#ill probably post a black and white version of this because i love the lines

[raekiez]

Come here

Watched Mikey and Nicky and I feel dead inside. Great movie!

[sonickitty]

Previous: (Primer) | Next Up: (Episode 2)

Text version of this post below the cut!

The Untamed: A Primer

Part 2: The first two episodes don't make any sense!

Yeah, we all struggled with this. Plus, if you're not used to watching TV in Chinese listening to a new language might scramble your brain.

If the first two episodes make you want to give up on this series and just watch The Witcher or something DO NOT DO THAT. Let me help.  

Episode 1 Recap

1. The Prologue

(Image 1: A man in black and red with blood spattered around his mouth falls backwards into an abyss of rock and lava)

(Image 2: A man in white hangs on to a cliff’s edge with an expression of anguish on his otherwise lovely face. He wears a white headband. He is watching the first man fall.)

The main character dies in the first 30 seconds. He lets himself fall off a cliff, a man in white tries to save him, then an angry dude with a sword comes up and tells him to go to hell. He falls.  

Don't worry too much if you feel nothing but "oh that sucks I guess??" You'll see this moment later in the series, in its proper context, and you'll be weeping.

All you need to know right now is:

The guy in white is Lan Zhan, or "Hanguang Jun."

The guy in black is your protagonist, Wei Wuxian.

2. Wei Wuxian and Mo Xuanyu

(Image 3: Wei Wuxian, your protagonist. He peaks around a curtain while wearing a heavy, ornate mask and a mischievous expression.)

(Note: The protagonist is known as Wei Wuxian, but is also called Wei Ying by those closest to him. Those who see him as a villain call him The Yiling Patriarch.)

Wei Wuxian (aka the Yiling Patriarch) is resurrected 16 years after his death by a guy named Mo Xuanyu in a ritual that sacrifices Mo Xuanyu's body for Wei Wuxian's. Wei Wuxian comes back to this world in his own body, wearing Mo Xuanyu's clothes.

Luckily, he has the mask that Mo Xuanyu always wore. He wears it, and everyone assumes he's Mo Xuanyu. No one has Facebook so most people don't know what Wei Wuxian looks like. (It also seems like most people don't know what Mo Xuanyu looks like.)

Wei Wuxian has four deep gashes on his arm. It's from the resurrection spell, and they should disappear as soon as he takes revenge on Mo Xuanyu's enemies. The enemies are probably his family.

What we know about Mo Xuanyu:

He was mentally ill, and possibly had an intellectual or cognitive disability. The subtitles will not refer to this tactfully.

The love child of the leader of another clan (Jin Clan). He was kicked out, but you're not told exactly why.

He's into the same kind of "tricks" (magic, sorcery) as the notorious Yiling Patriarch

3. There’s Something Strange in the Neighborhood

Then a bunch of GHOSTBUSTER KIDS (Cultivators) show up. They're from the same clan as Wei Wuxian's old BFF, and Wei Wuxian used to go to their school, more or less. They're here because Mo Xuanyu's family home is haunted, and it's time to kick some spirit butt.  

(Image 4: A group of teenagers in white robes, with white headbands. They stand in two orderly lines as they enter the house they are about to exorcise. The two leading the group are Lan Jingyi, who frowns at the ground, and Lan Sizhui, who looks bright and alert.)

Mo Xuanyu's dickhead cousin starts dicking around with the spirit lure flags that the ghostbuster kids set up, so he gets his ass possessed.

(Fun fact: Wei Wuxian invented those flags! He wants you to know that.)

Now shit starts going south. The whole Mo family is possessed now (and dead), and it has something to do with their arms.

4. Wei Wuxian’s Tricks

(Image 5: A monstrous hand, with long black claws, and bulging, dark veins reaches towards a terrified group of villagers. Over the image I have written the word yikes.) 

But it's ok, because turns out Wei Wuxian's tricksy magic talents include controlling spooky shit (like spirits, ghosts, and dead people). So he pits the whole family against each other.

But then!!

(Image 6: The man from image 2 descends from the heavens to land delicately on a rooftop. The sky behind him is black, and his robes are a pristine white. He wears a white headband.)

(Note: The man in white from the image is known as Lan Wangji, but Wei Wuzian calls him Lan Zhan, which is a more familiar name. Those who respect him call him by his title: Hanguang Jun. One of his weapons is a musical instrument. He is bae.)

Wei Wuxian’s beautiful "longtime confidant" descends from the heavens and Wei Wuxian peaces the fuck out because he doesn't want to be recognized. There's one gash left on Wei Wuxian's arm, which means Mo Xuanyu's revenge is incomplete.

[cavariously]

[Trying my hand at a fan fiction.

I love to write but I have never done anything like this before, so all feedback would be extremely appreciated (Grammer, Plot, Characters etc.).

I love Tokyo Ghoul so I really hope I don't fuck this up 😅. A big thank you to anyone who reads this ❤️]

Caution: Agressive Swearing, Offensive Language, Graphic Violence.

Notes: Takes place post end of TG:re, Reapers = Marshall version of Doves.

1. Crow - 24

City lights and the rushing motions of the landscape turn the 24th ward into a blinding and blaring circus. Humans. They crawl through this city with the assurance that they will be here tomorrow. They will be here a year from now. They will be here forever. They are the only lifeform with this assurance. All other creatures in this world live with the knowledge that their making it to the next moment is a fifty fifty

It is certainly a miracle that they last, noticing absolutely nothing at all. They don't see the effects that the fumes of their veichles have on the planet that they grip so tightly to. They can't begin to recognise that they are being continually watched and targeted by devices that could wipe them from the face of said Earth in less than zero. They don't even notice the apex predictor observing them from less than a mile above.

Humans simply move from one spot to another, only stopping to cause irrevocable disaster and reduce their surroundings to less than ash, and then move on to the next target. Someone said that humans are Parasites, and although it may be naive to believe this was wholly correct, it would be complete ignorance to dismiss it entirely. Ghouls do not indulge in such ignorance. Parasite is an apt description for a human, from the perspective of a ghoul, that and food.

The figure stands tall, wind rushing rapidly through their tied up hair. They can smell the putrescence of man-kind as they go about their sweaty and arrogant business. They would laugh if it wasn't so tragic. What do humans amount to? They are greedy and bloody bags of meat that fight and hate more than any other being, yet they are allowed to multiply and just be. It could be argued that ghouls are the same as humans in this aspect, but most abide by the one meal a month agreement, even though this arrangement can be hell for some. Unlike humans, who see violence as their God given right, when ghouls fight, it is rarely for anything other than survival. Perhaps this view doesn't take all ghouls into account, but all humans gorge themselves on everything, and fight for any fucking reason they want.

Twenty years ago, a disaster was meant to end this disparity. For the first time ever, ghouls and humans fought together to save the world they shared from the monster that had been designated 'DRAGON'. The defeating of this enemy was meant to end in equality, where ghouls and humans shared the world equally. Scientific leaps had been made. Synthetic meats that ghouls could eat, so they wouldn't have to harm humans. The corpse of Dragon even lead to dramatic advancements in the medical field. Humans were now benefiting from ghoul DNA, as it allowed them to combat most illnesses and increase their lifespan somewhat. After all that ghouls had done for them, weren't humans grateful? No. Ten years, then ghouls were back to being vile creatures to be hunted, and were forced back to living in the sewers. The deaths of so many perfectly good and innocent ghouls, just so that humanity could screw them all over again. What a funny tragedy.

Another figure appeared from the shadows, stepping in line with their comrade. Neither looking at the other, they both silently watched the ferris-wheel turn round and round. A world that they saw as rightfully theirs. They were hungry for it and they would have it. No matter the cost. In fact, the more human casualties... the better.

"Are you ready to go?" the newcomer asked, never taking their attention away from everything below.

"Yeah. Any longer and I might have to eat you."

"Like you could" came the cold, arrogant response.

"Just because you got five inches on me now, doesn't mean I can't still beat your ass Da..."

"Don't fucking call me that. While we're out here you call me Kuma and I call you... Blindfold, or Eyeless. Something like that." Even though his response had been quick and sharp, neither his tone nor his concentration had wavered.

"Eyeless" they conceded.

"Fine, Eyeless it is. Just don't go shouting our real names out in public. You're enough of a liability as it is without giving our fucking identities away."

Eyeless finally turned to look at their brother. They couldn't help feeling a pang of nostalgia. He had been so small once, constantly hanging onto their shoulders and making paper birds that he place all over their home. Those memories hurt, especially when they remembered what came after. He used to smile so much and now he's a moody little shit. They'd never been like that at fourteen, they thought smugly.

"Fine. Let's go KUMA before I rip your snarky head off." With that final retort, Eyeless turned and stepped off of the roof.

Kuma watched them drop six stories, landing with grace and poise. Why were they always so aggravating? Maybe he was jealous of their natural ability, or perhaps they were just a pain in the ass to be related to. With a sigh and a wandering look to the night sky, he followed suit.

* * *

The Marshalls finished up disposing of the ghoul. Bikakus are a pain in the ass Haruto thought, but it's better than a Ukaku. Haruto loved the fact that he was an intimidating figure. The ghoul had basically shat itself as soon as it had seen his large muscular frame, and cruel bearded face. The black trench coat they wore, that often announced the end for ghouls, probably didn't hurt either. He nudged the face of the corpse with his foot. He reckoned it wouldn't even be worth removing his Kakahou to get a new quinque. Taking into account the short amount of time it had taken him and Kenji to bypass his defences and cut him through the middle, he was a B rated ghoul maximum.

"Right, time we get back" Haruto sighed.

"Mhm" Kenji agreed. He never said much.

"Did you bring the body bag? You never know, you might be able to upgrade that piece of shit you call a quinque." Haruto laughed loudly. He loved taking the piss out of Kenji, especially when he knew his only retort woukd be 'mhm'.

As expected, Kenji responded with a grumbling "Mhm", and moved towards the body.

Haruto, turned to walk away, lighting a cigarette and beginning to inhale deeply. That Kenji was going to marry his sister. What's he gonna say when the priest asks him if he takes her to be his lawfully wedded wife? Mhm. Haruto chuckled to himself. All in all Kenji was a good guy, and one hell of a Marshall. He could use that crappy Ukaku quinque pretty damn well, even if it did come from a C rated ghoul. Kenji also took Haruto's kids to the beach when he and Mrs Haruto wanted a quiet weekend. He might be an ugly fucker with next to no hair, and a face that made you want to split him down the middle, but he was clean and sometimes smelt nice. Yeah, Kenji could marry his sister if he wanted. She could do a hell of a lot worse.

A loud splatter sounded out behind Haruto. He spun on his heels, instincts flaring immediately into action. Where the fuck was Kenji? Where his partner had been attempting to fit the ghoul into the black bag, there was now the cut in half corpse of his future brother in law, fallen to the sides with a blindfolded figure standing in the middle. His entire being twitched in anticipation of this thing making a move to kill him, but all it did was leasurly bend down and scoop something up from the gore beneath. As the creature straightened up, he saw that it was simply sucking on one of Kenji's bloody fingers. To others, this might signify a psychotic animal, but to a seasoned Marshall, this was a confident and calculating killer plain and simple. A powerful one at that. Their clothes were indistinctive; clad in thin black leather and fabric, however, their mask was a completely different story. Almost the entirety of its face was covered. Its mouth had a tight black fabric wrapped over it, with a skeletal smile that would open, revealing the snaking pink tongue underneath. The huge back leather collar surrounding it could be zipped up to hide all but the eyes from the world. Not that the eyes could be seen either. A bone white blindfold shut them off from view. Foreign symbols were drawn in deep black on either side, with the a closed eye taking centre stage. Although it was just a drawing, that closed eye was unearving, as if the lack of sight heightened its ability to see, instead of impeding it.

Now this was a ghoul. Just by its sheer presence Haruto could tell this one was rated A, or more likely >S. Haruto couldn't deny to himself that he was intimidated, but he was a senior Marshall, and always backed himself in a one on one. He looked down at his fallen partner and gulped. First things first, get into this guys head. Haruto scanned the ghoul, looking for weaknesses that he could exploit verbally. If he was lucky, the reaction could lead to him obtaining an edge. He noticed that this ghoul was slight in stature, maybe five foot five all told.

"You wanna end up like this other piece of shit, you fucking dwarf."

This garnered absolutely nothing.

Haruto couldn't take it much longer. This creature continued to lapp at the guts of his dead partner, that were splattered over its fingers. It obviously didn't give a shit what it looked like to others. It reminded him of a cat, publically cleaning its fur and genitals with no concern for the world. It was fucking reveling in its feast, and it made Haruto's blood boil.

"You killed an innocent man. He was gonna have a family and you ripped him apart. You monsters have no fucking souls and you all belong in hell. That's where I'm gonna send you. I'm a fucking senior Marshall you stupid shit. You have no clue how badly you've fucked up."

Again, the ghoul made no sign of changing emotion, continuing to dip its fingers in Kenji and take its time eating. Haruto knew he needed something else to get into its head so he scanned again. 'Shit' he thought, as the ghost of a smile passed over his lips. The majority of its body was covered in black that mostly obscured its shape, however, his keen eyes saw that although its grey hair was tied up, it was probably quite long when undone. At its chest area, although it was probably bound, there was the hint of a slightly tented structure. The hardest one to spot was the hips. Despite them being covered by black leather shorts, those hips were a tad too wide to be a man's.

"Alright you sick fuck. I'M A COMMIN FOR YA!"

With one last drive to uncover more courage, Haruto raised his Kokaku quinque and lept towards the ghoul.

"I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP FOR KENJI... YOU BITCH!"

As Haruto closed the distance with extreme speed, to less than two meters, the shadow of another figure dropped from the sky, landing directly next to the first. Haruto skidded to a halt, taken aback by the new masked creature. This one was certainly taller, and its face was covered by a red, horned mask. It was only as his attention slipped completely that he realised his final mistake. For the first time, the blindfolded ghoul smiled widely, the skeletal mouth parting to reveal massive bloody teeth.

The next thing Haruto knew was that he was laying down on the ground, face to the sky. His neck was warm and dripping wet. He raised his hands to his throat as the oxygen escaped his body, feeling the deep gash that was releasing his blood. The ghouls started conversing.

"Which one you want?" the first asked the newcomer.

"I don't care. You killed 'em both so you choose" the other responded dispondantly.

"Well, you're the growing boy so you take the ghoul and the first Reaper."

"Damn, well fuck me if you ain't the best big sister" uttered the male ghoul sarcastically, as he casually walked over to Kenji and the dead ghoul. "Why you taking you're mask off you sicko? The guys not even dead yet."

"I like it when they watch me" the female ghoul giggled.

Haruto saw the shadow of something passing over his head. "Ken...Ke..ji" Haruto gasped.

Suddenly, from below him came a the same giggle. "Awww dude, I think these guys were close."

"Eyeless, eat the fucker and let's go" came the voice of the male.

"Hey buddy boy, look at me will you" said the female from his feet.

Haruto craned his neck, scared of what he might see, but thinking 'fuck it' to himself. What's did he have to be afraid of, he's already dead. When he finally focused on the face he was confused. She was chewing on a leg. His leg. When the fuck did she get her dirty hands on that? When she'd finished on his leg, licking the tips of her fingers with delight, she bent down and hovered over him. Eyeless? That's what the other one had called her, but that wasn't true at all. Now that her blindfold was off he could see the entirety of her murderous giddy face.

"You're very funny" she said. "Innocent man. Gonna have a family. Its really fucking funny."

The last thing Haruto would ever see would be a testimony to her names innacuracy. Staring at him excitedly was one grey eye, so remarkably human looking it was weird. The other eye was a pool of darkness... with a violent, blood red pupil that seemed to be trying to force its way out of its black prison. She snapped up the rest of him.

"Sicko..."

End

[goldeneyedgirl]

the fic that does not exist

What you are about to read was the first Twilight fic I posted. In all honesty, I deleted it two weeks after posting it and repurposed it for my degree into a 21,000 word novella that I’m still trying to turn into a decent YA book because, frankly, it has potential and I want to. 

But gosh, do I love the original version because I can see exactly where it was supposed to go and it remains one of the best things I’ve written. Because it turned into something that got me my degree. A precursor to how I approached Shadow to Light. To Alice always been a tiny bit bonkers in my fic.

It will never be reposted on AO3 or FF.net. What is posted below is probably 75% of the original. Some parts/lines were removed but nothing that affects the plot. There is a 50/50 chance I may delete this in the future.

