoxious tbh.

“Look how enlightened we are, freed from the trappings of monogamy and jealousy! We’re all so honest and perfect and happy!”

Yeah, uhu, sure Jan. Except here’s the thing, not all jealousy is bad. How you act on it can be, but jealousy itself is an important tool in the junk drawer that is the range of human emotion. It can clue us in to when we’re feeling sad or neglected, which in turn means we should figure out why we’re feeling those things. Sometimes it’s because brains are just like that and anxiety is a thing. Other times it’s because our needs are actually being neglected and we are in an unhealthy situation we need to remedy. You gotta put the work in to figure it out. Which is the same as any style of relationship, whether it’s mono, polyam or whatever flavor of ENM you subscribe to* And sometimes you just gotta be messy, because that’s how humans are. Being afraid to show that mess makes it a dishonest portrayal, and it also robs you of some great cannon fodder for character development.

Which brings me in a roundabout way to my current pet peeve in how certain writers take monogamous ideals and apply them to ENM, sometimes without even realizing it. The “Find the Right Person and Settle Down” trope.

Often, in this case, ENM or polyamory is treated as a phase. Something you mature out of with age or until you meet “The One(tm).” This is, of course, an attempt to follow the mono style formula expected in most romances. And while it might appeal to many readers, it’s uh, actually quite insulting. 

To give an example, I am currently seeing this a lot in the Witcher fandom. 

Fanon Netflix!Jaskier is everyone's favorite ethical slut until he meets Geralt then woops, wouldn’t you know, he just needed to find The One(tm). Suddenly, all his other sexual and romantic exploits or attractions mean nothing to him. Let's watch as he throws away a core aspect of his personality in favor of a man. 

Yeah... that sure showed those societal norms... 

If I were being generous, I’d say it’s a poor attempt at showing New Relationship Euphoria and how wrapped up people can become in new relationships. But honestly, it’s monogamous bias eking its way in to validate how special and unique the relationship is. Because sometimes people really can’t think of any other way to show how important and valid a relationship is without defining it in terms of exclusivity. Which is a fundamental misunderstanding of how ENM works for a lot of people and invalidates a lot of loving, serious and long-term relationships.

This is not to say that some polyam/poly-leaning people can't be happy in monogamous relationships! I am! (I consider myself ambiamorous. I'm happy with either monogamy or polyamory, it really just depends on the relationship(s) I’m in.) But I also don't regard my relationship with a mono partner as "settling down" or "growing up." It's just a choice I made to be with a person I love, and it's a valid one. Just like choosing to never close yourself off to multiple relationships is valid. And I wish more people realized that, or rather, I wish the people writing these things knew that :P

Anyway, I think I’ve rambled enough. I hope this collection of incoherent thoughts actually makes some sense and might be useful. 

----

*A good resource book that doesn't pull any punches in this regard is Polysecure by Jessica Fern. It's a wonderfully insightful read that explores the messier side of consensual non-monogamy, especially with how it can be affected by trauma or inter-relationship conflicts. But it also shows how to take better steps toward healthy, ethical non-monogamy (a far better job than More Than Two**) and conflict resolution, making it a valuable resource both for someone who is a part of this relationship style***, but also for writers on the outside looking in who might have a very simple or misguided idea of what conflict within polyam/ENM relationships might look like, vs traditional monogamous ones.

** The author of More Than Two has been accused of multiple accounts of abuse within the polyamorous community, with many of his coauthors having spoken out about the gaslighting and emotional and psychological damage they experienced while in a relationship with him. A lot of their stories are documented here: https://www.itrippedonthepolystair.com/ (warning: it is not light material and deals with issues of abuse, gaslighting, and a whole other plethora of Yikes.) While some people still find More Than Two helpful reading, there are now, thankfully, much, much better resources out there.

*** Some people consider polyam/ENM to be part of their identity or orientation, while others view it as a relationship style.It largely depends on the individual. 

[wallylinda]

may i ask what was the comic you hated? or rank the worst comics you've ever read? ffgjfjf

yes absolutely here are the top ten comics never to fucking touch if you even remotely value yourself and your mental health, in ascending order of how much I fucking hate them:

Animal Man (1988)

Okay, right off the bat, I'll have to admit: Morrison's run is decent. But everyone who claims that this comic is a "classic" or a "masterpiece of what you can accomplish in the medium" has thankfully only ever been subjected to Morrison's drug-fueled meditations on the nature of parallel universes and the importance of animal rights and not the complete and utter shitshow that was 50+ issues of: Animal Man turning into the knock-off Jersey Devil, Animal Man losing control of his powers and running around the suburbs naked and howling at the moon, Animal Man turning his daughter into the figurehead of a cult for reasons I still do not understand and do not care to comprehend. 

Like I cannot even describe to you how divorced these plotlines are from any semblance of thought processes other than "how do I make this as fucked up as possible?" And I know it's a Vertigo title and I know that it's kind of par for the course in that regard but surely. Surely we can do better than this. Anyway, my favorite character was Animal Man's son, Cliff, who didn't deserve literally anything that happened to him I hope he has a good life. 

2. Aquaman (1994)

I know. I know that a lot of people like this book. It is apparently a great book when you close your eyes and ignore everything that actually happens in the book. And let me tell you I tried. I read about ~60 issues of this garbage fire before giving up. It's just gritty, meaningless nonsense intermixed with feeble attempts at worldbuilding and increasingly icky romantic ventures. Like, Aquaman loses a hand to a bunch of carnivorous piranhas (haha), gets possessed by alien technology he found under Atlantis (???), and flies into frequent rages over the people around him, understandably, refusing to obey his every command (good for them). He's an asshole! And not even in a good way! No one in this comic has any semblance of an emotional connection to each other, be it good or bad, and their motivations often fall flat because of that. Not to mention that the colorist just. Pinkified the Inuit character. Great. Awesome. I hate it here. 

3. Plastic Man (2004)

How. How did this book get an Eisner Award. Did we read the same fucking comic??? Was bribery involved??? I feel insane. All you need to know about this book is that its very last issue had a joke about the act of necrophilia on a minor. And for a book that was marketed based on its humor, it had one (1) funny panel, and that was it. Bad. I'm so sorry Plastic Man maybe you'll get a series I'll actually enjoy reading one day...

4. Green Lantern: New Guardians

Congratulations, you gave Kyle superpowers equal to a god! Now what interesting and impactful stories are you going to tell with this newfound power of his that doesn’t completely detract from the previous themes or further convert the franchise into blatant military propaganda? ...What do you mean you’re going to make Ganthet into Kyle’s father figure. Why did you create a romantic relationship between him and Carol. Why is every modern Green Lantern comic obsessed with the supposed benefits of a universal police presence when everything prior to the 2005 series consistently denounced it. This entire book was just a paltry imitation of the Ion arc of the 90s, and you should that instead of this, because this was just OOC nonsense. 

5. Green Lantern: Rebirth

Parallax retcon written by Geoff Johns. Enough said.

