#im lying btw please talk 2 me about this bs. oh my god

[virmillion]

ragt rambling :/

so this is. DEFINITELY. because i just watched the good place s3e6 again and it ALWAYS gets me because of who i am and where i'm at as a person but. i really think i might up and die if you gave rough a sibling. i think sister, because that's easier (and statistically you should probably have at least one cis character that's not a parent). i also think it should be a younger sister. i think rough's parents loved him, but they were bad at it. they were bad at being parents, and they were inexperienced, because being a parent is hard, and even though they had good intentions, it still sucked. it sucked for rough, and no matter how much they wanted to do good, that doesn't fix how much they fucked him up.

but then they had a second kid. a girl, a beautiful baby girl, planned and wanted and perfect. where rough was an accident, something to be worked around as they tried to learn how to be parents before they were truly adults, this girl was planned. im calling her emily for now, exclusively because unsaid emily always makes me cry, but also a little bit bc of the kid in the drew gooden video about the christmas mail movie, which i can recite from memory.

so along comes emily, and she's perfect and amazing and everything rough wasn't and isn't. their parents dote on her, because they learned from their mistakes. they lavish her with attention and gifts and driving to the after-school clubs - she's in all the sports, all the extracurriculars, they buy her all the pieces to all the hobbies she picks up every other week. rough is in the photography club. sometimes he gets some spare cash, which he socks away to eventually buy a better camera than the one that comes in his phone.

and he loves her, he really does. it's impossible not to, she's so nice and genuine and sincere in everything she does, she couldn't tell a lie if she wanted to. she doesn't get the perfect grades, but she works hard for B's and gets praised for an honest effort from every teacher. rough wishes he could hate her, and he wishes he could hate his parents for doing this to him, but it's no one's fault. it's not even his own fault, so there's no fair way for him to be mad at anyone, this is just how things are, and what can he even do about it! he's here, and he's a little fucked up, and emily's here, too, and she's with him, and she doesn't care that he's a little fucked up, because she loves him anwyay!! they don't get each other, rough wouldn't know the first thing about getting her, because her world is so alien from his own, despite the two being parallel

and then rough dies, and emily is alone. and really, what difference has there been before now, in her being an only child who happened to have a roommate? things are hard at first, and she misses her brother, and everyone is so understanding, but no one lashes out at her, or gets mad at her for doing the same. everyone understands that she's confused about her feelings, and that's worse, because what does she do with that? what do either of them do with that?

and she doesn't even know that rough is still there. rough is always there, because it's never been fair that he was loved, and that wasn't enough. it wasn't, and now it never will be, because there's nowhere for his parents to put that love but straight back into emily. and although emily doesn't know it, when she goes to the store and she buys the polaroid camera rough coveted and she takes pictures of everything, as if that might bring him back, rough is in all those pictures. he interrupts the dust motes spiraling through the light from the window, he nudges his littlest pet shop figures to be unaligned, and when emily finally turns the camera on herself, he's there, too, forcing a grin from over her shoulder and wishing she knew. she doesn't, of course. the newest picture prints, and she's a little bit out of focus, the camera instead choosing to zero in on the space behind her. she folds this picture up and keeps it in her pocket and sleeps in rough's bed that night, and he sits against the side and sorts all the pictures she took, spreads them out for her to see when she wakes up, because that's all he can do for either of them.

he doesn't know how to miss his parents, and he's not sure they do, either. he knows how to miss his sister, though, because he's been doing it all his life. he puts his swimming goggles around the camera when he leaves

[undercoverangell]

thinking about pok lives and goes on spring break au heres everything in my brain atm

Pok gets enough money working for the government to get a new house so they no longer live in an apartment and instead are in like a nice lil 2 bedroom 2 bathroom house and the bad kids come over freshman year bc riz is like "oh my dad should know something about these palimpsets i feel like he'd know about them" and he's not of much use but like. to give yall some perspective on how i imagine pok in this au he's like this goblin w huge scars covering him who is like?? kinda athletic?? and he is also still a spy and still goes on missions so when they first meet him hes in this fairly nice house in like a button up and cardigan w plaid pants and has his hair like tied back (bc i think he would grow it out) in a low ponytail drinking coffee. and they've never met Riz's dad but suddenly just everything about Riz makes sense this guy is his fucking dad?? and he works for the government as an accountant?? dude this guy is cool as hell wtf.

