#ig my mistake was that my idea didn't start from the story it started from the song I wanted to make a cool music video for it

[francy-sketches]

I'm gonna have to work on my final project non stop for like a month straight bc I procrastinated on it too much fuck my stupid baka life

[sane-omblog]

Delicious? (Part1?)

Aka story of Raphael and his mysterious taste bud

I don't know what I did, I just wanna try my hand on writing and this is an.. fever idea ig

I already wrote more but ermm yea will need some more time to finish it

Raphael was always an easy child, you told him to sit there, he sat, you told him to go to bed, he went. Even with food, he was also easy, he doesn't have any preference or hatred towards food. He eat veggies, fruits, any meats with no complaints.

The little angel was in the middle of flying lesson when the most easy and/or awkward question for a kid. He stared at two pots of soups, they smelled a little different from each other. "Which soup would you like?"

“It would be all the same to me, you can let the other choose first” he said, sure enough smell wouldn't change taste

“Awww what a kind little angel you are, Raphael” the older angel reached and pet him on his head. He liked it.

.

.

.

Raphael took a bite of the soup that was left for him, it's plain, bland, and didn't make any difference from other soup he had tried for all his life. The angel, his age, letting him try the other soup, seemed like she didn't like it and wanted to know if he liked this more and traded it.

It's the same, he couldn't tell what was different.

He agreed to trade it anyway.

.

Evening came, Raphael told his attendant what he did that day. Simeon, as always, smiled back at him and said “That's so nice of you, Raph.”

He paused, Raphael thought it wasn't bad to get compliments from such easy action.

“But I guess, I should find what your favorite food is, huh?” with chuckles, Simeon started to name random dishes while going to the kitchen and made them dinner. His wings moved while walking, always brought his attention away. "Oh I should make that today, what do you think about.."

He sure he would liked everything Simeon made for him.

"that's sounds nice" but maybe not as that sandwich the other day

But again, it's too bland on his tongue

“How is it?” Simeon asked him half of the meal

Raphael couldn't remember the name of what he'd just eaten.

He swallowed. “It's good”

.

Simeon said he misread the recipes and asked if he wanted him to make something real quick for his lunch today. "I should have wondered how all those ingredients never went well together, I'm so sorry Raph"

As a young angel at that time, he said "it's fine and I should get going to the training, I will take it, thanks"

Raphael ate it, the bread, the mistake of fruit jam, the strong spiced meat and some vegetables. He liked it. Everyone there knew Simeon was his guardian, and always wanted to try his food.

Of course he didn't mind, even though it's the first time he thought this is what delicious tasted like and wanted to have it all to himself.

The other angels took a bite with so much hope, especially after seeing him with such sparkly eyes.

But then they made a weird noise and said it wasn't any good as the rumor said.

“This is too salty!” they wailed

“Ugh the bad taste still on my tongue”

“Is the fruit he used rotten?!”

They whimpered about how bad it was, asking if he misunderstood the word delicious. Raphael didn’t think so, because if it's not delicious that means he wouldn't like it.

But he likes his food this way, so it's delicious. That's what he thought.

He felt some rage bubbling inside him, he didn't have any preference about other Simeon’s food but he knew that he's a great chef.

“Don't say that, you shouldn't judge it by just one time” he paused, didn't know how to describe what Simeon's food usually taste like, not even what he ate for breakfast. “He just busy and misread the ingredients this time”

It's true that's why he accepted this mistake of food in the first place, he didn't want to put any more loads of work onto archangel.

And it worked. They backed down, went back to enjoy their own lunch.

.

.

The next day they asked him to share again and agree that the food from his guardian was delicious after just one bite.

Leaving him missed that unique taste of jam with yet another bland taste.

[adelliet]

JOEL MILLER X F!READER

Birthday gift

Summary: It's your birthday today and you have a family reunion, where is of course, invited your boyfriend Joel, who wanted to give you the biggest gift from they all.

Warnings: 18+, teasing, unprotected sex piv, little public sex ig?, rough

A/N: I am sorry of there are maybe some mistakes, my first language isn't english! Sending love <3

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You sat cultured at a large rectangular table where your family sat around you. Everyone was here, your parents, your grandparents, your cousins, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers...everyone.

You were glad that everyone could find time to celebrate your 25th birthday together like this. You don't even remember the last time you celebrated someone's birthday like this, so you really appreciated it and after all, you only turn 25 once.

So far everything has gone smoothly. Everyone was laughing and telling each other their life stories about what they experienced when you were not together. The only thing you were worried about was Joel, who was sitting right across the long table from you, and he hadn't stopped staring at you ever since you brought everyone's food to the table.

His look clearly indicated that he was up to something, that he wanted something. But you tried to ignore your boyfriend and focus on the moment you had together now. You see Joel quite often, after all, he is your neighbor and since you are also partners, it is clear that you meet often, so of course you appreciate his presence at your celebration, but after all, you prefer your family in this situation.

Whenever your eyes landed on Joel, he had that mischievous smirk on him that always meant something fishy. You've learned that this often means that he imagines you doing unchristian things with Joel. But you tried to clearly indicate to him with your eyes that this is a family gathering and now is really not a good time for it. You had no idea if he couldn't get it from your looks, or if he's just a guy and didn't get it either, but still, the smirk still remained on his face, and it didn't go away, like it was tattooed.

"And honey, how are you two doing anyway?" suddenly your mom asked you and all heads turned towards your face causing you to feel slightly anxious. Joel always knew what to do at events like this, so he shifted all the attention everyone was giving you now to himself. "We're doing great! We even have our six month anniversary next week" Joel saved you and everyone started whispering about Joel right away, but he didn't mind, instead he was happy to help you. Joel has no idea how lucky you are to have him.

“Okay I have some other food in the kitchen, so I am just gonna bring it” you cut off the chatter and got up from the table to go to the kitchen. As you walked past Joel, you suddenly heard "I'm going to help her". You smiled a little at the fact that Joel was going with you to the kitchen alone, but you still kept an eye on discipline and how nerve-wracking it would be to have a cojitus right next door in front of your family.

When you walked in, you started taking the bowles out of the drawers, which were too high even for you. You went all the way up on your tiptoes to reach them when a boy's muscular hand handed you that one chosen bowl, very carefully and slowly. "Little struggling with that huh?" he said provocatively and you hit him gently on the shoulder as you took the bowl from him. "Shut up!" you laughed and placed the bowl on the table, right next to the cookies. You were about to open the package when you felt an unexpected movement behind you. Suddenly, there were two massive hands on your hips that traveled up to your stomach and back to your hips. Joel was standing right behind you placing soft kisses on your neck which made you giggle a bit because it tickled.

At first you thought it was just innocent touching when you started to feel a dangerous pressure in what looked like a lump in your ass. On top of that, Joel's touches were starting to slowly lose control, so you decided to calm Joel down. "Stop it” you said but not angry or aggressive, just in a warning tone so that he would really stop.

But Joel didn't listen to your words, he didn't react to them in any way and continued what he was doing, even more strongly. The bulge in your ass began to grow, and Joel's touches moved downwards under your pants. At that moment, you had to do much more than just words.

You moved his hands away from your body and turned around so you were facing Joel. You were small compared to him, after all he was almost 20 centimeters taller, but that never stopped you from going after Joel. "Joel! My whole family is sitting over there and-" you wanted to continue, but your gaze narrowed at Joel's already rather erect cock, which was directly trapped in his pants and wanted to be free so badly.

Staring at the huge bulge in his pants for a moment, you swallowed and looked back up at Joel, who had his smirk back on. "No Joel! Not now" "Come on" he tried to convince you and placed his arms on your hips again, while gently stroking your neck.

You tried to dodge his mouth, but he still held you and you had no room to dodge anymore. "Joel, later okay?" So you tried to be kind and tactful to him, so that after everyone leaves he can do whatever he wants with you. But Joel is stubborn. "Give me a few minutes, please" he said persuasively as he subtly began to suck your neck creating purple spots. "A few minutes? Joel that's-" "5 minutes" he cut you off, alpha male energy emanating from him. He confidently said this number, which not only interested and surprised you, but also made you laugh a little. "You would bring us both to orgasm in 5 minutes?" you asked in disbelief and when Joel heard your ironic voice he stopped sucking on your neck and pulled away from him so he could look you in the eye.

“What? You don't believe me?” he asked you with a smile and his hands ended up on your back, specifically your juicy ass, which Joel just had to squeeze. You jumped a little at this unexpected move, but you still tried to answer his question. "No and I don't even want to find out" you retorted and wanted to turn back to the table so you could finally pour the chocolate chip cookies into the bowl.

But Joel didn't let you go, he held you tightly by your hips so that you couldn't go anywhere and you had to stand in one place and look at Joel, who was throwing his hungry face at you. "Bet?" he said in such a sexy and rough voice that you would have gone after him long ago, but you're not alone and you don't want to risk your family catching you fucking your boyfriend a few steps away on your birthday. You can save that for the evening, as a conclusion.

“Joel, just try to hold it okay?” “I can't look what you do to me” he said, still looking at you but you know what was he talking about. He was talking about that huge bulge in his pants that was really trying to come out and fuck you hard right on the table behind you. Joel didn't care that your family was right behind you, that everyone was there and you'd sink to the floor in shame if you got caught, no, he didn't give a single shit.

“It's not my fault” you tried to defend yourself and resist his accusation that his now standing with a hard cock was your fault. You wouldn't say if you were somehow provoking him, or teasing him, but you were just breathing. You weren't even wearing any revealing clothes.

"Actually, it is, if you weren't so fucking beautiful..." he said the last words to your neck, which he bit and sucked again, but no longer gently, but very aggressively and passionately. You had to sigh at his biting the sensitive spot on your neck, but you tried to be quiet so as not to attract attention.

“Joel, let’s leave it for the evening-” “Give me 5 minutes, I swear” he mumbled into your ear and returned to your neck, this time from the other side where you still didn’t have the purple pacifiers, which Joel had to correct immediately. His kissing on your neck made you hot and excited, you stopped noticing your surroundings for a moment, how good you felt. You couldn't control yourself and started moaning quietly, making Joel even more turn on.

“Oh fuck, don't do this to me” he groans, as he heard your heave girly breathing, that Joel loved. Whenever he hears you like that he can't help but go after you whether you like it or not and he did that now. He grabbed your rear thighs and lifted you up so that your hips were level with his. You automatically wrapped your legs around Joel, and all your thoughts and good conscience about leaving naughty things for the evening suddenly dissolved and you, you don't even know how, glued your lips to his.

You stopped kissing Joel for a moment, leaning a little back from his face. “You said 5 minutes?” you assured yourself with a devilish smirk on your face. Joel immediately nodded in agreement. “Okay…” you whispered to yourself, setting the timer on your watch. As soon as you set them, Joel came after you like a wild animal again. Now it remains to be seen whether he can do it or not.

There was no going back now. Both of you were glued together not only by lips but also by body, Joel held your thighs tightly and quickly walked to the kitchen counter which was at least more covered from the room where everyone was sitting.

As soon as he put you on the line, Joel started taking off his pants and you helped him. You didn't even blink and Joel's hard cock was already in the air, twitching with anticipation. As soon as he had his flesh out, Joel slid his massive hand under your dress where he grabbed your red sexy panties and pulled them down to your ankles with a sharp movement. But during all these movements, you never once stopped the passionate kisses.

Even though your naturals were practically completely bare now, you were still waiting, or rather, Joel was waiting. But he couldn't hold it for too long, so he took you by the hips with both hands and pulled you in such a way that he had a good passage inside and at the same time so that you wouldn't fall. Meanwhile, you had one arm wrapped around Joel's muscular neck and the other leaning against the kitchen counter from behind to keep you from toppling over.

Joel stopped kissing you and looked down at your legs and his bare cock. Both of you breathed excitedly and roughly, tensely waiting to finally be inside each other. Joel tried to coordinate himself so that he could finally enter you while you tried to help him by opening your legs more. Joel grabbed his cock and gently slid it into your entrance, causing a gasp not only from you but also from him. You were so tight. You wrapped Joel's cock right up and he fucking loved it.

You started quietly moaning his name, as he started thrust into you with his huge dick, making you throwing your head back. Your whole body were bouncing to the rhytm of Joel's thrusting, whichc started getting faster every second. You both were groaning and moaning, but you cannot control your voice anymore, as you were focused on Joel inside of you.

You started moaning louder but luckily Joel covered your mouth so no one could hear you but him. He didn't look at your face, but only at your body, at your breasts trapped in your clothes, at your legs that rippled like the sea every time his pelvis touched yours.

His breath was warm and strong, you could feel it through your clothes to your cold chest. The wet and juicy sounds were getting louder, but you couldn't control either. Your vagina was filling with juice, and Joel's cock was starting to lose its hold. Every time Joel gets damn close, he starts doing incredible and unimaginable things with his hips. He stops controlling them and lets them do whatever they want, do whatever it takes to get into you. He didn't even pull his dick completely out of you, just a few inches at a time. You felt yourself getting damn close, the sensation of releasing liquid onto Joel's cock was starting to rise, your legs stiffened and your toes curled.

"Do you want to help there?" suddenly you heard your mom yelling at you and you curiously looked into the kitchen but you were perfectly hidden. You wanted to answer, but you couldn't because the feeling of pleasure and orgasm kept fast approaching. "N-no!" you finally yelled, very jerky. You could feel Joel's sneer as you answered your mom.

"Joel I-" "I know baby" he whispered in pleassure, his voice low and deep like a husky. He started feeling his cock twitching and his veins popping, as his precum started getting out of his tip. You both knew that you're not far from your orgasm.

Few more thrusts and you sighed loudly and very softly as a warm feeling enveloped you and you finally relaxed your entire body, including your walls that were wrapped tightly around Joel's cock the whole time. Joel moaned loudly too, right after you as his cock stopped moving inside you so he could squirt his cum into you. Joel's cum and your juice mixed together like some new potion.

You panted heavily trying to catch your breath. Your heart pounded continuously and the blood in your veins began to rush through your body. Both your and Joel's chests moved up and down rapidly to finally get enough oxygen into your lungs. Suddenly, you heard a beeping from your phone, that Which clearly indicated that 5 minutes had passed. Joel laughed proudly when he heard the alarm clock, it gave him confidence and proved to you that he really can do anything. "See?" he said haughtily and you stared at Joel's face in disbelief. He was right, he even made it before 5 minutes. He is incredible. Literal god of sex

"Are you sure you don't want to help?" you heard your mom again which made you laugh a little as she asked again. "Yes mom, don't worry" you reassured your mother again, this time in a normal tone. It wasn't long before you were both breathing calmly. Joel therefore slowly pulled his cock out of you, making both of you groan a little, and then he put on his pants and handed you your panties from the ground that had fallen off your ankle during sex. You thanked Joel with a smile and jumped off the kitchen counter to put on your panties.

