#im better off than a lot of people and i should be grateful and i am but holy hell

[fantastic-artemis]

Ok so I didn't get that job and I'd already made peace with it but holy hell do I need to be working more than 20 hours a week I need a side gig or something

[blublublujk]

bound 2 (falling in love)

oneshot

word count: 6.5k

genre: fwb to lovers

pairing: yoongi x reader

summary:

You and Yoongi were okay with being friends with benefits... until you weren't.

warnings: i tried to focus on fluff (did you catch it or did i fail), explicit sexual content; unprotected sex (they make love to each other), choking and breath play (hello it's yoongi), multiple orgasms, slight overstimulation, crying (is it really my ff if there's no crying involved), creampie, very cute aftercare and i think that’s all, this is more sweet than anything lol

a.n: believe it or not this wasn't apart of my drafts i wrote this all one night because i couldn't sleep so thank my insomnia for this, it was about time i write about yoongi :D

also i noticed a lot of you are reading it was destiny and love always wins and i wish you guys wouldn't only because i plan to rewrite some of it and continue them at a further time (chaptered ffs are so hard for me rn since i don't have all the time in the world to dedicate myself to them but i promise to be back with those two series) thank you for everyone who takes time to read what i write it really means so much and your comments have been so motivating. thank you so fucking much for 2k notes on good girl, gone bad i havent seen numbers like that ever im so so grateful, thank you from the bottom of my heart. i'll try to be back one or two more times this month and happy late birthday to me hehe <3

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

—-

It happened again.

Another failed date to add to the sad list of people that simply will never workout for you.

The list was growing longer as months passed. When you started this list, it was barely the start of a very hot summer. Probably the hottest it’s been in years, one can only assume the winter will not be any easier. 

And you were right. Winter was only beginning and it was brutally cold. The streets were moist from the previous night of harsh rainfall. 

What better time to date and settle down than now. When the world gives you rain, settle for the warm arms of a lover.

Unfortunately, you made a grave mistake thinking this would come easy. Ten first dates later and you are still very single and loverless. 

It is not easy to go out during a time like now, suffering at the sight of happy couples and their stupid happy lives. Really, it should disgust you. It used to. The whole concept of devoting your entire life to someone. The need to constantly feel the tender touch of another person. The desire to fall in love and do it all over again, you get it now. At least, you think you do. 

“I don’t think this is gonna work.” The words fall from your mouth in a quiet rush. The man across you sits in silence before he smiles in his loss. 

“Don’t worry, I figured. It seems your mind was elsewhere. I know you don’t want to pursue anything romantically, and that’s fine with me, but is everything okay?” 

Is everything okay? Well currently, yeah you’re okay. As for your heart, it’s heavy and strangely, you feel there’s a hole in your chest and it needs to be filled. That would fix things, you think. You have been single for so long that you forgot what it was like to love and cherish someone. Not that you have ever truly loved or cherished anyone, but you’ve gotten close. If a silly relationship you had in your sophomore year of high school counts. Then yes, you’ve totally been in love. 

“I’m okay. Thanks for asking. I didn’t mean to lead you on, if it ever felt like I did.” The apology seems bitter in your mouth. Another failed fucking attempt. How difficult can dating be? Have you really been this disconnected with the world around you? 

“Don’t stress it! Things happen. I hope you can find what you’re looking for. See you… around?” The man’s understanding response makes you feel worse. Maybe you should consider deleting Tinder and finding love naturally, if that’s still a thing in the contemporary life. 

“Yeah, totally!” And like that you’re off to the next. Giving yourself plenty of time to bathe in your disappointment and miserably cry about your failed attempts at finding what you’ve been missing. Who knew dating could be so difficult?

The walk back home is just as cold as the outcome of today’s date. Your date insisted he could drive you home and if not that then pay for a cab, but you didn’t live too far from the restaurant you both met at. Though he insisted, you figured this walk could refresh you after yet another failure. You were starting to regret it as the cold wind started roughly hitting your skin. Preserving the chilly weather, you genuinely couldn’t wait to get home and wrap yourself in a bundle of warm blankets and comfortable clothes. 

Cold hands struggle to open your door, you blow on them with warm puffs of breaths, soon making your way in and getting comfortable in your humble apartment. 

yoon: you up?

And that, that is what made this harder. The fact that you knew there was someone completely capable of loving and caring for you the way you desired. You have seen it with your own eyes. Every time you ended up in his bed, in his arms, you felt it. Deep down you know something is there and that something beats everything else. Maybe you’re just delusional, but you look for him in everyone else and you hate it. Hate because you will never be anything more than his personal little whore that comes at the sound of his call. 

me: yeah

Normally, you aren’t dry over texts, especially not with him so he’ll see right through you. You’re hoping for once, he can ignore it. 

He won't. 

yoon: you ok?

me: been better

yoon: wanna talk about it?

me: no, i'm ok

yoon: ok, wanna come over? 

Yes, because during a time like this all you want is the comfort and warmth of someone else’s touch and Yoongi has never failed at giving that to you. But he is not yours.

And you are not his. 

me: not feeling well. sorry.

yoon: sick? 

A white lie never hurt anyone. 

me: yeah, throat hurts

yoon: im sorry 

me: it's not your fault maybe another time.

Though you really shouldn’t say that. There should be no next time. That way you don’t suffer any longer and drag him down with you, considering everything you’ve been feeling and dealing with lately. It’s not fair to Yoongi, but especially yourself.

He doesn’t reply anymore and you can’t even hide your disappointment. You aren’t disappointed at him, okay maybe a little bit at him, but mainly yourself and your recently found complicated feelings. 

You and Yoongi started this whole mess a year ago, before you even realized what you truly wanted. It started off with subtle flirting here and there. They say not to mess with coworkers, given that it can complicate things at work and one should never play with their main source of income, but you did it anyway. You are still young and he only made you feel younger, like a teenage girl crushing over her forbidden crush at church. It was silly, but Yoongi made it easy. 

The flirting turned to one thing, then another. 

“We shouldn’t, not here.” Yoongi had you pinned outside the club you both worked at, leaving trails of wet kisses down your throat.

“Five more minutes.” His words were muffled into your skin as his hands explored your body. Yoongi’s touch was always way too soft for his own good and you fell victim to his deadly warmth. 

“If Mr. Kim finds out, he’ll kill us and fire us both.” That was a bit dramatic on your part and you swore you felt the taller smiling against your neck.

Yoongi drops one last kiss on your cheek as his hot breath hits your ear. “Not if I kill him first.”

You gasped, pushing him off you with a quick smack to his chest. “D-Don’t even joke like that.” 

Yoongi just laughed. 

“Okay, okay baby.” The term of endearment fell from his lips too easily and you melted into the dark night. “See you after work?” 

You only nodded, not being able to deny his temporary warmth and sweet presence. Then he dropped a kiss on your lips, leaving you just as quick as when he first found you. You were fucked.

From there, it only got worse for your sake. Your heart could only take so much. 

Really, you should blame things on him. It was his fault you fell in love with him and his stupidly soft hands. It was all his fault! He left you no choice but to love the feel of his lips against your skin, to easily melt under his soft gaze, and find comfort in his unnecessarily warm bed. Yoongi was perfect. Everything you could ever want. 

That’s why it was so fucking hard. Dating was hard enough, but after feeling Yoongi’s intimate touch, you were a complete goner. Though he was far from it, Yoongi touched you like you were his and he would fuck you like a lover would. Kissing and making love to you as if you were the most beautiful woman on Earth. It was all too much. 

Fuck, you really needed to get a grip.

The knock on your door makes you jump from your couch. 

Ten minutes longer and you would have fallen asleep exactly where you were lying. In outside clothes and all. You didn’t even bother taking off the outfit you had carefully planned thinking that this lucky outfit would have finally taken you somewhere. It didn’t. 

“Coming!” There’s not a single person that should be outside your door, especially at this hour. Your feet make their way to the door regardless and the blood from your face drains when you see the person standing behind the door. 

Quickly, you unlock your front door, rushing the taller inside. “Hurry! It’s freezing! What are you doing out here?” 

Yoongi’s cheeks are surely frozen, a pink dust decorates his cheeks and the tip of his nose. It almost makes him look cute. You were far more gone than you imagined. 

He hustles inside, carrying a fairly large brown bag with him. He brought… groceries? 

“Took you long enough.” The taller one makes himself at home, laying his bag on your coffee table. 

“What are you even doing here?” You ask again. 

He ignores you. “Thought you said you were sick. You don’t look very sick?” 

Yoongi looks at you with a questioning look, his eyes wander your outfit and guilt starts eating your insides. 

You cross your arms, an attempt to hide yourself in shame, but what’s done is done. “I- I had plans.” 

“Yeah, I see that.” He simply says, standing awkwardly in your living area. 

If this doesn’t convince you to delete that forsaken app for the sake of your dignity and shameful behavior, you don’t know what will.

“Anyways, w-what brings you here?” 

“Brought you some stuff.” His hand waves over to the bag he carried inside. 

“Stuff?” You question, a bit dumbfounded, planted still in your place.

“Tea, cough drops, some soup I made earlier this week. Oh and flowers.” Yoongi doesn’t seem at all embarrassed or fazed about the situation. Not that he should be, but he speaks with a puff to his chest, as if he wanted to ensure you understood his every word and action. Like any concerned lover would be. As if he was yours and you were his.

Oh.

This was so so bad. For you and your weak heart. Fuck.

“I-“ 

He cuts you off before you even get to speak. “I don’t know if you’ll like it. It’s just some plain seaweed soup. Usually helps me when I’m sick. I’m not sure what flowers you like, or if you even like flowers. Do you? Their tulips. I did a bit of research before. My mom likes tulips. I figured you might like them too.” 

He did research? Double fuck! 

Yoongi was nervously rambling, now he was slightly embarrassed. Pink flushes his cheeks and it wasn’t the weather’s doing this time. 

“Yoongi…” You start breathlessly and in disbelief. 

“What?” He nearly stutters, his hand is shaking. He’s nervous. Who would have thought? 

“Why.” Is all you manage to ask. 

“You were sick.” Is all he replies. As if things were really that simple. What next? Would he come rushing to the hospital if you suddenly fell ill? God forbid, but it was a valid question. 

What was going on? For a second, you entertain the idea. Maybe he fell in love between the blurry lines of this complicated relationship. Were the shared intimate memories too special for him to forget too? You weren’t sure anymore, but what did this all mean? Maybe he loves you, as much as you love him.

Thoughts keep spinning and you wish there was an easier way to turn off your brain. Not now.

“I know, but why? Why all this? Why for me?” Your vulnerability is showing and it makes you feel weak. Maybe your hands are shaking too. 

“I don't understand?” Yoongi searches for the answer in your glossy eyes, he’s tempted to reach out and comfort you. Have you in his hands, but he’s too coward. He doesn’t want you to feel the shiver of his touch right now. His vulnerability peaks through as well. 

Why not you? It’s always going to be you. 

“I-I’m nothing to you.” There’s a shiver again and then you break. 

Yoongi doesn’t care anymore. He’ll consider the consequences later. Right now, none of it matters.

His hands hold your face, ready to wipe the tears that threaten to leak from your precious eyes. He hopes his hands aren't cold anymore from standing outside for so damn long, but he couldn’t stop himself, in his selfishness and all.

