#im not even keeping track of what im posting for these anymore if i didnt have em pinned i wouldnt know what the last one i posted was

[a9saga]

my chemical romance - destroya // fuck it this sounds like a scandal song to me

[thyln4gf]

505

✞ Once again, Im back with the short little blurbs! This time, theyre rather cute and adorable, and are about some of my favourite drivers, a song assigned for each. (I have synesthesia).

✞ Word count - 2,8k

✞ Drivers included - Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri, Max Verstappen, Daniel Ricciardo, Logan Sargeant, Charles Leclerc, Carlos Sainz, Lewis Hamilton, Sebastian Vettel, Jenson Button.

✞ (P.S. - lemme know if you dont see any of your favs. Im more than happy to write something <3)

Lando Yeswins - 505, arctic monkeys

"No!" Your shriek rings out through the air of the somewhat empty room, quickly followed by both of your giggles, as Lando has launched himself into you, picking you up. The man has missed you so, so much. He didnt even think it was possible. Hed spend his free time with looking at pictures of you, wishing that he could feel that skin against his, and... smell it, really. Now, that he has finally gotten the chance...

Your back makes contact with the couch, Lando still clinging to you tightly, and just plopping on top of you. He buries his face into your chest, drawing a deep breath to take in your scent... But you smelled like... him??

"Baby... have you been living in my clothes?" He asks, amusement laced into his tone. His face was still buried right where his favourite place was, though.

Silence from your end. One awkward chuckle later, you burst into another fit of giggles, followed by the heat that rose to your cheeks. You werent so sure if it was the man making you blush, or him being a damn human radiator doing the trick. Either way, you didnt mind - the golden retriever goofball of a man was excited to close the distance between you two again. A little too excited, even.

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Oscar Leclerc Piastri - teenage dream, katy perry

Him. You. Both of you. A lot of people have called you the dream team, and you have seen a lot of jealous tweets. Posts about your relationship in general - people seemed to be suckers for the childhood friends to lovers trope. So much that you could barely keep track of them anymore.

You have incorporated scrolling through the socials, and hunting for cute memes to annoy him, straight into your routine. His dms from you were filled with various kinds of those, mostly a spectrum of cat memes. Yes, a spectrum. You seemed to be unhinged enough to even ask for fun time alone through those. And, to be honest? They always worked on him. Always.

This time, it was no different - you were curled up on the couch, Oscar laying his head on your stomach, trying to nap. You could be seen scrolling, and... yep. Looking for some memes.

You find something else, though, your heart melting at the sight. You cant even hold the 'awwww' in, as much as you wanted to...

"Huh?" Oscar croaks out, rising from his slumber. All he heard was you making some sort of noise, and he instantly realized that he was about to get a phone right up his face. However... he slowly looks up and sees you... crying?

He doesnt say anything, but scoots up slightly instead, his face landing right by your neck. He looks at the little screen... Only to see a picture of two small children, both in race suits, both giggling on a makeshift podium. He quickly comes to the realisation that hes looking at both of you, at one of your first karting competitions together. And its all it takes to make a tear roll down his cheek as well. A happy tear. Hes quick to start kissing yours away, not even hesitating. Your skin tingled at the gentle contact, and you softly chuckle. Thats exactly what he wanted to achieve. A laugh out of those pretty lips of yours.

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Max Verstappen - im yours sped up, isabel larosa

As tough as this man looked out there, in the face of the cameras... he turned into a whiny puddle whenever he was wrapped in your arms. Something about you made him melt each and every time, making him feel safer than ever. Is that because you usually used rather masculine fragrances and smelled like a dad that he never really had? Maybe, maybe...

He was getting his daily dose of cuddles in. This time it was more of a comfort than it has ever been - he didnt do good, and didnt even finish the race. He felt awful.

"Are you going to leave me now?" You suddenly hear a muffled voice, coming from a certain mans face, currently getting buried into your chest.

"Pardon?" You respond, a confused chuckle following the single-word sentence. He wasnt insecure... as far as you knew.

"I said what i said, Liefje... now answer." the man groans, almost making you chuckle again - he was awfully adorable at the moment.

"No, baby, im yours. For life. Have you forgotten?" your voice reminds him, as you slip one of your hands away from his waist, wiggling the fingers not too far from his eyes. He feels you pulling your hand away, the action making him look up slightly, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. That quickly melts away as he sees the engagement ring on your finger, one that he proposed to you with a few days ago.

"Right... i still havent gotten used to that. Sorry, mijn mooie vrouw." He responds, a small, tired smile slipping onto his lips, and you cant help but give him a small peck. You might be a master at making this man blush, but he had the exact same effect on you as well.

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Daniel Ricciardo - Iris, the goo goo dolls

Evenings spent with him on the porch were your all time favourite, easily - especially if it included watching the sunset. In that case, you had two incredibly gorgeous views to rest your eyes upon. And he definitely knew you were staring at him, instead of the pretty orange colours dancing across the sky - he just pretended not to see.

You two were cuddling on the beach chair - your body in his lap, your back to his chest. Hes currently zoned out just a little, honestly. He has adopted the habit of adoring the pretty clouds from you, and pointing out all the interesting shapes. This time, though, you were quicker than him, and an excited 'ooohhh!' coming from your mouth lets him know exactly that.

"Look! That one looks like a honey badger!" you excitedly blurt out, trying to point at the shape with your finger. He follows, and quickly sees what you wanted to show him. The cloud, indeed, is honey badger shaped. You earn a hearty chuckle and one of his grins that you loved oh so much. Yes, those grins.

His arms tighten around your waist, his lips not being able to resist from leaving a trail of kisses on the back of your neck, eventually landing on the back of your head. And you didnt need much more from him - you knew that it was his way of thanking you. By making you feel all warm and giddy inside.

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Logan Sargeant - american teenager, ethel cain

Spring has just started rolling around, leaving you to deal with your allergies. Its not like it was something new, or something serious, but it annoyed you nonetheless.

You two had a date that you were looking forward to all week, but suddenly, you felt like you couldnt live two minutes without having to blow your nose. Great. Logan noticed your mood immediately, so he had offered to watch a movie at home instead. You didnt resist much - you wanted to spend some time with your man, after all.

After cuddling up to him on the couch... You silently thanked for the ridiculous misery of your fate - feeling his body right by yours felt way better than spending time outside. Hearing him quietly breathe by you left you almost ecstatic, the warm air brushing by somewhere on your body, and as of the current case, your hair. Speaking of hair - he liked planting those little kisses to the crown of your head whenever you had your back to him. Almost just as much as looking at your backside.

These little moments reminded you just how far you two have come - it sometimes still felt like you were a pair of awkward teenagers, trying desperately to get over yourself to talk to each other. You still tease him about it, honestly - watching the popular guy at the school blush and giggle was the favourite sight of many.

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Charles Leclerc - k., cigarettes after sex

"Chéri, look! Thats cute, no?" You heard Charles come into the kitchen, cooing at something on his phone. You didnt have the time to turn around and look at him, honestly. So he was forced to come up right behind you to wrap his arms around your waist, his palm softly brushing by your stomach while in the process. You couldnt help but wonder...

1...

2...

Yep, here it is. A gentle kiss to the corner of your jaw. You cant help but chuckle as his lips make contact with your skin, pleasure shooting down your spine almost immediately. He usually stops at one, but he seems to be in a playful mood today - because he doesnt, and continues to trace a line, almost connecting the dots on all your little moles and freckles.

"What is it?" You ask him with a chuckle, trying to distract him. However, you just dont get an answer. Just a phone getting shoved almost right into your face. The video that he wanted to show unpauses, and a scene of a cute puppy running around could be seen. Your heart instantly melts.

Charles seems to notice, because he already looks like a kid on christmas morning.

"Can we... adopt him? I even have a name!" He blurts out excitedly, making you chuckle again. You knew of his passion for dogs... so one wouldnt hurt, right?

You didnt even get to reply before he launched himself into a rant about why getting a dog right now would be a great idea. You just knew that you were going to spend like an hour, just listening to him talk. But you didnt mind - you enjoyed the sound of his voice, and watching the way he speaks with his hands whenever hes excited. It was truly an awfully adorable sight to witness every time.

