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bugsinthebayou · 2 years

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↖️ this dumbass thought he didnt have trauma

#cuz like. my parents are fine‚ yk? they could be better ofc but they never hurt me physically or emotionally #cuz o' that i just... figured i was okay‚ yk?#but uh. no!#on the internet at age 9... in weird spaces up until age 11....#im barely even the same person i was #im /not/ the same person i was back then #the only thing we share is a few special interests like mc and dinos #man. its 2am i need sleep #captains orders #vent

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cuntstable · 6 months

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its like if youre gonna use sa as a repeat Thing that happens in your story, thats more or less an inescabable thing for the characters (particularily women) in it then one would hope you as the author would have like something to say about the subject. like maybe a point to make about it or the lasting trauma of it or the process of recovering from it. if the characters it keeps happening to just sort of freak out and then move on OR their struggles with it are off screen while the actual assault was shown in full detail then idk. is it worth putting in there? death and hell on you as a writer

#its like. hmmmm. how do i say this with out people getting mad. im even like more forgiving Personally of stories that do overuse sa and do #misshandle it at times that still OCCASIONALLY or Generally have like something insightful or compassionate to say about survivors and the #aftermath of that trauma. like even something like berserk for example #but when has ARAKI ever ever in his life written something compassionate and insightful in regards to sa. even fugos backstory which is lik #the bare minumum wasnt written by him. like its just a Thing he throws at WOMEN and goes anyway lets move on #the same way he throws idk. getting beat up by bullies at men. like hey i dont think he understands the difference…

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sawvhs · 1 year

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seriously doubt adam or lawrence had any close/trusted friends which just makes their relationship in the bathroom that much more weirdly emotionally charged. codependency bait to the max

#like it seems like scott was kind of the last person adam really talked to when he bounced on his parents and he sticks around him #but subtext (and by that i mean text) makes it so obvious hes just kinda his punching bag. but hey he sticks around #hes got that highschool dropout who bounces between acquaintance friend groups and never got super close to anyone #kind of vibe.#everyone knows him but nobody hangs w him or whatever #but like lawrence is so in the same boat. that is a guy that goes to colleague dinner parties to keep up appearances and thats bout it #like i bet even diana’s friends parents barely know much about him and think hes just stuffy or whatever #his lawyer calls himself his friend but i really think thats just in a ‘i know you and im looking out for your best interet’ way.#i dont think they hang #and like. he doesnt even talk to his wife anymore #i think they r both lonely and miserable in different ways and kind of have what the other thinks they need #despite being so drastically different #it drives me insane #bathroom boyfriends #chainshipping #click

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lightbulb-warning · 1 month

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i used to freehand comics all the time as a child and since the part i liked was the drawing part i would just draw panel after panel because i didn't want to stop drawing to think about icky icky words, plus the story TOTALLY still made perfect sense! to me! and noone else, but 'whoooo caaaaares omgggg its not like comics and sequantial art are a communicative meeediummmm lmaoooooo'. i spent my entire childhood telling myself stuff like "oh pfft I know this story by heart- ill SIMPLY remember the dialogue and write it later" ...and. I can't help but admire baby maiora's (call that a minora ba tm tsk) fucking audacity? hubris? confident wrongness? kid couldn't even remember to finish the comics in the first place? INCREDIBLE levels of unearned self assurance, wish that were me, genuinely- what an icon!!! anyway i think i have forever cursed myself