His hands shake slightly, trying to stay strong as he lays it all on the table. “Y/N, you’re everything to me.” He whispers, eyes never leaving yours.

You lay your own hands on his, you feel so delicate around him when you wrap warm hands around his cold wrists.

“I-I am?” You ask between sniffles. His hands are still pretty cold, but they’ll soon warm up against your soft skin. Nobody knows how desperately you need to be touched until you are and then it’s like little fireworks spark inside your body. It consumes you in the best way possible.

“Of course. I thought I made that obvious.” His eyes are soft, different to how he typically looks at you, but you’ve seen these same eyes before. They are no stranger. It’s similar to the look he gives you when you catch him staring at you while you are deep in work. He pretends to look away as if he wasn’t admiring you from afar and you pretend that you don’t notice his curious eyes. It’s the same look he has after you both end up in heated makeout sessions, behind the rusty club you both work at. And it’s definitely the same look he has while he settles on top of you, whispering sweet words of praise and promise.

Nothing should feel different but it just does, there’s something in the way he looks down at you that lets you know that everything you’ve been searching for has always been right here. Right where you’ve been all along.

The taller leans in and you freeze struggling to keep your eyes on his. Yoongi’s thumb brushes against your cheek with a soft touch. You were fragile between his hands and he’s willing to do anything to keep his precious flower safe. “Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes. Please.” You whisper back in a hurry, scared that this would be nothing but a dream. It wasn’t time for you to wake up yet.

His eyes zero-in on your lips and then he’s kissing you. It’s not much different from other times. After all, you guys have shared plenty of kisses, probably more than you should have considering you guys were friends with benefits, at most. But this time, the kiss isn’t just a careless lust-filled doing, no this time the kiss is a promise. The promise to never again allow you to question his feelings and intentions towards you. 

If Yoongi has to spend his whole life making this up to you, he simply would because that’s how much you meant to him. He can’t believe he even let this go on for this long. He should have been more clear and careful, but he doesn’t regret a damn thing. Not when he has all the time in the world to repair the time lost. And especially not when his reckless actions led him to this. To you.

Yoongi’s lips are soft and bend with yours with ease. He takes his time, never in a rush. Especially not when he has you in-hand. 

The taller doesn’t escalate the kiss. He keeps it sweet and gentle, like he always has been. “I’m so sorry baby.” 

Kiss.

“For?” 

Kiss.

Yoongi has the whole world in his hands right now as he looks down into the sparkles in your eyes and he’s never been so sure about anything in his life. “For being a fucking idiot.”

Kiss. 

“It’s okay.” A kiss is shared again. “I was an idiot too. I was just scared that you wouldn’t want that with me.” 

“Want what?” The taller questions, fingers trailing your face, admiring the imperfections and all. 

“A relationship, I mean. You seemed content with how our relationship already was. I was afraid of losing that. Of losing you.” You admit, eyes fluttering at his touch. 

“Of course, I want that. I want that and more. I-I’m not the best with relationships. I’m only saying this because I want to be open and honest with you. There’s not a second you aren’t on my mind. While at work, you are all I can see. In a crowd of a hundred, my eyes always find yours. I don’t know how to explain what you do to me. But I don’t mind. I think if I ever lost that, I would lose my mind. So I’m sorry if I ever made you feel the opposite. There’s so much more I want to say, but I just don’t know how. I want that. I want that so bad. A relationship and whatever more you give me. I might not be the best boyfriend but I’ll do whatever it takes. I- I love you.” Yoongi’s words are heartfelt and he’s so relieved. One because he’s been keeping this in for so long, any longer and he would have exploded, but second because he’s been dying to say those three words. He really does love you and Yoongi doesn’t love many people in life, but if he had to choose, it’s always gonna be you. 

The tears that were creeping on your eye-lids fall prettily down your face, but Yoongi comes to your rescue. He’s quick to wipe them off your pretty face, tempted to kiss them away, but he keeps that in for now. “Y-Yoongi… I love you too. So much. I think I always have. You are so easy to love. The way you look at me, care for me, and always show up for me. That says more about you than anything else. I tried dating to get over what I felt for you, as you can probably tell, but nothing worked. It was so easy, Yoongi. So easy to fall in love with you. You’re perfect and I don’t doubt that you’ll be the best even after all this. I love you.”

“I love you too, I love you. Fuck, I love you.” Yoongi kisses you again and this time he isn’t as gentle. His lips are still soft as ever as they curl around yours. His tongue comes out and you immediately allow access, letting him explore your mouth. The taste is much better now that there isn’t anything you both are holding back. Everything down on the line and you couldn’t be happier. The hole in your heart was never empty, it was just waiting for this exact moment to remind you that you’ve always had it all. 

“Yoongi.” In between breaths you call his name and Yoongi feels his knees lock. “Take me to bed.” 

Yoongi just nods in a trance with the way your tone drips of arousal. A long strand of hair falls on his face when he picks you up with ease off your feet. He takes you to the place he’s had the honor to visit a hundred times before, but it’s different this time, much different. 

In the process of it all, something falls and it causes you both to laugh until you run out of breath. 

“I can’t believe that just happened.” You laugh into his ear. “You owe me a new lamp. My mother bought me that, you know. House-warming gift.”

“Fuck, sorry.” Yoongi mumbles near a whisper as he grips you harder like he’s afraid he might drop you next and the idea makes you giggle because you know he would never purposely hurt you. “I’ll apologize to your mother directly. Buy you and her a new lamp, whatever it takes.”

“What makes you think you are meeting my mother?” You tease with a smile on your face, watching the blush rise on his cheeks. 

“Well, I figured we could, you know, if you would like–” Yoongi doesn’t often get shy about many things but he can’t keep calm around you and that kills him softly.

“I’m just teasing you.” You say and he bites his lip. “Of course you’ll meet my mother and my father and my nosy ass family. I hope you like annoying, persistent grandma’s that stuff you full. My grandma’s the worst of her kind, but she’ll love you.”

“I would love to.” Yoongi simply replies, still whispering as if you guys had to keep quiet or else you’d be in deep trouble. 

“Why are we still whispering?” You whisper back, roaming fingers through his long, gorgeous hair. He needs to remind you to thank his mother personally for insisting he keep his hair long because it made him look pretty and you could never disagree. Yoongi’s so pretty. 

“I-I don’t know.” 

You both smile at each other before sharing another kiss. It’s so sweet and if you weren’t already off your feet, you would be floating by now. He’s gentle when letting you drop into the sheets below, he finds space between your legs and you wrap them around his hips. Lips still in contact, never losing the plushy feel. 

Everything starts to feel hot. Your hips start to slowly grind against his begging for any sort of friction. But the kissing doesn’t stop. 

Not when you start whining against his lips. 

Not even when Yoongi starts trailing his fingers down your waist and around your curves. He teases his fingertips against your waistline, soft to the touch. 

It’s not until you mewl loudly into his mouth, skillful tongue playing with yours, as you feel him start unbuckling your pants, button-by-button. 

Yoongi’s eyes are heavy-lidded, his gaze burning fire. “Gonna take care of you now, is that okay?” 

You furiously nod, coming up to kiss him once more, both your lips are raw and sensitive, but it gives you more of a reason to fix it with even more kisses. 

He drops one quick kiss onto your mouth before he trails down your jaw. Yoongi breathes in the sweet scent on your skin, wishing he could feel you even closer. “Smell so damn good.”

His voice is raspy against your ear and it makes you blush, while you feel his hand finally touch you where you had been aching with need. “Wanna hear you.”

Breathing lightly, you whisper. “Make me.” 

And of course, Yoongi makes you regret how fast you said the words because he delves his fingers forward with little resistance. Two fingers stretch you at the same time, gasping at the sudden sensation. 

By now, you were molded to fit Yoongi’s fingers. On days where you were really in need, you would take four, all at once. Yoongi was best at reading every expression, every crease and scrunch to your face, especially emotions. He knew exactly how to curve his fingers, the way to build you up, and bring you back down. Yoongi knew it all and he was so lucky too. 

He never anticipated it would have gone this far. It was just sex to begin with. But who were you both kidding, it was always much, much more. 

Yoongi curves his fingers in the way he’s used to and watches your mouth drop, sweet noises soon leaving your lips. “Feels good?” 

There’s no need to ask because he can tell. Your expression tells him everything he needs to know. That and the fact that you are dripping around his fingers but it’s sexier hearing it from you. 

“Yeah… f-feels so good.” With his other hand he tugs your clothes off, leaving you bare on the bottom. Remembering the first few times is a bit embarrassing, but Yoongi always made sure to take his time and make you feel comfortable. It was special and memorable in its own way, and Yoongi felt it too. 

This is unlike any first time, but it was technically the first time you could officially make love to each other until you fall lovesick and that had to be impossible around someone like Yoongi. 

“Hold your legs open for me, flower.” You try to ignore the warm feeling that buzzes in your chest, but you are sure your face says it all. Without another word, you spread your legs open, tucking both hands behind your thighs.

“Flower?” You breathe out with a bit of a struggle as his two fingers continue to pump deep inside you, brushing repeatedly against your g-spot. 

“Do you not like it?” Yoongi smiles slightly, biting his bottom lip while he watches you start to tremble, making the prettiest sounds. 

“I do. Why the new name?” Voice a bit unsteady but it does the job. Yoongi thinks of all the times he thought you were as pretty as a flower, which really was all the time. Especially, in the way he has you right now. Pretty, pretty as a flower. 

“I’ve always wanted to call you that. You’re pretty, sweet, delicate. Just like a flower.” He justifies his reasoning and you melt into puddles. 

“Yoongi.” Voice sweet as honey. 

“Yes baby.” He replies with ease.

“Make love to me, Yoongi.” 

There was a time in his life where Yoongi believed he could live without love. How foolish of him to think so. When he met you, it was a complete three-sixty. Suddenly, Yoongi started to look forward to his shit job. He looked forward to that time between breaks where he could admire you from the back like a pinning loser. Yoongi even started to like the walks he had to take to get to work because he knew that the path would eventually lead to you. He started looking forward to tomorrow's and to the bright future that led ahead. His mom would often complain that he was wasting his life away waiting for it to start, but Yoongi thinks life truly started the day he met you. 

It was a bit awkward because you couldn’t even look him in the eyes, intimated by the staff and new environment. You had previously worked in different bars so you assumed it would be no different and it wasn’t, but the intimidation of a new job was there nonetheless. Yoongi was there every step of the way. He had a crush on the new employee and you needed help on fitting in. Either way, your friendship was very platonic until it wasn’t. 

Yoongi knows he should have said something along the lines “hey, maybe we shouldn't be doing this anymore. I’m in love with you and I have been since you started working here” but the stupid words never made it out. He felt it would be too much to hear and it would only make him look like a complete loser. 

And you felt the same. It was silly really, because everyone around you knew it and there was no reason to fear someone as easy going and non-judgemental as Yoongi, nonetheless it brought you both here. After many failed dating attempts, you were finally happy and in the arms of someone who you truly love and want to be loved by. 

There was a time in his life where Yoongi believed he could live without love, now Yoongi believes your precious, sweet love brought him back to life and he wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. 

Clothes now discarded on the floor, heavy breathing filling the room, and Yoongi could get wasted on the smell of your intoxicating perfume. “Breathe flower.”