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Carlos Sainz - good luck, babe!, chappell roan

He had a small ritual of hugging you before his races - he fully, firmly, and truly believed that hes not going to achieve any good results if he doesnt. And, look - it was true, so far. The win in Singapore? In his head, it was all because you initiated a hug that day. His arms had lingered on you for a little longer than they should have been for you two being just friends, but its not like you two minded, at all. You actually craved him and his touch. You craved to feel those hands around you, and to hear his voice murmuring something into your ear. You wanted, no, needed to feel the scent and the warmth of him being so close.

So you never really protested against his idea. In all honesty, it was the most desperate move that someone has ever tried to hit on you with. The most adorable one as well.

If you thought that you were going crazy from him invading every single nook and cranny of your mind... You should have taken a look into his. You and him both knew of the rumours floating around the internet, and all the fans almost straight up telling you two to just make out already. And that has almost happened, and multiple times - one of you always ended up awkwardly pulling away, though. Having him as a friend felt good, but you were sure that having him as a lover would feel like heaven.

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Lewis Hamilton - older, isabel larosa

"Thank you, love." His voice floats through the air of his drivers room, effortlessly reaching your ears, making you blush. Just a little. You had passed him his water bottle - his hands were far too busy with your hips, caressing and squeezing them with great care. His legs were spread a little, you positioned in between them. Yet, it still didnt seem like it was close enough for him - he kept trying to pull you closer, almost desperately tugging on the material of your jeans. A hand of his was now occupied with the water bottle, so he finds that as an opportunity to wrap the other around you fully, bringing you closer, once again. You almost fall over, but you catch yourself with a hand on the wall right besides his head. Helping Lewis train sometimes did help, huh?

"Hey there, easy! I couldve fallen right on top of you!" You had mentioned out loud in mock annoyance, trying hard to keep a chuckle at bay. It was hard to do so, though, because you could see a grin appearing on his lips. No, onto his whole face - the entirety of it would light up whenever he smiled or laughed, melting your heart each and every time.

"Do you prefer to be under me then?" He murmurs as a tease, leaning in to give you a chaste kiss on your neck. He knew that it was one of your ticklish spots - so he had adopted the habit of placing the gentlest kisses of them all right there. They never failed to make you feel flustered and giggly, making sure to spread a blush all over your face. Lewis was just secretly happy that you never seemed to notice his own blush, just like right now.

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Sebastian Vettel - too sweet, hozier

You were sat at your desk in your home office, working late. Again. All sorts of papers were scattered all around you, a pretty decent amount crumpled up and thrown aside as well. At first, youd aim for the trashcan, getting all giddy whenever youd make a shot. But the more time passed, the more you didnt care. You found yourself thinking of the fact that your husband wouldnt be really pleased at your current decision, and you being grateful that hes currently away for a few days. And you just happily continue focusing on your work.

You had focused a little too much, perhaps. Because you didnt hear Sebastian returning home, didnt notice him opening your office door either. You only did that when he spoke up, startling you a decent amount.

"Brought you coffee, schatz." He said, quietly walking to appear by your side, placing the mug down. You smiled at him in appreciation, tilting your head up to look at him. Right as you do so, you get surprised with a forehead kiss. You cant fight the smile that wanted to appear onto your lips, going back to your work. You fully expect Sebastian to protest, to go ahead and try to pull you away from the work. But what does he do instead? He lets his hands meet with your tense shoulders, and gets to gently massaging them, slowly kneading out the knots. No words said. A quiet hum escapes your throat. You two didnt need any words to communicate, really. He understood you on a deeper level, just like you understood him. Isnt it sweet?

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Jenson Button - one of the girls, the weeknd

"Twirl around again?" Jenson requests, making a spinning motion in the air with two of his fingers. You had decided to make him watch your fashion show after the shopping spree of today, just like you usually did. Every time. You thought hed be a little annoyed at you for forcing him to sit down on the couch, basically pushing him backwards right onto it. It was far, far from it - hed even encourage you to go shopping sometimes. 'Honey, its our anniversary next Saturday. Dont you want a new dress?', 'Go get something new, we're going out tomorrow', and 'i think you need to refresh your wardrobe' were phrases that you heard pretty often. And not for the reasons youd think - this man just truly and genuinely enjoyed seeing you smile, and the enthusiasm that would possess your whole being when it came to showing him. You liked to call him a simp, but in his books, that was just being reasonable.

You gladly fulfill his request with a giggle, spinning around to let the skirt of the dress flow around. This one had a great score on both of the 'spinny' and 'shiny' scales, which he learned from you pretty fast. However, he sees you suddenly stop. The surprise on his face is almost as big as yours. However, you quickly gasp and start giggling again, shoving your hands into... some pockets?

"It has pockets!" You excitedly blurt out, turning both of the pockets inside out to show him. That earns a chuckle out of him. You play around with the pockets some more, and start spinning again. As much as Jenson adored your silliness, sometimes. Hed worry about you bumping into things... and it would happen pretty often. But he was always there to baby you, placing gentle kisses around the spot you had just hurt yourself.

[p1xiemeat]

since the ppl i was trying to avoid have already found my new blog, there's no point in trying to hide it anymore.

my new blog is @faerymeat 🧚🏻‍♀️🎀🥩

i decided i am going to leave this blog up for all the ppl who like my edits🖤 maybe i will come back to it in the future but for now im really enjoying having a fresh blog🥰

im so sorry if u messaged me asking for my new username and i didnt reply to it.

soo many ppl asked for it which made me so happy because i had no idea how many ppl actually love my content🥺 it makes me feel a lot better knowing i have a lot more kind ppl watching my page than i had thought and i really genuinely appreciate all of you🖤

i also decided to reactivate my twitter too.

i know that no matter what i do or say someone is always gonna criticize me for it.

it doesn't matter how many new pages i make in attempt to hide from the ppl who wont leave me alone, because they always manage to track me down in a matter of days. even when i block them right after creating it -_-

so yeah, there's literally no point in trying to hide from them anymore. and i shouldnt even have to. i've already been lied about, insulted, harassed, and blocked by hundreds of ppl so what difference does it make to just keep posting what makes me happy? im just gonna be myself and let ppl believe what they want.

after the experiences i've had with internet thugs, i am forever going to have some sort of anxiety when i go online. i will always feel unsafe because of them. i have such bad paranoia when choosing whether or not to reply to a message from someone because these ppl have befriended me just to post our private conversations online or to make fun of me behind my back.

but my love and desire to create and express myself outweighs all that. some days i just can't handle being online mentally. and sometimes i wanna hurt myself knowing whats been said about me by people who will never even know me. i've tried to change myself in order to avoid harassment only to be made fun of for different things. i'm damned if i do & damned if i don't.

even though she's just a video game character, this quote by alice inspired me and made me decide to just do whatever makes me happy without letting other ppl stop me. 🖤

its always been 1 of my favorite quotes from the game, but seeing it pop up on my feed earlier helped me make this decision to just say fuck it and be myself, unapologetically 🥰

[kuni-is-daddy]

Comfort!Wanderer x Female Reader

Tw: Hints of depression. If you don't know scaras backstory ur gonna get spoiled.

Ft: Teasing,f/ngering, Riding, Scara praises u, aftercare?,he calls you a good girl

Wordcount: 1.77k

CW: Minors do not interact past the cut! This is a NSFW post

ScaraMasterlist

Before you two go on another outing, 'Hat guy' reluctantly asked nahida for help on another one of his gifts to give you...

"Remember hat guy! if anything happens ring the safety bell, okay? And keep in touch while im at vanarana. I want to make sure you two have an awesome time!" The small archon tippy toed, while 'hatguy' leaned down as she tied the trinket to his feathered ornament. "Tsk- Buer, im far from a child. I dont need anyone to hold my hand like one." Nahida looked up at the puppet, "Really? you never mind ms Y/N holding your hand though." He diverted his gaze and mumbled to himself. "See? I knew you'd like it. Oh right! your gift!"

