#im feeling carefully optimistic

[paralien]

Cousin says the therapist she's going to rn is really good so, maybe I'll finally brave myself at trying out therapy again

[teamatsumu]

screenshot. (kita shinsuke x reader)

summary: your friend confesses on your behalf. for my valentine’s day event - theme: confessions.

word count: 1161

tags: @keiva1000 @kindnessspreads @msbyomimi @sleepyxxhead d @priv-rose @nishayuro @kitas-tapioca @kakashineedstotouchgrass @amisuh @avis-writeshq @samanthaa-leanne @akaashi-todorki @sp1ng @kur0obaby @bleach-your-panties @pinkiipeachiikeen @whippedbel

event masterlist

Many of Kita’s friends and volleyball teammates think he is a stickler for routine. And they are right. But Kita isn’t rigid. He isn’t unchangeable. He accepts a break in routine, takes it in stride, learns from the turning tides and comes back with a smile on his face. Why else would he be the captain of the volleyball team if he didn’t know how to assimilate with rapidly developing circumstances?

Today, he is confronted with another such change. He is staring it right in the face. For a few moments, Kita cannot fathom the sight. How can it be? A red envelope in his locker? Surely, it must not be meant for him.

His next thought is how it got there in the first place. No one besides the volleyball team is allowed in the club room. He is the one who always opens it and he is also the one who locks up every night. Did someone sneak in during practice time?

Nothing else in his locker seems out of place. Just the letter placed delicately on top of the rest of his belongings. Kita finally reaches out for it, tugging on the flap to detach it and pulling out the crisp white paper inside. Kita is halted in his tracks when he realizes that there is no writing on the paper. It’s a print-out. Of a screenshot.

He eyes the text message chain, recognising the small icons on both the sender and receiver’s text bubbles. It’s Suna, his underclassman, and he also recognises you, the manager and his long time best friend.

‘I can’t stand it anymore suna!’

‘then just tell him’

‘u know i cant’

‘thats a u problem’

The next message is long, bordering on a whole paragraph, and Kita’s eyes skim over it. For the first time in a long while, his heart skips.

‘ive known him forever rin. hes such an amazing person and my best friend but he doesn like me that way. if i tell him im just gonna lose him as a friend and id rather we be friends than nothing at all’

The punctuation is atrocious, and the grammar is slightly questionable, but Kita smiles regardless. He carefully folds the paper again, placing it inside the envelope. He closes his locker and continues his evening routine of cleaning up and locking the club room.

Over the next hour as Kita cleans, his thoughts mull over the letter he had just received. The menial nature of the tasks relaxes him, gives him time to mull over this new information. Kita realizes that maybe he isn’t as perceptive as previously thought by his friends.

How can he have not seen that look in your eyes before? Softer than anything and directed only at him, now that he thinks about it. He ponders over your words, the insecurity and negativity behind them. He has never known you to be a negative person. You are endlessly optimistic and full of energy. You are so bright that Kita loves basking in it. He has known you for a very long time, and he is almost affronted that your budding romantic feelings were hidden from him for so long. Especially when Kita has made his courting intentions for you fairly clear.

He has not directly said anything. But he doesn’t think he was ever being discreet. But maybe he has been wrong in his approach. Maybe you hooking your arm with his when you walked to school in the morning, sharing lunches every day, permanently stealing a few of his choice hoodies were all friendly gestures on your part. While Kita has interpreted the gestures as romantic, it seems you have not felt the same heat behind those actions.

Kita has always walked the same route home, sometimes with Aran, sometimes with you, and sometimes on his own. Today he takes the walk alone, but he is not bothered. He has purpose in his mind, the red envelope in his hand, and his feet carry him all the way through the winding streets until he stops at your doorstep.

He smiles at the surprise in your eyes when you receive him at the door. He nearly coos at the fuzzy slippers on your feet, huge and with bunny ears on them, making your feet look twice their usual size. You are so cute. Kita scolds himself lightly, regretting that he had wasted so much time as your friend when maybe he could have spent it with you as his romantic partner. His girlfriend.

It has a nice ring to it, Kita decides.

“Shinsuke?” Your voice breaks his train of thought. The ‘what are you doing here’ is clear in your voice. Your eyes are wide and your face is questioning. There is a tinge of worry on your face, and Kita realizes that showing up unannounced may not have been the best idea. He isn’t sure what is going on in your head, but he quickly tries to quash your worries.

“Everything is fine.” Clear, direct, to the point. It’s Kita being Kita. “I’m here about something I found in my locker while closing up.”

He holds up the red envelope, and when you stare at it in confusion, he proceeds to open it and pull out the white paper. You take it when he offers it to you, unfolding it and reading the letter. If you can call it that.

Kita watches the color drain from your face, notices how the panic overtakes your features as you recognise the conversation printed in front of you. He feels his shoulders slump a little, lamenting the fact that you are truly scared about him finding out. What do you think he will do? Has Kita truly not made his intentions for you clear enough? He cannot help but self loathe in that moment, seeing the state you were in now.

“Shin-”

He doesn’t let you finish.

“If you will allow it, I would like to take you out for dinner this weekend. Will you be free on Saturday?”

You blink once, twice. Your mouth opens and closes. Kita is acutely reminded of a fish. He tries to tamp down his smile.

“R-really?”

He merely nods.

Slowly, life reinjects into your face. You seem to age in reverse before his very eyes. Your grip on the letter crinkles the paper slightly, and Kita reaches out to gently pry it from your hands and smooth it out. He stays quiet as you process his words. He thinks of hugging you, maybe even kissing you. But stops himself. Those are moments he will reserve for after your first date, after he has properly given you the best date of your dreams. So he keeps his eyes on the letter.

“Remind me to thank Suna for this letter.” He comments. “I must say, it’s the strangest confession letter I have ever received.”

There is a pause.

“You’ve received other confession letters?!”

[spncrscasey]

Workaholic (j.w.)

Fandom/Characters: House M.D. - James Wilson x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3k

Summary: Children either bring couples together, or push them apart. Unfortunately in your case, it was the latter.

Warnings: baby talk, miscarriage, angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, unhealthy coping mechanisms, tumor/cancer mention, happy ending don't worry, and a BUNCH of pet names (these people are sickly in love- its insane)

a/n: almost finished with season 1 of house and i love wilson so so much, he’s such a cutie patootie. anyway i don’t know how accurate this is because i haven’t seen much of the show yet so im going off spoilers and random reasearch lol but hopefully it makes sense and yall enjoy it <3

You were currently sitting in the bathroom of your office staring at the test in front of you. You couldn’t believe it. Two lines. You were pregnant.

You were elated. As the Head of Pediatrics, you had ample experience working with children, which made you even more excited about the chance of being a mom since starting a family has always been a dream of yours.

However, you were unsure about how your husband would react to the news. Although you had discussed having kids with James on a few occasions, you never officially agreed to start trying. So it would be an understatement to say that you felt nervous about telling him.

You let out a sigh, carefully sliding the test into your pocket before hesitantly rising to your feet. Despite your concerns, you had to tell him, he has the right to know. Leaving your office, you made your way to the Oncology Department to seek out your husband.

Once you approached his office, you noticed the door slightly ajar, letting you know he was inside. You took a deep breath before gently pushing the door open.

“Hey, dear,” you said smiling at him when he looked up from his files to meet your eyes.

“Hi there sweetheart, how's my favorite girl doing?” He rose from his chair and sauntered around his desk to reach you, where he wrapped his arms around your waist, placing a chaste kiss on your cheek.

You didn't respond right away opting to look at your shoes and avoid his eyes, anxious about the news you were about to deliver. He was instantly worried, furrowing his brows in confusion. “Is everything okay?”

“James, honey, I have something I need to tell you.” You whispered but he heard it anyway.

“Of course Y/N, anything.” His voice dripped with fear as he anticipated what you were about to tell him. Considering you were wife number four, he was bracing himself for you to finally tell him you were leaving. Preparing for the worst, almost expecting the divorce papers even though your marriage had been nothing but perfect.

Yet his thoughts were cut short when you blurted out the information you'd been keeping in for the last twenty minutes. “I’m pregnant.”

You gazed into his eyes, trying to decipher his emotions, but they revealed nothing. His expression was unreadable, leaving you feeling even more uneasy.

“We're going to have a baby?” He questioned, shocked. You nodded and pulled out the pregnancy test to show him. He held it, staring at it, bewildered. It was clear he was processing the information, but his thoughts were kept hidden. Yet, you felt optimistic, hopeful that he wasn't showing signs of being upset.

“We’re having a baby!” He repeated with an enormous grin on his face, instantly enveloping you in a tight embrace.

As you hugged him back, a yelp of excitement escaped your lips. He lifted you off the ground, spinning you around as your laughter filled the air. You gently caressed his cheeks, planting quick and tender kisses all over his face. Joy radiating off of the both of you.

He slowly placed you back on the floor, eliciting a giggle from your lips at the way he was suddenly handling you with caution. “Relax, Jamie, I won't break. You don't have to be so careful, you know.” You reassure him, fingers tangling in his hair.

“You're carrying our baby! Some might say I'm not being careful enough!” He exclaimed back, resting his hands on your hips.

There's a comfortable silence for a moment while you both hold each other as everything sinks in.

“I'm glad you're okay with this.” You admit, leaning your forehead against his.

“Okay? Baby, I've never been happier! This is the best day of my life— well, besides the day I met you obviously.” He clarifies, earning a chuckle from you.

“You’re going to be a great dad, James.”

“And you're going to be an even greater mom, sweetheart.” He responds before delicately pressing his lips against yours.

You were eleven weeks pregnant. Your OB mentioned you'd be able to find out the baby's gender at your next appointment. Which you were on the way to right now. James couldn't make it due to a consult House had dragged him to but you reassured him that it was fine. You'd surprise him with a mini gender reveal celebration later.