Yoongi felt you shiver at the sound of his words, throwing your head back as he thrusts you full of cock. He pushes inside you with gentle movements, struggling to keep himself up while feeling the tug of your warm velvet-like walls. 

You gasp feeling him hit your cervix in a calm, slow pace. It was breathtaking regardless of the gentle rhythm. “You’re so deep...”

“I know flower, breathe baby, breathe.” He is struggling to keep from coming inside you, overwhelmed by his own emotions as your eyes roll back, feeling the pressure rise in your belly. Without a condom, everything feels so different from other times, feeling every ridge and crease fold inside your drenching heat. You take him so nicely, like you always have. Like you’ve always belonged to him. 

You don’t even notice you stopped breathing until you start feeling lightheaded and desperate for fresh air. Breathing just as much as necessary so you don’t faint, you shake your head against his hold, his eyes watch yours, observing with curiosity. 

“No?”

“Mm, n-no.” You shake your head again, whimpering when you feel him kiss your cervix with his swollen tip, over and over and over. “Can– can you…”

“Can I what, pretty flower?” Yoongi rolls his hips a bit faster, feeling his orgasm build too quickly. He wishes he could have days with you like this always. Days to love and worship you from head to toe.

“Choke me.” You manage to say. “Don— don’t wanna breathe.” 

Yoongi growls deep, increasing his speed even more, desperate to fill the deepest part of your glistening folds. He feels you tense underneath, the sounds coming from your mouth are loud enough for your neighbors to hear, but Yoongi stopped giving a fuck about everything around him. 

He places a hand on your throat and squeezes gently, not blocking off your airways completely, but leaving you just enough air to work with. It drives you insane. The more you breathe, his rough thrusts take the air out from your lungs and the process repeats. It feels so good.  

“M-more. Harder.” You barely hear your own words, but Yoongi seems to understand because his dick is moving rapidly inside you, nearly splitting you in two. You wrap both hands around his wrist, loving the heavy weight against your chest. It’ll end too soon and it disappoints you in a way, but you have all the time in the world to make this up. “G-Gonna come.” 

Yoongi nods, concentrating on the way your face scrunches with pleasure. With love. The way your eyes tell him a story. God, Yoongi’s madly in love. “Come, my precious flower.” 

With those final words, you come on his bare slick cock, blossoming in the blissful afterglow. Yoongi doesn’t stop thrusting inside you, but he takes his hand off your throat, kissing your face gently when he sees tears start leaking down your cheeks. 

“It’s okay, you’re okay baby. Breathe for me. Slowly.” Yoongi’s words bring you back down and you throw your arms around him, crying against his shoulder. You don’t even know what invoked this strong emotion to sob your eyes out, but Yoongi allows it, caressing the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t judge, he only holds you until you settle down. “It’s okay baby, let it out. Breathe, pretty flower.” 

“C-Come inside muh-me, please.” Even after all that, you still beg for him and Yoongi wants to laugh but for your sake and the fact that it’s endearing to him, he delivers accordingly without further questions. 

Right as he’s going to paint your walls white, he pushes himself up with one hand, still holding you with the other. “You sure?”

You’re confused about the sudden question, the tears still decorate your face but then you understand. “Birth control. Just come in me Yoongi, fuck me, fu-fuck.”

Yoongi doesn’t hesitate to regain his brutal pace, fucking you with purpose. Not that he doesn’t want kids in the near future, but he sure as hell doesn’t want any right now. He’s glad you are on the same page but maybe one day the conversation would spark and he wouldn’t want the mother of his kids to be anyone else but you. You were perfect for him. 

“Gonna come.” That’s the only warning you get, then he’s emptying himself inside your tight walls. He doesn’t stop rolling his hips, his slit leaking puddles, until he’s pumped himself dry. With one last thrust, he groans and carefully pulls out. 

He brings you with him, head falling against his chest as he continues to play with your hair, leaving kisses into your bare shoulders. “You okay baby?”

“Perfect. Feel so good.” You mumble into his skin, feeling around his waist. “I’m leaking your come into the sheets though.”

“I’ll take care of it, pretty flower.” You nod sleepily into his chest with a quiet ‘thank you’, feeling completely sated and satisfied, aching with exhaustion. “Sleep baby, I got you.”

With that, you fall deep into the shackles of sleep. Yoongi rubs your back until you completely fall asleep in his arms. He struggles to unwrap himself from your hold, but when he finally succeeds, he tucks you in and kisses your cheek a few times before getting up to clean up after the mess you both created. 

He’s light on his feet, bringing a warm towel to your slick folds and wipes as best he can, being gentle so you could continue to enjoy your sleep. Even like this, you look so beautiful and Yoongi is an extremely lucky man. 

Yoongi makes sure to also pick up the lamp he dropped from earlier as well. He blows out a breath of relief when he notices that the damage is nothing big and nothing that can’t be fixed. He’ll make sure to fix that as soon as he can. 

While he’s out there, Yoongi places the tulips into a vase and fills it with water, placing it near a window where it could grow and blossom beautifully near the sunlight. He even cuts the tips into slants because he had heard somewhere online they last longer that way, making sure to get rid of any dead leaves and petals. Yoongi couldn’t be happier.

After he’s done with the light cleaning, he washes his hands and feels the exhaustion hit him tenfold. He’s careful when placing himself back in bed, lifting your arm and placing himself underneath you. The man smiles when he feels you curl yourself around him, sleeping soundlessly. 

“I love you.” He whispers and even though you don’t say it back Yoongi feels it with the way you melt into his arms. Yoongi falls asleep easily that night. 

…

“Baby.” Yoongi hears someone call him and he ignores it. Sleep calls his name louder and he doesn’t feel like waking up right now so he groans and cuddles deeper into the bedsheets below him, unaware of the life around him. 

“Baby wake up.” You keep calling sweetly and it’s tempting but he persists.

“No. Don’t wanna.” Yoongi grumbles like an old man and you can’t help but to laugh. “Just ten more minutes.”

When you woke up the next morning, you were so thankful Yoongi had kept his promise. Your apartment was flawless and you were as clean as you could be. The tulips looked prettier today as the sun shined on the delicate petals. You even had time to warm the seaweed soup he brought from home and you couldn’t wait to get a taste. The smell alone is delicious and it warmed your home up nicely, you truly couldn’t wrap your head around the fact that this was no longer a dream but your reality. You could definitely get used to this. 

You drop kisses onto his warm cheeks until his eyes flutter open, almost similar to a cat. “There you are.”

Yoongi pulls you into his arms again with quiet noncoherent grumbles and closes his eyes once more. “Give me ten minutes.”

“It’s already been ten.” You whisper lightly laughing. 

“Oh. Ten more then.” You get comfortable on his chest and cuddle for a bit longer because you can’t say no to his cute sleepy self. 

Yoongi starts to sniff the air with curiosity. “Is that the seaweed soup I brought you?” 

“Mhm.” You hum. “Better get up soon before it burns.” 

That manages to be convincing enough and Yoongi forces himself up, with you in his embrace. 

“Wanna wake up like that forever.” He says, voice filled with sleep. 

“You can.” 

Yoongi snaps his heavy eyes towards you. “Are you–”

“Move in with me, Yoongi.” Yes, you skipped every step to this, but nothing was ever to code between you and Yoongi. One thing you were so sure of and that was spending the rest of your life with him. “Please.”

“I- yes, of course.” Yoongi wraps his arms around you for a tight hug, kissing your temple. “I love you. I love you and I’ll prove it to you every single day.” 

“I know, I love you too. I love you.” Those three words come out from your mouths so easily and it’s nice that you no longer have to ever hold back. The man of your dreams is in the palms of your humble home and he’s in love with you. This was better than any dream. 

“Let’s eat?” He says after some time of hugging and kisses being interchanged. 

You nod, letting him take you there. Your kitchen is filled with the cruel aroma of food and your tummy rumbles as you sit comfortably while you wait for him to serve you a bowl of the warm tasty soup. 

“I should be doing that. I’m a terrible host.” Yoongi shakes his head while smiling, the fluff of hair moving with him, then your phone dings. “Hold on, give me a second.” 

Your heart drops when you see it is a Tinder notification from a man you promised to get back to. You look over to find Yoongi serving your bowl, making his way to the table. He leans in puckering slightly and you immediately lean into the sweet sudden kiss while he places your meal in front of you. This Yoongi is new because it wasn’t often you could act domestically towards one another, however this was perfect and just what you needed. 

“Everything okay baby?” Yoongi asks while caressing your soft cheek and you immediately nod in his palm. 

“Yes, everything’s perfect.” You reply in awe. “Thank you Yoongi, for everything.”

For letting me love you and for loving me back. 

The older man just smiles and joins you for the meal. 

It turns out you didn’t need Tinder after all. 

You quickly delete the app off your phone and start to eat with the love of your life, conversation flows while you enjoy each other’s presence and fall deeper in love. 

Alike Yoongi, you couldn’t imagine it happening any other way. You were bound to fall in love, one way or another, but that man was meant to be yours as you were meant to be his.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

can i be honest? im a fan of azul but his dream felt like it lacked impact. there were some very interesting moments and its better than the prediction that he would already be rich and own the world

like really? azul becomes a famous athlete and bullies others, then he takes over night raven? i feel like his struggles with his own identity and food could have been further explored and he is based off of ursula, which should extend to vanessa, right? it was the perfect reason to give him a total makeover and show that he has to be comfortable in his own skin before anything else, even if his other ness was what made him a target of bullying in the first place

your thoughts and worries on book 7 post has affected my perspective and i cant help but feel like something is missing 🥲 maybe all the budget went into Jade and Floyd?

[Referencing this post!]

As I’ve previously expressed, I have a lot of my own complicated feelings about the direction book 7 is taking, specifically with how the OB boys’ dream segments are presented and resolved. Azul’s dream is no different; it felt very contrived due to the formula TWST insists on running with in every new installment. It’s becoming even more apparent with each update, and it is really grating on me.

But!! Before I get to what I believe are shortcomings with Azul’s dream, let’s review what Anon has to say.

I feel like, no matter what, there will always be people claiming that the OB boys’ dreams are “missed opportunities”. This is simply because these characters have much more deep and complex issues than the rest of the cast, so we will naturally scrutinize them more. TWST is basically only able to go with one angle when they tackle the dream, leaving the other threads unexplored. This will surely annoy or disappoint people who wish that TWST would have addressed a different issue instead, or perhaps something closer to their personal interpretation of the events. In Azul’s case, I feel like some people (particularly in the west, not so much in the east) see Azul’s weight concerns or relationship with food as a prominent part of his character, so they wish that book 7 part 10 had looked into that more. However, that was never a big focus in canon, so it follows that TWST would want to dedicate its time and resources to the most pressing thing (which would be more centered on Azul’s general self-confidence, greed, and how those tie into his sense of identity). At the same time, they probably wanted to avoid a lens that is too broad. Having the focus be on Azul’s “otherness” or being an octopus might veer too heavily into something way beyond the scope of the ~10 parts of the story he has to himself.

