#im paraphrasing tbh but yea

[beerycute]

Me: idk I discovered I had religious trauma and then I discovered I have a religion kink I feel weird

My therapist: mate do you have any idea how normal that is

[bookaboutabook]

dress by ts= rowaelin

this might be long but i thought of it and it has to be done :)

“our secret moments in your crowded room they've got no idea about me and you”

okay so literally in QoS they communicate basically entirely in silence, like they’re the only people in a crowded room, especially at arobynn’s party they are basically flirting without anyone knowing because at the time things are basically all platonic to everyone else. no one knows that they’re growing feelings or having secret conversations. 

“there is an indentation in the shape of you made your mark on me, a golden tattoo”

this is EoS and KoA energy-- the claiming marks, and the tattoos that rowan gives aelin. ALSO the choice of the color golden screams rowaelin because as we know thats the nightgowns color and i feel like it comes up a lot when describing aelin-- golden eyes, hair etc.

“all of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation my hands are shaking from holding back from you all of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting my hands are shaking from holding back from all this ”

QoS is almost entirely sexual tension so i think this is very self explanatory. they were both holding back the way they felt about each other when they both clearly wanted something more. this gives me vibes of rowan needing to cool down from aelin’s presence and taking forever to fall asleep with her so near yet so far away.  

“say my name and everything just stops i don't want you like a best friend”

um please so several points-- 1.) rowan is the first person that starts calling celaena by her real name, aelin ( if i remember correctly i don’t think he really ever calls her celeana?? only aelin and she gets mad, but i may be wrong bc it has been a while since i’ve read HoF) he makes her comfortable with her real identity and helped her come to terms with who she was and her name. 2.) fireheart. that’s it. it’s who she was to her family and its who she is now to rowan. ALSO “i don’t want you like a best friend” their relationship goes from basically entirely platonic in HoF to something more in the late books. in QoS, it took them forever to get together bc they had to break through the past definition of their relationship which was strictly friends, carranam, and fighting partners. but they obviously wanted more, and started feeling more comfortable with their past trauma and relationship baggage to face that. 

“only bought this dress so you could take it off take it off  carve your name into my bedpost 'cause I don't want you like a best friend only bought this dress so you could take it off”

ALRIGHT HERES THE KICKER. so this is obviously referring to the golden nightgown that rowan requests. i KNOW that he technically doesn't even take it off her and they don’t go there but she literally only bought it for him bc he said he would love that color. in conclusion it still counts and the sexual tension was there so.

“inescapable, I'm not even gonna try and if I get burned, at least we were electrified”

SO i feel like they both know that they are inevitable and i think it kinda ties into the idea of the mating bond being something that you can’t break or avoid. they subconsciously knew that being apart would not work. AND we have a reference to aelin’s fire... she might burn too brightly, but at least she burned.

“i'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about”

HAHA we have a little reference to aelin bathing rowan and washing his hair in that one scene. tbh this doesn’t really fit that well but it’s not too out of place-- i also may not be thinking of anything bc i havent re read them in a while. anyways, we also have another moment where rowan and aelin are kind of keeping what is blooming between them a secret from the rest of aelin’s court.

“flashback when you met me your buzzcut and my hair bleached”

their haircuts at the beginning of QoS... rowan cut his long ass hair and aelin had to dye her hair red to go undercover and not get caught... WHY DOES IT WORK SO WELL I--

“even in my worst times, you could see the best of me”

in HoF aelin was at the lowest point of her life. even though he was closed off was dealing with his own baggage, he saw the power aelin held. the light that had been snuffed out inside of her. he pushed her because he knew what she was capable of. and i forgot who said this, but rowan was never afraid of aelin the way chaol was. he saw every part of her and loved all of it. 

“flashback to my mistakes my rebounds, my earthquakes”

rebounds??? *cough cough* CHAOL AND DORIAN *cough* okay but for real these weren’t really mistakes but she had made plenty of other mistakes around that time. he helped set her on a better and clearer path. and i guess we could technically consider chaol a rebound...

“even in my worst lies, you saw the truth of me”

her keeping the mating bond from him? her keeping so many of her plans a secret? her pretending she’s okay and KoA and him seeing right through her? yea <3

“and I woke up just in time now I wake up by your side”

I think around nehemias death she was kind of in a trance where she felt like nothing mattered and her life was useless (the whole “i do not care” scene where she was lashing out is a good example), but he helped her out of that. she has that one quote that im gonna paraphrase about how he held her hand and walked back into the light with her. He essentially woke her up from the nightmare she was living and now she wakes up next to him. this literally also happens in HoF because he starts letting her sleep in his bed, which was a huge step in the right direction for their relationship. he started seeing her as a friend and he literally falls asleep with his hand over her heart bye. 

