#im def forgetting a tag or two

[filez34]

Moon gets to explore the world in dusk, the light from sun on clouds and the peeking moon (and then antennas cause he absolutely climbs that one. also birds)

ost to this one in subsequent order:

Utopia ost (Cristobal Tapia de Veer) - Jessica Gets Off

Cults - Gilded Lily

[todayisafridaynight]

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

[etoilebinaire]

14 and 15 for Evanna/Merrill, 23 and 24 for Rasha/Bull, 27 and 29 for Jess/Bastila/Juhani? :)

Thank you Sierra 💕 these are so much fun!! It's long so under a cut!

Evanna/Merrill: 14: What little things remind them of each other? What reminds Merrill of Evanna is the warmth, comfort and smell of a fire. Pretty dresses and nice fabrics, even if there’s not much of that in Kirkwall. Another thing that reminds her of Evanna is a little more abstract, but the feeling of when you’re a little tipsy in a bar and everything is getting lively. Some people might be passing out drunk, fighting or starting a fight, but there’s also your friends dancing together and laughing and a kissing couple in the back of the bar. It isn’t all good it isn’t all bad but it’s all people living. That’s Evanna for Merrill. For Evanna, after she met Merrill she suddenly noticed flowers all around that she’s never seen before. It’s because Merrill loves to point out and pick flowers because they’re pretty. Before, Evanna would look over them without a second glance but now they remind her of Merrill. Also, the most cliché stuff ever, but any time Evanna would see an emerald or some other beautiful green-ish gem she’d be reminded of Merrill and her eyes. It’s exactly like in the fanfiction and I think she would tease Varric with eye descriptions all the time as well. 15: What habits or characteristics have they picked up from each other? Evanna is a chronic lip-biter and eventually Merrill starts to mirror that but it’s the opposite of a problem because they’ve made it the perfect excuse to smooch in order to share chapstick <3. Evanna has this stupid joke where any time some kind of creature flies overhead, she stops in her tracks and says “dragon?” even though the chance that an entire dragon randomly flies over Kirkwall is extremely small. However, Evanna is very good in running a joke into the ground when none of her friends think it’s funny anymore. Merrill is smart and already knew a lot of bird species and has now made it her personal goal to be able to identify any flying creature so she can answer Evanna’s rhetorical bad joke. The first time Evanna wasn’t paying attention and missed a bird flying over, Merrill was the one to stop the entire group in their tracks and announce: “Dragon? No, it’s a sparrow”. Cue a lot of groans and ‘not you too’ from their friends and Evanna melting in a puddle because that is the most adorable thing she’s ever heard and Merrill is looking at her with the biggest smile on her face to see if she did the joke correctly.

Rasha/Bull: 23: What was their first impression of each other? Oh you already know. Bad. Their first impressions were actually without ever seeing each other. Bull did his homework and already knew the Herald of Andraste was Vashoth and about the Valo-Kas. I don’t think he was particularly thrilled about a Vashoth being the newest Andrastian prophet but he’ll give them the benefit of the doubt. Rasha had a good first impression of the Chargers with Krem, but also wasn’t thrilled that their leader was “Qunari, like you. Big, got the horns, all of it”. She definitely assumed he was Tal-Vashoth at first. When they actually meet on the storm coast, their second first impressions are mostly discarded in order to do some risk vs. usefulness assessment. Rasha is pretty much what was expected (not Qunari + wearing pieces of like 4 different cultures + not being expressive = a Vashoth mercenary). Bull is a little too knowledgeable about the inquisition but then he just straight up admits to being Ben-Hassrath and gets the Rasha Disapproves -200. Rasha then loses an internal discussion with her instincts in favour of the inquisition needing more people. She’s the embodiment of that tweet ‘(angriest I’ve ever been in my life) ok sounds good’. After threatening some being eaten alive by Cassandra she still hires them.

So then Rasha’s impression is: *kill bill sirens* spy who infiltrated the organization with approval of everyone around him cause humans don’t realize how dangerous Qunari spies are and Rasha has to keep an eye on him because the humans think he’s just friendly and that’s bad. Bull’s impression is.. also cautious since Rasha does seem high strung all the time and the inquisition can’t have their Herald having an emotional breakdown. But I think he also has some sense of respect for how practical her thought process is. 24: How did they fall for eachother? As I mentioned before, they found themselves stuck in an (somewhat one-sided) enemies to (mutual) reluctant colleagues to friends to lovers pipeline. Rasha is just too scared of Qunari spies to realize how compatible she and Bull are at first. Like, she will go along with the bit to convince Cullen that they can both breathe fire but then the bit is over and they’re enemies again. Their keep-a-straight-face-through-puns competitions are Spy Training and not friends joking around. Obviously. Neither of them fall for the other until after Bull gets fired and they start sleeping together. For both of them really, it’s the sheer effort they make to help each other. Rasha is trying very hard to believe and trust Bull on his word (“you’ll always be safe with me” isn’t always an empty promise and Bull has been nothing but reliable and deserves more than immediate instinctive dismissal) and her internal debates are now also broadcast on her face because she’s trying to openly communicate and be honest about her feelings and it’s adorable. After some encouragement from Rasha (“if you’re not honest my mind will make something up and that will be worse”), Bull is also making an effort to air his thoughts. It helps that Rasha is close to as messed up as he is, so neither of them will be scared off with talks about escape routes or how to most efficiently kill as many people in the room as possible. Obviously Bull grounds Rasha and provides the safe place she never thought she would have, which is a big part in how she fell for him, but she also does the same for him. Most people in the inquisition are terrified of the Rasha Death Glare™ and Rasha is very good at getting to high places where nobody is able to reach. Bull would also struggle to climb a steep rooftop but again, the effort is adorable and would earn him a smile and a helping hand. Then they would pretend to not hear any people bothering them. Also, the fact that when Rasa spotted a dragon her first thought was “Bull should be here” and barged into the Heralds rest to get him. Cue the drunken “Kadan” afterwards that they both forgot cause of that damn Maraas-Lok.

Jess/Bastila/Juhani: 27: What interests do they share? For interests they don’t share, do they ever participate anyway? Their general interest in saving the galaxy and being jedi and lightsaber forms etc they all share but that’s boring. Juhani and Jess both really like tea and Bastila is best at making tea so she makes tea for her gfs. Juhani would have trouble being patient enough to let it actually set before trying it, and Jess would boil water and then forget she was making tea in the first place. So, Bastila. They also like exploring places and new planets, and I think they’re all prone to warmer climates so they explore a lot of beaches. Nightly walks either under or among the stars. With some encouragement from Jess, dancing. For interests they don’t share.. They definitely do not share Jess’s swoop racing “hobby”. I would even go as far to say that they argue about it sometimes. Juhani questions the morals of getting all the racing money when Jess is using the force to win (even though she swears she isn’t!) and Bastila thinks it’s unnecessarily dangerous. It’s because Jess thought it was a good idea to ride around with the three of them on a one-person swoop bike one time and everything went well nobody got hurt but Juhani doesn’t believe in mechanical transport anymore and Bastila is never letting Jess drive again if she’s present. Jess always retorts to “but me swoop racing SAVED YOU, Bas!” and Bastila is offended and always responds “I saved myself!” and Juhani is in the middle wondering if her girlfriends are ever not going to be childish about that. In short; I think they do have separate interests that the others rarely participate in, but that’s for the best.   29: Where is their relationship lacking? What could they do to improve it? Hmm.. Their communication could be better. I think they could use a big honest sit-down conversation about how the jedi (including Bastila) treated Revan when she nearly died and last-minute got saved etc. Even if she’d never admit it and she’d think discussing it is useless, Jess definitely has mixed feelings about that. I’m sure Bastila and Juhani do too. While all three love each other equally, Juhani does harbor some envy for the strong force bond Jess and Bastila share. Again, I don’t think they really talk about any of that. Jess often assumes communicating by sensing their emotions through the force is a replacement for verbal communication and it’s really not.

[angelicdanvers]

BREATHE DEEPER | four.

a charlie bushnell x fem!reader social media fic.

y/n

liked by iamcharliebushnell, levizmiller, dior.n.goodjohn, and others

y/n — australia’s my new fav country

tagged | levizmiller

levizmiller i’m challenging you to another round of pool tonight ↳ y/n bet

iamcharliebushnell when’d you go to australia? 😭 ↳ y/n when u didn’t show up for acai bowls >:( ↳ iamcharliebushnell im sowwy ↳ y/n DONT YOU DARE ↳ iamcharliebushnell okok sorry but thought you'd be in london ↳ y/n soon, yeah :')

levizmiller y/n im gonna poke you ↳ y/n okayy hi ↳ levizmiller let’s get boba ↳ y/n YES

dior.n.goodjohn I MISS U COME BACK TO ME ↳ y/n once my australian chronicles are over i promise i will <3 ↳ dior.n.goodjohn WOOOO

walker.scobell youre pretty! ↳ y/n thanks lil dude!

i.am.andrewalvarez AUSSIEEE ↳ y/n THE SWEET ESCAPE FR

aryansimhadri DID YOU SEE KANGAROOS ↳ y/n NO NOT YET THOUGH I HOPE I DO

dailymail Y/n and Levi? ;)

user omg bf reveal happening??

user2 ive never held my breath this much

“GALILEO’S GALS” — 5 notifications!

chanel’s enemy Y/N

lee lee Y/N

dr dre why am i in this gc

chanel’s enemy because u are

lee lee we’re getting off topic Y/NNN CMERE

↳ hiiiii?

chanel’s enemy HIIII HRU ILY

↳ ILY TOO BAE IM GOOD WBU

chanel’s enemy WE GOOD WE HAVE SOME ?’s THO

↳ oh?

lee lee ARE YOU AND LEVI DATING

dr dre OHH THIS MAKES SENSE YEAH ARE YOU??

