#im just ... out here . trying 2 read One page without crying .

[slytherinshua]

NAPTIME

genre. fluff. warnings. kissing. soohyun is sleep deprived (what else is new). one suggestive joke if you squint like your life depends on it. pairing. soohyun x fem!reader. wc. 756. a/n. tagging @wheeboo cause i actually need her to see the cuteness that i have just created im literally crying.

“Soohyun, it’s naptime.” You stated, grabbing the notebook that he was scribbling in from his hands.

“What?” He stared at you, trying his best to keep his stare as just that without it morphing into a glare. He didn’t like glaring at you. He could glare at anybody else, but not you. 

“You worked the night shift last night. You didn’t get home until 3 am.”

“How do you know that?” 

“Door sensor. I set it up so it goes to my phone too.” You said simply, swiftly dodging Soohyun’s attempts at getting his notebook back.

“Y/n, that’s practically spying on me!” He complained.

“Well… you give me no choice when you work the entire night! I’m just worried about you.” You sighed, “I’m allowed to be worried about my boyfriend and his lack of sleep.”

“I don’t want you worrying about me, though.” 

“Don’t you worry about me?” You asked him. You were scanning through the pages of his notebook, most of which were filled with his organised notes in his small handwriting. As you flipped to the next page, you didn’t find it filled with lecture notes, but instead was a checklist.

Things I want to do with Y/n.

1 - spend our 6 month anniversary together

2 - go on regular dates

3 - tell her I love her

Soohyun snatched the notebook back before you could read any further, slamming it shut and forcing it into his backpack, “Of course I worry about you.” He stammered.

You smiled, “You’re so hypocritical. You always nag me about sleeping and eating and going outside. You don’t expect me to also nag?” He stayed silent, pursing his lips. “I told you, it’s naptime, and if you don’t want to be labelled a hypocrite again, you’ll do what I say.” 

“What do you want me to do?” His eyes followed you as you stood up from your chair and walked to your bed.

“Come here.” You sat down, patting the space on the bed next to you. Soohyun seemed hesitant, but he followed your direction regardless, sitting next to you on the bed.

“No. Lie down. And take off your jacket, you’ll be uncomfortable with it on.”

Soohyun turned to you, “Are you sure this isn’t just a trick to get me to take my clothes off?”

“No! Just do what I say. Gosh, you’re so stubborn.” You huffed, staring Soohyun down until he was laying down like you wanted him to. Once he was, you let yourself lay down as well, on your side and facing him.

He rested his head on the pillow, cheek cutely squishing against the surface of it. Staring at you with his dark eyes, he let his lips curve up into a smile. You smiled back at him until you could see his dimples pop out.

“What do we do now?” He whispered.

“Nap. I just want you to get some sleep.”

“What about you?” 

“I can sleep too. Sleeping is spending quality time with each other, you know.” You reasoned.

“Are you really that worried about me? Naptime? I’m not a toddler.” He muttered.

You giggled, “Sometimes you act like it, though. You’re unreasonably stubborn. You don’t do what other people say either.”

“I do what you say.” 

“Only because I’m just as stubborn as you.” You smiled and extended your hand to his forehead, brushing away a few stray strands of hair. He closed his eyes on instinct. “That’s right. You need sleep. Keep them closed. I’ll talk to you until I invade your dreams.”

Soohyun tried to suppress his smile, but his dimples gave him away. You continued to speak softly, telling small anecdotes about the past weeks— anything that could act as soft background noise to help lull your boyfriend to sleep. It seemed to work well, and once you thought he was asleep, you shifted closer to him. 

“I know I worry about you a lot…” You whispered, “But it’s only because I love you so much.” 

“Me too.”

Your eyes widened, “Soohyun, I thought you-”

“I love you too.” He opened his eyes only slightly, just enough to be able to locate your lips before he was kissing you slowly. You didn’t protest at all— you were quick to kiss him back. It was only when the kiss naturally came to its end that you got back your stubbornness.

“Are you going to sleep now?”

He hummed quietly, pulling you even closer to him until you were nestled near his chest. “Now we can sleep.”

↳ k-drama taglist: @yeonjuns-redhair,, @wolfmoonmusic,, @edensgardenn

[i-am-probably-alive]

Hellenite

Is there ever that one writer that you keep on going back to, over and over, even if you have read and analyzed every single one of their works? And it still gets better each time? There is for me. Fucking Helleniteeeee. I left the DSMP fandom like almost a year ago, yet I still go and have Hellenite binge reads on the regular.

Ad astra was my gateway drug, De Terra is still my favorite fic of all time like ever, possibly even better than most published books I’ve read, anything from LiTWS brings me immense comfort, and Fading Lights….that one stuck with me really really REALLY hard. So did all the other ones, but yknow. That’s a bittersweet ending done right, man. I absolutely adore everything in Hellens style of writing. From the beautiful, captivating description to the absolutely remarkable use of italics, each and every fic has left me crying and begging for more. But there’s three parts that Hellen just does so well, that it honestly shocks me that the whole first page of DSMP isn’t stuffed, head to toe, with Hellenite’s work.

1: Theme

Tackling this first, cause i have a LOT to say about this. Cause, HOLY SHIT!!! Theme! I absolutely just HDRTHHFGGJGJHAZJ. I’m not saying other writers haven’t pulled off themes in fanfic well before, cause they have! But the way Hellenite does it just hits different. Everything has a moral, in one way or another. And the moral is something genuine. Something real, something that happens in real life and that is represented perfectly in all her works. Like, okay. Event Horizon: You can change, you can improve. You are not your past, you are not your family, you are not your mistakes. As long as you’re trying, You’re on the right path. Things don’t get better immediately, they take time. A long, long time, but you are allowed to be happy along the way. Healing is a process, not a teleportation device. LiTWS: A relationship, be it romantic, platonic or familial, can be complicated. They can be difficult to maintain, but you love the other person, so you will work at it to solve your issues. It’s okay to fight, as long as you can acknowledge when you screw up. Communicate. Fading Lights: Life is difficult, but that doesn’t mean you should try and escape it. Find the right people who care about you, even if at the moment you feel or are complete shit. You can recover.

everything just leaves a special impact, because those messages come through. And they come through strong, without being all “LOOK AT ME IM HERE”. It’s just. Wow.

2: Character Development

Change is a very prominent feature in Hellens stories, and it never feels clunky or out of place. You genuinely feel it, but you can’t pinpoint the exact moment things change. Like how in the beginning of Ad Astra, we feel genuine dislike, and very quickly, hatred for Ran. But over time, that changes, and we see how Ran develops and improves. There’s setbacks, there’s relapses, but the change is there. In LiTWS, the relationship goes from somewhat forced, to fully, truly, genuine. Struggles and all. In FL, Tubbo….well. In the beginning, he was an addict who had a gruffish attitude, who was pushing away from society and his friends. He feared that he was turning into his father. He had awful self esteem. By the end, he was willing to change. He was willing to give up smoking and drinking and willing to put himself in an environment that involved Tommy. Change, change, change.

I think it’s all really well done. Cause people change, it’s natural. And it’s done so well here.

3: Love

The way Hellen writes love makes me wish I was in it. But not because it’s written as an all happy and sunshine solution to all wrong. It’s not. It’s written as a strong, complicated emotion. It isn’t written as a one-size fits all. It’s written as something rooted in our hearts that WE get to define, and WE get to use. We love, and it is not a weakness. Love is not a superpower. We all are capable of it, and it doesn’t have to be romantic. Love is…love. It’s so, so SO strong, and I think that this one element is what’s made me cry so much while reading Fading Lights or De Terra or whatever it is. Love. Such a strong meaning for such a small word. I go to Hellens stories and take notes on the way it’s written because it’s just. I hate stories that focus on love, generally. Mostly because they’re written as if it has to be this huge, romantic beats-all card, where the only thing that defines it is the word itself. The characters have to say it for us to know it, and even after that, we don’t believe it. Hellen writes it as it is, which is a difficult feat. These fics are just…wow.

All in all, the way Hellen writes, not only in short term by description and beautiful scenery, but in long term too, leaves such a strong impact. Hellen is definitely, without a doubt, the writer who has most inspired, motivated and influenced the way I write and even the way I think. Hellen has left such a positive mark on me that I’m confident I would be entirely different without having read that one gateway fic. I forgot to mention this, but I read Ad Astra while in a reading slump, and when I say it pulled me out…

also, the concepts in and of themselves are so creative and good and original?? Like how?? And the WORLDBUILDING DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE WORLDBUILDING. HOW??? How does one just make a world so convincing and make it feel so real?? And explore upon it without making it feel like pointless exposition???

TLDR; A year ago, these fics broke into my house, put me in a chokehold, and demanded it be allowed to live there rent free. It still has me in a chokehold, and I give it muffins sometimes.

Theres so much More i can say, and I will probably say it in different posts later. but for now..

I love Hellenites stories more than I love Interstellar, and that’s saying something cause I was a mess by the halfway point of that movie.

Thank you, Hellenite, for each and every one of your stories.

I can’t wait for WGBITN.

(P.S: I realize I sound like an insane fangirl, but whatever. I most likely am one.)

[steelycunt]

ten books 2 know me!

thank for you the tag @pancakehouse @fruity-individual @serethereal @rollercoasterwords !

-> skulduggery pleasant, derek landy.

starting with this one because this WAS my childhood i was. i never read percy jackson never read twilight read [redacted] and it wasnt even good but my dad thought id like these so he bought me the first skulduggery pleasant one day...oh man oh boy...these were. i was eight queuing up outside a whsmith with a schoolbag full of books for the author's booksigning...also he was so nice ta derek x

-> giovanni's room, james baldwin.

cannot get into this too much before i start wailing and biting and stuff but well. giovanni's room is my favourite book of all time i read most of it. last year in june laying on brighton beach while the sun was going down and i have never recovered from and will you bring me home again / yes. i'll bring you home again since and fear i never will. also! first james baldwin book i read who has come to be an author whose writing style i adore and carry in my mind whenever i try to write something myself.

-> young mungo, douglas stuart.

not the first book i ever cried at but. first book i ever experienced disgusting full body sobs while reading and fierce competitor also for. my favourite book. had to reread so much of those final pages because i couldnt concentrate with all the crying and after that i am so excited to never have to experience the physical chest-aching worry that i did for the duration of reading this. also i think the very quiet way love is written here through. very trivial small things is something i loved very much and that has stayed with me!

-> wuthering heights, emily bronte.

read this when i was about eleven, and then again a few weeks ago with my mum (whose favourite book it is) and it was still so. absolutely sickening i just think its excellent xx and without it we wouldn't have kate bush's 1978 single wuthering heights so xx think on that xx

-> the autobiography of malcom x, alex haley.

when i was a child my younger sister joined a sunday league football team and my dad used to give her a tenner every time she scored a goal. to even things out since i refused to get up at the arsecrack of dawn to contract hypothermia on a frozen football pitch, he started giving me books exclusively on malcolm x to read and would give me a tenner every time i finished one. this one was the first i read and was indeed the first book that ever made me cry at the end xx

-> my brilliant friend, elena ferrante.

so many of these are recent reads because it was only jan 2022 that i made a genuine effort to get back into reading for leisure and mbf is no different but well. the way friendship is written here is just unhinged and incredible and the series in general so far has been. there is nothing like it i fear

-> the raven boys, maggie steifvater.

gansey unfortunately.

-> macbeth, william shakespeare.

okay i know i know but. when you are studying it in englit class for your gcse it might as well be a book innit. anyway of all the texts i did for english both at gcse + a level macbeth is still my favourite and probably the most effort i ever put into an english essay. special shoutout to frankenstein which i can enjoy in hindsight but unfortunately it fucked me on the exam so out of bitterness it doesnt get a place here x

-> the secret history, donna tartt.

i did inhale this book but also it gets a place purely for being my first exposure to donna tartt's writing and style in general which is so very distinctive and has. undoubtedly had an effect on me for better or for worse we shall one day see but for now. who can say!

-> foster, claire keegan.

it is a little pamphlet of a book at eighty six pages but. i read it just over a month ago and havent properly stopped thinking about it since it was just everything quiet + mundane + understated that makes my brain start sparking and whirring and. im bringing it on holiday in the summer so i can read it again in the appropriate season xx

tagging. but no pressure. @gaewaren @dykefever @emerqldv @fastasyoucan1999 @forlorngarden @writteninverses @boyjoan !!

[carlplsrailme]

HII DAISY (with intention of making you witness my undying love for Carl) 🐈‍⬛🦈 ANON HERE I HAD THR MOST SEVERE BRAINROT YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS LMFOAOAOOO im so sorry in advance ily shawty 😕💗

♡♡♡

warnings: perv!carl, innocent!reader, fluffy carl, deranged ramblings, slight dubcon? (nothing too dark hes just a grabby lil guy), sort of ddlg-ish, corruption kink, horrible humor, female masturbation, carl helps out reader, mutual pining + "strictly friends" plot because i love that shit, nicknames like princess/baby/doll

(Carl is 18+ here, think S8/9) (he is alive in my mind 😻😻)

♡♡♡

perv!carl would 100% fr ong randomly grab you, like you'd be standing next to his chair at the table rambling about the first issue of some comic you found and wanting him to help you find the rest, and he keeps peeking at the hem of the tiny skirt you're wearing that keeps jumping up and down as you move excitedly, you're like "pleasepleaseplease you have to come with me and get the rest it ended on such a massive cliff- AAH" and hes looking at you like "ended on such a what?" with such an innocent face as if he didn't just shove his hand up your skirt and grab your upper thigh and ass in his big hand 😭 and you're just like "-hanger uh Carl what are you doing" and he starts groping at the flesh and so casually says "touching you princess, friends do that right?" knowing damn well you're thinking about stuff like holding hands or hugging

♡♡♡

perv!carl not letting you read the 18+ comics he has because "you're too sweet for this, its got naked people baby, can't let stuff like that pollute your pretty little head" 1, 2, 3...bingo  "please? just wan see a little?" and he can't say no to your doe eyes- well i mean thats the reaction he wanted from you anyway- knew he was going to get. i think it goes without saying that you were swirming in his lap the whole time you read as he held the book and turned the pages for you, hot breath on the back of your neck and between your legs

♡♡♡

sitting on perv♡carls leg one day as you watch tv and hes writing down stuff you guys need at home and he absentmindedly starts bouncing the leg you're sitting on, you didn't really notice anything other than a tingly feeling at first and now you're gently rubbing your soaked pussy onto his jeans thanking God he wore black ones today struggling to not move too much so he doesn't see you acting like a bunny in heat. You're up off his lap as everything starts to feel warmer and fuzzy, too scared to know whats going to happen next, a little "'m sleepy, gonna go upstairs" as you wobbly at first walk run  away into the shared bedroom and sit on the edge of your bed trying to will the feeling away. It doesn't help that Mr Eddie bear (EDDIE MUNSON REFERENCE???!??!?!?111!!11😱😱 *GONE WRONG* *POLICE CALLED*) your most beloved teddy is staring at you with his beady little eyes saying "hump me! hump me!" he wasn't doing that at all he was just looking at you and you thought of recreating your little activity with Carl onto him, he was right about the comics polluting your pretty head 😕

Carl didn't really hear your soft whimpers coming from upstairs, the hem of your tshirt you hapharzedly bit on muffling the sounds, but as he neared the door - he didn't mean to hear them, he just wanted his gun so he could get your comics for you - he hears your soft sobs coming through the tiny crack in the door which you didn't fully close. This man thinks your crying at first, goes over every single thing he did that day incase he was the cause of it but all of a sudden snapping out of that once he hears your aah and then a frustrated whine. He likes to think he didn't start palming himself over his jeans at the sight of you in your blush underwear with a little red bow and lace edges, white teeshirt soaking at the hem from your spit, messy hair framing your flushed face covered with a thin sheen of sweat. Small hands gripping into the comforter as you grinded your hips down onto Mr Eddie Bears poor, now soaked face, eyes squeezed shut under your furrowed eyebrows. He whimpers a little thinking hes never seen anything prettier, even in your feral state which he unknowingly caused, you're the most beautiful thing hes ever laid his eye(s) on. He then fingered you till you bit him and cried and then fell asleep on him afterward ☺☺

♡♡♡

perv!carl cumming in your underwear and making you wear it, loooooves watching you turn pink everytime you sit down and squirm feeling his warm fluids under you.