“Don't underestimate me like that next time” he added when he has finally his pants on. He took the bowl of cookies to your family and left you there with a provocative smile on his face. You shake your head and smirked at Joel's confidence.

Well that was the best birthday gift anyone could possibly gave you.

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[calekinnieplus]

This looks like a fun idea, so here goes! :

What do you think of this guy🙃?

Oh wow! Good character you chose there ahahaha! Roselle Gustav aka Huang Tao!

First impression

Honestly, I was floating in confusion at the start a bit, considering it was my first Chinese webnovel, so I had a period of readjustment to the writing style (or the translation ig?), so I didn't immediately connect the dots that Roselle was a transmigrator or that he's... kinda "dead" lol

Buuuut, once the dots connected, I did find him quite amusing! Bro's self-confidence gave me second-hand embarrassment, but not That bad. But also, Klein was bashing on him so hard, it was kinda hilarious.

I don't fully remember what impression I had of him, since I was reading pretty slow in the beginning and some ideas were lost, but overall, fun guy lmao

Impression now

Hilarious guy, a meme, a legend.

Yet...

Quite unfortunate that his end was just endless suffering (which will hopefully not be endless haha...). Bro made small mistakes in the beginning when he didn't know Anything, when he was transported to a world he didn't know anything about, forced to adapt and live a new life. I don't know, I find him tragic, just like Klein.

At least he had some good times along the road (especially with a demoness heh). The funny stories were nice to read.

Favorite moment

Basic, but his first talk with Klein. I mean, him meeting a fellow transmigrater and quickly having faith in him was sweet. I really wish to see more of them :>

If we're talking about the diary entries, I'd probably choose when... uhhh the corruption thing. Roselle going to the moon. And when he gazed into the Abyss. I remember how the diary entry abruptly cut off after dumping a lot of info and both Klein and I were Flabbergasted. What did it MEAN-!!

(I have a feeling I'm mixing up the moments, but the feelings remain. The confusion, the anticipation and the wonder from some diary entries were Amazing)

OH, and the last diary entry of course. It was so chill-inducing! It was one of those moments that answered a lot of questions while also bringing even MORE questions. It was just- the atmosphere full of fear and uncertainty, putting into question what that fellow transmigrator went through, wowie~

Idea for a story

Well, let me shuffle in the corner of my brain...

I've always been a fan of Time Travel AUs. So the idea of Klein (at a higher sequence but not Saint Level, maybe? Idk, a lot of possibilities here) travelling to Roselle’s time period and the two of them becoming best buddies (Roselle’s words, not Klein's. Klein's facepalming in the background at Roselle’s shenanigans).

Maybe! It could be a young god Mr Fool using his domain over Space and Time and having a misplaced adventure during Roselle’s time.

(We're pretending the Outer Gods and CW isn't as dauting of a problem as they are in canon, aye?)

Anyway, doesn't matter which version of Klein or during what time he's visiting, it's mandatory that he facepalms at least once :))

Unpopular opinion

Well, I don't know the popular opinions, so I'll guess I'll just go with an opinion.

I mean, he totally could've treated his wife better. I can understand feeling a disconnect with this world and humanity in general, but at least don't bring shame to her name by being a known womanizer, mm? At least divorce or smth, man. You overthrew the government, you could definitely do that.

Unless he actually did divorce her and we just don't know. But otherwise, yeah. Kinda dick move there, Emperor.

Favorite relationship

(Platonic, right?)

Again, basic but. Roselle and Bernadette.

The fact that Bernadette spent so much time searching for a father she was on dubious terms with and how much faith she had that he persevered against all odds.

The fact that Roselle’s one and only tie with this new world was his daughter, his beloved child that he loved with all his might. A child he shared a piece of his old world with. A child he remodeled this entire world's structure for. Absolutely heart-warming.

Favorite headcannon

Hmm let's see...

Huang Tao, as a young individual who surfs the internet, would know a lot of memes or jokes. After becoming Roselle Gustav, those memes aren't easily forgotten.

I mean, is it canon, actually? Maybe he made several Chinese meme references and I missed them lmao. That would be funny

Bonus: imagine Huang Tao and Zhou Mingrui bumped into each other one day, unaware that the next time they'll meet each other, it will be after more than 10 000 years, give or take. ...what's the timeline here?

[dialux]

Hello! Hope you're having a good day!! Idk if u got my previous ask, but I just wanted to know if you're still doing director's cut and if you are then could you do one for 'i imagined a dark world where the stars clamor to be inside us' aka the feanor and findis fic? I've read it so many times its insane and I just love it so much!! I'd love to know your thoughts when u wrote it

In your findis fic, at the end, is my understanding that feanor ended up making horcruxes or something adjacent to horcruxes right?

Combining these two bc I'm pretty sure they're from the same person!

Literally this started because of the LOTR/ASOIAF crossover AU, where Sansa's dropped into ME and mistakes Boromir for her father: I hadn't read LOTR in AAAAAAAGES and so I hopped onto Tolkien Gateway to learn more about the timeline. My search essentially went Boromir -> Third Age -> Age -> First Age -> Feanor -> SILM.

I then started reading the Silm (keep in mind this is in covid-lockdown in 2020) and found myself so absolutely disinterested in the Valar that I skipped all of it to go to chapter 6 (THEE Feanor chapter), and found myself very confused. So I hopped back onto Tolkien Gateway and used their incredibly useful family trees to keep everyone straight in my head. As I'm doing all of this, I'm struck by the similarities between the Finwean kids and the Stark kids, especially Findis/Sansa-- but at this point all I'm thinking is eldest daughter eldest daughter, nothing else. I put Findis into the crossover fic anyway (still know nothing about her apart from the TG page!) and get on with the rest of the Silm.

And then I find out that there are a number of similarities between Sansa and Findis beyond simple birth order, including favoring their mother, presumably being pious, etc etc. I start reading PoME and HoME. I start building an idea of Findis in my own head from, like, four lines total in all this reading.

Annoyed at the lack of canon material, I go to ao3. This is April of 2020; after filtering for languages, I get about a 100 works. I scan a few, but don't find the character I'm looking for. This is mostly because I've wholesale made this character up myself. I scowl at myself and sulk for a few days. Then I start writing. I post the story in a month's time, and in the process I've gotten so many feelings about the Silm that, a full three years later, I still haven't managed to deal with any of them.

Re: the story itself!! I personally think of the Finweans as a little bit incomprehensible, as more mythologized even to their own family than any normal elf; I wanted to explore that idea in the story, particularly how it feels when one person becomes a myth, and how it feels to be left behind when that happens. Feanor does it first, of course, but Findis isn't far behind-- chapter 2 is all about Feanor leaving Findis (and everyone else in his family, through Findis' eyes), but chapter 3 is very purposely from everyone's perspective but Findis, so we can see how it feels for them when she's walked away.

And yes, Findis does in fact create a couple of horcruxes. So does Feanor. They're good horcruxes, though, ig? Don't need murder, are simply like the... laboratory equivalent of soul fission, and yet with some ephemeral connection to the og soul. Afaik the Valar didn't ask before hallowing the Silms as well, so! Not exactly great when imperfect people have parts of their souls hallowed!

[dojae-huh]

Did you see the ‘hey boy’ story from Do’s IG? I couldn’t believe my eyes,like I’m shocked he posted that

Wasn't it a video from a permanent post? Jae making a kissy face, the view of Do filming from the audience.

It's hard to tell if Do simply adjusted Baggy Jeans' "hey boy" to "hey boys", recognising his mistake, or he called for Jae first. I'll vote for the grammar version because Do didn't linger on Jae waiting for a reaction, he zoomed in on every member one by one, Jae just stood on the left.

Regardless of that, yes, Do highlighted his bae and posted him on his IG. Do took several videos from several days, so he had footage to choose from. He also could have cut the beginning ans started with "hey boys", the idea of beginning from the backstage would have been preserved.

Even with the low quality you can see the apple cheeks, Do smiled filming Jae (or rather at Jae acting up for the camera).

[angryborzois]

@astral-from-afar since u wanted to hear my story lmao (it was kinda long to be a comment)

alright idk where to begin lmfao

okay so i dont remember how much of it I told you but remember the clingy girl who was insensitive and stuff last year? (ok its okay if you don't remember but yeah there was a girl like that jasdffkd)

she's one of the people i remember and get annoyed about to this day but okay that's still not that bad since I managed to drift from her

so the real problem was this other clingy girl 😭YES THERE WERE TWO

i guess she was less clingy and a little more tolerable but still... the problem here was that this girl liked me.....

there were a lot of reasons that make me pissed off remembering to this day but that's sort of unrelated here (for context just know that I disliked her from the near beginning) so onto the main story

So this girl would always ask for hugs from me which I was okay with at first (she did it to everyone ig) but eventually I stopped letting her hug me because I got tired of it and I don't really like hugs to begin with.

but still, she was weird about physical touch...i remember this one time where she kept touching my arm when I was wearing a short sleeve and she was saying stuff like "wow you're so muscular" (IM NOT BTW??? LIKE BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY IM AVERAGE ASF) like okay that was creepy ngl.... i still didn't think anything of it back then though which was stupid of me because I should've connected all the dots

also she kept complimenting me all the time which was mildly uncomfortable but yeah couldn't do anything about that ig

eventually i started hanging out with other people and avoided this girl to the best of my ability until the end of the year because by that time I was thinking "oh whatever I'm going to transfer anyways" so i stopped caring since i thought it would be over soon

yeah so on the last day she was VERY clingy since she knew I would transfer (I did let her though since I was thinking "oh its the last day and I'm never coming back so whatever. cant be that bad. ill forget about it later" and honestly that was a big mistake)

so school hours officially ends and we're at the gate of the school. and this girl physically WONT LET ME LEAVE. she was hugging me and refusing to let go but at that point I was like "oh who cares ig". she probably made me stand there for like 10 minutes istfg 💀but then here comes the terrifying part

she suddenly lets go and looks me dead in the eyes and asks for me to kiss her on the cheek (I think? i kind of forgot the exact phrasing by now). i gave her a weird stare (more like a horrified stare cause wtf.) and she just looked away in embarrassment and went back to hugging me and by this time I was like "oh hell no get me out of here". maybe a minute later she suddenly kisses me on the head and leaves

LIKE OKAY WHAT...

THAT WAS AT THE FRONT GATE. PEOPLE SAW. i wanted to disappear and never come back...like i dont know if she had the wrong idea that i liked her back but what the fuck......it was just so unnecessary....

for the rest of the day i did not feel well about this ☠☠☠

anyways remembering that still annoys me to this day like okay maybe if i had been an asshole and said no to her last hug i couldve prevented that

thankfully the people in my new school are actually sane like holy shit what kind of a traumatizing school did i accidentally enroll in for a year

havent met anyone clingy ever since but I'm never intending on letting anybody hug me ever again unless I trust them

tldr: my old school was borderline traumatizing

[gurugirl]

hi! same anon about the boyfriend who broke up with me. can i be 🍸 anon? i've been drinking my weight in vodka lately to drown my sorrows so a dirty martini emoji might just be for me. 😭

the ex called me yesterday after i posted a selfie on ig. i knew i was looking fly so i had to post it. did i do it so he'd see it and feel like he'd made a mistake? yes. a little. but also i was just really cute last night with my new haircut and color (some highlights) and I was wearing this dress i hadn't worn in forever.

anyway... the asshole called me an hour later and apologized about how it ended so he wound up coming over and we fucked 😫 i know it was a bad idea. and we aren't back together or anything either. he just came to "apologize" he said and then he like had me on the couch and kissed me and i just didn't stop it. and i really liked it though.

you know how i said he was boring? well. he wasn't boring last night. he ate me out (first time ever) and i didn't cum but then he begged me to let him fuck me and i really liked him begging me cause i told him no but he was like holding onto my dress and pushed his face into my stomach and begged me and i felt so powerful. but i know i was actually just weak but he fucked me so good and i came so hard.

i don't know what to do. i was gonna wait to start up my dating profile again but now he's gone and fucked me proper and i'm confused. i haven't even heard from him today at all.

and my boss was really nice to me. told me i did well on fixing the issue at work and then bought me a starbuck's coffee just now 😭

i'm in the bathroom sending this to you while i'm at work. i was gonna tell my bff about my ex but she's going to kill me and figured i'd send this to you first and see what you think. she's gonna kill me isn't she?

what do i do guru? i'm not getting back with my ex. i still hate him right now but my brain is all messed up after last night. i sound crazy and i'm really not.

Hi babe! Yes you can be the dirty martini emoji 🍸

Yay about your boss! Sounds like you worked out the issue :)

So, you have gotten yourself into quite the conundrum with your ez. I cannot say I've not dealt with what you're going through, though. I've hooked up with a few ex's before. And the only thing I can really say is that it never winds up being a happy ending. Not for me anyway.

I feel like your ex was regretting breaking up with you and since you two are familiar and are used to one another he probably just figured he'd test it out. It's actually not that uncommon to have sex with an ex. It's not a great idea, but humans are like that - we are full of bad ideas and can be messy.

Don't worry too much about it, don't beat yourself up over it - and I know that's easier said than done but you can look at it like this... you got a little closure, you know he still thinks you're hot and now you know he kind of regrets letting you go. But he did let you go, so that part you need to hold on to and remember.

And just because he was a little more adventurous last night (girl that was the first time he EVER ate you out and you didn't drop his ass from the start?) doesn't mean he'd continue that. It was hot, spur of the moment sex with an ex thing.

I would also say it might be too soon to start up your dating profile yet. You literally just got out of this relationship. Give yourself some time to be single. If it happens it happens! Just go out and have fun.

As for your bff... if she knows the story then yeah, she might be disappointed but she's your bff for a reason. She's gonna love you and tell you her thoughts openly. She'll probably also be able to offer better advice than I can since she knows you.

Don't stress. Don't call him or text him. Just think of it as your closure and you do your best to move on and live your life.

Good luck, babe!! xoxo

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

looking for: advice

I need help understanding something idk if there's any TW.

im gonna be as honest as I possibly can.

I still feel so much like im lying or that I can't tell enough of the truth because I feel like im always missing something but ill try hard right now....

its a bit of a story of everything.