↳ nooooo

chanel’s enemy that’s a very interesting no

↳ we’re not but idk

chanel’s enemy what

lee lee girl wdym

↳ we’re not dating but i think he likes me? idk

dr dre do you like him back though???

↳ eh he’s very sweet but i’ve always seen him as a best friend, i don’t think we could be more

lee lee do you want to be more??

↳ i mean, i’d give him a chance if he asked? but it’s not anything i’m particularly into or wanting

chanel’s enemy okay that helps

↳ uhhh why

dr dre well if my sleepy ass remembers correctly, everyone and their mother are wondering if you’re dating

↳ nah that aint possible

lee lee it is, stupid dailymail picked up on it first 💀

↳ my manager’s asleep, no wonder she hasn’t updated me lol oh well idgaf they can think what they want

chanel’s enemy but even walker and charlie are 😭

↳ they’re gonna forget it in t-minus four secs it’s fine

dr dre whatever you say, ma’am but are you sure that ‘cryptic’ caption won’t cause any issues??

↳ uhh andrew you’re scaring me

dr dre what if someone likes you? like like-likes you and knows you and gets hella jealous or doubtful? and not saying charlie does but he was raving about how he might finally get to hang out with you, ONE ON ONE. what if he thinks he can't because he thinks you two are dating?

↳ bro first off ik you don’t like me, neither does aryan and i know its DEFINITELY not walker

lee lee girl he had a celeb crush on you a few years ago dont tell him i told u that

chanel’s enemy LMFAOOOO but no andrew has a point how come you didn’t mention charlie? 🤨

dr dre yeah i was just aboutta say 🤨 especially after my little analysis?

↳ SECONDLY, guys, charlie doesn’t. not one bit and that’s obvious, like he isn’t even in considerations. i understand what he may feel but he has nothing to worry about. he knows i won't ditch him or anything lol (right?) but if anything the only person that’d be a little confused or whatnot is william

chanel’s enemy WHAT?? AS IN WILLIAM FRANKLYN MILLER??

lee lee huh 😃

↳ we dated for a month back when we were 15 or so and realized we were way better off as friends

lee lee why ?

↳ idk i think i was just jealous of lily 😭 but anyways we’ve been just friends since and i’m completely happy with that. i don't see him romantically anymore, yeah he’s hot but like nah. but yeah if he was confused, it's probably because i was best friends with levi when we dated too and might question if he was the cause of our split?? AGAIN THATS IF HE OVERTHINKS IT

dr dre i feel like i’m reading an autobiographical analysis you definitely are fond towards “millers”

↳ ur welcome <333 and NO i am not

chanel’s enemy okok so we got several people who’d be jealous

↳ WHAT WDYM SEVERAL I ONLY LISTED ONE

lee lee ain’t no way you’re ignoring charlie

↳ DUDES I REALLY DONT THINK HE LIKES ME

dr dre but there could be a possibility? just don’t rule him out

↳ bro he doesn't like me 😭 but yeah trust me everything’s gonna be okay again i dont like anyone and no one likes me, and we'll make sure it's obvious i'm single in case anyone does though that may take a while... ANYWAYS

lee lee suuuuure you should hang out with charlie btw

↳ idk why but im scared to 😭

lee lee but you need to he misses you a lot yk

↳ doesn’t change the fact that im SCARED

lee lee WHY WOULD YOU BE SCARED ITS JUST CHARLIE

↳ IDK I JUST DONT WANNA SEEM STUPID OR UNATTRACTIVE AND SHIT

lee lee HE FLIRTS WITH YOU ALL THE TIME AND MESSES UP JUST AS MUCH, YOURE NOT THE EMBARRASSING ONE HERE

↳ DUDE I KNOW I CAN BE AND I DONT WANNA DRIVE HIM AWAY

dr dre sure you and levi hang out and are sweet and shit but BRO the teeth rotting sugar is you and charlie in your damn COMMENTS

↳ ITS NOT THAT BAD, IS IT?? 😭 GOD I HOPE CHARLIE DOESNT THINK OF ME ANY DIFFERENTLY

chanel’s enemy i think u like charlie, miss girl

↳ NO

dr dre nah, they’d be cute together, even charlie said so himself

chanel’s enemy you dumbass

dr dre uhhh ANYWAYS said too much im gonna sleep again love youse

lee lee BRO yeah night babes <3

chanel’s enemy LOVE U BAE GN

↳ what the duck STUPID AUTOCORRECT WHAT THE FUCK AINT NO WAY YALL JUST DIPPED fine ily guys too </3 BUT DONT THINK IM LETTING THAT GO EASILY ugh what do you guys mean 😭 aint no way thats true OKOK YK WHAT BYE!! FOR REAL THIS TIME

— taglist.

@shokocoded @istillremberthefirstfallofsnow @surftrips @svtsimp22 @gcidrvsh @idontevencare1223 @thames-fig @captainshischier @reggieslifeboat @multifandom-loser @wheelerslover @mermaid-mqtel @randomnpc456 @kaithoughs @isab3lita @mariposa555 @sunshinessky @myr-cheri @thedeadlynights @ella33 @c1nn4mng1rl @poppysrin @breadbrobin @lucy-the-ant @jules-loves-lukecastellan @taloulalila @tom-pls-fuck-me @mia-luvs @iknowyoureabigfan @rinisfruity14 @chasebeth @auttumnsayshi @prettygirlformula @alwayswndr @balletfilmss @kestisvrse @1forthemoney2forthekish @eissaaaa @emelia07 @toffytaste @soulaires @bearwon @happy-mushrooms @simrah1012 @blimp-blimp @obxstiles @yuminako @hopexcroc @mackycat11 @knowugetdejavu @0puddleofgender0

thank you so much for all your love and support, it really means the world to me. y/n's beginning to find out certain things, wonder where things will go from here 🤔

as always, i will continue updating the taglist :)

i love you and am so proud of you, stay safe and drink water <3

[luvhughes43]

true love | luca fantilli

[luvhughes43 masterlist🌷]

request: An insta edit of Luca and reader spending the summer together with all their umich friends?

note: im gonna use this as a little side piece of the fic you are in love

ynuser

liked by luca.fantilli, adamfantilli, bestie, and 2 301 others

ynuser starting summer off with my fav people😎💗

tagged: luca.fantilli, adamfantilli, and others

view all comments

bestie YOURE STUNINNGGG🤤❤️

luca.fantilli summers looking good😎☀️

bestie2 i think you should marry me actually

ynuser okayy🤭🤭

gwen having the time of my life with you💗💗

ynuser my fav roomie🫶 ily

user01 is he .. flirting?

user02 wait who's yn ?

user03 his best friend! i doubt hes flirting lol they're always like this

user04 LUCA OMG

user05 forget luca look at adam..

user06 ohh to be spending the summer with hot hockey players and your friends...

luca.fantilli

liked by ynuser, seamuscasey26, dylanduke25, and 9 704 others

luca.fantilli summer wrap up🔥

tagged: ynuser, and others

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ynuser u took a pic of me reading? 😭

luca.fantilli its for the aesthetics✨

jacob_truscott20 ok silly goose where's my aesthetic pics

edwards.73 🔥🔥🔥

ynuser a few familiar faces...

user07 SHE KNOWS

user08 knows what ?

user09 the pics are 50% hers lol he def has a crush on her

user10 yn is in these pictures a lot for somebody who's just a friend...

user11 every other picture is her... ohh hes so down bad

user12 THE ICE CREAM PIC???? ohhh i just fell to my knees... they'll 100% start dating by the end of the summer

user13 yn is gorgeous omfg i hope they date fr

user14 nope hes gonna date me!

user15 hes never going to choose you babe!

umich.girl.blog

liked by iamlukesgirlfriend43, and 237 others

umich.girl.blog rumour is that luca fantilli and yn ln are dating! ive gotten a few dms and all i can confirm right now is that they are close and theres definitely someee sort of fling going on.

view all comments

user16 okay.... he may have a gf! good for them

user17 i hope they're dating fr like the best friend -> lovers pipeline is crazy

user18 shes y/n in real life

user19 what are your sources? that he posts her a lot? because this is normal for him lmaoo theyre super close

user20 exactly! theyre in love!

user19 well no...

user21 the pic of them?? theyre soo😭😭

user22 drama accs are soo lame... like just enjoy the sport people!😒

a few years later...

luca.fantilli reposts

ynuser

liked by luca.fantilli, adamfantilli, gwen, and 1 205 others

ynuser you are in love🎶

tagged: luca.fantilli

view all comments

luca.fantilli took a few years but this is our song❤️

ynuser love you🫂💗

adamfantilli took u two long enough...

luca.fantilli frrrrr

gwen FINALLY!!!!!!

gwen been waiting since freshman year🙏

bestie my fav couple

ynuser 🫶🫶

user23 came to her acc because luca hasn't posted in awhile and i was curious and... im crying im so happy theyre finally together!

user24 cutiesss

user25 legit still remember all the theories that the two of u were dating back when we were still in school

ynuser some of them were crazyy😭😭

user26 my lifes been made

user27 ohh i love them so bad i really won!