You already had it planned. You'd go to the baby store and buy an article of clothing corresponding to the gender and wrap it in white to keep it concealed. It would be a special moment between you that you'd cherish for the rest of your life. Just the simple thought of it brought a smile to your face as you walked into the exam room, waiting to be checked out.

The nurse finally entered the room and began the procedure. She squeezed the gel onto your stomach and started the ultrasound. You watched intently, still struggling to comprehend the fact that there was an actual baby growing inside of you. The baby you and James had created, the baby your love had created. Your eyes twinkled in happiness at the idea of the family you'd soon become, the corners of your lips turning upwards.

Your smile faltered though when you noticed a momentary expression on the nurse's face that made you apprehensive. Before you were able to analyze it further, she left, informing you that the doctor would see you shortly.

Your heart began racing. What could that mean? Was the baby okay? Were you okay? What was wrong? Yes, you were a doctor, but suddenly all medical knowledge had left your brain. It's like you couldn't focus on anything but the notion that something was clearly not alright.

Your obstetrician stepped into the room, stopping you from spiraling further. A solemn expression on her face.

“Dr. Montgomery- How’s the baby? Is everything okay? Can we know the sex?” You hurriedly asked, letting it all out at once.

“Y/N, I'm sorry. You've had a miscarriage.” She said, looking at you sympathetically.

The world around you suddenly froze in place. Doctor Montgomery’s lips continued to move, providing information, but no sound reached your ears. It was as if her voice was distant and muffled, and all you could concentrate on was the fact that your baby was gone.

Your surroundings suddenly became blurry, hands trembled uncontrollably. How could this have happened? Both you and James had been incredibly careful and wary throughout the pregnancy. What went wrong?

You didn't even realize when she exited the room, leaving you in solitude with your thoughts. You felt numb, detached from the world that kept on spinning as if the devastating news didn't matter. Why was everyone going about their day as if nothing had happened when you had just received such heartbreaking news about not being able to have your baby? You hated it. You were mad at the world, mad at the doctor, mad at yourself.

You got to your feet and made your way to your husband's office, almost as if on autopilot. It felt surreal like your body was being guided by some invisible force through the busy corridors. It was as though your legs were moving of their own accord, taking you where you needed to be, letting your mind wander.

You suddenly found yourself standing in front of the glass doors, unsure of how you had ended up there in the first place. You hesitantly pushed the door open and entered.

As if you hadn't been through enough today, James’ office was found to be empty. The one person you needed at the moment wasn't here, which frustrated you even more. Logically, you knew it wasn't his fault. He's a doctor too. He probably got stuck with House’s consult, yet you were too distraught to think clearly, your distress clouding your judgment. So instead, you took a seat on the couch, waiting for his eventual return.

You sat there, lost in thought, staring into space, unaware of how much time had passed. Not even the sound of the office door being pulled and James entering could draw your attention.

He, however, saw you. Face instantly beaming. “Hey hun, how was the appointment?” He inquired, clueless to your expression since you had your back turned.

Noticing your lack of acknowledgment, he swiftly rushed over to you. Kneeling in front of your seated body, taking your hands in his. “Y/N, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

His touch finally snapped you out of your thoughts, causing you to meet his concerned gaze. Tears filled your eyes as you whispered, barely audible, “I lost it.”

“Lost what angel? What's going on?” He questioned further, slowly moving his hands to cup your face.

“The baby, James. I lost our baby,” You explained, letting out a sob while falling forward.

He quickly caught you, putting his hands around you to hold you tightly, unable to believe the news himself. He clutched onto you, not only in a way to comfort you but himself as well. Tears kept streaming down your face, and the reality of the situation finally sank in. It felt like you hadn't come to terms with it until just now. You nuzzled your face into his chest, no doubt soaking his dress shirt, but you were too overwhelmed to care.

You could hear a few sniffles coming from him too, which only added to the heartbreak you were feeling. Knowing that you were the cause of his pain, the reason behind his tears. It made it all the more unbearable. The realization that you were the one who had resulted in the end of the life of the baby you both had hoped to raise was finally getting through to you, and it was crushing.

If you had communicated your feelings, he would have immediately reassured you that he would never hold you responsible for this. And he would have been right. No matter how upsetting it may be, these things happen, it wasn't your fault. But your brain wasn't functioning right presently, and all it could see was the pain you believed you were causing the both of you.

You lost track of how long the two of you held each other like that. Time was spent with you mostly crying, and him trying to hold himself together while whispering sweet nothings into your ear. It was supposed to be comforting, but it wasn't. Nothing he said would bring your baby back. You let him try regardless, knowing it was his way of coping with the loss.

It had been two weeks since you found out. Two weeks since your life changed for the worse.

There were many ways to deal with a loss. Attend grief support groups, see a therapist, journal, meditate— yet here you were, ignoring all of those and overworking yourself to death instead.

In your head, if you couldn't save and care for your own baby, you were determined to do it for others.

As a result, over the past two weeks, you've thrown yourself into your work. You'd been getting home late while leaving early in the mornings, picking up extra shifts, and spending more time at the clinic— all to avoid confronting the event that occurred.

Was it healthy? No. Was it working? Yes.

You found yourself isolating from everyone and everything. Even your own husband. You didn't mean to avoid him, it just happened that way because you were hardly ever at home anymore. Cuddy had even asked you to go home and rest up on multiple occasions but you refused each time, insisting that you were fine.

You were currently at the clinic, examining a patient who had an unknown mass in her stomach. It was likely a tumor so you were forced to page your husband, Dr. Wilson, Head of Oncology.

You didn't want to do it, knowing that if you paged him here, the conversation would end with him forcing you to open up. As it would be the first time you two would have an actual exchange in the last two weeks. But for your patient's sake, you were ready to set aside your personal issues and focus on her well-being. So you did what you had to do, and hesitantly paged him.

He was inside the exam room within five minutes.

Unbeknownst to you, seeing your name on his pager spiked his heart rate. He hadn't truly spoken to his wife in what felt like forever and seeing that she needed him was a relief. This was finally his opportunity to talk to you.

“You paged me, Dr. Y/L/N?” He asked as he stepped inside.

“Yes actually, Dr. Wilson, could you check what that mass is on the left side of her abdomen?” You pointed toward where the mass was.

“May I?” He asked the patient, motioning towards her body to which she nodded.

Upon receiving the woman's permission, he proceeded to examine the mass. He assessed that there was a high likelihood of it being a tumor, but a biopsy should be scheduled to confirm the diagnosis and see whether it is cancerous or not.

You thank him and turn back to the lady. “You're free to go, ma'am. I'll schedule the biopsy and the hospital will call to let you know when it is.” You inform her as she leaves.

After she leaves the room, you tidy up and restore everything to its original state before attempting to turn toward the door when you feel a tug at your wrist.

“That's it?”

“Is what it? I thanked you for your assistance now I'm going to order the biopsy you mentioned. Did I do something wrong Dr. Wilson?”

“You realize we're alone right? You don't have to be so formal.” He replies, tone filled with something you couldn't put your finger on.

Before you had a chance to reply he continued, “Why haven't you been coming home?” This time you understood his tone, accusatory.

“I have been.”

“Oh that's right, you get home every day past midnight and leave before sunrise. So you're home about what? 4-5 hours?” He summarizes.

“What do you want me to say, James?” You sigh.

“I want you to talk to me! Talk to your husband. Let me in! Stop avoiding me Y/N!” He raises his hands in the air, exasperated.

“I'm not avoiding you, I've just been busy with work.” You reply, purposefully ignoring the first part of his statement.

“Believe me, we've all realized how much of a workaholic you are.” He rolled his eyes.

You both stayed silent for a moment before he spoke up, voice softer this time, “Honey I know losing the baby was hard but-”

You cut him off before he could finish the sentence. The sudden mention of your baby made you see red.

“Don't you dare mention my baby.” You spoke, voice sharper than a thousand knives.

“That was my baby too, Y/N! This loss has been difficult for me too!” He yelled back, making you flinch yet you didn't back down.

“Really? Because I don't recall you being there that appointment.” It was a low blow and you were aware of it. You didn't truly blame him but you were being put on the defensive and you were willing to say anything that would get him to drop the topic.

“That's not fair and you know it,” He shook his head in disbelief.

“What's not fair is that our child is gone, James. Gone.” You let out, voice shaking at the last word.

“I know sweetheart, I know.” He pulled you in and you let him, willingly giving into the embrace you'd missed so much. He held you with one arm while using the other hand to stroke up and down your back like he'd done many times before. The comforting touch, so familiar yet so longed for, enveloped you, evoking a profound sense of solace. In that fleeting moment, serenity washed over you, bringing a deep sense of peace, even if it was temporary.

“I don't deserve this.” You mumble into his chest.

He moves his hands to your shoulders, pushing you aside to get a better look at your face, “What do you mean?”

“I don't deserve your kindness. I killed our baby and here you are- comforting me.”

He looked at you dumbfounded. Like you had just said the most idiotic statement known to man. You were blaming yourself for this? He grabbed your chin, bringing your face up so you could look at him.

“Y/N, you know I never blamed you for any of this right?” He asked rhetorically. Knowing you wouldn't answer, he continued, “You didn't kill anyone. You're not responsible for what happened. It's not your fault. I need you to understand that.” He said firmly.

“I just feel so empty James, like a part of me is missing. A part that I'll never be able to get back- and I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.” You confess, eyes shutting in exhaustion.

He moves one hand to the back of your head, absentmindedly playing with your hair, soothing you while you speak.

“It feels like this emptiness is going to last forever and I'm not sure how I'm going to deal with that Jamie.”

Oh, how he had missed hearing that nickname leaving your lips. It made him feel at home.

Perhaps things were slowly getting better.