I know there's so much I could've easily done differently and if I did then I wouldn't have put myself in this hole. I have really destroyed my life. if I just didn't say that one thing then I wouldn't have put myself into this mess with an even more fucked up life. if I didn't do this particular thing I can't get into details about then I would have been better off and the people abusing me wouldn't have done so much more damage to me I could've had it easier.

I have made too many mistakes. I can list so many things im thinking of that I fucked up. something as easy as certain words I used could've changed so many events in my life.

I don't know how I manage to be such a fuck up but I am.

it's my fault you don't get it!

I could have done x so differently so easily and yet I fucked it up. I make everyone upset, I make everyone hate me. im disgusted with myself, im defective. I can't stop thinking about how defective I am.

but I can't think of myself as the victim bc I put myself in this and everyone says so and I agree with them.

my parents said they abused me because I was a bad child I can't remember anything about my life or their abuse but they told me.

like I thought I used to play certain games on the beach as a young kid and my family has mentioned I did so I guess it wasn't a dream but reality. I remember going to a particular vacation spot as a little kid and they mentioned it so I guess it was true... .... I can remember her inviting me into the room when we were kids to "play games" and to "keep it secret" but they say that one never happened. it's like a dream, they all feel the same. I started questioning that maybe something sexual happened but I feel like im trying to make things up on (call her A) character to play victim because but im really trying not to. because A accused me of abuse first and I didn't recall anything from my life at the time so I believe her and she asked if I remember abusing her and I responded with "no but I believe you/but I believe whatever you say" we were like 12/13 maybe even 14... ig?

...maybe that conversation was a dream too. I really don't know anymore. like I really don't know. and I don't remember anything happening in that memory with A. just a few small details but nothing really.

I don't know what's wrong with me or if im making things up. what if im some pathological liar and don't even know it? or don't even have the self awarness to see it ? maybe I am the shameful one like my parents and A say. I think about this obsessively almost everyday and it's ruining my life.

🐕

Hi anon,

The thing is that we all tend to get something wrong in our personal narratives because it's a human thing to do, and it doesn't necessarily mean that we're liars or that we aren't credible. That being said, it sounds like what you struggle with more is regret and looking back on the mistakes you've made in your life. It can be useful to reframe mistakes as learning opportunities. Considering the regret you have for some of these things, you can consider channeling that regret into changing your approach and behavior moving forward.

I personally have found that learning about Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy’s concept of Irrational Beliefs has helped me challenge these ideas. The page I hyperlinked has a numbered list of all the different kinds of “irrational ideas” (I think irrational sometimes comes with a negative implication that could be worded differently, but this is a concept from the 60s so that level of mindfulness about language wasn’t necessarily considered then). The bullet points under Irrational Idea No. 3 may provide some insight into your experiences.

But it also sounds like some of this is intertwined with some internalized victim-blaming. It can be hard to know which of these things you're reflecting on are genuine mistakes or things you actually didn't have control over, but blame yourself anyways. It's important to remember that being a "bad child" doesn't justify being abused. There is no excuse for abuse, and there are far better ways to discipline or support a "bad child" other than abusing them. A "bad child" often refers to a child that is acting out due to abuse or mistreatment by parents, so to be abused in response often just exacerbates the child's "problematic" behaviors, establishing yet another vicious cycle.

It sounds like you are dependent upon your parents' recollection of events and don't seem to trust yours, especially if they remember it differently. It's important to consider that, especially if they've abused you previously, perhaps their narrative may not be as reliable as you're giving it credit for. Especially if they have manipulated or emotionally abused you in the past, it's possible that they may be gaslighting you.

Ultimately, these could be things to explore with the help of a mental health professional such as a therapist, if you can access or afford it. A therapist can help you process your experiences, understand the roots of these feelings, and guide you along your healing journey.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[kaisooisrealerthanyourparents]

OH MEOWW EVAN'S ON FIRE LMAO 😂 imho he went a bit hard on that person cause they didn't really say or insinuate anything of which he wrote here lol. They just asked a valid question, but I agree where he reminded of Nick's character. So to me also it felt like Nick was a bit overwhelmed and just went along with it cause it was a game (that HAND tho lsbdbfjg) (I seriously doubt though he would've let it happen had it been private).

Then again, I've no idea how many times Evan was asked this by people before (this is the only one about this topic that he posted in ig story so far so I was surprised at the insinuation of it being adressed before, maybe he was asked that on different platforms), but the asker doesn't know that maybe.

Also please don't use this as opportunity to hate on Emma. She's the stereotypical easy to hate character but I don't find her to be a bad person at all when you pay attention to her for more than 3 seconds.

1. She and Jacob weren't together and she obviously had beef with him cause he fr can't take a no for an answer, I love him n all but I would've been mad at him too and harsh (Idk if yall seen the scene of him telling the truth to Emma about him sabotaging the car and again disregarding her boundaries, I was 100% with her on that even tho I felt bad for Jacob before but she does NOT owe him feelings cause they set their conditions from the start so it's not like there was no fair play)

2. Yeah I initially thought it was an asshole move to kiss Nick despite knowing Abi likes him BUT then I thought: I felt like in that moment her mind was mostly focused on sticking it to Jacob, the rest of it thought she'd help with it, killing 2 birds with one stone so to speak but didn't really calculate an outcome where it could hurt Abi. They are friends and Emma obviously likes Abi. Yes, Emma can be a handful and it happens that we sometimes misjudge what our actions will do, but she's been always good to her and even warned her before she transformed. She does care about Abi.

You could see she didn't expect Abi to react like that (and felt bad about it) as she was a bit startled by her storming off so I doubt she did it with malicious intent, yet again: this WAS a game of truth or dare after all and if being given the decision to kiss your ex who you don't really harbour deep feelings for and don't wanna give him false hope and just some work friend (which wouldn't be a big deal) I see how the decision falls on work friend.

3. So to sum it up. You could tell she was distracted by the idea to troll Jacob and went all out, so it felt to me she only realised the damage after Abi stormed off, that she overdone it, reminding herself not everyone is easy going with these things like her. It happens to all of us where we think something is funny or a good idea and then turns out to be bad.

That's all about my rant on Emma and Nick cause ppl are so quick to hate on confident and pretty women before they even did anything, then they make a mistake and people take it as confirmation for unreasonable prejudicial negative feelings lol. Good night.

[funtarou]

Be Alright || Suna x f!Reader

A Suna Rintarou x Female Reader angst oneshot

Deciding to do all or most of the song ideas commented by this lovely user

Starting from the pair that I choose for this fic. The song and the character :v I'm choosing randomly on who I think would suit the song or what mood I am in to write

Thank you for commenting in the post!

Story Warning: Angst, Cheating, Break-up, Putting Suna in pain. Toxic or unhealthy behavior Ig? A few curse words. Also in here I don't use the headcanon that Suna smokes. I'm on the mindset that Suna avoid smokes and heavy drinking because he's serious on his pro-volleyball career.

Writing Warning: Bad English and Grammar. Possibilities of multiple miss-spelled, typo or incorectly used words in the middle of a sentence. Wacky way of tryna be dramatic smh I'm a tryhard. English is not my first language. Not fully proof-read

Song inspo: Be Alright - Dean Lewis

Suna heard the front door of the apartment opening. His body quickly jolts up to his feet, before speed-walking from the bedroom to the source of the sound. His once tense shoulders relaxed for a second after seeing your figure safe and sound. But his eyes immidiately caught on to the way your head hangs low and your shoulders trembling. He quickly walks up to you, and pulled up his arms to wrapped your smaller figure in his warmth. Wanting to comfort you, like he'd always do.

But for the first time, you pushed his body away with both of your shaking hands on his chest. Of cource he was surprised, confuse and moreover hurt by your action.

"(Y/n)? What's wrong...?"

He carefully asked, reaching to hold one of your hands. This time you didn't push his touch away, but he was met with the chilling feeling of your hand in his. Which is odd because between you and him, you were usually the one that has a higher body temperature. Always so warm in his arms.

After a minute of tense silence with no answer or movement from you, Suna tries to ask again,

"Where have you been? I was so worried when you didn't picked up my calls or answer my texts. Is something wrong? Did someone said something to you? Or did something happened at work? With a friend? Please tell me you weren't roaming around in the night by yourself..."

He tries multiple questions this time. Yet still voiced each one of those questions slowly, giving you time gaps to answer. But you didn't answer any of them. Instead, you just turned your head to the side, preventing him from seeing your face.

"Love, please look at me. What's the matter?"

The rare but occasional pet name slipped out of his mouth naturally. Concerns and light desperation can be heard lingering in his voice. His free hand then moved to your chin, gently tugging it and persuading you to look up at his eyes.

And when you do, he could see the gathering tears forming on the corner of your eyes.

"I... I'm sorry, Rin... I-I Made a mistake..."

Your voice was shaking, lips trembling and your breathing is starting to be uneven.

He doesn't understand what's wrong yet. What he knew is that he needs to comfort you. And pulling you close to him, giving you his warmth, is the only thing he could think of in the moment. He was not one that is good with comforting words, but he always hopes that his feelings could reach you with every actions he does.

Again, it's weird, because you didn't return his hug. You were just standing there, hands limp beside your body as he wrapped his around you. And now he's starting to get paranoid.

"What happened, love?"

He asked, barely a whisper but audible enough for only you to hear.

"... I'm sorry... I-I didn't meant to... I didn't meant to but why did I do it... W-why.... I'm sorry... You don't deserve this..."

Your tears started to fall down your face, as you quietly rambles. Words occasionally getting cut off through the teary hiccups and sobs.

"Love, please tell me... What did you do?"

Suna asked, gently, yet his voice is starting to shake at the few last words of the question. Somehow, he knew where this might go despite wishing it wasn't what he was thinking.

"I'm sorry... When Osamu came over last week... W-we... I-I'm sorry...!"

You break out in tears before you could confess your actions clearly in words, but Suna understands the signs right away. The cigarettes dust on the living room table two nights a go that wasn't his, he doesn't smoke. Your absence at 8 PM when he's done with practice, meanwhile your work usually finished at 6 PM for the past few days. The amount of beer cans in the trash recently. He doesn't drink alcohol in the weekdays because he has practice. Even when he drinks, he choose the low-alcohol percentage one and he knew you prefer wine more.

"Baby... It's okay... It's okay... It's not your fault..."

Despite the sting in his chest, he still tries to comfort your small trembling figure. He's in denial, he still loves you too much. For a moment, he even though he would forgive you and continue the relationship. Because you spilled the truth of your actions to him first. He can forgive you next and everything will be alright, right?

"It's not okay, Rin! I-it's not... It's not, it is my f-fault! I was even sober at the time... I-I was sober, Rin! This is the worst thing I could've done! Don't you get it!?"

Your cries became louder, your started to grip on his hoodie as your knees feels like giving up. The guilt has been enveloping your small body, plaguing your mind for days and now you're spilling all the poison out.

"It's Okay, love... you're honest and you just told me, right... So it's okay... I forgive you..."

Suna's breath is subtly shaking, his grip on you tighten as he tries to keep you still on your feet.

"Why won't you be mad at me!? Rin, I cheated on you! Yell at me! Scream! Cry! S-something! I-is it... Such a small matter to you... That you're just shrugging it off like this?"

"No... No no baby, that's not it!--"

You're right. He does feel like he wanted to Scream, yell, punch something with the hands he uses to spike. Anything that could distract the stinging feeling of betrayal that started to take root in his heart. But he just doesn't have the strenght to do that to you. He's weak when it comes to you. He even neglects his right and worth in this matter by just saying he's okay with your affair with his ex-teammate, and said to himself that he still wants you by his side.

But on your side, you were hurt by his passive response. By his lack of frustrated reaction. You though maybe you've started to meant so little to him now, that he's willing to over-look this matter. You already prepared yourself for his razor like tongue, his palm on your body, his emotional outbursts, before confessing. But all you get right now are a tight comforting hug and reasuring words that he forgave you? It just feel so unrealistic for someone to be okay with this. And that's why your mind cant help but wander off to asume that your worth is less to him now. To you, he's showing that he doesn't mind, he's not sad or angry enough that you brought another man in your bed. The fact that Suna has been distant and your time with him oftenly interupted these days, strenghten your believes.

You understand that he's busy practicing for up-coming important matches for the season. You understand and waits patiently for a chance to be together. This is what you signed up for when dating a pro volleyball player. But you're only human, and you need attention as much as any other lovers do. In the middle of your dilemma, wanting anyone to hold you close and put their full attention at you, Osamu waltz in the scenario. He accompanied you, listened to your rambles, washed the insecurities that occasionally appeared in your head, giving you his full attention. And the way he looked at you everytime, you just felt like you were needed again, as if you are desireable. One slipped up from your side, that's all it took before everything escalated between you two. A blur between reality and desires in your head.

And of cource, like most humans would, your regret comes after the deed is done. But the fact that the deed has been done multiple times with the quiet twin, with multiple lingering regret yet pleasureable nights being experienced, Made it worst in your head. Made you think that, you're not worthy being with someone like Suna Rintarou, after the horrible things you've did.

"... Please, Rin... Break up with me-"

"NO!"

Suna quickly interupted you words. Pulling you lightly away to look at his widening eyes.

"I don't want to end things! I said, I forgive you, (Y/n)!"

He said again with his voice slightly higher than before. His right hand moved up to touch your cheeks, rubbing his thumb to wipe a stray tear away. While you would usually leaned in to his touch, this time you stayed still. The feeling of your stilled skin againts his, no pressure being put on his palm from your attempt on getting comfort on his touch, feels foreign. And it made a sick lump forming in his throat.

"Please, I still love you... Even after everything, I still fucking do! Please stay..."

He's practically begging you to reconsider the decision. Not wanting to let go. He doesn't care if this is unhealthy, toxic even. He doesn't care if ignoring the fact that your lover cheated on you and you still want them to stay without wanting anything to payed up what you did behind his back, is toxic.

"No... R-rin... Suna... We cant... It's for the best if we end it here..."

'I'm not worth it, after all I've done, I'm not'.

You continued in your head, loosing your voice before being able to speak it outloud.

His heart shatters hearing his last name coming out from your lips.

"No, I'm not fucking Suna! I'm Rin! I'm Rin to you! I'm love, baby, darling, all those cheesy nicknames you've said since highschool! Please don't do this to me! I love you, (y/n)! I'm sorry!"

'I should've never let you drift away, please stay.'

Despite him starting to yell desperately, he lost the Will to continue those last few words.

