#im once again real fuckin tired so dont mind mistakes

[charmspoint]

Sanguine Friday 7

Potential intro scene of Prinn and Duchess meeting

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It wasn’t a bad looking mansion.

Nestled in a sprawling garden, roses climbing its sides, ruby red apples hanging off the trees, fishes swimming in the decorative ponds, it would have looked like something out of a fairytale if the stonework of the building itself wasn’t so dark. Burgundy drapes sheltered the inside of the house from direct sunlight and the wood of the door was dark, clean cut, no visible irregularities.

Prinnsal refused to let the aesthetic trappings of the lair lull him into a sense of comfort. What hid inside was nothing short of a thirsting monster, one that would sooner drain him of his blood than invite him in for tea.

And still he approached.

Still, he took the knocker in his hand—Intricate, branching frame, the wear on the gold attempting to hide beneath an inadequate new coat of paint—and banged it over that immaculate wood.

Suicidal, the others might have called him, like he didn’t know so himself. Like he wasn’t perfectly aware that an angel knocking on a vampire’s front door is just a feast delivering itself to the doorstep. But he wasn’t stupid nor reckless nor quite done with his life yet. There were simply more pressing things that wanted to kill him than a bloodsucker with a pompous taste.

The door opened without so much as a creak. Through the narrow opening, a man stared out at him. An old, gray haired man with eyes almost bulging out of his skull, like an insect inserted into a human-like suit. His eyes darted over Prinnsal’s frame, before shutting the door again.

For a couple of minutes, Prinnsal wondered if that would be it. If he would he would simply be turned away without so much as an acknowledgment of his stupidity.

But no. His blood alone was too delectable of a lure. The man returned. He opened the door wide. He bowed deeply. He motioned Prinnsal in.

So Prinnsal stepped into the belly of the beast.

Walls of the hallway crowded around him oppressively, claustrophobically. Every few feet, a rose shaped candle gave its damndest to light up the dimness of the house, failing considerably in the battle against the rich black walls and the scarlet carpeting.

Prinnsal kept his back straight, his fists unclenched. Every rune on his body screamed at him to flee, to turn tail now, while he still could, while he still lacked a bite at his throat and death at his back. But he was made of firmer stuff than fear. He was made of the hardest steel tested under the cruelest lash. Hundred years of torture couldn’t bend his back and neither would this. Even if this turned out to be the thing that actually killed him.

The house opened up as he was led into the parlor. A spidery chandelier gave the room some much needed light, dripping red specks of light down onto the two couches positioned around a tea table. The frame of them was a dark cherry rosewood, the firm panels carved in the shapes of snarling wolves chasing a fleeing doe. Brought to life by a masterful hand, that was plain to see, each animal lovingly crafted with distinct fur patterns and lively posing. 

On the further seat, the one facing the door, sat the woman he had steeled himself to meet. And he could have prepared for a week more and still failed to suppress a shiver that ran up his spine that first time their eyes met. What greeted him from those eyes was visceral, raw hunger.

He tore his gaze away from her eyes, only to have it snag on her mouth instead. Tips of fangs poking out between her lips, two tiny pears in a sea of dark red. Panic pinched at his mind in a sharp burst, almost making him miss her actual greeting.

“You know, my dear, it’s usually customary that one should announce themselves before coming to visit. I must say I’m caught quite unprepared to receive such an esteemed company.” She looked at him like she wanted nothing more than to tear his throat open and gorge on the blood. She smiled like a hostess keen on entertaining exactly how good manners dictated before she did just that. “Nevertheless, we must preserve. Sit, will you not? Tea please.”

The last line was directed towards the wavering servant in the doorway and the man bowed before disappearing from sight. There was something strangely unnerving about being left alone with her. Prinnsal had never before been this close to a vampire. He never before felt so much like a mouse in front of a starving cat.

She must have seen it in his eyes, in the briefest hesitation before the next step, because her smile widened and her fangs flashed fully in the dull candlelight.

“Sit, little lamb.”

Prinnsal did what he did best.

He gritted his teeth behind a smile and approached like there was nothing to run from. She lounged on her seat, hair spilling over her shoulders in bronze waves, relaxed in that finicky way of cats that could lash out at any moment. He refused to break eye contact first. It set his nerves on fire but he wouldn’t allow himself to yield a second time.

“I’ve come to you with a proposition.” He said, every muscle in his body tense just to keep his voice steady.

“A proposition, how exciting.” She grinned, leaning towards slightly, her dress—all shadows spilling over a scarlet sea—leaving little of her voluptuous figure to imagination. The servant returned and set the platter down on the table, two cups of tea and a generous helping of sugar. The subtle scent of pomegranate wafted through the air as she waved the servant off before picking up her cup, gently blowing out the rising steam. “And what may be your proposition, little lamb?”

The teacup didn’t stain with lipstick as she drank from it, not even a hint of the dark red color that was too vivid not to have been painted on. His own throat felt dry so he reached for the tea too. Tried to enjoy the warm lull of it without thinking of all those stories that warned not to eat the food of the underworld.

“I know how much your kind values the blood of my kind.” His voice sounded steadier than he thought it would, and that fact alone gave him the confidence to continue. “There are rumors saying that our blood stops your decay and the dungeons are filling up because it must be true.”

