#if you're wondering who the fuck is narrating that's intentional actually.

[memorydragon]

Spoilers ahead. Confusing spoilers if you haven't started the novel, but if you're half-way through please scroll past.

So when I say this scene is what drove me mental years ago back when I first started reading Po Yun and Tun Hai, that reading it again even after so many years still made me feral. This was the Ride or Die moment that never left while translations were dropped and disappearing. Please understand when I say that reading again after reading the whole novel makes me 10x more feral than before. That is not an exaggeration. I am 100% not okay and these are crying in the club hours. F̴̻̹̊͑̉̿e̵̘̠͈͗ͅr̶̞̠͍̮̓̊͠ā̶͈̹̅̓͠ḻ̵͓̏͑͘.

Because Wu Yu's long, long panic attack, because when he's finally able to come up for air when the waves recede just the slightest, he's pushed back down again and again, because his 'safe' person has been taken away.

Because this 'elite' who had an easy life, just admitted he'd been dragged from the fire when he was nine years old after his parents were murdered in front of him. This person who wants to take him out of this hell and pull him back, who should be safe, is covering Wu Yu with his whole body, cradling his head and covering his eyes as a ruthless mob decends on them. Because this shouldn't be happening again - but death follows behind him mercilessly cutting everyone down but leaving him. Because dying is easy living is more difficult. Bu Chonghua's blood is on his face and this person should be safe but keeping their promise requires sacrifice. Please don't promise any more.

(Bu Chonghua was supposed to run. He was supposed to leave Wu Yu to deal with the mob. But if he'd done that, people would have died, and it probably wouldn't be Wu Yu, and he'd promised to pull Wu Yu back from this abyss. He wouldn't let the rage of the mob swallow Wu Yu like a wave, dragging him back under. As they beat him, he cradle's Wu Yu's head and covers his eyes, because he won't give Wu Yu up, not to the ocean or to fire, and I'm so fucking Normal about this.)

Liao Gang sees Wu Yu at the hospital and knows something is wrong. Something is off, this is not the meek and submissive Wu Yu they've met for these past few months. He correctly pulls Wu Yu aside and instead of admonishing him to go get checked over, he says 'hey, why don't you get checked out by the hospital because someone needs to look after Captain Bu tonight. If you let them patch you up, you'll be put with the captain.' And Wu Yu finally - finally relents and allows the hospital staff to look him over.

When the lights are off and he can't sleep because there's no light he tries to trace over the current Bu Chonghua with the memory of the child he'd saved in the past, and he can't sleep but he can finally breathe. Now he can agree that Bu Chonghua and Zhang Boming are different, that Bu Chonghua isn't just an elite who sends his subordinates to death for greater glory, but someone who wants to pull him back. (And I'm putting it more politely. I honestly love that Wu Yu is still sort of cursing Bu Chonghua out when he says this, because of course he is, and Bu Chonghua is immediately gonna chew him out for smoking. I love Them.)

But when he wakes up, Bu Chonghua is gone. The hospital bed is empty and cold, and there's a committee of directors who have come to question him. He asks where his safe person Bu Chonghua is, but they put him off, saying they just want to ask a few questions. Bu Chonghua has been isolated because there's been a death - death always follows him - and they're pushing the blame on him and Bu Chonghua. Why did Zhang Boming jump to his death? What did you say to him? Why did you survive? What right do you have to survive? He'll take all the blame on himself. He was the one who killed the suspect, Bu Chonghua didn't hurt any of the mob. It was him, it was all him, and what right do you have to speak about loyalty and sacrifice, when the hospital report on their injuries is right in front of you. They assume Wu Yu will see this is just a formality, but he doesn't have the frame of reference they knew he should It wasn't him with that frame of reference, he never had one and he lashes out. They're caging him, blaming him again, and what right do you have to talk about loyalty to someone who is on the front lines?

What right do you have to come back? What right do you have to survive?

After they sedate him and bring him back, leaving him in confinement (there's a bed, his wounds have been dressed, and there's even a tv and above average food left out for him. It's a plush confinement, only for one night. They think they're going easy on him and he should be grateful, because no one told them he's panicking and has been in danger undercover his whole life for twelve years and he hasn't been able to handle eating meat since he was a child. The lights are off when he wakes up, and he's alone. The lights are off and no one is responding when he asks them to turn on the lights. No one is there when he's progressively slipping back under the waves of panic. And when he lifts the lid on the food, all he can smell is meat.

He bites his own finger, trying to wash it out with the smell of the disinfectant from his wounds and blood, but he can still smell the meat that he spilt in his own revulsion and the lights are still off. (Wu Yu, little fish, I'm not blaming you, but please, please learn to talk about your triggers and let people know so they can accommodate you, because they would actually like to accommodate you and you're not weak because you have ptsd, you're breaking our hearts. Also, as an aside, Song Ping is actually quite hilarious in this fight. He's not to blame either, but he's making things so much worse and I love that Bu Chonghua has to yell at both of them to calm down because they're both set off on his sake)

And when someone finally comes, finally turns on the lights, they're blaming him. Look how you're acting! You're acting like a spoiled child when we've sacrifed been so nice to you! We've brought you back here, to this place you've worked for several months, your new home!

Except he never came back.

He was never brought back.

He was sacrificed for to catch the criminal. He died because his life was less important than catching someone on the wrong side of the law.

He was never asked if he wanted this sacrifice. He never wanted to be a cop. Who is Wu Yu? He's never had a name. Let him go, let him go - let him go!

He was never brought back. He never came back - Zhang Boming made the correct choice, but he never came back. The sacrifice was chosen, the promise was paid. Why did he survive? What right did Wu Yu have to survive when we he never came back.

"Wu Yu!"

He never came back.

"It's me. Okay, calm down." Someone restraining him, and he struggles automatically, but slowly stops. "It's me, Wu Yu. It's me. Just calm down."

Bu Chonghua came back. Held him above the water untll he could catch his breath. And finally, finally...

The boy left his own blood on Bu Chonghua's cheek, disappearing for twenty years, leaving only one command - Survive.

"I arrived late."

"I was just a little worried. It wasn't very late." It wasn't his whole life twelve years. It was only one nightmare. You pulled me back.

The boy who rushed off to save a child he didn't know finally appeared before Bu Chonghua again. He came back.

He came back.

[tsarisfanfiction]

"By the Mysterons, who can replicate anything that's been destroyed and recreate it under their control," Lieutenant Green finished, sounding absolutely horrified. "How did we miss that?" Captain Blue asked, a little faintly. It was John's turn to swear. "Oh no they fucking don't." I'd love to know your thoughts baout this section - it was so exciting and I really enjoy rereading it ! 5/5

Send me a section of one of my fics to get a behind-the-scenes commentary on it

I'm just gonna copy out the whole section with formatting here rather than screenshot the chain of asks as this was the only one that contained anything other than the fic quote. My commentary will be right underneath!

