#im like really specifically vulnerable to lonely people they get me every time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

qingxintea · 3 years

Text

heartbreak avenue (3) || albedo x reader

heartbreak avenue (1) heartbreak avenue (2) -- tell me how, do you do this thing called living? when theres nothing more to gain. gn reader -- ignore the link below idk how tf to hyperlink on mobile but that’s ur part 4 ig

damn. imagine missing mond so much that you visit just for the vibes and accidentally become a one time vigilante for dominating over a couple abyss mages

how oddly specific!

you moment.

TO BE FAIR, you didn't mean to and also ur just strong with that 245% crit damage ugh yeah yeah get it ig

it was night time, like, idk 1am and you were in this cloak because idk look swaggy and comfortable

abyss mage went ŏ̸̡̡̹̘͉̫̬̬̭̘̙̝͐͒̆̈́̒̿̄́͠͝ǒ̸̧̺͕̣̬̝̱͈̭̭̻̮̈̏̔͆̑̀̍ǫ̵̡̜̲̭̠̤̰̹͍̣͎̤̈́̓̍͠ḩ̴̡͍̣̹̯̭̩̮̣̩̭́̔̀̍͊̂͒́̆͘͜͝͝ȃ̷̧̡̢̡̨̛̪͓̤̜͕̳̦̼͊̏̃͆̓̈́̈́̽̈́͌͐̋̚ͅh̸̡̩͍̟͕̥͚̰̰̟̮̖̪̉̈́͛͂̍̾a̸̧̢͕̙̞̳̩͈̲͉͕̒̆̎̐̎̍̀͊͘̚͝h̸̡̼͓̝͕̫̤̰̱̬̣̗͚̙̀͜ and you were like "lmao shut up"

and like it did! because you made it shut up and also mans diluc was watching in his dark knight hero thingy

of course you noticed his presence from the beginning, you just wanted to piss him off and act like he wasn't there at all

you walked. straight past him like he was actually on the bridge in the middle and you just w al ked .

i mean ofc he gonna say something. and he did. dude said "who r u"

stared at him directly in the eye and said "the embryo made of chewed bubblegum."

he stared. sh o ck ed . what were you even saying

"jk im a resident of mondstadt, visiting from my liyue trip."

"and how do i know you arent lying?"

you sighed and grabbed your dendro vision, letting him look at the frame. "its incased in a mondstadt styled frame." after a few seconds, you put it back. "if that is all, i'll be going."

"k"

"literally fuck off" you responded and walked inside.

sometimes you forget how rude mondstadt people are lmao loser.

ok so like this donna girl really went up to you like "JFKLSJFLKSDJFL NUMBER ??? HELLO ?? UMM THE WAY YOU SAVED MONDSTADT RLKDFFC" and you resisted every urge to flip her off on the spot.

you just stayed and let her talk, smiling through all of it. your hood was still on but it was quite windy s ooo

its been ten minutes. girl please let us go. you were literally begging for anyone to cut in because ur too nice (or unbothered) to tell her to shut up even though you totally went off on diluc aadahahhshdf

and someone did! not the one you expected though.

"good evening donna, and... oh? who would you be?"

ALBEDO LMAO GET STICKBUGGED? ? ? ?? AH a hjfkahfjah . im so funny .

guys i meant that ironically please

anyway

you got even more uncomfortable lmao and you just looked at him and smiled. what do you respond? "no one of importance."

he heard your voice, saw your eyes and it registered. it was you...

or was that what he wanted to believe?

cause this whole time hes been waiting for you, only using experiments as a thing to pass time. it got... a little more lonelier, because nothing could replace you.

he decided to not believe it. because 1) you knew well they welcomed you with open arms, so there would be no need to hide yourself

(which is also proof of how much the whole situation fucked up your thinking)

a second of silence before he continues on the conversation with normal evening meeting stuff things idk

then ur like "ahhshaaajk i must be taking my leave now for matters i will not disclose ahaha skidoosh"

skidoosh

so you go to the big venti statue next to the cathedral and just stand. stare. yikes

no ones out right now and theres nothing to do. but you remember this place because its where the both of yall would eat together whenever he had free time (which wasnt that often, but he still made the effort)

you look up to the sky, counting all the stars like you used to.

no ones gonna know that you're here, you decided on that. you only visited because you simply missed it, but after this, you were going back to liyue.

no ones gonna know. because no one needs to know. no one needs to know that you were here. that would only cause more trouble to the situation you tried to avoid

albedo ends up catching up to you later, still having some spark of hope left that it really was you

i mean lowkey there isnt really anything saying it wasnt. he wanted to believe that he was just overthinking when he thought it really wasnt you

like you look the same. sound the same. its just the reasoning of you coming here, but he can push that aside

"(y/n)."

you flinch but didnt react with anything else. he doesnt need to know that its you.

"(y/n)?"

you turn around to meet his eyes as he was approaching you. slightly distancing yourself another inch away as you were not used to the proximity, you responded, "i'm afraid i'm not the one you're looking for."

albedo stops for a moment, and was about to apologize,, but then

yknow that wind i mentioned earlier? like right after donna started bothering you

yeah that same wind blew ur hood off! lmao L

okay time to get serious !

you stay composed and sighed, your breath visible in the cold air.

so your features are exposed, and its so obviously you, like theres literally no way it cannot be you

"it really is you..." he doesnt understand why youre not admitting to it. "(y/n), please.."

you shake your head and walk away but mans grabs your wrist gently

"(y/n), whats wr-" he starts, but youre quick to respond

"im not (y/n)." you flat out said it and looked right into his eyes. and you swear there were small tears even if he was deemed nonchalant.

he doesnt understand, its your physical features, and your same energy, there is no other person that completely matches it.

he pulls you closer to examine this black smudge on your hand, a small yelp of surprise coming from you.

"this is... ink," he studied the properties of the substance. "you responded to my letter a day ago. (y/n)... i know by now. there's no reason to hide it."

you step away, freeing your hand from his grasp. your voice broke, tears forming in the corners of your eyes. "i'm not... i'm not (y/n). i never will be. i'll never be so vulnerable again, i'll never be so naive again, i'll never be so lonely again, i will never ever be anything like they were again."

your vision blurred, but you werent oblivious to the tears streaming down his face as well. reaching to brush them away, you paused and let it drop to his shoulder instead.

"albedo. i... the (y/n) you knew... they're gone now. and if i could revert back to them any time, i would, i swear, but... i'm al-... they..." you buried your head in your hands. "i'm broken. to the point that i refuse to identify as the (y/n) you know me by."

doesnt know what to say, so he almost pulls you into a hug before you move out of the way. something you never did.

"don't... please. it never works out in the end." you shake your head, facing the other way. "for me at least."

"..we could work together, no?" he tried, still oblivious about your feelings towards him.

"only if you're willing to cross your moral boundaries," you looked back and tilted your head. taking a deep breath, you continued, "but you know that neither of us are willing to do that."

he couldn't say anything, because as much as he hated to admit something for once, you were right about that. at this point, he would've thought that literally any extent would've been fine to reach to bring you back.

yet in multiple situations where he's doubted himself before, theres always a line he will never cross.

"...i wish you the best. treat her well because i worked hard." you walked away without him stopping you this time. i worked hard. not we worked hard.

even if you had honestly felt that way, there was no chance the old you wouldve actually voiced that.

and so he watched you slip from his grasp again, only this time, he stopped himself from holding you back from his own will.

yet he swears- the next time he meets you again, he will bring you back.

#albedo x reader #genshin impact x reader #albedo #genshin albedo #genshin angst #albedo angst #sucrose #genshin impact fanfiction #genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin headcanons

270 notes · View notes

g0dtier · 4 years

Text

Ok look even i realize i cant make a post like that before elaborating so as someone who has an art degree, was groomed themselves and was raised by someone who worked with teenagers who were groomed specifically for 20 years, heres my take on why tumblrs mentality towards fiction (&real degeneracy) is wrong and what you can do to help victims

Im gonna leave out the whole "fiction = reality" shit because at this point everyone knows it doesnt, they just cherry pick where to believe it does. This is not a black and white issue. Fiction may bring up something that was already there, but since none of us are shooting celebs because of books or molesting animals cause furry shit exists, its safe to say theres a line. 1000s of teen boys idealize that one dipshit from fight club. 99% grow out of it. The few that dont were already fucked up and wouldve ended up blowing some shit up either way. No, ao3 is not normalizing pedophilia and you are in no way helping victims. Youre kind of being a detriment.

Pedophiles may use fiction to groom kids, but they did that before fandom existed as well. There is no big difference between using fiction of 2 teens vs fiction of 2 adults to groom a kid cause a pedophile will either say "youre so much more mature than these fictional kids" or "youre so mature for your age you might as well be an adult, i think this fictional adult couple really represents us" and the minor will still take it as a compliment because that is the point of the action. The reason the abusers can take advantage of them is because they want that validation, for reasons listed below. The form that validation comes in doesnt matter.

Tumblrs mentality is purely focused on outrage. Its about hating the perpetrators and pretending people who arent perpetrators actually are, not about helping the victims.

People here have a wrong idea of what a relationship between a minor & pedophile looks like & how they function. People forget that while to us normal people the minors come across as victims in a horrifying situation (which they are), to the minors themselves it doesnt look anything like that. The problem with many of these relationships is not that the minors dont know what theyre doing or are doing it against their will, the problem most of the time is that they, in their minds, are active participants who choose to do this.

Pedos often actively look for kids in fragile situations. No self esteem, bad home life, severe depression. These are the reasons kids want the validation i listed before. Theyre vulnerable to it because they dont get any of it anywhere else and here theres an adult figure just giving it to them.

The point of a grooming is to give the kid validation and make the kid rely on them. To make the kid believe that the adult is the only one who understands them. Its to put the responsibility of the abusers mental wellbeing on the kids' shoulders in the kids' head. And 99% of the time kids already have a close relationship with the abuser when it gets to that point because of aforementioned validation. They create codependency.

So you know what angrily screeching "pedophile!" at any adult interacting on any level with a teenager does? It gives the abuser a reason to call themselves the victim and itll give the minor, whos likely already reluctant to be open about something an abuser does making them uncomfortable because many of them already have low self esteem and dont trust their own judgment and are scared of the consequences (for example: losing what to them is the only person that understands them) even less likely to talk about it. Because regardless of what tumblr thinks, most of these kids do not realize theyre being abused until much later. Theyre not waiting for someone to give them an out.

And no, no matter how hard you try, youre never gonna convince teens that the person theyre talking to is abusing them. Almost every single victim talks about how they hate abusers but how theirs isnt one, adults included. Theyre just misunderstood, or lonely, or really didnt mean it like that. Teens arent gonna listen to randos on the internet trying to convince them the 23yo who "relies on them for help and who is only in love with them, a 15yo, because theyre just really special and cool" is an abuser. Teens are gonna do stuff behind the back of others and lie about it because teens have a really bad case of "dont tell me what to do" syndrome.

What you CAN do to help teens:

- vote for more funding to health care, specifically mental health care. I know everyone rags on cps but cps does not take away children for no reason and will ALWAYS strife to work it out with the parents by offering personal help if possible

- strife to create a safe space for teens to talk about their experiences. Demonizing any adult interacting with children, no matter how creepy it may seem to you or me, makes the victims more reluctant to come forward. Theyre abuse victims. Adult abuse victims dont respond well to "girl youre being abused leave him!!" either. They respond a lot better to "wow dont you think he shouldnt treat you like that? Dont you think your feelings matter and hes being unfair to you?". You need to demonize the actions, not the context of the relationship because teens have already decided the context itself is fine and its usually not what they have a problem with and they wont till theyre older, no matter how hard you try to convince them.

- giving teens safe spaces to learn/talk about sex and what is or isnt right in a relationship. Most pedophiles are not stable. Theyre often codependent or manipulative or overbearing. Teach kids how to recognize these signs and that theyre not ok.

What doesnt help teens:

- taking down ao3 or yelling that some horndog on twitter drew an adult character looking too young. Taboo fiction is not linked to actual degeneracy and doesnt normalize any of it and is not a more succesful tool to help groom kids than anything else. Pretending it is will make minors less likely to seek help tho because the fear of backlash as stated above.

96 notes · View notes

normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

Note

Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ‘I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan!