#maiora garrulates #the maiora overthinks the process of writing dialogue saga continues!!!!!!!#im so tired. i have been overthinking this shit in circles i have not been making any progress in any which way lmao!#im bitching and moaning for funsies this is not that serious in the Grand Scheme Of Things i just wanna improve at my fav thing #and ❤️ Unfortunately ❤️ my favorite thing in the world involves learning MY MOST HATED *NEMESIS*!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! verbal communication. ew #words are fun! i LOVE words! toys!!!!! im using words right now and i didn't combust!!!!! wow look at that!!!!!!!!!!!!!#putting words in SEQUENCE? multiple times?? filtering THOUGHTS into SENTENCES???? sentences that a character would or wouldn't SAY???#AND THEN THERE'S ANOTHER CHARACTER SOMETIMES???? AND THAT BITCH ALSO HAS THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS????? AND THEY ALL HAVE PERSONAL IDIOLECTS #AND TONES THAT S U P P O S E D L Y ARE IMPLICATED BY MANNERISMS AND VERBAL HABITS AND CIRCUMSTANCES (AND THERE'S WRONG ANSWERS! ALSO!!)#AND THEY'RE IN A CONTEXT!! AND THEY'RE INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AND INFLUENCING EACH OTHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE CONVERSATION COULD VARY GIVEN ENERGY LEVELS WHETER OR NOT SOMEONE'S FOOT IS FALLING ASLEEP THE F U C K I N G WEATHER #“oh dialogue is easy just say it out loud to yourself until it 'sounds normal' ^^”#screaming crying throwing up NONE OF THIS IS INTUITIVE TO MEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....!#ok dramatics over its out of my system! for now!!!#this is all easily explained bc i just. draw a lot more than i talk to people. so like. OBVIOUSLY i have more practice drawing #so drawing comes natural! talking does not! subsequently dialogue is Hard! No FUCKING Shit Sherlock!!!!! (affectionate)#so yeah. im using y'all (the tumblr void) as practice! hi!!! words at you!!!!!!!!!!#so yeah thanks for baring with me while passing by my corner of the internet #i do love self indulgence this is fun check out my navel gazing actually no do not look at my belly button #anyway i just think this is mildly interesting. some of my writer buds have the same “not good enough” allergy towards visuals #but they use it to be mean2me >:( same bitch that “omg i cant i suck at drawing i can't do this-” does the “uhm. just write? lol.” 2 meeee #we could have peace and love on planet earth and a common experience and yet you KICK miette for being bad at words!!!1!!! </3 heartbreak!!#what the fuck was i talking about even #oh yeah. perfectionism within creatives i guess. LMAO JK i am talking about NOTHIN!!!!G i am just putting Words Out Here ehehehehehe #its practice >;)c #all this bc ive been doodling comics for myself again and im V!! PROUD OF THE ART!!!! wanna share- but DIALOGUE!*⚡sfx!!*....... so! options #a) leaving it blank. no there are NO microphones in the budget. b) leaving blank *balloons* so that the Rythm is there. implied convo!!!#c) ...doing it badly. (tragic)(heartwrenching)(teeny tiny bruise 2 the ego) *dramatic single tear cleches fists * its the only way.........#...we shall see! literally none of this is all that serious i am procrastinating!! <3 playing with my tuoys!!!!!!!! silly time!!!#/all lh! am reaching 30 tags so that is all for THIS episode of the maiora bitches about dialogue saga thank you for joining me!!okilyBuhBY

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faaun · 3 months

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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao

#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her #and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that #bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control #AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern #which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have #become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and #then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see #the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then #immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now #hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him #she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women #bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely #fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are #capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the #like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond #or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to #feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe #months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time #its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like #there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she #wouldnt show up and ive been right each time #like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at #them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all #anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it #and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy #and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way #its just AUSHD AUGH #anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore

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nonbinary-sticks-the-badger · 3 months

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haaate how my two favourite ships (surgamy + espilver) typically involve the less popular character losing their edge and acting really out of character (but in an in character way?) because when i go through periods of not drawing/writing/whatever much when it comes to surge or espio as standalone characters (or at least outside the context of shipping) i get scared im gonna forget who they are and that theyre actually so cool