Something glinted in her eyes, a sharp sort of light, like the reflection of sun on a polished dagger. She brought her tea away from her lips and set it back down on the platter. Rings glittered on her fingers as she folded her hands down in her lap.

“Interesting,” she said that word as if she meant to say foolish, “I thought you were far more ignorant of your position in the world to come knocking on my door. Did you fail to consider this visit might cost you your head.”

“Wouldn’t dream to.”

“And yet here you are?”

“I thought that perhaps you’d like to entertain the idea of me being more useful in the long term.”

She licked her lips. One long, slow swipe of her tongue that cleared away the pink stains left by the tea, but left the makeup unsmeared. “How quaint, I’ve never before had a meal come to my door and demand to be played with. You’re masochistic, for an angel.”

“I haven’t come here to offer myself as a meal,” he said, even though that was only partly true. “One meal means nothing. You eat me now and, in a week, you will hunger for angel blood again. But you keep me under your roof, in your care, and I will willingly let you feed off of my blood every day, for as long as you wish to have it.”

There was that glint in her eyes again and this time when she swiped her tongue, she trailed it over the sharp edges of her teeth. “And in exchange?”

“In exchange I ask for nothing but protection. I am to be yours exclusively. You shield me from others of your kind that may wish to harm me.” He hesitated a moment, the final confession briefly stuck in his throat, fighting to give her that much of a leverage on him so early on. “And you shield me from anything else that may come for me.”

Curiosity infested her smile, turning it into a butcher’s knife. “Poor little thing, is someone chasing you?”

“No one that could stand a chance against you.”

“Oh you flatterer,” she laughed, waving her hand at him dismissively, though her eyes shone with pleasure. “You come with a whole heap of trouble, I just know it, but…mine exclusively.” Her smile played over the edge of the words. “I like the sound of that. Do you have a name, little lamb?”

“Prinnsal.”

“Prinnsal,” she turned it over in her mouth like candy, hissed out the ‘s’ and curled her tongue around the ‘al as if she were savoring the taste’, “A cute name for a cute pet. Prinnsal then.” She reached down below the tea table and pulled out a knife. It wasn’t terribly big but it was sharp as sin, the ornate handle printed with shapes of thorns and wild flowers. She pushed the platter with the tea cups closer to him and laid the knife upon it. “Flavor my tea.”

Not once during his travel there did he actually consider how the deed would be done. There was no need to, he reasoned, vampires were cruel creatures, they knew how to let blood spill and at least that they could be trusted with, if nothing else. He hadn’t prepared for the possibility of her wanting him to do it himself.

But her eyes left no room for opposition, the words of refusal couldn’t even make it past his lips, and perhaps it was better that way too. He had come so far. He wouldn’t give up now, not at the final step.

The knife was light in his hand, barely more than a toy. His eyes reflected back at him from the blade, pupils blown wide in the silver sea, as if he himself couldn’t believe what he was doing.

He did it anyway, pulled her cup closer, settled it under his arm. It wasn’t like he never bled before, but he was never one to inflict such suffering upon himself. Positioning was mostly guess work. Trying to remember where the others had hurt him, how to cut shallowly enough not to actually harm the system underneath. Divine blood still flowed through his veins and he had to trust it to keep him together. Not to let him bleed out upon her desk.

It hurt, but he wasn’t a stranger to pain.

He didn’t dig deep, barely a line, barely a small trickle of thick blood down into the rich sweetness of her tea.

A sharp sting, an uncomfortable roll of dread through his body that he tried to ignore.

The knife was well taken care of, polished to a shine and sharpened regularly. The teacups on the table all matched charmingly with the pot and the sugar bowl, black in color with the constellations painted on with delicate and precise brushstrokes of stark white. Darkness blossomed in her tea like a winter flower.

He didn’t let himself make a sound, didn’t let himself so much as wince, wouldn’t stand for the humiliation of it. He was the one who had chosen this. He would see it through. 

The trickle of blood eased and he pulled his arm back, leaving the knife down on the platter and pressing his palm against his forearm. The pain was a memory and a dream and the tea table was black walnut carved with wild roses. 

“You have strong nerves, I like that,” she said as she retrieved the cup, stirred the bloodied tea with her spoon, let that dark color spread and grow until it was the deepest shade of garnet.

She then brought the tea to her lips, drank in elegant, contemplative sips for a long time, every so often pausing just to close her eyes and sit still for a while, the smile unwavering on her lips.

By the time she finished the cup, he had stopped bleeding completely and his palm was stained red.

“I think we have reached an agreement,” she announced, extending her hand forward, giving him little choice before she was taking his hand into her own, pressing his blood between their palms, “Remain at my service, give your blood to me when I ask for it. In exchange the protection of Duchess Elizabeth will be yours for as long as you earn it.”

[audible--silence]

Words from the north - the whole unedited note from my phone

//

Words from the north

Watching the sunset over the Cape range tunes. A light yellow through to dark blue gradient swings through the sky with a string of Aqua running down the centre a single star sits above as a full moon shines lightening up the town of Exmouth after a day spent in the sun in the sand

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I am convinced the only difference between the average joe and a poet is one pays attention to life, understands the dictionary and writes things down

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From the one day the conditions called for hoodies and cameras rather than wetsuits and surfboards

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Smelling like mosquito spray, salt water and sweat is a way of life

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Surf forecast up here looks like sitting in SoSo looking out the window staring at a palm tree to figure out what the wind is doing and asking ya mates that walk in the door “hows the surf?”

