#im in constant misery | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oldkamelle · 2 years

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my wet dream is finishing all my drawing ideas

#oldtxt #+60 ideas in my notes #+10 here #+10 in my gallery #im in constant misery

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prideprejudce · 3 months

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i actually may just skip this episode until tomorrow because i have truly no interest tonight in seeing crispy coldsore and alicent go at it like freaks again or to see rhaenyra and her children almost murdered in bed

#hotd spoilers #rhaenyra targaryen #alicent hightower #house of the dragon #the one thing that sucks about this show is that everything from now on is just gonna be bad bad Bad #mixed together with misery and angst #at least in GoT they gave us some bright moments or even just normal days of character building #but hotd is now just blood!!!! war!!!! misery!!!! on a 24 hr timer #idk im just in a bad mood and dont want to see my favorite characters do stupid things or almost get killed for one night #or maybe a show that is just about constant misery gets tiring to some people mental health wise

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i-mode · 10 months

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chance traveler

#i originally intended for this to just be a Cool Looking Doodle but now im thinking abt travelling the soul space leaving a physical mark->#-> on someone's body and tbh that concept is cool as shit . maybe i should explore it more #a form of punishment for giving yourself up to your misery: a constant reminder that you'll never truly fit in no matter where you go ...#(evil thoughts brewing in my head)#anyways i like vella did you guys know that :-)#yiik #vella wilde #my art

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todayisafridaynight · 1 year

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YOU MAKE THAT POST AND DON'T SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON EVERYONE'S OPINION ON SHADOW THE HEDGEHOG???

I MEAN IT'S SUCH A NICHE FUCKING TOPIC LMAO I DIDN'T THINK ANYONE WOULD CARE

but anyway here's the Egregiously Simplified version of Everyone Is Forced To Play Ten Routes Of Shadow The Hedgehog And Has To Give Their Opinion Afterwards

#snap chats #i already hear someone going 'the fuck you mean mine is number one shadow the hedgehog defender' YOU WILL LISTEN TO ME #at first i do think he'd be like 'what the fuck' but then going through all of shadows routes. or at least ten to get the final story #and seeing the constant betrayal and inability to trust others he faced yet still ultimately persevering due to his promise to maria #i think bro would be moved.. just a little.. would he think shadow a bit headassed for that considering what the humans did to him #Of Course but also its evident that shadows clearly taking things into his own hands now- as righteous of a mission as it is #despite the persistent attempted influence by everyone around him. shadows a complicated TRAGEDY he'd be moved #mine's artsy like that..... gotta go before i get shot ive said insane things before but this one'll take the cake me thinks #im not explaining everyone else mine's just felt like the one i NEEDED to explain lest i look more insane than usual #06 daigo's purely a Shadow Angst enjoyer. he understands shadow and he's wallowing in the misery of his backstory #majima's weird to categorize cause he definitely can be like Lmao The Fuck and/or just play the game chaotically #and then the aspects of identity come in and on the outside he'll be like 'bro its not that deep' but on the inside its like #Damn He Just Like Me Fr. i think. idk i dont study majima leave me alone im not making ANOTHER One Chara Exclusive category #i said i wouldnt explain anyone else and here i am explaining shut UP im gonna go eat #im not looking at this anymore bye #FORCING myself to leave cause i really will just end up typing essays on bitches perceiving shadow LMAOO

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bunnihearted · 6 months

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🐁☁️🌫️

#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant #nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it #it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer #ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know #it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are #but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom #bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park #i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that #i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none #my sisters havent talked for me in over a year #and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w #nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao #i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots #i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay #and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like #when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things #i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))

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peachnecrosis · 1 month

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can i go home and think about filthy frank instead of suffering through this torture

#this school is so. is so #these ice breakers genuinely feel a lot like public humiliation rituals #i cannot stand it here and honestly i don’t think i’m gunna like college any better #but like #its whatever. im just going to have to suffer through it i suppose #<— me about literally every event in my life #joji was right. i DO live in a constant state of fear and misery

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unusualshrimp · 1 month

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3 am and i am so eepy but i cannot sleep. anyway i think the reason i am so good at ignoring my dysphoria and convincing myself i don't want to medically transition is because im simply incapable of separating gender dysphoria from body dysmorphia. one of them is the Good and Acceptable trans thing to feel and the other one is Bad and Wrong and never to be brought up. and i have tried so hard to decouple them but every time i try to actually think about my gender and imagine the body i'd like to have, it always includes The Thing. and i cannot express this to people in a way that would make them understand it, they'd just take it personally or assume that i extend this to other people when i literally don't. i cannot picture my ideal body with top surgery and phalloplasty or whatever without also picturing The Thing. and i dont feel any sort of euphoria about having the other gender modifications if The Thing doesn't happen. so im just stuck.

