#ily snail ladies

[collisiondiscourse]

(...told y'all this redraw was comin' B) )

crazy to think its been over two years since the first chapter of "here here, my friends and me (You are my familia)" by @jekacatrina was posted! it also marks about a year and a half since i read here here for the first time and made fanart for it, so i decided to come back and do it all over again to remind myself of how long its been.

im grateful to this fic for a lotta things! aside from it generally being amazing and one of my favorite go-to comfort fics, it was also what helped me meet a lot of my older moots (hi birdie hi kuro hi eri hi woolly hi char hi ra hi chloe hi mang hi wahh hi riggy hi rani HI SO MANY PEOPLE), boosted my confidence in art, and technically was what catalyzed @lady-of-snails to write their bomb as hell fics.

thank you to jeka for continuing to share your writing to the world and keeping us bkdks fed <3 ily and one day hope to have one of those printed copies of here here that u made some time ago LMAO

[comradekiwi]

SNAIL POSTED A BKDK FIC AGAIN THIS IS NOT A DRILL

ily @lady-of-snails

[jenomark]

hi i love your account !! may i request a reaction scenario where ncts s/o moves slowly in relationships ? or anything along those lines is great !! ily stay healthy :)

Taeil: You agreed to take things slow in the relationship. Taeil understood right away. “Your comfort comes first, “ he said. “Just like my comfort comes first for me. We can take our time.” Taking it slow meant seeing each other when you both felt like there was no pressure to be in each others company. “I like this,” he said, after he hadn’t seen you in a few weeks. “It feels like the very first time.”  His lips were on your body, kissing you slowly, as if he were savoring the taste. You rolled over until you were on top of him. Taking it slow also made your relationship blossom in the best ways possible. Allowing time and space meant putting your needs first in a way that would benefit both of you in the long run. “Yeah?” you asked. “I could definitely lose my virginity to you every few weeks.” 

Johnny: Moving in together felt like a big move, physically and emotionally. You looked at Johnny and thought about all the times you had together. You spent more time at his dorm than you did at your apartment. His things were a daily part of your life, but you weren’t exactly sure you were ready to see them scattered all over your place. “You look scared,” he said. “If you’re not ready…..” Leaving his words open-ended made you feel like you were being ungrateful. Luckily, Johnny’s warm eyes and smile made everything feel better . You sat down next to him and sighed. “I’m worried about moving too fast,” you said. “What’s next? Adopting a dog together? Marriage? Retirement plan?” You looked at him and he laughed, his big cheesy smile melting your reserve. “If you want, yes,” he said. “I think I would be a fool not to marry you. But, for now, we can go a little slower. I would wait forever for you.”

Taeyong: “Let’s live healthily.” Taeyong said. You nodded in agreement. Sitting by his side on his bed, you looked over at his hand that looked perfect for holding. You looked up at his inviting lips and thought about nothing but kissing them, about feeling his tongue move against yours. “Right,” you said. “Let’s do that.” You wanted to take the next step in your relationship with Taeyong, but there was something else getting in the way. You moved closer and looked at him with a glance that suggested you wanted to get to know him better. Taeyong laughed nervously and covered his face. “What are we doing?” he asked. You separated from him and leaned back on his bed. Taeyong joined you, lying on his back and looking up at the ceiling. “We have time,” he said. “We don’t have to do anything we aren’t ready for.” Taeyong danced his fingers across the bed and held onto your hand, causing you to smile.

Yuta: “I’m scared.” you said. Yuta touched your arm, his expression full of warmth. “Of me?” he asked. “Did I do something?” You searched his intense eyes and realized that you couldn’t look at him anymore. “No. It’s not you, Yuta. I don’t like being vulnerable,” you said. “And you’re so good with making me feel things. It scares me so much.” You had been with him for a few weeks, but things were moving way too fast. Yuta swept you up like no one else ever had, his whole life challenging yours in new ways. You were addicted to the thrill of having him, but you were also terrified. “What do you need from me?” he asked, his words always ready to reassure you. You fought the urge to shrug. You didn’t want to lose him, you just wanted to slow things down. “I don’t want to be hurt,” you said. “Lets keep things simple for now. Okay?” Yuta understood. He nodded and kept his distance. “Okay,” he said. “I can do that for you.”

