#im mad cause there was more but tumblr deleted it.
his arms tighten as she burrows deep into him. her head resting on his shoulder, she moves placing a delicate, long kiss just above his pulse, her nose brushes against his neck, the faint smell of salt air and sandalwood surrounding her.
HIIII PINK!!! When I heard you were leaving I was so sad I even started crying and started to doubt myself on entering the void. I was like “how tf am I going to get into the void without pink???” I started procrastinating reading some of your post basically stalking ur page staying up til 4 in the morning (I was desperate 😭). I realized that I already read all of ur post, nd I just was surprised on how much time I wasted trying to get into the void. And I always dreamt abt putting a success story in your inbox. I already had all the knowledge i needed so what’s the point of more? I deleted tumblr and thought of anything that could help me get in the void. I did SATS while listening to my subliminal playlist, i daydreamed abt the void and my desires for fun, i affirmed for my void concept randomly throughout the day, feeling of the wish fulfilled, listened to delta waves when I was abt to sleep, and I meditated once a day for 10 mins. Meditation was optional but whateva 🤷♀️. I ONLY DID THAT FOR THREE FREAKING DAYS. And Im still mad at myself for wasting time procrastinating for 9 months. I was going to take a nap and I was in a drowsy state, so might as well affirm for the void right? I started saying affs like “I’m in the void”, etc etc. Once I started affirming, everything was just calm Yk? My body wanted to move but it was like it couldn’t cause the state I was in was calm asf. So I closed my eyes and just repeated the affs in my head over and over and over until I got this feeling like as if my body was floating, then I payed attention to it for a split second then ignored It after. I kept on affirming then I felt like I was being pulled then let go and it was as if I was falling. Everything got darker and quieter. So then I got scared and jumped because that scared me soo bad (I’m a easy person to scare 😔). After that, I felt like I was actually a master at the void, I took a nap again and I had the same feeling but when I felt like I fell I kept my calm. Then I couldn’t hear my fan which was louddd, I opened my eyes to total darkness, I was scared for two seconds and realized I was in the void!! Ngl I had a whole list set up with my desires and I was ready to affirm and goooo!!! But I realized how calm the void is and stayed there for what felt like 5 minutes. I did affirm I had all my desires and that I was able to wake up in the void under 5 seconds. When I woke up from the void it was 9 pm and I took a nap at 2!!! I woke up with all of my desires nd shi. (I would explain in more detail in how I got in and stuff like that but I was in a rush and didn’t want to make this too long 😀)
BUT THANK YOU SMM PINK, IM GOING TO MISS U SM. YOU HAVE BEEN A REALLY BIG HELP WITH MY VOID JOURNEY, I TRULY APPRECIATE EVERYTHING U HAVE DONE FOR THIS COMMUNITY, MAKE SURE TO ENJOY UR SELF 💗💗💖💖💖💗💕
Hi love!!! Omgosh I'm so proud of you! This is so cute and you deserve this so much and I'm genuinely happy for you. 💗
chubby reader x Miguel Drabble…??? Fluff or whateva, if ur comfy with ittt
Do not look away. — Miguel x chubby reader drabble…
(THANK YOU FOR THE SECOND REQUEST. don’t ever feel bad for requesting something like this! also sorry for the wait tumblr deleted my draft)
“how are you holding up?” miguel slouches to place a kiss on your cheek. tonight’s been a bit rough for you. your thoughts weren’t being as kind to you (as usual) today, miguel interrogated you over why you’ve been so quiet, and down today through text before you came clean. you didn’t hate your body, far from any means just..comparing yourself to others was a common thing you still had to unlearn. “..’m fine.” you replied, eyes focused on your mirror, staring at your reflection.
“you don’t sound fine.” he quipped back, pulling your back flush against his torso, his grip around you was firm but gentle, he didn’t want to crush you after all. peppering your cheek with a few more issues, “you know this wouldn’t happen so much if you stayed off your phone.” miguel commented, pulling a scoff from you along with an eye roll. “of course you’d say that.”
“you know i’m right. you always get in your head after being on your phone for too long, or worrying about how you look with other people..” he hummed, his eyes meeting yours through the reflection. “if you’re gonna try to lecture me i dont—“ a light pinch at your side caused you to jolt, “what the fu—?!”