-

-

-

[wrongcaitlyn]

AHHHH I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE I SEND YOU TOO MANY ASKSMHFJGXJC BUT ANYWAYS- the greatest of luxuries takes place around 2018, right? Which is also coincidentally around the time tiktok got popular so just like hear me out-

Nico is a chronic tiktok user and definitely makes tiktok dances (he was supposed to use it for promotional purposes and it's not until Apollo asks him about it that he actually does)

Nico and Will are those tiktok friends, the kind that you see videos of and it just looks like they came straight out of a coming of age movie- same goes for whenever Leo is featured in Nico's tiktoks like they are so iconic

Apollo definitely gets tiktok for the shits and giggles, only to go accidentally viral constantly- like he could make one silly random tiktok of freaking alley cat he found and it'd get like 50 million likes 😭😭 (bros tiktok account consists of his children and their silly friends)

ANYWAYS HAVE A GOOD DAY 🫶🫶🫶🫶

NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR TOO MANY ASKS I LITERALLY LIVE FOR THEM LIKE YES PLEASE ASK ME A MILLIION QUESTIONS ABOUT THIS AU THAT CONSUMES MY ENTIRE LIFELKSDF

and you are RIGHT OHMYGODSKLJF i keep thinking of a way to incorporate it bc rn they're in 2019, but i'm like, ahgsdf how do i bring in tiktok, do i make it a whole convo or just casually mention it orrrr

i do have quite a few tiktok headcanons in relation to them but i LOVE your ideas they're so real😭

these are the hc's that i had before reading this but tbh might have to go back to the drawing board on some of them becauseee i mean

(also i deleted tiktok a while back bc it was too addictive so tbh i have no idea what's going on over there anymore... nor was i there in the early daysSDLKF)

nico already strays away from social media quite a bit, and i think over the music industry changed, it's def encouraged for artists to like promote their music there and stuff. BUT. he has a bit of an addictive personality (relatable) and so when he eventually downloads it (because he would resist for a very long time) would get hooked. except he rarely posts, instead, he's that verified celeb account that you find in the most random comment sections and he spams all his friends with vids. he definitely gets a lot of pet videos i feel like, like the cute dogs and cats and he would send a vid of like yk YK WHAT VIDS IM TALKING ABOUT like two cats snuggling with each other or smth and send it to will with 'us' i just KNOW he would bc it's incredibly sappy but doesnt require too much descriptionsfkljs

he probably has 235829348 drafts and he mostly posts random stuff that's completely unrelated to his music. like i bet there would be a few people (when he occasionally says something related to his job) who didn't even know he released music despite definitely having heard it

i didn't really envision him doing tiktok dances eXCEPT maybe they all stay in his drafts. bc i dont think his vids would really be focused on *him* because he's not a huge fan of being on camera, so it'd more just be like those rants where you can only see his forehead or random studio vids oR TRAVEL VIDS WHILE ON TOUR. he would def do those. there's def some people who think he's a travel influencer and then find out he's a grammy award winning artist and are like ??? NICO?? FROM TIKTOK???

but he isn't called a "tiktok artist" despite some people knowing him from tiktok because he literally ALWAYS forgets to promote his own music in his vids. his fans are promoting it in the comment sections to try and get the people who think he's a travel influencer to listen to him😭

but his posting schedule is so very sporatic like he'll post ten vids in a day and then nothing for a month. it's fully based on vibes and is completely chaotic, just like everything else he does

will, like any other social media platform, has a private account. (nico also has a private spam) so will is that person who tags people in the comments like all the time (whereas nico sends it more often just bc he doesnt wanna risk being on the wrong account accidentally)

he appears a LOT on leo and lou ellen and cecil's tiktoks (and nico's) and every other week there's a huge internet search to find out who this guy is on a new famous person's tiktok account and then someone will be like "it's just will solace again HOW THE FUCK DOES HE ALWAYS FIND THESE PEOPLE"

like when he randomly shows up in taylor swift's getting ready for her nyu graduation post. like he's definitely there for a brief second in just like the reflection of a window or something and everyone goes CRAZY

before realizing it's this cryptid guy again who seems to be surrounded by every famous person to exist

he definitely posts a lot on his private account though and often it'll just be him rambling about something he's learned in class or him documenting every time he sees a cute animal in public

eventually he'll be dared to make a public account and he decides "haha that's funny okay sure it's not like anyone will find me"

WRONG. this guy is allergic to being not-famous. he will never be allowed to be a normal guy. his first video goes completely viral. he posts once in a blue moon, usually documenting his friends being crazy and every single time he does, it gets like a million views with people in his comments being "how does he know them???"

but you are DEFINITELY right about his account always seeming like it comes out of a coming of age story

and there are most definitely thousands of shippers in every single comment section with literally every friend. so he tries to have at least two other people in every single video so that people can't ship him with just one other person. but it's unavoidable. esp when he comes out as bi, people are just shipping him with ANYONE who shows up on his account

he also does those screaming lipsync vids to whenever a song by one of his favorite songs comes out he's a huge fanboy

OH and he gets to show off his vinyls there. he loves doing that. he's got so many and vinyl tiktok admires it.

also in every single video there's at least one comment that says "you look like apollo the singer"

EVERY SINGLE ONE

leo's the most active on tiktok, as he is with every other social media

it's either him building something, him setting something on fire, him with his friends, him talking to the camera while walking down the street (you know the genre of tiktok)

he is very similar to will in the aspect of "HOW DOES HE KNOW THEM??" but he's been a bit more public than will so people will know him more

he doesn't go viral as often as will (despite posting 132532x as much) but when he DOES it goes VIRAL viral. like tens of millions of views. it still happens quite often and he has the highest follower count of the friendgroup

and he's also the most active in comment sections like he's in every comment section you can't escape him and he replies to like every single one on his vids, usually with very cryptic responses that leave you with more questions than you started with

he ALSO tags will and nico in a bunch of videos, but not in a private account. he doesn't have a private account. he just tags them (obviously, avoiding any romance-related / stuff that could out them, in which he would send it to them) in EVERYTHING

and that's also the highest chance you have of will (on his public account) commenting on a video bc he's mostly on his priv

he also (when him and jason eventually come out) makes a million couple tiktoks and does all the trends

most recurring character in his vids are piper (and shel) (and will and nico over the summer when they're not so far apart)

apollo runs the account for delphi records

i know i haven't shared much of this BUT most people 100% assume that it's run by some intern or something bc of how casual it is but it's actually just him

he loves comment sections and hyping up all of his artists

oh BTW leo and will and apollo do all the promotion for nico because of how much he forgets about it

it's very common for nico to be posting a random ass video and then the top comment is Delphi Records ✓ Check out Nico's latest single, ______!

he also EVENTUALLY gets a tiktok for himself

that is just entirely his kids

as he should

aside from leo, i think kayla and piper are most active on tiktok

piper knows all the inner fandom details from shel (who has an editing account 100% bc i have an editing account and im projecting onto her)

piper's vids are mostly with leo they're such an iconic duo

idk why but all i can think of when thinking about piper is that her feed is like momona tamada?? like that's the vibe we're going for here

and ofc she promotes charities and other important topics there too!!!

and if there's a wlw trend going around yk that piper and shel are going to be on that first thing, probably the top video under whatever audio it is

and KAYLA. GOD. KAYLA'S TIKTOK IS SOOO ICONIC i think she's second to leo with most followers

the lip sync videos for sure, also out of all of them i think she'd def do tiktok dances she'd slay them all

and then some of them are just trends or her in the archery range

somewhat similarly to will, she often gets comments that say "how does she know them??"

but like a good 30% of people watching the archery events of the olympics are there just because of her tiktokSDLFKJS

she also happens to go viral. all. the fucking. time. like i swear apollo's kids just HAVE to go viral all the time they can't escape it they're made for fame and it's likeee kayla does love it (will not so muchKSDF and austin has avoided this problem by just not downloading tiktok at all! except apollo's video of him performing has gone viral. oh well.)

so those are my hc's feel free to add on to these!!! i would love to hear what y'all think bc AHGSDFL writing about these characters' social media is one of my favvv things to do - thank you for the ask!!!! sorry for the lengthy rambleKSDJF

[leiawritesstories]

Omgg Aelin and rowan fighting over a book and Rowan being all logical and practical like 'Aelin that's def no possible ' and Aelin's like 'um, yea it is idgaf'

Can u make this the title on the oneshot?

Facts or Fiction

is it bad that i saw this and immediately thought "smut..." 👀👀 here have a quick drabble that i whipped up between classes!!

word count: ~500

warnings: language, fictional smut

enjoy!