We also need to consider that these dreams are meant to be shallow interpretations of what the dreamer desires (according to Idia). Only the OB boys get to go more in depth due to bring dragged down into deeper layers of their dreams. Azul wants to be accepted by his peers and is insecure about his lack of athleticism (as one reason why he was bullied was due to not being able to swim as fast as other merchildren). So of course the surface level of his dream makes him a star athlete beloved by all. The whole “his plan succeeds, he steals everyone’s magic, he takes over NRC” thing happens in the second layer of his dream, which, like all previous OB boys, is a dark display of what would have happened had they not been stopped. And finally, Azul being a bully is nothing new—we saw this behavior back in book 3 as well. He became the very thing he despised back when he was a victim, and now he continues to perpetuate that cycle of bullying in an effort to affirm confidence in his “cool” new identity. I think the dream was very intentional in trying to entice him with the promises of power and acceptance. That, in turn, shows us that the desire to be a successful businessman (the thing many of us thought would be his dream) actually hinges on Azul’s longing to be accepted. His struggle with his identity and how it depends on how others perceive him was portrayed. I’m just not sure if the idea was executed in the best way, since it sounds like the message may have gotten muddled along the way and it definitely requires some reading between the lines.

I noticed that you cited my original post where I detailed my concerns about book 7 and how that has influenced your own thoughts 💦 I hope that it just… informed or supplemented your opinions rather than suddenly altered them to be more “in line” with my own. I never want to be the kind of person who claims their interpretations are the “most correct” I’m not Riddle’s mom, okay?? 😭

About Jade and Floyd’s dreams, I feel like those are less heavily critiqued because they, by virtue of not being an OB boy, have fewer stakes and are predominantly there to be silly. It’s like contrasting Epel wanting to be big and buff to Vil literally murdering Neige; there is just no comparison. Even then, I wouldn’t necessarily say Floyd’s and Jade’s parts received “all the budget”… They seemed like pretty basic storylines to me, perhaps dressed up slightly better thanks to the new undersea assets and bioluminescence reveal.

My issues with Azul’s dream segment is how… ham-fisted several elements were. All of it, for the sake of sticking to the pattern already established earlier. It feels so unnatural and stilted because you just KNOW it’s written this way to fit the template 😔 For example:

Why did Jade become SO dumb when they were trying to figure out where Azul had moved the contracts? He’s supposed to be much smarter than how he is presented here. Wouldn’t his immediate thought be to check Azul’s room? But NO, Jade can’t come to that conclusion on his own because we need a contrived reason for each student to use their UM before the ending :/ so Jade has to waste time using his UM to get the truth out of his dream!self.

Jade and Floyd sitting around and going “………….” while they watch Azul make an ass of himself was such a time waster. Clearly you have enough brains to know what would trigger him, so why are you not acting on it???? Oh yeah, because we need to show more cool stuff in this dream like La Grotta!

Azul literally turns to the camera and tells his OB self, “Unlike you, I’ve changed.” It’s way too on the nose with what it’s trying to communicate. It breaks immersion and makes it so obvious the characters are outright stating their character development to make sure we all “get it”.

What was the purpose of Azul using his UM to get the mermobs to sign a contract to give all their power to him???💀 Bro can just say “excuse me, I forgot something back at the Coral Rush field” and they’d probably let him pass. But again, Azul isn’t allowed to do that because he MUST use his UM before the ending. Because Azul’s UM requires that another person willingly agree and sign a contract, his mandatory UM use before the grand finale feels particularly forced.

How many times do I need to listen to Idia/Ortho or other characters warn us about how we can’t have too many people dream hopping or else bugs might happen or Malleus might notice… It’s almost like the devs realize how long this is being dragged out for so they have to remind us every so often.

Not only that, but we get such poorly constructed explanations to keep characters behind while a new character goes with the main group. Why don’t you just leave them all behind once they’re awake then?? Oh yeah, because we NEED to drag along the current student into the next dream so everyone gets a cameo. It’s so inorganic how the characters are chosen to stay behind, Jamil just conveniently volunteers himself while we also listen to another spiel from Silver and Sebek about how their training makes them more stable than the twins to keep dream hopping.

I would actually consider Azul’s dream… serviceable? Like it isn’t fantastic or anything but for what it is, it works. It’s cohesive enough. But god, did I dislike how rigid it was… Nothing happens because it’s natural, it happens because the script demands it happens. To quote another post:

If anyone has played the first Ace Attorney game, this feels a LOT like that part in case 2 where Phoenix is too dumb to check the back of a receipt until Mia literally tells him to. The [characters have] to actively be made stupider because the scenario calls for it, and that really rubs me the wrong way.

[ada7201]

hi ada! may I request something very similar to the "only girl in blue lock" request? the reader is a bit more closed off and keeps to herself- like rin. but she's not mean just a bit sarcastic, and she's friendly-- like not hard to approach. although the guys in blue lock might be crushing on her, she's only focused on one thing and one thing only, becoming a successful footballer. she has a good relationship with her teammates, joking around with them and all-- her skills are still extraordinary! you can totally ignore this if you'd like, no pressure pookie <3

hello! this sounds so cute, and im happy to do your request! here you go!! (๑ᴖ◡ᴖ๑)

my apologies if this was short, i didn’t know how to write it so that everyone could like her - and i didn’t really know how to write y/n as reserved, but i tried 🤍!

hope you like it ^ ^

a girl at blue lock? 𖦹 version 2

❥ blue lock x female reader

“THERE’S NO WAY SHE’S BETTER THAN ME!!” “calm down.” “she probably is…” “SHUT UP!” “i hope she’s cute!” “you think she’d be into me?” “how was a girl even let into blue lock?”

wow. that’s a lot of voices…

as you walked into the room - room Z? you were greeted by the voice of way too many people.

“hello! you’re the girl everybody’s talking about, right!” another voice would ask from behind you, a sickeningly polite smile on his face.

oh, it’s that boy who decided to talk back to Ego.

“mhm.” you respond with a hum, walking past him with your eyes focused on the floor. he seems a bit too… charming. did he think he was going to win you over?

you found yourself a nice corner - near lockers or something? and wow, that’s a really muscular guy.

you stayed quiet, choosing not to interact with him either.

“hello.” he said, looking down to you.

wow. just great.

“hello,” you smile politely, glancing at him briefly before shuffling through your bag again.

that bug eyed bowl cut freak was nice enough to let you bring it, so you guessed that you should be grateful.

“HEY!!” a voice shrieked out from behind you. another? and has he had any water today? why is his voice so dry?

“hm?” you turn around - eyes widening as a figure rushed towards you.

what’s with that grin on his face?

“SHOW ME WHAT YOU’VE GOT!” he shouts, before crashing straight into you.

you and the sharp toothed boy crashed straight into the muscular man with a loud “thud”

“ouch-“ you were cut off by the loud boy’s hand straight on your mouth as he stood up, towering over you.

does he not have any manners? what’s his deal?

“are you alright?” the orange haired male asks from behind you, placing a gentle hand on your back. “i’m sorry about - him.” he’d sigh.

“mhm… yeah.” you groan, shuffling away from the two boys. is this how it’s going to be like for the rest of… blue lock? yeah, that’s what it’s called.

he stood up, holding a hand out for you to take aswell. you gently held his hand, standing up. you turned your head to the weird teeth boy, sending a soft glare his way before looking back up at the muscular man.

“thank you.” you mumble, letting go of his larger hand.

the whole tag game went by pretty fast, with most of them avoiding you - why?

it’s not like your weak. you could argue that you were probably the best player in the room.

were they trying to be gentlemanly? how pathetic.

the evening soon came, and you were not very pleased to hear that you had to share - yes, share - the bathrooms with the rest of the team.

how wonderful.

“y/n! you getting into the shower yet?” a bald headed boy - no, buzz cut - sang from behind you.

“no, i’m gonna escape from blue lock - of course i’m getting into the shower.” you scoff, side eyeing the boy before looking back to your bag - making sure you’ve got everything.

“without me-“ he was cut off by a slap to the back of his head from - Chigiri?

“thank you.” you smile softly the red haired boy, picking your bag up. it seemed that he was also heading for the showers.

he didn’t look like the pervert type, so maybe it’ll be fine. his skin is pretty clear, too. he reminds you a lot of a girl from your school.

“no problem. you mind if i join you?” he asks simply. was he… avoiding eye contact?

“i don’t mind.” you say, rather quietly.

he nods in response, nodding towards the entrance to the bathroom. the two of you started walking, both staying quiet.

each game with team Z was exciting, and with you being the great player you are, it’s no surprise how you guys made it that far.

“y/n right?” a little voice said from behind you.

you were stood in the cafeteria, munching on some food that you have been basically dying for. who was that boy, again? oh. Niko, you think.

“yup.” you say quietly, before taking another spoonful of the rice in front on you. it wasn’t extremely delicious, but you could live with it.

“you’re a good player.” he says in a soft voice, walking towards you. “i watched some of your matches.” he adds, sitting down next to you.

“oh, thanks.” you respond, glancing over to him.

“y/nnnn!” Bachira giggled from the entrance, followed by Isagi and Kunigami who walked behind him.

“oh, hello.” you say quietly, looking back at the three boys who just arrived before looking back at your meal.

Niko looked over to Isagi, his eyes narrowing slightly. he was so lucky - he got to be on a team with a pretty, and talented, girl like you. how dare he.

the three boys appeared behind you, Kunigami placing a hand on the top of your head. Bachira looked down at your food, before looking at your eyes.

as soon as you blinked, he swiped your food and took a few spoonfuls.

“ah- hey!” you exclaimed, eyebrows furrowing as you glared up at the dual haired male.

Kunigami chuckled, along with Isagi. “i can give you my food, if you want?” the orange haired boy offered, ruffling you hair a little.

“no, thank you.” you say softly, followed by a sigh. “i’m probably gonna head to the showers anyways.” you add, getting out of your seat. “bye everyone.” you wave them goodbye, before making your way towards the showers. Chigiri had promised to share some of his hair and skin products with you, if you shared your face masks with him.

so, that’s exactly what the two of you did! you were sat on the bathroom counter, smiling happily to yourself as you placed the face mask onto your face - Chigiri’s slim hands reached out, helping you smooth it out as he tried not to smile, causing the face mask he was wearing to crinkle. but it was just so hard - you’re so cute!

the two of you had a nice time, until Bachira decided to ruin it by running in, graciously wearing a towel - that was about to slip.

that wasn’t a very fun experience, you would say.

the night was just like any other, with Raichi clinging onto you in his sleep - mumbling curses and sometimes even managing to hit you. how did he do that… while sleeping? at least he was nice enough to apologise in the morning when he woke up.

“i’m- sorry.” he grunts, folding his arms as a blush covered his cheeks.

he wouldn’t ever admit it, but it was actually kind of nice to wake up next to a pretty girl, hugging her no less.

during the second selection, it was an understatement to say your team missed you.

couldn’t say the same about you, though - you trained hard, and managed to be one of the first to get out - go you!

until you saw him - Itoshi Rin.

you couldn’t lie, he’s real hot. but you have a goal - to be the best striker in the world!

Ego allowed you to join up with Rin, Tokimitsu, and someone called Aryu who would not stop talking to you. something about being beautiful?

you couldn’t help but feel your cheeks growing warmer at his compliments.

Tokimitsu would mumble apologies every second, saying things like “im sorry for being in your presence, y/n” “i don’t deserve to breathe around such a pretty girl” he was quite a cute guy, you wish that he would have a little more self confidence.

and there was Rin - he was a bit like you, so the two of you didn’t talk to each other much. not like you wanted to, anyways.

your only goal is to become the best.

