#im not going thru the entire dash but i will be going thru some of it

[anthenasikes]

TURNING IN MY ESSAY FIVEMINUTES BEFORE DUE DATE its kind of trash but i got full points on the other one so if its a bad grade then it can even out

[klonoadoortophantomile]

i have this issue where like. i feel like my art is weird. not even like weird in an intentional kinda way  or a ‘cringe’ way or whatever judt sometimes i feel like its weird. doesnt quite translate whatever my ideas were or even make much sense to anyone that isnt me. i feel like i spend. so much time like. isolated from other people  and ill just be making art and coming up with ideas in this weird feedback loop with my brain that it just keeps getting distorted from what the idea originated from and starts only making sense to me. and i have no clue if any of what im saying even makes sense or is even true its just something i think about a lot and kinda? worry abt sometimes too? i feel like this kinda stems back from . okay so i have this massive bin in my room where i tend to put old sketchbooks and stuff in and this goes all the way back to when i first started really grtting into art as a hobby, and i like judt sitting down for a few hours sometimes and looking thru a bunch of shit in there. but sometimes i come across stuff from where i was drawing in one particular style for a while anf it was just startingn to like… become more and more distorted? this ties into a whole other side tangent i could go on abt but basically i have this problem with Art Styles where i feel like i have to follow certain rules and criteria with the stylization blah blah blah anyways so my original point js that after id been sticking with a certain way of stylizing thinggs for long enough it starts to become more exaggerated, and slowly ljke unrecognizable from whatever the fuck its supposed to represent or what it was originally supposed to look like. like uhh for a while i drew eyes in this very particular way where they were just little dashes. but sometimes id draw the dashed a bit closet than normally or kinda tilting towards each other and i though it looked cute so i kept doing this intentionally. until it would get to the point where in some drawings you couldnt even see the eyes. theyre judt one weird mark on the page. or sometimes i would have one eye a bit higher than the other and id keep doing that until theyre super misaligned. and this is jsut a really mundane example thrres others i feel whre like really bad looking back. like ‘how did anyone think this was even passable’ levels of bad.. and just. idk i have no clue where im going with this post its just this stuff has been bothering me for a while now and just. i dontknow. this isnt even entirely what im talking abt there weird patterns in my art constantly and its not in an interesting way its just. why do i do that. why is that Like That. and like this isnt somethingi should worry about so much but again i just think abt it a lot!!!!

[momett]

We dont talk but I wanted to say I like seeing you guys on my dash <:] Im not entirely sure what youre going thru but I hope you take some time off to relax. I dont have a funny image to put here so imagine a goofy video-

BEAU!!! that means so much to me...

i have just been letting internet drama get to me but i will be fine! i hope!!

[uniformbravo]

aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh the new dash doesn’t have individual urls for each page anymore they all just say tumblr.com/dashboard so i can’t bookmark pages to save my place anymore and all my previously saved bookmarks just take me to the front page of my dash aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[pastel-ennui]

heyy i’m @cats-jade lol just a heads up that im going thru ur entire blog tonight, i kno some ppl get uncomfortable w mass likes/reblogs so i thought i should say smth :) i’m just having a real cade night rn ajshsjk

also i’m queuing a bunch of incorrect quotes so i won’t spam my followers dash too hard so youll be seeing a lot of me on ur notifications on the next few days !

love ur blog🖤🖤

hell yeah no problem babey!! have fun :)

I feel the spamming reblogs thing, it's something I did a lot of early on and now I am pretty sure I've run out of stuff to reblog lmao.

May possibly write fanfic maybe... if I can get inspiration... put my empty AO3 to good use.

[mokutone]

yo i would love to hear some of ur trans yam headcanons :) (also ps ur art is breathtaking and whenever i see it reblogged on my dash i always come here anyway to read ur tags bc they r so! good!)

thank u 🥺🥺🥺 god im sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a couple days ksdjghsdkjgh not only have i got a LOT of thoughts to put here (this is only a selection of the bigger thoughts skdjghsdkjhg) i was also super busy the past few days!!!! ty for ur patience, ur compliments, and for inviting me to ramble abt my favorite guy!

maybe the one constant in all trans people is just like. our decision to intentionally and purposefully create ourselves, to forced into an identity by outside forces and to turn away from it in search of something else, and that’s ultimately what makes captain yamato read as a trans character to me! He goes through so many identities, and they are meaningful to him, but you can also clearly tell that he’s searching for something that really fits him.

I don’t really have a lot of firm thoughts on what his specific identity would be, I’ve seen some great nonbinary yams, some lovely genderfluid yams, trans guy yams, there’s a great variety and i delight in them all! 

I tend to imagine him as transmasculine and nonbinary but male aligned (which means he’d feel at least a partial connection to or comfort with masculinity) and while there are a bunch of labels for this experience of gender (demiboy, bigender, etc etc) i don’t see him as somebody who would use any specific labels, I feel like he’d keep his own experience of his gender fairly private! He’d prefer and be fine with masculine-coded terms of address, and happy enough passing as a guy.

AHH and on names...

I think Kinoe is the only name that I really see as like. a genuine deadname. It’s a name that means “The First” to my understanding, and so like, probably refers to him having the genetics of the first. Therefore, it’s kind of. literally a name referring to him as his biology...boy thats as deadname as it gets, huh? kill that shit and also danzō

Tenzō is also a name thats given to him, but to my understanding (all I know about the anbu arc is picked up thru osmosis lol) it’s a name that’s given to him twice, with affection. Once from Yukimi, who sees him as her brother (not a vessel for the first hokage’s powers, probably for the first time ever—even if it’s still another person’s name) He takes the name, gladly! Unfortunately danzō. anyway,

Later, when he starts to introduce himself to the non-root Anbu as Kinoe, Kakashi cuts him off and names him to the anbu as Tenzō. To my understanding: it’s a name at rest, not a name for one singular mission, but a name for his entire time in Anbu. It’s the name he keeps the longest. Again, it’s a name that’s given to him to him by somebody else, but it’s one that is given with the intention to free him of Kinoe, and all that Kinoe had to be. 

(A note on him getting annoyed with Kakashi for calling him Tenzō in main-plot:

Most of this is of course based off of personal experience, but I find it hard to believe that he would actively dislike Tenzō as a name since it was given with such sweet intentions—most of my names have been gifts, and the only one I’ve actively taken out of rotation has been bc i cannot stand the person who used it, and the way it was used, and while Anbu was certainly bad for Yamato...I don’t think it was quite that bad. I think him telling Kakashi to stop calling him Tenzō has more to do with the use of it where it doesn’t belong—for example, while it’s not exactly a name, I am happy to be called “mokutone” here, and you may notice my friends calling me by another name, but if any of those friends called me mokutone in DMs, I would be bothered by that.)

Yamato starts off as an empty codename, given to him for the purposes of his team 7 mission by the Hokage, but I think it gets such a loving and warm association from just...using out in the sunlight, with these kids that he comes to think so fondly of (he’s such a dad. god. he’s such a fucking dad) and with the friends he makes going out drinking and actually having time to socialize—and that means a lot! I think Yamato is probably the name which becomes most meaningful and like a home to him by the end of the series. This is the active name, the name where he is most himself. It’s vital for him to have that space to grow into! 

