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#im not meant for this. im only making things worse again.
seraphimsinful · 1 year
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What am i even doin. Why am i trying. It wont matter.
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valewritessss · 9 days
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Finally deleted MyFitnessPal off my phone for my own personal sanity
#got some memories with that app#at first it was just sitting there bc I couldn’t stop myself from tracking the calories of some things#but after a 13 day streak shit could only get worse so I deleted it#proud of myself#that thing had me in chokehold last year did not want a repeat#tw myfitnesspal#tw mentions of eating disorder#random post#ooc post#kind of vent#???#started to wake up stressed out about what I’m gonna eat and I was like nooo not ts again#was literally restricting myself to 1200 cals a day AND IM 5’7#tw eating issues#sucks when you’re not even underweight so you don’t feel valid#waitttt I was not meant to trauma dump in this post#can we not bring being 2000s model skinny back into being trendy bc why are body types a tend in the first place#I can change fashion but definitely not my body#no bc this world is fucked up why was I scared to die alone bc I wasn’t skinny when I was literally 10#I hate that it’s normalized to praise people’s bodies#like idc if that makes me soft but a girl just living and everyone just talking about how good her body is#why is that okay bc yes it is positive but it also creates so many negatives#like does anyone get what I mean#it’s a compliment but it also makes everyone including that person afraid to be anything but ‘body goals’#idk how to explain it but like imo bodies shouldn’t serve aesthetic purposes#they actually have functions and needs and they allow us to live#tw body image issues#I hate wiead’s too but that’s just because why is everyone’s food so gourmet I literally just slap some butter onto toast lol#late night post
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lusalemaart · 2 months
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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GOD. I AM OBSESSED WITH HIM.
#AUUUUGH. HE HAS INVADED MY BRAIN WHAT IS HIS PROBLEM.#YES THIS IS ABOUT BASIL#JESUS chRIST#I DONT NEED TO STUDY HIM UNDER A MICROSCOPE I NEED TO DISSECT HIM!!!!!#I NEED TO TEAR HIM TO SHREDS BUT ALSO GIVE HIM A HUG BUT ALSO#FFFUCK. so needless to say#omori spoilers#ahead#WHY DOES HE GIVE ME EMOTIONS. WHY IS HE LIKE THIS.#like jesus its always the character thats ready to sacrifice themselves for someone they barely even talk to but they meant so much to them#that every memory they had of them before things turned for worse made them protect them anyways and only stayed alive because they knew#that dying would only cause this person more pain then theyve already been given and that would defeat the purpose of their entire#will to live. god. he needs therapy#and anxiety medication holy shit#HE WAS 12!!1!!! HE WAs FUCkING 12!! FUCK#okay but Im also impressed like. you were 12. and you got away with it. like was there no autopsy?? did they hide the wounds?? ANYWAYS#IM NO FUCKING OKAY#“they're comfortable. simple modest and perfect.” AUUUGH.#bitch got decapitated in an elevator#final words “I think I'm stuck :/”#absolute legend (im sobbing on the floor)#omori only saves hs basil when he knows he can reset it all and forget again#stranger isnt as aggressive when hes facing the truth doNT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON STRANGER#“on that day when you became nothing I was split in half. which do you think was more painful?”#AAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.#AAAAAAAAAA.#tHAT IS SO FUCKING VAGUE HONEY WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#is he referring to the existence of stranger?? or sunny being a part of him?? IS IT SOMETHING ELSE???#THE FUCKING LORE YOU CAN MAKE UP ABOUT THIS GAME#STRANGER HONEY. CLARIFY. PLEASE. BUT ALSO DONT THIS IS HALF THE FUN
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bangcakes · 11 months
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tiercel · 1 year
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Tbh 90% of the weird mean spirited posts i see on here are authored by tphobes/cryptos i think people need to think a little harder on what most of these people actually mean rather than the surface level understanding of it
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poppyseed799 · 3 months
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I have this problem that’s like the opposite of nostalgia or something where some things I remember liking a lot as a child I look back and only remember the bad times.
This is specifically about Animal Crossing, loved that game as a kid, but I have literally no idea why, cuz it was just pure hell for me from what I can remember.
#also blues clues but less severe. I like blues clues. but my only childhood memories are when I was scared of it#YES I WAS SCARED OF BLUES CLUES. I HAD A HUGE FEAR OF MYSTERIES. IDK HOW OR WHY. ALSO MY MEGALOPHOBIA DIDNT LIKE THE CLOSE UP PAWPRINTS#the Halloween episode also scared me on several occasions. yes I was a baby. still kind of am.#but like I still have positive feelings about blues clues but ANIMAL CROSSING. ohhh man.#first of all that megalophobia I mentioned uh yeah not a big fan of seeing those big fish.#I was terrified of the rumor that you could see a GINORMOUS fish in the ocean. and I’ve been hearing it was REAL? worst thing ever.#but like. I couldn’t even take care of my irl self so you KNOW my village was totally trashed.#so I had to play while constantly getting told ‘everyone HATES living in this town’ and trying my best to fix it but it’s out of control and#I can’t bring myself to clean (I did it once. it was the happiest I’d been finally getting told positive things.)#my house always full of roaches too lol foreshadowing my life as an adult#ALSO THOSE FREAKING DANGEROUS BUGS WOULD GET ME ALL THE TIME I was always playing at night and getting terrified#I never had a ‘favorite villager’ in the traditional sense cuz none of them ever stayed long. they hated my town.#my fave was actually stitches but I never saw him. maybe I saw him once and he IMMEDIATELY moved out. that was my life.#I can’t name a single villager I ever had in my village cuz they always moved out. I learned not to form attachments even tho I wanted to.#and don’t even get me STARTED on Resetti. if you are a Resetti lover then WE ARE NOT MEANT TO INTERACT 😭#I’m joking I won’t judge you as a person if you like him but at the same time I genuinely on god hate him#opening up the game was a nightmare cuz I knew without fail every time I would have to see him.#‘just save’? it wasn’t ever ME that was doing it. it was my little siblings. and NO I couldn’t stop them. they were like GODS at stealing#not to mention parents would always side with them and make us share the games. they liked to delete saves and were gods at that too#but anyways so I was always stuck with Resetti cuz my siblings couldn’t leave my game alone and also couldn’t bring themselves to save befor#stopping. so every day it would be Resetti. I dreaded it so much because he is like SUPER reminiscent of my abusive step father at the time.#I often cried while just desperately trying to get thru his lectures. they were SO. LONG. and OH MY GOD the time he made me repeat something#I legitimately don’t know what it was but like I kept failing it. I know I was rlly bad with copying things as a kid#there was a time where I made the painful decision to quit in the middle of his rant. knowing that it would be worse next time but I was#simply unable to take it at that point in time. HOW EFFED UP IS THAT. THAT I JUST WANT TO PLAY A DAMN GAME BUT I CANT CUZ OF THE TRAUMA.#I hate Resetti I hate Resetti I hate him so much ‘oh he’s just a character’ THATS WHY IM FREE TO HATE HIM BABY!!! IT MAKES IT WORSE THAT PPL#DELIBERATELY CREATED A CHARACTER LIKE THAT HONESTLY! WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO POOR INNOCENT ME!!!#anyways yeah literally everything about animal crossing is so distressing to me and yet I remember loving it. no idea why.#my memories of it have like a dramatic and eerie vignette#and that newer one that came out and everyone was so excited. I can’t handle it cuz of the FISH AGAIN!!! MEGALOPHOBIA BE LIKE!!!!!!!