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You know you’re doing something right when you start feeling guilty for all the fun you’re having

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And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for you meddling kooks

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From that one time we thought itd be a good time to be homeless together for a week. By the end of it we were somewhere between brothers, lovers and mortal enemies all at once

#fucktony

#whothefuckistony

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Sea’s of red dirt and shrubs for hours and hours and hours on end

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Karijini

The sound of birds chirping, the wind rustling through the tall grass and the camp fire crackling away as the sun hides away behind the towering mountains im front of us. Shades of purple, red and yellow take over from the normal red, green and blue that make up the scene. I relax into a camp chair as twilight starts to take over. Indi is editing photos while Noems takes charge of dinner. Despite many attempts at offering help, we were both benched from kitchen duties. Another day of adventure comes to a close and the contentment sets in alongside the anticipation of what tomorrow may hold

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Worth the wakeup knock on the car at 4am in the freezing cold

Worth the bitter windchills knocking our balance on the slippery rocky path up in the dark

Worth racing the sun to the top of the mountain

Worth choosing between having my fingers warm or my camera in my hand

Worth struggling to see by the light of a phone torch

Worth not feeling my fingers for two hours

Worth it for the golden yellow and blue light peeling over the horizon

Worth it for the feeling of being awake and alive before the sun is up

Worth it for the view of the cliffs side

Worth it for seeing the wind blasting trees

Worth it for the view from the top

Worth it for the oranges on the way down

Worth it for the tunes and singalongs

Worth it for the smoked salmon croissants

Worth it for the snacks and the beers in the carpark

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But first, let me check my engine oil 🤙

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You can tell where all our money went when you look at us, none of it went into shoes

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At a fucked up level though thats just evolution. The strongest survive (colonialism)

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“But what are ya gonna do with that information though? Just make your own meaning and chase that” (on the topic of the meaning of life)

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The ritual of fires every evening after a days adventure and then every morning to boil the water for our coffee before we go again

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The grit that came off my skin

The knots that became of my hair

The red dust that washed off me as I stepped into the first bit of hot water id felt in what felt like a very long time

The black under my finger nails

The red and yellow stains on my hands that the soap didnt wash off.

The holes in my shorts, tshirts and sweater

The red stains on my towel after drying my face

The rash on my face after shaving

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Tilting your head back in ya camp chair to escape the heat of the roaring campfire and getting a glimpse at the sky absolutely glowing with stars was a constant reminder of how fucking good we’d got it

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And you say sheeeeeesh

nice garyyyy

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“Oi dad, what are ya doin?”

“25 ak47’s and a piece of plywood, thats what im doin”

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Im in full travel mode now. All i think about is whens my next meal, when do i have work and hows the surf. Also wheres my weed.”

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This post brought to you by…

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All my friends do lots of drugs

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“Ya livin the dream ya lucky shit” - taes dad, post

surf

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An observation about all the people you see on social media who you idolize in some capacity: when you meet them in real life, no matter how much idolization or importance you think they carry, when you meet them in person, they all still behave like normal people

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I’ve completely left behind my old way of life.

I’ve forgotten what its like to go to a bar.

To dress cool.

To think about what im wearing.

To think about impressing people.

To think about who to see.

To think about what event to choose from.

I’ve forgotten what its like to look up at tall buildings.

To see lots of concrete.

To walk past unfamiliar faces that dont smile when you walk past them.

To order coffee in a takeaway cup.

To eat nice food.

To see my friends at pica bar for drinks at the last minute plan

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There came a time about two months in where i began to get over it all.

Doing dishes with a water bottle and a tea towel that smelt like smoke. Sitting in the drivers seat on your phone, tired because you dont want to have to brush your teeth with a water bottle and climb like a contortionist into your car’s bed every night. Sick of having to plan when i want to take a shit. Sick of having to set up and pack down my kitchen every time i want a coffee or some lunch.

Sick of not having anywhere to be but knowing im in one of the most beautiful places in the world and feeling a burning pressure to see it all. Sick of having to buy ice every two days

Sick of emptying water from my esky

Sick of laundromats and planning how long I’ll last on a single outfit

Sick of worrying if im spending too much time sitting in the cafe

Sick of being the tag along in everybody else’s group of mates

Sick of drinking beer every shift

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As time goes by, you learn the intricacies of a place. Where all the rocks are on the track to the camp. Who in the carpark not to wave at and who to have a chat to. Where and when to be to get a free drink. How to steal a shower. When

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More and more i find while living out of my car thst routine is important. Something to ground you. For me, its making coffee out of the car, no matter how inconvenient it is. Before inevitably giving up and buying an oat flatty at soso. - talk more about habits

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Some things that dont grow old:

Seeing the surf going off

Seeing familiar faces out and about

Turtles next to you in the water

Whales breaching in the distance

The moon rising over the ocean or the ranges

The sky full of stars when the moon doesn’t shine

The sun and the warmth no matter the season

Town beach hangs with good crew

The feeling of a shower after a few days of salt water

The people at work

The chats at work

Free beer at work

The life in the oceans

The vibe of fun

Never knowing where you’re gonna end up after you wake up

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Whatd you see when you nearly died?

