#iirc i think this was from around 2018/2019?

[cairafea]

older drawing of mine, have a pretty demon lady :)

[f1-birb]

happy to be your lando-nando lore anon! i've been following lando since his karting days and nando is my favourite driver so i have a special interest lol.

re lando & rb - there are two different instances you have mixed as one there. in i think it was 2016 (might have been 2017 but fairly sure it was 2016 bc it was before he was confirmed as a mclaren jr iirc) lando & mark berryman were invited to meet with helmut marko re him joining rb academy. that's when the max thing happened with the car weight lol. afaik that was the first time rb flirted with trying to get lando into rb academy and it obv went nowhere! the 2018 thing was one of THE major paddock rumours that year, and marko finally confirmed it this year. lando was leading the f2 championship at the time and rb were rumoured to be chasing him to poach him from mclaren and take him out of f2 mid-season and into the toro rosso to replace brendan hartley who was having a disaster season. whispers at the time was the reason it didn't go ahead was that marko was refusing to guarantee a 2019 seat and that is apparently when mark b went to zak & boullier to see what they would offer for 2019. all these rb rumours then were around june time and it took to sept before lando was confirmed in the mclaren 2019 seat after spa, during that time was also when the fernando getting involved rumours happened but as i said there's no confirmation on those. however marko finally confirmed this season that not only was the rb/toro rosso 2018 rumour true but they actually got as far as having a contract on the table which was new info that wasn't known back then idt.

yeah I didn't mix them, I knew they were separate because I didn't actually remember the 2018 one in anywhere close to as much detail

I answered the "weight of the car" one here because I found the podcast where I remembered Lando talking about it

that's very very interesting to know, I remember in the 2019 rookies like catch up video they released recently they talked about when they officially signed for their F1 seats and how George and Lando said after which race and Alex was like "uh significantly later than you two (nervous) lol"

I still just find it funny that they've since said every time they try to talk to Lando about his contract 'the next day he goes and signs again with McLaren'

[girlbob-boypants]

OH okay so. I'm not sure if I've posted context for dad cock before but here:

So back in ye olden days (like 2018 or 2019??? i think???) tumblr mobile notifications had small previews if they were pictures. Not sure if that's still around. Suffering from memory leakage trying to recall something and remember present day facts at the same time. Anyway.

My old phone had this WEIRD bug where every so often someone would reblog from me and the notification would show the incorrect photo of a person wearing a shirt that said something about "dad cock" on it. White shirt pink background iirc. And it was so weird.

Flash forward to when I told a friend about and she was so compelled by the concept of this guy wearing a shirt haunting my phone for at least a year that she drew her interpretation in MS Paint. And then when I found the picture again in 2022 I just had to hang it up on my blog like a fridge picture

[sparky-selfships]

hiii so im copy-pasting my old f/o list/intro from my old account and making a few changes because that account is a year old. everyone on this list is romantic although i have a million comfort characters/platonic f/os and im not listing them here because there are so many. (also i would prefer if self-proclaimed "fictosexuals/fictoromantics" didnt interact with me because i view those terms as invalid, i mean you do what you want im not telling you whats wrong but please just dont talk to me. thank you!)

also just know that any characters that are bolded are MY lovers forever and i know everything about them and they all disagree with your fake ass fantasies lmao. im aware of the fact that some of the characters in this list that are bolded are suuuper popular with the girls nowadays...but please know that you all are very very wrong. /srs (seriously tho, please just block me if you ship with any bolded characters because seeing other people shipping with them makes me really uncomfortable and angry. i am trying to control my trait of taking things out on others and yelling at people over the internet.)

+++++++++++++

hiya ^_^ im sparky and this is my selfship blog!! i don't mind any pronouns (although i use feminine terms to describe myself) and i interact and follow from @alixmaestra. my f/o list is down below (bolded = not ok with sharing, italic = current main f/o (also this blog is a work in progress so some of these tags arent up yet but they eventually will be!!)

+++++++++++++

romantic

chongyun (genshin impact) - july or august 2021 i think?? not entirely sure (tag: ❄frozen ardor❄)

kamek (mario series) - mid-june 2022 (tag: mekky)

zip toad (pmttyd) - beginning of october 2022 (tag: 🍄🌟❕)

mark berskii (p:eg) - crushed on him starting on january 26, 2023 but didnt start shipping with him until the beginning of february (tag: 🐊🎶)

huxley (dtwm) - january 2023 im pretty sure (tag: 🤡💜💛)

the conductor (ahit) - i crushed on him when i was 11 (summer 2019) but i started shipping with him officially sometime in like...march? or late february? (tag: 🦉🚂)

the noise (pizza tower) - end of march 2023 (tag: 🐀🚬)

doopliss (pmttyd) - crushed on him a bit when i first started shipping with zip toad, didnt start officially shipping with him until the middle of april (tag: doop)

parakarry (pm64) - fun fact: he was my first fictional crush ever (back in late 2018, i was 11) iirc! i rediscovered him and am officially shipping with him as of 5/8/23. (he is also very very important to me, so please dni if you ship with him, thanks! /nm) (tag: 🐢💌)

kylie koopa (m+l) - end of may 2023 (tag: 🎀📷)

koops (pmttyd) - i considered shipping with him back in november or december(?) but i thought i was happy with my current list so i decided to just leave him as a crush, but i have decided to recruit him as a f/o as of late june 2023 (also just a forewarning, my fanon au version of koops is a little bit fucked up as in creepy so expect some fucked up stuff relating to him eventually) (theres a reason as to why i view him the way i do but its super long and complicated) (also this is a koopie koo hatepage) (tags:🐢🩹(canon), 🐢🦇(au))

popple (m+l) - august 3rd 2023 exactly i think (tag: 💜💚💰)

freminet (genshin impact) - early september 2023 (tag: 🐧⚙)

zoobIe (tadc) - crushed on them near the middle of october but i didnt make a proper s/i until around the end of october/beginning of november 2023 (tag: that one conglomeration)

king jingaling (banjo-tooie) - a day or 2 days after thanksgiving 2023 (tag: 👑☀)

geno (smrpg) - a couple days before january 2024 (tag: 🌠)

kinito (kinitopet) - middle of feburary 2024 (tag: 🖥💖)

dr. reflex (baldi's basics) - near the middle of march 2024 (tag: 🩺🔨)

knife guy and grate guy (smprg) - middle of april 2024 (tag:💖🎺💛🗡)

marx (kirby) - second ever fictional crush around march 2019, got back with him at the end of july 2024 (tag: 💜❤💙🌟)

+++++++++++++

family

these characters do not have individual tags (all listed under "fictional family tag") and i do not remember the dates i started family shipping with them but i wanted to list them here anyway because why not. please do not interact if you ship romantically with any of these characters!

king k r00l (dk series) - father

funky k0ng (dk series) - uncle

the axem rangers (smrpg) - siblings

molly macaw (indigo park) - sister

lemmy k00pa (mario series) - adopted son

motley bossblob (mario 3d world) - adopted son

literally every j1njo ever (banjo kazooie) - adopted children

[tuiyla]

oh no, I didn't watch Legend of Korra while it aired! I binge watched the four seasons in 2018 or 2019 (and yeah I did start watching the show because of Korrasami in particular), but I did watch most of Glee (from season three onwards) and Adventure Time (I remember Olivia Olson confirming that Marcy and PB used to date was what made me want to watch all of the episodes and be a lurker in the AT fandom way back in 2014 lol) while they aired. So my experience with Bubbline kind of resembles yours with Korrasami, especially the excitement over them becoming canon (I read many of your Bubbline analyses around the same time you posted them, for instance, and happened to find your blog again bc I'm currently rewatching Glee and was looking for Brittana and Faberry content). I also wish Bubbline was more often praised by media outlets too; Rebecca Sugar planted the seeds for it way back in 2011 with "What Was Missing", after all, before either LoK or SU began. I think they probably aren't given enough credit bc of (as you pointed out) timing (Bubbline only became canon at the very end of the show in 2018, while LoK made Korrasami canon in 2014 and SU had canonically queer characters ever since the s1 finale iirc) and bc neither PB nor Marcy were the show's leads and also who knows if the AT writers would've made their romantic relationship canon if SU and LoK hadn't happened (they certainly wouldn't have back in 2012, as the Mathematical controversy shows). And yeah, you're right that having expectations about Korrasami vs. interacting with the fandom and dissecting each of their scenes weekly really is a world of difference. That said, I'm still curious as to why you thought Korrasami were more well-developed than Bubbline? I mean, Bubbline received so many episodes solely about their relationship spanning over multiple seasons (and I know you know this ofc, you're a Bubbline expert), it's hard for me to see how Korrasami could compare (I remember I thought Korrasami was underdeveloped because Asami herself didn't get a lot of screentime, so idk if her being with Korra for 90% of her scenes in Book 3 would mean all that much (sorry!!), especially bc it felt to me that they really dropped the ball with them afterwards in Book 4. However, I only watched that show once; your review was interesting and made me want to rewatch it). So yeah, I'm asking why you thought Korrasami were more well-developed than Bubbline bc iirc you said you have a media studies degree at some point, so I think you have an interesting perspective that goes beyond personal preference.