Hat guy fixed his posture, "Here! Make sure you give this to ms y/n." In her hand was a book of photos she put together for him with little stickers of slimes and aranara with smiley faces, handing it to hatguy as he took his time with each page and noticing the many 'new' pictures, some being ones he didn't give to the lessor lord. "Your a stalker now too? I guess reading minds isnt enough for you." Ignoring his comment buer took out another book. One titled 'Nahida's sumeru travel guide' with a cover drawing of a purple cat barely paying attention to the light green cat. "Do you have to insist on making everything look like a coloring book..." Nahida didnt reply, mearling looking away and humming a tune similar to the aranara while he began his walk to the park.

Whenever you two would hang out together it was in the library within the akedemiya or anywhere he chose. Sometimes as you held his hand walking through the peaceful park your mind would fill the silence in the worst ways possible as he stared at your now frowning expression. "I dont know Kuni, is the akedemiya even worth it anymore? Theirs people smarter than me there anyway." Kuni stopped in his tracks. "But isnt the whole point of the akedemiya just to major in a 'hobby' you like?." he raised an eyebrow. "Well..i guess..but..Theirs obviously people better than me at it." "Id disagree. Besides their Irrelevant. Shouldn't you just do it and have fun. Huh.. I thought thats what hobby's we're. Something for idle bodies to enjoy." You sighed at his response and sat on the bench. "Its not that simple kuni, I have to get a job and- my family what if i have to provide for them too. Ontop of that there really unfair. Why am i putting my heart into this just for it to be a flop." 'A flop?' At your wording he was brought back to his association with the kaedehara clan. Every now and then he'd overhear niwa talking with others over its upending struggles due to the rise of his mothers sword art. Spreading around inazuma like wildfire and Leaving the clan to struggle in its contribution to the arts. But only in a matter of time kuni was able to 'eat' and drink his favorite tea with them in celebration of their success. We're all the struggles just the divine tricks to see who is worthy? was a god playing tricks on you? 'It couldnt be like that..' Kuni put his gift on the bench, and held your hand while sitting with you

"Maybe im overthinking kuni..I-i just dont know.." It pained him to just look at you like this. Tired. Just so tired mentally and physically, tears dreaning down your eyes as you measly sat on the bench. You began to get up, Remembering your responsibilities. "Its fine kuni, you know- maybe I just need some rest! at home!" 'she said that before' He held your hand, uncomfortably tight. His mind always thought to the worst and he never wanted to loose you because of it. Often getting angry at himself for assuming you'd do such a thing..or likewise to what he did. But this time, He just couldnt let go. Was he scared? As much as you implied, you'd never do such things It always rang in the back of his mechanical ears. If only he was still a harbinger, He would've did everything in his power more then he could now to get you the stable income or whatever humans would need in any region or place in teyvat you wanted. Just say the word and he would've done it regardless of her 'excellency' but he couldnt now, all he could do was use this 'curse' which he called emotions to help understand you. "Kuni-...Please let me go....Im alright." you sniffled. He immediately noticed your change in tone. It was soothing just how you always talked to him yet he still felt wary.

With a few more tugs it felt as if his grip only tighter the more you tugged. In defeat, you brokenly sighed and sat back next to the puppet. A part of him was irked at your own confusion. But he never once regretted trying to comfort you through it when, and when you didnt ask. Even awaiting you at your home before you messaged him. It felt as if you sat in the park for hours within cold silence as your throat and chest burned trying making out words but every attempt was cut off by insecurity.

You always knew he loved you, but even your black and white reality began looking different colors. You shuttered while looked at him again, meeting eyes and Surprised that his hat was off. Resting on the bench's crook. "How about..I join the akademiya with you?" you let go of his soft hand, beginning to wipe your eyes until he pulled a green cloth with flowers printed on it out his pants pocket, Damping away your tears as you subtly smiled and sniffled. "I never knew you we're into cute things like this kuni." 'cute?' "Well. You can always rely on this..unique archon of yours to make her presence." you didnt ask any further. "Why do you want to join the akademiya?" "Isnt it obvious? to be with you. and for buer to stop annoying me." he mumbled the last part. "But you dont even have a major or-" "The archives of inazuma can use a rework. I find it ironic how beelz- the raiden shogun is portrayed as some. Beneveloent god, that pursuits eternity." He smirked, Writing a thesis might be one of the most indirect ways he could show up his mother but that had to wait.

You we're more important, and always have been since you entered his life. Kuni noticed his gift. "Oh yeah. Here." he handed you the bag. "Whats in it. More bitter tea for me to try?" he blushed at your answer. "Just open it." you smiled at him again and looked at the pictures in the book. Trying to hold back a laugh at the picture of nahida whacking him uptop his head for god knows what. He looked at the picture, intrigued on why you we're laughing. 'buer you had one fucking job-' then back at you again. "No need to thank me- i-" cutting him off, you kissed kuni on his cheek "I love it kuni." 'his skin is so soft~' you thought. "Then I guess I should thank you too." The puppet shifted closer to you moving the book back in the bag and out of your view behind him. "W-wait kuni- not here we're in a park!" he sucked his teeth and still moved closer to you, sinking his face into your neck as you leaned back "And? thats even better, every person here can know how important you are to me. Got a problem with that?." He began tugging at the buttons on your shirt "Or..Does my baby want to continue this at home? I'll let you choose this time."

----

You fumbled with the keys as you locked the door behind you. Kuni was already tugging onto you. Biting and leaving petals of kisses along your neck. "K-kuni~ slow down.." you moaned. "Shit..Love it when you say my name too. This beautiful body is all mine." you turned around to face him, being greeted by his kimono barely hanging onto his shoulders to cover his lean form behind his turtleneck. "Your staring again…Like what you see y/n? Its all for you." He picked you up, bringing you to your bedroom littered in papers, pens and books on your desk. "huh. Do all scholars have a messy room like this?" He chuckled. "S-shut up.."

Kuni laid you onto the bed, observing your body before trailing his hands down to your pants. Letting out a groan. "God. Your fucking beautiful. How dare you treat yourself like this." He slowly tugged your clothes off. Then rubbed his hands along your thighs, spreading your legs and revealing your wet slit. "You want it gentle baby?" you nodded. Sinking his head inbetween your legs, he began licking on your bud. "Kuni~" "Shh…Relax..for me pet." your thighs twitched at the name. "Oh? you like being called that too…ill- mmm~ remember that" he sunk his tongue inside of you, moaning into you incoherent praise. "f-fuck..you- mmm taste- s' good." you rubbed your hand through his hair. Pressing him farther onto you. Usually you didnt take the lead or have him bottomed out for you like this. But it was your special night, as many we're yours to come. Kuni didnt want to stop for celestia itself to make sure you felt loved just as you made him feel. "Wahnt me to stop baby- you- ah..i know you like it." "N-no kuni~ please dont stop." you said while pressing your thighs closer against his head. "Hah..How about my fingers, want that too?" Kuni licked at his fingers after pulling away from your wet hole with a gasp for air. "Yes master~" his cock twitched in his pants. He knew you wanted it slow but god the urge to take you right then and there. He inserted two of his fingers as your walls clenched, slowly shifting in rhythm of his fingers. "Arent you eager hmm? Already want me inside dont you? Thought you wanted me to be gentle." He smiled, Thrusting his digits faster inside you. "K-kuni!! please.. I- ah..hah.." "Yes baby? what does my good girl want." kuni leaned down to you, wanting to hear your delicious moans. "Inside..Please..want you inside~" "Hah..Theres my pet." The two of you switched positions. Kuni laying his lean body on your bed as you climbed ontop of him, slowly sinking him inside you.

"K-kuni..your so big," "And hah..your so warm..oh shit~." You began moving, bouncing up and down on kuni's length. "Oh god baby..L-look at you, bouncing on master so ah-well.." His praise filled your ears, making your body heat up. You two interlocked hands as you both chased your highs. The sound of skin slapping and your wet moans echo'd around the room. "Yes..Yes y/n- fuck yes. I L- ah.. Love you so fucking much, dont stop. dont stop." He squeezed onto your hand, eyes slightly glowing from his pre sloshing up and down inside you. "Kuni~ m' close..Im gonna- i-" "Thats it- just like that- cum for me~ let me hear those beautiful moans-" From his bittersweet praise you came onto his length, squeezing his hand 'tightly' as he soon came after you, Painting your walls with his warm seed. You collapsed onto his chest, Still inside him and coming down from your high. His chest wasn't rising up and down.. which creeped you out a little but you didnt mind.