Facts or Fiction

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Holy shit," Aelin mumbled, completely absorbed in her novel, unable to tear her eyes away from the page. Where the protagonists had finally gotten over their bickering and were currently tangled up in bed. Very tangled up.

She screamed his name as his tongue flicked around that little cluster of nerves, feeling her body clench and relax all at once as she crested for the third time. And he hadn't even entered her yet--gods, this was lining up to be the best night of her mortal life.

"You alright there, love?" Rowan sauntered over to her side, glancing down at the book. And wheezing. "Fucking gods!"

"Problem?" She raised a brow without looking up, absorbed in the way the woman was screaming as she orgasmed.

For the third time in half an hour.

Rowan's hand rested heavily on her shoulder. "Not to burst your fantasy bubble, Fireheart, but that?" He chuckled softly, trying to hide the fire in his eyes. "Not possible."

"Oh?" She threw him a knowing little grin.

"There's a reason it's fantasy," he returned, though she heard his breath catch.

"And there's a reason so many women enjoy themselves a good smutty fantasy, babe," she snickered. "Who needs the internet when you've got a centuries-old faerie male with three lifetimes of sexual prowess to make the ladies scream?"

"Certainly gives you ideas, I'll admit." Rowan's voice was just the slightest bit raspy, the only hint of how affected he was by this little discussion. "But it's still not realistically plausible, love."

"Bullshit," she scoffed, "it's totally possible." She winked slowly, finishing the scene and closing the book so she could meet his dark, burning gaze with her own. "I know it personally."

"Fireheart," he groaned, head falling backwards. "You're a menace."

"And proud of it!" She beamed. "Three orgasms is completely plausible, darling."

"In half an hour?" He remained incredulous. "Something tells me your idea of time is a little off, my love."

"We'll see about that," she smirked.

"Oh?"

"Indeed." Tossing the fantasy romance aside, she stood, rounding the couch to slip herself into her boyfriend's space, her wicked, delighted eyes twinkling up at him. "Unless you don't think you're up to it, old man."

"Old man?" His voice dropped to a dangerous, dark octave. "Ill show you old man, love."

"Will you, now?" She fluttered her lashes.

"I'm gonna make you forget that book," he promised.

"Hmm." Her voice was airy. "I'm not convinced." Quick as a breeze, she dodged his grasp and fake-ran for the stairs, not even trying to escape when his muscled arms locked around her waist, heaving her over her shoulder before she had time to squeal. "Ro!"

"That's right, baby, keep saying my name," he purred, wasting absolutely no time in striding up the stairs, two at a time, and tossing her onto their bed. "Three times in half an hour?" His smirk was pure sin. "Why don't we break that record, hmm?"