Kun: All you could think about was telling him how much you loved him. The words shot off like fireworks in your head every time you were around him. Kun was special to you, and while you vowed to slow down in your relationships with men, Kun felt different. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You look like you’re bursting at the seams, my love. “ I love you. I love you. I love you. “No- I mean, yes,” you said. “I’m okay. I don’t look okay?” Kun smiled and wrapped his jacket around you. A kiss on your lips wasn’t too far behind. “You always look beautiful to me,” he said. “Shall we leave?” You looked around at the busy restaurant, the life booming all around you. You nodded and let Kun lead you outside. It was a perfect night with a perfect man. He took you in his arms and warmed your skin, kissing along your jawline. A little old lady tried putting bags in her car, so Kun went to help her. When he came back, all you could think about was wanting him for the rest of your life. “Holy fuck,” you said. “I love you so much.”

Doyoung: You leaned against the car and watched Doyoung shove his hands into his pockets. Your relationship was undefined and moving at a snails pace. You wanted to know where you stood, but asking Doyoung meant confronting the awkwardness he held in the space between you. “So,” you said. “If we’re taking things slow, that means we can date other people. Right?” Doyoung’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second before he was ready to agree. He didn’t want to agree, you could see it in his eyes. You took a step forward and took one of his hands out of his pockets and held it. “Say the magic words, Doyoung.” you whispered. Doyoung opened his mouth and looked into your eyes. “Date me,” he said, a little laugh escaping from his lips. “Slowly. Please.” You leaned in, ready to seal the deal with a kiss. 

Ten: The relationship you and Ten had built was strong. You looked over at him building a shelf for your apartment and thought about how grateful you were to have him in your life. It had been a long road, but it was worth it. Ten was shirtless, his body perfect for dance. The way he moved around the wood, as if he were moving to a song, mesmerized you. “You’re always looking at me,” he said. “What for? Do you see what you like?” He unfolded his body and put his hands on his hips. He knew the kiss was coming before you threw yourself at him, your tongue tasting him. “You’re awfully hands-on today,” he said. “I know I’m sexy when I build things.” You hugged him tighter and said, “You’re sexy all of the time.” Falling for Ten was scary, but he was good at convincing you that everything would be alright. Most days he felt like the best friend you’d ever had, and other days you were so inexplicably in love with him that you couldn’t help yourself. “To hell with the shelf,” you said. “Let’s build a life together, instead.”

Jaehyun: Random hook-ups with Jaehyun was only ever meant to be fun. When feelings got involved, your relationship elevated far beyond your wildest dreams. In a short amount of time, he came to mean so much to you. You enjoyed hanging around him. You loved being the object of his attention, even though he was still seeing other people. “I have to talk to you.” you said. Jaehyun knew. He smiled, his dimples making you feel lost the moment you looked at them. “You don’t have to explain,” he said. “I know what you’re going to say. We can stop, if you want, if it’s too much.” You looked at him, and he looked at you. “I don’t know if I want to stop,” you began.”Or if I want to keep going, but…” You couldn’t get the right words out. Jaehyun cocked his head to the side. “But you want to try..something..else? Something more serious?” he asked. You nodded slowly. Jaehyun stuck out his hand like you were meeting him for the first time. “Well, then, hello, I am Jaehyun,” he said. “It’s nice to meet you. Would you like to go on a first date with me?”

WinWin: You argued with him about how slowly you were both moving in your relationship. Neither of you could agree on what you wanted next. One moment, WinWin wanted less and you wanted more. The next moment, you wanted less and he was asking for what you felt was too much. You already lived together, you didn’t know what other step you could take. After the argument, you slept at a friends house. You stayed up late on the phone with WinWin, talking about how wrong everything went. It was nice getting to clear the air with him. Part of you loved him more for being so open with you. When you went home, he kissed you as soon as you walked in through the door. “I’m sorry,” he said. “Do you forgive me?” WinWin looked like he was keeping a major secret from you. Before you were getting ready to ask him why he looked like that, you heard a tiny cat meow coming from somewhere in your apartment. “Sicheng,” you said. “What was that?” Smiling,WinWin ducked behind the couch and brought out a tiny kitten wrapped in a yellow blanket. “I read the next step is adopting a pet together,” he said. “So, will you love me and her forever?” 

Jungwoo: “We’re friends.” is what you always told other people. You hung around Jungwoo a lot, your emotions getting more confusing the longer you spent with him. “Jungwoo, “ you said. “We’re friends, right?”  To Jungwoo, there never seemed to be anything out of the ordinary. You were attached at the hip, but that didn’t always mean there were feelings involved. You looked at him and felt your heartbeat quicken. “Never mind.” you said. Jungwoo looked too nervous, his eyes darting left and right. “What are we?” he asked. “I would like to know, too.” If moving slow in a relationship was rewarded, you and Jungwoo would get first place. Neither of you made a move on the other person ever. You stayed together, occasionally falling asleep on one another, knowing each others secrets, and finding comfort in how soothing it was to hover around the other person. “What if we were…more?” you asked. Quickly, you leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. You were going to do it again when Jungwoo turned his head and kissed you on the lips. “More?” he asked. “I want more, too.”