He's just very eloquently spoken and seems to know a lot about things accountants shouldn't care about (why did riz send us to his accountant dad to look at a palimpsest why would his dad know anything about this?) and so thus begins the convincing riz who knows what his dad does that his dad is in the mafia.

also doesnt help that they do have a thing in the gukgak household about bringing new people directly to the house bc obviously pok does have a bunch of like secret rooms and drawers in the home and so the very first thing he says around them is "Kid you know how i feel about strangers in the home" and riz just goes "yeah yeah sorry i know we can meet at Basrar's or something next time-" "okay well im assuming its an emergency or something important if you brought 5 people over that i've never even met so what's up?" and its immediately weird bc... wtf.. hi ig??

"dude like why is he so like ..... that. like?? dude hes not an accountant i know that at least." "guys my dad is just some dude who works in accounting hes not a member of the mafia" "the ball im so sorry your dad has been lying to you he is a member of the mafia. does your mom know?" "i dont know?? probably??" "poor woman..." "oh my god"

theyre all so confused as to why he is so casual not knowing that like since he was 13 riz has known his dad is a spy and does missions and stuff and everytime they see pok literally just getting a coffee they confront him immediately even if riz is there

"so mr.ball....whats in that coffee???"

"vanilla. some cream and milk."

"theres no mafia secrets????"

"no. i got it with two shots of espresso."

"....weird....."

"if you want me to buy you a coffee you can just ask like a normal person."

"i dont need your MAFIA COFFEE....."

"okay, the coffee here is really good though."

".....maybe i would like just a small coffee with two shots of vanilla."

**hands them 10 bucks** "go ahead."

obv pok cant just tell his sons friends he barely knows that hes a spy so he just continually insists that he "works for the department of foreign affairs as an accountant. i work in accounting kids. thats it." and they all get it HORRIBLY WRONG and are like "oh yeah kalvaxis rlly wanted to eat an accountant JUST SAY UR A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA AND GO KINDA SUSPICIOUS THATS UR WIFES A COP ARE U TRYING TO MANAGE THE POWER SYSTEM SO U CAN GET AWAY W UR CRIMES???" and he just straight up "....YEAH IM A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA! YEAH U GOT IT RIGHT. IM A MEMBER OF THE MAFIA." and riz finds it fucking hilarious bc as hes busting out laughing his dad is going "riz the mafia is serious business u know this idk why ur laughing about it : (" and the bad kids think theyve cracked the case!! theyve done it!! (they have not!)

pok and garthy know eachother very well bc pok has been sent on numerous missions to Leviathan and so there's like little hints as to what pok does "oh you're still working for the department of foreign affairs! you been moved out of accounting yet?" and the bad kids are like "garthy he works for the mafia. sorry we had to break it to you...." and garthy who knows for a fact pok is not in the mafia just goes "....oh?? the mafia?? that's new! i cant imagine the wife likes that very much!"

Pok and Riz have a little moment in Leviathan where they just sit and talk and Pok assures Riz that he's cool and his friends like him and that he wouldve kill to be as cool as riz is when he was his age. Riz falls asleep on Pok and his dad is just glad hes getting some rest. he also sees the tattoos and goes "if your mom asks you got those when i was asleep and i didnt know."

He absolutely hates fallinel but hes been there on so many missions he is just used to high elves and their bs. "Ah.... Pook GikGuk..." "Mhmm. you got it right buddy." While there he just constantly looks so done with just about everything bc he has seen this place so many times there is like no "ooo new place!" value in it is literally just "yep. high elves and their high elven shit." he tells riz if he ever becomes a spy (which he definitely would btw i will die on the secret agent riz hill) to just. get used to this bc he is going to have to deal with this a lot.

In the nightmare forest he finally is like "guys im not apart of the mafia im a spy. i dont work in accounting lol u think my wife would marry some fucking accountant when shes as cool as she is??" and they're like "???? but... u admitted... u were in the mafia.. why would u lie..." "im a spy i literally lie for a living also i barely knew you guys except when you would come over to our house sometimes and stare at me suspiciously while I scrolled through twitter on my laptop" "MAYBE U WERE LOOKING AT UR MAFIA MEMBERS TWITTER" "WHY ON EARTH WOULD MAFIA MEMBERS HAVE TWITTER" "I DONT KNOW?? THEY WANNA LOOK AT MEMES!"

everything for this au is under the "pok lives au" tag bc i have. so many ideas. i am more than willing to take drawing ideas for this please ask me about this au (srs)