♡♡♡

Not perv!carl idk what to call thsi one😞 but Carl letting you shave his face, you're sitting on the bathroom counter with your tongue poked out and eyes squinting narrow as you drag the razor gently up his jaw. Hes holding your waist and watching you do this with so much concentration, loves your little whine and then giggle when he boops you, getting shaving cream onto your nose (sobbing qnd weeping)

♡♡♡

Sitting on Carls lap as he fingers you and you jerk him off, then lick his cum off your fingers while he looks at you flabbergasted, "tastes like ice cream" you say softly with a little giggle - you're gonna have to use your hands again -

♡♡♡

SLEEPING WITH HIM RAAAAHHHH hes the biggest softest warmest cuddlyest big perfect boy to cuddle with or just sleep on, I like to imagine lying on him like a ducking koala bear - legs on either side of his hips, arms around his neck and your face squished into his, hes got his arms around your waist holding you tight so you don't slip off (like thats even possible)

every now and then you rub your nose into his cheek like a cat, long gone into dreamland whispering his name among some other incoherent words

♡♡♡

Carl. Just Carl yes thats all, Carl

♡♡♡

Carl Monstercock Grimes fucking you missionary, your legs are hiked up and wrapped around his hips, one arm around his neck and the other lying limp like the rest of your body. Hes lying on top of you, keeping you down with his weight as he fucks in and out of you, hitting that one spot which makes you go all stupid over and over and over again, you're not even sure how long its been or how many times you've cum at this point. You can feel him so deep inside of you, literally no thoughts just Carl♡Carl♡Carl♡

♡♡♡

Carl making you suck his dick out in the open, your bare knees are on the rough pebbles getting rubbed raw as he fucks your face. He cums and you swallow it all and he picks you up off the ground to your feet like a little doll. Feelsbadman when he sees your cut up red and pink knees, makes you back against the wall as he gets onto his knees and kisses yours better - Now in his defense you shouldn't have worn a skirt he got a peak up of so easily - so technically he isn't to blame for your trembling thighs around his shoulders as you cum on his mouth and fingers 😊

---

sorry if this is much or you don't like these asks, i wont share if you dont wish to see these <33

OK BYEBYE SWEETIE, THANK YOU FOR DOING GODS WORK WITH THIS ACCOUNT HAVE A LOVELY DAY ILY BYEBYE 💗💗💗🐈‍⬛🦈🐈‍⬛🦈🐈‍⬛🦈

omg..why way i CACKELED AT THAT DUMBASS YOUTUBE TITLE OF EDDIE OAIRGOIERHGOEIRHGAERHG i fr needed a moment.

but DAMN cat shark, girl you really just wrote a whole ass book and dipped. I KNOW this has been in your head for a while LMAWEIFA

but this is amazing omg <3 thank you for taking the time to write this babes!! <3

[kilbygrl]

Could u do a part 2 of the miscarriage imagine where it’s been like 8 months or so since it happened and things start to go back to normal and the reader gets pregnant again and the baby is born healthy and you can decide the gender, and maybe where they also have like their rainbow baby’s ultrasound in the new baby’s nursery for a reminder and memory of her.

pairing: jack harlow x fem!reader

warnings: little talk about miscarriage, pregnancy, dad!jack, maybe some grammatical errors but forgive me for that.

read part one here

a/n: IM SO HAPPY ABOUT HAVING A PART 2! HOPE Y'ALL LIKE IT!!! <3

The worst day of your entire life was when you lost your first baby. You remember that there were times that you would wake up, and for a few seconds you didn’t remember about anything that was wrong, but as soon as you realized, you couldn’t breathe again. It took you almost two months to even talk with Jack how you guys intended to deal with this for the rest of your lives, but after a few talks, you decided to try again. You wanted a baby, as did him. 

So, you two spend the next month making appointments and going to doctors to found out if there was something wrong with you, but turned out that it wasn’t, and the baby wouldn't survive, no matter what you did. For weeks, you felt like it was your fault. That you killed your baby. But it wasn’t, you didn’t do it. Now you were confident to try again, and you two did it.  

“Why is it taking so long?” Jack asks you, shaking the test that you just did. 

“Calm down, it takes like five minutes to show the results” you hug him from behind, looking at the test “Wait, I think I see something” you point to the stripe starting to show up. 

“Two is pregnant? Yeah, right? Two is pregnant” you nod, starting to already crying when you see the two clearly stripes “We are pregnant, baby” Jack turns around, picking you up, just like the first time you were pregnant. 

“We are!” you hug him back “Now we gotta do a blood test and an ultrasound and...” he interrupts you with a kiss. 

“Don’t worry, darling. Everything is going to be fine” he hugs you even more thigh. 

“I love you, J. Everything is going to be fine” you repeat. 

“I love you more, ma. And our little one” you smile, cleaning his tears and kissing him one more time. 

This time you two decided for good on having a close medical follow-up, and not telling anyone until you were 13 weeks pregnant, because it would be safer, according to your doctor. You two decide on doing the test to find out the baby sex when you were 10 weeks, no party or anything, just the two of you waiting for an email. 

“She said 10AM baby, it’s 9:57” you tell Jack, who’s sitting beside you, reloading the page every five seconds. 

“WAIT! I think is it” he points to the new email who just popped up. 

He clicks on it, without you even have time to read the title. He scrolls down, looking for something. 

“There’s just so many things to read, what the hell?”  

“We all know you can’t read, J” he looks at you, rolling his eyes. 

“Oh, shut up. You do it then” you take the computer of his hands, still scrolling and trying to read every line.  

“It’s... We are having...” you say, after reading everything about the test “Oh my god, Jack. We are having another girl”  

“Really? You’re not joking, right?” 

“Why would I be joking, Jackman? I’m completely serious” and then, he starts crying, leading you to do the same. 

“I can’t believe. We are having another baby girl. Always knew I was going to be a girl’s daddy” he hugs you, crying on your shoulder. 

And then, you just spend the whole night discussing baby names, so happy you’re having another girl. Your first baby name was going to be “Julie”. You two had decided on it before you even find out that was going to be a girl. Was with “J” and Jack used to joke that they were going to be “J&J” forever. After everything happened, you still keep the ultrasound photos with her name under it. And when you turned 13 weeks pregnant, you two set up a family and friends' dinner to share the news. Literally no one knew besides you two and your doctors, and when it started to show, you just wore larger clothes.  

“We have some news we would like to announce” Jack says, standing up in front of the big table and holding you besides him “You can say it, sweetheart” he whispers on your ear, while everyone is looking at you two. 

“So... We are having a baby!” you say, as everyone has a shocked face “And it’s a baby girl” Jack holds your belly, making them see the baby bump. 

“Her name is Iris, which is Greek for rainbow, since she’s our rainbow baby” and he kisses your head, smiling right after. 

Everyone was just so happy, that they don’t even care about now telling them soon, and they understood the reasons. There was 25 weeks until your due date, so you spend it with Jack, who took a break from work to be with you the whole pregnancy. He was still working on some new music, but from home. You two went baby shopping, he went to the supermarket at midnight so many times just to buy anything you were craving, and you started decorating the new nursery, mostly doing it all by yourselves.

“Surprisingly, you did a great job with the crib, J” you tell him, finishing up organizing the baby clothes. 

“Surprisingly? I nailed it!”  

“Who knew you could follow a manual” you laugh, joking, while he hugs you from behind. 

“Stop with the funny, mamas”  

“The best thing of being preggo is making fun or you, baby” 

“You shouldn’t! I’m your baby daddy” 

“That’s what makes it even more fun. But I love you, J” 

“I know baby. Love you even more” he kisses your face. 

And then, you’re looking at the picture in one of the walls. The ultrasound of Julie, hanging there. Jack thought it was going to be a good idea having it there as a memory of her, and you agreed. Having her with you two all the time and with her new sister. 

A few weeks later and everything was ready, just waiting to the little one to come out. Your belly was huge, heavy and you couldn’t stand up for long. Being the best baby daddy in the world, Jack was always massaging your feet, bringing you food and watching bad TV shows with you. And when you due date came, she was not late. That afternoon you felt water going down your legs, and your first reaction was scream Jack’s name. 

“She’s coming” you tell him, already feeling the contractions become even more close. 

“I’m going to the car” he says, dressing up a shirt and running outside. 

“I GUESS YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME” you scream again, laughing. 

“Baby, I’m sorry” he comes back to the room helping you to get up. 

“Let’s just take this little thing out of me” he laughs at you, shaking his head. 

The ride to the hospital wasn’t long. You were soon admitted and not an hour later the baby was already going out. Jack holds your hand the whole thing, as you feel the worst pain ever. But when you hear her crying, looks like everything it’s right in the world again. Jack just let go of your hand for a few minutes, to cut the umbilical cord. 

“There you are, your beautiful and healthy baby girl” the nurse gives the baby to you. 

You can’t do anything but cry. You hold her little hand, as Jack does the same with the other one. You never felt such a great love for anyone. She’s your dream coming true. 

“Welcome to the world, Iris. It will be yours” you whisper to her, seeing the baby squirm. 

“I love you two so much. My girls” Jack says, kissing your forehead. 

jackharlow 

liked by yourinstagram, urbanwyatt, dojacat and 2,3403,038 others. 

jackharlow Our rainbow baby girl is born. Welcome to the world, Iris Julia Harlow. We love you more than anything. 

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[sj0228]

astro notes for fun lol

HEY! this is my first astro observations post so don't be too hard on me lol unless u wanna then sure maybe i can improve them somehow BUTANYWAYZ this is for entertainment purposes only!! obviously these are just my own observations so if they don't resonate with you don't get offended or you're a big ol' 🅱️uss so here they are!! also SHOUTOUT TO MY AMAZING FRIENDS fyi i got sum help from them by asking them billions of questions to confirm my suspicions so uh hope that makes the observations more accurate LOL ANYWAYS HERE THEY ARE!! i'll probably make more in the future cuz i think they're super fun to make :D also if u couldnt tell uhm this isnt very professional im not professional BUT I TRIED TO MAKE IT PRETTY so pls dont be bothered lol im just doing this for fun i didnt even wanna make an astro page so yea </3pretty unreliable LMAOOO

👩🏻‍🦲 the house your mars is in is what pisses you off the most!! (eg. 1st - people assuming things about you, 5th - people beating around the bush, 7th - things that disrupt the harmony of your environment, 9th - the need to hold back your opinions because others get bothered by them being "offensive")

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers are true ambiverts and i've truly never ever seen a cancer who wouldn't be both introverted and extroverted at times. they are always either social introverts or quiet extroverts lol. or both!! (somehow 0_0) they enjoy people's attention, whether it's wanting to be noticed or appreciated or generally cared for, and they need their alone time. they tend to be very productive at those times, too.

👩🏻‍🦲 ok i have a lot of notes for cancers so it's gonna be a lot lmao sorry anyways!! i've also noticed they LOVEEE breaking loose every once in a while, if not every time they're given the opportunity! thing is, it's usually only if someone else is there to convince them or do it with them. they don't like taking risks alone! they are very impressed and fond of the 'wild child' persona people because they bring out the cancer's wild side!

👩🏻‍🦲 libra moons are absolutely loved by people, it's so crazy! like, no matter what they do they always have attention on them. this can manifest badly if the moon person is actually pretty horrible, things they do tend to be overlooked and others move on pretty quickly from their mistakes, letting them do whatever they want. i wanted to give an example but uh,,,,, i shall.. refrain😳

👩🏻‍🦲 libra suns with water moons are so scary when they're angry..

👩🏻‍🦲 cancer moon is what i deem as the zodiac sign cute-ifyer lol. literally any "tough" sign like capricorn, scorpio or aquarius becomes a super cute goofball with this moon. WEIRDEST THING EVER THOUGH is that it doesn't work for cancer suns?! like if a cancer sun has a cancer moon this just makes the person very confusing but very funny. they can brighten anybody's day without trying!

👩🏻‍🦲 okay uh this isn't an astro note as much as it is me being a phucken simp but uh..... I HAVE AN UNDYING LOVE FOR ARIES SUNS I WILL MARRY EVERY EACHAND ONE OF YOU ISTG. ARIES SUNS ARE THE NICEST AND FUNNIEST PEOPEL I'VE EVER SEEN YOU HAVE THE BEST HUMOR EVER AND YOU'RE SO KIND TO EVERYBODY YOU'RE SO KIND I LOVE YOU YOU'RE TOO GOOD FOR THIS PLANET I WANT TO HUG YOU FOREVER okay jbshxhjn but fr aries are the best people ever?!?!?!?!?!?! pls

👩🏻‍🦲 okay JUST SO THIS WHOLE ARIES MENTION ISN'T JUST A POINTLESS LOVE CONFESSION - i've noticed a lot of ♥aries♥ people use the laughing crying face emojis (😂,🤣) unironically and it's honestly.....the best thing ever

👩🏻‍🦲 taurus suns do this sometimes as well

👩🏻‍🦲 THE MOST UNHEALTHY PERCEPTIONS OF ZODIAC SIGNS ARE PUT ON FIRE SIGNS, NOT THE WATER SIGNS AND THIS IS COMING FROM A PISCES!!!!!!1 every stereotype is always showing fire signs as those sunshine of the group people, the baddies, and the ones with the biggest 'idgaf' attitude. and while this can totally be true sometimes, most of the time it's super different! sad fire signs break my heart pls i just wanna hug you guys T-T they have it the hardest because unlike water signs who are already expected to be emotional, they often repress their emotions for the sake of others and because of the fear of betrayal or judgement, or just generally the idea of "it's better to have fake friends than to have zero friends". YOU GUYS PLEASE. cut these people off from your life you deserve soo much better i know it can be super hard to open up for you u just need a hug omg EVERYONE PLEASE CHECK UP ON YOUR FIRE SIGN FRIENDS ASK THEM ABOUT THEIR DAY N STUFF THEY WILL APPRECIATE YOU CARING FOR THEM! pls stay best and take care sweethearts ily!!!

👩🏻‍🦲 i've also noticed that some of the signs tend to show their sadness through anger - this is not just astrology though so if your friend has been jumpy lately please just check on them they are probably going thru sth😳 anyways the signs i mostly saw this in are pisces, aries and libra.

👩🏻‍🦲 cancers with feminine moons (earth and water) tend to be pretty introspective. they often think they're the ones being mistreated, and while this of course might be true, in reality it usually goes a lonnng way back lol. they often pay very little attention to others!! (masculine moon sign cancers (fire and air) can often be too focused on others more than themselves) this can be good because they don't snoop in other people's business but oh my god, guys, please pay attention to your friends, too! this WILL lead to lost friendships because, let's be real, nobody wants a one-sided friendship with someone who only cares about themselves! i don't want to target anybody here but this is just a pattern i've noticed wayyyy too often, so you might want to look into it and if you think this is you all you need is just to enlargen your perspective and it will all be okay. but please, PLEASE. think about your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 i needed to get this^ out because people often put this on leo placements but tbh i notice that leo placements are THE MOST generous of the entire zodiac and they always think of others first and that's what really makes them so popular. they very rarely are as egocentric as everybody says, they're just really loving and that makes them very lovable!