She most definitely agreed.

~~~

TAGS:

@charlizeed

@cretaceous-therapod

@clea-nightingale

@autumnbabylon

@nerdperson524

@fireheartwhitethorn4ever

@morganofthewildfire

@rowanaelinn

@wesupremeginger

@stardelia

@shanias-world

@mybloodrunsblue

@swankii-art-teacher

@wordsafterhours

@cookiemonsterwholovesbooks

@violet-mermaid7

@holdthefrickup

@goddess-aelin

@rowaelinismyotp

@dealfea

@irondork

@elentiyawhitethorn

@live-the-fangirl-life

@darling-im-the-queen-of-hell

@chronicchthonic14

@lovely-dove-zee

@sweet-but-stormy

@hanging-from-a-cliff

@jorjy-jo

@rowaelinrambling

@thegreyj

@silentquartz

@backtobl4ck

@throneofus7

@elizarikaallen

@llyncooljones

@booknerdproblems

[bunnychargebolt]

Im going to give my parents shaken baby syndroms Im- hhhhhhhh vent :3 (gonna put any warning stuffs in tags)

I am so just- am eepy. I want to sleep. It is fucking 2:30 in the morning. But I cannot! Because I am hungry! And my body is fucking not doing good! And I can not do anything about it because I do not have food.

But for whatever reason!! My mother!! Who eats the least in this household!! Continually has her stuff stocked!! She fucking- eats like two of the jif to go cups of peanut butter for lunch. And that is like- her lunch. And that just fucking works for her. Which is because she got fucking weight loss surgery.

Im

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

I do not have enough food. And honestly I probably havent had enough food in months. Because instead of eating i sleep. Because my body shuts down. And I am trying *so hard* to get across to my parents that I need food. I am- hhhhh honestly prolly qualifying as anorexic speaking strictly on eating patterns. Which ik for sure my mom is.

And also my irl friend keeps talking about hes gonna starve himself. And im- hhhhh. Theres so many fucking tjings going on with him and theyre bad and I havent talked about them and im going to fucking lose my mind. But thats not even what im focused on right now.

I dont know if i can continue physical therapy. Because it is not guaranteed that i have food. And my parents say that money is tight. But my mother is constantly getting a bunch of stuff. And we have so much shit. And im- i camt handle all of this.

I cant ask for anything without being told that im asking for a lot. My mom ordered in dinner for me and my brother the other night bc she got a thing through work and i asked for what I know would be enough for me and I got told that thats too expensive. Which i understand. The cost of shit is fucking insane. But there is so much fucking focus on cost and portion size and “oh tjat costs too much” “oh youre asking for a lot” “dont forget that this is what a portion size” and even fucking talk of like calories and checking even though i ask for that to not happen.

People tell me to take some of their food because they have plenty and I get it but Im fucking terrified. My mom had locked up a shit ton of food when i was a kid including freezers. Which to this day still have the locks by them. And if im caught she wont hesitate to do it again. I cant go through that again.

I know I cant really get out. Im genuinely scared of my parents. I- cant. I cant get out. I cant leave stuff. Im terrified. Fuck i don’t remember ever not being scared of my mom in some capacity. And my dads way more passive but sometimes he yells and I just- cant do it. And i hate that what they do works. I get shoved into being this fucking doormat of a person.

Honestly I dont think I ever really got to be a person. I still dont super feel like one. I dont have complete control over myself. I dont feel like i have free will. Which sucks. I wanma be my own person. I wanna learn what itd feel like to be able to be myself for even a day. Im- just lost a lot of the time.

The only good thing I know for sure is coming out of this is that I know my depression medication works. Im pretty sure most of my issues with functioning are from malnutrition issues. And im def not suicidal or having thoughts of sh which is really nice!! Plus I know I have a very supportive group of friends online that I love very much

Wuheiwhe speaking of friends- angy about irl friend. He fucking- complained to me that he gets upset when i vent about shit at home cause hes gonna get kicked out when he turns 18. Which likw- i get it. The threat of being homeless is horrible. But if your thought process while you have fucking unwatched access to a credit card and can essentially have whatever the fuck you want while im saying i dont fucking have food at home is “well at least you have a home” IS FUCKING INSANE. Especially because you have already gathered almost $1000 in cash amd still have like 11 months to figure shit out. Your future situation sucks but that should not take away empathy for my current situation??? Where i am??? Not getting fed enough???

I understand that your homelife is shit and your family is fucked. However, you almost never get told no. Which is really fucking obvious!!! Because you wont take any of my nos for an answer!!! And tbh youre kinda financially abusive!!! I hear how you talk to your bf which is fucking insane and i hate it. And when you talk about how you pay for gas when im using my parents cars and they need to be filled and i say were driving around too much and using a lot of gas you go “well its my gas” No!! It isnt!! That is not how that works!! And just because you pay for the fucking gas WHEN YOU HAVE ME DRIVING FUCKING ALL OVER THE PLACE BECAUSE I LITERALLY CANNOT GWT YOU TO UNDERSTAND IM SAYING NO does not kean you pay for the rest of the fucking car!!! You also!! Make jokes about taking back gifts!! Because you paid for them!! Which is shitty as fuck!! And its not even your fucking koney its your grandmas money and you got fucking pissed and bitchy when Ive mentioned that when talking about it being different when one of our friends took advantage of us for money because you are just handed it and the stuff i had i workwd for, in a job that started the decline of my physical wellbeing. Its not the same fucking thing.

Im

Shaking. I want to scream. I cant. Handle everything. I dont want to have to be here and dealing with all of this.

And anothwr fucking tjing about ky friend- he gets pissy when me or his boyfriend accidentally leave garbage in his room. Which i get a little but then he doesnt take care of it either!! And then he has shit there all the time!! Including multiple unfinished starbucks drinks that have grown mold!!! Why do you keep getting the biggest fucking size when you know damn well you wont drink it.

And you keep fucking- i cant play therapist for you. You cannot constantly come crying to le about your bf and talking about how you should break up with him AND THEN GET KAD AT ME FOR SUGGESTING YOU BREAK UP WITH HIM

Im not- i cant. Im

Im violently angry. And i want to sleep. Amd i wamt to be able to have food. And i want my oarents to love me and understand me. Or even fucking- to try. At all. I want my physical wellbeing to matter. But it doesnt. In multiple different ways. And its all just so bad all the time and i try and tune it out but it slips through.

Im having trouble remember things. Its bad. Im- i cant use my brain as well as i know i should be able to. Im- idk. I just cant fucking deal with this. Except im still going to. Im complaining but theres mot kuch i can change.

I hate feeling like im breaking all the time. I want to be able to be loved and be a person and have a home!!! I have a roof over my head. And i appreciate that so much. But this is absolutely not a home. And its very much not welcoming for me. And I just- I perpetually have the feeling of “i want to go home” with no home to go to. And its been like that for most of my life. And I just- really want to have a home.

[loveisalwaystheanswer]

Music Tag Game 🎶

Rules Music taste is a very telling thing. Create a new post and name 1-5 your favourite songs in each category. Don't be afraid to be too obvious! Tag users you want to get to know better. Don't forget to have fun :)

Last songs you listened to: Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad - Def Leppard, The Funny Feeling - Phoebe Bridgers, Cathy Come Home - Flyte, Friday I'm In Love - The Cure

Best songs from your favourite TV show/movie: oh gosh, I put Peaky Blinders Soundtrack on a pedestal, so I'll have to narrow my choice to 3 songs: All My Tears - Ane Brun, Strange Weather - Anna Calvi, David Byrne, Abattoir Blues - Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds and all the other songs that remain unnamed xD

Favourite songs about love (happy or not): Lover - Taylor Swift ft. Shawn Mendes, I Can't Help Falling In Love With You - Elvis Presley, Heart Like Yours - Willamette Stone, This - Ed Sheeran and much much more

Songs that could be the soundtrack to your life: Alibi - 30 Seconds to Mars

Songs that always make you want to dance: Let's Dance - David Bowie, Real Love Baby - Father John Misty, Hips Don't Lie - Shakira (yes, guilty)

Songs that always make you want to cry: I'm Ok - Christina Aguilera, Run - Snow Patrol, Dark Paradise - Lana Del Rey

Songs with the best lyrics: The Animals Were Gone / Accidental Babies - Damien Rice (he's very eloquent about love and pain, no wonder cos' he's Irish), My Tears Ricochet / The Lakes - Taylor Swift, I guess I can just write these two names. Amazing songwriters.

Songs you want to listen to when you're alone in the car: Girlfriend (Dr. Luke Mix) - Avril Lavigne ft. Lil Mama, I Will Survive - Gloria Gaynor. And it doesn't even matter I don't have a car!

Songs that bring you back to yourself when your life is a mess: Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell and almost any Taylor Swift's song

Favourite instrumental songs: Spiegel im Spiegel (Version for Violin and Piano) - Vladimir Spivakov & Sergej Bezrodny, Rise - Hans Zimmer, New Moon - Alexandre Desplat, Una Mattina - Ludovico Einaudi, Arrival Of The Birds - The Cinematic Orchestra

Songs that make you feel like you're invincible and very cool: Lose Yourself - Eminem (yes!), Woman - Harry Styles, but I think I just need to be happy to feel myself invincible

Guilty pleasure songs you're embarrassed to admit that you like: I'm too old to care about stuff like that, but let's say Famous - Kanye West

Songs that can describe your current mood: Vienna - Billy Joel or People Help The People - Birdy

If you wanted to be serenaded, what songs would you prefer: Love of My Life - Queen, Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra. God help that guy if he doesn't have an ear for music.

Songs you'd recommend everybody to listen to (you can explain why if you want):

No Light, No Light - Florence + The Machine (because Florence's voice is so ethereal, magical and she can make you feel like you're flying)

Hey Jude - The Beatles (no further explanation)

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen (this is a very interesting and unusual song to listen to, something out of any genre. A pure masterpiece)

Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse (I can literally name any of their songs and I won't miss, just like with Radiohead)

Happier Than Ever - Billie Eilish (for those who love beautiful vocal. Billie's soft vibrato and the second part is a powerful crescendo)

tagging: @runnning-outof-time @zablife @aranoburns @i-just-look-at-pictures @jonathancraneswife444 @filmonaut @notyourriddler @tommyxgrace-always @carlfranzen @sassyrebelrockerprincess @l1-l4 @shelundeadxxxx @doraviolet @peakysgrace @grace-werethesame @peakyv @rousie @achurni @twvstedsouls @moral-terpitude and @springsteens @violaobanion (hello, my tumblr superstars, i just live in hope :)) and anyone else who wants to do it. No obligation, go to it if you’re keen! 

[song-tam]

do you have any good kam fics/oneshot recommendations?

hi wait im so so sorry that this took me like. two months to answer. it was stuck in my drafts and i just kept. forgetting abt it but it’s here now so !!! hopefully that makes up for it skdhsgsks

also i actually did a similar post/fic list like this a while back here (thank you for finding the link aves i owe you one), and while i haven’t really seen any new content for them in the meantime there’s still a good few!!

