#im so emotion guys i cannot handle it!!

[widevibratobitch]

.

[asahicore]

stupid in love - psh (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. best friend!sunghoon x fem!reader

synopsis. One night early on in your summer vacation, your best friend Sunghoon admits that his biggest anxiety about starting college is going there as a virgin - one thing leads to another, and you end up learning a few things from each other. The more time passes, the more obvious it becomes that your feelings for each other surpass friendship, but with the end of summer looming over your heads, it's hard to tell where these newfound emotions will lead you.

genre. best friends/childhood friends 2 lovers, summer au, lots of fluff and smut but also some angst to spice things up, when i say smut i mean LOTS of smut. like mostly smut lol (mutual first time, ice play, crazy stuff)

word count. 22.1k

a/n. bringing this one back from the pits of my google docs guys.. its been so long since i've posted anything and im not sure when the new hoon fic will be ready so i thought i'd repost an og asahicore fic!!! the title was originally 'hot like ice' but i changed it bc this is my blog and i do what i want <3 i'd also like to say that in terms of plot this is probably not something i would write nowadays, it's very smut-heavy and thats not what im about now idk i was crazy back then... but i rmb being happy w this fic and its reception when i first posted it so i'm happy to have it back on my blog and hope u guys will like it too <3 as always lmk what u think!!

It all started with a lollipop. Well, two, to be exact. One strawberry-flavored, one apple-flavored. 

You stand in front of your friend, lollipops in hand. “Which one do you want, Hoon?” 

“I don’t mind, just pick whichever one you like best,” he replies absent-mindedly, eyes on the TV as he tries to find a suitable movie for this late summer afternoon.

You plop down on the couch next to him and look at the two lollipops in your hands, unable to decide which flavor you like better. “I don’t know what I feel like right now,” you announce to an uninterested Sunghoon. “I’ll just try both.”

That seems to catch your best friend’s attention. He watches as you unwrap both candies, tasting each once, twice, then as you decide you want the apple-flavored lollipop and hand him the strawberry-flavored one. He doesn’t take his eyes off of your lips as you wrap them and swirl your tongue around the candy, letting its sweetness wash over your taste buds. You raise your eyebrows when you notice his staring and he blinks a couple times, trying to snap himself out of it. “Did you want the other one?” you ask, confused by his behavior.

“N-no, I like strawberry,” he stammers, turning his gaze back to the screen in front of you and settling for ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ a movie you’ve both seen a thousand times but never get bored of.

You’re used to Sunghoon getting lost in his thoughts, so you don’t question it much. You sit back on the couch, your knee touching his. You two are no strangers to a little skinship - after being friends for almost eight years, physical contact comes naturally. You have to admit that recently, it’s started to feel different; but the idea of your friendship changing tugs at your heartstrings so much that you ignore the prickles on your skin when he hugs you or the way your stomach flips when he smiles at you, dimples and sharp canines on display. You tell yourself it’s all stupid and that you can handle so much as your knees touching.

Sunghoon, on the other hand, can't. The lollipop in his mouth right now was in yours mere moments ago and you’d given it to him like sharing saliva was no big deal. He feels like a thirteen year-old for thinking like this, but this was pretty much an indirect kiss.

He stares at the TV screen, but all he can see are your perfect lips sucking that lollipop, and his mind is desperately not trying to go there, but he just cannot help himself. Blood rushes to his dick as he pictures your mouth around him, sucking him off with as much enthusiasm as you are the lollipop. Would you like his taste? Would you look up at him with those pretty eyes of yours, smiling even with his dick stuffed in your mouth?

His own thoughts catch him off guard, and before they can get any wilder, he runs off to the bathroom, knowing he’d never live it down if you caught a glimpse of his erection. Thankfully, you don’t, and you call after him, asking if he wants you to pause the movie, to which he shouts back a strangled ‘no.’

He comes back ten minutes later, face flushed and breath heavy. “Goddamn, Hoon, I know we’re best friends, but if you’re going to dump a massive load, I wished you did it in your own bathroom and not mine,” you tease him, laughing as his face gets even redder and he opens his mouth to protest.

“I was just on my phone!” he replies, mildly offended.

“Whatever,” you say, still laughing, and turn your attention back to the movie.

Well. Sunghoon would rather have you think he just took a huge shit than have you know he came to the idea of you sucking him off and swallowing every last drop of his cum. 

--

A few days later, you and Sunghoon are lying on his bed, the both of you on your backs, talking about this and that as you often do. It’s almost 3 a.m., and it feels almost rebellious, being up this late after months of waking up at 6, but your high school graduation was a week ago and you feel like you can do anything. The dim fairy lights you forced him to put up and the bright moon outside are the only sources of light in the room, and when you turn to look at him, you can just make out the outline of his face, the curve of his nose, the sharpness of his jaw. You've looked at him a thousand times before, so your memory makes up for what the light takes away from your eyes. You shift to lying on your stomach, propping yourself up on your elbows so you can take a better look at your friend. Something about the moonlight makes him look ethereal, and his beauty makes your heart skip a beat, but you’d never admit that to him. Out of habit, you reach out to touch his moles, gently placing your middle finger on his nose and your pointer finger on his cheek. Sunghoon closes his eyes at your touch, used to the warm feeling that settles in his stomach whenever you do that.

“Y/N?” he calls out, just as you pull your fingers away from his moles.

“Yeah?”

He opens his eyes again, meeting yours. “Is there anything you’re scared of for next year? You know, heading off to college and all that?” You shift again and lie on your back, the sides of your two bodies touching. You stare at the ceiling for a while, thinking about his question, and Sunghoon patiently waits for your answer.

“I’m scared about not making friends. I’m not the least outgoing person ever, but it’s so intimidating, not knowing anyone. And it’ll be weird not having you around. Shut up,” you warn before he can make an egotistical remark, so he just chuckles. “I’m also worried about the amount of work I’ll have. I’ve heard so many times that it’s a huge step-up from high school, the workload and the type of work and all that. What if I don’t even like the degree that I chose? I know I can change it, but it still stresses me out. Turning 18 doesn’t feel like a huge deal, but going to college does. It’s when all the responsibility hits. My mom told me to make my own doctor’s appointment the other day, and I almost cried when I had to call them. I’m not gonna have anyone to do my groceries for me. I’m scared I might get an awful roommate. I hate the idea of communal showers. I don’t even know what I want to do after college, and I know I have four years to make up my mind, but I’m scared those four years are gonna flash by and I’ll be indebted and unemployed by the end of it.” You pause to take a breath, and you can feel Sunghoon’s eyes on the sides of your face, but he doesn’t say anything. “Also, I heard that you put on a lot of weight during your freshman year.”

You turn to look at him to find him smiling at you. “Wow. That’s a lot.”

The two of you giggle, eyes not leaving the other’s. After a moment, you turn your gaze back to the ceiling and sigh. “Yeah, I know. But I’m more excited than I am scared. What about you?”

Sunghoon follows your gaze and looks up above him. He doesn’t say anything for a while, and when he finally speaks up, he says it so quietly, you almost don’t hear it. “I’m scared of going to college a virgin.”

You try to stay serious for a few seconds, but you can’t keep your laughter in and snort loudly at your friend’s words, laughing so hard your stomach starts to hurt.

“Don’t make fun of me!” he whines, hands coming up to cover his face.

It takes you a while to calm down; not only was Sunghoon’s statement ridiculous, it was so unexpected that you couldn’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you apologize, catching your breath. “I just can’t believe that that’s what you’re scared of, of all things.”

“What? It’s a perfectly reasonable concern,” he defends himself.

“Nobody’s gonna care if you’re a virgin, Hoon,” you try to reason with him, but if there is one thing your best friend is, it’s stubborn.

“I’m gonna care! What if I like a girl but I can’t bring myself to make a move on her ‘cause I have no experience?”

“But Hoon, chances are she doesn’t have a lot more experience than you do! She’ll be the same age we are, dummy. We’re not sixteen year-olds jumping into a world of twenty year-olds. Sure, some people have their first time in high school, but a lot do it at university. You’ll be fine,” you reassure. His furrowed eyebrows and pout tell you he’s not fully convinced, though.

“Oh, c’mon! If you really want to lose your virginity before leaving, we can get you laid during the summer. I’m sure we can find a girl nice enough,” you tease, jokingly patting his bicep, trying not to make a note of how firm the skin feels under your hand.

Sunghoon sighs, and you can tell he’s actually taking this seriously. “I’m not that desperate that I’d have sex with the first girl that agrees, you know. I’d still rather do it with someone…” He glances at you for just a second. “Someone I trust.”

You feel your face heat up at the possible meaning behind his words, so you look away, not wanting him to see the effect they had on you. He changes his position on the bed, and now it’s his turn to prop himself up on his elbows and look down at you.

“What about you, Y/N? Don’t you think it’d be good to get a bit of experience before going off to college? It’ll be one less thing to stress about,” he says, a small smirk playing on his lips, and his shy demeanor from moments prior is completely gone. Out of fear that his ego would get even bigger, you'd never tell him, but you love it when he gets like that - when he thinks he’s the shit and teases you mercilessly. You know he does it lightheartedly, and it never fails to bring a smile to your face.

Except right now it does. You’re not smiling, far from it; you’re looking up at your best friend, mouth slightly agape and wide eyes searching for a sign that he may be just joking. He raises an eyebrow expectantly, and your reaction is to scoff at him. 