But yeah, from circa 2015 (what the absolute fuck, I’ve been at this for five years?!), have “R”. 

--

It begins on a Wednesday. She runs out the front door, in bare feet and a nightdress that is too short, and she keeps running until she reaches Dr Cullen's house.

("It's Aro, Carlisle. We need to find the others, we can fix this.")

Dr Cullen brings her inside and Mrs Cullen gives her a glass of orange juice. They ask her a lot of questions, and she trusts them until the paramedics come to the door and she drops the glass, cutting foot badly and she hopes she bled all over Mrs Cullen's ugly rug.

(She doesn't scream or cry in the ambulance. She answers their questions politely, and apologises for getting blood on the gurney.)

She is put in a tiny cubicle to wait, a nurse cleaning and bandaging her cut foot. She asks for a glass of water the nurse never brings. And then, he's there. Too-long blonde hair, stooped stance, too thin and hollow looking, the circles under his eyes darker than his eyes.

("Jasper," she whispers. He doesn't hear her. He does when she calls out to him, and tries to leave the cubicle. She starts to scream for him when the nurses appear out of nowhere, and hold her down, slide the syringe into her and even as she's crying for him to save her, her world is turning white and quiet. And when she wakes up, she can't quite remember the name on her tongue, the face blurred in her memory.)

--

Her mother unlocks the door sometime after two, and carries in a tray. Milk, a sandwich and dozens of tiny round pills.

"It's time to eat," her mother says simply, placing the tray on her desk.

She watches her mother fuss around her room, making the bed, gathering the laundry. Doing her duty, and nothing more. There is never an explanation, never comfort.

Just obligation.

Her mother hates the way she stares, with her eyes too big and too knowing. She always thought a mother's love was infinite, eternal and complete. Now she has found the well tapped barren and dry, and she finds it difficult to grieve for that.

When she thinks of a mother, it is not this sour woman who pins her like a butterfly with shame and pity and resentment. No, the mother she images has laughing eyes and hair the colour of caramel. A woman who fixes, soothes, comforts and loves. Who smells of summer herbs and fresh linen, and a laugh like bells.

--

There's so little to do, now everything has been taken from her. Instead, she sinks into her tiny garden, gathering the pots around her until she can pretend, the scent of herbs thrown into the air, and she watches through the railings. She sees a lot. She sees Miss Hale stealing kisses from the McCarty boy, but turns him away in front of witnesses.

(It upsets and frustrates her, more than she can explain. She watches Miss Hale go out in expensive dresses with men too old for her, watches the dark cars pull up out the front of the prim and proper Hale residence. And every night, she waits. Waits for Miss Hale to get home safe, always waiting and listening for any cry for help.)

The McCarty boy sees her watching, and waves to her every time, with a cheerful grin and a wink. She waves back and blows a playful kiss when she knows Miss Hale is watching.

(She hasn't found her prince; she doesn't get much of a chance to look for him, locked away in her tower. But until she finds him, the McCarty boy could be her knight and rescue her, in a pinch.)

--

Her dreams are nonsensical, fragments of something larger that she doesn’t know how to decipher.

She dreams of running like the wind, of laughter and happiness. Of her hand clasped around another, but she cannot glimpse a face. Just a presence that anchors her.

She dreams of her hand slipping free and she stumbles, falling an impossible distance. Then there is mud and smoke and blood, and she is screaming hoarsely. She scrambles to her feet, and it is hard to run, the plants and mud tangling her feet. Under the smoke, she smells decay and mud. And she is trapped in her own grave, the darkness a weight upon her.

The smells from her dreams – of blood and smoke – hang heavily in the room when she jerks away from those haunting visions, enough that she thinks she can actually smell them. It’s just her imagination, she tells herself, but in the darkness of her bedroom, with the full moon hanging in the sky, it’s hard to believe it. That the stench isn’t there, blurring the lines of nightmares and memories.

--

She sneaks out during the summer fair, in a dress that is too long, and she didn't realise how much she has faded away, as she knots the straps tighter. The night is warm, and really, no one is going to notice her.

The fairy lights are woven through the trees, and music is playing softly. Laughter, chatter, fills the park, and it is magical. She wants to live in this moment forever.

He finds her sitting on the front steps of the library, peeling rind from the orange, her tongue catching the droplets of juice, her eyes closed in enjoyment. She is magnificent, with the ribbon in her hair, the oversized dress. She is gaunt, pale, like a tiny ghost and he is entranced and he doesn't know why.

(She welcomes him with a smile; he tastes like cigarettes and stewed coffee, she tastes like oranges and something bitter. Hands slide into pants, under skirts, and for her, it is salvation. For him, it is a drop of water in the middle of a desert. Gone all too soon and never again reclaimed.)

He buys her a blue paper flower that she tucks behind her ear, and she traces her fingers over his track marks so lovingly, he is surprised that they don't fade away.

--

Dr Cullen is kind to her, but her outburst so many months ago is still fresh in his mind, she can tell. He touches her gingerly, pity in his gaze at the black and blue shadows over her limbs.

(He sees finger prints colouring her hips, from her sweet, lovely prince the night of the summer festival. She wears them with honour, and she meets the good doctor's surprised glance with a cheeky smile.)

After the shot, the world is soft and her mother speaks to Dr Cullen, their words a dull hum. Nothing will change, nothing ever does. She will be returned to her tower, to sleep and pills and watching, for another twenty-seven days, until she is brought back to Dr Cullen.

--

She has one magnificent nightmare, where she is the princess at a ball, safe in the arms of the prince. But then there is nothing but blood, ghosts with scarlet eyes, her sweet tower a darkened dungeon, and bodies, oh the bodies. Of her beloved prince, her sweet knight, the ones that she watches over. Bodies split like overripe fruit, splayed open like butchered meat.

She screams until she wakes, her throat hoarse and raw and on fire, her mother waiting for her in the shadows, to send her back to the dungeons, the red-eyed monsters and the ocean of blood in weeping silence.

--

Sleep isn't coming, even with the pills on her tongue, with only water lining her stomach. She gives herself a paper cut and watches the bead of blood well up on her pale finger, and it is obscene and unexpected, and she watches it roll down her finger, over her knuckle with parted lips.

When she can dredge up enough energy, she writes a list. Of names, of people whose faces in her memory are hazy and indistinct. Of things that might have happened and things that did happen, but somewhere else. Of things she cannot allow herself to forget, even as the memories and details fall through her fingers.

--

Everything is blurring together, and she cannot put it right. She stitches memories together with justifications and logic, but their edges are still uneven, ill-fitting. Nothing is truly wrong – unless you count the crazy girl locked in a tower – but it isn’t right either.

Faces tumble through her memory, but she cannot remember the things she was supposed to never ever forget.

--

She leaps, leaps to freedom with a paper flower in her hair. It is better than flying. She leaps without regret, with sheer determination and the knowledge that there is nothing left for her in this place.

(The pills are bitter, the tower is quiet. Her hair floats loose around her face, not long, but no longer short. She didn't regret the loss of Mary-Alice in 1919, she doesn't mourn her now.)

The ground is hard, harder than she ever imagined. And she is just a doll of porcelain, already cracked at the seams. She shatters perfectly, the flower tumbling from her hair.

--

They bury her on a Friday, and it rains. A modest gathering of associated people in black, over an open grave, the only words that are offered are from a man that knows nothing more about Alice than a long illness that curdled her brain and sapped her body.

(Rosalie Hale came home at dawn with a torn dress and haunted eyes, but only screamed at the sight of the broken girl underneath the old oak tree. Emmett McCarty came running, and wept for the sweet dead girl who hid behind the railings and watched; for the necklace of bruises around Rosalie's pale throat. For a sense of utter wrongness he cannot put into words.)

A boy with dead eyes and thin arms waits at the back of the group, clutching a single orange and a bunch of flowers. He stares at the hole in the ground, saying nothing, but leaves his offerings on the fresh dirt with a reverence for something much greater than a sick girl. He is resigned to hopelessness that his salvation has gone, and all that lingers is the memory of enormous blue eyes and a sweet touch.

(Jasper Whitlock pushes aside the roses from the Cullens, the sunflowers from the Masens, the lilies from the Swans and nestles the orange in the dirt. His flowers were plucked from a garden, snow-white daisies and tiny blue flowers he cannot name - Forget-Me-Nots that will outlive anything else left behind.)

Her mother studies the grave sternly, smoothing down the hair of her younger daughter, and accepts the sympathies graciously. Her own pink carnations are already drooping over the headstone, as if they recognize her apathy to her child's fate.

(Emmett McCarty brings three bright yellow tulips in shaking hands. He tried, tried so hard to bring her back, even as his hands felt the sharp edges of bone under cold flesh. It was him that peeled the torn piece of paper from her hand, expecting a suicide note, her final words, but the curling handwriting offers not an explanation but two words 'Aro. Volturi.' And those are words that send a spike of fear through him and he doesn't know why. The note is still in his jeans' pocket and he doesn't know whom to tell.)

The rain turns the cemetery to mud and people begin to leave, petals dragged from stems with the ferocity. By winter, her grave will blend in with the rest, grass having grown over the dirt. Her family will leave her to her quiet sleep. It will be only a shattered girl, a broken prince and a confused knight that keep vigil at her grave.

(Esme Cullen buys pink roses and tries not to cry as she sits alone in her car. She truly doesn't know why, but there is something else there, just under the surface that she cannot quite decipher, that leaves her sobbing for the girl that saw no other way out than throwing herself from her tower, and all that Esme can do is offer pink roses and regret.)

--

She opens her eyes. And she screams.

(There is no more fear; just purest rage, sharpest anger. She will have her retribution and it will be sweet.)

[shiftyambientmusic]

Please talk about your beef with banjos ala ur Matthew Joseph Payne post notes, i am Begging you

hooooo boy okay, this is gonna be a lot of fun. this is long as hell, so beware, and i dont trash the banjo at all so SORRY LMAO

i actually really love the banjo! i think its sound is so distinct and expressive; im not a huge bluegrass fan, but the banjo, when used properly, works SO well in other genres, such as the jazz fusion banjo of bela fleck and the flecktones (please listen to the flecktones; bela is a phenomenal banjo player, but the entire band is absolutely amazing); nonetheless, i can appreciate that virtuosity is almost a requirement to be taken seriously as a banjo player.

i think its history is incredibly interesting, both because of its undeniable influence on american popular music, but also because of its often ignored but very direct ties to minstrel shows and slavery; most people know it has its origins in africa, but people seem to like to ignore (and i have fought people on this) the fact that playing banjo was very forcibly gentrified, and transitioned in the public eye from a black instrument to a white instrument due to racism.

furthermore, while the love has diminished since i was a teenager, chiptune is still very near and dear to my heart, and i think crossover chip genres work very well - punk especially, like slime girls, i love; the diy punk ethos meshes so well with the diy culture of modifying game consoles to make music. and, of course, misusing, modifying, and otherwise pushing the limits of equipment has always been a surefire way to make extremely interesting sounds (see: musique concrete, harsh noise, and not to compare chiptune to the cultural zeitgeist that is hip-hop, but turntablism is a very good example of this as well). chiptune can be rad, and im not ashamed at all to own vacation wasteland on cassette and vinyl.

now, a very meaningful song to me is pewter handles by matthew joseph payne; i think that the whole album is a lot of fun and has a lot of interesting things going on, but pewter handles especially is important to me, and for a time i considered it my favourite song, and despite my musical taste changing a lot since i first listened to it, id still say this is probably true - at the very least, id group it in with a number of other songs id consider my favourite song. i love the doomy guitars, the intros percussion, the flugelhorns, the off-key sing yelling, how everything devolves into a minor cacophony and finishes with a slightly subdued but intense guitar solo; i LOVE how he writes lyrics, how the meanings of some lines change completely with the context of the next line, and the imagery that they put forth (and describing someones head as "pummeled and habroneme" is SO fucking great i love it). none of the lyrics are framed like lyrics, and the entirety of the last verse is a massive run on sentence, but it works so well in the context of the song and never fails to get me going.

please listen to it:

anyway, i love pewter handles. i know it front to back; i tried to find a version on youtube to show a friend and found this version instead.

and, well, this video made me never want to listen to anything from matthew joseph payne other than his self titled album, just in case the rest of it sounded like whatever the hell this is:

not to be rude, but this is objectively bad; its mixed badly, the gameboy (while i love that hes putting it through a big old sunn) sounds like shit, the charm is gone from his voice, he can barely play the goddamned banjo, and the gripping guitar solo is reduced to boring banjo strumming that drags on. even if the production quality was higher, i cannot see this being a good combo.

so, tl;dr, i love the banjo, i am fond of chiptune, but if you do both poorly and try and mix them together, its gonna be bad. never meet your heros, kids (or at least hope they dont become chiptune banjo players).

next week ill rant in a similar fashion about my near identical experience with caleb groh

[picturebookmakers]

Axel Scheffler

In this post, Axel takes us on a journey through his art studio and career. As well as sharing wonderful development work from some of his much-loved picturebooks, he shows us unseen sketchbook pages, early illustration commissions, etchings he made as a student, and his recent work to educate children about the coronavirus.

Visit Axel Scheffler’s website

Axel: I’m not really sure how many books I’ve illustrated in the 30+ years that I’ve been working. Over 150. I mostly work for the UK market, but occasionally I do books with German publishers. Not picturebooks though, so nothing that collides with the co-edition market.

Each of the boxes you see here contains one of my books: the sketches, illustrations, dummies, alternate versions of covers, everything.

I organised these boxes with Liz, my assistant, to have all the main books there so we can find things for exhibitions. There’s still lots of drawings in these boxes which aren’t sorted yet. Liz is such a great help, but it’s very difficult for me to keep on top of everything. I think I would probably need two Lizes, or perhaps three.

So yes, I don’t really know where to begin... I’ve got endless sketchbooks and little drawings on paper. I’ve got some really old sketchbooks I could show you.

Shall we start with The Gruffalo?

My early sketches of the Gruffalo were thought by my editor to be too scary for small children. So I had to make him a bit rounder and more ‘cuddly’. Initially, I‘d also thought that all the animals would be wearing clothes, as they often do in picturebooks. But Julia had different ideas, and to be honest I was relieved. How would I have dressed the snake?

Here’s some spreads from the dummy...

I tried a lot of alternate covers for this book; I think there were twelve in total. There’s some where the Gruffalo doesn’t even feature on the cover.

My latest book with Julia is called ‘The Smeds and The Smoos’. It was quite nice to work on because it’s so different from the other books we’ve done together. The text is a bit like a mixture between Dr Seuss and Lewis Carol; it has this nonsense element. But it’s basically Romeo and Juliet in outer space.

It’s an alien story, so I didn’t have to draw any rabbits or squirrels for a change, and I could invent more. I had more freedom. But like always, I got bored with drawing the same characters over and over again. But that’s picturebooks.

There was quite a lot of development work in the case of this book. But when it’s a story about a fox or a squirrel, I don’t do this kind of stuff. Over the years, it’s become much quicker and easier working on my books. I do far less research than I used to. Now I generally just do a quick pencil sketch then go straight to artwork.

Sometimes I have to start again because things go wrong though. This was a finished piece that was abandoned. I think I suddenly thought that the rocket was far too big or something. I do that; I work on something for ages, and then I suddenly look at it from a distance and realise that something needs redoing.

Did you spot the little Gruffalo in this picture? Since ‘The Snail and the Whale’, I’ve hidden a Gruffalo in each of my books with Julia (not ‘The Ugly Five’ though).

For almost all of the books Julia and I have done together, our editor has been Alison Green. We’re an old established team. And I’ve always worked with the publisher Kate Wilson; I followed her from Macmillan to Scholastic, and then to Nosy Crow. Julia moved from Macmillan to Scholastic, and decided to stay there. So Julia and I have some of our joint titles with Macmillan and some with Scholastic. Julia does books with other illustrators for Macmillan, and I illustrate other books for Nosy Crow.

People often ask me which of the books I’ve done with Julia is my favourite. It’s quite hard to choose, but I enjoyed working on ‘The Smartest Giant in Town’. I liked the way I could do a crazy world with animals, giants, fairytale characters, everything mixed together without anyone caring or questioning it. I’ll show you a few things from the box...

For this book, the cover was changed at the last minute. The original design had the title written on a poster stuck on a brick wall, but the sales people said they wanted a landscape, so I did another one. Years later, they used the original design for a new paperback edition, so it wasn’t completely wasted in the end.