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio risings are the prettiest people i've ever seen. not even kidding bruh i could stare at them for EVER their eyes are absolutely gorgeous and their mannerisms are just perfect pls marry me

👩🏻‍🦲 gemini and taurus placements make an individual soooo chill to the point where it often makes them lazy and a biig procrastinator lol. tho i love how they make light of it by using their amazing humor!

👩🏻‍🦲 you most definitely have your IC be one of your family members' sun sign or one of their personal planets. i have a taurus ic and my sister is a taurus sun!

👩🏻‍🦲 sagittarius suns are the best huggers cause THEY REALLY NEED A HUG SO GO HUG THEM RIGHT NOW. pls guys why r u so sad..

👩🏻‍🦲 scorpio mars aren't even as sexual as everybody says tbh. but they definitely do have some interesting.....interests ;)

👩🏻‍🦲 pluto aspects to personal planets are very prominent, but very hidden. if you have them, most likely you will be the only person to know about this side of you and it can be pretty dark..

👩🏻‍🦲 planets conjunct your sun will be the people you attract most in your life (venus conjunct sun - taurus and libra, jupiter - sagittarius and pisces, mars - aries and scorpio EVERYWHERE)

👩🏻‍🦲 your moon sign will be the sun sign of most of your friends

👩🏻‍🦲 if you don't quite relate to your ascendant, look at the sign you have in your 3rd house and at your mercury sign. this is how you communicate, convey your ideas etc. and will often be a major factor in people's first impressions of you :)

👩🏻‍🦲 lilith aspecting your sun may mean there's a side of you nobody knows.. 👁👁 you're also probably very convincing and people can be very drawn to you and they can't explain why. this also goes for lilith in 7th, especially in girls!

👩🏻‍🦲 you and your friends probably have each other's sun signs as your personal planets!!

👩🏻‍🦲 the kindest person you know is probably either a virgo or an aries.. and the meanest person you know is also probably a virgo or aries LOL

👩🏻‍🦲 capricorn suns & risings are THE hardest to read!! if they don't say what they mean people will just assume and they're never going to be right it's wild 👩🏻‍🦲 also capricorns definitely have the most dad energy, while sagittariuses are more like actual dads jdbshxcvb

OKAY THAT'S ALL!!!! im sure i have more but its 2 am i have school tomorrow or actually its today now so bye uh anyways there will most likely be more so if u liked these stay tuned!! oh and let me know if they were true witchu :o thats it love u stay awesome and super cool i love u byebye!!

[soothinglee]

GOODBYE |

the beeduo x reader (parent figures - platonic)

summary: the neglect is finally getting to you.

warnings: angst

previous - next

Ever since Micheal came along everything has been different. The attention changed from you to Micheal. You had once been there favorite child. Now it was Micheal.

You were their only child.

It had felt like you had been left out of everything. The thought of being left out didn't come to you until the 2 week he was here. At first you thought it was because they wanted him to get accustomed to the place. That was understandable. They were the same way with you when you first got adopted. This was different though.

They had stop eating with you and instead eating with Micheal, standing in the back while you silently ate. What was once your seat Micheal sat, snorting happily as Ranboo Choo Choo trained a scoop of potatoes into his mouth. What once was your time of drawing and laughing, paint between fingers and onto hair was now filled with Micheal painting flowers on Ranboos white side and bees onto Tubbos hand.While you sat in the back doodling with a sad look.

You just wanted to be apart of something.

'Of course they mean no harm' you think heading to the upstairs bedroom to get a duffle bag 'at least I don't think they mean to'

You pack everything that you own up. Shoving clothes and other necessities into the bag while trying to zip it up.

'Im missing something...' Looking around for a minute you remember what you're leaving. Your blanket.

Rummaging into the cupboard you bend down pushing shoes and coats out of the way until you see the blue blanket. Ripped up and dull from being used for so long. It was one of the first things you got when you arrived at the home.

Sighing you stand up and make your way to the lower level. Memories float in your head as you walk. Memories that you're going to have to push away.

You search for a notepad and pencil finding one left on the kitchen table. Doodles and writing coat each page. You find room at the bottom and begin writing.

Dont want to leave without any meaning. You aren't being petty, of course not. You weren't upset because they were caring for him you were upset because you felt like they didn't love you anymore. That they found someone better to take your place and you didn't want to be a bother. So, for that, your gonna take your leave for the sake of space.

After some time of explaining why your presence is gone you rip out the page and place it on the kitchen corner. Nobody was home because your Dads' and Micheal decided to go fishing. Without you.

'Must have been a mistake, forgetting me. That's okay' you tell yourself smoothing out the crunched paper onto the kitchen counter. They were bond to find it here. After any outside activity the first they do when they get home is eat.

The fire place crackles when sudden droplets fall onto the paper. When did you start crying? The tears smudge at the ink making it hard to read. Nonetheless still legible.

You wipe your eyes and adjust the bag on your shoulders. It was getting kinda heavy. Walking to the door you turn around for what feels like the last time and breathe in the scent of cinnamon. A smell you got so used to over the years. Yeah, your gonna miss it. Opening the wooden door a gust of wind sends you gasping as you move your wall coat around to get some what warmer.

'Its so cold. Probably should have gotten another jacket.'

You breathe on last time before stepping out and slamming the door behind you. What you were doing,

was for the greater good.

taglist:

@kusuinko

[luckyasfuck]

maybe i just wanna be yours [k. bakugou]

A CAMBOY AU SERIES - PARTS 1, 2, 3, 4, [5]

pairing // katsuki x female reader

tw // cussing, smut

warnings for this part // oral (m and f recieving), hair pulling, face-fucking, exhibitionist kink, spanking, praise, dacryphilia

theme // enemies to lovers au, camboy!katsu au, college student!katsu and reader au, no quirk au

keys // y/n

words // 1.8k

a/n // IM SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG I DONT DESERVE YALL. pt 6 at 250 likes and 20 reblogs btw!

previous part

y/n has been alone in the library for about an hour now. she didn’t notice katsuki’s absence until she had to change subjects to study, too indulged in the textbook to look up. no messages were given by katsuki about him being late and she grumbled, rolling her eyes. she writes the name of the textbook on top of the page in her notebook and the library door swings open. 

a calm katsuki walks towards her, ash blonde hair kinda messy and his black hoodie all over the place. with an eyeroll, y/n went back to writing on her notebook while handing the textbook she just used to him. “you’re la-”

“why’d you block me?”

the sentence made the girl look at him with a glare. her hand stops writing, her body stiffens and her hands start to sweat. “what the fuck are you talking about?” she avoids his strong gaze, looking back down on her notebook. katsuki fumes at this, pulling out his phone as she started to write again.

the notebook is closed harshly, a phone being slammed down on it as it displayed her account and the block message. she looked up at the fuming boy as he gripped his phone tight, gazing down at her. “none of your fucking business.” she replied, putting the cap on her ballpoint pen. about to glare at him again, a gasp erupts from her throat when he grips the collar of her shirt, pulling her towards him.

“why’d you block me?” katsuki’s breath fanned right on her lips, his eyes locked right into hers. she sends a death glare his way, grabbing his wrist and detaching it from her collar. “it was the right thing to do and you know it.” the blonde rolled his eyes as y/n dusted her shirt off, fixing her collar. “great, now it’s loose.”

heavy steps make the h/c turn her head to the sound, only to be grabbed by the shoulders and sat down harshly. katsuki towered over her, “unblock me now.” 

“i see no reason to.” stray students walked inside the library and y/n is quick to shove katsuki away from her, they chatter and sit on a table near the front. they don’t acknowledge the two students who were here before them as they laughed loudly. 

y/n sighs, mood completely ruined by the dumb blonde and class skippers. speaking of the dumb blonde, he eyes the students as well, dragging a chair and sitting down beside y/n right before she got up to return the textbook. vermillion eyes stare right into her ass before they’re torn away by her voice, “go get a fucking textbook.” 

the math section is where it all goes downhill.

hands show up either side of y/n as she’s reading through the contents of the math book. about to turn around, she stiffens when a warm, sculpted body presses up against her back. 

katsuki’s crotch brushes up against her rump, his pecs right against her back. “what the fuck are you doing?” the pressed up girl returns the textbook to its original place, trying to even out her breaths. the blonde moves back a little, a hand gripping y/n’s shoulders to turn her around. “will you stop pushing me around?! you- mhmp!” 

a pair of lips slams against hers mid-sentence, a tongue instantly prodding against her lips asking for entrance. the hands encaging her roam her body, one staying put on her hips. “don’t you ever shut the fuck up?” katsuki slurred against her lips as y/n put her hands on his chest, “says you.” 

the next thing the blonde knows, he’s pinned to a shelf. the shelf falters slightly but this doesn’t bother y/n, instead she presses herself against him while connecting their lips once again. 

now that was definitely unexpected. 

“you want it or nah?” katsuki pulls away, hands disappearing underneath her shirt. “i’m afraid you’ll be too loud.” he smirked, groping her left boob. “me? too loud?” y/n tilts her head to the side, her hand traveling downwards to squeeze the males evident bulge, making him whine out quietly. “says you.”

“i’ve watched enough of your stupid lives to know how loud you can be.” the students chatter loudly in the distance, making the both of them aware of their presence. for some reason, the librarian wasn’t here to check up on the shelves every now and then. perfect, y/n thought as she got on her knees, grazing her fingernails along the side of katsuki’s bulge. his cock twitches under her palm as he covers his mouth, breathing heavily. 

his cock was pretty. of course, she’d seen it on multiple lives, but seeing it right infront of her, his pink tip leaking and his veins throbbing. it hit different. without warning, her lips encage his cock head, licking at his the pre-cum dripping down his slit. a beautiful moan escapes from katsuki’s parted lips as he threw his head back onto the shelf filled with books. chatter and footsteps approach the both of them, growing louder by the second. 

“hey, sto-” katsuki warns, trying to push the girl away from his cock. the students walk to the section of shelves right behind them, laughing about getting a book named whatever that was. ignoring the statement, y/n pushes his cock deeper into his mouth, hollowing her cheeks and swirling her tongue around. the weight of it felt amazing against her tongue as she slowly fit all of him in, struggling and gagging. she pulls away, a thin string of saliva connects her to his cock. 

“oh don’t stop now.” katsuki glared, grabbing the back of her head and pushing her back. “fucking suck it, so these students right behind us knows whose cock you’re choking on, yeah? it’s my cock.” for reasons unknown, the students behind them didn’t hear a thing, probably too busy being idiots. y/n only nods, continuing her job, stroking the places she can’t reach. “poor girl, you need help?” 

a harsh grip on her hair and she gags audibly again, hoping the idiots behind katsuki didn’t hear it. slowly, he started fucking himself with her mouth, admiring the way she looked up at him, saliva drooling down her jaw and onto the floor. the tip of his cock hits the back of his throat and he groans. “did you hear that?” a slightly muffled voice asks and the laughter and noise ceases. y/n and katsuki’s hearts drop, but she can’t stop now, could she?

with a faster pace, she starts sucking again, looking up at katsuki with a smirk. “we should go check.” they hear and y/n’s heart pace picks up, licking at the prominent vein of the blonde’s cock. “fucking filthy exhibitionist.” he mouths as the group of students start to investigate. right about to catch the dirty doings of the duo, they’re called by the remnants of their friend group to go get food. “too bad,” he threw his head back, hard footsteps and chatter slowly disappearing in the distance until the library door finally closes, leaving the room silent. “they didn’t see me fill your throat with cum.” he says, finally shooting his load into your mouth. 

the library consists now of katsuki’s moans and y/n audibly gagging here and there. “your turn.” the next thing she knew, she was bent over the desk they were studying at. “we were supposed to study, weren’t we? okay.” he let out a deep chuckle, opening the textbook she used to study. “page 357, what is knowledge?” the cold breeze of the air-conditioned library made her shiver as he hoisted her skirt up, groping her ass and thumbing her clit. “i... i haven’t gotten to that page ye-”

spank.

“ow, fuck!” the slap stung, and katsuki chuckled, kneading her ass cheek with the same hand he used to spank it. a thumb grazing the wet patch in her panties. “page 17, what is psychology?” y/n gulps, legs quivering. “scientific study of... of mental process and behavior...” the tension is thick when he doesn’t speak, she tries to look back at him to see what he’s doing only to be cut off by a moan when one of his fingers dig inside her, slowly moving in and out. “the more correct answers you give, the faster i go. the more wrong answers you give, the slower i go. understood?”

“u-understood.”

“page 137, when was behaviorism introduced?” fuck, y/n didn’t like numbers. katsuki stops moving his fingers and she whines, trying to pry her brain for the answer. “1913...?” a sigh leaves her lips when he starts moving again, a little faster now. “good girl.” this went on for ten more questions, her ass stinging, legs giving up, and tears rolling down onto the table. she had already cum twice, mind becoming hazier and hazier with each question. “that’s it baby, one more question. page 270, which theory of abnormal behavior stresses the importance of current experiences and the persons view of themselves?”

y/n felt his cock prodding at her entrance and she whines, thrusting back to try and get it inside of her. katsuki puts the book down, gripping her hips and pinning her wrists above her head. “nope, answer the question first.” he teases, rubbing her slit up and down with his cock. “existential theories.” she answered proudly, a small oh, yes leaving her lips when he slowly bottoms out inside of her. “good girl, you like being fucked out here? when anyone can walk in and see you?” 

the size of his cock was amazing, it felt amazing. the females eyes lull shut, gripping down at the table with her fingers as katsuki picked up his pace, heavy balls slapping her clit with each thrust. y/n can only nod, face contorting in pleasure as skin slapping, her whines and his grunts bounced off the four walls of the library. “good girl.” he says for the millionth time, bending over to give her shoulder blade a kiss. “fuck! g-gonna cum again!” she warns, legs shaking and sobs leaving her lips. 

“so pretty when you cry,” katsuki whines out, thrusts growing sloppier and faster. “so. fucking. p-pretty.” a loud moan escapes both of their lips and his hips stutter, shooting his load inside her. he thrusts a few more times, prolonging their orgasm. soon, he pulls out and they’re both panting. with a swift movement, he spanks her ass one last time before pulling her panties up, keeping his cum inside. 

y/n is still fucked out, drool and tears all over her face as she got up from the table. katsuki grabs a chair and moves it to her, slowly sitting her down. “you hurt anywhere?” he tried to act cool while snatching her phone, offering her his jug. “fuck off, i see you taking my phone. unblock yourself if you want, i don’t plan on watching your stupid lives anyway.” she choked out, wiping the thin layer of sweat on her forehead. katsuki rolls his eyes at this, unblocking himself and unfollowing all the other camboys you had. 

“we’ll see about that, pretty face.”

next part [ not yet available! ]

taglist

@princesspeach-00 @tamakisropebunny @bakugous-mamas @ll379333 @j1-914 @gazelle-des-pres @trashpandainahat @dickinson-67 @victoriaestein @graybabyxx @apex-legends-dreams @bokuwhorez @karicho @marinwestward @fondontinta @ambi0311 @aghase-nct91312 @toxicempath @katsukichu 

[agerefairybabi]

My Regression/Tips for Babis and Tinis!