But that said, I personally feel like, if he were to continue beyond the edges of the story, this would not be the final name he bears. He’s probably well aware that a single name cannot contain who he is, or who he wants to be, and while being Given a name can be a beautiful thing (like i said, most of my names are gifts! i treasure them.) I think that, for his character arc, I would like him to name himself at some point. Even if it’s a name that only exists for private spaces, I want him to complete that self determination, to at least try it out, even if ultimately Yamato is the name everyone else will know him by.

Physical Transition Stuff

i will confess i hurt to imagine these shinobi binding 😭😭 even if an individual is binding safely (well made binder, no more than 8 hours, AND No Physically Intense Activity) they stand to risk hurting themself! In real life we gotta balance out the physical pain and the pain of dysphoria, but this is naruto and I’m Gonna Play Some Headcanon Games!

If chakra is both a kind of spiritual energy as well as directly connected to the body (as we learned in the hyūga fight) then it stands to reason that by manipulating ones own chakra, they can manipulate the body, or at least the way the body changes (such as naruto’s healing factor) 

This probably is not the safest thing to do unless you’re a mednin or following the directions of one, LMAO

The second the hell of puberty started up for Tenzō he tried to hold it back by sheer force of willpower + chakra manipulation alone 

but, manually controlling one’s chakra is like trying to prevent a stream from flowing with your hands alone, which is to say: an exhausting uphill battle.

 He’d probably only be doing it on his down time and not on a mission, but even still the most I bet he could make it doing that without getting figured out is two months.

Luckily blockers are readily available, Tenzō just had no idea and, gender being a private experience for him, was trying to handle the whole thing entirely on his own. Soon after attempting to self-regulate hormones him-fucking-self like a very valid but desperate fool, he gets an appointment, gets a prescription, and can chill out and not have to be as hellishly aware of his body constantly.

 Konoha mednin will say trans rights even if the village itself is garbage, this series is so god damn weird already, nobody can tell me a ninja taking hormones is somehow weirder than a ninja taking his dead best friends genetic superpower eye.

TWO WEEKS, THREE SPARS, AND ONE VERY EMOTIONALLY DRAINING CONVERSATION LATER:

u might think kakashi is passing him a water bottle and they both look so exhausted bc its post spar but no. physically theyre fine, but the emotional toll of having to talk about something either of them care at all about? miracle they survived.

[tenfluenza]

sorting thru my liked music under the read me cuz im emo tonight ://

i didnt expect los campesinos to be on my list of go-to listens but knee deep at atp is pretty darn good. i am not a wilbur soot kinnie

please delete anything on your playlist related to polyphia. you dont like it and you have never liked it.

the more i listen to chiodos the more i end up enjoying them. the heartless control everything and the best way to ruin your life albums have a some overlap but overall i enjoy the heartless control everything more just because the opening song compromise of 1984 is terribly good. the trailing end sort of turns me off but it kinda reminds me of another song i really love so it turns out i can deal

bone palace ballet is funny because the track names are just so artsy and the piano and violin it in makes me happy. dont really have a favorite song from it though. i think its just an easy listen for me

devil by the chiodos is easily a top 20 (?) it has it all. behvis bullock has that energy im looking for but the lyrics are honestly hit or miss depending on how much of a singing mood im in. 3AM and under your halo are both solid songs for showing people without scaring them off

idfar is a single collab that i cant get over because it just came into my life so randomly that i still get surprised when i notice that its like, a real song and not something i dreamed up. the lyrics are depressing though so i try not to loop it too much

the used is a classic band. i only like certain songs and it all depends on if i want to sing along or not

i liked martyrs among the casualties more than i did mukiltearth. sorry guys. TECHNICALLY theyre different but i actually feel that the older one has this grungy (intentional or not :P) mixing i like. mirrors are more fun than television rly hits different if youre listening to it thru a CD

the fall of troy beloved <3 im really warming up to in the unlikely event. it was the first album from them i ever saw recommended to me but i didnt listen to it entirely cuz i got scared off by how strong panic attack! and straight jacket keelhauled sounded. empty the clip and battleship graveyard are deffo my faves tho lmao

doppelganger :) made me read house of leaves. book and music changed my life

manipulator is a great album but it makes me all teary so i cant listen to it for long or else i actually cry when i get to oh! the casino?!

the tribune ep is something i want remade so bad. i want to see a show just so i can request one playthrough of windmills and so true, ever so true. cant get enough of how the screaming vocals pair so well with the cleans

jlv but only because of the kite remake. if there is any song you listen to this year its kite. its gotta be kite. its got it all. the perfect song. black mass is also great but if i listen to it too much i start hating women.

do not listen to delta sleep.

wisiro by dgd makes me sob but in a good way :) i havent found anyone who feels the same abt the album but honestly it just has that level of emotion that resonates with me so well. cant really single out any of the songs but tidal waves comes on at just the right time where it makes you reevaluate your entire life from start to present. this album is better and cheaper than therapy.

also no one talks about attack of the dashing young and bold and the rain in vietnam. theyre both awesome

im just going to list off dgd albums i liked cuz theyre so popular already someones prob already said how i feel abt them (if your concert tickets are worth more than $50 you are mainstream): mothership, s/t, downtown battle mountain 1&2, happiness

fearofdark is my go to for chilling out and reliving the good times with the homies. makes me cry but in a good way

sewerslvt is amazing. raw and emotional in every song. its really too bad people dont like her more

i kill giants s/t i love them for their lyrics. i liked their sinatra collab too and their style with the spoken word poetry in the songs

saosin and circa survive. awesome, one of the rare cases where album art really ties the mood in with the music. they know how to choose their album artists

deaf havana, not to be confused with deafheaven. has one good album before they got rid of their one good singer in favor of making christian rock. meet me halfway at least is a banger album

deafheaven, not to be confused with deaf havana. roads to judah and sunbather are just -chefs kiss- love their metal. not a big fan of shoegaze sung by men to begin with though.

exactly one nirvana song. it is not smells like teen spirit

ajj gets an honorable mention for getting me Through it but ngl i like their ghost mice collab even though i know i shouldnt. firestarter is also a cute song i sing often

misc bands that i think are pretty cool: defeater, sufferer, sianvar, ttng, taking back sunday, thursday, mccafferty, a day to remember, mass of fermenting dregs, death cab for cutie, tfb, alex g, animal collective, sufta, ty scientist, madeon, a lot like birds, teenage halloween

[lockawayknight]

❤️ of-forossa and yellowfingcr <3

from send ❤️ + a url for some positivity [accepting!!]