6. The Flash (2011)

Once again mutilated from the corpse of actually good material, this comic is a coagulated monstrosity of editorial bullshit and increasingly desperate attempts at portraying the cops as the Good Guys. Hell, during this shitshow of a book, Barry arrests his own future nephew for spray-painting anti-Flash sentiments onto an alley, who, may I add, was introduced in this scene, and as a black character. Love that. Furthermore, Barry’s personality solely consists of being overly attached to his work and his primary motivation to being a hero is a rip-off of Batman’s origins. Iris has been dumbed down and smoothed out into unrecognizability and her romantic relationship to Barry has no basis or emotion to it. Just. Everything about this comic is OOC and completely disingenuous to previous canon and deliberately mean-spirited towards its fans. It doesn’t even feel like it wants to tell a good story. It just feels like it wants to shame the readers for liking the characters and themes that existed before the reboot.

7. Fate

The epitome of everything wrong about 90s comics. A powerful protagonist with no motivation behind any of his actions, overly complicated storylines with no plot cohesion, and a constant gritty and pessimistic atmosphere that serves no purpose other than to exemplify the main character’s unlikability. You could, in theory, say that that was the entire point of the comic, but that still doesn’t change the fact that this book is needlessly preachy and self-absorbed and just plain boring. Loved it when the main character died in JSA. Bad. 

8. Secret Six (2006)

On rare occasions, I see individuals lauding Gail Simone as this beloved icon of feminism in the comic industry, and I urge those same people to read Secret Six because their opinion will change. The one WOC, Chesire, is demonized into one of the worst racist caricatures I have ever had the displeasure of reading, which of course means that she has the dubious honor of playing the part of the Dragon Lady��and the Asian Baby Mama trope. Jade is a completely different character in this, and the text is all but too happy to ignore her prior history in favor of making her as immoral and sexualized as possible. Everything has to relate to sex. The dialogue is clunky and unrealistic. And like, this comic has been upheld for its queer representation before, but having queer characters doesn’t mean that it is any way good, and it certainly doesn’t mean that it should be excused for the blatant mess that it actually is. I hate it so much. 

9. Heroes in Crisis

Do I even need to explain.

10. Green Arrow (2011)

THE WORST COMIC I'VE EVER FUCKING READ. MY GOD. You might be thinking to yourself right now, “oh, how bad can it really be?” and the answer to that question is BAD. Here are some plot points: Ollie fucks a group of triplets in the wilderness while being chased by bears (idk but i’m not rereading this goddamn thing to give you the exact details) while everyone around him rightfully assumes he’s died in a ditch, Ollie finds out he’s the rightful heir to a magical arrow cult and gets tortured by his father for it (???), and Shado, a woman who in previous canon was involved with Ollie, now has a daughter with his father. Like. It’s bad!!! Nothing about it is salvageable!!! Nothing about it is a Green Arrow comic!!! Don’t fucking read this!!!

in conclusion: i hate all of these please please please take my advice and never touch them. do this for yourself and not for me. also if you are a fan of any of these comics sorry that i despise your beloveds or whatever please make your hate post about me on your own blog and not on mine thx 😭🙏🙏

[iron-parkr]

A not-so-friendly public service announcement to the bitchass babies who want to tell the people who have been harassed for an entire fucking year how to handle that harassment: Shut. The Fuck. Up.

You do not get to speak on the subject unless you are the one being harassed. You do not get to tell people what they can and cannot reblog or post on their own personal blogs. You do not get to sit there high and mighty on your throne, miles and miles away from the situation, and command people not to speak, not to support their friends, not to engage with the harassment, just because it makes you uncomfortable to see it on your dash.

You're uncomfortable? Try being the ones harassed. Try being the ones who have watched your friends get baseless accusations thrown at them day in and day out, have their names dragged through the fucking mud despite just trying to mind their own business, for a goddamn fucking year.

I love Maddie and Nikki and lokitrasho. They are genuine, sweet, kind individuals who absolutely do not deserve the shit storm that has been raining down on them.

Y'all would do well to remember that these creators are humans too. Read that again. They are human beings. They are people with feelings and emotions and pains and flaws and negatives and positives. Would you say this shit to someone to their face? Would you 'politely ask' someone in real life not to fight back against continual harassment because it inconveniences and discomforts you? Fucking look me in the proverbial eye - come into my inbox - and tell me you would, I fucking dare you.

I've had it with this bullshit. Y'all are just as cowardly and immature as the anons harassing my friends in their inboxes and on an entirely separate site. You don't even see half the shit these creators deal with because so much of it happens in their reviews on FFN. And yeah, it really does suck if you've started getting the harassment reviews on FFN too, and I'm genuinely sorry if that's happened/happening to you. But that does not give you any right to come onto other people's blogs, into other people's inboxes, and tell them how to handle the harassment they've been dealing with for months.

Notice how many times I've explicitly said harassment - because that's what it fucking is.

The message you're sending is that you don't care about other creators. You care about your perfect little dash more than you do about actual, real, living and breathing human beings who have been harassed day in and day out for - once again - an entire goddamn year.

Grow the fuck up. You and the anons. And everyone vague-posting about the whole thing? You can grow the fuck up and shut the fuck up too for all I care. Your posts reek of victim-blaming and it's not a good look, babes.

All of you need to take a step back and reevaluate your lives. There's enough shit going on in the world as it is. We don't need more shit piled onto the shit heap on this hellsite.

I hope you all learn some goddamn empathy.

[scaramouche-bully]

i hope this isn't rude to ask, but why do you write dark content topics like noncon and abuse? i'm a s/a and abuse survivor who had no problem with these things before my trauma but afterwards i became angry at people who made such content. now i'm trying to remember that people have different reasons for writing these things and i've been asking writers what their thoughts are. i've been following you for a while and i know you're kind and not ill intentioned in your writing, so i was wondering what your views are. this isn't meant to be hateful at all and i am just curious and want to understand. if this makes you uncomfortable feel free to delete it!

Hello anon,

Don't worry, this isn't rude to ask at all. I respect that you want to understand and this is from curiosity rather than being hateful (which I don't take your ask as such) and that you remember that there's a person behind the work. To be honest, I don't really know how to answer your question so I might go on a tangent. I hope you don't take my words as fact or my entire thought process but I just want to say:

I don't support rape or abuse. I don't want anyone to think that just because I write it, I fantasize about it or condone it in any way. I don't. I'm not trying to offend or make anyone angry, that's why I tag everything twice and add a read more. It's your choice whether to believe me or not, I just ask that you don't harass me under those assumptions.

To put it bluntly, it's just writing to me. When you see people write or do something really obscure or relating to dark content, you're completely right to assume it's because they're interested in those topics. But that's not necessarily the same for everything and everyone. I can't speak on the behalf of every single writer out there but personally, it's just something to explore from an omniscient point of view. I'm not going to bullshit you or sugarcoat my words, I'm not a survivor and the harassment and abuse that I have suffered aren't traumatic to me. That's why I can think that way and it's not because I have any ill-intent or I'm trying to undermine or pretend that those issues aren't serious. They are. Personally, I would get very upset as well because, in my mind, someone is taking something very personal and traumatic and doing what? Writing about it with fictional characters that they want to fuck? It feels insulting in a way. Naturally, I have no idea what you feel but that's how I would react.