 Hey Hey Everybabi!! i wanted to talk about my regression today! i have no reason to i just wanted to :)

(NOTE!! when i post something like this, i am NOT regressed! part of this post today is about my impure regression, and if i were regressed while talking about it, i would trigger myself into impurely regressing, and i could accidentally do something to worsen that mental state! please do not read this if you are regressed, and if you choose to, please take heed, and know that part of this is very personal, as all agere is, but impure agere is even MORE personal. please be careful everybabi!)

so first, if you all didnt know, i am a noncom sfw babi :) i regress to ages 0-5, but mostly 3-5 bc i am a toddler. i do not have a cg, but i take very good care of myself :) i usually have a comfort item for when i regress, and that is my amazing stuffie squishmallows BunBun and Zelina! as you can guess BunBun is a bunny XD and Zelina is a sugar skull cat! Zelina is more for impure regression though, and i WILL cover that in a second. BunBun is one of my favorite stuffies for regressing with because he is easy to hold. i struggle with holding onto my stuffies when i regress because in my normal day to day life, i don’t dote on my stuffed animals like babi me does. i have a giant squishmallow named Rei (pronounced Ray) who is an otter, and she is my pillow when i have to take a nap or go to bed regressed. i have a lot of stuffies though, because i am a regressor with a severe mental illness so i need them to help me be calm if i am feeling overwhelmed by the day, or my symptoms are too strong for me to focus on something else, and they’re really my only smolspace tool. i am a minor, and a very much closeted babi, so i don’t use pacis, or diapies, or onesies, no matter how much i want to, but i love my stuffies and i depend on them a lot. i use coloring books as well, i have different ones for my different ages. i have a horror one thats for 5 year old me, as i am a babi who loves horror/metal. but i have a tim burton one for three year old me, and a nightmare before xmas one for 4 year old me, and then i have a school issued one thats just a bunch of misc pages reused for 0-2 babi me. 

and i often get asked, “how can i regress more easily without agere tools like pacis or diapers, or onesies?” and my answer is: there are a lot of things you could do, and i want to say that what works for me, might not work for you. but here is what i do, i have a playlist on my spotify, (a couple but ill only mention this one) it’s called disney songs, and ill rock out to those, and i dont always know when im smol but i start dancing around when im babi :). i hold BunBun tight and i read too. but i read giant chapter books no matter what headspace im in tbh. but i color, i baby talk as much as is possible for me (which is not the most obvious baby talk, i dont like the sound of misplaced w’s and other letters) and i let myself be happy!

im a very independent babi, so i don’t really like people trying to do things for me, but i won’t ask for help either because that’s hard for me. i dont NEED a cg, it’s more of a want. i love to be cuddled when smol, but i also have a huge thing that’s like, “don’t touch me unless i ask you to” because when i regress, i keep to myself a lot, and having people in that space with me can agitate me :( but if i want a person as a cg, its usually my sister, and i just spend an unnecessary amount of time with her. 

now, something else, is that i impurely regress a decent amount too. and here is some of what that looks like, (the really intense parts are not for my social media, as i am very vulnerable in those moments, and i dont want to trigger anyone) i usually hold Zelina and i cry a lot. this happens a lot at night, as i get sad and/or scared when im alone by myself at night if i am heavily regressed (0-1 1/5 usually). i keep to myself even more than i usually do when impurely regressing, and i dont talk a lot, but if i do end up speaking, it’s usually a swear word directed at myself. i usually listen to music or i draw, or ill just nap away the regression so that i can wake up in a more happy babi mindset. there’s a lot more thought that goes into setting up nap/bedtime for impurely regressed babi me. i take time to brush my hair out nicely if i can, (part of why i want a cg/ need one for impure days) and i put on Clair by Gilber Osullivan while i sleep, and i have Rei as my pillow and Zelina under my arm, but i also have to make sure that i have BunBun next to me too, so that when i wake up, i gravitate toward him so that i can have a good day as babi. i also have a Totoro stuffie, but he’s my big me stuffie mostly, because im afraid that if im smol ill accidentally hurt him, as he is a hand made stuffie with glass eyes, and hes made in a way that is incredibly stiff, like his tail is pokeywokey, so i dont really sleep/regress with him unless i have a sort of party with him :)) 

i hope this helped some of you! i really wanted to do a big post today, i know this was VERY long and probably super tedious to read, but thank you for reading!! have a good day, drink water, tell your cg/stuffies you love them, and i will post tomorrow!

Much Love Everybabi!

[harryhoney-bee]

Hey bub!! I love your writing. I don’t know if your taking any requests or anything but if you are, could you write a little blurb about Harry and Y/N little girl having tantrums all day since she’s in her terrible twos age? Then at the end of the day Y/N and Harry finally settle her down and just cuddle on the couch and spend quality time with each other. Hope your having a great day/night. Love ya 🥰❤️

hi baby! Sorry, I took so long to answer you, but here it is, hope you like it. Love you, hope you had a good day <3

Word count: 1.3K

“(Y/n), could you please take her,” Asked Harry with a tired tone, Maya, the two-year-old on his arm, pout already placed in her angelical face, ready for another tantrum. “I need to answer emails and she just keeps screaming, I already tried giving her toys.”

It’s been like that all day, the phase of the terrible two was tiring, Maya was the sweetest baby, but sometimes she could just drop down on the floor, having full meltdowns because she didn't get to watch tv before bed. The past few months Maya’s been challenging (Y/n) and Harry at every second, she would find a reason to fight her parents no matter what.

If they didn’t let her run around naked? She would scream her lungs out. If they didn’t let her eat candy before dinner? She would lay down on the floor crying.

Of course, they were not bending to her wishes, (Y/n) more than anyone else was determined to teach Maya that she couldn’t and wouldn’t get things her way, normally Harry was the calmer one when it came to Maya’s tantrum, telling (Y/n) to take a breath while he talked to the girl, but even now Harry was annoyed, and that tells a lot about how stubbornly Maya was acting.

“Come on baby, let’s take a bath, it’s almost bedtime.” Said (Y/n) in an excited voice, trying another round of crying, she took Maya in her arms at the same time the girl started screaming.

“No bedtime, I want daddy.” Her little arms were fussing on (Y/n)’s body, trying not to be held. (Y/n) hated when this happened, she was her kid, why wouldn’t she want to spend time with her?.

The situation wasn't easy for Harry either, his eyes softened the moment he heard Maya calling for him.

“Maya, princess, you have to go with mommy now,'' cooed him, putting her curly hair behind her ear. “ Mommy is so fun, you love bathing with her.” Harry met (Y/n)’s eyes, a quiet 'im sorry’. He knows (Y/n) felt hurt whenever Maya rejected her like that.

“It’s just a phase” He would say, trying to smooth this wife out.

"I will even put bubbles baby! Let's go, say bye to daddy," (Y/n) smiled, looking at her daughter's face, no pout in it, just a smile.

"Bubbles, mommy?" Asked the girl, happiness in her eyes, she always loved bubble baths. "Can we play with Nemo too?"

"Of course!" Nemo was her rubber fish creatively named by harry.

"Bye angel, daddy will read you a story later," Said Harry, kissing Maya's hair and winking at (Y/n).

When they found a smart way to manage Maya's tantrums they would always wink at each other, a way to say 'we are a team and we did it!'

(Y/n) brought the little girl to the bathroom while Harry went to his office to finish his work, in a peaceful place now that Maya wasn't with him.

Since they had Maya the couple almost couldn't spend time alone, they were always working at each other's offices in the house, trying to keep the little girl entertained.

Today was one of the days they barely spoke, the day was chaotic and Maya was fussy, hopefully, they would get some alone time later.

"The water is warm baby, come on," (Y/n) placed the little girl in the bath, giving her Nemo, while also handing her other small toys so she could stay still while (Y/n) washed her beautiful hair.

"Mommy, I want the bunny book." Said the girl while splashing water around, (Y/n) splashed some on her back, making the girl laugh.

"When daddy is done he's gonna read it to you, don't worry, angel." She was almost done with her hair, a few more minutes and she would be squeaky clean, maybe (Y/n) could let her play some extra minutes to tire her out so that she would sleep more easily.

Maya was so cute when she was playing. At the moment she was doing a fish race with all of her toys, (Y/n) saw that her eyes were getting heavy. Harry was probably almost done so it was time to dry Maya's hair and put her in new pajamas.

"We are all done, Maya," said (Y/n) with a pink towel in hand, ready to wrap the girl from the cold. "Let's get out and put on some warm clothes."

The moment (Y/n) said those words, Maya started crying

"No! I don't wanna." Said the girl, not letting (Y/n) take her off the tub. "Wanna stay here.”

(Y/n) really didn't have the patience to deal with her anymore. "Maya, stop it, there is a time for everything, and now it's time to get ready for bed."

At the same time Maya started crying harder, Harry appeared at the door.

"Hey, what's wrong, why is she crying again?." Asked Harry, looking from one girl to another.

"Well, your child is being very difficult right now." Whispered (Y/n) to Harry so Maya wouldn't hear her.

"My child, huh?" Asked Harry playfully. "Why don't you go downstairs and turn on Netflix and I’ll take care of her, she must be tired." He suggested kissing his wife forehead, trying to calm her down.

"Are you sure? I can he–"

"No, love, you can go, me and Maya are gonna read some stories right, Maya?"

At the mention of her name Maya stopped crying, she looked at Harry with teary eyes. "The bunny book, daddy?"

"Yes, the bunny book, but only if you apologize to mommy for being stubborn," He said, taking Maya off the bathtub and putting the towel around her body.

"I'm sorry mommy," mumbled the girl looking down, now in Harry's arms, her little curls all over the place.

"It's alright baby, mommy loves you so much." (Y/n) gave her a kiss on her wet cheek. "Now daddy's gonna get you ready and you will read the bunny story!" Cheered (Y/n) to the little girl, who smiled back.

"Let's go to your room, princess," Harry said, now looking at (Y/n), winking at her. "And I'll see you downstairs."

And with that Harry left the bathroom with Maya in his arms, (Y/n) decided to brush her teeth while she was in the bathroom and go down to the living room.

She turned the TV on, putting on a nice and light movie while she laid down, waiting for Harry, a big and soft duvet wrapped around her body. The night was a bit chilly so she couldn't wait to feel Harry's warm body against her.

"So you started the movie without me, how rude," (Y/n) heard Harry saying from behind her, his voice soft, "Not even Caesar was betrayed like that."

He sat on her side, putting his arm around her shoulder bringing her closer, his finger gently caressing her skin.

"It's Nothing Hill, Harry, you know all the lines," Teased (Y/n), placing her head on his shoulder. "How was Maya? I didn't hear a peep, so I guess everything was okay?'

"Yes, she went down without a fight. After page 2 she was snoring just like her mom." Laughed Harry mirroring (Y/n) and putting the duvet around his body, holding his wife's hips so she could straddle him.

"I don't snore!" (Y/n) protested a pout on her face. "Neither do Maya."

"Be real baby, you snore, but it's ok because I love all the sounds you make," said Harry suggestively, biting her lips softly.

"Oh I love this part,'' said Harry suddenly, fixing his eyes on the TV. (Y/n) didn't care to move her head, letting it rest on her husband's chest.

"Tired baby? Don't wanna watch it?" Asked Harry, stroking her hair, his other hand on her back.

"Yes, but you can watch, I’m just gonna take a nap." Whisper (Y/n) against Harry's body. "I’m sorry, I know it's been some time since we don't spend quality time–"

"Don't be silly, love whenever moment I spend with you is amazing, ok? Go take a nap, today was a hard day."

(Y/n) did as she was told, slowly drifting to sleep at the background noise of the tv.

[crash-cinematic-universe]

tiger lilies, self destructing, and richard siken

pairing: peter maximoff/reader

summary: to peter maximoff, love is an anomaly that scares him more than anything else. however, you might be able to help him overcome his fear.

warnings: language! but that’s about it. kind of cheesy at some points but yknow what im not lactose intolerant

notes: this is the monsterous fic thats been kicking my ass this past week (6.2k words babey!!!) i was originally going to add ~~steamy~~ section to this one but i decided against it to make it readable for those who don’t wanna see that kind of stuff. if you want me to separately publish that then just lmk!!  (if any of yall wanna talk about richard siken to me then please do, his work is so good)

taglist: @stranger-names ,  @gooseyhouse , @parkersdarling​ 

1. 

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- no pun intended. His speed is a blessing, but also a bitter curse. He moves at the speed of sound, bouncing off the walls and tearing up the roads; he moves impossibly fast, and no one ever tries to catch up with him. People get tired of Peter rather quickly, not bothering to get attached to him when they know they can’t keep up. 

That’s why it’s so jarringly startling when you decide to stick around. When faced with the grand decision of throwing in the towel and leaving Peter behind or sticking around and trying your best, you chose the latter. It was surprising, to say the least. Peter waited patiently for the distance between the two of you to start growing; he waited for the void you once filled to open up again. However, the void never emptied, and the distance never grew. 

To anyone else, this would be a wonderful experience. Knowing that you wouldn’t be left behind or forgotten about would be comforting to anyone else in Peter’s position. However, this did the exact opposite for Peter. He wasn’t comforted or relaxed, on the contrary, he was always on edge. The future was cruel, and the mystery of it all felt like torture. 

To quote the great Richard Silken, “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Peter lived and breathed by this ideology, that everyone he loves would have to leave eventually, whether it be by their own volition or not. It was obvious that you didn’t plan on abandoning ship anytime soon, so Peter decided he’d take matters into his own hands. If you weren’t going to be the first one to walk away, then he’d be the one to run away from you. He soon came to learn that loneliness was at its most bitter when you’ve come to taste the sweetness of love. 

Love was a strange, complicated beast that Peter Maximoff had never dealt with before. If he were to be completely honest, love scared him. It scared him more than dying scared him. To Peter, death was an escape. Death was the end of a tiring journey, it was safe and simple and easy. Love was the opposite, it was the mouth of a dragon and the edge of a blade. It was the beginning to something so fragile and powerful, something that could end in flames. 

Peter realized he loved you on a summer afternoon. The sun was shining and you were in the shade. He sat down next to you, and within minutes Kurt and Ororo appeared at your side. They seemed so put together, so sure and strong. Peter felt out of place-- he felt as if he were standing outside of a cabin looking in through the window at your wonderful friendships. He watched with his nose pressed against the glass as you walked across the room and opened the cabin door to let him in. 

Peter realized he was in love with you in the middle of the night. A thunderstorm raged outside the mansion walls and raindrops kept time as Peter walked down the hallway. You were sitting on the floor of the common room next to a dying fire, a book clenched tightly in your hands. For a moment, he just stood against a wall and watched you. As creepy as he felt, a part of him believed he’d ruin your night by making himself known. He was okay with being a fly on the wall if it meant he’d get to see you. Peter wondered if there was a world where he had the pleasure of knowing you, without you having the burden of knowing him. 

Still, you saw him. And you knew him. And you waved him over with a smile. He felt the urge to run, to leave you here alone with yourself, but he stayed put. Then, one step at a time, he moved forward. He got closer and closer before he found himself standing at your feet. 

“You’re welcome to stay,” you told him. He believed it. Peter sat down next to you, letting his shoulder brush against yours.

“What’re you reading?” He asked. Peter already knew what you were reading, he read the cover of the book the moment he sat down, but he still wanted to hear it from you.

“Crush by Richard Siken,”

“Oh. What’s it about?” Peter already knew what it was about. He’d read it at least fifty times.

“It’s kind of hard to explain. I’d much rather just read it to you and let you decide for yourself,” Peter’s stupid little heart lurched, and he almost cried at the thought. He held it together, though. 

