#im failing this test tbh
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i need to cram
#DHHERBDHHFBTBFNXNENFBFNTBDHRBFBFBFHDBFBFBFBDHEHEHBDBDFBFNDJFJBEBDVERBRVGRRBRGRGRGRGVRVRGRGRGRVDBRBRVRGR#simple squamous probably diffusion and absorption and shit in the lungs i think#simple cuboidal ABSORBTION AND EXCRETION in the damn kidneys and glands#ermmmm#the columnar epithelium will murder me i think#hyaline more like alonealine#elastic stick together#fibro whatever in the back thats the fucked up stuff#in my dadd back#im failing this test tbh
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oh my godddd just got recommended a post about how the slay the princess fandom is misogynistic and giving in to "the trend where fandom ignores the female characters" bc people are having fun shipping the voices. several comments were like 'ugh i know its so bad already ://" shut up. shut up shut up shut uppppppp
the slay the princess fandom is VERY small. if you check ao3, we've got less than 200 fics total. and guess what? the hero/princess ship is by FAR the most popular. the voice ships are miniscule in comparison. if people playing with m/m ships at ALL bothers you, you may in fact just be homophobic. (and maybe instead of bitching about how what a handful of other people create isn't to your liking, you could like. create something yourself.)
#fan wank /#i dont get too into actually angry fan wank like this very often#but oh my god#one of the comments said it 'failed the bechdel test'#IT HAS TWO CHARACTERS#THE GIRLS DONT EVER TALK TO EACH OTHER BECAUSE WE ARE IN THE BOY'S HEAD#ITS PART OF THE FUCKING PREMISE#(arguably 3 characters ig if the narrator counts as 'separate' but tbh im not sold on that)#anyway my friend wrote some very fun f/f about the nightmare and advarsary meeting within the shifting mound#i honestly think that if we WERE in the princess' head we'd see a lot like that#except we CANT be in the princess' head by definition bc she is a reflection of what the mc thinks of her#it HAS to be from his perspective
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AP SCORES RELEASED IN A COUPLE DAYS IM SCARED
#vammieposts#ap tests#im pretty sure i failed ap lang seeing as I DIDNT FINISH ONE OF THE ESSAYS HOLY SHIT#but ap world was kinda easy#but i cant be too optimistic or else ill be disappointed if i fail#if i believe i failed noth tests and i succeeded at one then HUZZAH ill feel really proud#thats my secret >:))#also anyways ap test scores dont relaly mayter#like if you succeed you save money and dont have to take that class in college#but youll provably learn more int he college class tbh#and just the fact that you TOOK a difficult class looks great to college and makes you feel VERY POWERFUL#a low score on a 3 hour long endurance test doesnt show your knowledge of a subject yk#it just shows how good you are at school and not melting your brain out your tear ducts and ears
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Save me luffy.... luffy... luffy save me from having a job
#if you dont see me around for some days its because im going tru my emo era <- depression#happy one piece day to all who celebrate it was yesterday but its still op day in my heart#idk yesterday i was hit with a massive 'whats even the point of it all' wave and i cant get out#im going to fail my test on tuesday for sure i dont want to go to uni i feel ugly and stupid well whatever#still have to work just to be broke right away and complain about it on here and feel like an asshole#because theres people who are doing so much worse#feeling like this since july tbh but its hitting worse now. probably because of the test i should he studying for#anyway. lots of love to my beautiful mutuals see you in like a week
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whatever happens i cant fail is an *abysmal* strategy for living life. and yet rn....