John didn’t quite swear, but Scott figured he wasn’t far off. “No- that’s not- no-” “John, what-” he started, before a flood of light entered the villa.  Light that was supposed to be blocked out by the tsunami defences. The tsunami defences that were sliding back down into the sea. “Kayo!” “I don’t know why!” she protested, struggling with the controls.  “It’s not responding!” “Uh… is your swimming pool supposed to be moving?” Captain Blue asked. “What?”  Scott dashed over to the balcony to see that, sure enough, the swimming pool was retracting as though Thunderbird One was about to launch.  He leaned against the glass doors, trying to look down to see if Thunderbird One was underneath, but before he could tell, the doors moved, retracting and returning the villa to its usual open air status. “We must have been hacked!” Kayo said, still wrestling with the controls. “How?” Gordon asked, casting around wildly as though he’d be able to find a way to stop it.  “That’s not-” “Does anything have access to your systems?” Lieutenant Green asked.  “Anything at all?” “Not anymore,” John said, waging his own war against the system from the desk, if the way his fingers were little more than a blur was any indication. Both Colonel White and Mel had vanished, Scott noticed distractedly as he stumbled back from the suddenly-open doors. “What do you mean, anymore?” Captain Blue demanded. “The communication hub?” Captain Scarlet asked. “That had access to everything,” Scott confirmed, watching John and Kayo fight with the systems and feeling frustrated that it was a battle he couldn’t help with.  “But it was destroyed.” “Destroyed,” Captain Scarlet said, flatly. “Destroyed… by the Mysterons,” Captain Blue added.  Scott almost snapped at them to stop repeating useless information they already knew, but something about their body language made him pause. “By the Mysterons, who can replicate anything that’s been destroyed and recreate it under their control,” Lieutenant Green finished, sounding absolutely horrified. “How did we miss that?” Captain Blue asked, a little faintly. It was John’s turn to swear. “Oh no they fucking don’t.”

Oh, this passage. This passage was so much fun like you wouldn't even believe. Scott and the rest of IR doing their damndest to keep Spectrum as in the dark as possible while everything is literally exposing itself, and of course Spectrum being smart cookies who are noticing things and taking note of everything. Everything. I had so, so much fun, here.

Sorry, Scott.

Balancing all the characters in this scene was a little tough (the fic as a whole, actually). I do best when I'm dealing with maybe four, five at a push, characters in a scene - preferably two or three, so having *counts* seven characters who all refused to go underground/were needed for plot reasons running around in what was supposed to be a high-charged scene full of tension was a challenge. If you're wondering why Virgil, Alan, Brains, Grandma and the Angels were stuffed out of the way for most of the fic - that's why. Anyone else in this scene would have ruined the balance. As it was, it was a bit like walking on a tightrope, but the intention here was to focus on two or three characters in particular - Scott, as this chapter's narrator, John, and to some extent Captain Blue, with the others providing more of a support role.

John starting this scene by definitely not swearing because John doesn't swear unless it's the literal apocalypse under normal situations but ending the scene (and the chapter) by swearing because he's just realised his precious Thunderbird is being used to kill them was a little bit of self-indulgence.

And actually, let's talk about that. One of the biggest things I had to figure out when I was writing this fic (as @janetm74 and @gumnut-logic know because they were the unfortunate souls on the receiving end of my endless musing on the topic) was how the Mysterons were actually going to try and kill IR. Thunderbird Five's destruction and recreation under the control of the Mysterons took a little while to come to me as a work-around for Tracy Island's defences. Originally I was thinking something like how am I going to sneak a Mysteron agent onto IR to sabotage them from the inside? The brainwave that was Thunderbird Five (why sneak an agent in when they literally have IR's supercomputer in a position to be under their control?) was the sort of thing that had me literally bouncing around the room when it occurred to me. I was so smug about figuring that one out! Actually, I'm still really proud of that little plot twist... which I'm not actually sure anyone saw coming, judging by the various comments on the fic.

As for actually writing this scene - it was one of those I was full of glee about. I'm sure any fic writer will tell you there are moments in fics that you're just chomping at the bit to unleash on your poor, unsuspecting readers, and this scene was that for me in this particular fic. The way it starts with John not-panicking, and then IR's secrets starting to crumble, and the rest of them joining in on the panic while Spectrum desperately try and pry the relevant information out of them, before we finally get all the pieces of the puzzle and the glaringly obvious hole in their security that they'd have noticed if IR hadn't been quite so tight-lipped about their secrets (Captain Blue's sheer disbelief that they missed something that should have been so obvious, Lt. Green being the one to spell it out like the communications officer he is, all three of them putting everything together the moment they heard that the destroyed communications hub was so intertwined with IR's systems while IR were a half-step behind because they don't really know the Mysterons... Although John was more like a quarter-step behind because it's John and his little "waged war" on the system would've revealed TB5 as the culprit very quickly, especially to him of all people).

It was important to me in this fic to not make either organisation seem like they were "better" than the other. IR and Spectrum do very different things and they're both the best at what they do, but when it comes to overlapping into each other's jurisdictions... well, it's not quite so smooth sailing. Scott's youth and relative inexperience work against him a little in places, but on the other side, his reasonings are solid and he's constantly being underestimated by Spectrum because of his youth.

I also really, really wanted a John and Lt. Green tag-team. Kayo was a necessary evil in this fic (she's IR's head of security and decent with tech, there was no way to justify leaving her out), but John and Lt. Green? Rather a terrifying combination and the one I was most excited about writing out of all of them (although the cautious military interactions between Military Bros and the two Captains was also a fun game of "who's gonna crack first").

Poor Gordon in this scene, though. He had literally nothing to do but he was important earlier and was never going to leave Scott to fend off the two Captains alone (although Scott was equally useless and mad about it, in a mirror with Captain Scarlet, because I really wanted a plotline where for once he had to sit back and be useless and frustrated about it, much like poor Captain Blue ends up being most of the time in canon...)

But yeah, this was the twist reveal scene and I was lapping up the reactions to this as they came in! I'm so glad you found it as exciting as it was intended to be :D

[shiroandblack]

Heike Monogatari: A Commentary (not a very serious one)

Disclaimer: I have not read the Heike Monogatari due to 1) My insufficient Japanese for a Modern Japanese translation of it, and 2) The difficulty of procuring an English translation copy in my country. I have, however, been told the story and history by people who have read the modern Japanese translation and have done some internet research on it. Oh and there will be SPOILERS.

So after raging when I saw this post. I was raging because there was an anime on the Heike Monogatari and no one fucking told me. Was anyone gonna tell me about this? SIR, THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE STORIES HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL ME -

[Image ID: red background, girl facing sideways with eyes closed, she has white hair flowing backwards and cream skin, red background blends into kimono with pale yellow patterns. There is red kanji writing on the white hair saying 'Heike Monogatari']

(My first time making an Image ID, I apologize if it's shitty)

Right from the very first episode, I was like: these people are doomed narratively, I know how this goes, but why am I getting attached?

Oh yes, I probably should mention that I will be using Heike and Taira interchangeably. They both refer to the same clan, 'Taira' is their actually surnames but they are called Heike as the characters in their name can be read this way.