“will you shut up for a minute.” miguel stated, not asked but stated. “you always focus on bad shit that is not needed, i can guarantee￼ nobody cares. the only opinion that should matter is yours.” another kiss placed on your cheek, miguel’s hands feeling out your sides, miguel has been handsy for as long as you’ve called him yours, and he’s called you his. “if you keep worrying about stuff like this you will miss out, gorgeous.” his voice loud and clear, small kisses moving downward, from your cheek to your neck..
“we don’t have to go out if you don’t want to, we can stay home—i didn’t want to go to the get together to begin with..” miguel muttered, “but they invited us—“
“they’ll live if we don’t show up. we could go do something else, you know? you’re already all dolled up and pretty, would be a waste for you to stay inside.” his hands slowly turning you around, as they moved to cup your cheeks. “we could go have dinner, then go see a movie if you want? or we could go to that roller skating place you love..” the offer of doing something miguel wasn’t too fond of made you giggle, “didn’t you say you would kill yourself if you had to go back again?” you managed to get out, that smile fighting for its place on your face.
“if it makes you feel better then i’m willing to suffer through it..anything for you, beautiful.”
— authors note; IM SO MAD MY LAST ONE DELETED STILL UOU DONY UNDERATAND RAAHHH, but here’s the only surviving screenshot i had of it (i was getting my brother to beta read it), so take this as like..uhhhh a treat ig, okay bye bye
i’m actually SO mad i think i deleted my post instead of posting it 😭😭😭
i had an anon ask what i did when questioning if i’m a system since they believe they might be. i’m so sorry for accidentally deleting your ask, i hope you see this!
basically i knew from therapy that i had some “identity fragmenting” due to trauma-caused dissociation (even though i kept trying to insist i wasn’t plural 😭) i knew i wasn’t a full-fledged system like my friends with DID, but things weren’t like how they were before. all i had for my google searches was then “trauma dissociation identity fragmenting help” 😭
then i found pluralpedia and looked through a bunch of random pages/terms until i found median and i was like GUYS!! THEY WROTE THIS ABOUT US!!!!
from there i had a better keyword for research. obviously don’t use tumblr as a dsm-5 and take everything online with a grain of salt, but hearing experiences and advice from others really helped. this is something more specific to me but i also researched the theory of structural dissociation to help me better understand things:
as for personal experience, i can’t share too much of that but i was very generously given advice/experience similar to mine here!:
i know this stuff can be really scary and overwhelming, take things as slow as you need to! it’s not a race and everyone’s experience really is different. it was super brave and cool of you to submit an ask, and i wish you luck in figuring things out. take care!!
Do you take writing requests? If so what would the octo trio’s reaction be to a Power like Yuu. Yuu who is nasty, rude, selfish, proud and absolute gremlin (and a demon). They doesn’t know a thing about humans but thinks all the boring human stuff is stupid‼️‼️‼️
I WROTE THIS BUT TUMBLR REFRESHED AND DELETED WHAT I WROTE WHILE I WAS DOING IT IM GONNA CRY GOD DAMN IT.
When Azul first met Yuu he was extremely interested, he figured that someone with that rowdy a personality and who was that disinterested in human customs would be easy to trick into a deal, and he also figured that because they weren't human they'd have a lot for him to gain from.
He quickly became annoyed with them though because they were so persistent that any bet he made they worked at until they won. They also would consistently cause disturbances during the lounge hours, to the point where Azul almost kicked them out.
After a while though Azul got used to their personality, they still caused chaos in the Monstro Lounge, but Azul made sure to keep them out during the busiest hours. And after a while their confident personality began to rub off on him, and he actually felt less concerned about others opinions of him when they were around.
Jades first impression of Yuu was fascination. Although he didn't agree with the disinterest of the human world, thats part of what made them so interesting to him. He didn't talk to them too much but liked to observe them from afar.
Their personality was different from most NRC students, and Jade liked to learn more about them, because he found all the chaos they caused humorous.
Normally he could be found encouraging Yuu to continue in whatever petty argument they had got in just to see where it would go, his general opinion of them is sorta "I want to study them in a glass cage"
Floyd would absolutely LOVE Yuu. Their loud and energetic personality is so fun to be around for him, he just wants to squeeze them all the time.