#its not a good long term strategy#also i remember my physics teacher saying life isn't a 98% on a test lol#but also this was the same teacher that hasnt taught me very much mechanics since the start of the year because she presumes people just...#*know*#the further mathmaticians do#not meeeee though#i cant guage whats hard and whats just me being the dumbest idiot there#anyways the way i communicated that to her after the third lunchtime i spent with her doing mechanics somewhat properly was i told her#that it felt like being in plato's cave#and tbh a truer statement has never been said by moi#anyways this all ties together#i cant fail (get less than an A) in phys#and i'm not fucking giving up on mechanics#sooooooo#i'll just cope and get through it whatever way i can#btw i remember my first lesson of statics like 2 months ago#uhmmmmmm.....#she went straight into it and was like guysssss you know this righttttt? ✨#and she literally speaks with glitter at the end of sentences like this lol ✨#i should've predicted the future months of mechanics from that huh lol#i mean the only positive of this was like#in my last test#i was able to explain very clearly what principles apply *in words* to a problem#becuase those principles are fucking hammered into my head#i got full marks on those questions compared to a lot of my quite mathsy classmates#idk man im just gonna have at least a competent grip on mechanics so my grade is decent hm
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the first sex scene with fane is so much funnier as an undead instead of him feeling weird about that thing the godwoken does with their tongue he feels weird about what the godwoken did with their tibia
#divinity original sin 2#the game sometimes misses out on remembering your character is undead#and treats it like you've got a regular character#but sometimes its fucking gold mines like these moments#ah the yuthul gor split its one of your inventive tricks#it probably sounded horrific just two skeletons uh......boning#for lack of a better word tbh#so disappointed i let fane down this was for science#well multiple tests must happen of course that's how it works for scientific results#wait until he finds out what the godwoken can do with her cervical#like shucking an oyster never fails to crack me up#im getting very mixed messages from fane#he doesn't have the desire to touch you or even talk to you#but suggest a mating ritual and he's all too eager#ifan and the red prince just standing there like fine whatever#its rivellon anything goes#i absolutely have to play as fane next time just to see what happens
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my dad: yeah i'll be there at 3:30p
me, like a normal person: gets ready & is all set to go by 3:30p literally on the dot.
my dad at 3:45p: sike i'll actually be there at 4:30p
me: great :) love this :)
#liveblogging life#i am a chronic on time person precisely bc i grew up with two parents who could not be on time to save their fucking lives#like im not perfect about it but generally if i say i'm going to see you at a certain time#i will make every effort to get there either precisely on time or 5-10m early#the early thing is what's leftover from japan i think - i always had to be 15m early to stuff there and it's just kind of stuck tbh#but im also neurotic about it - tbh it irritates me SO much when people say a certain time for meeting & then are super late#like i get being a little late or w/e but when it's like 30+ minutes....#my sister's friend was supposed to pick up her kids on thurs & she was like 45m past the time she said she was going to come#and i was going BANANAS like lady i planned the rest of my evening around you being on time! i have places to be! jesus christ!#idk man i feel like im pretty easy going about most things but something about tardiness really unlocks my inner pta mom demon#also irritated bc he was supposed to be picking me up for driving practice#and now that he's going to be an hour late we no longer have time to do it bc we have to be at dinner at 5p#so like. great! there goes an hour i really could have used for practice!#and with. very little time left before im supposed to retake the test and hopefully not fail again lmao
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my experience in my schools gifted program is very specific but even when i was little i knew that the program was racist so i dont know how people on here are fully grown adults and yet lacking that knowledge. the gifted program for my general area happened to be in a school in a predominantly non white, poor neighbourhood. i came from a neighbouring school like a kilometre away at most that was majorly white. most of the kids in the gifted program were from all around the city and probably 60-70% white at best (toronto is 45% white as a whole). like the disparity between my class and the class next door… very obvious! also gifted wasnt even good i literally learned nothing for three years so i don’t get the hype
#oh and btw i live on the edge of said neighbourhood between it and the rich white neighbourhood#well. lived. i was born there but we moved out this summer.#but i go to school there still literally a block away from my gifted school#so like. it wasnt about the neighbourhood because thats my homeee#i just didnt go to that school previously because there were like 6 elementary schools in the area so we went to a random one idk lol#but also tbf there wasnt to my eyes any difference in the resources allocated to gifted and non gifted students#unlike my first school which the french students got wayyy better things than english students. which reflected the school culture tbh#(my mom says if you had english kids you were looked down upon)#which isn’t necessarily a privilege thing but it was weird#and then at my current school theres a [redacted well known accelerated program] and they get WAYYY more resources#for that program ehh i think its more white than the general population but its not SUPER white#idk im not in it i failed the entrance test lol