HEY OKAY U WANNA SEND IN TWO OF MY MOST FAVOURITE PPL IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD HUH I SEE HOW IT IS my GOODNESS where do i even begin,,,,

listen @yellowfingcr was one of the first rp blogs i ever followed, like i think the second ever fjdkd even before i was writing or in the community like i just loved their heysel so much i couldnt NOT follow it was like a Requirement, THE TALENT,,, THE RANGE to muse heysel and licia AND NITA listen im gonna scream,,,, i could go off about each individual muse i really really could cus each one is so fuckin unique and developed and feels so real and my GOODNESS i just am obsessed

and that WRITING TALENT and the energy and passion and love that goes in it like?? keep my dash ALIVE babes every time heysel pops up to ask what the mood of the day is i know it’s gonna be a good day,,,, such drive and love gets put into everything u can tell, GOD i wish i could keep up with stuff that diligently and passionately anD UGH IDK i just am full of such a baffling amt of admiration

AND THE ART?? HELLO 911 IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK THIS ART IS SO STUNNING??? every character is so unique and so beautiful!! the striking features, strong and defined, the range of style, the beautiful paintings and crisp comics, i just!!! i scream every DAY i look at every gift i’ve been given with so much love i just am blessed to have had my stinkman drawn by someone so talented BLESSED i say

and literally the nicest person ever??? hello??? we muse in the dms a lot and it is the most wonderful thing in the world to have someone i can just go off memeing abt the fingers with it is SO GOOD AND NICE i always feel like such a burden when i send ppl random posts but they just always help with confidence and positivity and always check in on health and it is so nice like i cannot BELIEVE how kind they are hhhh im gonna freicken cry just thinking abt it….

—

AND @of-forossa LISTEN can we just talk abt this dude’s skill with the english language like??? everything is PURE POETRY every post every drabble every reply every OOC POST literally this mf could talk abt his dog chewing thru ethernet cables and it’ll make me feel like i’m back in oregon at the shakespeare festival, he words everything SO GOOD AND NICE

and the passion behind the writing??? so much thought and love and dedication to the craft, so much imagery and thought, so much emotion through location and everything, i really just cannot express how incredible it is. who else takes simple meme prompts and turns them into goddamn vignettes like literally he is a PAINTER OF WORDS yr inbox is a canvass whenever he touches it literally it is like a little blessing every gd time i can’t even explain,,,

and brom??? hello brom the best man in the fuckin world??? and all the hcs abt forossa and the lion knights and everything that comes with it??? this man is a WORLDBUILDER who the FUCK else can craft not just an oc detailed and complex enough to feel completey human but also craft them an entire world that feels real enough it’s like i’ve been there. so much intricate knowledge and lore, and written with so much carefully detailed crafting, it’s so effortless to insert your own char into the world bc it is so fleshed out it feels like home. AND BROM IS ONE OF MY FAVES EVER ngl me and my partner are always talking abt brom just in our everydays we just have entirely replaced the cursebearer with brom in our lexicon cus he’s so fucking good he is the BEST

and the mun is just generally such a sweetheart? while STILL being a poet, every ooc message and meme and musinng feels crafted by gods but still is so sweet and entertaining like i CANNOT give this guy enough props for how sweet and wonderful he is,,,,

hey did i mention the language by the way. what about the language. and the language?? listen i’m a fangirl ngl cjcnsks

god there is so much more i could say abt both these wonderful folks but i’m already super over my break JFNFMSMSK ty ty sm!!💕💕

[reversecreek]

clicks onto the dash wearing kitten heels n coyly holding my bang....... hi. me again. it took me so long to select a gif to use on cricket’s intro n i settled on this one bc he looks so unsure abt his smile n it’s rly his essence <3 u can find his pinterest board here n his (work in progress) spotify playlist here. hmu to plot!!! 

* alex wolff, cis male + he/him | you know cricket donahue, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of their life, on and off? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to should have known better by sufjan stevens like, a million times this year, which slipping on wet leaves to photograph a tree struck alight by lightning, delivering a tedtalk to your own reflection to hype yourself up to buy groceries, hiding your hands inside of your sleeves in case you grew an impromptu megan fox thumb overnight thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is october 1st, so they’re a libra, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

cricket ws born to a couple tht lived in lilac ridge. their trailer was tucked closest to the woods n always fell under the shade. it was like the leaves wanted to pretend they were a perpetual hanging cloud on the family n that was kind of fitting. their only reason fr having him in the first place was a kind of shrugged like........... we’re under the income bracket we’d get child benefits so why not! may as well try it to rake in some extra cash! needless to say they didn’t rly think it thru or anticipate all of the responsibilities tht came w children n wound up seeing him as an extremely large burden n boy didn’t he know it!

(child neglect & abuse tw) i’ll try to keep this part vague n brief but things were Not Good for cricket growing up. people in lilac ridge didn’t like his parents n it was for a gd reason. he remembers foggy things. being little n wandering around combing the grass with a stick to search for wrappers to suck on bc he was hungry. feeling uneasy when the front door opened. finding out his name was cricket bc the insects used to crawl into their trailer thru the vents n his parents liked to squish them into the carpet -- his mum told him as much once. i think this says a lot. to excessively trim the fat of the story he wound up entering the system at around 8 after his latest and most serious hospital visit. his parents hd to deal w the authorities n last he heard they bounced to evade charges.

(anxiety & violence & trauma tw) cricket sustained a few lifelong injuries from his time in lilac ridge. his knee didn’t heal right which meant he had (n still has to this day) a limp n he’s partially deaf in one ear. he’s always been an incredibly insecure n anxious person so this mde him rly self conscious going into a strange n new environment tht wld b difficult fr any kid to adjust to, nvm w these added worries. he jst felt like something weird to ogle at honestly. he probably wld have felt like that no matter where he was or what he looked like. he cld be in a huge hall of 200 people all wearing the same uniform n he’d still feel like the odd one out. needless to say this didn’t rly help him make friends

cricket’s coping mechanisms were romanticising the things tht other people found ugly or embarrassing or painfully ordinary. he liked it when the rain hit clunky drops against school windows n forbid everyone from playing outside bc he could feel the vibrations through the rubber soles of his shoes n it was a little bit like hearing all of the world at once fr just a moment. he liked medieval fantasy lore about stout gnomes w crumbs in their beards n cheeks red from ale. he liked fallen nests with the remnants of hatched eggs still dirty from the branches n soil they’d hit on the way down. he liked the way the sunlight leaked thru the leaves of the trees in the woods and how, when he sat very still, he could tune into the ringing that was always in his ear n pretend it was coming from the same place, that light thru the leaves, that the angels were trying to talk to him.

he spent a lot of time in the red room at his high skl (i’m begging u this is not a 50 shades reference) (after googling i jst realised it’s called a darkroom bt i’m leaving this fr the sake of sexy bimbo authenticity) n felt quite at home in there. he borrowed a camera whenever he cld (maybe he did yearbook) n photography became his way of immortalising the world as the romanticised version he wanted it to be. his memories were bad bt his photos were beautiful. maybe if he took enough they’d paste over n bleed into each other. maybe bad cld be replaced w beautiful if he tried his very best.

he got placed into fostering w a family once bt apparently didn’t meet the vibe check of their tastes so he wound up returning to the group home he’d initially been placed in. overall this is where he grew up n he aged out the system rather than getting adopted. there was a sense of floundering/isolation/not feeling gd enough in tht bt cricket made do the best he knew how. 