Lucas: You were worried. Taking things slow with Lucas made you wonder if you began to love him more than he loved you. You had heard it happen to girls before. The moment they refused to move in with their man, or refused to meet their parents too soon, the man started to find that love elsewhere. You looked over at Lucas and chewed on your fingernails. “What are you doing?” he asked, turning his head towards you. You took your fingers out of your mouth. “Nothing,” you said. “Just thinking about how much you love me.” Lucas smiled. He placed his hand on your thigh and looked from the television to you. “I love you very much,” he said. “You don’t believe me?” In one swift move, Lucas brought you onto his lap and kissed your collarbone. “Should I show you?” he asked. You touched the side of his face and cursed yourself for ever thinking such foolish thoughts.

Mark: You looked at the engagement ring Mark got you two years ago. On one knee, he proposed when you weren’t expecting it. “I want you to make me a very lucky man,” he had said. “Will you marry me?” After saying yes, there was no rush to tie the knot. You enjoyed being engaged to Mark over the last two years, always looking down at your ring to remember how happy he made you every day since. “You’re looking at it again,” he said, walking in the room. “Don’t worry, baby, we’ll get married soon.” Mark kissed you on your temple and sat beside you. Moving slowly in your relationship allowed you to get to know each other on a more personal level. There wasn’t a thing in the world you wouldn’t do for Mark. “I’m okay,” you said. “I can wait. I just like looking at it. It’s pretty.” Mark took the ring and moved it so it was perfectly straight. He kissed the top of it before taking your hand in his. “Pretty just like you.” he said. 

Xiaojun: You kissed Xiaojun between each word. “We. should. slow. down. a. little. bit,” you said. “You. know. take. things. one. day. at. a. time.” The button to his jeans was in your hand. You both looked down at your fingers working to unbutton them. You kissed him again, your hands greedy for him. Your words finally sunk in, and Xiaojun stopped kissing you. “You want to slow down?” he asked. Your lips were on his neck, your hands clawing to take his shirt off. You walked forward, pushing him back against the wall. He tried to keep up with the kisses, his mouth not moving much. “Darling, if we slow down,” he said in between you kissing his face. “We’ll kind of have to stop kissing.” You stopped kissing him and said, “I don’t think I can do that. Not when you look this sexy.” Xiaojun laughed and ran his fingers through his hair. He said, “What if we watch a movie? We can take things slow, if that’s what you want.”

Hendery: “I want you to meet my family.” he said. The thought gave you anxiety. You were getting used to domestic life with Hendery. You cared for him, sometimes going so far as to take care of him. You woke up next to him, you thought about him during the day, and there were times you would catch yourself falling head over heels in love with him. Meeting his family felt like too far of a jump, even for a hopeless romantic like you. “Is that a good idea?” you asked. Hendery smiled, but he was confused. “What do you mean?” he asked. “Of course, it’s a good idea. My family would love you.” That was another thing you worried about: his family not seeing you the way Hendery saw you. “When?” you asked. “I mean, when would I meet them?” Hendery rattled on about doing it as soon as possible. He was animated and talking fast. You wanted to be the excited girlfriend, because he was such a family man and you wanted to give him that. As your face dropped and fear set in, Hendery stopped talking. “You don’t want to?” he asked. “No, it’s not that you don’t want to. I know you. You would love to meet my family. Are you scared? Nervous? You don’t have to be nervous, baby, they’ll fall in love with you. But, I understand. We can talk about this another time.”

Renjun: When he was horny, Renjun got this unfocused look in his eyes that made you laugh. “What?” he asked. You shook your head and placed your hand on his thigh. It wasn’t very nice to torture him, to tease him with the prospect of eventually getting into your panties. “You’re evil. “ he said. You straddled him and let him feel your breasts. You weren’t ready for penetrative sex just yet, and he understood and accepted that. “You love it.” you said back. Renjun was quiet as he felt your body. You moved over him slowly, watching how easy it was to make his eyes glazed over. “I’m going to lose my mind.” he whispered. You wondered what it would be like to tear off your clothes and let him inside of you. The thought was nice, but the act of moving forward scared the wits out of you. You kissed him deeply and leaned up to put your breasts in his face. “I like when you lose your mind a little.” you said. 

