#if you think sometimes my fanfic is weird and hard to understand imagine me without canon bounds

[curedeity]

I just realized bc im like. Likely mainly known as a fanfiction writer rn. None of you have any idea how much more batshit my original fiction writing style is.

[first-only]

You know, knowing that the majority of the world does not/ has not read fanfiction is such a weird thing to me. And I don't mean that in a 'why aren't people more like me?' or a 'those people are weird' kinda way

I guess it's just cause fanfic is something that is very important to me, and is something that has made me happy, it's one of my core interest. This isn't just related to fic, all of my interests are like that. Whenever I see someone who has no interest in art, or writing, or thinking up stories, it kinda of boggles my mind a bit. And I think it's because I, myself, could not imagine being happy without those doing those hobbies and interests. But other people aren't me, and that is fine! People have a wide range of interests, and what makes someone happy won't be the same as some other people. People are different, and that is a good thing

It is still something that's a bit hard to wrap my head around (which is fine, as long as I don't act like an ass to people who have different interests) but I'm trying my best

right on, anon! brains work weird sometimes but we do reign them in lol

this is actually a very interesting view to me (but valid! very valid!), because when i was like getting into fanfiction and fandom in general it really wasnt that popularized ya know? like very few people knew this niche interest and social group existed, and there was this intra-culture view that all this is sort of a secret, that this is 'our space', its 'just for us'. (taken as a mantra from rpf ofc which is a good practice). so i never expected anyone i didnt meet in such spaces specifically to even /know/ they exist, let alone enjoy them. ive had this situation with a friend with whom we'd been friends for like over 2 years when i casually (accidentally maybe i dont remember anymore) mentioned fic and they literally jumped out of their chair like YOU KNOW WHAT FANFICTION IS?!?! it's still hilarious, we were actual friends for /two years/ and we never revealed our Secret Society cards to each other lol. but yes as it /is/ getting more popular now its more understandable to assume people would've at least heard about it, but still many people and places where its not that much of a thing! that and a lot of people dismiss it as 'cringy' and worthless and obsessed fangirl work which. wig ig lol. and even in more fandom-adjacent circles you'd see people /surprised/ when a fic is actually good bc they never gave fandom a chance, and just dismissed it as a cringy hobby (which is also fine but no need to be patronizing ya know). Personal experiences will shape the way you think of things

as for weird brain refusing to understand rational concepts - i had this meet up with reality when i studied coding. i was in a novice class with a lot of other people and some of them just... didnt get it. not necessarily the problems themselves, but like.. the essential idea of /how code works/. it was very weird to me. they insisted i must have previous experience to catch on that quickly, and well i did, but they were stumbling at the first steps, something that never gave me pause. i was really really shocked then, i just couldnt believe people couldnt grasp a basic function, and i realized i was coming off as a bit patronizing myself. it got to me that i was expecting more of people that just didnt have the perspective that i did. that prompted a whole discussion on How People Think, because it was obvious that these people not getting code were definitely not stupid, this was just a way of thinking that didnt agree with the way their thought process worked as whole. so in this discussion a lot of friends shared a bit of the insides of their minds and it was fascinating - i tend to think with words and images, visuals appearing along with a strong internal monologue. but my friends shared about thinking in concepts, in feelings, with no imagery at all, by association and memory alone. when asked to describe how we think of a specific object we all described the thought process differently ("i think of where it is now" "i think of who it belongs to" "i think of what it would be like to touch it" "i think of what color and shape it is" "i think of what personality it would have" "i think of how i feel about it" etc etc). so what im saying is.. brains weird. brains different. dont punish yourself for your brain deciding that an experience has to be universal if its so helpful to it personally. as long as you realize that emotions and actions and needs and rational decisions are different, albeit connected, all's good. brains man.

[wardenred]

Angstober 14: What You Swore to Destroy

It's spooky month, so here's some angsty horror.

You’ve been watching me ever since you transferred to my school. Don’t think I haven’t noticed.

Especially since we share absolutely every class.

At first, vainly, I think there’s something special about me. I wonder what it might be. The red streaks in my hair? The way I dress? The bright, shiny force of my personality?

Just kidding. There’s no force to speak of. I don’t have low self-esteem or anything, but I think as far as seventeen-year-olds go, I’m rather average. Just enough of a nerd to be seen as quirky, not weird. Just enough of an extravert to be generally pleasant to talk to. Just smart enough to get good marks without trying too hard, but not so that anyone would call me a teacher’s pet.

So, yeah. It’s flattering, this single-minded attention you’re giving me. For a day or two, it really is.

Then I start getting paranoid. It’s like all you ever do is watch me. You shy away from everyone else. You don’t make any friends, even though there are quite a few students eager to poke at you, ask you questions, figure out what brought you to our small out-of-the-way town in the middle of the term. Your answers, though, are so stilted and monosyllabic that eventually they lose interest.

You never lose interest in me.

No one else seems to notice. So maybe it’s just my imagination. Wishful thinking. Not that I’ve ever wished for someone to show up and practically stalk me, but hey, I’m prone to daydreaming and flights of fancy. I’m the kind of person who still fantasizes of wizards knocking on my door or wardrobes opening into a world of adventure. I know it’s never going to happen, but daily life gets boring sometimes.

“There’s a new kid in school who’s always looking at me, at me alone.” I can think of a few YA novels that began this way. Don’t even get me started on fanfic.

So I tell myself that for a while. I’m imagining things. I’ve made it up.

No matter how persuasive I am, you’re still watching.

Maybe I remind you of someone. A friend you used to have back home, an estranged sibling, an old crush.

Maybe I should let it go.

Or maybe I should ask.

I don’t really know why it takes so long for me to decide on asking. That’s a logical thing to do when you don’t understand what’s going on, isn’t it? You ask a question. Go straight to the source.

And yet I hesitate, and then I hesitate some more, and then I practically talk myself out of it, except I’m busy doing so during class, and Mr. Stone really isn’t a fan of students drifting off. One thing leads to another, and it’s detention time.

For you, for some reason, as well as for me.

That leaves us alone in an empty, echoing classroom, and I’m all out of excuses.

So I do it. I take the plunge.

“Why are you always watching me?”

There are many ways I expect this to go. I do have a busy imagination.

What I’d never be able to come up with is the thing that happens. Your sad smile. The way it takes you less than a second to stand right in front of me. The glint of a long, narrow obsidian blade in your hand.

The images that flash through my mind when I see it, twisting my brain into something different. Something darker.

Or the way your voice trembles when you say, “You are the thing I swore to destroy. And now I’m all out of excuses.”

[achairwithapandaonit]

Time To Talk About All Might

So, I’ve been re-watching bnha slowly (like extremely slowly! i have a low attention span rip (’: so i’m not very far in this re-watch at all) and also skim reading parts of the manga for fact checking for fic, and sometimes things just stick out to me so i thought maybe i’d talk about it. On today’s panda agenda!

the weird trope that i sometimes see in fanfic summaries/fics that i tried to read when i first got into the fandom where all might is horrible and bad and decides to take one for all away from izuku.

The rest is under the cut! (i’ve never done anything like this before tbh so uhh (’: please no one kill me if this for some reason makes u really livid i guess)

So, I’ve found a lot of the time when going through ao3 that there will occasionally be this trope where All Might decides that he’s going to take One for All away from Izuku.

Let’s ignore the fact that, this makes no sense to All Might’s character at all without a valid reason - such as the fact that One for All is hurting Izuku. Maybe he wants to take it back out of guilt for what’s happened to Izuku’s body because of his lack of control over it. In which case, I can’t see Izuku feeling slighted by this. Maybe he feels disappointed, maybe inside he’s upset to be losing this power that he’s only just gotten and the thing that he worked incredibly hard for. I can’t see All Might ever taking One for All away without Izuku permission, though. It’s hard to imagine him even wanting to suggest the idea.

In fact, there IS a character who’s suggested it before. And it’s not All Might.

Izuku’s obviously not happy about the idea. He’s probably heartbroken about it, but he still suggests it because he thinks that this is better for All Might. All Might needs a successor who can handle and master One for All, and Izuku simply isn’t that successor.

And maybe All Might could go with this suggestion. Maybe he could say ‘you’re right’ and take One for All back. 

But the thing is that he doesn’t. In fact, he tells Izuku that he was born quirkless just like him, uplifting him in one of his most doubtful moments.

He affirms that Izuku’s exceeded his expectations already, even if he’s broken himself apart doing it and hasn’t managed to get much control over the quirk. And then he tells him that he believes there’s something special in him and him alone.

I feel like there’s something missing in translation/characters just not saying their entire thought process out loud here and that what All Might means is ‘that special thing I was looking for in my successor is something i only see in you’.

I just find it incredibly hard to understand that people see this man who is so set in Izuku being the only one who could possibly succeed him, this man who SHOT IZUKU DOWN nearly immediately when he suggested that he choose another successor. And that they just write him as a cold-hearted character who would take away the quirk he gave Izuku and then just leave him for good, as if they never spent ten months training together.

[sophierequests]

I SMILED SO HARD WHEN YOU SAID YOU'D WRITE FOR HARSHAW!

can i request some dating harshaw hcs with a she/her reader please? :D

thank you so much! <3 have a great day :>

dating headcanons

Navigation┃Main Masterlist┃Request

Pairing: Harshaw x f!Reader

A/N: Catch me picking up my books multiple times to get the references right lmaoo. I actually really liked writing about him ngl. There are also a few general headcanons I sprinkled in there hehe. I hope you like this, and obvi thank you for requesting this!!! I hope you have a great day too!! <3 Also, Alex Lawther is my personal Harshaw fancast, which I'll probably use for my fanfics etc. Pls drop your fancasts, I love seeing them!!!

Genre: Fluff

Warnings: Harshaw's backstory, fire

Oncat adores you. She was the reason why you started taking for the first time. Harshaw had been looking for her for quite a while, until he found the orange tabby curled up in your lap, as you sat leaning against a tree whilst reading a book. With a bit of initial awkwardness, he introduced himself and started the conversation. From then on you started to spend a lot more time with each other, genuinely enjoying the other's presence.

You can be really jumpy, so him being pretty impulsive with a tendency to scare others often induced one or the other heart attack. It also doesn't really help that he wasn't prone to tell you when he planned to pay you a visit.

"Good evening, Y/N, have you seen-"

"Saints, Harshaw, what the hell are you doing here? How did you get inside my room?"

You really admire the amount of control he has over his abilities. It always amazes you how easy it was for him to manipulate even the smallest flame, without even breaking a sweat. (At least not because of the amount of effort he had to put in.)

His hair fascinated you. The colour was just so vibrant and bright, that it almost looked unreal, as if he had asked a tailor to change it for him. You weren't too happy when he shaves the sides of his head, hindering you from getting the full experience of running your hand through his hair.

His affinity for fire can sometimes be dangerous though. Sometimes he gets so focused on summoning and controlling the fire in front of him, that he forgets that there are other people - or objects, for that matter - around him. This led to him almost setting the Little Palace (or other things and people) on fire.

He talks a lot about his brother with you. Telling you about his first real interaction with his Grisha powers. You can't really do much for him, otherwise than trying to give him some comfort, but he doesn't need more than that.

People don't believe that you two are dating. Your personalities can clash quite a bit, so everyone was a bit sceptical when Harshaw told them about your relationship.

"What? You're dating her? Since when? Did Oncat tell you to say that?"

Some of your friends think he's weird, not really understanding his obsession with fire or the relationship he has to that random cat. You don't mind. You know him better than they do, so you know that their opinion doesn't really matter.

Even though he comes from the Wandering Isles, he's a horrible swimmer. Which is why he doesn't necessarily enjoy being on a ship. Too much water, not enough things to set aflame.

Cuddle times with his head on your lap and Oncat sprawled out over your legs >>>

He is a huge nerd when it comes to legends, fairytales or stories of Saints. His favourite Saints are Sankt Juris and Sankta Marya.

He's horrible at picking out outfits. If he wouldn't wear a kefta most of the time (or have you living with him), this man would wear the most mismatched outfits one could imagine.

You love cooking together, even though he does become impatient when something won't heat up quick enough.

"Y/N, why can't I just-"

"Absolutely not. You're not using your powers to warm up our soup!"

He doesn't enjoy social gatherings. If he attends one it's only for you.

He's allergic to cinnamon. You found that out the hard way, after baking cookies for the winter fête. It wasn't a nice experience.

"What do you mean, you didn't know you were deadly allergic to cinnamon???"

Dating him also includes randomly getting jumpscared by Oncat just appearing out of nowhere. It always catches you off guard.

Harshaw has a certain scent to him. He always smells like charred wood and pine needles.

He's very sarcastic, and he does not miss any chance to take the piss out of the others, especially Zoya.

He loves to retell the story of the time when he set Baghra's hut on fire. It's a classic, and you know it by heart already.