that said there were some gd points! (shocking i kno bc his life hs been so fking bleak so far bt please it’s ok........) (is it?) (🤔). basically he interned as an assistant at this local photography studio during high skl working under this kind of whimsical yet endearing old man. suspected wizard possibly in cricket’s eyes, as an avid fantasy genre reader. for one of his bdays said old man / his boss bought him his very own film camera n cricket cried bc he’d never been bought a bday gift. this ws rly embarrassing bc this old man didn’t know how to emote n neither did cricket so he ws jst sort of sat wiping his eyes n sniffling saying he wasn’t crying as the old man pretended to suddenly clean his lenses. when cricket graduated he offered him a full time position there. they do like. wedding photographs n family portraits n all kinds of things...... pay isn’t huge bt it’s something n he Loves taking photos so it’s sexy <3

PERSONALITY:

SUCH an anxious person it’s actually unreal. overthinks absolutely everything he’s ever said. one morning he might hv put green socks on n for the rest of the day he’s nervously looking around like omggggggg they’re all looking at my socks probably thinking im a little green sock boy thinking i’m a fool n a jester this is all everyone’s probably thinking about i hv to hide my green socks..... even tho literally no-one cares

once saw a girl eating a chicken wing n in his head was like ok she likes chicken good future gift idea..... n turned up at her house with an entire rotisserie chicken

probably thinks WAY too hard abt what to write in bday cards n googles like generic ideas that he can use.... u open a card from cricket n it always says smthn weird like “Warmest wishes and love on your birthday and always!” or “You deserve everything happy. Wishing you that all year long!” tht he got off google

nervously fiddles w things a lot. literally anything. his hair. the cuffs of his sleeves. a thread on his bag. u name it

struggles w eye contact sometimes............ it’s like. he wants to talk to ppl n make friends bt he’s honestly so bad at it. he’s fumbling thru life like a nervous headless chicken

ALWAYS has his camera on him. like always. will tke a photo of u bc he thinks u look nice then be like im so sorry im so sorry...... bowing his head shakily holding his camera bc he doesn’t even kno what possessed him he jst thought it’d be a nice photograph bt boundaries exist. probably breathes very heavily over this later in his room panicking thinking he nw seems like hannibal lecter

probably more confident online bc he has time to think abt what he says more.......... i can see him hving a group of online friends tht he’s more confident w. honestly he’s pretty witty at heart he jst has a hard time verbalising things so ppl overlook him sometimes bt once u get to know him more / he’s more comfy he can b a funny little man.....

loves photographs where he cuts something out of them. loves missing spaces n voids. thinks it’s a rly interesting concept when something that isn’t there becomes the focus of a photograph where everything else is. probably loses his mind fr a collage like a front row 1d stan. likes experimenting w light n perception. pretty artistic honestly hs probably made a stop motion film in the past bc that’s just an extended form of photography in his mind bt i doubt he showed anyone

ummm...... very sweet bt like. he reminds me a lot of this quote. “he had the awkward tenderness of someone who has never been loved and is forced to improvise.” feel like tht sums him up quite nicely

WANTED CONNECTIONS

someone he met at a wedding: cricket probably ws forced to photograph a wedding fr his boss one time n it cld b interesting as a place to meet from that....... like. i can imagine either it being rly awkward maybe he accidentally spilled a drink on ur muse n was stuttering rly apologetic n it ws just a train wreck. or mayb they took pity on him or even (in a shocking turn of events) a shine to him n invited him to drink n dance. omgggg the thought of cricket trying to dance makes me wna die n probably mkes cricket wna hyperventilate bt idk maybe he went wild n let loose. mayb they wound up damaging the camera somehow. mayb they had to scramble to get another one n ur muse covered the cost n it was a strange late night excursion tht cricket thought about a lot since. cricket probably vowed to pay them bk somehow no matter what. idk. we can work things out. lots of diff options here. doesn’t have to b a wedding either can b any event tht required a photographer

ppl he went to school w: pretty self explanatory i suppose...... maybe they were frm completely different worlds..... mayb ur muse was popular n cricket was definitely not but they got paired fr an assignment n had to work on a project together....... mayb cricket asked ur muse on a date one time n it was completely embarrassing bc he didn’t realise they had a bf n it haunts cricket at night still bc he’s rly dramatic.... mayb ur muse felt sry fr him n ate lunch w him n inducted him into their group like a lost puppy finding a home.... world’s our oyster

neighbours from his brief time at lilac ridge: not to reference taylor swift but i’m gna reference taylor swift n say we cld do a seven inspired plot here. sighs a little..... then sighs a lot. he was here ages 0-8 so idk. we cld work out childhood plots perhaps....

sickening simp: i mean.............. cricket probably gets crushes on ppl so easily like just. anyone who’s the slightest bit nice to him.................. he’s a disgrace. ok i take it back. bt also please get it together freak............... i didn’t say that. he’d probably b extra nice to this person n try n pay close attention to things they liked so he cld get them little gifts. just a bit embarrassing n lovestruck bless his heart. wldn’t expect anything back tho honestly that just isn’t something he tends to do.

let’s go gays: cricket’s bi but he probably was rly in his head abt liking boys n tried to sort of squash it internally during his younger yrs...... i think he’s more comfy w it now MAYBE idk bt back then i picture him having a friend tht ws kind of like. similarly loserish as him perhaps (no offence to ur muse potentially filling this plot or cricket bt let’s face the facts) n they’d hang out n play games a lot n one time it jst kind of happened n he was like............. *struts in looking around sharply* What going on here? except not. bc it’s cricket. more like *shambles in looking around anxiously* What’s, uh... What’s... the happenings? S--... I’m sorry. (immediate apology for saying what’s the happenings bc nobody talks like that n it was an impulsive panic bc he didn’t know what else to say)

those who grew up in the system w him: maybe at the group home or i’d also like the family that fostered him n said sayonara. honestly i imagine the parents just thought he ws a bit too much of a handful / had too much baggage which is rly quite merciless n terrible but. if u think that aligns w ur muses home situation hmu......

um. can’t think of more bt just anything honestly. jst go wild.......

[datastate]

for the four headcanon things,,, dogma? there just isnt enough content to feed my hyperfixation on him and im going crazy

that is The biggest mood dude

- realistic:

lucky transfetts already said this on the dash but dogma’s definitely autistic. i personally add on some anxiety disorder to them as well, the type that reinforces behavior to “keep you safe from [x]” even when no one’s around y’know? i haven’t thought enough abt their mental state beyond this symptom but they’re definitely neurotypicaln’t

- while it may not be realistic it is hilarious:

dogma thinks it’s weird to see jesse have a tattoo covering his entire face, before getting their own tattoo, unlike everyone else, who is completely fine with it! but! dude? what the fuck?! the republic symbol? really? you went thru all that pain for a REPUBLIC SYMBOL?

- heart-crushing and awful, but fun to inflict on friends:

i have heavily adopted @/canarhys’s canon w these two, being remaining batchmates shifted around until they got to the 501st together and just. i can’t remember if this is their canon or an addition of mine, but i feel they r v close bc of that Shared Trauma but they still r their own people you know? they almost feel obligated to remain close, no matter how different they become. even when they clash more and more often, they feel like they’re “supposed to” stay close.