"Suna, you have nothing to apologize for. P-please... Please let it go... I-I cant keep going like this... It won't work..."

Even though your main reason to end things with Suna was your guilt, deep down you started to realized. You cant keep going, you need to end things here, because it's wrong now. It's wrong that you actually started loving Osamu. It's wrong to be with him, when your heart spoke up to you that it chooses another man now. And you wish feelings weren't something uncontrolable to human.

And it's all wrong.

To you, being with him now is wrong.

To him, seeing you leave is wrong.

"Hey, man. You need to start showing up at practices more, you know. The coach and the others are starting to worry."

The familiar voice of Komori can be heard as he entered the almost empty living room of Suna's apartment. The one he used to share with you, now stripped off of every aspect of you. You moved out, started a new without him.

Suna didn't respond to Komori, instead opting to continue changing the TV channel through all the un-excited programs that are streaming at this late hour. Komori sight, putting the bottle of sake down on the table in front of the couch, Along with two glass cup. The Libero plopped down beside Suna on the couch, pouring a glass of the low-alcohol sake in the two cup. He Picked up one for himself, leaning back on the couch.

There was an awkward silence between the two for a few minutes, as Suna stopped to watch at a channel that is streaming a random movie.

Ever since the day you left, Suna hasn't been doing too good in the team and barely present in practices. Always calling an Excuse of not feeling well. It kept going for awhile now, to the point Komori starts visiting him almost on a daily basis whenever he skipped practice or went home early. He occasionally bring him snacks, light alcohol, and other things he hoped might make Suna's head drift away from his problems or feel a tas but better.

It took Komori awhile, but Suna eventually spilled out the beans one day that you broke up with him after you cheated on him. At first Komori was confused and shock at first, cuz he asumed Suna's the one initiating the break and he never though you would do something like that. But then Suna elaborated a little bit more on the situation, which didn't help on lowering Komori's confusion. Afterall, it's rare for him to hear from someone he knew that the partner whom cheated was the one wanting the break up after confessing, meanwhile the other partner wish for them to stay.

"I know you love her but it's over, mate."

Komori broke the silence first, taking a sip of his sake as his eyes continue looking at the T.V screen. His words made Suna's eyes moved to the side, glancing at him with furrowed eyebrows.

Komori's words made Suna's hand that was holding his phone twitches ever so lightly. That hand made a few motion of wanting to be raise up, so that Suna could see the screen of the device. The screen showing your contact and past texts you two once shared almost on a daily basis. The Libero somehow noticed this, and sight shortly. His long arm reached over to push Suna's phone away from him, putting it on the table in front of them.

"It doesn't matter, put the phone away."

Komori said once again, yet Suna still replies with his silence, refusing to make eye-contact with the Libero.

"It's never easy to walk away. Let her go, It'll be okay."

The lighter haired male continued, wanting to sound reasuring and supportive to his teammate, his friend. He raised the sake glass in his hand and encourages Suna to take his too. Smiling when the middle blocker did so.

"It's gonna hurt for a bit of time. So bottoms up, let's forget tonight."

Komori said, lightly bumping their glass together as a form of a silent 'kanpai'.

"You'll find another and you'll be just fine. Let her go, it'll be alright."

Suna appreciates all the things Komori did for him. Despite only knowing each other after both being accepted to EJP Raijin, Komori is such an understanding teammate, a supportive friend. Suna sometimes feels bad for putting him through the trouble of worrying over his pathetic self.

He knew that Komori's intention is good. He appreciates it. But there are just some pain that cant be healed as fast as one wish to, pain that cant be ignored and forgotten as if nothing ever happened. For him, it was the pain of betrayal and lost of the person who he has been dreaming of the rest of his life with. Yet he cant find it in him to blame things on you. He already stood himself low enough to still wanted you despite the betrayal. His heart and mind was already set on putting you on top of him. And the fact that you let go of him, something that he should've been the one doing the moment he knew you've been cheating on him for awhile, feels hurt-fully kind of you. Of cource Suna always has the though that if you'd agreed on staying with him by his pleads, he wouldn't be able to move on if it were to happen again. Suna was nowhere stupid, he knew you've fallen out of love from him the moment he touched you that night. But he was irrationally desperate as he begged you to stay, as weird as it sounds. And if you were to stay longer, it might escalated in to something more toxic for him and you. Your decision to let him go as soon as you can, is arguably right.

Emotions are weird. It feels weird.

The fact that only time could tell if he'll fully let you go, is probably not the most convincing thing he could tell his teammates, friends and couch. Heck, it's probably not convincing himself either. People told things like that all the time, but when someone they knew say those kinds of things the obvious worries and concerns are clearly seen in their expression. Suna doesn't want that. He doesn't need useless Pity. Lucky for him, Komori, whom the only friend he has that knew about his problem at the moment, never looked at him that way.

With shaky hands, Suna pulled the cup to his lips, drinking the liquid empty with two big gulps. Komori's statement of "forget the night" was just in the moment, no way they could be wasted over this low-alcohol drink. But to him, it still tastes better than cheap beer.

"... Thanks, Komori."

Suna mumbled lowly, barely a whisper but the silence of the whole place Made it audible enough for the ginger haired male.

"Anytime, bro."

For now, acting like the unbothered person he is again is what he could do. He's not one who likes to trouble the people around him.

A/N: I feel like I fail to make people cry everytime I try too hard to describe the emotions and logic behind the feelings and mindset the characters are having. Until I realized that I'm not a physocologic major lol

Cover edit are by me, image used is from the Haikyuu anime

Also Tumblr app is failing on me and keep kicking me out from the app. Idk if it's my phone or the app.

Hope someone would enjoy this

I rarely see much xreader cheating fic where the reader is the one that Made the mistake and the character is the one hurting. So I acted in advance

[aliceaddellheidde]

Birthday boy

A/N: I tried. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUCKY BARNES!!! ❤️💜💙💚💕

WORDS: 1838

WARNINGS: swearing, smut (graphic, 18+)

PAIRING: Bucky Barnes x reader {A/B/O AU}

DISCLAIMERS: English isn´t my first language so sorry for mistakes.

I stole pic from ig of man who looks just like Bucky!!! 😱🤣

Divider by @firefly-graphics

You woke when Sun rays tickled your face. Space next to you was empty and cold which meant that Bucky, your Alpha and husband, went to check borders with his friends. Today was his birthday and you had plans for you both. Nice yummy breakfast, you as a dessert, small party with your big family and then hopefully special evening for you present. You checked if it´s still under pile of your t-shirts and then went down to make breakfast.

Bucky walked in the kitchen twenty minutes later, sweaty. „Good morning beautiful.” he kissed top of your head. „Morning handsome.” He wanted to hug you, but you pushed him away, laughing. „Have a shower first.” „When I´ll be done with you, we both will need another one! Do I really have to go?” He looked at you with puppy eyes. „I dare you to sit to the table dirty and sweaty! Now, shoo.” „Damn you, you feisty Omega.” He groaned but left.

You have been together for six years, four of it as married couple. When you were younger, you were sure you don’t wanna tie down to someone in very young age. But Fate had other plans and one day you literally fell down the stairs right into arms of the most beautiful Alpha in the college. Since that day you couldn’t get his smell from your head. Few weeks later you went on your first date and years later you were married. He worked as auto mechanic and because you didn't have kids yet, you still had your work too.

You heard when he stopped the shower and put bacon and eggs on pan. „All clean and fresh wifey!” Bucky walked to you and kissed you. You smelled cypress and sandalwood from his warm body and deepened kiss a little bit. But sizzling sound ruined everything. „I think our food is ready my little Omega.” he smirked at your pouty face. „Quicker we will be done with this, quicker we can have fun.”

He seated you on kitchen counter, your legs open. Your hands were everywhere, his on your hips as you were stealing air from each other in heated kisses. „Bedroom.” he breathed and picked you up. You were on third step when Steve and Sam walked into your house. „Sorry Y/N, but we need Bucky.” Your husband growled and you apologetically smiled at him. „Again? I was with you in the morning guys.” „We know Buck, but as Alphas we have duties. Even on your birthday.” said Steve. „We will wait outside.” He nudged Sam. „Yeah and girls are waiting for you in the Dome Y/N.” They both left and he finally put you down. „Sometimes I hate being an Alpha. Too much work.” He buried his face into crook of your neck where your connection mark was and then kissed his way to your lips. „I´ll see you later, my sweet Omega.” You kissed his cheek and went to change your pyjama for something more appropriate.

You loved your small family. As you walked to Dome you saw younglings playing with youngest Alpha of your pack, Peter. You all lived in cabin camp encircled by forest and you couldn’t imagine better life.

„Y/N! You are finally here.” „Hi Wan. I heard you need me?” „Yes. You know one Alpha eats for three and we need more food because of guests. Pepper, Sharon and Laura are in the kitchen.” „Yes boss!” Laughing, you walked in the kitchen and were surprised that there was still space to walk. „Are you ok?” you asked your friends, who looked like they were hit by heat wave. „It´s not funny Y/N. It so hot here and windows are not very helpful.” „Sorry Pepper. I´m here to help.” You end up baking cakes and bread and gossiping about your Alphas.

Bucky found you hours later, dressed nicely in jeans and flannel shirt. „Why is your hair wet?” you asked him and yanked croissant from his hand. „Hey! I´m hungry.” „You will have plenty of time later. Now lets go home. I can´t show up on your birthday party covered up in flour.” He laughed with you, easily picking you up and carrying you to your cabin.

You were in shower and he sat on the toilet. „Boys took me to cliff. You know we love jumping in water. Thus wet hair.” „You are like small puppies in adult bodies, I swear.” „Yet you married me.” His eyes were scanning your naked body with dilated pupils and his tongue wetted his lips. „I'm the happiest Alpha on this planet.” His mouth crushed into yours and somehow you ended up lying on your bed underneath him. „I wanted you all morning doll.” He nipped at your neck, clavicles and you gasped when his tongue touched your hardened nipples. You could feel him getting hard as he was rubbing against your wet core. His kisses travelled down your ribs, belly and hips. And finally when he was ready to taste his finest dessert, noise from outside stopped him. You both sighted, defeated. „Damn it! Why they have to cock-blocking me on my birthday?!” You stood up with a huff and put on Bucky´s favourite dress with over-the-knee socks and you chuckled when you heard his breath hitched. „You like it?” You turned to him. „Fuck Omega. You are killing me! Once we are done at the party I´m putting a baby in you.” You moaned at the idea of it. „That´s what you want?” You nodded vigorously. „Words, my sweet Omega.” His fingers traced your face and shoulders. „Yes Alpha. I want your pups.” He smiled wildly. „Great. I love you doll.” He kissed you gently. „Time to go.” He took your hand and together you went to welcome your friends from other packs.

Bucky was happy. He was having great time eating, drinking, singing, playing games and telling stories with other members yet he was checking you from time to time. Once you were with other Omegas, then eating and talking to young Betas. But his heart fluttered when he saw you playing with kids. You were laughing and tickling them and you glowed under warm light in the Dome. He felt his Alpha stirring deep inside of him and your smell overpowered the others. It was feral feel he couldn’t fight any more. He had to have you.

You instinctively felt his eyes on you and when you looked his way he was already standing and walking your way. He was few metres away from you but you smelled his cypress and sandalwood immediately. It made you all warm and your heart sped up. „Sorry kids. I need some fresh air.” They all protested but you were already walking away.

„Fuck you and fuck all my friends.” he growled once he had you pinned against barn wall in the dark. He wasn't angry, just frustrated. And his voice was making you wetter with every word he said. „I will make you feel better.” Your small hand was fumbling with his belt but he stopped you. „No. There is no time. I have to be in you. Now.” You quickly took off your panties and seconds late you were lifted by his strong arms. His cock was warm at your entrance and his breath shallow. „Please Bucky. Keep your promise my big, strong Alpha. Put a baby in me.” He snarled and pushed himself inside of you in one movement. Your loud moans for sure heard guests at the party even over the music. But neither of you cared. „Please move Bucky.” He smirked and started shifting in and out in fast strokes. His thumb was playing with your clit and in mere minutes you felt him growing inside of you and you revealed your neck for him more. His knot swelled and his teeth sank in your soft flesh. Your body was built for this but it was still like someone threw you under hot water. Your body was burning, you were hardly breathing and your head was numb from all that pleasure. Bucky was slowly licking drops of blood from your neck and then he kissed you. „You are the best my sweet, sweet Omega.” He pushed damp hair from your face. „You think it worked?” You were trying for baby for over two months now. You cheekily smirked at him. „It worked three weeks ago.” He was shocked. „What?! And you didn't tell me?” „Happy birthday daddy.” He kissed you again, this time tenderly. „I can´t believe it! All those role plays and other things we did, worked.” You smiled at him lovingly. „It did.” For moment you were quiet. „We should go back.” he sighted. „But damn girl your triggered my Rut again.” He pull out off you slowly and helped you to clean yourself with his shirt. „And you my Heat, so we are even.” He crouched down, his face in front of your belly. „Hello baby.” he said softly. „I love you. And your momma.” You caressed his head and started to cry. „Oh baby, we made her teary. Don’t worry. I´m gonna fix it.” He stood up and took your face in his hands. „You are not going on the party again. Go home. I will be there soon.” He kissed your nose and was watching as you walked to your cabin.

He went the other direction. Some unmated Omegas were glancing at him but he didn't care. He stood up in the middle of small stage and tapped on microphone. Everyone looked at him. „I wanna thank you all for coming to my birthday party and for the presents. But now I have to leave you and take care of my pregnant wife.” His smile was wide when he looked over the surprised faces. „I'm gonna be a father!” he shouted and room erupted in happy screams and congratulations. „Ok, ok. Yeah, it´s amazing. Thank you all again and good night.” He almost ran away from there as he felt another hot wave rush through his body.

You were waiting for him in your bed with wooden box and card on top of it. „Is it for me?” You nodded and watched him as he opened the card and started to cry over black and white photo. „It´s so tiny.” he choked. „I know.” Now you were crying too. „Our baby Barnes.” „And what´s in the box?” „Open it.” He did and took out small pair of trainers. One had 'girl' on it and the other one had 'boy'. „I don’t know which one we are having so I took both.” you whispered. He reached in box again and found soft bodysuits in different colours and a dummy. After few moments when he was just staring at it and silently crying, he smiled at you. „It´s best birthday present ever. Thank you doll.” You put everything away and climbed on top of him. „Ready for round two, birthday boy?”