“That would be nice,” He said softly. 

“Sorry about all the writing in the margins, I can’t help myself sometimes.” Peter scanned the sides of the pages, marveling at your notes. Some of them were reactions, littered with exclamation points and question marks and bold letters. Some of them were underlined phrases and little doodles-- most notably a little drawing of a chameleon on a tiger lily. He loved them.

“It’s okay. Literature is meant to be marked up-- what’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?”

“That’s a good point,” You grinned. Then, the reading began, and you allowed Peter to rest his head on your shoulder as you read to him. Even though he’d heard the poems a billion times by now, they sounded brand new coming from you. He listened closely. You were arriving at his favorite part, “You are Jeff” section 24. 

“You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you...” You read on, not noticing the way Peter’s eyes had shifted from the book you were holding to your face. Peter’s mind wanders, and he curses himself for missing the lines you were reading “... You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.” 

Peter felt like he was going to cry. You kept reading and he kept looking. It was getting late, and Peter was getting tired. Your voice had softened and slowed, and the fire that was burning in the fireplace had all but died. Peter was the one that fell asleep first, and you followed closely after. Both of you had lingering smiles on your faces. 

2. 

Intimacy is an odd thing, isn’t it? Thinking critically, intimacy is just vulnerability with more layers. It’s the closeness between people, it’s allowing yourself to connect with someone you care about. It’s stripping yourself down to muscle and bone and hoping the other person doesn’t let you bleed out. It’s a level of trust that is more than closing your eyes and falling backwards; it’s closing your eyes and letting them push you over the edge into the unknown, and trusting them enough to know you’ll be okay when you hit the ground.

It didn’t take long for Peter to realize that he had trouble with being intimate with other people. Too many times had trusted someone to push him over the edge, only to realize he’d be shattered when he hits the ground. After that, he decided intimacy was overrated. It’s not like anyone was going to have that kind of relationship with him, anyway. 

Of course, then you came along and uprooted his entire worldview, like you had with everything else. He found himself thinking about you at every waking moment, which inevitably led to him… thinking about you at every waking moment, if you catch my drift. Sure, intimacy involves more than just physical intimacy, but Peter knows he can’t ignore the feeling that rises in his stomach whenever he’s around you. For the first year or so of your relationship, Peter became very familiar with the feeling of an ice-cold shower. 

What Peter didn’t take into consideration was you. For some reason, Peter struggled to understand the fact that you were just as attracted to him as he was attracted to you. It was no secret that Peter was insecure, but he never really realized how much his insecurity affected his relationships. If he couldn’t love himself, how could anyone else? Peter is the only one who gets to see his persona in its truest form, and every time he has to avert his eyes. It’s safe to say his physical appearance has been the cause of very many painful-- and occasionally tear-filled-- sleepless nights. 

He told you this. He told you everything. He told you about Erik, he told you about his childhood, he told you about everything he loved and hated and feared and yearned for. That ordeal alone was scary enough, knowing that at any moment you could decide you didn’t want to deal with him anymore, but as always, you stuck around. You told him everything. You told him about your family and your struggles. You told him about everything you loved and hated and feared and yearned for, and not once did Peter even think that he wanted to walk away. This is the kind of intimacy that, over the years, Peter had struggled with less and less.

Still, it was the sexual aspect of intimacy that freaked him out. It was a beast he’d never dealt with, a feat he’d never faced. That being said, as every day went by Peter became more and more… frustrated. He didn’t know how to approach the subject, so he'd just let the subject approach him and wing it. 

And as he sat on his bed watching as you twirled around to Tears for Fears “Everybody Wants To Rule The World”, Peter realized he didn’t have much to worry about. 

“Dance with me, dollface,” you laughed, reaching out for him. You looked like someone straight out of a movie, the lim blue light coming from Peter’s arcade machines illuminating a halo above your head. You put Molly Ringwald and Emilio Estevez to shame. Peter took your hand, grinning like an idiot as you twirled him around. 

There he was, dancing in his mother’s basement with his favorite person in the entire world. He wasn’t a great dancer, and neither were you, but that didn’t matter. Peter was dreading this visit-- he hated the idea of being back in the basement that made him feel like a failure. But you assured him that you’d be there with him, and that getting to see his family would make it all worth it. His family isn’t what made it worth it, though. 

“Brain Damage” by Pink Floyd came next, slower and a bit more somber, but still danceable. Your arms shifted to around his neck, pulling him closer than he already was. Somehow, you ended up with your back against the wall as the song came to a close. He kissed your forehead, then your cheek, then your lips.

“I love you,” Peter spoke softly. This was a small victory-- he’d been so scared of the mere idea of loving someone. You were the only one who got to hear his love confessions. They were for you, and for you only.

“I love you too,” Peter would never, ever get tired of hearing that. Knowing that you love him is enough to keep him going for a hundred years. And he knows the odds, he knows that love is rocky and painful as much as it is beautiful. He knows that love can feel sweet in the beginning and go sour overtime. He knows that first, second, third relationships don’t always work out. But he thinks this is going to work out. And Peter doesn’t think this will ever go sour. Maybe that’s his blissful ignorance talking, maybe he’s jinxing it, but at this moment, he doesn’t care. Right now he is at his happiest, at his most content. 

“You wanna watch a movie?” You asked softly, pecking Peter on the cheek. He could feel the warmth radiating off of you, and Peter grinned. In an instant the tv across the room began playing the opening credits to the first movie that popped into his head. 

“The Breakfast Club?” You questioned. Peter shrugged.

“What can I say, I’m a sucker for a good coming-of-age kind of movie,”

You sat against the headboard of Peter’s bed, allowing Peter to settle beside you. Your head rested on his shoulder, and he was quick to grab your hand. Peter loved the closeness. Over the past year, he’d come to realize he was a very affectionate person. Previously, Peter hadn’t known soft, physical love; the only time anyone would ever touch him would be as punishment or defense, not love. Love. Peter had gotten more comfortable with the idea of love, because when he thinks of love he thinks of you.

3. 

Every good story has a villain. A villain that you love to hate, or hate to love. A villain you can sympathize with, a villain you can’t excuse, a villain that the mere mention of makes you sick to your stomach. An unexpected villain. An obvious villain. A villain that’s just trying his goddamn best. Sometimes the villain is defeated, sometimes the villain changes their evil ways. Sometimes the villain dies and the crowd cheers. 

Peter Maximoff never thought he’d be the villain of his own story. He tried his hardest to be a good person, but there was always that side of him that made him afraid. He was like an explosive; whenever someone got too close, he’d detonate and destroy everything around him. It was a self-defense tactic, albeit counterproductive. 

It killed you to see him that way. He told you about the relationships he’d lost to himself. He told you about the abandonment and the loneliness. It broke your heart. He tried to distract himself, drowning himself in work so he’d never have the opportunity to ruin what he had with you. Peter Maximoff was a walnut tree; every time he planted his roots and began to grow, he’d kill anything that grew too close. However, the constant working started to wear Peter down.

It started with the late nights. He’d collapse next to you at four AM, knocking out the minute his head hit the pillow. Still, he’d be awake before you were, already scrambling around trying to complete various tasks. He was like a machine that was running from it’s problems. The late nights turned to all-nighters, and the few hours Peter managed to salvage set aside for sleep had shrunk to a few minutes at a time. He didn’t eat anything with even a hint of nutritional value. At this rate, he was going to work himself to death. 

The worst part? Peter knew what he was doing. He wasn’t stupid. He just needed to shut up the little voice in his head that urged him to act out. The entirety of his childhood, Peter destroyed what he created. The need to be isolated, the feeling that he deserves to be alone spread throughout his body like a cancer. He locked himself away in the basement, trying desperately to stay out of everyone’s way so they wouldn’t shut him out. People tried to coerce him out of his cave, to pull him out of the bottomless pit he threw himself into. Peter saw them as the sirens trying to lure him into the ocean of loneliness, and he wasn’t going to fall for it. In his eyes, anyone who tried to help him were the villains of his amazing, heroic tale. Fortunately for him, one by one, they started to give up on helping him. They thought he was a lost cause; a fucking loser who was destined to wallow in his own self-pity until he died. At first, this was a triumph. He defeated them, he outwitted the sphinx and slayed the dragon. But a part of him hated himself for becoming the worst-case scenario that every parent feared their child would grow up to be. 

He pulled himself out of his pit and back onto his feet, all by himself. It was hell on Earth, but he did it. That cancerous feeling of uselessness retracted back into itself, now residing in the place next to Peter’s heart. However, that horrifying fear of becoming a burden began to grow again, this time when Peter was in his mid-20s. He began to overcompensate, and that led him to where he was; always on the brink of collapse, running on nothing but coffee and twenty minutes of sleep. In return, Peter got to have friends. In his mind, that was fair. In your mind? Not even close.

You managed to catch him in his bedroom as he was in the midst of simultaneously scribbling in a notebook and reading an open novel. Peter Maximoff would always be the most beautiful person in the world in your eyes, but at that moment, he looked like hell. Your plan seemed foolproof, but then again, you weren’t sure what you were walking into. Lately, Peter didn’t seem like himself. Probably because of the lack of sleep. 

“Peter?” He looked up at you, eyes half-lidded. “I got you something.”

“You did?” A sleepy smile was all he could muster, but that was google enough for you.  

“I did. It’s to mark exactly three years since I first met you,” you sat down on his bed, placing the small wrapped book right next to you. Peter glanced at the calendar on the wall-- oh god, you were right. It’s been three years to the day and he forgot. He deserves the title of “World’s Worst Boyfriend”. Scott will probably be upset that he’s losing his title.

 “What’re you up to?”

“Finishing up some old work I’ve been putting off,” he punctuated his sentence with a yawn. “Some of my old work and some of Hank’s, too.” “Why are you doing Hank’s work?”

“He seemed stressed about something, thought I might help clear his head,” The sentiment is sweet, you’ll give him that.

“Alright, well, can we talk for a minute?” Alarm bells went off in Peter’s brain. There has never, in the history of the universe, been a good conversation that started with ‘can we talk for a minute?’ or any of it’s cruel variants. 

“Actually, I’m kind of busy right now, can this wait?” It was obvious that the answer to that was no, but still, he felt the need to ask. 

“Not really, no. It’s important.” Peter saw the next few seconds playing out in his head. The inevitable had come to fruition; you realized that you could do better, and now you were cutting him loose. He couldn’t blame you, not really, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to rip him to shreds. He realized that whatever you brought for him was most likely a parting gift. How sweet.

“Oh. Alright.” 

“Well, I’m going to give it to you straight,” you sighed. “I’m worried about you, Peter.”

Oh. He’s heard this speech before, he knows the spiel. He can vaguely recall a guidance counselor telling him the exact same thing before Peter decided to call him a slew of expletives. The tar pit in his chest began to grow.

“I’m fine.” This was a lie. The first lie in a long chain of lies that Peter was about to tell to you, his favorite person in the world. He loved you, but in that moment his vision clouded over. You weren’t the person he loved and cherished anymore, no, you were just another faceless blur that provided a temporary escape. 

“Really? I feel like you’re pushing everyone away, you’re pushing me away.” Peter was becoming more and more irritated by the second.

“I told you, I’m fine. I’m not pushing you away. 

“Don’t lie to me,” your voice is firm and unwavering. “You don’t sleep, you almost never eat-- I don’t think I’ve seen you stand still for more than three minutes once in the past month--”

“That’s just how I am,” Peter huffs. He wanted this conversation to be over. “That’s not your problem.”

“Your wellbeing is my problem, Peter, that’s the whole point of being friends with someone. Even more so now, because you’re my partner and I care about you--” 

“Then stop,” Peter rolled his eyes. He's more irritable than normal-- most likely because he hasn’t slept in days. He could almost feel the venomous arms of isolation creeping around him. It’s a sick pattern, he knows; every time someone gets close to him, he feels the need to self-destruct before they lose interest. Even now, even after all this time, Peter’s still powerless against the poison in his veins. 

“What?” You’re losing your reserve and your stature. He can tell. You’re slouching and picking at the cuticles on your thumb. It’s almost as if he’s been shoved into the back seat, and is now being forced to watch as a stranger takes the wheel and crashes the car. So much frustration, so much hurt, and it’s all coming out right now, onto you. Peter already regrets this entire interaction, but still, he manages to spit acid. 

“Stop caring. Just leave, I know you want to. I know every night, you lie awake and think about all the different ways you can leave me in the dust. Not that it would matter to me.” This is another lie. Your eyes flash with hurt, but you stay put. You know he’s just being an asshole because he’s exhausted and too stubborn to admit that you’re right. He’s egging you on intentionally, trying to get you to snap and walk away. 

 “Peter, god, I love you but sometimes you can be so...”

“So what? C’mon, be honest with me,” He huffed. 

“Frustrating,” You surrendered. The poise you once held was gone. “I know it isn’t your fault-- I know you’ve trusted so many people so deeply and been betrayed or sold out and I know you’ve loved so many times and been thrown to the curb without a second thought. But I don’t know what I can do to convince you that I’m here for you, and that I love you. I’ve tried everything, and it feels like I’m talking to a brick wall. I want to make this work, but I need you to work with me.” It’s evident in your voice that you’re desperate. You’re just hoping you’ll get through to him, somehow. “I need you to want it as bad as I do-- hell, I need you to want it at all.” Here it comes--

“You ever think, maybe, I just don’t want you to be that person for me? I’ve spent my life being independent, my entire existence so far has been built around the fact that I’m going to end up alone. People come and people go-- people like you and Charles-- and they tell me they care. They tell me that they love me and that they're here for me. And then they get tired of me and they leave. I wish that you would just leave me the fuck alone and let me live in solitude,” There it was. The lie to end all lies. The words tasted awful coming out of his mouth, and the whole ordeal left his mouth tasting very… sour. Peter had to look away, he couldn’t look at the expression on your face.

“Fine. If that’s what you want.” Your eyes never met his, but you paused before you exited the room. “I know you’re probably just… I don’t know, going through something, but you’re being an asshole. Don’t talk to me until you’ve sorted your shit out. Enjoy your solitude.” You left the room impossibly fast, your fists clenched so tightly Peter feared that your nails would break the skin on your palms. He struggled to keep it together-- why the fuck did he do that? 

Peter collapsed onto his bed, and it’s only then that he realized you left behind the gift you got him. A part of him thought he should return it to you, but the other part of him urged for it to be opened. He tore the wrapping paper off before he realized what he was doing. The hardcover book the wrapping paper concealed was handbound, the cover littered with your beautifully familiar handwriting. In big, bold letters The Best of Poetry in the Humble Opinion of Y/n L/n was scrawled at the top. 

Peter vividly remembers a late night you spent talking to him. You told him about your favorite poems, outlining each and every little detail you loved about them. Some of them he’d read already, some of them he hadn’t, but all of them sounded like artwork coming from you. He opened the front cover, and you’d written something else on the inside. 

“In the words of the wonderful Peter Maximoff, ‘What’s the point of reading if you don’t get to share the love?’. This is me, sharing the love.” 

Carefully, Peter opened to a random page in the book. He saw the notes in the margins and the doodles and the exclamation points and before he knew it Peter was on the verge of tears. He was barely containing himself, and then he read a specific annotation you made. 

He had opened to the first page of “The Worm King’s Lullaby”, one of your all-time favorites. A specific line was underlined, one that Peter was all too familiar with: “Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.” Beside it, you wrote:

“As much of a genius Mr. Siken is, I have to disagree with this. If you love someone enough, you’ll never leave them and they’ll never leave you. Even if they die, even if things don’t work out, you’ll always have a little part of them to carry with you. Carry this part of me with you, Peter. Not that I plan on leaving anytime soon.” 