Jeno:  “You want to sleep over?” you asked. Jeno laughed and held his jacket tightly against him. “I’ll promise I’ll be good,” he said. “I’ll sleep on the floor.” Despite your fears, you let him stay over for the night. Watching Jeno walk into your personal space was strange, at first. However, you got used to the idea of his smell permeating your things quickly, and you really liked the way he fit into your life. “You can sleep on the bed,” you said. “But keep your hands to yourself, mister.” The smirk he gave you was sexy. Crawling into bed knowing that he was inches from you was as hard as you thought it would be. When you pulled the covers up to your chin, Jeno helped you adjust them, leaning over your body in the process. You held your breath when he was that close to you. He leaned down to peck you on your forehead before moving back to his side of the bed. “It’s okay. You can breathe again.” he said.You exhaled and turned over on your side, waiting for his hands to snake around your middle. When they did, you fell asleep smiling. 

Haechan: You were on top of him, grinding against his body until he was hard. You moaned into Haechan’s mouth, completely losing yourself in him. When his hands found your thigh, you snapped out of it. You leaned up and touched your fingers to your lips. “What am I doing?” you asked. Haechan watched you, his own lips swollen from your kiss. He looked down at your body resting on top of him and placed his head on the back of the couch. “What’s wrong?” he asked. You moved off of him. You couldn’t look at him. If you did, you would start thinking about how sexy he was with his legs wide open and the obvious bulge in his pants. “We’re moving too fast,” you said. “I don’t think I can do this, Donghyuck.” Straightening up, Haechan immediately told you it was okay. “Truthfully,” he siad. “I’d like to get to know you more.”

Jaemin: He was king of taking things slow. By the tenth date, you were dying even just to kiss him. Jaemin would always leave you hanging on by a thread, his smile driving you crazy, and the way he held the small of your back making your mind run wild. “This was a nice night.” he said, walking you to your door. You paused and looked up at him. You hoped and hoped it would be the night he finally leaned in to kiss you. “I had a lot of fun,” you said. “Being with you always makes me happy.” Jaemin smiled and hung his head as if he were embarrassed by your admission. “Being with you makes me happy, too.” he said. He moved forward and your lips parted. When you thought he was going in for a kiss, he wrapped his arms around you and hugged you. When you let go of him, you took the initiative and kissed him first. Jaemin accepted the kiss, his arms curling around your back to catch you if you fell back too far. “I’ve been waiting for you to do that. “ he purred. 

YangYang: “What are you most proud of?” you asked him. YangYang raised an eyebrow and said, “That is the deep question you want to ask me?” You felt frustrated. You were trying to take things slow in the relationship, really trying your hardest to scratch the steel surface that was Liu YangYang. When he saw how frustrated you were getting, he laughed and told you he was only playing around. “Well, “ he said. “I’ve always been really proud of this. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments in life.” He was stalling, dragging out his words in a way that was meant to be playful. “Go ahead and tell me,” you said. “What is it? What are you so proud of?” YangYang smiled mischievously. “You know when I do that thing with my tongue and you make that noise?” he asked. “That is what I’m most proud of.” You launched yourself across the table at him.

Chenle: “I don’t want anything serious.” you said. From across the table, Chenle looked around the room. You could tell he was bombarded by your words and not expecting an overlook of your entire relationship spread out across the kitchen table. “Okay,” he said. “I don’t want anything serious either.” You folded your hands across your lap, felt foolish, and unfolded them. You said, “And I don’t want to be called your girlfriend.” At that, Chenle’s face fell a little. “Okay,” he said. “I don’t want to be called your girlfriend either.” The ease at which he joked made you smile. You relaxed a little in your chair and looked over at him. He placed his arm across the table with his palm facing straight up. “What are your thoughts on hand holding?” he asked. “Are you for it, or against it?” You reached over and clasped your fingers in his and said, “For it. I am definitely for it.”

[izukult]

YOURE LITERALLY THE SWEETEST WANTING TO MAKE PLAYLISTS OMFGJDJDWJSJE I am deeply in love with Yamaguchi, I CANNOT stress that enough. I’ve absolutely surfed all the Yamaguchi playlists on Spotify, and they usually gravitate towards soft indie. I don’t mind that at all, in fact I quite enjoy it all. But I also gravitate towards a more alternative taste (?) so some Bring Me The Horizon, Poppy, MCR, Mother Mother, IC3PEAK, Jazmin Bean, MSI, Grimes, Destructo Disk, Nirvana, whateva 😗✌️. Then there’s weeb-ish territory of Ghost and Pals, Creep-P, Kensuke Ushio, and MOE SHOP OH MY GOD PLS LISTEN TO IT THE SEROTONIN PLEASEJDJSJ. There is then the good times with Lady Gaga, Britney Spears, Rihanna, Ke$ha, Beyoncé, that stuff. There’s the main character/ big antagonist stuff like specifically Pyro by Chester Young & Castion, and artists like Toxic Avenger, Perptubator, and Carpender Brut. Also whatever Mitski, Marina and the Diamonds, Tikkle Me, and Penelope Scott got going on is 👌. It all rates so much Yamaguchi energy, like Snail Mail n stuff too. Basically what I’m saying is that I listen to everything so absolutely nothing is off the table, but just not so much of a focus on the “innocent baby” facade that I’ve been seeing often times in the fandom lately, you know??? Also PUNK YAMAGUCHI 😩✋😈🙏‼️🤩👌💯🛐😍🙇‍♀️ You dont have to do this request if you don’t want to I get I rambled a lot, it’s whatever you feel like and are comfortable with!!! I hope you have a great rest of you’re week luv xxx