[suganovakawa]

i have been holding this idea to myself for an entire MONTH AHAHA but here we are , i’m a big gorl now and i really wanted to share the angst — along with finally starting a blog on tumblr . so yeah ! i’m new , pls be kind to me , i have food 👉🏼👈🏼 i hope you enjoy my first story !

𝐒𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐀𝐃𝐄 .

PAIRINGS : tooru oikawa x fem! reader

GENRE : angst , romance

TRIGGERS : bits of cursing here n there , ig ?

SYNOPSIS : tooru doesn’t understand how special you are to him until he comes close to losing you forever . as he struggles to comes to grips with his feelings and balance it with his future , you still have to recover from your own injuries , but without your memories to assist you .

[ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐎𝐍𝐄 ] > 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐓𝐖𝐎 .

the beginning of a storm ; why was tooru at seijoh so late ?

word count : 1.9k .

saudade masterlist.

SAUDADE

( 𝐧 . ) a nostalgic longing to be near again to something or someone that is distant , or that has been loved and then lost ; “ the love that remains ”

⠀"tooru? i've tried calling you for almost an hour now... what are you still doing here?" the janitor had allowed you an entrance inside seijoh, your light jacket pressed against your body as you scuffled through the gym doors, your tongue clicking as you eyed a certain brunette captain serving his god-knows-how-many time of deadly top-spin serves.

⠀his eyes darted in your direction the moment your voice filled the echoey gym walls, your concerned tone ringing back and forth as his brown irises glared at you through narrow eyelids. a nervous lump grew in your throat, your stomach understanding the regret in the decision you made. oikawa was in one of his moods again; you should've known better than to barge in during his serving practice.

⠀still, even with your boyfriend acting the way he was - without saying a single word - there was no use in just leaving aoba johsai as quickly as you arrived. you came to check on tooru, and that was exactly what you were going to do. "it's late, tooru. we still have school tomorrow! you need your rest, please give yourself a break, it'll do more harm than good for you."

⠀"you say that every time, y/n." oikawa rolled his eyes as he bent down to grab a nearby volleyball rolling at his feet, palming it in his right hand and pointing it at the net. his focus was intent - you knew exactly what he was doing. for the past couple of weeks, the captain focused his practice on serving, locking in and applying all of his power to one spot on the court only. it was a feat not many could accomplish, but tooru was scarily coming close to mastering such a challenge. it required extra practice, of course, but certainly not to this extent.

⠀"as your girlfriend and as the manager of the aoba johsai volleyball team, i'm worried about you, you know?" taking a deep, brave breath, you stepped further into the gym, your footsteps creating more echoes for the two of you to listen to as you approached the sweat-covered third year, who had paused his serving practice to watch you come to him. his lips were pursed - and not in a way that sent your heart aflutter. oikawa hated when you disturbed him and tried talking him out of practicing; he'd give any reason and excuse to avoid it.

⠀"just one more serve, alright? then you can drag me out, whatever. i don't really want to listen to your self-health lectures right now." his free hand rested on his hips, the volleyball now resting between his waist and underneath his arm, interrupting you as your mouth opened to say something more. you had grown accustomed to tooru's mood swings as time went on; he didn't mean much by it, and you understood his position. his passion towards the sport was what originally captivated you towards the captain in the first place. you weren't exactly part of his fanclub, per se, but you sure as hell were close enough as a member. the only difference between you and the other girls was that you were lucky enough to snag the job as the volleyball club manager.

⠀"one serve, tooru." your arms crossed as you bit back his nasty glare with one of your own. most of the time, it worked. "push your luck and i'll call iwaizumi here to drag you out of the gym himself." you and hajime were always a tag team whenever it came to putting an iron fist down on tooru, though the stubborn male usually only listened to iwa, since he was the one who packed a nasty punch. oikawa did listen to you occasionally, just not as much as you would've liked.

⠀he rolled his eyes and turned away from you in place of a reply, holding the ball out in front of him. he was silent, and so were you. this was his routine for practice, all of his dirty talk could wait for the matches. you moved to his sports bag, sighing to yourself as you saw his cellphone plopped on top of his club jacket like a cherry on top. he must've had his ringer off, which would explain why he didn't pick up any of your calls. crossing your arms lightly over your chest, you watched with intent eyes as your boyfriend tossed his ball into the air, his gaze directly focused on nothing else but the flying object. he began his standard approach, your breath held as the gym exploded with the sound of his palm coming in contact with the volleyball. your eyes could hardly follow its path; you blinked once, and the ball was already bouncing against the wall.

⠀"damn, another fluke." you were about to compliment tooru's killer serve before you listened to him reprimand himself - you could tell this wasn't the first time he scolded himself for a mistake only he could identify. you noticed him walking to grab another ball, but you ran out to him, kicking his targeted ball out of reach before looking up at him and pressing a finger to his chest lightly.

⠀"enough, tooru. you promised me only one more serve. you've done that already, pack up so we can leave already. you have tomorrow to continue."

⠀"what the hell, y/n? i was just going to-"

⠀you knew him way too well to believe his next lie. "don't even try and say you were going to start picking up volleyballs. i see that look in your eyes, as clear as a cloudless day. you were intent on serving again, tooru; you can't lie to me. you-"

⠀"could you just stop already? who are you, my mother?" he clenched his jaw as he swatted your finger away from his chest, storming away from you as he bent down to pick up another ball, just right behind the boundary line. "i know you care, y/n. you make that very clear. but i can take care of myself, okay? just go home."

⠀"tooru-"

⠀"go, y/n."

⠀oh hell no you weren't.

⠀not without him leaving too.

⠀you turned the corner and pretended to leave seijoh, your face faking its exasperation. leaning against the wall right outside of the gym doors, you reached into your front pocket, your phone warm in your hand. unlocking the screen and searching through your contacts, you tapped the call button for the one person that had the ability to drag oikawa out of the gymnasium.

⠀"hello?"

⠀"iwa! thank goodness you answered."

⠀"it's so late, y/n. do you need help burying a body or something?"

⠀"i wish. i hope this isn't too much to ask, but could you please come to seijoh? tooru refuses to stop practicing, and he won't listen to me."

⠀"god, again?" a sigh could be heard from the other line. "yeah, i'll be right there. open the door for me, will you?"

⠀"thank you so much, iwa. i'll be at the door."

⠀you hung up the call, your eyes gazing at the doors as you waited for your friend to appear. you bit down on the side of your cheek and listened to every sound of contact tooru made with every serve. nothing could get him out of his moods - at least, not anything verbal. you'd need physical force to actually get him to step out of the gym doors. hence, why you needed hajime here.

⠀you heard a knock at the door a few minutes later, and you just about sprinted, a gracious smile stretched upon your lips as you allowed iwaizumi into the school. he looked like he rolled out of bed, his mouth in his natrual scowl. when his eyes laid upon you, his glare softened when he looked at your smile. "alright, where is he?"

⠀"in the gym, where he always is."

⠀"allow me." rolling up his own sleeves, the spiky-haired ace marched through the gym doors with you in line behind him, peering over him to look at oikawa's face the moment he was in the setter's line of vision.

⠀"oh, it's iwa. i'm not surprised, y/n is too stubborn to listen to me."

⠀"you're one to talk, shittykawa. don't you know what time it is?" taking out his phone and shaking it to make a point, he wasted no time in walking towards the brunette. you were nervous; usually oikawa would falter at the sight of hajime alone, but tonight seemed to be different. instead of giving in, he merely gave his new company a dirty glare. "go home already. it's late, we have school tomorrow, and the playoffs are soon. you're just going to tire yourself out, and i'll beat your ass if we don't face the other teams at our best." he then chuckled. "i've pulled you out of here myself multiple times, don't think i won't do it again."

⠀oikawa turned his icy stare at you, before glancing back at hajime with a bored yawn. "fine, fine," he retorted, throwing his calloused hands up in mock surrender, "you win, y/n. happy? i'm leaving the gym now, so don't be any more pushy than you have been tonight. it's giving me a headache."

⠀those words hurt more than you thought they would, tooru antagonizing the fact that you were only trying to care for him. your eyes rested at your feet, letting your hair rest in front of your face as you listened to tooru's volleyball shoes walk across the gym. you could hear iwa's as well; the two of them were picking up the volleyballs around the court, but your legs were in no position to help, not with how fragile they felt.

⠀you looked up on time to see oikawa slinging his bag over his shoulder, his nasty little glare plastered all over his face as he began to walk out of the gym. "goodnight," was the only thing he muttered as he brushed against your shoulder with his own on his way out. your head whirled around as you watched your boyfriend walk away without another word. you didn't have it in you to reply.

⠀"are you sure you two are in a relationship?" you jumped at iwa's voice, just noticing him standing beside you. "he didn't even bother asking to drive you home. some boyfriend he is."

⠀"ah, don't be like that, iwa." you forced yourself to laugh at the situation in a desperate attempt to make light of it, but the effort was futile, and utterly pathetic. "tooru's a good boyfriend! he just gets in his moods sometimes, but it happens to the best of us. nothing i can't handle. after a good night's rest, i'm sure he'll be back to normal in no time."

⠀"i hope you're right." he turned to face you, peering down at you before placing both of his hands in his pockets. "do you need a ride home? i know you live close by, but it's gotten colder now, and we can't have our manager catching a cold on us."

⠀this time a real laugh left your system, shrugging your shoulders as you looked to the outside, before back at hajime. he looked pretty serious, despite looking fatigued. "are you sure, iwa? i don't want to bother you with it."

⠀"nonsense." he shook his head. "since your boyfriend couldn't do his job in taking care of you, i'll just drive you home tonight. okay?"

⠀your heart dropped at his words.

⠀your boyfriend couldn't do his job in taking care of you.

⠀"... yeah, okay."

a / n : JFJSJFJFJF i wrote just a wee bit much , usually i’ll aim for around 1k , maybe a lil less on lazy days . anywho ! ty for reading , i hope you enjoyed part one 🥺

[astroninaaa]

Hot take a talk about technoblade:

Okay look I've been part of this fandom since August(thank god cuz i watched it all live and it woukd be a nightmare to caatch up) I bring this up cuz i want to discuss my problem with technos character. I have watched every single techno livestream that he made on dream smp and believe it or not i used to be a techno sympathiser that is until doomsday. (By techno apologist standards i am qualified to talk about his character hooray..)

Now techno like every character is flawed if he wasn't he would be boring fandom. One of his biggest flaws is being a hypocrite. That is not something you realise until you compare what he says all the time so you need to look a little deeper to realise it and i don't blame people for not seeing it.

This wouldn't be that much of a problem because that is a character flaw among with many others but the problem that his character has faced is that he doesn't develop much.

Now i hear techno apologist jump at me every single time noooo he isn't a stagnant character he has developed a lot. I am not saying that he hasn't developed at all the problem is that he has developed very little especially when you consider everything.

His goals his ideas his perception of the world what he believes him everything that makes his character him hasn't changed much and that is not a good thing from a writing perspective. Now why do i bring this up. Firstly I'm not saying this to say techno is a bad writer far from it he can be very good when he puts his mind to it. The problem with keeping a character in this state is that it's very harmful for said character first and to the story and other characters second. Look even at yourselves i can guarantee that you aren't the exact same person you were like five years ago for example because during that time you made mistakes learned from them and you grew. Just like in real life you also can't stay stagnant in fiction.

Okay so that's the main problem with technos character that he is stagnant as a character. Now this wouldn't be as big of a problem if he didn't have the role that he has.

You see techno both c! and cc! are very good at the game basically. Now why do i bring this up. The reason why i bring this up is bc of where this places techno whuch is at the very top of the chain don't try and seny it. This means that he is one of the most powerful people on the server if you are going to try and go against this point just look at lmanberg guys that's living proof of how powerful and how terrifying he actually is. I know a lot of you are gonna say but every can get stacked or play the game but you guys forget that even if you are stacked you just don't have the skill and cc! Techno of the best people when it comes to that which bleeds into his character. Saying that is like looking at the upper class than looking at the lower class saying just get rich like it doesn't work like that.

Because of his role techno is literally the 1% by rl standards which means he can a lit of things free of consequences bc no one can give him said consequences. The butcher army was ig an attempt at that but they failed miserably let's be real here.

Because he is in the 1% is incredibly skilled at pvp and can do anything bc no one can challenge him this places him on a pedestal and creates a power imbalance a very big one at that.

And that leads to his biggest problem he has practically everything as said by Techno himself and is never challenged, but that's not an interesting character. An audience gets tired for a character that always wins or loses. Because if it happens repeatedly it just takes all the suspense oh he will win immediately. He will go and slaughter them problem solved. That's it every time. Something that techno himself confirmed is then when he has a problem he just stabs it (both of these were said during the egg stream).

And if you are going to bring the things he went through to say he's changed don't cuz as long as he doesn't act on it it means nothing. Like examples Red festival killed tubbo an ally. Traumatic experience right? This is a good moment to develop his character and give us more insight. What happens? Techno tries to dismiss it and shows us his anxiety and gives us insight on his character Great! Character development? Starting to question himself just a bit or any sign of that event having an effect on him? Nope! Why? Cuz he doesn't act on it instead he tries to hide the fact that ever happened and changes to a different topic bc there is no justification there and he knows it. Nov 16th c!technos pov he just got betrayed caused some damage wished death upon his former allies and left. Quite a dramatic scene. He feels betrayed time for some good old character development. Him thinking about himself and his actions. Reflecting on them. Great moment! Problem: literally everything that shows this is done off camera and now suddenly he's retired... Okay you know what fine it's alright he would probably expand upon and did a timeskip to explain the ling time he didn't stream. I see where it's comming from. The butcher army ge gets hunted down bc actions have consequences techno and you can't just run away like that not after doing that. Great point from the butcher army. Go give him some consequences his character needs it. And then he gets executed alright a bit too far but i guess that's how it goes in this server. Techno gets his life back immediately.. well that was a bit pointless but alright a cool scene for the animatic fair. Then he kills quackity.. the butcher army lost.. this.. what? But this was the moment of consequences... and quackity didn't get it back like techno the butcer aemy lost more than techno what? Moving along he teams up with tommy aannnd the 50 withers are up and ready of course you didn't fully retire what was i expecting. And now team up with tommy perfect way to learn about dream and give more insight on lmanberg and how dream is a tyrant and everything techno is supposed to stand against. The green festival tommy chooses tubbo over techno techno feels betrayed understandable.... and then he teams up with dream lmanberg is destroyed and the underdogs are beaten to the ground loose everything they ever worked for and are taught to be scared of the anarchists?!?!?!?!