“you’re a good player, y/n.” Rin would compliment shyly, a faint blush dusting his cheeks.

“thank you.” you respond politely, cheeks growing warmer - at this point, you think your cheeks will explode from how many compliments you’ve gotten!

[plxnetn1ne]

since everyone in this fandom and their mum seem to be giving their piece about the ‘update’ coming to Hogwarts Legacy on the 6th, i figured id give my piece even if no one has asked

ive been seeing a lot of posts and replies about how “we should just take what we get and be grateful” and “the devs are working hard, do you know how hard game development is?”

im very aware of how difficult game development can be and how mentally taxing it is. i dont doubt that they’ve been through the mill.

the update is trash. its that simple. we’re allowed to feel upset about it, and for people saying that its not fair to be upset — it is fair. we shouldnt have to expect the bare minimum from a game that sold 22 million copies and reached nearly 2 billion dollars in revenue, a game that had 14 nominations for awards and 3 wins.

we were told we were getting a summer update alongside the Haunted Hogsmeade quest — the quest they promised to release to PC and Xbox in march when the game celebrated one year of release. they said, and i quote;

“As we near the one-year anniversary of Hogwarts Legacy, we wanted to let our community know that the Hogwarts Legacy PlayStation-exclusive content will be available on other platforms later this summer, along with additional updates and features for the game. Stay tuned in the coming months for more details on what’s coming to Hogwarts Legacy this year.” copy and pasted straight from Hogwarts Legacy’s official twitter page. along with additional updates and features to the game.

yes — i know, thats a very vague statement. it could have been taken in any way, but typically when additional updates and features — plural — is put into a sentence, you assume that there will be more than one new feature. it wasnt wrong for the community to assume that there was more than a few new additions coming to the game.

okay, we got photo mode — thats great for console players, but it isnt new for us PC players. im happy for my console buddies that finally get to bring their mc to life in the way ive been able to. im looking forward to seeing the uptick in photos upon the updates release. PC and Xbox got the new haunted hogsmeade quest, and thats great, considering the release of it was delayed by 3 months, but atleast we’re getting it. but basically. PS5 was fucked in the process, because everything minus photo mode is stuff they already had, and honestly, thats not fair. and double honest — thats not an update. thats the release of exclusive content plus a new addition.

for several months a summer update was hyped up, and the result was…. ps5 getting fucked, a photo mode that im going to bet my ass on will be buggy as all hell, and some cosmetics. so no — i wont be grateful. especially when we keep getting promised things and then getting fucked by a hot iron in the process. because i havent forgotten the documentary that was supposed to come out, and i still remember during September when they hyped up a digital surprise for Back to Hogwarts day and it ended up being 30 percent off on a game most of us already had, only for the game to go on sale for half off the following Nov/Dec for the holiday sales.

since the release of the game, modders have been basically picking up the slack by working their asses off to create bug fixes, better cosmetic options, enhanced schedules, companions, and so much more to keep the community somewhat entertained. this as well as the file miners that are constantly digging things up that we were robbed of, like the relationship list for companions, gaunt manor, other house specific quests, more quests concerning Isadora, on and on. on top of this, ive seen first hand how much of the outer parts of the map was developed only to be cut out. i spent a solid hour and a half today using free cam to fly around the outskirts of the map — buildings, caves, entire areas laid out for towns or poacher camps, all thrown out on top of all of the discarded quests and content.

and while im at it — ill be one of the few to say it, but Hogwarts Legacies storyline was not well thought out, or at the very least it wasnt very well portrayed. there were hundreds of questions we were left with upon beating the game. where did Anne go? what happened to the keepers after the final battle? why wasnt Isadora in her portrait? what were the keepers hiding? did inhaling the magic actually make a difference or was it just for shock value? how much of Isadora’s story did we miss? how was the undercroft tied in with Isadora when it was apparently a Gaunt secret? what even really was the undercroft?

yes, i know — “well arent they making a second one?” and yeah, im pretty sure they are, and maybe thats why we’ve gotten nothing more than a pile of bricks in the last year and a half. but, they should probably finish the first game before starting on a second.

this doesnt mean i dont love Hogwarts Legacy. i love the people ive met, the stories ive read, and i love capturing the screenshots i take from that game. the entire situation is just frustrating to no end.

[marleysfinest]

i hope that i am not late for the lovefest and even if i am i have snacks and copious amounts of alcohol so PLEASEEEEEEE let me in!!! pelase please oewijaflsijdfasdjf

okay anyway i love that you're doing this to begin with, it speaks to how wonderful you are so let's kick things off with the woman of honor - you!

muva marley, you are one of a kind in the most spectacular of ways. your heart is enormous. i would trust you with my keys, my banking app password, my social security number, my life...anything. you have a heart of solid gold and we are all better because we get to benefit from being around you. seeing the way you love your family, your friends, all the compassion you give, it makes me want to be a better person and i'm sure i'm far from the only one. as beautiful on the inside as you are out. i love you! so much! thank you for being in my life <333

and now i have a few more people i'd like to mention, i apologize for the length of this ask in advance:

@wyvernslovecake - oh cas, your inner light shines so bright. you are hilarious and clever and just an all around outstanding human being and it's my privilege to get to call you a friend. we went from anonymously talking about papa reiner (long may he live....) and grimmjow to now having the friendship we do and i'm so grateful. thank you for the fun! thank you for the laughter!

@sailorspica - we were destined to cross paths and i know it because how else would i find a fellow pisces with the best taste in toxic old men and music both? nowhere but here. it's so fortunate that we met here where we can truly match each other's freak. and as for that houseboat? i think we should. i think we could be like mob and reigen but somehow even better.

@quiveringdeer - nat! you have been with me for the full two years i've been here and while we've both come and gone and had our struggles and triumphs and time off and here both, it's like coming home to get to talk to you when i do. i truly feel rejuvenated even if it's just a short little back and forth about life and whatever. you have the biggest heart and the best vibes and i hope you know that about yourself and believe it.

@bloompompom bloomy wooms where do i begin?!!!!! you are the most beautiful soul! your heart is so big! you are creative and hilarious and so down to earth. you're the person i know i could get coffee but also tell my tragic life story to and be met with empathy and wit and something to carry with me after the convo is over and we've parted ways. you are a star! spectacular! i love you!!!

@ssslime - my home state mate <333 every time i think of you i get this fond little warmth in my chest because you are so good. inside and out, just good to your bones. thank you for being the most honest, kind, and hilarious person out there.

@pavloves-dog - the human equivalent of sunshine to be sure. you are supportive. you are intelligent and so funny and so easy to talk to. you have so much wisdom and im proud of you and proud to know you!!! thank u for being my friend and for being yourself

@p00pdev1l - jazz!!!! you are the best!!! never has a presence been mourned more than when you left and when you returned it was like the gates of heaven opened and granted us an angel again. just a person we should all aspire to be more like because you're grounded and patient and good to everyone and just ugh. thank u!!!! for returning to us

@daryascurse - what if we...held hands and kissed...what then...LSDFLSJDFJSDF but also hiiiii <333 you are awesome. beautiful, bold, talented, gonna change the world and probably pretty effortlessly although your work ethic is also beyond admirable. like idk how i even stumbled upon the luck that gave me the opportunity to have you in my life but i won't complain.

@neiptune - oh v!!!! oh beloved! you have the biggest heart and you do so much just by being yourself. you have a healing presence and i know that's a lot of pressure to have as a person but you wear it well and you are just wonderful. thank you for being in my life <3

@pisspope - genuinely the most clever and creative person i've ever met. you are a riot and i love the way you see the world and other people and i admire it very much. you see everyone for exactly who they are, no projections or frills, and i love love love that. you are awesome.

and finally, my belovedest @blondeboyfriend <333 tbh i don't even think i'd still be part of this community if it weren't for finn. like sometimes in life you meet a person that like completely changes things for you and even if we don't talk every single day, finn is that person for me. i love you and i'm so grateful we exist at the same time and someday we will indeed enjoy our creamsicles together watching a sunset.

okay that's all for me they're playing me off! i love everyone! i love you guys soooo much!!!!

we got KENDY in here with the luv!!!!!!!!!!! I love u so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spread the love with muvva's feel good 500!

[smolweeblets]

Would you be willing to write either headcanons or a oneshot about working out with Yelena. My gay little brain wants scenarios to think of when exercising

Minor Injuries

Yelena AOT x Reader

Going to the gym was nice. The atmosphere was nice, not that many people at the time you usually went and everything was kept clean. The people at your gym were nice too, offering help when you seemed like you needed it, sometimes you even found the occasional sticky not stuck on some of the machines with little motivational quotes.

Yet yourself found one teensy little problem… Which was that you found yourself always being stared at by another member, a tall and lanky blonde that was always by the treadmills.

You could always catch glimpses of her, and her turning away quickly after you catch her. Honestly, you dont know why she was just… looming over you like that. Was she judging you? You really cant tell. It was very creepy.

After your initial impression, you tended to avoid her. She took the hint and left you alone for the most part but you still couldnt shake off the weird feeling when she was around.

You two never interacted, until one day you find yourself in a small accident.

It wasnt anything big really, you just accidentally dropped a weight in your foot. Yelena found you hopping on one leg like a maniac and you wanted nothing more than to melt into the ground.

“Are… you okay?” She hesitantly asks.

“Yep! Im- uh- just a small accident!” You grit through your teeth.

“Do you need help-?”

You suck in a breath before responding. “No, I swear im all good!”

“I insist, at least just sit down for now. Hopping help with the pain at all.”

Having no reason to object, you calm yourself down just enough to take a seat on the nearest bench.

The woman takes your foot and winces when she sees the area.

“Is it that bad?” You sigh.

“Its gonna bruise pretty bad. Wait there a bit, ill get some things to help with the pain.” Before you could object, she was already out the room, leaving you to your own devices.

“Here, this should be able to help. Try to bear with it for the moment yeah?”

[insert procedure on minor blunt force trauma im not knowledgeable enough to write]

“Ah- I do have to admit, I feel somewhat better, thank you” You offer a grateful smile to the woman.

“No problem, whats your name by the way? We seem to always go here at the same time, I notice you struggling sometimes.” You heat up at the mention that shes been looking at you.

“Yeah,” You chuckle awkwardly. “I see you staring at me sometimes, honestly found it a little creepy, but im glad to know youre actually nice. My name is Y/n, nice to meet you” You offer your hand to shake, she takes it but you can see shes also flustered to hear that youve noticed her staring.

“Likewise. I didnt realize that my staring could be seen as creepy, I apologize for that. I can see why youd be weirded out. My name is Yelena.” She shook your hand, and you couldnt help but notice how smooth her hand felt against your own.

~~~~~

That was the start of a peaceful little friendship between the two of you.

She helped you out and gave you tips as much as she could. And in turn you gave her a reason to do something other than run on the treadmills.

You both loved to talk about trivial topics, how your days have been going, something funny you saw, or even what you had for breakfast that morning. She was a nice company to be around, and she was around a lot.

Despite your first impression of her getting off on the wrong foot, you find yourself quite attracted to her, you push the feeling down as best as you can, but thoughts linger in the back of your head during each interaction with her.