#sonic #surgamy #espilver #surge the tenrec #espio the chameleon #tag rant warning #also: i only started truly liking espio after i got into espilver #(i mean i thought he was funny and had awkward swag in mosth but that was it)#wheras i was always a fan of surge and only started to like surgamy a few months afterwards #(i only started reading idw whenever 60 was the latest issue #so its not like im some surgamy og who started shipping them when we knew barely anything about surge)#anyway rant aside #i saw someone complain about surgamy filling the surge tag and while i took it a bit too personally (i didnt interact i just moved on)#at the same time i have to agree #its less of a problem with espilver seeing as espio has been an established character much longer than silver #even if silver's more popular #so it balances out #but surge is only a few years old and exclusive to idw a while amy is 25+. one of the mainstream sonic characters and is in most canons #not to mention despite the unneccessary discourse she is beloved by most #and id say most amy ships are about equally popular (other than sonamy but its probably less popular in recent years)#meanwhile surgamy is like THE surge ship #the only thing i think that comes close is whispurge and it doesnt really #ANYWAY #because of this surge is kind of in amys shadow and just. yeah. im too tired for this.#anyway surge is aroace realistically and i dont want her to reciprocate if amy gets a crush on her #(thats not true)#(if they ever got together i would probably either go into a state of euphoria or mania depending on how mentally stable i am at the time)

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schemelin · 28 days

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every now and then i experience brief moments of self-awareness telling me to make major changes to the fusionsprunt story

#queue #maybe it has to do with this need of visualizing it as an actual tv show. it's not necessarily a bad thing #it's so much fun to question what would happen if a specific part was rewritten or twisted into smth else. how would it work and all #for example. i've been thinking. what if Hunter was an actual robot? how does his interaction with Exocannis and B2 change bcs of it? :0 #i dont think that part will be rewritten but it's an interesting possibility #one thing i wanted to change is Gideon's lore though!#the way he disregards B2 doesn't sit right w me (and ig it didn't with everyone else who read the lore)#also! there's not much info about his childhood. it was nice until BOO TRAUMAAA.#overall i wanted to introduce him some other way. the way Gideon Rigell would do!#perhaps with a little comic? a loose dialogue in an artwork of sorts #comparing him to who he is currently is like going. wow! good job buddy ur getting better! but also you should probably seek therapy...#as for B2. i have some ideas.#some times i enjoy exploring new designs in which she looks VERY non-human or has some sort of non-human mentality #a true alien!#i wanna redesign her siblings and make all of them have an 'x' somewhere in their names #what if Beatrix had 4 siblings? what if she was the 'youngest'? what if they were all created by the same person #a person who was responsible for their creation but who also treated them like their own children #some kind of enthusiastic visionary with a passion for robotics who genuinely cared for machines. even 'mindless' ones #Also B2's relation to the Holloway Comet #like no. that's the. that's The Mother. that's the mother guys that's UNQUESTIONABLE #im talking about Monument Mythos vibes yknow. about giant n terrifying monuments/objects #i'm also cooking up ideas for comics focused solely on Bee #oneshots of sorts.... i should probably start sketching......#why am i having good ideas when i barely slept last night HSBWYSBWHDBHQHASSHHA #starbstalks

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jitteryjive · 2 months

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i need to remake my cup bros ref… both cup and human designs… it’s been almost a year(?) and i’ve developed the headcanons and i would like to share with the class!!! (i wrote thirty tags. Please help me)