That was it. The floodgates broke. Everything that Peter had held back came pouring out-- the past 10 minutes finally caught up with him, and they hit him like a bus. He sat in the corner of his bedroom, his knees pulled up to his chest so tightly he thought his legs would snap. Peter wanted to rip all his hair out or punch a hole in the wall or hold his head underwater until he was nothing but an obituary and a headstone. His chest burned and the pit of despair inside his chest had overtaken his system, and he hated himself with a burning passion. Why did he do that? Why did he do that? Why the fuck did he do that?

Peter Maximoff had his breakdown in solitude, revealing in the fact that he was, undeniably, the villain of his own life.

4.

As it turns out, ‘getting his shit together’ is much harder than Peter originally anticipated. He's trying, he really is, but it's hard. Especially without you there. Peter knows that he fucked up, and he knows that he needs to work for your forgiveness. And don’t worry, he’s going to work for it. 

It had only been a week, but the entire mansion could tell that something was off. Life just wasn’t the same without the randomized gusts of wind that would knock people off their feet; no one had been seriously injured or had something stolen from them. The whirlwind that was mansion life, while still chaotic, lost it’s fun. 

Charles tried to keep things running smoothly, but he was an old man and didn’t exactly understand you and Peter. People would knock on your door every now and then, but you didn’t answer. You were much too busy analyzing exactly how much of a bitch you were being-- realistically, the answer is 0%, but you didn’t see it that way. No, from your perspective, you saw Peter having a mental breakdown and you ditched him. Pretty shitty move.

What you didn’t realize was that Peter was doing the exact same thing, however, the blame falls mostly on his shoulders, and boy does he know it. He’s been scripting his grand apology, trying desperately to find the right words to express exactly how sorry he is. Peter was never very good with words-- it’s always too hard to know if you’re going to say the wrong thing and mess everything up. Although, it’s hard to see how the scenario could get any worse.

He made the executive decision to start with “I’m sorry”-- a solid start to any apology. Sure, he could stop there, but Peter realized that he’d probably need more to win back his partner. So, he managed to scribble down a few more lines on a tiny notecard he was supposed to use for studying. Oh, what a wondrous redemption arc this would be; Peter gets into a fight with his wonderful partner and ruins their relationship and then struggles to come up with a coherent apology. 

“I’m sorry about what I said, that was shitty. I shouldn’t have said that.” Peter’s eyebrows furrowed in frustration. God, he was going to die alone, wasn’t he? Maybe this is the cruel punishment the world is dealing to him, the universe is deciding that Peter’s redemption arc would be better if it, well, didn’t exist. Even so, he isn’t planning on giving up or giving in just yet. 

He scrapped what he had so far and started at the beginning once again. His 9th grade english teacher would tell him to write about what he knows, and though he doesn’t know much, he’s an expert when it comes to himself. Peter knows how he feels about you, he knows how sorry he is, and he knows that he really, really, really wants you to know that he didn’t mean a word he said about not wanting you. Peter knows about love, at least a little bit, and he realizes he’ll need more than just words.  

His mind drifts to that night, years ago, in front of the fireplace. He vividly remembers a tiger lily and a chameleon scribbled in the margins of your book. Realistically, Peter couldn’t get his hands on a chameleon, but a tiger lily was a different story. In high school, Peter took a botany course because he thought it’d be easy. It wasn’t, it was boring as all hell, but it seems like his slacking paid off. He knew tiger lilies were indigenous to Asia, but they’d become quite common along New England-area roadways. 

Peter grabbed his jacket and took off, tearing through the roads like his life depended on it. In less than 10 minutes, Peter found himself in the middle of New Hampshire drenched in rain. In hindsight, he probably should’ve checked the weather before leaving. Nevertheless, he takes off into the small wooded area that laid passed the road’s end. Dozens of mushrooms dotted the muddy ground and mossy rocks clouded his peripheral vision. The rain begins to lighten as he spots a bright orange tiger lily peeking through the remains of a tree stump. He sprints over to it.

The tiger lily is bloomed and beautiful and Peter can’t tear his eyes away from the wide array of speckles and splotches and color. It’s pristine, but some of the petals are torn or wilting. The roots stretch into the stump below it, and Peter leans closer. The stump is old and worn, fungi and bugs eat away at the base next to a large hole where a family of worms reside. The stump is ugly, sure, but it’s useful. It helps keep the bugs fed and keeps the worms warm. There’s a metaphor here somewhere, but Peter is too distracted to find it. 

He gently picks the flower and spins on his heel, taking off once again. The rain makes it harder to run, but it’ll take a lot more than water to stop Peter. By the time Peter gets back to Xavier’s the flower is a little crushed, but it’s still somewhat pristine. 

He has the flower, he has the apology, and now all he needs is courage. Thankfully, that courage comes quickly as he instinctively knocks on your bedroom door. He probably should’ve stopped to collect himself, but he was riding a wave of adrenaline that wouldn’t come back. 

“Go away, Jean,” You called from inside. You sounded tired, and it made Peter sad. 

“It’s-- uh-- it’s not Jean,” Peter can hear your hesitant footsteps approaching the door, and suddenly the courage he managed to build up drained. His hands are shaking by the time you open the door. You look up at him, and Peter looks back at you, and suddenly everything is much harder to do. He looks down at his feet. 

“Hi.” Your voice is hoarse, but clear. 

“Hi.” Peter’s voice is uneven and quiet. You stand there in silence for a minute before Peter pipes up again.

“So, uh, you’re probably still mad at me and I get that, but I just want you to hear me out. I-If that’s okay,” You nod slowly, and Peter takes a deep breath. He thinks about the written apology that sat in his coat pocket, and he makes the last-minute decision to forget about it. He’ll speak from the heart, or, whatever people in rom-coms do. 

“I’m sorry. It was really shitty of me to get angry at you because you were worried about me-- although, I guess shitty is an understatement. Everything that I said about, yknow, not wanting you or Charles or anyone else around anymore wasn’t true. I need you guys, and I love you guys and it was unfair of me to push you away. Solitude really sucks. I guess I’m just not very good at navigating relationships,” He exhales, and his chest shudders. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore, I just thought I should make it clear how I feel.” It’s only then that he remembers about the tiger lily in his hand. “Oh, and this is for you.”

“A tiger lily?” you smiled softly. “These are my favorite-- how did you know?”

“I’m just observant, I guess. You usually draw them when you’re bored, I figured you’d like to see one in person,” You gently took the tiger lily in your hand. The silence that hung in the air was deafening, and Peter realized that was probably a bad sign. His chest drops just a bit, and he takes a small step backwards.

“I guess I should probably leave you alone--” Peter can’t get very far, because you immediately jump forward and wrap your arms around him. Eyes wide and heart pounding, you can feel Peter’s arms lock around your waist. 

“Thank you,” You whispered. “Please don’t go.” Peter was smiling so hard his cheeks ached, and a horrible weight had been lifted off his shoulders. The close-contact was refreshing; he didn’t realize how much he missed it until that moment. He was pretty sure he would never, ever let you go. Not again.

5.

To Peter Maximoff, physical affection has always been a touchy subject-- that is, until you came along. You proved to him that he deserved physical affection, that his mutation and his personality and weirdo quirks didn’t make him lesser or unlovable. Peter Maximoff deserved love, and you were the one who never failed to love him. 

You sat on a wooden chair in front of the fireplace, reading to the group of children sitting at your feet. The emotional lines of “Snow and Dirty Rain” fell from your lips, and with every turning syllable the small group would listen just a little bit closer. Peter did, too, desperately trying to hear every single word you said. Class was almost over, and once the students were dismissed you’d probably stop reading.

“I made this place for you. A place for you to love me. If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is,” Your eyes tore away from the page to look at the kids at your feet. They fell upon Peter, and a smile erupted on your face. 

Peter vaguely recalls the twisted idea of love that he held as a teenager. He thought love was a dragon to be defeated, a battle that could be won or lost. It’s clear now that love is the opposite-- it isn’t a fight or a battle or a thing to be conquered. It’s more like a flower; it needs to be cherished and cared for in order to grow. Sometimes the flower wilts and dies, and that’s natural, but sometimes the flower lasts for a lifetime. 

Love wasn’t a dragon or a knight, it didn’t have a hero or a villain; it was much more like a tiger lily and a tree stump.

[peachscribe]

peach’s summer book list

i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material

if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works

without further ado, let’s get started!

1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.

412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know

2. Burn by Patrick Ness

patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.

9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool

3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann

i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.

2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!

4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab

i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.

11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover

4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab

this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.

12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books

5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi

oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.

(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)

15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly

6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong

okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.

17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)

7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino

you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.

(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)

7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home

8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill

fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.

7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche

and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things

thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!

happy reading<3

[hyetomi]

Pairings: gn reader x taehyun

Genre: soulmate au, angst, a little bit of fluff

Warnings: mentions of death, major character death

Summary: Kang Taehyun was so in love with you. You were so in love with Kang Taehyun. You were both in a lovely relationship, one that friends and passersby would always be jealous of. No one expected the ending of the relationship that should’ve lasted forever to be this tragic, though. Alas, happy endings only happen in fairy tales. This, however, is reality.

Notes: not proofread !! im so sorry it's really bad because i'm so busy with school i'll edit as i post this tysm for understanding!

Dear Taehyun,

Hey, love. How are you? If you’re reading this, that would mean that I’m either gone or I’m nearly there. I hope you don’t miss me too much. You might be wondering: why didn’t I tell you? Well, it’s because I was afraid. I was afraid of everything happening. It all just… went by too fast. One day I was playing Mario Kart with you on the sofa, then I fainted the next. I was so scared. The doctors told me I had an incurable disease which I had since I was a child. There was no more hope for me, unless I got a heart transplant. Of course, I couldn’t. I had 3 months to live. It was hard as it is to find a heart donor. And even if we found one, my parents couldn’t afford it.

So, I lived the next 92 days to the fullest.

I had 2 goals 一 missions 一 to fulfill within those 3 months. One, it was to complete my bucket list. Two, to make sure you know I love you. So, I went around the city trying my best to tick off my list. Roller skating, rock climbing, go-kart riding… I tried (and succeeded) to persuade you to join me in my adventures. Honestly, I wanted to go bungee jumping as well, but my sickness wouldn’t allow me to do so. We had a lot of fun, didn’t we? I was so happy! It might be because the activities were fun itself, but I believe it was because you were there. There is a reason why the universe chose us as soulmates.

Remember when you first met me? I’d be forever thankful that Huening introduced us. Without him, I’d be too shy to approach you and we wouldn’t have met. When we shook hands while introducing ourselves, the glow in your eyes was so pretty. I would do anything to go back to that time. The feeling of meeting your soulmate… I will never forget it. I’m so glad you’re mine, I would have never thought that the boy I had been crushing on would be my soulmate, the one destined for me. 

I never told you why I love you, have I? Buckle up, Tyun. You’re in for a ride.

I first saw you in English class. You helped that one boy in our class and I was literally the heart eyes emoji. I’ve never seen someone so gentle in teaching. When he didn’t understand your words, you explained it over and over to him, not a hint of annoyance crossing your face. If I were you, I’d give up right there and then. But you didn’t. You taught him again and again and again until he understood. I admire your kindness, truly. Not just that, but you’re so pretty! I know you’re probably tired of me saying this every day, but I’m serious about your prettiness. My first impression of you was: ‘So pretty… your eyes are so big… your nose is literally perfect….’ It’s literally illegal to be this pretty, Tyun.

Not only on the outside, but you’re also pretty on the inside. You’re so kind, brave, thoughtful… you’re basically every good adjective out there except I can’t think of anymore because I’m in so much pain. You’re basically perfect. I’m very lucky, aren’t I? I’d like to think I’m the luckiest person in the world because I’m dating you, Kang Taehyun. I mean, no one else would ditch their most important class of the day just to take care of me because I’m sick. Or walk for 20 minutes during Winter only because I wanted my weekly donut. I didn’t even ask you to do these things for me, you did it from the kindness of your heart. 

I’m really sorry. I’m sorry for being sick. I’m sorry for not being able to spend the rest of our lives together. I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry for leaving you. I’m sorry for everything. I wish that we weren’t soulmates so that you don’t have to bear the pain of losing your soulmate at the age of 19. Maybe, in another life, we could be together again. Maybe then, we could be as free as the wind. In another life, we would be soulmates again. I’m sure of it.

Promise me this: be happy. I don’t want my death to cause you any pain nor stop you from being you. Tyun, you’re one of the biggest positives in my life and I don’t want you to stop being a source of happiness for others. Go live your life, do things you love, be free! But please don’t forget about me. Ha.

I’ll end this letter here. I attached a picture of us in the roller skating rink that I took with the polaroid camera you gave me. There’s still some film left in the camera so you can use it! Take a picture of the stray cat near my house, or of the boys, or my funeral for I care, I just want you to make memories with that polaroid just like I did. Anyways, I love you a lot. I’ll miss you so much, but I will always look after you from above. We’ll meet again when the time is right. I love you!

With lots and lots and lots of love,

Y/N

Taehyun curls up in a ball in your untouched room. It has been 3 months without you. 3 months way too long. He misses you everyday. He misses your smile, your laugh, your eyes, your hugs, your everything. He hasn’t opened the letter because he holds onto it like a lifetime. He fears that when he does read it, you’ll truly be gone. Without his soulmate, it hurts so much. He wipes his tears away, sniffles, and faces the ceiling, holding onto the polaroid you attached with the letter.

“I miss you. You’re looking after me, right? So you can hear me saying this. I miss you a lot. I miss you more everyday.” he voices out, his throat in pain after crying, voice dry.

He looks across the room to see the desk where you two would usually do your homework together, annoying each other and laughing while the night goes on. There sat the polaroid. A pastel blue one, your favourite colour. Next to it lies your photo album. He still remembers every photo, but he decides to open it anyway.

Although his legs ache, he still walks toward the desk. He grabs the album and flips through every page. He holds onto it tightly, like it might slip through his hands and he’ll lose it forever.

He sighs. Taehyun looks toward the polaroid. He puts the album down and grabs the polaroid softly, sniffling once again.

“I’ll make more memories for you, Y/N. Thank you for everything. I love you.” he whispers.

Taehyun grabs the photo album, the letter and the polaroid, trudges towards the door and pulls it open. He took several steps before looking back onto the now unowned room. He smiles, and closes the door. He sniffles again before finally leaving the house. He takes in a deep breath of fresh air and walks home to try and start a new life without his soulmate by his side.

[dapandapod]

Hollow pt 4

It is finally here. After a year, the last chapter of Hollow is here. Prompted by my darling shiny @chaotic-fae-queen and a careful beta read by wonderful @kuripon (both are amazing writers, go check them out!) and Im so happy for them both!

Thank you all for following me through this. I hope you like this last chapter 💖

Part 1. Part 2. Part 3. Ao3

He is anger and hurt and shuddering breaths and thunder and sadness.

It trembles through him, when Jaskier looks at him with no recognition. Geralt knew, he knew it would happen and still it hurts. It was wise to let Yennefer approach first as he is not sure he would have been able to do it again. If the bard feels any fear, the wind has swept the scent of it away.

Jaskier leads them towards a little hut a short walk from the beach. It is a nice hut, walls tightly fitted and barely letting any of the raging wind inside. The inside is as modest as the outside; there is a bed, a fireplace and a small bookcase. The lute is leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room, seemingly untouched. A table stands in the middle of the room with two chairs. Of course.