let’s not lose ourselves by glitter_demon (@fey-glitter) - ngl more of a tam character study than it is kam, but there are elements of them in the drabble. i’d still highly recommend it even w/o too much kam bc i rarely see tam characterization in fanon done as well as this one and i’m being soo normal about it

before the night ends by handpulledsilver (@soryasongsaa) - OKAY can i just say. ive reread this fucker more times than i can count it’s one of my favorites ever. its a sort of companion fic to ink’s other fic (scared of the sun, recced that one in the other list), an exes to lovers story, plenty of feels and emotions that have me on the floor sobbing. def worth a read !!

the lie between your teeth (the cut that always bleeds) by handpulledsilver - yes this is another ink fic and yes it makes me rot. angst galore theyre exes but they dont go back to being lovers. artist keefe sencen though so i think that makes up for it. also conan gray ref in the title?? bonus points for that

Có nhớ tôi không? by celestiials (@theogony) - this one’s like. keefe and tam are rivals in the music world then they become roommates to work on a project together (oh my god they were roommates…) and to no one’s surprise they fall in love !! i LOVE this fic also shoutout to aru’s coding skills bc they slayed the creators style thing i could never

Drama Club by kingkrakie - kam band au HELLO??? author was after my own heart fr PLUS it’s given inspired and if you haven’t seen the anime then. that doesn’t mean much but either way i LOVED this fic very wholesome very adorable i need fluff in my life i am a simple man

the string connecting us by @that-glasses-dog - okay if there’s anything i love more than band aus it’s soulmate aus. red string of fate first meetings and at fucking exillium too hello??? im being very normal over this fic i love reading it every single time i see it pop up in the keefe/tam tag akshdgdsks

and uh. that’s kinda it for now? i WISH i had more recs but unfortunately there is a finite number of kam fics in this fandom (well. on ao3 i assume wattpad has more but i don’t Go There) but i’m hoping these will be enough to hold you over for now !! worst case scenario you’re welcome to try my ao3 and see if anything catches your fancy i’ve written a few kam fics myself but as of now. i hope you enjoy these as much as i did they’re all bangers !!

(oh for the record if anyone has anything they’d like to add or any recs at all please share i’m begging i need good kam fics too ajshsgsisks)

[strititty]

daverose!!

DAVEROSE MY BELOVED. speaking of hanahaki fics by laura, there’s an excellent unrequited daverose one i’m also eyeballing SUPER CLOSELY, though that one is def a tragedy so mind the tags

What made you ship it?

dave and rose’s interactions ooze compatibility right from the start, but i’m sure i’m not alone when i say that the image of the two of them looking at each other as the timer on the tumor ticks down really got me.

daverose shippers are also STYLING and have great taste. impeccable aesthetique and really good tone, every time.

What are your favorite things about the ship?

god. their dynamic is just fucking incredible, okay. they work so well together. they work as a tragedy and a comedy at once. either way. both at the same time. it doesn’t matter. they just GO SO FUCKING WELL TOGETHER, anon. they’re so blisteringly funny. they’re a travesty. i think about their alpha selves and i cry sometimes.

you will never convince me that they do not love each other so fucking fiercely, whether romantic or not. codependence? maybe so, but GOD, that’s part of the good shit. i cannot wait to put out my next demonstuck fic, ok, it’s not even shippy daverose but the love they have for one another is still going to play a huge part in it. rose will cause problems. i adore her.

Any unpopular opinions?

i’ve read some otherwise good davekat meteor fics that just totally gloss over rose and every time i’m just like ‘NO, NO, YOU’VE MISSED THE POINT’ because okay look i do think it can be interesting that dave and rose get so wrapped up in their alien lovers that they forget to be good siblings to one another but like. the notes have to BE THERE, you know what im saying?

also i am fucking desperate for daverose longfic and im starting to think that im going to write one for myself. like you know just one of those absolutely unreasonably long looking slowburn motherfuckers? i think ive got to do myself a favor and write one of those for them.

[sephmonet]

January’s Reading List

I promised myself that i would keep tabs on all the things I read this year, both on and off tumblr. Also - this shines light on some amazing authors that I’ve come across and don’t want to forget. If you’d rather not be tagged (because if you’re on this list, it means im legit reading every fic you pump out LMAO) please let me know!

This one is starting off mostly as a backlog, because I should’ve done this earlier... Oops.

also i can’t, for the life of me, ever recall fics off of the top of my head.

This is in no particular order other than what I can find off of my blog and my pc tabs - i have 3 million open at all times.

The Last of Us

abby love spell by @ohcaptains

 This abby x reader fic is literally the first I’ve ever read because I def wasn’t an abby stan. This entire fic is perfection from head to toe, legit smutty perfection. The longing, the desperation, the banter is just so great and I can’t recommend this one enough.

miss sunshine by @nexusnyx

I’ve read a lot of Joel fics, being a longtime Joel lover. (Seriously, I’ve been in love with this man since I was 13.) This one is my all time favorite, hands down. I love the dynamic here, I love how the author takes the characterization of Joel miller and makes it better. I especially love that Sunshine is a nickname given to her by him and not Sarah.

Everything here is perfect for me. No qualms. I read it every couple of days.

Call of Duty (MWII)

yours to keep by @mvtthewmurdvck

In lieu of authors turning me onto characters that I never thought I’d like, this one is divine. Definitely helps that they accidentally used my actual nickname but, even without it, this fic is just so deliciously sexy and real. I could write paragraphs on how much I love this story.

Softly by @littleferal

This Rudy fic accompanies another two amazing fics, but this specifically highlights Rudy featuring a little bit of Ale. The Las Almas boys are so well done in this authors hands. They truly nailed how gentle and attentive a lover Rudy can be. The sugar and spice dynamic of Rudy and Ale is perfection here.

Simon Says & Daddy’s Home by @emomanswhore

For these to be their only two fucking fics on this site, holy shit.

Author came out that bitch SWINGING. I remember these two fics being the first real ghost x reader that I felt really strongly about because its the first time I ever really got into a reblogging stint. Ontop of a black coded and bratty!reader, Gods. These two stories keep my horny ass up at night. Point blank.

“its so hot when you talk back” by @gh0stswh0re

Speaking of smut that keeps me up at night.. this is some toe-curling stuff. I love brat tamer!Ghost so much. This author captures his filthy fucking mouth so well.

Untitled Konig Drabble by @luxuryberzatto

Listen... Between Konig and Price.. those two are fighting rn for White Boy of the Month for me. But this drabble??? I think i’d have to let Konig have the “Bear” title. Just this once.. author made him begging sound so sexy.

Her heart was the most Beautiful Thing I Ever Broke by @day0walker​

This is an ongoing Price series that I just can’t wait to really dig into. I’ve read the first few chapters and, I have to say, Im afraid this might become one of my favorites for my main man. Perfect, so far, in every way. The banter is top tier.

Price’s Masterlist by @yeyinde

Literally feeds us so much. The Price girlies are forever in this authors favor. Everything they write for that man is so delicious, so fucking ambrosial that i’ll literally put down what Im doing to read what they’ve written for him.

Ghosts and Mirages Masterlist by @stararch4ngelqueen

Still ongoing series, but its so good. Nothing has fed me more than this series for Ghost right here. It’s quite literally a masterpiece. I’ve never felt more emotion for a series than this one right here. PERFECT.

Misc. Characters

Blossom Dearie by @nymphlamp

Carmy is SO good in this Authors hands. So perfect. This fic turned me into such a carmy girl that it isn’t even funny and I should actually go to a therapist about it. Such beautiful writing. Also another black coded!reader <3

Morning by @write-and-buried​

This is a Dieter Bravo fic and.. Whew lord this, and the second part of it is sooooooo fucking hot. I still haven’t seen whatever movie this is yet but by Gods does this fic make me want to dive headfirst into it.

The Fire in Your Eyes Series by @flamehairedwritings​

such a good series for Aurthur Morgan. So well fucking done with so many emotions. Beautiful and meaningful writing.

Off of Tumblr

Safe House by Alternate_Alien

Another ongoing price fic... but Bodyguard!Price dealing with a bratty!reader??? Cmooooon now. Its too good.

Lady of Rooksgrave Manor by Kathryn Moon

Reverse harems are such a guilty pleasure of mine. This turned me into a monster fucker.. Im not sorry.

[torrentide-a]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER. ( REPOST DO NOT REBLOG ! )

✿ NAME       gaige! ✿ PRONOUNS       they/them ✿ PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION       discord! mostly because tumblr doesn’t,,,like to give me new IM notifs / I have to refresh my whole page to see new IMs, and 90% of the time I forget to respond dfsdkfjp plus I don’t??? even get IM notifications on my phone when I’m in class because of battery saver, so o(-( discord is a big pref for me. ✿ NAME OF MUSE(S)       ajax childe foul legacy tartaglia pick one lmAO

✿ EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?)       ohhh god I wish I knew. since the early 2000s? my best guess is 15-ish years, give or take.

✿ PLATFORMS YOU’VE USED       tumblr, discord, old school fandom chatrooms, forums, dreamwidth, gaia online, myspace (don’t look at me dsfhsdf), msn and skype back in ye olden days,,,,runescape--

✿ BEST EXPERIENCE       I think my best experience was in a multifandom chatroom I frequented with my friends in high school. it was just! crossovers galore, and it somehow just made sense. it was so wild and fun! ah I miss the simplicity of it. there was just. not a care in the world about all the little details back then.

✿ RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS       posts that go untrimmed kind of annoy me, but I wouldn’t call it a dealbreaker. promoting drama and / or posting a lot of negativity and shitpost-y content to the point where it’s the only thing on my dashboard kind of is, though. o(-( I don’t mind it once in a while, but when it’s the only thing? dsfkhdf none for me, thanks. I also??? hate when people,,,act above other writers,,,,who are only here to ship, like??? man. they’re not hurting you let them (me) write their funny little ships/romance/smut goddamn. why can’t they write things that they like. why do you gotta get so high and mighty about it. I don’t get it. we’re all just here to have a good time and indulge in this dumb little hobby hrhghrhgh

✿ FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT       I enjoy all three in no particular order! it really depends on what I’m in the mood for at any given time. I’m always So Soft for fluff; it’s easily my favorite thing to write. but I’ve been kind of on an angst kick lately, and I won’t lie, I’m always down and in the mood for spice LMAO.

✿ PLOTS OR MEMES       I like a mixture of the two, tbh. memes are such a nice way to break the ice and explore new scenarios and concepts, but when I don’t have a direction or goal for a thread or a dynamic between two characters, I,,,tend to lose inspo Very Fast aaaa;;; 

✿ LONG OR SHORT REPLIES       I much prefer to start short and transition to longer replies if / when the inspiration strikes dkfjhsd a lot of people can set up a scene right out the gate, but I’m the opposite where I gotta start with a vague idea and feel it out / build it as I go DSFHSD IT’S WEIRD I KNOW I’M SORRY.