But it's similar to any murder/mafia au or even yandere. Does that mean I like killing people or obsessive behaviour? No, absolutely not. When I write a character or direct a movie and someone is shooting someone, does that mean I'm into violence or condone guns? No, that was not the intention at all. We can say it's "not the same thing" and you're totally valid to think that way. But for me, it is. I'm not pretending as if murder or abuse doesn't exist or it's something to want. When it's in shows or books, no one really bats an eye to that. Maybe it's the stigma with fanfic authors that we're all 13-year old quotev writers/readers (I used to be one so I'm really just making fun of myself here) that we rightfully assume it's because we like those topics or we fantasize about being in those situations. Because why else would I want to read or write about x reader fics with those topics?

You don't need me to tell you that it's reasonable to be angry at people that make dark content. I myself, don't really like dark content that much either. I don't daydream about being used and I don't like feeling upset. Which I guess doesn't make sense especially for the type of fics I write. But when I actually write, there's a major disconnect between fiction and reality and I understand that it's not like that for everyone else. Writers pov compared to a reader's pov I feel is very different. I can be a selfish person and write this way because I've never been through it. But it's never from a place of disrespect and I apologize if it feels that way but I can't control what you feel. All I ask is that you read the tags and determine whether or not you want to associate with it. To me, it's just words on a paper and action queues I'm giving to imaginary characters. I'm not fantasizing about anything, I don't even like sex that much. I just think it's something to write that I feel like doing. For example, I don't care for Venti at all. He's cute I guess but I don't want to fuck him. But I still write for him and how I write makes it seem as if I actually look at Venti that way. I don't, it's just writing. I guess it's the same question as to why do you write in general. Because it's fun? I wouldn't really call it "fun" and more of a hobby that I like to do. This doesn't really make sense since people that do anything as a hobby naturally assume they have a passion or like it. In a sense, it's kind of like this: You enjoy drawing but if someone asked you to draw a monster, yes you could do it because you like to draw but it's not like you're putting your heart or deep emotional thoughts into it. It's just a drawing of a monster. You've never had an experience with a monster (in a fictional sense) so there's nothing for you to be traumatized with. There might be some aspects, spikes or tentacles, that make you uncomfortable, sure. And people can find deeper meanings in your work and make assumptions when there isn't, to you it's just an image.

I know this is an incredibly shitty way to explain why I write dark content because it sounds like I don't care or I think abuse/noncon subjects don't matter because it's "just words on a paper". I get it, in movies when the protagonist is abused or has been a survivor of rape and that doesn't go anywhere. That it's just a way for the movie to pity the main character or to explain why they act a certain way, it feels cheap and manufactured and I hate it. But I always believe that as long as you aren't doing anything illegal or endangering yourself + others, I don't care what you do. When I see topics that I personally find disgusting or don't like, I just move on. They aren't hurting me in any way and they're allowed to write what they want to write. I know that isn't the same for everyone and that kind of thinking is very romanticized but I like to think that I'm smart enough to know when that thinking breaks or isn't acceptable.

Sorry that I keep drawing comparisons, it's just how I like to explain things and it's easier for me to explain my thoughts that way. My writing is like a snow globe. Sure it has some real connotations with the snow that comes from nature, but it's not real snow. It's an overly pretty, dream-like world, that can never be cold and doesn't show how awful living with a lot of snow does to you. People that have never seen snow, they'll love it because it doesn't remind them of actual snow since they've never experienced it. But I have, I live in NA. Except I understand that it's just a snow globe. Sure it might make someone uncomfortable for any reason, but it doesn't for me and at the end of the day, it's just an object to me. You can take that as a very selfish way of thinking but I'm not going to throw my snowglobe in the trash just because someone doesn't like it. I know for a fact that anything I write isn't meant to trigger or make anyone upset, I write it because I want to explore those topics. I don't think it's hot, I don't think it's okay, and I don't condone it in real life. But it's just writing to me, it's just fiction, it's a way for me to explore those topics in a way that I am comfortable. If you don't like it and it triggers you, that is completely okay and understandable, but that wasn't my intention and I'm not going to stop.

I hope that answers your question and gives you a bit of insight into my views. I know my way of thinking isn't for everyone and you're allowed to disagree with it. Dark content is a very thin line that a lot of people aren't comfortable with and I acknowledge that. I don't even like dark content that much but I'm not going to stop writing about it. I'll tag everything, crop away topics that trigger people, and to be honest, I don't find myself writing about dark content ever unless an anon asks for it. But if you don't like me or disagree with what I've said, the block button is right there.

- 🐑

[neoloves]

— 𝐈 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐧𝐨 𝐞𝐥𝐬𝐞 𝐜𝐚𝐧.

| 𝐚𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 | The second part to 'Oikawa, Tsukishima and Akaashi comparing you to their ex'

Part 1 can be found here ♡

| 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 | Oikawa Tooru, Akaashi Keiji and Tsukishima Kei

| 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬) | swearing

| 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝.𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 | 1.6k

| 𝐚𝐭𝐡.𝐭𝐱𝐭 | I'm not even gonna front, I wanted to do the part 2 angsty, but I didn't 🧍🏻‍♀️ happy endings for everyone! ✨ damn why this so long for

(also I just realized 'how to say sorry' by middle school is the perfect song to listen to when reading this 👁️👁️)

「 Oikawa 」

Oikawa slaps himself one more time, his vision was getting blurry, his eyes searching for one person, that one person that's put up with all his bullshit and loved him thoroughly. "Fucking hell Oikawa, can you focus a little bit more?!" Iwaizumi yells at him, they lost the first set, all because Oikawa couldn't find you at the bleachers.

"Oh I'd love to, but you see Y/N-" Iwaizumi cuts him off, "Y/N didn't come today because she's still hurt you ass! Now get your head back into the game," Iwaizumi sends him one last glare. Oikawa scoffs, you were his lucky charm, whenever you were there to watch his games he was more motivated to win but without you, it's almost like it's not worth it.

Even after all of the things Oikawa said, you couldn't help but watch his games, it felt like a routine for you. The game finished with Aoba Johsai winning, the gap wasn't big but they won and that's all that matters. You quickly made your way out of the gym but someone's hand stopped you from doing so, looking up you see Iwaizumi. He was the one that ran after you instead of your boyfriend, he helped you calm down during that time, "Y/N can we.. talk?" He asked.

Looking around, you didn't see Oikawa anywhere so you agreed. Walking just outside the gym, there he stood, the moonlight was shining down on him so beautifully, fuck. "Y/N, please have a listen to what he says, he's been a wreck these days.." Iwaizumi says, offering you a gentle smile before leaving you two. "So.. what did you want to talk about? That you wanted to break up? That you found someone that's way better than me? Someon-"

"No! No one is better than you! No one can ever replace you y/n, so please listen to me. The shit I said before was because I wasn't thinking straight, it was never you, I just- I just thought that you might see the real me, pathetic little athlete and leave one day, I didn't want that to happen.. I'm sorry," Oikawa said, his chest heaving up and down, his pretty hazel eyes had tears flowing down his cheeks.