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talkorsomething · 4 months
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genuinely tried to Be Asleep for like two hours this time and just couldn't. I think i'm cursed [unwell]
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#feels pretty much like the first night i got sick (remember that breakdown? lol) except this time i have Overcome the illness#mostly anyways.#but yeah i'm just. augh. not only do i have to deal with literal nightly thoughts of sh now i can't even sleep?!#my curse of Hearing Things immediately working against me the moment i can't hear things clearly#cause ... now i REALLY don't know whats going on#like i know it's not my business and shouldn't be my business but a) i live here and b) i have to hear it either way.#just ... yeah. now that we're probably as settled in as things are gonna get i REALLY do not feel like i'm meant to be here#not in general; as in this physical actual space. there's no thought that something should be made for all of us since they have work#& i ... well i do but [redacted]. so it's the work i make for myself mostly. but yeah so it doesn't matter if nobody sees me eat breakfast#(dont care about that anyways) and it doesnt matter that nobody sees me eat dinner (maybe i care A Little ok) because the whoooole rest of#the day is nebulous Lunch Time. and oh boy let me tell you. i'm not having that either#cause uhm. 'you can eat our food' only means so much until money comes into the equation#like BOY if i thought i was messed up about that before let me tell you: it has become Worse#i dunno. i try to have good days and yet the moment its Asleep Time i am someone completely different#like ... it's like seasonal depressiom but WORSE because theres SUNLIGHT and i LOVE SUNLIGHT#no yeah i think that's exactly the sort of thing i can liken it to now that i think of it#cause i always have like... seasonal issues when it starts gettin dark around 4-5ish range. except right now its summer so its NOT#wish i knew how to really be normal. then maybe at least if i wouldnt have good music making material i could like. meaningfully contribute#to my existence as a roommate#'i'm doing great' says man who is somehow Still Not#relatedly i think my next public facing breakdown is either gonna be about this still or about spinning in the pride parade. time will tell#....i can hear them AGAIN i know why IM up why are THEY#/bangs on wall Go To Sleeeeep leave me alone to also sleep T_T#that's ... that's a joke by the way i'm not doing that. i do feel more tired now so maybe i will have somewhat restful sleep. hopefully
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shitpostdevil · 6 months
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watching this blog come together is kind of wild
like I would actually perish at this point if it disappeared bc I've put so much work into it
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arolesbianism · 9 months
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Hello looks to the moon fans. I am gently placing drowning act by friends unseen into your hands 👍
#rat rambles#I remebered this song exists which means Im thinking abt rain world and moon again god I love moon sm#shes literally so me bait idk how to explain how she is but she is just trust me bro#shes so messed up I love her so fucking much only character in this game that comes back to haunt me regularly#oh and also sliver but y'know thats partially because of oc stuff moon makes me want to maul people#moon is like. what if you made a guy who gets basically killed by her brother and then has to live and think in her own rotting corpse#shes not even a zombie shes just a living brain in a corpse that was never able to move in the first place#and before all of this she was very aware that she was dying and it scared her she was so scared#but even still in her last message to the closest thing to a family she could ever have is message of comfort to them#her last line in said message was 'Im glad Im not alone'#and its not true. she is alone. no one had been able to contact her in ages. soon enough even the remnants of these people will be lost.#and she has to live with fragmented memories and no access to the rest of her bodily functions for god knows how long#all while being so painfully Alone#its only worse when you think about how much more deafeningly silent it must be to her as shes yknow. a supercomputer.#this isnt just her losing access to her body shes lost access to most of her processing systems too#shes only held in consciousness by five braincells which were never meant to be used as an iterators sole operating system#and even outside of that she used to be a giant wirring machine and now its just. quiet.#she doesnt even see that much wildlife her only company is the water that she once so desperately needed#and she still puts on a strong face. she still tries to live in what little ways she can.#💥💥💥💥💥 I hate her
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hearties-circus · 1 year
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Yknow I don't think I've had a magnum ice cream since the night before the punishment and having one now.. yeah I cant really blame myself this ice cream is good
#gamer txt.#sure yes i shouldnt have eaten that many they were meant for everyone#that being said being a glutton for ice cream is hardly something i deserved to be starved for#and i mean honestly id do it again magnums are good#it is weird to think that they are technically what started it i know the punishment was for me being a bit of a glutton in general right#(can you blame me the house regularly goes completely unstocked for multiple days sorry being ravenous when i actually get food)#(hell im used to substituting icing and hot chocolate for food multiple days in a row just because no one bothered to get food i could eat)#(and then my mum even took the icing sugar away from me. 1 less thing i could eat. i think the icing sugar is still kept way high up)#but the magnums are what made my mum decide to go full on [no entry to kitchen. at all. you want a drink? ask. you want food? wait.]#[you want the privacy of your own bedroom? too fucking bad. you're not allowed to leave the living room]#for 3 months. it was ice cream man..#and those rules were even worse cause i couldnt leave the living room but everyone else could#if i wanted a drink but no one was in the room with me i just had to wait usually at least an hour or so for someone to come back#i certainly wasnt trying my luck sneaking into the kitchen i was fucking petrified#and g-d if it was my step dad who was the only one with me he'd always pull the 'surely you can get a drink by yourself dont be ridiculous'#and when i never moved he'd do this dramatic sigh and take as long as possible to get me a drink make me feel like a fucking burden#he did ask my mum though cause surely i was allowed to get a drink myself right? most of the dilutant juice in the house was for me#and that fucking glare she gave me like id tried to go in the kitchen and my stepdad was asking cause he caught me#but im gonna be honest as terrified as i was when she reiterate i wasnt allowed in the kitchen at all it did feel kinda good#cause my stepdad was visibly scared too. in my head it was kinda like 'SEE SEE THAT WHAT IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE DONT YOU GET IT'#it is certainly weird though cause no ones apologised for anything. some for better reasons than others#but that first year afterwards that first anniversary my stepdad did bring me food from a local place every other day for like a month#and then last year he did a few times too#i dont think he did it this year#it was like he was apologising for his involvement#but ive never seen any acknowledgement of the punishment or the fact it was a bad thing at all from anyone#its weird cause he must know that it was fucked up why else would he apologise for it. but hes just pretending it never happened too#its put me in a weird spot. cause it all happened during lockdown yknow the only people aware of it are my family.#and theyre not going to talk about it#first time i ever lost weight. real visibly too. fucked up my appetite so bad that after it ended i lost weight again bc i just couldn't eat
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toastsnaffler · 1 year
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nvm im too tired and overstimulated for this shit
#.vent#i only slept a couple hours last night man. i cant do short notice evening socials on an empty tank let alone resist unexpected rsd#if they had let me know earlier then i wouldve taken a nap and worked out beforehand to get my energy back up#idk just. if u rly want my company then maybe u should actually invite me next time. its not like they didnt plan it#even if they just forgot its not particularly pleasant to be the one person insignificant enough to forget abt. theres only 5 of us#they rly remembered to ask the one guy who isnt even here before me yknow. ugh u see the stupid thoughts i have to battle!!#like on a rational level ik it was probably genuinely accidental. but the way i instinctively react is not always rational#so regardless someone has to deal with the emotional fallout and thats me. regulating this shit is hard work even when im NOT tired asf#i really really dont want to be an asshole and spoil anyones fun bc its no-ones fault + as real as it feels to me rn ik im overreacting#but i cant voluntarily expose myself to personal triggers when im already exhausted + more vulnerable than usual#so just gotta shut myself in my room and deal with it in my own super healthy ways as per usual. may they never fucking find out#trying my best not to be an asshole i hope to fucking god they dont think im being an asshole i just told them i was tired + i meant it#this wouldnt be so much of a problem if it hadnt happened to me before. and also ik its bc one rsd trigger makes me more sensitive-#to picking up unrelated cues but there ARE other things they do that i find ostracising which rly dont fucking help. but-#theyre not things i can actually confront them abt so usually i just gotta deal w it which is fine but it lowers my general tolerance#its ok. its ok i like them all a lot theyre lovely ppl and it doesnt matter if there is a some grain of truth in the things im thinking#bc the risk of me believing + acting on a bad faith irrational thought leads to outcomes that are far worse than those from#misidentifying someones malicious behaviour towards me as neutral by accident/in good faith. okay im done now i think#just ignore me spewing out the old brain gunk on main again eurgh anyway im gonna go calm myself and read and SLEEP#ill be normal by tomorrow morning farewell comrades#honestly i dont mind dealing w shit this way bc its the best option for everyone but man. sometimes its so fucking lonely#like there are sides of me ppl will never engage with and for good reason but without them being acknowledged i find it rly hard to feel-#any real emotional intimacy or closeness with another person. but what other option is there#i sure as hell dont miss the fights i used to constantly get into when i wasnt able to regulate myself i lost so many friends that way#it is what it is. on we go for now
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lovelettersfromluna · 11 months
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Supercut
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Summary: “In my head, I play a supercut of us.”
an: halfway through writing this I decided that this isn't technically the finale hehe, more of cam girl!Ellie come, this is just the end of them being stupid. mwah mwah love you all more than you know.
Warnings: SMUT!! 18+, MDNI, angst, cam girl!ellie, Ellie is a real idiot in this one tbh, arguing, hurt/eventual comfort, toxic!Ellie, tribbing, making out, pet names, this one is a little short im sorry, lmk if I missed anything!!!
Read part 1 here, and part 2 here!
You know that gross feeling you get whenever you look back at old pictures or videos? You know, the one that you feel at the pit of your stomach, and it makes you really happy but also really sad? What's that called again?
Oh, right. Its melancholy
It's that feeling where you have a specific memory, and you know that no matter what, that time is gone. You can't replicate it, and the only place that it will live is in the confides of your own mind
And it sucks, because you don't even know when those moments are going to be made. There's no warning in your brain that the day you have planned is going to be so impactful to your life, that you will constantly chase that feeling, trying to replicate what it was that made that time so blissful so that you can feel that same warmth again.