✿ BEST TIME TO WRITE       late night / early morning when everyone’s asleep and I have no distractions (I am so easily distracted dsfhdf)

✿ ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S)       I think there are some similarities :thinking: like,,,I enjoy a good challenge (see: if I’m not suffering in a game, then I’m not having fun JKSDFNHD) and my family means the world to me, even if sometimes they’re not all that great, but,,,other than that, I don’t really think so. childe is an outgoing and charismatic go-getter, and I’m,,not LMAO. if there’s any character in genpact that I’m like personality-wise, it’s def tighnari.

tagged by @rosemourne ♥!! tagging nobody; please steal it I’m shy dsfhnsdkfj

[submassed]

ok senpiss and osuke megapost right here rn guys im so sorry if i forget anything + if this doesnt make any sense: (im not sorry) (this is just gonna be like. Explaining lore and shit mostly idk idk i might add more as time goes on)

warning i talk and ramble a lot during this i am so sorry to everyone on the senpai fnf tag i will not stop preaching about my two idiots

OK so my brain is fucking massive and huge i have two seperate versions of their relationship because i love how complex the both of them can get (even though senpai is quite literally surface level for like everyone who doesnt know how insane i am about his character and how much ive tried to actually give him More Character)

edit: (i lied theres like three seperate versions but im not going to explain them all because its too much and i already feel bad for talking this much)

the first one is literally just typical, bros not in the game or whatever no game exists its just normal bro time ueah ueah (i call this one Normal) (actually i dont call it that) (idk what to call it) (its the one my brain presets to) (if i dont specify which one it is its most likely this one)

the second one is a little more closer to canon senpai where hes actually in the game & this one is More Upsetting to Me a LOT a lot (ill probably get into this more when i actually have a set idea on what i want this au-ish thing to be about) (whenever im talking about this specific thing ill specify this one)

a little sneak peak on the second one is essentially just. osuke collects games, comes across senpai, they both get attached, osuke realizes how bad its getting, tries to get rid of the cartridge because he wants to focus more on actual life shit, senpai somehow Manages to come back (i explained the whole plot im so mad)

the first one is where like. osuke constantly has to move schools due to his parents travelling for work a lot. eventually he just decides to settle in with his sister and just attend the last year at the hs senpai goes to or whatever.

osuke is A COMPLETE LONER!!!!!!! HES A FREAK!!!!!! and HATES MAKING FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!! and senpai is just like Holy fuck whats up dude hey whats Up hey and just gets Ignored by osuke entirely which Pisses him off because how dare you ignore the most popular guy in School?????

so senpai just. Continuously tries to bother him so they Can be atleast Friends. Wgich OSUKE he fucking hates it because hes like "waaahhh waaahhhh whats the whole point its not gonna last waaahh waaahhhh"

but he manages to soften up and get used to it which THEN causes their initial friendship or whatever.

senpai obvs isnt gonna let all that work go to waste as soon as he became close with him Because He Realized How fucking Annoying Osuke also Is but he doesnt Mind jt because at first they are #Besties

they kinda have some sort of like "lets make fun of people together" bond Becsude They Are both Pieces of shits except one of them is popular snd another one is just Bitter and A Loner

Im not too sure how they got together yet, i hsvent decided on it. I'm kinda leaning towards the side where senpai is conflicted with these sorta feelings and isnt sure How to actually say it to Him because. Wow! Being friends with a loner? Already Damaged your View on others! And then WANTING TO DATE HIM??? WOW!!!!!!!

plus with the fact that like they most def have some sort of complexity between eachother where osuke is hella fucking jealous about his social status at school whereas senpai is SUPER SUPER SUPER jealous about osukes just. way of not Caring about what people think of him (he foes care he just tries to not let it bother him too much) (it bothers him but he doesnt say it outwardly) (he has a lot of internal shit stuck in him)

its like????? kinda tense but also not????? like the frustration fuels them both in a way if that makes sense (like their love for eachother?????? i dont know)

id like to think there wasn't just a confession it was more so pf just a awkward like, "oh shit we're pretty close, oh fuck wait hold on youre doing this rn????? dude youre kisisng me whay the fuck????? dude??????? are we like a thing now what?????? hellow??????"

i know that senpai would Probably Want there to be a confession originally but osuke is actually too fucking dense to connect two and two together (mainly due to the previous factor of him not really having much friends + having to move on so quickly and Not really processing it fully)

i just really like intimacy between them i think its really sweet seeing it 🦭

thats all i can really think of rn so ill wrap it up enjoy this big ass thread about me talking about my stupid guys i apologize again

[actualbird]

okay hold up I am extremely sick but I have two (2) things. First, I started typing an addition to that Artem post you rb’d a while back but cannot currently finish it because i think I may be hallucinating the sound of someone singing?? I may die. Shrug.

AND then I just read the shoes-in-house thingy in relation to Vyn and im like,,, hmm. Because my family is strictly ‘take your shoes off’ (im from burger eagle healthcare hell) but I know that doesn’t apply to all families, which I think is ew, but hey, I’m not the one cleaning their carpets. Just asked my mom and she said it’s what she grew up with, but my dad was an inside-shoe heathen. We def don’t have house slippers though, everyone’s just in socks.

ANYWAY. THEN I was thinking ‘okay but Vyn is European’ so I googled it, & the general consensus in Western Europe is that people wear shoes inside sometimes-maybe-perhaps. But I am not From Europe so I have no idea either lol. Though, from what I’ve seen ppl’s guesses of where Svart is to be, I’d probably say he’s sane and takes off his shoes :)

waaa, hi worms!! and also AAAAA WORMS??? are you okay DDD: i hope whatever is ailing you gets outta ur system soon huhu, being haunted by sirens doesnt sound like a great symptom (unless the singing is of a genre you particularly like. free spotify premium)

JHKVJHAFJSF BURGER EAGLE HEALTHCARE HELL, my deepest condolences :(( and ooohh, yea! on the og post of me speculating about Does Vyn Wear Shoes In House, i originally had assumed it was a general western culture thing simply cuz thats what i always saw in western media, but then some friendly folks pointed out that it's a case to case basis. im also just fascinated by the concept of carpets in general, we dont have any and it's not very common over here, also they look very much like a hassle to clean? i hope your carpets cooperate with the cleaning process.

socks indoors sounds comfy tho i also cant imagine that but only cuz i live in a house containing 5 dogs and many of them dont understand (and/or are fucking with us) that the place to Go is outside in the garden so stepping in an unidentified liquid accidentally indoors is always a scary possibility, none of us wanna be in socks for that.....house slippers are nice, we dont have any closed toe ones like they got in tot because Tropical Country and 99% of the time i just go barefoot cuz i forget that slippers even exist ajhvksjhfasa

some europeans also replied/tagged to the og post and it does seem like while some countries have a propensity for one or the other, it's still mostly a case to case basis. i just enjoy giving vyn funny habits HAHA

tho liTERALLY JUST A FEW MINUTES AGO AS I WAS TYPING THE FIRST PARAGRAPH i got a reply that said that newer cards indeed show vyn in house slippers in his own home. drat...

looks like i can only make fun of vyn's probably bad driving due to europe having the steering wheel on the other side......

(well, not really, the beauty of hcs is that anyone can do whatever they want, hyv cant stop us. MWAHAHHHAHA)

anyway i hope u get well soon!!!

[amazingphilza]

twitchcon :: cc!multiple x reader

fluff , platonic , gender neutral ! some mcyt headcanons if you were to attend twitchcon w them

cc’s included in order: tommyinnit , tubbo , ranboo , wilbur soot , philza , technoblade

cw: kinda lengthy for the minors (i think), not as much for the hags LMAO /hj

tommyinnit

this man is so excited to be at his first twitchcon & being able to hang out with all his best friends makes it a hundred times better

when he isn’t at a panel or doing meet & greets, he’s dragging you everywhere to see the whole convention center (clingyinnit)

he is just so at awe despite this not being his first convention to attend

you’d be surprised he gets tired pretty quickly & stops over to the partner lounge

you both rest for a bit against a wall in a pretty packed hallway despite it being an exclusive area to twitch partners

every time a famous streamer walks by he will yell it out and record it then vlog your reaction, even if they’re surrounded with bodyguards & trying to get to another place quickly

he’d zoom in his camera to their face at a horrible angle and be like

“oh my god it is THE ninja. ninja famous fortnite player, HELLO.”

but he gets completely ignored

then the camera pans out to you, still really zoomed in that the capture is blurry

“ninjainnit?”

“EH?”

tommy is so confused, forgetting the bit ninja did on his twitter where he renamed himself ‘ninjainnit’ for a split second

okay tommy isn’t that athletic but he will chase you and the rest of your group down a hallway if he had to

he’d probably find a toy gun from the artist alley/seller booths and shoot you and wilbur with it

but if tommy stumbles across any of the dream team, it’s about to be minecraft manhunt but irl

and he will def play his stream music while walking or smth when he’s bored (or trying to jump dream & sapnap)

** DO DO DO DO MANHUNT MUSIC **

oh my god,, now thinking about it he’s probably the one to open like random doors of empty rooms and steal stuff while you film him

like he will take a random empty glass, a bunch of pens, a freebie t-shirt, everything he sees he takes with him and you’re just panic

“tommy we’re literally not supposed to be here, and i’m stuck here filming you. it’s surely a felony in action”

“well, it’s their fault for leaving the doors open! plus this is great content. who’s the dirty crime boy now, HM?”

you’d tell wilbur about this and he’d scold tommy and threaten him with the same pen tommy stole

tommy probably would also drag you some weird event happening outside twitchcon along with tubbo and ranboo

“pokimane is giving out free pizza to everyone if we go to this one restaurant down the street!”

“we are literally gonna get bombarded. have you forgot you’re like three of twitch’s top streamers? i’d rather pay for all of our meals than try getting free pizza from pokimane against all her other fans”

“DEAL! let’s go to five guys then!”

you unfortunately end up paying for all 3 of their meals and picking on their food instead of buying your own

even with all of them making way more money than you, they still happen to be cheapskates

OR tommy will end up getting a burrito from a taco truck, immediately making a mess of himself, then proceed to complain how messy the food is to eat despite knowing what he was getting himself into before even ordering

“shit my clothes are all ruined now!”

“well that’s your fault you got a burrito, as if it’s your first time having one”

“i mean the food is good, i’m not complaining about that but i don’t think it’s that good that it’s worth costing my red and white shirt, im just saying”

tubbo

same with tommy, he is so excited

i don’t know why but i imagine him overpacking his suitcase and you making fun of him for it