If Yuu had horns like Power, he'd totally just show up behind them to poke his fingers on the tips of the horns, no matter how sharp they are. And if Yuu ever gets mad he laughs and compares them to Riddle before terrorizing them some more.
Yuu would probably be good friends with Floyd and would distract him from his job at the Monstro Lounge to go scare some first years or something.
TW Vent below, mentions of SH
ugh ive never vented here and im not planning on making it a regular thing, but i recently had to delete discord so im gonna be talking into the void abt this instead. last night i had to take melatonin to sleep for the first time in ages, and read my book for an hour to calm the anxiety i was having. my mum went through my phone (she does respect my privacy, so she wasn't reading messages or looking through my pinterest, just checking what apps i had downloaded and the screentime has done today). she did find some tumblr screentime, not a large enough amount for her to think i use it regularly, and i made up a lie on the spot that saved me. she's become rlly paranoid abt my internet usage again bc she just had a cybersafety talk at school (shes a teacher) and was told horror stories abt online murders and child p0rn exploitation and shit. she kept asking me if i talk to strangers online, which i do, and how she wouldnt be mad or surprised, but just wants me to be safe. i kept lying bc i was too scared to tell her, and am sure that ill be made to get off tumblr and abandon all my online friends. i just dont think she would understand the benefits of it, even if i told her, and is too scared of me getting hurt, despite that fact that i AM safe on here and block weirdos and dont share personal info. if i didnt have tumblr i wouldnt have gotten in to lots of my favourite fandoms, wouldnt have continued doing art, and until now, ive been much happier being online. she would never let me get tumblr, its listed as a 17+ app on the app store, and she's too scared to allow me anything remotely online, pinterest and yt are as far as she'll go. i know it wouldnt put me in danger if i told her, i would be in more trouble if she found out, cause then i would have been lying to her, but i dont want to lose what ive created. im just so angry at myself for getting into and online community, bc despite loving it and knowing that i wouldnt be as into art or happy, its causing me so much anxiety rn, and i just want to hurt myself for being so stupid. last night i didnt SH, but i wanted to, because i was so angry with myself. ive never SH'd before, and i dont want to start, but i should have known better. my parents both have such high expectations of me, and think they've 'won the lottery with their perfect daughter, who would never do anything wrong or do anything her parents didnt approve of'. i just dont want them to be disappointed in me, bc im sure they would, and they claim nothing i do can surprise them, but i honestly have no clue how they would react if i told them everything. i hope that in a few days my mum will go back to normal and stop being so paranoid abt the internet, but im honestly terrified, and have been feeling anxious since last night. the problem is if i told her how anxious i was feeling, and the reasoning behind it, she would blame it on me being on social media, and i wouldnt be allowed it ever again. im not going to tell her anything unless it gets rlly bad or she finds out, but im just so angry with myself, and i dont think i deserve to be feeling this way bc i have an essentially perfect irl life. i get good grades, i have good friends, i live in a good neighborhoood, and my parents arent bad peole, theyre not conservative, and it wouldnt be the end of the world if i told them, but im not ready to give it all up yet.
if you read this far, im sorry, i was just rambling theres no sense in what i said, this is just an outlet for me
picture this: the year is 2012 and you're preparing to survive the world ending at the end of the year (you didn't successfully graduate from high school the year before at the ripe age of 17 for NOTHING). you are currently and incessantly bullying your manager at olive garden to train you as a server (you've been the lead host for 6 months). all your co-workers call you Weasley due to your bright curly red hair and they're charmed by your skater skirts and the fact that you developed a tic, causing you to audibly meow every few words. everyone in your life considers you the pinnacle of innocence and naivety but little did they know... you were hiding a secret life.
an active harry potter roleplay account on the forums of mugglenet, a pretty popular marauders fanfic on fanfiction.net (you recently started posting there instead of harrypotterfanfiction.com, GROWTH!), and... a FLOURISHING onceler fandom blog on tumblr. you loved that little skrunkly man and the community you found on this little hellsite. but only two years later in 2014, you would get recruited out of college to become an air traffic controller (a BIG GIRL JOB) and so you knew what had to be done - you smothered her. 2012 you had to BURN, it was the only way to grow into the woman you wanted to be. so you tucked away weasley nicknames, and unsubscribed to jily fanfics (okay... you took like a 7 month break but you didn't last long let's be honest with ourselves), told your followers that your fic was abandoned, and deleted your tumblr. the onceler was no more.