I have to admit at first, I was rather surprised by the addition of Biwa and her adoption-but-kinda-not by Shigemori. I was surprised because Biwa isn't in the Heike Monogatari text as far I can tell, and I sort of wondered on her purpose narratively until I realised that the reciting-singing of actual quotes from the Heike Monogatari was done by her (because I'm damn unperceptive) and in the later episodes when she realised she was gonna stick around and observe so that the Heike would live on in the memories of people through stories. Biwa is the viewer, Biwa is us if we were there. She was in a perfect position for a narrator, close enough to know each of them personally but distant enough that she wouldn't be implicated as Heike during the Genpei War. She was for all intent and purposes a beloved attendant to Shigemori, but an attendant nevertheless (not a vassal, who is oath-bound to serve), who was allowed to leave whenever she liked. The idea of her father being unjustly killed and Shigemori taking her in as repentance and also because of her future seeing abilities was not very common in the Heian era, but it did happen sometimes. This sort of ward relationship usually happened with political hostages/assets or in the very rare case, if a child showed enough promise and talent to be well, a pawn. Biwa was the latter, she had an ability which was incredibly useful and at first we see Shigemori try to get her to tell him, by saying "hey you're not alone, I have an ability to see things too. But I see the souls of the departed". But eventually he accepts that she wasn't going to tell him and I think he knew the reason she wasn't telling him was because they were all fucked.

The art was gorgeous and I thoroughly enjoyed the fact that they kept the fashion and hair relatively period accurate with the men and women, whether they were nuns/monks or not. And that they kept the war paint/face paint was wonderful.

About the Heike, they were assholes especially Kiyomori and Munemori but you can't help but feel for the others like Shigemori's sons and Tokuko. You can't help but feel for Biwa who has to watch everyone die. I was actually surprised by how graphic some of the deaths were, not in the sense there were lots of blood and all that, but how they actually show people committing suicide. I was very surprised that Emperor Antoku and Taira no Tokiko's death was shown on screen, because Antoku was a five year old. Don't get me wrong, I knew it was coming, but reading about it and watching it get brought to life is different. It was haunting the way almost all the Taira flung themselves into the sea to drown within a sea filled with whirlpool. I was up there with Yoshitsune with regards to my expression when I watched all this happen. Kiyotsune's suicide was tragic, because you can see this person who feels as if he is cornered and he has no way out and it's true, the Taira were cornered and had no way out. But the thing with Kiyotsune was that he felt that he was alone, he thought he could rely on Atsumori as a fellow musician who dislikes violence, but Atsumori was trapped in this fantasy of glory in battle whereas perhaps because Kiyotsune had watched how battle changed Koremori, he's not as enchanted as Atsumori. Atsumori was another tragedy as he has his fantasy about war shattered and yet his wish for a glorious death was granted to him. I'm not sure who he fought, but I think it was Benkei who was a warrior-monk of great renown for his battle prowess. This guy got his ass kicked by Yoshitsune 2 or 3 times (I can't remember) and so decided to serve him because in Heian Japan, Asskicking Equals Authority. Which was why Shigemori had so much authority, he kicked ass in a previous rebellion.

TOKUKO GETS ENTIRE FUCKING PARAGRAPHS BECAUSE SHE DESERVES IT. Tokuko was a tragic character, not because of what happened to her (though it plays a role) but because her whole life is about her making the best with her misfortune. She was married to a boy 6 years her junior as a duty to her clan, took care of his needs as was her duty as his official wife, lobbied for him with her father and in court because it was once again, her duty. She had a strong sense of duty, I think, it reflects in the way she doesn't argue with her father despite his plans for her (until the last) and the way she continues to do what is expected of her despite her personal feelings. I mean, Tokuko was by all means, Takakura's caretaker and companion and she was his main wife but he still visits the children from his concubine more than he does their son together and yet Tokuko was the one who took care of him during his final illness. She takes the fact that the man she is in love with (and yes, she admits that she eventually fell for him) spending time with another woman with such grace when people around her say they would have fully understood if she showed bitterness. And even on his deathbed when Takakura did not tell her he loved her, she accepts it and moves on. He was fond of her and did admire her, but ultimately did not return her feelings and was more grateful for her instead, she takes it so well. I love that she admits to Biwa that at first she was bitter he didn't tell her he loved her, it shows that Tokuko is willing to accept her feelings rather than deny them but at the same time being very human in her bitterness.

"I am grateful that His Majesty can find comfort in someone other than me."

Is such a poignant line to say. Because if you say it with enough spite, it can turn into a completely bitter line but Tokuko says it with such calm and genuine gratitude that it becomes kind instead.

I think Tokuko's moment of defiance started when she said "uh hell no" to marrying Go-Shirakawa her late husband's father and it continued until Antoku's sorta suicide sorta murder. Why I say she was defiant because Tokuko knew she was screwed, if she didn't think she was screwed then she would have written to Go-Shirakawa when Sukemori asked her to. There's something both beautiful and sad about someone fighting an inevitable fate, Tokuko knows very well that she's just delaying the inevitable but her devotion as Antoku's mother is what keeps her going. She's very aware that if Yoshitsune catches her and Antoku, Antoku will probably not be executed but he will be forced to live in a court with no political support because the Heike are done by that point. And in Heian era Japan, if you were a prince in line for the throne, the backing of your wife or mother's family matters a whole lot. Takakura was able to be emperor over his elder brother because Tokuko's powerful clan was backing him. Let's say Antoku did live, then he would most likely die early or get sent to a temple because he has a Heike mother in a court where the Genji (who are the Heike's archenemy) are dominant so court would have been a snake pit for him and the Heike do not have the resources to back him up as they did before.

I know a lot of people will think "but why did Tokuko allow her mother to drown her own son?", I'm not well versed in Japanese traditions or values but there are many cases in Japanese history where people of once prominent clans would rather die than be captured because being captured was much more of a disgrace than dying. Running away was more of a disgrace than dying, which was why Koremori running away to be a monk and then drowning himself was considered very cowardly. It's why even Biwa said that he ran away until the very end, because death was considered a consequence and running away was considered to be fleeing those consequences because honour had a higher value than self-preservation. And plus, I think Tokuko at that point realised there really was nowhere to go and that it would be better for her son to die with his honour preserved than live as a disgraced second-class prince in a snakepit. Maybe by our modern values this was a huge "what the fuck?" moment, but back then it was considered a pretty logical and common decision to make.

Moving onto the Genji. I gotta say. They did Yoshinaka and Yoritomo dirty in the anime. I mean, yeah Kiso mountains was basically the Japanese Alps and was kinda in the middle of nowhere by Heian standards but Yoshinaka was still a nobleman and he was still trained in swordsmanship and politics and other things warrior noblemen were generally trained in. Yes, he might not have had as opulent a childhood as Yoritomo and he might have spoke differently but that doesn't mean he was dressed in rags or didn't wear his hair properly and went to war without armour because he was too broke to afford it or for countryside aesthetic ™. I felt a little robbed on this side because Yoshinaka had one of the most badass generals in Japanese history which was Tomoe Gozen and I think the anime portrayed her devotion to Yoshinaka properly but again, she would have worn armour to battle and by the way, was famous for decapitating important lords and bringing their heads as prizes for Yoshinaka. No, really, this lady was famous for grabbing people by the fucking helmet or hair while they were on horseback and just chopping their heads off like butter.