You don't even get the chance to savor it while it lasts.
It almost makes you feel like you never wanted those times to happen to begin with, because you would have been fine without them. Sacrifice one of the times of your life so that you wouldn't have to spend countless nights laying in bed, only hoping that you will experience something that can even come close to how it all felt in the past.
Most of the time, it's easy to simply look back at those memories, feel that disgusting mixture of happiness and sadness, and then move on.
But for some god awful reason, you can't seem to do that this time.
This time, it lingers. It sits there, knocking at your chest, demanding to be acknowledged, to have all of your undivided attention, giving you no choice but to think about how fucked up this all is, how all of this was a complete and utter mistake, and how you have no way in taking it back.
It makes you wish time travel was real, yearning for some mad scientist to come out and say 'look everyone! you can reverse the mistakes you've made in the past!'.
But that doesn't happen, and you have no choice but to live with the icky feeling that settles at the pit of your stomach, and refuses to go away.
You weren't entirely sure what would happen after that night with Ellie, the night that she laid her weight on top of you, fucking you into her mattress over and over again, whispering the sweetest words into the nape of your neck, holding you the entire night through once you were finished, silence overcoming the space as you both fell into a blissful sleep.
It was hard to really tell where you both stood, but you weren't an idiot.
You knew, that you and Ellie had made love that night.
It was truly like nothing you had ever experienced. It was like you were constantly in that delicious state before sleep, where the world is soft, and everything is so comfortable right before you reach the point of unconsciousness, and everything feels so utterly perfect.
That's what it felt like, and you knew that from the moment Ellie had pulled you against her chest, and pressed a soft kiss to your head before you both fell asleep.
It happened, but God....you really wished it hadn't.
Because now? Things were so much fucking worse.
The feeling Ellie gave you scared you, and it made the ugliest thoughts fill your head when you woke up. You felt wrong, the skin on your body feeling filthy for doing something so intimate with her, with your roommate. You felt like you were taking something that wasn't yours, something that was never meant for you in that way.
So you ran.
Not far, of course. You were lucky enough to wake up before Ellie, gently peeling yourself from her body, your stomach sinking whenever she mumbled something gently in her sleep, her hands mindlessly reaching for your body before she fell back into her deep slumber.
You stood over her for a moment, watching as her eyes flickered in her sleep, lips parted as she snored gently. The feeling you had when you watched her sleep scared you, because you felt...like you wanted to stay with her, protect her, hold her in your arms and ignore the reality of how much this was fucking with your head, ignore the fact that she had simply wanted help with her work.
It wasn't supposed to be like this.
You inhaled deeply before you left her room, closing her door gently before you quickly went to your bedroom, tugged on a t shirt and jeans before you grabbed your jacket and left the apartment.
You stayed out in the city all day, that day. You were like a ghost, trying to sort out the feelings that were settling in your chest, opting to simply ignore them instead. You made sure to leave your phone at home, knowing any texts from Ellie wouldn't do you any good with how you were feeling.
You didn't return home until later that afternoon, the sun setting, slowly casting the familiar darkness of night onto the city that you had come to know. You wished you could stay out longer, avoid the situation more, but it was only gettin colder, and you knew you had to go back to your apartment sooner or later.
When you got there, you were greeted by silence. You don't even hear Ellie's usual music playing from inside her room. You frowned softly, looking around a bit for any signs of the girl there. You looked down, finding that her leather jacket and helmet weren't where they usually were.
Ellie had left too.
You should've been happy at that, giving you even more time away from the girl than planned, yet you can't ignore the ugly tinge of sadness and annoyance that lingers at the back of your throat at the thought of here simply...leaving.
When you got to your room, you quickly grabbed your phone, wishfully thinking that there would be a string of messages from your roommate, asking you where you've gone, and if everything is okay between you both.
But when you unlock your phone, there's nothing there.
Not a single call, or a single text.
And you suddenly realized, that great minds think alike.
So, that's how things go with you and Ellie after that. There isn't a grand scene of love, where you both confess that you had both felt that way from the moment you set eyes on each other, there isn't a happily ever after where you become her girl, and she becomes yours. There isn't any of that, you two simply go from being friends, to barely being roommates.
You guys never speak about it. There's never a conversation that happens to even clear the air, pretending as though that night in her bedroom never happened.
There's a sense of hostility that follows after all of it happens, because Ellie won't even fucking look at you now, let alone stand in the same room as you. If you're in the living room, she's in her bedroom, and if you're in the kitchen, she leaves the apartment to go eat somewhere else.
It leaves a bitter taste in your mouth, because you can practically feel the hatred she has for you radiating off of her body whenever she's around, and it's a shock to you that you two are still even living together. The Ellie that would once sit in the living room with you, practically tugging your body to sit on her lap, has succumb to someone who barely even exists to you anymore.
And it doesn't even end there.
Ellie never really had girls in and out of the apartment before, even before you and her started filming and having sex. She was pretty strict about letting others into her space, only ever bringing around girls she was dating long term, or her designated filming partner. You never had a problem with it, letting Ellie know time and time again that the place was half hers, and she could bring whoever she wanted.
But that seemingly changed after you and her happened.
Because suddenly, there's a different girl at your apartment every night, and Ellie is fucking them ten different ways into the next month.
And it always happens to be on the nights before you have to wake up early to go in and open the record store.
She becomes relentless.
You first noticed it happening when she breezed past you on a Friday night, clearly dressed up for a night out. You couldn't really ignore the way your core tightened at how fucking good she looked, the feeling quickly overshadowed by the way she yet again left the house as if you weren't sitting right there.
After getting yourself to bed for some much needed shut eye, you were rudely awakened by the sound of your front door slamming open, followed by the sound of tumbling and soft giggles..
Which then slowly turned into the sounds of Ellie fucking a girl in her bedroom that was directly across from yours.
And it kept going, night after night, the sound of Ellie pleasuring another woman was all that you were left with. Not even your headphones on full volume could drown out the banging of Ellies headboard against the wall.
You have never been a jealous person, especially when it came to Ellie and her sex life. However, after what happened between the both of you, and the very clear fact that Ellie was indeed doing it out of spite..
You really couldn't ignore the fire you felt at the pit of your stomach whenever you heard some random girl moaning out Ellie's name to the top of her fucking lungs.
It was then that you came to terms with the fact that enough was enough.
And you had to move out.
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It wasn't long until you wouldn't leave your room.
You seriously couldn't stomach the way it felt, being ignored by Ellie, her constant avoidance a reminder of how much of a bad idea it was to agree to filming with her in the first place. If that wasn't enough, constantly seeing her leave the apartment to go meet up with another girl started to hurt even more.
And you really didn't want to face the truth behind that.
There was something unsettling that came with the feeling it gave you, because how could you go from not even batting an eyelash at Ellie walking out of her bedroom with Julia, to feeling tears prickle at the edge of your eyes every time you heard her fucking someone else across from your room.
Because it's cruel, and you know you were wrong to leave her the way you did, but she left too. You knew that what you did was wrong, but surely you didn't deserve all of this? And why would she even want to hurt you like this in the first place? Surely you were the only one that felt this ridiculous conflicting feeling that only brought you stress.
And yet, you only found new ways to torture yourself.
It happens one night after work, you're tired and all you want to do is peel off your clothes and hop into bed.
Opting to grab your laptop, wanting to watch some mindless video on the internet to lull you to sleep, you are suddenly faced with something that had been waiting to haunt you.
A link to one of your videos with Ellie was still on your browser.
She had sent it to you a while ago, wanting to show you how well it was doing, and all the positive feedback that it was receiving, you meant to watch it at the time, but never got around to it. Now, it was sitting there, collecting dust until you decided to open it.
And you knew you shouldn't have, because that chapter of your life has closed, and you intended to keep it fully closed.
But curiosity did kill the cat, didn't it?
You didn't think twice before opening it, the link quickly flashing across your screen and taking you to Ellie's page. The thumbnail is of the two of you, the last video you guys had filmed. Its you, straddling Ellie on her bed, her strong hands gripping your hips, probably forcing you to grind down on her lap.
You feel your core tighten at the sight of it.
You don't look at it much longer, or read the comments either, because you know they will all be asking where you've gone, and whether or not you were coming back.
Instead of closing your laptop and going to sleep like you should have, you kept scrolling through Ellies page. You come to find the usual, seeing that she had been live the past few nights, as well as posted a few videos for her viewers to catch up on, none of it out of the ordinary.
Something does catch your eye however.
Its a video that was posted a few nights ago, and you can barely make it out, but you can see a thumbnail of Ellies tattooed hand pushed between a girls thighs, doing what you can only assume to be fingering her.
And that girl is definitely not you.
She had found herself a new partner.