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

#magnus bane #shadowhunters #sh #meta #magnus bane meta #camille belcourt is an abuser #long post #ask #anonymous #camille's trash party #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them

42 notes · View notes

icantpostthisshitonmain · 4 years

Text

evangelical christianity is the pot calling the kettle black

from the first moment that i can remember, my mother took me and my siblings to church. when she decided to homeschool us, the church quickly became one of my only social outlets. i remember the first church we went to- it was a brick building with an organ and a real bell and belltower. looking back, that was the best experience i had with christianity.

my mom did not stay at one church for long, and we eventually left and tried out several others. one church was held in a renovated barn and the services consisted of the pastor reading whatever evangelical articles he found on the internet and subsequently a prayer request session. after the service we would rummage through clear plastic bags of donuts and bagels donated by the local grocery store. i saw nothing wrong with this.

when i was thirteen, approaching highschool, my mom became tired with the churches our small town had to offer. we then started attending a larger, more modern church almost an hour away. she quickly became enthralled and we became regulars every sunday. of course, my older brother and I had to attend youth group.

two things of note: thirteen was the age i started to become depressed, and i distinctly remember an eight month period where i struggled with my sexuality and more importantly, the existence of god. this church was also fiercely evangelical and even my mom would complain about the services occasionally.

because my older brother was fairly extroverted and popular, i almost never missed a youth group throughout all of highschool. i even joined the student leader team in my senior year.

one thing of note: i developed anorexia and bulimia when i was fourteen, two years before i graduated highschool.

i spent a lot of time at that church, but, maybe because i was starving myself, i don’t remember any specific details. instead everything blurs together into general themes/events.

theme 1: i am wyatt’s little sister. there is rarely a situation where I am present and he is not. i cling to him because he is loud and distracting and fills up the silence that i leave. no one hates me, but everyone pities me because poor dags look how quiet and shy she is.

theme 2: i am a christian. i am a christian. i must be a good christian. we must love homosexuals, but not support their lifestyle. i must save as many people as i can from hell. my dad is going to hell and it is my fault. if i died today i will go to hell. i did not actually mean it when i accepted jesus into my heart i should do it again or imgoingtohell.

theme 3: i have an extensive knowledge of every bathroom in that building. the one that i like to use is on the second floor right across from the balcony. if i go there no one will know im there. i can leave once during the service and go to the bathroom. there is going to be food. i am too weak to resist eating, and therefore i will need to go to the bathroom. if i run the tap, no one will hear it. when i go to sit down again, no one will notice i left.

there are really only three major events. the first is during spring of my senior year. i am sixteen. i started taking ballet a few years ago along with irish dance. my mother notices that i am losing weight and tells me that i need to eat more or she is going to take me out of dance. i get angry and we fight. several months later we fight again and i stop going to dance. this means that instead of going to church, dance, and home, i now only go to church and home.

the second event is early summer after i graduate. my mother finds me vomiting into the sink with the tap running. i don’t really care.

the third event is late summer after i graduate. after arguing about it for several weeks, my parents finally decide to allow me to go on the mission trip to guatemala i had planned to attend months before. i spend a week in guatemala, eating one tortilla and spoonful of beans per day. i try to vomit in the bathroom once and feel terrible because i worry i clogged the toilet. i barely drink water. i come home twelve pounds lost from my one hundred and ten pound, five foot six inch self one week earlier. i had never felt better and also never felt worse.

(last thing to note: people with bulimia will often hate themselves because they can’t lose weight. to my sixteen year old self, this was the greated thing i had ever accomplished.)

i was sick. i had spent the last three years of my live getting sicker and sicker. it wasn’t until i was almost dead that anyone noticed.

that is why i hate evangelical christianity. while i might not have been close with any of them, someone should have noticed me, especially the adults. instead these adults hyperfocused on the conversion of vulnerable teenagers, often holding mass events or secret getaway trips to do so.

i am now twenty one, and mostly consider myself agnostic. i have not attended a christian church in 5 years and do not seriously plan to ever again.

religious trauma is one of those phrases that is being thrown around a lot, and i don’t really think i was traumatized. i did eventually get help and am completely recovered. but i was definitely neglected by the people i trusted and who i thought at the time were as close to god as you could get. i was a lonely teenager whose only outlet was the church, and they still failed me.

in this last picture i am sixteen. this is before i went on the mission trip. i had known these people for years.

#ex christian #eating disorder #evangelical christianity #toxic christianity #recovery #atheism #agnostisism

12 notes · View notes

ricc1 · 4 years

Text

falling for you

~ = ~

falling for you

peachy! mxmtoon

~ = ~

Have you ever met someone who at first glance, you weren't attracted to?

Now that's a once in a life time event that happens. Not many people experience that type of event.

But Error did.

It all started when he started to destroy AU's as a living, a forced thankless job, you could say.

He never spent too much time on erasing the alternate universe. Made sure that the deaths were quick and no one was spared alive before he went for the core of the universe and well, erased it.

Until one day(?), he was about to kill the human of a alternate universe when he hears a loud splash behind him.

He quickly turns to look at where the noise but he only sees a splash of ink or possibly paint splattered on the floor.

He tugs on the strings that held the human's soul, mumbling to himself. "What the fuck?"

"Language!"

A loud cheerful voice shouted next to where his ears would be and he turns and saw no one there.

"Not there, glitchy~"

He turns again and sees a skeleton near his height.

The skeleton wore these pants that draped over his legs like a cape - he was barefoot too. - his top attire consisted of a white shirt, another top shirt that was pretty tight around his chest area.

A brown scarf hid his neck. It was very long and had messy doodles and handwriting scribbled all over it. He had this weird belt over his chest with rainbows vials over the belt.

And to top it all, he was leaning on a large paint brush. A cheeky grin painted on his expression as his eyelights switched shapes and color.

The destroyed twitched at the sight, squinting.

"Who the fuck are you?"

The artist looking skeleton grin widens. He straightens his posture, leaning away from the paint brush before twirling said object and pointing it to Error.

"My name is Ink! I'm the protector of the Multiverse!"

Ink introduced himself, his eyes dimming as the grin on his face turns into a cocky smirk.

"And you are?"

Error looked at the skeleton dully, annoyed at the sight of this newcomer. He lifts his hand to pull the strings from the permanent tears on his face, pulling them away as the strings glow cooly. He gives a creepy smile at the artist.

"Nice to meet you, abomination.. #2. I'm Error, and i will destroy every alternate universe in existence and you can't stop me." The black-boned skeleton grinned.

Ink scoffs lightly at the comment.

We'll see about that, Error..

The two then clashed, a battlefield paraded in the universe leaving the poor inhabitants of the AU to watch or to evacuate from the fight. It was absolutely amazing seeing the fight but it had caused a big destruction in the AU, leaving the monsters to be traumatized and shock over the damage. Fortunately, the world was restarted and everything was back to normal.

Ever since the meeting of the two counterparts, they had been fighting each other ever since.

And a certain destroyer is starting to get very, very annoyed about a specific protector who keeps on stopping his business.

Error, as obvious despises Ink. He hates the short, grinning, smiling skeleton so much with a burning passion in his soul. The small skeleton always seems to be there every time he was just one step closer to destroying an alternate universe and it infuriates Error to an end.

The two never gone too far on fighting, they would always leave the battle with scars and bruises but come back again with no sign of them. It was as if they were evenly tied, evenly balanced. Yin and yang, you could say.

But! Despite all of that, the determined little protector wouldn't just give up! He would always fight Error - actually it's more like talking to the destroyer and dodging the strings - or try to be friends with the destroyer.

Friends?! FRIENDS?! What a joke! Error laughed when the protector first said it. He seems to regret it now when he saw the determined expression on Ink's face. It was just a complete joke! A destroyer and a protector? FRIENDS?! Now isn't that the greatest plot twist in a show.

It wouldn't make complete sense for the two to be friends. They're sworn enemies! Rivals, even. And to throw all that away just to be friends?! Yeah, Error didn't liked that and that only fueled his dislike for the artistic skeleton.

Until, he discovered an actual fact about the protector.

The skeleton had no soul.

Yes, you heard that right.

The protector had no soul and was living life through those vials of his - Error always wondered what they were for - and when Error found out about it.

Well like any other monster, he was surprised.

"Wait what?"

The destroyed stared at, well nothing. There was absolutely nothing in the artist's chest who was completely wrapped up and tied up by the blue strings that belonged to the destroyer.

Error blinked and blinked, completely shocked. He was gaping at the sight of well, nothing. There was no soul that should obviously be there floating on the artist's chest. He was completely shocked.

Laughter then shook him from his trance, turning to see the tied up skeleton laughing at the baffled skeleton.

Realizing that he showed on how vulnerable he is, Error shouted curses and threw Ink out of the void, making sure to throw his stupid brush too.

Upon finding out about the discovery, the destroyed couldn't bring himself to destroy any universes - to Ink's delight - i mean why would he?

He just found out that the most loved by all and the one that he hated the most was soulless.

Upon thinking about this, his mouth twitches, breaking into a smile.

And laughed.

He laughed hysterically- no, he laughed like he was a maniac, laughing like he had found a funny joke from the internet. The sound of his glitched laughter bounced off the nonexistent walls of the void as he come to the realization that the beloved protector of the multiverse was,

Soulless, emotionless and possibly even broken.

No wonder the bastard acts like a hyperactive child-man adult most of the time! He has to act that way so no one would know that the one protecting them all was emotionless, soulless.

Error slowly calmed down, letting out a few chuckles here and there before sighing.

He stands from his position and opens a portal to a genocidal timeline of a beautiful universe that he hasn't destroyed: Outertale.

He walks inside the portal, bringing his knitting materials with him before sitting down at the edge of the land.

He looks up at the beautiful stars that scattered the dark blue sky. Planets and possible different more stars shine as he stares at them in awe.

He then works on his knitting, looking up once in a while to stare at the sky once again.

...

"Hey pal! How are you?"

Error screamed - manly - and jumped from his spot. From the shock of the situation, the skeleton glitched and crashed.

Ink let out a hum. It seems that his counterpart is acting like a computer that's restarting. That's hilarious! The protector thought to himself.

He then decides to wait for the glitching skeleton to finish his rebooting. The smaller - to be fair, he's practically a gremlin. - sat down, a safe distance away from the destroyer as he looks up to see the view that was bestowed upon him.

"Wow! It's been a while since I've gone on any outertale universes! They really are pretty." The skeleton stared in awe.

Now that he thinks about it, he wonders on to why the destroyer hasn't destroyed this universe.

Not that he was complaining of course! He's absolutely glad- no, delighted that the destroyer hasn't destroyed any outertale universes!

..Maybe he should ask him?

Maybe.

Not now, though. Error is still re-

A sharp ping came from behind him and the white boned skeleton turned to see the destroyer coming back to his senses

The glitching skeleton seems to be confused, wondering on where he was before the memories suddenly flashed back and he glared at Ink.

"You. What are you doing here?"

"I think the better question is; what are you doing here?"

The glitch seems to stay quiet at the question before scoffing.He grumbles to himself - curses? - before going back to his previous position, sitting down. He pulls the strings from his cheek and captures the materials before he starts to work on a doll.

Ink's eyelights shifts, seemingly confused but doesn't say a word before Error speaks up again.

"Can't a 'bad guy' like me take a few breaks once in a while? Or is that something you think im incapable off? I'm still a lonely skeleton with a soul, after all."

Ink opens his mouth to protest but closes it. He seems to think about destroyer's words and smiles to himself.

Error noticed this change, raising an bonebrow(?) before shifting his position, giving his full attention to the doll he was knitting.

After what seems like hours, Error finished knitting what seems like a puppet - Ink? - and stands up.

The protector who was doodling in his notebook looks up to see the destroyer leave.

He stands up. "Leaving already? Shame! I was enjoying our time together."

The glitched skeleton retorted. "I didnt and it wont happen ever again."

"Pftth, whatever you say, Glitchy."

"You're a glitch too!" The destroyer flipped the protector off - "Rude." - and opens up his portal and leaves.

After a day or two, Error went back to destroying AU's and Ink went back to 'fighting' the skeleton. It seemed normal, they were 'bantering' as Ink likes to call it as always. Calling each other what seems to be 'insulting' nicknames like 'Glitchy' or 'Inkblot' or even 'Rainbow Asshole.'

The last 'insult' seems to have made Ink laugh and got him to stop and puked.

Yes, puked.

Not blood or vomit.

But ink.

Ink, puked ink.

Now, Error learned another new thing about Ink. When he is excited, anxious or whatsoever, he pukes Ink. INK.

It was like, as if the protector was a squid!

...

That seems like a good nickname now that he thinks about it.

The destroyer shakes his head, seemingly disgusted at the sight before opening a portal and walking inside. Error signs were quick to fill his vision but they faded away over a minute. He sighed in relief before his mind flows back to the encounter he had with the protector. Now that he thinks about it.. The laugh of the protector was very.. genuine-sounding?

From what the black-boned skeleton noticed, the laugh of the protector always seemed to be forced-sounding or annoyed - He was not stalking, shut up - and this is really the first time that the white-boned skeleton really laughed with a genuine, pure tone to it.

It warmed the skeleton that he was able to make the soulless skeleton laugh but then he was horrified that how good it felt when the white-boned skeleton laughed because of him. In fact, why is he thinking about how it feels good to make the skeleton laugh?! Wait, why is he even thinking about this?!

Seemingly done with life, the skeleton groaned at this thought process and push it at the back of his mind.

He still has billions more of AU's to destroy, after all.

but when they talk, every word, every smile and every laugh,

Weeks? Months? Years? passed along the multiverse. Error and Ink are still fighting as always but witnesses seem to notice that the atmosphere doesn't seem so tense. It doesn't feel, deadly or dangerous or scary or traumatizing.

It feels more.. casual.

It was like as if the two were just two friends that just fights with each other on a daily basis. In fact, it got to the point where they don't really see the two fight anymore. It's more like, one enters universe, cause mayhem, leave, then the other comes in and help, leave.

It was really new, really weird but the multiverse knew not to really question anything in the multiverse.

...

It all started 5 months ago when the two started to meet up - accidentally - pretty often on the genocidal timeline of Outertale. Error was just there by coincidence and Ink found out about it - somehow - and they just did the same thing that they did before. Sat down next to each other, a safe distance away and just kept quiet.

Until Ink broke the silence, calling the other's name.

"Hey Error?"

The skeleton sighed, seemingly annoyed even though the other skeleton has not even said a single word just yet. "What?"

Ink was silent for a minute before he continues.

"Why do you destroy the alternate universes?"

Error looked at the skeleton, an annoyed expression shaped on his face. He opens his mouth to answer but Ink cuts him off.

"I know that you hate it and all, and that they are abominations, blahblablahbla.

But.

What is the true reason?"

Error blinks at the skeleton before sighing, looking away as he stares at the doll he was making - Ink - and continued on knitting it.