You couldn't watch Oikawa cry, all you wanted to do was wrap your arms around him and tell him that it was alright. Instead you approached him slowly, taking his hands into yours, "I forgive you Oikawa, but it'll take time for me to put in trust in you," You said, giving him the slightest smile. "T-That's do-able, I'll wait until you're ready again, and I promise to not break your heart again," And he plans to keep that promise.

「 Akaashi 」

Akaashi tells himself that he'll be a better boyfriend, he'll make it up to you. But why can't he send you a single text? Maybe call? No, he wants to apologize in person, the longer he drags this fight out the more he realizes how much of a wreck he really is without you. He starts to ask himself, 'What would y/n do?' or 'Have they eaten yet?'

The last time he's seen you was at the hallways, he's always seeked you out but you always avoided him, the calm and composed Akaashi Keiji, going crazy over you. "How do I even make her listen to me Bokuto? She won't even spare me a glance.." he muttered, Bokuto felt pity for his friend, 'Maybe this is how y/n felt when I ignored her,' he told himself.

"Just walk straight up to her, say that you want to talk and apologize, don't make excuses, say that you're sorry, wholeheartedly," Bokuto says, smiling at him. "Easier said than done," Akaashi sighs, it's the first time he's ever dealt with something like this, but for you, he'll keep trying

He found the perfect opportunity to face you when the teacher had asked Akaashi to help you with some subjects you were failing, you've skipped school for a week prior to the argument. It's been hard to catch up with all the work, so Akaashi was sent to lend you a hand. You were more than surprised when Akaashi comes up to your door step, "Uh.." You said, slamming the door onto his face, but he was quickly to catch it, leaving the door slightly opened.

"Y/N I was sent here by the teacher to help you with school.. and to apologize," He said, hesitantly, opening the door once again. You let Akaashi in, you couldn't tell but Akaashi was nervous as hell, all the words he's rehearsed were forgotten the moment he saw you. He curses himself for hurting you, "Sorry, you were forced to come here to help me," You said, keeping your gaze on the floor. "No, I should be the one apologizing,"

"It was unfair of me, ignoring you and then lashing out like that. I don't know why I did that, but I want to apologize, I never wanted to hurt you, some boyfriend I am," He said, his mind replaying the scene over and over, he can't forget the hurt look on your face. "I'm supposed to protect you, not hurt you, so.. you can decide if you still want me or not, I'll respect your decision," He said, "I– You know I still love you so much Akaashi, of course I want you back, but please, give me time.." You said, your heart feeling way lighter.

"Of course Y/N, I'll give you all the time you need, I'll be waiting," Akaashi smiles, he can wait for a lifetime, maybe even forever just to have you back in his arms.

「 Tsukishima 」

Tsukishima can't help but glance at your seat from time to time, it was empty, it's been empty for a week now. You weren't the type to skip school, but he guesses you have an excuse to not come anymore. How would Tsukishima let you know that he didn't mean all the shit he said? How would he let you know that it's always been you?

Even Yamaguchi started to make up excuses about not being able to hang out, Tsukishima fully knows that Yamaguchi would meet up with you, but he doesn't why. He guesses that it's to console you, but it's making him feel bad. Having his friend comfort you instead of him, but he can't really say much as he's the cause of this. So he'll endure it until he can't anymore, jealousy is an ugly emotion and he knows that fully well.

He's been seeing you and Yamaguchi together more often, sure it tugs at his heartstrings but what the fuck can he do? He's a coward that runs away from emotion and bottles them up until it comes around to bite his ass. That's exactly why that argument between you two happened in the first place, he's been dealing with personal issues with college and his life that he ended up bursting it out on you.

"Nothing I do is ever good enough, fuck," He curses, as he misses another ball. "Are you alright Tsukishima? You're usually not this distracted," His teammate asked, "It's nothing, just tired, let's get back to practice," He replied, not wanting to answer anymore questions. His teammate seemed to have gotten the message and left him alone, "How about we go eat out tonight? My treat," Their captain suggested, "Sorry but I think–" Tsukishima was going to decline but the captain insisted.

So now he was getting dragged to a barbecue house, what Tsukishima wasn't expecting was to see you and Yamaguchi at the same restaurant as he was in. He couldn't turn away, you looked so much happier with Yamaguchi, would it be right to let you go? Should he keep fighting? You sensed someone staring at you for a while now, but when Yamaguchi leaned towards you to whisper, "Tsukishima's here, what do you want to do?"

"Nothing, I'll be perfectly fine," You said, minutes had passed but you've grown more and more uncomfortable with the amount of staring Tsukishima's done. This is so strange even for you, Yamaguchi sensed your uncomfortability and suggested that he walks you home. "Sure, I need to get back home anyway," you answered, Tsukishima was sure as hell that he's not gonna get another chance to talk to you unless he does it now, so he takes it.

"Tsuki?" Yamaguchi said, "Can we talk Y/N.. in private?" He asked, trying not to sound as desperate as possible, you stayed quiet for a couple of seconds but ultimately deciding to hear him out. You two step out of the restaurant, the streetlight flickering above you two. The atmosphere was tense, a little bit awkward, your gaze bounced all over the place, from his trimmed bangs, to his brown long coat, then back to his eyes.

"I'll keep it short, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I was inconsiderate of your feelings and how I didn't think about my words before spewing them out. I'm sorry for making you feel like you weren't enough, cause you were more than enough, and I feel like I should've shown you how much I appreciated you more.. but I couldn't, and I.. I'm sorry," He finished, his eyes unwavering, that was the Tsukishima you knew. His jaw was clenched, most likely to stop himself from crying.

You felt the sincerity from his words, that was more than what you wanted. "Thank you Tsukishima, I accept your apology, but.." Tsukishima was hooked on your words. "I'd like to be treated out for food so that I can see that you're really sorry," You said, obviously joking, but half not really. Tsukishima lets out a small chuckle, there was the y/n he knew. "Of course, pick any place and I'll pick you up tomorrow," Tsukishima said, starting tonight, he'll work hard to be the man you deserve.

[lovethisletters]

The angel and hopelessness

Honestly I don't even know what this is, I think a one-shot with an omniscient narrator but also...I just think this is some sort of writing rant(? I didn't have any clear view of what I wanted to write and I sort of...just went along with it and this is the end result...I guess (?) Idk I'm confused.

TW: Implied depression, self-destructive behavior and angst.

Disclaimer/additional notes: this is a one-shot written with an omniscient narrator andMC doesn't make an appearance here.

This is not a Simeon×Lucifer btw, this is all just from a platonic perspective!

Also!!!! I highly recommend listening to the song featured below for a better more immersive experience!

Summary: Simeon deals with his own guilt left after the celestial war and tries to re-establish his relationship with the brothers, however he soon learns how much self-pity can blind one's perspective.

▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️

“Your conscience is the measure of the honesty of your selfishness.

Listen to it carefully.”

― Richard Bach

 The mornings in the Devildom have always been dark, but today you wonder... is it that your heart has been heard by the clouds that cover the sky and they’ve had a little sympathy?

That fantasy seems to lessen your grief, but still, you can't smile like always; right now, your body feels too heavy… it just can't.

You are about to pray like every morning ... but for some reason you feel that the words you are trying to formulate will vanish between sobs as soon as they leave your mouth.