A big pair of tittys and a snickers bar

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The moon rises in front of me for the third night in a row. I watch it from my car, a leftover slice of pizza from work in one hand and my phone in the other. Im one of the very few people lucky enough to witness this insanely beautiful sight and yet it feels in this moment it feels unextraordinary. How spoilt with wonder must you be for this to feel normal. The same goes for this whole place. This is paradise and right now this is home. This is standard. Only when I get back to Perth and am able to look back with the 20/20 vision that is hindsight and realize just how special it all was.

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I wish I was more conscious at the hour of 6am, snug in my bed, parked in the bush as the sun rises over the bay in front of me. An explosion of pink and gold dominates the sky, shining through the bushes and the trees around me. The sound of the waves crashing behind the birds chirping. An easterly wind rustles lightly through the trees. I’m so sure it’s beautiful. If only I was awake to take it all in.

Instead, i roll over and try and escape the golden light for a minute or two more.

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Hey siri play lots of nothing by spacey jane

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Sometimes Id like not to feel like a fugitive when i take a shower, other times, the stars as my landlord is a pretty good deal

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Its not a mistake its a decision

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Maker of questionable decisions

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I dont wanna face this day for fear of what will come. For I know how good it can be, and I know the fuckery that this day holds

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Holy fuck thats a lot of cars

Yeah its cos nobody fuckin lives anywhere

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To be fair I’d stalk you

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A happy change of plans

Like all good road trips, this one started out with unfortunate circumstance, poor planning and a significant lack of caution. We planned for months to leave WA and drive across the nullabor, up through NSW and into QLD and at the 11th hour, three days before we were due to leave, we find out that covid has closed the borders. Again.

So with a house I had already moved out of, a plan in shambles on behalf of a big bad virus, and a car all prepped and ready to leave, we did the only reasonable thing to do. Changed course by a few thousand km’s and headed north with no idea what we would do, where we would sleep, what we would eat, where we would stay, who we would hang with and where we would surf.

Our first day saw lots of last minute preparations, plenty of driving to all manner of songs and podcasts from everything to the worlds dumbest grifters to Australian alcoholics talking about orgasms. I shut the door on 25 Chatham Road for the last time. We drove through familiar and unfamiliar roads. Memories of standing on the side of these very roads ripe in my mind. Except this time, with my whole life in the backseat of the car, in a setup Reubs and I built. Hell of an upgrade from a backpack and a thumb. After hours of rolling green hills, that resembled what I imagine new zealand to look like we parked up on the side of the road. Very true to form. We set up the tent, brushed our teeth and had dinner in the form of a banana and a beer and then got to bed as the sun set. I woke up at 25 Chatham and now I find myself falling asleep somewhere between Northampton and Kalbarri in my car.

-

“Traveling is just tetris on wheels mate”

-

No matter how far away you travel to try and escape modern society, if you look up at night, you will still see a satellite and you will be reminded that no matter where you go, you are a member of a species that can get itself to space

-

Shit i like:

Squeezing kenny

Cooking in car parks

Paying for wifi and toilets with beer or hot chocolates

Surfing. All day

Chatting shit

Brownies

Staring at the stars

Dunes

Eating brownies, chatting shit and staring at the stars under the shade at dunes.

Hunters

Making new friends everywhere

Chatting to literally everyone

Having nowhere to be and never thinking about home

Telling Tony to get fucked

Surfing bombie and paddling back in twilight glassy waters

Dinners and laughs with friends in the whalebone carpark

Breaking into RAC for a shower

Coffee dates at soso

Waking up to ben packing a tent

Laughing till my ribs hurt

Tonic water with lime

No internet for weeks

Chatting to esther and alice at dunes

Staring at groms wiping out

Carpark hangs

Never having an empty passenger seat

Never being able to see out the rear view mirror

Never being alone

Cooking in the carpark opposite the cop shop

Drying shit on the car every time we parked

Listening to lots of nothing a million times

Chaos at froth consisting of surprise drinks, random chats and boats

-

And the curtain closes.

On two months and nine days of nonstop adventure and fun. Unpredictable, unprecedented fun. The people you met were of a caliber I’d not encountered and never considered to be my own but from the get go and proved time and time again over the course of my time up north, they were.

I dont know how I’m going to fare when I get off this plane in two hours and have to see my parents, exist in cold weather, deal with a broken car, find a place to call home, figure out a new job and find my way with my friends who I can never be the same with after this.

The wheels are up. Fleeting views of the ningaloo coast and the cape range out each side of the planes window; a farewell of what I’m going to be missing. The red dirt and wildflowers underneath us where I’ve spent most of my nights sleeping look exactly as they always are. Untouched and still. I know I’ll be back soon. I’ve got so much more to see. So many more people left to meet. So many more memories left to make. So many more waves left to surf. So many more beers left to pour. So many more sunsets left to see.

Exmouth, for two months you sure have changed me.

-

Tiger,

I dont know your history brother but if i had to take a look into your past im guessing id see a lot of pain, chaos, missing love and bad mates who dont know that they’re bad.