~~~~~

“Gah, im tired. Im gonna go now, you have fun.” You sighed as you started to tidy your stuff.

“Nah, leaving soon too. You got anywhere to be later?” Yelena took a sip out of her water bottle and slumped on a nearby bench.

“Thats kinda random, but no, why do you ask?” You paused and and looked at her.

“Wanna get some drinks together? Weve been friends for a while but havent seen each other anywhere other than the gym.” Yelena smiled softly to herself.

“Sure, sounds lovely!” You grinned.

A/n: This is not my best work so I apologize for the quality, i hope you still enjoy 😭❤️

[oifaaa]

Please tell me how Roy’s characterisation was massacred for N52.

I understand how Jason and Roy’s relationship can be annoying where Roy never questions Jason and just follows him around blindly, never second guessing him. Roy is hard on himself and lacks self esteem and so thinks highly of Jason when really he should be angry, maybe even jealous of the power (all caste magic) Jason has. Then i get confused because I’d think someone going through a bout of depression and self hate and self medicating would have low self esteem and would think everyone is better than them and that they are a fuck up so isn’t that accurate portrayal of how awful Roy’s situation is?? Doesn’t that show the way Roy struggles just as he has pre N52?

Additionally Jason always compliments Roy on his greatness and abilities (Not in person which is annoying because grr he has to be manly and can’t compliment a friend) but in his little thought bubbles he’s always talking about how great Roy is and how grateful he is to have him.

Now this is where I get more confused because surely Roy respects Jason and through Jason’s monologues he clearly respects Roy though he may not say it out loud. The point is, people exaggerate so much how Roy is used as a crutch for Jason to look cool but Jason is constantly mentioning Roy and how important he is for the team. (Though I won’t deny there are times he may call him a goofball or undermine him but I mean cmon it’s literally ‘Red Hood’ and the outlaws, not ‘Titans’ where they’re equals, so it’s understandable that Jason would have swords and magic and stuff and save the day whilst Roy is not the main character). Idk I just haven’t noticed Roys character being MASSACRED when he’s with Jason.

People say Roy’s biggest trauma is having to be with Jason but I don’t know why that’s so bad like don’t just say it’s shit writing, fucking give me the evidence. (Sorry for the rant no offense to you what so ever). If the writing is so bad then blame the writer idk why Jason gets so much hate.

Anyway, please tell me how and why Rhato is the worst comics because I don’t think it’s that bad personally and I’d get shit for saying that.

Ps. This isn’t even about JayRoy or Lobdells disgusting history it’s literally just about why Rhato gets so much hate. I’m so confused so please explain /gen.

Thank you, have a nice day :)

Okay im gonna start this off by saying I think your looking at this the wrong way, your treating RHATO as just a stand alone story and if you want to know why people hate it you have to look at it in the broader context of it being a continuation of three different characters stories bc that is what it is - kory Roy and Jason are all pre established characters with rich backgrounds and personalities that have been building up for decades if you ignore these histories your gonna get push back from fans and Lobdell actually took it one step further

I'm gonna be short and sweet with this bc people more knowledgeable about roys character can put it way better then me but lets get straight to the point - the reason why people say Roy harper was massacred in RHATO is bc his whole character was changed- his back story, his relationships, his addiction, a lot of his personality and hell even his tattoos were changed and changed for the worse as a lot of it seemed to get done just to better suit Jason who was also changed a lot by lobdell but not to the extent that Roy was - a lot of it comes off like lobdell didn't even bother to read any comics with Roy in them before he decided to try and shove him into a role that wasn't suited for him which if your a long time Roy fan watching a character you adore get a complete overhaul just so he fits with the character the author uses as a self insert your gonna be a wee bit agitated

When your writing stories in the dc universe you have to be careful as a lot of these characters are main characters in their own right when they team up together sure you can focus on one more then the others but you have to be at least abit aware of each of the characters your including back stories motivations and personalities and what lobdell did was use the fact that the new 52 just happened as an excuse to create whole new characters with the same names as these much loved pre established characters and this rightfully pissed off a lot of people who loved these characters especially bc the things that happened in the n52 have had a lasting effect as these are the comics newer fans are reading and if your favourite character has been given a complete overhaul into a character you no longer recognise too bad a lot of people are gonna go forward only seeing Roy as Jason Todd's side character the guy in the baseball cap

[i-sveikata]

Hello, I just wanted to write that I re-read the last chapter again (I can’t stop) Your fanfic is what kept my mental health going (it was a really hard year) over the past year and I’m grateful for that 🥰But I was so immersed in this story, on  at the moment this is the only ff that I read on this fandom, and it should already be so (for more than a year now, it’s incredible)😊I like that the characters are so alive, the feelings are so vivid, and they are so intertwined with depth and important themes and also  with sex (Vegas's pov still haunts me, I'm really looking forward to reading some kind of sexual experience from his point of view, because he's just so bad for it, AND VERY HOT), but we know that he hides his  real emotions 👀I’m looking forward to how events will develop further, you are so talented 💘It’s so incredible that you can write such a beautiful, emotional story for FREE that will find such a response in many, I’ve been here for a year now and I’ll wait as long as you want to  enjoy this work and read how these two live their happy twisted life (and this is just my wish...in my head it’s a canon that they killed Korn, ehhh dreams)😈At the end I want to wish you health and send hugs 🫂 And if possible,  can I have a little spoiler about “Vegas will do something stupid, and Pete will do something even worse” I’m so interested 😭😭😭 But if not, then I’m okay with it and ready to wait further 💜 P.S. I’m not a native English speaker, I hope everyone is here  It's clear

oh hello there!!! oh my gosh that honestly means so much to hear that and im so happy it could offer something meaningful during the past year though i do hope this year treats you better!!

ahhhhhhh thank you so much!!! im so glad you think i brought it to life that way!! oh wow yes his pov is very much diving under the surface of what Pete has been interpreting this entire time. wow yes and if there is a sex scene in his pov you can bet its going to be deeply obsessed and unsettling whilst we hear how he experiences that from his pov and how it all makes him feel. like dude high key wants to climb inside petes body and live there permanently there will be no normal internal thoughts whilst theyre having sex haha.

youre so right he does hide way too much!!! and were going to be seeing a lot of that the more we have his POV. ah thank you thank you!! its honestly been so amazing that its resonated with people this much and the experience has been so rewarding!! ah thank you youre too sweet!

omg yeah they should murder korn what an idea. thank you!!! sending you good health and hugs too!!!

oh sure!! well basically its going to revolve around pete finally deciding that he wants to bottom but when he tries to bring that up in his usual halting, beating around the bush kind of way vegas just ends up putting his mouth in it. but like in the most extreme, worst way possible. badly enough that pete makes his own petty, spiteful plan instead and decides to go elsewhere, knowing that it will set vegas off in the worst way but hes angry enough to try and rub that in vegas' face.

except- well it backfires and then the both of them are really into it and they both end up getting exactly what they wanted in the end anyway.

hope thats enough of a spoiler hint!

your english is great!!! and its very clear and easy to understand!! honestly so impressed with people who know more than one language and who talk to people in that other language!! like ur brain???? its so powerful!!!

hope you have a nice night!!

[lumibye]

hii charm i wanted to ask , what was sycamaris first date ? 🤔 how did it come abt , who asked, how did it go ? im soo interested , and i hope uve had a wonderful weekend ! - @catake

hehe hi clara ! hope your weekend's been lovely as alwayss and i hope your finals went just as well !! i'm sure they did but sending my heart and wishes anyways ofc ofc

( ♡ ) ty honestly sm for encouraging me to talk abt them bc it's all in my drafts but i'm just . . soso shy ( if you could believe it ehe ; ) so it really means a lot to me ! i'm v grateful i get to speak my silly nonsense eek >_< their first date was . . it was a ' date ' but it wasn't ? this is prob a good time to explain why they're ' working together ' ig for context purposes ! ( i'll prob compile this all into a post at some point actually )

( long post again bc my filter is broken ehe ; )

although he has a lot of information on mega evolution in regards to battle , he doesn’t have a lot in the way of contests 

pokemon aren’t affected by any external factors like attacks or status conditions when performing , but they’re still expending a good amount of  energy with the use of moves

so , as someone that’s very invested in the subject , his research and the bond between pokemon and trainer - this information would be valuable to compare and contrast with his current findings

he doesn’t really know anybody in the contest scene? there’s serena, of course, but she’s also currently undertaking the gym challenge and being one of his pupils it doesn’t feel right to stick this kid with even more work considering she’s a dex holder  so mariannes his best bet , even though they're only acquainted at the time they share a mutual acquaintance in serena at least . it's mutually beneficial in a sense , if marianne can't use mega then she's going to be at a disadvantage in the contest circuit ( i hc that contests are similar to ORAS in kalos hehe ) her ' job ' would be to monitor the behavioural changes in her pokemon after rehearsals and performances as well as their general health and wellbeing . there'd be weekly or biweekly ' check ups ' at the lab for more thorough analysis but these ' reports ' are more casual to fit both their schedules also , it's a good excuse to go out for him to go out for coffee considering he's so busy . but they're not dates , don't be silly . . . ( /hj he doesn't intend it to be . . but . . ) anway ! to actually answer your question now ( i'm soso sorry i can talk for aages they live in my head rent free 24/7 ; ) once he proposes this to her at the lab ( it's like on a weekend so nobody's there ) and gives her a list of pokemon that can mega she notices the only one that can is benched because of her accident in the unova circuit reasons and she goes ' umm , i don't really have any on this list at the moment ' and augustine is kind of stumped because this meeting is now way shorter than he expected it to be so he goes ' oh , that's ok . . well let's go out for coffee instead ' ( not those exact words ofc ) because

a.) she's not super familiar with lumiose and having a kind of ' guide ' might be helpful

b.) atp he knows she's a bit of a reserved person and the few times they've met he hasn't seen her with any friends so that's mildly concerning

c.) if they're eventually going to work together he should know her a bit better and

d.) she's piqued his curiosity honestly marianne's very bad at saying no especially on the spot so as nervous as this makes her she agrees , for similar reasons too . this person's offering her an advantage in her career so it'd be rude to say no , wouldn't it ? so they go to soleil ( because taking a shy girl to your best friends cafe on your first outing seems like a really bad idea ) and he offers to pay and she protests and there's that cliche back and forth about who's going to pay that makes the barista a bit ticked off ( people pleasers , the both of them ) and it takes her a bit to open up but he's genuinely enthused when it comes to learning about people . so eventually she does crack a little bit , especially when the topic of coffee comes up . she used to be a barista in castelia and coffee is his passion so that's their jumping off point . after that they both surprise each other with just how similar they are ! they talk about their thoughts on self expression ( he asks about her career ) and just how important it is and their energy just gels . they end up almost gushing to each other about their thoughts and beliefs , which is something she hasn't done in ages since she's been alone for quite a while so it makes her so so happy . he didn't expect this to come out of someone like her and she didn't expect someone primarily invested in research to share her beliefs and ideas . afterwards she feels bad that she's talked primarily about herself but still . . . it feels good and honestly ? that's kind of exactly what he was hoping for and he's pretty happy himself . they both are ig , more than they'd thought they would ! she definitely goes home and screams into a pillow about how embarrasing she was tho ehhehehe

[raw-law]

oh my god,,, thank u both for the really super kind response to my last ask it made me cry a little

affirming words like that are something im extremely grateful for because i don't hear them often. i've been told before by someone who i used to be very close with that i "pull off being nonbinary" better than being a woman, and multiple friends of mine have told me that they don't perceive me as being any certain gender, that im simply just "me". and growing up, people around me (kids in school as well as family members) would tell me how good i look dressed in dark colors as opposed to brights and pastels, which is an insignificant thing to be bothered by but it hurts because i love fashion and cute clothes and wearing the pinkest and girliest things ever, i dont want to look good in dark colors because i don't feel girly when wearing them, i want to look good in pink because it reflects how i feel inside. i think i really do struggle to "pull off" being a girl, at least one who is on the hyperfeminine side of things

it's easier to come off as the girly girl i wanna be online, but in person it's a different story, and im always hurting because of it

so thank you for what you said. i even screenshotted the post and put it in a special folder on my phone so that i can look back on it whenever i feel bad. as soon as i saw your message i felt motivated to do something that would make me feel girly, so i took a shower with strawberry scented soap (this is special soap i use specifically for when i want to smell feminine. i use it sparingly) and afterwards i shaved my face and ate strawberry shortcake rolls and played ace attorney for hours. it doesn't get girlier than that heh

sorry for the very personal ramble thank you again >_<"💕

(p.s: Light, im not going to kick your butt, i am too dainty to commit any acts of violence)

- strawbunny 🐇🍰

Light:

Oh...I understand how you feel, very, very much. It is indeed easier to be the person you want to be online, and that's something that should change for most people.