Oh happy days, turns out you and I go way back Anon haha. That’s kind of a nice full circle then. Before Glee took over this blog Bubbline was the most I was ever asked about. I wonder if you remember that I declared them canon post-Stakes in 2015? Obviously no worries if not it’s just a fun thing for me to remember because I was the most fucking vindicated person ever in September of 2018 for that very reason.

I do indeed have a media studies degree (Media, Culture and Journalism uwu), something I often forget about lol and though I appreciate the credence you put in that I’m not sure that makes my perspective any more valuable, to be honest. If anything, I’d use that degree to further argue that it does come down to personal preference. I’ll always place Korrasami just a little bit higher and I have no intention of stopping you from placing Bubbline higher. I will get into some, let’s say, more media studies perspectives here but ultimately, like I said in the prev post even picking a more well-developed relationship is subjective. Do I have reasons informed by my £8,000 student loan, sure, but it’s also the emotional bias of Avatar meaning what it does to me and Korrasami meaning what they do me. Fun little side note before jumping in, but literally days before Adventure Time’s finale aired I actually wrote an article for a series talking first queer TV experiences. In that piece, I hailed both Bubbline and Korrasami as the two first instances of real, meaningful queer rep I saw on TV. I credited Bubbline as something that kickstarted not only this golden TV trend but my own journey, and Korrasami as something that gave me, personally, that final push towards coming out. Okay, side quest over.

So first off I need to acknowledge that this: “Asami herself didn't get a lot of screentime, so idk if her being with Korra for 90% of her scenes in Book 3 would mean all that much“ is kind of misconstruing what I said or at least taking only half of it. Asami’s character is admittedly one of the less developed aspects of all of LoK, but reading my original point I’ve also said that Korra, the main character who spends time with everyone and is focused on for the majority of the show, also spends more than half her screentime with Asami in Book 3. And that’s not insignificant. Again, don’t remember the exact numbers and fuck if I can find that post 8 and a half years later (😱) but the sheer volume of it. That screentime isn’t for nothing, either, as the two go from tentatively discussing past relationships with Mako to Asami symbolically taking a similar place next to Korra that Katara did to Aang. Or, in the same series and season, P’Li to Zaheer. Here is where I would advise watching the series again because holy shit how can you only watch LoK once?? Sorry that’s not a serious note I’m just incapable of not living in a world where I’ve seen ATLA ~15 times and LoK... ~7? Eight. Maybe nine or ten honestly who knows oh what’s that time for another rewatch?

Another imperfection of LoK I have to admit is the time jump’s effect on events. No one was more wary of a time jump happening in-between seasons than me and overall, I think it was not only the right shout executed well. That said, the comics canonize that this largely off-screen period was when both Korra and Asami realized they had feelings for each other and so the transition from Book 3′s best gal pals hastag friends forever to Book 4′s romantic undertones isn’t the smoothest. I think the signs are there, particularly in Reunion, but this is an area where Korrasami could have done better. Additionally, as mentioned the show does not give Asami her dues and her moments tend to be understated, her development very internal, a lowkey journey in a world full of exploding spirit beams and mountains literally moved. There’s a beauty in that but an understated beauty where the audience is required to put in the work. Contrasted with Korra, the actual centre of her show and when put together to form a joint development, it doesn’t do the most it could, had Asami been a bigger presence throughout the show. Love my girl, I continue putting her in my top 5, but her overall lack of focus in the show was to Korrasami’s detriment. That said, I’d still push back against what you said because Asami spending the majority of her screentime with Korra does mean much, even if she doesn’t have all that much screentime to begin with. We’re still talking about a major character whose character arc in the entire second half of the show is intertwined with that of Korra’s. Again, not insignificant.

The reason I started off with where LoK is lacking in this regard is to point out that Bubbline is plagued by the same curse of relying on off-screen development. As you yourself stated, Marcy and Bonnie weren’t the leads in their show, unlike Korra being the eponymous character and Asami growing form tertiary character to deuteragonist-adjacent levels. Their disadvantage comes from a combination of this overall placement in the series’ character hierarchy, Adventure Time’s general structure and, I’d argue, the timeline of their relationship. Which is where I promise what I just said about off-screen development will become relevant. First the two points about character hierarchy and series structure because they’re intertwined. Bubbline did have episodes focused entirely or almost entirely on their relationship as a perk of the AT structure but the downside of that is that these were 10 minute chunks every three years or so. AT is mostly Finn and Jake running around and having fun and whole the show does get deep as early as season 2 and evolves beyond its two main characters, Marceline in particular was in very few episodes compared to the overall scope of literally hundreds of episodes. This means that when she does appear, when they do have substantial roles with PB it is significant, yes, but that time in-between passes in-universe as much as it does in the real world. This is most notable after their reconciliation. I think the arc from What Was Missing through Sky Witch and into Varmints is done well and we can see how they gradually rebuilt... whatever it was they had. (Distant Lands makes their past relationship and breakup explicit, but we’re not considering that retroactive confirmation for the purposes of this.)

It just feels strange to compare that, essentially a three-episode arc told over the course of, jesus, 4 years(!) to how Korrasami had Books 3 and 4 to develop. It’s just so apples and oranges. Jfc, thinking about it the three episodes I mentioned are essentially a trilogy but it took AT four years?? Insanity. Anyway, like LoK had its challenges I think AT did too in its structure. Even if we overlook that, to see this Bubbline trilogy for what it was in terms of their reconciliation the audience had to a) remember and b) infer a lot, post-Stakes PB and Marcy fulfill different roles in the story. Used to be, in Marceline’s case, that she appeared rarely but when she did she was the focus. After season 4 or so, PB’s appearances were also less frequent compared to her earlier run but more significant. After Stakes I feel like there’s a shift where they hang around more but are often designated to the background even Marceline. And save for Broke His Crown, the “meet the surrogate dad” episode, which came very shortly after Stakes, there are no more Bubbline Episodes™ until Distant Lands watered my crops with Obsidian (which I’m not over, btw). Meaning, Bubbline-centric episodes are all about the reconciliation and even though I declared that they became canon in Stakes, there’s little actual focus on and therefore development for them later on. And again, apples and oranges, hard to compare to Korrasami’s gradual but more constant-feeling development over two seasons compared to a bazillion but it just doesn’t feel more substantial.

And, the off-screenness of it all. The fact that Bubbline were implied, subtextually, to have been an item before (subtext no more obvious than Korrasami’s) so their story is fundamentally different. We don’t see them meet and develop feelings for the first time, we essentially see the get back together. That’s an entirely different dynamic where so much of their story happened hundreds of years before Finn was even born. Again, Distant Lands shows some of that but at that point they’re already a couple again and we’re not looking for further development of the past. (It’s welcome, I eat it up, if just doesn’t contribute to development re: becoming a couple.) There’s so much unsaid and people like me did infer it but there were those gaps occasional episodes every third season maybe filled out. It’s so different from following the journey of the main character and another major one from her established group of friends. And even after Stakes, which is what I consider them getting back together but is never explicitly confirmed, things happen off-screen. Case in point, who’s to say Stakes is actually when they restart a romantic relationship! Literally just me, internet rando. These more focused episodes we get before Stakes are great, but they carry a lot and imply gradual development in-between. Meaning things had to happen off-screen and we have to try and imagine certain dots to connect, so not too dissimilar from what Korrasami requires to truly buy their story.

I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, though I would have wanted much more Bubbline post-Stakes. I just think we see what we want to see, and I wanted to see both Bubbline and Korrasami. I inferred and connected those dots for both as I followed the two series as they aired, and I don’t think watching LoK years later, knowing the finale, people do that. Or watching AT years later, even just the Bubbline eps, knowing the finale, people do that. It’s just in the nature we consume media and why binging is... an interesting topic. Off-screen events implicitly require for you to take that time away from the text, consider what might be happening in the meantime, and get back into the flow willing to accept that some time has passed. And with LoK’s structure, even with the time jump, I think this is easier to accept them with AT’s. And with Korrasami’s arc happening almost entirely on-screen and getting to follow from the very beginning, as opposed to Bubbline having these long-ass lives and tumutous past that’s mainly only hinted at. It still works, obviously, I still love it, but LoK feels more like tangible development to me. On the note of AT’s difference in structure, there’s a lot AT implies and leaves up for interpretation, that’s just the kind of show it is. But in terms of developing a Sapphic relationship in Western animation at a time where that was Super not allowed (as opposed to now, when it Kinda is), it’s just not the best combo.