I mentioned my endless sketchbooks earlier. I’ll show you a few of them. This was mainly me playing around without thinking about what I was doing; it wasn’t a conscious thing.

I haven’t looked at these sketchbooks for ages. It was such a long time ago. I don’t work in sketchbooks like this anymore, and I no longer doodle. But for fun, I make illustrated envelopes for friends.

I often think about doing a book with just pictures, but I’m always too busy doing other things. Posthumously, perhaps there will be time to do this. I’d also love to experiment and be more spontaneous; it’s been my dream for decades to do something completely different. But when I receive a book project, I always feel under pressure to finish it, and I’m always late with everything, so I end up doing it the way I’ve always done it.

This is my drawing table, which is and always has been too small and too messy. I think I have to accept it will always be this way.

I use Saunders Waterford paper for my illustrations. It’s funny how we all have our special paper. My rough sketches are often quite small, so I have them blown up to the correct size. Then I trace the sketches on a lightbox onto my watercolour paper. After that, I draw the outlines in black ink with a dip pen. I colour everything with Ecoline inks using brushes, and then coloured pencils on top of it (I use Faber Polychromos and Prismacolour crayons). I might then need to redraw some of the black lines, or use some white gouache for highlights.

I studied History of Art in Hamburg, but left before graduating. I realised this wasn’t what I was good at; I’m not an academic.

Then I had to do my alternative service as conscientious objector. Sixteen months. There was still conscription then; that’s how old I am. I worked with mentally ill people in their homes. It was during this time that I had a friend studying ceramics at Bath Academy of Art in England. I went to visit her. I really didn’t know what else to do, so I thought maybe I could move to Bath and go to the art school. So this is what I did. The course was Visual Communications, so it was design, printmaking, photography, all that stuff. But I realised I only wanted to do illustration.

I’d gone to art college hoping to learn something. I don’t think that necessarily happened, but drawing intensively for three years was, I think, what I had needed to do. I don’t remember actually finishing any projects though.

Here’s some drawings from my student sketchbooks. I did lots of observational drawing back then, which I don’t anymore. I did it then because they told us to. I’m an obedient person!

While I was a student, I did an exchange in New York: Cooper Union Art College for three months. These drawings are of Jewish immigrants, meeting for coffee. It was 1984, so many of them were still alive; refugees from Germany or Austria. I heard them speaking German, so that’s how I knew.

Sketchbooks are such a good way of memorising things. Nobody really knows about these sketchbooks; I used to take them to interviews, but they’ve been hidden away for years.

After I graduated, I moved to London and took my portfolio around. My art teacher had suggested I should do this to get work, so that’s what I did. In those days, you had to ring them and ask to come around. I got two commissions straight away, and it’s been busy ever since, really. I’ve always had something to do.

Here’s some of my early commissions. Starting from 1985, I guess. Very pointy noses...

I did so much of this kind of work. It was a good way of earning money quickly. Occasionally, I still do editorial. I did some Brexit drawings for the remain campaign. Sadly, it didn’t help. Maybe I wrecked everything!

I’ll say a few words about the KIND book... 38 wonderful artists donated a picture to illustrate some of the many ways children can be kind. Such as sharing their toys or helping people from other countries to feel welcome.

One pound from each book sold goes to the Three Peas charity, which supports refugees from war-torn countries. It’s been a big success so far, and Three Peas has received a lot of money from sales in the UK and co-editions.

I’d quite like to do the UNKIND book next! I think illustrators would probably enjoy that, but I don’t imagine it would sell very well.

And now for something completely different! Some etchings I made when I was a student.

People often ask me which illustrators I’m inspired by. I don’t seek any direct influence on my work, but I’ve always said that Tomi Ungerer had the greatest influence on my approach to illustration. Although his style is quite different to mine, this humour and wackiness is something that has always appealed to me. And the details.

William Steig is someone I got into later, when I was already illustrating. And Edward Gorey of course. And Saul Steinberg. I think the Czech artist Jiří Šalamoun is wonderful. And I like Eva Lindström from Sweden a lot. She’s so great.

Okay, to finish with I’ll talk about the coronavirus work I’ve been doing...

I asked myself what I could do as a children’s illustrator to inform, as well as entertain, my readers here and abroad about the coronavirus. So I was glad when Nosy Crow asked me to illustrate a book on the subject. I think it’s extremely important for children and families to have access to reliable information in this unprecedented crisis.

You can download the free digital book in English here, and in over 60 other languages here.

I also wanted to do something light-hearted to cheer people up, and I thought, “What if I imagine some of our characters in corona situations?” Julia liked the idea and wrote rhymes for the new scenes. This was really more about entertainment than serious information.

Artwork and verse © Axel Scheffler and Julia Donaldson 2020. Based on characters from ‘The Gruffalo’s Child’ (2004), ‘Charlie Cook’s Favourite Book’ (2005), ‘The Smartest Giant in Town’ (2002), and ‘The Gruffalo’ (1999) — © Macmillan Children’s Books.

And here’s one more thing: my ‘letter from lockdown’. On The Children’s Bookshow website, you’ll find lockdown letters from lots of other wonderful authors and illustrators.

Illustrations © Axel Scheffler. Post edited by dPICTUS.

Buy this picturebook

The Gruffalo

Julia Donaldson & Axel Scheffler

Macmillan Children’s Books, UK, 1999

‘A mouse took a stroll through the deep dark wood. A fox saw the mouse and the mouse looked good.’

Walk further into the deep dark wood, and discover what happens when a quick-witted mouse comes face to face with an owl, a snake... and a hungry Gruffalo!

‘The Gruffalo’ has become a bestselling phenomenon across the world. This award-winning rhyming story of a mouse and a monster is now a modern classic, and will enchant children for years to come.

PUBLISHED IN THE FOLLOWING LANGUAGES & DIALECTS

Afrikaans

Albanian

Arabic

Australian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Breton

Bulgaria

Catalan

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsu

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Doric

Dundonian

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Faroese

Farsi

Finnish

French

Frisian

Gaelic

Galician

Georgian

German

Glasgow Scots

Greek

Guernésiais

Hebrew

Hindi

Hungarian

Iceland

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Jèrriais

Kazakh

Kölsch

Korean

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Low German

Lowland Scots

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Maltese

Manx Gaelic

Maori

Marathi

Mexican Spanish

Mongolian

Norwegian

Orcadian Scots

Polish

Portuguese

Portuguese (Brazil)

Romanian

Russian

Sami

Schwabisch

Serbian

Sesotho

Setswana

Shetland Scots

Slovakian

Slovenian

Spanish

Swedish

Swiss German

Tamil

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

US English

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Zulu

Buy this picturebook

The Smeds and The Smoos

Julia Donaldson & Axel Scheffler

Alison Green Books, UK, 2019

The Smeds (who are red) never mix with the Smoos (who are blue). So when a young Smed and Smoo fall in love, their families disapprove.

But peace is restored and love conquers all in this happiest of love stories. There’s even a gorgeous purple baby to celebrate!

PUBLISHED IN THE FOLLOWING LANGUAGES

Afrikaans

Catalan

Croatian

Dutch

English

Finnish

French

German

Hebrew

Hungarian

Italian

Korean

Luxenbourghish

Polish

Russian

Slovenian

Spanish

Swedish

Turkish

Ukrainian

Buy this picturebook

Kind

Alison Green, Axel Scheffler & 38 illustrators

Alison Green Books, UK, 2019

Imagine a world where everyone is kind; how can we make that come true? With gorgeous pictures by a host of top illustrators, KIND is a timely, inspiring picturebook about the many ways children can be kind, from sharing their toys and games, to helping those from other countries feel welcome.

One pound from the sale of each printed copy will go to the Three Peas charity, which gives vital help to refugees from war-torn countries.

PUBLISHED IN THE FOLLOWING LANGUAGES

Bulgarian

Catalan

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

English

French

German

Greek

Hebrew

Italian

Korean

Netherlands

Portuguese (Brazil)

Romanian

Spanish

Swedish

Turkish

Vietnamese

[onceandfuturekitty]

Meditation on Hatori, Snow, and Dark Backgrounds in Fruits Basket: Part 2

Part 1 < Previous Part | Next Part >

Like before, Fruits Basket angst below the cut. Unlike the previous part, THERE WILL BE SPOILERS AS WELL below the cut for anime-onlys and people who haven’t read volumes 5 or 10 of the manga yet.

From last time, we know that snow set against a dark background signals Hatori/Kana angst and pain.

Here’s another example I found of Hatori’s thoughts on the situation with Kana, from volume 5 chapter 26. This lines up with season 1 episode 15 of the 2019 anime reboot, where Hatori likewise says that he doesn’t want to see Kana again, but that he simply wants (and prays for) her to be happy. (This man is SO SELFLESS, WHY??! ;_; T__T)

However, his reasoning for why he doesn’t want to see her again is also important, and does not quite line up with the anime reboot version. I know some people thought the anime explained this better, but I think the version in the manga ties way better to later events. We learn that Kana’s heart would grow ill (and that the ill condition of Kana’s heart is linked to our danger sign of white-snow-on-a-black-background), and that, similar to a sickness, that illness would spread. Stay tuned for why that’s relevant.

In the meantime, Ayame comments in the same chapter that Hatori seems to be the only one left behind, taking on all of the pain from Hatori and Kana’s ~break-up.

But Hatori’s not the only one left behind….

That’s right, my friends!

I GET TO FANGIRL ABOUT MAYU-CHAN-SENSEI THIS TIME!!!! and talk about the angst in her life. But also fangirl about my fave!!

Actually, in an interesting sort of irony compared to the scene in manga chapter 26, Shigure tells Mayuko in manga chapter 56 a) that she’s the only one left behind (of her, Kana, and Hatori) and b) that Hatori’s dating again—two intentional, calculated lies—but in doing so, really emphasizes some of her most positive qualities: her loyalty, determination, selflessness, and strength.

(Also interesting: Ayame lied unintentionally in chapter 26 by speaking a bit flamboyantly, aggressively, and perhaps carelessly [it makes me a bit sad because, come on Ayame, you and Mayu-kun are friends!! She’s the one who accidentally let slip about parent-teacher conferences, so you must talk to each other at least sometimes!], whereas Shigure lied deliberately in chapter 56, but did so very calmly and intentionally.)

But getting back to my main point, like Hatori, Mayu also feels pained at the thought of Hatori and Kana’s suffering and unhappiness: in addition to her thoughts three pictures above (”If there was a way to bring back the happiness between you two, then without a doubt, I would have tried my best…to find it,” emphases added.),

she starts crying after it hits her how happy Hatori and Kana used to be but now Kana’s forgotten it all.

Moreover…

(on top of the reminder that she just wants Kana, her best friend, to be happy,) YES, MAYU’S MEMORIES ARE ALSO OVERLAID WITH SNOW SET ON A DARK BACKGROUND. UH-OH.

Like, I love hate love how Takaya-sensei doesn’t even have to put words in that middle panel. You just know what happened off-screen at that point, between the right and left panels O.O and it wasn’t good….

On a very temporarily more optimistic note, I’m really happy that Mayu convinced Shigure to sneak her in so that she could visit her (probably really isolated and lonely and also DEVASTATINGLY guilty-feeling) best friend!! So devoted ;_;

Though, that contrast between the Kana of the right panel and the Kana of the left panel…yikes ://// It’s very clear that she’s not doing so well. (random side note: I wanna know who put the flowers next to Kana!! Was it Hatori? Aghhhhh that’s so cute and sweet but also painful)

Speaking of not doing so well…

…remember ^this?

Guess who else gets depicted with that kind of snow.

Yep, that’s right. Kana also gets shown with the fairy light-like kind of snow set against a gray background. But here, the snow looks much less like nice fairy lights.

No, here, it looks like Kana’s infected.

Kana’s covered with circular dots that look similar to chicken pox, her speech bubbles have irregular shapes, she’s looking at her hand like “How could my hand have done such a thing?” (as if she’s the one responsible for Hatori’s eye injury), her face is shadowed, she keeps breaking off her speech and repeating words…

As Hatori put it in chapter 12: “It was the curse.”

It’s a very interesting way of depicting the effects of the curse and who’s gotten infected by this particular manifestation of it. In the above picture, we see that Kana continues to be infected by it.

But we see that Mayu, too, gets transferred some of that hurt and pain (right hand panels—and why wouldn’t she? Her best friend is miserable, and she doesn’t know how to fix that, and she just wanted her to be happy, but that’s not happening), and that the effects in fact expand to take on their surroundings as well, despite their being inside a building. 

Hmmmm. Let’s look back at Hatori’s thoughts from the first picture: “Regret and self-pity won’t leave, slowly spreading bigger, like a stain[...]it would tire Kana’s heart,” (emphases added).

That is exactly what is happening above.

And that is why I think the manga version did it better, and why I really admire Hatori-san’s ability to read situations and people. (He can see through many of Shigure’s shenanigans, he advises Ayame on how to get through to Yuki but also to be patient, he brilliantly and succinctly explains what the heck was up with Hiro acting like an irritating bratty punk to Tohru, and so on and so forth.)

Connecting back to my original conception of those circles set against gray backgrounds as snow, perhaps what Hatori thought about being willing to be surrounded by snow for the rest of his life makes more sense now. He doesn’t want anyone else to be turned into snow or be frozen by surrounding snow like he is/has been. But if Kana’s condition had continued deteriorating, like it was above, he would not have been able to stop that freezing infection from continuing to spread. (I can see why he decided to erase her memories of him. Even though that thought really hurts.)

And geez, how sadly ironically fitting that the snow take on an illness-type quality, when both Hatori and Kana, probably the two main victims of it in the manga, are in the medical field. As Hatori’s character description in the Tokyopop manga translations reads: “The only thing he can’t cure is his broken heart.” (Ow. Whyyyyy.)

This reminds me of another Tumblr post someone made about how the Sohma curse negatively affected so many people’s lives, not just those of the Sohma’s, and these pictures (the one above and the one below) give some of the best proof of that.

Snow. Taking over almost everything.

What struck me most about this page is how the snow wasn’t just in the center dark black panel, but how it was dotted all over the right-hand lighter background panels as well, showing how the curse and the resultant unhappiness of Kana and Hatori have infected and affected others’ lives as well. Mayu and Shigure are suffering, too—they want their best friends to be happy, which evidently isn’t happening at this point. Memory-Shigure even looks mildly concerned for Mayu in the bottom-most panel on the right, which is when you know things are really bad.

However, the left-hand panel is brighter again. The memory erasure’s happened, then. And as present-day Shigure helpfully reminds Mayu later in chapter 56, the temporary fix [for Kana at least] gets a more permanent one now that she’s married to someone who definitively is not Hatori.

Shigure then tells Mayu that Hatori’s also moved on and healed—which, though it’s not true, does encourage her to reflect upon what she wants (not someone else—herself, being selfish for once; huh, it’s like a meaner version of when Kyo told Tohru it was fine for her to be selfish every once in a while too), and seems to help her decide that, yes, she does want to search for her own happiness now, and no, it won’t be with Shigure or out of loneliness this time.

(Mayu, you’re so strong. You go, girl.)

Actually, the scenes with Mayu and Kana and the infectious snow/sign of curse-unhappiness were the reasons why I wanted to make this series of posts in the first place. I noticed after like my tenth reread of chapters 56 and 57 how similar some of those scenes were to those in chapters 10 and 12…and the rest, my friends, is history. xD If this wasn’t too angsty for you, there’ll be more next time (and probably the time after that, too)!

Finally, I was floored by the sheer amount of Mayu love and support for my previous long photo-prolific Mayu post, so I decided to make another plz-just-help-Mayu+others-already meta analysis post. xDD Thank you all for your support. *bows* Hope to see you for part 3 as well! (That part should probably hopefully have more Hatori in it as well....Mayu kinda took over this one, but I’m totally fine with that! ^-^)

[yridenergyridenergy]

INFINITUM review

spoilers?