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being the same age as most long term lolitas were when they started getting into it but its different now bc there is just so much less of a community it feels like... like for me i feel more like i am finding a lot of individuals but no local communities bc its just rlly died down i think... like i found a 2013 pph article about a lolita meetup downtown. i dont think that wld happen now even if i COULD find a local community
#i think if theres not a lolita tea party/panel this year at pcm i will host one next year...#by then ill have been actively in the subculture for like a year and ill know a little more.. rn im JUST starting out i wld have no clue#what to do... but like i have ideas for stuff that wld be soo fun and ive always wanted to host/participate in an event or panel#once i was picked to participate in the fandom state alchemist test or w/e its called but then they wldnt let me after they saw my boot#which was so fail bc i absolutely cld have done tthe challenges with a broken foot. BLAH anyway#or like i hope they try the jfashion show again UGH probably not since it had to be cancelled due to lack of participation...#i jst would looove to have lolita friends in the area... idk how successful i wld be at converting someone and my sibling doesnt count#or ONE lolita friend... i only know of one lolita in maine and shes pretty well known in the NA lolita community from what i can tell so#ive met her a couple times actually she is very nice. idk what i am trying to say tbh#im more open to making friends at pcm in a lolita context and not a cosplay context bc every cosplayer ive interacted with for more than a#passing comment or picture turned out to be like umm a freak#or one of my moms students <- student who made all the dresses for the haunted town tour cosplaying kanaya that one year and then me showin#my mom the meetup pictures and her going omg.... thats d///////#she was a really really incredibly seamstress btw her costumes were beautiful. anyway. iconic.#i think probably i havent talked to anyone in a while and it is wearing me down i have to make these massive posts every day
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bold theory but im like 80% sure that the spiderman 2 story was a little lackluster because the dlc is going to be doing a lot more of the heavy lifting this time around
#i mean theyve definitely got dlc planned already… they had no idea how well the first games dlc would sell but this time around they do#i mean. okay heres my thought process here#1.#we know that norman is going to become the green goblin soon. the ‘’g-serum’’ he talked about was for harrys cure after the symbiote failed#but norman is probably the one who becomes the green goblin. how? idk yet maybe he tests it on himself first or something#i think thats going to be one of the storylines in the dlc#2. in this game they introduced ally teamups for the crimes in the overworld#two for the spidermen respectively and one for wraith. but during the period where harry is agent venom he has an ally teamup as well#his own animations and voice lines and everything. and thats a very short part of the game#so im actually convinced that harry will wake up from his coma in one of the waves of dlc and fight with the symbiote again#black cat had special finisher animations with miles too so maybe shes an ally teamup too? 👀#maybe wishful thinking but tbh i could see it happening considering the black cat threads from this game havent been entirely wrapped up yet#and also theres a severe lack of ally teamups LOL so im p sure harry at the very least is coming back#maybe to help fight norman somehow for when he turns into the goblin ?#idk. anyways#3. we still have the rest of kravens family to worry about and since they were tracking felecia maybe thats where she comes back ?#4. obviously theres going to be a dlc about the flame/cletus cassidy + carnage.#the flame even has a cult in this adaptation and their gatherings would make great bases which this game DESPERATELY needs more of#also going back to the ally teamup thing yuri still has one post game#and theyre definitely continuing her story given how open ended that questline was#im like. pretty confident in this even though i know its kind of iffy#if they save harry + the goblin for spiderman 3 i wouldnt be surprised but i think it has a solid chance of being addressed in the dlc#tldr there were WAY more lose ends than the first game
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job interview AND dmv test tomorrow
#romeo posting#keep me in your thoughts and prayers#if i fail this test i will kms 👍 simply insane if i went an hour away just to be told im a failure and go home empty handed#IMAGINE IF I DONT GET THE JOB AT THE SAME TIME TOO. I WOULD GO MISSING UNDER MYSTERIOUS CIRCUMSTANCES TBH#but i will succeed. i am nothing if not determined to be successful and happy
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im Going to Start fucking Maiming no nvm. Anger has become sadness. Again. good Night i cant do this Shit rn