“Do I need to remind you that you’re the reason I have no experience to begin with, Park Sunghoon?” you ask, sitting up on the bed to peer down at him. He shifts again and lays on his back, his hands coming up behind his head as he beams at you.

“Am I really?”

You wish you could slap that shit-eating grin off of his face. This is not the first time you're having this conversation. “Yes, Hoon. Every time a guy was even remotely interested in me, you chased them away. I’m still not over you telling Kang Taehyun I have smelly feet! I had a huge crush on that guy!”

Sunghoon loudly laughs at the memory, and you curse yourself for cracking a smile when you see his face scrunched in laughter. “That was in Year 5, Y/N! It’s been years!”

You grab a pillow and throw it at his head, unable to not laugh along with him. “What about Bang Yedam, then? That was only last year, and you totally ruined my chances with him!”

“Listen, if you having a creepy doll collection is enough to make him not ask you out, then he must not have liked you that much.”

“But I don’t have a creepy doll collection! That’s the whole point!” you say, on the brink of desperation. You sigh at your friend who’s still catching his breath from laughing so much. “You’re just lucky they didn’t repeat your bullshit to anyone. I would’ve had such a weird reputation otherwise.”

“Of course they didn’t. I told them I’d kill them if they did,” he stated matter-of-factly, as if that was a normal and appropriate thing to do.

“Couldn’t you have threatened them that way so they wouldn’t ask me out instead of lying to them about me?”

Sunghoon stares at you for a few seconds, eyes seemingly empty of thought. “Huh. Yeah, I guess I could’ve done that.”

“Ugh,” you groan, and plop down on the bed next to him. Neither of you says anything for some time, until you break the silence again. “You know you even stole my first kiss, Hoon,” you speak softly.

“I know,” he says, voice just as quiet as yours. “You never shut up about it.”

“Why would I? I was about to kiss Lee Heeseung, of all people, the boy everybody, including me, had a crush on, but no, someone had to get between us and kiss me in his stead,” you grumble, giving your friend a harsh side-eye.

Sunghoon sighs and shakes his head as if you’re being irrational. “I don’t get why you’re so hung-up on that. Why would you want your first kiss to be because of a middle-school party dare rather than have it with your best friend, whom you know and trust?”

“It was Lee Heeseung, for God’s sake!”

“And I’m Park Sunghoon!”

Still both laying on your backs, you turn your heads to look at each other. There’s something in his eyes you’ve never seen before that you can’t quite put your finger on. The person in front of you is one you’ve known for years now and yet the look in his eyes is of such unfamiliar intensity that it makes your stomach flip. You inhale sharply when his eyes drift down to your lips, and you can’t help but mirror his actions. The atmosphere has flipped like a light switch; it was playful just mere seconds ago, the sound of your usual banter filling up the room. All of a sudden, there’s something heavy dancing in the air around you, and it makes your heart skip a bit faster and your breath a bit shallower.

Your voice is barely above a whisper when you say his name.

“Yeah?” His eyes snap back up to yours, but you're still stuck on his lips. Have they always looked so kissable?

“Why did you do that? Why did you push those boys away from me?” you ask, even though you’ve asked this question a thousand times before. You want to hear his answer again.

“I’ve already told you. You deserved better than them.” Whenever you ask him about it, Sunghoon always stops here, and you never push. But there are unspoken words left hanging that you’re dying to hear.

“Who, then? Who’d be better than them?”

He's quiet for a second. “It’s a secret,” he whispers finally, a small smirk teasing his lips, and you roll your eyes at him. But then your eyes meet again and your breath hitches. You shift to your side so you can face him more fully, and he mirrors your actions. 

It’s his turn to say your name. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you kissed anyone since?” he asks, coming off shyer than he’d intended to.

You giggle and smack his shoulder lightly. “Why do you wanna know?”

He snickers too and, to your surprise, stops your fist from hitting him a second time, enveloping his larger hand around yours and laying it between the two of you on the bed. “Cause I should know that sorta thing. Also, if you did kiss someone since then, and I didn’t know about it, I'd be upset.”

“Why would you be mad?” you say, still giggling, trying to ignore the way your heartbeat quickens when he threads your fingers with his.

“Because you wouldn’t have told me!”

“Well…”

“No way, Y/N,” he practically shouts, already feeling betrayed, his free hand coming up to grip his heart in fake shock.

“Let me at least finish first,” you protest. He obliges, although he doesn't look very happy about it. “You know that summer 2 years ago I went away to camp?”

“Yeah, worst summer ever.”

“Well, I did sort of… get with someone, that summer,” you say, avoiding Sunghoon’s wide eyes as he gasps loudly.

“What? Who with? How come you didn't tell me?” he exclaims, letting go of your hand. He sits up on the bed and crosses his arms over his chest like an annoyed child. 

“Because of this exactly.”

“What’s this?”

“Your reaction right now!” you say, sitting up as well, both of your knees grazing his. The simple touch sends a shiver down your spine that you can only hope he takes no notice of.

“Wouldn’t you be a bit upset if I told you I ‘got with’,” he air-quotes, “a random girl two years ago?”

“No? Especially not if it was two years ago?”

You both look just as confused as the other, obviously not on the same wavelength. He furrows his eyebrows and glares at you. “Well, I am.”

You throw your head back in laughter and place your hands on his knees, but when you come forward again, you overestimate the distance between the both of you and find yourself mere inches from his face. The laughter immediately dies in your throat, and you feel it go dry when your stunned reaction elicits a smirk from him. You don’t know how long you stare into his eyes, all you know is you snap out of it when his gaze drifts down to your lips once more. You’re closer now than you were before, and having him so close makes your mind spin with all the possible outcomes of such proximity. You lean back on the bed, pulling away your hands from his knees to hold yourself up on them.

“There’s no reason to,” you say, hoping that breaking the silence will dissipate some of the tension in the air. You keep going back and forth between familiar and dangerous and you don’t know how long you’ll be able to handle that atmosphere. “It’s not like anything grand happened. We made out a bit and held hands. We never spoke after that summer, otherwise you’d have known about it.” 

Sunghoon lets out a low hum. His eyes are still trained on yours, and you wished he’d look away because you can’t seem to do it yourself. He still doesn’t say anything, so you speak up again. “You say that like you’ve never had girlfriends, by the way. Surely you’ve done more than just kissing.” Silence again, and you can’t decipher the look he’s giving you. “So, I don’t know what you’re so scared about, because it’s not like you have zero experience. I’m sure the girls at uni will love you, Hoon.”

He sighs and finally tears his eyes away from yours, and you’re not sure if you’re seeing things because of how dark and late it is or if there’s an actual blush creeping on his cheeks. “Sure, I’ve had a couple girlfriends, but you know they’ve never lasted long,” he says, looking down at his lap. “We made out… I guess I-” he gives you a quick glance, “I’ve touched their boobs and they’ve touched my… you know…”

You can’t help but giggle at how shy your friend is suddenly being. “Can’t even say the word ‘penis’, Hoon?,” you tease, and his eyes snap back up at yours.

“Of course I can. Penis! There.” You look at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter, Sunghoon hushing you so you don’t wake up his parents, but his hushes are louder than your laugh. After a couple minutes, you calm down and wipe your tears away, grateful for the break in the tension between you and Sunghoon.

“Anyway, yeah, I guess I don’t have that much experience. Which is why I brought it up in the first place.” And just as quickly as it’d left, the tension is back again.

You look around the room because the weight of Sunghoon’s gaze on your face is unbearable. You release a shaky breath when you feel his gentle hand on your knee, and your eyes drift to it, but you can’t get yourself to look him straight in the eyes. 

“Don’t you think it’d be good to get experience before leaving for college, Y/N?” he asks, and you can tell he’s trying to sound confident, but his voice comes out breathier and shakier than he must intend it to.

“I don’t know… I don’t think it’s necessary,” you say, eyes still trained on his hand resting on your knee. He squeezes it a bit, making you finally look up at him. Is it just you, or did the room get hotter all of a sudden?

“Not everything you do has to be out of necessity, you know.”

The both of you stare at each other for a few moments. This shift in your relationship was bound to happen; you’d been feeling it more and more recently. You didn’t use to think twice about Sunghoon taking your hand in his, nor did you feel those stupid butterflies eating away at your stomach every time his gaze lingered for a second too long. You’d tried to reason with yourself that it was just teenage hormones doing their stupid job, and that you were doomed to feel some kind of attraction for your extremely handsome best friend at some point in your life, but that if you ignored it hard and long enough it would go away.

Well, now that Sunghoon’s lips are barely inches away from yours and your skin is on fire under his hand, it definitely isn’t going away.

“What would you do if I kissed you?” Sunghoon asks, eyes fluttering down to your lips. You think he’s looked at your lips more than the rest of your face in the past hour.

“I’d slap you,” you lie, gaze mirroring his.

“Would you really?” he says, and your hesitation makes him smirk slightly.

“No,” you breathe out, and it’s the answer he’s been waiting for, the answer he needs to finally press his soft lips against yours. 

You don’t even have the time to savor the moment, though, because the warmth of his lips is gone as quickly as it came. He pulls back, a surprised look in his eyes, as if he can’t believe what he just did. The tension above you breaks and rains down on you like small pieces of confetti that settle comfortably on your head and shoulders. There’s a knot in your stomach but instead of twisting your insides in nervousness, it feels warm and makes you giddy for what’s to come next. Sunghoon’s surprised expression transforms into a grin at the sound of your laughter, and he can’t help but chuckle along with you.