Moving onto Yoritomo. The anime did go for the wide face that he was remarked on having by many people in history but he was not that wimpy. Yes, his wife Hōjō Masako was a strict badass, but Yoritomo was kinda badass too. Yes, he was hesitant to attack the Heike but that was because Kiyomori had spared his life as a child when he had full rights to execute Yoritomo and his brothers right up there with their father so he feels kinda indebted. I agree that maybe he was a little more lax than Masako because historically he took his son hunting and his 12 year old son shot down a deer and he sent a messenger to Masako to tell her about the wonderful news and how he's throwing a feast to celebrate their son's successful hunt but Masako sent the messenger back and here's what she said basically;

"A military commander's son being able to shoot a deer is nothing to celebrate."

I get why people would interpret that as Masako being the one with the iron fists but Yoritomo was not indecisive or "shit what do I do?" during the Genpei wars. Yes, Masako definitely advised him but he was more Shigemori and Kiyomori in terms of personality. But then again this is the Heike Monogatari which would probably be more sympathetic to the Heike.

Despite doing Yoshinaka and Yoritomo kinda dirty in the anime, Yoshitsune was great. He was historically good-looking and a badass general, and is also very famous probably more famous than Yoshinaka or Yoritomo despite Yoritomo eventually becoming shogun. I mean, he grew up in a temple which had some kind of sacred text on martial arts and they told him at 14 that when he becomes a monk he'll have access to this text. But Yoshitsune was like "nah, I ain't becoming a monk ahahahaha" and stole the text and yeeted off into the night. The Lion, the Witch, and the Audacity of this Bitch. Also, he kicked Benkei's ass twice or thrice.

But man, when Shizuka's friends said that she was lucky that she had Yoshitsune's affections I was like: y'all won't be saying that when you find out what happens to her later on. Spoilers, but long story short - Yoshitsune pisses Yoritomo off, like massively pisses him off and he sends people to kill him and Yoshitsune's forces were defeated and he commited seppuku which is an honourable form of suicide.

Anyways, back to the Heike. I would talk about Kiyomori but he's honestly an asshole. I mean, everyone has a redeeming quality or two but Kiyomori is an asshole. Though I admire his tenacity and ambition (not the burning temples and killing people and being asshole to people in general), considering he was not in a high position when he entered court and yet he was able to get his clan to basically the the number one clan during that time.

All in all, it's pretty clear early on that this story isn't going to have a happy ending and most of these characters are going to die but you can't help but get attached to them because beneath the high and mighty persona of the Heike, these are all actual people. They have emotions just like the rest of us, and a lot of their fates are not 100% their own fault because they are also pawns of powerful courtiers or more powerful members of their clan. I thought the anime adaptation did a good job of serving the Heike Monogatari in a way that normal audiences could digest, because the tale itself is an incredibly complex story and while knowing of it certainly helps with the finer details of who these characters are - I think people could comprehend it easily enough.

Also, let's not forget the banger opening lines to the Heike Monogatari itself that is spoken at the end of the anime;

Look at that fucking magnificent opening line.

"The sound of the Gion Shōja bells echoes the impermanence of all things; the color of the sāla flowers reveals the truth that the prosperous must decline. The proud do not endure, they are like a dream on a spring night; the mighty fall at last, they are as dust before the wind." — Chapter 1.1, Helen Craig McCullough’s translation

[elytrafemme]

hi mare :D hope you're doin well! i abandoned my homework to read this chapter and i will say that every time i do this it proves to be a much better decision than actually doing my homework

CS!BENCHTRIO CHAPTER LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOO

these are some of my favorite dialogue lines ever i think, im literally fucking dying /pos and i know that im about to put so many here but i dont care cause i need them all in one concentrated spot, even if it makes things a little out of order.

"What's the point of even having him over then? He's our little baker boy. Our little bread man. Life is worthless."

"Ranboo doesn't play the drums, he is not my Little Drummer Boy, but he can be my Boy."

"The Depression Boys! Tommy and the Depression Boys! We write songs about depression and girls, still. Maybe the girls have depression, too."

"I know, but it is okay. me and my many wives all take Prozac."

"Who is, uh," Ranboo pauses. "Who is Matt?"

"My wife."

"... Okay."

"What are you two feeling right now? Tell me your feelings. I am a licensed clinical therapist. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you?..."

"You say long words, but they cannot hurt me, bitch!"

i love cs!tommy with my whole heart. he is so fucking stupid and he means so much to me.

also for the thousandth time, you are so good at writing c!tommy. like you genuinely give him the most accurate dialogue i've ever seen with it all still being original, and i really enjoy that. it's incredibly impressive.

this dead phone business is a little suspicious if you ask me.. i sense a callback in my future...

"Tubbo was my boy. Then I kidnapped him and now he is my brother."

CS!CLINGYDUO :((((((((

"Ranboo just has an infectious sort of happiness. It's sort of rare to see, Tubbo's gathering. But, well. Tubbo would like to see that sort of all the time on Ranboo. Happiness is a good look for him."

what if i cried

no but actually to elaborate just a little, watching the development of their relationship is absolutely wonderful, as is watching each of them wish for the other one's happiness and overall wellbeing. the whole "he deserves it all" kinda thing, and then also in that way, sort of acknowledging that they're important to each other. its kind of excruciating at times cause its usually preceded or immediately followed by a moment of self-deprecation, but it's still super enjoyable.

ALSO! also. them both trying to put a name to their feelings. i eat that shit up every goddamn time. they don't know what it is yet but I DO. i do. cs!beeduo my beloveds, you are both so repressive and also slightly ignorant but i love you both still

"Tubbo, I am going to kill you," Tommy says, heavily breathing for emphasis.

"I'll tear your bones from your flesh tonight!" Tubbo replies cheerfully.

ah i love wii sports <3 it really brings out the best in everyone, doesn't it?

"... Anyway. Two, Techno told me I croquet 'okay' sweaters, ..."

UMM??? DOES TOMMY CROCHET IN THIS FIC?????? that's genuinely my favorite c!tommy hc of all time. I need to know if this means he does crochet. this is vital information.

okay something i noticed, in like three or so consecutive paragraphs, Tubbo uses the phrase "and everything" when narrating. i was wondering, was that intentional to indicate that he's picked up some of Ranboo's mannerisms, or is it just because you've picked them up from cc!Ranboo (i've done that too so i won't fault you for it if its the second one lmao)?

holy shit mood change

fuck.

i don't have any idea what to say about the Quackity and Tubbo phone call. im still reeling from it honestly. the buildup was incredibly well-written. like the way it was presented and everything. absolutely stunning.

also i was fucking right about the dead phone, but apparently it was at the cost of Tubbo's emotional and mental wellbeing.

also, dear tumblr user mare nightmare-rivulets, if you hurt my boy over this for too long i will ensure that you meet your inevitable demise.

<3

anyway! fantastic chapter as per usual. you never cease to amaze me and also i know i am just a silly little person on the internet but i would like to take the time to say that i am proud of you. just kinda for continuing cs and everything, posting a chapter even if you're nervous about it, etc. it's something that a lot of people really enjoy and i know that that can be incredibly intimidating. well done.

i think i've missed a few things but honestly its fine, i made this one incredibly lengthy cause i felt the need to put every quote from the fic in here apparently, but know that i loved all of this chapter, even the parts i didn't mention.

i hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/night/whenever you read this, and as always, i'm looking forward to the next chapter :)

HFJHFHJFD HOMEWORK IS IMPORTANT BUT ALSO... i do put off like an hour of time to post CS instead of doing my hw so i can't blame you very hard can i?