and so, you moved on!
and so, you moved on...
until 2020 when a terrifying pandemic hit and you had reached the end of the harry potter fanfics on ao3 (you were scraping the BOTTOM of the rarepair barrel by that point) and you saw something trending on twitter - the DreamSMP. and so you decided to check it out completely unaware that it would lead you down the path putting you closer to the you in 2012 than anything else before hand.
and you found yourself again. the you that loved fandom deeply, that cosplayed and geeked out with others over the stories they loved. perhaps burning her in 2014 created the environment where she, now THEY, could flourish - not in secret but unabashedly. bringing us here - to this very moment at the end of the year 2022, in the dark days of twitter creating a tumblr again.
i've come full circle. and i don't think im mad about it! missed you all
Hey!! I got put on heart meds too!! They put me on a beta-blocker that is known for being one of the worst for causing hallucinations!!! And a bunch of other shit!!
I was already having hallucinations!!
No one told me about that shit!! Wasn’t even in the info packet!!! And I went through that thing TWICE!! Found out the hard way when stuff started getting a lot more fucking vivid!!
I feel like that’s a pretty important thing to mention!! But fuck it!! No one ever does!!! And now I can’t even stop them without risking my heart getting worse!! Wish I would’ve known this shit before starting them!!
(Anyway if you need me to resend that ask abt Izayas parents I totally can since I still have it in my notes) (since tumblr loves to delete anons like that at random)
(also sorry for the rant - I’m just mad cuz I had a super vivid one the other day and tore my room apart & almost slept in the living room over it lol)
WHAT THE FUUCK!!!!!!!!!!! id say make an appointment with ur cardiologist like Right Fucking Now but iirc you lived reaaaally far from the office didnt u?
WH. WHICH BETA BLOCKER IS IT so i can Not Take It or at least be very careful bc i dont hallucinate BUT i do have delusions
im on propanolol 😩 i Also cannot risk not taking mine bc my blood pressure shoots up so high it makes my chest super tight and painful and i get dizzy and yeah Its Bad if i miss a dose!!
also i have ur ask!!! i read it from time to time :)) ive accepted it into my personal belief system wholeheartedly and i think its one of those things that like, isnt canon but treating it AS canon really elevates the themes of durarara (like izaya having aspd shhhhhh)
Im the one who sent the ask saying Cas was indeed a father. Im ABSOLUTELY NOT the person who told you to kys, thats just a horrid thing to sat
bless ❤️ no I didn't think you were the same person! I just had absolutely no idea what that other anon ask was on about and your ask was my first clue as to why somebody might be mad at me on tumblr at that particular moment in time. so thank you for cluing me in so I could delete the post before it caused me any more trouble!
Today is an emotional rollercoaster
Putting the mess under the cut because dear lord I shouldn’t be making people read this why am I bothering tumblr with my shit I’m sorry you guys
I put my foot in it on Facebook and a misunderstanding of mine was perceived as offensive which led to profuse apologies which only made things worse, a situation that was difficult to handle on account of my brain’s whole “won’t allow me to make a single mistake without wanting to kill myself” approach to existence, which makes getting called out on my shit a helpful but harrowing experience
And then I went for coffee with a really cool girl I haven’t hung out with since the summer and she had so many cool ideas and wants to be actual friends and keep in touch and said I was cool and SHE is actually way too cool for me, so you know, that was very validating as a person
But then I might have committed to more than I actually have the capacity to do bc hey I’m mentally ill 😬 oops I forgot that for a second huh
But also I shouldn’t expect the worst always and whether we start five thousand creative projects and start working out together or just end up going for coffee from time to time this friendship is still a good thing
But also when I got home I can’t access the Facebook conversation anymore which means the comments are deleted or I’ve been blocked so I can’t really see how the conversation ended and that drives me mad with anxiety because Bad Brain takes it as proof that I was the villain of the piece and there is no way to make up for the hurt I’ve caused and I should just cease existing immediately and I’m half a mind to message the page it was on and ask “yo sorry for being a dick earlier are we good” but I know that’s a bad idea bc it would be hoisting the responsibility of protecting my precious feefees onto someone I may have potentially hurt. Or not. I don’t know; I didn’t see the end of the conversation. But it is one of my favourite pages so I hope I’m not entirely persona non grata.