You’re a good dude man im so fuckin sure of it but you seem so hell bent on starting a fight and proving a point. To whom i dont know. Your break up has obviously destroyed you and your coping mechanism is alcohol and trying to get with women. You’re incredibly kind and generous to your friends and a fierce antagonist to anyone who isn’t. You need help and you know it but you dont know how to find it or who to ask.

The hardest thing about you is that you need to change your whole view of life. Theres more than you think to it. I know there’s someone in there waiting to be found. I wanna be the guy holding the torch while you search.

You’re a good guy,

I dont wanna see you get killed by some drunk in a fight or waste yourself away in a bottle and a job you hate because you didn’t know there was another option.

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

[asksansweredpdf]

1. What is you middle name? haha

2. How old are you? 20

3. What is your birthday? june 27

4. What is your zodiac sign? libra

5. What is your favorite color? red

6. What’s your lucky number? ....i don’t have one that i know, at least

7. Do you have any pets? i have the best cat in the world who has been yelling at me a lot lately, but is still a good boy

8. Where are you from? australia

9. How tall are you? 5″4′

10. What shoe size are you? 8 UK and like a 36 or something 

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own? hmmm. sparkly boots, docs, converse, work shoes, black heels, white sneakers, pink velvet sneakers, that’s all i can remember so about 7?

12. What was your last dream about? omg not last night but the night before, i had a dream that my manager asked me to start work at 5:50 am. but for whatever reason it was at a different location, so my favourite co worker and i met up and i paddled across a lake to be there? and i was really tired.

13. What talents do you have? i write a mean essay and lit review and report and shit. fuckin killed it in uni, i can recognise any song in the first like 0.3 seconds of it being played. i’m good at reading people. and not like in an arrogant way, but idk. intuitively, i know a lot about people. i assumed everyone else did until i started telling people what i felt, and they were like “wtf how did you know that about me?”

14. Are you psychic in any way? yeah i read tarot and oracle cards, and pendulums. like i said before, i tend to intuitively know a lot about people. like can tell when they don’t want to talk, or when they’re mad. even when it’s obvious to me and no one else. my dad can read palms but refuses to teach me how for whatever reason. so that’s next on my list

15. Favorite song? at the moment, either in the lap of the gods revisited (queen), or supersonic rocket ship (the kinks)

16. Favorite movie? at the moment, thor ragnarok, or iron man 3

17. Who would be your ideal partner? someone kind. and someone funny and lighthearted. who can make me laugh. literally, that’s all i value. (i guess the bar is low huh - you’d be surprised that i haven’t found a single person to fit that criteria). if i’m being picky, maybe someone who shares the same interests as me - as in, we like the same movies or music or whatever. that’s not too important but would be nice.

18. Do you want children? nah. i haven’t for 20 years. but if i ever get to a place where i do, i plan on adopting a 10+ year old child. that way, i can reason with them and have someone who i can talk to better. and i can give help to someone who could probably really use it. 

19. Do you want a church wedding? ew god no

20. Are you religious? not at all

21. Have you ever been to the hospital? yeah haha. once for an operation when i was 9 months, and one when i was like 19 for vomiting 

22. Have you ever got in trouble with the law? i don’t think so

23. Have you ever met any celebrities? nah

24. Baths or showers? showers if i’m not depressed, baths if im anxious

25. What color socks are you wearing? i’m not wearing socks

26. Have you ever been famous? i was like a celebrity at my high school, but no not really. 

27. Would you like to be a big celebrity? i would cherish every second of it. it’s al i dream about

28. What type of music do you like? literally anything that’s good

29. Have you ever been skinny dipping? nope

30. How many pillows do you sleep with? just the one

31. What position do you usually sleep in? on my side with my legs tucked in

32. How big is your house? 3 bedroom

33. What do you typically have for breakfast? tea and cookies, paronthe if i’m feeling fancy and have time. eggs on toast if i have work through lunch hours and won’t get a break

34. Have you ever fired a gun? no, but i’ve held one

35. Have you ever tried archery? yeah at a school camp

36. Favorite clean word? idk shenanigans i guess

37. Favorite swear word? fuck

38. What’s the longest you’ve ever gone without sleep? 24 hours

39. Do you have any scars? yeah, but i’ve answered this before i think

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer? i have actually. i think it’s been like only 2 or 3 when i was in school

41. Are you a good liar? exceptionally

42. Are you a good judge of character? i would have said yes, even a year ago. but i definitely am not. or i am and choose to ignore it

43. Can you do any other accents other than your own? nope

44. Do you have a strong accent? nah. not even a strong australian accent. unless im at work for some reason

45. What is your favorite accent? australian

46. What is your personality type? intp

47. What is your most expensive piece of clothing? this $200 corset i bought during venus rx

48. Can you curl your tongue? yep

49. Are you an innie or an outie? innie

50. Left or right handed? righty

51. Are you scared of spiders? absolutely yes

52. Favorite food? chocolate or nandos

53. Favorite foreign food? kadhi

54. Are you a clean or messy person? usually neat, but when my anxiety is bad then i gets messy

55. Most used phrased? “i dont know”

56. Most used word? “yeah”

57. How long does it take for you to get ready? about an hour

58. Do you have much of an ego? i used to think so, but honestly not really

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops? suck

60. Do you talk to yourself? all the time

61. Do you sing to yourself? when i’m alone

62. Are you a good singer? not in the slightest

63. Biggest Fear? heights, working thursday nights

64. Are you a gossip? haha yeah

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen? pride & prejudice, infinity war. idk what counts as a dramatic movie

66. Do you like long or short hair? short

67. Can you name all 50 states of America? nope

68. Favorite school subject? english, drama, i liked science but had shitty teachers

69. Extrovert or Introvert? introvert

70. Have you ever been scuba diving? nah

71. What makes you nervous? well i have anxiety, so like, everything. but specifically, people being angry at/near me, heights. actually, that’s probably it hey.