INFINITUM CD

After giving it a few listens, it does not seem as though any of the songs will particularly grow on me anymore. Therefore, I am confident in giving my opinion now. Keep in mind that I preorder those releases without knowing what they include much, so the surprise effect worked on me hah. 

guuzou moratorium : It is interesting that almost half of the lyrics are reversed in the booklet, and the “terminal conditon, terminally ill girl” Kyo had posted on Instagram recently were indeed part of this song. However, the singing is very monotonous and the music is at times engaging, but this is otherwise a mild song, like many on this album. 

waizatsu : Well, besides perhaps a couple of songs of guitar, the radio edit version is essentially the full version on this album too... 

sharara : Even though there are barely any lyrics and that the song sounds very repetitive, because it is so upbeat and has those DUM SPIRO SPERO guitar strings to it, it iso catchy. There is a “going mad” feel to it. 

kisses : Oh man. kisses. It and Tada, mada, watashi. are such an honour to listen to. Of course, it is always an honour to get a peak of someone’s feelings, but those songs are so beautiful and precious, that you need to honour them by stopping anything you are doing and dedicate everything to appreciating them. That “motto mete yasashisa ni” is so delicate every single time.

dorothy : As previously posted, what an old, pop anime song. The tone being used for the keys definitely has a traditional Japanese sound. This song is literally written from the point of view of a girl, by the way. 

anata yori ue : Another song written from a woman’s perspective, what with those mentions of “him choosing a body below the neck” (paraphrasing). This song remains dull and too noisy no matter how many times I listen to it. 

kimi wa mukidashi : Forgettable. This song never rises above the ground. The music sets everything up for it, for the most part, but nothing happens. 

honnou okotowari : This song is very ferocious and diverse enough for me. One of the segments, especially the singing, sounds extremely similar to one of the lines in Waizatsu...

koumo chigau mono nano ka, yousuruni : The demo that was released previously is totally better than this final version, in my mind. They just threw up special effects all over it, the result is way too busy, it has lost its charm... And the “Not here, not here, nowhere to be found” punches got smothered with all that extra stuff. 

nurebairo : This one has clock-like sounds and an ending excerpt of an audio tape being pulled out. Otherwise, this song is as uneventful as aftermath sound-wise...

tada, mada, watashi. : Nothing more to add, only positivity. Somehow, my Japanese has not improved a lot, so it seems that Kyo is using easier voxabulary or one that he is really using frequently, as I readily understood some of the lyrics. Same for Ranunculus. 

uso : This song is also tame and uneventful except for that chorus so full of resolution. The soft howling. Removing it from the ring finger. 

hyouhaku flavour : It really seems like they purposely made the album finish similarly to the way it began. Warped singing, plenty of audio effects, dull. 

Overall, whereas I instantly liked the totality of sukekiyo’s previous album, ADORATIO, and that I suspect that this is why INFINITUM sold out this time around, this new album contains songs that I would definitely skip. I typically listen to music as albums, in my car’s CD player, so an album’s composition needs to be great in majority. This is not one such release. There were some sounds that were really repetitive from older sukekiyo, nothing too major or new like ADORATIO could boast of. 

collaboration CD

(Honestly all previous ones have disappointed me, so I have not bothered listening to it yet. I am glad that Kyo is happy and scores those collaborations, which probably help with the band’s visibility, but to me they always highlight how nobody reaches Kyo’s level and it is more humiliating to them than anything else, in my mind. You can count on me to update you if it turns out differently.)

Blu-Ray

Somehow I knew that the two PVs were included, but not that there were also two alternate versions hahah. And then, there is over one hour from one of the live shows. 

For the two promotional videos, I think that Tada, mada, watashi. is the one for which we were missing the most at the end. 

After that, the Waizatsu alternate PV consists of only the scenes showing the sukekiyo members, and although it seems ridiculous, I began loving that they blatantly reused the same scene for all “Creepshow trauma” iterations hahah. It is what it is. The lyrics are featured in English in a big Arial font, usually at the very centre of the image. The video is much more a play with visual effects and even effects with the text. 

The alternate version for Tada, mada, watashi was very unexpected, and so damn touching. Holy, it gives a whole other meaning to the song. Essentially, it mainly uses live footage from one show they played that song at, but also behind-the-scenes of video clips, other lives with Kyo’s different looks, almost in black and white, You see all those focuses on each member too. It really looks like: “Here’s my family. You mean so much to me. We’ve come this far.” Heart-wrenching. 

I have not had time to watch all of the live footage from one of the recent tours yet. It is less exciting than PASSIO, but still very enjoyable. From what I gather, they included mainly the tracklist from ADORATIO.  

After the footage from a live show, the rehearsal videos are taken from varying perspectives around the studio. Conveniently, Kyo’s entire head is hidden behind a guitar held in the air throughout one of their breaks where they seemed to make a lot of jokes. You barely see Kyo even in the segment on vocal recording. 

This is followed by footage of the photoshoot. 

[sophygurl]

Dirty Dancing

I had a hankering to watch one of my old favorites today - one I’ve seen hundreds of times and that’s not an exaggeration. I probably watched it one hundred times alone the first summer it was on HBO and I recorded it - I’m guessing 1988 since it came out in 87?

Anyway - the short version of this post is simply that I’m pretty sure Dirty Dancing is a big part of my bisexuality and polyamorousness like. I’m sorry but Baby falls for Penny as much as Johnny and you can’t convince me otherwise and they would make an excellent throuple. And my little hetnormative-trained 13 year old brain didn’t KNOW that was a big draw of the movie for me but it was because the scenes between the three of them were my favorites - especially the dance training montage scenes where they’re all dancing together oh my HEART. But also just like you see so clearly how Baby is crushing on them both so much in those beginning stages and SOMETHING ABOUT THAT SPOKE TO MY LIL TEENAGE HEART OKAY?

So but the longer version is that I still love every single bit of this damned movie (2 minor exceptions - when Baby says “I’m not proud of myself” in her emotional monologue to her dad? I’d take that out. And also I wish the mom had just a smidge more agency but I also get that the lack of agency for the women was a big part of the story- hence these only being slight exceptions).

But okay yes. The movie? Is hella fun with a kicking soundtrack and amazing dancing and acting and Grey and Swayze have chemistry coming out of their whazoodles and I’d throw Rhodes in there too and all of that is fun and sexy and romantic and nostalgic (now for TWO decades since it kinda melds 60′s and 80′s stuff together in some ways).

You know what else though? It’s also just an amazing movie with incredible peeks into the sexism and classism of the era, and especially the intersection of the two. It explores both upper and lower class women’s roles and how both lower class men and women were treated. Swayze’s Johnny Castle is treated like a sexual object and expected to have sex with the upper class women who are being neglected by their husbands (interesting to note that the entertainment staff was forbidden to socialize with the daughters but expected to sex up the older ladies and the more educated upper class staff were expected to romance but not have sex with the daughters of the guests). 

Then there’s Penny and the whole pregnancy/abortion storyline and how Robbie treats both her and Baby’s sister Lisa - spoiler alert he treats them both horribly but in different ways. The mom has almost no agency. Baby thinks she has it, but you can clearly see the difference between when she’s with her family or with fellow upper class Neil and when she’s with Johnny and Penny and Billy - she blossoms into this whole new wonderful person with new insights and opinions about the world because she’s finally seeing outside of the bubble of her family and class. 

The movie does entirely ignore race issues, which is unfortunate. But I’m also guessing that is partly due to the setting - the vacationers would all have been upper class white folk and it seems most of the staff would have been as well. The band leader is a black man, but I think that’s it? IDK if that would have been indicative of the times or not, but it seems like the movie could have figured race into things if it had wanted to. The only other way it’s mentioned is when Neil says when the summer ends, he’s going to join the freedom riders. He seems to say this in order to impress Baby, who has shown she is concerned about social justice issues. And it comes off as a sort of privileged ally-cookie-quest. If Neil’s character did care about civil rights, it was not reflected in the way he treated the lower class staff at his uncle’s resort. 

Despite this lack, however, the movie does a pretty decent job looking at this intersection of gender and class. The way Baby was raised to believe she could change the world, and that this meant she should care about everyone regardless of things like race and class - but then quickly learned that her family (particularly her father) meant she should do these things in a more dignified and distanced way. They sort of humor her ideas of joining the peace corp and studying the economics of undeveloped countries - but the idea of befriending the entertainment staff at the resort is *gasp* Scandal!! 

But because Baby believed in those ideals she was raised with, and hadn’t yet learned the reality of what her parents expected of her - she plows right in and befriends these people whose dancing skill she so admires. She falls in love with dance, and with the people themselves (*ahem* Johnny AND Penny here) and with their easy way of being with one another. 

She rushes in to help wherever and whenever she can, but is still ashamed of her association and hides it from her family. This new world she’s discovered is a sort of guilty secret, and especially so once her relationship with Johnny becomes sexual in nature (AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT HOW MUCH AGENCY SHE HAD IN THAT FIRST SEX SCENE LIKE SHE IS JUST GOING ON ABOUT HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO HER, STARTS TO DANCE WITH HIM, GRABS HIS ASS, AND IS JUST LIKE - YEA BABY LET’S GO!).

So okay, she’s having teh sex and doing teh dance and making teh friends - but it’s still a secret because her family would find it shameful. Does this stop her when she finds out that Johnny is about to be blamed and fired for the theft? SHIT NO it does not! She jumps in to tell the whole world (well okay her family and the Kellerman’s and some other folks in the dining room at the time) that she slept with him that night so he couldn’t have stolen the wallet so THERE! 

And of course he gets fired anyway (I guess for defiling a rich girl? Blech.) but like. When he comes to find her and is all “nobody has ever stood up for me like that! ever!” - I die a little inside because this poor guy has been so beaten down that he doesn’t think he’s good for anything when what WE know about him is that he 1) totally stands by and protects his female bff (possible triad member???? shhh sophy we’re doing a thing here) no matter what and 2) he loves Baby so much because he sees all this good in her and he doesn’t think he deserves her but he is so proud of her and UGH 3) he stops taking the rich guy’s money to sex up his wife because Baby had finally convinced him he was better than that and 4) he works super hard all the time just to make ends meet but would Still have given Penny all his money to help her out and 5) GDI NEIL HE DOESN’T WANNA DO THE PACACHANGA!

All of this culminates when he comes back in and is all “Nobody puts Baby in a corner!” - which is such an epic and cool line but is also super cheesy and a bit nonsensical??? But what he means, really, is that in that moment he sees this woman that he loves sitting quietly in the corner with her parents who are suppressing this passionate and compassionate side of her (well mostly her dad her poor mom doesn’t wtf is going on) and he knows - okay - Johnny Castle KNOWS that Fances Baby Houseman is a fucking STAR okay and he is going to show the whole world (well all of the Kellerman guests and staff anyway) what she can do! PHEW.

So like. Yea, the movie is fun as shit for a lot of reasons. But it’s also so real and vital and important for more reasons than just this one gal’s bisexual/poly pre-awakening (it took another 5-10 years to fully get it - this was the 80′s/90′s in Wisconsin alright we didn’t have the internet back then to explain our sexualities to us!)

I don’t have a nice concluding thesis for this rambly meta except to say that I hope you enjoyed it and also I once again scared the crap out of my cats by singing and dancing a lot - they think singing means I’m sad and lonely so they come to comfort me because they call out and howl when they’re sad and lonely. They are so lovely to come and comfort me but the dancing and singing combo really freaks them out like what are you Doing lady - lady we’re scared - what’s happening? Are you ill??? Should we ... how do .. do cats call 911??? 

[hcrris]

can ….. i come in ????? have been watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt for 3 hours pretending time isnt passing , life isnt real and in fact.. i am dreaming (-: lajdfksl hey <3 im jay im 21 and i love those instagram profiles of hamsters in little clothes ( when they got little purses? ???? dont talk to me im cryin. ) below u will find info about jane harris aka literally the vine of the little kid scribbling hard like his life depended on it. shes a mess ?? but a semi enjoyable mess. a mess with good intentions. if u want to establish some connections, LIKE THIS and i will come annoy u <3 alternatively u can ease my social anxiety and msg me here or through my discord sencha tea#4035 (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡

( lily collins, cis female, she/her. ) — jane harris has been a medina complex resident for three years, now. they’re twenty-three years old, and they tend to avoid making eye contact. sometimes when i walk by B06, i hear cherry-coloured funk by cocteau twins playing. lately, i’d say they’re pretty effervescent, but sometimes that’s overwhelmed by the fact that they’re neurotic. i mean, they usually pay their rent on time, though, and that’s most important fact here.

repeatedly fixing the apartment number on the door when it swings down to a nine, a split moment of shadow after the radiance of laughter, carl sagan’s pale blue dot, a life of frequent minor accidents, constant hunger for balance overshadowed by emotional turbulence.

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TW ALCOHOLISM EMOTIONAL ABUSE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY !!!!! ok moving on

her parents met in art school in paris.. her mom is french and studied art history while her dad was an exchange student from california with a skewed artist mentality. it was that saccharine, toxic sort of love. her mom always felt like she needed to be the guardian angel in the relationship who would always hold him up when he was feeling down and he was feeling down….. a lot. because she was putting all that energy to save her relationship, she was drowning too but never enough to walk away. there was a lot of love there but it was twisted and uncomfortable at times

when they found out jane was on the way, it felt like they needed to suddenly grow up. her mom was ready to make changes, adapt to the new lifestyle. her dad, on the other hand, urged they rethink if this is what they want but he didn’t push for abortion.. he understood it was jane’s mothers choice to make and reassured that he would be there for the both of them no. matter. what. 

but ??? the reality was he felt trapped by the idea of a child and he struggled to acknowledge and accept how quickly his life was flipping upside down and how he lost all control of it. he wanted to travel around europe ???? soak in nature, daydream and make art . but jane’s mom wanted to settle. instead of embarking on adventures after graduating, they decided to move to california. 

things just seemed to fall apart like domino from then on. janes mom was lead astray.. thinking that what california would bring them was stability but instead, it was all chaos. they rushed to get married .. turned out janes father wasnt on good terms with his parents. he was irresponsible financially, put both his parents in huge debt, was blinded by his ego to ever realise his mistakes. lied constantly .. convincing janes mom that there’s light going forward. that once he finds a sponsor for his art .... once he sells his first piece ... once they see in him what he always saw in himself , he was going to make it right. and he reassured he would make it right for jane.

janes mom was so pathetically in love that she pushed through .. living in a sort of imagined world, believing that things were better than they actually were. and her dad was good at persuading that narrative. he would come home with a pocketful of cash and the bills paid. oftentimes, it was all an act. his art wasn’t selling and a lot of what he bragged about was borrowed or stolen. behind the curtain, he was absent and unmotivated. he would come home in the evening claiming that the whisky breath was celebratory but in reality, he was complaining to the barman two blocks away about how his life feels monotone .. like a french black and white movie.  

the day of jane’s birth was a whole mess. her father decided to drive her mother to the hospital, knowing he had one too many. they were caught for speeding and while janes dad spent the night at a nearby station for driving under influence, her mom was at the back of a cop car, crying for one too many reasons .. jane decided to hang on for a little while longer and was born at 3am the following night. cradled in her mothers arms and her dads voice humming on the line

jane would only ever hear the romanticised version of this story from her mother. this ??? fucked up sense of security that no matter what, love conquers all. that love means supporting each other, loving each other extra when everything else falls apart. but truth is.. her mother was forced to give up her own dreams, lost all connections to her past, worked days and nights at a nursing home to support her family and pitch in to her husbands alcoholism while she’s at it. making excuses that jane was too young to contradict. all while the only source of happiness for her father was the haziness of his evenings, when he felt like floating and he could barely hold onto to his paintbrush. he was a stranger living in their basement .. more than he was ever a father 

growing up, jane watched her mother mask her depression. carry empty bottles out from the basement, trying to hide it from jane .. it brought her shame. she was doing the same thing to jane that he was doing to her for all these years .. consistently expressing a certain attitude, this unwavering satisfaction for the life they are living and so ... it hardens. you start to believe it. except unlike her mother, jane was observant.. she had other lives around her to compare to her own, voices of reason that pierced through the skewed perception her mother drilled into her skull. when jane grew into her skin, she felt so ... disgusted and angry. she tried to pull her mother out of her fantasy but nothing worked. 