So you decide to lie down on the floor for a while.

“Simeon, you should rest a bit, otherwise, Luke and I are going to end up carrying you back to your room.”

Solomon's words resonate in your mind and you just remember the expression of pure concern you saw in Luke from the corner of your eye when the sorcerer mentioned your pitiful appearance.

You laughed it off like it wasn’t a big deal; but deep down you knew no one is going to believe that bullshit anymore.

At least…not after what happened.

A past such as yours can only be ignored for so long…especially when the ones who are part of it and you’ve hurt are right in front of you.

Call it nativity or overly optimistic but when you first herd you had been selected for the exchange program there was this one thought that completely took over your mind:

“Do what’s right.”

You hadn't spoken to the brothers in a long time and there was still so much left to say.

And you tried, you really did!

But every time they even felt that you were about to bring up the subject, they changed it or even started fighting over…whatever. All to prevent you from starting that fearsome conversation.

So you let it be.

“Perhaps If I use a different approach…”

They may not want to talk, but you can feel their emotions, it is your special talent after all. You can feel their pain and you know that even though they appear fine they have not yet healed.

You feel that you can drown in their hardships and every day it is more difficult to pretend that nothing is happening.

You try again, this time with more tact and respecting the space that has been given to you.

Inside you there is still the hope that one day everything will go back to the way it was before.

But...sooner or later you must understand that wounds like these will always be open.

"Lucifer! Wait! "

You pushed too far and now the little pieces of the puzzle you managed to connect are breaking apart once again.

“No, Simeon! I don’t need your pity!”

Everything was going great, the two of you where reminiscing about the past after Mammon mentioned a funny anecdote that made Lucifer laugh, but then…you had to ruin everything, didn’t you?

You had to mention her name.

Everyone in the room froze, yet you didn’t stop! You went on a ramble of how you wished things could’ve been different.

If it weren’t because Satan placed a hand on your shoulder, stopping you from saying anything else, perhaps you would have missed the expression on his face.

And then you saw it.

Lucifer’s face twisted in anger, his eyes betraying him and threatening tears slipping from the corner of his eyes…

What a heartbreaking sight…who knew a demon could cry like that?...

“Lucifer! I’m sorry!”

The Demon stopped in his tracks, yet he didn’t dare to face you.

“I’m sorry…that I- I didn’t…do more, I’m sorry that I was there and didn’t said anything! I’m sorry for abandoning you!”

The words you’ve been holding since you came here finally slipped out with such ease yet so much pain you didn’t even realized you had started crying.

“I’m sorry, I truly am, I’ve should’ve done something…”

You took a step forward.

“But please, Lucifer, I don’t want to lose you again, brother.”

Silence, but then…a small and quiet “laugh” was heard.

“Brother, you say?”

His tone was tranquil yet his words where infected in such poisonous rage.

“Simeon, I can think of many words to describe you, but brother is no longer one of them.”

It ached; not only in your heart but in your memories and hopes.

“Lucifer…”

A whisper that intended to reach his hearth, yet it was lost and never found in this void of hopelessness.

“I never blamed you for it, I truly never did…It hurt me, yes, that you hadn’t joined us in our fight, in our grief, but never once I thought it was your fault.”

And slowly he turned once again towards you, his eyes hollow and devoid of any emotion.

“I never wanted to believe it, but I guess is true. Isn’t it, Simeon? Angels truly are selfish beings.”

There are no words to describe the horrid hit of truth. Fast and unforgiving of our own bubble.

“Don’t insult my sister’s memory with your self-centeredness.”

You don’t know when everyone left or how much time you stood there frozen, eyes lost in nothingness.

You only felt the small hand of Luke grasping your own and slowly guiding your zombie-like body towards the exit.

And now here you are, days later, unable to shake off those words now heavy in your mind; not allowing any thoughts to slip by.

But, how could you?

There was no lie in that demon’s words.

So caught up in your own feelings that you were unable to truly understand how others were hurting.

And you call yourself an angel?

A glance at the mirror in the side of your bed and you feel like now you can see it.

“We angels…truly are…pitiful beings.”

 A truth that binds you in hopelessness…

▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️▫️▪️

If you find any grammatical errors let me know! I'm trying to improve my english and that would help me so so much!

I will forever thank you if you go check out my other profile: @aileysmirnov  where I post things about my OC: edits, one-shots, imagines, art, etc. If you like Greek mythology and the bat family maybe you would get to be as fond of her as much as I am!

Anyway, thank you for reading!

[faebriel]

ok ok I'm insane and couldn't pick one so have two (no need to answer both if you don't want to)

“You talk to him.” Not kindly, but he does.

“I’m used to him,” he shoots back. “I’m the only person who is.”

That makes Niki feel something, some uncomfortable tug in her chest. She mentally kicks herself. It’s not jealousy, she reminds herself, because despite the near-cliff jumping and the long nights without food and the nuclear fallout that has punctuated her last few months, being jealous of Tommy would be the least reasonable thing she’s allowed herself to be, maybe ever.

“You don’t believe me,” Tommy says flatly. “You never - eugh.” He cuts himself off with another ragged sigh, running a hand down his face. “Look, Niki, it’s - we were all together in Pogtopia, right? But I was there first. With him. And you didn’t see the start of it, it was horrible, and I’m glad no one else saw the beginning of it either but it was still just so shit and he kept saying all these terrible things about Tubbo and Fundy and you and,” he takes a shaky breath, “then, when I died, I saw him.”

Her breath catches in her throat.

Well, the voice in the back of her head whistles. If you were still wondering about all this afterlife bullshit, if you want to know where you’re going after your third life, here you go.

and

“You didn’t even - this isn’t about L’Manberg, Wilbur!” Niki shouts.

And then he stops, breathing hard, and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say.

“What else is there?” he asks.

Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut, her chest, her shoulders, chilled down to the bone. With slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes, sitting in her throat, threatening to spill over into a sob. She swallows - to keep her cool, to stay calm, to keep it together -

And then, something in her chest just snaps.

“You said you’d come back for me!” she cries, and her voice hitches on the lump of tears at the back of her throat and god, she sounds absolutely pathetic. Wilbur’s face softens immediately, which somehow just makes her feel even worse. “In Manberg. When Schlatt put me in prison, and you and Tommy were in Pogtopia, you said you’d break me out when it was safe. I waited for weeks , Wilbur. It was… it was horrible.”

“Niki…” a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker across his face, and he seems unsure which to settle on. “We got you out though, right? After the festival.”

“You looked for the button first,” she says quietly, and he stills.