#once again i dont think i am making any sense and people are understandably very defensive about these things #but i just. ugh. im tired of the constant misery im tired of getting psychic damage every time i pass a mirror #having a flat chest will not benefit me if i am not A Certain Way. and just being A Certain Way will not benefit me if im not flat chested #they are inextricably linked but i dont think anyone will ever get it

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saddragonhours · 4 months

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:/

#idk im just tired of everything feeling like a group i was never meant to join #im tired of being unwelcome in every space i reside #im tired of seeing so much misery #im tired of the constant negativity and fighting #idk im sorry that im not a good friend

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daughterofsarenrae · 10 months

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filling out pre-psych appt questionnaires like oh i dont really have any problems. [results indicate moderate-severe] oh. well idk what do these surveys know anyway im basically just being dramatic

#im basically fine except for the constant misery and horrors!#i have never done one of these pre-appt questionnaires bc i just couldnt be bothered but #the idea of talking about this out loud stresses me out so bad so if i can get some of this down in text first thatd be gr9 #bel speaks #it is 7 sleeps away. 1 more work week. i can do that easy. my symptoms arent real they're all in my head :)

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dea011 · 4 months

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twt is no fun w out tags. how am i supposed to say out in the open that im late in posting because i both missed a psychiatrist appointment and shes ghosting me???

#it was a federal holiday yesterday when our appt was + i misremembered it as being today #its the first doc appt ive ever missed so ive been very stressed waiting for an email back #but i havent been notified that i missed my appt nor did she send the meeting link this time around #it is very strange and i am now crying at a 3/10 anime im only finishing due to the misery of my situation #and i woke up before 6am due to the constant flashing disco lights of lightning and severe storm warnings #+ yesterday my old friend ran into me at the grocery store when shed been out of state for years #and it was crazy bc im avoiding her (whoops she knows at least)#but it was emotional bc it was nice to see her familiar face and i care about her a lot still #it took me 2.5 hrs to draft a text to her afterwards and i cried nearly the whole time #like i cant say this in a post!#but tea is so fun to share in tags ^^#theres so much lore to a tweet that twt will never know

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lupismaris · 4 months

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Tbh there's nothing quite like getting roped (pun intended) into watching a truly mediocre show that can only be described as a Trainwreck fueled by racism and abuse.

#theres enough legitimate potential that im irritated about it but the rest is just a perfect mix of everything systemically wrong #with white men in film/tv writing esp in the genre AND its a great example on just what not to do in imo for good screen/story writing #will i watch further nah only if BF needs a PT binge again but augh #what i will say is in theory it also has the benefit. if you pay attention (tho id want to research it).#of examining and explaining how bad people in the 1% get away with shit. like the long short or whatever the movie was called #but without any pay off or grace or anything of substance #and without anything shows like leverage have going for it #so you like. learn pieces potentially of how these horrific businesses operate to butcher communities and land and communities #whether its legit idk but it's one redemption or would be if there was any satisfaction in it. but there isn't because it gets drowned out #in the constant flood of conflict per episode. i mean the quota of misery and conflict per episode is impossible to meant the tension #is untenable and cannot be maintained so you end up not caring when you should be caring and the emotional moments are no longer emotional #and the interesting things you could be picking up along the way and the foreshadowing get drowned in top much (sometimes literal) bullshit #anyway. two cents on a mediocre racist show about abusive rich white men written by rich white men that could been something.

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girl-bateman · 5 months

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Gaslighting, my old friend, I'll fall for you every single time <3

#i have known my dad is an alcoholic since i was literally 4 and my mom told me thats the reason she divorced him #ive been to COA support group twice in my life. i have the horrible personal anecdotes. i have the constant anxiety.#and still !!! with the right amount of ridicule in the right setting ill question everything #a spiral of misery and self doubt and paranoia etc etc #for context: im on a vacay with my dad and sis and his childhood friends #and i published a short nonfiction story where i talk about how isolating it can be when your parent is an addict #and EVERYONE is making constant jokes in reference to this text like 'ohhh like the alcoholic i am *wink wink* im gonna have another beer'#several times a day. and ive just not been saying anything abt it bc i feel guilty abt 'exposing' my dad even tho isnt not even a secret #but seeing as my sister is never on my side abt this and that his friends are obviously on his side i feel like the loneliness girl on earth #and tbh there rly isnt any sides to this bc addiction is just a horrible fucking disease for everyone involved #but he makes it into this awful game where i always come out the loser bc im just a kid and i cant make anyone believe me #im not a kid. obviously. but thats what this feels like. like im the little kid with silly stories no one believes #and the worst part is i wrote the text trying to reclaim what has been a lifetime of centering HIM and his addiction into everything i do #trying to protect him and his dignity #and this was my trying to reclaim my life and talk about how IM affected for once #but once again he ends up being the centre of conversation of my text. which. btw is about a lot more than my dad