It’s no shock that she did. She’d been actively fucking other girls, someone in and out of your apartment almost every night, something that she had made sure to make very clear to you…
But there was just something about actually seeing it that hurt like hell
You slammed your laptop shut, a bit too hard, but you were suddenly filled with something foreign to you, something that you hardly felt for anyone.
Quickly grabbing you blankets and tugging them over your body, you squeezed your eyes shut to try and erase the image of Ellie with another girl from your brain, the image slowly tainting the deepest corners of your mind so that you won't ever be able to do just that.
You couldn't do this anymore.
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Ellie was just as bad at talking about her feelings as you were.
Because the morning after you and her had sex, she wanted nothing more than to wake up with you, kiss you, hold you, move on from this agonizingly slow phase that you two were in, where she was allowed to do the things that she always wanted to do, just conditionally.
She wanted to wake up, and move forward whatever the fuck you and her were stuck in.
But you didn’t. You simply woke up before her, and left, leaving Ellie to feel like a fucking idiot.
Because maybe she read into the entire thing wrong, maybe you didn’t feel anything for her, maybe you really did only see her as your roommate and nothing more than that….
Maybe that look in your eye that she was sure she saw when she was fucking you, was all in her head.
So when you ran, she did too.
And soon, Ellie’s sadness turned into anger, and all she wanted to do, was hurt you the same way that you hurt her.
She wanted you to hear her with other girls, she wanted you to see her with other women on her streams, she wanted you to see what it was that you’d lost, what you’d stupidly lost when you decided to run away from her the morning after it all.
But maybe she’d taken it too far.
Because Ellie’s anger turned into something that she didn’t want, because no matter how much noise she made, how good she tried to look whenever she was getting ready to go out with some random girl, no matter what she did to make you jealous, you never batted an eyelash her way, you never once reacted to anything that she did that was directed at you for the sole purpose of getting your attention.
And not only did it further prove to Ellie that you didn’t give a fuck about her, but it also made her so much more frustrated with you.
Did you seriously not have a fucking soul? Could you not even acknowledge her? Hurt for her? Feel hurt by her? Why wasn’t it working? Why weren’t you…..why couldn’t you just…..
Why couldn’t you just fucking want her.
Ellie was truly at her last straw, because being with other women was something she already didn’t like doing, but it was slowly eating away at her, picking away at her insides and making her feel hollow inside, a shell of who she used to be when she was with you.
And when she didn’t think things could get any worse, she found you doing something she only saw in her nightmares.
She hadn’t really noticed it at first, but slowly, your belongings began to disappear from the apartment. Particularly in the living room.
Your stack of blankets would get smaller and smaller as the week went by, the dorky little figures you had littered around different shelves and the tv stand started to disappear too, little parts of you started leaving, one by one, and Ellie was too far up her own ass to even notice.
Maybe if she had, she could’ve convinced you to stay.
In all honesty? Ellie probably wouldn’t even have realized you were leaving until it was too late, the girl far too consumed in her little revenge streak to notice the slow but sure disappearance of you, the way the remnants of you slowly began to leave one by one.
It just so happened that on a day that you were packing up some of your boxes, you had left your door cracked open, thinking that Ellie wasn’t home.
She was passing by your room when she heard a soft huff, the sound quickly catching her attention as she slowly walked towards your door, catching sight of the various opened boxes scattered around your room that was already looking sparse due to packing it all the way.
That. That was the straw the broke the camels fucking back.
Because suddenly, Ellie is pushing your door open, the force from her hand making it slam against your wall, the loud sound making you flinch to look over in her direction with wide eyes.
“Ellie?” You question softly.
The sound of her name rolling off your tongue makes a shiver run down her spine, because god….had she missed the way you said it.
Her eyes are angry, eyebrows furrows together as her eyes scan your room, looking at the boxes, your half empty closet, your empty book shelf.
“What the fuck is going on here?” She spits out, her tone making you wince slightly. It’s the first time you’ve heard her speak to you in almost an entire month and it’s so fucking hostile, so pointed.
This really wasn’t how you wanted this to go.
You let out a soft sigh, bringing your palm up to ran along your face as you look down at the boxes as well, heart sinking at the thought of going.
“Look…Ellie…I was planning on telling you…I just-“ she’s quick to cut you off, walking further into your bedroom as her eyes scan the walls, watching as they began to grow emptier and emptier the further in she looked. She scoffs, her green eyes finally landing on yours, her smoldering grip enough to take your breath away.
“Bull-fucking-shit. You weren’t going to tell me anything, and you know that” she argues, nostrils flared as she stares at you with eyes filled with that same glare of hate that you saw every time she’d glaze over you within recent weeks.
And she was right. You had no intention of telling her anything. She would learn that you were gone once you were gone, because that’s what you did.
You always ran.
You let out a sigh of defeat before you step away from her, fully intending on continuing packing. You didn’t want this to stop you, or put anymore obstacles in your way of leaving. This was what you had to do, and you knew that.
“I can’t stay here anymore, Ellie…things are fucked up between us and I just…I won’t deal with it anymore” you mumble out, your voice tired, weak. A clear indication of how you felt towards the entire situation. It was draining you, and you knew that for your own well being, you had to get out.
The sight of you packing as if she wasn’t in your room, trying to figure out why you were leaving, makes her even more upset. It blinds her from your words, from the weakness in your voice, in your appearance. She ignores it because the anger she feels is much easier to indulge in.
"So that's it? You're just gonna leave? Without saying anything to me?" she barks out, her tone making you feel worse than you already do.
And then it all stops, because why the hell are you feeling bad when this isn't even your fault.
You slowly turn to Ellie, your eyebrows furrowed as you stare at her in disbelief, cocking your head to the side slowly before you start to speak.
"Are you listening to yourself right now, Ellie? Do you ever stop to think for one second that not everything is about you?" The tone of your voice is so calm, words so slow and articulated, it barely even sounds like you're mad.
And it scares you, and it scares her.
You don't stop there, you couldn't even if you wanted to.
"This wasn't my idea, none of it was. I agreed to help you because you asked it of me, and I clearly have no fucking sense of boundaries. I get that what I did was wrong, and I shouldn't have left you that morning, but no one is fucking perfect" You defend, your own breath become more shallow the more you speak, your anger and frustration finally rising to the surface.
"This isn't good for me. You aren't good for me, you've been fucking different girls every goddamn night just to hurt me, and you're a fucking liar if you deny it." you spit out, making Ellie wince slightly, yet her eyebrows never unravel from how furrowed they are, and the frown on her lips is still there.
When you said it out loud though, she realized just how bad it was.
"I did it to get your fucking attention...not to hurt you" She barely whispers, staring down at you. You can't help but laugh softly, scoffing at her words before you give her a gentle sigh.
"Oh it got my attention, Ellie. It got it so much, that I can't bare for you to have it anymore..." you mumble out softly before you turn away from her, unable to stare into her eyes for any longer.
"I don't know what happened between us that morning...but I want nothing more than to just..forget about it all" You let out meekly, feeling yourself reduce to that small ball of insecurities once again.
And Ellie finally softens when she sees it, because you never let your guard down this much.
She inhales deeply, taking a step towards you, trying to get closer to you. You don't step back, or flinch, you simply ignore her, carrying on to pack your things as if she wasn't there, standing above you.
"You hurt me too...you know" she mumbled out, her voice finally dropping that hostile tone that she had when she first walked in. You're quick to turn towards her, spinning around to set your eyes that were quickly growing redder by the second.
"And Im sorry!" you shout, your voice going the loudest it had yet, it makes Ellie flinch.
You sigh out tiredly before you bring your hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. "If I could go back and do it differently..I would..but too much has happened, Ellie...I don't..." you trail off, struggling to find the proper words before you sigh softly, finally speaking again.
"I don't see you the same way, anymore" you mumble out.
This makes Ellies heart seize up, because what do you mean by that? What are you trying to tell her?
You move to sit on your knees, you bare legs coming in contact with the cold, wooden floor as you begin packing more things in a different box. There's no more fighting, there isn't anymore arguing, or anger, it's just silent, the occasional sound of your clothes hitting each other when they hit you settle them in the box. You don't even bother to turn around and yell at Ellie, or even tell her to get out.
And maybe thats what's hurting her the most. You never yelled, you didn't cry or beg, you didn't do anything when she knew you heard her, saw her with those other girls. All of them were nothing to her, sorry attempts at trying to grab hold of your attention again, get you to show just a little bit of fucking anger, so that she knew you still felt something for her, so that she knew she still had you.
But it was clear to her with the way that you disregarded her after it all, as if she didn't even matter, that she didn't have you anymore.
Did she ever? Did she ever have a chance with you? Was she all in her head? Were you simply just a good friend? A decent roommate who promised to help her out when she needed help? Was all of it just....
Pretend?