The two of you laid in the bed. Mumbling every now and then about earlier as he stroked your hair. "I dont expect you to get well instantly y/n. Thats not how things work." "Yeah..Then i guess id be like some sort of puppet right?" you chuckled while trailing your hand along his chest. "Right.." kuni laid his head back. "What im saying is that you have to try at your own pace to get better. Regardless of everyone, its your life you have to live. And i..hate seeing you dwelling here when I know there's someee things your good at. If you get discouraged, I'll be there for you." "And if your not..?" he sighed at your reply. "That'll be rare. Then Call me and we'll go for another walk if you want. Im sure that childish archon has plenty ideas too."(He thought back to the bell). Some of his advice was stuff you've already heard. Even though it is easier said then done your heart warmed at his ideals. He even wanted to get in the akedemiya just for you, he was willing to do so much. Even if you felt better for a day or made the smallest progress Kuni would be proud.

Thank you for reading and I wish you the best :)

[drawnfamiliarfaces]

I didnt watch rc9gn (sorry), but that question anon asked got me thinking:dont we already have amnesiac boy? *points at rex*?

Anon dont ever apologize for not having watched something, we all consume media/content at our own preference and pace!!! (I speak as a person who as of yet have not watched at least 5 major cartoons/shows of last decades lol) So its totally cool, always!

But YES you are totally right, Rex is another resident amnesiac in accordance to his canon show. It's actually one of the big bonding moments for him and Randy in HoM AU! ;D

However, the major difference between them is that Rex - started his 'hero' career after he lost his memory (the second time) and Randy - will canonically loose his memory at the end of his 'hero' career (or more like it ends his hero career). So you see their similar problems are also wildly different lol.

(um i went on a bit of a random rant about mostly Rex below, so you can read it of u want because im too lazy to delete it, but like, the point of the answer is above, so ye)

Technically Rex's amnesia is supposed to be a sort of 'chronic' debilitation that happens when he 'overloads'/ enters Titan mechabot state lol. But the show itself kind fibbled greatly with it (which annoys me to no end), because it seems that after the Nanite Event he periodically lost his memories so often, he kept a journal (when he was in the 'gang' with his friends) to keep track and later on Holiday and Five kept a close eye on him (i think it was implied he lost his memories at least once more at the care of Providence but i might be remembering wrong) in case his amnesia happened again. So, it seemed that his amnesia incidents got better with time, since we don't touch on the subject of him having another amnesiac episode almost throughout the whole show (and he even recovers several small memories!), until that damn finale.

At the end after the big fight, there was this sort of 'scare' of "Oh no! Rex saved the world but he forgot his family and friends!' but SYKE NO HE DIDN'T! And like... it wasn't completely explained, but i think it was implied that in that brief moment Rex was the Nanite Jesus Deity he somehow cured himself of amnesia i guess?? I was literally so mad about it, we were kind of building up to Rex making an ultimate sacrifice of his 'self' and it would have been such a great idea if he did loose his memory and have been allowed to (at least temporary) retire to his family home (of ex-werewolves) where he wouldn't be viewed as a weapon anymore, but... we get an ambigous 'some major villains escaped and are now at large' and thus Rex is still needed on the job and since he isn't amnesiac we dont even need to coerce him to fight! yay!

(can you tell im a little bit bitter about the end lol)

I mean I know the show was left in this sort of 'nothing changed' ambiguity for (im guessing) future possible continuation and/or for the GenRex brand, but its like my biggest annoyance from this show, which otherwise had such great storytelling! (in comparison to Ben10 AF&UA run lol)

That aside, what's up with Randy is different in a manner that his amnesia is something canonically inevitable and really scary if one thinks about it. 4 years of very life-changing experiences, of being a hero, just taken away would certainly reflect somewhat on him afterwards? I mean Im not sure how exactly mind-wipe work, (i dont remember all the details rn) but assuming it literally leaves you with gaps in your memories, without replacing them or something similar. So one of possible outcomes would be of post- mind wipe Randy feeling that he misses something from his life so keenly that it hurts him. Or perhaps human mind would work wonders of sort of 'filling' the gaps with vague false memories to not go insane, and after Randy would be constantly questioning that part of his life?

Many possiblities, but man I dunno, like, since rc9gn didnt have much in form of continuation so there is no extra info to explore.

But it does give me so much freedom to go completely bonkers in hom au (which i did man i went a really weird route ngl), because who's gonna stop me?? canon?????

...sorry this came out of nowhere, apparently i had a lot of feelings about Rex and his amnesia.

[katiesautisms]

Apologies to everyone who reads my posts, but the hyperfixation demands this.

Soo, Minecraft lore, if youre close to me then you know that I have been theorizing about Minecraft lore for a good while. So, here is one of the first theories ive came up with that I really like:

Heat has magical properties

Now, what do I mean by this? Well, ive noticed that in minecraft, things relating to magic (like potions, xp, etc.) can be the result of a huge ammount or sudden burst of heat!

Lets start with some small peices of evidence first: furnaces (and smokers [and blast furnaces])

To explain furnaces, I need to beifly go over xp. Xp is a PHYSICAL thing in the minecraft world, it is NOT just a gameplay mechanic. This is proven by xp bottles and how the Illagers have xp bottles in outposts (the reason for that, plus illagers in general, have to be discussed for another day, but I have the feeling that they are extremley important)

Now, furnaces, what the FUCK do they have to do with magic? Well I'll tell you!

In minecraft, you need to smelt raw ores for them to be useful, doing this grants you xp. The thing I want to direct your attention too is how ONLY ores (aka raw ores I guess, you get it) give off xp when smelted. In real life, it takes ALOT of heat to melt minerals. Possibly so much heat that the magic manifests into xp?

I do think its important to keep track of where you get xp from, since it is confirmed to be a physical item

Anyways, peace of evidence #2: more ore stuff

Coal, Redstone, Diamonds, Emeralds, Lapis, Quartz, and nether gold ore, they all drop xp.

Xp = magic = heat

All of these real life ores are made with heat or can conduct heat in real life, meaning that it makes sense that they give off xp. Redstone also conducts electricity, which gives off heat obviously, so it makes sense that theyd give off xp too

And as for nether ores, theyre in the *nether*, ofcourse theyre gonna give off heat

Admittedly im not too sure if ancient debris gives off heat, whenever I find some im too excited to mine it that I dont notice if they do or not lol

But anyways, on to #3: Lightning

Lightning in minecraft is really weird. It can convert, and even CREATE mobs that it strikes. Villagers turn into witches, pigs turn into zombified piglins, mooshrooms turn a different color, and it charges creepers (admittedly the less important attribute here)

Let me spell it out here

Witches use potions, potions rely on magic

Pigs become more sentient, smarter, and they give off, get this, MORE xp when they drop

Not sure why it converts mooshrooms though, mushrooms in general are their own can of worms

Now, for my final peice of evidence: PORTALS

The nether portal, the end portal, and that structure in the ancient city that was a portal until it wasnt, they all seem to require heat to power up for atleast ONE ingredient

Nether portals are obvious

End portals were built above lava by the Ancient Builders, ofc you dont need lava to activate it but that could either just be game mechanics throwing us a bone, or the ancient builders assumed that theyd need heat to activate the portal cus, yknow, heat = magic

And that huge part of the ancient city had soul fire beneth it. I know it isn't a portal anymore, but it definitely was at some point, hence the design implementation

One thing that could disprove this is that getting rid of fire or mining things like netherrack dont give xp, but its possible that those just arent hot enough for xp to form

Anyways, thats all I have for now in terms of Minecraft lore. @bulbasauryeee likley has more details I didnt talk about since we both theorize about the game's lore together :]