“It's going to take time, but we’ll get through it Y/N. I promise. Let's just take it one day at a time, alright?”

You nodded, lips slightly quirking up.

“I'm sorry for pushing you away and avoiding you for two weeks.” You look down, embarrassed. “I also apologize for not being there for you. I know you've been dealing with this too and it wasn't right of me to abandon you in a time of need where I should've been by your side instead.”

“That’s okay,” he says drawing you in closer once more, wrapping his arms around you making you sway back and forth. “Just promise me that you'll come home with me tonight, so we can enjoy a nice and relaxing bath together.” He adds.

“Oh, I definitely promise that.” You reply, smirking at him before adding, “I love you.”

“And I love you, angel.”

[vrystalius]

Hello beautiful! Before anything you are amazing and your writing skills are 👌🏻ma'am, anyhow, could i please request anything kagaya ubuyashiki x reader pwease🥺👉🏻👈🏻 (it's okay if you don't want to of course)! And remember to stay healthy and drink a lot of water❤️❤️❤️

Healing touch

You are the personal doctor of the head of the Ubuyashiki clan.

Pairing: Kagaya x doctor!fem!reader

Here’s pt.2 <3

(In this AU, Amane never got married to Kagaya)

You have been Kagaya’s personal doctor for a while now, taking care of that frail and sick young man ever since your father retired, who was his healer before you. You do daily vital checkups and check the progression of his mysterious sickness. You care for Kagaya greatly, but not only because he is the most important person in the corps, but because you somehow felt drawn im by him.

“How are you feeling today, Ubuyashiki-sama?” You opened your medical journal and turned the pages, making sure to write down his notes on his condition and the progress of the sickness. Kagaya turned his head slowly to look at you. His mysterious affiliation progressed as far as to blind him in one eye, but the other one seemed healthy so far. He smiled calmly at you.

“I feel more pain in my blind eye. Breathing has become more painful as well, wich caused me to loose more sleep. I am tired, but fine.” Kagaya sat upright on his futon, wanting to talk to you face to face.

You frowned at the sight of him trying to sit properly. “Ubuyashiki-sama, I have told you before that you do not need to sit upright for me.” Yet, you did not push him back down. Instead, you carefully grabbed his chin and turned his face slightly to make him face you more. You leaned in slightly, your warm breath caressing his face. Kagaya’s eyes widened very so lightly. His calm face faltered for just a moment, a slight taint on his cheeks, before composing himself again. You used your small flashlight to inspect Kagaya’s blind eye, shining directly at it. He didn’t flinch, having his usual calm smile on his face.

“Your sickness has progressed more slowly, but it did attack your eyeball. At first I’d hoped that you might keep your eyesight in that eye after recovery, but I am not ad optimistic anymore.” You sighed after speaking, letting go of his chin and turning your flashlight off. You picked up your pen and scribbled notes down. “I’ve expected as much. My father had a similar affliction.” You nodded at his comment. “Yes, so I’ve heard. Please lay down for me.” Kagaya felt your warm hand on his chest and back, slowly pushing him back down onto his futon. He is perfectly capable to lay back down on his own, but the feeling of your hands on his chest felt comforting to him, even while in pain. Kagaya sighed.

You got your stethoscope out and put the plugs into your ear. “You’ve been having chest pains while breathing, yes? Let me take a listen.” You gave him a soft smile and opened his yukata further, revealing his naked, pale chest. Kagaya watched how your eyes moved over his chest. He shivered slightly when he felt the cold metal of the resonator touch his skin.

“Breathe in for me.” You mumbled, concentrating on the sound of his lungs. Kagaya breathed in as deeply as he could, but broke out into a small coughing fit. “A-Apologies.” He cleared his throat, his eyebrows slightly scrunched together in pain, but relaxed right after feeling your warm hand on his chest. The resonator was placed over his lungs again as Kagaya breathed in deeply, and back out. You nodded, moving the resonator over the other half of the lung, your hand now resting on the other side of his chest. Kagaya stared at you quietly while you listened to his breathing. You looked so concentrated with your brows furrowed like that. Would it be selfish of him to ask you to say for a while? For you to caress his chest so gently, as you are doing right now, for just a little longer? Kagaya started to feel his exhaustion catching up from the night before. Your hand felt so comforting and warm, it made all his aches and pain fade away, even if just for e moment. His eyes were slowly closing as his breath got more shallow.

While listening to his lung’s functionality, you noticed how Kagaya’s heartbeat began to slow down slightly. You lifted your gaze and glanced at his face, slowly lifting the resonator off his chest while keeping your hand above his heart.

He fell asleep. You thought he was complaining about insomnia earlier… perhaps that exhaustion caught up to him, or is your presence just this calming to the young master?

A soft smile spread across your face. You decided to stay a little longer as to not wake him. Your hand slowly moved from his chest up to his hair, carefully brushing through his dark and silky strands. A soft sigh escaped from between his lips.

Yes, you’ll stay a while longer with him. Just until he wakes back up again.

💠

I think I just made myself fall for Kagaya. I really hope I wrote him kind of accurately to his canon personality, but I’m not sure. I really hope you enjoyed it regardless! Thank you so much for requesting, this was super fun to write! <3 (and I am very honoured to be called ma’am) Anyways, my requests are open!

Anyways, make sure to EAT, SLEEP and DRINK enough!

Take care of yourselves!

[anonymouscheeses]

more obvious shit I wanted to point out but it's more than last time uhhh pt.2 (spoilers for dad beat dad and maybe welcome to heaven. Maybe?)

I love that Charlie just randomly goes into demon form sometimes like here ehhehehe. Also can I just say I love Charlie so much?? She is my favorite and I love her especially in this episode because it feels like the same optimistic Charlie but she was just put in a bad situation. I relate to her a bit TOO much, almost down to every detail like wow. You'll understand later once I get there. But just wow...

LOOK AT THIS FUNNY LITTLE MAN. SPOODER DUST <3 also. Live [image] reaction. Someone make that into a reaction image 🙏🙏

HONEY!!! NEW MEME TEMPLATE JUST DROPPED. (Aka the one guy going crazy trying to explain the stuff on the board iykyk)

OMG... THAT CANT BE CHARLIE... NOT CHARLIE'S EMO PHASE PLEASE BAHAHAHHAHAHA (also love that Lucifer has kept it all these years, if Charlie knew I think she'd be extremely embarrassed. Vaggie would love it probably xd)

HE IS SO GOOFY I CANT- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ALREADY!!! NEED.

Broskie got character development and is NICE?!? I LOVE THAT SMMM YALL.... LOOK AT HIM!! I am very delusional yes, but I will take this over ass development(cough. Vaggie's "story" in ep 3. Cough).

Imagine this. *holds your hand carefully to help you calm down while talking to your father you haven't really wanted to talk to.* lesbian type stuff ngl 🤯 (relatable)

Angel looking at the gays while being a gay too. HE'S BEING SO KIND TO CHARLIE UGGHH I CANTTT!!(POS) NODDING HIS HEAD, SMILING TO HER, ALSO TRYING TO HELP CALM HER DOWN. I MAY BE ASS AT SOCIAL CUES BUT I NOTICED THIS ONE!! YAA

*SHE IS STILL HOLDING HER HAND. CHARLIE'S ALSO SWINGING IT AROUND NERVOUSLY. I can never get tired of them and will make art soon just you wait.*

COMMANDER VAGGIE! I love that she acts like this is a camp full of tiny kids and honestly? That's not too far off. Sir pentious is at the ready! (glad he's here more often in the episode, thought he would just get sidelined after his first episode but gladly no!) Angel is just surprised. Husk spilled his drink, ON WHITE FUR NO LESS! Niffty of course is on the floor face first. Charlie is just happy to be there yippee!

What is this?? I have no idea what the hell it is at all. Bro is just peepin- it doesn't look like Alastor, even in demon form. And... I can't think of anyone else who could be this. Anyone have ideas or maybe it's foreshadowing? Maybe it was revealed in the 6th episode I don't know I haven't watched it yet. (I am a freak. I don't binge I give myself a day to watch a single episode. Most of the time uhhh.)

WE LOVE A SHORT KING. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE HIM. THE EVERYTHING. HE IS EVERYTHING. LET ME STRANGLE HIM PLEASE. (Lillith and Lucifer's dynamic is 100% Gomez and Morticia but a little more silly short man)

"OH WOW! AN OLDER MAN WHO GIVES ME FATHERLY CARE!" *STARTS TO FUCKING CRY*

I FEEL YOU CHARLIE WAAAGHHH

Oh and there goes the silly guy again! Atp I'm thinking it may be the gal some people been talking about that they've been hinting since the pilot. I forgot her name but she's said to be the big bad of season 1 or probably 2. Not sure if that's what it's trying to imply but here's my little no-thought idea

Lucifer, no...

LUCIFER NO!! THIS IS SUCH AN ADORABLE RESPONSE TO CHARLIE DATING A WOMAN. (ADOPT ME)

AND THEN THE HUG! I GET IM LOOKING TOO MUCH INTO THIS ONE SILLY SCENE BUT I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH AND WANT THIS SO BAD IN MY LIFE.

Niffty really said, "Yes, I do the cleaning."

Get yourself a taller king who is a short king but compared to you is a tall king

Say what you will, but I genuinely want more dad Alastor, someone make an au before I do plsss and @ me 🙏🙏

alright.. now this is where it starts to be relatable and hurt my heart... yayy.... needing any sort of parent figure that actually cares about you than the actual parent who is rarely there? WOWZA! SAME CHARLIE <3 <3 (SO FAR VERY ACCURATE FROM SOMEONE THAT IS IN THE SAME SITUATION)

Alastor is letting her off kindly, atleast in his way. He may be pissed off she brought a shark gang to the hotel and put it on fire, but they were still close friends. With anyone else he would absolutely either murder them or have severely traumatized the person. She's the exception, although I don't think he'd let it off the hook so easily if there were a next time.

