i need thoughts on something i wrote. i wanted to go more casual writing but everything kept sounding over used and boring so it kept going and now it feels too gaudy
i dont want suggestions on what to change, i want just to know whether something should be changed and where. like "This part here is clunky. This should have a comma. " NOT "You could word it like this"
Ok so heres the type of thing im describing (less going off of an actual sunrise and more the romanticized idea of a sunrise. i guess.
And heres what i wrote (also let me know if theres room to talk about the purples pinks and blues or if i need to move on from describing the sunrise lol)
Here:
The horizon unfurled like a cosmic flower, sown by the setting sun of yesterday. As twilight turned into a budding sunrise, so did the crisp air turn temperate. Streaks of golden rays reached out like stamen and its imposing saffron petals created art with the clouds it bled through. The clouds were abundant today, their underside alight like fire, as if magma would fall instead of rain.
I want honest feedback. Like honestly is any of this good bc if not than if anything thats good, bc then itll be easier to convince myself to write more casually so i dont take a year to write a chapter
okay im posting a short fic tomorrow that is very different from the fics ive been posting for the past like... year LOL bc i haven't written porn for porn's sake in a minute... but i needed to. my apologies.
are the dark souls 2 heads online to laugh at my funny draw over of the two guys in knight armor clanging each other over the head so hard it makes a bell sound video i just reblogged except with velstadt
i do not have a name for this au yet but, hey ! look ! listen ! i drew some more :3
(gregory is a red kite too, forgot to write that in)
next set will probably be about DL-6 (more manfred with that one too) and how it is different in this universe. cuz like, a bunch of cases change if (almost) everyone can fly, and i’m real excited to dig into that
okay i didn’t know how to make this concise, so i wrote an essay 💀💀💀
Explanation for kestrel Fran: (to clarify first: i went off the behaviors of an American kestrel, but the coloration of a banded kestrel because it fits her better)
Originally, I planned to have her as a peregrine falcon because of her whole “speedrunner” vibe, but peregrines have to really commit to their dives yknow? franziska commits but she can adapt and retry faster than a peregrine, so i switched it (but as always i’m indecisive as hell and everything is subject to change LOL)
i liked the peregrines pattern for her though,, the banded kestrel looks pretty similar. also kestrels are small and i think that’s cute sue me :3
i also struggled a lot (A LOT) to come up with something i liked for Miles, but i ended up pretty happy with the kite ! ( not all prosecutors are birds of prey btw, these 3 just so happened to be lol )
thanks for reading if you got this far :33 hope you enjoyed my ace attorney bird wings au ted talk