The emotional investment I gave Korrasami was there with Bubbline as well, of course, and I was more than willing to connect those dots and imagine them and just do everything. As you know, seeing as you read those posts back then. And this is still subjective, but if we’re talking actual on-screen development than Korrasami’s reading between the lines as opposed to Bubbline’s annual breadcrumbs just felt better handled and certainly better paced. It’s a difference between the series themselves but a difference nonetheless. And yeah, having so much of their story happen off-screen just didn’t do Bubbline many favours in this regard. LoK’s approach feels more hands on, more continuous, more tangibly traceable whereas with AT and Bubbline we were dropped down in the middle of the rode, at the lowest point at that, were told to guess what the history was and then hopscotched our way to the conclusion. It worked, I loved every second of it, I went feral with every single Bubbline moment, but they were few and far between comparatively.

Again, as a final note: I’m not going to convince you nor do I want to. I hope you’re not looking to be convinced about Korrasami here because I can’t transfer my own emotional bias. Sounds like you’ve read a lot of what I’ve written on this blog so I hope you know I mean this in the nicest way, but I frankly don’t have the bandwidth to be debating Korrasami’s development. Obviously you’re not questioning their validity but in the aftermath of LoK ending I had to fight for that validity a lot and it was of my own free will but it took a lot out of me. Arguing for Korrasami well-written-ness is just not something I really, truly want to put my media studies degree behind because I had to fight those fights before I had that degree and in such hostile environments and I’m just tired. Been in the trenches, one might say. I just wanna enjoy my favourite ship of all time without justifying it, you know? And again, I mean this in the nicest way possible and I wouldn’t have engaged with either of your asks if I had thought they were mal-intentioned in any way whatsoever. I appreciate you asking these questions and engaging in a convo and it’s really good to hear that you’ve come full circle with my blog, from Bubbline to Brittana. I’d be happy to talk more about any of these couples with you, including Korrasami, I just had to make this disclaimer that I can’t argue more than I did in this post for their development. In particular, not against Bubbline of all ships haha, I inadvertently feel like I’m putting down something I also deeply, deeply love when viewed in contrast with Korrasami.

Did I just rank Bubbline below Korrasami again today, yeah. And I would say that, in whatever almighty metric “development” is, Bubbline has less just by virtue of not being the main focus of their show and much of their relationship happening off-screen. But I really feel like these distinctions are meaningless when both ships mean the world to me, and I wouldn’t normally be thinking about which one I value more if not for rankings on tumblr dot com. Even with everything I said “against” Bubbline when stating my case, I still go batshit insane for them because they’re a ridiculously good duo of two characters who are already well-rounded with deep lores individually. And together? My gosh. Empires have fallen for less.

[kajenus]

Same anon

I've always felt a bit bad about not knowing anything about my Silesian ancestors cultures, considering most left during the 1870s, because their culture was being threatened by the germans, and yet where they went (Wisconsin, USA), their culture still wasn't kept (I've been trying to learn more about the specific culture they held, I've been trying to see about talking to the older people from the village in Wisconsin they moved to, but it sucks a bit 'cause it doesn't feel as authentic)

anyways, I think what you're doing is really cool!

There is nothing wrong with unawareness; I only started digging around my Silesian culture around 2018 or 2019… So I was 13 at most at the time (mostly because my family wasn’t so enthusiastic about talking in Silesian around me or teaching me it. Tho looking at how my grandparents were treated for being Silesian after 1945… I am not surprised they didn’t want to „bring me problems” as they said themselves). There is always time to learn something new.

I am no expert about Silesians in the US, but I think @/slavicafire had a post or two about their dialect of Silesian language (but iirc it was about one they used in Texas, as they usually settled there) and I’m sure Muzeum Śląskie/The Silesian Museum also does have something about it in their archives (because it is briefly mentioned in their history exhibition).

Good luck with learning more! Pyrsk :3

[nightynite]

this is a vent. im appalled by some. behavior i had to deal with recently

so back in like idk 2021 apparently i made contact with an old abuser of mine. i was friends with him back from around 2013ish to 2018 and because of rising tension we stopped talking in 2019. i am a very passive person and would, at that time, do anything to try and make my friends stay around, even if they were bad for me well in march of this year i found out he did something that i felt, as a server owner of a warriors rp, i should remove him from that server as well as my close friends server. he retaliated with a deranged response that held absolutely nothing but a bunch of buzzwords and random insults, and told me that my friends and i groomed him. now, i dont know how i couldve possibly done this. he was always 2 years older than me iirc, and 2-3 years older than my current boyfriend. we were hurt, very very badly by him. i was forced into a situation where i was checking to make sure he wasnt self harming, and i was always promising id always love him and be with him because he would get paranoid about every little thing otherwise and assume i hated him. one time, i was waiting for him to get done with something, so i spent time with another friend instead while i waited. he blew up at me after that, and then got furious with me the next day because i was asleep and not around to listen to his suicidal venting i found myself constantly stressed out to the point i wasnt eating. i went sent to the hospital because they had to check if i had anorexia and if it had serious effects on my body. its not my place to talk about what happened to the others in my friend group who were hurt by him, but by god were we fucking damaged. i feel fucking appalled by the fact he said we groomed him. We groomed him. a bunch of people who were younger than him and constantly trying to be our best selves and answer to his beck and call, we were the ones grooming him. manipulating him. making him into something he wasnt.

well, newsflash buddy, if you ever see this post, and idk if you are, idc if you do, because i never lied about what i experienced. i never, ever, lied about what i experienced and how you made me feel. you traumatized me, and while yes, i was traumatized by other people as well, not just you, i can still say i know exactly what you did to me. i dont really think you were ever trying to be hurtful, i know you were always just messed up with your own trauma and mental disorders, but goddamn. god fucking damn you do NOT. HAVE TO LIE. about what happened just to garner "sympathy" from those around you i don't know why i bothered trying to make amends and accept that with new people fronting in your system that you'd be different. because in the end, you still lashed out at me and made up stuff that never happened. you still came at me saying i 'outed you' as something i never said and 'spread rumors' about you. to who??? what??? my man you need to get a different therapist and actually think about your past for a minute and wonder why a bunch of 15 year olds would be trying to make you into an abuser. oh, no, my bad, i mean--groom you into an abuser. because that makes sense

anyway sorry for the rant, normal people that follow me. i am just so. i dont even know what to say man. just dont contact the people who've hurt you, whether for a sense of finality on the subject or whatever. don't bother. they haven't changed

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I stopped watching holby post John Gaskell. Please can you give an overview of all the major storylines henrik had after that. I want to finish holby but only really care about henrik tbh

Sure! Or, well, I can try to. Henrik didn't have a lot of major stories after the Gaskell one anyway, so they should be fairly easy to recap. And I definitely understand what you mean about only caring about him, that was how I felt after like 2020 myself. It didn't feel worthwhile caring about any other character after that. Well, not that caring about Henrik did. But I'm getting off topic now.

I will say: I haven't seen a lot of these stories in a long while or even since they aired. I've rewatched some of the Russ story, but not all, and that's about it. So I may have forgotten or misremembered some things, or not know the exact eps some things happened in (especially for story 2, as Holby felt more like a chore to me than anything at that point and I was basically just sitting there hoping it'd get better - which it did in summer 2020, but then after the second hiatus of the year it went further downhill than it had ever been IMHO). I'll do my best though. I may leave some things out because they're too complicated to get into or weren't particularly major stories, I hope that's not bothersome or anything.

Also, if I sound bitter or grumpy at any point, I promise it's not towards you! It'll all be bitterness/grumpiness at what Holby became in its later years. (Sometimes I wish I had stopped after the Gaskell story myself.) I'm also sorry it took me so many hours to answer this, I had to think of how to explain the stories.

Story One: As of May 2019, Henrik has just been sort of lingering in the background for months, ever since he was basically pressured into being CEO again at the end of 2018. I have no idea why he didn't get a breakdown story after Gaskell when everything seemed so narratively set up for that to happen, but he didn't.

Anyway, in June 2019, Henrik finally gets a story. Sara Johansson - Fredrik's wife, who had left him back in October 2017 - comes to Holby and brings Henrik's grandson Oskar with her. Sara is struggling to cope (I'd go so far as to say she was implicitly suffering from depression or PTSD): she's upset that she didn't realise how evil Fredrik was, and scared that Oskar could grow up to be similar. She and Henrik have several conversations along these lines, and for some reason Henrik's relationship with Gaskell is never acknowledged or properly alluded to in any of this even though there's so much thematic resonance there - Henrik having been, like Sara, in love with a man who did awful things.

Sara ends up running away. This leaves Henrik taking care of Oskar for several months, although Sara does write a letter at one point IIRC. There's some very cute scenes with them - some of which seem to imply that Oskar is autistic like Henrik, or at least that's how they came across to me - and some interesting stuff about Henrik not being sure if he's doing things right because he wasn't there to raise Fredrik. There's also a sweet scene where Henrik goes to Jac to ask what to do, when he unintentionally upsets Oskar by telling him the Tooth Fairy doesn't exist. Henrik also befriends Dom's mum Carole around this time, and they start going to dance classes together. It's all very cute.

In August 2019, Sara returns. She's got a new job (I don't think it's ever said what her job is, so just imagine her doing whatever sort of job you think she'd do, I suppose), and she's coping better and she's ready to go back to Sweden with Oskar. Henrik ended up stepping down from the CEO position again, and went to stay with his family in Sweden for a while. (Guy Henry needed time off to go and do some theatre acting, so that's why this happened.)