- unrealistic, but I will disregard canon:

glances to my Very unfinished post-umbara fic where dogma, after being put away, becomes familiar w fox n they get close n deal w the whole “following orders” thing n perceptions of people in power. after further Consideration and prodding obi-wan a Lot to help anakin speak against this, dogma is released and eventually gets to return to the 501st (permission is given while the 501st is Away on a mission, so they were working further alongside fox in the guard n left an imprint of themself w him) and they get to be fambly again n they heal from umbara n dogma works to figure out who they want to be beyond what they were crafted for. I just think dogma’s neat and i Need to write this out. if only i weren’t terrified of everyone except One (1) person who writes fox BWJGMDS

[lanamemories2]

rides onto the dash nude n on horseback like this pic of sam way. oh fancy seeing u here.......... im impeccably tensed our entire exchange. buns like steel cld crack a nut open between them. i’m nai n it’s so nice to meet u all!!!! i’m one of the admins here (josefine frida pettersen on the main) n i’m so Excited 2 get things going........... some facts abt me r i sometimes hv a witch’s cackle, i once drunkenly swung frm a tree branch pretending to b tarzan n fell n grass stained my fav jeans at 4 in the morning n i lov spicy food despite the fact it mkes me sweat like a hog in the sun. more abt lana under the cut!!! also like this or hmu if u wna plot n her pinterest is here n playlist is here 👺🌚

「kristine froseth & cis-female」⇾ jameson , lana, the junior radcliffe student’s records show that she is a gemini and 22 years old. she is studying dance, living in off campus and can be vivacious, passionate, childish & impulsive. when i see her i am reminded of stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, lipstick on a stranger’s throat, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’. ⇽「nai & 23 & gmt & she/her.」

AESTHETICS:

scalding your fingers in shower water until they glow like rudolph’s nose, cherry red gym socks tugged high and nothing else, stepping out in the cold wearing just a red slip, an origami swan made from an old receipt, tickling a stranger’s chin with the end of a feather boa, crowning each finger with a miniature raspberry, hugging a knee close to lick a stripe of fruit juice off a bruise there, doodling penises in the condensation of a car window, a water pistol topped with rum and covered in glittery pin-up stickers, believable smiles that feel more like baring teeth, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘SCRAPPY DOO IS A FILTHY SLUT’, prancing around in your underwear to a vinyl record with the curtains open.

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. albums framed on the walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i summarised it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”, not that u wld know from all of the gardener’s pruning

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his rich best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n victoria ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him

anyway so jameson records repped a few big rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. (drugs/addiction tw) they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. rly troubled characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was kind of an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast. very strange environment fr a child to grow up in

her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana asked her why shes so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door

(dissociation/delusion tw) bc of this growing up lana adopted this weird like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w noone acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. hes the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her in the zoo they called a home n cut the crusts off her PBJs so they lkd like teddy bears (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door n was always over bc he had very strict parents / a military father tht he found suffocating)

SO when caleb n tommy announced tht they’d signed up to the army lana ws understandably…….. blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving like pretty besides herself bt she tried not to b mad at them n made them promise theyd b safe n back as soon as possible. she even asked if they cld somehow take her w them n they were jst like :/ it doesn’t work that way luv x

(death tw, ptsd tw, grief tw, trauma tw, hospitalisation tw, drugs tw) anyway caleb ended up getting discharged under grounds of severe ptsd when he witnessed tommy die in an explosion tht took place in a shock raid. caleb returned home sans tommy bt he was never the same after tht. he’s been in n out of hospital n he turned to using as a way to cope so it’s been a rly bumpy road since. lana kind of felt like two of her brothers died out there in a way n jst like tht it wasn’t them vs the world any mre, it was jst her

ANYWAY whew tht rly…. took a dark turn there….. chuckles nervously at hw sad lana’s life is bt it’s fine it’s all fINE!!!!!!! ok. so on a mre lighthearted note the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed kind of an instagram following mainly fr her style (penny lane-esque in some aspects aka lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, flame red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights n glitter used like highlight Everywhere) n bc she’s undeniably Pretty Gorl

(trauma tw) after caleb got back he was rly withdrawn n depressed. he shut lana out n was kind of harsh to her a lot of the time, always telling her to leave him alone or pushing her away. it didnt help either tht lana had a rly traumatic experience w some of her dad’s colleagues at the label when she ws 16 n he was away n she cldnt even tell him abt it once he was bk bc of his own traumas. she kind of jst shut it all in n kept it to herself

(hypersexuality tw) this obviously?? made her spiral a lot. she was already a girl tht loved sex but since her trauma it got…. completely out of hand. it got to a point where she couldnt rly go 2 days without it, probably not even 1. her lowest point has probably been scrolling thru craiglist for anonymous encounters n meeting up w strangers on there fr hookups even tho it’s insanely dangerous n she cld wind up getting herself killed. the risk is honestly part of the appeal to her sometimes she’s :////// quite self destructive n jst likes a thrill to mke her feel Alive. it’s v clear at this point tht she has a sex addiction whether she’s ever admitted it or not. it kind of… almost mingled w tht same feeling she used to get when she ws younger of being a ghost?? like she jst. only rly feels Real when she’s being touched

(violence tw) she’s had.................... SCH a bad history dating wise. she almost always dates fking.... actual beasts like i jst wna gently shake her by the shoulders sometimes bt :////////////// one of her recent exes is in prison aftr he beat up someone she’d slept w in front of her like she jst. has had a very Not Sexy time w romance...... she hd to b a witness in the trial abt it n he ws found guilty n sent down so it ws like Intense n a gd example of the kinds of disastrous relationships she gets herself into. perks of being a wallflower voice: We Accept The Love We Think We Deserve.

this past summer she gt a job at a burlesque club in downtown lovell!!! it honestly is her dream job like. dancing? being sexy? fav hobbies................. most delicious pastimes... 10/10 ideal fr her............... she almost started working at a coyote ugly bar bt this one won her over. she usually jets off to some foreign country n has a rly exotic n action packed summer bt i think she wldv just been working local there fr this one to b close to her brother (the rehab he’s at is close like a 40 min drive so!). she’s also moved into a big lofty apartment w 3 roommates tht’s above a chinese take out w lots of lanterns hung outside. the street? scott street......................... tribute to mizz phoebe bridgers hunger games salutes to the sky so it travels 2 her............. she gt a red heart shaped bath tub installed which hs always been her dream so honestly the summer hs been pretty gd to her....... five stars on yelp she deserves Some happiness once in a while

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

growing up lana was always a HUGE social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget (cld b a gd or bad thing depends on ur Stance...... she can be a lot tho frankly). very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring act tht femme fatales wear in movies sometimes. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as or the person she feels ppl want her to be. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out

always the last one awake at the party. jst doesn’t seem to hv.... an off switch. every1 else cld b passed out at 6am n she’d still b swaying around to sunday morning by the velvet underground in her underwear drinking frm a bottle of merlot