ok side note ( @egrieme ) you don’t understand how happy this request made me your vibes are so good>:( PUNK YAMAGUCHI PUNK YAMAGUCHI

listen the fuck up this mf would be on mother mother tiktok, gender crisis tiktok, and like anti home depot tiktok ok. please understand he is not this lil 🥺soft bean🥺 hes a fucming Sweetheart but also he def makes fun of ppl w tsukishima he’s got some bitchy bones in his body. he will literally treat you like the best person ever but he holds no obligation to anyone else tf🤨

ok i do think yams listens to some clairo vibe shit but THATS NOT THIS PLAYLIST🗣🗣🗣 ofc he has a sweetish “haha ily” playlist but yall go hard to this one. like HARD. he made it to dance with you to pump himself up before games or he puts it on when you’re feeling kind of insecure because it’s just screaming and energy and everything. that scene where he like assaulted tsukishima? that energy but not sad. but also mix it with like stressed college student and. like,,, messy vibes IDK ITS KINDA ALL OVER THE PLACE but in a hot way

i’m gonna link the playlist and then list the songs incase u don’t have spotify!!

1. cigarette ahegao- penelope scott

2. crush- moe show

3. shred cruz- mom jeans

4. where is my mind?- pixies

5. spiderhead- cage the elephant

6. always forever- cults

7. brave as a noun- AJJ

8. ghosting- mother mother

9. i want you- mitski

10. fake it- seether

11. prom- mindless self indulgence

12. al dente- jack stauber’s micropop

13. pluto was never really a planet either even- hot mulligan

14. suck my kiss- red hot chili peppers

15. the man who sold the world- nirvana

now don’t be FOOLED. these songs might seem random but they do all have connections to u in yams opinion!! whether it’s just a song you two found together, or the lyrics send his mind straight to u they got meaning🙄 sexy segue time if you want to know why i added any of the songs pls feel free to ask!! and if you don’t like any of the songs lmk and i’ll change it! the playlist isnt 100% lile punk yamaguchi whatever hardcore but i do think these are sum alternative or non indie songs he would fw !! i hope you like it<3

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour Two

The file I’m watching on YouTube is much shorter than an hour (44 minutes!!), but that’s because the poster kindly removed the “VT” (shudder) from random countries (it always boils down to [insert country’s name’s] fans wilding, and there’s only so much of that I can take).

Still, hour 2 is fucking ICONIC for many reasons, the biggest being Harry’s barely constrained rage. Yes, Louis’s “done with it all” demeanor on 1D Day is (justifiably) legendary, but Harry’s right there with him (twin flames, y’all). I can’t tell if he’s coked up, genuinely angry, or just passive-aggressively petty because someone told him he had to speak more quickly, much more loudly, and with some enthusiasm, for chrissakes. Oh, he delivers, all right, so much maniacal shouting. Deets under the cut.

Hour 2 is all Lirry, and I, for one, love Lirry, so it’s 44 minutes well spent. Liam tells us, “We’re kicking it off with VT from  France, give it up for France!” (“FRANCAIS!” Harry yells), and after the missing bit of French VT, we’re back to Lirry, with Harry vacillating between murdering the French language (“Mercy boo coo to France”) and shouting “I ATE SNAILS” as his contribution to what they did in France last time they were there (Liam played football with some guys near the Eiffel Tower, fwiw).

The first guest is Dynamo (or, “DYNAMO, EVERYBODY” if you’re Harry), and he’s here for card tricks and more (“OH, SNAP” is Harry’s response to Dynamo nearly twisting his own finger off, and god, it’s horrifying). Harry’s fairly manic through the entirety of the card tricks, but I love Liam because he’s me in every card trick (“I’m glad mine’s easy to remember because I’d probably forget,” which is true of any card you take, like, ever???):

“WHO LOVES MAGIC!” Harry shouts, and there’s a needlessly complicated special interactive trick that gets introduced here, with Dynamo saying that he wrote a prediction on a piece of paper and sealed it in a box at the beginning of the day, so he needs to Harry to keep the key safe. Points if you correctly assumed that Harry will stuff that key right in next to his dick as a joke.