Of all the stories Henrik had after Gaskell, I think this is probably the best one. It's not perfect - as I say, the lack of acknowledgement of Gaskell agitated me a lot, and it still glossed over parts of the Hanssen family history. E.g. there's a patient Henrik talks to who's scared of people thinking he's like his dad, and this reads as a parallel to Oskar, but it's not brought up that Henrik of all people also has an established fear of being associated with his dad. But still, at least this story has its strengths, and it doesn't actively insult Henrik's character or insult other characters or extensively retcon his history. That's about the most one could ask for from later Holby.

Story Two: I don't know that I'd say this is a major storyline, but I'll talk about it anyway. I hate this story, but not as much as I hated some others in the last years of the show. That hatred will probably be obvious in how I talk about it.

In February 2020, Henrik returns to Holby after his time offscreen in Sweden. He has some more scenes with Carole, and it's implied that he's fallen in love with her. It's all very sweet. Disappointingly, that story is never continued - there are conversations later about Henrik's feelings for Carole, but the romance never goes anywhere.

The story that happens instead is Henrik, along with Ric and Fletch (especially Fletch, which baffles me because just a couple of years before he was yelling at Henrik for not being a good CEO!), planning to overtake Max McGerry as CEO. Now, Max isn't a perfect CEO or a perfect person, but she's definitely more competent than Henrik. And Henrik doesn't even like being CEO. So this storyline makes no sense. It felt like a leftover recycled Serena storyline (Serena had left by this point) or something - trying to overtake other people as CEO was always more of a Serena thing than a Henrik thing.

Eventually, Max starts lying about what she has planned for the hospital - I think she says she wants to get rid of AAU or something - to see if it gets back to Henrik. Or something like that. This wasn't a story I wanted to remember at the time. Anyway, it does get back to Henrik, and he confronts her. Max tells him she lied, and points out that she was brought in to sort out the mess he had made of the hospital. I cheered at this point, because I love Henrik but in this case he deserved that. Henrik stops trying to be CEO again after that.

Interlude - April 2020 to September 2021: Henrik doesn't get a lot to do for much of this time. He does play side roles in some other characters' stories, and mentors three new doctors at one point. On the occasions he does get any meaningful screentime around this era, most of it is trying to inexplicably retcon his history, contradicting both things that are established as canon - e.g. Sahira Shah is suddenly said to be his childhood friend, when she's at least about a decade younger than him and has only known him since the 1990s according to previous eps, and things that are onscreen canon - e.g. Henrik suddenly starts saying he was involved in raising Fredrik, which can't have happened, because "Hanssen/Hemingway" has a scene of Henrik learning Fredrik's name for the first time in 2013. So if Henrik didn't even know his son's name, how could he have been involved in bringing him up? And, as said above, Henrik had been talking about how he had nothing to do with Fredrik when Fredrik was growing up as recently as 2019!

I just ignore these retcons and try to forget about them, myself, because it's easier than trying to get them to make sense with Henrik's decade worth of established history lol. Not that things didn't get retconned before - e.g. Roxanna being his friend from medschool instead of a colleague he didn't know well - but they usually either got explanations, or it was easy to make up explanations for yourself. That wasn't the case with these.

One interesting thing does happen during this interlude time though: Lucky Simpson, a psychiatric nurse, implies Henrik has CPTSD. I hadn't thought of that before, but I think it makes sense for him as a character.

Another, less interesting thing that you still have to know because it's relevant in Story Three: Henrik becomes CEO again in spring 2021. Max had to leave the job because she said she'd been taking things from the hospital - she hadn't, but her son Louis had, it's a long story - and while she did get to return to Holby, she couldn't be CEO again. I don't remember if any in-universe reason for that was ever given. Fletch was CEO for a while until Henrik agreed to go back to the job. None of it made any sense to me. Holby had long since stopped making any sense to me by this point.

Story Three: Finally, stories for Henrik that aren't just generic "CEO man who talks about his son all the time" things!

In October 2021, a doctor turns up, who turns out to be Henrik's old friend Russell Faber (but he often goes by Russ). Henrik has known Russ for a long time - though exactly how long isn't specified - ever since he once got Russ away from a shark. That seems like a joke, but I'm not making it up, a shark did bring them together. I wonder if John ever knew about that. He must've been so jealous if he did.

Russ and Henrik don't seem to have talked in a while - Russ knows about the Gaskell stuff, but he could have heard that somewhere else, and Henrik doesn't seem to know much about the past few years of Russ's life. Russ had a husband, Ami, who passed away from COVID in 2020. They also have a daughter, Billie - she's 16 at this time, though IIRC she was played by an actress a bit older, as tends to be the way on Holby. Russ, it turns out, has come to Holby to ask Henrik to mentor someone.

The "someone" Russ wants Henrik to mentor is Oliver Valentine. Basically he's been subjected to the "This character is permanently disabled now! Oh wait no we got tired of them being disabled so they're abled again now!" trope. Thank goodness Malick stayed away so it didn't happen to him too. A character can become disabled and still be fulfilled in life, Holby. Ollie not being able to be a doctor anymore wouldn't inherently be a less happy life for him than him being able to go back to it is. Anyway, Oliver has gone back to being a doctor, and Russ thinks Henrik mentoring him would be good for Ollie. Oliver has PTSD that's causing serious problems in his life, which Russ doesn't know the extent of and doesn't tell Henrik about.

After Oliver has a flashback in theatre, Henrik learns that Russ knew of Ollie's PTSD. He's upset that Russ didn't tell him and seems distrustful of Russ, though they make up the next week - which is also the first onscreen useage of Russ's nickname for Henrik: "Henny." It's adorable. Meanwhile, Oliver gets therapy and eventually leaves again to be with Zosia, while Henrik gives Russ a longterm job at Holby.

After a bit of to and fro where Henrik thinks Russ is asking him out and gets disappointed when he realises he's not, the story goes for a different turn. In January, it turns out Billie has a kid on the way... in a few weeks, to be precise! Russ hasn't noticed, for storyline convenience. When Henrik realises, he wants to tell Russ, but Billie wants to tell him herself when she feels ready.

In February, Serena and Bernie - lol, Bernie deserves a separate recap - come back. They're engaged now. Serena realises Russ and Henrik are in love. She has a conversation with Henrik about it where she tells him no one uses labels anymore. I think that's reasonably in character for Serena, but the narrative seems to portray her as Objectively Right, which frustrated me. Using labels and not using labels are both okay, neither one is better than the other, and IMO Henrik would be the sort of person to want to use a label. Other than that, the conversation is quite sweet: Henrik asks her how she knew her decisions were right with Bernie, and she basically says that if Russ makes Henrik happy then being brave enough to get together with him is more than worthwhile.

The next week, Henrik asks Russ out. It's all so cute. Later in February, Billie has a son: Denver. I seem to remember him being mostly or entirely portrayed by a doll, which amused me. I get why Holby do that, but there's still something funny about it when you can tell a character is just holding a doll. Russ learns that Henrik knew about all of this, gets upset that Henrik didn't tell him, and Henruss have their second breakup in four months. They weren't even together for the first one or arguably this one, but they still, somehow, have two breakups. Typical Henrik relationship, I suppose.

In March, Russ learns that Billie wants to move to Leeds - he and Ami both have relatives who live there, and there's an art college Billie wants to go to. Russ is starting to forgive Henrik now, but then they have an argument where Henrik tells Russ their relationship is all "a fantasy". It's Henrik's way of trying to get Russ to go with Billie, but it's still not exactly nice. Oh, Henrik.

In the finale, Henrik goes to Leeds to see Russ. He says he's there for Russ, they smile at each other, and - that's it. Yes, this is Henrik Hanssen's ending. Has he left Holby to get back together with Russ and move in with him? Has he come to reconcile with Russ and they'll return to Holby together? I hope it's the former, but nothing is explained. Almost two years later, we still don't know.

I'm so sorry for how long all of that was. I tried not to make it too long, but it's still so long. I hope it's a good enough overview.

[kenobster]

Omg, thank you for the tip about pillowfort being run by antis!

Ahh, I'm so relieved to hear that the tip was helpful to someone!! :') Thank you for saying so!

I also I wanted to answer with more information on it because, sighs, idk, I'm worried lots of people have never heard of the Pillowfort Shenanigans™ in the first place... which troubles me... because, as an author of taboo content and an opponent of censorship, I really do not want Pillowfort to succeed. In fact, I very much hope that they fail. 🙃

Note: In full transparency, I have not kept up-to-date on Pillowfort happenings in some time. I don't know who owns Pillowfort currently or what changes they have made (or apologies they have given), and, though I very much doubt it, it's totally possible things are different now. This post is just my recollection of the events that happened in 2018 and 2019. I do vouch for this post's accuracy, but please do not take my word as law.