You scooch closer to him, and his other hand comes to rest on your second knee. You can tell he’s not going to do much more, so you lean in bit by bit, and peck him softly on the lips. You both giggle again and you blame the fact that you want to feel his lips on yours again on the late hour of the night. You peck his lips once, twice more, giggling inbetween, but when you peck them a third time, he doesn’t let you pull away and keeps his lips on yours. The sudden added strength takes you aback, but it doesn’t take you long to yield to his touch and kiss him back. 

Sunghoon moves his lips slowly against yours and it’s surprisingly easy to fall into his rhythm. You don’t have the most experience with kissing, but something about doing it with your best friend reassures you and your whole body relaxes as you focus on the feeling of his lips moving in cadence with yours. The knot in your stomach stays there and tightens when his hands ride up your thighs and settle on your hips, holding you snugly there. You’re only wearing shorts and his palms against your bare skin make you release a shaky breath in Sunghoon’s mouth. You pull back for a bit, surprised at your own reaction, but nothing has prepared you for the way your best friend looks at you.

His pupils are dilated, dark; his glossed-over eyes bore right into yours. Your breath was already shallow from the kiss, but it’s his gaze that renders you completely breathless. Sunghoon tightens his grip on your hips and leans in for more, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him, making his eyes snap back into focus.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what took over me. Are you okay?” he asks, as short of breath as you are, but worry laced in his voice.

“No- Yes- I mean, yes, I’m fine, everything’s fine, I just-” you shake your head, trying to gather your thoughts. “I’m just…”

“Tell me. You can tell me,” he says, rubbing gentle circles into your hips with his thumb, and the unfamiliar yet intimate gesture makes it even harder to concentrate. 

“We- we’re best friends, right?” you ask, voice trembling, You ask, even though you know the answer, just because you’re afraid the line the two of you have just crossed is already miles behind you, and you won’t be able to retrace your steps.

“Yeah, of course we are,” Sunghoon reassures, head tilting to the side in confusion. 

“And best friends… Do they… Well, it’s normal for best friends to kiss, right?” you say, trying to calm the overpowering urge to kiss him again.

Sunghoon chuckles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I don’t know about that, Y/N.”

“Oh,” you breathe.

Sunghoon quickly catches on to your hesitation. “But who cares about what best friends usually do and don’t do?” he says, holding your face between his hands to make you look up at him. “I liked kissing you, just now. I really, really liked it,” he admits, red dusting his cheeks. “Did you?”

You nod, too shy to put just how much you enjoyed kissing Sunghoon into words. “Do you want to do it again?” he asks and chuckles when you nod again, eyes already on his lips. This time, you don’t stop him when he leans in and let him press his lips to yours again. His words have reassured you and you sigh into his mouth, making him smile into the kiss. 

His hands ride up a bit and settle on your waist, bringing you a bit closer to him, and you circle your arms around his neck. The shyness of the first kiss is completely gone, and you’re both gaining more and more confidence, letting everything go and focusing solely on where your bodies meet. He tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and you push your body onto his, a sudden need to feel him against you, to feel his strong arms encaging you. 

You pull away at the same time to catch your breaths, smiling at each other when you see how lustful the other’s expression is. Sunghoon’s eyes have glossed over once more, and you’re sure yours have too. “C’mere,” he whispers, beckoning you to him. You climb onto his lap, one knee on each side of his hips. “Is this okay?” he asks, but you don’t answer, you just lean in and kiss him again, holding his face in your hand as his hands roam your back over the thin fabric of your t-shirt. Your kisses are curious, the both of you trying to figure out what feels best as you tilt your heads from one side to the other and let your inquisitive hands travel each other’s bodies. Yours find purchase in his hair, and you revel in the sighs that escape his lips whenever you pull and tug at the strands. 

As the kiss gets hungrier and needier, his hands fall down to your lower back, and then to your ass. He just cups it for a while, but after a few moments, grabs it harder and brings you close to him, making your core rub against  the hardness that had been building in his sweatpants for a while now. The friction is unexpected and you can’t help the loud moan leaving your lips at the feeling. It’s a feeling you know from your own hand in the privacy of your dark room, but Sunghoon making you feel that way is so foreign that it snaps you out of the daze you’re in. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, was that too much?” Sunghoon scrambles for words, but you’re already pulling away, and he doesn’t know what to do to keep you close.

You sit back on the bed, holding your knees close to your chest. You look at your best friend in front of you who’s looking at you with a worried expression. Something in you craves to reach a hand out to him, to feel his cheeks and jawline under your palms again, to find out if he’d shiver at your touch and if goosebumps would form on his skin. He’s been your best friend for eight years, and you’ve always thought you knew everything about him, the same way he’s supposed to know everything about you. But you realize in this moment that there are things you don’t yet know, melodies to be discovered, treasures to be unearthed. Your fingertips are burning to find them all. 

The sound of your name resonates inside your mind and it takes you everything not to fall back on him again. You furrow your eyebrows, confused by all those things you’re feeling. What was it that just took over you, that lit your insides up so?

You straighten your back suddenly and take in your surroundings. Sunghoon’s room is still the same old room you’ve always known, the same blue walls, the same posters he only ever changes when he finds a new interest and lets go of an old one. The same pictures from when you were 10, 12, 15, recent ones now that you’re 18; the same figure skating trophies and medals on his shelves. You turn to look at your best friend. The same soft, round cheeks contrasted by a sharp jaw; the same almond eyes, round with worry at your sudden movement away from him; the same two moles you’ve always found so comforting, for some reason. You almost reach out to touch them, to give you some sense of balance, to reassure you that things aren’t changing as much as it feels like they are. But you’re scared electricity might fry your fingers if you touch him right now. You’re scared you won’t be able to take your fingers off of him, no matter how much it stings. His face is the same as always before, but there’s something else to it, something you could probably figure out if you spent more than three seconds thinking about it, but you’re not sure you want to figure it out.

“Is everything okay? Did- Did I do something wrong?” he asks, voice laced with concern. 

Before he can put a reassuring hand on your knee, you get off of the bed, and hurriedly say, “No. I just- I think I should go home.” You look everywhere but at him.

He sits up at your words, concern turned into confusion. “It’s 3 a.m., Y/N, why do you want to go home all of a sudden? You’ve stayed over plenty of times before.”

“I know, I just…” you trail off, trying to come up with an excuse. “I’ve got cramps. I think my period’s coming,” you lie. It’s better than whatever truth is threatening to bubble up.

“Oh. Right.” He scooches a bit, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Is there anything- like- can I do anything?” He sighs, steadies himself. “You don’t have to go, is what I’m trying to say.”

A few months ago, when you had finally wrapped your head around the fact that your best friend was an attractive man and that he made you feel things friends weren’t supposed to make you feel, you’d told yourself it was all just a phase that would pass soon. But feelings this strong surely cannot go away that easily.

You take a deep breath in and tear your eyes away from him. “I think I should go home,” you repeat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Hoon.”

You turn around and start walking away, but Sunghoon is quick on his feet and stops you from going out the door. “Do you actually have cramps? Or are you just scared that our friendship might change?” He sounds out of breath, like asking this question is taking him all of his energy.

You avert his gaze and try to push past him, but he’s much stronger than you. Puberty sure played its trick on him. You sigh and look down at your feet. “I’m tired, Hoon, let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

But if there is one thing your best friend is, it’s stubborn. “I don’t wanna talk about it tomorrow. I wanna talk about it now. Did it feel nice?” he asks, and his resolute tone of voice makes you look up at him.

“I- I mean-”

“Y/N,” he starts, wrapping his arms around you and leaning in a bit, his familiar scent filling your nostrils. You have to close your eyes. “Answer me. Did it feel good?”

“Yes,” you answer without thinking. 

“Is that why you’re scared?”

“Yes.” Your eyes flutter open when you feel his fingers graze your cheek. He leans in again and traps your kiss in a much softer and intimate kiss that makes your head spin and your thoughts cloud. Before you can get carried away, you pull away again, and ignore how beautiful he looks when his eyes stay closed for a couple of seconds longer. He only opens them once you tell him once again you should go home, that you need some time to think.

“Let me at least walk you there. It’s dark,” he pleads, his grip on your waist still tight.

“Hoon, I live right next door, I’ll be fine.” You let him kiss you once more and he makes you promise to call or text him tomorrow.

When you leave, Sunghoon plops back down on his bed, arm resting on his forehead as he plays back the events of the night. Had he done something wrong? Something that made you want to get as far away from him as quickly as possible? He’d tried to be gentle and to make sure you were okay with everything, but he couldn’t help but get carried away when he heard those sweet sighs of yours. He thought he was going to combust when he heard you moan, and he wanted to hear it over and over again, but you’d jumped from him like he’d told you he had killed someone.

He hopes you were telling the truth when you said you were just scared about your friendship changing. He hadn’t wanted to push and get you to stay; he knew it was weird, seeing each other in a different light all at once. He wasn’t completely oblivious; he’d felt that same shift in your relationship those past few months, just like you had, although you’d never spoken about it to each other. He knew he could never go back to seeing you as just a friend when he’d jerked off one day and you were all he could think of. He kept imagining the sounds you’d make and the way your hands would feel on him, and he’d gotten so close to getting that today, but he must’ve fucked something up and now his chances were ruined. He curses himself for letting you slip through his fingers just when he thought he finally had you.