Her sniffling sounds embarrassingly loud against the quiet background of night.

thank you sm!!! i’m gonna put these under the cut because they got a little long sorry (tw for discussion of suicidal ideation)

to preface: tommy is kind of the accidental but incredibly necessary invisible support beam for niki and wilbur’s making amends in bitter. niki cannot accept wilbur’s actions and apology without first acknowledging her own actions and making steps towards an apology, because otherwise it kind of falls flat? in that ending scene niki finally gets what wilbur is feeling and wilbur finally gets that someone else knows how he feels (it’s not perfect 100% yet, but…. that’ll get explored later)

onto the actual snippet! “tommy talks to wilbur - not kindly, but he does” was very important to me! tommy has stuck by wilbur ever since pogtopia, but the tragedy is that he is not equipped to deal with wilbur’s issues, and it shows. wilbur’s first stream after revival depicts this really clearly, where tommy tails wilbur around the whole time but insults him, is still stuck on calling him the villain, physically fights him at some point, etc. on one hand this isn’t healthy but on the other hand tommy is actually around, which is more than can be said for basically any other ally wilbur has had on the dsmp, maybe excluding his dad, who literally killed him lmfao.

this whole issue is exacerbated by the fact that tommy believes that he is the only person who properly understands wilbur, the only person who gets what happened to him, and feels like wilbur is generally his burden to bear. he failed to stop wilbur from both 1. hurting other people and 2. killing himself after the pogtopia-manberg war - and he doesn’t trust wilbur not to do either of those things again, so he’s stuck hovering around wilbur while wilbur is inadvertently setting off his own trauma and feeling responsible for any way he might fuck up and hating that but not wanting to leave. tommy’s memory isn’t perfect and he isn’t a perfect narrator, what he remembers from pogtopia the most were the scariest parts and that’s understandable but it means he’s holding wilbur to the worst expectations of behaviour (and he does so very vocally). the others showed up later, sure, but in tommy’s eyes he’s the only one who saw wilbur’s descent, and by the time they showed up wilbur had already changed irreversably. tommy tries to rationalise this by splitting the ‘different wilburs’ apart from each other in his head (he does this in canon too - there’s one quote from like late 2020 where he says he and tubbo need to keep on going for who wilbur used to be, not who he became, even though they’re,, the same person), and no one challenges that perspective, so he just keeps doing it even though it’s not healthy for him or wilbur.

and then limbo happened and, oh geez, THAT didn’t help jhfaskjjfsa

tommy is on a bit of a knife edge with niki in this fic. niki’s in this state of “ok, he’s annoying whatever, i’m moving on”, but all tommy knows is that she tried to kill him that one time, disappeared off the face of the map, joined a book club with two people who definitely do not like him, and now is just acting weirdly mellow and polite. she is not someone he wants near wilbur bc what the fuck is she gonna do? what is he gonna do? who knows. he’s frustrated that niki doesn’t seem to acknowledge how he’s feeling (especially bc once upon a time she would have been someone he trusted to acknowledge them - they were friends, they fought together) and he’s taking a big step by telling someone about his concerns here, especially bc tommy doesn’t really like talking about them at all. he wouldn’t be saying absolutely anything to niki if he didn’t truly believe she should stay away from wilbur, even if he’s wrong about him. (sometimes i think i write tommy as a little too emotionally mature here but it all goes out the window when wilbur’s brought up. idk if that balances it out)

ok onto niki: this is the first she has actually heard of limbo! she’s only just come around to the fact that resurrection is possible at all. death is kind of a touchy subject for niki both in general and re: wilbur in the fic - she’s coming off of a period in her life where suicidal ideation was, uh, a big thing (whether you want to read that into canon or not is subjective, that’s just the angle i went with in this fic). the sudden existence of a life after death, miserable as it is - and whether she really believes in such a place, when it only exists in tommy and wilbur’s words - that is a lot of information for her to absorb all at once. death is a weird connection point for tommy and niki here, coming right off of the fact that they’ve just acknowledged each other having those problems - tommy, out of, yknow, altruism, would very much like to keep niki out of that place, and niki is quietly reckoning with the fact that that is where she would have sent him. the concept of limbo from the perspective of a character with no experience of it, even secondhand, is so interesting to me like what kind of eldritch location would you feel like you’re living in asghjkl

(also - i gotta be honest the jealousy angle here but mostly when she’s talking later about dream not deserving wilbur’s companionship kinda came out after this post came across my dash while writing. whoops /j)

-

fun fact, this is the very first snippet of bitter that i ever wrote! all the way back in may!! this is like the moment of the fic - it's where the miscommunication that niki and wilbur have been having is shattered entirely - and so sticking the landing was uhhh kinda important to me lol.

wilbur's entire being in this fic is basically consumed by L'Manberg - he equates his self worth to it entirely. in his eyes, everyone (rightfully) hates him because of what he did to L'Manberg, because L'Manberg was corrupted and he himself with it, etc. niki tries to tell herself this, and while it definitely does form part of her issues with him, it was the betrayal that causes her this much pain - that he seemingly brushed her and their friendship off entirely when he supposedly left her for dead in manberg. because here is what we as the audience know: wilbur couldn’t leave niki in trouble when he heard her life was in danger, even when he was trying to find the button (pretty much the only thing he sees himself as having left at this point) and so he returned. here is what it looks like from niki’s perspective: wilbur told her to wait in manberg until it was safe to come to pogtopia, laid the place with TNT, went to blow up the place, and only returned when he couldn’t find the detonator (and then the first thing she saw him do in pogtopia was encourage the pit behaviour but that’s not what we’re talking about asdfgh). that is massive miscommunication and it’s been brewing between them for months - to make a quirky little reference to the title, niki has been carrying that anger with her so long it's gone bitter. it was never just about l’manberg with niki - not that anger, not her and wilbur’s friendship (hence the little flashback earlier in the fic, bc niki’s relationship to anarchism and statehood or statelessness juxtaposed with her friendships with wilbur and eret - she loves l’manberg bc she loves wilbur, but she loves eret too and those national ties don’t undermine that - is Real Interesting to me) - so when wilbur asks what else there could possibly be (because in his mind, what else could she have bothered staying around for?), she just fucking breaks.

“Niki freezes. Stock still, unable to move, unable to breathe, ice threading its way through her gut...with slow-dawning horror, she can feel hot tears welling up behind her eyes” - prose discussion time! heat and cold are two big throughlines in this fic - particularly for niki, cold is what she is. admittedly when i started with it i mostly wanted to subvert hot = angry and cold = dead but i kinda ended up enjoying this take on it for what it is instead of just as a subversion (also i like the idea of revived people running hot, their bodies r working hard to keep em going). she’s holding onto her feelings and refusing to deal with them, she’s frozen over. descriptions of cold are key to niki’s mental state throughout the fic - cold weight on her chest, feelings of frostbite when she and wilbur hug the first time, ice cold water during the dinner scene, waking up in the cold flat, etc. this was an attempt at describing a more visceral feeling of like, when you’re really mad and you can just feel the adrenaline running through your veins. always felt more cold than hot to me. when she starts to cry, the facade she’s been putting on is finally thawing out and cracking the ice she’s buried her feelings under. (also gives an excuse to write warm comforting hugs towards the end /hj). it’s a loss, it’s catharsis, it’s a whole mess.