Back in the winter of 2018, when Tumblr announced its decision to ban female-representing nipples, a lot of us were looking for a new place to kick open shop. There was talk amongst fandommers about making a social media platform like Tumblr but with the same fan-run principles of AO3. Fortunately, a handful of people had already taken on this venture a couple of years prior, and they happened to be ready just in time to seize this opportunity. Thus, a website called Pillowfort was launched in the conclusion of a Kickstarter. At the time, this was quite appealing to the Tumblr userbase, who flocked in droves to purchase their $5.00 Pillowfort accounts. Unfortunately, the people who started Pillowfort seem to have been (1) completely uninformed on how to run a website, and (2) completely uninformed on what made their inspiration so successful. Specifically, I'm talking about AO3's commitment to the ship & let ship/YKINMKATO ideal, which allows any content so long as it is legal. Lots of people would likely argue that this very principle is a large part of what has kept AO3 from the content purges that used to be extremely common. A phenomenon that Pillowfort, even in my brief experience, did not escape.

Around the end of 2018, Pillowfort released a policy statement regarding its stance on explicit artwork & underage characters. This policy statement forbade any "explicit visual art of characters that appear to be underage" (emphasis added). In other words, Pillowfort, after presenting itself as a solution to Tumblr's ban on sexually explicit fanart, had now decided to impose limitations on sexually explicit fanart? Let alone with wording that should raise immediate red flags to anyone who knows their fandom history? In case you're thinking they had some secret reason for this decision, the kind of fanart Pillowfort described in their policy statement is not illegal in the United States, in which Pillowfort was basing its terms of service. Additionally, at the time, Pillowfort was not even available to users under 18 without signed parental permission. (At least IIRC.) As far as we know, Pillowfort's decision was based solely on staff's personal preference. The post goes on to clarify their stance with the following:

"Now, due to the inherently subjective nature of trying to determine the age of a fictional character in a stylized medium, the "gray area" cases will be up to the discretion of the moderator reviewing the content. . . . We are not going to comb through the wiki of a particular fandom to try and find the canonical age of a fictional character. . . . Any explicit or sexual art of a character that appears to be physically pre-pubescent or barely pubescent (i.e. not plausibly or arguably of age, or even close to it) will be prohibited." (Emphasis added)

So... basically... what they're saying... is that if I post some sexually explicit but fictional fanart of two consenting adult characters, then Pillowfort user Karen Cuntsdottir could still potentially get my fanart deleted... and simply because it looks to both Karen Cuntsdottir and a random moderator as if the characters haven't finished puberty. Even if the actual canonical age of the character is over 18. Cool. 🙃 For those of you who may think this is a reasonable decision (which fuck off if so), this can get really dicey for characters who are otherwise consenting adults but with large age gaps, height differences, or naturally youthful appearances. As for anyone who maybe uses sexually explicit fanart like that to cope with their own CSA or who enjoys it for any other totally acceptable reason because it's fiction? Sorry, buddy, you're tough out of luck. Plus, I know that Pillowfort claims in their statement that they're not gonna go after dark content or whatever, but anyone who has a working brain knows that censorship of creative works is always a slippery slope.

In Pillowfort's defense, the argument can be made that people are allowed to consider personal preference in the creation of their own website. Unfortunately, this is not where the story ends. If you'll notice, their policy statement begins, "We apologize for not clarifying our position on this earlier; we have been working on revising the ToS to address these issues, but an incident arose today that necessitated us taking action on this matter, so it seems necessary to put things in plain terms now" (emphasis added).

What the hell incident are they talking about? Well, friends, this is where things get gross. Assuming the allegations are true (and no one, not Pillowfort, not any of its users, nor anyone else seems to have challenged their veracity), the whole reason for Pillowfort's policy statement was because of an incident that occured between Pillowfort and one of its users called Ojicon.* Earlier on, Ojicon had tried to log into their account and was unable to. Despite the bugs and lags and weirdness continuing to plague Pillowfort to this day, Ojicon soon discovered that their user page was redirecting everyone to a 404 error page, and that all of their comments and posts on Pillowfort had been removed. Eventually, Ojicon put two and two together and figured out that Pillowfort had banned their account... and it had done so without sending any kind of email or communication. In fact, Pillowfort never initiated any communication with Ojicon; it was Ojicon themselves who reached out to Pillowfort for information. Eventually Ojicon got their answer. Their account had been banned for a post featuring lolicon fanart—something that, at the time, was not against Pillowfort's terms of service. For further context, Ojicon recounts flagging their fanart using the NSFW feature, putting it beneath a read-more cut, and properly warning for underage content in their post. Despite this, Ojicon was given no warnings, no suspensions, and no chances to remove this fanart. Ojicon's entire Pillowfort account (an account Ojicon had paid for) was summarily banned without any notice whatsoever—and again, it was banned for something that had not been against the rules. Oh, and in case you're wondering, Pillowfort did confirm all of this in their response to Ojicon's email as follows:

"Yes, you were banned from the site today by a moderator. It is true that our ToS doesn't clearly define a limitation on pornographic fiction or art (we have been working on a revision of our ToS to address this issue but it isn't finished yet), so if you contributed to our Kickstarter or PayPal and want a refund then let us know and we will provide it."

*Note: Unfortunately this happened so long ago that it's hard to find legitimate sources for the exact goings-on described above, but this LiveJournal thread does a pretty good job at documenting everything. Also this archived post has a good summary and link roundup of the situation. Finally this study is really interesting and goes into the finer details of what I'm describing above.

So even if you argue that Pillowfort has a right to put whatever they want in their terms of service (despite the fact that they specifically invited Tumblr users fleeing the NSFW ban to their website, got $5 per account, and then completely changed the terms of service on said Tumblr users), Pillowfort still banned a user preemptively for something that was not yet against the rules and failed to mention any of this in their policy statement (or to the individual they were banning). And all of this was done despite their alleged commitment to transparency. IIRC, the substantial pushback they got for this choice eventually led them to share more details on the "incident" they had briefly mentioned in their policy statement... but they didn't add any new information other than what had already been found out from others. Plus, they doubled down on the wording in their policy statement (despite how easily exploitable it would be). And, while they did refund $5 to anyone who was upset by this decision, many people, myself included, did not have the energy to go through the hassle of that (especially because, while understandably so, Pillowfort implemented a time frame for how long they would be providing refunds for this reason). So I'm certain that many users let Pillowfort keep their money and that Pillowfort probably kept quite a pretty penny earned via their false promise.

Whatever the case, many of us who do not stand for anti behavior left Pillowfort, leaving behind a large amount of people who were antis themselves and/or generally supported Pillowfort's decision. Thus, I imagine Pillowfort became and remains an unsafe place for fandommers, and I do not recommend it to anyone as a substitute for Tumblr.

[dyketectivecomics]

So a general Reading Update real quick while I try to get my life in order once again:

I’ve taken a bit of a sabbatical to catch up with some other non-comics related reading (and to hurry along my goal to read/reread 30 books by the end of the year, which is going pretty well. I’m already standing at 10 completed right now!)

My other goal to log 4k total comics read is still pretty lofty, but doable if I keep to about 4 comics logged a day.

So to help that along currently on the docket I’ve got:

New Titans - currently in the middle of NT Annual #6! Another Starfire space odyssey. still have Quite a ways to go, but it’s more than possible imo

Nice House on the Lake - I’ve gotten to around #5 and took a bit of a break. I’ve enjoyed it so far, though! Tynion’s character work here has been a fun read!

(Not DC but) Umbrella Academy: Hotel Oblivion - I was reading UA forever ago when the show started and had stopped at Oblivion right before the second season dropped iirc. Now I’ve been making my dad wait to watch the 3rd season with me until I finish reading this last leg and it’s been far too long ;-;

Also in the interest of completionism, I’ve been thinking about finally finishing the first Deathstroke run that I had started way back in 2018/2019. All of the issues are collected on the dc app and it’s something that’s been bothering me for quite some time. Tbh kinda want to push through it for Rose alone akdjsk

Speaking of which, there’s still a HELLA lot of issues from the ‘88 GA run missing, but considering that I have a good stretch of it physically with me, I can easily 🏴‍☠️the rest. I’ve been meaning to and haven’t yet found the motivation to just yet.

Obvsly there’s no set schedule that I’m putting myself on with these. And this isn’t even accounting for some of the miniseries that I’ve read in the meantime or plan to read in the near future. I’m not sure which ones I wanna mention rn, or which ones y’all would interested in hearing my thoughts on. Readings been one of those things to help pull me through the month while waiting for several things to settle down.