[arthur-lesters-balls]

geto suguru, gojo satoru, and fatalism

im here once again with a long rant that i didnt really bother to reread. if you squint you can see it as a jujutsu kaisen 0 analysis. theres a part where i talk about geto in what can be seen as someone presenting passive suicidal thoughts, but its neither heavy nor explicitly about that so. just warning.

lately ive been thinking a lot about geto being left alone to do whatever he wanted for 10 years because gojo, the only person strong enough to defeat him, simply never tracked him down. almost as a consequence, i eventually put this together with the fact that, even though yuta was the one who did the "difficult" part of defeating geto, gojo was the one to deliver the final blow

one of the first things geto said after seeing gojo in that alley was "to think you'd be the one here at my end", but lately, i cant help but think: wasnt that actually the most obvious end? was there ever any other option of closure for them? and ive been into the idea of stsg + tragedy (as a genre) since i wrote this post, so this somehow resulted in me looking at them with some kind of lazy fatalistic lens

i really like stories where the character tries to flee from an imminent tragedy, but always goes back to the same place, because that is his fate. and, to me, this is exactly what happened with gojo when he tried to avoid killing geto. he didnt go after him, he spent 10 years standing still, believing the distance would be enough to run away from that moral duty

and then geto came back

and then geto went after gojo students. and then geto was the one who made their meeting happen. and then geto was the one who broke that barrier gojo had put up to avoid thinking about that unhealed wound. suddenly gojo was back to shinjuku, ten years ago, with geto saying that killing him or letting him go was his choice and that there would be a meaning to it

and i keep asking myself what was going on in his mind at that moment when geto appeared at jujutsu high? did he acknowledge that irony? did he acknowledge how that seemed like a bad joke being played on him? how long did it take for him to accept what that meant? was it in the classroom, after their talk, looking at the sunset and thinking about how they were actually quite similar to yuta and rika? changing the place of their conversation to the middle of the street, the same place where rika died her premature death? did he think about how they were also stuck at each other, cursed by love, and how the one who placed the curse must be the one to remove it? how, as said by the novel, the curse of geto suguru was a burden only he would be able to carry?

and this whole thing also made me think about geto. we know for a fact he thought that their friendship was over, that he wasnt someone gojo held dear anymore. we also know he thought gojo deserved to hate him, to curse him, to not take that last meeting of theirs and waste it treating him kindly so, to geto, what justified the fact that gojo never found him? i genuinely dont have a theory. im not even sure if i have a hypothesis that is in any way backed up by canon. but, what i can say almost for sure is that he never got it right. and him thinking gojo and him were best friends is proof of that

then the question thats left is: was geto ever aware of the tragic irony of his death by gojos hands? was dying by gojos hands ever a tragedy from his perspective? the way he never put up a fight against that possibility says otherwise. looking at his ideals, living a meaningless life seems a far more tragic thing for him. but wasnt that what he was doing already? doing his best for a goal he knew made no sense? whenever i think about geto saying he didnt expect gojo to be the one there at his end, i cant help but wonder: was that said in a positive way? was that a surprisingly satisfactory means to go? being killed by the person who cursed him and also the person he loved the most; to geto, was there a more meaningful death than that?

[swifty-fox]

I don’t know if you want to talk about this, but I related to your tags on the post about diet culture/fatphobia. I have been doing intuitive eating for awhile now and moving away from diets, etc and I absolutely can see how it’s helped my disordered eating. But…I still desperately want to be a smaller size. I don’t feel attractive and feel anyone I’m attracted to wouldn’t be attracted to me. I feel so shallow thinking it but I keep debating trying to lose weight again because this isn’t the life I imagined for myself.

you'll find theres few things I wont yap about LOL

I've never super been into dieting. I eat a protein heavy diet because I find it easy and for a long time (not recently bc money) was doing power lifting/strength training a few times a week and needed it. And for a while I was counting calories to understand What I was eating. But I don't think I would ever claim to have had an ed. definitely lots of guilt around food but I have adhd so comfort eating is...huge.

I'm at my lightest i've been since highschool and that's through a mix of working out and some trauma but I will say I am WAY more critical of myself now than I was at my heaviest. Any hint I may have gained a pound is horrendously upsetting even when I understand its due to something like bloating or what part of my cycle I am on.

I do feel more attractive than I did as well though. I have explored my style and wardrobe and gender far more. I enjoy working out I feel Better when I work out because it gives a chemical reaction.

But i thought less about myself and my weight when I was heavier. I hadn't yet posed the question 'could I be different' But I also didnt THINK of myself as attractive so i didn't really worry about it

the nuance between weight and attraction and happiness is so. weird. it's complicated and I think I'm mostly rambling.

Everyone ive had sex with have been smaller than me. Theyve never, at least from what i can tell, been disgusted or unattracted to me for it. I don't get praised generally by the people i sleep with (or if I do its very horny) but skinny people wanna fuck non-skinny people. it happens

I don't track my weight anymore, I haven't weighed myself in a year because it wasn't what made me happy. It was lifting heavier, recovering quicker, feeling better during a set. The weight loss and the lost inches around my waist were a bonus but they became secondary. Yeah i still have moments where i look in the mirror and panic about my size but when im going to the gym and doing it consisently what i care about is smashing my PR. it just also makes me look good doing it. And i havent been to the gym in two months and i feel awful about it both physically and emotionally.

life is just. a battle idk. I guess I dont have a point to make

[sunnysideoflondon]

can i just say i love the demoni album (by joker out)?? every song literally goes so hard even the one i'd rank last if i had to is really goddamn good. i also like how the album contrasts with umazane misli (the album not the song) as its sort of about falling in love whilst demoni is like falling out of love? i haven't listened to the majority of umazane misli so im sorry if im wrong lmfao anyway. i had a thought that was like "the track order is usually on purpose right?" so that prompted me to make a summary of the contents of each song and i was like wait. this is a storyline. sorry again if these summaries are not fully correct i made them with one braincell and i dont have the energy to look up the lyrics again haha ok so katrina is like just post-breakup. "why do you keep on playing me. do you love me or not? i need you and hate you at the same time". ne bi smel is like "im sorry this was all my fault but i didnt have any other choice. i want you back but i know i betrayed you. it's my fault. im sorry". plastika is sort of like a side thing possibly its about hating how you look and having surgery to look perfect and beautiful. "it doesn't matter about anything else, im perfect now". i think this song has a deeper meaning that would fit more cleanly into the storyline of the other songs but im not big brained enough to figure out how exactly if i figure out ill update this. now, massive whiplash as we jump into demoni which is like "i need you here. when im not here my demons play with me" (idk how to better explain it besides just drawing from the og lyrics hah) important to note that this song is the title track. padam is like "i should've believed them instead of going through with us. someone help me. please. where is everyone?" vse kar vem is like "everything ends eventually, you just didn't need me anymore". ona is like "you never cared. but i care so much. so so much". tokio is like "we're not gonna see each other again. only photos will know we were together". note the more peaceful music as opposed to the deeply upset vibe of the others. kind of ironic how ngvot is like "ah, so we meet again. we've both changed albeit differently. we don't talk about it anymore though!" note the incredibly happy music of the song it's so incredibly jarring hearing them repeat "we dont talk about it anymore" with this happy ass music lmfao lastly novi val is like really abstract and could really mean a lot of things. i take it as a general message but it could really be anything. also note that it makes me want to cry so bad. one day im gonna bawl my eyes out because of that goddamn song agh OKAY UM OKAY. so basically the whole album is about a slow acceptance of the breakup but still feeling bitter about it at the end. i think. however this mystery person (probably called katrina) that the singer broke up with could've been anything tbh. you can interpret this really broadly and i think that's why i like the album so much too. it doesnt have to just be about events and feelings post-breakup but also just things in a general sense. so you can find solace in the album regardless of what your situation is. i think thats pretty neat.

or maybe im just overthinking it haha :D

[devilsainz]

Tagged by @watercolor-hearts, I'm actually surprised someone remembers my @ to tag me in these! quite heartwarming tbh, thank you lovely, hope you have a nice day/evening/morning 🤗💙

Name: my true name starts with a. m. but since i'm a person on the verge of mixing reality w/ virtual i rather be just called goggles lmao (not to be too vague, my second one is miguel, a quite common latino name, but the first one is quite unusual and it feels too real to be called like that so im hiding it lol)

Sign: Leo (i copied from the op who tagged me and yes this is my sign as well)

Time: 19:16 (i definetely spent too much time elaborating and correcting my own answers lmao)

Favourite band/artist: the short version or the long one? cause honestly im kind of into music as a whole, but to select just a few, i'd say Fiona Apple, Joanna Newsom, Beyoncé and Björk. yep, all ladies, dont ask me why but i just connect with female vocalists more

Last movie: ooh.. this one is quite been some time actually... i think it was Knives Out: Glass Onion! just a little bit of silly fun entertainment and cause i was honestly curious cause i liked watching the 1st knives out.