She feels like she's running out of options, because she assumed that if anything, you two would fight and end up in a heated, passionate love making session where you two would admit what you had felt all along.
But Ellie was slowly coming to the conclusion that she was being fucking delusional.
Her decisions didn't let up thought, because soon, she's on her knees next to you, grabbing your wrists gently in her hands and pulling you to face her. She feels her heart break when you refuse, trying to pull away from her grasp, mumbling soft complaints of how you needed to finish packing.
When she finally tugs you a bit harder, forcing you to look at her, she feels the weight of her mistakes finally settle on her chest, because you're crying. Your eyes are puffy and your cheeks are stained, and it's all her fucking fault.
She bites back a whimper, tugging her bottom lip into her mouth as she feel her own throat burn with tears.
"Hey...look at me...come on...where's my pretty girl...come on.." She tries over and over again, voice breaking, making you whimper as you try tugging your arms from her grasp.
"Don't you see how fucked up this is, Ellie? We were just screaming at each other and now...now you're calling me your girl" you plead with her, the words bubbling past your lips as the mere sight of here forces more tears from your eyes, making it harder and harder to talk.
Ellie can't talk her way out of this one, not with you. She knows there isn't much she can do, or say, and she feels like she's all out of options, because you're right. All of this is so fucked up, and it makes her insides burn because she's hurt, and you're hurt, and it feels like there's nothing she can do to fix it.
She does the only thing she feels will work. She kisses you.
It's filled with everything. Passion, longing, happiness, sadness, anger, everything that had been pent up between the both of you is poured into the kiss, and it's enough to make you feel dizzy.
But you don't pull away, you melt into her, just like you always do. She feels it too, feels the way you let you defenses down, taking it as a chance to tug your wrists up and around her neck, her own arms resting on your hips as she pulls you closer, her lips working against yours.
"Im....fuck...im so sorry, baby....never meant to hurt you" She mumbles against you, her words coming out as a breathy sigh against your lips, making you moan softly against her. She pushes her tongue into your mouth, giving your waist a soft squeeze.
"M'sorry too..Ellie....shouldn't have left..." You whine against her, and she's quickly shaking her head, gently tugging you up to stand with her before she's pulling you too your bed.
"Just...lemme take care of you..alright" She hums against your lips before she gently pushes you back to lay on your bed, her own body crawling over yours, resting her weight on your body as she goes back to kissing you.
It's so slow, and sensual, and it feels like the entire world is quiet, like you're fading into her, and she's fading into you, and you both are becoming one. It feels so fucking right, and the hole that had been growing in your chest is finally filling up, the essence that is Ellie slowly acting as the medicine that you needed all along.
Ellie rolls over, gripping your hips and tugging you to straddle her waist as she lays back against your bed. Her green eyes eat you up, strong hands already running along your hips and thighs, giving you a squeeze before her hand creeps up your t shirt, pushing it up a bit before it slips under, grasping your boob and massaging it in her hands.
"Fuck...look at you...missed you so much, pretty girl....you can't even imagine.." She sighs softly under her breath, eager hands roaming your body hungrily, as if they've deprived of you for so long, missing the way your skin spilled out from under her hands, always so responsive for her.
You tug your bottom lip between your teeth as you watch her practically worshiping your body with her hands, a soft whine leaving your lips as you rest your hands on her hips, pushing up her t shirt a bit as your thumbs rub small circle into her pale hips.
Her hands rest on your hips, forcing you to grind down onto her lap, making you whine softly, the feeling her her sweats bunching up right at your core, your cotton pajama shorts leaving much too room to be exposed by her touch.
She sits up, grabbing the hem of your shirt before she tugs it off your body, groaning softly as her lips immediately latch onto your nipple, biting and sucking. You moan softly, arching your back a bit and forcing more of you to her mouth, hands wrapped around her neck, toying with the hair at the nape of her neck.
Ellie pushes you back, resting you to lay down before she tugs your pajama shorts and panties off in one go. You promptly spread your legs for her, letting her settle between them, the small gesture making her groan, her strong hands gripping your thighs, grinding against your bare pussy.
"Fuck...such a good girl for me..." she sighs softly against your lips.
You whine, reaching down and tugging at her own pants, fumbling with the waistband of her shorts that hung oh so fucking low.
"Off..wanna feel you.." You moan softly against her, resulting in a soft chuckle from her. She presses one last kiss to your lips before she nods.
"Whatever you want baby...fuck" she mumbles softly under her breath when she pulls back to start tugging her own clothes off, catching a glimpse of your soaking wet pussy and naked body in the dim light of your room.
She looks so fucking desperate, nearly tripping over her sweats as she tugs them off, tossing them somewhere else in your room. It's like she can't get the clothes off quick enough, immediately settling between your legs again once she's naked, groaning softly a the feeling of your pussy against her body.
Her eagerness makes you giggle, and Ellie feels like she's on cloud fucking nine when she hears it, so soft and gentle. She pouts softly, staring down at you while she's already moving to position her pussy over yours, tossing your leg over her shoulder.
"What are you laughing at...hm?" She questions softly, her hips slowly moving against yours as she lets out a soft moan, eyes never leaving yours.
You can barely get the words out, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel her slick pussy against yours, clits bumping together in a way that has you nearly salivating.
She chuckles above you, a soft groan following the noise as her lips graze along your calf.
"Thats what I thought...fuck....your pussy is too fuckin good, princess' She moans out softly, her hips moving slowly against yours.
You moan loudly, your hand coming to grip her thigh as you move your hips in tow with hers.
"F-fuck, Ellie....you...that feels so good" you babble out, your other hand gripping the sheets beneath you as she fucks her pussy down onto yours.
Ellie smirks softly as she watches you, watches the way you fall apart beneath her.
"Thats my fuckin girl....you're the only fucking one I need...fuck...." She groans, turning her head a bit to kiss your calf again before her teeth sink into you, biting and sucking your skin, making you moan loudly.
You feel her speed up, hips growing desperate as she chases both hers and your orgasm, making your head spin as your nails dig into her thigh, sure to leave marks in the morning.
"Im....god...Im close Ellie.....fuuuckkkk....dont stop" you gasp out, low, lust filled eyes staring up at her as she continues bullying your pussy with hers, both of your arousal squelching together, making the most explicit noise you've ever fucking heard.
"Come on baby...want you to cum for me...can you do that? Fuck...I feel it too....that's it, pretty girl.." Ellie is babbling too, her lust clouded braun barely uttering words that are comprehensible.
You see her eyes squeeze shut, her moans getting louder and more high pithed, sounding so fucking pretty above you.
You feel like you'll explode, your back arching as the familiar feeling settles in your core, your pussy getting wetter and wetter as you feel your orgasm grow closer.
"A-ah! Ellie!" You scream out as you come undone beneath her.
And she isn't far behind, leaning down and crashing her lips against yours, forcing you to swallow her moans as she cums hard against your pussy, the both of you breathing hard as her hips sputter, pussy sliding around sloppily against yours as she becomes so fucked out, that she loses her rhythm completely.
And just like before, she lays there, on top of you, trying to catch her breath, face tucked against your neck, hands keeping you close, as if you'll disappear in thin air at any given moment.
There's so much going through your head, trying to figure out what it is that happens from here, where you and here go, what steps to take after, all of which come up with blank answers whenever you try to figure out what to do.
You assume she will fall asleep on you as she did before, knock out immediately and leave you to lay there with your plaguing thoughts.
She doesn't, though. You hear a soft hum from her lips, her hands squeeze your waist gently, before she speaks against your neck.
"I love you...so much.." she sighs out, her voice breaking a bit as if shed break down at any given moment.
You aren't sure what you'll do from this point on, but you do know one thing.
You won't run away from Ellie, ever again.