#i Have rehearsals Until 6 every fucking Day until Next friday all Of my silly plans fell through To go to the Movies fuckinnn#im Failing half of My classes i Have to take the AP exam in May#i desperately Need to Clean my fucking room i Have a test friday im Behind on 5 fucking Projects#i Just wanna. take A fucking nap#for Once#the Law of atlas if i Have one fun thing i Must instantly suffer The horrors#fun Thing: me and My friend Played around in the Creek at my School#the Horrors?: extreme Stress and Numbness and Art block and the Gate i use to Go home was locked#so I had to Walk all over Town just to get homr#with a Bad knee and a Stupid fucking Carry bag#sorry. this is Just me complaining#but i Dont want to Annoy tbh gc They all have things to Take care of#i Need to sleep please Ignore all Of this
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:/
#tbh thinking abt the fact that according to my schedule mapping from like a year ago it’s not too late to switch to a double eng/french#major and still graduate in 4 yrs#personal#made it as a contingency plan in the case of robotics being my breaking point. which it wasn’t that class gave me hell but im glad i took it#i learned a Ton and think it was worth it in the end even if my team sucked most of the time. but physics is Testing Me#on the other hand tho i will not need mechanical physics at all for what i want to go into as far as i know. so maybe i should stick#through it idk#i mean ive enjoyed everything actually relevant to the field i want to enter so far. but fr i don’t even know if i’ll pass this class in#which case i will have no choice but to switch programs 😭#<- not bc it’s failing a class in the program but bc it’s failing This Particular Class. if i don’t pass it i’ll have to add a whole#other year and it’s already a 5 yr program like i am not doing that.#the engineering chronicles#wait to clarify eng is english in this scenario not engineering agdjf
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was freaking out about how I was going to fail this one stupid seminar class that's for SOME REASON a graduation requirement and thinking there's no way I'm getting above a 60 in it because there are only 10 assignments for the whole semester and all of them are weighted equally and all of them SUCK and are exactly the stuff I hate doing and I've been super behind in the class for the past 3 months so basically I'm screwed and then uh. my four missing assignments got put in as zeroes and my grade only dropped to a 58. WHICH IS BAD. but if I turn them in and get 50s on all of them and then get a 90 on the culminating paper (WHICH IS WEIGHTED THE SAME AS THE OTHER ASSIGNMENTS FOR SOME REASON BUT WHATEVERRRRR) I'll have a solid 76. WHICH IS NOT GREAT. BUT IT'S NOT FAILING. GUYS I'M NOT GOING TO FAIL
#the only time ive ever failed a class was in 8th grade and my lowest grade since then was a brief 79 in 10th grade#physics c senior year humbled me so much with my raw test scores being in the 40s but like even then i had an 87 overall#because the ap curve was so insane#so basically. im not used to getting bad grades#i dont LIKE the idea of having a c in this class but its better than a d or f#and theres really nothing more i can do except turn my stuff in and hope for the best#ive been pretty good at sticking to the department late policy protocol but the emails are embarrassing to send tbh#im supposed to give advance notice of late assignments (ie send an email before the due date) and give a reason for it being late#but what reason can i possibly give#'hello proffie ^_^ the paper due at 11:59 today will be late for...reasons. ill turn it in eventually i prommy ^_^ btw i hate your class'#jokes aside i thought this woman was awful for the first 2 months or so and was terrified of approaching her#but after hanging out in her office hours a couple times ive realized shes actually pretty chill and knows what shes doing#i was so scared shed hate me somehow but apparently she likes me enough to make the department late penalty a little less harsh on me#so thats kind of her#and i did give a reason for the late work#unmedicated adhd + inexplicable burnout + general inability to do anything when overwhelmed#and now she seems sorta worried about me even though she still doesnt remember my name or face#but anywaayyyyyyy i have TWO DAYS to turn all my missing work in DEAR GOD#WHAT DO I DO#HELP#I CANT DO THIS#BUT I CANT JUST HAVE A 58 IN THIS CLASS EITHER#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#ech.txt
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Anyone else intimidated by the new HSK 3.0? https://goeastmandarin.com/new-hsk-levels/
Upon some digging, it appears the HSK will first add the new 7-9 levels for people who want it. Then afterward, gradually transition the original 1-6 levels from the old version to new version. So for now, HSK 1-6 are the same. And from what I'm finding, while HSK 4 and 5 maybe got a bit harder in the new version (more hanzi and words pet level), HSK 6 got a bit easier (less unique hanzi and words) so it evens out to probably around the same amount of content from HSK 1-6 just with a somewhat more even distribution of content between each level. So maybe that's good? Because I was not planning to purposely study 5000 words I hadn't considered before... outside of old (current) HSK 6 and below, I mostly learn words from media and conversations. If there's even more core HSK vocab to eventually study... I know there's like 11,000 words in rhe new HSK 1-9, so around 5,000 brand new words in HSK 7-9, and 1/3 of vocab in each level 1-6 seems to be new. So there's just.... a lot more vocab to learn to pass...