Anyway I should focus on being creative or applying for funding for my existing projects or being happy about my new friendship or resting up because I have a full day of work tomorrow and im Dreading It.
i’m gonna rant for a sec, may delete this later idk.
tumblr is a cesspool of liberals and it’s kinda annoying. from thinking you can vote fascism out to fear mongering China (prolly cause ur racist towards them), libs on here are insufferable. y’all hate on tiktok but have only seen dances on there, but there’s real political things happening on that app. not here tho!! tiktok has taught me more abt black panthers, mutual aid, direct action, etc., that i can’t find here. y’all shit on it so much but there’s truly good people on there, putting in real fuckin work. and i don’t hate tumblr, i do wanna use it, but libs on here rlly suck. “i’m scared of china having my data!” okay but what abt the US? literally look at the leaked documents for the russia/ukraine war. they weren’t found until it hit a LEFTIST discord server. it was in a minecraft server but the fbi didn’t care until leftists had it. almost like they spy on us, and it’s mostly the left. when there’s a mass shooting here; the fbi usually knows who did it, they just don’t do anything until it’s too late. and going back to the russia/ukraine war, you literally cannot criticize it w/o 1 million libs being like “russian psyop!!!1!1!1” like no brother, im just against imperialism and believe there should be peace deals being made. oh and china did try to help broker peace, they were shut down (wonder why). the US tho? let’s send billions of dollars to fund a war that’s seeing no end. like fuck kids, poverty, infrastructure, literally anything that would help the average american, no fuck that. we need to a fund a war babey!!!! but yeah just a few things that have annoyed me recently. idk why this site hosts so many libs (i assume it’s bc a majority of you are in your 30s and never cared to advance your understanding of politics), but i’m sick of it. this is for my leftist homies (ML’s, maoists, anarchists, etc.), if you find this i stand in solidarity with y’all. and if you’re a lib who’s mad at this, read more books written by black panthers, many of them were MLs and you may understand why people support marx (you can also read marx cause ik most of you haven’t). oh and listen to michael parenti’s lectures, they’re good. and if you like video essays i’ve got youtube channels you can check out too. anyways that’s my rant. i don’t hate you libs, you just stress me tf out lol
okay since dumblr glitched and everything i wrote was gone, i'll make it more neater and clearer for you 🥺 also this will get long lia :) and no problem if you replied late as tumblr is not only your world 😍
yes, it's true and even i'm glad how close you two became because elly didn't have much friends in real life 😔 and i'm happy she mad few friends here and her therapist reccomended her to write to bring her joy 😊 and i'm happy she's living her life 🥺🤧
so far it's going better but i hope it would be a little more better and thank you for sating such nice words 😭🤧 i always needed someone to talk, who can understand me being of the same age as me. thank you so much lia 🥺 i hope your year is going well too
also my birthday is on 23 feb and i follow IST time zone 😊 yes yes yes!!! let's be friends and #4lyfers, yes we are in the same age and will be in the same class too, i wonder you are grade 10 too??
and yes we can become each other's #4lyfers like really?? cause i have fucking trust issues :( i trust anyone easily 😞 maybe we can make a unit name for each other since both of our name start with L sooooooo???? what do you say?
okay, see these are my favs (btw i'm not keeping up with their content because i currently have my final exams going and they'll end on 24 may. also i haven't caught up their content for the past 5 months 😭) —
enha : 02z (soft spot for rest of enha 🥺😭🤧 but i'm an ot 7 tbh 😭😭)
txt : taegyu and yeonbin (soft spot for ningning but basically i'm an ot 5 🥰)
trainee a : still can't decide 😞
and i don't stan many groups because time doesn't permit and i only listen to your semis sometimes 😔 lmao!! i'm sorry we don't share similar biases but maybe some may differ 🤣
also i see you are getting into treasure, they used to be my ultimates but now i lost interest because of their hiatus just like other yg groups and i'm sorry to say this, yg ain't my cup of tea but i support yg groups.
and i have some questions to ask you, so here they are —
1) do you hide your tumble account from your parents or do they know it too??