Ink deflated, sad that the other didn't answered his question and just continued on doodling on his notebook.

....

"Balance."

"Huh?"

"Balance. I heard that the multiverse will collapsed if you kept on helping the creators and inspiring them. Too much balance and it might tip the multiverse and destroy itself."

Ink blinks at this new information and covers his mouth. A familiar feeling lunging up before he then stands up and runs off to a dusty bush and.. puke.

The destroyer didn't seemed to mind this time and just continues on knitting.

After that, the protector kept on talking, asking questions like how did Error knew about this, why does Error know about this and he doesn't, which then translates to personal questions and well, it started from there.

Because of that interaction - they left Outertale with warmth in their nonexistent hearts - and the fights were full of bantering, light-hearted jokes. They invented a first come, first serve rule.

Peace has finally, finally ascended in the Multiverse.

The two were at Error's antivoid. Shocking right? Ink bowed to never stepped back in the white void of mess but here he is now. Sitting on a colored bean bag - thank god - and watching the 'screen' in front of him which was displaying Error's favorite 'show'.

What was it again? Oh right! Undernovela! It's a really great 'show!' Although both of them don't really speak spanish so Ink doesn't really understand what they're saying but Error seems to know. He seems to be very satisfied with it.

Ink smiled to himself, dismissing the show so he can look at his counter-part who was watching the show. A chocolate bar fisted in the black-boned skeleton's hands.

Error leaned back on the bean bag, staring at the screen as he takes another bite from the chocolate bar. His face was completely relaxed, rid of any tense muscles at all as he chewed on the bar. His sockets were softened, blinking as he watched the show. He even had a small soft smile on his face. Small, but it's there.

Error's eye lights glances at Ink and the relaxed expression fades away - Ink misses it - and he scowls. Ink looks away, turning his attention to the show, feeling the destroyer's glare at the side of his head before it goes away.

The white-boned skeleton sighs to himself mentally and sneaks a glance at the destroyer once again.

Huh, he never realized on how..

pretty Error could be when he's calm.

An idea popped in his mind and he shifts around, leaning a bit too close to the black-boned skeleton - who seems a bit too quiet - and he turns to the skeleton and laid on the bean bag. He closed his eyes, listening softly to the spanish noises from the show.

Outcodes like him never really have the chance to sleep, or really need to sleep since well, he has no soul. But it's still nice to imagine that he can sleep.

"Hey, squid. Wake up. Show's over."

He opens his eyes and looks up at the skeleton, wearing glasses. He cheekily grins and sits up. "Awhe, already? I missed it!"

"Missed it, my ass. You weren't even watching it at all!"

The white boned skeleton grins which irritated the destroyer.

"Ink..." Ink leaves before the glitch gets too angry, laughing.

Although he has to admit.

He likes it when Error calls him like that.

they become more, beautiful..

Ink was patrolling with Dream and Blue around the universe. It was complete routine for them and, they were completely bored.

All three of them were chaotic by hearts - Dream's more a mild chaotic, although - which causes them to have more adrenaline and be more active and fun. Oh yes, they must always have fun. Sometimes it's nice to be alone but sometimes they just want to kick a tree until they feel satisfied. (They didn't, dont worry.)

So here are the star trio, 'patrolling.' Well, not really. They're just at the doodlesphere, sitting while playing poker while looking at the universes in case there are trouble caused by outcodes which was very unlikely.

Ever since an agreement with the Dark Sanses and the Star Sanses was talked about, the multiverse was balanced at last. Though sometimes, the Dark Sanses come to a very positive AU and try to cause negative feelings for the balance to be even.

The Star Sanses was about to leave for the AU when they forgot that they had an agreement and just stayed in whatever they were doing, leaving it up to the Dark Sanses.

Oh how, the years changed.

As the protector was about to put down his card, bright but cold blue strings wrapped around his body and he was then pulled into a portal, his head planted on Error's beanbag.

He pushed his body up and sits down before he looks around or up. He really wants to avoid looking at the white walls/floors(?) of the antivoid. Strings that held captive of souls glimmered at the ceiling but no Error.

He stands up, about to call for Error before he was then wrapped by strings and was pulled to where the glitchy skeleton is.

Ink smiles. "Glitchy!"

"Inky."

Ink blinks, his eye lights shifting to shapes and colors fast before he gasps. "You called me Inky!"

Error looks away, scoffing but a soft blue blush on his face was clearly seen.

"Yeah? What about it?"

"You've never called me, Inky." Ink was pretty sure that the other skeleton NEVER called him any nicknames regarding his name - besides Inkblot but that was for his phone - and he's absolutely overjoyed that he has a new nickname!

Error softened at the statement before sighing, the strings pulling Ink down and he ascended to the floor. The strings leaves the body and Error turned his back, making his way to the bean bag with a sign that clearly says 'follow me.'

The overjoyed skeleton followed him and sat down at the beanbag when Error allowed him to. A screen opened up showing Undernovela.

Ah, it seems that it's one of Error's moods again. The black-boned skeleton would always steal the white-boned skeleton just to watch Undernovela together. It was their little thing that they do.

Huh. Now that's something Ink could get used to. Their little secret. He smiled to himself but the smile faded away when a box was plopped on his lap. His eye lights glanced at it before noticing that it was a gift.

He turns to Error quickly who was looking away, a hand on his tear-stained cheek before he meets Ink's gaze and huffs, looking away once again.

"Open it."

Ink nods his head rapidly and untie the ribbon before opening the lid of the box. He then close his sockets and grabs the gift.

He feels a soft, plushy texture. A small gift. He open his sockets and he gasps.

It was a doll, no- plushy version of himself. Error had gotten the details just right! Along with the use of colors and materials stitched for the plushy. He has seen Error's dolls versions of him but nothing can match this particular doll.

Is it because he's never seen Error stitched this one? Ink doesn't know but he just smiled, beaming with happiness as he hugs the plushy to his chest. He looks up at Error who was watching him and grinned.

"Thank you, Error! This is so cool! What's the occasion?" The skeleton asked, tilting his head but he was still hugging the plush.

The destroyer huffed, looking at the screen where Undernovela was showing before he answered.

"A little birdie told me that it was your birthday a few days ago. You gave me a gift on my birthday-" which was new clothes since the glitched skeleton was growing a bit taller. "Why not do the same?" He shrugged.

Ink practically melted at the thought that, Error remembered. Error didn't forget!

He remembered that day. Blue planned a birthday party and it was amazing seeing the heartfelt gifts everyone gave him. He was a bit sad when Error didn't came even though he clearly told the glitched skeleton when his birthday was.

He was really glad that Error didn't forget.

"Thank you, Error. Really, thank you." He smiled, closing his sockets up at the person who gifted the plush, hugging it close to him. Swirly rainbow blush fainted his cheeks, along with freckles that were starting to appear. The artist was clearly touched by this and honestly never wanted to forget this memory.

"Heh. You're welcome, Inky." The artist glowed even more at the nickname.

God, he really loved the glitch.

~ = ~

Error has been, well confused about himself lately.

Specifically about his emotions or feelings. How they would act around, a certain protector. Ever since Ink and him proposed the agreement - yes they were the ones who made the agreement - the two were always hanging out, only leaving to maintain the balance of the multiverse - which was a complete success! - and those meetings, started to make Error feel things.

When Ink would come over, the destroyer would be very happy about it. When Ink leaves, he would feel a bit sad before brushing it off and going on to steal another chocolate from one of the Underfell copies.

What? Never said anything about stealing in the agreement.

Brushing that aside, the black-boned skeleton was very much confused about these emotions, wondering where they came from and how? Last he checked, he clearly hated Ink but a sharp pang made him clutch where his soul would be.

Maybe not?

...

Error groaned, shaking his head and then standing up. He opens a bunch of portals, hoping to find the yellow-palette guardian so he can talk to him about it. A few minutes later and he found the person he was looking for and sent his strings to pull him inside the Antivoid.

"Wha- Error?!"

Dream turned as the portal closed. His golden eye lights staring at the glitched skeleton who huffs, using his strings to pull Dream in the air so he can walk closer to him and be at within eye-level with the guardian of positivity.

He squints at the smaller skeleton before letting him go so he can drop to the floor with a oof!

"Error?! What the hell was that for?" Dream asked, rubbing the back of his head before standing up, looking at the person that dragged him here.

Error shoved his hands in his pockets, looking down, choosing to phrase his words before he mutters. "You're good with emotions right?"

The guardian tilts his head, questioning the question but he answers anyways. "Uh yeah, why?"

"Come, sit down. I'll tell you."

The destroyer moves to sit down at the bean bag, reluctantly. He's very possessive of the bag but he'll let some exceptions.

Dream follows his lead and sits down, hesitantly. Looking up at the destroyer to explain on what he means. Error breathed, inhaled and exhaled and turns to look at the smaller skeleton before he then started to explain these feelings he would get with Ink. Describing them by saying that he would be very happy when he's hanging with the protector.

In fact, now that he thinks about it; he enjoys the presence of the supposedly soulless protector who had such a warm atmosphere to him despite being well, emotionless. He enjoys talking with him or bantering him or even just sitting at Outertale with a comfortable silence as the two do their own things.

He mentioned that to Dream who nodded and started to think before a realization popped into the guardian's mind. He meekly looks at Error who raises his eyebrows in response.

"What?"

"Error.. I think I know what you're feeling.."

"Yeah? Well spit it out."

"You might not, uh, like it."

"I don't care. I just want to know what it is."

Dream sighed, his hand on his face before he looks again at the destroyer and mustered the courage to speak.

"Error, i think you're in love with Ink."

Ink was writing on his notebook about plans that can progress his relationship with Error - not that there is anything at the moment, but he's hoping there is - when he then hunches over, clutching his stomach in pain.

What the hell? What the complete fuck is Error doing? The protector thought to himself as he drops his notebook and pen, limping quickly as possible to where Broomy is and swiping the floor so he can go to where Error is.

He falls through the floor, landing delicately on the snow path and started to look for the sounds of destruction. He hears the familiar sounds of gaster blasters being summoned before he swipes the floor once again with Broomy and appears near the destroyer.

As he was about to scold Error, he stops to observe the body language of the black-boned skeleton.

He was clearly angry, that's for sure. He was glitching very badly and he wasn't even seeing straight! His sockets were blinded, clouded by error signs that continued on to appear as the destroyer summons more gasters blasters.

Ink's eye lights shifts, seemingly confused before he then sees Error spots him and just freezes.

He tilts his head as he cautiously walks forward to the destroyer, who flinches at his actions and turns away. The blasters then disappeared quickly along with Error opening a portal and running away.

Did. Did Ink just saw that right?

Did Error just ran away?

From him?

Oh, now this is making him curious and worried for his.. friend? companion? frenemy? He doesn't even care at this point. He runs after the skeleton, yelling to wait for him but the glitch did not stop.

They were at least running in circles at this point or has been seen by multiple characters in the alternate universes. The artist was practically begging for the destroyer to stop. He can see those sweats on that black hard-headed skull.

But Error was just so damn, stubborn. Always running away.

Why?!

Ink, who had enough of this, swiped at the floor and fell in.

Error slowed to a stop and turned before sighing when he thinks that the protector gave up before he looks back and was then hugged and pulled down into a puddle of ink, landing in a warm colored world.

He pushes Ink away, his glitches going frantic as he shouted. "INK?! WARNINGS FOR FUCKS SAKES!"

Once his vision cleared, he looks to glare at the protector before freezing when said protector was staring back at him, a soft glare painted on his face as he sits down and stares at Error.

"Error.."

The glitch turns, looking away, staying quiet.

"Error..."

He looks away even more, if that's even possible.

"Error-"

"WHAT?!"

He finally replied, his expression scrunched as he glares at the protector who tilts his head and simply asks.

"Why did you run away? Why did you destroy the worlds? I thought we had an agreement?"

Error's glare softened, he looks away.

"C'mon, pal. Tell me. What's wrong? Is there a problem? Did the balance tipped to much? I haven't been hearing from the creators yet, so i'm sure-"

"No."

"No?"

Error shakes his head.

"Then.. why?"

Error didn't answered. Ink sighed, tired with this and really wanting answers.

"Error please, just tell me-"

"IT'S BECAUSE OF YOU, YOU STUPID SQUID!"

Ink blinks at the accusation seemingly surprised. He was about to answer when he was then cut off once again as the destroyer stood up, looming over the protector.

"YOU MAKE ME FEEL THINGS! FEELINGS THAT ONLY APPEARS WHEN YOU'RE HERE WITH ME. AND I HATE IT SO MUCH BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNEW WHAT IT WAS. I HAD TO ASK FUCKING DREAM ON WHY AND WHAT DID HE SAID? WHAT DID HE SAID?!"

The white-boned skeleton was about to ask when he was then cut off, again.

"HE TOLD ME THAT I WAS IN LOVE! WITH YOU!"

Something snapped inside of Ink, as he looked up at Error, genuine shock and surprise on his expression as he stares up at the one who is declaring his love for him.

There were at least little spots of tears at the sides of the error's face as he pants, tired from his shouting. The two had a staring competition until the destroyer broke it, looking away as he mumbles, loud enough for Ink to hear.

"And.. i don't know why. Why, i would even catch feelings for you when you'll never love me back."

Ink finally gets the will to stand up, immediately going close to the destroyer as he protested. "That's not true! I care about you a lot and i love spending time with you every time we hang out! While, yes, i may not feel love but that doesn't mean i don't want to love you! I do, i really do! And i wish so much if i could just love you and-"

"Ink."