“my one and only, my lifeline”

mates are truly each others one and only and i think it’s beautiful that she says “lifeline” because that’s literally what it is to them. they are stronger together and even the forces of their existence are tied together <3

anyways if you read this whole thing thank u lol i just had to get that out:)

[10-dutchies-12-bicycles]

so i started lace knitting a few hours ago

and tbh?

im scared i will never want to go back to normal knitting again 😂😂😂

bc like,,, my adhd brain is SO engaged by the lace knitting

like the pattern is like (NOTE: PARAPHRASED) "knit stitch" "decrease stitches" "increase stitches" "go loopyloop w the yarn" "increase stitches again but this time on steroids!!!" "maybe knit another stitch"

while like,,, for example knitting a scarf is like "aight so cast on 50 stitches, now knit 200 rows, cast off and ure done" AKA BORINGGGG

so yea.... yall see my problem? xD

the downside is that if i zone out for the timespan of like,,, 3 stitches

im always like "FUCK WHAT DID I JUST DO DID I DO IT RIGHT OH NO" fxjdjcgztxj bc its so complex lol

[the-rxven-king]

uhhhh character asks - sera or maybe zevran?

send me a character name and i’ll tell you three things i have in common with them and three things i don’t

oh shit sera is hard cause tbh im aight with her but shes??? not my favorite.... but hey ill give er a go anyway (plus i never take her anywhere and dont know the full extent of her personality so oops)

ill also do zevran just for fun but im putting it under a cut

sera

similar: i guess were both really impulsive??? i mean im like 99% sure shes impulsive. im very impulsive. i only hesitate sometimes or if its me having to do something on my own in front of a shit ton of people. otherwise im just gonna do shit without thinking about it, and i feel like sera also does shit without thinking about it. so similar. she also says things like “yea?” or “right?” a lot, and i also do that because i... never make sense when i talk and i need clarification, and also thats just the style i speak in. oh!!! and were both gay. thats something we have in common.

different: oh boy. boy oh boy. well i guess first things first is that i dont prank people. i mean id love to, itd probably be funny, but im way too anxious and i also wouldnt want to actually hurt someones feelings or ruin their day or anything like that cause im just not that kinda guy??? like id need their permission first. sera just fuckin.... goes for it. Does Not Care. also something different is like i dont see the appeal of qunari??? maybe thats because Big Muscle Men scare the holy fuckin shit out of me and i dont find them terribly attractive - tall is attractive muscley is not - but sera is just like all over qunari (am i the only one who gets slightly uncomfortable when she talks about qunari women??? its not like a lot but its like.... eu gh?? i dont know man) and im not really about that life. seras also just... way more brash than i am??? i mean ill be brutally honest, but i wont just straight up be like, just to give paraphrased example from in game “oh youre too elfy for me i dont like it” i keep that shit to myself??? i aint gonna look at a person and be like “youre too much of a brat for me to hang out with but go off i guess” ill take it for as long as im required then just not fuckin talk to em again i wont tell them that. idk man. im honest and open as i feel is comfortable, i dont just run my mouth like that

zevran 

similar: i feel safe enough to say im as loyal as zevran is??? like ill stick with my friends until the bitter end honestly like if your friends with me im on your side unless you show yourself to be someone who isnt worth my loyalty or my trust and friendship. oh we both like expensive things because thats very good i would love to be able to own an entire bar of gold but yknow im not that lucky finance wise but i like that. im also really like... closed off about loving people? im loyal-ish sure but i dont trust with my heart too easily. i want to? but i also fuckin freak out when i like someone and then they actually like me back i just kinda go like “oh shit my fucki n g od oh n oi cant they gotta leav eme alone” idk im just bad at relationships because they dont!!!! happen very often. i have had One (1) relationship and it was great for a while and then my dumbass messed up so like i am not gonna give myself to someone like that again very easily! im a mess who wants a bf but also just doesnt want to fuck up again and doesnt want to deal with it

different: uuuummmm im not an assassin. i dont think i could ever kill a man like ever. if i did id be scarred for life. cant live that life. im also not as handsome as him so jot that the fuck down like have you SEEN zevran my good dude like holy shit that is one lovely elf. also hooooooooooooooly shit i do NOT flirt as much as zevran does i think if i did i would be dead by now. i cant flirt for the life of me and its crazy to me that zevran and other people can just straight up flirt with people and not feel dumb or something after like what the fuck how do you have that strength within you to do that i cant even think about doing that what the fuck