Okay now hold up a sec I'll have to stop you right there. What. did. you. just. do. Cuz there is a limit to the amount of stuff you can let a character get away with. The line was crossed months ago this is not good at all.

Also what are yoi guys talking about consequences. Lives? All 3 home? Right there pets? The ones that died were the ones he brought expecting to not live he brought them there on purpose so they don't count. He is one of the most wealthy peoole on the server (no one beats ranboo lol) what did he exactly loose? Friendships? Was that all the hardships you guys have?

Lmanberg lost their home their lives their wealth their pets their friend everything they loved and lived for everything they stood for they lost a part of themselves in the end.

Look at the last 2 paragraphs and how imbalanced that is. How are you guys blind to this How?! And why did doomsday happen? Because the butcher army failed. And if anything techno proved them that they should have punished him harder with this.

So what was the lesson of doomsday?

That you shoukd obey the people on top and never go against them or you will loose everything you love.

Great lesson guys this is exactly the lesson the rich class and every single tyrant tried to teach society and this lesson is being told by the anarchist great job....

Do you see the problem now. This is the reason techno needs a consequence bc if he keeps going like this he will become a Mary Sue. And that is a horrible direction for a character that has a lot of potential. That potential is why i liked his character that much in the beginning but now it's almost non existent. Anyway I'll end this now cuz this went on for too long. That's basically my opinion on it feel free to share your thoughts.

okay. okay. i read this like three times bc. because look

i agree in some very specific points, but i disagree in very broad manners.

(this entire......... essay is all /rp and /nm!!!!)

anyways. send me hot takes!!!

i like c!techno. i personally think he's one of the most fun characters to watch because i enjoy the mess, the crazyness, the chaos of it all. watching doomsday through c!tommy's eyes was painful. watching doomsday through c!techno's eyes was just so fucking hilarious and exciting and fun. he's just a fun character to watch. he's just Funny. i am a fan. however

for starters: ctechno is, 100%, out of the park, an stagnant character. he has little to no development throughout the story. we see no changes in how he acts. that's not necessarily a bad thing, but considering the type of character he is, watching him develop (be it to an actually full-fledged villain or towards a redemption arc) would be ideal to keep him a character people can actually support.

i wouldn't say he's a hypocrite. c!techno has a very strict moral code and he follows it with no hesitation, with no doubts. the point is that his moral code is flawed and skewed. that doesn't make him a hypocrite, that makes him someone with bad morals.

calling c!techno "the 1%" is a stretch. for one- c!ranboo has as much resources, if not more, as c!techno does. he has dozens of totems, thousands of emeralds, and probably has one of the higher counts of diamond and netherite on the server. why is that never brought up? because it doesnt matter. c!foolish has so much gold and diamonds and netherite and just everything, really, and it's also never brought up/a reason for people to be afraid of him. the dream smp isn't a capitalist universe, there's no "1%". specially bc there's, like, i don't know, 20 players? that makes c!techno 1/20 OR 3/20 if we count c!ranboo and c!foolish. but that's not the point at all: the point is that ctechno is feared bc he's skilled and has a relevant personality, not bc he has resources. c!wilbur has no shit and he's still terrifying, there's no character willing to oppose him. not because of resources, but because of who he is. when c!techno first fled from l'manburg into "retirement" he had no shit either, it took him a while to be rich again. no one attacked him either way.

why, you ask? bc he fought against c!quackity with a fucking pickaxe and won. that's why. c!techno doesn't need resources to be feared. the power imbalance doesn't come from his resources, it comes from others’s fear. and they have a reason for that fear, bc c!techno hasn't been defeated yet. that has nothing to do with "upper class" and "lower class". because, one, not a capitalist system and class disparity isn't as simple as that, and two, even without his "riches" he still wins, bc he's got the skill. if you take out the skill, him being rich means nothing and he wouldve been easily killed by the butcher army or c!tommy or whoever decided to kill him. a good example is, once again, c!ranboo: if he wasn't friends with everyone and someone decided to actually fight him like was done with c!techno, he would've died. easily. being rich in the smp is relative.

c!techno will be challenged when we have a character strong enough to challenge him in a way that matters. it's important to be smart about it. that's why i'd love to see, out of everyone, c!philza turn against him, but that's a how other discussion (WHICH I'M WILLING TO TALK ABOUT.......... everytime i make these and i add little point i dont elaborate on and then say i'm willing to talk about them and no one ever asks me to <//3 PAIN /nm /lh).

i do think he's a character that just Always Win in narrative ways and that's very frustrating. he does need to get pulled a few notches down. again, that will only happen when we have a character that can step up to him and challenge him in a way that matters (woooo c!philza you want to hold c!techno accountable for his bullshit so bad woooo........)

now, onto c!techno's trauma. he doesn't need to show it. he- he doesn't. that's........ not how trauma works, and that's one of the points that make his trauma so forgettable for the viewers. c!techno is, from inside out, a character that hardly shows his emotions, but that doesn't mean he doesn't display symptons of trauma. he does, they're just a lot more subtle than other characters's. that doesn't mean he doesn't have any or that he isn't affect by it. c!techno is, in a lot of ways, a lot like c!tubbo: both of them don't mention the shit they've gone through and don't react to it and bc of that some of the viewers don't see how important some traumatic events were in their characterisation. that's why you analyse those characters's trauma through behavior, not through easily seen displays of trauma.

i do think it's taken a little too far with c!techno. the way he reacted to c!tommy's death was...... disappointing, to say the least. c!techno is an underwhelming character in many ways. as said before, it's because he's stagnant. that definitely needs to be worked on.

about the syndicate? yeah, no. theyre not teaching others to fear them. others just Do That bc of their history on the server, but they have literally talked about how they want to better their reputation, bc they don't want to be seen as murderers or oppressors in any way. are they flawed? yes, very much. they have no indicators of what is or isn't a government and they show no regard around the importance of a difference between an oppressive and a democratic government.

they had no right to show up at c!tubbo's door and interrogate him, because they can't appoint themselves as government police. for starters, that's not how anarchy works (they should've had everyone's permission for that. they obviously don't), but also it's just... stupid. it makes it seem that they're trying to boss everyone around so that they live like the syndicate wants them to, which goes directly against the syndicate's own ideals. however, c!techno thinks he has that right. he thinks this is what he's supposed to do. he's just following his moral code - his moral code is just deeply, deeply flawed. what he says and what he does contradict each other but not for him, not to his interpretation. to his interpretation, he's following his strict moral code.

what happened at doomsday was horrible and c!techno has to be held accountable for it, yes, but, again, no character knows how to work around c!techno enough to hold him accountable for it. that's not c!techno's fault.

l'manburg just deserved better, honestly, but to be fair c!techno has been taken advantage of time and time again (sometimes purposefully, sometimes not) and he's fucked up in the head, god bless LMAOOOOOOO

i agree that things need to change otherwise he's just gonna keep being a stagnant character who can get away with everything. i do think he has more to him than meets the eye, tho. meh idk that's still just analysis!!! we have no way of knowing the intent behind c!techno's characterisation, at least not for now. i hope for the best tho cc!techno don't let me down <3

[your-daily-biaswrecking]

Serva me, Servabo te

save me and I will save you

pairing: photographer!Taehyung x f.reader

genre: angst, smut, slight enemies to lovers

word count: 7.3k  |  reading time: 40 min

chapter summary: flash backs clear the mystery of their first encounter, they fight over it, and then things get a bit heavier

warnings: there’s finally some sexy stuff going on yall, alcohol usage, metions of cheating, some dirty talk ig, some not very fluffy smut, almost angry fucking, dubious I’d say, fingering f.receiving, oral f.receiving, kinda dom!Tae, name calling kink? idk

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Chapter 5: Irresistible urges of the past

3 years, 2 months, and 14 days ago at 7:35 pm

The party was Yoonji's idea but you never complained. Well, okay, you complained a little bit. But that was only when you heard the approximate number of guests that had been invited so far and argued your small, shared apartment would probably collapse from the total weight in it. You offered to move the function over to the bar down the street, but apparently, that's not a house-warming party.

"How on earth are so many people coming, anyway? We have, like, five friends at most. And that is including the lunch lady."

Yoonji gave you those puppy eyes. "Well, actually, Jimin just made an Instagram story to get the word out, not thinking many would wanna come," she mumbled under her breath, almost like she was trying to avoid giving you the explanation. "But it turns out ever since that video he did, lots and lots of people wanna be his friend now."

You exhaled hard, making a pathetic sound. "You gave the guy you've only been seeing for a couple of weeks permission to invite people to our party?"

She pouted at you. "I thought you liked him. Plus, he offered to do this for us. We barely know people here, Amy, this party is going to be the best to see new faces."

You chewed your lip as you were setting the drinks on the table in a nice order and contemplated your roommate's words. "What do you need new people for?" you whined. "You already have a best friend and a hot boyfriend."

Yoonji bumped her shoulder on your arm playfully. "But you don't. Who knows, maybe you'll like one of Jimin's friends."

You rolled your eyes at her, but that didn't cover up the smile that had started to form. "Doubt it," you objected. "Models are not exactly my type."

You heard Yoonji laugh from the kitchen. "Jimin's not a model!" she shouted back. Then peeked her head around the doorway to raise an eyebrow at you. "I mean, you're not entirely wrong."

People that you had never even seen before started showing up at your place, and without fail, they all asked where Jimin and Taehyung were. Rude, you thought. That was not their party; something that could easily be deduced by how they weren't even there yet. Also, when had Jimin become so popular all of a sudden? And who the fuck was Taehyung?

At about an hour after the place was already packed and your roommate's boyfriend had finally made an appearance, Yoonji just so happened that she was constantly MIA, and the task of welcoming the people that kept and kept on coming, fell entirely on your shoulders. A task that briefly seemed not so bad when you opened the door and a brown-haired, pretty boy stood in front of you. You guessed models were indeed invited to that party, the only explanation you could come up with for why the most handsome man you had ever led your eyes upon was looking at you and smiling.

"Is this Yoonji's and... Amy's party?" he asked and you were taken aback by his deep, raspy voice that countered his charming face.

"Yes," you said, letting him in. "And are you on the bride's or the groom's side?" You hated the joke the moment it left your lips, a moment too late to take it back. Five full seconds spent with a cute boy and you were already acting weird.

But the boy laughed, and the sound quite literally lifted your spirits. "I am with Jimin if that's what you're asking."

"Of course you are. Jacket?" You offered your hands up for him.

"Oh, right, where can I leave this?" he asked as he slid the piece of garment off his shoulders. You opened the door right behind you, a door that normally led to a small storage space, but you had turned into a temporary closet with all the jackets and purses you had shoved in there. The boy leaned next to you as he tried to find somewhere to leave his outerwear without just dropping it on the pile on the floor.

"Let me," you offered, taking a random jacket that hung from the ironing board, abandoning it on the ground, and replacing it with the pretty boy's one. That's pretty privilege for you.

He chuckled. "Whose was that? Is that okay?"

"Who cares, it's my house."

"Oh," he exclaimed, watching you more closely as you closed the door again and turned to him with your lips awkwardly pressed into a thin line. You pinned your body on the wall, waiting for him to move or say something. "You're Amy?" You nodded, and the boy burst out a big smirk. "Well, well, well..." he rasped. "I'm gonna kick Jimin's ass so hard. He didn't tell me Yoonji had such a cute roommate."

The way your entire face felt like it had caught on fire in a split second almost scared you. It definitely made your eyes widen and your head go into a defense mode; you had never flustered before, of course your brain would think it was under attack. And of course you would reply with something stupid again, like snorting and saying: "Right. And you are?"

"Kim Taehyung, freshly graduated and aspiring big photographer," he proudly introduced himself. It all suddenly seemed to click and you barely held yourself from gasping right in his face. He extended a hand to you, and you took it, ready to shake it. Instead, he surprised you by bringing it to his lips and planting a soft kiss right between your knuckles. "Enchanté," he whispered with his dark eyes piercing yours.

The stupid fire all over your face got worse. So worse all you could do was quickly pull away and scoff at him, but also laugh. "That was too much!"

"Sorry," he chuckled and gave you a big, boxy grin. "I was trying to make you swoon."

You couldn't help but mimic his energy. "Does that ever work on anyone?" Well, what a liar you are. It had literally turned your stomach into a knot.

And Taehyung, almost as if he knew that, smirked at you. "You'd be surprised."

Okay, so you may have overreacted a tiny bit when you took off running away from Taehyung. There could possibly have been other ways to go about it, like gently pushing him off and telling him this was a mistake, trying to talk, or even staying silent. Your head was spinning so hard as you stumbled down that path wishing you don't get lost in the foggy state your mind had dipped in due to the haste. And it had almost cleared, you had almost stopped to think about this rationally and wait for the photographer so that you could walk home together, but the longer you thought about it more clearly, the faster you ran. You didn't even know if it was fear or shame that was powering your flight, but it had to be one of those.

The further you stayed locked in your room, the later emotion became more and more prominent. You saw Taehyung emerge from the trees sometime later and get in the house, you heard him on the downstairs floor, you saw the lights turn on and off... He was everywhere, and you were hiding away, terrified and ashamed. How could you ever meet his eyes again? But most importantly, how would you face yourself in the mirror? You knew that was the worst part of the whole situation; you let your own self down.

3 years, 2 months, and 14 days ago at 1:23 am

You returned on the corner that Taehyung and you had been occupying all night long with a drink in your hands, swaying around and trying to survive the mob of drunk college students that were doing what you were sure they thought was dancing in the middle of the living room. Some of the drink spilled on the way and you're not sure if it was because of all the bumping on people or the way you had started seeing everything double and losing your balance pretty easily.

"What the hell happened to my chair?" you whined as you found the photographer sitting there alone when you had specifically asked him to save you the seat.

He shrugged. "I couldn't defend it, sorry." Then he spread his legs wide and pat his thigh, looking up at you with a smirk. "Just sit here."

You didn't think twice; sat down on his offered position, swinging your legs to the side to completely lie on his lap and an arm around his neck for balance. Your face was inches away from his, so much so you could smell the alcohol in his breath, his hands instantly on your waist and hips to pull you close. But it felt so comfortable. Since the moment you met, you hadn't left each other's side, and you hadn't stopped touching. Touching as in holding hands while talking or pushing him while laughing, playing with your clothes or stroking each other's hair. It seemed like there was always an excuse, or, better yet, constantly a need to touch.

"Ugh!" he gagged when he took one sip of the drink you had brought right to his lips. "What is this shit?"

You giggled. "Tequila."

"Is it just tequila?"