2) did you create another gmail exclusively for tumblr only because i used to do that…
3) i get scared off being caught if my mom sees me writing fanfiction because back in 2021 i opened enha fan fiction account on insta and she caught and never said me to do like that but i discovered tumblr in mid may and i badly wanted to start but deleted everytime because i was scared that my mom will find out 😭😭
yeah that's it lia and i'd sit my pants and would cry if that happened, lmfao.
also you can feel free to ask me any questions lia 🥰🥰 idk what questions i'd ask and i felt comfortable talking to you and please do tell me if you feel uncomfy with me.
thank you 💖 — loki
oh omg i didnt know that about elly 🥺🤧 im reallly glad to be one of her moots fr 🥰🥰
yes i think 2022 hasnt really been an easy year for any of us so far 😭😭 ofc i'm always here if you ever need to talk/rant about something <3
oh em gee yes we are #4lyfers 😍 ohmygosh yes unit name..... unit name...... i cant think of any right now 😭😭
omg good luck for your exams !! im sure you'll slay them 😁
ok to answer your qns:
i actually have no idea if they know about my tumblr acc or not lol i think my mum knows i use blr but she doesnt know i write here??? yeah lol
i mean yes at first i created a new email for tumblr but now i use that email for all my other priv stuffs too lol
NO OMG BFF MY MUM FOUND OUT ABOUT MY ENHA FF ACC TOO but she found out about it after i wasnt really active on it anymore so tbh i didnt mind deleting the acc lol but ya she doesnt exactly restrict me from it? she js tells me to be careful of who i speak to online since i was almost scammed once BUT THANKFULLY I WASNT istg the scammers really shld brush up on their grammar 🤭
oh well i dont rly have any qns in mind rn lol but i really do enjoy interacting with you loki <33
my beloved pink, i am always so grateful for you and i have the best news ever!! i entered the void last night. i used the revision meditation you linked in that one ask and after it, i just knew i was going to wake up in the void and i did.
honestly this next part is a bit personal for me and ik some people are going to get mad but you're the only person who I can tell because in my new reality, I never experienced it. so i am Indian and the rest of my family is very fair skinned and even when they tan, their darkest is like an olive skintone. but i am very dark-skinned, like extremely. so ive been called ugly and dark since birth by my family. I go to a Korean dominated school and they are just like Indians, they value lighter skin so I underwent a lot of bullying for my dark skin there too. I've been told many times that I'd be so pretty if I wasn't so dark and this korean guy that I had a crush on who liked me too would only talk to me in secluded places and when I asked him, he told me that he wouldn't date me because I was too dark and he would be embarrassed. You know, if black women feel insecure about their skin color, they can go look at their culture or black celebrities and feel inspired and empowered. But all the Indian actresses are so pale too, I think the only time I've ever felt represented in the media is Bridgerton but I'm darker than Kate and Edwina and all the bullying has given me severe body dysmorphia. I always wear long sleeves and try to cover my skin as much as possible. I hate seeing how dark I am and I feel so insecure. I barely leave my house and I have no self confidence so in the void, I manifested pale skin. and it's such a surreal experience. like to be honest it stills feels so unreal but I feel so pretty now and I'm so grateful. i hate that society did this to me but now i can walk with my head held up high and that's all I've ever wanted. I am really sad thinking about all the pain my skin color caused me and now i am ready to libe my life and love my body. thank you pink for everything, im going to be deleting tumblr now
hi love! first of all, this really upset me and im so sorry about what you went through. honestly, i hate how cultures are so obsessed with fair skin when every skin color is beautiful in its own right. i have more that i want to say against this but i don't want to come off as reprimanding you when your insecurity stems from the unfair treatment society inflicted upon you and if this makes you confident and allows you to be happy, then im just happy for you. also congrats on entering the void and ik, that revision meditation works wonders!! i hope you continue being happy from here on out 💗
Nueva York, Te 💕 Amare Siempre
‘’New York is sophisticated. New York is captivating. New York is enticing. New York is romantic. Especially when it rains.’’