You don’t get a wink of sleep that night. Your mind is reeling with everything that happened in Sunghoon’s room. Your fingers unconsciously keep coming up to touch your lips and feel the ghost of his touch there. Your skin turns hot at the simple thought of how perfect his lips had felt against yours, and you toss and turn in your bed as you consider what might’ve been, had you stayed with Sunghoon. 

But it’s all happening too quickly, and even though you’ve been curious in more ways than one about your best friend for the past few months, you hadn’t expected to kiss him and to enjoy it so much on a random summer night. Your thoughts only seem to calm down and your eyes finally close just as the sun starts to rise.

--

The next day, Sunghoon wakes up in the early hours of the afternoon and checks his phone right away. A couple of notifications, but nothing from you. A text from Jake in their group chat with Jay asking to hang out at Sunghoon’s pool, to which he replies that they can come whenever. He taps a quick one out in the shower, memories of your scent and your lips on his getting him to finish quicker than he’d like to admit. He’s in the middle of a late breakfast when Jake and Jay spawn at his door, swimming trunks already on. Still nothing from you.

It doesn’t take Jay and Jake long to figure out that something is up with their best friend. It’s not like he does much usually, but today especially, he makes no effort to entertain them. He laughs at their jokes, but it feels like he laughs because he hears other people laughing rather than because he genuinely finds them funny. He barely even reacts when the inflatable pool ball hits him right in the face.

His friends don’t say anything until they’re all seated at a table by the pool, sipping on some ice-cold Coke. The air is still warm but the sun is low in the sky, hidden behind the house. Sunghoon is still lost in his thoughts, unblinking eyes fixed on a random point in the distance. Jay and Jake exchange a look before the former breaks the silence.

“Is everything alright, Hoon? You look out of it today.”

Jay’s voice brings him back to the here and now, and his eyes jump back and forth between his two friends who are looking at him expectantly. “Huh? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” he says, leaving some of the truth out, but his friends know him better than he gives them credit for.

“Are you sure? I feel like there’s something you’re not telling us. You usually act like a little bitch when you’re tired, you don’t get all…,” Jake shakes his hand in front of his face, “distant like that.”

Sunghoon bites his lip, debating whether he should tell his friends about you or not. No matter how stupid they may be, they also know both of you quite well, so they might prove not completely useless, he thinks.

“Y/N and I kissed last night.”

It’s almost comical, how Jay and Jake bring their head forward in astonishment, how wide their mouth gets, how their eyes look like they might pop out of their sockets, and how they say “You what?!” at the same time. On a normal day, Sunghoon would've laughed.

“We kissed,” Sunghoon repeats, eyes drifting down to the ground in front of him as he rubs his neck in embarrassment.

“Fucking finally!” Jay exclaims.

“Told you it was gonna happen. No way you two were going to stay just besties forever,” Jake teases, punching Sunghoon in the arm. “How was it?”

Sunghoon sighs and leans back in his chair, letting his head hang back. “Really fucking amazing,” he chuckles. His friends holler for him, snickering like 12-year old boys who just saw a hot girl walk past. 

“God, I saw this coming from miles away. I don’t know why you kept on insisting nothing was gonna happen between you two,” Jake says, beaming.

“I really didn’t think anything would… I just… Started seeing her differently recently, I guess.” Sunghoon shrugs, sheepishly smiling to himself.

“So, what happened? Did you guys just kiss or…?” Jay asks, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Jake giggles at the insinuation of sex but has a curious glint in his eyes when he waits for Sunghoon’s answer.

“Yeah, um, we just kissed cause she- she sort of ran away?” Sunghoon admits, wincing at the recollection.

“You what?!” Chaeyong’s voice rings out in the food court of the mall where you’re currently sitting, halfway through your strawberry milkshake.

“Keep it down, would you?!” you scold her, smiling apologetically to the people staring at you and your friend.

“If it was so good, why the hell did you run away, Y/N?”

“I just- I don’t know… Freaked out, I guess…” you mumble, cowering under the harsh look she gives you.

“Well, have you talked since?” You don’t reply, just guiltily avoid her gaze. “Y/N!”

“I know, I know! I just… don’t know what to do. ‘Hey, nice making out with you last night, bit weird since we’ve been best friends since we were 11, but that’s fine, right?’ Ugh! That’s so stupid,” you complain, flopping back in your chair.

“That’s exactly what you should say. Going MIA on him will just make things weirder. Plus you’ve never gone more than 24 hours without speaking so one of you will eventually cave in. It should be you,” she says, looking at you with a raised eyebrow as she takes a sip from her milkshake. 

You scoff when she gives you a ‘you know I’m right’ look. “I’ll think about it on the way home and text him. There.”

And you do think about it on the way home; but you don’t get the opportunity to send the text, because as soon as you get off the bus at the stop right across from your house, you see Sunghoon sitting on the bench of your porch, looking around nervously and rubbing his hands on his denim shorts. You chuckle to yourself; who knew he got so distressed from not speaking to you for a day?

He stands up when he sees you approaching and raises his hand in a quick wave. “Hi, Hoon,” you greet, and you can feel his whole body relax when you hug him. So, you don’t hate him, he thinks. You sit down on the bench together. “Sorry I didn’t text you. I didn’t know what to say after… last night,” you admit, hugging your knees to your chest as you sit facing him.

“Yeah, I figured,” he chuckles, smiling shyly at you. “I was scared you’d never want to see me again.”

You look at him with wide eyes, mildly offended, and punch his arm. “How could you think that?!”

“Well, you did sort of run away from me last night,” he says, lightly punching your arm in return.

You tut in defeat. “I did, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah. I’m just glad you didn’t walk past me straight into your house just now.”

You chuckle and rest your head on top of your knees. “That would’ve been a bit much, even for me.”

Sunghoon lets out a puff of air through his nose in response, and then the two of you sit in silence. You’re contemplating what to do next when your friend pulls you from your thoughts. “Should we, um…” He shuts his eyes tightly in reflection for a second before opening them again and looking straight at you. “Should we just pretend like last night didn’t happen? Would that make you feel more comfortable?”

His words take you aback and your eyes widen a bit; you hadn’t even thought pretending nothing happened last night was an option, because you didn’t think you’d ever be able to actually get it out of your head. Even now, if you stare at Sunghoon for too long, your gaze will naturally drift downwards or you’ll get a flashback of his large hands around your waist. But apparently, if he can offer to pretend like the previous night wasn’t a thing, then it must not have been such a huge deal to him. You quickly try to hide your disappointment and nod at your friend. “Right. Yeah. Sure.”

Silence makes its way between you two again. It makes the late afternoon breeze a bit chillier and the physical distance between you and Sunghoon feel much bigger than it actually is. Wanting it to go away quickly, you ask, “Do you wanna watch a movie, then?”

Sunghoon’s never looked so relieved about watching a movie, and he immediately accepts your offer. You get some popcorn ready while he searches for a movie to watch. He clicks on a horror movie that looks like it’s got a cliché storyline and awful acting, but you’re happy for any sort of distraction when Sunghoon is sitting so close to you.

You and Sunghoon always sit close-by when you watch something together, knees and shoulders brushing against each other. Tonight isn’t any different, except that your skin burns everywhere it touches his. You can smell the faint scent of chlorine in his hair, and it’s so intoxicating you want to bury your face there and breathe it in.

You’re thirty minutes into the movie and still nothing’s happened when Sunghoon puts his arm around you, letting his hand hang over your shoulder. The sudden warm contact makes you take a sharp intake of breath as memories of the previous night come flooding once again. You don’t know what you were expecting, but Sunghoon simply rests his hand there and doesn’t do anything more for another thirty minutes, except for squeezing your shoulder when there’s a small jumpscare, making you chuckle at him. This isn’t much more than what you’re used to with him, but knowing your friend, he must be thinking the ball is in your court. So you scooch a bit closer into his side and rest your head on his shoulder, the scent of his skin even stronger now that your nose is so close to his neck. You feel his chest raise and relax as he sighs deeply and tightens his hold around your shoulders. His small reactions to you spur you on and you decide to wrap an arm around his waist and you feel him flinch oh-so-slightly at your touch in such a sensitive spot. He starts to rub circles into your shoulder and rests his head on top of yours, and your whole body relaxes into his. This is so much more than what you’re used to with him; and yet, you so readily melt under his touch.

You can barely focus on the movie because of how close Sunghoon is. When a particularly scary ghost jumps on the screen, you flinch and hide your face in his neck, and he giggles at your reaction, hand coming up to stroke your hair comfortingly. It only takes you a few seconds to realize what position you’re in, and you release a shaky breath as you slowly lift your head towards Sunghoon, only to find him already looking at you, seemingly having had that same realization. When his eyes drift down to your lips, you know you’re done for.

You call out his name, and he’s already answered ‘Yes?’ before you’ve had time to finish uttering the second syllable. “I don’t think I want to pretend last night never happened,” you admit, holding his waist a bit tighter.

“Good. Me neither,” he breathes out before leaning down and trapping your lips in his, the kiss releasing all your pent-up frustration of the day. The world seems to melt away with his lips on yours, the movie already long forgotten. Sunghoon pulls you into his lap and you slide your palms up from his waist, against his chest and to his shoulders before wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing your body closer to his. His hands are sitting on your hips, fingers lightly pressing into them and your lower back. Now that you both seem to know what you want, it’s so easy, just falling into this kiss.