Which is part of why the queue’s been so sporadic ;-; thanks for being patient with me guys <3

[thesingingrevolution]

i should have known i would get addicted to buying kpop albums. when i was pretty much exclusively a metalhead i remember every time i had free time and some extra money i would go to the library and get cds from my favorite band iron maiden. i had quite a few:

• killers

• piece of mind

^my two faves

• powerslave

• somewhere in time

• the final frontier

so, i had 5/16 (senjutsu came out after all this) of their studio releases. not bad for a 15 year old with no autonomy, no way to get around, and no monthly allowance. and these cds were basically the most standard standard, like it’s a jewel case (learned that term from kpop 😭) with the cd and a booklet with the lyrics. which made me so happy. there always were rare pictures in these and i posted all of them on my fan account. the memories i have are so good.

the two more special releases i had were:

• maiden japan (live album)

• best of the beast (anthology)

i love maiden japan and apparently it is somewhat rare in stores. the killers tour was one of the best iron maiden things ever. i’m a huge fan of their first two albums and even though paul is a questionable person i think he used to be a wonderful singer. steve (loml) has complained so much about being unsatisfied with the production on their eponymous debut but personally i have never felt like it was a problem.

for best of the beast (i love that title), i found it in my grandma’s home at the end of 2018 became obsessed because it’s two cds of some of their best songs and it was super cool in general. i was supposed to see maiden at rock in rio in 2019 so i asked her if i could borrow the cd and play it in the car so my family could learn some of the songs…. she asked my uncle and not only did he let me borrow it but he told me i could keep it because he knows how much i love them. i’m really grateful because it meant a lot to me and it is still one of the coolest things i own. it’s rare and no longer made iirc, came out forever ago. i’m really happy.

it’s no wonder now i’m addicted to buying albums lol. it’s basically the same but i get photocards and stickers and bookmarks and posters. i have said this so many times but i think it would be really cool to add those things to the western market. in metal photocards would be hilarious like i want a pc of fenriz and his crispy cornflakes.

[smonk-wonk]

thanks for the answer! did not expect that much, but, also, made me wonder if I /really/ was that bad of a friend to you? I get my actions after you cut me off were awful but, before..? (you really don't need to respond if you don't want to)

So like, I don't remember a lot of 2019, especially the later half. But I remember a fair amount of my reasoning I think? There's definitely a lot of shit that I forgot and some of the others remember it I think. Definitely a lot of memory gaps between then and now especially though, and also a lot of 2018

But one part of it was that I felt like your mental wellbeing depended on me and that was a lot to carry. You were also very pushy and I was a people pleaser, still am sometimes. Even things like, if I didn't feel like getting on vc you'd pressure me until I said yes because you would emphasize how lonely you'd be if I didn't. If I wasn't talking to you during some part of the day, I needed a reason. I do remember at least one instance where I was doing something I enjoyed and you told me you were more important so you insisted on having a conversation and interrupting said activity. Of course I had fun times with you but the pressure and feelings of obligation and you emphasizing your loneliness? Tay and I were very empathetic especially considering the loneliness that came with having recently lost so many people, many that I loved or cared deeply for

I know at the time I didn't know how to cut you off and wasn't sure if I was ready but Cole didn't like the bullshit and did it for me. It started as a break and I think I reflected during that, and how the foundation our friendship was built on was not a good one to begin with. You manipulated me a lot back in 2018 and early 2019 if I'm right about that timeframe. Harassed me and fucked with my head. You would send me a picture of your pets or some shit and then on the same day do some fuckshit like spam me demanding I give you attention and threaten me, you fucked with my friends and people I cared about because that was the easiest way to get to me and get my attention. And somehow even then I was slightly fond of you

That was before the friendship but also it's important bc that's when my history with you started aside from minor interactions iirc. Then after that it was because you were nicer to me and seemed better and did show acts of kindness and selflessness but I do remember some of those patterns showing back up. And you did cross boundaries multiple times. The break happened because it became a pattern and you contacted someone I'd repeatedly asked you not to because of the way she'd use it against me to cause more drama and backlash which was genuinely traumatizing. And then I just realized how damaging it was to me and had to let go and build healthier relationships

I wasn't sure if it was the right choice at first. I wondered if Cole really saw more toxicity in it and potential for harm than I did or if he was just overly distrusting of people because of how much I'd been hurt and you were harmless but yeah, he was right. He was observing behaviors that I could brush off and didn't seem significant to me but he could tell you were someone with the potential to hurt me deeply if you wanted to. You told me yourself you could do so and feel nothing and I laughed it off. Others also felt it was toxic and saw that it drained me and after being hurt the way I had been by so many people around that time I couldn't afford to have another friend that could hurt me and feel nothing. I've lost parts of myself to too many of those

You were a threat to my wellbeing and afterwards you proved it time and time again so I never went back on my decision to cut you off and never will. If you heal that's great but you've also been sorta like a damn cockroach for the last 3 years and I've split at least once because of it

Like after that much time, hearing so many times that you'll never contact me again only to hear from you like 1 or 2 months later? The times you triggered me on purpose? The harassment, the begging, the taunting and insults and lying pretending to be some other random anons when it was obviously you, I could never trust you again.

And it's all shit you were doing before we were friends. You harassed people severely and I wasn't the first and I'm probably not the last. Sometimes I miss the good times and then I remember what the bad parts did to me. You weren't a good friend Tobi. There are things you've done that I need therapy for. Maybe someday you'll learn to be a good friend, but never to me. No amount of begging or evidence that you've changed or whatever will change my mind. I don't even like, hate you or anything I honestly pity you and think your behavior has been pathetic

And if you heal from the shit that influences you to act out, I'll probably know because I never heard from you again

[cash4bees]

How I'm doing

So I barely know people on this platform any more, and twitter is bad for long-form stuff and I also barely know anyone on there either. But I just want to get my thoughts in order on how I'm doing, and post them in my favorite defunct comedy diary platform. I promise, this isn't super duper sad times the whole way through, in case you want to give it a read it's actually quite happy.

I've had a rough go of it for around four years, going back further than the pandemic by a while. Graduating college essentially meant hacking away my social tethers that weren't online, and everyone I had easy access to through the internet was, in contrast, busy with their IRL stuff. I had to essentially scrape by on one or two social activities in a week from 2017 to 2019. I grew apart from friendships I valued because I felt every friendship drift away simultaneously. I remember that my therapist asked me to very simply rate my mood on given days out of a hundred and at about that time it was some of the absolute pits, barely reaching 30/100 on a good day. I had a roommate who's vibes spread to me and whose lack of cleanliness ethic put a lot of at-home burden on me, I had very little if any free time to myself, and all of my friends were either gone or still hanging out with each other at grad school an hour's drive away. I was lonelier than I'd ever been, and those rank among the saddest days of my life. I left tumblr entirely for a few months there, coinciding with the exodus in general, so there's not too many glimpses into my state of mind on this blog but trust me, it was bad.

The first big turnaround, late 2018, was joining a big discord server with some of the best friends I could've ended up making. If you're on that server (which is only one of my actual followers iirc, everyone else abandoned tumblr) you know how much you mean to me, and I'm grateful to you.

The second big turnaround was splitting up with my gf of several years who had moved in with me for 3 months. It wasn't all bad, but it would be a massive lie to say that the ease with which our close proximity fostered my partner's ongoing resentment of me wasn't a major factor in my lowest moods. It also left me with time to myself and more importantly, time with my friends who didn't live an hour away. It finally felt like I could have time to be myself, and to become myself. I think if you knew me then and now you can probably see a difference. I had a very brief and very healing relationship, only about two months, in the winter of 2019-2020. Low pressure, good fun, and with no resentment toward me building up at all. It was important for me to see a relationship work like that, the way it's intended. We held each other on a few great nights before parting ways with a smile on each of our faces. They weren't ready for anything longer-term with me and I was disappointed but able to accept that. Thanks, ####, I hope you're doing well wherever you are.

I met someone else just before lockdown, quite literally having the first date on leap day. He's not a partner because neither of us are looking for a partner in that sense, but he is a friend, and the best I could ask for. It's coming up on two years of friendship with each other and I honestly couldn't feel better about it. He's introduced me to new friends, people who so quickly became close to me that it felt like we were always going to be best friends. They're all a huge part of how I made it through quarantine.

That lasts for a whole two years, bringing us to now. I don't know what exactly flipped the switch: getting a pair of cats and feeling a need to get my life together for their sake, going fully remote and realizing I have the freedom I'd lost after graduation again, making friends with their lives together and being inspired by them, or some combination. I took a LOT of action.

I got back on medication for ADHD, allowing me to do stuff like type this post out. I earned a promotion at work after roughly two years of slogging through pandemic cutbacks and furlough. Most recently, and importantly, I made an offer on a house. Things are still up in the air but the momentum is unstoppable at this point. I am going to buy a house, and soon. No more doing dishes by hand in a 30 sqft kitchen in a one bedroom apartment in a silent suburb. No more driving on a highway to see friends in the city on the regular. Life is getting better by miles, not inches.

I want to thank everyone on here and elsewhere who's kept up with me and kept me going. Even the smallest things have helped, and if you took the time to read this, even the idea of you caring enough to do that keeps me going, accelerating even. I love you all and I hope I can pass some of that help you've given me back to you.

[kellyvela]

Has GRRM ever said in any interview or on his blog that he hates Sansa's complete storyline after 4th season? I dont really follow all of his fan/media interactions but from what I can recall he has spoken abt how LF in books wont give sansa to ramsay or how noone had issue when Jeyne was given the Ramsay storyline in books etc. Asking this question to you bcs you rightly point out how ppl misunderstood his interviews/posts ( sansans/targ stans etc) & I cant recall him ever saying he 'hates' sansa's story in the later seasons of the show ( not s5 in particular but even s6 to s8).