A father-daughter embrace! :,)

(This is gonna be messy asf) He wants to know who she is as a person. He always has, and that's definitely obvious, but from a person inside this, they may not know themselves what the other is thinking. To Charlie it was like he never cared and just wanted an excuse to not see her again, acting like he was truly busy as in the start where he made the rubber duck that breathed fire. Sure. But Charlie saw it as him finding ways to not interact with her again. The only times they talk was when it was related to business stuff or other things of the sort. Let me just say this song... is by far my favorite, including the episode. Sure, it's got problems it's own, but this extremely accurate portrayal of what my own situation with one of my parents just stole my entire soul. Yeah I got a bit of tears about to come out, BUT NOPE! NOT TODAY! I don't ever cry during shows or movies so if I ever get teary-eyed, YOU DID SOMETHING. THAT SOMETHING BEING GOOD. This episode was emotional and connected with me on a deep level that I dont think any film has ever done to me, which is weird because I've been actively trying to find one, any one that does. Then to find it in an indie company from a creator who has achieved the dreams that I myself want to one day? That's fucking amazing.

FORESHADOWING! FROESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING! VAGGIE EX-ANGEL THEORY MUST BE CANON AND IF ITS NOT I WILL TEAR MYSELF LIMB FROM LIMB WITH A CROWBAR. LETS GO TO HEAVENNN!!! TOMORROW! BECAUSE THE DAY I PUBLISH THIS WILL BE TOMORROW(FOR YOU TODAY) BUT TOMORROW FOR YOU ILL POST THE NEXT WHAT I CAUGHT SHENANIGANS AGAIN! SEE YA!

[starlightingsss]

disposable - patrick bateman x reader

ur a budding starlet and hes patrick bateman and he loves you 😋

(its literally just you and him having a conversation then him overthinking the last part and convincing himself you didnt love him)

(hes so silly and dramatic in this story fr)

she crawled over to patrick's laying frame, wrapping her arm over his stomach and snuggling into his chest.

"im gonna be famous, patrick." she told him, hope oozing into her voice. "the whole worlds gonna know my name."

"yea?" he said, amused by her antics.

"mhm! ill be in hollywood.. people are going to recognize me in the streets and everyones going to love me." she told him, her eyes bright as she spoke of her future.

"what about us then?" he replied, his voice stern - almost emotionless.

"huh? what do you mean?" she mumbled, propping herself up on her elbow.

"when you get famous and move to hollywood." he said again, disliking the idea.

"well.. we could make long distance work! plus we'll both be rich so we could travel to see each other!" she told him, still optimistic. "it'll be so perfect. ill be so happy!"

but to patrick, this was like a knife in the chest. he loved her, hes known that since he saw her, he would drop anything for her. he would give up his whole career and retire to the countryside for a life with her - if that's what she wanted. she was his only choice, his favorite, his everything. he would kill for her. if she said she liked a billion dollar dress, he would pay the billion. he would do anything for her, and she was his future. for him, nothing was certain. stocks were tricky and often unpredictable, he could lose his wealth and his whole lifestyle in a matter of seconds. and naturally, he wasn't very close with anyone else, no work friends, nothing. but he had her, the light of his life. and when because he had her, he had everything.

she was the certainty of his life, his rock. and she was just going to leave? when her career takes off, she would just leave him like that? what if he needs her and she's on the other side of the country? how was long distance going to work for either of them?

she knew he wasn't moving to LA with her. how could she say that it would make her happy? was she tired of him after all? was her "eternal love" for him actually not eternal? he couldn't even be away from her for more than a day without worrying so much he got sick, did she not share that same sentiment?

how could she be so happy about leaving him? once she got famous, would he just be out of the picture? would she forget him?

and how could a life without him be perfect? he knew he couldn't live without her, so how could she be so fond of the idea of being away from him?

he turned to look at the girl, engulfed in sleep. her features looked angelic as the light danced on her skin, highlighting her beauty. realization seemed to strike him, as he watched her breathe steadily - he fell for a trap.

a carefully woven web she had coaxed him into. how she broke down his walls and burrowed herself a hole deep into his heart, a hole that would be left empty once she left. her "i love you"s were lies mumbled into his ears, a trap he had fallen for. maybe he should have been more cautious, a little more guarded.

tears flooded the mans eyes, she was his everything.

how could her love be a trap? she was everything he had ever wanted, his perfect. but he wasn't that to her, he was disposable. something she would get rid of for fame, and as he came to that realization - it shattered him.

he could feel it. he could feel his heart shattering into a million pieces. the strain in his chest, the tears in his eyes. all he'd ever wanted was to be loved like she said she loved him, all he'd ever yearned for was the peace of her embrace, but all he ever knew was the lie of her love.

he was nothing to his everything.

[triptuckers]

lost and found - ezra bridger

Request: nope Pairing:  ezra bridger x jedi!reader Summary:  along with the remainder of the ghost crew and ahsoka, you're trying to find ezra Warnings:  HEAVY SPOILERS FOR AHSOKA S1!!! im warning u dont read this if u havent seen all of it yet Word count:  1.1K A/N: I survived the war (im posting fics again) but at what cost (brainrot has taken over)

your music is blaring through the speakers of your ship as you're working. though your ship isn't in need of any repairs, you're always finding new modifications and additions to upgrade it. at this rate, it's unrecognisable as the ship you once got from a sketchy dealer on an outer rim planet.

working on your ship is also a way to distract yourself. when you're focused on working with your hands, your mind doesn't wander off.

it doesn't wander off to hera and jacen aboard the ghost. it doesn't wander off to sabine and ahsoka on her T-6 shuttle. but mostly, it doesn't wander off to ezra. you try not to think about the fact hera is on an unauthorised mission, that you haven't heard from sabine and ahsoka in a while which is unlike them, and that you feel like you're not even a little bit closer to finding ezra.

even though you haven't seen him for years, you refuse to believe he's gone. you tell yourself you would simply know if he didn't make it. before you lost him, the two of you shared a strong bond in the force. you figured if something had happened to him, you would have felt it.

but after all of these years, it's hard to hold on to hope. you really want to. but at some point logic has to take over.

though recently, hope has sparked in you yet again. with the map ahsoka found, the chances of finding ezra have increased. you are optimistic again.

but the search hasn't been without danger. even now, you're worried.

which is why you're working on your ship. otherwise you'd just pace around or stare off into the distance with your mind running around in circles getting lost in the "what ifs".

a faint beeping sounds pulls you out of your thoughts. you get up from your position underneath one of the main consoles and get your comm.

'general syndulla for commander y/l/n.' comes hera's voice.

'go for commander y/l/n.' you say.

'hey y/n, where are you right now?'

'just working on my ship in the main hangar back on base.'

'new modifications again?'

'yeah, yeah, I know. "a good ship doesn't need modifications." well, I like them. the ghost could use some upgrades as well, you know.'

'no thank you, my ship is perfectly fine.'

you chuckle as you wipe your hands on your pants.

'have you heard from sabine and ahsoka yet?' you say. 'and when are you coming home from this unauthorised mission?'

'sabine and ahsoka are alright, we're actually on our way now. and we have some news regarding ezra.' says hera.

'you have news on ezra?' you say, unable to hide the relief in your voice. 'do you know how to find him? or where he is? is he okay?'

'we'll talk about it in person. we should be arriving soon.' says hera.

'I'll wait for you.'

'see you soon.'

hera disconnects her comm, leaving you alone with the music again. your mind is racing. they have news on ezra. you knew it, he's still out there somewhere. you're sure of it.

you quickly put the panel of the main console back and tidy up your tools. just as you pause your music and exit your ship, you see the ghost and ahsoka's T-6 shuttle getting closer to the hangar.

you anxiously await them, watching as they carefully land. the shuttle door opens and sabine and ahsoka come out of it.

sabine smiles as you half walk, half run up to them and pull them both into a hug.

'I'm so glad you guys are safe.' you say. 'it scared the shit out of me when I couldn't contact you.'

'we're alright.' says ahsoka, patting you on the back.

you pull back to look at them. they both look tired, but other than that they seem fine. sabine has a twinkle in her eyes and smile on her face.

'what is it?' you say. 'do you know something about ezra?'

'yeah.' says sabine. 'but hera should tell you.'

she points to the ghost, where hera has just exited the ship. jacen follows her, but is looking over his shoulder and talking to someone. at first, you assume it's merely chopper.

but as they walk further down, you see it's not chopper at all. it's a young man. he's wearing colourful robes and has a beard and curly hair.

it doesn't matter he's older than he is in your memories. it doesn't matter he still has the same eyes and the same scar on his cheek. it doesn't matter something in the force tugs on you so strongly, as if it has found its home.

none of it matters, because you would know him anywhere, in any universe, no matter who you are.

ezra. your ezra. talking with jacen as if nothing had ever happened. he's here, he's alive.

a sob escapes your mouth as you take off.

'ezra!' you yell.

you don't even bother to hide the tears as they stream down your cheeks. after all this time, he's finally here.

for a brief second you see his smile before you crash into him. you wrap your arms around his neck and bury your face in his neck, holding him impossibly close. you're never going to let him go.

words fail you as you just cry into his shoulder.

you feel ezra's arms around your back and get lost in the feeling. it's all so painfully familiar, as if no time had passed at all. yet you know everything has happened since the last time you saw him.

you slightly pull away to look at him.

ezra is smiling at you just like he did all those years ago. though he's older, he's still the same. still the same kid you met on the streets of lothal.

you reach out and brush a finger over the scar on his cheek.

'you're here.' you say breathlessly.

'I am.' he says.

you'd heard his voice in your dreams and memories and the recording sabine still has. but this is different. it means everything and more to you.

'you're as beautiful as the day I lost you.' you whisper.