His tongue darts out to lick your bottom lip and you gladly open your mouth for him, letting his tongue explore it. You haven’t kissed someone like this in ages, maybe ever, but Sunghoon takes the lead and effortlessly gets you to follow his rhythm. When a flick of his tongue against yours feels particularly nice, you arch your back and press your chest into his, making him smirk into the kiss. This time, when he brings your hips down onto his, letting you feel his erection against your clothed core, the feeling doesn’t make you want to run away; instead, you want to feel it again and again.

You fall into a nice pace of rubbing yourself against him, eliciting hushed moans and loud breaths from the both of you. You can’t concentrate on kissing him and grinding down on him at the same time, so you drop your head down to bury your face in his neck, leaving a few pecks there but mostly moaning against his skin, enjoying how your hot breaths make him shiver.

You can’t keep a whine from escaping your lips when he bucks his hip into yours and his tip brushes directly against your covered clit, instantly bringing a hand up to your mouth. “Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes. “I know we gotta keep quiet ‘cause of your parents but the sounds you’re making are so fucking pretty. I wanna hear them over and over again.” His words make you whimper against his neck and you feel your slick starting to pool in your panties.

“H-hoon. This feels so good,” you moan, breathing warmly against the shell of his ear.

“I know, right? Feels so good,” he chuckles, hands grabbing at your ass to bring you harder down onto him. His actions are about to elicit another moan from you when, all of a sudden, a loud jumpscare in the movie makes you jump away from the boy underneath you and yelp in fear, which in turn makes him scream in surprise. You look at each other, panting and eyes open wide, hands clutching at your hearts, until you burst into laughter. The fun moment is short-lived, however, as your mom rushes down the stairs not ten seconds later, frantically asking if everything is alright. 

You sit up straight at the sight of your mother and clear your throat. You’re thankful for the dark of the room which hides your and Sunghoon’s swollen lips and flushed faces from her view. “Sorry, mom, we were just watching a scary movie. We’re fine.” She sleepily nods and walks back up the stairs, and when she’s back in her room, Sunghoon and you exchange a look and erupt into another fit of smaller, quieter giggles. 

That night, after Sunghoon’s gone home, the both of you get yourselves off in your own beds, the strong memory of each other’s lips and hands bringing you both to your releases. Without even realizing it, you moan out Sunghoon’s name as your orgasm hits. The window from your room doesn’t face his; but still, your heart is beating so loudly that you’re afraid the sound might carry from your open window to his. You get up and close it.

--

Now that you and Sunghoon both know you want to kiss each other, you do it everywhere: in his pool, his back pressed against the wall; on the sunchairs when you were supposed to be drying off; on your beds in the middle of the night, none of your parents or siblings suspicious of anything; in front of your house, because even though he was supposed to just walk you home, he couldn’t keep himself from tasting you one last time; in the backseat of his car after an evening with your friends and he drove you two home.

You spend a good two weeks of just kissing before your body starts to crave something more. At some point, Sunghoon’s hands resting nicely on your waist or sometimes, if he’s feeling bold, grabbing at your ass, start to not be enough anymore. You knew you wouldn’t be satisfied with just kisses and sweet touches when one day, his hands slowly but surely slid up your naked belly before grabbing onto your bikini-clad breast, lighting your whole body up on fire. He’d slipped his hand underneath your swimming top and rolled your nipple between two fingers and you had felt his dick twitch under your core when you let out a loud moan at the new yet so pleasurable feeling.

You know what it is that you want, but it makes you feel dirty. Your fingers have made you finish a hundred times before, but wanting Sunghoon to make you feel that way is a whole other story. Is that even what he wants? Would he be weirded out if you asked him about it? Is there even the sliver of a chance that maybe, just maybe, he has those same thoughts about you, and wants you to make him feel good as much as he wants to make you feel good?

If his grunts and the way he ruts into you when your make-out sessions get particularly steamy are any indication, then the answer to those questions would respectively be yes, no, and yes. 

You’re lying on a sunbed one afternoon, letting the sun dry off your wet skin from the pool, when you finally muster the courage to tell Sunghoon about your wishes. After all, he is your best friend, and you know you can talk to him about anything. Even when that ‘anything’ involves his fingers inside of you and his dick in your mouth.

“Sunghoon?” you call out, turning your head to look at your best friend. He’s bathing in the sunlight without a care in the world. His skin has tanned a bit since summer started three weeks ago and his muscles are even more defined after all that swimming and working out he’s been doing. You want to reach out a hand, to feel the taut skin of his abs and chest under your palms, and to maybe then slide your hand down until you feel his hard-on underneath his swimming trunks. Your chairs aren’t far apart and you could do it from where you are, but you’d rather ask him first.

“Yeah?” he answers without turning towards you.

You take a deep breath in before you start talking again. “You know how you said it could be good for us to get… experience before going to college… And how we’ve been kissing these past couple weeks…”

“Yeah, I know,” he chuckles.

“Well… people do more than just kissing, right?” you ask, voice slightly shaky. This seems to pique his interest as he turns to look at you.

“Yeah?” 

You hope you’re not just imagining the enthusiastic tone in his voice. “I think… I think we should try that too, don’t you think?” you ask, eyes not leaving his as he sits up on his chair and turns his knees towards you, fully facing you now.

“Yeah, I agree. I completely agree.” He stares at you for a few moments as if in disbelief. “Do you want to- Should we- Let’s go up to my room, yeah?” he offers, standing up and reaching his hand out to you. You gladly take it.

You and Sunghoon are a giggling mess as you practically run up the stairs, unable to get to his room quick enough. As soon as the door is closed behind you, you wrap your arms around each other, your lips finding his immediately as he walks you back to his bed. When you feel the back of your knees hit it, you detach yourself from him and lay on it, elbows holding you up as you look up at him expectantly.

“Fuck,” he whispers, leaning in to hover over you. He traps your lips in a short but sweet kiss before pulling back and murmuring against your lips, “Have I ever told you how pretty you are, Y/N?”

You beam at his words but decide to tease anyway. “You always go on and on about how pretty you are, but never about me.”

He giggles and pecks your lips again. “Well, I’m telling you now. You’re gorgeous.” You kiss him to hide your flustered face, pulling him so close to you he’s practically laying on top of you. Your hands are a bit more curious than usual, your kisses hungrier, the both of you anticipating what’s to come. 

You grind against each other, the feeling of his erection against your barely covered core enough to send your mind into a frenzy. You forget everything around you when you feel Sunghoon pull back in the slightest, far enough so that he can look at your face and gauge your reactions but not too much that you still feel his hot breath on your lips. One of his hands is holding the back of your head as the other travels downwards, stopping for a second on your breast to massage it lightly before continuing its journey. It ever-so-slightly brushes against your core, making you buck your hips up into his touch, but his hand is already gone leaving you whining and pouting and him chuckling at your cute reaction. “You want it that bad, huh?” he teases.

You scoff, not wanting to let your friend know the effect he has on you. You press your palm against his clothed erection and he hisses at the unexpected contact. “So do you, Hoon.”

When he presses his lips to yours again, you both smile into the kiss. You cup his jaw and tangle your fingers through his hair, and his hand slips from under your head and joins his other hand on your thigh, grabbing at both of them, fingers slightly digging in your skin. He’s so, so close to where you want him most, and he seems to have noticed your growing impatience by the way you squirm underneath him. Seeing you so needy for him only makes him needier for you; he has more experience than you, so you probably expect him to take the lead, but the truth is, he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing.

“Y/N?” he murmurs, face buried in your neck as he leaves a trail of wet kisses there.

“Yeah?”

“What do you want me to do?”

The question takes you a bit by surprise. You pull away to look at your friend. His eyes are completely glossed-over, and yours are probably the same. “Oh. I don’t know. I just… want you to touch me, I guess,” you say, voice a bit quiet.

“I don’t know how to do that,” he admits sheepishly. He kisses your neck and cheeks before pecking your lips. “Could you- could you show me? How you do it? And I can show you how I do it?”

You take a second to take his words in. Was he suggesting that you touch yourself in front of him, and that he do the same?

This was like a dream come true.

“Yeah, sure.”

Sunghoon giggles in response, and you can’t help but crack a smile too, even though the idea of getting yourself off in front of your friend, no matter how appealing, is still a bit nerve-wracking. “You first,” he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and you roll your eyes at him.

You sit back against the headboard of the bed and slip a hand underneath your swim bottom, the other hand coming up to cover your eyes in an attempt to escape Sunghoon’s heavy, lustful gaze. “None of that. I wanna see you,” he says, pulling your hand away from your eyes and resting it on a pillow next to you. “And if you keep these on, I won’t be able to see anything,” he says, looking down at your bikini top.

Before you can protest, he comes to sit on his knees in front of you, kissing your neck and letting his hands roam your back. “I wanna see all of you.” It’s so easy, untying your string bikini, he almost thinks you wore it on purpose for him to take it off. You avoid his gaze as he takes your top off of you, leaving you half-naked in front of him. “So pretty,” he whispers, and you can’t help but look at him, slick pooling between your legs from the fascination he’s looking at your breasts with. He trails kisses down your neck until he reaches them, taking a nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, then looks up to see your reaction. You never knew your nipples were this sensitive, and you can’t help but arch your back at his touch and moan loudly, hand flying up to tug at his soft hair. He releases your nipple with a pop and moves sideways to pay the same attention to the other one, but Sunghoon is impatient and doesn’t waste too much time on it; he knows he can come back to your boobs later anyway. Right now, you’ve got a hand between your legs, and that’s what he’s dying to see.