72. Are you scared of the dark? nah

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes? not unless it’s important to do so. i don’t usually give a shit

74. Are you ticklish? very

75. Have you ever started a rumor? ...not that i can remember. but it sounds like something i’d do

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority? i think i was a peer support leader in high school?

77. Have you ever drank underage? haha yeah man

78. Have you ever done drugs? sure

79. Who was your first real crush? omg this guy at school called daniel. he was soooo pretty and smart and he was tanned and had the prettiest green eyes. he was nice to me, but always called me the wrong name and ended up dating my friend later on. but i didn’t mind. i enjoyed admiring him before he dated her haha. then i forced myself not to like him

80. How many piercings do you have? 3

81. Can you roll your Rs?“ yep

82. How fast can you type? pretty fast, but not at work when someone’s watching. the pressure makes me fuck up

83. How fast can you run? not very fast

84. What color is your hair? black

85. What color is your eyes? brown

86. What are you allergic to? kiwi fruit (i eat it anyway)

87. Do you keep a journal? no, but i used to. this blog is the most ‘journal’ thing i’ve had in forever

88. What do your parents do? my mum doesn’t work and does cocaine, my dad is a taxi driver

89. Do you like your age? yeah being 20 is cool. certainly better than being younger.

90. What makes you angry? injustice, people not listening to me, especially when i’m right. people assuming things about me, especially when they’re wrong. people being rude for no reason, people dismissing me, being treated poorly

91. Do you like your own name? i dont give much thought to it

92. Have you already thought of baby names, and if so what are they? nah, i don’t plan on having kids

93. Do you want a boy a girl for a child? i’ve only ever pictured having a daughter, but i dont really care. having a son would be cool. whatever happens you know

94. What are you strengths? i’ve been trying to answer this question like all year. being at work has really made me feel like i don’t have any strengths. i guess i’m a good listener? i know im respectful of others. i can’t even say i’m kind anymore because i’m actively trying not to be as kind as i used to be. i’m polite. i can be funny when i’m comfortable with the person/don’t give a shit about what they think of me. i’m easy-going. i know i can be charming, but it takes a lot of energy so i have to be feeling not-anxious. i’m socially intelligent, and good at making people feel at ease, and diffusing tense situations. i’m brave

95. What are your weaknesses? god. i’m anxious. all the time. i’m not very articulate. i’m not very smart or good at maths or anything. i tend to be awkward, especially when im anxious which is always. i tend to avoid my problems, instead of facing them head-on

96. How did you get your name? my dad’s sister chose it for me. no one really explained it to me, but there’s this hindu belief or tradition or book or something, where you find out what your child’s name should start with (which letter or sound) based on when they’ll be born. i think it ties into astrology somehow, but again, no one is willing to explain it to me. but yeah, based on that my dad’s sister picked a name that starts with r. and my dad picked the spelling

97. Were your ancestors royalty? noooot per se. according to hindu belief, they were demi gods. and my dad’s mother told me we came from royalty, but i have no source for that, so it’s more an empty claim.

98. Do you have any scars?

99. Color of your bedspread? i’m staying in my parents room, which has a white bedspread

100. Color of your room? the whole house is a rental and has blue walls

[ase-trollplays]

-- liberatedRaptor [LR] began pestering tapeFace [TF] --

-- liberatedRaptor [LR] began pestering tapeFace [TF] --

LR: why tape tho

TF: Because my voice hurts people. :c

TF: Taping my mouth stops me from hurting people by accident :D

LR: oh thats actually kinda sad

TF: It's not that bad once you get used to it. :) I never liked the sound of my voice anyways.

TF: So! Why don't we introduce ourselves! :D

TF: My name's Cacoph

LR: im Wynter

TF: :O Nice!

TF: It's good to meet you, Wynter :D

TF: So, how's your night going? :)

LR: ah all things considered id say its pretty good

LR: ive been walking since i got up tho which was hours ago

LR: im a little tired :v

TF: Yeah, I bet. D: I hope you're close to where ever it is you're walking to.

LR: still a few nights off but HEY i wont make progress if i dont work hard so

LR: i just keep looking forward to seeing my friends again

TF: Good luck! I'm sure they're all looking forward to seeing you again, too!

TF: I hope whatever separated you from them wasn't anything too awful or serious. :c

LR: eh

LR: so question

LR: if you cant speak because of your voice being dangerous

LR: do you sign? :O

TF: Yes I do! Though most of the time I end up using a white board.