'I dreamed of this day.' says ezra. 'thought about all the things I would say to you. it all seemed so simple. but now? I have no idea. nothing seems like the right thing to say.'

'but it is simple.' you say. 'I love you.'

ezra smiles even brighter. 'I love you too.' he says. 'I always knew I would see you again. we have a lot of catching up to do.'

you smile as ezra leans in and kisses your forehead. you'd finally found each other again.

A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rulesHere’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Max/Marit

[xanticore]

Can you do a Lars ulrich fic where the reader is part of it can you do a dominant submissive relationship kinks where Lars is dominant and the girl or whoever is a submissive also the as well smut??

Back in 1984 in the hotel room???

I hope you enjoy anon! I don't like going straight into smut so yeah..it's a bit slow in the beginning but it gets juicy. promise.

“𝐒𝐇𝐄’𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓’’

Genre: Smut

Setting: Summer of 1984 ,, New York

Warnings: Slight usage of the daddy kink (Lars gets so surprised by it) P in V, oral f receiving, pet names, and sailor mouth from Lars.

Summary: The band had finished their recording for ride the lighting. They all agreed to celebrate by hanging out at a club- getting drunk and hopefully be able to take a girl back to a hotel. Lately Lars hasn't had great experiences with the recent groupies he was with. None of them really fit his sex appeal. That all had changed when he saw a girl smoking alone.

"You gotta be fucking with me!" I blurted out before putting the phone back on the hook. A fan that goes by 'Lola' told me I'm an asshole. Maybe she's right. Only because I couldn't take how fucking horrible she was in bed. It really wasn't that great. I felt utter boredom with that chick.

"Was that Lola?" Kirk said in a teasing tone. I just huffed and rolled my eyes. "Of course it was. apparently I wasn't making her feel good, well tough world we live in because I didn't nut myself. Now we both can't have our way." I heard the other members let out a chuckle and it only made me more ticked.

For some reason, I could never find the fun girls like the others. They always had exciting fucking stories to tell about their night. Me, sometimes I either sleep alone or try to have fun with a girl that I bring back. Nobody was into anything I was. They just laid there and took it.

Im fucking 21! and I start my sex life completely shit. It's like I'm having sex with someone's grandma. Like Gross. I want some action. More interaction at least with a girl. I just wanna have fun till I can't anymore.

"Well, We did decide to hit up a club in downtown Manhattan. Maybe you'll find your girl there~" Cliff said giving me a wink. I forgot that quick we were in New York fucking city. "Oh yeah, New Yorker girls are totally hot too. Maybe you'll find that babe you're looking for." James added on.

I was now stoked for tonight. As the youngest in the band, I wanna try and have a good time and able to tell them stories. Stories that they can possibly relate to.

After being out all day, I took a quick nap in my room so I could have some energy for the rest of the night. I wanted to at least look presentable-but then got a reality check. Its a club filled with late teenagers and early twenty year olds. I just threw on a random band shirt with some black ripped jeans and some Nikes. I sprayed some cologne observing myself in the mirror.

"Come on Lars...you got this. Totally got this. We're gonna have fun and enjoy ourselves."

I talked with myself to give me some self confidence. I was full of it. Overly optimistic. I headed down to the hotel lobby where I was the last one to arrive. We had a personal driver that drove us to the top club strip of manhattan. The city lights of the ads and neon advertisements filled the night sky. It had my eyes 'glimmering' as Kirk would say.

We decided to walk along the strip instead, thanking our driver. "We'll take a cab back~" I said reassuring the driver. I saw him nod and left the van. The night life was now and all the adults were out in their club outfits walking along the sidewalk. It really had my heart racing in anticipation on how I'll end my night. Will it be good? or bad. Find out in the next episode of Lars' questionable sex life.

"Jeez, theres so many clubs. Should we just go to a typical twenty-one plus?" Kirk asked looking carefully at the signes that were out. It was different prices of alcoholic drinks during happy hour if you joind this club or that club. "No- Lets go to The Phantom." I said pointing at the bright purple neon sign. The club had a line literally wrapped around the corner of waiting club goers to get inside.

"Uhh. do you know that the Phantom is for...big shots?" Cliff asked as if he was confused.

"Uhh?? yeah. Thats why I said we should go there. Come on, I think we're big enough of a shot to party with the top class people." I said borderline excitedly, but still kept my cool.

"Ok but, we didn't even dress the part?" Kirk and James added in unison. I just sighed.

"Who gives a shit? Like come on it's a club. its gonna be dark. No one is gonna care about what we wear. Now get your asses over there."

Surprise surprise, there were people who recognized us. We did have shows in New York but it was nothing too extravagant. We were escorted to the front, showed our IDs and were in like a blink of an eye. "I guess you're right larsy~"

I just smirked at Cliff's comment. The music was pumping through its speakers and the flashing club lights were going in random directions. Everyone, dancing; and Kirk was the first one to get dragged out onto the dance floor with a girl. Cliff and James also had a pair come up to them, making me alone.

I just chuckled awkwardly looking around for somewhere to sit. All the seats at the bar was taken so that was out the picture. I didn't really care for sitting right now but I did want a drink in hand as I danced. I ordered myself a bottle of beer, taking it with me to the dance floor. Everyone had their partners but I didn't mind dancing alone having the occasional girls come and go.

Eight songs had passed already and my beer was halfway gone. I wasn't drunk but I desperately need another one to keep me occupied when i'm alone. I pushed my way through the sweaty crowd and back to the same bar. I gestured the bartender for another bottle and gave them a five dollar bill. I scanned the room to see my band mates with girls they found. I was a bit jealous to say the least.

James had two girls on him.

Cliff sharing a smoke with some biker chick.

Kirk was full on making out with someone at a vip table.

Me...at a bar on my second beer bottle with no action. It was time to mingle. I looked around for girls but every girl I saw just reminded me of fucking Lola. All the girls were just copy paste. Just when I was about to give up an leave, I see a girl alone at one of the vip tables. She was alone smoking a cigarette and drinking her drink.

Her hair was jet black and I couldn't tell what she was wearing from where I was standing. She looked hot from a far- could she be hot upclose?

I walked up towards her table- casually passing by Kirk who was still kissing mind you. I sat my beer bottle on the table causing a reaction out of her. "May I sit here?"

I asked politely..oh and by the way- she was totally my type of girl. She gave a gesture and I got in sitting across from her. "You know VIP only right?" Fuck, her voice was deep. "Yeah. What you don't think im an important person?"

"You're from Metallica aren't you?"

"I am sweetheart."

I saw her smile when I answered. She looked so shy and I couldn't really make out what she wanted. I kinda dig it. It was something new from a girl that I just met. "Well~ are you a fan- oop...speak of the devil hmm?" I asked her and just in the nick of time, one of our songs started playing.

"I'm a huge fan actually.." She confesses; tapping the cigarette ashes in the ash tray. Just by looking at her and her body language, I could tell she wasn't a groupie. She wasn't quick to ask anything about my wealth or even anything sexual. She was a genuine fan.

She made many first moves, by that I mean questions. Given her shy and quiet nature, she asked very interesting questions about the music and what's it like being famous. I never took the time to even think to myself about these things. With every questioned asked; I answered with full potential.

Being in the vip section of the club, waiters would come and go with drinks. She would get something fruity while I only had my beer. Luckily for this spot, I didn't have to pay.

"Excuse me sweetheart, I forgot to ask you your name."

"it's (name)"

"(name)? such a pretty name you got there baby. Care to join me on the dance floor?"

I gave her a wink before getting up from the booth. I walked towards her side pulling my hand out waiting for her to grab it. Her hands are so soft and pretty. Her nails were painted in a baby blue and a mood ring on her ring finger. When stood up I was almost towered. I was able to look her up and down and oh my god, she was so beautiful. From her height, her mannerisms, her features of her face-she seemed too unreal.

I manned up and guided her towards the glowing floor. It was a different song now. When Doves Cry by Prince was playing and I could clearly see little miss was a fan of him as well. All she needed was a couple more sips of her drink and baby was good to go. I watched as she mouthed the lyrics turning her back against me. I grabbed her hips helping her keep the rhythm.

I drunk a little bit more of my beer and carelessly threw it somewhere off the floor. Both of my hands touching her. She turned back around and her face was a soft color tint. We were both slightly drunk but still was able to recognize what was going on in our surroundings. I couldn't help but lay a kiss on those pretty plump lips.

It was a real pleasure feeling her kiss back. It was expected. I let her pull away and letting her continue dancing. She was teasing me and damn it I wanted her...

So i got her

The taxi ride back to my hotel felt like it was going on for hours. I opened the door to my room, I had her back against the door. I picked her up letting her legs wrapped around my waist. Our kiss was sloppy and desperate, no order was necessary.

We struggled to get our clothes off once we made it to the bedroom. I laid her down gently before taking my shirt off and letting her take off any piece of clothing she desired. She didn't have a bra on so her chest was immediately exposed to the cold air.

My lips around her hardened nipples as my other free went along to squeeze and grope her. She hummed and I enjoyed the reaction out of her but sadly it wasn't enough to my standards. I went up to her neck licking and biting the sensitive area that didn't take me long to figure out. My hands went down to her legs opening them, helping her slide her lace panties down.

I pulled away to see her now raw, naked body. She was fucking beautiful. She even had some tattoos, and a belly peircing. Fuck. My next move was to eat her alive. I saw her exposed pussy and couldn't help but smirk how wet she was. "You're glistening babydoll" I said slowly lowering myself down. My eyes locked with hers and she was shy at the fact of how I explained how needy she was. It was so fucking cute.

I let my tongue gently rub against her clit and the moans she made was what I was looking for. I continued confidently eating her out, making sure I tasted every drop of her wetness.