YES <333 IT'S YOUR BOYS!

your love for cs!tommy makes me so happy. he's my Guy like i would walk through hell for him. he's everything to me. and he's so fucking stupid but so kind and so funny and i just love him i'm so glad i can write him and that people like him

i really really appreciate that; all of what i said still standing, cs!tommy has become one of the hardest to write despite being the easiest in terms of dialogue and the like. i'm glad that i'm doing a good job with him, it means so much.

you are too smart for my foreshadowing huh

HEHE I'M SO GLAD THAT LINE GOT TO PEOPLE!!! i have this specific weak spot (which this chapter displays twice) of characters who are not technically siblings calling each other siblings. which happens a lot with cs!clingyduo but just... i am weak for it. my cousin called me his sister once and i think i never recovered and bam 100k words later JDFHHJFjhf

the dramatic irony of watching cs!beeduo try to interpret their relationship is both agonizing and emotional. i feel like a proud parent whenever they get slightly closer to identifying it but then they get scared because they don't want to fuck this up and ultimately to them the friendship is more important than discovering what lurks underneath which already says a lot, but they just get so terrified of exploring their feelings. something that will continue to pop up in both of their POVs is that there is this very real fear in the face of trauma to make any other part of your life unstable. this hits cs!ranboo especially in a lot of ways including this, but for both of them, they don't want to risk losing something stable when they have so little left.

THEY'RE SO COMPETITIVE LMFAOOOO my family is NOT this competitive so idk the experience but like. really had something possess my body as i wrote it

OKAY I'LL BE HONEST I. i think that i wrote in him crocheting because i knew you liked the hc + other people had talked about it with c!tommy but i don't. know anything about it or like. remember even writing it in? but yes i think after a certain event in his life cs!tommy took up crocheting as something to cope with and keep his hands busy :]

i wish i was that clever with it but unfortunately no i just pick up ranboo's dialogue FDJHFDHJ it's absolute hell trying to differentiate their prose sometimes but that's such a good catch :] missed it in editing but ya!

i want you to know your single "fuck." gave me the best possible serotonin rush because that is genuinely what i wanted the response to be. seeing people saying "what the fuck" and "Oh my God" to the ending of the chapter is the best thing i could have asked for honestly

thank you for the compliment! thank you also for the threat but i assure you i have like 5 targets on my back at the moment cs!tubbo will be okay! eventually <3 i still got, what, 27 chapters left?

thank you so so much always liv <3 this is so so kind it means the world to me. thank you for these little asks. they mean more than u know

[thewhizzyhead]

Hey, your misfits musical thing sounded super super interesting! Any other details about it that you're willing to share? Minor plot points? Gay Relationship stuff? :0

oh boy this is gonna be long *cracks knuckles* here we go

SO FUN BACKSTORY BEFORE I GET TO THE PLOT PARTS TJXJJS: my sunday school has a tradition of um holding productions of christmas musicals every december. My teachers would find american christian christmas kiddy musicals productions on youtube and then basically um translate all the dialogue to Filipino (the songs stay in English) and have us um reenact the whole thing and ngl it was a lot of fun! I even acted as some of the main roles there when I was like 10-13 so um I can kinda say that I have some experience with musical theatre YAYYY (jk jk that doesn't really count djsff).

When I was around 12-13 years old, I became obsessed with A Very Potter Musical and wondered what it would be like to make AVPM but Christmas so that my church could perform it (very silly idea but shh i was 12 and I was obsessed) and then over time a plot that Was Definitely Not Harry Potter started to form and them um here we are fjsjd so thank you Starkid for making me go down this hellhole

Oki backstory over, now here comes the very long part:

(Also um warning this musical concept involves a lot of religion talk since majority of the thingy is me criticizing a lot of the hypocrisies in religious institutions here based on my experience so um yea proceed with caution if ur sensitive to religion-related stuff)

p.s. ari i am so so sorry but this is so fucking long and definitely more than what you asked for so um yea goodluck fjxjsjf

SO BASICALLY Misfits is about 5 "narrators" - these guys serve as the "floor directors" of the show and um yea they make sure that the plot actuall happens and everything goes exactly according to the script given by the church higher ups or "producers" - who have to bring 3 teens branded by their church as "Misfits" back to Bethlehem 1 CE in order to "teach them a lesson about God" aka convert them to Christianity thus removing the "Misfits" branding. (Also they can only go back once they successfully arrive at the manger because um that's how the producers want it to be tjxjs)

I have to emphasize that although this tackles a lot of stuff related to Christianity and religion as a whole, this really isn't a Christian Musical and that this very morally questionable mission (through the power of Stage Magic and Super Powers, the Narrators essentially bring the Misfits back to the past against their will for the sake of completing their mission) goes horribly, horribly wrong very very quickly.

Throughout the course of the musical, the 5 Narrators struggle to stick to the given script and get their mission done as the 3 Misfits prove to not only be very freaking stubborn but also quite insightful as well as they bring up really good points in regards to religious hypocrisies and socially questionable, prejudiced and backward views commonly held by most religious institutions here i.e gender roles, homophobia, the demonization of science and technology at times, elitism and classism, etc etc (i can only speak in behalf of the Philippines so um yea Philippines). Overall, this is kinda a case study on as to how religion can influence and shape people's mindsets for either the better or the worse and how it is often used by the authorities to simultaneously give hope to the people (especially those of the poorer sectors wherein because of how hopeless the present seems here because a very flawed system kept in place by the exploitative privilged here, they choose to just trust in God instead and also hope that the afterlife is much much better than this shit) while also keeping them in line and like preventing them from rioting. (Church and politics undeniably go hand in hand here even though we have legislations enforcing the separation of the church and state and um yEA THIS WHOLE THING HAS BEEN VERY PROMINENT THROUGHOUT PHILIPPINE HISTORY AND WE CAN ALL THANK THE SPANIARDS but um anyways that'll be a rant for another day)

On a more personal and emotional aspect, this thingy also tackles a lot of stuff I find rather common among kids my age, especially those who had a very Christian upbringing (aka 99.9% of the philippine population tjxbdbf). There's a lot of questioning involved in regards to one's faith, sexuality, perspective and purpose in life and all that fun stuff and how oftentimes said questioning is discouraged due to the church (and ph society overall) wanting us to just like um sTICK TO THE STATUS QUOoOoO and just comply with what is seen as appropriate and godly cause anything out of the ordinary is ngl treated like it's heresy. (YES THERE WILL BE A LOT OF SELF PROJECTION HERE)