Because nobody rehearsed or prepared for this epic full-day live event, there are all kinds of problems with the cameras, and if you want a fun drinking game to get you hammered within 45 minutes, take a shot every time you see a variation of this (Liam looking vaguely concerned while Harry aggressively points at the sky or the camera while shouting):

A horrifically bad segment that’s a poorly disguised advert for Google Hangouts (lmaoaoaoaooaoaoa) kicks off questions from all over the world (the audio is bad, none of the visuals syncs), but we get some iconic answers to deeply important questions, like, “If you were in the Hunger Games, who would  survive the longest?” Liam says he’d hide and then kill passersby (yikes), and Harry says he’s more of a lover than a fighter, so he’d hide in a tree until it all blew over. Liam: “Oh, yeah, you’re definitely more of a lover.” Harry: “Easy there, Piers Morgan.”

The next question is from a group of girls wearing Christmas sweaters, which annoys Harry because “it’s a whole month and two days early,” but I think his issues are bigger than jumping the gun on holidays (and honestly, the UK doesn’t have the twin buffers of T’day and H’ween, so you KNOW this is just part of his general rage). Anyway, they want to know what other careers these two would be involved with, sans the D, and because they’re five, Liam says spaceman and Harry says baker.

After a series of horrible glitches, the next question is about which superhero they’d be, and me as Harry, blowing a giant raspberry as he ponders this important question with the level of exhaustion he surely must feel, three years into this band/interview technique. Liam can read the room, so he picks this one up and says he’d be Kung-Fu Panda, which makes it easy for Harry to say Hong Kong Fuey (!!!) or Top Cat.

With that mess done, it’s time to “ROLL THE VT!” (according to Harry) for Switzerland, and because the producers here are nothing if not cliché lovers, that means tiny cowbells for Harry to play with when we come back. He quickly tires of this, throws the cowbells off stage, yells “WE NEED A CAMERA,” and walks straight into the call box with the overwhelmed girls from hour 1. These girls are still weeping, but Harry says, “Thank you for listening to the album, you’re getting kicked out, sorry,” in the flattest voice possible, so good cop Liam hurries over to ask the weeping girls which song they liked and usher in two new people.

“Happily” is debuted, but we don’t get to see it, boo, but we do get ushered over to a theater with some contest winners. Or as Harry says, “We’re here backstage to meet some fans who have won a chance to be here…SHUT UP…in our VIP cinema,” and then, “You’re crying…is that because I told you to shut up? I didn’t mean it.” Liam is there again to save the day, but there are lots of sound problems, so it’s hard to tell what’s happening, tbh.

Anyway, these fans get to ask some iconic questions, such as, “What would we find in your fridge?” which gives us this classic from Harry: “I DON’T LIVE ANYWHERE, SO NO FOOD,” as the audience says, “awwwwww” in the background.

There’s a question from a lady on the screen, saying that she’s in front of the X Factor studios, and she wants to know what they would change their audition song to, if they could go back in time, and because Harry’s well aware of his various stalkers, he says, “I saw her the other day at the X Factor studios, 100 percent” (fwiw, Harry would do “Wrecking Ball” with props, and Liam would do “Mirrors”).

The last question is what they would change if they could go back in time, and Liam says probably his older haircuts, and Harry says that one day in April (and he mentions April again later in the hour, so someone investigate), he had a dodgy breakfast burrito, so he’d probably change that (he also had a dodgy batch of prawns one time, too, but that’s a different story, and god, he’s an underrated comedian). The sound is for shit, but Liam doubts this, prompting Harry to scream, “DON’T JUDGE ME, LIAM, I’M TRYING MY BEST,” and whyyyyyy is he so on fire (and why do I love it so much):

We get back to the studio with an inexplicably breathless Scott Mills (he says he ran…but from where, lmao) and do another spin to figure out who the official 1D account (????) will follow on twitter. Harry starts cheating before people start yelling at him to stop, which is a shame, really, just follow all of these poor bastards, honestly!