#my little hc i kinda showed in the refs but didn’t point out: cuphead’s handle appears broken/in human form his ear is halved #cause he has microtia (that also affects the eustachiantube/middle ear). basically i am a HoH cuphead truther #also to add onto that i think he has poor auditory processing issues cause i also see him as AuDHD #double also. while he would use ASL on a bad hearing day i think regularly he also uses home signs to express words/concepts #autism-related btw. it’s actually a bit visible in insert cuphead media (to me at least LOL) that cuphead expresses a lot of body language #so not liking conversation oral or signed as well as replacing oral words w home signs is in character. at least to my headcanon whatever #floats your boat!#OH! plus his split upper lip that i draw him with isn’t related to the microtia. he just roughhouses and chipped/tore his lip open when he #was younger #cuphead is also a trans boy. it feels right to me LOL #even back in 2017 when i barely knew the game or also much about trans people i saw cuphead and was like hm. hm!#tbh he just pawned his clothes onto mugman. who i’ve also changed my hc for i see him more as bigender than a cis boy now #LOL. i cast bi on mugman. sorry buddy #OH HIM TOO. im so sorry mugsy i have like two headcanons for you 😭😭😭#she uses he/she 2 me. i like casting personal parts of myself onto mugman even if i gravitate more towards cuphead/chalice #i see him as a bi ace as well. and a hopeless romantic. i don’t ship uhh i don’t remember what it’s called #i don’t ship cala maria X mugman (respect though) cause i see the cups as kids and i’m also a hilda X maria shipper LOL #but in the show. i will be real that she is a hopeless romantic. Look at that dork #FORGOT TO MENTION. i am a cuphead aroace truther to my grave. KEEP THAT MUSHY ROMANCE OUT OF MY HIGH SEAS ADVENTURE!!!!#like i said w cuphead before mugman is AuDHD (they share. many genes LMFAO)#however the difference is that they express it in different ways; while cuphead’s is more linked to his hearing/social behavior #mugman’s is more related to her emotions. i see it through my headcanon colored glasses that especially in the show mugman has more #meltdowns between the two cups #he has high emotional sensitivity both in positive and negative ways; former as in being strongly attached to cuphead and latter as in #more prone to meltdowns as well as being very literal #which isn’t a bad thing of course. mugman we are shaking hands so hard we are the same #OK that’s all the ones i want to share right now. i also haven’t shared her human or cup design i did but i’m workshopping chalice!!!!!!#i am leaving her out intentionally she deserves her own post because i luv her so much #ok post over. twenty minutes dedicated to autism about the twins out of the trio #cuphead

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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ᯓ★

#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333 #also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻‍♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid #and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me #and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but #i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is #so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel #and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant #i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human #i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back #bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others #that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain #maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about #and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be #bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with #and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc #im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life #but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him #what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him #and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt #and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm #pain hahahah :D #and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️

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charmac · 10 months

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#gonna go on a parasocial rant for a man i barely care about bc thats where i am #but honestly its actually a little heartbreaking #when you think about the fact that rob #who we know struggled in school and with behavioural issues #was a neurodivergent kid who had no idea what that even was #no resources or labels to help him #is now an adult figuring this all out #and seeing #holy shit this sports team i grew up with and love knows about this too #and theyre doing all of this #like do you realise he was a kid in the 80s with no knowledge of any of this #used sports as an outlet and to bond with his dad #probably imagining if this foundation had existed when he was a kid what that could have done for him #and i now have the money and ability to support this all #so hes donating and posting to raise awareness and encourage support #and he's spending time and money with his soccer team in wales to do this same thing #so neurodivergent kids who love sports are growing up with what he didnt have #and their parents are able to recognise and understand what his couldn't (no fault of their own)#im sorry but youre a very blindly heartless person to think that doesnt matter because rob is NOW rich #why are we acting like hes elon fucking musk #he came from nothing you ALL KNOW HOW SUNNY STARTED!?#yes hes stupid spending his money on nfts and the metaverse #can you not see hes fucking growing... and learning. like. probably through his own kids....#i dont even care if you dont care #i dont think it matters at all but adamantly shitting on him to his (social media) face is so beyond loser behaviour #holy fucking christ most of twitter now has clearly been educated in the tiktok school of anti capitalism #that they think the moment someone breaks 1mm they lose their history and soul #rob is a centrist he posts copganda he owns a gun and is proud of it but youre biggest issue with him is he won at capitalism?#via doing something not only he loves but YOU love? and have a whole account dedicated to??????#everyone in his quotes is britta perry from community

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that-jack-kline-bestie · 5 months

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so fucking upset. i looked up what's considered concerning weight loss and got a statistic. i looked up the same question but specified teens and i got a bunch of articles about how to lose weight. what the fuck