Another intimidating thing: the need to write characters, and translate, on the tests. As a self studier I did almost no writing practice beyond the first 5 months. If you take a chinese class you might be fine, as many Chinese classes require a lot of handwriting. I often can recognize characters but not recall their radicals/writing steps off the top of my head without reference (like 毁 强 岸 墙 愿 etc I am used to recognizing/typing words but not writing... writing I can only recall stuff like 我是，你知道，爸爸，妈妈，姐姐，哥哥，妹妹，弟弟，很好，不好， 没有 etc without a visual to remind me). While the new HSK at max seems to only need handwriting familiarity with like 900 hanzi (not that much), I would definitely need to purposely drill. :c honestly it's a fair expectation, for a language proficiency test (all the changes are), it's just something I'm severely lacking in lol.
Then the translating skill... I find translating to be a skill of its own, so one I'd definitely have to practice and improve in. To comprehend and chat is one ability, to listen to that chat and instantly translate AS you continue the chat in chinese/other language is a whole other skill.
#rant#hsk#new hsk#honestly im just rambling/venting#kinda scares me tbh (tho i think the test changes are fair for gauging language competwncy to comfortably work in chinese)#just cause i can read. can talk. can type. can vaguely translate. but even just sheer 5k new SPECIFICALLY CHOSEN words#means even if i know 15k words maybe i never learned 2k that new HSK decided was important and so id fail any standardized test#etc.
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ughhhh
#mood rocketing downhill. thjs can only end well :-(#on my period and so tired and sad and lonely and i really really really want a hug im going to bash my head in with a rock#and a bit annoyed i spent ages testing climbing shoes today which ive been meaning to do for ages and the staff were rly nice#and i got a pair in the end but tbh i may end up returning them bc on reflection im not sure theyll work for my specific climbing style#what i rly wanted was a few sizes down of my current ones but they didnt have stock. and i tried the size i wanted in a variation of the#same shoe ie. same shape just not the rubber im after and they fit near perfectly so now im just thinking abt them instead.#u know what fuck it. ill take the train to my old city tmr and go to the climbing store there bc i checked online n they do have them.#ill just be constantly doubting my decision if i dont and i need to do smth nice for myself. and i can read on the train#and if they dont fit better well i have these other ones. and these ones are still nice! but im worried theyre more suited to sport/trad#and im primarily a boulderer... and i mean theyd def be good for some types of bouldering and i wanna get into sport/trad anyway but arghhh#whatever. fuck it. booked my train its not that expensive anyway just time. im tired of letting my decision paralysis get to me#and always settling for shit that makes me unhappy bc its not quite what i want but i talk myself into pretending im okay with it#when im not!!! and its unfair to myself and everyone around me to so consistently fail to identify n communicate my actual wants/needs#this isnt actually abt the shoes im upset for other reasons but at least projecting it onto this gives me a semblance of control#and gives me an easy way out of having to confront n deal with my avoidance...... it literally has no fucking limits huh.#well whatever. i need to food shop and eat and shower and then its okay ill play a videogame and go to bed early#its not been that bad a day i watched a movie this morning which was nice. and it was nice to cycle around the weathers great#probably havent slept enough. probably took my afternoon meds too late. probably just feeling lonely and tired and on my period....#tomorrow will be a nice day and monday i have climbing and there are other nice things coming up. puts down my head bashing rock#okay feeling a bit better now ive cried a bit and typed this. deep breath. wheres my shopping list.#.diaries#.vent#byeee
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