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories

uncontrollably flirty. she’s tht tumblr post tht’s like flirting will b ur hubris n the reply is like kind of sexy of u to say so................ SO confident cld talk to anyone. makes a joke out of anything. tends to laugh when she feels like crying. even if she DOES cry she’ll smile thru it like it isn’t happening she jst.... doesn’t like to b negative ever if she cn help it

she’s amassed a weird collection of like... Things various ppl she’s known hv made abt her. this guy she ws friends w wrote a song abt her n performed it at a gig she went to without telling her in advance. it ws rly dramatic he sang it n looked at her the whole time n she ws jst a bit like.... omg.... lmfao............... she’s also hd various paintings done of her. i honestly dnt even rly kno hw it happens she jst has a personality where she..... leaves an impression like a lipstick print on a white shirt w some ppl.................. she’s like tht tumblr post where someone arrives at a poetry reading n is like hi yes........ where do the muses sit? except she isn’t rly.... obnoxious abt it she jst shrugs n is like.......... oh that........... KJHSFKHGSFKGHSFKGSFHGK. it’s a charmed life fr some

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

PLOTS:

exes tht lana’s fucked over hideously. she’d probably cheat a lot and it’d be a whole…mess. whips her in the town square like gale

mayb someone tht flipped the switch and cheated on her??? chaos. anguish. strife. 

someone tht works at the burlesque club in downtown lovell w her!!!!! as like a bartender or another dancer or security or................... whtvr honestly. hvn’t worked out a name fr the club yet bt i think it cld b a fun setting to write stuff in n there cld b lots to build off there!!

a cousin plot cld b fun too

her n freya nilsen run smthn called Dick Sisters Inc......... they hv a twitter fr it n everything.... n a hq based in one of the abandoned dorms in the leach building.... lots of inflatable furniture disco balls.............. lana even gt replica airplane seats so they cn sit n b served drinks by this guy tht runs errands fr them who they call bucket....... they bsically like. set ppl up n help ppl get laid it’s a matchmaking service of sorts.......... started as a joke bt nw it’s genuinely become quite a profitable business w word spreading all over campus........ ugh entrepreneurial icons... anyway mayb ur chara cld come to lana fr Dick Sisters assistance......... mayb they’v come to them in the past......... 

a friend tht lana fel out w bc she slept w their significant other.

someone tht’s getting lana into drugs?? she’s kind of impressionable/down for anything so tht’s a likely scenario she’d get into tbh

briefly did camgirl stuff on an independent bt up n coming porn site....... titters.......... mayb ur muse used a pseudonym n recognises lana frm it bt is too embarrassed to admit they were subscribed............ mayb they happened upon her on there once n nw r jst like. what do i do w this knowledge. idk cld b fun to work around perhaps

an unrequited crush!! (either way is cool)

someone tht is just hanging out w her/using her bc she has a lot of instagram followers or they want to b signed to her dad’s label

someone in a band!! she’d probably make like penny lane n b their groupie/sleep w them all i won’t lie to u. relentless.....

umm a good influence too mayb?

honestly?? anything is fine i cld ramble for days. mayb even one of the high profile kids she grew up hangin w idk. world’s our oyster fellas!

[propinqxity]

me: casually sobbing because you left the cutest comments ever????? YOU MADE MY ENTIRE NIGHT. watching you go thru each chapter made me so so excited & i am SO HAPPY that you enjoy the series so much 😭😭😭😭💓💓💓 youve picked up on some very important details (esp in the chuseok date 👀) and i am looking forward to the moment when it all clicks 🤣 eunuch kim would 100% ask u out tbh hahah ♡

thank you for taking the time. thank u for bringing so much joy to my dash all the time!!! AND 92! IM SO PROUD OF U 💖 u kicked ass!!!

Me: sobbing as I cook breakfast😭💕 ILY SOOO MUCH RAIN! No words could ever amount to how much I adore you. I can't wait to continue reading this series and see how everything unfolds in the end with all of the characters, and I would 1000000% say yes to eunuch Kim. Thank you so much for making my morning 🥺💕 ILY my sweet Rain

[brontide-art]

hi there! Hope youre having a wonderful day! Just want to pop in and say that youre amazing, your art is amazing, and honestly when I was a wee babe very new to tumblr your blog was one of the first five I followed! Im sorry to say that my own interests have been very fickle and thus your posts started to fall under my radar and disappear from my dash entirely! But I was going through the blogs I follow and found a gem!You! Im out of space but ily and ur art it helped me thru some tough times 🤟

Aww that is so sweet! I really appreciate it you sendi me this! :’)) 💖♥︎💕💖♥︎

I don’t know if the tumblr algorithm has gone bad again but you’re probably just not seeing any posts because i’m not posting, I’ve barely been drawing this year so this blog goes months between updates, also I’m not all that crazy about tumblr anymore :(

Hopefully I’m gonna have time to start drawing again this summer, and you can check out my instagram if you wanna see all my art, I always post there when i do draw something! :)

[ohmytoddhewitt]

I just saw LES MISERABLES (the musical one) and lemme tell yah NOW IM MISERABLE bc it was so good and normal life is so boring

SPOILERS

sooooooo we first have one of my musical numbers ever and Jean val Jean is like mmmmm why does Hugh Jackman look so freaking old in this movie and then I'm like oh yeah makeup hehehe anyways javerts freaking blue suit thing in this scene made me wanna cry bc like wOah he's so different and totally stands out from the inmates and I loved it

Anyway then VJ is free and like yes queen steals some dishes and gets caught and the Bishop dude is all like "lol you forgot some!!!!" And then VJ is in a church thing and has a come to Jesus moment and the cinematography when he shreds the paper and throws it over the cliff omg I gasped it was gorgeous

So then fast forward to VJ as le Mayor and omg the costumes and everything in like those scenes and then later with gavroche and stuff? Like basically all the street scenes? Oh I loved how physically repulsed I was everyone looked so disgustingly dirty and just oooooh shivers

Fantine made me wanna cry so hard and that's that about that I'm totally not gonna dissertate for ten minutes about the fact that Anne Hathaway freaking cut her hair for the part or the aljdskjdjd I felt when "her teeth were pulled out" or how sad and desperate the song I dreamed a Dream is or anything more on that

Ok now young Cosette was freaking adorable and I would die for her and omg my friend who I was watching with? we just laughed and laughed thru the scene with her "parents" as they stole literally everything and then VJ comes in and is like nO.