“Can I take this off, too?” he asks, looking up at you as his fingers hook on the sides of your swimming bottoms, waiting for you to nod. His eyes don’t leave your glistening core as he pulls the thin fabric down your legs, discarding it somewhere on the floor of his room. He lays on his belly and kisses the inside of your knee as he holds your thighs in his large hands, still transfixed by your pussy when he says, “Show me how you do it, please.”

You both take a sharp breath in when you start moving two fingers in gentle circles over your clit, already wet from making out with Sunghoon. Your fingers are nimble and know exactly what to do after years of doing this, but the pulse in your core is even stronger now that your best friend is watching your movements this intently. He looks like he’s scared to blink in case he might miss something. You can’t take your eyes off of his face; you’ve never seen him so fascinated by something, so eager to learn. It makes you want to put on a show for him.

A surge of confidence hits you out of nowhere as you slide your digits down your folds, gathering some slick before sliding them back up to your clit and rubbing it a bit faster, a bit harder, your moans growing louder and higher in pitch. With your free hand, you tug at the base of Sunghoon’s hair and make him look up at you. You release his hair and bring your pointer finger up to your mouth, sucking on it and swirling your tongue around it, and Sunghoon’s mind is taken back to that day a couple weeks ago when you had sucked on those lollipops. Oh, how things have changed since then. Not that he’s complaining. “Fuck, that’s hot,” he breathes out, eyes zeroed in on your lips and mouth slightly agape.

You smirk at his reaction, stomach on fire with the feeling of having this kind of power on him. When you’ve wet your finger enough, you bring it down to your slit, circling around your hole before entering it, releasing a loud moan for good measure. Sunghoon is mesmerized by the quickening with which your finger slips in and out of you, the fingers on your clit never relenting. He doesn’t even realize he’s released one of your thighs to palm himself over his shorts until you notice it yourself and tut in disapproval.

“Come and help me, Hoon,” you say, and the boy snaps out of his daze at the sound of his nickname. He nods slowly, changing his position so that he’s laying between your legs, head dangerously close to your core. You slip your other finger out of your hole and he takes that as a sign to replace it with his own. One hand still gripping your thigh, he imitates your previous actions as he gets his pointer finger wet with his saliva before pressing it between your folds, right underneath your clit where your fingers are still rubbing circles, sliding it down towards your slit, and finally pushing it in. 

“So warm… So wet, too,” he whispers in wonder, making you cover your eyes with your forearm out of shyness.

“Oh my God,” you moan, arching your back and letting your head drop to the side on the pillow. Sunghoon’s finger is much thicker and longer than your own, and it stretches you out and hits a deep spot inside you you never could, no matter how much you tried.

“Like this?” he asks, eyes curious as they bounce back and forth between your face and your entrance sucking his finger in.

“Yes, yes, just like that, you can also- oh- you can also curve it upwards a bit- fuck, yeah, just like that, Hoon, you’re doing so well,” you say, the praises just flying out of your mouth. 

This seems to instill some confidence in him, as he cocks an eyebrow at you and speeds up his actions. “Yeah? My finger making you feel good, Y/N?”

“Oh, shut up,” you bite back, but immediately let out a long whine when he easily inserts a second finger in your soaking pussy. He curves them inside you just like you told him to, and the feeling of his fingers filling you up and your own quick ones on your clit are creating a familiar knot in your stomach that is so close to breaking. That is, until Sunghoon pulls your wrist away from your clit.

“Y/N… Can I?” he asks, and you’re not sure what he’s planning, but nod anyway. He wastes no time before pressing his tongue flat down on the sensitive bud, and you actually feel like your soul might leave your body. Fingers knuckle-deep inside you, he licks and sucks at your clit, and the warmth of his tongue against your folds is what makes you tumble over the edge, tightly gripping his hair and bucking your hips into his mouth.

“Oh my God… Oh my God, Hoon, please, don’t stop, please,” you beg, voice getting higher and whinier as you cum all over his tongue. He continues eating you out until it gets too much and you have to tell him to stop. He hikes his body up yours, pecking you sweetly on the lips when he reaches them.

“Your turn,” you announce and hook your legs over his hips to straddle him. You’re about to lean in for a kiss when you notice how lovingly he’s looking at you: his eyes are soft and a small smile is playing on his lips. It takes you aback, but you’d be lying if you said butterflies didn’t spread in your stomach. “W-why are you looking at me like that?”

His grin gets a bit wider. “Did I make you feel good?”

“Y-yeah…,” you admit, averting your gaze from him.

“I’m glad. You taste good, by the way. Sweet.” You want to kiss the devilish smirk off of his face.

You scoff at your friend, glaring a bit. “Whatever. Sit up,” you order, but it just makes him smirk more.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You look up at him to check for confirmation, and when he nods, you hook your fingers under his swimming trunks, taking them off of him along with his boxers underneath. His already fully-hard cock springs free and slaps against his stomach, and you curse yourself for your reaction that will surely just inflate his ego, as if it wasn’t already massive. Your mouth hangs open, eyes zeroing in on his length, flushed red from lack of attention and what you can only guess is precum leaking at the tip. It's straight from a porno.

“Like what you see?” Sunghoon teases, making you look up at him, and you can only stupidly nod. You take the position he was in earlier, laying your head on his thigh and caressing the other, letting it ride up to rub his inner thigh and the tiniest bit over his cock, making his smirk vanish as he takes a shaky breath in.

“Show me how you do it,” you say, echoing his words from earlier. He gulps, finally realizing that he was going to have to masturbate in front of your curious eyes just as you had. He spits on his open palm and spreads the precum over his length with his thumb, lubing himself up before gripping the base and starting to move his hand up and down. You watch as his head falls back against the pillow when his palm grazes over his tip and his movements pick up some speed.

You rub his palms over his thighs, itching to get closer to his cock and make him feel as good as he had done to you earlier. Tentatively, you reach out to grab his balls in your hands, massaging them softly, feeling satisfied when a loud moan leaves his throat. “Oh, f-fuck, that feels good, Y/N,” he breathes out, voice much higher than you’re used to. If he thought that felt good, then nothing could’ve prepared him for the feeling of your soft and warm tongue kitty-licking his balls, then taking turns sucking each one into your mouth and releasing them with a pop. “Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?” he asks, involuntarily bucking his hips into your face.

You can’t help but giggle, and Sunghoon thinks he might come from the sweet sound contrasted with your lewd actions alone. “I read a lot of fanfiction,” you explain, and he doesn’t question it. If Wattpad taught you how to suck dick, then so be it.

You wrap your hand around his and tell him to keep going so you can get an idea of what pace and movements he likes, and you graze your fingernails over his abs and chest with your other hand, chuckling at how sensitive he is when you lightly pinch his nipples. Sunghoon takes his hand off of himself, laying both of his hands palms up next to him on the bed, so you decide to literally take things into your own hands. Trying to recreate what he did before, you spit into your palm and wrap your fingers around his tip, bringing your hand down in a swirly motion to the base of his shaft. You do that a few times, asking, “Like that?” to get confirmation from Sunghoon.

“Just like that, baby,” he says, not even taking notice of the pet name; but you do, and your face immediately flushes, surprised at how much you like it.

“Baby?” you repeat, but he’s too lost in his pleasure and just hums in response. His reaction eggs you on, and you lick a long stripe from his base to his tip, swirling your tongue around it and humming at the bitter but not unpleasant taste of precum there. When another moan escapes his throat, you take his tip in your mouth, at first just shallowly thrusting your head, but then trying to take more and more of him. 

You’re so focused on what you’re doing that you don’t even realize how quickly he’s panting and how his grunts start to get whinier until he’s moaning out your name. “A-ah, Y/N, feels so good, ‘m gonna cum, fuck-”

He goes silent as he shoots his release down your throat, eyebrows deeply furrowed and mouth open wide in pleasure. There’s so much of it and you can’t swallow it all, so you pull your head back, catching your breath, and a hot string of cum hits your chin and your throat. Sunghoon takes a look at you and the sight of you with some of his cum makes his dick twitch before he plops back down on the bed. You giggle as you take tissues from the bedside table (cause of course he’s got tissues next to his bed) and wipe away his seed, then lie down next to him, brushing away the hair that’s sticking to his forehead with sweat and peppering his face with soft kisses.

He opens his eyes and smiles, turning his head to look at you before engulfing you in a bear hug, sweaty bodies sticking together but neither of you minding it. “That was so good, Y/N. What the fuck,” he sighs, pecking your forehead.

You hum, nuzzling your nose into his neck. “I know, right? Who knew you could use your mouth for other things than saying stupid shit,” you tease.

He pulls back and gives you a look that tries to be stern, but you know he’s joking. “Do I need to remind you again, young lady?”

You giggle and peck his lips, forcing him out of character as his dimples appear on his cheeks. “Later, definitely.”

And after that day, he makes sure to remind you time and time again of how good his mouth feels on you. You should’ve seen it coming with how amazing of a kisser he was; but truly, there was nothing like cumming on your friend’s tongue.

--

You’re relieved to find that not much has changed, after all; you and Sunghoon still play around in the pool, watch stupid movies and hang out with your friends like always. Sure, there are stray hands here and there, or looks that last a little too long and mean a little too much, but if anything, it just makes your friendship more playful and exciting. 