through her high school years, she felt helpless .. her home life was a nightmare and she made every possible attempt to stay out of it for as long as possible. she took on jobs and extracurriculars .. stayed at her friends’ house until she couldn’t. and she would think.. think so hard, she would start crying. pushing her own problems away .. in her head, she would imagine herself in a different skin, a different place. it was the only way she could calm her breathing. only to have to battle the same thoughts the following morning

after graduating high school, jane went to community college for product management got a job offering after her placement at a big company and moved out shortly after ( and MOVED IN to medina... can i get a yee yee ) .. she got insurance for the first time in her life and eats too many of free pizza slices at work to save up on groceries every week <3

she doesn’t visit her parents bc she no longer feels like her mother is on her team. she’s lived a maddening and terribly draining life and living alone has brought her deserving peace.. although she’d rather keep contact with her mother to a minimum, its obvious that jane is her mothers anchor. if she feels as though her daughter is not fighting for her, she breaks down.. as much as jane wants to run away from her past, it always seems to catch up 

if ur still reading literally who are u lafjdkl. ill be done schoon ..... oof 

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if they are friends ... jane. will. talk. ur. ear. off. but probably not for the right reasons lol .. she has never been assessed by a professional, isn’t taking any treatment but she definitely needs it :( shes a chronic overthinker.. the voice in her head keeps chattering away most of the time which gets a little nauseating. she hates silence and feels like she needs to fill it with words. she often says the wrong things .. to the wrong people ... at the WRONG time and she is very aware of it. its the culprit for her self doubt and struggle to open up emotionally to the people shes close to. shes very critical towards herself, she micro analyses everything from the way she acts, the way she looks and what she says. shes also not a fan of confrontation !!!!!!!BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

 she is a FIREBALL when she stands up for others. i dont know how she hasnt gotten into a physical fight yet. she would literally rip ur side mirror off ur car if u didnt wait for an old lady to cross the street. is intense in every possible way. if shes angry, shes angry and impulsive and out of control, when she is in love, she feels it in her bones and simultaneously wants to rip her hair out, when she’s passionate about something, she is persistent until she isn’t and when she loses motivation, everything feels bleak .. theres never any emotional balance, even though she fights so hard for it every day 

likes sci fi movies .. literally when they are Floating in space ???? SIGN! JANE! THE! FUCK! UP! letterboxd is probably her favorite app. sometimes she will post a review, read it over and over, find something wrong with what she said and then delete it. shes very neurotic. she either has good days where she can comfortably be herself or bad days, when it feels like everyone is judging her every move when in reality. ... it is always .. all in her head. 

and she is mostly in her head. she creates fantasies of her life, relationships platonic and romantic and as a result, nothing ever seems to measure up. she feels secure in her fantasies but oftentimes when it hits her that they are just that, fantasies, she ... feels really alone. 

will trip over her own feet . has like 5 bruises from washing the dishes </3

she works as a part of a product design team in a big company.. probably has the knowledge to move up the tier but does not have the courage to stand up for herself . she doesnt believe in herself and is kind of a pessimist .......  

got high one night and decided she wants to start an uber ....... only for women. but doesnt think its a good ide a (its a good idea. id like to think in 10 years time ... bitch made it) 

really weird. likes eating broad beans and frozen strawberries .. will literally eat a lemon. 

she will have different interests every week but never seems to be any good at anything ???????????? makes her sad. 

claims tidying up with marie kondo changed her life LAKJDSKLDJ

*draws curtains* anybody else tired? 

[lavenderfebreze]

Flock Together Chapter 14 Preview

Because I can only go so long between chapter updates and the slow pace of the manga is rough, buddy. I just need to know how this game turns out then I can post the whole chapter.

(Pictured: the internal battle of my “urge to update already” and “just be patient the thematic elements will be worth it if you just wait until this game is done”)

Don’t know this fic? Read the rest of the fic on AO3.

Takeda’s apartment was decorated for Christmas. Tinsel was set along the bookshelves, and LED candles glowed throughout the room. The table was set with a seasonal white paper tablecloth depicting what Keishin was pretty sure was supposed to be a herd of reindeer playing in a field. Candles were set between their nearly-empty plates. To the side of the table, a beautifully decorated cake waited for them to finish their meal.

Takeda set down his chopsticks and sighed happily. “That was delicious.”

The candlelight cast Takeda’s face in a warm glow. Keishin smiled. “Tonkatsu was your idea. I just brought the meat.”

“And made sure it was cooked well.” Takeda stood up and took their plates to the kitchen. He returned with clean ones. “Shall I cut the cake?”

“Yeah, it looks great.” The cake was decorated with little icing swirls and strawberry slices in a checkerboard pattern. “I bet you could have a second career as a baker, if y’wanted.”

“If professional bakers spent all afternoon on a simple set of decorations, maybe.” Takeda frowned as he cut into the cake. Keishin couldn’t see why. The cake seemed to be holding together well, and he had no trouble getting two picture-perfect slices onto their plates.

Keishin took a bite. It was pleasantly sweet, but as he chewed it became clear something was amiss. The cake was tough. Very tough. Almost… rubbery?

Takeda chewed for a long time, too. He set his fork down. “I… may have messed up the recipe.” He winced. “Does your piece feel like chewing on a tire?”

Keishin swallowed quickly. “No, no. It’s not that bad.” He took another bite and chewed “I uh, kinda like that jelly-like texture.”

Takeda frowned. “I wonder if the xanthan gum was a mistake…”

“You added xanthan gum? Why?” Keishin started chewing his way through a third bite.

“I heard it could make cakes sturdier and easy to decorate. I guess that’s true, but…” he sighed. “I may have overdone it. Either that or my rice cooker has betrayed me again…”

“Hey, the flavor’s still nice. And it looks great.”

“I suppose too much effort can be a bad thing.” Takeda poked at his slice with his fork. The cake certainly did seem to have a lot of bounce to it. Disappointment clouded Takeda’s features as he watched the cake wobble.

Keishin swallowed his bite and set the fork down. Powering through it was clearly not going to help. “It’s not the worst, but maybe we can make another cake together sometime? My parent’s place has a real oven, which might help. Plus, if it doesn’t turn out it’ll be at least half my fault.”

Takeda seem to perk up at the thought. “Ah, wouldn’t your parents mind, though?”

Keishin shrugged. “They’ve started talkin’ about going somewhere in February together. If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll have the place to ourselves for Valentine’s Day.”

Takeda smiled, and the room seemed brighter. “I guess that answers my question about what you want to do for Valentine’s. That’ll be fun. I’m just sorry it wasn’t better tonight though.”

Keishin shook his head. “It’s still good, and the next one will be even better. You really have spoiled me. D’you wanna open your present now?” Keishin nodded towards the wrapped packages on the side of the room.

“Yes! But, ah, would you mind opening my gift last? I’m feeling a bit embarrassed about it, and I don’t know if I want to give you two disappointments in a row.”

“Don’t mind,” Keishin grabbed the gifts and brought them to the table. He set Takeda’s gift on the table. It felt like a book, and it was wrapped in crisp, shiny paper.

Keishin handed his somewhat misshapen gift to Takeda. The gift was wrapped as beautifully as he could manage it in red paper, with an unfortunately lopsided bow on the top. The store clerks probably could have wrapped it better if he’d asked, but he’d wanted to do it himself.

Takeda opened the gift, careful not to rip the paper.

It was a winter coat.

“I noticed before you didn’t really have a jacket warm enough for up here. It’s a newer version of mine. I think it’ll help keep you warm in the gym,” Keishin said.

Takeda stood up and tried it on. “It’s so light! But it’s definitely warmer than my other jackets. This is so thoughtful, thank you!”

Keishin smiled. It looked like he’d chosen the size pretty well, though the coat was perhaps designed for someone with broader shoulders. It was a practical and sporty design, with enough collar that a scarf was optional even in the colder months.

“And it has so many pockets!” Takeda said, patting the pockets of the coat. He paused at one, his expression shifting as he realized something was inside. Keishin tried to keep his face neutral as Takeda pulled out a folded slip of paper.

Keishin bit his lip. He’d agonized over the phrasing of the letter for days, and now that Takeda was actually reading it he felt the words flying away from him, given some life of their own by the act of being read. He swallowed down his nerves and watched Takeda’s eyes scan the page.

Take-chan,

I was going to write you a poem, but nothing ever sounds right. I just have to say it plain.

I am a different person because I fell in love with you.

The things you’ve done for the team, and this town, and for me are all incredible. You make the world a better place.

I want the world to be a better place for you. You deserve happiness, and as long as I can be a part of that happiness, whether by helping you with your work or by keeping you warm when the world gets cold, let me be here for you.

And if and when I can’t be there, maybe this coat will help.

-Keishin

Takeda stood there motionless, staring at the paper in his hands. After an agonizing silence, he said, “Nobody’s ever written me a love letter before.”

“What, really?” Keishin startled. “That can’t be right. You’re the most poetic and romantic person I’ve ever met.”

“I mean, I’ve written them before, yes.” Takeda knelt down next to Keishin and set the letter on the table with reverence. “But no one’s ever…” He turned to Keishin, his eyes bright. “I want you and the coat.” He threw his arms around Keishin and nuzzled into him, the new fabric of his coat soft against Keishin’s cheek.

“You got it.” Keishin laughed and kissed him. “Does this mean I get t’ open my present now?”

Takeda nodded, then knelt back to give Keishin space. There was a little stiffness in his posture, like he was trying not to seem embarrassed.

Keishin tore open the paper wrapping on his gift. The gift was a small book, a well-worn paperback copy of Poetry and Thought: An anthology of contemporary Japanese poems. Keishin opened it and found it full of notes in Takeda’s handwriting.

Takeda ducked his head self-consciously. “Sorry about the rough appearance of it. Each poem in this anthology helped shape my transition from Tokyo to here, from a selfish kind of love to a more supportive one. The notes in blue ink I made in the moment, and the black ink are notes I added later, for you. You can think of it as a document of what brought me here, a catalogue of all my contradictions and flaws and evolutions. I… wanted to give all of that to you.”

Keishin flipped to a random page and traced the notes with his finger. The poem for this page was Mt Yokei by Shuntaro Tanikawa:

When I try to divide into lines words that keep on flowing like blood    through my body I can feel the words grow rigid As if the words resented being touched by my mind

Opening the window, I can see the mountain I’ve been looking at for   sixty years The afternoon sun is falling on its ridgeline As for the way to read its name Whether I call it Takatsunagi-yama Or Yokei-zan The mountain doesn’t give a damn

But the words themselves seem ill at ease That’s because I know nothing about the mountain Never been enveloped in mists there, never bitten by a snake Always just gazing at it

I’ve never hated words but Neither have I loved them There are words that make me shudder with embarrassment And words that, transparent, make me forget they are words And it can happen, too, that words carefully thought through End in genocide

Our vanity powders over words I want to see words’ faces as they are Their archaic smiles

 A note in blue was scrawled next to the lines “That’s because I know nothing about the mountain| Never been enveloped in mists there, never bitten by a snake | Always just gazing at it”:

Removed from experience, from life and hardships. Gazing and naming without living. Time to wander the mountain.

Further down a note in black, next to the lines “I want to see words’ faces as they are | Their archaic smiles”:

Can I tell you the words that capture what we have? Or is the thought that I could know them vanity? Are the bare faces of words a moment on the court, a meal set on the table, or the dark around a candle’s flame?

The words brushed against what Keishin wanted to know in a delightful tease. He would need time to understand it all. It was a precious gift.

“I’m gonna be looking at this one for a while. Thank you,” Keishin said.

Takeda laughed self-consciously. “It’s not too dull?”

“No, it’s very you.” Keishin set the book down and turned to Takeda, basking in the warm glow of his presence and the nuanced shadows cast by the little lights around the room. “I love it.”

--

Read the rest of the fic on AO3.

[thelegendofclarke]

I'm not sure that the Undercover Lover Jon thing is true, even though I get why people believe it. If it isn't true tho, what is the third treason that Dany's going to suffer? I thought it was pretty much agreed that it was going to be Jon.

Hokay I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about this, but I am nothing if nothing contrary af. SO anon I am going to use your ask as a kind of like ~general layout~ of my thoughts on the potential of UCJ.  I’m going to maintain though that I would prefer not to discuss any potential consent issues for personal reasons. 

I am also gonna shout out to the other few anons as, well as @ladyanyawaynwood and @lyanna-mormont, who also sent me asks on this topic. 

SO all right folks *drum roll* It’s the new favorite fandom Disc Horse! Either you love it or you hate it! Either you want to have its babies or want to kill it with fire!… It’s THE UNDERCOVER JON THEORY!

Before I start rambling, you should all totally check out the bottom part of this really excellent post by @him-e about some of the details and possibilities of this theory, because Claudia is so much better at words and explanations and life than me. There’s also this post by @blindestspot, whose no nonsense approach I always really appreciate.

Ok, first of all: I would like to go on record once more in saying that God I really dislike the name Undercover Jon. I primarily hate it because I feel like it’s misleading, at least in terms of what I personally would consider this theory to be. I feel like “undercover” implies deliberateness and ill intent and malice aforethought that I generally don’t really think is involved here. Also, I guess I don’t really subscribe to the Undercover Lover theory at all, because I don’t think Jon’s feelings for/sexual relationship with Dany have anything to do with it (i.e. I do not think Jon purposefully and deliberately seduced Dany for the sole purpose of manipulating her, nor do I think he is merely pretending to have feelings for her for the sole purpose of personal/political gain). 

I truly don’t believe Jon is in any way maliciously gaslighting Dany as part of any Grand Scheme. Personally, I feel that would be too much at odds with the Honorable and Noble character and narrative established for Jon. But that’s not to say that I don’t think the general theory is totally with out merit. I actually think some elements of it could definitely make up a potential plot line. I have explained my take on it as more Flying By the Seat of His Pants Jon- I think “scheme” would be way too strong a word, I think “plan” would probably even be too generous. It’s probably more along the lines of “ok so this is what we are doing now.”

Somewhere along the line I feel like this whole thing turned into something VERY black and white and moralized. I also think that somewhere down the line this turned into a VERY polarized and mutually exclusive theory, which I don’t think would be the case in the event that the theory ends up being true. I have seen a lot of comparisons being made to LF and Ned Stark. It’s either that Jon is Ned Stark’s son and he would NEVER act in this type of morally dubious manner, OR that if Jon were to be acting in this morally dubious manner that he is just as bad as LF. @blindestspot summed up this polarization kind of perfectly imo:

Hyperbolically speaking, either Jon is a cruel cad or he is a faithless idiot. If you step away from the hyperbole, his pragmatism or naivety might actually make him less of a righteous cookie-cutter hero and more like a flawed human being. But it’s the internet and ideas are quickly distorted into their most hyperbolic versions of themselves. If Jon isn’t wholly good, he has got to be evil. If Jon isn’t smart, he eats crayons for breakfast.

Likewise, I disagree with the idea that Ned Stark and LF are the only two applicable points of moral comparison, that just seems awfully restrictive imo. Also, both Ned Stark and LF are dead. This implies that in order to survive the game of thrones, you have to fall somewhere in between. I guess the best way I can think of to explain it is that I kind of view this theory and it’s different variations on a sliding scale… The more deliberate and manipulative the version of the theory makes Jon out to be, the less likely I think it is to happen in that manner. 

Jon is one of the heroes of the show; and not only that, he has often been used or portrayed as the Moral Compass Character. (And example being just this season when he refused to punish Ned Umber and Albs Karstark for the sins of their fathers). The show runners have never had any story line that explicitly and intentionally places Jon in the wrong or in an extremely negative light. There has been story lines where he has acted in a morally ambiguous manner (see: Ygritte and the Wildlings), but he has never done anything purposefully malicious or outright evil or immoral. Also, there has been no indication in the narrative that he is heading toward any kind of downward spiral. I just can’t see the show going the dark!Jon or evil!Jon or morally corrupt!Jon route in the final season when he has been consistently portrayed as the Knight in Shining Armor, Savior, and Hero of the story.

I am a lawyer… So my basic approach to things like speculation is to look at the evidence. Honestly, for this theory, imo the defense for both sides have created reasonable doubt.

Arguments for UCJ

Potential Evidence from Jon’s character:

Through the Wilding plot from s1-s3, the narrative has established that Jon is capable of deception. He is capable of having genuine feelings for someone while not being completely honest. 

Sansa told Jon he needed to be “smarter,” which he could have taken to heart. A plot like this, similar to the the Sansa and Arya vs. LF plot, could be part of the general theme of “I learn” and the Starks going from pawns to players.

Kit Harrington has said this about Jon Snow’s character in s7 and s8: “But this year, I think he becomes a politician… He starts manipulating people in a Jon Snow way - in a kind way, but he has a job to do.” (x) This not only confirms that Jon IS operating as apolitical actor, but could also imply that Jon has a strategic goal or purpose. However, Jon having real feelings for Dany is not necessarily at odds with him having a second agenda. The two things are not at all mutually exclusive.