#tw weight loss #? idk if that tags necessary but better safe than sorry #past this point there is discussion of ARFID and stuff #LMFAO also ive had a medium to mild case of ARFID my entire life and no one noticed past concern for my pickiness #i say medium to mild because ive gotten better recently #i even ate half a bowl of the noodles i dont like the other day. AND they had been touched by shrimp & cabbage juice & soft peanuts #i mean i did drown them in soy sauce first and got nauseous thinking about it the rest of the day. but progress #i mean. im the type of person to skip a meal or barely eat because i dont like the food available or its too loud where i am #my adhd impacts it too like sometimes ill forget to eat or wont be able to make anything that day #but like goddamn. a growing child should be gaining weight. 'we should keep an eye on that' every single time and then no action #you know maybe thats part of why my body hurts sometimes and feels weird and shaky other times #its hard to tell based on how bony i am or whatever because i also naturally am a string bean and im not. like. starving myself #i get the same comments about how i should eat more and how im so skinny when im healthy and when im not #or i used to. people are generally less intrusive now that im older #gosh i need to flex my metaphorical brain muscles more i put way too much thought into the wording of this

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monachopism · 4 months

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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible

#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time #so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited #but everyones drained from the day #so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell #my brain says the first one and my gut says the second #i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that #i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever #at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation #and then he didnt come back #so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just #tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this #no one #i just really like him #and i wanna be around him all the time #and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him #and help him with stuff #and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school #which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point #this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away #and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies #hell #every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies #this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling #would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn #and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look #and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything #ive been on one date in my life #never been kissed never had sex

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majimassqueaktoy · 1 year

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Really not understanding the people being mean to Yong Yea and saying he'll never be Kuroda like. Yeah that's literally why Kuroda is also still voicing Kiryu?? They haven't gotten rid of Kuroda, they've just found a new English va for Kiryu since the games are having English dubs now??? They haven't even officially recorded anything leave the guy alone.

#Like I will still be sticking to JP #just becuase I am too deep into the series to change to english at this point #I genuinely prefer the og voice actors and in the case of judgment/LJ i genuinely disliked those dubs terribly lmao #But this guy hasnt even officially recorded anything yet so being mean when hes been so fuckin sweet and happy is just ????#like god at least wait for the game to be out #AND MY MAIN POINT?? KURODA IS STILL KIRYU SO JUST PLAY IN JP LIKE #im not understanding #his enthusiasm has won me over im happy such an excited person is voicing kiryu #but imma still stick with the jp like you dont have to pick between kuroda and him 😂#anyway yes one of my moots ? i put a question mark bc they are on probation now #quote tweeted him and was weird and rude as hell and it just irked me #same with people shit talking the new series like babe we havent even seen a still of the show yet #you cant say its dogshit when we have seen and heard almost nothing #maybe im just chilling out in my old age but relentless negativity based on nothing just seems so tired #tldr if you dont like the dub thats understandable and chill but dont be mean to a guy who has barely even started his time yet

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kyuala · 11 months

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SOOOOOO hard to go through everyday life trying to ignore the never-ending feeling that im just irreparably fucked up and therefore should just give up on everything