One final and important thing to note is that the show is essentially a musical-inside-a-musical in a way fjsjf I originally designed this thing to be like um produce-able on my church's stage (because they were supposed to help me produce the first version of misfits which um yea that's def not gonna happen now tjxjdv) which um kinda looks like the OG Spring Awakening Stage (and yes Misfits is very much inspired by Spring Awakening God I love that show) which is why the show is kinda stylized like a concert with handheld mics and all wherein um the 5 narrators are aware that they are putting on a show to the point of even directly addressing the audience a lot while the 3 Misfits (except for 1 which i'll get to in a bit) aren't aware that they are in a show. The three do eventually find that out and that's when all hell breaks loose to the point that the "producers" (represented by Hades-ish voices) have to intervene by literally changing and manipulating the show's setting and plot to make sure that their script gets followed and that's when the characters really try to break the show to get out of it bUT THE POINT I WANNA MAKE HERE IS THXJD keeping in mind that I had initially planned for Misfits to be produced by my church prior to the many drastic changes, the show the narrators were putting on (aka the musical-inside-the-musical) was made with the intention to pander to a Very Religious Audience. Successfully convincing people to convert to Christianity, especially those of the youth, is what many religious audiences want to see and that is exactly what the "producers" have written for the 5 "narrators and floor directors" to enact. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a Christian and preaching the Gospel and bringing in new believers isn't essentially a bad thing; if they want to believe in the religion then woo good for them! But, such preaching becomes detrimental when you take away one's agency and basically force them into Christianity by means of guilt tripping and manipulation which is sadly very much a reality here (again, a rant for another day) and a representation of such is shown here in the show where um the 3 Misfits were basically forced into this show that 5 Narrators are putting on and, through the influence of the 5 Narrators, the 3 Misfits have to decide to become "good Christian youths" for the show to conclude because that's show the "producers" have written. So when the 3 Misfits stubborness goes to the point that even the 5 Narrators start questioning the morals of their mission, that's when the show starts to go off-script and that's when the production starts to like umm "break" and whenever that happens, the "producers" start speaking to the Narrators, reminding them that they have an audience that they need to please and a message that they need to convey.

So while the Misfits (2 of them, at least, cause um the third one has um yea i'll get to him in a bit) mainly focus on figuring out what in the everliving fuck is going on (while also dealing with their um unfortunate circumstances, childhood trauma, a shit ton of guilt and the concept of salvation and self-forgiveness), the Narrators are tasked with the burden of carrying the show and making sure that the audience finds it appealing while trying to convince themselves that what the church wants them to do is "right" and what the Misfits keep telling them is "wrong" ala um Holier-Than-Thou mindset. Once they eventually start becoming more willing to see the true nature of both the Misfits and the Producers despite the fear of disappointing everyone who's watching, that's when the Narrators and Misfits all start breaking the show by going off-script and completely destroying the plot and production that the Producers have made for the audience - thus making a statement of refusing to comply with a flawed system for the sake of audience approval while also making the first step to fixing that system for the good of all.

Also fun fact: Although it'll make my job a lot harder because I am more fluent in English than in Filipino, i wanna write the thingy in both English and Filipino fjxjdf the dialogue can be Taglish but um the songs that are "part of the script" aka what the Producers want the characters to sing are in English while the songs that aren't part of the script are in Filipino; songs that are both in Filipino and in English are um i guess indicative of the struggle to follow the script while also trying to do what you believe is right (an example of a song with that style is Interpretasyon - which means Interpretation and um Ezekiel (one of the Misfits) sings in Filipino while Joshua (leader of the narrators) sings in English and um just imagine Wallflower cuz IT IS VERY MUCH LIKE WALLFLOWER GJDJNF) and um yea i kinda imagine it to be some sort of rock-pop musical concert thingy so um woo thank you pma for once again influencing my work

SO ANYWAYS UM THAT WAS LONG SO LET'S GO TO THE GAY SHIT

Okay so far 4/8 of the characters here have queerness directly related to their individual plotlines here but um yea honestly i'm tempted to make all of them queer CAUSE IT'S FUN oki so um anyways on to the character dynamics (I won't be able to include more in depth descriptions because im hungry and GOD THIS IS LONG so um yea)

June & Anna (Narrator 2) - oki so June here is one of the Misfits and she's from the poorer sectors (i'm still working on her backstory to make it more believable but um yea) and she isn't able to go to school due to having to prioritize providing for her family first. Due to a very unfortunate childhood event (one that involves Zack, another Misfit), she had to grow up fast and now appears to have a rather jaded view of the world. Anna, one of the Narrators, is the very opposite of that - she's privileged and wealthy-as-fuck and seems to be very optimisitc and friendly. However, ever since she has been blackmailed by her own churchmates for merely questioning her sexuality (true story), she became a more reserved and emotionally closed person despite her very friendly and cheerful demeanor. So when she finds out that June's music carries a lot of beautiful insight and hope in spite of her unfortunate circumstances (the two girls bond over music btw that's how Anna got June to trust in her), she becomes confused because how can June, a girl who has nothing, not even faith, still have hope that she'll be able to find some semblance of happiness while Anna, who has everything, has such a downtrodded view of the world? So um basically their dynamic will also consist of Anna checking her privilege, June explaining how good people turn against the world when the world turns against them (YES A LOT OF TALK ABOUT POVERTY AND HOW THAT IS A RESULT OF CAPITALISTIC EXPLOITATION) (yes June will talk about that a lot), and um what it means to hope with or without faith and what it means to trust another and oneself again. Oh and also lots of philosophy talk and emotional expression through music wie

Zack and Mikael (Narrator 3) - Zack, another Misfit, is a childhood friend of June and a younger stepbrother of Ezekiel (the third Misfit). After Zack and June lost contact after the 'unfortunate childhood event' (i am not sure on what exactly it'll be but in the earlier drafts a fire burned both of their homes and killed both of their dads and rn I have a song concept describing that called "Umaapoy" which means "Burns" but i dunno i'm still working on it), he became best friends with Mikael and um yea said best-friendship was Definitely Not Platonic. After a picture of them kissing was sent to not only the school principal but to basically everyone in the school, both of their parents were called to the principal's office which led to both of the boys moving to different schools to um mitigate the damage i guess gjdjd while Zack's mom eventually learned to accept her son's sexuality, Mikael um wasn't so lucky - I'd say he went through um a lot of religious intervention almost akin to conversion therapy which then um yea has caused him a lot of internalized homophobia and um yea Mikael and Zack haven't been able to talk or even chat in about 3-4 years so imagine Mikael's surprise when he found out that his mission involved Zack - who does not and cannot recognize Mikael because welp not part of the script. Zack, a bit braver now, takes a liking to Mikael and wants to at least be friends with him partly because he somehow finds him really familiar while um Mikael tries to maintain a strictly professional demeanor out of fear that Zack will recognize him and out of fear that he'll fall in love with Zack again. Their dynamic will also include um learning to trust one another and oneself again (like June & Anna's dynamic), to learn how to be brave and be sure in one's beliefs (Mikael um doesn't really speak up that much out of fear while Zack is not only outspoken, but is also an activist - this is another one of the many reasons why Zack is branded as a "Misfit" aside from the fact that he's gay and um yea Ezekiel spends almost 2 minutes berating Joshua for this out of pure anger and disgust), and what it means to reconnect with the past and to forgive oneself (although that is much more expounded upon with June & Zack's dynamic).