Honestly, I think you should just ignore those people. It's perfectly okay to wear what you like and what you want, not what people say you look good in. And who cares about what people think? At the end of the day, you're gonna be with you forever (or at least till the end of your life) so you should do something you love, wear things you like, be whoever you want to be. It's definitely a hell of a lot easier said than done, but first steps are important.

I don't know if you want advice, but, well...I guess you could try wearing items of clothing you like, whatever you feel good in. And do stuff that makes you feel more feminine and more comfortable. Tell your loved ones about your pronouns and things like that.

Lastly, I'm glad that our words made you feel better. And I'm very happy you're finding the courage to do what you love. :] It'll get better soon, I promise you.

(P.S. And thank God for that.)

L:

aw. well i'm glad the words meant that much to you, because i still very much stand by what i said. and i also agree exactly with what light has stated. you should wear what you like, ignore those dummies. y'know, somebody told me blue wasn't my color once. now maybe i'm not the best with fashion.. but i think it suits me pretty well. and it goes to show that people usually don't know what they're talking about, and even if they did, it doesn't really matter.

go wear your pinks and pastels. keep playing ace attorney while eating shortcake rolls (good choice, by the way). be girly and tell everyone else to suck it. because you are a girl and they're foolish to think otherwise. femininity comes in all sorts of forms, and they're all very beautiful. i'm sure whichever way you decide to express your femininity will fit perfectly, and it won't be any less beautiful or girly than any other expression.

i wish you luck in your pink-plastered endeavors, bunny.

(p.s. damnit.)

[rin-and-jade]

Helloo!!! <3 I hope this message finds you well and that you'll have a wonderful day/ evening :)

So. First of all I am really grateful for your blog because I managed to understand some things about my problems.. also I should say first that im only suspecting I might have did or osdd 1b and im trying not to exaggerate about this self diagnosing thing and taking it slow (its almost a year since then and I think this diagnose describes exactly my struggles) but anyways. im pretty sure I have cptsd! so it might be just ptsd...

But I wanted to ask you bc I just dont know who else to ask this: are there any particular techniques to minimize trauma regarding learning or studying? (like I was receiving physical beatings for fucking years.. because I couldn't concentrate while trying to study- sorry for the unnecesary details) im really trying my best and sometimes I try to speak to the little of our system about the whole process of studying and how its not going to hurt her, that mistaking is very normal and from mistakes we will gather experience and that our abuser cannot do us harm anymore, so on and so on. It works mostly but she's not the only one who has problems regarding this specific trauma so its a lot harder to keep up with everyone wlse who might be triggered. I can't always hear them responding to me or giving me any sign of anknowledgment when trying to explain what is happening but the hardest part is concentrating and not feeling extremely tired... it goes without saying that this is very frustrating. And its been already two years since I tried my best to study. I just always seem to fall in the same pit..

I hope it makes sense what i've written here and if you dont have any advice then its totally fine!!!

P.S. this is not my native language. sorry :'D

Im so sorry that you’re having a really hard time around the aspect of studying, it makes me happy that you’re still kicking and trying,, asking help from me is totally fine even if you’ll need it multiple times, im gladly creating answers that could work for people and you.

I had gave a thought, we can do a few things like having exposure therapy (the technique), having a study buddy, and for the concentration such as using a different learning media, breaking it smaller with breaks each, and using more techniques for this too.

Regarding about study difficulty:

Exposure: this is a repeated process where your brain is given something it used to find as dangerous from the past and be stuck on a flight or fight response whenever it appears again. Be repetitively exposing what it fears, the brain always expects a bad outcome, and the thing is to ride it through until it knows it’s a false alarm and go “oh wait its not happening” until the initial stress from it is gone, this can be done by yourself (because i did). This is best done in a calm environment where you will attempt this, and call quits if its overwhelming for the first few tries,, but never drop it forever.

Study buddy: this is a great way to deal with it when studying alone feels too tedious to do. Studying together is helpful as your brain can re-associate what studying is actually like, you can do this with your current friends, it can be done physically or you can do it by online too.

For better concentration:

Media: studying about a topic that is presented in a video with visual representation keeps your eyes wondering less, since more elements are in there rather than reading a textbook, where it’s easy to drift off when words feel too much.

Breaks: studying in a prolonged time also defeats the motivation and focus, I personally study for test as i play (literally), in intervals. I review the necessary subjects in parts, rehearse, play, go back and revise what i remember and the previous one too,, rinse and repeat until i can remember the whole topic that needs to be memorized for the test. But this can be applied for regular learning where it’s just done in consistent intervals.

Others:

Destressing, it helps remove unnecessary clutter that’s taking space in your mind interfering focus.

Music, adding a background noise while studying may help some people and especially who needs sensory stimulation to focus properly.

Rewards, having a goal to reach to will make you easier to focus, and when you reach it (say 5 minutes of reading then want to watch a reel) your brain loves it. Then do it again.

I hope this can help you, this took a while to write everything so i don’t know what else haven’t got listed (because I can’t remember all at once) but nonetheless, try them, i insist!

- j

[darlinguistics]

hey guys happy holidayss~ i know a rambley lil impromptu post-festivities inebriated post isnt very studyblrcore of me but i hope you guys see me not just as a studyblr but as a cool older cousin type, or if youre older than me, then as an angel sent to heal your inner child with nonserious-serious vibes and nihilistic optimism <3

speaking of new years i wonder if i might end up making this blog a bit more langblr-y next semesterrr, i think im about decent enough in korean to feel okay making more content about/in it. or if im not then im gonna start aiming for it more lol!!

im hoping to make my korean studying more consistent and almost mundane or like low pressure, so that instead of cramming and hyperfocusing on it a lot and forgetting my other classes i can just make studying habits part of my routine and a constant so i can have better focus when i work on other things, if that makes sense idk if i explained that well. but i also reallyyyy love learning korean so the hyperfocusing will still happen lol

i really wanna write more this year both personal journaling and practice/hobby journaling for korean plus my academic/intellectual thoughts?? i never like really write those down and i wonder why not. i also want to be off line more and i feel like getting better at irl communications helps that a lot even if its just personal journaling no one else reads. its a good to remind myself that i can articulate myself if i try lol

ooh and i want to become really good at pilates idk, somethings been awoken in me this last month about it, and its been too long since i had a hobby that was physically active like that so i am restless lol. so ig it doesnt have to be pilates if i get bored and try smth else thats cool too

hm what else. idk i just kinda wanna be more expressive yknow, in minor and major ways. i have a lot a of thoughts on this idk. or maybe its an unmasking journey im on. oh shit no im def on a trauma-reprocessing journey i forgot thatll be a doozy lol. but! im growing so much~ did u know that avoiding discomfort is actually not the point of life? and that sometimes good things and right things that have to or should happen, are uncomfy? and that doesnt mean theyre bad or wrong? did you know pain ends and believing yourself to be able to survive painful things is actually so fucking important? im trying to learn those things lately. that tragedies are still worth telling.

alright. ill shut up now ty for humoring me. whether or not you celebrate things this time of year i hope you are comfy, i hope you find moments of peace and joy however small or private, i hope you reach out to people or the universe or whatever it is you need. ive been really grateful for my experieces w this blog this year <3 rest well and take care everyone!

[phantom-ellie]

The Art of (Smashing) Crockery Chapter 26: Radio Silence

Click here for CWs/Full Chapter List

It’s one in the afternoon when Ed finally trudges back to his apartment with a giant headache and feeling no better than he had before. He knew it would be a bad idea to see Jack. How long had this bender been? Ed shrugs to himself. Who would even care?

He heads straight to his room and plugs his phone into the charger before depositing himself on the bed. He stares at the ceiling, feeling sorry for himself. Hoping that maybe with the couple days of distance, he and Stede can… start over? Ed doesn’t know if he wants that. He doesn’t know if he can just be Stede’s friend.

He doesn’t know if he can be who Stede needs him to be right now.

His phone starts buzzing like crazy, and Ed squints and picks it up as it begins to charge. He’s hit with a flood of notifications. Texts, missed calls from the whole crew, Izzy, numbers he doesn’t even recognize.

He sits up and isn’t even sure where to begin. Text after text begging him to pick up his phone. Did they think Ed was in trouble? It was nice to be cared about.

Out of habit, he opens his favorite blog, wondering what Stede has been up to.

That is the last peaceful thought he has for a long time.

The blog post. The group chat notifications. The texts from Izzy. And of course, from Stede.

Stede: ok, i understand Stede: i wont bother you anymore, ed Stede: dont feel bad, nothing was your fault

Holy fucking shit.

He doesn’t even think to do anything else, dialing Stede’s number on repeat, getting frustrated with each failure to pick up. He can’t call anyone else, what if Stede calls him back? With furious tears he shoots off a desperate message.

Ed: Stede mate pick up the phonr

There’s a pause of a good two minutes as Ed dials and redials and dials and redials. Then…

Stede: i don't feel like talking

Thank fuck.

Ed: im sorry for everything, tell me where you are and ill come get you

Stede: i cant Stede: it's too far

Ed: too far from ehat

Stede: i don't want people to see me Stede: i don't want to hear i told you so anymore Stede: tell them to stop flooding my phone Stede: please

Ed: pcik up the phone Ed: talk to me

Stede: if I tell you where i am will you tell everypne

Ed: ill come get you

Stede: i don't want mary and the kids to be scared

Ed: why do you think they'd be scared

Stede: can you come alone

Should Ed go alone? Should he bring someone, an ambulance, he’s not trained for this, he doesn’t know how to…

Ed: yes Ed: anything man

Stede: ok Stede: im at pigeon point

Ed: the lighthouse?

Stede: yes

Ed: im coming there now, will you call me and stay on the phone so I can hear that you're safe?

Stede: I cant

Ed: will you wait for me to get down there?