and ofc this is all news to wilbur and he feels terrible, because as unintentional as it was, he really really hurt her - because the destruction of l’manberg fucking sucked but above all else wilbur hurt the people he loved because they loved him so much and not in spite of it, because they cared about him so deeply and his death was a massive blow to them. this hasn’t even dawned on him, because how could it? he respects deeply niki (lowkey respects her opinion more than his own at this point) so he has to listen, because it’s niki (“and he looks at Niki the same way he does whenever her voice is being drowned out in a crowd - the way he does when he wants to hear her, when he wants to know what she has to say” - because he does), and what she says fucking floors him. in his eyes, he failed her by putting her in danger and then by destroying her home - the idea that she valued him and their friendship so much flies entirely over his head until this moment, and he is forced to re-evaluate the mindset that has motivated him since… basically since pogtopia! the way i write wilbur is like… yes, he’s one of niki’s closest friends and he’s more aware of her insecurities and issues than most (which is why he does always take the time to listen to her, etc) but he does over-idealise her a bit. tbf, i think he does to some extent with everyone (calling tubbo strong on the anniversary stream, for example). also the fact that he really wasn’t around for niki’s lowest moments as a character! he still thinks of her the way she was in l’manberg - confident, steadfast, respected - and this moment shatters that for him as he realises exactly what effect he and his death had on her and everyone else, not just by his actions, but because they loved him and cared for him so deeply.

sorry that this got horrifically long!! and thank you so much for sending snippets in <3333

[papofglencoe]

Re: you mentioning you vibe more with Kurt Cobain as you get older.

I totally get that. I don't know if I was ready for Nirvana when I was twelve- fourteen. I liked their music but I didn't fully get the vibe (I was a late bloomer spending probably 98% of my free time reading) and now I’m like damn, I wish I hadn’t been an actual child while Kurt was alive. Because goodness that cynical outlook fits pretty well on me too.

The memory that stands out the most to me when Kurt died (I was fourteen) was feeling this great loss, like I was in mourning for our generation because we’d lost someone special- even if I didn’t get all of the specifics at the time and just casually enjoyed In Bloom or Smells Like Teen Spirit on MTV.

Also, I’ll never forget speaking up at home, expressing how sad I felt about his passing, without really being able to express why, and my asshole stepfather (no longer in the picture) making some sort of remark about how he deserved it or he was glad or something along those lines. I heard the sentiment mentioned by more than one person at that time. It made me angry then and it still does to his day.

All that from a “good” evangelical, of course.

(I'm not bashing Christianity in general, I want to make that very clear. Just the particular type that refuses to see further than the ends of their noses)

Anyway, thanks for letting me dump my completely unsolicited emotions on you <3.

Man, your (ex)stepfather was an asshole! I'm so sorry he made things worse for you by subjecting you to heartlessness instead of sympathy. (As if his generation hadn't lost their share of culturally significant people far before their time... not to mention, oh, Jesus).

I was in the same boat as you. Too young to grasp the full genius of Nirvana at the time or to understand what it was that Kurt was doing with his music. I remember watching Woodstock 94 with my older brother through the static and garble of some semi-pirated version of HBO on our TV, but it wasn't until I started high school that I actually gave a shit about contemporary music. When I was 12 I was listening to old Motown, Doo-Wop, the Beach Boys, the Beatles, etc. Stuff more appropriate for my parent's generation than ours. lol. So I was a little late to the game, and too late to enjoy Kurt before the enjoyment was mingled with loss.

I remember the day he died, though... I remember my best friend getting on the bus that morning, dressed all in black, her face stained with tears, and maybe she got the full gravity of the situation or maybe it was in some ways performative grief, but I really didn't understand then like I do now as an old woman the tragedy of a 27-year-old man ending his life to escape the demons hounding him (or just how horrific those demons were). He seemed like a grown adult to me at the time he died. I know now he was still in many ways a child. So young. So fucking young. When you're a teen you think 27 is ancient... like it's time to pack it up and move to the retirement home. But in time, with wisdom, you come to realize that you've just begun living at 27. He had just started living when he chose to die. He'd just had a baby girl... just this little nugget of a girl, and he bailed on her. As a parent now, that makes my heart ache.

Kurt was the essence of a depressed person, you know? Brilliant, funny, playful, sarcastic, wry, gentle, creative, vulnerable, but completely overwhelmed by the soullessness and cruelty of the world around him, exhausted, saddled with chronic pain, pissed off, frustrated, desperately wanting to stop hurting the people he loved, desperately wanting to stop being hurt, and I just... did not understand at 12 what a life with depression would be like, how hard it was for him with the added burdens of addiction and the savage cruelty of fame and the press in the 90s (people quite rightly have taken the magnifying lens to how the press mistreated Britney Spears, but there are so many others out there, like Kurt Cobain and Amy Winehouse, who were literally picked to death by the media).

Don't you wonder what Kurt would be like as a 50 year old? Would he be an old curmudgeon the kids "Ok Boomered" all the time? Would his hard edges be worn away like driftwood? Would he have gotten softer, quieter? Would he be angrier? Would he still be laughing at all of us? Or would he be ripping his hair out (would he have any left?), tired of the ridiculous bullshit that's only gotten more ridiculous and more bullshitterific?

[crispyjenkins]

I... I felt I was all alone being uninterested in kid fics so I'm very happy to see it's not just me. (Sorry I'm going to rant for a bit) It's probably linked to the fact that I personally don't want kids but sometimes... I just want to see people able to be happy without children? Even if they don't dislike kids or anything! And sometimes it straight up makes me uncomfortable to see kid fics for this exact reason. (Also it depends on the fandom but SW is definitely one where I generally dislike kid fics, which I think wasn't improved by all the Luke-as-Rey's-father thing)

HI I'M HERE TO VALIDATE YOU

and i have a whole fecking lot of feelings about this topic in particular, this is gonna get a little wordy, but i've tried to organise it somewhat

First: i don't want kids. i'm fairly to extremely confident i'll never want kids. partly because I do not have the mental/physical capacity to devote the time and energy and emotion that children deserve and need. someone on tumblr said it ages ago, "if I don't WANT a kid, if i'm just indifferent, im not going to have a fucking kid until i actively want one", because children are sentient beings and not cute things to make you happy or feel more put together.

Okay, second: i very rarely see parenting written well (and i don't mean about perfect or unproblematic parents), i would even go so far as to call it trivialising. or maybe just completely unrealistic? it's either all honeymoon-period schmoop (which is not necessarily a bad thing) or it's hardly even about the kids and at that point, well, what's the point? especially if the kid is an oc, they can't just. exist on the sidelines of their parents life.

Third: if the kid is a canon character, their entire personality gets nerfed into one or two traits and are shoehorned to fit the narrative the author is trying to tell. this is a complicated issue because i sincerely believe in fun for the sake of fun and interacting with your fandom however you want, but i also just. kids deserve better?

Fourth: on that subject, i most often see the child in question be an oc. again, they're given one or two traits, but are then just a prop for whatever plot is happening to the actual ship. maybe i'm missing something, but i don't understand why you wouldn't use a canon character in the first place? very few fandoms don't already have paternal/maternal/parental relationships to play around with, ESPECIALLY if the author has already made it an au!! i'm not going to pretend a big reason i don't seek out kid fic isn't because they're almost always modern aus, which i already don't like. maybe this one is more petty, but i think kid characters deserve more time and attention put into them as characters, and tbh i've never once seen it done with an oc kid.