You’re both open with what you like and don’t like, so it doesn’t take either of you to figure out exactly how to make the other come undone embarrassingly quickly. (The shortest amount of time it took him was 2:38 seconds - yes, he timed it - and he hasn’t let you live it down since.) You like it when he presses his large hand down onto your lower tummy while he eats you out, or when he sits you between his legs and whispers all sorts of things as his fingers work their magic inside you and on your clit. He likes it when you get down on your knees in front of him and look up at him as you suck him dry, or when you sit in his lap and kiss his neck and play with his hair while he plays video games. And don’t even get him started on when you palmed him over his sweatpants while you watched a movie with Chaeyong, Jay and Jake, making sure that the movements under the blanket went unnoticed by them. He wanted to punish you after they left, he really did, but you took him in your mouth right there in the living room and gave him an orgasm that had his thighs shaking for five minutes afterwards. You were pretty proud of yourself for that one. 

You also find out that he hates it when you tease and edge him, which only makes you do it more; the only problem is that, if you do that, he’ll make you ride his thigh and won’t help you at all. His proud smirk and snide praises combined with the feeling of his thick thigh underneath your core were more than enough to get you to your end, though.

And truly, nothing has changed, especially not Sunghoon’s special talent in pushing boys away from you.

“What do you mean, Lee Heeseung is coming back?” he heatedly asks, slamming his glass of lemonade down on the outdoor table so hard you’re scared it might break.

“It’s the summer, of course he’s coming back. He just stayed behind for a bit to enjoy a few weeks of the city without college, and now he’s coming back here,” Jake explains, shrugging.

“Do you know when he’ll be here?” you ask, far too much excitement in your voice to Sunghoon’s taste.

“Just in a couple days.”

Sunghoon has smoke coming out of his ears when he sees how much you perk up at the news of your old crush being back in town for summer. He likes the boy, but he hates that you like him. And since Heeseung is friends with Jay, Jake, and by association Sunghoon, begrudgingly so, he’ll definitely see lots of him in the upcoming months. And if Sunghoon sees Heeseung, then you’ll see Heeseung, too. And that, Sunghoon doesn’t like.

You notice something is off with him that afternoon because of how uncharacteristically quiet he is. Sunghoon, ever the loud introvert, is always arguing for no reason and laughing louder than everybody around him. So when he merely chuckles at his friends’ numerous displays of stupidity in the pool and doesn’t even say anything in protest to you getting on Jake’s shoulders to play against Chaeyoung and Jay, you know something is definitely up. You also have a good idea of what that something might be, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find it endearing.

You stay behind when your friends leave in the early evening. Without a word, you and Sunghoon pack away the inflatable toys in the pool cabin and clean up the table, putting the dirty glasses in the sink. You do the dishes while he prepares sandwiches for the two of you, which he insisted on doing after he heard your stomach grumbling. You watch the latest Kurtis Conner video as you eat and can’t help but notice that he doesn’t even chuckle at any of the jokes or skits when he’d usually be clutching his stomach in laughter. 

When you’re done eating, you take a resolute breath and pause the video, but Sunghoon doesn’t even notice, only snapping out of his daze when you call out his name.

“Huh?” When his eyes find you, he almost looks surprised to see you, as if he’d forgotten you were there.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” you ask, slightly frowning. “You look so out of it today.”

“Huh? I’m fine, nothing’s wrong,” he says dismissively and presses play, but you quickly pause the video again.

“I’m your best friend, Sunghoon, I know when something’s the matter and I know when you’re lying. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but don’t pretend everything’s fine when we both know that’s not true.”

He peers at you for a moment, cursing you for knowing him so well. He crosses his arm and averts his gaze, pouting like an angry child. “I hate it when you’re right.”

You giggle and make your way around the counter to him, standing inbetween his legs and wrapping your arms around his neck to make him look up at you. His hands come naturally up to your waist. “I just…” he starts, then immediately stops himself with a sigh., “You’ve always had a crush on Heeseung. But these are our last couple months together, and I don’t want somebody else taking up your attention…”

He buries his face between your breasts to hide his blush, and you can’t help but giggle again. “Stop laughing at me!” he protests, but the muffled sound of his voice just makes you laugh more. You stroke his hair and press a gentle kiss at the top of his head.

“Sure, I’m happy Heeseung’s coming back. But there’s no one I’d rather spend my summer with than you, Sunghoon, you should know that.” He leans back to look up at you with puppy eyes and a small pout. You cup his face, admiring how cute he looks like this, and smile softly down at him.

“Really?”

“Really,” you answer, and he leans in for a kiss.

It’s a soft one. It’s a patient kiss, neither of you urging to get somewhere else, to do something more. It reminds you of that kiss in his room a few weeks ago, when you were still curious and discovering each other. From then on, your kisses had become more feverish, more eager, more playful. But now, you’re taking your time. For now at least, neither of you is going anywhere. So your lips melt together slowly, and when you take breaks to breathe, you look each other in the eyes and smile before leaning back in.

It’s when you sigh against his lips, eyes still closed as you pull away, that it hits him. I could do this forever, he thinks.

I could sit here with my arms around her waist and her lips against mine and the smell of chlorine and the sound of her laugh forever and I’d never get tired of it, he thinks, but immediately afterwards, he realizes he won’t get to do this forever. Summer will end, you’ll both head off to college, and you’ll only get to see each other every few months until another summer comes. And who knows what might happen until then?

You might meet someone and realize Sunghoon isn’t all that; hell, he might meet someone, but he highly doubts anyone could even come close to the way you make him feel.

“Hello? Earth to Sunghoon?” you quietly joke, looking down at him with an affectionate look in your eyes. You press the pads of your fingers to his two moles before replacing your fingers with your lips, giving each one a quick peck. “You were up on the moon for a minute there.”

Sunghoon hums softly, smiling as he lets himself melt under your touch. “Sorry. It’s just really hot, isn’t it?” he says, a stupid excuse he uses as a blanket to cover his feelings. There is some sweat beading at his hairline, which helps make his lie more believable, but you don’t need to know it’s not just because of the summer heat.

Slowly, your smile turns mischievous, and Sunghoon can tell you have an idea in mind. “It is pretty hot… Wait here.”

He watches as you fill a tall glass with ice from the dispenser in the fridge and pop an ice cube in your mouth, a devilish smile on your face, and laughs when that smile is replaced with a frown as the coldness hits you and you spit it back into the glass, laughing along with him. “What the hell are you doing?” he asks between giggles.

“I got the idea a few days ago when we were having popsicles…,” you say looking down at the glass between your hands, slightly embarrassed. “You kissed me and your mouth was really cold but it felt nice.” Sunghoon hums, egging you to go on. You lift the glass up to his cheeks, applying just a bit of pressure to the soft skin. “I thought this could be refreshing.” 

You take the ice cube back in your mouth, sucking on it but not letting it melt completely before pressing your lips against Sunghoon’s and opening your mouth just a bit so he could feel the cold of the ice cube. You feel his smile into the kiss as the ice cube swirls between your tongues, sending shivers down your spine. 

“Very refreshing indeed,” he murmurs when the ice has completely melted. He gets up and takes the glass in one of his hands, leaning down to your level and says “C’mon” with the same mischievous smile as you on his face.

You two hurry up the stairs, and when you get to his room, he hands you the glass before throwing himself on his back, laying on his back with his hands behind his head. “Show me what you had in mind.”

You straddle his hips and take an ice cube from the glass, rubbing it over his lips before pushing it inside his mouth, the cold making him hiss. You quickly counteract that by pressing your lips to his, the contrast of your warm tongue and the freezing ice turning him on more than he would’ve thought.

When the ice has melted, you take another piece and brush it along his jaw, down his Adam’s apple and around his nipples. The cold temperature makes him squirm but he doesn’t shy away from it, even closing his eyes to focus solely on the feeling. While you play with the ice cube, you also leave warm kisses all over his skin, reveling in its slightly salty taste from the thin layer of sweat. You let the ice cube melt between his abs and watch him wriggle as he sucks in a sharp breath, then grab another one, starting off where the previous one stopped. You circle his navel while your fingers play with the hem of his swimming trunks. He pulls them down himself and you chuckle at his eagerness. “I should’ve known you liked the cold, with all those years of ice skating you did,” you tease.  

He’s almost fully hard, and it only takes a few kisses and trailing the ice cube down his inner thighs to have his dick fully erect. He’d only been letting out small sighs and hisses until now, but when you grab another ice cube and circle it around his sensitive tip, he throws his head back into the pillows and moans loudly. You push your luck and drag the ice cube down his shaft, his thighs snapping together when it reaches his balls. You put it in your mouth and let it melt so that your tongue is still cold when you swirl it around his tip, already tasting precum there. But before you can take him further in your mouth, he calls out your name.

“Wait. I don’t wanna cum just yet. My turn.”

He shakes his shoulders in excitement as you switch positions, you taking your t-shirt and bikini top off and laying on your back and him sitting down with one knee on each side of your thighs, an ice cube in his hand and a giddy smile on his face.

He brushes it over your lips before pushing it just a bit into your mouth, holding onto it with two fingers while you suck on it, gazes locked in each other. Just as you did earlier, he trails it down your throat and your chest until they reach your nipples, marveling at the thin wet trail it leaves in its wake. He licks this trail as he circles one of your nipples with the ice cube, and you don’t know if you should focus on his warm tongue or on the cold ice cube. Once it’s melted, he takes another one and circles your other nipple with it, his mouth coming to wrap around the now cold one. Your hands fly up to grab at his hair, your back arching into his touch as you moan and pant loudly.