And next we get FRICKING GAVROCHE AND I LOVE HIM he is the absolute smartest character in the entire movie no doubt he just calls out everyone about everything and then he died and I was like nO you did a bad thing he was perfection and I know it's like "ah war can even kill the youth" but like gavrooooooche

Anyway I'm getting ahead of myself and Marius dear God Marius is beautiful Eddie is a wonderful wonderful human being and like he and Cosette were adorable and literally every time he would come on screen my friend was like "he's so attractive" and then we would proceed to talk about what part of his anatomy happened to be hitting it off at that point (we adore his freckles btw)

I didn't want to pity Eponine but I did and and and and eponine gah saving yo boi like that and then dying????? 10/10 wow amazing

Also let's not forget monsieur le hottie aka enjolras aka I will wear a red coat mainly bc I look absolutely dashing in it

And do you hear the people sing as well as one day more are some of the greatest songs to be written ever like dyhtps makes me want to fight fight fight omg like I can't and then odm is like... ALDJSKDJD idk the satisfaction I got from the culmination in that song is beyond words

Also also also we can't forget VJ dragging Marius thru a freaking sewer bc that's what causes javert to go off the deep end (more or less) and I just loved "that granting me my life today... has killed me even so" like wOah that's some powerful stuff

Empty chairs at empty tables was so so sad and I was very much reminded of bandstand to the nth degree and just the (haha subtle) fourth wall break of "empty chairs at empty tables where my friend will sing no more" like I was crying and it wasn't good

And then MARIUS AND COSETTE GOT MARRIEDDDDD AND I WAS LIKE SHIP SHIP SHIP and then VJ was like #dead and I was like whattttt no stop please but then THEY WERE ALL IN HEAVEN OR WHATER THAT WAS AND THE LOWKEY REPRISE OF DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING AND I WAS LIKE YES YES YES

Overall great movie 10/10 would cry again

[angclhyunjin]

of light and verse | jaebum

desc: you literally end up falling for the boy who sits at the back of your uber hard lit class. college!jaebum litmajor!jaebum. all the fluff. just super fluffy

word count: 1.913

requested by: @jaebums-sunshine​ [Jaebum college au/domestic au fluff!]

note: i wrote this at lit 4am but ummm my love as a lit major was too cute to pass up

oh my god ok COLLEGE JAEBUM

setting my heart on fire at the thought of my lit nerd headcanon for him

lets get into it!

so its freshman year and ur walking into your first lit class, a bit intimidated bc its like,, a course no first year dared to touch but u just wanted a cool sounding course so bad u jumped at the opportunity

its GREEK MYTHOLOGY!! who wud not hello

and ur excited until the professor opens her mouth

and ur blown away by how,,,,,,, interesting and riveting the whole thing is but shit is it going to be this hard throughout??

the first few classes involves you frantically taking notes and trying to keep up w the impossible pace this class is going

but theres this BOY

he sits right at the end while ur in front so u could pass him off as uninterested,,, taking the course for extra creds??? wrong

this BOY quips in between the lecture with the most fascinating comments, connecting the odyssey to so many modern works, to poetry and to music

and ur like,,, who made u,,,, how r u like this

ur kind of annoyed by how smart this boy is

its not like you dont get wtf is happening here, but how can he get it and SO MUCH MORE

and tbh ur kind of jealous but u didnt hear that from me. also he has the softest voice that creeps up behind u and makes ur body stir

wait what

so u work super hard

and like super hard, u finish all ur readings and do ur own research

but u still feel like its not enough

like idk who u think u are, u start living at the library

cup of tea in hand and a book in the other, it sounds optimal but the stress is lowkey making you lose ur mind

ur looking for a book in the aisles, a VERY specific one on sappho’s fragmented poems

and FINALLY u see it............on the top most shelf

ur 5′4″ self is SCREAMING

and u could ask for help but help is for losers

so u make the very intelligent decision to climb the shelves what?? no ones looking

ur almost there when

a hand

reaches at the same time as urs

u almost scream for real this time, shutting ur eyes real tight, letting go of ur meager hold on the shelf and falling back

like u have accepted ur death at this point

until???? wait??? you feel two hands around you and suddenly you’re not falling

“my god, are you okay??” how tf do i know this voice

you open your eyes to be met with the softest brown eyes, framed by these wire glasses

oh

its him

of c o u r s e

u literally dont know what to say until he laughs a little at you (an adorable, light noise that fills you up)

“this is probably not one of your greatest moments” ur cheeks are on FIRE

suddenly he notices his arms are still around u and he hastily places u on ur useless jelly feet

“were you going for the book on sappho? i didn’t know anyone else here knew it existed”

you’re about to stammer out a reply, not really ready to explain to the lit prodigy that ur trying to be at least half as insightful as him but he

squints at u

“wait, aren’t you in my lit class?? you are, aren’t you?”

he REMEMBERS ur invisible ass??? ok??? what doesnt this boy notice?????

u finally find your tongue, stammering out a “y-yeah, i was planning out my paper and needed a second reference”

wow is he lowkey impressed he stares at u for a bit

ur now hyperaware of ur messy bun and glasses, the old t shirt you’d tucked into mom jeans feeling so inadequate in front of him in his stylishly messed up hair n button up,,, how could someone be this pretty at 4pm on a sunday

“honestly, me too. but its okay, you can have this” 

he barely needs to reach up to get this book and ur like, looking at his shoulders as he faces away from u for a split second and man is he built

“are you sure???” you let out in an almost whisper “don’t you need this?”

“nah its okay i read it over the summer already” o yes of course

“i’m jaebum by the way” he smiles at you and ur stomach JUMPs

“i’m y/n” you try, and then blurt out “and also really sorry for this i’m like,, dumb as hell-”

“its no issue, y/n” his voice is HONEY as it says your name and you can feel urself turning redder

“i’ll see you in class then” hes gone as quickly as he arrived and ur still in shock because what the fuck

did that really happen or did u doze off after a caffeine crash again???

so the next day in class u walk in, heading towards your seat when  ur eye catches jaebum’s

and he gives u the BIGGEST SMILE

WHAT AN ANGEL

ur blushing furiously and manage a quick smile back

and thru/o ur so distracted bc u swear u feel his eyes on the back of ur neck but ur also too scared to look bc WOW WHY IS THIS BEAUTIFUL BOY STARING AT ME

so at the end of the class ur throwing all ur books into ur mess of a backpack when u hear a voice 

“so did you end up finishing the book”

its god jaebum, beanie hiding his tousled hair and trademark glasses on his nose

“no i still have some stuff to cover but its fine!! you can have it u want-”

“no, no i was going to suggest we do the paper together?”

is this ,,,, really happening

“i mean, sure” WHY ARE U AGREEING WHY DO U WANT TO DIE

“okay great! i’ll meet you in the library at 4?”