Oncat is your child. That's it. She's baby.

You both are besties with Tolya. He likes to deny it, but you so are.

He accidentally got knocked out by Zoya once, and you make sure to never make him forget that.

Zoya called him a deranged rooster once, and you also decided to never let him live that down. At some point, it became something close to a term of endearment for you.

He is very disorganized, meaning that you are the brain in this relationship. Everything that can't be solved through arson is not a priority.

When he wants to be a little shit, he manipulates his body temperature to be almost burning to the touch. Then he calls for you, pretending to be sick, effectively scaring the living hell out of you.

He can and will braid your hair. His brother always used to have long hair, so it's always pretty sentimental for him.

He doesn't do traditional nicknames. Instead, he likes to call you his little flame or the light of his life. :')

[ouyangzizhensdad]

I'm gonna go on a limb here and say something I've been thinking about. So, I watched cql before reading the novel, and when I first read mdzs I have to say I was a bit thrown off by the Phoenix Mountain kiss, so of course my first instinct was to come to this hellsite and try to find what other people thought of it. The more I looked into it, the more I was convinced that the reason so many people hate it so irrationally and why it is apparently so hard for some to analyse any possible meaning beyond the obvious things in that scene, is because people that were introduced to mdzs via cql often go into the novel trying to get some sort of "fandom experience".

What I mean is that people will read mxtx's work and expect to get the same gratification they get whenever they find a good fic. Something tailored to their taste and characters built upon the preconceived ideas (often fanon) they have of each of them. It's a problem I've noticed a lot with queer media reception by people who are active in fandom. It's one of the things I am critical of and why I am so adamant to join fandom discussions, because I feel like many fandoms have created spaces where the queer characters are made to be these perfect examples of representation, so whenever queer characters are allowed to be flawed and make bad decisions people often jump on the bandwagon of calling it problematic and homophobic, instead of putting some effort into reading further than what is in plain sight and being critical of the possible meaning behind the character's actions.

Sorry for the long ask, but I wanted to get this out of my system. Tried my best, but English is not my first language, so I'm sorry if anything is weird or hard to understand.

Hi anon, 

I think you are definitely unto something when you say: “people will read mxtx's work and expect to get the same gratification they get whenever they find a good fic. Something tailored to their taste and characters built upon the preconceived ideas (often fanon) they have of each of them.” It certainly would explain why so many people, even while aware that the series is an adaptation of the book, say stuff like “novel!LWJ is OOC”. They might have approached the novel as just the “fanfic” of CQL that includes “canon Wangxian”, without considering how much had been potentially changed through the process of adapting MDZS and making it palatable according to censorship.

I agree with you that the current state of fandom, where fic writers seem focused on avoiding being Problématique at all cost, has not only stiffled creativity but created in certain fans unreasonable expectations towards other works. Fandom, as a creative context, is generally focused on (self-)indulgence, on feel-goodness, and is largely pretty dry in terms of themes. But to expect all creatives to have the same “goal” or approach when it comes to art is simply ridiculous. For some people, art is a safe means through which to explore difficult, violent or outlandish set-ups. Art can be used to make people feel uncomfortable, unsettled just as it can be used to make people feel uplifted and moved. Art can be focused on exploring nuanced and controversial topics. Art can be used to portray irredeemable assholes, losers or monsters. Art can be depressing and deny us any feelings of satisfaction. Art can do so many things! And, yes, sometimes creativity is mobilised in the service of writing the nth wholesome gay coffee store AU for a popular anglo property: but that’s neither the norm nor the rule. 

I think as well in terms of queer representation that we lose a lot when we try to argue that the only way to “fight” homophobia is to present queer characters and queer relationships that are Unproblématique and fit a constantly-shifting standard of what is “not-homophobic”. Take the current obsession with the idea that all gay men must be vers or otherwise be a homophobic stereotype: putting aside all that needs to be unpacked in that belief, imagine a world where it’s the accepted idea everywhere that you can’t write about gay men lest they be vers. How many queer experiences would we be erasing in the process? Or, again, this weird idea that it’s “bad” to write in fem queer men because that’s a stereotype, when the real issue is just that fem queer men have generally only been written as one-dimensional characters present in the narrative for comedic purposes or stereotypes, and not as fully-fledged humans with complex internal lives and relationships. As a Problématique Gay, I hate the idea that only perfect queer narratives can exist. Nah, people, queer existence is complex, and queer people are not perfect (although we’re cooler than the str8s). It’s just.... believe me, the continued existence of homophobia is not determined by whether characters in books have the “correct-according-to-you” kind of sex or whatever. 

NB: I have to say, as well, that the first time I came across the Phoenix Mountain kiss, I thought (in bad faith) that it had been added just as a sort of unfortunate fan service since the novel was published chapter by chapter. But when I finished the book and thought back on it, the inclusion of the Phoenix Mountain kiss made sense, narratively and thematically. It also forced me to recognise that, even if I had read MDZS before I ever watched CQL, I had started reading MDZS with my own preconceptions (which were certainly not helped by the framing of the translation) : that it would be a middling danmei full of the same tired tropes. I was glad to be proven wrong!

[smells-like-mettaton]

Tali’s Alphys-Centric Fic Rec List

I’ve been meaning to make this for a while!! All fics are oneshots unless marked as a series or with a chapter count.  Thanks to everyone who recced several of these to me on my 12am begging-for-alphys-fics post dfdksdl. These aren’t in any particular order. The “notes” section is my commentary about each fic. No fics are based on full AUs (ex. underswap, horrortale, etc). The only endgame Alphys ship included is Alphyne, though most of the fics listed are gen. Hope you can find something you enjoy here!

Extra Credit by FriedCatfish

Rating: G // Word count: 1,206 Summary: Undyne loses track of time watching anime. Set before the events of the game. Notes: Cute Alphyne oneshot! Short and sweet, very nice characterization

world comes pouring through by feralpheonix

Rating: G // Word count: 1,655 Summary: Alphys reunites with some old friends on the way home from taking care of business. Notes: 2nd person Alphys pov but it surprisingly works? A small moment with Alphys, Bratty, and Catty, which I literally NEVER see content for so it was really refreshing!! Takes place at/near the end of the pacifist route.

white lies to the dead by MiniNephthys

Rating: T // Word Count: 580 Summary: Alphys walks through Waterfall, talking to someone who's not there. Notes: Queen Alphys ending; Alphys “talks” to Undyne after she’s been killed. Hits me right in all the emotions ;;

Found Soul by LibraLibrary

Rating: T // Word Count: 1,331 Summary: Self-worth is a slippery, fleeting little devil, and the bastard flower that killed you isn't helping. Takes place during the final fight of the True Pacifist run, following Alphys from one purgatory to the next. Notes: Very angsty, definitely make sure you’re ready to handle Alphys’s suicidal thoughts, but a very good read! I love seeing the Lost Soul battle from her POV.

And I Feel Fine by Masu_Trout

Rating: T // Word Count: 1,685 Summary: The fallen human is human is fast approaching The Core, and Mettaton is ready to finally take the stage. Now, if only Alphys would stop worrying so much. Notes: Alphys & Mettaton friendship in the no mercy route, but manages to be surprisingly not depressing. Mettaton POV but definitely still deserves to be here. This fic does a great job of characterizing them both and it’s always great to see Alphys working in her element.

Experimentation by pickledragon

Rating: G // Word Count: 1,531 Summary: Alphys is, above all, a scientist. She may watch anime with religious fervor and make horrible Undernet shitposts in her free time, but she is good at her job. She knows what they say about her, behind her back. But when she stands there, time open before her, she resolves to collect data. Each experiment, intentional or not, brings new opportunities to change certain variables and observe others. Alphys is a scientist, after all. Notes: THIS FIC. it’s technically part of a series but it stands on its own (it’s the only one i’ve read by this author). EXCELLENT alphys characterization and writing style. Some Sans & Alphys friendship too which is always stellar. If you didn’t gather from the summary, it’s an alphys starts to remember resets fic.

Memory by Ash_yeet

Rating: T // Word Count: 19,962 // Chapters: 5/20 Summary: It's been two years since monsterkind have joined the humans on the surface, and Alphys is happier than she's ever been. But things can't stay great forever. She starts having nightmares, lapses in memory, flashbacks to things that have never happened. She hopes it will pass... sans is doing his best to adjust to life. When Alphys reaches out to him about her nightmares, he doesn't expect much. He quickly changes his tune. Someone is trying to come back. And they aren't what they used to be.sans and Alphys are trying to move on. But there's one thing they forgot: No matter how hard you try, you can't run from your past. Notes: I’ve only read chapter one so far, but it’s been really good! Looks like it’s going to involve Gaster in some way. Says it’s on short hiatus but was updated in April so doesn’t look abandoned.

Hot and Cold Blooded (Alphyne series) by perniciousLizard

Rating: varies by fic, usually G but a few T and one E // Word count: 36,516 // Works: 18/18 Summary: This series is a place to put all my Alphys/Undyne stories that aren't part of another series. Notes: this series has something for everyone; you can pick and choose which works to read. Most are feel-good fluff and humor, some hurt/comfort too. Some connect to the author’s Sansby series (which i also can’t recommend enough)

When Life Hands You Enantiomers by Kaesa

Rating: T // Word Count: 2,739 Summary: Alphys has a half-finished tile maze puzzle, reams of useless data, and a bunch of piranhas that can't tell the difference between lemon and orange scent. Sans has donuts. Notes: ONE OF MY VERY FAVORITES. Fun puns, science, alphys & sans friendship, piranhas, the opportunity to actually understand organic chemistry references,, it’s so good and fun

Friendshipping by AyuOhseki

Rating: G // Word Count: 4,564 Summary: Sans finds Alphys's secret Sans/Grillby RPF. This won't get weird or awkward or anything, we're sure. Notes: Hilarious Alphys narration, great characterization, it’s just so silly and warms my heart. I love terrible fanfic writer Alphys

social links by simplycarryon

Rating: G // Word Count: 2,525 Summary: Friendship's pretty neat, or so your video games and anime dictate. But you are not an anime protagonist, and you're not sure you know what friendship is any more. Notes: more solid sans & alphys friendship :D

See You Another Time by decamarks

Rating: T // Word Count: 18,500 // Chapters: 1/14 Summary: “Have you ever thought of a world where everything is exactly the same... Except you don’t exist? Everything functions perfectly without you.” Alphys spent a lot of time thinking about what it’d be like to start over. It wasn’t fair for someone like her to escape consequences. She knew that, yet the thought never left her mind—the thought that maybe, just maybe, she could get another chance; that she could abandon her life, her failures—everything—and start anew. But that would never happen. Sometimes, Alphys wondered. Would the world be better off without her? When unexplainable anomalies appear and begin to warp the world around her, Alphys discovers something she was never meant to know: the identity of the former Royal Scientist, and how he met his demise. Doctor W.D. Gaster vanished without a trace; he was erased from reality after an experiment ended in disgrace. Forgotten by the world, shattered across time and space—it’s like he never existed in the first place.And Alphys can’t imagine a better fate. Notes: This is a monster of a first chapter but definitely worth the read!! So much good stuff happening already. I’m a total wuss but I still love the cosmic/existential horror bits going on so far. Great Sans & alphys friendship and Undyne & alphys friendship so far.  All the amalgamates also feel incredibly well written. Can’t wait to see more of this one

(And here are a few of my own Alphys-centric fics as well)

Seventh Time’s the Charm by Taliax

Rating: G // Word Count: 1,519 // Chapters: 1/7 Summary: Six bad "dates" Alphys has been on, plus one that is actually pretty good. Notes: Alphys is my favorite and I love giving her a bad time. First chapter is a “date” she has with Sans. Next chapter which I have in progress is going to be Papyrus. (Alphyne is still endgame of course.) Set mostly before the events tof the game. Get ready for lots of second-hand embarrassment sdlfkjds

Support Character by Taliax

Rating: T // Word Count: 1,814 Summary: If Sans is determined to fight the human, Alphys is going to make sure he's prepared. Notes: Sans & Alphys no mercy route friendship, based on the headcanon that Alphys was the one to give Sans the powers/magic he uses to fight the human.

it's your best life (if it's the life that you're living right now) by Taliax

Rating: T // Word Count: 4,046 Summary: Through messages saved to Sans's phone, Queen Alphys gets a glimpse at lives that might have been.  With so many possibilities... how did this timeline go so wrong? Notes: Sans & Alphys friendship, Queen Alphys ending, mostly angst/hurt/comfort. I’m really proud of this one and it uses my main headcanon for how Sans knows about resets.