You kept giggling. "Actually, we ran out of soft drinks so I mixed it with water."

His mouth dropped open and he started laughing, too. "Of course! Why wouldn't you!" His hands around your body squeezed you tighter and you had to squirm around, still a need to get even closer.

"It's not that bad," you proclaimed, then took a sip from the same straw and had your entire face scrunch up. "See?"

Taehyung had gotten serious, staring at you intensely, as he slowly brought the straw right on his tongue yet again. He took a generous gulp, then offered the drink to you, his eyes fixed on your lips and the way they wrapped around right where his had just been. His stare gave you goosebumps, and you pressed yourself even closer, your hip flushed right against his lower abdomen.

"You know I don't drink," he said in a whisper. He didn't need to speak louder, you were right there. "I'm only doing this for you."

"Well," you mumbled as your fingers ran through the back of his hair. "That makes two of us doing something we don't usually do tonight." And you meant it. You never did this; whatever this was. Sitting on a cute boy's lap that you had only met a couple of hours ago, ready to devour him with the first chance you got. And boy, would you devour him.

"We haven't done anything yet," Taehyung noted, his hand dipping between your legs to pinch your thing.

"Yet," you murmured, pressing even closer to him, feeling his erection grow against your hip.

Your eyes alone could communicate. And all they conveyed was the urgency to get out of there. The need to be alone. Your entire body burned with that need, or maybe it was the alcohol. With no words spoken, you both got up, holding hands not to get lost in the crowd, and searched in the apartment for an empty room. The bathroom was locked, the kitchen busy, one bedroom filled with boys playing video games and the other with smokers. Taehyung pulled you towards the exit; he wasn't about to let the moment escape him. He would get you in his car or even back to his place if he had to, just to get his hands properly on you.

But you didn't have time for that. You needed him right away. So you opened up that makeshift closet and shoved him inside. Space was limited and your bodies were naturally pressed together. The moment the door closed behind you, you realized how dark it was; the light switch being outside, forgotten. You felt his hands ran up your body, trying to blindly find your face with haste like he was being chased.

His lips found yours. And you indeed devoured each other. He had you pinned against the door and his fingers through your hair as he kissed you like a starved man. You know how first kisses almost always suck? How it takes a while to find the right rhythm, to lean into it just enough to match the other's technic? That was nothing like that. It was the best kiss you had ever had, it was so perfect and so right. The way his lips moved over your own and his tongue stroked you, it was like you had done this a million times already, or simply like you were made for each other.

Nothing could stop you now. Not even your common sense that would advise you against fucking just anyone in that tiny space, when everyone was still outside. But common sense had left you long ago. Your body was being controlled by an innate, animalistic hunger. And you moaned his name as you straddled his waist and let him suck hickeys into your neck. And you thought about how this is the best thing that had happened to you as you started taking off his belt.

You heard it again; a thump in the room. This time it was certainly not just in your head. You looked around -let's be honest- scared out of your mind because the last thing you needed right now was for something to be hidden in there with you.

"Tae?" you asked in a low voice, just in case he was playing a stupid prank on you. But you were met with silence.

Until it happened again, a louder tap, and this time you determined it was coming from the window. Slowly, while keeping your body as far away as you could, you got closer. You stared at the glass, trying to figure out why it was making that sound. Then you saw it; a small pebble clashing on the pane and disappearing just as fast. You opened it immediately and leaned outside.

"What the hell?" you shouted when you noticed the shadow-covered man standing in the garden under your room. "What are you doing down there?"

Taehyung tossed away the stones he had in his palms, straining his neck to look up at you. "I wanted to talk to you."

"And you thought -instead of just coming to my room- it'd be easier to walk downstairs, get outside and throw rocks at my window?"

"I thought you wouldn't let me in if I just knocked on your door," he explained.

You groaned. He wasn't wrong; you would have probably continued to hide away and avoid him. But he didn't have to be so dramatic about it. Well, not that you are one to talk. "Ugh, just- get your ass in here," you shouted back.

"You're gonna talk to me?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

You groaned again. "Yes!"

You saw Taehyung run inside as if he was afraid you would change your mind in the meantime. Perhaps you would. You really didn't want to talk to him. What would you even say? You had no excuse to give him, or no excuse you wanted him to know, anyway. All you wanted was to pretend he wasn't even there until morning came; then you could drive back home and go back to pretending you didn't even know each other.

"He is crazy," you mumbled to yourself as you decided you couldn't evade this anymore. "No, that man is certified insane!" you kept on complaining to no one as you opened your door and dashed away.

You ran into him in the middle of the staircase. Stood there, just a step away from him, with your arms folded over your chest, keeping your eyes anywhere but on him.

"So?" you spat.

"I wanted to talk to you," he said in a whisper, a tone that sounded like he was guilty of something.

"Yes, I got that. You can talk now."

He looked down at your feet. "Here?"

You scoffed and moved past him, jogging down the stairs and taking a turn towards the kitchen. The boy followed you diligently. When you reached the room, you immediately grabbed a glass and filled it with water, chugging it down in one go and going for a second turn. You really wished this was something stronger, looking around to see if you could spot a bottle of some kind of liquor. You would need it if you were to have the conversation you thought you would.

"I have a confession to make," Taehyung announced after he decided the silence was enough.

You froze, the glass of water still against your lips, and you looked at him from the corner of your eyes. "Oh, please," you groaned but still couldn't move. "No more confessions from you."

He sighed, walking until he got right in front of you so that he could look you in the eyes for this. "I remember your party."

See, this is exactly what you feared the most. This...This conversation was what was making this place truly haunted for you.

"What?" you weakly breathed.

"Your... welcoming party? With Yoonji?" he continued. As if you didn't know what party he was talking about. "I remember everything about it."

"But-"

"I wasn't that drunk."

The glass hit the counter with such force, for a second you thought you had broken it in your grip. But it had just provided a loud noise as you gaped at the boy in front of you. What were you supposed to say, now? Where to start?

"You didn't even remember meeting me!" you called out.

"Yeah I- I lied."

The worst part wasn't that he was pretending he didn't know who you were. No, that was low-key genius and you would have done the exact same thing if you were quick enough to think of it when you found yourself in that sitting room, across the person you least wanted to see. The worst part was that you had believed it. You felt like such an idiot. You had believed it and thought it meant you could have a clean start.

3 years, 2 months, and 14 days ago at 1:44 am

You didn't want to stop, but you still did, when Taehyung's phone went off. When he pulled away, gasping for air and apologizing. You thought you were having a moment there, you know, a moment where no matter who was calling, it wasn't important enough to pick up. But he apparently didn't see it that way. He took one look at his screen and asked you to be quiet.

Maybe your eyes accidentally caught the pet name on his contact for a split second, or maybe it was the girly voice that came muffled from the speaker, but your head started spinning without warning. And the space was suddenly too small, and it was choking you. You found the knob before he realized what you were doing, and with your body weight on the door, you were launched outside; into the light that burned your eyes. A girl was standing on the other side of the hallway, looking at you with judgement in her eyes and her phone in her hands, then immediately averting her pretentious gaze. A hand tried to hold onto your shirt to keep you back, but you escaped.

You stumbled through the place, not sure where you were trying to go or who you were trying to find, solely trying to keep yourself up and not barf on the new carpet. You wanted to get away, but where could you go? You lived there. You heard Yoonji's laugh before you even saw her, sighing in relief when you spotted her in the kitchen and letting your body fall on hers.

"Baby, baby, everything alright?" your roommate called for you, but you just held onto her without a word. She tried to bear your weight as best as she could, holding onto the counter so that you wouldn't both plummet onto the floor.

Another hand rubbed your back. "Did you drink a little too much, Ames?" It was Jimin's sweet voice. You whined into your friend's neck before you pulled back to look at her boyfriend.

"Jimin, is Kim Taehyung your friend?" you asked him.

He frowned, a little confused as to how the conversation got there. "Ye- yeah. He's my best friend. You met him, right?"

"Yeah," Yoonji responded for you. "I saw them talking earlier."

You took a deep breath; everything seemed to be against you at that moment, even the air itself, and you were trying so hard to not crumble. "Does he have a girlfriend?" you dared ask, even though you thought you might vomit if you heard the answer.

"Who? Tae?" Yoonji mumbled. You nodded, and she gave you a smirk right away. "Ohh... Why do you ask, baby? You interested?"

You rolled your eyes as both of them started teasing you. "No," you tried to tell them.

"Why, was he flirting with you?"

"How does he get every girl like that?"

"No, guys-"

"I don't blame her. He's so hot."

"Hey! I'm right here!"

"Just answer the damn question!" you yelled at them, and they finally stopped. Jimin looked at you with the same frown again.

"He does," he said and everything that was spinning in the room stopped abruptly. "Sorry, love. I promise you'll be the first to know when they break up."

Everything was foggy, and you felt numb. So numb, there was absolutely no thought in your head. You barely noticed the couple turn their heads to the door, barely realized who it was they were looking at.

"No, thanks," you whispered to Jimin then and pulled Yoonji away. "Bathroom," you simply stated and she carefully took you there, avoiding successfully the boy that was the topic of your conversation. For the first time of the many, many more that followed. All those times you stayed clear of gatherings you knew he would be at. All those times you changed your way, left a coffee shop, stayed silently in a corner in places there was nowhere else to go. You never told Yoonji exactly why you didn't want to be in the same room with him again, but she was very supportive no matter what.

You weren't sure why, either. Whether it was your hurt ego, your high standards for the people surrounding you, or the shame you felt every time you met his eyes, you couldn't tell. One thing you knew for sure was how you vowed to never fall for that again. Not from Taehyung, and not from anyone else. No more hooking up with random fuck boys at parties. No more associating yourself with people you don't even value enough. Kim Taehyung was an asshole, and you didn't care what he did or who he did it with, but you would rather be caught dead than be caught with him ever again.

Yet there you were. With him.

You cleared your throat. "And you're telling me this now because...?"

The photographer frowned, mostly at himself, clenching his jaw and looking at the ground. "Well, because you kissed me and ran away as if your life depended on it. Thought it might have something to do with that."

"Right." You bit the inside of your cheek, nodding slightly as you tried to think of what to say. Truly, what could you say? There have been so many things torturing your mind, but you didn't know which of those would be worth saying aloud. "Okay," you simply mumbled. "Are we done then?"

You tried walking past him but he held you back. "Wait, wait, hold on. You promised we would talk."

You just looked at him with your eyes wide. "You said you had a confession to make. You made it. There’s nothing more to say about that."

"Yes, there is."

"Like what?"

Taehyung snorted, finally letting you go. "Like what your problem with me is!"

You released a bitter laugh. "I thought you said you remember everything about that night."

He licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "It's been three years-"

"And you stay lying to me." He looked at you intensely but you didn't back down. You might not have wanted to have this conversation, but now that it was happening, you wouldn't cower one bit.

"Look," he started, taking a step closer. "What I did was wrong. Both to you and to my girlfriend. I understand, it was very shitty and I don't have any excuses. I'm not here to give you any excuses."

"Yeah, 'cause there is no excuse for such a thing," you bit back.

Taehyung sighed at your attitude, somewhat losing his patience, but continued. "Right," he mumbled through his teeth. "I told her what I did and we broke up. Actually, she forgave me and wanted to stay with me but I insisted on breaking up because I didn't want her to be in a relationship where I made such a mistake, I wanted her to find someone better."

You shrugged, folding your arms over your chest yet again and tapping your foot on the floor. "Alright. Good for her. What do you want, a cookie?"

"No-"

"You really did less than the minimum, there, buddy. I don't know what you want from me right now."

"I- nothing!"

"Then why are you telling me this?"

He paused, opening and closing his mouth again, clearly not knowing how to reply. Maybe he expected a different reaction, or maybe he was nervous and it all translated into a type of irritation, but he was starting to look angry. "Because!" he said in a louder tone. "Because you keep treating me like that, you're acting like I'm this huge asshole, and I get it- first impressions are hard to change, but I'm not! I'm not that asshole you've made me out to be and quite frankly it's starting to get pretty annoying."

You chuckled. What else were you supposed to do? You couldn't believe what you were hearing. "Excuse me, but I have the right to believe anything I want about you. If I have a certain idea of who you are and it's not affecting you in any way, then what's the problem?" You saw Taehyung roll his eyes and turn away, his hands on his hips as he shook his head and sighed. "If I think what you did is bad enough for me to never change my mind about you, then that's my opinion."

He was mumbling his words out, not being able to form a sentence long enough for it to make sense. "But that's- you-" He kept grunting and shaking his head at you until he finally spoke up. "Three years!" he announced. "It's been three years, Amy, and you're still punishing me for this. Alright, it's your opinion to determine the gravity of it, but don't tell me it doesn't affect me. Not when you've been avoiding me for three years."

"I haven't-" you tried to lie.

But he knew better than that. "Yes, you have. Every time I wanted to come along with my friends, something always came up and you'd bail. You didn't even show up at Jimin's birthday for crying aloud! Because you knew I'd be there. And I wanted to talk to you, apologize to you. I liked you and wanted to make this right and you never gave me the chance." He took a deep breath after having given his monologue in a haste, almost like he was scared his words would bail, too, if he wasn't quick enough. "And then you're wondering why I pretended I didn't remember you?" You blinked at him when you realized he was waiting for an answer. You had none to give him. "What was I supposed to do, huh? What could I have done that wouldn't have resulted in you getting back in that car and driving away?"

You stayed silent, looking at him through your lashes, then averting your gaze again. You sniffed your nose a couple of times as you were trying to get your thoughts straight. Kicked the floor once or twice as you felt your body squirm under his stare; he wouldn't relieve you from the scrutiny. "I..." you finally mumbled. "I'm not interested in reconciling with you." You gulped but noticed his stance and expression didn't change at all. Like he expected those words. "I'm sorry if that's what you wanted to do, and that I prevented you from even trying. But I won't change my mind about this."

He licked his lips, looking at you with a serious frown, then simply said: "Why?"

Why was he even asking? Was it not obvious? "Look, I simply don't like people who do things like these. I don't want them as boyfriends, or friends, or anything. Nothing personal."

"But that's what I'm trying to say!" he insisted. "I'm not like that." He came close, so close his face was hovering above yours merely inches away, staring into your eyes with a sort of urgency. An urgency for you to understand him. "I'm not normally like that. That night... I don't know. That night was an exception. I really don't want to give you cliché excuses, but I thought you knew. I thought you felt it, too. I'm not crazy, right? There was something there that you felt, too?"