Yennefer sits down while Jaskier bustles around to start a pot of tea, and Geralt leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

“May I offer you anything? I didn’t bring much but I'm sure I still have biscuits somewhere.”

Geralt ignores him, eyes locking on a familiar notebook on the bed. It is a bit worse for wear than last he saw it, the pages worn with use. Jaskier always brought that with him, and that seems to be true still.

“So, Gerald was it?” Jaskier says, looking through cabinets and drawers in his hunt for biscuits. “Have you been around these parts before?” Smalltalk. Jaskier is making smalltalk.

Geralt nods silently, still avoiding to look at the bard. He can hear the bard turn to look for a reply, so he nods again, staring holes into the notes.

“Jaskier, would you please sit down with me for a moment?” Yennefer finally asks, snapping Jaskier out of his hosting duties. When Yennefer asks like that, it is better to listen.

“There is something I need to tell you, and I need you to listen and tell me if you recall anything.”

Geralt chances a look at Jaskier, who is swallowing hard and darts a look back at Geralt. Fuck. He aches inside, and he looks away again with a frown.

“What do you remember from before you came to Oxenfurt?” Yennefer asks.

“I- uh…” Jaskier frowns, looking down at the table. “I'm not sure. I remember I hired someone to bring me there, but I can’t recall his name anymore. I think I was attacked on the road, because I have a scar on my side.” As Jaskier talks, he idly touches the side where the scar hides.

Yennefer nods and then looks pointedly at Geralt.

“I took you to Oxenfurt,” Geralt grumbles out. “And it was because of me you were hurt.”

“Geralt!” Yennefer protests, but it’s the truth. Geralt's truth.

“You did? But I don’t recognize you at all!” Jaskier says and Geralt just wants to leave.

“Alright, we will do this another way.” Yennefer sighs, clearly done with Geralt already. “Jaskier, memories were taken from you. Are being taken from you. You and Geralt spent years together, and something is making you forget him.” Jaskier frowns at that, then puts his face in his hands.

A soft moan comes from him, as if he were in pain.

“Do you know what you have forgotten, good and bad, or do you wish to carry on? I need to know if you want to remember.” She asks, and puts a hand on his shoulder. “I won’t force it on you. You have a choice.” Yennefer shoots Geralt a glare as she says this.

The seconds tick by, and Geralt is all nerves.

On one hand, he desperately wants Jaskier safe. On the other hand, he desperately wishes to have him close. They don’t go well together, sadly.

“I think I need to know.” Jaskier finally says, and Geralt feels like someone has punched him in the chest. “But I don’t think I can do it today. It is a lot to take in.”

~

Yennefer and Geralt return to the hut in the morning. The skies have cleared up and the gulls are circling high above them and diving into the wild sea. Jaskier sits outside his door, leaning back against the dirt wall, chewing on a piece of straw. His eyes are closed, head tilted up towards the sun. The breeze is warm and brings a salty tang with it. When they come closer, Jaskier startles.

“Yennefer! I'm so glad to see you! It’s been so long!” He bounces up, arms wide like he is going in for a hug. He doesn’t, thankfully, so Yennefer doesn’t have to do something cruel. It doesn’t bode well that he doesn’t remember yesterday, but at least they are about to do something about it.

Then Jaskier's eyes snag on the witcher behind her, and his eyes widen comically.

“Bringing a bodyguard while visiting little ol' me?” His eyes rake Geralt up and down. Not a modest bone in that one.

“He will be staying outside,” She says with a smirk over her shoulder and Geralt scowls. “Do you have chamomile tea?”

She stalks into his hut without waiting, sitting down in the same chair as yesterday. Jaskier comes inside after her, giving one last look at Geralt before he closes the door, and then he starts the same routine as yesterday, looking for herbs and kettles.

“It really is such a great coincidence to meet you today, Yennefer,” He tells her, banging the same cabinets and drawers. “There is something I need to ask you.”

He puts the water on, takes out mugs for them and finally, finally sits down. There is a short silence, only disturbed by the sound of waves and seabirds from the outside. Yennefer is sure Geralt is listening to every word they say through the door.

“I think,.” Jaskier begins, clutching his empty cup in his hands,” I think there is something wrong with me.” He looks absolutely miserable, twirling the cup back and forth.

“What makes you think that?” She asks, knowing full well.

“I have a notebook,” Jaskier says quietly, like a confession. “It is filled with my handwriting, but I don’t remember a thing.”

Oh.

“Yennefer. I think I was in love.”

Oh fuck.

“May I see it?” She asks. She doesn’t know why she asks, but it is too late now. Jaskier hesitates for a moment, then he stands up, checks on the pot above the fire, and fetches a collection of notes that Geralt was trying to stare to death yesterday.

That explains a thing or two.

“I can’t for the life of me figure out why I don’t remember them. And everything in here is just hints, the shapes of secrets,” he says as Yennefer looks through the worn pages. It’s beautiful and rough, and just as he said, shapes. But Yennefer sees Geralt in them, and he sees the feelings Jaskier talks about.

“I might know what is wrong with you,” she says, closing the book and pushing it over the table. Jaskier takes it and strokes it’s cover lovingly. “But I need to do something to be certain. Jaskier, are you sure you want to know? Because there is so much pain in your past.”

Jaskier takes a moment, thinking it over. When he looks at her again, he looks troubled.

“It feels like someone is raking through my mind, and there are so many things I just can’t wrap my head around.” Jaskier says, looking down at the table. “It is eating me up inside, carving and emptying me out. I need to know.”

The same reply as yesterday then. Good. She can work with that.

~

Yennefer is strong. Incredibly powerful. Julian can’t wield magic, but he feels the vibrations of it in his chest, in his mind.

“You have a powerful curse on you,” she tells him, sweat forming on her forehead. She makes no attempt to wipe it away, only trying to force her breathing into a more steady rhythm. “It is going to be a bit tricky undo. I need to find what it is centered around.”

The vibrations stop, and he feels strangely empty when it’s gone.

“How?” Julian asks, and Yennefer smirks. She is indeed terrifying when she does that.

“I'm going to ask intrusive questions and you are going to answer them honestly.”

And she does. She asks about everything and nothing. When she asks him about his lute, he is surprised. He has a lute? Since when? Then he looks around the small hut and sees it standing in a corner. Not for the first time, he feels fear’s icy fingers grip around him.

Then she asks him about the songs, the poems, if he remembers where it all comes from. He finds he cannot answer.

“I have a theory,” Yennefer finally says, sipping her tea. “It is a little insulting if it is true, but nonetheless.”

“Let's hear it,” Julian replies, will he finally, finally know what’s happening to him.

“I think the curse makes you forget what you love most.”

Julian gapes. A million things run through his mind. A million things, his minds fingers grasping after them as they slip away.

“I can break it, but it will take some work. Do you want that?” She looks at him, he feels her in his head. He knows she has found his answer, but he says it anyway.

“Yes.”

~

Geralt hears bits and pieces from the conversation going on inside. He has taken the chair that Jaskier vacated, the sun warming his face in the breeze. Geralt tries not to listen in. Nothing good would come from hearing their conversation.

He focuses on the sea instead. On the gulls cry, on the roar of the waves, on the familiar lull of Jaskiers voice. It is peaceful. Quiet. If it wasn’t for the storm inside him, he would have been content.

Jaskier's eyes on him today, assessing him like he would a stranger in a tavern, it was… sad. Geralt misses his friend. And fears for him too. The scar that already mars his body, the curse, just being with Geralt puts him in danger.

What will happen next? When Jaskier remembers? What if he can’t remember, if Yennefer can’t break it? Geralt is not sure which is worse, but being forgotten hurts. There are many ways to lose a friend. But it stings even now, as he knows that the word friend is not enough. Not near enough.

Geralt has many friends. Many people he cherishes. But with Jaskier, it’s bigger. What he feels when he looks at him, it’s… frightening. He knows the word for it. It is waiting on the tip of his tongue, hidden behind firmly shut lips. The reason he needs to protect Jaskier.

Geralt falls into meditation easily. Their voices through the wall become a backdrop, his mind following the clouds instead of the raging sea. It soothes him to hear Jaskier again. Yennefer is right. It is not his decision to make.

Shame and fear drove him to this.

Geralt is selfish, he knows.

His medallion vibrates, a flash of light and the smell of sulfur breaks him out of meditation.

In the blink of an eye, Geralt is on his feet, sword in hand and heart in his throat. He sees no threat, senses no one else in the area, and slowly straightens again. Right.

So it’s done then.

This is when Jaskier leaves him, memories intact.

Silence reins inside the hut. Geralt doesn’t dare break it. He sits back down, leaning his head back against the wall. He closes his eyes and feels every emotion that rushes through him. All the what-ifs, all the if-nots.

Maybe Geralt should leave. He could leave, right now, and Jaskier wouldn’t get hurt because of him again.

Jaskier comes out of the hut, Yennefer close behind him. Geralt turns his head and looks at them, but says nothing.

Yennefer puts a hand on Jaskier's arm, squeezing it and smiling. Jaskier stands with his back turned, but Geralt thinks he is smiling too.

“I’ll be in town if you need me,” Yennefer says quietly. She turns, opens a portal, and then she is gone.

Once again silence sits between them, thick and heavy.

When Jaskier turns, he is frowning.

For a long moment, they just look at each other. Geralt feels locked in place, the roar of his emotions keeping him firmly stuck.

“Why?” Jaskier asks finally. He looks angry, hurt, disappointed.

“Because I can’t lose you,” Geralt says before he can stop himself. It is the truth anyway.

“So you let me forget?”

“To keep you safe.”

“Geralt. Do you know what the curse was?” Jaskier asks, and Geralt shakes his head. Jaskier presses his lips together into a thin line, another flash of anger behind those blue eyes.

“It made me forget what I love the most. Who I love the most.”

Geralt did….not expect that.

“Vital parts of me, gone. Do you know what it’s like to feel hollow inside, Geralt? To have a piece of yourself so thoroughly missing?” Jaskier's voice is calm, and Geralt can’t stand it.

Geralt swallows thickly and stands up, walking closer to Jaskier.

With one hand he grips Jaskier's chin and angles it up so that they look at each other.

“I do.” Geralt confesses. He is pain and fear and hurt and shuddering breaths and thunder and sadness.

It tears through him, and he lets himself feel it, show it, and Jaskier watches it all.

Jaskier loves him.

Jaskier forgot him.

Geralt let him.

“Why did you let me go?” Jaskier whispers, his own hurt and sadness and shuddering breaths falling from his lips. His hand comes up to wrap around Geralt's wrist, his eyes searching for the something hiding on the tip of Geralt's tongue.

“Because I… Because I love you,” Geralt says quietly, and the something builds. Builds and builds in his chest, so big that he can barely breathe. Geralt lets his other hand come up and cup Jaskier's cheek.

They are standing close together, the wind tearing at their clothes, but they are holding on to each other so tightly.

“Because I can’t stand to see you hurt, not because of someone like me.”

“Geralt-”

“Please let me say this. I think I need to tell you this.”

Jaskier nods and shuts his mouth, his hand on Geralt's wrist warm and grounding, keeping him steady.

“I am selfish, Jaskier.” It feels so good to say his name again. “The only way for me to let you go, I-”

He falters. It is hard to speak. Once again he admires Jaskiers ability to express himself.

“To forget me, to let you go this way was the safest way I knew how. It hurt me, but I could live with that pain if it meant that you are safe.”

Anger and hurt flashes in his eyes again.

“Geralt. She tooks my memories, yes, she made me forget all I love, all that brings me joy. Not just you. I forgot my name. My lute. My songs. My friends. One after another, they all faded away. Do you know how terrifying that is?”

With his words, Geralt grows cold. He didn’t realize it was so bad.

Let it hurt you like it hurt me.

It made perfect sense now. The spell was aimed at him, not Jaskier. And Jaskier has so much love in him.

“And I kept you from those things.” Geralt realizes with a shaky whisper. “I thought I could keep you safe, but I hurt you. Again. I don’t know how to keep you safe.” Jaskier smiles sadly at him and pushes their foreheads together.

“Idiot witcher,” He says, and Geralt closes his eyes. “Life isn’t safe. I am very angry with you for leaving me, Geralt. But I am incredibly happy you came back for me.”

“I almost didn’t.” Geralt confesses with a whisper, because he can’t seem to stop himself from hurting either of them. “I was so convinced that you were safer without me.”

“I probably would be,” Jaskier agrees, and the confirmation rips through him, sharper than any blade. “And you will never stop believing that. But you don’t get to make that choice for me. That choice is mine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I think that is only the third time in my life I have heard you apologise,” Jaskier says, and Geralt can hear the teasing smile in his voice.

“I have something I need to say too, but I think you already know by now.”

Geralt swallows hard again, a roaring need rising in his chest.

“Would you look at me, Geralt?” Jaskier whispers, and he does. Their eyes lock, inches from each other, and Jaskier's grip on his wrist tightens. His eyes are so incredibly blue.

“I love you,” Jaskier tells him, smiling sadly again.

No, that sad smile is not allowed.

Geralt leans forward that last inch, tilting his head, closing that terrible distance.

It is soft and a little awkward. Jaskier kisses him back, lips dry and clinging to each other, but Geralt wants nothing else.

“Don’t ever let me forget again.” Jaskier whispers against his lips.

Geralt can do nothing but promise.

[lunarmessenger]

hi!! i wonder if i could request a one shot angst with saeyoung. so mc have a huge anxiety and she always closed up everything even after she's with saeyoung. one day when saeyoung snapped at her out of stress, she end up missing for like around two weeks without any traces even saeran cant help saeyoung to find her

after searching for the whole times they end up finding out that mc got in accident and still in the hospital because her injuries was so bad and actually someone from rfa (u can choose who) try to hide this from saeyoung because mc told them everything

i know its quite hard im sorry 😭

ohohohoho anon you give me too much power for requesting an angsty prompt. i hope you enjoy, thank you so much for this request! I will have to split it into quite a few parts because otherwise...it’ll be much too long haha ^^;; - luna xx

p.s. sorry requests are taking so long!! the holidays have been insane, but i promise after christmas and new years i’ll go back to posting regularly!

warnings: graphic depictions of major injuries, mentions of hospitals, and mentions of mental illness.

word count: 1.9k

(pt. 2) (pt. 3) (pt. 4)

Hard Regrets (Pt. 1) - 707 x MC

Her nimble fingers switched on the heater as a cold chill ran through the house, hands reaching up to the small blanket she’d thrown over her shoulders. The soft patters of rain thumped against the roof of the apartment, the only sound competing with the rain being the soft clicks coming from Saeyoung’s computer and the flicker of paper as Saeran read through one of his many books.

She smiled fondly as Saeran’s eyes danced across each page, filling his mind with the story as he burrowed deeper into the couch. That smile faded as her eyes slowly switched to his brother, her boyfriend, the man hunched roughly over his desk as he typed furiously. Empty cans of soda and crinkled bags of honey buddha chips littered both his desk and his floor, causing her to sigh as she walked over to help clean up.

This project had ended up being one of his longer ones, tomorrow making it about two months since he was assigned the task by Jumin. She was used to seeing Jumin overwork Jaehee, but now that it was affecting Saeyoung the way it was...it made her anxious. Of course his exhaustion worried her, but he became much more irritable when he became fixated on an important project.

Within the past month he’d grown incredibly distant so that he wouldn’t have any sort of distractions, and that meant that she didn’t get to spend time with him as often as she wanted to. The last time she’d reached out to him he had glared at her, telling her that while yes, he loves you, he needed to finish this project.