TF: Not many people bother to learn sign language. :/

TF: I'm assuming you have, though :O

LR: i know sign!! :O ugh yeah i hate it, no one knows it so im always like "wtf"

TF: Oh, I know! DX I wish learning to sign was included in basic schoolfeeding like learning Alternian.

TF: Out of curiosity, what made you decide to learn sign language?

LR: uhhh its a long story that basically ends in "im mute"

TF: Wow, I've never come across a fellow mutie :o

TF: This calls for (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ～『✧~*SPECIAL EMOTES*~✧』

TF: Granted, I would have started using those eventually anyways. (◕ω◕✿)

TF: I lost track of the website I copy them from for a bit. (●︿●;;)

LR: thats cute wtf

LR: im lazy and never use things like that even though theyre adorable

TF: Thank you! (◠ω◠✿) I'm always worried they make me seem obnoxious or something, but they're just so much more fun and expressive! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

LR: im a firm believer that if someone finds you obnoxious then theyre just missing out

LR: be yaself

TF: Exactly! (ﾉ◠ヮ◠)ﾉ Who has time for that kind of negativity? Not this mime!

LR: YOURE A MIME

LR: oh my god

TF: Is that a good "oh my god" or a bad "oh my god"? (●﹏●✿)

LR: a good one lol

TF: (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ Great! I was worried for a second.

TF: Not many people enjoy mimes. (″･ิ_･ิ) I guess I remind them too much of the clowns.

LR: i mean i guess i could understand that

LR: but mimes are usually harmless so like

TF: It really sucks. ┐(‘～`；)┌ But what can you do other than keep on keeping on, right? (´･ω･`)

LR: yeah! thats a good way to look at it

LR: like

LR: fuck them

LR: lol

LR: you seem pretty cool either way

TF: ∩(◕//ω//◕)∩ Thanks!

TF: You seem pretty cool, too (✿◠ヮ◠)

LR: cool? im ice cold B)

LR: YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-- tapeFace [TF] plays a sick ass guitar riff B3 --

TF: Also, can I just say I love your text color? (⊙△⊙✿) I'm a sucker for super bright pastels!

LR: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA thanks ^^ its really beautiful huh? it sounds like im trying to toot my own horn or something but just

LR: i could fuckin stare at it all night

LR: so like do you for reals stand outside all night and just mime at people

LR: what u do

TF: I actually work as a janitor at a library. (◕︿◕✿) It's not very fun, but miming on street corners doesn't keep me fed and sheltered.

TF: But on my nights off, you can find me in the park being a miming dork to my heart's content (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

LR: being a janitor sounds terrible RIP

TF: It is, but sometimes I get to have a little fun. ԅ(≖ω≖ԅ)

TF: The library I work at has a real problem with people doing the frick frack behind the bookshelves or under tables.

LR: Oh what the hell,

TF: My boss pays me extra to expose anyone I find.

TF: As mean as it is, I get a laugh out of ruining the mood for some people. (n゜ω゜n)

TF: Their expression are priceless when they realize they've been caught

TF: Though some of them get very angry and try to kill me. (⊙︿⊙✿)

LR: not surprised in the least

LR: but like...... why a library

LR: why would they fuck in a library

LR: BOOKS GET ME SO HOT

TF: Libraries have to be one of the unsexiest places, yet at least twice a month

TF: THERE THEY GO, HUMPING IN THE GEOGRAPHY SECTION

LR: JUST SLAM A BOOK CLOSED ON MY DICK JUST FUCKING DO IT

TF: The only thing worse than breaking up couples is people who bring in food and hide their food trash because then we get ANTS. (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻

TF: I CAN'T TYPE LOUD ENOUGH ABOUT HOW MUCH I HATE ANTS.

TF: Just looking at one makes my skin crawl! {{p´Д｀q}}

LR: ugh ants are such a gross hassle

LR: especially trying to figure out where they come from??

LR: how the fuck did they get in

TF: I don't know but they need to STOP ( ≧Д≦)

TF: They're the absolute worst and I hate having to get rid of them! They're so little and they get everywhere, and they have the nerve to bite!

TF: And it's hard to be sure you got all of them because they're so small and they completely disappear on carpet (┳Д┳)

LR: plus the leave that gross chemical trail for other ants to follow

LR: eugh

TF: ((brb))

TF: UUUUuuuugh, literally everything about them is awful (╬ Ò﹏Ó)

LR: id say i hate spiders more tbh

TF: I honestly don't mind them too much (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) the small ones are adorable

TF: Jumping spiders give me a fright, though (●︿●✿) I don't mess with those.

LR: all spiders terrify me

LR: its dumb

LR: even the harmless ones

LR: they just got too many legs.................

TF: Eugh, I can understand that. (●﹏●✿) Centipedes creep me out for the same reason.

LR: fffffffffffffffUCK those things

LR: fuck all things with more than four legs

TF: Some things with more than four legs are so cute though! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ Like ladybugs and butterflies and praying mantises

LR: one of those things is not like the other

TF: One of those things just doesn't belong? /(●△●✿)\

TF: I think praying mantises have an underappreciated cuteness to them. (´◡ω◡`) And it's so funny watching them chop at things (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

LR: i watched a video of one give birth to a terrible parasite that drove it to seek out water and drown itself

TF: (⊙︿⊙) ...