2K notes · View notes
babyleostuff · 1 year
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hello! i have been following you for a while but im shy about sending reqs hehe. i wonder if you can make ot13 reactions on how they will act if they got into a fight with their partner while they're away? like how do they deal with it and what they'll feel about it? I'm sorry if it's weird! thank you so much!
no worries, i’m more than happy to write any requests you guys send me! hope you enjoy this one and if you have any more requests don’t be shy and ask <3
when seventeen gets into a fight with their partner while they're away | ot13
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CHOI SEUNGCHEOL 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’s a leo sun (and as a leo myself), i know that he’d be too prideful to call you and apologise first, no matter if it was a big or a small fight 
𓆩♡𓆪 but then he’d realise how much he misses you
𓆩♡𓆪 it’s not like he can text you or call you and act like nothing happened 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d be heartbroken for the next few days
𓆩♡𓆪 because not only are you hundreds of kilometres apart, but now he also knows that you are angry with him 
𓆩♡𓆪 one night he’d go through your shared photos and that would be his breaking point 
his gallery <3
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YOON JEONGHAN 
𓆩♡𓆪 he knew that you were angry with him when you didn’t pick up his calls 
𓆩♡𓆪 and he would keep on calling you until you answered him 
𓆩♡𓆪 even if it meant that he had to sit through the whole night with his phone in his hand 
𓆩♡𓆪 you had no idea how much he relied on your late night conversations
𓆩♡𓆪 when he could see your face and find some peace among the crazy schedules 
𓆩♡𓆪 so he would do everything he could for you to pick up and talk things out 
HONG JOSHUA 
𓆩♡𓆪 first of all, the chance of you getting into a fight while he is away is like 0.01%
𓆩♡𓆪 the second he hears your annoyed voice, he tries to calm you down and asks you to take a deep breath  
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d want you to explain why you’re mad (and that’s when you’d probably realise how silly it was to get mad in the first place)
𓆩♡𓆪 even if was a more of a serious fight, he’d want to talk it out immediately 
𓆩♡𓆪 because he wouldn’t be able to go about his day, knowing that you were sad and angry 
𓆩♡𓆪 there is no way that Joshua would let the fight drag on for days or he’d go crazy 
WEN JUNHUI 
𓆩♡𓆪 he could feel his heart breaking, when he saw that you left him on read
𓆩♡𓆪 i don’t think he’d try to call or text you immediately
𓆩♡𓆪 because what if you really don’t want to hear from him now? What if you don’t want to hear from him ever again? 
𓆩♡𓆪 usually he wouldn’t be that dramatic about a fight 
𓆩♡𓆪 it’s just the knowledge that you are so far away from each other messes with his head 
𓆩♡𓆪 but the second he sees your name pop up on his phone screen, he tells you how sorry he is and how much he misses you 
KWON SOONYOUNG 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d be so frustrated 
𓆩♡𓆪 why did he allow for the situation to escalate so badly, that you didn’t even want pick up his calls? 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d try to go about his day like any other, but the only thing he’d be able to think about was your fight 
𓆩♡𓆪 and it would only get worse, to the point where the boys would have to text to you and tell you to call him
𓆩♡𓆪 he was just afraid that if he’d keep on calling and texting you, you’d only get angrier with him 
JEON WONWOO
𓆩♡𓆪 he had always been convinced that being away from you wasn’t that hard on him 
𓆩♡𓆪 but when you got into your first fight while he was on tour, well, that was hell for him 
𓆩♡𓆪 he had never realised how much he actually misses you
𓆩♡𓆪 your calls, your random texts, your facetime dates 
𓆩♡𓆪 you holding his hand, your kisses and your laugh 
𓆩♡𓆪 he had taken so many pretty pictures that he knew you would love to see, but he couldn’t even send you those 
his gallery <3
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LEE JIHOON
𓆩♡𓆪 he would either try to talk things out immediately like Joshua, or give you some time to cool off 
𓆩♡𓆪 he knew that getting into a fight while being apart was stupid, because not only are you a couple of countries away from each other, but now angry as well
𓆩♡𓆪 but after those couple of days if you didn’t pick up his calls or respond to his messages, he’d become the biggest pain in your ass 
𓆩♡𓆪 because he wouldn’t stop calling and spamming you 
𓆩♡𓆪 so you wouldn't have any other option but to talk to him :))
LEE SEOKMIN 
𓆩♡𓆪 don’t to this to me
𓆩♡𓆪 if you ever had a fight when he was away, he’d be the saddest and the most heartbroken version of himself 
𓆩♡𓆪 he wouldn’t smile, and if any of the boys would try to make him laugh it would be so forced 
𓆩♡𓆪 neither of you took the fights between you very well, and now being apart, there was nothing he could to do comfort you 
𓆩♡𓆪 which only broke his heart even more 
𓆩♡𓆪 the fight wouldn’t last very long though, because after a couple of days you’d call each other in tears saying how much you miss each other
KIM MINGYU  
𓆩♡𓆪 now, this man 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d either be spamming your messages with apologies, or be the biggest stubborn baby known to mankind 
𓆩♡𓆪 because if he believes that you are in the wrong, there is no way he’s going to apologise first 
𓆩♡𓆪 he probably vents to Wonwoo at some point 
𓆩♡𓆪 and when the older makes him realise that he is in the wrong, everything changes 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d be calling and texting you 24/7, ready to do anything in order to make it up to you 
𓆩♡𓆪 because there is nothing more he loves in this world than you, and the knowledge that he made you sad and upset is unbearable for him
XU MINGHAO 
𓆩♡𓆪 similarly to Seungcheol, I think Minghao would be a bit too prideful to apologise first 
𓆩♡𓆪 but he would be a lot quicker to realise how stupid it was to ignore you and to start this fight in the first place 
𓆩♡𓆪 every time he’d see something that reminded him of you, he’d start to miss you even more 
𓆩♡𓆪 if you weren’t picking up his calls he would spam you with random messages 
𓆩♡𓆪 and he wouldn’t care if you didn’t respond to him 
𓆩♡𓆪 because he knew that you missed him as well and that at some point you’d text him back 
your messages <3
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BOO SEUNGKWAN 
𓆩♡𓆪 another sad baby that would just try to survive the day 
𓆩♡𓆪 the fight would drain him out of all his usual energy, to the point where he wouldn’t even want to bicker with the boys 
𓆩♡𓆪 he wouldn’t be able to focus on anything else than the thought that you’re all alone at home, sad and upset because of him 
𓆩♡𓆪 he wouldn’t call you at first, because he’d be afraid he’d upset you even more 
𓆩♡𓆪 but he would still send you your usual good morning and goodnight messages 
CHWE VERNON
𓆩♡𓆪 i think he’d be very mature about the situation 
𓆩♡𓆪 he knew that he needed to apologise as soon as possible, in order to put this fight to an end 
𓆩♡𓆪 if you didn’t want to talk to him, he’d give you some space 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d miss you so much though
𓆩♡𓆪 especially the random texts and memes you’d send each other throughout the day 
𓆩♡𓆪 and he’d still send them, because he knew that no matter what, they would still put a smile on your face 
LEE CHAN 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d try to go about his life as if nothing big happened 
𓆩♡𓆪 because there are always fights in relationships and people are fine, right? 
𓆩♡𓆪 wrong 
𓆩♡𓆪 he spends all of his free time looking through your photos and messages
𓆩♡𓆪 which doesn’t help at all, it only makes him miss you more 
𓆩♡𓆪 he’d do everything to be back home with you, cuddling on the sofa and watching your favourite movie 
𓆩♡𓆪 when your calling ID finally popped up on his phone, a couple of tears run down his cheeks, as he picked up his phone to tell you how sorry he was 
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dansemacabre · 1 month
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i’ve been thinking about “sixer, it would eat you alive” since i read it and. man. every layer you peel back makes it worse. im not a bill apologist but. shit
if you (1) take it at face value, it paints bill as an apologetic murderer in his single (and maybe sole) open moment of regret. he doesn’t let his walls down often- only with ford do we even get to see the remnant of his galaxy, see the “actual remorse” ford describes, get just a hint of his origins. but he does it, because he thinks ford should know.
if you (2) take it from ford’s point of view, as something he committed to journal three, like. wow. imagine being so committed to a being that you’d hunt down and kill the monster that destroyed his home, only to (assumably) figure out later that that being was the monster. the small moments of trust, the “good times”, are so key to manipulation. how long did ford hold onto that one shred of vulnerability? no wonder ford stayed for as long as he did. in his eyes, bill was a survivor. ford wanted to survive too.
(slight tw below for unreality- any time i mention our reality, i mean “our reality” as a narrative device used in the book of bill as a proxy for the idea of bill being in our reality, since he can’t actually be in our reality. all of this is a fictional theory about a show/book with fictional contents!)
but if you (3) remember that “even his lies are lies” and absolutely Nothing bill says should be trusted. Whoo boy. if i read tbob right the book itself is being created in the theraprism (even tho it shows up with the ciphertologists at some point? idk that’s a whole other post). it’s meant to show what the reader wants to see; it manifests in our reality as what the collective fandom wants to see. so if we want to see truth, if we want to see where bill ended up and who he actually is, there’s a non-zero chance that the whole interaction was a complete fabrication.
imagine bill, stuck in the actively harmful, probably earth-illegal theraprism, once again being forced to be “fixed” and molded into something more palatable, being forced to conform no matter how much it hurts. (i know natural uncontrollable mutation ≠ just so much murder and destruction and chaos, but. you can’t ignore the similarities. bill has obviously been thinking about those silly straws.)
he looks back on everything that went wrong, back on his relationship with ford, back through every dimension where he wins. would that one moment, that one truth amid centuries of lies, have saved him from purgatory? if he had just been open? shown his damage? maybe he did think of his parents, or his henchmaniacs (especially the oracle). people who he might have once opened up to. maybe he just wanted to open up to someone again.
so in his own weird way, stuck in a cell, he reshaped reality again. in this reality, for this fleeting moment, he had been someone worth believing. and ford had listened, hell, ford had wanted to help. looking back, knowing how he treated ford, knowing how ford ended up because of it, maybe bill would have said the most honest thing he’d ever told ford: i am the monster, i am not worth your time or belief, and i will eat you alive.