I saw ‘’ A Rainy Day in New York’’ the other day (coincidentally started this post then and Tumblr decided to delete it, ghetto, I know) and it was the typical Woody Allen film, always raining, same cadence, same story. Ok, fine. Whatever, the point it is, it was predictable. It wasn’t bad, it’s definately rewatchable if you can stand an uber perky Elle Fanning somehow getting 4 different men to fall in love with her in one day. It’s no Midnight in Paris. Seems like much was left to the imagination.
Like Inez said in Midnight in Paris, ‘‘Why does every city got to be in the rain?’‘
Paul responds: And no global warming, no TV and suicide bombing, and nuclear weapons, drug cartels.
But anywho, the scene where she walks into the Carlyle with nothing but a raincoat on bothered me, cause I’m like ‘’you left your shoes back at Francisco’s place so how do you have them on now?’’, then how she could never remember the hotel they are staying at...where all her stuff is. Ditzy blonde at it’s finest. But when Gatsby offers to get her coffee and tells her to take off the wet raincoat, she says she can’t cause she’s not wearing anything underneath, and Gatsby is literally not even bothered. I mean, it’s safe to assume she was messing with another guy because she’s got her bra and panties but no clothes. A raincoat that isn’t hers. No umbrella and she’s exhausted so she was running in the pouring rain in a city she doesn’t know and has no idea where to go.
She cant tell Gatsby because she left everything Francisco’s place. Yet, he’s unbothered. Why? Because he at that point developed feelings for Chan. So it was whatever. I figured she’d tell him the deets and then he’d get upset. Yes, he’s eccentric and slightly snotty and you can tell from the jump that a city boy who said he transferred from Yale and has rich ass parents and a girl from Tuscon, Arizona who is also wealthy and a beauty queen, yet clearly ditzy you can tell they werent compatible. Did he get mad? No. She said that Rolland (much older director) had asked her to go to Europe with him. Run away!....not a peep from Gatsby, his agent, fell for her after running around town looking for Rolland and catching his wife cheating with his best friend, not a peep from Gatsby, she drank with and almost slept with Francisco, a huge movie star, she kissed him, took of her clothes and was literally not caring about Gatsby that she’s willing to sleep with this star.
Not a peep from Gatsby, my guy was unbothered. In the carriage ride, he realized they were incompatible when ol girl had the audacity to confuse Shakespeare with Cole Porter:
"The roaring traffic's boom. Silence in my lonely room."
the expression on his face was priceless. I replayed it a few times. And he dumps her. He drops out of college, comes back to the city and starts seeing Chan, who he’s clearly more compatible with. (weird cause he dated her older sister, presumibly in HS, which was like 2 yrs before)
‘’ I need a carbon monoxide to survive. We are two different creatures, right? You like the sound of crickets and I like the rattle of the taxies. You blossom in the sun and me, I come into my own under grey skies.’’
--Gatsby to Ashleigh
And that’s it, that’s the movie. Literally that’s the movie. The B stories don’t matter.
‘’One thing about New York City. You are here or you are nowhere. You cannot achieve another level of anxiety, hostility or paranoia anywhere else.’’
But anywho, the whole point of this post was for me to talk about how much I love my city. (Im actually from The Bronx, but whatever) I love this city, like Adriana said in Midnight in Paris ‘’ That Paris exists and anyone could choose to live anywhere else in the world will always be a mystery to me. ‘‘ Switch Paris to New York and there you have me. I left New York in 2014 because I had to. I moved to Po-dunk Virginia, went through hell and back and somehow didn’t blow my brains out. Mostly because I was too broke to afford a gun. Many times I considered it but who would care?
I got the opportunity to go to Texas, and I took it. As a last ditch effort to not you know, die. The plan was the same as previously mentioned for Virginia, get some type of degree. A 2 year, maybe vet tech and after saving some money, learning how to take the buses and have some experience, (6 months) cause the whole 3 year situation was never a thought!....and head back to NY. That didnt work out. Clearly. But that’s a whole other post that I can’t possibly begin to unpack right now.