The Trans-Underground Alphys-Carrying, Match-Making Road Trip by Taliax

Rating: G // Word Count: 5,713 Summary: From her secret security camera, Alphys gets too invested in Sans's relationship with the voice behind the door.  This wouldn't be a problem if Mettaton didn't decide to take her ship into his own hands. Trying to catch up with a battery-powered robot is hard work, but telling the truth is even harder. Notes: This is a really silly fic with some hurt/comfort sprinkled in. Has some Soriel and Papyton in the background. Has some Alphys & Papyrus friendship as well which is always underrated in my opinion.

[bcdrawsandwrites]

Fandom: Psychonauts

Rating: T

Genre: Angst

Characters: Caligosto Loboto, Loboto’s parents

Warnings: Surgery, lobotomy, hallucinations, child abuse, EVERYTHING IS HORRIBLE AND NOTHING IS OKAY WITH THIS (but there’s nothing graphic)

Description: Just be still, and you'll be fine.

Beta Readers: @jaywings​ and Rocket (who I’m not sure is on Tumblr?)

Notes: who let me write Psychonauts fanfic. also some of the phrases in this fic were taken from this site.

---~~~---

“Scattering sparks of thought energy

Deliver me and carry me away”

“Here in my kingdom, I am your lord

I order you to cower and præy”

- The Mind Electric, by Tally Hall

 ---

Sometimes it was nice to just lay down in the park and watch the clouds float overhead.

He often had a lot of energy, both normal and... well... unnatural, but sometimes it was nice to relax, especially when he didn't feel like himself. His energy was ebbing, and there was something… something...

"Can you tell us another?"

He glanced up. Several of his usual playmates were standing around him, their faces lit up in interest. He grinned a wide, toothy grin.

"The boy babbled blatantly but was blessed with a brilliant brain!"

"Good!"

The compliment made his brow furrow. Normally they might cheer "cool!" or "awesome!" but he shrugged—he'd take it. It gave him a warm feeling inside, unlike the frequent chill of his own home. Plus, he couldn’t help but light up as he watched the smiles on his friends’ faces—some of them were still losing baby teeth, he noted, and the progression was fascinating. He knew what he could do to see more of those grins, too...

Without raising his head too much—it hurt a little, and he could see well enough from where he was—he glanced around to make sure his mother wasn't too close by. Luckily she was way off in the pavilion, talking to several other adults. Good; she wouldn't see, and neither would the other prying parents.

"How about this?" he asked, and with a tiny bit of concentration lifted a few rocks off the ground, spinning them in circles. Instead of cheering, however, the children backed away, their smiles fading.

"Look, he's trying to—!" one girl whispered frantically.

"Don't worry, he's fine for now."

He frowned, dropping the rocks. "O-oh, I'm sorry! I didn't think they would see..."

"That's okay. Can you tell us another?"

"Disappointed dogs don't do dangerous deeds." Wincing, he closed his eyes—there was a breeze that seemed to pass over his head only, running through his hair.

His scalp felt cold.

---

"Go on, Caligosto. Show the doctor how you can pick it up."

"Like this...?"

"No, the other way."

"But... mother doesn't like it when I do it that way."

"Do as you're told, Caligosto."

"...Okay..."

The fish swam all about the pond, but came closer to the surface when they realized he was watching from his usual spot on the shore. As they nearned him, he settled over the grass, staring down at his scaly friends. The fish seemed to like his company, and they wouldn't snitch to his parents if he did anything they wouldn't like.

On top of that, he felt a connection with them, almost like the sort of connection he could feel with people. They couldn't talk, and they didn't have facial expressions… but he could almost read them somehow, more and more as he continued visiting. Now he could sense what foods they wanted, or when they were scared of a nearby predator. It was nice to help them out.

It was also interesting to see the different kinds of teeth the fish had—some had sharp fangs, some had tiny flat teeth, and some had teeth in weird places, like their tongue or throat!

"Can you hear us?"

He would have jumped, but that would have scared the fish. As it was, he leaned forward, his eyes wide beneath their glasses. "Yes! I can hear you!" He could hardly contain his excitement. "I'd always thought I could hear you before, but never this clear! Do you think—"

"Good! Can you tell us another?"

He blinked. "Another what?"

"Another phrase."

Oh, right. In his excitement he'd nearly forgotten that he'd occasionally show off for the fish as well, though he'd never been sure if they could understand. "Friendly fish flip-flop fast when facing fearsome foes!"

"Very good!"

Giggling, he settled himself back down on the soft grass. "I'm glad you think so... my parents always tell me to be quiet."

Apparently, the fish had nothing to say to this, for they remained quiet, swimming just under the surface and watching him. So he kept watching them too, observing the light that reflected off their scales. But one creature caught his eye: a small turtle swimming in place. It was odd to see to begin with, but the paddling of its little feet seemed strangely frantic, its front legs moving in big sweeping arcs. It didn't speak, but he swore he could hear it—

Away, away—

---

"Is that... all he's capable of?"

"I'm afraid not."

"D—Father, are we done? I don't like it here..."

"Only speak when spoken to, Caligosto."

"Can we see anything else?"

"Yes."

"I-I don't want to—"

"Caligosto."

"Okay, okay! Let me—"

---

The seas were calm, and he had worked hard today as a navigator (or was he first mate? he couldn't quite remember, but that was okay), keeping a close eye on the compass and making sure they were staying on course. They were nearing the shore, but for now, he was taking a break, resting against a coil of rope with his eyes closed, enjoying the smell of the ocean air and the feeling of sunshine.

And also trying to forget his headache—he was pretty sure he bumped his head coming down from the crow's nest.

"You're doin' good today, mate! Squawk!"

He opened one eye, noting the parrot sitting just behind him. "Thanks, Crackers!"

Birds hadn’t been something that interested him too much at first; what kind of silly animal didn’t have teeth? That is, until he’d learned that birds have a weird organ that acted as their teeth. Fascinating!

The parrot cocked her head at him. "Do you know any more?"

Oh right, of course the parrot enjoyed those phrases. "The pretty parrot perched upon the putrid pirate's peacoat!"

Crackers gave a pleased chirp, ruffling her feathers.

Wincing, he found his headache was starting to get worse, like a bad toothache, and closed his eyes again. "Do you think we'll reach shore soon?"

We won't if you don't get out.

He opened his eyes. Crackers was gone.

---

"STOP! STOP! MAKE IT STOP!"

"What are you doing?!"

"I-I just did what you asked—"

"I didn't tell you to—!"

"I'm sorry!"

"Put him out, hurry—"

"We've seen enough, doctor. We'll schedule an appointment for your son next week."

"N-next week?!"

"Very well. He'll be there promptly."

---

The kids’ expressions had changed from bright smiles to tightly-drawn lips and wide eyes, and it made him shudder. "Is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, it's fine. Tell us another."

"The store..." He paused, concentrating. Strange, he didn't usually have trouble remembering these things, but it must have just been his headache. "The store clerk stood and... stared at me in stupor."

"I would too after what I've seen," one kid muttered, only to be shushed by another.

His heart gave a pained jolt. "Wh-what?"

"Nothing!"

He didn't like the way they were talking—it reminded him of... something else. Someone else. Another child stepped closer to him, looking down at him with a furrowed brow and frightened eyes. He felt the sudden urge to scoot away.

You're in danger.

---

"Wh...where am I supposed to go?"

"Just in through these doors."

"Okay... Why do I have to come back here to the doctor, though? I feel fine."

"Nevermind that. Do you remember what your father told you to do?"

"Yeah! The fun phrases. I know a million of those!"

"Good."

"Would you like to hear... w-wait, who are all these people watching? Wh... what are those?"

---

The fish were swimming in circles and starting to make him dizzy. He rested his head down in the cool grass, but it did little to help. "Oh... sorry. I'm not feeling so good. I should be going home..."

"You can go home soon. Tell us another first."

"Ugh... My mom... m-my... mother makes a... marvelous... meat... mincemeat pie." Recalling these phrases was starting to feel like what he imagined pulling teeth felt like, but a lot less fun. Was his mother missing him now? How long had he been gone? "I... really need to go home now."

"No you don't."

His eyes shot open, and he shivered as he stared down at the fish. "Wh... what did you... say?"

"Don't try to move. You'll be all right."

All of the fish watched him eagerly... but the turtle was still waving its front feet even more frantically.

---

"Don't worry about that."

"N-no! I know what those tools are—I've read my dad's books. You're gonna hurt me!"

"Nonsense. Just lay on the bed and you'll be fine."

"No, I don't want to! You can't make me!"

---

The ship heaved up and down with the swell of the waves. His insides rolled with it, and he remained lying on the coil of rope, waiting for his stomach to stop lurching and his head to stop aching.

"You stopped. Keep going."

"Ugh... The newt... nuzzled in a... n-narrow... nook."

"Good."

"No, it's not, Crackers! I don't feel good..."

"You're fine, squawk! Try to distract yourself."

"Okay..." Opening one eye, he raised a shaky hand, lifting the end of the rope and making it snake through the air, though it shuddered all the while. It was a lot more difficult than usual... Normally he could lift several objects at once, and delighted the crew by juggling them. He felt like he should be able to do other things too, but what?

---

"Oh mercy! He's going to kill someone!"

"Caligosto, if you don't stop this at once, I will call your father!"

"So call him! I want him here! Why didn't he come with me?!"

"Oh no, he's trying to light the chair on fire—"

"Go get the earmuffs, now."

"MOM! DAD! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

"GET THEM NOW!"

---

The sun was covered in clouds, and the humid air brought a promise of rain. Why were the other kids still here? Surely their parents would have called them home by now. He wished they would. Surely his mom would have called him, too, wouldn't she?

"Tell us another," one girl asked urgently, taking a hesitant step forward.

His head was swimming. "I-I don't wanna..."

"Tell us now."

Focusing, he managed to force his mind to concentrate. "She sniffed... and s-smelled... the stirring storm."

"Good, tell us another," one fish bubbled from the water.

A sharp pain like a broken tooth filled his skull, his insides felt sick, and the rain was beginning to fall. "I... I can't..."

"Tell us, Caligosto."

"B... Bernie read a book... b-by the... ba—babbling brook." He wanted to wipe the rain from his face, but he felt too exhausted to move his arms. "C-can I go... home..."

"Squawk! We're not to shore yet. Give me another."

He stared up at the blurred vision of the bird. "Why...?"

"Do as you're told."

"Th-the... hummingbirds... hovered... a-and hummed in... heavenly..." His voice broke off into a choked sob. "I wanna... no... I wanna... go home..."

"Caligosto?"

---

"I WANT TO GO HOME!"

"Get it on him, get it on—"

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Where did he go?!"

"The monster's turned invisible!"

"I WANNA GO HOME!"

"There! Put it on right—there!"

"STOP, I WANNA—"

---

"...go home!"

He blinked.

"You are home, Cali," his mother said, beaming down at him with a wide, pearly-white grin.

"I am?" Blinking again, he looked around. Indeed, he was in front of his house, with his parents both standing on the front porch, as they had been when he'd left. On top of that, his head didn't hurt and he didn't feel sick. "I... I am!"

"You're all done with the doctors now," his father said, smiling. "We're so proud of you!"

"You... you are?" He stared open-mouthed; his father had never told him that before. "I'm all done?"

"Yes you are, dear." His mother knelt down, but he didn't come closer—something was making his hair stand on end. "Almost."

His stomach twisted.

"Just tell us another, son."

"N... no..."

The smile on his father's face faded. "Do as you're told, Caligosto."

"N-no... no, no..." He tried to shake his head, but couldn't. "I... I want to go home..."

The pain was coming back, spiking through his head, and he cried out.

"We're going to lose him—"

"No, just a little more."

"No," he sobbed. "No, no! Mom! Dad!"

The park was flooding. The fish were swirling around his head. Waves crashed over the boat.

He had to do something. Anything.

Focusing with everything he had left, he tried to think, tried to move something, tried to make something burn, tried to call for help—

Did—did you hear that?

Cali?

The agony peaked, and his vision turned orange.

---

"Ooooh... ugh..."

"Is this safe?"

"It's safe for us. The psilirium will keep him under control during the procedure."

"But can he still hear us?"

"Son, can you tell us one of your funny phrases?"

"Sure... grass grows greener in the graveyard."

"You see? He'll be fine."

---

There was no park.

There was no pond.

There was no ocean.

There were several doctors staring down at him, a great many more people seated in the theater behind them, and an empty feeling within him.

Something was gone. Something important.

"How do you feel, Caligosto?"

His brain was slow to work, and he could not form the words, but if he could have, he would have answered:

Like... a cavity.

[ficsforeren]

This is so off topic to the tls talk, but I love how your blog just feels like one big group chat for Eren simps. I’ve never seen a writer so happy and genuinely interested in what their readers think, or even just to interact with the random Eren related content we send you. I feel like a lot of writers that have blown up for Eren fics act a little weird, uh I’m not sure how to explain it, I mean it’s valid sometimes considering the way this fandom harasses authors. I don’t really know what I’m trying to say lol, you’re just really great and I appreciate that.