Stede: i think Stede: 2 hours Stede: cant wait anymore

Ed: dont fuckjnf move

Ed shoots off a quick text to Lucius telling him that he’ll have more information soon, and books it for his bike. He doesn’t have time to call anyone else. They’ll have to find out about it later.

He tears off from his parking spot, grateful that he can weave in and out of traffic on his bike. Pigeon point is an hour’s drive from his location.

Fifty minutes later, Ed pulls up to the parking lot outside of the lighthouse, spotting Stede’s car as he turns into the parking lot. It looks empty, dark. Ed parks his bike and runs towards it, hoping to search for a sign of where Stede might have gone. Luckily, he doesn’t have to.

Stede is in the driver’s seat, bent over, forehead pressed against the steering wheel. For a moment Ed thinks that he’s passed out, or… worse… but when he approaches the window Stede turns his head to glance at him before reaching over to unlock the passenger-side door. Ed walks around the car and slips inside.

“Stede… oh my god, I’m so sorry I didn’t pick up before, I can explain-”

“Don’t.” Stede’s forehead is still against the steering wheel. He’s looking straight ahead, eyes red, voice shaky. “You don’t have to. I’m too tired to listen.”

“Let me drive you home, okay? You’re going to be fine.”

Stede slowly shakes his head. “Fuck, I’m so messed up, Ed.” He puts his head in his hands. Ed places a hand on Stede’s back, moving it back and forth, and Stede shudders at the touch.

“You aren’t messed up, Stede. Your life is messed up. That isn’t you.”

“You don’t… you don’t know. It’s nice of you to want to see the best in me. You’re the only one who does, I think. But it doesn’t matter. It’s all fallen apart and I can’t fix it.” Stede is crying now.

“Just talk to me, okay? Get it out. I’ll listen.”

“It’s just… why?” Stede wipes tears from his eyes, which look like they’re made of glass. “Why did I have to go and prove them all right? Do you know how hard I’ve tried? I did everything right. I gave up everything that made me happy to prove them wrong. And I still couldn’t.”

“Wrong about what?”

“I can’t…” He swallows and shakes his head. “I’m… gay. I’ve always been gay. And everyone knew it but me. Everyone.”

Ed scratches the back of his neck awkwardly. “I mean… yeah… we kind of did. But it isn’t a bad thing…” His voice trails off as Stede begins to sob harder.

“You don’t understand. It’s something good to you. But to me it’s…” Stede searches for the right word. “It’s failure. It was the one thing I had to prove them all wrong about me. I had pride in defying their expectations because… god… I’ve failed to meet expectations my whole life, Ed. Every time. But I put everything on this. I wasn’t going to fail. But I did.”

“Being gay isn’t a failing, Stede. I’m gay, most of your friends are gay. Do you think they’re failures for that?”

“No, but…” He rocks forward and back a little. “If they’re right about this, if I am who they say I am… they must be right about everything else.”

“You’re wrong. They aren’t.”

“How do you know? How do I know? I don’t know anything about myself. I’m nothing. I’m broken and I’ve always been broken.”

“You aren’t broken because you’re gay, Stede.”

“I’m broken because I’m me.” Stede whispers as he places his forehead back on the steering wheel, gripping the bottom of it so hard his knuckles turn white.

“I don’t think you’re broken.” I love who you are.

“You don’t have to live with me every day. You don’t have to think these thoughts. And I’m happy for you, Ed.” He closes his eyes. “No one should have to feel this way. I’m glad Mary is leaving me. I’ll give her everything. They are going to be so happy without me.”

“Stede…”

“Ed.” Stede sighs and finally looks over. “I'm sorry that I fucked everything up between us.”

“Why are we here, Stede? What are you planning?” Ed moves his hand to Stede’s shoulder and grips it, hard. He knows the answer to his own question, and is confident that he can stop it. But it breaks his heart all the same.

“I was… I was going to drive off the cliff.” Ed nods and looks ahead at the water. “Or drive into the water from the beach. I read… drowning, it feels good. It’s peaceful. It’s the way I’ve always imagined doing it.”

Ed squeezes his shoulder harder. “How often have you imagined… doing it?”

“Oh, you know…” Stede sniffs and waves his hand. “Everyone does from time to time.”

Ed shakes his head. “No, Stede. They don’t. That isn’t normal.”

“Well, I’m not fucking normal, am I? That’s the problem.”

Ed snorts. “I don’t want you to be normal. I love you for who you are. I wish you loved yourself the same way.”

Stede’s eyes well up with tears again and he sobs quietly, placing his hand on the one gripping his shoulder.

Ed pulls him in for a hug, and Stede buries his face in Ed's shoulder and shivers.

"You know now that there's no way I'm gonna let you do this, right? I'm not leaving this car."

“I… I know. ” Stede chokes with a whisper. “I texted you.”

“You did. You texted me and told me where to find you and you waited. That means something."

Stede sighs and holds on to Ed even tighter. “I think… I need a favor.”

“Anything. Anything at all, you name it, long as it involves me driving you out of here.”

“I think this is my last… I don’t have any other options.”

“Tell me what you need, man.”

“I need… help? I can’t stop thinking about it… You make me feel brave enough to… do something better. No one else cares.”

Ed feels tears running down his face. “That isn’t true, that’s your brain lying to you. There are a whole lot of people who care about you.”

“I don't want to get help for them, Ed. I know that’s bad, but I just want you."

“You have me, Stede. Always. You believe that, right?”

Stede pulls away and wipes his eyes. He gives an exhausted smile.

“I think so.” He bites his lower lip and looks out at the ocean. “I think… I think I need to go to a hospital.”

Ed processes this for a second and then nods.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea, mate. We’re gonna get you some help, okay?”

“Will you… will you come with me? Your bike…”

“Fuck the bike.” Ed gets out of the car and walks around to open Stede’s door. “Move over, I’m driving you.” He waves his hands in a “move” motion, because there is no way Ed is letting Stede out of the car until they are somewhere safe.

Stede awkwardly lifts his legs one at a time to move over the center console, and Ed slides into the driver’s seat, turning on the car’s child locks pointedly.

“Do you want to… listen to music?” Ed asks as he starts the car.

“No.” Stede shakes his head. “I don’t.” Ed squeezes Stede’s knee and begins to drive in silence. Stede rests his head against the passenger-side window and within minutes is asleep, leaving Ed to drive silently with a mixture of terror at losing the best thing in his life and the relief at saving him, if only for now.

Chapter 27

[creepyjirachi]

im so deeply curious on how you wish su couldve ended. genuinely i would love to hear ur thoughts

oh good god. kendra if literally anyone else on the planet had sent me this ask i would have assumed they were heckling me. this is like diffusing a bomb.

okay. so i haven't watched the show in a long time, like literally since it was airing, and i never rewatched. so if i were going to have a specific Better Ending in mind, i would have to rewatch the whole show first to get reacquainted with all the lore. BUT.

mostly, i just would have liked the show to have had more time. rebecca sugar and the crew took a massive risk on the gay wedding, and they understood that the show could have been cancelled right there. and that basically happened. their priorities were what they were. they wanted it that badly. i get that. but, obviously, the ending was very rushed.

su has a lot of flaws, but one of the things they actually did very well was having characters who were complex people who evolved naturally over time. except for when they didn't do that. i thought the diamonds, all of them but especially white and yellow, had very bad arcs. their development was so fast it was almost instantaneous. they were built up for so long over the course of the series, and the stakes with them were super high. i didn't think their changes of heart were very realistic. it didn't make enough sense for who they were as people. and it all just happened so, so quickly. it just fell flat to me, and it felt unearned and insincere.

i also didn't like how the finale just kind of threw in all the loose ends for no reason. every remaining steven fusion, just like...... was there. even though in previous episodes, those would have been earned by exploring the relationships between the characters in a meaningful way. but, whatever. chuck them in, who cares, the show is cancelled. ugh.

and beyond the finale itself, i just didn't really like how certain characters were written towards the end? peridot became like, dumb comic relief when honestly her redemption arc was one of the best things the writers pulled off on the show. they just constantly beat rose quartz's corpse as well, which....... started out as a deconstruction of her image as a Perfect Sacrificial Hero. which i liked. i like rose. i like that she's this bizarre antihero who simultaneously saved the whole planet but also (unintentionally?) imploded everything around her. everyone on the show has a complicated relationship with her and her memory, and that's a good thing! but in the later seasons, we almost exclusively see her in a negative light, even compared to characters like the other diamonds who did WAY worse things and DIDN'T try to grow or change. the way her story was told just gave off the impression that she was a complete fraud, liar, and manipulator the entire time. which, in my opinion, she wasn't! she changed and grew profoundly over time, much like literally every other character. i just would have liked much more closure for rose's story, rather than using her for endless angst fuel when she's the only character who cannot speak for herself. but whatever. whatever!

final gripe: a lot of plus size women (including me before i figured out i was trans) found a lot of joy in rose quartz over the first couple seasons. she was this beautiful, powerful, beloved character who was fat. i saw a loooooot of posts back in the day about how grateful people were to see her on screen. and i'm not going to say that she should have remained one-dimensional or that making her complicated was wrong. but having her turn into The Devil Of The Show just...... hits me kinda wrong. i wouldn't go as far as to say it's bigoted or anything, but it just makes me sad. it's like giving a kid their first and only toy, only to reveal that the toy is full of spiders. like, ouch.

[morinull]

man everyday i am just more and more glad that my dad was an ex-mormon who taught me to think for myself. i am so glad at the baby book i found where my mom wrote "your father and i both believe in a higher power, but we want you to figure out what you believe." they werent good at being parents for many reasons mostly outside of their control but everything they did right they did better than most. i was still raised in mormon country and got in trouble for my godless ways in public school and had to work thru a lot of repression but just. my dad mumbling "why would you go to a church to worship god when you should be in the mountains with the trees" under his breath. my parents taught me better than any religion that "god" is in the earth and the air and breath of every living thing and i am just so very grateful for that. and it led me to my love of religion as a whole. my life journey of searching for connecting began when i found that baby book in elementary school and now it has led me to a passion. i love the ways people everywhere have found to connect with everything around them. i love finding the threads which link each other these cores into the same tapestry. idk. idk. i was talking to a new friend yesterday who said religion always felt like a knife to her, and i can relate to that, even, but i have reached a place where i can reach in and find the beauty and the ways it is all interconnected. the ways different peoples naturally connected to their worlds. and going back and back and looking at the ways todays world developed, the ways politics shaped religion, the ways like...idk man. i just. want to understand the world and religion holds both the beauties and the horrors of how we got here and im glad i have the perception i do to be able to connect these patterns in a passionate way? now i just need to make my body function so i can actually pass my classes and get a degree in religious studies and then uh. maybe be able to escape the us bc idk how much longer i can uh handle being here. i know nowhere is perfect, but if i can get a degree and get into like a masters program in iceland or smthn and be able to travel and get paid to study pre-christian religion and the ways it so deeply shaped western christianity ? maybe i would feel less like i wanted to give up if i had freedom of movement and financial security and purpose through my passion/special interest u know. idk. anyway. long personal post bc it's hot and im putting off errands and hw bc my body feels like its gna collapse haha. fibromyalgia rly hates humid heat why did i move to socal (bc its the best place to be a malnourished, homeless tranny faggot but whatever)