[diabolikpersonals]

I wanna read it!! :D where's the part in Shu's route where he said he didn't wanna be the king and he changed his mind after yuma told him to be it?

in both shu and yuma’s routes, shu is fully prepared to just let kino kill him and take his powers. he doesnt want to be vampire king to begin with, and, u know, he doesnt really value his own life all that much in the first place. :(

so hes hella ready to just ignore all his responsibilities as king and die, and in yumas route theres a scene where kino & shu are on the roof of the school and kinos getting ready to kill him, and hes beating the shit out of shu n stuff. and yuma & yui show up n hes like “HEY WHAT THE FUCK STOP” and kinos like “why? shu wants to die” and shus like “yea im good dont worry //coughs up blood”

yuma makes kino leave n hes like “shu what the shit” and shus like “yea i dont need these powers tbh u can kill me and take them if u want? I wont stop u” and yuma gets really upset and runs off

and yuma starts CRYING about it like honest to god TEARS and stuff and hes like “damn it i didnt want to cry in front of u yui,, boys shouldnt cry in front of girls” and yuis like “yuma thats super dumb, u can cry, its good to cry” (i literally love yui so much) and shu shows up and hes like “…………are you crying?” (not in a making-fun-of-him kind of way, in a genuinely shocked way) and yumas like SHUT UP

and yui is like “shu, yumas crying bc u have this gift from karl heinz that gives u incredible powers and the ability to fix so much stuff thats been broken, and its a power that yuma desperately wishes he could have but he cant. so when he sees you refusing to use ur powers and trying to give them up like that, it makes him sad. yuma wants u to try ur best and not give up” and shu is like “………..ah………….”

and then shu started trying. he showed up at eden and started healing it, for example. and when ruki was all, “well look who decided to show up. are u finally ready to start being king?”, shu goes “oh dont get me wrong, this is completely for his sake” like what the FUVK……..shuuma is a great ship man im so happy ;-;

*oh but pls keep in mind that none of these are direct quotes, I played the route recently so I’m paraphrasing what happened ^^

[yumenosakiacademy]

it changes a bit, it seemed like tsumugi to me at some parts bc natsume stays with him bc he says that tsumugi has the face/eyes of someone who looks like they'd kill themself (im paraphrasing i don't remember exactly) but also the oddballs (especially in the "If you can be saved, I want to do it. If I can save you, I’ll do it at all costs" and "All my efforts end in vain and transform into powerlessness" bc that's definitely towards wataru and how his plan to beat fine was denied) sorry ramblin

[cracks my tiny fingers] did someone say it’s time to analyze this shit yeehaw grjhgfr well i dont kno Intensive/Extensive knowledge on natsume, tsumugi, and the oddballs other than the oddball event and other small things (plus the fact i don’t remember exactly how everything went i’m sorry if any of this is inaccurate) BUT nonetheless an analysis is what you shall recieve, dear anon

This is RLY long so it’s put under a read more so i dont clutter anyone’s dash!

“You don’t have to be RIP for this to proceed. Time is too precious to spend it in anguish. If you can be saved, I want to do it. If I can save you, I’ll do it at all costs”

He doesn’t want the oddballs (and tsumugi, but the saving line most likely refers to the oddballs, due to his relationship with them) to despair over everything that’s happened to them, and doesn’t want them to break apart or have anything bad happen to them. He wants to save this small family/group of friends he has fom eichi’s disgusting influence/actions and he wants to show them how much he cares. As for the tsumugi portion for this part, the ‘you don’t have to be RIP for this to proceed’ could refer to Tsumugi being implied suicidal. Some people who are suicidal think, “Oh, things will be better if i was dead, they [friends/family/etc] dont’ need me”, and this could be Natsume telling Tsumugi to reject those thoughts. Evidence to support this stems from Tsumugi’s low self-esteem, so it would make sense for him to think “ah, sora and natsume can go on without my burden of a self”. 