As much as I want TLS to go viral and get the credit it deserves I kind of love that it’s like a little gem on tumblr, your readers really get to enjoy it without a mass amount of people here to ruin it. And it’s also not a fic that we’re reading just because it’s so overly hyped, this is genuinely good content. ALSO, THE EXTRA THICCC AND JUICY CHAPTERS 😩 I binged this fic when you were on chapter 8 I think and I was hooked from the first chapter, I never would’ve imagined a fic this detailed to be updated so frequently. I already told you how this fic feels a little personal to me, but you always have me feeling absolutely every emotion you write about, I love getting tingles at the little romance scenes. Btw your absolutely insane in the best way for writing 30k for the last chapter.💀

You are absolutely incredible, I genuinely believe you can do no wrong with your writing (I hope this is somewhat reassuring since you seem a little stressed about the ending), but I really mean it. Idk what you do for a living but if you aren’t perusing writing as an actual career I definitely think you should. PRINT TLS AND I WILL LITERALLY BUY IT NO JOKE! I’m so bad with words lol I feel like I can’t explain how much I adore you as a writer and a person 😭 Your fics are such a great distraction for me and I really appreciate them, I just really hope outside of your blog you’re happy and living a great life, you deserve it.❤️

Idk if you get hate or have any toxic readers but I just think you should know your work is appreciated. I didn’t mean for this to get so sappy oops😗 love you tho

oh no... you're gonna make me cry again

HERE COMES THE TEARS ASKDLFLDFMASD

honestly every time i see you in my inbox, i get so happy and excited because your messages are always so sweet and supportive, like omg girl, you don't know just how much your words mean to me. i always go back and read your messages again and again when i need to find some motivations to write. i've been having a hard time writing chapter 15 and the epilogue because I'm trying my best to meet your expectation but every time i re-read the stuff i wrote i'm like... man, i don't think this is good enough but i don't know what else i have to do to improve it 😭writing makes me happy but sometimes it can get a bit frustrating you know? i always feel like i have this wonderful scene i want to write in my head but when i put it down into words, it feels... meh. my vocabulary is limited, sometimes i know how to describe it my native language but i don't know how to write it beautifully in english. i lack imagination too and i keep repeating the same formula and sometimes it's just AARRGHHHH

i think it's because of that time when i wrote my first fanfic in EXO fandom. there was this one person i found on twitter who legit made a thread to make fun about my writings. my fic had almost 650,000 views and more than 28k subscribers so it was... pretty popular, i guess, at that time (personally i don't think so and i don't understand why it got recommended a lot by people). so this person made a thread and she was like, "can't believe people actually read this bullshit. i bet a thirteen years-old girl wrote it." and that... really hurt me. and i stopped writing for a while, i was so scared of being made fun of again. i guess that's what makes me feel so insecure about my writings, even to this day, so i'm very happy when people compliment me on my writings. and not just my writing, but also the effort i put into it. it makes me feel so appreciated so thank you so much 😭😭😭

and i think i'm just really lucky to have you guys as my readers. i only have 1.5k followers for this sideblog but all of you are so nice and you always give me feedbacks every time i posted a new chapter and that means A LOT to me. it keeps me motivated to write more and more. i don't mind if my chapter only gets a few notes, as long as i can hear your feedbacks and reviews.

thank you for existing, each and every one of you. i love you guys so much and i hope i can always make you guys happy with my stories.

[retvenkos]

“i am a little bit of everything i’ve seen in my life.”

requested

MY HEADCANONS FOR THE HYBRID HARRY POTTER HOUSES...

gryffindor/ravenclaw

if you’re in gryffindor you think you’re more “refined” than everyone else, and if you’re in ravenclaw you think everyone’s a stiff

this is the person with the braincell! let it be known that they have it, but refuse to use it

they have to be a little chaotic because they know what consequences are but disregard them

these people call themselves ambiverts but it really just means they won’t talk to you if they hate you

and i say that lovingly

okay, but if they do talk to you??? best people to talk with - they can hold an interesting conversation masterfully and it’s all because their enthusiasm is off the charts

let them ramble, it’s very endearing.

and physical touch is probably their love language so cuddle with them, too

they’re sci-fi and superhero nerds change my mind

now their loyalty is really interesting because gryffindors are really loyal where as a ravenclaws are individualistic and prioritize #1, so i feel like they are very much on guard

befriending is hard - they’ll keep you at bay until they are sure you can be trusted. and they won’t be made to feel bad about it either.

but once you are close to them,,,,, they would save you or die trying

their inside jokes are god tier

i don’t know how they do it other than they know how to make people laugh using the most unexpected methods and because it was such a weird experience, people are able to remember really well?

like, they could say “nutmeg” and everyone around you starts laughing, meanwhile you’re just ???

gryffinclaws are also really interesting because they don’t do well with conflict, but drama sort of gravitates toward them because let’s be real here, they can kind of be actively seeking it out, sometimes.

i mean, it’s usually to avoid having to deal with deeper emotions or even bigger problems, but sometimes they have a hand in their own suffering....

also, these people never study if they don’t like the class. they don’t. if they dislike the subject, they procrastinate with every fibre of their being.

but if it’s something they love, they are the first to get it done and will 100% do extra research and talk about it all the time.

they say they love both cats and dogs equally, and they actually mean it.

they are most likely concerned with wanting to change the world in some way - but they want it to be a tangible way that still allows for creativity and freedom

this is also the friend who stays up wayyyyyyy too late, and when you ask them what they’re doing, all they can say is “memes”

and they really do love memes - send them some. it’s their primary way of communicating

they love going out to get lunch and chatting with friends

food + people = love

they’ll even do it in their room! just bring bread and a good conversation - they can stay up for hours

also,,,, creativity and courage??? these are the people who actually have the confidence to publish their writing/art/whatever, and i admire that.

but writers block hits them so hard... i’m so sorry

okay, but if i understand the meme right, i’d give them wine aunt status.

gryffindor/hufflepuff:

these bastards

but i say that lovingly!

this is your meddling friend - that person that knows all and you can’t hide a secret from them to save your life.

and they seem to know everyone?????

they could ruin your life if they wanted to, but they are sweet uwu children and would never - in fact, they’re appalled you would even suggest it.

don’t let them hang out with gryffindor slytherins, no matter what. they will be corrupted and then it’s all over.

“but why are they bastards?” you ask. well,,,, if you’re acting surly or really don’t want to do a thing™ they will use their knowledge against you, prodding you in the direction you did not want to be going

of course, they only ever use this power when it’s for your greater good, but it’s annoying and invasive enough to grant them bastard status.

10/10 the mom friend.

even has the mom stare.

you know - the whole “you’re being irrational and you’re going to do this no matter how you hate it” stare

they have the  m o s t   energy and i honestly admire that

and they’re so hard working and dedicated that motivation isn’t a problem? it’s really just trying to get a solid, coherent thought that plagues them.

someone please get them a planner - they are constantly running late, but excited to be here!

100% have cottagecore vibes, or at least naturecore or adventurecore

point is, they want to be outside, doing things

they most likely want to make change in this world, but on a smaller level - with the people they care about, or the place they live

they really want to see what this world has to offer, but they are deathly afraid of being lonely

ngl, they probably get hurt by people a lot. they’re a little too trusting and go in a little too deep and when that other person leaves it does irrevocable damage.

it’s kind of like idealism and optimism, but at what cost?

100% smother their own feelings with a pillow and then preoccupy themself with the problems of others to not deal with their own

get them someone to talk to, please. they deserve it.

most likely they are an extrovert and surround themself with people so that they won’t have to feel loss as hard

spoiler alert: loss is always crushing.

gryffinpuffs believe in people - it’s their greatest gift and worst downfall

and they cannot live without them

do they have the braincell? sometimes. most of the time they share it and forget to ask for it back.

they probably like to do tangible things - like sculpture or knitting, baking, caring for plants....

something they can hold close

and if they read, they 100% finish books in one sitting. they just binge and it’s very iconic of them

probably a romantic, idk

they want a meet cute in real life and read all of the marriage fanfics

gryffindor/slytherin:

now these are the people who smile when you call them a bastard

and are most likely to be called a bastard unlovingly

at first glance they might be a little low on the empathy scales, but if you make it into their circle they would kill, die, and resurrect themself for you

BUT! all things come with a cost.

these are your friends with shifting loyalties. they are loyal until they feel your loyalty toward them fade, and they can and will shift against you for self preservation.

and they won’t feel bad about where their loyalties lie.

but please love them because if you really do believe in them they will feel it and it will rock their whole world

and if your feelings are strong, you’ll be surprised how quickly they can turn to you for guidance

if you haven’t noticed, this group is extremely intuitive - they can just sense what everyone feels about them

all that intuition... and quite a lot of tact

maybe it’s the cunning or the self preservation in them, but they can read a room really well - only bested by the hufflepuff/slytherin - and can sway everyone to their side

you want someone to give oddly accurate motivational speeches? this is the person you’re looking for!

slytherdors.... you either love them or you hate them

but no joke these are the people that the gryffinclaws and slytherclaws are constantly fighting - and the slytherdor is ready to throw hands at any given moment, someone pLEASE send a ravenpuff (huffleclaw?) to save them

if you wanted someone to embody teenage angst, HERE YOU GO!

it’s either that or they are extremely competitive and not afraid to call someone out

if there’s a dueling club, someone please put restraints on these children

as you can imagine, these people have a lot going on, and what they really need is just some quiet stability.

they need to see this world isn’t constantly out to get them.

they absolutely love music, so listen to songs with them! they have the best spotify playlists with the most obscure vibes, and it’s very aesthetically pleasing

also! listen to them in any group setting - they make the best, dry comments under their breath

if you laugh at them they will reach into the heavens and give you the moon and the stars

they really want the ~found family~ and definitely seek it out

they crave redemption arcs

they give me baby wolf vibes - they are wild killers, but they’re at that tender age where they’re still vvv similar to a puppy, when given affection

their slytherin side has tamed the impulsivity of a gryffindor, but the level of tactician a slytherdor is varies wildly. you never know what you’re going to get, and they are actually really good at covering it up

kind of like on those alignment charts where it’s like “looks like they could kill you but is a cinnamon roll” except it’s “seems competent, but is really an idiot”

they really need an animal companion, probably a cat or tarantula

the slytherdor probably doesn’t feign to study - they either do or they don’t and if that’s bad for their mental health then they’ll fight god himself

i get a lot of vibes of zuko screaming at the sky in that lightning storm, where he’s like, “come on, strike me! you’ve never held back before!”

maybe i’ve been a little negative, but uh,,,, their love language is sitting in the dark, holding hands and talking about the lamest part of their day

also, they hate meaningless endings to tv shows - they just want to see everyone be happy or die trying

ravenclaw/hufflepuff:

you mean the adjusted ravenclaw?

maybe that was mean, but what i really mean is that they are the most emotionally intelligent of all the ravenclaws

these ravenclaws know how to use conflict resolution skills, and they are very much needed in ravenclaw tower

they’ve been coaching the gryffindor/ravenclaws, but good luck maintaining their attention if they don’t want to listen

they also have patience! that means they get along well with slytherins.

even if they’re tired, they’re a good sport about it

light academia aesthetic, or just soft vibes in general.

they are probably the only artists with a coherent schedule that they keep up on, while still remembering to stay hydrated and function like a normal human being

they lowkey crave structure - the unexpected is not for them

riddles? those have a right and wrong answer - they absolutely hate it when the gryffindor/ravenclaws or ravenclaw/slytherins give an answer that is “technically” right

they probably don’t tell anyone, though

passive-aggression? yep. i can feel them seething from here.

like, they can solve minor problems and can get over bigger ones in time, but if it’s a huge slight, they are never going to let go

and it’s super palpable when they dislike you because they are so kind to everyone else

they probably have a passion for poetry but can’t seem to write any themself

definitely still keep a book of it hidden under their bed, though

and if they are good they vehemently deny it but continue to write anyway

the biggest thing they struggle with is knowing their direction in life - who do they want to be?

abstract thinking is an art form, and these ravenclaws ponder existence in the most intangible ways you’ve ever seen

10/10 lay on the ground and stare at the ceiling for like 3 hours straight

they can vary wildly on the introvert-extrovert scale, but they are never in the middle. extremes only.

you can get close to them out with acts of service - they give so much, please just treat them ONCE

they attach themself to so many people, though. even if they’re an introvert, you’d be surprised with their connections.

they’re so level headed and yet, they can feel so lost

kind of reminds me of 50′s moms who seem perfect on the outside but have existential crises while making a roast in heels

they don’t necessarily want to be “known” - they probably feel like that definition is changing all of the time, so it would scare them to put themself in a box

i guess they’re kind of free spirits - maybe more like the aunt who does yoga with baby goats and collects crystals and pretty shells

they are great at conflict resolution, yes, but don’t expect them to be your therapist (that’s the hufflepuff/slytherin)

they have absolutely no idea when it comes to deep feelings - they barely understand their own

probably paints, tbh, or at the very least loves to go to museums w/ really abstract art.