We don’t get to see the VT from Germany, but we do get to see Lirry bickering about camera problems and stolen lines, plus an exhaustive rundown of all the thrilling things to come, and I’m so thankful to the person who made this moment a Dua Lipa meme all those months ago:

One of my favorite segments has a really awkward setup, but tl/dr/dw, Harry brags, “I’m a bit of a chef myself, and if I’m honest, Liam, I’m pretty damned good at it,” so we get a “ROLL VT!” and an aggressive finger point, both from Harry, and a silly but charming cook off with the tour chef, who seems like a lovely lady (p.s. look at how glorious his hair was under all those tablecloths…also, he’s chewing gum in a gross way, but this whole bit is worth watching in full):

The cook off is genuinely funny and results in a beautiful pavlova from Sarah and a basic sandwich (with pickle and paprika) from Harry, judged by Mark Jarvis, Gemma Styles, and Lou Teasdale, all of whom Harry bribes. I’m more fascinated with this ring, and my head canon has it either saying ILY or JEN (both of which make me smile):

With that bit over, we move on to more rapping of random tweets, and it’s embarrassing, so I won’t get into that. But the VT of Liam surfing is something special, not only because he looks so obviously happy while he’s doing it, but also because he says some very profound things in the interview around it: “I get followed a lot, so it’s quite nice to get out in the sea where nobody can follow you […] it’s so nice and peaceful […] it doesn’t matter what you look like, you can just have a good time, it’s a bit of an escape,” and ouchhhhhh, that’s some real talk.

We head back to the studio for a fashion segment with Louise someone; a handful of lucky fans in Sweden won a t-shirt design contest, and Lirry are gonna do some modeling. Louise is happy that Harry knows where Sweden is (Harry:  “I got a B in geography…might have been a C, can’t remember”), and some poor shlub working on this trainwreck in the shadow gets dragged out on camera because he’s wearing green jeans, but he’s not there for long (Harry: “GET OUT” *shove*). Louise describes the fashion show to come, and Harry says that he’s quite good at walking in straight lines, but Liam reminds him that he tends to fall over a lot on stage and that the tiny catwalk is actually pretty shiny (god bless Liam for being so responsible).

Luckily for all of us, professional model Cindy Crawford is there to help with some tips (she’s introduced as “IT’S ONLY BLOODY CINDY CRAWFORD” by Harry, and I die with Cindy’s “Hello, boys,” and Harry’s “Hello, Mrs. Crawford”…followed swiftly by Cindy’s, “Please don’t call me Mrs. Crawford”). There’s some sexi modeling, and even though he only wears two shirts to Harry’s three (*and* Harry gets down on the ground to pose), Liam wins, according to the Swedes. He requests a model  off with Cindy as his prize, and he’s surprisingly good?

The last segment is with Dynamo, the magic man, and for some reason, Harry’s weirdly agro about his own shirt mic, like, unnecessarily so, ripping it off to speak with Dynamo before gently putting it back where it belongs. Maybe he’s just frustrated about how they have to use Google+ (lololololol) for a totally convoluted imaginary concert that ultimately doesn’t work (me as him, tbh). 

While Liam does tech support live on air (!!), Harry asks Dynamo to do some card tricks to stall for time after literally nobody says a word when he monotones, “We’re having a technical difficulty…does anybody know any jokes.” Harry pulls a card as directed, but then, for seemingly no reason, he suddenly starts yelling, “THIS ISN’T WORKING, SHALL WE SEE SOME HIGHLIGHTS? HIGHLIGHTS!!! ROLL HIGHLIGHTS [aggressive pointing]!!” and the highlights are truly awful, and I hope he’s enjoying his smoke break for hour 3, jfc.

[jhonny]

thank you @hydrangeapng for tagging me!! you KNOW i love talking about jojo what the FUCK let’s GO

Favorite JoJo: oh you know how i feel about jotaro. that’s my boy that’s my BOY. i will never stop loving this man he just keeps getting better i’m gonna cry over him right now. he’s a dad now. he’s a father. he makes dad jokes and wears snakeskin pants. i’m sobbing. but honestly jolyne is another HUGE fave it is Real Daughter Hours like whenever i see her my protective father instincts just fucking activate like if you lay a finger on her i will kill you.

Favorite JoBro: considering how much kakposting i do and the fact that i run a daily kak sideblog the answer should be clear but technically he should not be counted bc i’m kinnie (slaps my own filthy pizza hands) sO it’s either .... polnareff, foo fighters or yasuho. should be obvious why i love pol but honestly ??? i just think yasuho is neat also fucking SUPERB you funky little lesbians

Favorite Part: stardust crusaders is the one i’m attached to for sure.. i just keep revisiting it like man i can’t move on you know i can’t. but right after that i think it’d be part 4! out of all of them i feel like it’s the most well made for sure and i Always have fun rereading or watching it. morioh is just .. really good

Favorite Major Villain: dio. definitely dio. love that gay bastard like EVERYTHING he does is just classic gay manoeuvres like moving polnareff down the stairs in stopped time just to intimidate him ???? the fucking gay drama of it all????