Jon steadfastly maintained through out the season that he would not be bending the knee. He even went so far as to tell Dany “I am a king.” It could be difficult for people to see how he would make such a complete 180, and a seemingly needless and unnecessary one given that Dany agreed to fight the NK before he bent the knee.

Potential Evidence from the Show:

There have been story lines, like the Sansa and Arya vs. LF plot, that were dishonest on their face. The way they were portrayed was intended to mislead the audience. So D&D are capable of using this kind of plot device.

The way I see this kind of story line going, it would also essentially be a pretty significant parallel to the Jon and the Wildlings plot, where Jon had real feelings for Ygritte but the situation was complicated by duty and circumstance. However, this would mean that it’s material D&D are familiar with.

All of the finale was full of subtext about lying and lies and honor. They laid it on so thick. Thick enough, I felt, that it could imply that Jon is hiding something or that part of him is overcompensating and/or being motivated by guilt.

Arguments Against UCJ:

Potential Evidence from Jon’s character:

Obviously, Jon’s honor code and strong senses of morality and duty are huge parts of his character. It’s totally reasonable to think that he has no ulterior motives beyond forming an alliance to ensure Dany and her dragons will fight with the North.

I think that Jon knows The NK will probably have a dragon how (he has seen the NK raise people from the dead, and he knows from the wight hunt that the NK can also raise animals from the dead). He knows without the dragons, they do not stand a chance. So he is doing everything necessary to ensure the dragons are on their side.

Jon has been consistently portrayed as a Hero and Moral Compass type character. There would be no reason for them to do anything that had the potential to  turn the audience so vehemently against him in the final season.

Potential Evidence from the Show:

There have been some incredibly stupid story lines (jfc that wight hunt). It’s fair to be suspicious that a story line of this manner is beyond what D&D have the tendency to produce in terms of complex details.

There are only 6 episodes left. I have a really hard time imagining how they would pull this off in 6 episodes ON TOP OF everything else that has to happen before the series ends.

In regards to the plot device of characters using seduction and emotional manipulation as a tool, D&D have consistently been typical dude bro’s insofar as it has been largely female characters who have done so (Cersei, Margaery, Shae, Osha, ect.) It might be completely beyond them to think to have a male character utilize those techniques in such a manner.

I see valid arguments being made on both sides here to constitute a generally sufficient case for it going either way. I think that anyone who would argue “yes the is 100% going to happen” OR “no there is a 0% chance this is happening” would be willfully disregarding evidence from one side or the other. Obviously it’s natural that people will find one side or the other more persuasive, everything about speculation is subjective. But I just don’t feel like it would be possible to make any definitive statements at this point. 

All the reasons I have for thinking this could be possible or impossible have nothing to do with me shipping Jon/Sansa. They actually don’t really have anything to do with Sansa herself at all in any different way than they have to do with everyone in the North that Jon’s decision affects. I know there are some people who might not believe me when I say that, but I supposed there is nothing I can do about it. But that’s the thing about speculation: it’s always subjective, there can be arguments made for both sides. While some people may say “Jon has made promises to Dany and he wouldn’t break them and betray her,” the flip side is “in making these promises to Dany, Jon has betrayed his duty and promises he made to all of his subjects as their king whom they trust.” For every argument, there is a counter argument; for every action, there is a reaction. For every person who can’t believe Jon would betray Dany, there is another person who can’t believe Jon would betray his family. For every person who believes Jon was right to bend the knee, there is another person who can’t believe he would do it. For every person who thinks Dany deserves to rule the Seven Kingdoms, there is another person who believes the North deserves their freedom and independence.

All things considered, I do feel there could be some potential conflict in regards to Jon’s intentions and motivations. I think there are various events and ambiguities in the past and present plot, as well as in Jon’s actions and in Jon and Dany’s relationship, that support said hypothesis. My best guess is that Jon definitely has some guilt about bending the knee because he either: a) knows the north will NEVER go for it, or b) was being genuine and feels guilty for having unilaterally made such a huge decision that effects so many people, including his own family, with out their input (which he should because ffs dude come on!) .The only thing that I believe Jon has been outright dishonest about is telling Dany that the Northerners would bend the knee accept her as Queen. The North has a very deep seated rhetoric against the Targaryens. Whether it’s true or not is essentially a moot point, it’s just something that is deeply embedded in their history. In 7x02 they went out of their way to make a ~big deal~ about how “Targaryens can’t be trusted.” The North also has a historic distrust and disdain for Southern rule and the Iron Throne, going all the way back to Torrhen Stark, the king who knelt. I don’t think there is any way that Jon could reasonably believe that Dany won’t be met with opposition from the North… All the rest of it, including Jon’s feelings towards Dany, kind of falls into a gray area of words vs. actions vs. intent vs. motivations. Which makes sense, because this would be a morally gray plot; and it wouldn’t be the first time one of those was featured on Game of Thrones. 

I suspect that, like with Operation Wildling, Jon has no real escape plan or exit strategy here; I honestly don’t think that he has thought about it that much (also implying that any deliberate, premeditated manipulation or ill intent on his part would be minimal or non existent). Honestly, I think that Jon believes he is not going to survive to see the extended repercussions of and reactions to his bending the knee. I think that Jon truly believes he is going to die fighting the NK. He already showed that he was willing to die when he told Dany to leave him behind in 7x06. Like the rest of us, his he is probably wondering how in the ever loving fuck his ass has somehow managed to survive this long. (Honestly being like, “I’ll bend/pretend to bend the knee and then just die so I don’t have to face Sansa” would ABSOLUTELY be a Jon Snow thing to do.) I think Jon made what he saw as the best decision in the present, and isn’t concerned about the future or the fallout. Which, if true, could lead to a couple possible conflicts for next season:

Possibility 1- Jon dies in the BftD and Dany lives, leaving Dany to face the North and Cersei on her own.

Possibility 2- Dany dies in the BftD and Jon lives, leaving him to deal with the fallout in the North and Cersei alone.

Possibility 3- Both Jon and Dany survive the BftD and the North makes it clear that they will not accept his as queen, leaving Jon to decide who’s side he will be on. His decision then would obviously be complicated by his feelings for Dany and his loyalty to his family ect. ect.

Possibility 4- The White Walkers win and everyone dies so it doesn’t even matter!

(*Disclaimer: Obviously this list is just me speculating and is in no way comprehensive or exhaustive.)

And like Anon said, if Jon is going to be the third reason that Dany suffers, then Possible Conflict #’s 1 and 3 could definitely play into that. In #1 Dany would not only be dealing with Jon’s death, but also with the knowledge that he was dishonest to her. And in #3 if Jon ends up siding with the Starks in a potential conflict, that could possibly be a major betrayal.

I also think subjectivity comes into play big time here with regards to which parts of the story people prefer or find more compelling or are more interested in. Game of Thrones has SO MUCH going on and there are so many different lenses through which people can view it. Who are the most important characters? What is the most important plot? Who is The Hero™? Who is The Villain™? What is the ideal endgame? I would bet you pretty much anything no two people would answer all those questions the exact same way. We as an audience have been waiting 6 seasons for BOTH the Stark Restoration/Northern Independence AND the Dany Getting to Westeros plots to play out. I’ve kind of talked about it a little bit before, but for me personally (and I think for others as well), it was extremely narratively frustrating to finally get the narrative pay out from the Stark story line, only to have it be given up and taken away such a short time later. 

I also think that if Jon’s storyline is 100% completely honest, straight forward, and genuine as it stands, then like 90% of the major, climactic events of his arc will seem to have been pointless and he will have learned nothing from them. It would also seem that Jon bending the knee and unilaterally making such a huge decision for such a large number of people so easily would go against a lot of what he has supposedly learned. I’m not even saying that it was the wrong decision or that he didn’t have the authority to make it or even that it would be completely ooc. However, such a seemingly single minded action would show an alarming and annoying (imo) lack of character development… Which, again, is entirely possible. This is D&D after all.

In sum, I honestly don’t have that strong of a stance on this tbh. I guess mine is kind of like a Moderate View on the theory or like, “Undercover Jon Light.” I think some variation of it could definitely be possible and would be an interesting potential plot so I won’t rule it out completely. But I also won’t be surprised if it doesn’t happen.

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020: BRIT AWARDS SPECIAL

So, welcome to... a Tuesday? Yeah, it’s not exactly a usual time for me to post on this blog but it’s not just your everyday episode of REVIEWING THE CHARTS – That’s right, it’s the 40th ceremony in the annual BRIT Awards celebration, where we – or at least ITV – commemorate the greatest in British pop music. I’ll be celebrating in full force this year, but not by tweeting manically like I did last year – well, there will still be some tweeting; follow me @cactusinthebank – but instead by writing my live commentary right here. I did this a couple years back so I figured I’d bring it back again in traditional, over-analytical, unnecessarily nitpicky fashion. I’ve got an Excel document like I had last year to make not of who wins and compare it to who I think should win. I’m all prepared – it’s time for the 2020 BRIT Awards... unfortunately hosted by Jack Whitehall.

COMMENTARY

Interestingly (This is 10 minutes before the show begins), the International Group Award, Best British Video, Outstanding Contribution to Music and Global Success Awards have been abolished, and British Breakthrough Act, Critics’ Choice Award and British Single of the Year have all been renamed. Also, the BRITs caught flack for less female artists being nominated although last year there was a record amount nominated so I feel like sexism claims can’t really ring all that true in my opinion. It does often seem like male artists have dominated that year of pop music, just as it feel female artists have the previous year, and the BRITs have noticed that, so it just feels a tad lop-sided towards the males this year. I’m playing Devil’s advocate, sure, and I wouldn’t say 2019 has been a bad year for British women in music, but I am able to somewhat defend this decision. I feel like I’d just say that as a little pre-amble. In fact, I’ll add this: this will be less formal and grammatically correct than a normal RTC episode, and perhaps a bit less wholesome or family-friendly. Also, if none of this makes any sense, that’s because it’s out of context completely, and this will make absolutely no sense unless you’re watching it with me or had watched it prior to reading this, but that’s the joy in this! Scorecard at the ready, 19:58, it’s the BRITs in two minutes, and I am prepared to make fun of every issue I pick out.

Jack Whitehall is so unfunny lol Like Haha She Is Cleaning Lizzo Flute But He Look Like Masturbate Ha Ha

I feel like they did not know what they should do for this year

The intro with him trying out iconic BRIT Awards outfits is kinda cool actually

I wonder how far into the future they plan for these. Like are these skits pre-recorded by three months or so

Mabel didn’t really hit that note huh

I won’t really be paying attention to this one because I’m filling out scorecard and all to update it for this year but Mabel is less energetic than she was on the Graham Norton Show months ago

Can’t tell if Don’t Call Me Up has soured on me a lot or this is just a bad performance. Probably the latter

Is this the vocal loop from Mad Love or something I don’t recognise it

Nevermind I’m so dumb it’s from Don’t Call Me Up

The telephone on the screen Because Ha Ha She Says Call Me Up is a bit on the nose

I don’t think they realise she also has a song called Ring Ring

“Please welcome your host Jack Whitehall” No go away

Audience did not like the Boris Johnson joke or even the Chris Martin one lol this gnarly dude is BOMBING

Rod Stewart has eight children what the f

“Horny scarecrow of rock and roll Ronnie Wood” I hope that is on his CV

“A bit of witty banter from Dave” Jack Whitehall Shouted Out The TV Channel Dave

Lewis Capaldi – Someone You Loved genuinely makes me want to eat a living frog this live version is better though he’s not straining that much

I saw a BBC News piece on a boy with cancer and this was used in the background and I understand it’s a sad, sappy piano ballad but it’s literally just about a break up like that’s a tad unfitting and kinda undermines the illness and tragedy surely

Niall Horan looks SO infused

The production value for these little transitions seems to have improved it actually looks cool and not dated garbage

Lewis Capaldi will win Best New Artist

Lewis Capaldi won Best New Artist

It’s his first BRIT Award but what’s the point in celebrating he’s gonna win like seven more

Dude is coming up to the stage with a bottle of beer in his hand bruh

I bet this dude is going to be the Adele and just get drunk and swear every time he gets an award

He hugged Niall Horan for a concerning amount of time

The audience chanted ‘DOWN IT DOWN IT’ he did not down it

He just shouted profanities into the mic after 40 seconds of delaying it, but the audio was muted so I have no idea why Jack Whitehall Loves This Man

Lewis Capaldi’s music and personality clash so hard like I saw an advert of this man making funny faces set to Someone You Loved and it was so odd

That advert played right after the BRITs by the way lol

Why is Lewis Capaldi on another advert singing Someone You Loved again like stop stop stop pelase i ccant getsv awytsuavforrnjeofityre

JHE’S BACK FOR ANOTHER ADVERT GO AWAY YOU DRUNKEN IDIOT

Why would Mastercard proudly sponsor this sh

How the hell is FKA twigs nominated for best female artist like cool and all her album was good but Huh

I guess they put one alternate win each time

Mabel will win Best Female Solo Artist

Mabel won Best Female Solo Artist

Oh yeah I forgot people actually make speeches

“There are so many amazing women in this category” Mabel Listens To FKA Twigs

Don’t thank your record label they are crooks

I forget that Mabel is Neneh Cherry’s daughter that’s wild. Neneh Cherry won a BRIT too, I think this same award. Cool. Neat.

Jack Whitehall’s sarcasm and dryer wit is not exactly the best fit for the BRITs. For once I miss Ant & Dec

Harry Styles Is Literally Wearing Pajamas

This is an ok song and with actually good vocal mixing it’s better but he does sound a bit off. He did get robbed before the awards happened though lol

I am sick of guys singing ballads with a e s t h e t i c backgrounds like can we get some volcano eruptions up in this

The Rising Star and British Producer Awards (new awards) were already given out I feel like cheating

Literally the only nomination for the British Producer of the Year was fred

He won

Another break bruh bruh bruh give me a break

Harry Styles’ Pajamas Are Wet Now He Was Standing In Water

Little simz is on an advert afterwards with an amazing song from her amazing album but she’s not nominated for any award

Im so tired like this shit is keeping me awake last year i fell asleep during a jess glynne performance

Liam payne performed a month before the ceremony and his album fell 31 places on the chart in response

Jack Whitehall called himself a lanky streak of piss this man might get an Ofcom Complaint

Lizzo’s really pushing that title track huh

Lizzo didn’t censor herself on the Grammys but her breathy ‘uh’s are making some lines unintelligible lol

This is a good song though

LOL SHE STOPPED FOR THE AUDIENCE TO CONTINUE HER SENTENCE BUT NOBODY SAID THE LINE YIKES

I guess she forgot Truth Hurts didn’t even peak in the top 20 here

Good as Hell is the one people here care about

She knows that they didn’t respond in Truth Hurts because she said ‘sing along if you know it’ lol

She kinda messed up but to be fair she is walking and singing with the audience

That White Guy With The Crap Hair Killed It

Drummer is going wild

I love the extra guitar flourishes in Juice this is pretty cool actually, her interpolating Cause I Love You at the same time is pretty epic this actually sounds pretty great I’d love for this whole medley to be on streaming

She yelled ‘biiitch’ but the mic did not catch that

Ronnie Wood Really Got The Positive Vibes

Lewis Capaldi will win Best Male Solo Artist

(Michael Kiwanuka got like no applause god damn at least give them pity applause)

ROIGHT and tha winna ***upside down*** is STRORMZY

Stormzy won Best Male Solo Artist

(Second time by the way)

Clean version of Vossi Bop kinda slap Ngl

Stormzy TOWERS over Ronnie Wood lol dude is tall

“Um.”

“Best Male is nothing without incredible females” Cool cool

Ronnie is about to tell Stormzy why he thinks he should go back to his own country and that He’s Not Actually Racist

(Those allegations are baseless. My lawyers advised me to say so.)

Jack Whitehall touched audience feet

We’re already nearly an hour in wow

WHY ARE THERE SO MANY ADVERT BREAKS

Yes Yes

Hell yeah dave is awesome, he got his Top Boy co-star to work as a hype man before him

I think this is Black? If so that’s amazing I love that song

It’s Black he has it written on his white piano

The only white piano is slowly turning more black

I like the headlines and all the imagery on the piano it’s really cool

Dave is a tad off beat but he’s also playing a double-sided piano so understandable

A white dude is playing the other side of the piano I’m sure that’s symbolic

He is aggressive in this delivery damn he’s killing it

Some of this imagery is beautiful – especially the BRIT Award being covered by black snakes and the Arabic writing transitioning into an Africa with colonial borders

This was an amazing performance, especially with the violins. Incredible.