they actually have the braincell! they keep it a lot of the time and can be stingy with it.

they either wake up really early in the morning or stay up until the sun rises because it gives them “clarity” or something.

ravenclaw/slytherin:

they’re definitely the blunt friend who will just say things as they see them

yeah, tact is lost on them

they also love to claim that they “don’t need” people, so they butt heads with the hufflepuff/slytherin and the ravenclaw/hufflepuff a lot

they have quite a bit of stratagem up their sleeve, so people can be weary of them

their attitude does nothing to solve this, but it could also be that the slytherclaw has this idea that flattery gets them nowhere

they are so divisive in their individualism,,, good luck befriending them

but if you do befriend them, you have a powerful friend in your corner.

they are 100% that distant relative that you think hates you but you aren’t sure if that’s just the way they are

but let me tell you a secret,,,, their love language is words of affirmation and if you stroke their ego they’ll grow soft

while slytherclaws may not be very persuasive on their own, they actually work really well in teams. they know everyone’s strengths are are unafraid to take charge and tell people what needs to be done and how

they’re also really good at logical thinking, so you definitely want to be lab partners with this one

and schoolwork? they do it and they take good notes. a really great student

and their ambitions and competitiveness means they are unafraid to go far, and they will do it in style, too

this is the epitome of dark academia. 

and there is very little that is chaotic when it comes to them - the slytherclaw is an excellent planner

maybe they desire more out of life - they never feel like they are quite getting what they want

they are cynical, but they they have such high hopes for this world

when they are let down, they’re not surprised but disenchanted nonetheless

they ponder the meaning of the world and what this world could be far more than they ponder their own life

they tend to see a bigger, more sweeping picture

100% they love the odyssey and definitely think it’s better than the iliad

they adore high fantasy with every fibre of their being and can really get into period dramas

i would say that a gryffindor/ravenclaw would be a good friend for them - we all know a gryffinclaw can talk, and sometimes a slytherclaw just needs to hear someone else’s take on this world

and, of course, it helps when anyone shows appreciation

okay, but they love sweets - chocolate, liquorice, peppermint, caramel... it’s one of the few childish things they allow themself to have.

they are actually relatively quick to trust? the fastest slytherin, actually

they keep their group small, but they get vibes about people and once you show them loyalty they trust you entirely.

i suppose they guess you don’t have any games because they don’t have any

ooh, but if you betray them??? they are a mess, emotionally, and will not hesitate to lash out.

but they are caring in their own way, and will do little things like reminding you to drink water or bringing you toast if you haven’t eaten and it’s very sweet

hufflepuff/slytherin:

so i know we have this idea of the slytherin sweetheart, but a slytherpuff is so much more than that

one of their strongest traits is the intersection of ambition and hard work - they will not stop until they are the best (in their mind at least)

it’s almost a petty form of competition. a bit of schadenfreude when they win.

and everyone’s immediate thought is that a hufflepuff/slytherin would be the most trusting slytherins but no.

not even close.

slytherpuffs are guarded at first, while holding a secret soft spot for you in their heart. but they won’t act on it until they are 100% sure you won’t hurt them. they are suspicious, but really want to like people.

it takes a lot to break down their walls, but when you do they already have a steady foundation for your trust to grow on, and it’s the strongest thing in this world

because of this they can often come off as cold or distant, but once you’re in their circle, oh yeah. there’s the hufflepuff qualities you were searching for.

a good contender for the mom friend position, but they aren’t overt enough to be so.

they’re not getting into your business or being slightly invasive like real mom friends, but if you need advice or a hug,,,,, this is the friend to go to.

they’re like the nice aunt. vvv comforting, but only if sought out.

oh, they have the strongest moral code i have ever seen - it cannot be shaken or swayed.

but! it can often go against the rules, so you do have a bit of chaos working beneath the surface.

i 100% believe that their love language is quality time, and most of that can be spent quietly, just sitting in the other’s presence.

i feel like 90% of their conversations is hand gestures or subtle facial expressions, so it make take a while to be able to read them, but it also means they are soooo good at reading other people

seriously, if you need a therapist in the group, this is your person. they know people so well. their intuition is off the charts.

BUT ALSO,,,, their levels of introvertedness are sky high. i feel like this is a given, but they can be in your orbit for 5 months and speak to your twice and think that is a decent amount of exposure.

please get them an extrovert. they need the exposure.

sEcReTS??? this slytherin probably has some, but you have to be like at level 50 to unlock their tragic backstory

they also have academia vibes and do really well in school work, but whether or not it’s dark academia or light academia is disputed. maybe grey academia? (is that a thing?)

they struggle with wanting to be known and yet wanting to hide parts of themself they find unattractive or unwanted

probably feel like they’re pulled in too many directions and overthink their choices just a bit too much.

everyone knows they have the braincell, but whether or not they use it is unsure

it’s so easy for their friends to coax them, they probably give it to someone else and never ask for it back even though they should be in sole custody of it

AND FLUFF ENSUES. (i realize some of these are kind of aggressive, so... vibe check!)

-- taglist: @musicallisto, @theletterhart, @locke-writes, @randomfandomimagine, @brokenandheadoverheels, @timeofmadness, @writerdream22 // message me if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

[desire-tenderness]

𝒜𝑣𝑒𝑐 𝑎𝑚𝑜𝑢𝑟, 𝒯𝑖𝑚𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑒.

14 January 2021,

Hello my love, I hope you’re well. I have written much more often than before. When we are energized or distressed, it flows perfectly. And, well, I’m here in my room writing you a letter. Barefoot, to contrast the warmth I feel after drinking two glasses of Negroni, while listening to a song, Jardin D'Iver. "Ta robe à fleur Sous la pluie de novembre Mes mains qui courent Je n'en peux plus de t'attendre" I want to thank you for giving us space so we could talk in October last year. Jack has been a great friend to me, it’s good to have him around. I’m sure he opened up this space for you to hear me. I need to thank him for taking care of you, he told me how things are going. You’re such a strong woman, Lily; so amazing. Life is a school, we need to go through situations to learn how it works. It’s I know, sometimes I sound like an old man talking, damn it. I’m still sorry for all the pain and chaos involving your father, that sucks. You know you have me to talk to about anything. I wish I could hug her or at least see her smile, even from afar. Are you reading? As a religious man, I ask God to. Remember how we were in September 2019? When I said those days on Capri were the best days of my life, it wasn’t and never will be. I remember every second, every detail, every smell, taste, or feeling. Fucking Lily, this shit was so real to us.

When it was all over, the emptiness filled me for long days, months, it’s true.. I’m wrong, I’m flawed in many ways. Many times I get tired of the image that they built for me and it made me lose heart in June last year, I am not proud, but I should not condemn myself. I was not happy, I was in disgrace on the inside. I care a lot about these things. But I would never want my care to be misinterpreted. I’m just a guy trying to be the best for my family, my career, my friends, the best for me, the best for you. But I always look like Weird Chalamet, the guy who’s super dedicated to his work, clumsy and smug. But all the moments I spent beside him I could truly see and feel the boy I carry inside, who I am without fear or fear. My best version of it. Lily, my heart is wild, it’s human. Once you told me that I have a perfect soul, would I have failed you if that were true?

In that house, alone, in the middle of the vast green at Woodstock I could reflect so much, you have no idea. I needed it, my chest caught fire from the inside. Capturing the essence of a Dylan of my own, my version, it brought me contradictory thoughts about what I was feeling, but those thoughts were very strong. Sometimes I think some things I feel are wrong. the questioning lives inside me, it even disturbs me. I wanted to be alone with myself. Being "alone" is not bad, it is essential to know how to be well alone. I get a lot of pleasure from enjoying things alone. Travel somewhere where I was anonymous and it was just me and my backpack for a few days. You know what I found when I walked into the house? An ashtray with a sticker from a Hot Chocolate disc. It reminded me of Thanksgiving when we were all gathered in the room waiting for you to show up with the cake. When you started playing You Sexy Thing and you showed up with the cake in your hands, I immediately saw the most beautiful smile in the world and your cigarette on the red cigarette holder. I only used the ashtray a few times while I was there.

The sun was shining in Woodstock and a rainbow formed in my head. That sunlight passing through the trees. I could breathe a little and even sleep soundly. I had my coffee on the balcony while I filled out the Chronicles book. Ali, I heard at least 7 times the Bob Dylan’s Dream song before entering again. That time alone served me to learn more about myself and the world. However, that night there was the feeling that the room was getting too big, the microwave lasagna with the individual portion gave me a slap in the face. I looked around wanting to find a familiar expression, someone who asked me about my day.

Shit, I needed to call you right now to say these things, but I would cry. I spend all my time imagining you, Lily. As I lie in my bed, I can’t stop thinking about everything you said to me those days, those nights, those afternoons. Thinkin'Bout You in the starry night, remember? Frank Ocean playing perfectly to make love. We got so drunk that we could barely concentrate on what was around. But we had total control over what was going on in that room. It’s inexplicable how much more beautiful everything looks when you’re around. I remember perfectly how you led me to the delirium. You kissed my back as you bit her, and I looked you in the back of my eyes and I was hypnotized. Your breasts fit perfectly in my hands, your perfectly drawn mouth bewilders me, your wide smile automatically makes me imagine the power of your lips, man.. limb starts throbbing.

You said "Peach me Timmy", and our kisses began to burn, my body feels its touch like never before. Orgasm was like being under the influence of psychodelia. Come on, I’ve never felt it before and neither have you. That morning we made our breakfast to the sound of Otis Redding - Cigarettes And Coffee and we loved each other again. I want the fire we both made to still burn on you. Nothing is the same. I wrote to you almost every day in secret. Adult loneliness is fucked up. And I’m as weak as a man could be and I can’t help it. I want to feel you close to me, if you snap your fingers I’ll run to you, Lily. House Of Cards started playing here in the room, it’s like the volume is increasing by itself and the loneliness starts to fuck my brain without mercy, without affection. It seems like it’s part of adult life to feel this tightness in your chest, this urge to have someone within reach of your hand, skin and embrace. Seeking shelter in the pleasure of others does not solve this. I understand that opening the house and life to another person is scary, but I never wanted another person. I’m sorry about the media toxins, that shit really gets to me. I just want to spend my time with you, hold you tight, squeeze you, tell you what I want. I want to make you happy, I want to be happy. It’s so hard to leave her alone. Oh, fuck, I’m gonna burn that letter and call you right now. [Dialing]   ...   [Ringtone] - Timoly, ça va? - Lily, merci de me recevoir. [Relief] - I was writing a letter, but I need to hear your voice. I need to feel your voice or look into your eyes. [Voice trembles as if a knot were to untie in tears] - It’s delicious to hear yours. Put me in your room or come to me, and I’ll sing Sexual healing for you. I miss you. [chuckled with excitement] - You surprise me like it’s the first time, it’s so wonderful. I have so much to tell you. Can I find you now? - I wait here at home, you know my address. I also have a lot to say. - A bientôt, mon amour. je t'aime. - je t'aime, Timoly.

{This is a fanfic. All I write about is my feelings and desires. Here I transcribed my interpretations and sensations about the feelings of Timothée Chalamet. TEXT BY: L.M }

[sepublic]

Y’all ever read an angst fic without a happy ending that just UTTERLY wrecks you. And even if you know what happened in the fic would never happen in canon, that the characters would never do that, that it isn’t canon by the end of the day and just someone else’s interpretation- You just can’t rest?

Because even if you look at other fan content that has the characters be happy or reconciling, deep in your heart you know that this version of the characters, from that fic you read, will never get that happiness? And even if they did, that doesn’t change nor retcon the tragedy of what happened, it still happened and will forever mar their memories, and it’s just so unfair-

And then because you’re an utter wuss, your heart hurts. You feel a genuine pressure there from the ache and emotional pain that makes the chest feel heavy, that’s how powerful this fic was, especially if you really resonate with the characters hurt! Sometimes you gotta take a deep breath, just to relieve the physical hurt, and all the while you curse yourself because why are you so goddamn sensitive, they’re just fictional!

Just move on but you can’t, the worry and lack of closure is getting to you even when you should be working on something else, and then suddenly it’s hard to focus! Then you can’t even enjoy other happy content, especially if it included those hurt faves, because you keep thinking back to THAT fic and how that happened and how it ended there, and how it will always be left off at that point forever.