“okay see you then!!” u squeak out and dash

wtf was that

this man did not need ur help, he is a lit GOD

but ur there at 4, a little thankful for the heads up bc u managed to put some semblance of makeup on urself

and he walks in and ur heart is on fire again bc hes so pretty and he’s also so excited to do lit, lit makes this boy

u slowly ease into conversations w him, sappho being taken over by more personal deets

ok first of all, this boy has 5 cats

5

he shows u pictures of all of them, names and all, like a mom showing off her children

ur heart is so so full of this endearing boy

you keep meeting thru the rest of the week

on tuesday, he asks you ur favorite color

on wednesday, he convinces u to tell him ur favorite memory

on thursday, you tell him how vanilla ice cream is everything to you but u cant stand strawberry

on friday, he asks u for ur number

on saturday, he randomly texts you 6 pictures of his cat sitting on two legs

on saturday, you realize u have fallen for the boy at the back of ur lit class

u dont know what to do

this boy is so so dumb at heart but can also recite all of shakespeare’s sonnets by heart

like hes the cutest idiot u have ever seen

and ur falling super hard for him

ur friendship goes strong for a while

gradually u blush less frequently and get comfortable w him, going over to his place at times

the first time u go (for lit probably) he opens the door and ur greeted w the smell of disaster

like really it smells super bad

and hes frantic and panicky bc “i didn’t know how hard cooking was the tomato sauce is all burnt what did i do”

poor perfect boi is bad at cooking???

even surrounded w smoke and in a dirty apron he looks ADORABLE

and ur laughing and taking the saucepan off the stove for him, throwing his failure out and suggesting u just get some chinese

and he agrees w a sigh and ur like ur so dumb

and no ur definitely not trying to think abt how he wanted to cook for u

when u call him over u make spaghetti

red sauce

“wow so ur really out here triggering me like this”

“is it my fault ur an idiot sandwich”

“w o w”

he probably pouted and u probably made fun of it tho ur heart was crying 

so it goes on like this for a while

and ur always wondering ‘does this boy even like me like that’ bc he out here giving u so many signals but never making the move

like ur ass is never sure if he’s into u or just being nice

bc lets face it - im jaebum is the definition of nice

and its honestly getting kind of annoying

like pls tell me if u like me my heart cant take it much longer

u guys are at his, doing ur readings

you glance to the side and see jaebum reading intently, eyes flying over the words, relaxed and so sweet, a ray of light from the window falling on him and making his eyes radiate a dark brown

you dont even notice how long you’ve been staring until u hear his voice

“hello what r u doing”

fuck

“nothing! just,,,, you looked really pretty with the light falling on ur face. no i mean, look!! like, you’re pretty”

OK

WHAT

did u JUST 

SAY THAT

"not that that means you’re not pretty at other times!! i mean,,, you’re pretty all the time and its honestly really crazy” WHY ARE U STILL TALKING

hes just.... staring at u in wonder

and ur lik e wow this is it, this is when the ground acc swallows me up and i die

when his face breaks into this beautiful smile

“you think i’m pretty?”

his voice is so soft and pure

u r, on the other hand, about to collapse from embarrassment

and just nod and its like the day in the library all over

and he’s still smiling when he says “y/n, i think you’re the most beautiful person i’ve ever seen”

your stomach SWOOPS

IS THIS REAL LIFE

“i’ve wanted to say that for the longest time” he breathes and you notice just how close he is

“thats just,, i mean wow i didn’t know...” u manage to say

he leans in a little closer and his hands r burning a hole resting on ur thighs

the light is very brilliant as his head dips lower, breath on ur lips until he fills the gap between you

and im jaebum is kissing you

you barely remember to respond, but when you do, he leaves light kisses on ur lower lip, hand coming up to cup ur cheek 

ur entire body is on fire as he draws you closer, your hands going into his hair and feeling for the first time how soft it was 

wow u had really dreamed about this huh

he draws back a little bit, face incredibly close to yours and asks u “is this okay?”

,,,,,,,boi

“more than okay, this is perfect” you press him closer and all else is forgotten

send in requests!

[violet-makes-an-entrance]

Mmmmkay so Im feelin p sappy on Sick Brain so imma go off for a bit

theres a lot of peeops ive gotten the immense pleasure of meeting and talking to because of this fandom over the course of the last year or so and im just feelin the push to say somethin given that its finals season and tumblr is imploding and some peeps are gonna be dealing with family stuff so,

heres a pick me up

@thecreationartist

max, what can i say that i havent already said honestly? probably not much at this point tbh, but im not afraid to retread. i love you and your bois so much, your art and your storytelling have come so far and its been absolutely amazing to watch, and a massive friggin honor to have been a part of it. youre one of my best friends and closest confidants and youve been with me thru so much. someday i swear to God above i WILL give you a hug in person and we can hang out and have the greatest time, IT WILL HAPPEN you can heccin bet on it. i love you sm dude <3

@radplaidbois

aaaaaaaaaaaaace, youre one of the absolute coolest ppl i know dude. you got rad af art, a rad af story, rad af characters, and im sure as you keep goin, youre gonna have a rad af comic on your hands. you have such an intense drive to improve and keep making art thats such a massive inspiration, to me and im SURE so many others as well. keep doin what youre doin ace

@rant-eater

beeeeeeeeettlllleeeeeeee!!!! i love you sm bb youre so sweet and good and a massive ray of sunshine! im so infinitely blessed that we got to meet up in person and hang out for a day, and would 1000000000% do it again man, we gotta arrange that!! you and spyro are the absolute cutest beans i swear. youre art is so adorable and every time it pops up on my dash i get so excited to see what youve made next. keep living your best life and dont let ANYONE stop you, you deserve absolutely NOTHING LESS <3

@catss-and-plants (wasnt sure which one youd prefer i tag??? eeeh?)

eli eli eli eli! i love you with my entire heart bb! you were one of the first squip blogs i ever found, and a massive reason why i made one myself. i probably wouldnt even have this blog at all if not for you, so i have a LOT to thank you for. youve been thru so much, and youre doing so good, im so proud of you. keep going, keep breathing, i and so many others are right here with you. youve helped me thru a good deal of my own stuff and i thank you so much for that. youre wonderful, youre beautiful, youre amazing. you keep being you, you wonderful Fae Witch, you <3

@ask-the-overworked-firewall

meg! you wonderful human bean! im so glad to have gotten to know you and youre kids since youve started. youre art and your storytelling have come so far and youve improved so much. every interaction is a delight and every new piece of art that comes from you is absolutely amazing. never for a second let anyone cause you to second guess your friendships with me or anyone else here, or youre value as a person and a creator. this fandom would NOT be the same without you. it would be missing a bright light of talent and positivity, otherwise. keep being awesome <3

@roxdaa

ro you great bean, we havent really talked all that much but every time we do is nothing short of a positive delight. if nothing else, i see how you talk with my friends and the positive impact you have on them and your relentless boughs of love and support and it is so good to know that at the very least, my friends are happy, and that is all i could ask for. youre a lovely source of positivity in this community and we could use more of you in this fandom and this world. never stop being awesome <3

@squipsin 

val i know we havent talked all that much one on one but i want you to know that i love and value you all the same. it makes me happy to see that youre happy, and also makes me want to shank when someone tries to change that. you are a strong and valuable person, and you deserve nothing less than the absolute best the world has to offer. you add so much to this community and i hope you know just how much your presence is valued. i and many others love you deeply <3

@starbound-squips

to all my amazingly talented friends and co mods over on the zodiac blog, i love you all so so much. ive said it before but ill never stop saying it again, it has been a massive honor to work with you all. all your individual personalities and inputs have been incredibly valuable and im so blessed to be able to work with you all, and collaborate to be able to bring these great kids to life. to put my own works side by side with all yours is incredibly humbling and im so grateful to have this collective experience with you all. i love you guys <3

@ask-squip-fates

briiiitt! youre characters and your art are such major goals. i know its been a while, but every update and every new piece of art is SOO GOOD IT BLOWS MY MIND DUDE. youve been such an inspiration to me and im sure so many others. youre a joy to talk to and a wonderful person to boot. dont forget to be awesome <3