"W-what?" The white-boned skeleton stopped his nervous yet excited rambling before he was then pulled to the destroyer with a soft clank.

until there was a moment, where you couldn't believe that you didn't think they were?

~ = ~

holy shit.

that was a woozy.

this is, btw; 5000k+ words.

wow.

and this is just one oneshot.

damn.

honestly proud of the 5000k+ words, though there are some parts where i didn’t really nailed their personalities or was able to really capture them but i tried my best! it was fun trying to write their personalities but i unfortunately didn’t give them justice : (

characters doesn’t belong to me, they belong to their respective owners [you know who] i only own the writing!

#errorink #errink #error x ink #error!sans #ink!sans #error #ink #drabble #with 5000k words #jesus.#||#ricciwrites #riccidev

124 notes · View notes

cupofteaguk · 5 years

Text

what you want

pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

genre: post breakup au | fluff

warnings: depictions of alcohol consumption

word count: 5k

a/n: taken from “things you said while we were driving” on my old blog

In a way, Jungkook knows you’re on the other side of the line even before he answers the phone. One could argue that it’s because he remembers your strange and cute and endearing habit of always calling him at ungodly hours of the evening for absolutely no reason at all, or how its been a few months since things ended between the two of you and he still jumps at the notification of text messages and still catches glimpses of you on the street.

While all those things are true, he probably knows it’s you because he has yet to change the ringtone on his phone that corresponds to your calls. That way, his action of leaping off the couch and making a dive for his phone is slightly more justified as he slides the answer button and presses the device to his ear. “Hello?” He exclaims breathlessly, cursing himself out just a moment later because he didn’t even think to cover up the eager quality in his tone and probably sounds like he had been waiting around for your call—which he has but you didn’t need to know that.

“Hey! Jungkook!” You exclaim from the other end, a concerning amount of time between his question and your response that he can already feel his eyes narrowing and can already feel a little voice in the back of his head telling him that it doesn’t matter how he reacts to your call.

You’re likely way too drunk at this point to notice.

Jungkook furrows his eyebrows, bringing a finger up to tap at the crease as not just a means to calm himself but also a means to give himself a better handle on the situation. You were never the heavy drinker, especially when the pair of you were dating, so he doesn’t have any sort of default speech or words of caution to throw at you during this kind of specific predicament. From that, the only thing he can properly manage to say back to you is: “Are you drunk?”

A pause. “No of course not!” You shout back over the line and Jungkook sighs because the pieces are just beginning to connect in his mind. You only ever shouted when you were drunk, when your mind and vocal chords couldn’t process the depth or volume of your tone. “Why would I do that?!”

“Y/N, you’re shouting,” He points out, looking down and despite everything, despite the fact that he should really be pissed at you for disrupting his evening, despite the fact that your wellbeing shouldn’t be a priority in his life anymore—he can’t help but allow the corner of his lips to quirk up in the smallest smile. A smile of relief that you’re here and well and talking, a smile of relief that stops the flood of questions from escaping his lips.

Another pause, and he imagines you tilting your head to the side, imagines the drunk gears turning like a wheel over and over again in your mind as you comprehend his words and attempt to adjust your own lifestyle accordingly. “I am?” You return, but your voice has lowered significantly from grand yelling to soft whispering.

Jungkook can’t help it. A noise of laughter escapes from the back of his throat. “You’re insane,” He speaks without an ounce of remorse in his tone as he straightens up and off the floor, continuing to unconsciously cradle the phone against his ear, pressing it closer as if pulled by a desire to hear every curve of your voice. “Though I didn’t know you were the type to drunk dial…”

“M’not drunk dialing,” You point out, your voice still retaining that hushed quality but there’s something different about it, something sensual and vulnerable and it only captures Jungkook’s attention more. “Jungkook, I need you.”

The statement forces Jungkook into an immediate frenzy as he allows himself one second of completely disregard for the situation, for the fact that you were drunk and likely just spewing nonsense, the fact that the pair of you weren’t dating anymore, the fact that it has been months since your last conversation—all thoughts seems to fling itself out of the window. This leaves Jungkook alone in the living room, choking on his words. He swallows thickly because drunk words were sober thoughts, were they not? “Y-You need me,” He repeats back slowly.

You whine at that, a vulnerable noise Jungkook hasn’t heard in so long that it makes his heart tighten slightly in his chest. It’s not a reaction that comes out of need or physical desire, but more so as a deep unconditional sort of longing. He misses you, misses you definitely a lot more than he should be missing an ex-partner but he can’t help it.

“I need you for a ride,” You reply back, the addition of those last three words to that sentence doing little to diminish Jungkook’s attention on your voice. It doesn’t matter that you seem to have only called him for your own personal reason. “Karly dragged’m to this party and I don’t trust anyone else to pick me up.”

“So you need me… to pick you up from a party?” Jungkook echoes, gradually lowering himself onto the couch. He doesn’t know the protocol of open lines of communication between someone who use to (and still does, but people didn’t need to know that) mean the world to him. He doesn’t know if he should be more watchful, more careful, more aware of its hidden implications or if he should take situations like these with a grain of salt.

His genuine cluelessness about relationship norms has come to bite him back in the ass, yet he’s not too sure if it’s a bad thing or a good thing.

However, his restating of your request seems to click something in your mind because you let out a groan. “Oh god,” You say, letting out a big sigh. “I can’t ask you to pick me up.” It’s hard to tell if you’re talking to Jungkook or convincing yourself otherwise.

So Jungkook just leans against the couch, continuing to press the phone against his ear, closing his eyes just enough to the sound of you breathing lightly on the other side because holy shit it feels like lifetimes. “Well, why not?” He asks, lowering his gaze to stare down at his leg, the texture of his jeans. His finger comes out to trace at the denim mindlessly, desperate to keep you on the phone partially because he’s long since forgotten the lapsed sound of your breathing but also because that part of himself that’s always been protective over you longs to ensure your safety.

“You must be busy, right?” You grumble, voice slightly muffled and he imagines you leaning heavily against a wall to maintain your balance. “I don’t want to bother you… I just need to figure out how to get home.”

“N-No, it’s okay,” Jungkook reassures, pushing himself off the couch and already starting to rummage around for the important belongings such as his wallet and his keys. “Do you think you could drop a pin for me? I need to know where you are so I can come get you.”

You hum. “R-Really?” You manage. “You would do that?”

He swallows down the part of himself that almost admits he would do anything for you, not because he fears you retaining that statement but because he knows that speaking the words out loud would mean facing the truth he’s spent months trying to bury away.

So he reaches over to lightly scratch the back of his neck. “Yeah, I mean…” He starts, biting his lip, trying to find the right words that don’t give away too much of his feelings yet can still convey his desire to look after you. “I still care about you.”

He closes his eyes after the words escape, a wave of curses and frenzy and something akin to smashed keyboard lettering piling up in his mind. Fuck, fuck, that was definitely not what he was trying to go for.

Yet on the other side of the phone, you laugh softly and quietly and it sounds more tired than anything else which only gives Jungkook a greater incentive to go out and find you. “You’re too good for me Jungkook. I don’t know how I can return the favor.”

He feels himself practically melting at your words, at your ability to say the right thing without even having to try and it makes him wonder. His mind wanders to where it all went wrong, what happened between the two of you, why he’s here on the other side of the phone line in an apartment that feels much too empty and lonely rather than at that party with you and hearing your voice directly in his ear and not through some hazy reception. Or even better, just spending the time alone within each other’s company—playing video games or watching movies or cooking meals or just anything in general that involved being within each other’s company. Those things, once so common and mundane to the average day-by-day playback of his life, have quickly become his favorite things to reflect upon in his spare time. At least, until the realization of his lingering feelings for you and the fact that a breakup didn’t equate to breaking apart the remnants of his emotional connection.

He simply smiles. “Text me where you are. At least drop a pin.”

“Okay,” You manage and he can practically hear you nodding your head furiously to showcase the depth of how hard you were going to work to ensure that would happen. “I will. I really will.”

The pair of you hang up shortly after, and Jungkook finds himself letting out a breath. He hadn’t realized how nervous he would be at getting to converse with you after so many long months of silence; just a proof of testament to how you still had the full capability of continuously inching yourself underneath his skin.

His phone buzzes, capturing his attention as he reaches the device to his line of sight and sees the text message from you.

from you: [PINNED LOCATION]

from you: did tiowork

from you: jgnkook plaes tell me oyou got htaht

from Jungkook: I got it, just stay where you are okay?

from you: holy sih t did i use tehncaoloy coreectly im ga fucking genius

from you: jungkok guhryy up im tured i mgith

from you: fall sasleep

from Jungkook: DON’T

from you: jungkook ure too godoo for me

from you: what did ideo to derserve you

He pockets his phone after that, because although your messages are more than enough to send him into another burst of uncontrollable emotions, he knows immediately that his absolute first priority is to get to the party before you dropped your guard even more. He can’t even begin to imagine what would happen—his thoughts getting the best of him given that Jungkook doesn’t trust a little more than half of the overall human population and those fragments of alternative realities is what forces his feet to slam on the gas pedal and his eyes to frantically scan back and forth on the street to ensure that he would most definitely not miss the house.

He doesn’t. He gets the house right, and luckily doesn’t need to be double checking his work because not only are there long rows of cars parked along the sidewalk, but also a handful of people are littered outside along the porch. Given the quiet neighbor, their hushed voices make sense, but they’re all holding bottles and cups that leaves little to the imagination. Jungkook parks, steps out of his car, shuffles towards the house and his approaching figure is barely spared a glance as he makes his way up the steps and into the house.

Inside, the conversations are a little louder, a little more rowdy—the laughter is freer, a mixture of different voices are heard ringing down the hallway and the rooms that individuals have gathered in. But none of those things matter to Jungkook. He doesn’t care about the prospect of drinking with strangers, the typically alluring temptation of free alcohol. The only thing he cares about it—!

“Jungkook?” A voice sounds from one of the couches in the empty living room, the familiarity of the tone forcing him to stop completely in his tracks as he whirls around towards the source of the noise. His heart does that painful stuttering thing it always does when he sees you and he can practically feel the desperation and overwhelming swell of emotions erupting throughout his body—like that time you stepped out his bathroom for the first time in his clothes or the first time he woke up next you and saw the golden rays of morning light hitting all the curves and angles of your face. Or one instance post-coitus tangled with one another atop the mattress, deep breath matched into the evening, his fingers and eyes developing an intense fixation on your lips; that was the moment he realized he was in love with you.

And now those emotions seem to be hitting him like a wave the longer he stands there staring at you, taking you in because even though you are curled up on the couch half asleep, you’ve never looked more beautiful and months apart definitely does not change that.

“H-Hey,” Jungkook manages, taking the few steps towards you, quickening his pace slightly when he notices you struggling to sit yourself up on the couch. “Wait, don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself,” He instructs lightly, kneeling before you yet you still attempt to pull yourself up. You are somehow able to get your arm underneath yourself, using your strength to push your body. Your head almost falls to the side but Jungkook starts forward to hold the side.

Your eyes slowly find his, flickering upwards until they land upon his face and the corner of your lips quirk up in a tired yet gorgeous smile. “Hi Jungkook,” You whisper, your voice that low huskiness that always takes form when you’ve drank too much and yelled too much. He remembers bits and pieces of your drunken facade and knows this particular one to be your tired and exhausted shell. “It’s been awhile.”

You sound significantly less drunk than you had been over the phone, which he takes to be a good sign and that you’ve spent the few minutes it has taken Jungkook to drive from his house to this to sober up and start the process of trying to make yourself as well as you possibly could be in this state.

“I know,” He returns back.

You laugh, a mere exhale through your nose, eyes drifting close for a second before they open again. “This is’not how I wanted you to see me after all this time.”

He smiles softly. “Pretty sure I’ve seen you through worse.” And it’s true. He definitely has. “C’mon, my car is right outside.”

For a second, Jungkook is not entirely sure what to do with his hands. Under normal circumstances he would have no doubts about gathering you in his arms and leading you to his car himself, but these are not normal circumstances so he just settles with bringing a hand down to the curve of your waist.

“Can you stand up for me?”

Keeping both hands on his shoulders, it helps propel you upwards and although you aren’t completely uncoordinated, you still cling to him and Jungkook allows you to lean on him heavily as he holds you close in order to guide you out of the house and down the lawn.

You hum quietly under your breath, eyes fixated downwards to watch your footing. “Do you remember…” You start slowly, the exhaustion from the alcohol starts to eat away at your system. “Do you remember my house… like, where it is?”

“Yeah, yeah I remember where it is,” He answers, slowly open the passenger door and leaning over to help you sit down. You practically slump against on the seat, providing the further fluidity of your bones and muscles, still doing enough in dragging out the sheepish laugh from Jungkook. As if by instinct, he reaches over to tug the seat belt over your frame, crossing over your body to lock the buckle in place. This forces himself closer to you, forces him within such a close proximity to your frame that he can smell the lingering after effects of alcohol fill up his nose. But underneath that, he can still smell your perfume and the lavender scent of your shampoo. He clears his throat. “Uh, you good?”

You nod slowly, gaze unwavering from his face as he pulls away far enough to meet your eyes. You are unwavering, orbs flickering back and forth with a scary intensity that he momentarily questions the level of intoxication you are under. The only way he can know for sure is through the glassy complexion of your eyes.

“What?” He speaks, feeling too self-conscious to ignore the look across your features.

You inhale slowly. “You smell the same.” There is a sense of longing in your voice that Jungkook is almost sure is just the alcohol talking.

Almost.