Capclave 2013:

A change that has repercussions for season 4 is Marillion’s tongue removal from the first season. Martin said that the change was made (from an anonymous singer being the victim of a de-tonguing) because they wanted Joffrey to maim someone the audience would recognize. He believes this is an issue because of the part the singer plays in Sansa’s storyline, how he affects her interactions with others in the book, and he doesn’t believe another character will be fulfilling that role on Game of Thrones.

—GRRM talks season 4 & beyond - Winter is Coming - October 13, 2013

2014 Fan Reports about Capclave 2013 (*):

In a convention panel this year, George said on the record that he had no idea what they were doing with Sansa or where they’re taking her storyline, which now makes sense perhaps. He was not pleased when he was talking about it, so who knows what’s going to happen with her! Knowing GRRM, that could mean they’re going off the canon reservation, and/or that they’re going to be making a lot of shit up

I have notes I’ll be responding to (thanks!) but enough people commented about Sansa that I thought I’d share that tidbit, since it happened back in September iirc (was the same panel where he criticized the exclusion of Tyrell brothers)

—starkalypse - June 3, 2014

GRRM’s comments at capclave about Sansa (which I was in the third row for, for those asking about legitimacy) were among others during the panel that had a general theme of dissatisfaction with show changes. He was not in good spirits for that con and didn’t really have anything positive to say regarding the show. So take it with a grain of salt; there are deviations away from the books in the episodes he gets writers credit for, so maybe they’re doing something stupid or they really don’t have a gameplan!

—starkalypse - June 4, 2014

(*) These reports were posted in June 2014, during the airing of Game of Thrones Season 4, about Capclave 2013 that happened in October 2013.

Just after the rape episode:

How many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Three, in the novel. One, in the movie. None, in real life: she was a fictional character, she never existed. The show is the show, the books are the books; two different tellings of the same story.

There have been differences between the novels and the television show since the first episode of season one. And for just as long, I have been talking about the butterfly effect. Small changes lead to larger changes lead to huge changes. HBO is more than forty hours into the impossible and demanding task of adapting my lengthy (extremely) and complex (exceedingly) novels, with their layers of plots and subplots, their twists and contradictions and unreliable narrators, viewpoint shifts and ambiguities, and a cast of characters in the hundreds.

There has seldom been any TV series as faithful to its source material, by and large (if you doubt that, talk to the Harry Dresden fans, or readers of the Sookie Stackhouse novels, or the fans of the original WALKING DEAD comic books)… but the longer the show goes on, the bigger the butterflies become. And now we have reached the point where the beat of butterfly wings is stirring up storms, like the one presently engulfing my email.

Prose and television have different strengths, different weaknesses, different requirements.

David and Dan and Bryan and HBO are trying to make the best television series that they can.

And over here I am trying to write the best novels that I can.

And yes, more and more, they differ. Two roads diverging in the dark of the woods, I suppose… but all of us are still intending that at the end we will arrive at the same place.

In the meantime, we hope that the readers and viewers both enjoy the journey. Or journeys, as the case may be. Sometimes butterflies grow into dragons.

—The Show, the Books - Not A Blog - May 18, 2015

Report about the last Game of Thrones Script that GRRM wrote:

No Wedding for Sansa and Ramsay: Without question, one of the most controversial changes the show made in trying to streamline the books was by slotting Sansa into the role of Ramsay’s wife and rape victim in Season 5. In the books, Ramsay marries and assaults Sansa’s best childhood friend, Jeyne Poole—who is being forced to impersonate Arya—instead. (You can actually see Jeyne briefly sitting next to Sansa in the show’s pilot.)

At the time Martin wrote this script, though, substituting Sansa for Jeyne was not yet the plan. Martin has Roose Bolton tell his bastard son: “We have a much better match in mind for you. A match to help House Bolton hold the north. Arya Stark.” It should be noted, however, that in Martin’s script, Sansa isn’t free from menace either. At his own wedding-day breakfast, Joffrey still threatens to rape the older Stark sister—once he’s “gotten Margaery with child.”)

—Game of Thrones: The Secrets of George R.R. Martin’s Final Script - Vanity Fair - December 7, 2018

A month before the Game of Throne S8 Finale:

Sansa’s story, in particular, has really deviated from the books. Ramsay Bolton — that marriage obviously was with a different character. When they start deviating like that, did you initially have any emotional reaction, even though you worked in Hollywood for many years yourself?

GRRM: Well, yeah — of course you have an emotional reaction. I mean, would I prefer they do it exactly the way I did it? Sure. But I’ve been on the other side of it, too. I’ve adapted work by other people, and I didn’t do it exactly the way they did it, so ….

Some of the deviation, of course, is because I’ve been so slow with these books. I really should’ve finished this thing four years ago — and if I had, maybe it would be telling a different story here. It’s two variations of the same story, or a similar story, and you get that whenever anything is adapted. The analogy I’ve often used is, to ask how many children did Scarlett O’Hara have? Do you know the answer to that?

I know it’s different in the book and the movie …

GRRM: Three children in the book, one by each husband. She had one child in the movie. And in real life, of course, Scarlett O’Hara had no children, because she never existed. Margaret Mitchell made her up. The book is there. You can pick it up and read Mitchell’s version of it, or you can see the movie and see David Selznick’s version of it. I think they’re both true to the spirit of the work, and hopefully that’s also true of Game of Thrones on one hand, and A Song of Ice and Fire on the other hand.

—George R.R. Martin on the Stark Sisters and Ending ‘Game of Thrones’ - RollingStone - April 22, 2019

James Hibberd’s Book:

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: Jeyne Poole was included in the pilot—she’s shown giggling next to Sansa—but she’s never seen or referred to again. I actually wrote Jeyne into “The Pointy End,” my first script, when Arya killed the stableboy. I had some stuff with Jeyne running to Sansa being all hysterical and dialogue in the council chamber with Littlefinger saying, “Give her to me, I’ll make sure she doesn’t cause any trouble.” That was dropped.

DAVID BENIOFF: Sansa is a character we care about almost more than any other. We really wanted Sansa to play a major part in that season. If we were going to stay absolutely faithful to the book, it was going to be very hard to do that. There was a subplot we loved from the books, but it was a character not involved in the show.

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: I was trying to set up Jeyne for her future role as the false Arya. The real Arya has escaped and is presumed dead. But this girl has been in Littlefinger’s control for years, and he’s been training her. She knows Winterfell, has the proper northern accent, and can pose as Arya. Who the hell knows what a little girl you met two years ago looks like? When you’re a lord visiting Winterfell, are you going to pay attention to the little kids running around? So she can pull off the impersonation. Not having Jeyne, they used Sansa for that. Is that better or worse? You can make your decision there. Oddly, I never got pushback for that in the book because nobody cared about Jeyne Poole that much. They care about Sansa.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

GEORGE R. R. MARTIN: My Littlefinger would have never turned Sansa over to Ramsay. Never. He’s obsessed with her. Half the time he thinks she’s the daughter he never had—that he wishes he had, if he’d married Catelyn. And half the time he thinks she is Catelyn, and he wants her for himself. He’s not going to give her to somebody who would do bad things to her. That’s going to be very different in the books.

—Fire Cannot Kill a Dragon: Game of Thrones and the Official Untold Story of the Epic Series by James Hibberd - October 6, 2020

I hope it helps you.

Thanks for your message.

[krysyuy]

hi! i'm currently shoved in the world of cdrama (😭)and would like to ask what's your most recommended cdrama? current or finished drama will do! thanks!! <3

First off, anon, I’m shocked that you would come to my inbox to ask me this, lmao. I don’t think I’ve posted very much cdrama content, which is actually quite strange, since I’m watching them almost exclusively at the moment (and I went through a cdrama phase earlier this year and last year too). I haven’t touched a kdrama since Flower of Evil, though Tale of the Nine-Tailed is supposed to be next on my list. The timing just hasn’t been right on my end…

Anyways! Enough about kdramas, you asked about cdramas. Now I’m not sure what genre you’re looking for, so I’ll just throw out my personal recommendations across the map. I’m incapable of recommending just one, lol.

Please note that while I’m watching cdramas currently, my pool of cdramas actually isn’t particularly deep compared to others. I may not have watched any of the classics or what would be considered top-tier dramas that other blogs may recommend (e.g. Nirvana in Fire, etc).

I’ll “spoil” whether the endings are happy or not, but I won’t go into detail.