TF: (´＿｀。) They can't always be cute

LR: its a darn shame too

TF: That poor thing. （；￣д￣） Who would even film that? It sounds awful

LR: apparently its common

LR: hairworms?

TF: Yikes. (◕﹏◕)

TF: That kind of make me think of those flies that infect bees.

TF: I hope those never adapt to infect grubs or something. (⊙﹏⊙)

LR: THAT

LR: IS TERRIFYING

TF: I KNOW RIGHT??

TF: I MEAN WE'RE BASICALLY SUPER EVOLVED BUGS

LR: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

TF: (⊙∩⊙✿) I immediately regret this line of thought. I made a terrible mistake

LR: i regret your line of thought too

LR: i am

LR: scarred for life

TF: THEN HOW ABOUT A NICE UNSCARRING SUBJECT? (ﾉ⊙ヮ⊙)ﾉ

TF: Do you have any quadrants you're looking forward to seeing?

LR: YAS

LR: i miss my mate and my moirail

LR: and some fucker who is sorta my kismesis but like

LR: its complicated?

LR: noncommittal "eh?" sound

TF: (◕△◕)Oh wow, you have so much going on.

TF: What's your sorta-but-not-really kismesis like?

LR: hes a dick but also i guess hes attractive? i think? im not actually sure

LR: i dont really feel that way about people so its hard to tell

LR: i guess he looks good

LR: BUT YEAH were just

LR: dicks to each other all the time

TF: Sounds like fun (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

TF: What about your matesprit and your moirail?

LR: oh my god so my matesprit is literally the coolest person in the fucking universe (no offense to you Cacoph cuz youre up there) and shes cute and she bakes a lot and shes good at it and she has her OWN BAKERY (which i work at) and she memes on me all the time and we just have so much in common

LR: she makes my heart do the backflip things

TF: (ㄒoㄒ) Oh my god, that's so sweet! You sound like the cutest couple

LR: yeah except i never told her i was going anywhere and its been two weeks i think so shes probably angry as fuck

LR: shes gonna rip my face off when i come back

TF: WELP

TF: It was nice knowing you

TF: Your memory will live on forever in this chatlog

LR: here lies Wynter: their mate fucking murdered them with a glare

TF: Killed before their time, they will be missed. (◡︿◡,✿)

TF: Did you at least tell your moirail?

LR: yeah

TF: Good, so you won't be double dead once they see you again. (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

TF: I really hope you can smooth things over with your matesprit once you see her again. (◕︿◕) It's really gonna suck if you lose her.

LR: YEAH IM PRETTY SURE ID JUST

LR: DIE

LR: ON THE SPOT

TF: PLEASE DON'T DIE ヽ(´□｀。)ﾉ WE ONLY JUST MET

LR: RIP,,,,

LR: two weeks is the longest ive gone without video games

LR: im dying

TF: What kind of video games do you play? (◕△◕✿)

LR: anything i can get my soulless little hands on

TF: That's a lot of games probably (✿◕△◕)~★

TF: I mostly just play casual things like Stardew Valley, Minecraft, and Lusus Crossing

LR: i do all of those things

LR: an also COD and Halo and Overwatch

TF: I tried playing COD, but the online players were so rude and negative. (≖︿≖✿) I doubt a single one of them was older than six.

TF: I haven't tried the other games you mentioned, though

LR: you should try :O Overwatch is super fun

TF: Really (◕△◕✿) What's it like? I see memes and fanart all the time on bubblr, but does it really live up to the hype?

LR: its grossly addictive

LR: and you get matched with people of similar skill so when you first start out you probably wont run into the gross types that play COD because theyre just starting out as well

TF: That sounds great (◕ω◕✿) It'll be nice not to have wrigglers screaming at me to git gud just because I haven't poured my entire existence into the game

TF: Does it run better on hisktop, or should I get it for the game system? (◕△◕✿)

LR: i play it on console but i believe theres a bigger playbase on husktop

LR: i would suggest only getting it on husktop if you have an external mouse

TF: Alright then, husktop it is. (◕‿◕✿)

TF: Eugh, that emote didn't come out well (◕﹏◕✿)

LR: o vo

TF: ⊙v⊙

LR: oh god

TF: ಠ_ಠ I'm suddenly very bad at emotes.

TF: why this

LR: cant always be good at it

LR: what about you, you got any quads youre gogo for?

TF: No, sadly not. (◡︿◡✿) I've had crushes, but they never amounted to anything

TF: On a whim, I signed up for a matchmaking thing just for curiosity's sake, and I got matched with a highblood. ヽ(*・ω・)ﾉ

LR: oh shit highbloods dawg

TF: I'm actually pretty nervous. Looking over his profile, he seems really grumpy and serious. (●﹏●✿)

LR: oh shit x2

LR: good luck

TF: Thanks, I'm gonna need it. ヽ(°ロ°)ﾉ

TF: I had a lot of fun chatting with you! (◕ω◕✿) Unfortunately, I need to get going.

LR: oh sure

LR: lemme know how ya date goes!

TF: Will do, friendo! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ Good luck making it back to your friends and quadmates!

-- tapeFace [TF] ceased pestering liberatedRaptor [LR] --