Hearing her whine and her fingers getting tangled in my hair was sending me into a frenzy. My jeans getting too fucking tight to handle but I was too busy to even care. All my focuse was on her and her only. Her moans were loud and desperate. Just how I like it.

Her back arches as she pushed my head further into her and of course-i didn't mind that at all. I tongued and finger fucked her hole, letting my other fingers slowly rub against her wet folds. She tasted like sweet sugar; something I never experienced before. I could tell she was close by her breathing patterns. I stopped causing her to groan in annoyance. "I wanna have some fun too~" I cooed lifting my head up to caress her cheek.

I took off my jeans and right when I was lining up to her hole, I had no condom. Fuck, I forgot to buy some earlier. I took a deep sigh smiling at her. "You don't mind me going raw do you babydoll?"

"I don't mind~"

I grinned and slowly pushed inside her. We both let out a sigh of relief feeling each other in intimacy. "Feels good baby?"

I asked. She hummed and that was my go to-to start thrusting. I found a rhythm but didn't necessarily followed it as my pace became desperate when I started to get used to feeling her. She was a moaning mess and her whimpers only made it better. I couldn't help but go a little harder on her.

"Daddy...it feels so good-"

My heart literally did at least two somersaults. I wasn't expecting her to pull that kink card on me and fuck I liked it alot. A little too much. "Oh yeah??" I smirked. I leaned down to kiss her on her neck, biting every possible place that I haven't touched yet. I moved my hand down to rub her clit in circles wanting her to be extra stimulated.

"FUCK..Don't stop please..." She cried out. I just chuckled.

"I had no plans to darlin." I responded, reassuring her. I pulled back and had my hand around her neck choking her. She was the first girl to even let me do this. Her eyes were turning red as it was starting to water. She looked so helpless..so submissive...it turned me on so fucking much. I was nearly close.

"Im gonna...cum...."

"Me too darlin...cum for me..cum for daddy yeah?" I continued to pound into her, the room filled with the sounds of our moans and skin on skin contact. "Fuck.." I quickly pull out and start to stroke myself. I released all of my cum on her stomach just in time. I fell down right beside her as we both tried to relax after coming down from our high.

I turn over to her and saw she was already asleep. It was a perfect opportunity to clean her up and let her rest through the night with me.

The next day

I was woken up by an empty spot in the bed. I frowned but it was flipped when I saw her note on the night stand.

Thank you for last night, I had fun. Sorry I couldn't stay until you woke up though, I had to meet back up with some friends. But here's my number if you still wanna keep contact *** **** - (Name) xoxo

I couldn't believe it, she gave me her number. My heart was honestly beating against my chest hard already.

It was time to head back home and of course, the last person to arrive. The others looked pretty bummed. "Good morning everyone...why the long faces?" I asked in concern. They just sighed. "I didn't get no action, nor sleep because all I heard was you and that girl" Kirk said as he had his arms crossed.

Lars couldn't help but blush out of embarrassment at the last part, but at the same time-couldn't help but laugh. "Seems like I'm the only one that got action huh? oh boy do I have a story to tell~"

a/n : Im still getting the hang of writing smut so please be kind!!!

dividers: cr to owners

[greenunoreversecard]

OMG HI?! I HAD NO CLUE YOU TOOK REQUESTS AND WROTE FICS?? IM HERE FOR A REQUEST GREENY !!

anyway, my request is for husk x optimist!reader, like the reader is this person who tries to see the light in all the crappy situations hell throws at them and eventually just can’t take it anymore and goes down to husk’s bar and gets a drink (which is a rare occurrence for reader) and then just starts rambling on about how life is just awful for them and that it’s just so hard for them to push through and act like everything’s just fine and dandy? and husk helps em thru it and carries em to bed? :)

gn! or fem! reader is fine for this, whatever you want!! feel free to take some creative liberties with this haha i trust you!!

i can’t wait to see it!!

— mio 💕

jsjdowid I do!!! I also try and request on others pages to help spread the love :p

The Healers Broken Heart

->Husk x Gn! Reader

Youve always been know to rival Charlie's pep and optimism.

But it seems today just wasn't in your favor, was it?

Maybe it was sleeping through your alarm. Maybe it was seeing someone you'd rather leave in the past. Maybe it was the date itself. The reasoning isn't to important as you make your way through the doors of the hotel and beeline for the bar.

"Instead of a drink can you just hand me the fullest bottle of pink Whitney you have?"

Husk raises his eyebrow at you, before letting out a low whistle.

"Damn. Shit day?"

"Something like that."

"Well, angel drank the last of theWhitney, but i got everclear, and a couple flavored vodkas and some whiskeys, if any of those suit your fancy?" His voice low and gruff as he quietly lists the available alcohols.

"Fuck it, gimme the everclear"

He whistles lightly again, turning from the glass he was cleaning to the display behind him, grabbing the unopened bottle of everlcear and setting it in front of you.

He watches as you screw of the cap, and throw it back, chugging a good amount of the alcohol, unflinching.

"I was gunna ask if you want a chaser with that, but by the looks of it you don't." He pauses a moment, eyebrows still raised in shock as he watched you drink like a alchoholic of 30 years, before remembering himself and going back to the blank slate he normally keeps his face at.

"Wanna talk about it?" He treds carefully. But this question seems to hit the dam holding back the floodgates of emotions, and tears lightly prick you eyes so you take another large swig.

"Life fucking sucks, everything fucking sucks and I don't want to deal with it anymore." You go to take a third large swig, before his hands stop you.

"Maybe wait. Everclears stronger than a muthafucka, so give it a minute to set in, and then decide if you need more." He says, prying the bottle from your iron grip. "And when your ready, elaborate."

And so, after a moment, when you feel it start to set in, you do. You tell him all of your woes. Tears start streaming, at some point.

And at some point, Husk crossed the island between you two, and brought you head to his chest, gently stroking your hair and listening. Listening and caring. That's not something your particularly used to, So to speak.

And at some point, in your now drunken stupor. He dries your tears, assurance pouring from his lips like a waterfall, as he carries you up the stairs, and towards your room, setting you gently on the bed and helping you when you ask to change from jeans to sweat, always remaining ever the gentleman. He sets advil and a glass of water on your nightstand, before standing in front of where you lay, bleary eyed and lightly kisses your forehead.

And as you fall asleep, you realise. That maybe, just maybe, its ok to not be ok.

And maybe it's OK to cross some professional lines with the bartender.

Because in the end, you won't want have anyone but husk listen to you and care for you, and Carry you home.

Even the healers need to be healed.

----

A/N ending note: Hope this was OK, and hoped you liked it!! Thank you for requesting, i really liked it and enjoyed writting it<333 sorry if its short fiejfjks

[alwritey-aphrodite]

hey love!! im so excited for this summer series! i’m gonna throw my hat in for either “matching swimsuits” or “picnic” with sejanus plinth! (you can pick, i think either one would be cute!!)

thank you and hope you have a lovely day :))

I’ll link the picnic prompt here when it’s posted ;)

2024 Summer Blurbs

Finding joy in the little things is the easiest way to live, in your humble opinion. When all life does is beat you down, why not smile at babies and pet animals and enjoy wildflowers? The simple things in life are often the best, and learning how to find that pleasure makes life go a little bit smoother. Its not as though you’re completely optimistic all the time, but you’re able to make yourself feel better when you feel sunshine on your skin or the breeze in your hair, feeling lucky for simply existing.

You feel especially lucky to exist at the same time as your favorite people.

It might seem silly, but sometimes you’re overtaken with joy by the fact that you are lucky enough to live at the same time as Lucy Gray and Maude Ivory and the rest of your cousins. And, although you haven’t know him for nearly as long, you always feel incredibly lucky to know Sejanus, to have him as a friend and companion, with his sweet, caring nature covering his determined interior. He’s also breathtakingly beautiful, which only makes the fact that you get to spend as much time as you please with him seem even more impressive.

Sejanus is compelling to you, two sides that are intertwined so completely it’s easy to miss them both. You’ve seen him let bugs crawl onto his hands in the forest, seen him delicately snap the stems of wildflowers to pass you a carefully crafted bouquet, but you’ve also seen him look like he’s about to fight a man who’d knocked into Maude Ivory or like he’s about to start a brawl when someone yells awful things to Lucy Gray on stage. Those two sides are both so completely him, that it’s impossible to have one without the other, and you’re lucky to know him, all parts of him.

Your favorite side of him is still that shy, deeply caring boy who had asked you to dance all those nights ago, and who you’ve been spending increasing amounts of time with. It’s so easy to spend hours and hours with him, talking or just sitting in silence and enjoying the company.

“I have something for you,” he says with a giant grin as he sets something onto your table, and you’re so enamored with the way his eyes squeeze shut with the force of his smile that you don’t even try and peek into the bag. Maude Ivory, however, is curious about everything, and you have to shoo her outside so she doesn't ruin your surprise.

Reaching into the bag, your hands close around some fabric, and you pull it out quickly, your curiosity and excitement finally taking over.

“A swimsuit?” You ask, looking down at the clothes on your table and wondering why exactly he’d been so excited. It's a nice swimsuit, high quality with a delicate flower pattern, but you can’t figure out how this could cause that wonderful smile of his.

“Keep going,” he insists, so you reach back into the bag.

It’s another swimsuit, in the same exact flowery pattern, but it’s clearly meant for Sejanus, and you can’t help the giggles that escape you.

“This is wonderful,” you tell him with a grin, “and a little bit ridiculous.”

“I thought the same thing,” and the two of you are giggling, looking down at the matching swimsuits before looking back at each other, prompting another exchange of smiles.

It’s silly, but it’s so incredibly thoughtful, and you know from the feel of the fabric that it was expensive. Even just the thought that Sejanus thinks about you enough to go out of his way and buy something, and then buy something for himself to match, makes your heart melt a little. It’s worth the laughter of your cousins when you and Sejanus reveal your matching swimsuits at the lake, because you can’t think of another time you’ve ever felt so light, so happy.