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zerobaselove · 2 months
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zb1 reaction to you getting dressed up ♡
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pairing: zb1 x reader
genre: fluff mostly?
warnings: some swearing in gunwook's, kind of suggestive in matthew's, some mentions of feminine styled clothing throughout some scenarios lowercase intended, not proofread
notes: i got so fucking carried away with hao's im SORRY... i also wrote half of these like weeks ago so you can definitely tell there is a difference between some of them but its FINE im sorry for being so ia work is kicking my ass </3
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jiwoong ;
"are you ready?" jiwoong's light squeeze of your hand pulled you from your thoughts and back to the surreal reality you were living. it was your first time joining your boyfriend, jiwoong, on the red carpet for a film premiere, and to say you were anxious was an understatement. what if you looked bad? what if you said something stupid or what if the paparazzi thought you were a waste of their time, and footage. what if you embarrassed yourself, or worse, jiwoong.
as if the man could sense your nerves, he grabbed your chin gently to make you face him. "you're gonna do great, i promise." he planted a kiss on your temple, "and you look gorgeous, in case you needed the reminder."
it was all a bit of a blur; getting out of the car and immediately being bombarded with camera flashes and calls of your names. they wanted to see your face, and yet you could barely take your eyes off the floor, too worried that you would stumble. the only thing keeping you sane was jiwoong's arm around your waist, guiding you down the cherry red carpet lined with smiling faces. they were all smiling at you two.
once you had made it to the photo zone you had started to feel a bit better. the compliments thrown your way had helped ease the remaining worries, along with jiwoong's words as he leaned down to whisper in your ear. "look, they love you," he shifted his weight, posing slightly for the camera before leaning down briefly again, " i love you."
in another blur of flashes, you had ended up at the door of the building, the end of the red carpet. jiwoong removed himself from your side for the first time that night, rushing ahead to get the door for you.
"jiwoong," you giggled, "i could've gotten the door on my own." he simply shook his head, ushering you in before returning his arm to your waist, "looking like that? it's the least i could do," he took another glance at the designer dress hugging your skin in a way he was sure inspired some of the greatest renaissance paintings, "i should be kissing the ground you walk on."
you let out a chuckle at the dramatic antics of your boyfriend, "just kiss me instead." and so he did.
zhang hao ;
to say you were bored would be an understatement right now. you were happy for your sister getting married, there was no question of that, but being the little sibling meant you didn't really have anyone to hang out with at the wedding, with the guestlist being 50% family you either didn't recognize, or didn't feel like spending the night with, and the other 50% being friends of your sister and her partner's own friends.
so here you stood, hugging the wall near the band, at least letting the music drown out some of the boredom and gossiping family. it was loud enough that you didn't hear when a person approached you, lightly tapping you on the shoulder. as you turned to face the stranger, you realized it wasn't a stranger at all. it was zhang hao.
he had always been a close family friend; the kind that you spent hours with in the pool as kids, the one that you were seatmates with in the 3rd grade. the one who went to a different highschool, and the one who eventually you only heard of through his accomplishments and conversations ending with "you could learn a thing or two from him." you missed him.
"hao!" you smiled at the familiar face, "what're you doing here?" you couldn't hide the confusion.
"well your sister invited my family, but she also hired me to play the violin for her reception!" he smiled sheepishly, hating the way it felt like bragging in front of his, unknown to you, childhood crush. to say he was struggling to keep it together right now was an understatement, but thankfully you seemed oblivious to his wandering eyes and stuttering words as you continued chatting.
as the night led on the dance floor had turned into drunk adults and their sober kids running around, chased by the designated babysitter of the night. "do you wanna get out of here?" hao offered, glancing around the room. you couldn't help the excitement at the offer, having been waiting for an out for a while now. "let's go."
the two of you had said your goodbyes, excusing yourselves for the night, some excuses of tiredness or early classes the next day; they didn't have to know it wasn't true.
and that's how the two of you ended up at a bingsu place, getting strange glances from other customers at your rather formal attire. but as the two of you laughed over your strawberry dessert, you couldn't care less what others thought of you, to you it was just the two of you in the room. and it seemed he felt the same way, because as you were leaving, he slipped his own hand into yours without saying a word.
the two of you walked in a comfortable silence for a moment, "has anyone told you how gorgeous you look tonight y/n?" he looked at you for a moment before stopping, still holding your hand as he waited for you to meet his eyes. "is this you telling me you think i look nice?" you giggled, trying to push your beating heart down, to no avail.
"it is," he smiled, leaning in slowly, "can i?" his eyes glanced between your eyes and your strawberry stained lips. realizing what he was asking, you didn't even nod before leaning in the rest of the way, placing a kiss on his lips. "is that a good enough answer?" you smiled, dragging him along the sidewalk as his cheeks flushed impossibly darker. maybe tonight wasn't so boring after all.
hanbin ;
"does this look alright?" you asked as you rounded the corner of the hallway, gesturing to your outfit that you had picked out for this last minute date.
"alright?" hanbin started, taking a moment to close his hanging jaw at the soft fabric that hugged your frame in all the right places. "you look perfect, my love." he couldn't stop himself from wrapping his arms around your waist, pressing a kiss to your lips, not even worrying about the gloss that would end up on his own.
despite the voice in your head telling you to ditch the date and just stay in with your lips attached to his, you pulled away, looking up at the boy with a small smile. "let's get going, handsome." you giggled as you headed to the front door, strapping on a pair of heels.
"i'll be just a second," he smiled, "you can take the keys and start the car." you hummed in approval as you grabbed the pair of car keys off the hook on the wall, the small hamster keychain making a faint clinking noise against the metal of the keys.
it wasn't long before hanbin had joined you in the car and your date had begun. hanbin couldn't seem to go more than a few minutes without letting his gaze wander over your frame or sending compliments your way. even now that you were sat on the hood of the car looking over the sunset, he couldn't help but observe you in all your beauty. "are you cold?" he asked softly, noticing your body shivering when the breeze picked up. you attempted to shake your head in assurance that you were alright, but before you could, the boy had disappeared.
moments later he reappears from behind the car, your favourite jean jacket and sneakers in his hand. "no need to be uncomfy this late into the night!" he beamed, draping the jacket over your shoulders as he knelt down to help you change out of the dressy shoes you had been walking around in all night.
"where did you pull these out of?" you smiled at the boy in front of you, tying your shoes as he hummed a tune. "i packed them before we left, what did you think i was doing when i told you to get in the car?" he giggled, standing up in front of you, settling into the space between your legs. "sung hanbin," you breathed out, grabbing the collar of his shirt lightly and planting a kiss on his lips, "i love you."
matthew ;
“c’mon slowpoke,” your boyfriend teased, swinging around the corner into your shared bedroom as you were putting on the finishing touches of jewellery. you chuckled as you muttered a small rebuttal, the teasing remark seemingly falling on deaf ears as he made his way towards you. his hands snaked around your waist as he pulled you flush to his figure, only briefly making eye contact through the mirror before burying his head in the crook of your neck. “matt,” you sighed, trying to keep your composure as you could feel his breath ghost over the tops of your collarbones, “don’t start something you can’t finish.” you warned lightly, sensing the smirk on his lips as he breathed out a response. “you know finishing is never a problem,” the sound on your skin nearly sent shivers down your spine. your hand came up to run through his hair, lightly tugging on the strands between your fingers, “this is your reunion you know? wouldn’t wanna show up late.” you tried to convince him, and yourself, that the event was worth giving up the path this could lead down. he only hummed in discontent, reluctantly pulling away, his hands still wrapped around the small of your waist. “how am i supposed to let everyone else see you all dressed up like this.” he whined, linking your hands, still in front of the mirror, unable to pull his eyes off you, in all your beauty. “my perfect baby.” you couldn’t help but shake your head, which only caused the boy to spin you around to face him. “y/n, i mean it when i say this,” he pressed his lips to yours, “you are the most beautiful person i’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing,” another kiss connected the two of you, “and i am so god damn lucky to call you mine.” his smile was wide, this time pressing a kiss to your temple, “now let’s get going, don’t wanna be late.”