“No distractions, MC.” She whispered softly under her breath, a reminder he himself had given her the last time she interrupted. All she’d wanted from him was a hug. She slowly approached, bare feet softly tapping against the wooden floors as she made her way over. She was a couple of feet away from him, stopping as she hesitated. Maybe coming up with some sort of excuse would help guide him away from his computer? It wouldn’t be seen as a distraction since it wasn’t selfish; more like a welfare check?

“Are you boys up for some tea?” Saeyoung didn’t move an inch, mumbling a rough no as he continued to type and click across the screen. She visibly deflated, the bags under her eyes from lack of sleep growing heavier from his rejection. He hadn’t even been sleeping in their bed lately; he would sleep right there, on that god damned desk of his. She was snapped out of her rejection at the sound of the couch cushions moving; Saeran gave a small smile as he book marked his page, placing the book on the coffee table as he stood.

“I would love some, MC. In fact, I’ll help you make it. Come on...” The soft tone of his voice was a nice contrast in comparison to the rough rudeness of Saeyoung, the weight on her chest slightly lifting as she walked with him into the kitchen. Saeran grabbed the tea leaves while MC weakly grabbed three glass mugs; despite Saeyoung saying he didn’t want any. She readied the kettle, pressing the on button and watching as the blue light illuminated the dim kitchen and the water slowly started to come to a boil.

“MC...I’m sorry that Saeyoung is...the way he is.” The sudden apology from Saeran made her eyes widen as she turned to look at him, parts of her long hair falling into her face as she cleared her throat.

“What? Oh, no I mean...I guess...” She tried to think of an excuse for him, tried to come up with reasons on why it didn’t bother her that he got so invested that he not only forgot about her and Saeran, but forgot to take care of himself. Her eyes grew hot with tears for a split second as she shook her head.

“I just, I don’t know what to do. I can’t be honest with him about anything, because the last time I tried he...” She started to visibly shake, the only thing keeping her together being the sudden tap of the kettle signaling the water was ready. When she’d interrupted him before he almost flipped the chair because he was so angry; her distraction had caused him to mistype due to ruining his focus; according to him.

The only people who knew how he was making her feel was Saeran and Zen; the thought of the two men’s kindness towards her when Saeyoung was the way he was when he was writing made a soft smile grace her exhausted face once again. Though she hated to admit it, sometimes she wondered why she had not moved on to either Saeran or Zen. Both men would treat her the way she deserved, and she knew that, really she did.

But Saeyoung...she just loved him so much.

The way he was when they first met; how he had tried so hard to push her away and he just couldn’t. Because he didn’t want to. She didn’t want him to either, and she stayed because she knew that he loved her. Something in him changed, she can’t really remember when it happened; it just did. When he got a new project it was like MC didn’t exist; and he acted like he didn’t treat her that way when it was finished. No matter how much she hated it, no matter how much it made her cry; she just couldn’t leave.

All because she loved him.

“MC...? Should we take these to the couch? Maybe I can read you a couple of chapters?” She was snapped back to attention by Saeran, giving a slight nod as he took two mugs and she carried the last one. The sweet smell of honey and chamomile filled her nose as she slowly walked over to Saeyoung’s desk, his body still in the same position she had left him.

“Saeyoung...” Her voice was soft as she tried not to startle him, her anxiety slowly building with the tension as Saeran noticed what she was doing.

“Wait, MC; maybe we should just leave the tea over here?” She paused furrowing her brows as she tilted her head and slightly turned towards him.

“Then how is he supposed to know we at least made him a cup?”

“MC—” She turned back around to continue walking when her foot caught on one of the empty cans, causing her to lose her balance as she let out a gasp.

“MC!” She tried to redirect the cup as it flew out of her hands, the hot tea splattering all over Saeyoung’s desk and computer. Her heart sank in her stomach as Saeran was instantly at her side, Saeyoung leaping from the hot temperature and the sparks that flew around his desktop as he yelled.

“Are you...are you kidding me? Are you fucking kidding me?!” His voice boomed throughout the apartment as he turned towards her, golden eyes filled with rage as he loomed over her. He was so angry that he hadn’t realized her hand was red from being burned; she’d managed to get most of the tea spilt on her in an attempt to salvage his tea. 

“Oh, MC...oh God you’re burned; we need to get you to a hospital.” Saeran helped her up but Saeyoung was quick to push them apart, getting in her face as he pointed at his desktop.

“Do you know how long it took me to figure that out, MC?! You’re so fucking lucky that I had a back up running at the same time because I swear to God...” His voice was low, teeth clenched and nose scrunched as he angrily glared at her. Saeran grabbed him by the hood, yanking him away from MC as she shook from his outburst. He has never physically grabbed her and yelled at her the way he just did.

She watched as the two brothers went head to head, noses almost touching as they screamed back and forth. It became too much for her as she got up, trying not to catch their attention as she slid on her shoes and slowly opened the door. The rain had started to come down harder, the wind howling as her loose bun instantly came undone and wildly blew her hair around her face.

She almost, almost second guessed her decision until the sound of glass breaking caught her attention, the mug of tea that was supposed to be hers now smashed in pieces by one of the walls. Saeyoung’s chest was heaving while Saeran got up from a squatted position; almost as if he’d dodged whatever Saeyoung threw.

 Those pieces mirrored her heart; that mug was one that Saeyoung had bought her when they had first started going out. A picture of a cat had been printed on it, the cat making a winking face as the phrase I meow you! cradled the toon cat. It was one of her many prized possessions, and he had smashed it like it meant nothing to him.

That finalized her decision.

“What, Saeran? Stay out of this!”

“Are you so damn selfish that you haven’t realized that your girlfriend has burned half of her body to try and save your desktop? We need to get her to a hospital! Now!” He quickly turned to where she was squatting down by the wall, pausing when he realized that she wasn’t there anymore.

“MC...?” Saeran’s brows furrowed as he walked down the hall, leaving Saeyoung to cool off as he looked back towards his computer. The monitor screens were black as the tea slowly seeped into his keyboard and monitors. The more anger that left his body the more he’d realized what he’d done, his body slowly going into shock as he stared at the broken mug on the ground. The pink heart was in pieces, the larger part covered in brown tea as Saeran’s voice slowly became white noise in the background.

What had he done?

This entire time he’d been an absolute shit to his girlfriend; the one person who had supported him from day one. He slowly shuffled over to the broken pieces, socks growing wet from the spilled tea as he picked up the pieces.

“What have I done...?”

“Saeyoung! Saeyoung she’s gone!” He slowly blinked, not even bothering to adjust his glasses and messy red hair in tussles as he put down the glass and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“What?”

“She’s gone! Her phone is on the coffee table, and she didn’t take her bag! Saeyoung we have to find her; there’s a storm outside and she’s by herself!” Saeran was rushing to put on his coat and grab an umbrella, his boots clunking against the floors as he grabbed Saeyoung’s shoulders.

“Saeyoung, if you love her, you need to get off your ass now and help me find her. Now!” He slapped his dumbfounded brother, forcing him on to his feet and throwing a coat at him as he grabbed one of the many car keys hanging from the key shelf. Reality sank in as he threw on his sneakers, grabbing a beanie from the coat rack and tossing it on. He felt his stomach churn as his hand brushed against her coat and scarf, grabbing the scarf she always wore and wrapping it around his neck.

We have to find her, we have to find her.

I have to find her.

[theonlygamergost]

French homework and a Dream - fd!au. ( part 1 / 2)

This fanfiction is based on the Family Dynamic au made by @antarctic-bay ctic-bay if you would like to know more, go check them out!!!

Also please bear in mind that the things written in this might not be canon!

This fic was corrected by the lovely @im-default

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Techno and Dream did the fatal mistake of choosing French over Spanish and now they have to suffer the consequences together

next part --->

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Enjoy~

Lunch break was sacred for Techno, it was that magic moment where he sat at a table alone, in the corner of the cafeteria with a book of his choice to read and block out the chaos of the fellow students. You know what they say: if you can't find peace, create your peace.

With lo-fi music or classical piano in his ears, he would peacefully eat his lunch, recharging his social energy (already consumed in the first half of the day) by not talking nor seeking company. Even though, from time to time, he would get some visitors:

One of his brothers could drop by if they needed to talk to him or they were also already feeling exhausted, Skeppy would also sit with him and try to initiate conversations, in vain since Techno ends up ignoring him unless he needed something important.

All in all, Techno didn’t allow anyone to disturb or interrupt his moment of peace, neither he liked sharing his book or music with anyone…

Well, anyone apart from Dream.

In between the rivalry for the smartest kid and best (nerd) Minecraft pvp-er, the two had started frequenting now and then, maybe studying at the library together or grabbing a bite after school before parting ways, all in all, they found to have a similar love for quiet company and taste in music.

So, to see Dream sit next to Techno, steal one of his earbuds, and tug the book a little closer for him to read as well wasn’t rare, but a treat to see.

“TALK TO ME TECHNO!!!” Skeppy had been trying to get his friend’s eyes off of the book for about five minutes or so, just to get completely denied by an unbothered and concentrated face. “Techno pleaseee!!!! I need attention!” his head fell on the table, “...I can tell” he finally replied while turning the page.

Skeppy groaned and went on bothering him for another five minutes.

Techno sighed, “Can’t you go bother someone else?” Skeppy was about to complain again, but a familiar laugh made the both of them stop and look at the direction it came from, “You’re so needy Skeppy”.

The boy in the green hoodie placed his tray next to Techno’s, leaving his backpack on the seat next to him, “YEAH! And this stupid pig isn’t giving me any attention!!!” after a second of silence they all giggled at Techno being addressed as “Pig”, something that only Skeppy could get away with. Not even Dream could call him that without either a complaint or a casual roast coming from the other teen as a consequence.

“Have you studied for tomorrow’s French test?” He took a bite of… whatever the cafeteria had made that day, he couldn’t really tell since it was so… revolting-looking, but it didn’t taste that bad and Dream was pretty hungry. Skipping breakfast was a habit of his so whatever he could eat at lunch was fine by him, it just needed to fill him up until the end of the day.

“Nah… I can’t remember some of the verbs, let alone when and how to use them” he replied before sipping on some water, “Same… some words are unpronounceable too… “ Dream and Techno both made the grave mistake of choosing French over Spanish as a second language, Techno made a very bad first impression with the teacher and Dream overslept three lessons in a month, let’s say that if they didn’t do good on this test… they could kiss goodbye a good French overall vote at the end of the year.

Skeppy exploded in a loud laugh, banging one of his fists on the table meanwhile holding his stomach, “Sucks to be you!” they sighed in defeat, Skeppy got convinced into choosing Spanish by a friend so he couldn’t relate to their problems since legends told that the Spanish teacher was a very nice person.

“I’ll leave you two to your nerdy problems, later losers!” Dream told him goodbye meanwhile Techno simply waved.

The blonde boy stretched his arms and grabbed both his phone and diary out of the backpack, flipping through it he nudged the other boy lightly, “We only have French for tomorrow… wanna study together?” Techno hummed a reply as the blondie took one of his earbuds, Techno reacted with a question: “Want to study at the library or..?” Dream’s head tilted, “Or what? We don’t have another place to study” Techno furrowed his brows for a second, “Well… no, you’re right”.

The reply made Dream curious, but he limited himself to finishing his meal in silence, enjoying the quiet company until the bell rang.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s already six pm?! We haven’t even finished memorizing this stuff!” Dream groaned in frustration while Techno just dropped his head on the book in front of him, they had been studying for two hours interrupted only by a bathroom break, and they weren’t even half-way done with their homework.

“This will be the only low grade on my paper this year…” the low murmur was muffled by the fact that Techno’s head was still slumped on the books, “Oh come on…”, Dream rubbed out the tiredness from his eyes, “I know that I won’t get anything done once I get back home, my ADHD goes crazy when I’m studying French… it knows I don’t want to study it so it makes me think about everything but that!”, the blonde boy chuckled, “I can never focus when It’s French too…”

Well, that was a slump, both of them knew that going part-ways wasn’t going to work… If they wanted a decent grade they had to have a study partner.

So Techno took a shot in the dark.

“Ok listen, I’ve got a plan:  come sleep over at my place, my desk it’s a bit messy but if I throw everything on the ground we’ll fit, you can’t eat dinner with us because Phil already cooked it and it’s not enough for five people, it’s not enough- but we can go eat somewhere”.

Dream froze in genuine shock: he had never gone to the Pandel house, nor he had ever been invited by Techno anywhere really, he was usually the one that asked him to grab a bite together, Techno only ever asked him to study, and that was already pretty rare. So getting such an out-of-nowhere invitation to eat together AND sleep at his house was… very surprising.

“Uhh… sure, can I borrow a shirt to sleep in?” Techno nodded, “Well then…  should we go eat now so that we have more time to study later?” Techno nodded again and they started packing up their stuff, grabbing books and pencils that scattered on the table while studying.

“McDonald’s?” Dream proposed, “McDonald’s” Techno replied.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, they were crunching on some fries, Techno texted the Pandel chat about Dream sleeping over, Phil agreed almost instantly, telling Techno where he could get some blankets and an additional pillow, the problems were Wilbur and Tommy that didn’t like the idea of having Dream in their house, (because they had a Minecraft server where they and Dream had a bit of a… “difference” of opinions…) but Techno told them to cry about it and closed the chat, reassuring the boy in the green hoodie that he could spend the night with him.

On their way home, Techno had noticed by reading the notifications that the Berry brothers had proposed a last-minute movie night, to which the other Pandel’s agreed, already counting Techno off, so it wasn’t a surprise that they met Wilbur and Tommy leaving when they arrived.

“I’m glad we are leaving, two tryhards together must be a revolting sight” Wilbur adjusted his coat as Tommy tied his laces, “I’m glad you guys are leaving too, we really need to study and my desk is a bit small, we can use the kitchen until you come back” Dream stifled a giggle, the passive-aggressive energy the Pandel had when speaking to each other was very entertaining, Techno turned to him and pointed at the clothes hanger behind the door, “Put your jacket there, oh and don’t forget to take your shoes off, I’ll get you a pair of slippers, Eret’s one should fit you”

He opened the closet to almost disappear in it, “Bye big D! Have fun with TechnoNerd!” Dream cringed at Tommy’s goodbye while Wilbur snickered at it, “Bye… and please don’t call me that ever again”

The front door closed as Techno dropped a pair of dark blue slippers in front of him, he thanked him, grabbed his backpack and followed the pink-haired boy while looking around:

the living room and the kitchen were in the same room, there was also no proper table, not that there was room for it, so he guessed that they ate on the kitchen counter.

There were four doors in the room, the first one on the left before the kitchen, a pig sticker gave Techno’s room away, on the other side of it, next to the couch, there was a door with a big sign spelling “NO BITCHES ALLOWED” with an evil smile scribbled next to it, he guessed that was Tommy’s room.

Not too far away from Tommy’s room, there was another door, but this time nothing was on it, and the fourth door was to the right of that blank door aka on the opposite side of the front door. He guessed one was a room and one was the bathroom, there was a hole next to the fourth door though…

Techno sat on one of the stools and opened his backpack, “As I’ve said, we can stay here until the others come back, if you need the bathroom it’s this one” He pointed at the door directly behind him, door number three… but then…

“Why is there a hole next to that door” Dream pointed at the forth door, Techno smiled briefly, “Uhhh… It’s a long and secret story, but to give you an idea that is Will’s room” He blinked a couple of times to let the information sink in, Techno snapped him out of it by waiving his pen in front of his eyes.

“C’mon nerd, we have work to do.” To which Dream apologized and sat next to him, taking a deep breath before opening the french textbook.