[zzencat]

hello teddy!! im here for the tarot game!! my initials are SBA and im ♐️ (♒️moon and ♉️ rising) can i pls get an overall energy of my FS (anything that comes thro is fine xD)

also can i get a small advice on my career and finances 🥲🙏

thank youuu so much in advance for ur energy!! - SBA 🤓

helllaurrrr SBA!! thanks for participating in the game! 🤩

your overall future spouse energy:

your future spouse is definitely working on stabilizing finances rn. they might struggle with properly expressing themselves and looking inwards to reflect more. this person may be weak in expressing themselves in areas of creativity, emotion, or spirituality. there’s a need for this person to balance those things out and gain more on an intuitive basis.

i think they’re quiet, introverted, or reserved. loyal and goal-oriented. in their eyes, they are nowhere near where they want to be materially, so they’re focusing on working hard. there’s also a possibility that they’ve just recently started working in their career and pursuing goals. this could be HOWEVER, this person is definitely ready to open up emotionally now. they probably weren’t before and were in a waiting period, but this person’s patience seems to stretch long. i do think they’re a bit lonely or sad at the moment though, probably due to the lack of imbalance overall. it’s kind of like they’ve just started their journey again after a long period of stagnancy or waiting. they could also be slow to opening up or shy, or seemingly unapproachable without meaning to. it might be slow to earn wealth for them at the moment or in the beginning, but rest assured!! this person is well on their way to material success and abundance thanks to their hard work! this person is also observant and pays attention to detail. they could also be skillful with their hands or work in a profession that is hands-on. all that’s left is fulfillment in themselves and filling in emotional gaps. i would advise building a slow and stable friendship with this person before progressing into something more later on. if you happen to be an optimist, or cheery and smiley person, having good vibes, they’d really appreciate it! they’d look at you how sunflowers face the sun 🥹

advice for your financial situation + career:

overall, not bad!! definitely creative and collaborative efforts involved! i will say tho, be careful who you trust and don’t over-reveal, even to those you think you trust. stay true to yourself and your values + boundaries—people will especially respect this part of you. don’t make yourself someone that others can step on. some people might be a little fake or seemingly controlled by something, like greed or whatever selfish reason. unless you’re all in an acting profession! but be alert, regardless. be methodical and plan out your approaches carefully. there might also be abrupt changes or messages coming your way, either constantly or offered by someone well respected and knowledgeable. watch out for anyone who might sabotage you (tbh kind of a small chance, but keep your relationships neutral or at least peaceful). remember to give yourself time to rest and rejuvenate! you might be offered HELLAAA abundance from a masc energy or you yourself will manage finances very well. also keep in mind that you don’t need others’ approval to succeed—constructive criticism is not disapproval, but a chance to self improve. but pretty nice SBA!! i feel pretty confident or at least content with the trajectory of your finances. you’ll enjoy your career the most when you get to express your creativity and be authentic :)

based on your current energy, it sounds good SBA! you have everything you need to succeed. the key is within you 😼👊

thank you again and if you have feedback, feel free to lemme know!

[marilysugarcoated]

I have no words to describe how I feel right now

All i can really make out of this huge messy ball of unidentifiable emotion, is my unwavering gratitude.

Thank you. so much.

objectively, it sounds dumb and stupid that I’m getting so worked up over the ending of a “silly minecraft series”, but it is so much more than that. To me, this represents something so much bigger, -a hard truth i refused to confront.

Growth is inevitable, and childhood does not last forever. I knew that- I’ve always known that. and still, a part of me had always rejected the idea of change. I’d always described myself as an optimist who was open to change; someone who embraced and relished in it. I held a firm philosophy in not mulling over outcomes you couldn’t control, and i did whatever I could to keep myself in that ‘healthy’ positive mindset. I knew that if I’d done anything differently, the girl from my childhood would wander farther from my reach.

Eventually, the favourite foods id once adored as a kid began to lose its flavour, (I’d briefly wondered if they’d changed the recipe) I began to notice the slight changes in my behaviour and body language; more tentative- almost insecure. The results from personality quizzes did not match with those I’d taken in previous years, I never really realized exactly how withdrawn I’d become.

Reality was rearing it’s ugly head, and we couldn’t have that, could we? -so, I desperately clung to anything and everything that was reminiscent of the little girl I’d grown to know so well. Subconsciously, i started regressing- I found myself helplessly depending on others, unable to go out anywhere without a stuffed animal, frequently putting my hair in pigtails, and engaging in more child-like activities, (at least, more than usual.)

These past few years, I’d felt as though I had lost my sense of self. I would force myself to feel and act accordingly to this perceived version of me. ‘Turns out that this ‘version of myself’ was just the girl I was before. Before the pandemic, before high-school, before I’d learned that the world was not all cotton candy and sugar cookies.- before; where my worries consisted only of stardew and genshin- before; where being happy was my default.

Watching the final episode snapped me out of my delusional reverie, and it felt as though Stampy had allowed me a sense of closure. I was beguiled when his video popped up in my youtube recommendations, not to mention the fact that it was his FINAL episode.

In truth, I didn’t expect it to hit me as much as it did. I mean, I hadn’t exactly planned on spending my saturday night sobbing to a minecraft let’s play vid lmao. Sure, in retrospect this really isn’t as big of a deal as I’m making it seem. And to that I say; yea. lol im even cringing myself out a bit, but hey, i’ve always been one for theatrics. ;)

But really; as I scrolled through the comments (still crying btw), I’d finally allowed myself to mourn, and confront the fact that I have grown up. I could no longer consider myself a little kid,, and that’s okay. it will be okay.

This is the end of an era. further more, it is the start of something new. The real world awaits, and i have Stampy (and others) to thank for the person I am today:)

It has been such a privilege to be part of this community of others raised alongside me, and to have had the pleasure of little-me experiencing the elation she’d felt when Stampy posted a new video.

Sincerely, thank you. Thank you soso much Stampy, for bringing so much joy and laughter to us many young kids— turned young adults

It’s been an unforgettable ride:)

Now, all we can do is move forward.- Take life as it is, and carefully construct our own worlds so that maybe, (just maybe,) they can become as lovely as yours has. ❤️‍🩹🐈

[casper-spills]

Hi, I would like a love reading. I’m sorta in like a triangle if you ask my sister but I don’t think that’s true. I know you shouldn’t look for love but im curious and bored. So one guy I have an odd relationship with and another guy im friends with. I like the odd relationship guy but he’s talking to someone but always trying to bother me. My sister thinks my one guy friend likes me but I don’t know how I feel about him. My name’s Phoenyx and im a Libra sun. Cap moon. Cancer rising. Thanks in advance

Hello!

Thank you for the follow and request! ♡

Details about your future spouse:

Appearance: Voluminous hair, fluffy/big curly hair/coils, the hair will be the first thing you notice, elegant/stoic walk and movements, broad shoulders, long gait, tall, tanned/olive skin, a smile that lights up a room. Traits: Lucky, optimistic, abundant, understanding, authoritative, influential, philosophical, humanitarian, successful, passionate, curious, inspired, generous, tolerant, responsible, knowledgable, self aware.

Cards: Knight of Wands, Ace of Wands (reversed), Page of Coins, The Empress, The Sun, The Fountain (reversed), Eight of Coins (reversed), Four of Cups (reversed), Seven of Wands, Four of Wands, The Fool, Temperance (reversed), Wheel of Fortune (reversed), The Hierophant, Two of Wands.

1. How does your situationship feel about you?

This reading has a very specific tone to it so I’m going to stay true to it and add some personality to this reading. So this person has no idea what it is they want because they probably haven’t had to think about a single thing for themselves in their entire life. He’s basically mega stupid and he’s messing with you because he thinks of you as some kind of experiment for him because he’s 'trying things out with a different kind of girl’. You’re not the typical girl that he usually goes for. He absolutely did not go into this looking for a long term connection. The thing is, he has a lot of fun with you. He thinks you’re beautiful and honestly a really interesting and incredible person. He likes you a lot. But despite all of that, he won’t commit to you because he simply cannot see you in his future and aligning with this values, beliefs and future plans. Side note, he’s also stupid because he’s confusing himself by also seeing this other person. After I saw the things he liked about you, I couldn’t help but say ‘so what the fuck is his deal?’ out loud. And the Seven of Wands came out (which is the card of challenge and competition). And the crazier thing is that he doesn’t even like her that much. He think she’s nice enough and he doesn’t even feel like she aligns with his future plans either. I have a feeling he comes from some kind of conservative and wealthy family who pretty much push expectations onto him about who he should be with and how he should live his life. He might be trying to challenge these expectations by entertaining you as a partner.

Cards: The Moon (reversed), Three of Coins (reversed), King of Coins, Ace of Cups, Nine of Coins (reversed), Temperance, Three of Coins (reversed), Ten of Cups, Five of Swords, The Magician, Page of Wands, The Empress, The Tower, Five of Wands, Four of Cups, Page of Swords, Page of Cups.

2. How does your guy friend feel about you?

He definitely has some repressed feelings towards you. In fact he’s been waiting for the right time to confess! He’s been carefully keeping this to himself throughout your friendship because he feels very secure with you and he doesn’t want want to scare you off or suddenly change the dynamic especially if the feelings are unrequited. He feels so comfortable around you. He loves the banter and the inside jokes that you have together and he loves when you get passionate and inspired. He loves hearing about anything you have to say and any new ideas you have about things. He truly loves every inch of you. You might expect some change in this connection. He sees that there is competition and this has lit a fire underneath him. He’s been contemplating and thinking about coming out with his feelings for you. He may be ready for a shift in the connection and he’s going to use this opportunity. How exciting! (I’m rooting for him.)

I hope this reading was helpful for you and I wish you all the good luck and abundance in your love life!