- General’s Lady (2020) !!!!! - I’m watching it on YouTube, but I just found out Viki has it too, lol. The subs are up to Episode 15 (out of 30). This is currently airing. I adore it and am absolutely obsessed. I plan to gif this series eventually. The story isn’t complicated, but this drama hits all my fluff kinks. The OTP has great chemistry, and the sweet moments (the kisses! the skinship!) are off the charts. Cheesy? Yes. 110% down my alley? Absolutely, lmao. Caesar Wu has managed to capture my heart with this role (an icy general who ends up head over heels for his lady), and he’s been added to my list of favorite c-actors to look out for. The female lead is smart and spunky, and she’s very proactive which is refreshing. She can also be very cute without it getting annoying. I couldn’t resist watching raws ahead and - to no one’s surprise, I imagine - it’s a happy ending. There’s also a mystifying scene at the end, which I hope subs will provide context for. A strange but not unwelcome surprise. I’m also kind of hoping this means the team is open to a Season 2, lmao.

- The Rise of Phoenixes (2018) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. This was actually my first cdrama. It set the bar quite high in terms of the fantastic overall quality with the actors, production value, etc etc. Unfortunately, while this drama is very well-done, it did not escape the clutches of the censors and it got a bit chopped up towards the end, iirc. And a happy ending, this does not have. But I still think it’s worth the watch! Heartbreaking OTP and all.

- Gank Your Heart (2019) - Completed. Watched it… elsewhere. E-sports drama. Romance! I had no idea “gank” was an actual word before this drama, lmao. Anyways, the characters are great, the OTP is sweet, and it’s just fun all around. Happy ending~ Give us a season 2!

- The King’s Avatar (2019) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. E-sports drama. No romance. The novel this is based on is massive but fantastic. I actually just spent the last couple weeks of October finally binge-reading it, lol. The drama doesn’t remain true to the novel, which can’t be helped since the novel mostly focuses on stuff that happens in the game. The drama instead chooses to focus a lot on what happens outside of it, fleshing out the characters and building on what the novel gave us. (Or, for better or worse, going in a different direction for dramatization.) We see how our protagonist team comes together and develops, and their relationships with each other. I actually watched this while it was airing, and I remember eagerly waiting for each episode weekly. I didn’t realize until later that novel readers weren’t happy with it since it deviates so much. I think you just have to treat it as its own thing. Happy ending! Hopefully there’s a Season 2.

- Love O2O (2016) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix. I didn’t recall until afterwards that this was a pretty big hit while it was airing, lol. I watched this after The King’s Avatar because of the male lead, Yang Yang. Solidified my love for him, which was already pretty strong after TKA. A romcom set against the gaming world, it hits all the right spots. Happy ending ofc ♥

- Eternal Love (2017) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix (see a pattern? lmao). This one I actually remembered people loving, lol. Again, I was late to the game on this one, but I definitely got the hype. Epic OTP with an epic storyline, it’s responsible for my love of the xianxia genre with story elements like cultivation, immortal/heavenly characters, love trials, etc etc. Happy ending, which the OTP deserved after all their struggles.

- The Untamed (2019) - Completed. Watched on a variety of platforms while it was airing, but it’s on Netflix now, lol. Based on a BL novel. While it couldn’t be stated explicitly, it’s there as much as it can be without the censors coming after them. I actually almost forgot to recommend this? lmao You must’ve heard of it or have already watched it, but its popularity is well-deserved. Another epic OTP with an epic storyline. I’m not too up to date with the cdrama world, but I’m hoping the other works from this author get adapted to live action as well. I consider it a happy ending; it was as good as we were gonna get without the censors touching it.

- Love the Way You Are (2019) - Completed. Watched it on YouTube. Romcom. This kind of has a wacky premise, at least in regards to the female lead’s “disease”. It takes suspension of disbelief, but I was somehow charmed by both her and the male lead. Try to give it a chance, and the OTP’s chemistry may capture you too. Happy ending!

- The Prince of Tennis (2019) - Completed. Watched it on Netflix.  Not sure if you’re into sports dramas, but if you like the original Japanese manga this is based on or just the shounen genre in general, this is for you! The adaptation is fantastic and pretty true to the source material, physics-defying tennis and all. The characters and their relationships are a lot of fun, and my friends and I had a great time watching them. Netflix has 40 episodes, while MyDramaList lists 42 episodes. I personally think Netflix just re-edited the episodes for length (making each episode 45min instead of 35min) instead of it being a typo or there being a mysterious missing two eps. They’ve actually done this with a Taiwanese drama I was watching back in the day (can’t recall which one), so it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s the case here. Ofc a happy ending with hopefully a Season 2.

Anon, I’m not sure if you’ve watched or are currently watching some of these, but I hope this list helps! Enjoy!!! ♡✧( ु•⌄• )

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Imo: in being good and having this (better than) expected, clean and well fleshed out story, it seems druck just stayed afloat. Instead of being outstanding and enticing more viewers, it fell into doing what it was intended to do with only a portion of it's old viewership. S5 was good, but it didn't do anything out of the ordinary or experimental or particular interesting. If they stick to this formula, which works to an extent, they'll need more eclectic or charismatic mains to give it an edg

Hi anon 🎨 I actually think this season did something experimental, by using audio and video cues to portray Nora’s disassociation. The only other season to use cinematography to portray a main who experiences reality in a different way was Arthur’s, and imo they didn’t properly stick with it past a certain point. 

But I mean, by charismatic, do you mean gay? 😂

Here’s my thing. Personally, I’ve felt like the Skam phenomenon, such as it is, has been on its way out since around the time Skam Italia was first cancelled. And not even because of skamit itself, which was in fact brought back because of Italian outcry. That was just the point where I felt we’d start hitting diminishing returns, the remakes would never become much bigger than the heights of popularity reached from January to June 2019 (and definitely would never reach the heights that Skam got in Norway or abroad). I also thought the “fad” of buying the rights to adapt Skam had passed—no other producer would agree to NRK’s conditions and make an eighth remake. From that point forward, I felt like we’d only keep losing remakes, not gaining them.

As an additional note, I only have follower numbers for Isak’s account (the most followed account of all the Skam characters) from 2018, a full year later Skam had finished. At that point he had 685K. Cris, the character to have the most followers out of any remake character, never broke 200K.

Let’s talk Wtfck. The Isak season dropped during fall 2019, past the Skam remake golden era. Despite the fact that Robbe and Sander are white and cis, and that the show exploited their physical relationship as much as they could get away with... By the end of the season, Robbe and Sander had less ig followers than Matteo and David had by the end of theirs. A couple that included a trans moc, and was thus rejected by large sections of fandom. It doesn’t matter that endless moaning about Kato or endless moaning compilations have made it the most popular show on tumblr this year. When it comes to Instagram numbers, Robbe and Sander were solidly a flop. (And, of course, so is Kato, who Nora passed in followers around ep 3 or 4 of Nora’s season.)

Now, let’s talk Skam France. Arthur’s season was also the yawn collectively heard round the world. It kept losing followers on Youtube every week, despite the fact that at that time the show was not geoblocked (it’s geoblocked now) and Youtube still allowed random users to add subtitles. (In comparison, Amira N’s season aired when community subs were no longer allowed.) Lucas L’s season was, at least imo, the season that ushered the remake golden era. Despite the fact that Martino’s season aired a few months earlier, and was also not geoblocked, they didn’t get the attention. Skam France just knew how to promote their gay season effectively and, in so doing, also garnered attention for everyone else. Fun fact: before Lucas L’s season, no remake character had reached 35K followers on ig (Megan Flores had the largest amount at 33.6K). 

So, if Skam France, with its keen sense of promotion and their Lola season that aimed to fulfill every request fandom had (wlw main, the explicit s*x scene eskam didn’t deliver, Daphné subplot, Eliott subplot, substance abuse issues, mental health issues) didn’t reach the numbers Lucas L’s season got, did in fact not even come close (Lola has 31.7 followers on ig. That’s less than Megan before the Isak seasons really got going!!)... Do you really think this is an issue of Druck not being enticing? 

There’s also Norway. The Skam format, with “real time” clips, has a longer history in Norway. Skam was maybe the third or fourth show with that format. But none of the shows in that format that came after Skam have been as successful locally as Skam was. Lovleg was cancelled after 2 seasons. Blank closed shop with 3. 17/18/16 keeps going, but the format isn’t exactly the same (iirc every daily drop is actually an episode unto itself, and the shows drop over a period of less than 20 days). Afaik, lik meg is the only show in the Skam format currently airing, and it’s aimed at a 10-12 y/o demographic, not the 16 year olds that Skam targeted.

Anyway, fwiw, shortly after Amira M’s season finished, s4 had 12.7M views. As of two days ago, Nora’s season had 11.4M views (danke, @tirpse). Nora has 28.3K followers, only 3K followers less than Lola, despite the fact that Nora is a straight character and she didn’t get a s*x scene. 

I gotta be real with you, I don’t think these numbers will improve with Fatou’s season, because both Fatou and Kieu My are woc. If there’s a main who fits the “exciting” bill (I know it’s not the word you used, but I just feel like Druck mains are generally charismatic, if not eclectic), that is Ava. And we all know people will find many reasons not to watch Ava’s season. 

So, all in all... I guess Druck will remain a small show, unless something happens with one of the still existing remakes, and the Skam phenomenon gets a second wind. Because I really don’t think a flashy main is going to turn the tides around, anon.