He takes in a breath. “Y/N, you’re drunk,” He says, not sure if he’s trying to convince himself or you more. “Just try to get some rest, okay?” You look like you’re about to open your mouth to further explain your situation—because a tired you equates to a rambling you—but he pulls back and slams the car door shut without a word.

Not for long though, because he reappears on the driver’s side, sliding into place and sliding the key into the ignition to start the car up.

“Being drunk has nothing to do with how you smell the same,” You note quietly, shifting to stare longingly out of the window.

“Being drunk means everything,” He returns, making sure to keep his grip tight on the steering wheel keep himself focused on the road rather than you. “It means you’ll say something you’ll probably regret in the morning.”

“I highly doubt that,” You say, but he doesn’t believe you. Even when you readjust yourself once more to stare at his side profile. “Jungkook, I missed you,” You start. “So, so, so much.”

Despite his increasing heart rate, he manages a weak laugh. “You’re just saying that because I’m picking you up from a party.”

“No, no, no,” You protest, shaking your head. “Not true. I mean it. I missed you so much.”

That statement forces his mind into a complete 180 rotation as Jungkook is so startled at your confession that his foot accidentally slams down on the gas, forcing the pair of you to dart forward at such a speed that both heads slam against the back of the seats. Jungkook curses loudly, managing a right turn just before the overhead light turns red.

Jungkook’s breathing picks up as he tightens his grip on on the wheel. “Fucking hell—Y/N don’t say things like that!”

“Why not?” You protest, leaning back against the headrest of the seat. Your eyes slide shut and stay closed for a few seconds. “It’s true…” You let out a gentle sigh from between your lips, grumbling something that he can’t make out and Jungkook decides to take advantage of your incoherent nature to just fix the rest of his attention back on the road. Seriously, if you could keep your mouth shut for the next five minutes, he could actually maintain some semblance of his sanity to prevent any further potential accidents.

Luckily, aside from the occasional hum that leaves your lips, you are quiet which allows Jungkook to carefully navigate the streets before finally pulling up to the curbside in front of your apartment complex. The sight definitely brings back memories, but he swallows them down long enough to take himself out of the driver side and make his way back around to your side of the vehicle.

You’re still hunched against the seat when Jungkook opens the door, eyes closed and lips parted and bombarding him with memories of good times, better times, that he almost doesn’t reach him to shake you awake.

Key word: almost.

He leans in to gently grip your shoulder. “Y/N, we’re here.”

You open your eyes just as he’s reaching over to unbuckle your seatbelt, but Jungkook doesn’t get far because just as he’s about to pull back, your hands dart out to grasp at the hem of his jacket. Despite your sleepy facade, your grip is surprisingly strong and it keeps Jungkook within a close distance to your face.

He swallows down his heart threatening to crawl its way out of his throat.

“I’m not… fucking around Jungkook,” You insist. “The months when you’re not with me suck. They really fucking suck and…” You aren’t drunk but you definitely still are battling with the remnants of alcohol clouding your mind and judgment and Jungkook wants you to stop, wants you to put a halt to something you will surely regret in the morning, but he also knows that you would chew him out for continuously trying to interrupt you. Even if it’s for your own personal benefit. You’re funny and stubborn and adorable and endearing in this sense.

Back to reality. He blinks, biting his lip, hoping you cannot hear his rapidly increasing pulse drumming underneath the skin. Rather than put a stop to it, he can’t help himself this time around. He encourages your drunken mind. “What are you trying to say?”

Your gaze dances across his face, eyes still glazed and shimmering underneath the light of the car and the lights from the building behind the pair of you.

Then, without a warning, you lean forward and dust your lips against his.

For a moment, everything seems to leave Jungkook. Everything: from his sanity to his state of mind to the ground behind his feet to his sense of balance and belonging, leaving him alone with his raw and infinite love for you and a desire for more more more. He barely processes the way your hands move up from the hem of his shirt to the collar until you’re luring him in again for another kiss, one a little bit more firm and a little bit more intoxicating.

Jungkook practically whimpers at the kiss, a little noise of desire escaping from the back of his throat, because holy fucking shit, it may just be because he hasn’t kissed anyone over the past few months or maybe just because he hasn’t kissed you that’s making him feel this way, making him realize just how much he really fucking misses you and how perhaps breaking up wasn’t the best idea. For a split second, he longs to forget that you’re drunk, that you’re definitely not in your right state of mind, that you broke up for a valid (unfortunate) reason, that this is wrong. So very absolutely wrong.

Although it hurts every bone in his body, Jungkook has to force himself to turn away and pull back from you. “W-Wait,” He manages, processing the fact that his voice is low from the events that have just happened. His cheeks feel warm and he feels lightheaded, but he forces himself to stay focused on what is the right thing to do and definitely not trying to notice the way you look: from the flushed cheeks to the darkened lips to the distracted eyes. “We shouldn’t do this. It’s not right.”

The light once flickering so hopefully in your gaze dies down at his firm words, as you cast your head downwards in a mixture of utter shame and embarrassment. He can hear the gears turning frantically in your mind, can feel the way your hands pull away from his frame to settle tightly on your lap, can see the way you press your lips together as if you’re trying to keep yourself from saying anything further.

But his eyes widen as you inhale sharply before a heart-wrenching sob tears itself from your throat. Your hand flies up to cover your mouth, but it does little to stop the hiccups and Jungkook can only watch helplessly as you crumble apart right before his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” You admit quietly, such a soft whisper that he almost doesn’t hear you but he does and you are so broken that Jungkook’s own heart cannot be protected as he kneels down with eyes like a deer caught in the headlights. Questions swarm around his mind, desperately trying to figure out what to say because he should have known this would happen. He should have remembered that at the end of the day, after the laughter and the exhaustion have taken their phase in your identity like passage of the moon—it all ends with this. It all ends with the emotional part of you, when the alcohol gets to your head and leaves nothing but a sobbing mess behind over anything and everything. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” You start to ramble, each word broken up by a sharp inhale for air like your tears are drowning you. “I’m so sorry Jungkook, I’m so stupid, I’m so sorry…”

“Hey,” Jungkook starts. “Hey, stop apologizing. Why are you apologizing? Why are you crying?”

The questions do little but prompt further crying as another strangled sob escapes your throat and you turn your head with a refusal to even look in his general direction. Your jaw is clenched together, your hand is still at your mouth as if attempting to muffle your whimpers to little success.

“B-Because,” You stammer, your whole body shaking with the effort to contain the wave of your sufferings. Jungkook’s heart stutters painfully in his chest, sinking down to his stomach, as the words of how this was all his fault ring like a bell in his mind. “Because you probably hate me. You hate me, d-don’t you?”

He scoots a little closer. “No, no, of course I don’t. Y/N, where did you get that idea?”

You shake your head, eyes slamming shut. “H-How could you not hate me? I just kissed you and we’re not even together anymore, we haven’t been together for months and it just hurts so so much because I’m stupid, I’m so stupid…”

“Y/N, take a breath, you have to calm down,” Jungkook speaks gently, bravely reaching over to rest his hand on your knee, attempting to draw soothing patterns over the denim and hoping more than anything that you can feel the warmth and reassurance of his touch against your skin. “You aren’t making any sense. Why would you call yourself stupid?”

You pull your hand away from your mouth and you glare at him through your tears. Your face is bright red and wet with tears, but still so beautiful it really hurts. “Because I’m still in love with you,” You speak, swallowing down your uneven breathes and forcing yourself to make the statement as clearly as possible. “Because I’m still in love with you, and I’ve been trying to get over you this entire time to no luck. A-And I thought going to that dumb party would help me, but I-I guess not because I’m here being an asshole and trying to kiss you even though you hate me…” Your face crumbles and you look like you’re on the verge of tears all over again.

“Y/N,” Jungkook speaks up, leaning forward. “Y/N, please, stop beating yourself up for this. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you—you were the most important person in my life. I mean… you still are.”

You sniff, reaching up to wipe at your nose. “What are you trying to say?”

“I miss you too,” He replies quietly, gazing down for a moment to study the rest of your body. “I miss you so much all the time it hurts. If I had to give up a penny for every time I wanted to call you or text you… well, I’d probably be broke.”

You blink away the layer of tears clouding your vision. “D-Do you mean that?”

“I would never lie to you,” He admits, looking down and gently reaching over to grasp your hand. He runs his thumb over your skin, momentarily basking in the skin-on-skin contact with you.

Your body jolts with the occasional hiccup as you quietly try to let the previous wave of sobbing pass over you. “I’m sorry,” You whisper again. “I probably made a mess of your evening.”

He shakes his head before he even realizes what he’s doing. “No, it’s okay, I’m just glad to see you home safely.”

You look down at your joined hands. “S-Since you miss me, and I miss you,” You start, biting on your lip. “Can we start over?”

He gazes up at you. Every nerve in his body screams YES, because goddamn, it has been too long and he’s sure that if the universe was willing to give the pair of you another chance, you both would do anything and everything to make it work and not fall into those same traps that broke you apart last time. He has wanted a lot of things, but never has badly as this and he wants to hold you tightly and crush you to his chest and inhale your lavender—and yet.

The sinking sensation seems to hit him in that moment that you’re still drunk and under the influence and thus, not in your right state of mind. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up. He doesn’t think he can handle that.

He lets out a sigh. “If you remember this tomorrow,” He says. “Then we can.”

You start fading again as he takes you out of his car and helps you up the stairs to the correct floor of your apartment, helps your roommate in guiding you into your bedroom, and leaves with a prompt ‘just… take care of her, please…’ with such a sad edge to his voice that Karly gives him a sympathetic pat on the back and a request to drive home safely.

He does, but there is a longing in his chest, a doubt, a warning not to expect too much from this situation.

He loves you too much for the disappointment.

The next morning, he wakes up to surprisingly sunny skies, golden rays, and a text.

from you [7,18am]: Since you miss me and I miss you, can we start over?

He doesn’t think he’ll ever get use to your unpredictability, your determination—and for the first time in months, his smile is brighter than the outside.

#bangtan bookclub #bts writing cafe #jungkook x you #jungkook x reader #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fluff #bts scenario #bts fluff #bts x reader #traci writes

905 notes · View notes

honeymoonwriting · 5 years

Note

So Im starting to gwt a flu could you do what some characters would do if the s/o got sick? Rn Im just resting and drinking tea I dunno how to take care of myself

OH NO!! My star?? I’m so sorry that you’re getting sick! I recommend staying in bed, drinking lots of water, and taking a hot shower.

This is a random selection of characters. If you would like a specific fandom or character, then feel free to send another ask.

🧡 Overwatch 🧡

• Zenyatta

- The human body is so complex in ways that it can fully support itself, yet remains vulnerable to certain ailments. He knows this and understands your pain, despite not having a proper human body, Zenyatta will try his best to take care of you.

- The body must heal itself, but paired with medicine, it can help the process more quickly. With that being said, he travels far and wide to bring you the best! It can range from exotic teas to herbal capsules.

- He stays with you during every minute since he doesn’t fear getting sick, and happily attends to any task to help aid your road to recovery.

• Ashe

- Eh, she doesn’t know what to do personally, since she always had Bob to take care of her when she was seriously ill. She even thought about lending you him for a hot minute, but Ashe buckled down and decided that she needed to do this. You are after all her greatest jewel, and what would people say if they knew that she didn’t take care of her most precious piece of treasure?

- “Take this, sugar.”

“Uh, what is it?”

“It’s soup and I spent a century making it, so eat up!”

“Oh, I thought it was just a bowl of water with, uh, what is that?”

- Cue the icy glare and incoherent mumbling.

- In the end, Bob ended up helping, mostly by fetching you medicine and making food, but Ashe always brings it to ya. She caresses your head and kisses it lightly whenever she sees you and sits by your bed to talk. If you can’t talk, then Ashe will silently hold your hand.

💚 Dragon Age 💚

• Morrigan

- “Ugh, why must you become ill? And why must you stare at me like a weeping babe? Do you honestly expect me to pamper you when you are fully capable of ta-.”

- That’s the sound of her giving in. She may not be gentle with her care and concern but that’s because she knows that these things pass, and if you happen to become more ill, why then, aren’t you lucky that you have a powerful witch as a partner?

- Morrigan rarely got sick as a child, but when she did, her mother made the vilest potions to rid her of fever or stomach pain. It often worked but the taste was quite vulgar, but then again, it helped, so open wide. Morrigan also treats you to a hearty stew afterwards with a pinch of something special added in.

• Solas

- He may detest tea, but he creates a special blend to help with any symptoms that you may have. (Tumeric, ginger, roasted green tea, and a spoonful of honey!)

- Solas would want to spend as much time with you as possible since being sick is a very uncomfortable and sometimes lonely experience. He sits next to your bed and reads about a variety of subjects. His rich voice flows effortlessly off of each page and you find yourself drifting into a deep sleep. When you awake, Solas slumbers right next to you with his book placed on his chest.

- Solas consults some spirits from time to time since he never really personally took care of someone before, and fears that he may make the situation worse somehow. You’re going to have to reassure him that he’s doing the best he can, and this too shall pass.

#overwatch #overwatch imagines #imagines #reactions #zenyatta #ashe overwatch #ashe ow #dragon age inquisition #dragon age origins #dragon age #solas dai #solas #morrigan #morrigan dragon age #fanfic

32 notes · View notes

kinkymagnus · 5 years

Note

hmm let's talk more about twi Malec, like there's just so many endless possibilities

any specifics? no? just kidding, you can’t respond, this is an ask! okay, i’m just gonna throw some random twi malec shit out here then

twi magnus…..hes soft. but also. i feel like since he’s got more Repression™ than canon magnus he’s like WAY WILDER.

canon magnus a few months into them boning: hey alexander wanna tie me up? ;)

twi magnus a few months into them boning: hey so i have potion that will give you magical tentacles to tie me up and fuck me with?