Seeing your faves, even in a happy context, just reminds you of that unresolved angst and it leaves an empty hole in your heart. It’s this bitter feeling and taste in your mouth and a part of you wishes you never read that, especially if the angst came as a gut-punch and back-stab to genuine emotional vulnerability and happiness, because there’s just that feeling of frustrated betrayal! And you WANT just the happy bits but not the sad bits, and it reminds you sometimes of things in your life that went so right until this one thing at the very end ruined it all. And now that happiness is forever tainted by the bitter potential that was torn away- And you can never take that back, can’t take back what happened, not in the story nor in real life. And it’s just utter despair when you realize that because what’s even the point of trying then?

Just... man. People really write this stuff for free, stuff that makes me FEEL, huh? And then they tear out my heart and stomp on it and I’m impressed but also lowkey salty. And obviously this all speaks to the larger wonder of the human condition and experience, but just focusing on the moment wow this really sucks. The characters really deserved better and seeing them happy is like a reminder that this is a lie of what they won’t ever have in that fic, and JEEZ why are you such a drama queen over a piece of fiction?!

And by the end of the day, there’s that bitter resignation that it might just take time. Time for you to heal and move on. But you’ll be damned if you won’t be kicking and screaming the whole way because that stuff made you FEEL things, and if you’re going to tease me with happiness, follow through on it! You’re lowkey salty and in some ways wish you never read that. But who knows? Life is weird. There IS a catharsis to sadness for many, but for some you also really need relief afterwards, especially if you really care for and resonate with these characters, that angst for them actually hits close to home!

So then you’re just bitterly left considering what could’ve been. Oh, if the author had cut things off at that happy point! Just kept it fluffy! But of course you’re not entitled to their writing decisions and the fact that it makes you feel this way is a testament to how good it is. And sometimes you’re just left wishing it wasn’t that good. Alas, that’s just how it is sometimes- Opening yourself to joy means opening yourself up to despair. And writers are entitled to make what they want, you kind of accepted the warnings. Plus as someone who’s written angst without a happy ending yourself, you’re not one to talk- There’s this dim realization of “So that’s what it feels like.”

You have empathy for your readers now and does this mean you will be more merciful? Who can tell. Sometimes if something hurts you as a writer that YOU made, you kind of revel in sharing that with others so their reactions can validate your feelings, and so they can get that unusual catharsis too. There’s that satisfaction that you can inspire emotion. Maybe we can BOTH share the pain and move past it together, of what happened in this story- Especially if you don’t intend to expand on it. Like damn that’s cruel exposing others to that misery of your own making, but that’s also media and content and catharsis y’all.

And sometimes it’s worse when it’s not a fanfic but a fully official piece of media. Sometimes that can be WORSE because it IS fully canon, even if there’s usually a hopeful guarantee that there has to be a resolution. But not always, depending on the type of media at hand. And as I said, that’s just part of the risk, and really the thrill, of emotionally opening up and engaging with media, with putting yourself and your heart there, seeing yourself, and having empathy that feels like pain to yourself when those characters suffer. Empathy sure is a bitch, but it’s a begrudgingly worthwhile one that you’d never give up. And that’s just for FICTION, too- Stuff that isn’t even real, characters not even actual people with real emotions!

Jeez- You’re an utter mess. And lemme tell you it’s even worse when that fic leaves off right in the middle of that despair, not even giving either you nor the characters that coping period to come to terms with what happened. Just leaving them stunned in that eternal hurt, right smack dab in the middle of where it hurts most. Not even the luxury of getting to step back and look back, no you and the characters, they never left that moment, and that’s what I mean when it sucks about that lack of closure. This is their ending and that’s all there is, any speculation lends to the worst of your imagination.

So it’s like you’re both trapped in that moment. No time afterwards to recover. No time afterwards to reflect, even if it still ends in despair, because there’s not even that solace of it ending, of you getting away physically- You’re still IN that moment forever, and it’s lowkey suffocating and feels like it’s surrounding you 24/7. You can never escape, you won’t, it’s still there and always will be- You’ll always be there. You’re trapped and you need an escape, anything, but it’s not there. And even if you write your own escape and happy resolution or alternate ending in denial, that’s just your imagination and wishful thinking, not the reality of what happened in that story. So not even your or others’ fanfic can help, and dammit this really sucks huh?

You can’t move on because you never got to see the characters do the same, after all- And unfortunately, you’re seeing too much of yourself in them. It’s all fun and games torturing the reader until you, the writer, are one of them! And in some ways the writer IS the reader too, of their own work, they have the control so that just makes it all the more funny that the writer still subjects themselves to that anyway, stubbornly. With determined, sadomasochistic resolve. You’re gonna make your own bed and lie in it, yet you complain how the bed was made and that you’re lying in it in the first place, when no one is making you!

Why are you like this, why do you keep coming back to this? But again, such is catharsis and that release of emotion that puts it into words and something that feels real and validating, when otherwise you’re just dead inside and can’t explain nor justify it. Sometimes it’s easy to be cruel when you’re detached, other times you deliberately hurt yourself when writing or reading- Because somehow there’s a relief in THAT to your emotions, that you get to feel them fully now instead of just dully grasping at them numbly but not really...

...But damn if you don’t wish it could’ve gotten the happy ending. If you’re writing, there’s always that relief that you’re in control, that you chose this, that you can always reverse it if you wanted. But if you’re a reader or viewer you’re at the helpless whims of someone else, vulnerable and out there. As the writer you saw it coming, but as the audience you’re just as blindsided and betrayed as the characters. There is no hope of agency or change or control, no realization of what’s to come, and THAT. Sucks.

But hey- At least you’re writing about this. At least you’re putting this out there into tangible words, because that makes it feel real. Your feelings are real and valid. And it helps to cope and process and realize how this made you felt and sometimes that’s worse, but also that understand grants some lose agency and control, because you can now at least comprehend it. And maybe then, can you come to terms with it. Accept, and finally... move on. Hopefully to happier things. And if you see yourself in those characters, then it gives hope that they can move on too, in this hypothetical fic, in this universe of theirs where something inevitably had to have happened afterwards.

...Unless they died. But uh, at least YOU can move past that I guess. And that shows that even amidst that despair, others can feel joy afterwards, and damn it if it wasn’t all worth it anyway for those characters, too! You can look back and decide it was worthwhile, so can they in there hypothetical sense, so they don’t regret living even if their ‘death’ wasn’t exactly ideal. That somebody, out there, understands, that it wasn’t all for naught- That the audience can benefit at least from the joy and pain, that the character is at least understood before death, and that provides a relief and closure of its own, that the story is not unsung and unheard nor forgotten, far from it. They are in a sense immortalized by the media and thus protected and preserved, and that can help make up for it- Not just another nameless and senseless tragedy but one that can be learned from and felt for catharsis!

...I dunno, I’ve just been really waxing and poetic lately over angst without a happy ending. I guess talking about that helps to prove my earlier point about coping, but also reassuring myself that it’s not the end of the world. And sharing those feelings out there means others who feel the same can arrive. They can also feel solace and reassurance and validation from this perhaps, and provide it as well. And we realize that in the end, we’re not alone and it’s okay to feel- It gets better. Maybe not that moment, but life as a whole, and even if life doesn’t improve, at least you got that and the release in the first place.

And that’s that relief that because it’s all fiction, it gives you a place to be ultimately safe as you explore these ideas and feelings, VS real life. Your feelings are still real probably, but at least the suffering of the characters themselves isn’t, and that is in many ways a relief, because even if there IS something to be learned from this- There are better and infinitely less painful ways to do so! And dammit, the tragedy can be salvaged to a degree, but the pain was not at ALL worth what we got out of this! This is more minimizing damage by trying to control it than an actual trade really. Suffering CAN be learned from, but let’s be a real, it is it not at all worth it, nor justifies its cause by the end of the day.

Even if the characters’ suffering and by consequence joy isn’t real- Even if they themselves do not exist, what you see in them, what’s reflected from yourself in them, the feelings they inspire... THAT is real and if you can see and feel yourselves in that, in some ways they’re real too, because aren’t you as well? And again, it’s like you’re exploring yourself, but ultimately there’s that safe reprieve that comes from fiction.

...But dammit you really do wish that author had just stuck to the happy bits and not bothered with the angst, we could’ve had it all! And Y’know what, those feelings and gripes are valid, even if the author’s choices are as well. Reader and writer are both valid, just don’t put them in the same room together, because there is SALT there!

[foxfire-midnight-wings-writing]

Spider Virgil! (Introduction)

So, I guess this is a bullet fic? I always liked to write like these but never knew they had a name lol. Anyways, lets go!

If you’d like to talk more about this AU, you can send me an ask at @foxfire-and-midnight-wings​ or on here. (Preferably only using this one for asks that could bring potential to expand on the story or universe, with the other one for smaller asks and non-canon talk)

[Next]

[Fanfic Masterlist]

Warnings: super long post, talk about spiders and spider traits (fangs/venom, extra eyes, extra legs, etc.) and the usage of them, talks of spider and snake bites/venom (aka non-sexual biting), general anxiety thoughts and cognitive distortions

[This is basically an AU where Virgil has some spider-like traits, similarly to Remus and Janus with their respective animals. No one is unsympathetic!]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

First off, he has a little set of extra eyes underneath his 'real' eyes (only four eyes in total)

He got nervous before introducing himself to the other sides (aka the ‘light sides’) so he had Janus and Remus help him use makeup to hide them.

Janus & Remus understand bc while they like their animal traits they know he's always nervous about them.

While Remus only hides his octopus tentacles, Janus tends to hide his fangs, most his scales that aren’t on his face (ex: neck and shoulder), and his extra arms around many of the others.

Virgil has setules so he can climb walls and stuff, which is how he gets up and sits on places that shouldn't be sat on.

Also, he has 4 spider legs that are connected to the muscles on his back

One pair is positioned just underneath his shoulder blades, the other pair is around his mid-lower back

When he’s not hiding his legs, they usually are positioned as if they were giving him a weird hug (top are resting on his shoulders, bottom are wrapped a little bit around his torso)

Also fangs!

He has extended canine teeth that (surprise!) connect to a pair of venom glands on his neck

This means that his teeth are really sensitive too, though, which can suck at times

He had a bad habit of instinctually injecting venom into meat and stuff he eats, but luckily it doesn’t hurt him. Now that they’re all older though, all the ‘dark’ sides were able to adjust to their animal traits or habits.

In this case, that meant he trained himself not to automatically inject his venom into stuff

Remus was the first to find out about venom milking, because it’s Remus

Because both Janus and Virgil have fangs + venom, he knew that they were constantly worried about accidentally hurting someone and not having an antidote. So he brought up the idea to them

Luckily, they were all young when they discovered this so there weren’t any inappropriate jokes about it, but Remus makes them a lot in the present (along with the vore jokes, which everyone hates)

Basically, for those who don’t really know, the way people make antidotes and medicine to help with venom from animals like spiders and snakes is through extracting the venom by a process called “milking”

So they ended up experimenting a lot and they eventually made their own antidotes to both Janus and Virgil’s venom

And once they both also learned how to bite things (and as a result each other) without using their venom

(Snakes and spiders can do what’s called a “dry bite”, basically they bite without injecting venom into what they bit)

This revelation ends up with Janus and Virgil often threatening to bite the other person, sometimes if they fight they actually do

The antidotes have been helpful on the few occasions one of them injects a tiny bit of venom by accident (which was extremely rare, and only ever happened when they were younger)

Virgil and Janus still regularly milk and make their antidotes, and they usually keep some of both in all three of their rooms for emergencies

(sometimes they do it just because they can, and end up giving it to Remus so he can do weird experiments with it in the Imagination)

Also, the hissing? Janus is a snake, so that makes sense. But Virgil?

Well, after a little research, they ended up finding out that spiders make a low hissing noise called “stridulation”. So technically, spiders hiss too.

Virgil uses that against Remus when he tries comparing him to a kitten, and he threatens to bite him

[The Present Situation w/ the Other Sides]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

He was planning a big reveal for the ‘light’ sides at one point (before he was accepted) but he never went through with it

Because Accepting Anxiety happened, he was worried he'd lose the friendship/acceptance of the others due to his traits. (Anxiety and cognitive distortions, y'know? Plus, he saw how freaked out Patton and the others were by the spider decorations in his room, how could he expect them to react any different to him?)

And so he continues to hide them and his other abilities

which is an absolute pain because while he can easily cover up his extra pair of eyes, he has to be very careful about not showing anyone his fangs

And don’t get me started on how hard it’d be for him to get into his jacket and positioning it just right so his legs aren’t being squished but they aren’t very visible

Fun fact! That’s why he always appears on the stairs. he can easily hide them by leaning against the wall or positioning his back to where no one can see them

But he still gets little urges to do things spider-like because of his anxiety.

For example: crawl up the wall and go in corner = no people = safe

So to fill that little spider instinct to crawl up places to get away from people he takes to sitting in places he shouldn't.

Top of the fridge, the counter, anywhere he can get while being able to reason his way out of being questioned on how he got up there

To his surprise, no one stops him. If anything, Patton calls it cute and Roman basically encourages it

And so things go on like normal, and he always takes off his makeup once he's in his room.