You gulped again, looking him up and down with fire all over your face. Because you knew instantly what he meant. But it had to take a few moments for it to actually sink in. That it wasn't just you. And that he, too, was unable to keep his hands from you that night. It certainly didn't justify his actions or lessen your disdain for him. But at least it felt a tiny bit good to know that you weren't just a naive little girl who had fallen for the pretty boy's trick, just like dozens of others.

"That still doesn't explain..." you started saying, keeping your opinion openly still the same, yet not denying his words.

"I know it doesn't!" he was quick to say. His eyes traveled all over your face, the tone of his voice having calmed a bit. "It was very douchy of me and I don't expect to be forgiven for it. Which is why I didn't stay with that girl." You jumped slightly when you felt his hands land on your arms. But you didn't pull away. "But I don't understand why you have to be so harsh on me. It's been three years, and this is still obviously bothering you. You haven't let it go even a little bit."

You looked away, taking a step back, but he quickly made up for it. "It doesn't bother me," you said, tongue in cheek.

"Well, it clearly does," he insisted. "When you are cold to me one moment, kissing me the next, and then running away like I hurt you."

"You did hurt me."

The words left your mouth before you could stop them. Before you even knew what you were saying yourself. He hurt you. You had never admitted that before. Always blaming your anger and aversion to him on your morals or whatever. Yet that was the true reason you didn’t want to see him, and you didn’t want to talk to him, and definitely not kiss him again.

Taehyung paused, taking a deep breath. He leaned nearer as he looked down at your lips as whispered. “I know,” he said in a sweet voice as if to reassure you. “I know.” That meant you weren’t crazy. “But why is it still hurting you now?” You tensed up at his question. “Why do you care -about me- so much that this is, to this day, an open wound?”

You scoffed. But you couldn't say anything. You tried pushing him away, and for a moment he let you, but then he was right in front of you again. Even closer, perhaps. “What are you…?” you murmured, looking quite lost. Especially with the close proximity that was driving your mind into a frenzy.

“Do you still like me?” he asked, straightforward.

“No!” you called immediately. But he didn’t seem convinced, raising an eyebrow at you. "I’m not still hurt. I just… I told you. I simply don't want anything to do with someone like you. So it's fine when you keep your distance, but it's not fine when you kiss me. I said I don't want- ."

"Yeah, yeah, you don't want a boyfriend nor a friend like me," he interrupted you to finish your sentence. "Not that I ever offered to be either of those."

Your cheeks flushed and you looked away immediately so as not to get caught. "I- I didn't say I wanted you to."

Taehyung chuckled. The sound almost scared you more than when he was shouting earlier. Because you knew a casual, flirty Taehyung was always more dangerous. "You know, you kissed me!" he reminded you.

Your mouth dropped in a dramatic way. "You seduced me into kissing you!" you complained.

And the boy laughed even harder. "Seduced? Is that your way of saying you couldn't resist me?"

You tried to fight back at his remarks that clearly only served the role of firing you up -whether that was with anger or something else, you weren't sure. And then he had the audacity to wonder why you still didn't like him? But your voice cracked, as you backed until your body hit the kitchen counter and your hands held the edge tight. "Is not!" you managed to get out.

Taehyung’s arms trapped you in that counter, his hands holding onto it on either side of your body until you were caged between them, as he leaned even closer, standing one breath away and staring at you with a smirk on his lips. It was clear then, he wasn’t trying to talk anymore.

“C’mon,” he rasped, a voice so low that it vibrated in frequencies hard to hear. “I know you can’t resist me. You couldn’t do it three years ago and you can’t do it now.”

Your palms hit his chest, trying to push him away from you as you breathed heavily, hearing your own heartbeat in your head and feeling your control slipping through your fingers. But you still couldn’t form any words. Your brain had shut down when it came to that. Just spinning around as Taehyung kept getting closer. What the hell was he trying to do?

"I'm just saying… There is no one here to judge you for it. No one will know you went against your morals," he purred, a hand leaving your side briefly to swipe your hair off your shoulder and caress your neck in the process. The contact made your palms clench into fists, his shirt pooling under your grip. And there were two ways you could go about this; either push or pull him.

“Tae…”

“Go on then,” he said in a teasing tone. “Show me how much you hate me, princess. How you despise me and everything I stand for. Resist me.”

You did hate him. And you hated being proven wrong. So, those two together should result in you pushing him away and going to your room. Right? You should resist that man, it couldn’t be so hard, anyway. So tell me why the way he was looking at you made your knees buck? Why his words filled your stomach with butterflies, his scent numbed your brain like a hallucinogen? Why you couldn’t resist him.

Tell me why you pulled him in by the shirt.

He didn’t hesitate to wrap his lips around yours. Didn’t waste any time to hold you by the waist and press his body on yours. This was the third chance he was given for this and he was about to make it work. And he seemed to have been waiting for it. He already knew what to do, how to hold you, how to kiss you in order to make you moan in his mouth. It was the party scene all over again; as in, you were devouring each other in a sort of urgency, bumping your lips together like you were drunk and had just found the person you were feeling the craziest chemistry with, grinding on each other as if you were trying to merge together.

And maybe he was right; you could never resist him.

Your fingers dipped into his soft locks and he moaned your name. He snaked his arms under your thighs to push you up, letting you sit at the edge of the counter. He immediately filled in the gap between your legs, hands rubbing up and down your back, while you started kissing down his neck, making sure to mark him as if he was yours. He hissed and growled every time you bit him, riding your shirt up to get a feel of your skin underneath. Then finding your hands, intertwining your fingers together, and pushing them past your body, almost like he was trying to confine them away from him. And you hated not being able to touch him, hated how he pushed your body back to have you almost lay on the counter completely, and you couldn’t move. Because you wanted more.

And maybe he was right; no one would ever know about this. So perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to do this. This mistake. Taehyung.

“Princess, if you plan on regretting this and running away again, you better tell me now,” he rasped while kissing your collarbone. “I might not stop later.”

He was giving you an out. And normally you would have taken it. But at that moment the only thing busying your mind was that implied promise of what was to come.

“You better not,” you mumbled, more to yourself, but heard him chuckle when he heard it, too.

His hands clenched harder around yours before he released you in favor of grabbing your ass and your thighs. He squeezed you close, pulling you until your crotch was rubbing against his clear erection under his pants, and all you could do was whimper. Still kissing his neck, that sweet spot under his ear, biting his lob, and hearing him grunt at the way you were making him feel. Your hands, free now, could run up his toned arms and enjoy his body like you wanted to for a while.

He pulled his head slightly back to look into your eyes. His seemed so unfocused, so dark, like he had gotten high from you. “You want me to make you feel good?” he asked with a smirk. You weren’t sure if he was asking for permission or just building the anticipation.

“Can you?” No, you weren’t making a plea. You were questioning his skills. And he picked it up from your tone immediately.

“Can I?” he snorted, his eyes turning to the ceiling before he let his fingers slowly and very slightly brush your naked belly, moving further down. Your entire body squirmed with the rhythm of his fingertips. “You shiver every time I touch you. So, yeah, I think I can do anything I want to you.”

You immediately punched his chest, pushing him away. “God, I hate you.”

But his smug smirk wouldn’t back down. And he wouldn’t let go of you. “We have already established that,” he murmured, as he lowered his head down- and farther down- until it was right in front of the fly of your pants. And your stomach was sucked in the entire time, your whole body, actually, as if you were trying to take up less space. As if you were trying to pull away from him, even though at the same time you could feel your lower half burning from want, and your lips were already missing his.

But then he looked up at you too, as he was bent down there in front of your crotch, to stare into your eyes through his lashes with a hotshot grin and his tongue between his teeth; and you forgot how to breathe. And then he unbuttoned you with his mouth, biting the zipper and pulling it down slow enough for you to feel every vibration on your body, without ever breaking eye contact; and you thought your soul left your body.

He was back at his normal height, pushing your pants down while licking his lips and examining your face. “Alright, princess,” he spoke in a low tone. “I will give you my best, on one condition.” The pants were completely off and he was working on your unimpressive underwear next. “Every time I do make you feel good, you have to say my name.”

He had gotten you all naked from your waist down, yet he still hadn’t even glanced there; kept his eyes stubbornly on yours. But when you tried to press your legs together, feeling shy and exposed, he was holding them tight. “That’s your condition?” you wondered, not seeming too hard to do. You were probably going to do it anyway.

He leaned down, keeping his lips close enough to rub on yours when he spoke. “Yes. Every time. I want you to keep reminding yourself who it is that is making you feel this way.” When he kissed you, it worked almost as a distraction to how one hand crept in between your thighs and pressed around your folds, yet avoiding the place you needed him to touch.

His lips moved at the same rhythm as his fingers, his tongue slipping in your mouth right as he finally moved them closer, getting them all dirty with your wetness. Index and middle finger rubbing up and down, brushing against your clit and over your opening but never giving into either. You hummed in frustration as you bit down on his bottom lip, your hips trying to move forward, trying to get more.

“What did I tell you?” he whispered, increasing his pressure on your clit just for a moment, a moment long enough to make you gasp with your mouth open over his.

“Tae…” you breathed.

“Say it,” he insisted.

“Taehyung,” you moaned, closing your eyes as he started moving his fingers in circles over the sensitive bud like a reward.

“You’re so wet, already,” he observed, something quite obvious from the sounds the simple movement was creating. “Is that all for me?” He pulled his head back to watch your reaction better, smiling when he saw you nodding. “Good girl,” he purred, rewarding you yet again with sliding one finger easily inside.

"Oh,” you moaned, your body immediately arching towards his. You still needed more. The better it all felt, the more you wanted from him.

The photographer inhaled sharply through his teeth, stilling his actions. “Amy, what did we say?”

“Taehyung,” you immediately obeyed. And you didn’t need to be told twice. “Taehyung,” you moaned, again and again, as he worked his magic into you. As he kissed you in that way no one had ever been able to replicate. “Taehyung,” as he pushed a second finger in to stretch you out. “Taehyung,” as he found your g-spot and massaged it softly as if he was working with something fragile. “Taehyung, Taehyung,” as he made you come, once, twice, thrice. With his fingers inside you, on your clit, his mouth french-kissing your pussy, his tongue dipping in and out as he lapped at your juices.

All while you had to make yourself think of who exactly was fucking you like that. Who was making your legs shake, your head spin, your sight and hearing unclear. Whose hair you were pulling, whose teeth you had marks of on your thighs, whose name you were screaming.

Kim Taehyung.

Next Chapter

[seoafin]

in chp 58, there’s this subtletly of gojo’s insecurity,, which is kind of obvious when u rly squint lol but again,, this is another mistranslation 😐 (1)

a panel of gojou training megumi which goes :

m: well beggars cant be choosers

g : is it that annoying? to ask me?

what gojou is actually asking in the panel is 「そんなに嫌？僕に頼るの？」－ "is it that bad to rely on me?" ,, the raw specifically used tayoru “頼る” 🥴

i think the whole point of 'fostering the next generation of strong jujutsu sorcerers' stems from this insecurity or rather his inner (and very well hidden) knowledge that he isn't invincible and he can't be relied on indefinitely

that's what bothers me about the fanon’s misconception that gojou has a 'god complex' the idea that gojou is the superior shaman doesn't come from him but from everyone else in his world,, it's a burden that was placed on him he's just trying to deal with it

but sometimes ur disinterest or indifference doesn't make u a better, bigger person ,,, gojou isn't necessarily a better person than geto just bc he didn't stray off the path. his indifference speaks volumes,, but yes he’s trying ig

but does this stop me from clowning this mf ? NO

jjk translation team 😭😭,, i rly dont even want to know what goes on behind the scene anymore,,,

I WAS SO HAPPY THAT JGKRK ACTUALLY HAVE A DECENT TRANSLATOR , i picked the series up like a week after i first caught up with jjk and was side eyeing it like “pls dont tell me its like jjk’s m.tl” after reading the EN tl b4 trying to re read with jp raws

the problem with translated things is that,, u have no idea if ur actually reading the manga/ manhuas/ webnovels/ etc or if ur reading what the translator interpreted with their personal bias

yes, morally grey/ ambiguos characters are so sexc to read but,, i dont even want to know if i have crossed path with those kind of ppl irl, in this life or the next one (i did twice actually, and hope that there wont be a third time💀) ,, getting into convos where it leads into someone questioning humans’ rights (to live) get my gears running on how to ghost them right away like HUHH IKFYL, HOW DO U ARRIVE TO SUCH CONCLUSIONS,,, im both fascinated and wary of human’s thought process

on an unrelated note,, YES!!! VNC IS GETTING ANIMATED AND BLUE PERIOD TOO ,, im not going to start with pandora hearts 🥴

also if ur going to start tog, i think it will be better once it’s out of hiatus (it’s almost been a year now) 😔 the story is actually getting real good,, this is one of the series i cant even talk abt bc it will be very biased ,, I JUST RLY LOVE HOW THE FEMALE CHARACTERS ARE WRITTEN , STRONG WOMEN GO BRRR

all of them are empowering but it doesn't mean that these women shld lose the sense of femininity (there’s more than enough series i went thru where the author turned the powerful women into sth akin with “not-like-the-other-girls” and reeks of sth,, finding out SIU (tog’s creator) is a man was so surprising like am i actually seeing this right?)

,, the story line is one hell of a slowburn but everyone is connected even the npc-ish turns out to have their hand dipped in the bigger picture not to mention the lore - 🐱 (2)

forgot to add this but i’m curious if part of megumi’s exasperation towards gojou is bc he cant be fit into the “black or white” box since gojou’s a gray character lol (3) - 🐱

yes!! i saw that translation mistake! I don’t know how they translated that into “do you hate me that much?” HATE RELYING!! ugh

i think one of gojo’s biggest flaws is that even though he knows and acknowledges that he needs strong comrades, he will always fall back on doing things solo because he’s the strongest, and that’s just the way that it’s been for so long. that is not the definition of a god complex at all lol

I’m planning on reading blue period. I’ve heard really really good things about it so im excited, especially since i finished jigokuraku yesterday. LOVED THE ENDING.

i haven’t read tog in so long!! i think I was in the part where rachel betrayed baam or smt I don’t even remember it’s been like 5 years so I can’t comment on how SIU writes women bc I’m p sure back then I was still struggling with my own occasional instances of internalized misogyny LMAO 😭 

everyone in jjk degree is gray to a degree, which I think is one of my favorite things about it. I can’t wait for this week’s chapter and what lord tengen is going to tell them....I need more information on gojo’s family/everything !!!