OH THERE’S ANOTHER VERSE ABOUT BORIS JOHNSON

The least racist is still racist damn right

This works as an obituary as well damn.

I’d have to analyse this whole thing but this was an incredible performance oh my god

I want this on streaming

When did this man help a terrorist plot wh

Paloma Faith Sounds Like A Robot Who Is Vaguely Feminist

Burna Boy will win International Male Solo Artist

(I so want Tyler to go home with it though. Could go to Post as well)

It’s just whoever shows up gets it though so

WHOA

WHAT THE HELL

TYLER THE CREATOR WON HOW

TAHT IS AMSGWYUFE

THE RADIO HOST SAID IGOR WRONG BUT ITS OK TYLER WON

Tyler, The Creator won International Male Solo Artist

This gnarly dude just said ‘errr yeah errr’

“Shout out to all the British funk from the 80s I try to copy”

LOL THE THERESA MAY CALL OUT HAHAH

I FORGOT HE WASNT ALLOWED IN THE UK

Bts is not a british group, presenter

Coldplay will win Best British Group

Foals won Best British Group

I am actually so surprised lol at Tyler and Foals winning their first BRITs

More alternative dudes winning I guess. Neat. Means a lot

Stop thanking your corrupt labels

The name’s eyelash

I haven’t actually heard her Bond theme yet

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho

I like it. The whispery tone of her voice, the eerie strings (cello?), and slick guitar really fit the Bond franchise. Thank you Billie Eilish, very cool!

No Don’t Talk To Lizzo Don’t Talk To Anyone Jack Whitehall

“There was so much energy they could have done the whole performance for me” well not exactly mrs. Lizzo

This is so awkward we can’t hear what Lizzo is laughing at Harry Styles looks pissed

‘floutists’ is the name for flute players huh

I’m so confused what is going on

Lizzo is threatening jack Whitehall with a flute and within the transition to the break i could hear a slight faint shout from jack in the background

Is everyone ok

More people that i wanted to win than who i expected to win are winning

Sam Fender is haha funnie but nobody in the audience thinks so lol

Celeste is performing she’s the new Rising Star award she has already had a bit of a crack but I’m pretty sure that’s part of the song

This song is ok

Bit boring tbh. Audience is getting tired too. This is lasting like 5 minutes and the song is pretty flavourless and repetitive. Yawn snore

We’re about half way through and I’ve kind of lost interest ngl

Honestly lewis capaldi did better than celeste on jah

Jack Whitehall is having a mental breakdown right now. Understandable

Billie Eilish will win International Female Solo Artist

Billie Eilish won International Female Solo Artist

Lizzo looks so disappointed for whatever reason lol like did we really think anyone else would get this award

Sporty Spice is in the background dancing to everything i wanted that is not a song you dance like that to it’s about suicide

This speech is going terribly

Why are so many of these gnarly dudes signed to polydor

Thank you Billie Eilish very cool

No Jack Whitehall Don’t Talk To Harry Styles

Harry Styles looks like he hates Jack Whitehall so much

The Lizzo-Harry-Jack Whitehall love triangle is Awkward And Awful

Lizzo is the only reason the brit awards are good

Ok the exchange about Harry Styles not being taken seriously was pretty funny

In fact this whole exchange was very funny And Partially About Incest

“Is one of these lucky ladies your date?” “That’s my sister”

Lizzo is chugging the tequila

Harry Styles Looks Like He Pissed Himself

The BRIT awards have suddenly become very confusing

Epic Stormzy Time

Genuinely have no idea what song he’ll perform. Probably Vossi Bop?

Stormzy Should Keep The Singing To His Backing Vocalist And Choir

Gospel beat sounds sweet

I think this is supposed to be Lessons but the studio version is so much duller than this version. This one is pretty cool. I think it’s the choir

I’d be surprised if he only does Lessons. Also the production value here was crazy. Full band, pyrotechnics and all.

Oh yeah it’s Vossi Bop time he’s got the red lighting

Nevermind it’s Wiley Flow lol but still

Reminds me of when Kanye did All Day (also the audio got muted for a long period of time just like when Kanye did that)

This one is more choreographed though lol

Why did he perform two of the least popular songs first though

Burna Boy is coming out for Own It alright, he sounds just as good as studio, probably because He’s Not Actually Singing

I don’t like this song but the choreography is great, stage presence is good and the visuals are incredible. Really shows that even with the worst material, you can make a song sound as lively as ever. The horns the live band added to Own It sound beautiful

Burna Boy’s little solo bit was great

He got away with saying “Sucking on their mums” nice

I hadn’t heard Rainfall before this I don’t think (it sounds familiar though), but the mashup with Praise You was great. I love the sight of Stormzy in front of family members, the young men in black outfits from Wiley Flow, the tropical clothes-bearing women from Own It, Burna Boy, the live band, and all. It’s really a nice diverse sight to see. Cool cool. This probably means absolutely nothing but I Am Knackered

Someone You Loved will win Song of the Year

I really hope it’s Ladbroke Grove though. It and Location feel very emblematic of 2019, in a way that I Don’t Care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber DEFINITELY isn’t

Someone You Loved won Song of the Year

“Biggest winner of the night so far” there’s only one award left mate

Lewis Capaldi Is A Very Funny Man

“Thanks to my grandmother for dying”

Finneas do be lookin kinda handsome tho [2]

Heard a very british voice say “i luv yoo bilie” in the audience lmao

Lewis Capaldi will win Album of the Year

I’d prefer literally anyone else to win this award. Only one of these albums was a 7/10 or above but Lewis Capaldi’s album was unlistenable

OH HELL YEAH THE ONLY GOOD ONE WON

Dave won Album of the Year

Epic I love that album. It could very well have been Capaldi but since Dave won the Mercury Prize I guess he would have been a better prediction

People are screaming man’s lost for words

“Jesus Christ!” dude’s so astonished lol

I loved Dave’s speech actually very inspiring

“Jack, I’m gonna do this one for your mum, Hilary” bruh  rod stewart really saying ‘ur mom’ jokes out here

I love Rod Stewart’s raspy voice man. Orchestra’s great. This is beautiful lol

Gnarly dude got the guitar solo

Conclusion

I cannot be bothered to write some massive conclusion but most of the performances were great and emotionally powerful, especially Stormzy, Dave, Billie and Rod Stewart, and even those who were a bit crap performing were very funny on stage, like Lewis Capaldi. The on stage banter was really cringe-worthy but Jack Whitehall, Harry Styles and Lizzo had this really funny triangle going on. The outro with Ronnie Wood and the rest of Rod Stewart’s band was great, Stormzy’s extended performance was sweet. This was actually a pretty great BRITs, to be honest, and all of the winners, except a select few, deserved it, and if they didn’t, it was pretty expected. There could have been some more winners – off the top of my head, Slowthai and Little Simz weren’t even nominated, but hey, Tyler won. That’s great. The scorecard will be on Twitter. In the words of the BRIT Award winners in 2020, “errr yeah errr”, and thanks for reading!

REVIEWING THE CHARTS 2020

[wildmuddyriver]

can you talk more about what you were saying about eminem?

YES YES YES

This is going to be a REALLY long disorganized post I’m so sorry I just love this stuff! This won’t all be completely developed because this isn’t an essay. I’m just throwing some ideas out there. I definitely haven’t researched all of this, it’s mostly just personal experience.

~Let me start by saying I try to be as humble as possible! These are just my opinions and experiences. I am ALWAYS open to new concepts and ideas. If I say anything anybody doesn’t agree with or I come across as offensive in any way, please let me know! I’m doing my best, but I’m definitely not perfect. Also, I love talking about Eminem, so I’d love a dialogue about this. :) I’m going to focus more on the positive aspects to his work, however few, far between, and obscure they may be. I think it’s important to talk about these things, even if I definitely don’t agree with the majority of what Eminem does. I’m not ignoring all the terrible parts of his music and professional persona, but I think because that is a main topic that’s already been beaten to death by the media, I’m not going to rehash it again. ~

Background! I wasn’t exposed to a lot of music when I was young, so once I was old enough to use the internet, I delved into the most popular music I could find because that’s all I heard about. I got really into Eminem when I was in elementary / junior high school. (10-ish years old?) I experienced a lot of abuse at home similar to what he claims to have also experienced as a child. We had a lot in common, actually. We both grew up in poverty, we were both white in an area predominantly of color*(I’ll comment more on this later!), we both had abusive mothers, we both had a father figure abandon us, and we both had a lot of aggression / mental health issues because of it. I grew up with a lot of issues that his music helped me to comprehend.

However, let me make it clear that I do NOT think I should have listened to Eminem’s music so young. Although I mostly listened to the less aggressive songs like Mockingbird, When I’m Gone, and Cleaning Out The Closet, it was still pretty unhealthy for me. When I was already upset, listening to Eminem’s music antagonized me and made me feel like it was okay to be angry, so I got angrier. I wish I could have found a better influence to help me understand my experiences at such a young age, but I didn’t trust adults enough to confide in one and the internet was not what it is now.

Let’s start with the domestic abuse. I was raised with very conservative morals. I, like a lot of people, thought abuse was a man hitting a woman. I did not understand that my mother threatening to kill me was abuse. I did not understand that alcoholism and mental illness made her do these things. I thought it was normal to hate your parents because that’s what I saw on TV, ex. Malcolm in the Middle. Eminem’s interviews and music helped me to understand that what my mother did to me was not okay. A mother does not hurt her children. Women can be abusive. Women can be mean and hurtful and abusive. I don’t think I’m the only person who’s had this experience. I think this is a reason Eminem’s music is so widely enjoyed by such a young audience. While I absolutely under no circumstances agree with the violence he illustrates in his music, (I can’t listen to his music anymore without feeling sick to my stomach because of it) I appreciate that he raised some very important points about this specific consequence of a patriarchal society. Consider the uproar in backlash against Emma Roberts for hurting her boyfriend a few years back.

Mental illness! Eminem is very open and honest about his mental illness. My perception of his mental illness when I was young was that he didn’t quite understand it, either. The concept of Slim Shady vs. Marshall Mathers resonated with me. It helped me to understand that I don’t have to be the bad version of me all the time. Yes, sometimes I feel bad and angry and I want to cry, but that isn’t me all the time. That’s only part of me. Sometimes, it makes me do things and say things I don’t ordinarily do. I am a person outside my mental illness. I know this sounds kind of basic and kind of ridiculous, but I didn’t know what mental illness was before being exposed to his music. Again, this made me feel like maybe I wasn’t quite so alone. I think a lot of victims of abuse listen to Eminem’s music. Yes, obviously, there were a lot of privileged little white boys who wanted to seem edgy by listening to Eminem, but I think a lot of kids had similar experiences as mine and Eminem’s. 

In addition, Eminem links his mental illness to his abusive childhood. In a general observation of his music, he explains that abuse stems from abuse. It’s a cycle. His mother hurt him, he hurts his wife, his wife hurts his daughter, etc. Abuse is generational. My mother always talked about how she was abused as a child, yet turned around and abused me. This connection, initiated by some of Eminem’s music, helped me to understand that if I want the pain to stop, I need to be the person to stop it. I have to stand up and find my voice and fight back. I have to fight my abusers along with myself. His music pushed me to use my anger positively, to defend myself instead of accepting the abuse. I know this isn’t everyone’s experience and it isn’t obvious when listening to his music, but it’s what I got out of Eminem’s raps. Eminem blurs the line between abuser and abused because the majority of abusers have been abused. 

Mental illness MUST be more prevalent than we think, or Eminem’s lyrics would not resonate with so many people and he would not be so famous. Yes, depicting mental illness as violent in nature is detrimental, but it’s also necessary to consider that some mental illness does result in violence. A lot of people who suffer from PTSD and people who are victims of abuse are violent. Violence is the result of a person who is not mentally well! My abuser was mentally ill! Eminem’s abuser was mentally ill! Abusers are not mentally well! No, this does not make abuse acceptable, but it explains it. In a way, this helped me to better understand compassion. I don’t believe people are inherently evil. I believe people want to be good and happy. We have scientific evidence to prove that people are soft-wired to be compassionate. When a person abuses another person, it is because something is wrong with their wiring. This helped me to come to terms with why my mother hurt me. I am not a burden, she hurt me because there is something wrong with HER, not me.

Some more ideas that I haven’t thought about quite as much as the others but probably should and will eventually get around to it :) :

Isolation! A main theme in Eminem’s music is how isolated he feels. This is because people don’t talk about abuse from women. It isn’t stereotyped, so people don’t quite understand it or consider it. This is sexism hurting children and husbands and boyfriends and other loved ones! Not good. I think his music helps his listeners feel less isolated because here’s a super famous guy talking about something they thought was just them.

In response to “he raps about his daughter and how much he loves her”: Mentally ill people are capable of love and other complex emotions! I totally support the original post and I think it’s really funny and true, I’m absolutely not dissing op at all, I just think this is a good gateway to discussion. Mentally ill people and abusive people are not one-dimentional. People stay with abusers because they are more than the bad parts of them.

Hyper-masculinity / sexism(?)! I think an interesting concept is that Eminem’s aggression may have been heightened by the fact that a woman hurt him. He felt emasculated. sorry this part sucks there isn’t a ton of lit on this topic and i am so tired i haven’t slept since november

Racism! This is last because I’m white passing and I don’t think my opinions on this are going to be the most relevant in the discourse. I would definitely like to hear opinions from some POC. :) I don’t think growing up around people who didn’t look like me negatively impacted me. I’ll never say I can understand the experience of a person of color because I have light skin. There are experiences I will never have in society even though I’m a woman and I’m gay and poor and have struggled with mental illness. While being white in a predominantly Latino community helped me view similarities between myself and Eminem, I don’t relate to Eminem’s “struggle” of this experience except for maybe feeling a little different. However, I’ve read a lot of discourse about racism and white rappers that I’d like to mention. For example, they use black artists as a gateway into hip-hop, exclude black consumers and artists from hip-hop, introduce color-blind racism to young fans, etc.

On a side note, I think Eminem brings up good points about how racism is used to subdue the masses - a house divided and all that - and distract from real issues like poverty.

I think Eminem’s music speaks volumes about the people who listen to his music. In high school, I knew several people in similar situations to mine who also listened to Eminem’s music. These people were not violent or aggressive. They were people who were hurt by their parents and by society. This makes me feel like it isn’t just me spouting out nonsense about my shitty childhood, but like I’ve shared this experience with other people. 

On the topic of “he’s actually a good guy and you’re a judgemental prick!!!!!! “ I would never genuinely defend a celebrity. PR exists for a reason. I’m defending some of the ideas, not the person.

Here’s the post anon is referencing

please talk to me about eminem the fad is over and almost nobody cares anymore but i love this shit fuck me up let’s go bond over this white trash

Thank you for the ask! :)))

[julisastone-blog]

Month 12:  Professional Practice

The end of the Media Design Master of Fine Arts program is approaching as Month 12 wraps up. It is a truly surreal feeling—after this assignment, there are no academic requirements. It is a bitter sweet end. After all my hard work, I finally obtained a Graphic Designer position at the Auburn Document Centre. It is part time, but it is a start. I am graduating with potentially high honors, according to my liaison. I am finally getting back into programs and events with the museum as I look for full time work within a non-profit or community based organization. However, as amazing as this program has been and all the doors it has opened, I find myself questioning if I had made this step at the right time. My grandmother would be upset if she knew I had that thought; but I wonder if I lost what could potentially be her last year on earth due to academic ambitions. Cancer was something I hoped I could avoid. Unfortunately, it found her.

 Having just gotten off the phone with her, I know she is proud of me. I know that she does not think I have wasted my time. I also know that she would want me to do it even if we knew the circumstances a year ago. Therefore, it is my goal to finish the program strong.

 Over the last month, a variety of ethical and moral reasoning topics have been covered as well as understanding and executing an Experience Map. For this month, the three biggest takeaways include: Reflection and Experience Mapping, Importance of Copyright, and Marketing to Children.