All feedback is appreciated ♡

Sincerely,

Cassy the friendly ghost ♡

[eggbagelz]

OUUUUUUUGH DO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OPINIONS ON EVERYTHING WHEN IT COMES TO THE KILLJOYS.

dr death defying is my fav but the way u jus described motorbaby..... she might take the crown....

okok now i gotta ask- what r ur fav hcs abt any of the killjoys? or what hcs are so stuck in your brain that theyre practically canon to you??? i love ur killjoys sm please i would love to hear you ramble abt them >:]

OH WELL SINCE U ASKED

Actually I've been wanting to talk abt my hcs for a while so THANK U FOR THIS TEE HEE

Anyway! I think like. My interpretations [or hcs i guess] of the 'joys is a lil nonstandard in some ways bc i took the blank slate of their personalities and ran with it GSJSH [so these are all like. Canon to me. Basically. Sorry gerald u never gave ur apocalypse ocs personalities so theyre mine now] basically like. I have some v set hcs on their personalities and main characteristics as a whole

SO!

I like to think that fun ghoul is like. While hes v v chatty and more than a little mischievous hes also EXTREMELY perceptive to the point it's unnerving, and while hes not v good with his own emotions he's fucking insanely good at picking up other people's, as well as like. Tiny details and shit that others wouldn't have noticed. Hes still an idiot tho godbless GKEHSJ. Hes the number one mad gear fanboy. Hes good w explosives but crap with other tech.

Kobra. Ohohohohohohohoooo kobra. Ppl like to hc him as v stoic [which im not implying is a bad hc at all btw!!! Just an observation] but i like to thing hes EXTREMELY emotional and p unpredictable. A v shoot first ask questions later type, and deathly afraid of being percieved as cowardly or weak. Absolutely GARBAGE shot, which is why he has stun gloves. Practically the fucking tech whisperer.Official motorbaby wrangler. Gets astronomical amounts of ass but is terrified of feeling any romantic emotions.Half Japanese, he and poison are fraternal twins!

POISON! Also extremely emotional but has it under sliiightly better control than kobra [lol. "Control." How full's that bottle ur filling ur feelings with now pois?]. Very very good w tactical stuff and planning, likes logic and such. Also v flamboyant and enjoys colour and the life of the zones. Prettiest 'joy in the zones, seriously. Talks a LOT but has absolutely no fucking filter. Extremely sex positive.Abt as emotionally intelligent as a brick. Also half japanese ic the they and kobra being twins thing didnt make it obvious GDJDDJ. Terrified of death but doesnt know it. Romatic feelings for jet are approximately the size of the continent of asia

Jet jet jet jet jet. My sweet girlboy. Lost his entire family in a shootout against bli when he was 14 and now suffers from "i have to keep everyone i love safe at all fucking costs so help me god" disease so bad that its actually a reflex now. Took care of motorbaby the most when she was an infant. Best shot in the zones GODBLESS. Hes got an eye [ha] for beauty and appreciates p much everything the world has to offer as best he can. Trying to be an optimist despite his horrendous anxiety disorder. Spanish is his first language! Doesnt talk much and thinks carefully abt what he says before he says it. Madly in love with poison but has carefully filed that away under "n" for "never touching that ever"

Motorbaby. Stuck halfway between "extremely unchildlike behavior" and being a regular weird little girl. Far too used to violence. LOOOOVES big robots so much her favorite toy is an old mecha action figure ghoul fixed up for her. Impossible not to love, seriously. ADORES her big brothers. High energy but also burns out quickly and has to nap a LOT. Picked up some of the languages the fab four speak aside from english [spanish, italian, and snatches of japanese] but in the manner that means she knows how to swear in four languages. Veeery small

Jet and ghoul are desert boys [tho ghoul wasnt born in the desert and was smuggled out of bat city by his dad when he was a toddler], while kobes and poison are cityboys [escaped when they were both 13]. Jet's the oldest, ghoul's the youngest

I also have some ideas abt zones culture but aside from the talk abt bigotry probably still being rampant in the zones thats smth im saving for my roadtrip au fic tee hee

[skiesinblue]

I’ll be turning 17 this year, turning into a more mature and responsible person as i think i can be.. to be more realistic and transparent in front of the world, but still not being more of an open person cause there are few things you are suppose to keep within yourself or your circle and it stays till there. Last year i leant a lot of things from life; how actually the world like my parents always mentioned to me about, is, how things work around you, how to carefully take each step in your life while being totally aware of the consequences in the future cause one big or even a small step can bring a huge change in your life. Next year i’m looking forward to a lot of things because as i grow up i have started to understand the working of this earth, it’s every revolution and rotation and different aspects. I’ll be mainly focusing on myself and my family foremost, also some of close friends.

Firstly, what i learnt last year was how actually people are, they can turn into snakes into just a matter of seconds which, not gonna lie, is creepy, scary, terrifying, horrible and above all, risky. Yeah, but there are still some people who are worth something, even though you nearly met them a couple of months ago, they totally get your vibe and that’s totally fascinating!! But honestly, this types are very very few species, you can’t get them everywhere, what i mainly noticed last year was all about negativity i came across among all the people i’ve met in my entire lifetime, and i’ve been noting all the points optimistically, there’s no discrimination on that. The main thing i understood what my parents used to warn me about, “be careful while making friends,” but at time i was an early teenager and i didn’t get things maturely, i was like, “they’ll be just telling and blah blah, it’s something that shouldn’t be bothering me much,” but now it does. I am thankful that my parents are strict against me and now that i’ve been taking every step carefully knowing the circumstances of the future. Kids of my age be doing drugs, parties, toxic relationships and all you say ‘cool’ stuff, i thank my parents cause they kinda actually protected me from all this. Things influence me quickly and as parents they definitely know about it since i’m their kid, ha!! They’ve turned into a person i never thought i would become. I’ve been anti-social which technically means i tend to remain away from all this stuff, and they are absolutely not the reason why i’m anti social; i made myself one ‘cause at one point in my life i understood that all this is not worth anything, it’s just timepass and does not have any such positive outcome; all you gonna end up doing something that’s inversely gonna affect you, your mental or physical health, priory studies and your career most importantly. So yeah, i’m heartily grateful to my parents to mould me into a perfect person i thought i would never be. Since i also started to pre-maturely understand things, i even discuss it with my parents whether if it is any topic or anything, i talk to them pretty openly and it’s feels comfortable discussing things with him; after all they’ve experienced life more than enough than me, i learn things from them and moreover discussing various topics helps me gain certain amount of knowledge required for me to act smart. They help me to get aware of things around, how to act smart and not get left out, etc., basically life lesson after all im going to be adult soon. They’re teaching me various things, as in social networking and i can’t mention how much they help me.

yeah, so i guess that’s it for today. i hope i am going in the right direction my life being all positive and carrying all the good learning’s… i’ll maybe share more thoughts on genres like this since it makes me think positive and more reactive, i guess (??) lmao.

— skiesinblue

[aur0raborealiss]

it's january 3 and i feel like everything sucks

writing on tumblr has always been one of my kryptonites. seeing how other people weave their words, how they stitch them to connect their one thought to another --- all of it is so beautiful to me as if the words flow to them naturally like water carefully falling over a rocky ledge below. or how the glistening water peacefully flows into the river while the sun is out, shining its rays calmly onto the trees. i figured i couldn't compete with them and keep my thoughts to myself because i'm not as great as them.

but now, that changed. because as of the moment, i couldn't care less whether my sentences or wordings aren't pretty or aesthetically pleasing because today is january 3 and i feel like everything sucks.

2024 barely happened yet but so far into the year, i don't feel quite good about myself. i feel like i'm a wreck and i hate that i feel this way because new years is all about being committed to your resolution which is most likely related to character development or to start over again but this time, with an optimistic mindset.

yeah, that's it. new years is all about being happy to reset life again.

yet, i feel like i shit. i feel miserable. i bleached my hair hours prior to new years, hoping it would make me feel something. but aside from making me shed a tear due to my burning scalp, i felt nothing. i thought it was a good thing to do! to change my look because changing my looks feels like im making a statement; a statement that im ready for change, for reset, for rebranding. but no, all i got was a five-second dopamine hit and everything went south after that. now i'm a girl feeling the big sad with a bright, bleached hair.

i thought i was ready for change. i was excited. i declared that 2024 is the year when i will know myself better. i was looking far into the future with an optimistic view. and i don't know when it went crumbling down. perhaps when i started to compare my life (again) and myself (again) to other people. i felt insecure. i felt like i was missing out a lot. i felt like im not living the life i want. i felt like i have to do things! to explore things! to be smarter because apparently, figuring out your life in 20s is as arduous as it sounds.

i haven't showered for 2 days now because my bleached isn't supposed to get wet for 3-4 days since it needs to regain its natural oils. im wearing a fitted, gray shirt that gets dark whenever it gets wet so now whenever my armpits are sweating, the people will know and i feel awful because i feel like im being judged. i try to eat happily but end up feeling sad since my stomach is bulging out, so i tried to suck it in but it didn't help. it only made me feel worse.

i have this fear of missing out. fear of being left behind in the world. fear that im not as amazing as i thought i am or fear that everyone got their life together and i don't. i'm scared that im clueless in life while everyone knows how to navigate through it. i'm scared that im an immature person despite trying to be a mature person. im scared to know that im a fraud. and i feel shitty because i feel like everyone is having a good life except me. and im grieving for the relationships in my life.

im trying. im trying so hard. but i just can't right now. and i dont know when im going to keep this up or when the big sad will go away but as much as this will be difficult for me, i will try to practice self-compassion. even if it is so fjucking hard.

there's no point to this post actually. all of this are just word vomit and i dont have any intention of cleaning this up. these are my raw emotions and id like to keep them that way. messy. chaotic. just like what im feeling today.