#this aint exactly s******* but it aint exactly not s******* either #anyways it gets even harder when i have to live under the same roof as my brother who is so much better than me in every single conceivable #and imaginable way possible like #and i knowwww a LOT of it comes down to us having relatively similar yet wildly different lives despite being 1.5y apart and having the sam #family our entire lives like he has gone through NOTHING and i mean not a single societal issue ive had to face and endure my entire life #he's a man im a woman. he's white im black. he's straight im gay. he's skinny ive always been 'overweight'. he's always been the good #christian kid ive always had issues w faith and religion. he's never been mentally ill i was clinically depressed for nearly 8yrs of my lif #we both lost the same parent and im the only one who got pathological grief and a personality disorder out of it. he's had a great job for #the last 7yrs that now pays him 20k+ every month ive only had 3 odd jobs my entire life and 2 of those my MOTHER had to give me so i would #have SOMETHING and ive never made over 1.6k monthly n my last job was minimum wage only #he's had like 4 relationships and is nearly engaged im so traumatized + emotionally unavailable ive only ever been on 1 date my entire life #he has a good relationship w every family member we have i have Issues w like half the family. he's always been an active member of our #church i can barely listen to like 4 traditional hymns before i start losing my mind and spiraling. i think the only two ways we're pretty #much equal like socially is that we're both able bodied cis and christians but still the cis and christian thing is debatable for previousl #stated reasons so like. do yall see how much better he is doing than me in every little last area in life and how he's always gotten the #long straw when it comes to Not having to deal w certain obstacles in life. n i know its like yea idk what it actually is like to be him an #he could not be doing all that well first of all shut up. second of all if it was 1 or 2 things i'd get it but it's literally EVERYTHING #and i know bc of said things n our v different lives it's unfair to me to compare the two of us but then it begs the question: WHY #WHY did i have to go through these things. WHY do i have to deal w this. WHY did i get the short straw literally every goddamn time #WHY did i have to get THIS life like WHYYYYY why ME GOD. why have I had to put up w all this bullshit for 24 fucking years!!!!!!!!! im TIRE #and this is not me hating or resenting him i know it's not his fault and he is so good to me #but still. why was i left with these things? to live like this?#so yes i guess i do envy him a little bit. who wouldn't #mari.txt #personal #tw negative #dl #btw i do NOT mean some identities are better than others. i mean he is better and is doing better than me in life partially bc he's never #had to deal w certain social issues and obstacles that come w oppressed identities.

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theparadoxart · 8 months

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There's a big difference between fake it till u make it and lying to yourself just so u can feel better and people often forget that.

#im people #last year around this same time #i knew i was in a deep pit and i could do nothing but fall #so i decided to put up a mask that im doing good that im trying that im very disciplined and what not #but that was all just so i could face myself in the mirror and not to fall in my own eyes #and so i decided to lie to myself and everyone and even though it did help me gain some sort of control over myself and i did feel confiden #the aftermath left me feeling shattered #moral of the story: stop lying to urself in the name of “fake it till u make it”#stop pretending that u are moving mountains when in reality u are just barely surviving #coz trust me it will come around and bite u back in the ass #just wanted to let this out and face myself #but if u are actually working hard towards changing urself #putting in the efforts #then go ahead fake it till u make it #personal

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arolesbianism · 4 days

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I wanna take a crack at making some fake screenshot graphics for my Sif Odile duo loopers au but I do not feel confident enough in my ability to mimic isat's art style and I also have a crippling fear of drawing backgrounds

#rat rambles #stars posting #I wanna make a thing for odile's parallel scene to the bathroom scene were sif forgets odile's name #but it takes place in the traps room by the wood carving tools which isn't the worst room to have to draw ig but I still dont want to #I could just take the lazy route and just sketch the scene so I can get it out of my head and I probably will #but at the same time I also should draw more stuff with backgrounds even if it makes me want to throw up and cry #but yeah the scene is basically just odile having a derealization moment while thinking abt the wooden odile carving sif made for her #just her looking at it and feeling nothing and trying to look ahead at siffrin expecting to be reminded of what it's supposed to make her #feel and just being met with the same emptyness in her chest as she can barely even recognize the person in front of her until they look #back at her and their expression shifts into a extremely concerned one #does that make sense? idk if Im explaining it well but I hope it makes sense #but yeah smth smth them becoming less real to eachother overtime much to the horror of both #also unrelated but I need to start rotating loop in this au in my head more theres so much to work with here #I have some vague ideas and thoughts but I have been too odile brained to properly elaborate on those in my head #Im honestly just glad Ive finally made an au that I can actually get invested in fleshing out #I havent rly found a good headspace to rly play around with the main cast but this is actually giving me smth to chew on #usually most thoughts I have abt isat just lead to me thinking abt my ocs lol #regardless Im having fun with this au and I hope that I can bring myself to commit to it #also Ive been trying to think of a decent name for this au and Im half tempted to call it from the top or smth but I feel like Im tempted #to call like every story I make that so Im on the fense abt it #especially since thats what Ive been planning on calling the prologue for spiraling upwards #not that I cant just do both but I wanna see if I can think of any alternatives

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