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toxifoxx · 6 months

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🥴🥴🥴

#i love living in a miserable awful world #you will see every awful thing going on #you will read about how things are only getting worse #you will be subjected to misery even when you are offline just because that's the world thats been created for us #why go to college? so i can be in constant debt and get rejected from every job?#why get a job? so i can be dehumanized on the daily and forced to work for the rest of my life?#its not like it matters. i will never be able to afford a house nor function like a normal human being #there will be no joy or hope. and what kind of life is that #if it is one at all?#there is no community for me in the real world i can already barely even talk to people on the Internet #i only have online friends #my only skills and talents are those that would be hell to monetize and suck all the fun out #i mean. i cant ever have a family either.#i despise school #all that keeps me going is cowardice and the price tag thats now attached to my life #on the bright side at least i could do it once i earn about 7k #on the other hand i dont want to #i want to keep going #i dont know why anymore #im lazy man i dont have any motivations or passions all i ever want to fucking do is draw and play video games #i dont want a job dont want to go to college cant make friends and cant have a family or happy life so #really whats left for me?

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sludgeguzzler · 2 years

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look i really dont mind having a pre t body with its little biological quirks but i have a limit and the limit is waking up at 4am with immense pain and a puddle of blood on my bed

#im probably most likely overhyping what t will do to my body but i cant wait till my periods stop #if they dont stop i will fr go after some way of stopping them im not kidding there is literally nothing good that i get from having them #its just. its just pain and blood and a constant reminder of how Woman i have to be. it makes me sad #like. all the good cramp medicine is like WOMAN PILL FOR YOUR SCHEDULED GIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH [picture of a woman]#[venus symbol] [flowers]#and all pads come with th same thing too. like i get that its technically not harming anyone but please man cmon #my mood gets all janged up i cant think straight in the worst ways possible im always having breakdowns during them #and i have to deal with genuinely unbearable pain! and! a heavy flow! because my moms ovaries! are the most fucked ovaries ever!#hhg the only good thing i can think of is that if there was a death metal band of trans guys the lyrics theyd write would be sick #[hi this is me telling you im about to get a little gross so if stuff like this grosses you out uh. yeah]#like the gruesome symbolism of periods is pretty damn cool if im honest. i dunno #i genuinely really like the movements on normalizing periods and how they are not something to be ashamed of and happen with a lot of ppl #but. but.#it puts a lot of emphasis on how its a Woman thing when a lot of women (cis or otherwise) dont have them #and it excludes all the other non woman people who have them #re personal opinion but i think our image of periods really shouldnt be flowery beautiful woman moment that passes by in a blink.#i think we should talk about how it hurts and how it will suck a little too hard for some people and that #periods not always mean a symbol of feminity and fertility and other stuff (its 5am im tires) to everyone #like to me periods are misery and oain and dysphoria but i have a cis friend who sees her periods as symbols of her womanhood abd #*and like. shes not wrong but im also not wrong either #idk my head hurts and i wanna go bacm to sleep so bye #sg.txt

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cuntstable · 1 year

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youtube reccomending me this video is kinda like if you but a bull into photography darkroom. rage rage attack rage

#like the Happiest country shit is the most annoying thing by far maybe only second to the myth about the finnish school system being any goo #GOOD. god.#like if theyre true im truly scared for other countriest bc everyone ik under the age of 30 is on constant suicide watch and had an #extremely harrowing school experience #like both are just ways to gloss over the very real suffering and misery a lot of people who fall outside of the white middle class deal w #KILL #and also any praise for this country is always L and cringe

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oflgtfol · 10 months

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sigh. i have seasonal affective disorder

#brot posts #both my psychiatrist and therapist have been like hey. your depression gets worse in the winter time #and only now today am i like. damn. yeah #now that im on zoloft im not like depressed per say #but holy mother of god i am so tired. so tired #emotionally and physically #i used to think i always got fucked in the head during september-february because of like school and chronic sleep deprivation #but now that im regularly getting 7+ hours of sleep every night AND not in school anymore #i must say. theres no other explanation now #like i literally keep falling asleep everywhere i can get 9 hours a night and still fall asleep as soon as i lay down #no motivation just sleep #waking up in the morning is so fucking hard #and im kinda back into that ‘i dont feel any emotions’ stage of mental illness #but like hey !!! i said this last year when i hit rock bottom #being numb and not having any emotions whatsoever IS VASTLY PREFERABLE to being in a constant everpresent state of suicidal misery #so like emotionally im just chilling. im just sitting here. me being numb and unfeeling is actually a net positive all things considered #but physically. by god. im so sluggish and so so tired and sleeping does not help at all

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