Ezekiel and Joshua (Narrator 1) - SAY HI TO THE RILEY AND CAIRO DYNAMIC WOOOOOOO but yea ari dude your analysis on Riley and Cairo (and Kate) being the Main MAIN characters and everything about cheerwives gave me a lot of think about and SO I PUT IT IN HERE WOOOOOO so basically um Ezekiel is the older stepbrother of Zack and the first of the 3 Misfits to figure out that they are in a show. He figures this out because he recognizes Joshua aka the leader of the Narrators aka his former churchmate and ex-bestfriend. He also realizes that they are in a show because he recognizes their tricks which he knew about because he had participated in these missions before as one of the Narrators (Joshua and Ezekiel are older than the rest of the cast and the other narrators don't know that Ezekiel was once a Narrator as well). Due to an Unfortunate Incident (that i'm still working on) 3 years prior to the events in the show, Ezekiel cut off all ties to the church but he is still viewed as this "perfect role model golden boy" which is why the 4 Narrators were shocked to find out that Ezekiel was part of their mission. Joshua, knowing that the real reason to his sudden involvement is due to "producers" somehow finding out their secret about the Unfortunate Incident, lied and told the others that he was just included to make converting his brother a lot easier, which they believed. Out of all the narrators, Joshua is the one who tries his best to stick to the script the most because he knows that if he doesn't, the true nature of that Unfortunate Incident will not only be revealed to his companions but to everyone else watching. Meanwhile Ezekiel, who doesn't know that him being involved in this mission is some sort of um penance for his involvement in that Unfortunate Incident, tries his hardest to sabotage he show by being the most outspoken when pointing out a lot of hypocrisies within religious institutions and in ph society in general (he refuses to tell the other two that they are in a show though because if that happens, he knows the Narrators, Joshua especially will um get very heavily scolded by the producers and despite everything, he still cares for Joshua a lot). I'd say that these two are the ones that push the plot the most - one wants to push the show accordingly to plan in order to please the audience and the producers and in order to not let his and Ezekiel's secret go out while the other wants to push the show off-script in retaliation against the producers (and yes the Unfortunate Incident involved the time travelling thingy which is why he really wants to sabotage this). In fact, these two have 2 duets that are basically them trying to convince the other to go along with their plan ("Interpretasyon" which means Interpretation and "Sikreto" which means secret). This dynamic involves um yea trying to convince the other to switch sides gjxjd and um reconciliation, responsibility out of guilt, and what it means to forgive oneself (forgiveness is a common theme here) and to start to heal from trauma and to not deny the existence of said trauma any longer.

NOW ORIGINALLY I REALLY DID NOT INTEND THE JOSHUA AND EZEKIEL DYNAMIC TO BE GAY BUUTT WHEN I WAS THINKING OF THE LYRICS, I REALIZED THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, IT SOUNDED VERY GAY SO UM HERE'S AN EXCERPT OF SIKRETO (still not finished writing the thingy)

Joshua: (singing to Ezekiel) (this is also the first time Joshua sings a Filipino solo so this is him breaking the script for the first time) (also um yea the translations aren't direct translations cause I wanted to make them rhyme fnxnf) (So to those who know filipino i am terribly sorry cause yup this isnt an accurate translation fjfjd)

Ang natitirang alaala ay aking binura (I have scrubbed away all the memories that may have still remained)

‘di ko na sila kilala (I don't know them anymore)

Kinalimutan na kita (I have forgotten about your name)

Ngunit ang bigat ng pagsisisi ang aking dinadala (But the weight of regret, I carry all the same)

Ang sakit sa balikat, lagi kong dinarama (I constantly feel the sting of my shoulders' pain)

Pero masasabi ko pa rin na sinusubukan kong itama (But at least I can say, I tried to right-)

Ang aking mga pagkakamali (all that's wrong)

Ikaw, saan ka pumunta? (What about you? Where in the world have you gone?)

Tumakbo ka lang at iniwan mo ako (You ran, you just ran, and left me behind)

Sa pagbubuhat ng kasalanan at sikreto (In carrying the sins and secrets, and you paid me no mind)

Pero pinapanatili ko paring malinis ang ating munting kwento (But I stillade sure I kept our little story clean)

Patuloy na sinisigurong ‘di nila malalaman ang totoo (I kept on making sure the truth would never be seen)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam na natin ang kwentong kailangang itago (We know the story that we need to hide)

Itong munting sikreto ay kailangan burahin (This little secret that has to be erased)

Ating pagkakamali, patuloy na bubuhatin (We will have to always carry, our sins and our mistakes)

Alam na natin ang kwento (We already know the story)

Alam natin ang katotohanan ng nakaraan (We very well know the truth of the past)

Ito'y nakabakas sa isipan, ‘di natin malilimutan (We'll never forget what will remain ingrained in our minds)

At sa Diyos na lang natin mahahanap ang kapatawaran (And from only God could we find forgiveness for what we left behind)

Habang buhay bubuhatin ng konsensiya (Forever will our consciences bear the weight and carry

ang ating pagkakasala, ang kwento't sikreto nating dalawa (our sins kept in secrecy, the story of you and me)

Pero ngayon, ‘di ko alam paano pero nalaman nila (But now, I don't know how, but somehow they know)

At ngayon, dinedemanda na nila ang penitensya (And now, penitence is what they demand)

Kaya ngayon, naghihingi ako ng pasensiya (So now, patience and forgiveness is what I ask)

Sa iyo at sa kanila (From you and from them)

Sa aking gagawin at mga nagawa (for what I'll do and I've done)

Baka nga (Perhaps)

Tama nga mga sinabi mo (What you've said all this time is right)

Na ‘di tayo ang tanging may sala rito (That we aren't the ones only at fault here)

Pero ‘di ko matatakasan ang aking naging tungkulin (But I can't really escape my little role here, because)

Sana ‘di mo nakalimutan: lahat sila nakatingin (God I hope you haven't forgotten: they're all looking at us)

Lagi silang nakatingin (Always looking at us)

Kahit ano man ang iyong gawin (No matter what we do)

Tayo'y mananatili sa entablado (On the stage we shall stay)

At lahat sila nakatingi- (And the stares still won't go awa-) (He then realizes that he's on stage and Should Not Be Having A Breakdown In Front Of The Audience Because Duh and Because That's Not Part Of The Script)

SO UM YEA IN RETROSPECT SOME OF THOSE LYRICS COULD ALSO REFER TO SOME SECRET NOT-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP THAT THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT YET (because the Secret doesn't get revealed til much later) WHEN IN ACTUALITY IT'S ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND WHAT HAPPENED 3 YEARS PRIOR TO THE EVENTS IN THE SHIW AND NOT GONNA LIE,,, THEM BEING IN A NOT-SO-PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP KINDA ALSO WORKS SO I'M CONSIDERING MAKING THEM HAVE SOME ROMANTIC HISTORY TOO JDHXBSJF

Oki that's all for today hdhdh there are two more characters (narrators 4 and 5) but i'm still working on them and i kinda wanna make the both of them not cis cause WHY NOT also i have been typing this for like 6 hours now and i'm tired and hungry so tjjxjs anyways if you read to the end, I'm sending you carbonara-

[tomorrow-human]

MY THOUGHTS ON iDKHOW'S ALBUM DEBUT: RAZZMATAZZ

So I DON'T KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME have just released RAZZMATAZZ today and heres what I think...

[SIDE A]

¹LEAVE ME ALONE:

A bombastic opening track. Was released in the beginning of August...? Probably? This song just SCREAMS at you with retro futuristic funkiness. It has 8-bity flourishes in the instrumentation and seems to be maybe talking to the same person as Choke (from 1981 E.P.) and the title track Razzmatazz have been (or maybe a separate entity as suggested by the vinyl booklet and Indoctoration?).