(obviously this isn’t just out of nowhere or anything but im saying while they’re both kinky twi magnus is surprisingly a little more shameless when it comes to sex things.)

twi alec. is HORNY. so horny. canon alec? pretty horny. twi alec? MAXIMUM HORNY. good thing, too, because twi magnus hasn’t been fucked in a few centuries and that has BUILT UP.

they bone a LOT

also imagine: twi alec and shitty one-liners/pick-up lines and bad jokes

twi alec says, completely deadpan, “want me to take you to the Bone Zone?” and twi magnus first is like “i am, frankly, horrified and disgusted” but can’t stop himself from laughing (especially once alec is laughing at the cute little face he makes with the scrunchy nose, and it’s so contagious magnus can’t help but laugh too)

i have a line in one of my twi fics where magnus basically says something like (jokingly/playfully!) “you’re pretty full of yourself, huh?” and alec responds “how you’d like to be full of me, too?” and magnus giggles and it’s ADORABLE AND THAT LINE IS JUST SO FUCKING TWI MALEC TO ME OKAY?

also twi magnus is not innocent of pun crimes. no magnus is innocent of pun crimes.

twi magnus: [makes a cute bad pun] [wiggles eyebrow a bit]

twi alec: that was terrible. that was a real stinker. what the fuck.

twi magnus, every goddamn time: gonna PUNish me? ;D

twi alec can and will cook breakfast in bed for his boyfriend

magnus, sleepily blinking: hng?

alec, with pancakes and eggs and bacon and freshly squeezed orange juice: hey babe :) decided to surprise you :) it’s “i love my boyfriend” day

magnus, still half asleep: ufck did iforget something i dont have anytihnf oryoutgfckkk

alec: oh no babe “i love my boyfriend” day is every day because i always lvoe you and i just decided to do something nice for you :)

magnus: did the dream about wearing acid washed jeans keep you up again?

alec, shuddering: they’re so ugly

okay but seriously he’d totally just be sappy and make magnus breakfast and stuff

and magnus is like “i can make u a sweet dreams potion?”

MAGIC REVEAL does not get TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH. STILL.

possibility one: alec walks in on magnus making a bunch of chores do themselves fantasia style and is like. uh. what the FUCK. and all the dishes drop to the floor and magnus honestly looks so SCARED that alec’s heart breaks a little even tho he’s also trying to process how confused he is and magnus stutters out something about not being a monster and may or not may not be descending into a panic attack because he’d been so careful for so long not to reveal the truth to ANYONE, only like three people know who and what he is that he actually talks to in the world and a mundane finding out is not good much less his wonderful boyfriend who’ll LEAVE HIM and HATE HIM and he’s–he’s–and alec’s like. oh fuck that. and hugs him like hey it’s okay i’m really confused and i hope you explain later but you could literally never be a monster, especially not for floating some dishes,

possibility two: magnus, scared shitless, tells him, but alec always knew. i love this shit. alec’s just like “babe. babe you weren’t subtle.” because magnus has got a lot of really powerful magic and he’s only jst learning to control it again and it’s waking up, like having a foot that’s been asleep for a long time waking up except if the foot changed the color of the wallpaper when it sneezed and glowed when it was happy. this metaphor broke down. you get the idea.

there are more possibilities but im tired

ok but when magnus’s magic is revealed. magnus is like. 1. ecstatic to give alec lots of little magical gifts like a little enchanted pendant with protective charms and a magic candy (like a chocolate frog, just a fun little thing that would make him laugh) and the sweet dreams potion and so on. 2. kind of expecting like. he’s more than willing to give, but he kind of lowkey expects alec to like. expect it. to expect magical solutions to his problems. magnus can do the dishes with a wave of his hand, he kind of expects to do the dishes every time now that alec knows he can do that. but alec’s like “what are you doing” “…magic? we’ve gone over this” “yeah but it’s my turn” and magnus is like “i can just do it with a wave of my hand” and alec’s like “you think i dont notice how you collapse in my arms for cuddling and end up dozing off every time? it takes energy. and even if it didn’t we still share the workload even if you can do something easier you don’t have to do everything for me” and magnus is lik,,e,,e,,e,e??? oh.

like alec appreciates him and is so loving and wonderful and thankful for things magnus does give him but he doesn’t let magnus indulge in the tendency to put everyone else first and take on all the work? he doesn’t take magnus’s magic for granted?

it’s great

nsfw detour!!!

twi magnus gets RAWED

u kno how i said that twi magnus is horny and wild? and also lonely and has not had a good hard fuck in possibly over a century?

magnus has an extensive toy collection.

many, many dildos and vibrators. nipple clamps, magic toys that can fuck him or tie him up… and it’s like all different sizes, types, materials, uses… some costumes and stuff that he bought for himself because they make him feel good/pretty but he doesn’t wear that often because it feels shameful or weird to do by himself.

alec definitely teases him senseless. ties him up and presses the vibrator to his clit until he’s crying, rolling it around and applying pressure and then taking it away again, stimulating his whole clit without mercy

or those. i dont know what they’re called, they suck (literally, not as in “this is bad/this sucks”) and make ur clit/nipples get swollen and sensitive? yes.

fuck his pussy AND ass with various dildos and toys of different sizes and shapes :))

sometimes at the same time :)))))

y’all alec recording him or taking pictures. making him feel so deliciously exposed and watched. amazing and iconic

also: public sex. twi malec can have fun too

it’s not right away, i feel like twi magnus would be more into things like overstimulation and getting recorded than being fucked in front of people. he still loves the latter, don’t get me wrong, but it’s more canon magnus’s thing? he’s more used to like… showing off ;)

but when magnus does feel confident enough to try that (baby steps–alec groping/teasing him in public, maybe fooling around in a vip booth at pandemonium or its equivalent, until he’s ready to be fucked properly and god once he is, once he lets go, it’s so amazing

he’s used to hiding, hiding under layers both literal and metaphorical, and here he is totally exposed and vulnerable but 1. he’s being taken care of and he’s safe and alec is just making him feel so good, kind of like, forcing himself to express how good he feels and not hide it, making him scream and cry and beg and love it, 2. he’s just? being admired? worshiped? there is nothing demeaning about this, it couldn’t be further from it, he’s exposed and people are fucking basking in it. he looks beautiful, he looks goddamn stunning, he looks fucking amazing and everyone wants to watch and touch and alec’s there holding him and loving him,,, aAAHHh

twi alec becomes immortal, no one can change my mind.

twi magnus: i love you but……i’m…i’m immortal

twi alec: oh. that…. ok.twi magnus, sad: it’s okay… i understand if you want to l–twi alec: become immortal to be with you? oh good i know it’s kind of a dedication considering i haven’t even proposed to you yet–twi magnus: yet? wait-

obviously twi alec doesn’t just completely jump into this with no consideration but look. look. he loves magnus so much, and anyway, it’s not like immortality doesn’t hold any appeal for him anyway. yeah, he knows it’s harder than it sounds, but like, there’s so much potential in things he could learn and do and see, and he could do it all WITH THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. he could NOT leave him behind when he’s been left so many times before. he has hesitations, but like, in the end he chooses immortality and he doesn’t ever regret it

it’s like that stardust quote. “ I imagine [immortality] would be kind of lonely. Well, maybe if you had someone to share it with. Someone you loved. Then it might be different.” LDKJFLKGJHG YEAH BITCH THAT’S MALEC

also angst: magnus is like. at first. actually against the idea. and alec’s kinda like. hurt/confused/upset. and then magnus explains that if alec’s mortal, magnus will lose him to death–maybe sooner if alec leaves him, but it’s like a letting go thing, it’s inevitable. but if he’s immortal? all of magnus’s immortal lovers… they get tired of him. they get bored. they get annoyed. they stay with him, maybe they’re even in love, for a few years, or if he’s lucky, decades. but eventually they always leave. they drift apart first, they might suggest seeing other people. but they always leave. if alec’s mortal, his leaving is inevitable even tho it will break magnus’s heart. if he’s immortal, then it will inevitably be a choice, and it will shatter him all the more.

of course, magnus wouldn’t stop him even if he was very staunchly against it, it’s alec’s life, but like. he’s worried.

and worse, it’s not just that, but like. once alec grows tired of him, because he will, everyone does, once alec decides he made the wrong choice… he can’t take it back. if it’s soon enough, all his friends and family will be old, and he’ll be forever young, even if he is able to become mortal again it won’t be the same. and if it’s later, they’ll all be dead. magnus doesn’t doubt his ability to make new friends, of course, but the idea of alec regretting his choice, leaving him and being alone or feeling alone, of alec being out in the world lasting forever because of him, cursed with that same lonely immortality magnus has? that thought hurts more than anything, causing alec his type of pain.

so alec is like. no. NO. what the fuck i’m not. i’m not going to grow SICK of you, i’d never be tired of you, or–bored? REALLY? of you? what the fuck. your past lovers suck.

to be clear not every single one of magnus’s exes suck, but they all did leave him in some shape way or form, or else they wouldn’t be exes. you feel. i mean, he’s still friends with dot but it’s been centuries and we dont know what happened between then and now? idk man let me have that angst ok

eventually alec can convince magnus that he’s not leaving and he loves magnus and it’s okay but that little doubt niggles at the back of his head you know?

on their hundred year anniversary alec kisses him senseless and says “still not bored of you”

same with every other anniversary, but especially the big century ones

they don’t ever break up. they have fights, some worse than others, it’s not perfect, but they always find their way back to each other and communicate and mend their wounds

twi malec cuddling during thunderstorms, thank you.

magnus curled in alec’s arms, face buried in his shoulder

alec’s arms around him

yes

ok but look. twi alec being social media savvy.

(note: i have never used instagram and i am MAKING SHIT UP.)

alec with an instagram. he’s out here taking pictures of his sweet adorable boyfriend. he’s got a decent number of followers but it goes up a LOT when he starts dating magnus because holy shit who’s this cutie? and then someone finds those god-awful cringey commercials that i still insist magnus made on a dare he lost PLEASE he’s a dork but REALLY?, and they’re like WAIT THIS IS THAT PSYCHIC GUY FROM THE MEME COMMERCIAL WOW HE’S DORKY CUTE AND HOT? and magnus is like (hides face) oh my god

why does this make me think of a twi malec youtuber au–no no no NOT RIGHT NOW

#trans magnus smut #twi malec #twi

26 notes · View notes

fairycosmos · 4 years

Note

I want to say....ive been the most lonely this year after my closest family member died and then my closest friend left me after. Ive been beyond strong and forcing myself to stay active and involved in others lives....but it feels like im wedging myself in. They have partners. They have best friends. They have family. Im just there when i nag them enough to spend time with me. Dunno how to ever feel better about that but i guess it beats feeling lonely AND being alone.

oh god i’m so sorry to hear that love, it really goes beyond imagination or comprehension 😔 it seems like you’ve been through so much and the fact that you were able to maintain relationships with others to any extent is something you should be so proud of. you’re right, you’ve been unbelievably resilient, and it speaks to your character to the highest degree. obviously i have a very distant and one dimensional view of you and your life, and i have no idea what it’s like to be in in your shoes, so i’m just thinking out loud here, but...it seems to me, based on this, that you’re still (understandably) in quite a strong state of grief. you can’t quite wrap your head around the hole that has been left in your life and so you feel empty when other cant fill that void. at least that’s just the initial impression i got, i could be totally wrong. but it’s true that when we’re going through such high levels of emotional turmoil we often want to find any excuse to isolate ourselves so we can just say fuck it, and i feel as though your brain may be trying to do that to you right now. it wants you to feel meaningless so it feeds you this false narrative about how ‘unwanted’ you are, despite evidence of the contrary. try to recenter yourself and hold onto a sense of rationality when possible. the presence of best friends/partners/family in other peoples lives doesn’t mean that they don’t treasure what you specifically bring to the table. no one can take your place. it doesn’t mean they don’t carry love for you too, you know? it’d be easy to believe otherwise - if you push them away, you can’t get hurt. but i really want to urge you to examine where this feeling of exclusion is coming from, whether it’s from within or an actual external source. has anyone in your life done or said anything which indicated that they don’t want to spend time with you? or could it possibly be a projection born from your own fear and insecurities? if that is the case, by the way, i want to make it clear that i’m not blaming you for it at all. i mean, i’m exactly the same way. i just think it’s a good first step to be able to identify that that is what’s going on. it’s kind of a general rule that ppl wouldn’t choose to be around you if they didn’t want to be, and the pain you’re feeling right now doesn’t change that fact. i understand wanting to come first to somebody and wanting to feel like a priority. it’s a very human desire and you absolutely deserve to experience that. and i dont doubt that you will, over and over again in your future. it’s really not as impossible it seems in this moment. you’re more than worthy. but i think it’s still healthy to be able to appreciate all of the different dynamics you have with those in your life, and all of the different ways that they show you appreciation and affection. cause even if it’s not overt, it’s still there. you still matter, more than you know. have you been able to seek any support for dealing with the loss of your family member? i know we’re all in quarantine right now, and things aren’t exactly ideal, but i really want you to know that you’re not alone. and that you don’t have to try to handle this as if you are. there are a lot of counselors, therapists and mental health professionals who are still offering online appointments, and if you’re worried about money they’re usually open to negotiating a price. there are also a lot of online communities that can offer you suggestions in terms of how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, and detailed accounts of other peoples experiences. if that feels like too much - there’s even the option of calling a mental health hotline and just working through your options with them so you have an idea of where to go from here. death is one of the hardest things in the world to come to terms with and there’s no rule book or deadline, so it’s normal to need help in processing the denial, the anger, the acceptance etc. maybe focusing on taking care of that part of you will enable you to get to a place where you can be more vulnerable with the ppl around you. in turn, making you feel closer to them. it really seems like you’re in a difficult place right now so i appreciate that this all probably seems far fetched or overwhelming, but i’m just asking you to start with yourself and your own needs first and foremost, as it’ll likely have a domino effect on how you feel about others. it’s ok to talk about what’s going on in your head. it’s ok to admit to the shame/hurt/sadness because then you can start examining where it’s coming from and whether or not your emotions are truthful. whether that’s to a friend, your doctor, a family member, even just to a diary at first - it all counts. you’re making so much more progress than you can see, i promise. not every day has to be a good one, but simply surviving and keeping in contact with those you love and care for is going to do wonders for your future self, seriously. i’m so sorry the world has been so cruel to you and i really hope you know that you’re supposed to be here and you’re supposed to be loved. if you can’t believe that right now, it’s not because it’s not true, it’s cause you’re hurting too much to see it. if you need a friend or if you want to discuss this more openly, i’ll be here. i’m sending you so much love and strength. take care.