Sometimes he indulges a bit and climbs the walls

He has a small resting area that looks similar to a hammock (but it’s practically a nest of blankets) that’s connected to his walls. Sometimes he’ll sleep up there because it’s off the ground and away from everything

he tends to lay on his stomach and to spread out as much as he can when up there

(Janus and Remus find it hilarious, but Virgil points out that Janus can’t say anything because he does that too)

No one has seemed to catch on that he has spider traits, and he is extremely relieved about that

Then Janus comes along and introduces himself to Thomas and the others.

And then Remus joins in too.

And while none of them are on bad terms, Virgil gets more and more worried someone is going to point out their animal traits and ask him if he has any.

And he worries because he doesn't know how to respond

He can't just say

"Oh yeah, all the 'dark' sides have animal traits and I've just been hiding mine from you in fear of rejection and that you'll all hate me. By the way, my anxiety is making me not say anything about this because I'll have a panic attack just thinking about telling you, and so I haven't said anything about it, and the more time that passes makes the anxiety about telling you guys worse which causes me to put it off even more. And it causes a spiral from there that often makes me whole myself up in my room for days on end."

So he tries to prevent anyone from asking about the 'dark' sides by making it seem like he left them on extremely bad terms.

It takes a minute for Janus to realize it’s not the normal banter they throw around, it’s something more desperate and anxiety-ridden

Janus catches onto his plan very quickly, and when he can he gets Virgil alone with him and Remus to talk it out.

Virgil tells them about his fears of rejection and how none of them know about his spider traits (especially because they went to his room once and Patton was freaked out just by the spider curtains, making his fears worse)

So they all make an agreement to help Virgil hide his traits and to make a plan to help the others not ask them about each other

And then Remus just goes "so you're saying I can fuck with my brother? That's the plan, right?"

Cause he is so on board as long as he can cause chaos.

And what better way to cause chaos than by pretending to be in an arguement or on extremely bad terms with a close friend, forcing the others to watch it happen and be uncomfortable as they argue back and forth

Janus just agrees because he likes being dramatic and it's not like they didn't banter a lot before now, they just get to make it public and more "serious" than before

(They all know it’s just because he wants to be part of the Drama™)

They make a list of things they can and cannot make jabs/remarks about

And then they prepare for the chaos

(Note: This is not them being “unsympathetic”, they all agreed on the plan and all know what they are signing up for. The entire purpose is to make the others think that they have bad relations with each other, which some may interpret the arguing/jabs as the characters being “unsympathetic”)

[The Chaos Time Begins]

- - - -- - - -- - - -- - - -

So this all happens before Selfishness v. Selflessness, right?

Which is what makes the entire courtroom scene funny to the ‘dark’ sides, bc they all were planning to have that be when the drama really started to take off

When in the courtroom and Janus makes the comment about Virgil’s name, he really wasn’t expecting that, but after the initial panic passed he was like ‘I mean, alright I guess’

He didn’t really want them to know anything about his full name (Virgilius), but it wasn’t going to really hurt him

(He just wanted to avoid any of the references or jokes Roman and Logan would definitely make because he already got enough of it from Janus and Remus)

and the plan worked! almost a little too well, though...

After the courtroom scene ends, there’s a couple days of silence where everyone just. Doesn’t talk about it. At all. The ‘dark’ sides were prepared for this, so it’s not too bad for them, but it makes Virgil feel very awkward when around the others.

Then, after the third day of awkward avoidance, Patton and Roman gather all of them in the living room to try and make sure everything is okay.

Unfortunately for them, Patton had also invited Janus up there because he saw the tension between him and Virgil

And Janus physically restrains himself from showing how excited he is because this is the perfect way to make the Drama™ officially known

Virgil is just chilling on the couch waiting for everything to spiral, because while he appreciates the effort, the fighting is completely intentional. So there’s no stopping it now

It goes about as well as you can expect

While everyone else except Janus starts talking, Janus just patiently waits until someone brings him into the conversation to start making jabs. (mainly because he knows that the others actually have stuff they need to talk through first, before he derails the conversation)

They all are able to get to a good conclusion about the situation, misunderstandings are talked through, and now all that’s left is dealing with Janus

And as soon as Patton starts talking to Janus, he gets excited because the show can finally begin

Roman: Now, I know not all of us really like him, but- Virgil: like him?! That’s funny, princey, because I really fucking hate him! Janus: Oh, come on, Virgil! Just lighten up a little. You’re seeming a little... dark. Virgil: Don’t. Patton, trying to prevent them from arguing: Hey, now, kiddos! Let’s take a moment and just step back to breathe, yeah? We don’t want this to- Janus: become a truth-telling session between us and Virgil? Patton: become an arguement.

The others try to help Patton defuse the situation, but it doesn’t work. If anything, it makes the situation worse because Janus uses them as fuel for some of his arguments.

Virgil: Yeah, keep talkin’ pal! I’m sure they really want to hear it from someone who makes it his job to harass everyone Janus: Well, sorry about that Sir Emo, but I couldn’t hear you over the sound of you leaving us. Oh, wait! Sorry, you don’t want to remember being a ‘dark side’, now, do you? My apologies! Roman, frantically glancing between the two: Wait, wha-? Virgil, standing up: Oh shut it, you treacherous snake! Like you ever even wanted me there. You’re probably glad I’m gone, huh? The cold from your room is starting to affect your heart! Not like you had one, though. Janus: Why, you-!

They start arguing and slowly they start getting louder and louder

Eventually, they’re yelling insults at each other, and everyone else is at a loss for what to do

Then, in what seems to be the ending of the argument, Virgil yells “I never wanted to be there with you in the first place, you bastard!”

Janus takes a moment to pause, and then he just says “Right, of course. My bad, Virgilius”

The living room is quiet as Janus sinks out, and Virgil just stands there shaking

He knew it was going to happen, and he knew it was just his name, but the acting and drama was becoming a little too much. It started to feel too real to him, and he knows that’s just his anxiety speaking, but he still feels the tears gathering in his eyes

Patton tries reaching out to him, but Virgil says “I’m going to my room” in a broken voice

The others watch helplessly as he leaves, and eventually they all break off to their own rooms to think about what just happened.

[spnfanficpond]

Pond Diving - Imagineteamfreewill

Welcome to today’s Pond Diving Spotlight! We hope that you enjoy this little insight to our members and perhaps even find some useful tips for your own writing. Happy reading!

Want to volunteer, send us an ask! We’re looking forward to learning more about all of you! Not sure what PD is, you can learn more here.

“Don’t Be Koi About It” - All About You

Name: Meg

Age: 20s

Location: United States

URL: @imagineteamfreewill

Why did you choose your URL: I first started out structuring my stories as imagines, and the “Team Free Will” part was pretty obvious.

What inspired you to become a writer: Reading Supernatural fanfiction inspired me to get back into writing, but I’ve always enjoyed it. My mom likes to talk about how when I was in Kindergarten, I drew a picture about how I wanted to be an author and now I write in my free time.

How long have you been writing: According to tumblr, I’ve been writing fanfiction since 2014, but I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember.

What do you do when you are not writing i.e. Job/Hobbies etc? I’m a music teacher, so I sing and play piano, and I’ve played a bit of cello and tenor saxophone as well. I love movies, baking, sleeping, and a few video games.

How long have you been in the SPN Fandom? I joined sometime around Season 8 or 9, I think. I don’t really remember!

Are you in any other fandoms and do you write for them? I really enjoy Marvel and I’ve read a lot of Marvel fics, but I don’t write for them. I like a lot of TV shows (New Girl, Parks and Rec, The Good Place, Outlander, etc), but I wouldn’t consider myself part of the fandom.

Do you do any writing outside of fanfiction? If so, tell us about it? I love to write poetry. I had a poetry blog at truenorth-ink a while ago, but I haven’t updated it recently at all. Most of my poems aren’t published or posted anywhere.

Favorite published author: I love some of the early series by Rick Riordan and I also really enjoy poetry by Nikita Gill and Atticus. Lately, I've really been getting into Leigh Bardugo's books.

Have you ever read a book that made an impact on your life? Which one and why?: I think "East" by Edith Pattou really affected me! I read it when I was in 6th-8th grade and I think about it often. I think it's something that really stuck with me and got me interested in fantasy books so much. I read it at least once a year.

Favorite genre of fanfic (smut, angst, fluff, crack, rpf, etc): I love angsty stuff, and most of the time I prefer it when it has some fluff mixed in. Straight fluff is often hard for me to read because I need something that’s more realistic for my own life and point of view. I also really like whump, but that can be a lot sometimes so it depends on my mood.

Favorite piece of your own writing: I don’t know if I have a favorite, but I loved writing Back to the Start (my mermaid series) and The Switch (a canon-divergent apocalyptic Reader x Sam series). Right now, I'm really enjoying my Consort series (a Goddess!Reader x Dean series). Creating my own rules in my own little universes is one of my favorite things to do, especially since I can’t always do whatever I want in real life.

Most underrated fic you have written: Empire. I loved getting to write Boyking!Sam because it was so different from my normal Sam stories and I did a lot of research for it. I’m pretty proud that the story never got too bloody or gory, too, so if you want some Boyking!Sam that’s not drenched in blood (for lack of a better term), I’m your girl!

Story of yours that you’d most like to see turned into a movie/tv show: Probably Back to the Start or The Switch. I think those two series would be amazing to see with J2, the rest of the cast/characters I included, and special effects! There’s so much I’d want to explore with both of them that I didn’t put into the series.

Favorite Tumblr Writer(s): @luci-in-trenchcoats, @sunlightdances, @supernaturalfreewill, @lipstickandwhiskey, @smol-and-grumpy, @percywinchester27, and @kaz2y5-imagines

Favorite fic from another writer:  I don’t think I could pick just one, but I’ve read all of @sunlightdances Dean fics multiple times. Her works got me through some pretty sucky times in my life and I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of her writing! I’ve also been reading her Bucky fics recently and it’s made me love Marvel fics even more than before!​

Favorite character to write: Sam Winchester

Favorite Pairing to write: Reader x Sam (Reader x Dean is a close second)

Least favorite character to write (and why): I don’t like to write for Crowley or Gabriel. Gadreel is hard for me even though I can do it, but I don’t understand Crowley or Gabriel’s personalities at all because they’re literally so far away from mine.

Do you have anyone you consider a mentor? No, although @lipstickandwhiskey and @kaz2y5-imagines really encouraged me in my writing!​

Do you have any aspirations involving your writing? I would love to write a non-Supernatural work of fiction to publish, but that’s a long way off.

How many work-in-progress stories do you have: Oh Lord, I have so many! I have at least four series and two one shots in the works right now. I've also got over 100 one shots/series plotlines written out in the notes on my phone and various Google Docs.

What are you currently working on? I’m currently working on a Cinderella series, my Underworld series, my Puer Rex series, my Consort series, an Author!Sam fic, and an Author!Dean fic. I also write stories for my Words series now and again.

“Pond Diving” - All About The Writing

What/who has had the biggest influence on your writing? Reading other people’s work. The intense storylines of @luci-in-trenchcoats ’s fics have gotten me to be more bold with my writing and the emotions and description in @supernaturalfreewill’s works have inspired me to let my work have more feeling.

Best writing advice you've been given: Not necessarily writing advice, but I was once told that anything worth doing is worth doing at least a little bit every day. Think about it—if you wrote even just five minutes a day, how much better will you get over the course of a month? A year?

Biggest obstacle you’ve faced in your writing: Repetition of words and commas. So many commas and so many uses of the same word over and over again. It’s a hard balance between using the word and using synonyms without sounding like I’m sitting there googling synonyms for “said”. I also tend to spend a lot of time on things that I think are super important but aren’t really important in the long run. I’m wordy as hell and my writing would be dull if I didn’t edit it as thoroughly as I do.

What aspects of writing do you find difficult when you write fanfiction? A lot of times I have these ideas that I think would make a great series but I don’t think through them, so planning out the plot of a series (or even a standalone fic) beforehand is something I struggle with.

Is there anything you want to write but are afraid to (and why): I would love to write more fics that have the characters dealing with severe mental disorders or that take place in a mental hospital, but I’m afraid that I’ll portray something wrong and solidify harmful stereotypes about what it’s like to deal with those things.

What inspires/motivates you to write: Honestly, just wanting to write things that I enjoy. Sometimes I get sick of reading other peoples’ stuff since it’s not exactly what I want, so I just write my own!