 Takeaway #1: Reflection and Experience Mapping

Adaptive Paths writes that the “[h]uman experience is complex, and mostly intangible. Yet the challenge of experience mapping is to uncover, little by little, critical information about your… experiences” (pg. 9). For this course, the purpose was to discover the peaks and valleys of my journey through the Media Design Master of Fine Arts Program at Full Sail University. For me, the process of obtaining my Master’s has strained all parts of my being.

 My mother, who had always been my biggest supporter, told me to quit the program because she found it to be a pointless endeavor. She and one of my sisters often discussed with my other siblings that I was making the “same mistake Matt did”. Matt, being the only other sibling who has obtained a Master’s, who also happens to be the assistant facilities manager at the UC Davis Center for Aquatic Biology and Agriculture. If having a job in my dream field is considered a mistake—sign me up.

 To ensure I maintained good grades, I cut back on work. I had become so financially strained that I was talking about having to take a break from the program. My boyfriend offered to let me use his internet instead of taking a break. This, however, lead to me neglecting my incredibly affection Sophie cat. Probably the hardest part of the entire program was knowing that I was hurting her by not being around and recognizing that I would be a better pet owner by sending her to my sister’s house until after I finished the program. Although I lacked the internet bill, I was still financially unstable and I had to give up my apartment. Luckily, my boyfriend has allowed me to stay with him and we are looking for a house to move into by June so I can be reunited with Sophie.

 In my 29 years, I never experienced four deaths in less than a year. My best friend also happens to be my ex-boyfriend and I had become very close to his grandparents and they both passed within 4 months of each other after 72 years marriage. During Christmas vacation, my sister-in-law lost her father and my youngest siblings lost their mother. It was hard to focus on school when all I wanted was to comfort my family and friends. However, as trying as those times were for me, it did not prepare me for my grandmother’s illness.

 Thinking back on all of these awful experiences over the past 12 months, I reflect on Alyssa’s statement in her feedback of my Experience Map: “The “thinking” and “feeling” bar graphs showed more negative aspects than the “doing” graphs, which proves that as a designer, you cannot let your mind or emotions defeat you in the process of designing new material” (Kukonik, 2017). In terms of my successes over the past 12 months, I have learned to design within multiple programs including: Photoshop, Illustrator, After Effects, Premiere Pro, and KeyNote. I have elevated my design techniques and capabilities through extensive and reliable research. My ability to present ideas and projects has prepared me for educational opportunities within a future career in a non-profit. Most importantly, with some help from Prof. Argo, I have developed Creative Confidence.

 Creative confidence is the quality that human-centered designers rely on when it comes to making leaps, trusting their intuition, and chasing solutions that they haven’t totally figured out yet. It’s the belief that you can and will come up with creative solutions to big problems and the confidence that all it takes is rolling up your sleeves and diving in. – David Kelly, Founder of IDEO

 My Experience Map showcases my whole experience. I began my academic career as a darkroom photograph major, which is why the foundation is based on negatives and images. I went to Wells for my Bachelors of Art and as a requirement, I did an internship at the Cayuga Museum—the driving force behind my enrollment at Full Sail. My internship consisted of me organizing through thousands of historical photographs and negatives and properly storing them. During this internship, I developed a love for the museum and I went from intern, to volunteer, to Docent, and am now the Curatorial Assistant. The first exhibit I did on my own, believe it or not, was on glass plate negatives and prints. I chose to use the photograph style, not only because of its history and connection to my journey—the ability to use an alternative bar graph was a better representation of my Full Sail experience, as Alyssa pointed out.

 Post-it-Note Exercise to uncover peaks and valleys of Mastery Journey.

'Thinking’ bag graph to highlight the harder months using black and easier months with white.

‘Feeling’ bar graph to highlight the harder months using black and easier months with white.

‘Doing’ bar graph that highlights the harder months in black and the easier months in white.

Project Version 1: Issues: No legend, large chunks of text.

Project Version 2: Included legend. But overall concept not explained thoroughly.

Project Version 3: Fixed the large chunks of text with quick bullet information. However, the lines are clearly defined.

Project Version 4: Included pens and highlighters along with highlighted information to give the overall theme a ‘in progress’ look and feel. Also, changed ‘negative’ and ‘photograph’ all to month to avoid misunderstanding with the word ‘negative’.

Final Version: Adjusted the pens and highlighters to better define the lines by reinforcing the pathways rather than cluttering them up.

Takeaway #2: Importance of Copyright

As a designer it is imperative to understand the importance of copyright. According to the Copyright Office, original and creative property of designers is protected under both the 1976 Copyright Act and the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act, both of which are grounded in the US Constitution for published and unpublished work (Copyright). Therefore, when creating work for a client, they only own the reproduction rights and the designer retains the copyright. This includes every creative outlet from illustrations, photographs, fonts, traditional arts, and more.

 Also, it is important to understand that when creating work for a client, you are participating in a transaction. It is imperative to keep everything documented to protect the designer’s rights and ownership by clearly outlining intellectual property in legal contracts and agreements (AIGA, 2009). This creates an understanding between the designer and client that eliminates potential legal issues.

 However, as Yerzil discusses, there are common trends within the industry that lead to inspirations and an understanding that copying elements is permissible if it is conducted in moderation (2015). This concepts falls under what AIGA (2009) considers as ‘Fair Use’—“limited exception to the exclusive power of the designer … to control the uses of designs” (pg. 82). Essentially, taking elements and inspirations is permitted, however, using tracing paper over the whole piece is not.

 Should one commit copyright infringement, there are several legal punishments that he or she could be faced with. This includes paying for damages, reimbursing profits that were made by infringer or lost by artist, a fee up to $150,000 per infringed work, paying all legal fees, impoundment of illegal pieces, and incarceration of the infringer (Copyright Infringement, 2017).

  Takeaway #3: Marketing to Children

My dream position would be Creative Director or Head of Development for a small (preferably local based) museum. Therefore, it is imperative to have and understanding of what is and is not permissible when marketing to children. During this course, it was discovered that in the US if the advertisement could not be confused with neither entertainment nor editorials, organizations could market to children 12 and younger—unlike most countries (Snyder, 2011).

 Children are an ideal audience to target. Ultimately, children 14 and younger make up three separate markets equaling more than $200 billion. By marketing to children, clients develop a ‘cradle-to-grave’ consumer by implanting brand loyalty into their cores. However, this leads to age compression because marketers targeting children lure them with the concept of ‘adult’ activities and choices. Today, items that were once marketed to teenagers are now focused on tweens. (Christians, Fackler, Richardson, Kreshel, and Woods, 2015).

 Snyder writes that “[a]dvertising ethics, however, must go a step above the law to ensure that consumers are treated appropriately” (pg. 478). Essentially, Snyder is stating that as designers, it is our obligation to respect that children are inexperienced, impressionable, and naïve; as well as, and more importantly, obligated to a happy and full childhood. Therefore, as a designer looking to work with the community, and children, it is imperative that I ensure the advertisement and design work created is clearly understood by children as either editorial for exhibits or advertisements for events and activities.

  References:

 Adaptive Path. (2013). Adaptive Path's Guide to Experience Mapping (1st ed.). Retrieved April 3, 2017, from https://assethub.fso.fullsail.edu/assethub/Adaptive_Paths_Guide_to_Experience_Mapping_d8181760-b61b-4c14-b8f6-54e6fe904d06.pdf

 AIGA. (2009). Design Business and Ethics. Retrieved April 4, 2017, from http://www.aiga.org/design-business-and-ethics

 Christians, C., Fackler, M., Richardson, K. B., Kreshel, P. J., & Woods, R. H., Jr. (2016). Media Ethics: Cases and Moral Reasoning (9th ed.). New York, NY: Routledge.

 Copyright. (n.d.). Retrieved 4 April, 2017, from https://www.copyright.gov/

 Copyright Infringement Rights. (March 16, 2017). Purdue University Copyright Office. Retrieved April 12, 2017, from, https://www.lib.purdue.edu/uco/CopyrightBasics/penalties.html

 Kelly, D. (n.d.). Creative Confidence. IDEO.ORG. Retrieved April 22, 2017, from http://www.designkit.org/mindsets/3

 Kukonik, A. (April 12, 2017). Written Communication. Retrieved from https://course.fso.fullsail.edu/class_sections/89357/discussions/1814587

 Snyder, W. (2011). Making the Case For Enhanced Advertising Ethics: How a New Way of Thinking About Advertising Ethics May Build Consumer Trust. Journal of Advertising Research, 477-483. doi:10.2501/JAR-51-3-477-483 S

 YEZRIL, F. (2015). SOMEWHERE BEYOND THE ©: COPYRIGHT AND WEB DESIGN. Journal Of Intellectual Property & Entertainment Law, 5(1), 43-71.

[an-aura-about-you]

Okay, I’ve relaxed and caught up on tumblr and gushed in person to my sibbie. It’s time to share Phantom of the Opera highlights!

first just driving in the city to get to this was wild. I sat through three cycles of the same light just to find the parking garage for the hotel that connects to the theater was full. I grabbed some close by parking (which was kinda high but I didn’t care because I was paying for the convenience) and decided to just head in, which was a bummer because I hoped to have dinner first. ah well.

related to the dinner point: the concessions were nothing but alcoholic beverages. I don’t remember soda or water or anything, so I took nothing because I’m still a little ill. I ended up at Denny’s post-show.

man just look at that picture I took in that other post. the set almost looks like a painting, doesn’t it? it’s amazing how they staged it throughout, from incredibly small and intimate to threatening to swallow you up huge.

holy gOSH THAT OVERTURE THO. that cobweb look in the picture was some kind of curtain and as it pulled back it was like stepping through it to the glory days of the opera house. and then a final screen lifted and it’s like things went from black and white to full technicolor.

old!Raoul was standing center stage throughout the change as the young ballerinas danced around him, as if the memories were just swirling around him

Christine took a little getting used to but I enjoyed her. Carlotta was spot on throughout. I read through the program and learned the woman playing Carlotta used to play Christine in another production of the show. Also Christine’s played Emma Carew from Jekyll & Hyde aaaaaaaaaa.

the door in the mirror of Christine’s dressing room was fucking perfect. I know this show. I knew the Phantom was going to use the mirror. and even while I was looking for how the door was going to work, my guess was completely wrong! good job

HOLY SHIT GUYS the Phantom taking Christine to his dungeon. they were up in what occasionally serves as the catwalks, as you do, but then the Phantom opens this door on the side AND A PLATFORM AND STAIRS STARTS COMING OUT OF THE WALL AS IF HE’S FUCKING CONTROLLING THEM.

AND THEN THE STAIRS RETRACTED BACK INTO THE WALL WHEN THEY WERE AT THE BOTTOM

the boat was cool I have no idea how the mechanism for it worked I have no idea how they moved that boat on the stage it was great

the entire wall splits open to reveal the Phantom’s dungeon it’s so great

okay now for one of those things that wasn’t so great about the show: idk if this was because I was in an upper tier box or not but I could see the top of the Phantom’s organ and dude it wasn’t impressive. it looked like someone put a Casio keyboard on a desk.

the Phantom blindfolded Christine during Music of the Night. this was the first of many times in the show I thought to myself, “I NEED AN ADULT!” in spite of the fact that I am, indeed, an adult.

the Phantom didn’t actually wait for Christine to faint he just scooped her up bridal style and put her to bed. it was a normal ass bed too no swan or sleeping in the boat or anything.

okay but during I Remember there was Mist the Phantom thinks Christine is still asleep AND TOOK OFF HIS MASK HIMSELF so he could clean his deformity. I really liked that because dude that mask is probably really sweaty. yay realism!

and then Christine approaches him with his mask and we get into the Damn You Curse You part and I noticed later in the show that the blocking here between Christine and the Phantom gets mirrored between Christine and Raoul in All I Ask of You

the ballet in Il Muto was done over most of the stage while we see the murder off on the right side of the stage which was all right but I guess I lost something by it because I know the show and therefore knew why they condensed the ballet to only that part of the stage

okay it was about here that I noticed the big problem of this show and that was the blocking. and I don’t even know that much about theatre so if I notice something’s wrong with this it’s really wrong ok? we’ve got Raoul and Christine singing All I Ask of You and it’s supposed to be intimate and romantic but for nearly the entire song they’ve got a yard minimum between them.

it was also about here that I realized how necessary that physical intimacy is to sell Christine and Raoul’s romance because wow do I not feel it here. and I’m a Christine/Raoul shipper. that is a Problem.

like if we’re going this route I’m surprised the program didn’t mention Love Never Dies. come on, you’re giving me the show that made me kinda go, “I understand why people ship Christine and the Phantom,” but you couldn’t even really do that.

so I know you can’t have real statues on the stage because what set pieces you have are likely heavy enough but it takes something away from the show when the Phantom’s emoting hard enough to make the statue wobble.

man watching that chandelier fall in the same room as you kicks fucking ass

Masquerade was good. the set was full of mirrors and I was all, “hell yeah that’s gonna be so good when the Phantom shows up!” and I was totally right about that

but also Christine starts thinking she sees the Phantom in the crowd and there’s a part when the back part of the set drops away and a smaller group of the men in masks lifts her up and pulls her down and it blurs the line of what’s real and what’s in Christine’s head and helps sell her turmoil. good stuff.

so there are a couple of parts when the Phantom casts his shadow over the entire stage and they use this technique while Madame Giry tells Raoul about where the Phantom came from. nice.

PIANO ON FIRE DURING REHEARSALS FOR DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!

the other day I watched the original True Grit (not for the first time) and realized during Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again that I should probably feel for Christine what I felt for Mattie during the scene when she holds her father’s pocketwatch to her cheek and cries. but I didn’t. I don’t actually know if this is a failing of the show or if it’s because both pieces are built so differently or if it’s because I’m Arkansan and True Grit is so inherently Arkansan that I resonate with Mattie more. I mean that scene in True Grit rips me to pieces every time I see it. why doesn’t this?

so Raoul suckerpunches the Phantom in the graveyard and I was the only person in the entire fucking audience who laughed. was I seriously the only one who found that funny? it was so awkward and weird!

also the pyrotechnics at the end of the graveyard scene were so bright I had to close my eyes

during Point of No Return Christine’s dress had a split in it that I wasn’t aware of until she started sitting on the table and suddenly leeeeeeegs

important to note for this part: the man playing the Phantom is white. the man playing Piangi is black. they’re built differently, but when they’re both in that cloak, it IS hard to tell who is who. even though I knew the show and knew it was the Phantom under that cloak for that entire scene, I found myself shocked when he took off his gloves, revealing white hands. well played.

woah man Christine instructing the Phantom to sit down and then the Phantom touching her thigh I need an adult pt. 2

oh no Christine took off the Phantom’s hood revealing him to the theater and she’s too close to him for anyone to get a clean shot- oh wait, the Phantom is going to run away from Christine and stand on the table like a big obvious target while dudes with guns are literally on either side of the stage aiming at him. And not shooting at him. see what I mean when I said the blocking was a problem?

hell yeah they brought out the retractable stairs again for Raoul to climb down in the dungeon now that’s what the fuck I’m talking about

Christine being blown the fuck away by the Phantom’s crescendo on HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL like she’s just floored in the bottom of the boat

the blocking in the dungeon was just really weird especially the parts when Christine is running to Raoul but NOT helping him out of the noose. like she’s literally right there touching him but can’t figure out a way to get him out of the noose. and the Phantom doesn’t stop her from doing this, at least not right away but I’ll get to that.

though I do give Christine points for ripping apart the Phantom’s score for Don Juan Triumphant and throwing it at him wadded up page by page

THE PHANTOM THROWING CHRISTINE ON THE BED AND CLIMBING OVER HER WHILE HE’S STRANGLING RAOUL I NEED AN ADULT PT. 3!!!

I like how this version is a Big Damn Kiss followed by a Big Damn Hug. I also like how the Phantom is so blown away by this he just has his arms out in I’m Not Touching You/Do I Hug Back? mode until he finally just throws her off.

Christine doesn’t come back alone. Raoul comes with her. And the Phantom doesn’t actually see either of them when he sings Christine I love you. She just leaves her ring on the table behind him and then they leave. I like this way better.

the Phantom on the floor smoothing out the pages to his score only to find that ring after they’ve gone was really nice. and then the crowd shows up and I worry he isn’t going to escape but sure enough he magic tricks his way out. excellent ending

All in all this production of Phantom of the Opera was a solid good. A number of things in the show were downright great! I just wish they worked on the blocking a bit more. And this is near the end of this show’s run, too. They should have that down better. But I’m glad I saw it, and I’d gladly go see it again.