And here I am. Again. In the Bronx. With not a damn thing but a bad shoulder, anxiety, depression, a temper and a crippled hand to show for it. You’d think I’d at least get my GED. And I havent but it’s not for my lack of trying.
Even with it’s dark, gritty, rats, and dollar pizzas. It’s mine. It’s my city. It’s the greatest city in the world. And 8.80 million people can’t be wrong.
Ok, Im upset now, I’ll carry on later.
rank the folklore songs in terms of insanity
okay i already wrote this out once and tumblr refreshed and deleted so. im gonna keep it brief. also more about unhingedness than insanity
the 1: sings about updating an ex while in a loving relationship. it couldve been you. chosen family mention. might’ve actually caused a divorce with this one
peace: no explanation needed. fucking fire sign
seven: “or hide in the closet” 😐
betty: already crazy and gay as fuck for her to write this with her 17yo self’s style but for her to then reveal her silent boyfriend casually wrote chorus for this one out of nowhere.. filed under Joe Alwyn GLAAD award campaign material
cardigan: seems mellow but she decides to follow “Peter Losing Wendy” (which is already a crazy metaphor with 1000 layers that reflect on not only the narrative at hand but herself) with “leaving like a father”. the best day/mine found dead in miami
illicit affairs: not only did she go thesaurus.com on this bitch but she said things like it DIES and it DIES and it DIES, and a drug that only worked the first few hundred times, and dont call me kid dont call me baby, and you’ll be flushed when you return, and-
hoax: just simply the fact that its “your faithless love’s the only hoax I believe in” instead of BELIEVED in. taylor you are not seeing heaven
the lakes: can seem a bit try-hard but the self awareness and parallels to virginia woolf/ophelia and taylors CHOICE to survive as a writer. batshit darkcademia.
this is me trying: definitely intense just not wildly unhinged. makes me feel less cRaZy and more 'i need to die immediately'
august: jack antonoff fanfiction
my tears ricochet: stolen lullabies!!!!!!! leans more towards depressioncore though
mad woman: actually not That mad. feels like pointed anger and less ‘lashing out’. i appreciate how the whole song is a direct threat upon scooter braun’s life though
exile: crazy behaviour to write a breakup song with ur literal boyfriend. other than that its fun
mirrorball: heavy topic but actually feels kind of sweet, a little dreamy... dont want to rip my hair out when i hear this. bar the bridge
ephiphany: i dont experience any thoughts when i hear this song
the last great american dynasty: all fine but “then it was bought by me” definitely makes me want to bite my hand off
invisible string: “now i send their babies presents” closes our 12 year joe jonas narrative. exhale. other than that this song is free therapy
yoo hello!! here to deliver hugs and remind you you're amazing- HUGS
how's life holding you up?? was your day good? :D
and dw with the requests, you can't possibly finish em so fast! just write em when you can :) writing takes time, and sometimes you might not like your work and redo it, or just stop and cool down cause it doesn't seem good enough for you. so yeah tyt thena!! ^^
onto real matters tho,, u cant do this to me,, just woke up and saw that soft thoma post pls im now horny too iejxfpjdidn 😩😩😩 he'll be so nice and whisper praises in your ear, tell you how much he loves you, hold you tightly to feel your body and make you warm... i cant think that much rn but man soft thoma 😔 how to marry him
- Hug Anon
hi hon ! i'm doing alright, what about you ? with requests, i just wanted to be upfront with people since the asks i've been clearing are more recent that others if that makes sense. ^.^
ALSO THOMA MY BELOVED please i have really bad thoma brainrot all weekend i can't stop thinking about how cute he is <333333 he'd be super talkative when he fucks you too, telling you how well you're taking him and how good your pretty pussy feel wrapped around his dick !! he's truly the best baby everrrrrrr and you would feel so warm and safe in his embrace even if he's pounding into you at a rapid pace <33 can you please take a moment to imagine thoma fucking you against a wall too ?? he would love how close you were to him, legs locked around his waist so you couldn't fall !!!!!!! he also gives the best hugs... i know this for a fact. THOMA being on top of you while you're surrounded by pillows and soft blankets, a classic inazuma-style storm could be raging and howling outside though you were so warm and content being plowed into with him there <333333333 GAH i just love him a lot.
tumblr deleted this draft the first time i wrote it i'm mad