Anyway, fantastic track, great opener, and nice mood-setter.

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²INDOCTORATION:

It's... eerie. It's not a song in the same sense as Leave Me Alone, despite having a wobbly backing track. It's a spoken interlude that seems to be initiating you into Tellex maybe? It yet again mentions the White Shadows that will be overseeing your progress with Tellex. It seems oddly nostalgic for some reason. That's strange. Overall, solid little piece of lore building that really reinforces the concept aspects.

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³MAD IQs:

It's the first song from this album that wasn't released as a single and it made my jaw literally drop. It has a similar lyrical and vocal structure to the opener and New Invention, but what I like is how much they were able to do with it, though it makes you wonder about how far apart these songs were written; but In the context of the albums concept and the Tellex stuff however, it could be interpreted as a corporate decision, this repetition. The minimal instrumentation in the verses with Ryan's sturdy drumming and Dallon's bassline makes me go fucking bananas. It's so fucking great and full of this punchy energy. And the HARMONIES. YES. "Voluntary victim~" "I'm burning~ in your mad IQs" SIR STOP BEING SO VOCALLY TALENTED. Also I think i heard him shriek right before the bridge which? Snazzy. So Mad IQs, energetic track, filled with more of iDKHOWs signature darkness.

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⁴NOBODY LIKE THE OPENING BAND:

Ah yes, Opening Band. Ironic considering how often iDKHOW are the opening band, but I'm sure that's obvious, seeing how they usually sing this one at the start of their gigs. It was actually (I think) the first or second song I didn't know how but found through youtube so I might be pretty biased here. It's a sweet sounding change of pace with the instrumentation being made up of only the piano and tambourine that tells of a typical opening band, that no ones ever heard before and likely will never hear again, via a sympathetic narrator with a hint of the typical iDKHOW teasing. In all honesty, it would've worked better as the album opener, which then could've been followed by Leave Me Alone, but it's a nice change of pace overall.

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⁵NEW INVENTION:

I already reviewed this song on my other blog right here so imma keep this brief. It shares similar aspects to Leave Me Alone, with the music video concept and song structure, but It manages to darken the narrative, and the choir-esq harmonies sound like ultra bright neon lights that only push this mood further. It still is a magnificent song and by far one of my favourites in the album.

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⁶IN THE GALLOWS:

MASSIVE SHIFT IN STYLE HOLY FUCKOLY-. The track opens with a very cutesy old timey little piano intro and starts the verse with a little funny beat. If you don't listen to the lyrics, it sounds like a silly little oldie song. But as we all know, iDKHOW doesn't do silly. The lines "For you, I'd die▪︎Or kill myself▪︎which ever makes you smile," From just the first verse are a prime example of this. The narrators murderous and suicidal intentions have clouded the romantic attraction into obsession- And I kinda like that, in a poetic way. The chorus is a standout, with the calm start to the explosion in the line "I'd swing from the gallows and wave" that just swings at you with a baseball bat to the chest. Oh, and the sax solo? Magnificent. This whole song is a chefs kiss from me.

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⁷CLUSTERHUG:

I love the lyrics of this song the most of it all. It sounds like a rebellious teenager wrote it after thinking about how shit their hometown is and wanting to get out. It also incorporates how much the narrator would want to do all this with their crush, adding that slightly goofy and pretend-aloof chorus of "only if you'd like me to I could fall in love with you" as if they weren't already in love or at least that's how I see it. The vibe of this song is more pop-y than the rest of the album, but that's more likely because it was repurposed for Razzmatazz after being originally written for The Brobecks, their older band. It's a nice little tune :).

[SIDE B]

⁸SUGAR PILLS:

This. Will. Get. Stuck. In. Your. Head- and. You. Will. Like. It. Basically, just seems like a song about drugs that, for some reason, reminds me of Gorillaz (who I dont even listen to). But the BASSLINE AGAIN- Jesus help me live. It has more of that energy we saw with the first few tracks and adds even more electronic elements. It's probably my second favourite song from this album that's not a single because of how fun the chorus sounds. What else can I say? I can just imagine myself bopping to this in the car screaming 'SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR PILLS' On a hot day.

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⁹KISS GOODNIGHT:

It's so sweet 🥺. It's one of those songs I could imagine a character in a movie singing to someone from a stage. If you want pretty song vibes just listen to it. Because it is a pretty song. And that's all I have to say on it. Now allow me to take a moment and shove it into my pretty song playlist that acts like my personal lullaby machine.

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¹⁰LIGHTS GO DOWN:

Yes. F u n k y. Give me that sweet sweet disco energy, thank you. It's just filled with all these *☆~blingy and sparkly~☆* effects, and, combined with the drumming, the result is just glorious. The best part of this song is in my opinion the bridge where it goes darker lyrically and in sound that just naturally slides into another funky-ass sax solo. I can definitely see myself dancing to this at a party and then in later years growing nostalgic for those days.

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¹¹NEED YOU HERE:

It's supposed to be happy in tone and hopeful slightly but it just makes me sad. It's a song about how, because Dallon has to tour because it's his job, he has to be away from his family often. And he had nO RIGHT ADDING HIS DAUGHTERS VOCALS AND RECORDINGS INTO THE MIX ITS LIKE HE WANTS US TO CRY. It's not my favourite of the album, not going to lie here, but it's also such a sweet song with nice instrumentals and vibe 🥺 so that's all I'll say.

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¹²DOOR:

It seems like this one was written around the time sad ukulele music was really at its peak but am I complaining? Fuck no because this song is great. It just gives it to you straight, that if the narrator ever does anything that the recipient doesn't like, they can always cut them out of their life. It's nice in that regard- you don't usually get songs that don't try to deflect the pain or gain pity. We need more of these kinds of songs. The shortness of it really adds to the effect of this being more like a regularly said thing, even though I'm always a bit sad that it ends so fast. It does, however, nicely close the near end of the album before Razzmatazz.

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¹³TOMORROW PEOPLE:

Creepy Tellex thank-you note. You're welcome..? I want no part in your conspiracy tho. Go away weird American corporate man voice.

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¹³RAZZMATAZZ:

And there it is. The title track. Like new inventions, I have already reviewed it here on that same blog so this will be brief also and more just thoughts. It's a great closer and is more old timey than most of the songs here as well. And with the last instrumental and sax solo, we come to the albums inevitable end... until next time.

[GENERAL THOUGHTS]

Overall, this was a fantastic little debut for iDKHOW and I loved it. So worth the pre-order. The songs were great and the lyrics were just excellent. My only real criticism is that the song order on Side A was a bit strange. I feel a way to fix this would be to throw Nobody Likes The Opening Band into the beginning, then have Leave Me Alone as a second track, and maybe even switch one of the songs on this side with one from Side B (either Mad IQs or New Invention with something else but then that would be kind of stretching it). Or maybe even switching Clusterhug with Mad IQs or New Invention could work. So in general? Razzmatazz good album. Next question.

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Thank you for reading, anyone who happens to see this and have read this. Hope you've enjoyed some of my thoughts on the debut and agreed with at least 2 points I made. See y'all on another review (or shitpost)!

-L.J