#anon #this is just my take it's not 100% like correct ok psa over ttrmelfg

4 notes · View notes

enccrypted · 5 years

Text

romance headcanons

name: park tae-joon (alias: kim hyeon)

nickname: “Joon” !! Though generally the only people to ever call him that were Mila and Mystik. And “TJ,” maybe, I can see that one being thrown around a bit.

gender: male.

romantic orientation: he generally avoids relationships and is not extremely interested in others sexually or romantically, but it all comes down to the circumstances and particularly to how he connects with someone. He doesn’t care about the specifics of sex or gender — I do personally tend to lean towards writing gay relationships, but that’s a me thing, and I want to emphasise that it doesn’t really matter to Crypto. I’m generally willing to try what he is willing to!

preferred pet names: hasn’t had any to speak of.

relationship status: single, but might fuck around, might settle down and find happiness in a committed relationship with mirage apex legends, haha just kidding....... unless????

favorite canon/fandom ship: God I have a few... I know that Cryptage (Crypto and Mirage) is a really big thing for the fandom (fic author once called it a “rarepair” and i was like huh??? are you kidding fam), and I personally love exploring their dynamic with vanishout. They have a rough start, but there’s no other person Crypto loves more... im emotional over Them, and Crypto is honestly so smitten. Their ship make me happy

I am also a big fan of Crypto and Octane! Something I’m messing around with whilst writing with deathchasing. They’ve got a lot of potential to go places, where exactly I’m still unsure, but guess we’ll sort that out later. :)

I am generally interested in shipping anyone with Crypto if there’s enough chemistry or an interesting enough dynamic. The only other characters I have on the brain though that I want to ship Crypto with are Bloodhound, Caustic, and Gibraltar. As of now though, I haven’t really properly discussed a ship with anyone else but Julie and Kabu.

favorite crossover ship: I don’t really have any! I can’t really think on the spot of one, either. I haven’t really taken Crypto out of his default Apex verse yet, but I’m willing to try.

opinion on true love: It exists, that much he knows. Love is what carried Tae-joon through life even as an orphan on the streets with nothing to his name. It’s what helped him survive, because he worked and fought tooth and nail every single day for the people he loved. Mila, and later on Mystik, proved without a doubt to him that platonic love exists and is one of the most powerful forces he could know. Without them, I’m not sure where he’d have ended up. He believes in love, perhaps with more conviction than most things.

BUT as for romantic love... sure, he’s absolutely sure it exists. But he’s convinced it’s just not something he can have. Like... Tae-joon’s been through shit, earnt the life he had before the Games with his own blood, sweat, and tears. He knows full well that he has worth, that he is deserving — but the way the Syndicate directly and indirectly stripped him of everything that he loves and cares about really hit him hard. It’s tough for him to reach out and connect with people, and even tougher to allow himself to love again after he’s been taught time and time again that he will lose everything he has valued so dearly, worked so hard for.

And he’s afraid for the people that might be in a relationship with him; loving Crypto doesn’t just make him vulnerable, he puts anyone who cares about him in direct danger as well. In that sense, he doesn’t think he deserves love. Even if he found it with someone who’s willing to care about him, the guilt of making them a target for the Syndicate... bad. It’ll take a hell of an exceptional partner (willing to put themselves in danger and to convince him that they’re okay with this) for Tae-joon to reach a point where he believes he is allowed to have love, and that he deserves it.

opinion on love at first sight: "amused at first sight” more like when it came to Mirage. I don’t think he’s really met anyone he instantly feel in love with on sight though, not as Park Tae-joon and certainly not as Crypto... it’s not hard to feed into the craving for human affection and for someone who really cares when he does slowly edge closer to someone. Like, when he actually allows them to be near him and lets them start forging some bond of trust. Honestly, love is never the first thing on his mind when he meets people, not even when he was living a civilian life as Tae-joon; there were always more important things to focus on.

how ‘romantic’ are they?: Even before the Games, he didn’t really have a great way of going about expressing emotions and communicating how he feels, let alone when it comes to unfamiliar notions of romance. He’s not entirely emotionally stunted, but he has a way of hyperfocusing on work, on taking comfort in things mechanical more than human, and rarely lets people interrupt him when he’s on a roll. He’s fairly aloof, but once he loses his previous life and identity, he comes to a realisation that he took human affection and contact for granted. Unfortunately he has no choice but to live without it after that; I think getting into a relationship, he’d be massively awkward about it to start with, but would quickly warm up and learn to be affectionate. He wouldn’t go out of his way to be, but he definitely would know the importance of even the simplest of gestures. He’d make it a point to show he cares, because he knows it’s not always obvious to someone that they’re loved — even fi it may seem obvious to others. At heart, Tae-joon’s a very soft and very caring person and does try to show it where he can.

ideal physical traits: Doesn’t matter to him. If he starts to love someone, he WILL find attraction in someone inevitably whether they are conventionally attractive or not.

ideal personality traits: he is... weak for soft and kind people. also loves someone who can match him in terms of intelligence and ability, someone who is good with banter. a good sense of competition. people with drive and ambition. there’s probably a tonne more, but it’s just not coming to mind right now.

unattractive physical traits: Tae-joon grew up on the streets as a child, parentless and homeless. He saw it all. It wasn’t hard for him to learn that there’s far more admiration and beauty to found in other things than in the physical appearance.

One point I do want to cover though: He thinks the physical result of his own augmentations and implants are unattractive. They’re a huge part of his survival and certainly technological marvels (designed all by himself, though he found outside help to have them implanted). But having to virtually gut and replace so much of himself really dealt a blow to his whole concept of his humanity and physicality. He has trouble seeing himself as a person sometimes, much less an attractive one with the enhancements he’s gone through.

unattractive personality traits: stupidity. ignorance. unwillingness to learn. taking things for granted, wasting life away. selfishness and lack of empathy / sympathy for others. betraying the loyalty and the trust of the people who love you. complete lack of morals or ethics. acting like you’re something you’re not. people who view themselves above others (even though.. he often does... hahaha)

ideal date: He doesn’t really have any standard of one, not really having been on one before (though can bet that Mila has tried to hook him up multiple times with a blind date or something, they always fell through or Tae-joon just didn’t want to).

do they have a type?: not entirely, I do like to joke around that he’s into himbos though. One himbo specifically, but overall there’s not any real pattern... I guess he would like soft people capable of showing kindness, who are the exact opposite of him in the sense that they still see beauty and value in the world for all the cruel wreck that it is. People who are willing to be kind without expecting kindness back, who is... willing to show crypto that sort of kindness and teach it to him again 😳😳 people who allow him to be vulnerable and understand the place he’s coming from...

average relationship length: So we’re making up pure lies and saying that he’s had actual past relationships? Fuckin wig... but I think he would enjoy moderate to long-term relationships when he does actually get into them. Obviously, he’s not going to start something with ease (commitment is a bitch when you’re in his situation), but he’s not going to start a relationship with the intention of dumping the other person early on.

preferred non-sexual intimacy: i’m thinking he probably values non-sexual intimacy a lot more than sexual actually, especially since i’m exploring current ships where sexual intimacy is involved but human affection and connection isn’t... which, in turn, just makes tae-joon feel a hell of a lot more emotionally disconnected and lonely. He really values the comfort of just being close to someone, around them in close proximity without worry. Being there with them, listening to them speak and paying them attention even if he’s not the most vocal or performative person... there’s a very real comfort in that. Just leaning against someone, I think, sharing contact that isn’t even necessarily romantic. He just wants to feel, and be felt — that simple human connection is Wildly important for him.

commitment level: Really fucking incredible. Like really fucking incredible if you get him to care enough, help him to open up and allow himself to care.

opinion of public affection: It flusters him (though I think he could learn to like at least a little bit of it. Having someone he loves and can show off in a subtle sort of way), and he probably doesn’t ever allow it anyway on account of not wanting anyone with their eye on him to pick out vulnerabilities. He’s very careful about keeping any relationships during the Games highly secret — no point in putting someone he cares about in harm’s way, and honestly I don’t think he could stand losing another person after he puts in all the effort to learn to trust and to love again. Affectionate gestures in private though, as said, is all good with him.

past relationships?: once he talked to a girl on an online mmorpg and they traded items and he thinks he got the better end of the trade so that was pretty epic. But no, he hasn’t had any.

tagged by: @incnspcuous and @deathchasing!!! thanks lads tagging: @aeiiope / @thunderolled pls bless me with yr girls.... @vanishout, @slature

#you're predictable‚ and i'm not. \` * file: headcanon.#long post cw #dash memes.

4 notes · View notes

nureyevsbf · 6 years

Note

first ten for carlisle :3c

i literally almost cried MULTIPLE times while writing this let’s GO

tw for mild internalized homophobia in question 7

sorry if you’re just some rando looking for twilight content who comes across this bc of all the fuckin keywords in it

otp question meme

1. Who is the most affectionate?

does it even count if i say both??? like i have lovey dovey bitch disease and im extremely affectionate but like. carlisle. carlisle who was lonely and heartbroken and crushed by self-loathing for years. carlisle who was touch starved for decades and would probably cry if he was physically capable the first time i touched him lovingly. carlisle who thought he was a monster and damned to hell who finally has someone - someone who's hunted monsters like him before and yet sees this beauty in him and loves him with their whole heart - that looks at him like he put the stars in the sky himself and who loves every part of him and insists he's more human than any of them. that carlisle?????? look me in the fuckin eyes and tell me he wouldn't b the softest most affectionate full-of-love motherfucker on the planet.

2. Big spoon/Little spoon?

im the big spoon just bc i Always am and Am Never the little spoon, but a lot of time i'll sleep on his chest while he sits up doing whatever (since, like, doesnt need to sleep and shit)

3. Most common argument?

hmm. i don't think we would argue very much?? we probably don't argue at all until the other cullens start coming along, and it's more... how to correctly handle them. like specifically in new moon i would Definitely be against packing up and moving out just bc edward's being weird and fucking emo and that would definitely turn into...one of the few heated arguments we ever have.

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

carlisle really likes cooking, even though he can't eat any of it himself, so he enjoys helping me in the kitchen when i make food. he also likes being with me when i sleep - be it curling up with me and resting his eyes or reading while i sleep on his chest or whatever.

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

i think i've answered this before and said it would probably b an even split but. yeah normally it'd b me due to who i am as a person so u would Think. but like. he MORE than has the strength for it and definitely loves to just. sweep me off my feet, literally, when the moment calls for it tbh

also, given vampires r like. Basically stone. i think it's very difficult for me to lift him in my human form.

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?

ive definitely answered this one before but. for me, my favorite physical feature is his voice and his eyes. like of course All of him is breathtaking but those two things specifically get my ass. but my favorite non-physical feature - and yes i know i wind up saying this of a Lot of my f/os, im pretty sure this is just my type - is his heart. like....he's such an inherently good person and his desire to do good runs so deep that that's the thing that was amplified when he was turned - he literally is the only cullen who has never taken a human life bc his gift is literally to be able to resist THE most quintessential part of being a vampire. and i RLLY fuckign love that abt him.

he i think also likes my eyes??? there's nothing special abt them like his my eyes are just rlly pretty like irl hjdfghdfjg. he also really just...loves the fact that i'm flesh and blood. like he relishes in my warmth and my heartbeat and the fact that i'm living and it's just made better by the fact that i'm not mortal. like he can still have a partner who's all these things and whose life he can cherish w/o having to deal with me eventually falling victim to this mortal coil that doesn't affect him (and i mean - both of us are not invulnerable but at least it's like. time that's never going to do us part.)

but then as far as non-physical features go, he likes.....ok this is very broad and i do have to explain all the shit that falls under this umbrella. but he likes my sense of good. i'm a deeply, deeply loyal person, and have this very strong sense of morals and a code of honor, and i'm naturally very selfless and giving, and these r all things that made him fall in love w me in the first place.