“Please fall under this magic. Don’t decay away, revive yourself once more.Don’t give up and say, “I have no future,”. Just realize the hidden, sleeping power in you”

This part already sounds like an idol song out of musical context? like just lyric-wise at this part and it especially sounds like a switch or tr.ickstar song but anyway this part, i think, could be abt both the oddballs AND tsumugi. The ‘revive yourself once more’ could refer to both the incident with the oddballs and tsumugi’s despair after being played by eichi and finding out. concidentally, they both happened around the same time, because tsumugi helped eichi with the oddball incident and eichi’s intentions were revealed at the end of said incident. 

For the oddballs, he’s saying that they have to stick together despite being labelled as outcasts by eichi, and to revive themselves to stay strong and let their own magic of being the ‘odd mystical individuals’ become a good trait rather than one to hate themselves over. Stick together, and together they were strong, no matter what eichi said abt them. For Tsumugi, he’s saying to not care abt what eichi said or did- or rather, not ‘not care’, bc it’s impossible to forget misdoings that had happened against you, especially of an emotional nature, but rather to move past them and to leave the emperor in the dust. He wants Tsumugi to stop constantly berating himself and to just stop being ‘weak’ (rude wording, yea, but natsume aint exactly the Kindest) and realize that he at least has some potential and good traits abt him, so he can better switch and stop being so pathetic or a pushover. The part abt the ‘i have no future’ could be Tsumugi’s implied suicidal/hopeless nature, n Natsume’s telling him to stop that.

“Please expose the trick. Don’t fall in, pull through”

This might be a stretch, but the ‘please expose the trick’ reminds me of eichi, and he could be telling tsumugi and the oddballs (including himself n this as well) that eichi should be exposed regarding he oddball incident? as in, reveal to e veryone the thing that happened then, and press just how bad of a person he is, and why some things with tsumugi and the oddballs are the things they are. The ‘fall in, don’t pull through’ could mean that he hopes they won’t get roped into something worse with eichi, and to stay strong and not fall to the awful emotions regarding that time and around eichi as well.

“I try to relinquish my own project. All my efforts end in vain and transform into powerlessness. Without volition, we’ll see no effect. I can keep saving you, but then there’d be no end.”

This line sticks out to me but i can’t exactly place it on anything that’s happening presently.. my best guess would be this could be Natsume imagining the breakup of the oddballs due to something bad happening to them, them distancing themselves from each other, eichi doing something to them, or something (which would Devastate him, let’s be real) and/or Tsumugi’s suicide (possibly both) and that’s why he says there would be no end if he kept trying to save everyone once things had gotten past the point of despair.

“Please evade that hallucination. Dispel all those idle thoughts interfering you. Remember the impulse from that day and direct it into this precise moment. Please discover the trap. Undo it before you can’t slip out of it. Trash it into total disrepair. Don’t fill everything around you with despair.”

This part strikes me as more dealing with Tsumugi than the oddballs tbh? ‘dispel all those idle thoughts’ meaning like thoughts of self-deprecation and such, more specifically the ones brought on by eichi’s manipulation, but also the ones he’d had before eichi. The ‘impulse from that day’ meaning the despair he felt on the day of the fine performance when eichi cast him aside and revealed his intentions, and what Natsume means by ‘direct it into this precise moment’ is for Tsumugi to take those bad feelings of fear, possible anger, and despair and turn them into something Great. Call it Spite, call it whatever, but he should try to be his very best and show eichi that he doesn’t need him and never did. Kinda? I’m wording that a bit too strong, but to basically take that bad memory and use it to make himself stronger somehow. The ‘trap’ is possibly the aftereffects of eichi’s manipulation, and Natsume’s saying to slip out of his current anxious ways before he succumbs to himself and does something he’ll regret (Suicide, harm, etc) and to trash all of that and not seem so self-deprecating and gloomy aka ‘don’t fill everything up with despair’.

“Take control of your body. With all your might. Sharpen your heart. Bet everything on this”

This could be Natsume’s solidifying himself (is that the right term? ‘steeling himself’?) to be Switch’s leader since Sora is too naive and Tsumugi is how he is, so he has to ‘sharpen his heart’ and ‘take control of his body’ because even he had to deal w the aftereffects of the Oddball incident as well, since he has to be around Tsumugi and the oddballs, and ‘bet everything on this’ means to just kind of take power into his own hands and make switch great. He has to bet everything and try his hardest to lead the others as well as stick with the oddballs, and he loves both of them. Switch and the oddballs that is.

“Please, magic, take effect, I beg you, please, open your eyes”

To end this, it’s basically just Natsume telling Tsumugi and the oddballs to ‘open their eyes’ and he hopes everything will work out through all of their hard work. He hopes everyone can cope and things will end up fine.