taerae ;
“you must be taerae!” you smiled, watching as the man you had been messaging for the last week walked towards you, seemingly more handsome than in the pictures on his dating profile. “and you must be y/n!” his smile mirrored yours, a deep dimple appearing on his face; the cherry on top of his already perfect looks. his hair was parted just off centre, his brown hair in combination with the tan plaid jacket he wore made him seem so welcoming and rather soft; like a teddy bear. he took in your outfit, a sleek and well fitting outfit, as if made just for you. a stark contrast from the outfits you typically wore, the ones in the pictures he had seen. it wasn’t a bad difference, but now he wasn’t sure how to even form coherent thoughts and sentences, let alone attempt to impress you on this first date. “would you like to head in?” he managed to stutter out, his nervousness becoming more apparent. “i’d love to,” you giggled as he opened the door, gesturing you in like you were royalty. “why thank you kind sir.” the two of you were a giggling mess as you walked into the restaurant. the two of you were escorted to your seat soon after, making small talk as you glanced over the menus in front of you. the conversation between the two of you flowed seamlessly, floating from topic to topic, only stopping to order. as the night went on, the two of you kept finding yourself erupting in laughter and beaming smiles as you found more and more in common; even your humour was well suited for each other. you almost forgot how nervous you were for the date, feeling more comfortable around him by the second. he couldn’t help but feel the same, despite the lingering stutter if he looked at the colour of your lipstick too long, or the way your eyes seemed to glimmer in the light shining on your table. in what felt like a blink of an eye, dinner was over and taerae was insisting that he would get the bill, despite your protests. “okay fine,” you lowered your head in defeat, “but that means i’m getting the next one!” you grinned, watching as the boys ace flushed a deep pink almost immediately. “next?” he stuttered out, trying to hide his joy at the prospect of another date. “unless you don’t want to go out again,” you teased. “no no!” he quickly objected, “i’d love to go out again.” you hummed with a smile, boldly reaching out to grab his hand as you exited the restaurant. “good! because i’d be quite disappointed if i never got to see you again.”
ricky ;
"ricky i can't wear this out, i'm going to ruin it!" you exclaimed from behind the bedroom door, loud enough for your boyfriend to hear you from where he sat in the living room. you had let ricky pick out your outfit for your date today, and he in typical ricky fashion, picked something that you were sure was worth more than the apartment you stood in, and it was white.
you could hear his laugh through the wall along with what you assumed was a shake of his head, "you'll be fine y/n, we are just going to the museum, i don't think anything will get you there." as if sensing your argument, he continued, "and if you do ruin it, we will get you a new one, okay? now show me my masterpiece!"
you couldn't help but shake your head at the response, what a ricky thing to say, you thought to yourself. but alas, you ran a brush through your hair one more time, spraying your favourite perfume and straightening out the clothes before opening the door.
it wasn't often you had seen your boyfriend stunned. as soon as his eyes found you, his phone was long forgotten on a couch cushion as he got up and slowly walked towards you, jaw agape.
"you look amazing," his voice trailed off, taking in every feature individually, causing your face to flush, "you always say that ricky," you argued. but he was having none of that, "well it's not my fault you can pull off everything." his hands traced the neckline of the shirt, moving to your necklace and then the outline of your collarbones.
it was almost quiet, with the exception of the heartbeat pounding in your ears as he studied every feature, as if to memorize every detail to recall later. it felt like you were burning under his gaze as you stood there, close enough to see his chest rising and falling.
"almost just wanna keep you here all to myself," he mumbled, "but i need everyone to see how pretty my partner is," he turned himself back to the couch to grab his phone before motioning you over to the full length mirror in the hallway. his hand snaked around your waist, pulling you in front of him so he could take a picture of you two in the mirror.
it wasn't until later that you saw why he took it. the picture welcomed you when you clicked his instagram story, a romantic love song playing over the image along with the caption that made your heart skip a beat. "the absolute prettiest, and all mine."
gyuvin ;
“gyu, where are you?” you called into the quiet apartment as you let yourself in with the spare key he had given you. “coming!” he called out from down the hall, you could hear his feet shuffle along the floor, the boy soon appearing before you with a wide grin. “what brings you here, my love?” he asked, his gaze wandering down your figure, taking in your semi-formal attire, his jaw going slack. “take a picture love, it’ll last longer.” you winked, a smug smile plastering your face. before you could even continue to explain your plans for the day he had pulled you in by the waist, “don’t tell me you’re leaving after showing up looking like this,” he mumbled into the crook of your neck. “i was just stopping to drop off some snacks for you,” you giggled at the ticklish feeling of his breath on your neck, “was passing by on my way to my cousin’s graduation and thought i’d say hello.” his face finally pulled away from your neck, facing you with a smile and flushed cheeks, “well, hello,” he beamed, “now ditch the graduation, i miss you.” you chuckled, wrapping your hands around his neck, placing a kiss on his lips, “i have to go gyu, but i can come over after dinner, movie night?” he only whined, sadly nodding his head at the idea. “how am i supposed to sit here waiting until tonight knowing you look this pretty out there without me?” your hands started playing with the hair on the back of his neck, leaving his lips to part slightly at the feeling. “fine,” he whined, dragging out the vowels like they could stretch the time with you just a bit further, “but you better come back to see me after.” he pouted, reaching down to play with your fingers. “i pinky promise,” you smiled, “now i have to go or i’m going to be late,” you planted a kiss on his cheek, “and gyu?” you asked, halfway out the door. “yes my love?” “leave some snacks for me!”
gunwook ;
"please pick up, please pick up." you mumbled between your shallow breaths, your shaking fingers pressing the call button next to gunwook's name. the phone only rung once before your best friends voice came through the speaker, "what's up? aren't you supposed to be on a date?" he asked, his voice laced with concern. "he stood me up," you sniffled, trying to put on a brave face, or voice, for the boy on the phone.
"oh i'll kill him," he muttered, "where are you?" he asked, you could hear him pulling his shoes and coat on over the phone. "i'm at that restaurant down by our boba spot, i'm walking home and just," your voice trailed off, why did you call him? "just wanted to hear your voice i guess." you concluded, so caught up in your thoughts that you didn't hear the door slam on gunwook's end.
the boy stayed on the phone with you, letting you rant as he stayed strangely quiet on the other end, but you didn't think much of it. that was until you saw a rather tall man running towards you, slowing down right in front of you. "hi" the simple phrase echoed between the phones and you nearly burst into tears at the sight of your best friend. you threw your arms around him and let the floodgates open.
his hands found their way around you, one rubbing your back gently as the other ran though your hair. "let it out, you're okay now." he kept repeating reassuring phrases as you babbled about how humiliated you felt. he just stood there comforting you, letting you have your moment in the middle of the sidewalk, illuminated by the streetlights lining the road.
"he's an idiot, y/n" he said calmly. you tried to argue, insisting that maybe you were the problem, maybe you weren't good enough, but that broke gunwook, and he wasn't about to let you say those lies about yourself.
"y/n, look at me," he pulled away, tilting your chin upwards to meet his eyes, "you are way too good for him, or for any man who would ever even consider hurting you or standing you up," he rambled on, "especially when you look like that." he gestured to you.
"look like what?" you questioned, just out of curiosity.
he shook his head, a blush creeping to his face, "like the person of my dreams, the most gorgeous and kind person to have walked the earth." you stood in shock for a moment, taking in the confession that you had been waiting years to hear, the confession that you thought would never come, and the reason you let yourself go on these dates with these shitty men.
"i like you." you blurted out, not even caring that this moment was accompanied by tear stains and running mascara. the boy smiled wide, "i like you too," he reached down to grab your hand, "so," he trailed off, "movie night at my place?"
"i would love nothing more."
yujin ;
"you really don't have to come y/n." your best friend yujin insisted, but you shook your head fervently, "and miss my best friend's graduation? funny joke yujin." you said sarcastically, "you got to come to mine so i get to go to yours, end of story."
and that you did. yujin's parents offered to let you join them, insisting you were like the daughter they never had. plus you loved chatting with his parents and little brother. "you look absolutely lovely today," yujin's mom said as you walked towards their car, a sheepish thank you leaving your mouth in response.
you got there just in time for the ceremony to start. soon enough yujin was being called up to the stage to receive his diploma. you and yujin's brother were doing the most, cheering and clapping to an almost obnoxious level while his parents held in a laugh as they took pictures of their oldest.
once the ceremony was over, yujin had found his way to you guys, greeting you with a light slap of the arm and a shy scolding for embarrassing him, causing all of you to erupt into laughter.
you all chatted together for a moment before you and yujin led into your own conversation. "who knew you had legs under those baggy jeans you always wear?" he laughed, now it was your turn to smack his arm lightly, "i dress up one time and this is what i get." you joked, shaking your head.
"you do look nice though," he continued, a genuine smile spreading across his face, and you smiled back. "you don't look to bad yourself, mr. high school graduate."
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