Last show: Drive to survive 🤷‍♂️ im not a very series person tbh (even dts i only watched the eps i actually was curious about lmao)

When I created this blog: this kind of has 2 answers idk. because this used to be a ziam - yes you read that right - a ziam blog lmao but i didnt put much thought into it tho. then i just stopped using for years, and i just came 2 months ago back to delete it and replace with this actual blog cause i discovered the charlos side of tumblr and wanted to interact w the blogs i discoveeed, reblog and all that jazz.

Other blogs: other than the one i deleted, no, i just have this active blog.

Do I get asks: no i turned them off lol but i dont mind actually i get kind of peaceful thinking im just a dot in this vast virtual world of internet, at least here

Followers: 125 accs (i guess, i dont check bots but i dont think there are too much of them)

Average hours of sleep: i guess it varies on 6-8? there are days a sleep a little bit later but tbh i dont keep track of these lol but i can tell i've been pretty okay with my schedule lately, at least my insomnia stopped

Instruments: nope. i have a shitty keyboard but i just gave up on learning, but i do plan on trying again, just dont know when

What I am wearing: green shorts and an ugly printed but comfortable t shirt

Dream job: i mean, it says dream job... so i might go full in... singer/songwriter 🤓

Dream trip: actually i'm not really obsessed about trips anymore... but if i had to pick one i'm just saying Madrid cause its where carlos jr was born 🤓 (i still want to go there and investigate in person to find his official time of birth btw, so yep im picking madrid)

Favorite song atm: i have a lot of songs being my faves simultaneously and it changes fast depending on the moments/moods but im going with In California by Joanna Newsom cause the chorus when she sings "cuckoo cuckoo" its freaking amazing tbh. for my more upbeat side tho i'm picking Those Eyes, That Mouth by cocteau twins.

Tagging:@leclercsbf and @leoramage (tagging you two cause you were the ones to start a conversation w me so i think it wouldn't be too awkward lol but hey, feel free to ignore if you dont want to or dont like these, no hard feelings, were just dots in a virtual space)

(ps: i was actually very defensive about these kind of posts but i tried this one for fun and hey it is fun! it was kind of cool to talk about myself freely without my face or name plastered on it so thanks for that, person who tagged me)

[velaralilas]

an onryo main talks about the onryo rework

(behavior interactive)

the time has finally come! Sadako finally got an update in DBD and im here to talk about it.

overall, these changes are amazing. i think after this update is released, Sadako will finally move up the killer tier list (though she will always be S tier in my heart ♡ ). though i dont play killer all that much anymore, i still find myself going back and making sure i still got it.

i will be going over each point from behaviors blog post individually to ease confusion- also, they talk about reworking her add-ons as well but didnt disclose which ones they were working on.

projection

Projecting to a TV now applies ¾ of a stack of Condemned to all Survivors not carrying a Cursed Tape (was 1 stack to nearby Survivors).

this is the only one i don't understand why they changed it. i think keeping the projecting stack at 1 is fine- as it doesn't affect survivors unless you're projecting constantly. i do like that now it affects all survivors instead of those around the tv you project to.

The time a TV is disabled after The Onryo Projects to it has been reduced to 70 seconds (was 100 seconds). This can be further reduced using Add-ons.

THANK YOU BHVR OMG. this has been a needed change for a while. even if it was reduced to 80-85 i would have been happy. waiting so long for a tv to turn back on is frustrating, especially if you know survivors are working on a gen near that specific tv.

The time a TV is disabled after a Survivor removes the Cursed Tape has been increased to 90 seconds (was 60 seconds).

THANK YOU AGAIN BHVR. it never made sense (to me) why survivors turning off tvs had them off shorter than when you projecting to them. this also provides some sense of security to survivors working on gens and reduces the amount of time they have to work on turning tvs off.

Projection now has a 15 second cooldown. Since there is no longer a range limit on the Condemned effect, we need to limit how frequently this can happen.

am i upset about this? yes, but also no. my play-style doesnt include me teleporting constantly, but having a cooldown is nice to have so you can plot where to project next.

cursed tapes

Getting hit with a Basic Attack while carrying a Cursed Tape will apply one stack of Condemned.

WHERE WAS THIS WHEN SADAKO DROPPED?? THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE. and now carrying a tape is so much more lethal than it was before.

When a Survivor carrying a Cursed Tape is hooked, all other Survivors gain one stack of Condemned and the Tape is destroyed.

JKFHAOFHAOHFIU AGAIN WHERE WAS THIS???? the tape being destroyed is also nice, since when survivors get unhooked they run to get rid of their tape.

Holding a Cursed Tape no longer passively builds Condemned.

hot take: this shoudnt have been in the game in the first place. most survivors keep the tape until they're at 6 stacks then get rid of it anyway (its me. im survivors.)

Cursed Tapes can now be placed in any TV other than the one they were retrieved from.

thats all. i just want to be outplayed by survivors. though i can understand why they had the original mechanic in the game originally. this also provides a sense of safety if multiple survivors are working on a gen.

demanifistation

The Onryo can no longer be stunned while Demanifested.

i have to see how this works before i place a final judgement on it. do we just eat the palette? do we walk through it? LIKE WHAT HAPPENS?????

Chases are prevented when Demanifested, making it more difficult to keep track of The Onryo’s position.

this is the same as other stealth killers (wraith), so i have no real issue with this change. its also nice that survivors wont know you're there due to the chase music playing

Demanifesting now removes Bloodlust, similar to other Killer Powers.

again, its the same as other killers, so i dont really care about this one.

this rework is amazing! i cant wait for this to go live. i might have to stop playing survivor when it does. one thing i want is more cosmetics but other than that this is everything i could ask for.

[davestriderascend]

the mspa reread, pt 7

after finishing homestuck, ive been working my way progressively through the other content available on the unofficial collection. at this point, all thats left to reconsume is problem sleuth, so ill just recap my feelings about everything else in one singular post here to keep the flow going.

if youre new here, dont even worry about it. the previous parts dont matter, unless you want to read my homestuck recaps.

so heres the recap of the unofficial collection bonus material, ig

Skaianet

i was one of the few people who was there when this came out and managed to read the whole thing before it was shut down. i reread it. no further comments.

Sweet Bro & Hella Jeff, + Team Special Olympics

i am not reading either of these. ive glimpsed more than enough in passing.

The Vigil Prince

i read this but i genuinely have no idea what the fuck its supposed to be???

Ryanquest

probably the shortest thing on the site outside of the vigil prince. its pretty funny ig

Namco High

ive played a decent number of dating sims in my life, and this is my least favorite. i played through davesprites route and then resolutely decided i wouldnt bother playing any more. there are too many fucking characters, there arent really any choices, and the whole thing is just a drag. i tried looking up walkthroughs or playthroughs for the purpose of this recap, but i found nothing bc of how unpopular/how little time this game was available for. i was unfamiliar with all characters except the cousin, teh ship thing i GUESS? nad obviously the hs characters. this did not help anything. i think davesprites route was probably the most interesting one anyway.

Paradox Space

i owned this book, i think. i know when i first read the comic i read the physical version. its in storage now, so i just reread it thru the collection. its still really good. i didnt realize hussie had actually written some of the comics. its funny, and parts of it are really great bonus material or commentary on hs.

summerteen romance surprisingly enough holds up for me as both comedic genius and a surprisingly sincere commentary on hivebent and karkats feelings about it on the meteor trip. mister seven remains my favorite comic, but the last one with vriska and equius was particularly powerful, leaning into a chaotic art style that really emphasized vriskas desperation and incoherence as she lost more and more blood. it made me think of what arkham asylum by grant morrison wanted to be. in general though, there are a lot of genuinely really sweet and funny moments in the comic as a whole. i think i loved it more on my reread than i did on my first read.