7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

oh this is so so emo and im so sorry for how sad this is abt to get. this is one of the parts that almost made me cry and not bc of how soft it is.

for me it's not too bad i just am very obvious abt how attached to him i am and wanna spend more time w him and really like latch onto him once i realize ive caught feelings. like that's just how i am in general.

but w carlisle. it's so hard for him to deal with. like it's just massive fucking turmoil for him. this affection and adoration he feels and is dying to express but this horrible guilt and his self-hatred getting amplified - like, again, he hates himself and what he is and he thinks he's this awful monster even if he's never hurt a human being and is actively trying to help people by studying medicine, and then there's me who he sees the world in and who he knows has distaste for his kind (bc again has actively hunted his kind) and he's just hit with all this shit like. he's not good enough for me, what if i find out abt the way he feels abt me and i'm disgusted by him, what if i leave and don't want to travel with him anymore. could he take that kind of heartbreak, could he take being alone again, could he take being left because of what a wretched thing he is? (there's also probably. religious panic :\\ im sure like coming to terms w being bi/mlm is NOT easy for him, son of a preacher, and im sure that's a part of it.)

he reacts to this whole fucking chaos of emotions in him by withdrawing a lot, i think? getting quieter and distancing himself from me - he's not even really meaning to, he wants to be near me but it hurts so much he just does it on instinct. which turns around and hurts him more, and hurts me in the process, so really this initial weird period of painful ass angsty pining just hurts us both, like, way more than necessary

8. Nicknames? & if so, how did they originate?

i have Not ultimately though up anything since i was last asked this :pensive: so i think i have to just come to terms w the fact that i don't think we would give each other nicknames. not even shortened versions of our names (outside of me w eli but i literally just go by that normally.) pet names, yes, absolutely; it'd be my standard ones - dear, baby, doll, honey, sometimes love/my love, and if i Really wanna be over-the-top half-facetiously sappy and gross sometimes i'll say "my darling dearest." w him it's darling, dear, love/my love, and his gross over-the-top cheesy bullshit is 100% genuine and absolutely NOT facetious even a LITTLE bit and it DOES fluster the shit out of me when he does super gay ass shit like call me "my heart" or "my light in the dark" or whatever other sappy ass BULLSHIT

9. Who worries the most?

this one i know i've answered before. and like, it's him.... i think he just has a lot to worry abt. im fleshy and kinda vulnerable and that scares him - i think he worries a lot too abt like. what if the nature of our relationship makes me a target. esp with the volturi, who like have it in their rules that vampires are not to associate w werewolves, and that's not what i am but would they be willing to listen to that? especially if aro reads my mind and realizes i've killed their kind before?? the family probably keeps it under wraps tbh, hides me from the volturi, but that's not really a perfect solution. it's probably not till the end of breaking dawn when the volturi agrees to honor the treaties/relationship w the pack that they feel like i'm safe.

he also just worries abt little shit too!! like i can and do get hurt in ways they don't even if it's NOT a big deal. cut myself cooking (which to clarify. my blood isn't an issue bc it smells like shit to them. i think that might have been confirmed for the pack too but. i smell like dog it's Not appealing) or twist my ankle doing some dumbass shit or whatever. and i heal much faster than humans so this shit isn't a problem!! and the rational doctor in him is like this is a very small injury it's really NOT an issue. but the husband in him is like ))))): i don't want him to be hurting

and it just kind of results in him hovering nervously and fussing over me when he RLLY doesnt need to be

10. Who remembers what the other one always orders at a restaurant?

w us it's not exactly a big deal given carlisle can't exactly eat out at restraurants lol. he does remember my favorite restaurants in every town we go to and my takeout order and regularly brings food home for me on his way back from work, though.

#answered #answered meme #ladychraelix #4 -#5 -#carlisle

3 notes · View notes

simkjrs · 7 years

Note

Ur diarmesh hcs is fucking killing me I’m having a HEART ATTACK BLESS U

THANK YOU VERY MUCH IM GLAD YOU ENJOY THEM!!!! heres some more diarmesh bnha/fate crossover content from discord chat last night

more specifically, the comedy comes from the fact that diarmuid is a really great hero, and gilgamesh is like the antithesis to pretty much all of that, and for some reason gilgamesh and diarmuid kind of hang out anyways, so eight months into their incredibly weird friendship we have a moment thats like

diarmuid's hero mentor: diarmuid!! what are you doing hanging out with that awful villain gilgamesh?!

diarmuid: wait, archer, you're a villain?

gilgamesh, annoyed at diarmuids mentor showing up and ruining his attempts to maneuver diarmuid into walking with him alone on the moonlit beach to talk about philosophy (its NOT a date no matter what anyone says): tch, of course this mongrel would show up now of all times. be quiet, peasant. your voice displeases me.

diarmuid: [frowning seriously and forgetting to answer his hero mentor because hes focusing so much on gilgamesh] why didn't you tell me?

gilgamesh: as if i would lower myself to such a pitiful activity. i have no need t

diarmuid: we've known each other for well over eight months now, archer, have i not proved my loyalty? i would accept you no matter how you were.

gilgamesh: i know this. anyone could divine your nature after a single conversation with you. however, you believe incorrectly. i am not a v

diarmuid, earnestly: you can tell me the truth, archer. i won't turn away.

gilgamesh: i said, i’m NOT a v--

diarmuid's hero mentor: DIARMUID YOU ARE A HERO-IN-TRAINING YOU CAN'T JUST "ACCEPT" ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS AS A VI

i love the idea of gilgamesh bothering diarmuid, and slowly diarmuid starts to consider gilgamesh a comrade or a friend because gilgamesh has helped him out and sought him out often enough that hes like "well, archer seems to be arrogant and unlikeable, but deep down, he really isn't that bad of a person!" so he staunchly believes the best of gilgamesh despite knowing that gilgamesh is really like. like really morally gray. like really just not a good person and kind of the worst. ALSO diarmuid somehow doesnt connect gilgamesh to the talk of some weird new not-vigilante-probably-villain person moonlighting around town so its like well into their established friendship that the confrontation happens

so diarmuid’s hero mentor reveals gilgamesh's villain identity in front of diarmuid, and diarmuid is like, "oh my god really?" and then a second later he's like, "no wait. that makes sense." but also he believes in gilgamesh so it ends up being that diarmuid treats gilgamesh's villainy the same way a concerned friend would set up an intervention for a friend with, say, a nicotine problem. like, "i know you have a problem, and it's bad for you, and the people around you, but you can get better, and i'll support you and help you find resources and Be Here For You No Matter What"

gilgamesh: i forgot how your outlook, while truly refreshing, can be so irritating. diarmuid. do you insist on believing the best in me, despite the evidence of my crimes? look how the media of this world treats me; look at the way your mentor treats me with disgust. to persist with such delusions that i am a good person who embodies those values you prize so highly is truly the height of foolishness.

diarmuid, nodding earnestly: (archer... i knew you were lonely, but to try and push me away rather than be vulnerable... but you won’t get rid of me so easily! i’ll be here to help!) i know, it can be difficult when everyone turns on you and you feel completely alone. but you're not alone, archer! you have me. i won't leave your side.

gilgamesh, watching his point completely sail past diarmuid's head:

what’s really great about this is that somehow diarmuid has forced gilgamesh into the straight man role. and whats even better is that diarmuid is still really smart and perceptive so even though he misses gilgamesh’s point he nails every single one of gilgamesh’s complexes and insecurities on the head. fucking obliterated, gilgamesh

last notes:

#ask #bad idea catalogue #diarmesh #crossover stuff #i just. these two are just so funny how could i not stan them #diarmuidodyna

67 notes · View notes

reflectionsof99 · 5 years

Text

What do I want?

Im on this journey of awakening & now im at a point to reflect on what do I really want? specifically... so i decided to make a list .. - I want to be so deeply, madly in love with myself.. in a healthy way that allows me to thrive, appreciate more, tolerate less and truly improve my quality of life. I deserve it, after so long of looking to make a love out of someone I want to realize that my truest oldest friend & most legitimate soul mate it myself. & I dont have to feel lonely anymore if im simply focusing on the things I enjoy. being in a better space to give & recieve . - I want to stop resisting, & instead trust, life & my intuition. In these past few days im so greatful for all the information im finally understanding one thing being how alot of the stress in my life is from resistance & from trying to control things around me. Also resisting my intuituion id like to stop doing that. When I hear about the things im letting go it feels as a loss & I havent really been understanding what im gaining. But im so tired of carrying fear or waiting for changes to occur, there are some things that i really dont want to let go off, but i am go greatful for the paitence & perspective througout this entire process. - I want to slow down & truly be present for each moment & being aware of the energy i bring to a situation. Ive been treating life like a checklist & feeling as tho once I accomplish a,b,c then iĺl be able to fully engage or finally feel the bliss, freedom & happiness. But i choose to bring those things instead & then allow the rest to come. - I want to be creative! I have so many ideas & instead i want to align with the creating & manifesting. When ive been so shut down emotionally I realized how this has affected my sacral chakra, keeping me away from my creativety & sexuality as well. I wanna rebuild that as well as rebuilding my confidence. In high school my senior year I did alot of art classes because I liked the freedom of expression. Art teaches me alot about myself & about my level of paitence. I really would like to specialize in painting (photorealism), freelance photography & even some video recording & editing. These things make me feel alive !! & I´d like to give myself a genuine space to explore it. - I want to have fucking fun!! These past few years ive allowed my depression & adverse feelings to push me to far away from everything i loved including myself. my blog has been one of my closest means of self expression & a creative outlet. but now i miss having friends & fun!! I am being able to just take it easy, I enjoy feeling comfortable in my own skin & vibing out with new people. I miss being with people i feel relatable with , or having girl friends that hype me up & just having lots of normal girly fun with. I call it sisterhood because its so iportant to a young womens development to have a group of sisters to encourage her & also let her know when she needs to check her self. - I want my tribe to inspire me! When i look at my tribe i wanna feel as tho they accept me & vice versa. Like its alot to learn from them in some aspect & as tho we can all love eachother unconditionally. -I want to validate myself!! With my lack of self love its had been around looking for validation I didnt even realize. Being vulnerable in the wrong ways & putting myself in uncomfortable situations simply for the validation that I matter and for all the self love that was missing. Well now I want to validate myself & go after what I want. Because I cant expect people to want my dreams more than I do. I cante xpect people to do things with me. & when i want people to keep reassuring me things are okay that from a place of fear & im releasing that fear now. - I want to be confident! I mean.. I feel pretty confident. But it goes deeper than that. I wanna feel confident in my appearance & in every single choice I make. Confident in my different & confident in my ability to be alone or handle responsibilities. I am ready to embrace confidence fully. -I want discipline in the means of meditation & exercise. like responsibilities ive been avoiding i intend to truly see the benifits & prioritize them rather than resist or belittle. I feel these things will go a long way in my life & id like to see! - I want my car, my phone & my eyebrows & toes done!!! I group these together because when I think of them they make me feel like an independent adult women. sometimes the fact that I dont have these things makes me feel like im not where i want to be so i want this to motivate me. Like I feel like iv been so dependent on others & the car & phone is truly a means of freedom & indpendence. & when i get my eyebrows & feet done it makes me feel confident & feminine & I could use alot more of that. - Hitting the thousands doing what i love. this past year ive been thinking of & trying to do so much of something that I havnt compleated much of anything. I want to do what my soul really calls me to do & be able to provide myself the lifestyle where I have freedom to the highest degree. Id like to be able to afford the healthy foods or even land to start my own garden & the car & insurance to visit my family at my own accord & to go out when i want & to travel & even just take a personal day when needed. its truly my dream to be my own boss & i know its possible! Im just interesed in seeing how these thousands & millions will manifest for me. I ask for help from the universe in doing so as i release my limiting financial beliefs & embrance my abundance. - I want to eat more vegan food, I want to feel good more often, I want to have alot of fun new experiences & be around people who enjoy doing simmilar things as me, I want to create & be the next big thing rather than wait for it & I wanna be paitent without getting my feelings involved when nessecary, I wanna embrace the wonders of life & self love to make up for all the years that was no where to be found. & deep deep down I want to be so inlove... but now with myself. - I want to go to the beach, feel the sand i my toes, people watch, charge up in the beautiful water. admire the metaphor for existance that a beach is - i want to write poetry that flows, is genuine & vibes like i need it to & that others can relate to & enjoy that intruiges the deepest parts of people everywhere - i want to visit & potentially build an earthship & bus to home coversion - i want to travel america with a lover in my bus conversion - i want to experience the epitomy of freedom & compassion - i want to do psychedelics when im ready - i want my sex drive back. I litterally dont have one right now but im sure once I do it could make things a whole lot more interesting & fun. i feel shame & guilt clouding my sexuality & I wanna purify that out of me. & have truly spiritual next level sexual experiences when the time comes. - i wanna release guilt in general. about things I cant change or about my truth. - i wanna honor & understand my connection to nature & do everything I can to protect her. - i want to travel to all these awesome places to experience other cultures, learn different languages , eat ao many amazing food & ulitmatley respect this entire creation in its entirety & ultimatley meet alot of people & have alot of experiences that make this whole thing worthwhile! & really appreciate all the different fascests of nature. I wanna go to costa rica, & egypt & the vadican to witness some of the wonders theyve stolen & france & africa & south america & just all over really. I wanna have something to offer & something to learn as I go. - I wanna go home to my heaven inside. Its calling me. & I know when I return things will be made right. - more means of experssion like enaging in my cosplay instagram ! & hopefully getting lots of followers maybe even money & also starting my youtube channel I am not always sure the details & im trying to be as specific as possible to these things can manifest but imma just be paitent & I hope this helps me & the universe & all my spirit guides & higher self in the long run. / I am sooo greatful!!! I intend to have a relaxing day full for minfulness & self assurance & just doing whatever I want to do... / Love & light

0 notes