Fifth: if it's about adoption, i only EVER see babies (esp in modern aus). the implication that kids aren't adoptable past a certain age is horrendously damaging and i'm so uncomfortable with it that this is another reason i don't seek these stories out.

if it ISN'T adoption, then it's either a) cis mpreg, which is so incredibly transphobic and weirdly fetishising and blehhhhh, or b) transmasculine mpreg which i've. literally never seen written by a trans person so like... aight.

Sixth: the parents are out of character. i've talked a little about woobification before, about the hyperfeminising of one half of the ship and the hypermasculating of the other to fit the mother/father binary that is also inherently transphobic. the characters are sort of just replaced with an honestly hurtful binary rooted in systematic misogyny at the complete sacrifice of their entire personality, and it’s honestly exhausting as both a trans person and a romantically queer person.

before getting into prequel star wars stuff, specifically with mando ships, i don't think i even once read a kid fic where the parents felt plausible and in character, especially if it’s put into a modern au, and i've been reading fanfiction for a decade.

Seventh: i really don't know how to word this part without airing out my own trauma, but back to the trivialising bit, the way authors tend to write this honeymoon-phase type of parenting makes me feel really gross? maybe that's petty or very specifically personal, but the way kids are only in scenes to prop the parents' storyline hits a little too close to home. i'm the third child and the middle child, and that so many "takes" on parenting implicitly hold up the notion of kids only being worth mentioning/caring about/developing is when it's important or relevant to the parents. i dunno, kids deserve better than that.

Eighth: okay finally bringing this back to star wars. i blacklist any parenting anything from any ships from the Original Trilogy. for the prequels, I exclusively read adoption-based stuff, partly because I don't really have any cishet ships i read specifically about, but also because that means the rest is mpreg.

now, i've been positively spoiled by Mando and/or Jedi ships and their culturally important adoption. like i get to read stuff where the parents feel in character? and aren't one dimensional binary caricatures? and the kids are treated as characters and not plot props? AND they're usually older than ten?? to be fair, there are ships i still don't read kid fic for, CodyWan for example, for many reasons i actually haven't covered here, and Boba and Anakin are given the most justice as adopted kids (that i've seen; fingers crossed for more ahsoka and twins content) so there's a massive disparity in representation (which is a star wars-wide issue) but this is also the first time i've even wanted to write child characters.

your bit about characters being happy and having fulfilling lifelong relationships without kids is so incredibly important to me, because it feels exactly the same as an ace person constantly being told i'm missing out. so i'm also wary of fixits centered around parenting, or even "adopting the clones" themes because it's. there's so many more facets to family than parent and child, and i dunno. this is the second time i've written all this and i haven't slept yet so i don't even know if I'm making sense anymore so just basically

i feel you, anon. i'm exhausted by having to blacklist or exclude so many tags just to find content that doesn't make me uncomfortable, and i'm so so so happy to be in the prequels corner of the fandom, because i'm also seeing this problem improving as i watch it. so i have hope, but right now, keep kid fic as far away from me as possible.

(you are correct, the luke and rey dynamic was bullshit and has set us back a lot, though maybe not as much as the fandom's frankly horrifying reaction to kylo ren and blaming all his faults on leia, but that's another topic entirely)

i'll also add that i'm fucking terrible with kids, and reading how they're treated by authors upsets me greatly

[butmakeitgayblog]

Hi! I'm warning you, this message might be very long, so sorry in advance. 😂

And it won't be grammatically correct (not an English person here 😂), so I'll try to be as clear as possible.

So, a few days ago I saw that some of you were searching for Hedatu (thank you very much for that btw 😁) and I was thinking about those ff that are incomplete or deleted from Ao3 or other archives. Then my thought evolved into another consideration: ff are a form of art (yours indeed, no doubt, I love them with every part of my fan-heart).

(Your job involve art as well if I remember correctly so you know this world better than me 😂) I was thinking about other ff that I can't read anymore and I thought:"maybe, just like Hedatu, these ff are in someone' computers, someone saved them and somewhere there is a way to find them."

But then another thought poped up in my mind. I don't know if you know about EffortlesslyOpulent situation. It was a pretty big thing back at the end of last year. I loved their ff, I read them multiple times and they gave me comfort in tough situations. I was very far from home when I started reading them and they gave me pure joy.

So when the "big reveal" happened I was really sad, sad for Sam, for everything they went through and I was sad because a part of myself, the one that enjoyed those ff where really disappointed in liking something from a person like that (not Sam of course).

During these last few months I thought about searching those ff, but I always renounce 'cause I don't want to give attention to a person that doesn't deserve it. I admit though that I miss them, I miss the feeling I felt when I was reading them and the joy they gave me.

So (and here is the core of this plethora of words) what do you think about art and artist? Do you think that there is a way to divide the art from the artist or it's impossible? I have an idea but because I discussed this matter with other people that have different opinions, I would like to know your point of you.

Thank you very much for your time. 😊

This is a tough question and I'm going to try and give a thoughtful answer here.

(Under the cut cuz it's kinda long)

I'm going to preface this by saying, my opinion is as biased as anyone else's. There's a lot of artists I learned about that truth be told were fucking awful people, so I've learned personal ways to maneuver through that. There is no right or wrong answer to this IMO, so take it all with a grain of salt.

I'm not going to go into the subject of EO but I still stand by everything I said both publicly and privately to Sam back when they came forward about their experience and what they went through, and I wish them all the best. I believe victims and EO tap danced her ass right off into the ether without a word so 🤷‍♀️ here we are.

That aside, it's ok to feel torn. We form attachments to pieces of media because these things are meant to evoke emotional responses. I get a little annoyed with people who shame others for liking work done by people who suck, personally, but in the same breath I do know where they're coming from. Because they don't want to uplift or support a person who is a literal POS, and when it comes to things like racists, homophobes, abusers, etc it makes it all the more visceral in not wanting to support them and denounce their successes.

For me, I'd say go on a case by case basis and what feels right to you. It's ok to still love a piece of media despite coming to learn new things you didn't previously know. Perfect example, Harry Potter. I think JKR can choke on a fist, but I still grew up with those books. People can point out the very problematic issues in the series that I recognize now as an adult, but still appreciate them for what they were to me then and the feeling of nostalgia of a younger me they bring. Those two things are not mutually exclusive no matter how much internet culture tries to make these things cut and dry.

If that were the case, very few classically loved artists, art pieces, authors, or literary pieces would/should be popular anymore. Very few movies would ever be allowed to be enjoyed more than a year later and tv shows should never be rerun again. You can address and callout bullshit and shitty behavior/people where it's due without punishing other people or yourself for still enjoying a certain thing that's linked to them.

Once a piece of media is put out in the world, the artist/writer does, to a certain extent, relinquish their ownership of it. People create attachments and feelings toward them, they create opinions and thoughts and a plethora of other things that the creator has no control over anymore. That story or art now lives in the world at large and is consumed and becomes a part of other people's lives. So those feelings you have about that story have little to do with the author at this point, and more to do with you as a person and your own life experiences from the past. Does that make sense?

Tl;dr I think you can remove the artist from the art in certain places, but whether or not you're actively supporting a person you know is shitty in the moment, that's a personal choice. And I don't think past media that hold nostalgic aspects necessarily count