Jailbreak

jailbreak is a short comic with one splitting track (with no real consequence) wherein a guy tries to escape from jail with some other guys. if i recall, this one is entirely based off of reader suggestions, so its really random and all over the place. its also very characteristic of hussies earlier era humor.

i remember loving it the first time i read it, but honestly? a lot of the jokes were just kind of distressing on my reread. the dark humor just really isnt my thing anymore i guess. its just kind of... gross now.

still, it has a lot of influence on jokes in homestuck. lord jack's entire jail sequence is like, a direct riff off of this comic. this is also where the what pumpkin joke comes from, and the porno sword. the elf saw a penis and began to cry meme is from this comic.

Bard Quest

hussies incomplete short comic. this is where she really experimented with splitting tracks. however, unlike in homestuck and jailbreak, none of them are resolved, which can result in a clunky narrative where you just have too many damn tabs open.

this is very obviously where the codpiece thing started.

Albums

once youve finished homestuck, hiveswap acts 1 and 2 ost unlock, as well as the friendsim ost, a "grubbles" album based off of the fictional hiveswap band, and the final "beyond canon" album.

Hiveswap OST

im a sucker for the hiveswap soundtrack, absolutely. act one especially is fantastic. but the real highlight of this album is toby and james's track commentary. they bicker back and forth and joke around in the notes, and honestly, its fucking hysterical. act 2 is also good, but it doesnt have any of the commentary.

The Grubbles

its good! it has a nice, consistent sound, and the tracks are pretty solid. its very short, though, and i dont have a ton to say about it.

Friendsim OST

the reality is that everything james roach makes is pretty fire. some of the commentary on this albums really interesting, also. i really like M O I S T and >tfw another james roach song, i think theyre some of the most powerful tracks in terms of atmosphere. however, service car is definitely my favorite. its just so funky.

Beyond Canon

something i think is interesting about beyond canon is that its largely new artists. in all of the previous hs albums, you got the sense that a lot of the musicians knew each other and worked together or listened to each others work, and as a result, you really see them build off of each other. there are so many repeating sounds and motifs, with people constantly remixing each others works, or sticking to similar themes in instruments or sounds- ie; favoring piano in songs about john, whatever. theres a distinct sound to those early albums where you listen and youre like, oh yeah, this is a homestuck album.

i dont get that with beyond canon. it doesnt reference any older stuff. these arent recognizable artists whove influenced homestuck for ages. its all new.

robert j, one of like four returning artists, says this in the track commentary:

about five months ago i was contacted to be a part of the homestuck 2 music team and was told the lowdown: it was a clean slate, and a chance to establish the musical rockbed for homestuck 2 going forward. no quotes of hs1 songs whatsoever, but we'd be making new songs TO quote

which pretty much backs up everything i said. and i get the purpose of something like this, but it does present a challenge for new musicians because theyre working without the same base for nostalgia. the fact that there isnt a ton of really distinct musical diversity in this album, with a lot of it relying on a very electronic sound to the point where i originally thought the album was themed, rather than a supposed new start for this new era of homestuck, also may be challenging when moving forward with new albums.

idk. its a fine album, the songs are fine, but nothing about it really sticks out to me.

Final Thoughts

anyway, all thats left now is to reread problem sleuth, and then i can uninstall this massive fucking thing. i might replay the games, or reread the post canon stuff eventually, but the light is shining at the end of the tunnel at last

[tibli]

personal venting below

man sometimes i kind of feel like an outsider in my friend group. like theyre all great, wonderful people, most of whom ive known since, like, middle school, but sometimes i feel like im kind of floating around the perimeter of the friendship, and i dont know why!

its not like i never hang out with them- i do! we all try to meet up together during the holidays, and we have a discord so we can all stay in touch. but i feel like, outside of those times, everyone else is hanging out with each other and im just... not. and its not like i dont try! i used to ask in the gc if people wanted to hang out, but most of the time everyone was busy or just not up for it, so i eventually just didnt really ask anymore.

this isnt me trying to paint my friends in a bad light by any means- i understand that a lot of this is probably just manufactured in my head, and theyre all really kind and thoughtful people, regardless. but i feel like i was always trying to reach out, and when i stopped nobody really reached out to me. and i know some of them hang out with each other outside of our holiday parties, but thats not really the case for me most of the time.

on top of that, this past weekend we had an april fools party where everyone put 3 songs on a playlist, and we had to guess who chose the song. of the 20-something tracks, i got maybe 3 of them right. and there were some songs where everyone else seemed to reach a consensus on who chose it that i didnt have context for, and it just made me feel really embarrassed and out of the loop with my own friends. but not for lack of trying! i do try to pay attention to the things people enjoy.

it makes me think that maybe im doing something wrong? i know i can be too much sometimes, but i try to dial it back so im not grating on people's nerves. and its not that my friends have ever given me the idea that i'm annoying- far from it, in fact. but i definitely know i can be if i get too ahead of myself.

i just feel like its something im doing or not doing thats making people unintentionally keep me at arms length, but i dont really know what it is. i know the best course of action would be to like. bring it up to them and explain how im feeling. but at the same time i feel fucking stupid for even posting this, and honestly im probably just overreacting. may or may not delete this later who knows.

[frost-bites-slushies]

x

sometimes i forget that im never allowed to go back, that i cant participate over there anymore as much as id love to. i cant post anything about that anymore and its just my fault. im scared what people are saying about me there, i dont know and its so very scary.

i dont know how i couldve stayed in that fandom after what i did, but i want to, but i also know id only open myself up to reminding them of me after they likely started to move on. i dont want to be that selfish, i hurt people, i affected people, but i still like to just. fantasize over what i would do.

i'd love to have made a little fan character, based on one of my cute little plushies maybe, probably the apprentice to my favorite character in that au. probably shit at cooking just like me too, but they keep em around cuz theyre sweet eheeh

iunno, i can only dream though, as much as i wish i could make it real. i know the people there and i know they know eachother, theres no doubt at least one warned their friends about me. my favorite creator from that fandom blocked me, i still see snippets of their work through reblogs, but. i know they told the other creators in that fandom about me. to look out for me maybe. i dont know why some of those creators havent blocked me yet, but i can count my blessings i suppose, but i wouldnt complain if they did block me, because i deserve it entirely.

i dont know, i just. wish. maybe if i changed my name? maybe if i tried to change everything about myself so i wasnt recognizable? so much about me would be lost, the characters i developed for years before now, the name i got from nice memories with past friends of mine. but i would be free. i would be able to go back, to do what i want to do, to come back smarter and more informed as someone new.

but that would just be lying. and lying got me here. i would lose so much, and would it be worth it? to be able to participate in something i love if i have to limit myself forever? i can never talk how i want, draw how i want, ill have to get rid of my sona and make it unique enough that they couldnt track me down. but if i do reenter that fandom, ill be found out by them as quick as a heartbeat, because i talked with them so often and shared so much of myself.

and they put all that information i trusted them with into making a post about me. they put the art that i gave to them as gifts in the post so people could recognize how i draw, they put the details of how i interact with others and how i use my account online so people could figure me out even if i didnt post art, and im damn sure if i didnt delete it, my discord would be in the post too. if i showed my face, im sure they would have slapped that in there. im surprised they didnt try and detail what my fucking voice sounded like.

because of a stupid dingy little post they made, im restricted from things i love, because even after knowing me for months, they think i didnt feel guilt. that i wanted to hurt them and i did it on purpose. that i didnt learn from what i did to them. they think i was so immature that i didnt know what i did wrong.

do they still think that? do they believe i am really so immature and stupid that i wouldnt learn? i was their best friend. i was so close to all of them. i believed them all to be sweet people, but they made me terrified of coming back to the internet at all. I didnt run away for my own selfishness, i ran so they didnt have to see my face again, but the very person i listened to them fucking shit talk about behind closed doors found my account and outed me.