Favorite Minor Villain: hmmm tricky.. i still gotta reread some parts but off the top of my head, mannish boy and the jailhouse rock lady fuckin OWNED. also ndoul because of course. it’s ndoul

Death You’ll Never Be Over: jotaro is not dead you fucking assholes part 6 did NOT end like that i will murder anyone who implies otherwise they’re all FINE and eating at a cafe somewhere catching up

Which Yoshikage Kira is best: i STILL need to get more into jojolion but i really like new kira’s general vibes .. he seems a lot softer and also he’s gay now like .. wig

Is Killer Queen a Requiem Stand: absolutely. bites the dust fits the bill exactly, it gave him a new op ability that suited exactly what he needed at the time he was stabbed

Does Bruno wear lace or have a tattoo: it’s lace guys.. like tattoos are cool and all but it’s lace he’s gay

What’s Weather Report hiding under his hat: snail

Does Gyro have a grill or are those his teeth: JUST GOT IN A HEATED DISCUSSION W SAGE OVER THIS QUESTION. I THINK THEYRE HIS REAL TEETH CAUSE HES A FUCKIN GREASY BASTARD MAN BUT SAGE THINKS HES A RACIST MAN AND ITS A GRILL AND WE CANNOT AGREE

Does Johnny actually like Gyro’s “Pizza Mozarella” song: oh he loves it. we all saw how long he took to absorb it and think carefully before saying what he liked about it also THATS HIS BOYFRIEND ...

tagging time!! honestly whoever wants to do it can but i’m specifically gonna tag @jablinskigames @heavenascensiiondio KASS IM SO SORRY I FORGOT UR NEW BLOG CAN ONE OF YALL @ THEM ILY

[midorree]

heyo friend!! A - F and R - U for the fic ask game?

A: What is your fandom to write?

BNHA, but I'm ashamed of this fact every day I live.

B: Favorite fandom to read?

Anything Spider-Man related. Love those trans fics too. Banger shit by banger ppl.

C: What fandom(s) did you start writing?

I think my first time attempting fanfiction was Detroit: Become Human, but my first time publishing was a BNHA fic of bkdk playing smash bros. bkg played rosalina, deku played captain falcon.

D: What fandom(s) do you write now?

Mostly BNHA, but I've been thinking about branching out to more Spider-Man or FATWS fics. Love Sam Wilson, would DIE for Sam Wilson.

E: who is your otp?

I think it's obvious that it's bkdk, but I've recently been getting super into sambucky.... shit slaps.

F: canon fics or au?

Depends on the original source material! If it's BNHA, you may see me writing a lot of AU fics but I prefer canon-verse (lady, u know about the oc-canon verse thing im making lol), however if it's something like, Fairy Tail, the shittest anime I've ever watched, hardcore AU's only.

R: Link your favorite fic of all time.

UHHH HAD TO THINK HARD ABOUT THIS ONE BUT IT'S THIS (heed the warnings, its kinda heavy). I've read it like, a million times and it makes me cry every time. I hate Fairy Tail but fuck I love this fic. It's like, modern Gratsu shit, good trans rep, good mental illness rep, I just really like it. It's long tho. I have a few close runner ups but this one truly comes closest to being my fav fic.

S: Link your favorite author.

Lady Of Snails No question, my favorite author of all time, increadible mind, writing, and concepts that leave me feeling all kinds of emotions. If you haven't read one of her fics ur missing out, I'm not fucking kidding, I KNOW U SENT THE ASK LADY, BUT I LOVE YOU I NEED TO REC U. I'm so honored to be ur friend!! I just bothered u until it happened. I think we met when u commented on my fic. <3

Also here's my favorite author of all time who has published books: Jerry Spinelli. His books inspired me to start writing. Maniac Mcgee is my favorite.

T: When did you start reading fanfic?

When I was like, 9, which was a fucking mistake, but it was kinda funny how I started. I accidentally clicked on Fairy Tail fanart and it led to a Wattpad fanfic and I discovered the world of fanfiction. (I regret it, so, so much /lh)

U: When did you start writing fanfic?

When I was like, 12, I posted it on my newly made tumblr and then I made an Ao3 account to post it on. I think I was apart of a lot of big servers at the time when I was v young, which was a mistake, so I wrote like 2? 2-ish fics, I have some deleted fics too. I stopped writing for 2 years in between, then I met some friends who spurred me on to write Boyhood which is decently popular.

THANKS FOR THE ASK LADY, ILY SM <333