How do you deal with self doubt: Understand that sometimes it happens. You’ll doubt yourself—everybody does. If I’m doubting myself or my writing, I’ll take a break until I remember why I write. Then I’ll remember that yeah, writing for an audience is fun, but I write because I have cool ideas I want to explore, not because I need the attention or love of strangers. Lastly, I’ll reread my old fics, especially the ones I love, and then I’ll go back and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. That way I can see how I’ve improved and I don’t feel so terrible anymore! Reading my own fics is a bit of a guilty pleasure of mine, and I’ll read through my masterlists every once a while just to remind myself of the things I’ve loved, where I’ve been, and where I’m going.

How do you deal with writer's block: Like I said, I reread old fics and edit old fics that I haven’t looked at in a while. Seeing the things I’ve done before always helps to focus me. I’ll also read other people’s stuff or talk about headcanons with some friends to try and find some inspiration.

Do you plan/outline your story before you start: Lately I have been, but only because my periods of intense inspiration and productivity are getting farther and farther apart because of my job. I’ve found planning it out to be more and more helpful, especially for my series. A lot of times if I get a great idea, I’ll outline the whole plot or any significant details I want to put in that one shot/series so that I can come back to it whenever I have the time or I’m inspired for it again.

Do you have any weird writing habits: I write best in places that are unfamiliar to me or in places/times where I shouldn’t be writing. Class? Writing. Airport terminal? Writing. 4am when I have to be up at 6? Writing.

Have you ever received hateful comments on your fic and how do you deal with it? Not that I remember! I feel like there’s probably been one or two over the years, but I probably just got upset about it with my friends for a while and then got over it.

Conversely: what’s been some of your favorite feedback on your fanfic? A long time ago, when I was writing Back to the Start, I had one person who sent me asks for every single series update. I screenshotted them and saved them on my laptop. There’s one particular one where they say that they’re happier because of my writing and honestly, isn’t that what we all strive for? That people’s lives are better because of our stories? I’ve also had some pretty great friends recently who’ve made it a point to reblog and send asks/messages on all my works, which has been so meaningful that I never replied to the asks. They’re sitting in my inbox and I go through and reread them sometimes when I’m feeling down.

If you could give one piece of advice to a new and/or struggling writer, what would it be?  ​Write down everything. If you come up with an amazing piece of dialogue, even if it’s just one sentence or one person talking, or if you come up with something you’d think would be a great title… WRITE IT DOWN. It doesn’t matter if it fits into whatever you’re currently writing or not, it’ll come in handy! I don’t know how many times I’ve gone through my idea list and found really obscure lines/titles/inspiration that didn’t make sense when I wrote them down, but are now exactly what I need to finish a fic. Even if you don’t end up using it, jotting down your ideas is still writing, and that’s good practice!

[youareunbearable]

Catch me not having a clue who any of these gods(?) and people are, but still sitting here like, "I ship that pretty one with the gruff one, and that brown haired one with the other(?) gruff one?" without knowing names or what this is except the fanart I see you reblog, because this fandom apparently has lots of nice art

Fam i have no idea what ur talking about or when u sent this im so sorry asfkjhfkjhf but i thiiiinnnkkkk??????? it’s “Heavens Official Blessing” or  Tiān Guān Cì Fú (TGCF for tagging stuff) its originally a chinese gay novel that is soooooooo long by the author  Mo Xiang Tong Xiu (MXTX) who wrote 2 (two?????) other novels that I know of that are also gay historical fantasy but i personally havent actually read TGCF???? im just watching the anime and looking at the wiki and reading fanfics so i have a vague idea whats going on but not really???? so i cant really give a good review BUT i LOVE THE CHARACTERS MXTX WRITES SO MUCH AFHAFKFHKFAKF IM SO SORRY IM SHIT WITH TAGGING SO U HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IM HYPER FIXATING ON BUT

LISTEN

LISTEN 

LISTEN

Pretty one and the gruff one im THINKING is He Xuan (or Ming Yi/ Ming-Xiong/Ming Bro) for the grumpy one and Shi Qingxuan for the pretty one and both are kinda gender fluid?? (more Shi Qingxuan but they both change their forms to be both women and men which is Iconic and the anime put her in the TRANS FLAG COLOUR instead of her canon white and green which is ICONIC) AND THHEYRE SO TRAGIC AND HOT AND I CRY JUST THINKING ABOUT THEIR STORY LIKE AFHDFKJAFDSGS like i want to kinda read the book just for them, the two super minor characters, but i also read somewhere that their story doesn’t really have a clean ending so im also holding back from just getting Emotionally Hurt because im a cancer and i know it’ll wreck me

I think The Two Gruff Idiots are Feng Xin (dark haired gruff boy) and Mu Qing (brown haired gruff boy) and theyre both martial gods and both knew each other for over 800 years and both tried to take care of Actual Human And Heavenly Disaster Xie Lian, failed, and tried to do it again 800 years later but with stupid glasses with moustaches in hopes that Xie Lian cant figure out that they care about him but OOPS Xie Lian does in fact have the braincell of the three of them fajfafjajf 

Heres the link to watch the anime, there are 11 eps rn but it updates every weekend (I dont actually know when but i watch it on sundays) Make sure u have ur ad block on tho lol there is a manga too and the art style is TO DIE FOR like its GORGEOUS but its roughly at the same pace as the anime so eh

Heres where to read the whole thing online, just a warning its BIG AS FUCK like 244? plus extras I think?? 

I’d also recommend MXTX’s other books!

Mo Dao Zu Shi (or Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation/ The Untamed/MDZS) is both a Book as well as an Anime (the whole thing is on youtube) , a Live Action which you can watch on Netflix (look up Untamed, also a warning, the plot is a little different from the book and anime cause of uhhh censorship?? also i guess to make it more live drama friendly, my friends an i binged it and really liked it, but some of the fandom doesn’t), a manga which is not finished I think???? idk im not caught up, and a fucking chinese AUDIO DRAMA LIKE BITCH ITS SO WELL DONE but i have to stop listening sometimes cause like there is a difference between watching/reading characters kiss, and then like just hearing them, i get so embarrassed i have to skip the kissing scenes and god forbid i accidentally click on the smutty extras alfjajlfjalfjaljf u can find it on youtube, i linked the one i listen to but i havent finished it and i don’t think it’s all of it, but you can find other episodes/chapters easily

Its about 1 Dumb Yet So Smart gay/bi man (Wei Wuxian) who honestly tries his fucking best, fucks up everything, dies for over a decade, and then is forcefully brought back to life to solve a murder mystery with the guy who has been in Super Gay Love with him since they were teens (Lan Zhan), a bunch of teens Who Are Just Honestly Here For A Good Time And Yet (Lan Juniors, Jin Ling, and Best Boy Ouyang Zizhen ) while badly hiding his real identity from all the people he knows, including his foster brother (Jiang Cheng) who is out for blood and hunting his ass down with a whip and also Lan Zhan who is travelling with him. Also the Killer. There is a killer on the loose and is willing to murder whoever to keep their secrets. Also Nie Huaisang. I adore him and his brother Nie Mingjue, if there is one bitch u gotta remember from this summary it’s this little twink (he and his brother also have a fucking spin off movie from the live action drama THAT I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO FIND A ENGLISH SUB VERSION AND ITS BEEN KILLING ME SINCE I STARTED WATCHING THIS SHOW LAST YEAR. GOOGLE GIVE ME MY FAVOURITE TWINK AND HIS BEAR OF A BROTHER HAVING A FUN FAMILY ROAD TRIP!!!!!!!)

My Personal Current Favourite is Scum Villain’s Self Saving System (SVSSS) which is SOOOOOOO FUNNY Like it’s not as popular cause the comic was discontinued, and the anime looks like its from 2005 with the weird 3D animation but its my current comfort media!!! 

Its basically about a spite reading millennial (Shen Yuan) who died after reading a REALLY awful popular cheesy smut harem novel (think like 50 shade series but worse cause the protag had 600 wives) and was forced into the body of a minor but important villain (the protagonist’s teacher, Shen Qingqiu) from the novel who was fated to die with all his limbs cut off and his eyes and tongue plucked out and is told he has to fix the story so its not trash, he reasonably freaks the fuck out and hugs the protagonists (Luo Binghe) thigh so hard he turns him gay without realizing. Sadly, he does have to make sure certain plot points happen, which fucks him over a lot,  and he thinks Luo Binghe still wants to kill him instead of love him cause he has the Emotional Intelligence of a Rock, but its so funny reading about him handling all the awful tropey stuff, like imagine u have to be a character in My Immortal But With Porn?????? without breaking out of character too much?? I wouldn’t be able to handle it ajhakfkfhjfj He also finds out that he’s not the only transmigrator in the novel either, but it doesn’t matter cause theyre both So Fucking Stupid Collectively but everyone would honestly die for the both of them

warning for this story though, the main relationship is a teacher/student relationship, but nothing happens until the student is in his 20s and also kinda not his student anymore cause he’s running hell??? but if that squicks u out i totally understand and offer you to PLEASE still enjoy some of this media, and instead of the BingQiu ship, I offer you the LiuQiu one, where both me and the main character cry over how a beautiful man/fellow immortal lord loves the main character so much that he literally fought every day for 5 years to be by his side and I Think Thats Beautiful and I kinda like this ship more than the main one tbh PLEASE just look at the art for Liu Qingge because i love him so much, he’s like if you took Lan Zhan and Jiang Cheng from MDZS and mashed them into one beautiful man the author is trying to tell me is straight but u take one look at him And Tell Me Otherwise

[seacollectsrivers]

director's cut for My Hands Covering Both of My Eyes?? <3

oh boy!

well, first off, i can't read the title without singing it, and that's entirely my fault. It was stuck in my head when i needed to title the fic and i figured hey it's kind of appropriate!

The whole conceit of the story was the whole concept of constantly coming out to people. And then how that could easily be applied to yourself; if you put yourself in a box, you've figured yourself out so you decide well that's it then! I'm a Trans Man :) but then oh but I like men too.... Ok fine I'll do it again, I'm a Bisexual Trans Man :) but then oh for fuck's sake the Gender Feelings again.... And Crozier felt perfect for that, like he has a very rigid idea of himself, and I can well imagine he would just feel too old for another change/discovery.

the miniskirt! i had written - but deleted, it felt clunky and forced - a thing about how Francis' parents, especially his da, disliked the skirt because it was so short. and that was partly why he had no bad memories attached to it - it was the first time he felt like he'd chosen how to be viewed, via his fashion choices.

uuuuh..... in usual Bo fashion this got atrociously long......

Francis looked down, fiddled with the badge on his lanyard, wished he had something to anchor his hands with. He settled on putting one behind his back, balled up in a fist. He felt unreasonably more awkward in that position, but kept it there in fear of looking restless. James thinks he looks like an officer and incredibly handsome in this moment :) I deliberately tried to invoke how Crozier stands in the show sometimes.

The café they meet at is based on/inspired by two of my favourites in Cork! Alchemy on Barrack Street, and Natural Foods Bakery on Paul Street.

I delighted in writing the differences in the Blanky-Francis friendship and the Ross-Francis one. It's something I think about a lot and adore: how you can have such a different dynamic with different people, but it doesn't devalue any friendship. Like, that's the friend you'd call when your cat dies and you feel incredibly sad, that's the friend you'd call when you're panicking over a job interview and need advice. Each is equally important, but have different.... purposes? not quite the word. you know what i mean!

Blanky took the hand resting on his knee, played with Francis' fingers. It was soothing. Familiar. Casual physical affection in a friendship is very important to me. I love platonic touches that could read as romantic. Remember that when I say: Francis and Blanky fully fooled around with each other a lot.

They locked eyes for a moment, before Sophia took a deep breath and stepped back. "I'll let you go, then.(...)" Some very deliberate wording on my part :•) She loves Francis very much, and she quite likes James, and she knows her and Francis would not be good together. It's still hard, you know.

The fight! God it took me so long to actually write, but I'm v pleased with the outcome. The playful tone quickly devolving, James not quite understanding he has crossed a line. I think James is used to being someone very comfortable in their skin, someone younger folks come to for advice and maybe their first coming out, so he views himself (subconsciously) as something of an authority on Weird Gender Feelings.

I KNOW I SAY THIS A LOT BUT,,,, I LOVE FRIENDSHIPS SDLJFHLG. Especially weird, undefinable relationships. Like Silna and Harry. Yeah they kiss and hold hands and live together but they're not together! Can't believe it took me until this year to get onboard with QPRs.... they're so good.....

Francis catastrophising and misunderstanding a fight to be a break up was in my plans from the get go. It just feels so very Francis, at least fanfic/modern au Francis. The whole world is against me! And I lowkey think I deserve it, but I also don't, fuck you! Poor man.

The inherent intimacy of helping someone with their clothes.... of putting make up on someone..... i Yell.

I never really decided on his identity in the end. Like, maybe this IS a new development, and he was a binary trans man before. Maybe he still is mostly a man and is comfortable being seen as A Man still, but would like to be gnc and maybe crossdress now and then. mulaney voice that's up to ye.

just.... them...... ;__;