do you know how much shit i have on them? the things i could say about them? how awful they are in private? i believe only two people of the group are genuinely nice people, and even then they still cut me off, like they had every right to do. but they didnt make me terrified, they didnt yell and scream at me, they didnt call me a "slippery rat" and a manipulative lying bastard. They wanted to believe in me, but they rightfully took the victim side and cut me out. one figured out a bit later that they were wrong for trying to keep contact with me, the other was only dissapointed in me, which hurt significantly more than hateful words.

only two people of the whole group were respectful to me. they treated me like a human that did something awful, and not just a sick, twisted and manipulative monster. one of the group tried to manipulate one of the two people that were willing to keep contact and help me change. this person told my friend to just pretend to be my friend, and ghost me once i got new friends or felt better, to be my fake friend and dissapear once "everything was fine".

another ranted and called me hateful things in a reblog of the stupid post on me. they said i was a rat, that i "got away before they could get to me", assumedly to curse at me in dms like in that reblog. they told me to never come back, that nobody likes me, that i no longer had a place in that fandom.

i was scared, and i still am. but ive said that enough times. I've been scared for a while, and the people that are still beside me know that.

i just wish i could do what i love, but as they said, i dont have a place there anymore.

i think ill come back as someone new.

[casperillion]

i cant post the orignial context because i think op blocked me but thats fine, i just want to air my thoughts and tbh if theyre not looking anymore im happier abt that.

to summarise a little bit of what this is abt, i replied to an article that very much implied that all trans men are loud misogynists, especially towards trans women which is not something i agree with. my reasons for not agreeing with this is very much based on my real world and online experiences of growing up in the queer community with many trans people around me. I stated that i dont think that misogynistic trans men (which look, i know they exist, ive met them) should be considered the majority and on top of that it feels very weird to focus so heavily on that when trans men do not hold a position of power over other trans people, especially not systematically.

to be fair to op i didnt explain this as clearly as i could originally since my first response to the article was very much an emotional response.

anyway op told me the world would be better off without me in it and that i should kill myself, that im a transmisogynist, and that im the reason they hate that theyre trans masc. someone else told them to back off bc while they agreed with op they thought it was a bit fucked up to say that, i responded to them and clarified my points and this person also ended up agreeing with me.

op then messaged me privately with this

okay context done here are my thoughts, i'll try to split this up so its a bit easier to read Original point

so for this one, trans men and our issues are very often erased or only ever brought up as an after thought. I dont feel like i need to explain why erasure is bad but the biggest issue i find with this is lack of resources and lack of coverage or even knowledge about the shit trans men deal with in a cisnormativity society.

this article was rough for me to read because it described every trans man that the writer had met as someone who became a loud misogynist and the conclusion was that all trans men were that way, if not openly then secretly. I know this is not the case because i know many trans men and trans masculine people, many of those men are very passionate supporters of trans women, nb people, and cis women. honestly i think these experiences say more about the person who wrote the article than trans men as a whole.

this attitude is used by TERFs to harass trans men who they see as "traitors" and its where i see this sort of thing most often. its very weird to be this focused on this subject especially without discussing how complex being trans masculine is.

its kinda hard to put everything into words, i'll add on more when i remember it later

To the person who posted the article that is now harassing me

im not gonna name them but looking through thier blog actually... made me really sad. they are the type of people that have fallen victim to this kind of thing. they hate men, and they hate themselves even more for being one.

its so sad to me that they see themself like that, its kinda hard to even know if theres a way i can help them, i want to though. even though they were incredible weird towards me.

digression into them being weird actually bc ive been thinking abt it.

they were very quick to judge who i am as a person without knowing anything about me, made a lot of assumptions that arent true. it felt a lot like projection because like?? idk its wild to doubt that i care about my close friends???? you dont know any of us?? you dont even know what community i come from?? i know trans women from like, actually idk the youngest age but roughly from 20 years old to 40+, most of the trans men i know are in their 20s, and i dont even know what the range for nb people i know is because ive met too many and i stopped keeping track. I've lived with other trans people in person of all genres (idk i dont have a better word) , ive volunteered in places where ive met and helped trans women get back on their feet while experiencing financial hardship. as a teenager i was involved in creating safe spaces for trans and gnc teens in my city to meet each other and hang out. less relevant but ive also be outright told by women im close with that they value my perspective when we have discussions about misogyny, actually that was literally 2 nights ago while we were discussing the best way to create a safe space for women and trans fems. obviously op knows none of this but its wild that they just.. assumed so much and decided that my voice was not important or worth listening to.

[maisondrew]

You’ve been on my mind lately. I think it started when i went to the club with ivan. he sat next to me and asked me how ive been, and put his arm around me and just showed mad love "yo im really glad you're here, we havent chilled in a minute". he said. Sybyr played earlier today and it hit. I think tonight is the night i finally get the chance to grieve you.

Music was our bond since the moment we met. “Je suis le noir le plus blanc que tu vas rencontrer”. When i found out you listened to metal in grade 10. Shameless in your identity and your taste in music is what i loved about you. Putting me on ferg, uzi and even tried to put me on korean pop. When you hit me and martin up to hangout in the summer, there was a part of me that dreaded it. When i left emmanuel i felt as though i made sure to remove myself from anyone there and went as far as dissociating from the identity i had there. Kept in touch with the ones i truly had love for and moved on. Seeing you meant i had to tap into that identity. Martin and i dont even fuck with each other like that anymore. The day came and martin ghosted, i pulled through. I hadnt seen you in years. You asked me to call jaya, and i did. We spent time in the parkinglot talking about life, music and the men we chose to be. You pulled up in a white beamer. You were level headed but i could tell you were happy about the car. kept emphasizing how it meant nothing to you. “I stay out of trouble. Mes amis font des bhays, moi j’vais au travail, et je rentre chez moi, je veux rien savoir.” I think that line of yours echoes through my conscious the loudest. “Je veux bouger au ouest, c’est calm ici”.

On the night Wednesday, August 10th, i was riding my motorcycle to the old port. The sun was setting and the sky was magnificent, but i couldnt shake this feeling in my stomach. The entropy in the air was strong, why does it feel like my clock is holding on by a thread? I was particularly paranoid and i couldn't comprehend why. My sixth sense was feeling particularly hazy. “is this how i go? will it be a pothole or an accident? am i gonna get drunk tn and drive into a lightpole?” I was playing eeny meeny miny moe, which one of these cars is going to projectile me on the otherside of the highway? I felt death lingering around me until i made it to the club that night. A fight broke out, and my boy got involved, so i got involved, is this it? collateral in a fight? but no, i was okay.

It was jeffs story that i saw first in the morning. “What the fuck does he know about you, why the fuck would he post that?” i messaged him, that shit wasnt funny, i was heated at 9 am. I checked cobis story, and texted jaya right away, l kept refreshing my phone while driving to work. This cant be real. But it was. The only time adulthood escapism was of any service; i was in brampton while people walked your vigil. I felt like i didnt show up for you the way you showed up for me in the west. When i came back i made sure to go to your funeral. I went alone on my bike. Found a seat and witnessed people speak on your name. Your family, your friends, and your mother. Your strong spirited mother. It was all still surreal. At your burial i was accompanied by some familiar faces, which made me feel some comfort. Your mom left fast. I wanted to stay as long as i could so i did. People came to you to say their good bye. I shied away, i didnt wanna front on anyone. One of your boys played uzi, the track you showed me in highschool. Eventually when people moved away, ivan put his arm around me and said: “come, we need to say good bye” ivan, devin, crystel and i came to see you. I put my hand on your casket and i prayed.

I prayed you found the quiet you looked for. I apologized for not putting effort to see you when i could have. And i thanked you for the music. I thanked you for the time, and thanked you for coming to see me and keeping in touch. You were always so big yet so gentle. I was far from being your closest friend, but the little bit of mutual love and respect we had for each other was enough to have me aching writing to you now. I know its meek, but i hope it is strong enough to travel to you. you really broke my heart. May your soul travel in music forever.

long live jaystarz.