anyway tubbo has his irl backpack on and streaming EVERYTHING

probably spends a lot of time at a bunch of different booths, checking out all the pointless gadgets he could buy for his stream

you’re the one to stop him from doing so

“TUBBO IT’S LITERALLY OVER TEN THOUSAND DOLLARS, STOP. DONT GET IT.”

“WHY NOT?? IT WILL BE COOL FOR MY STREAM AND I WILL USE IT EVERYDAY”

“okay theoretically speaking, how the hell are you going to even bring it home? which—let me remind you—is across the country for you and not to mention the giant ocean separating america and the uk”

“free ship-pang!!!”

“i hate to break it to you tubbo but there is no way you can get free shipping on a FIVE FOOT PC. it’s nearly as tall as you! what are you even gonna do on it, hack the government???”

the arguments are all lighthearted but eventually you give in and let him splurge over a thousand dollars in different devices he claimed he “needed”

i could honestly see him visiting the beaches in san diego and going for a swim or even renting out a boat to use for a bit :D

also he’d bring benson along with him and taking a bunch of scenic photos with it in them

i have a feeling he’s the type to schedule a spontaneous meet & greet because he was bored & gets in trouble for causing a mob in a certain part of the convention

he’s like “oh god, i did not expect this many of the bois to show up AHAHAH oops”

tubbo would def pull a lilypichu and bring his melodica or ukulele and play themes while following random people/cosplayers

at the end of the day, you’d find his bag just stuffed with crap he either got for free or bought in the convention

“how did you get all that stuff? i was with you all day??? and it’s only the first day of the convention, hello?? it looks like you’ve been collecting as if twitchcon has went on for a week already!”

“HA i have my ways, do not underestimate my powers”

lani would probably tag along for the vacation honestly

like whenever someone comes up to her giving her gifts/asking for pics, you and tubbo would tease her about how famous she is

and i dunno but something about tubbo just gives me this amusement park energy and going to legoland and spending the whole day there since it’s near by and because he can

ranboo

he is like a beacon in a sea of people, that’s it .

i honestly just see him causing as much chaos as the other two

ranboo would probably like take someone’s camera whether if they’re streaming or if it’s for the vlog, hold it up high, and point the camera directly above someone’s face

it did not matter how tall you were and if you had platform shoes on, ranboo was a skyscraper next to you

“HAHAH this is how i see you from this height, this is funny”

then he shows you the vid of the recording of him getting like an aerial view of your face

like you see your nose and all your pores and just overall a bad angle to be captured in

“OH GOD RANBOO DELETE THAT, ITS HORRIFIC”

i dunno why but i feel like he’d jump scare every person that was cosplaying as his minecraft character from behind for some reason

“BOO!”

“ranboo i’m not even remotely dressed as your skin—”

“don’t worry i’m practicing it’s fineee”

“you’re like the height of 2 people combined, i think you will be fine as is. you even intimidated the security at the front”

i feel like if he had his own panel he’d like pull up some undertale song in the middle of it and scare all the people in the crowd

“lore but in real life”

probably would get some matching keepsake with you from artist alley/the booths!

i could imagine like a cute keychain or smth :D

i feel like he’s the type to like randomly volunteer as a participant for those mini events in a booth thinking it would be funny but regrets it the moment he’s on stage

after introductions the presenter is like “okay ranboo, you will be given a random meme prompt above your head you won’t be able to see until after and you will have to make a random face to compliment it!”

and you can just tell by his facial expression he’s just thinking

oh god what have i gotten myself into

what is this game? who came up with this idea?

you’d laugh at him the whole time, even after he’s off the stage and finished with that small fiasco

“that was horrible. never again.”

“AHAHAH IT LOOKED SO AWKWARD YOU DID GREAT”

“I CROSSED MY EYES AND PUFFED MY CHEEKS BECAUSE I COULDNT THINK OF ANY OTHER FACIAL EXPRESSION. THE PROMPT ENDING UP BEING ‘WHEN TWITTER CANCELS YOU FOR USING PLASTIC STRAWS.’ AND WHEN I SAW WHAT IT WAS—LITERALLY WHAT KIND OF GAME–”

“I GOT PICTURES AND EVERYTHING ITS PERFECT AHAHAHAH”

wilbur soot

honestly with wilbur it’s slightly more chill

he already experienced twitchcon before so he’s just glad to see his friends again after so long

insists that you explore the convention yourself rather than sticking with him the whole time but you do anyway!

wilbur would probably have like a mini concert and gets you front row seats with the rest of the group

but that doesn’t mean before it that you’re not helping him set up

“y/n please– my amp is so heavy, i can carry it”

“don’t worry! i’m strong” :D

and musically talented or not, he will probably bring you and the rest of his friends up to stage to just vibe and sing a bunch of random acoustic songs

it’s not like some big concert hall stage,, i imagine more like a casual thing w a slightly higher platform from the ground yk?

after spending a long day at the convention he’d also bring everyone across the city to la jolla or smth !

you’d all probably have dinner there and chill, watching the pretty sunset

“this place is really pretty but oh my god im gonna lose my breath hiking up this stupid hill, please slow down”

and wilbur is like ??? because he’s completely fine with his long legs and everything

“just walk faster”

“no, you walk slower”

AHAHAH and for context traversing through la jolla by walking around the town is a bit hard since it’s basically on a bunch of hills (walking up from the beach to a restaurant actually is actually sm work, trust me ive been there)

wilbur honestly doesn’t spend that much time in the actual convention center, he’s probably sightseeing a bit of san diego with you instead

but i could imagine him staying at the tabletop games area playing dnd or smth

“c’mon y/n, come join!”

“uhh i’m not sure, i’m not the best at roleplay and...”

“it’s fine don’t worry!”

he’d pull you in with him and end up enjoying yourself even if it was your first time

and if you’re of age, you’d be wilbur’s +1 at the twitch partner party and make sure mans doesn’t too drunk

if it’s not too late in the night, you two would chill at the beach after the party

it’s just a nice, calming moment after all the loud music mixed with hundreds of conversations at the party

also something about like taking polaroids pictures with wilbur just seems to go hand in hand for me

i’m not sure why but you will be taking lots of pics with wilbur for sure (not necessarily you both in the photo, but of sceneries as well while you’re together!)

philza

literally a dad on vacation with his children, it doesn’t matter how old you are

need sunscreen? surprisingly has it

want a snack? probably has a small granola bar somewhere in his bag

but same with wilbur, he’s more chill like this isn’t his first time at twitchcon

omg he’d def bring you to the artist alley and just buy a bunch of fanart and stuff tho

“oh wow look phil, someone made a giant poster of the dream smp and shit!”

“holy shit that’s so good what the fuck!”

and he’s like rushing to that artist’s stall to buy a poster or print

idk why but phil seems like the person to know where he’s going all over the convention center

he probably had a copy of the directory map but yk

you just have trouble reading it bc all the signs seem to be misleading to you

nothing really crazy screams out to me of what phil would do at twitchcon besides like go to a few events, spend a bunch of time w his friends, etc

HOWEVER i could see him wasting a lot of his time at the gaming area and testing new games that are currently on the works of being developed

like “woah y/n, this vr game is sick, you should try it out!”

ngl i feel like phil would plan a visit to disneyland for everyone, like he gets the tickets and everything but once you’re at the park it’s free reign, y’all go everywhere with not much of a plan

the minors would try to cheap out phil and pay less than the others even though everyone else fully paid phil back and everything LMAO

ok but if he’s feeling nice, phil will buy everyone cotton candy/pretzels :D

and if you’re not hungry, he’d at least get you a mickey balloon

HE WILL HAVE MATCHING MICKEY EARS WITH MUMZA YES .

ALSO STAYING FOR THE FIREWORKS THOUGH OMG

just in general, best idea phil had for taking everyone to disneyland :D

technoblade

surprisingly techno is really calm despite this being like one of his first conventions

but when he finally settles in and gets comfortable, he’s showing the same energy

if you’re playfully yelling, he will yell back

however there’s still those awkward moments that are unavoidable

idk why but something about him makes me think that if you feel tired and want to go back to your hotel room, he’d go with you just to make sure you get there safe

he probably also needs a break from being around everyone else for a moment too LMAO

i could also see him searching far and wide in the artist alley for fanart of himself AHAHAH

walking around with him in the convention consists of someone yelling “BLOOD FOR THE BLOOD GOD” every 5 minutes but you don’t really mind

something about him makes me think he’ll be forced into playing minecraft twitch rivals along with the rest of sbi or smth

and he’s like “oh god, i’m going to be on stage? and people will see my face while i play minecraft?”

“i’m sure it will be fun!”

“i mean i like being competitive and feeding my ego, but i’m not that desperate.. well”

do i imagine techno getting easily tired of being surrounded by a bunch of people and just going back to his hotel room with phil and watching some anime with him? yes

and will you watch even if you have no idea what’s going on? also yes

i feel like after a while of you guys hanging out in techno’s room, the rest of the gang will just slowly join you guys

like eventually everyone is there; you, techno, phil, wilbur, niki, tommy, tubbo, ranboo, etc

and techno is like “wha– where did you guys come from?” because his room is basically packed

and niki could be like “oh we can go if you want!”

then techno just insists that she’s fine “but who let the child get in?” clearly implying tommy’s presence

“OI!!”

eventually techno gives in with the company and someone gets a bunch of board games to play from the front desk

lots of yelling and laughing for sure

when it becomes late at night, techno is like half conscious, you’re on your phone, wilbur is staring out the window & enjoying the night view, tommy is passed out on the couch from tiredness, tubbo & ranboo is still wide awake quietly talking, and phil & niki are helping clean up the giant mess

eventually everyone brings themselves to go back to their own room except tommy who won’t budge

you give techno a look and he immediately understands what you were thinking

he rushes to the bathroom to fill up two cups with ice cold water and handed one to you

“on three?”

“okay.. one”

“two”

“three!”

then both of you pour the water on the poor child’s face

he jolts awake and saying a string of curses

“what the fuck techno? y/n too?”

“get out” is the only think techno says that before tommy rushes out with his stuff and you leave right after

a/n: i honestly can’t wait until conventions open up again though,, phil and ranboo were talking about vidcon earlier and omg.

also i kinda want to take in tommy requests but i’m not sure??? it would be both cc! and c! x gn!reader for sure tho. i love writing him to bits but who knows, maybe i’ll only stick to my ideas,, or not. send in a tommy x reader request, might do it, might not, but he’s my fav cc if you can’t tell so! :D (i dunno if i will keep it strictly platonic, but unrequited crushes and stuff are fun to write hehe,,)

edit: let’s hope i fixed all the grammar mistakes LMAO we love writing late at night :) /s /hj