He sucks and licks at your nipples until you’re calling out his name, begging for more. As nice as his mouth or an ice cube around your nipples feel, your pussy is throbbing and desperate for attention. “Sunghoon… Please,” you whine.

“Please what?” he teases, looking up from your breasts with a smirk.

You whine again, knowing he knows full well what you want. “Please…”

He trails the ice cube down your stomach, circling your navel a few times where it melts before slipping two cold fingers underneath your bikini bottoms. “Is this what you want, baby?,” he asks as he rubs his fingers between his folds, and you whine at the feeling of having him so close to your hole and to your clit but not quite there either. He smirks when you nod frantically but whine at the loss of his fingers against you as he takes your bottoms off and reaches for another ice cube.

You release a loud moan and arch your back off the bed when the ice cube touches your clit. “Fuck, Hoon!”

He rubs the ice cube up and down your folds, your heat melting it much faster than your skin. He takes another one and brings it to your entrance this time, circling around it before pushing the ice cube in and staring with wonder as it melts quickly. He holds your hips down so you stop bucking them up, whimpering at the amazing feeling of the ice against you. He replaces the ice cube with his fingers inside of you and his tongue on your clit, sucking expertly at the sensitive bud and lapping at your juices. And while it feels good - God, does it feel good - and you let Sunghoon know just how nice it feels with your moans, whispers of his names and the way you hold onto his hair, you’re craving something more.

It’s something you’ve been wanting for the past few days, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. No matter how nice Sunghoon’s fingers and mouth felt, they didn’t make you feel close to him enough. You wanted to be so close to him you didn’t know where you ended and where he started; you wanted to feel him. 

You pull him up by the face, asking him to come here and getting lost in his lips as soon as they reach your level. God, Sunghoon’s kisses. You could drown in them. But still, that craving, that need for more. And now that his body is pressed up against yours and you can feel his erection against your thigh, so close to your core, you think you know what it is that you want. “Hmm, please…”

“You keep asking me for something, but you don’t tell me what it is.”

“You. I want you, Hoon, please,” you beg, murmuring against his lips as you wrap your legs around his hips and bring him even closer, his cock now pressing against your cunt.

“M-me?,” he asks, leaning back just a bit, but you pull him back in right away, resting his forehead against yours.

“Yes, please. I need to feel you inside me.”

Your words are enough to get a moan out of Sunghoon. “Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” he pants, planting kisses all over your face and neck. Usually, you’d giggle at the ticklish sensation, but right now, you’re so drunk on pleasure, it just makes your breath even shallower and your core wetter.

“How long?”

“God. Since the second time we kissed probably,” he replies, reaching for a condom in the drawer of his bedside table. You think back to that moment six weeks ago (how has it been six weeks already?, you think), after you and Sunghoon had made up and made out on his couch in front of a horror movie. He’d wanted you for that long? And he’d waited for you to say something since then?

“Today’s your lucky day, then,” you tease in an attempt to alleviate the need for him that takes over your bones, but his gaze when he looks back at you ruins any effort. If anything, it just makes you need him even more. You feel like you might explode if you don’t have him right now.

You watch as he clumsily wraps the condom around his member, clearly never having done this before, but you wouldn’t be of any help, so you let him figure it out on his own. You let your head fall back as he rubs his tip up and down your folds, gathering your slick on his dick before aligning himself at your entrance and giving you a long, deep kiss.

“Are you sure about this?” he asks, forehead on yours.

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah, I am. But I’m also scared.”

“Scared of what, Hoon?” you ask, opening your eyes to look at him. You caress his cheek and cup his face in your hands, watching softly as he lets his head rest on your palm.

“I’m scared of hurting you. I heard it hurts the first time. And I’m scared…” he closes his eyes and frowns a bit. “I’m scared it’ll feel too good. That I’ll always want it. You.”

You take a small moment to think, your thumb brushing over his cheek in what you hope is a comforting manner. “You won’t hurt me, Hoon. It only hurts if you’re not ready… And I’m plenty ready. I know you’ll take it slow.” You smile softly when he nods, turning his head to kiss your palm. But if sex is as good as you’ve heard it is, you’re also scared that it might be the best thing you’ve ever experienced and that you’ll never get enough. You and Sunghoon have been meeting up almost everyday this summer and it has more often than not ended up with one of you between the other’s legs; you could never get bored of the things he made you feel or of knowing you were making him feel those exact same things. If you couldn’t live without his fingers, how could you live without his dick?

How could you live without him?

You tried to snap out of those thoughts, reassuring yourself that even before all of this you couldn’t imagine yourself living without Sunghoon, and that there was no reason this should change anything. “And don’t be scared of that, silly,” you say, making him smile. “I’ll always be here, Sunghoon. I’ll always want you, too.” 

“Fuck, okay,” he whispers, kissing your lips once before pulling himself up on his palms, hovering over you. “Tell me if you need me to stop, yeah?” he asks and waits for you to nod before finally pushing in.

You instantly moan when you feel his tip inside you, and Sunghoon stops, frantically asking if you’re okay. It takes some convincing to get him to push himself further in. “It feels so good, Hoon. Please keep going.”

You tell him to not stop until he’s fully inside you, and he obeys, even though he wants to stop when he sees your frown and your sharp intakes of breath. When he’s buried to a hilt, he can’t help but collapse on top of you, burying his face in your neck and wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. “Y/N,” he drawls out. “Feels so fucking good. So tight,” he murmurs against your neck.

“Mmh. Give me a minute, baby.” Your hands caress up and down the expanse of his back and you feel him relax on top of you. As you adjust around his length, the stretch starts to feel more and more pleasurable, until pleasure is the only thing you feel. “Hoon?”

“Yeah?” he says, kissing and nibbling softly at your neck and earlobe.

“You can move, now.”

Sunghoon doesn’t need to be told twice and ever-so-slowly slides out of you, leaving only the tip in before he slides back in. His thrusts are slow but deep, and it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more. He’s barely started but you’re both already whimpering messes, holding onto each other tightly as pleasure like neither of you has felt before takes over your entire bodies.

As you both get more comfortable, his pace picks up just a tiny bit and you tentatively raise your legs higher so that they’re hooked around the back of his knees instead of laying on the bed. The new angle only adds to the intense pleasure, but you don’t even realize you’re crying until Sunghoon stops mid-thrust, wiping your tears with his thumb and worryingly asking if you’re okay and if it hurts and if he should stop. You open your eyes and smile, instantly calming his nerves. You bring his head closer to yours and kiss him like you’d stop breathing if you didn’t. “It feels so fucking good, Hoon. So, so good.”

He sighs out of relief and resumes his actions, heart swelling with pride that he’s making you feel so good, you’re crying. He’s always hated seeing you cry or hurt in general; but knowing what kind of tears these are, he thinks you look so pretty with tears streaming down your face. His hands grip your thighs a bit tighter as he quickens his pace, already addicted to the feeling of your warm walls taking him in so well.

He slips out a few times but you’re always quick to guide him back inside you. He lifts his body up a bit to get a deeper angle, hoping it’ll get him to stop slipping out, and he’s blown away by the sight underneath him. He thinks you’ve never looked so gorgeous as you do now, legs spread wide for him, cheeks flushed, brows furrowed and mouth agape for him. He kisses your tears, the salty taste bringing a smile to his lips. “So perfect,” he whispers against your mouth. “You look so beautiful.”

Sunghoon takes your legs and wraps them higher around his hips, the new angle hitting a spot inside you that’s making you see stars and has you moaning his name like it’s the only thing you know how to say. You feel that familiar tension build up inside your stomach much faster and much stronger than it usually does.

“Fuck, Sunghoon, I’m gonna cum,” you warn, and a harsher thrust inside you is what pushes you over the edge, the sensation crashing into you and making your thighs shake. An orgasm has never hit you this hard before.

You’re clenching around him like crazy and Sunghoon gasps as you milk him dry, his own orgasm hitting him all at once. He shoots his release inside the condom and stills inside you, breath completely taken away by the sudden, overwhelming sensation.

He lays on top of you for a moment as you both catch your breaths, trying to make sense of how something can feel this good without killing you instantly. He apologizes when his pulling out makes you wince and kisses the top of your head. He rolls onto his back, pulling you with him so that you’re now almost lying on top of him, head against his chest as his arms wrap themselves around you. You leave kisses all over his chest and neck and his hands caress your back.

“That was amazing.”

“I know, right?” he responds immediately, his enthusiasm making you laugh.

“Thanks, Hoon,” you say timidly, voice muffled against his skin.

“For what?”

“For making me feel this good.”

He chuckles. “No need to thank me, pretty. If anything, I should thank you for letting me make you feel good, and on top of that making me feel good.”

You hum at his words and you both stay there for a bit longer, enjoying each other’s warmth. Something blooms inside your chest, and you don’t know whether to let it grow or to squash it down. It feels nice, almost too nice, and you’re scared it might get ripped away from you and it won’t feel so nice then.

Friendship, sex, love. In those weeks spent with Sunghoon, those previously clear lines have blurred to a point they were all one big messy ball of feelings and not three distinct things you could tell apart. Has sex turned your friendship with Sunghoon into something romantic? Or is that just an illusion, and being so intimate with your best friend has messed up your once platonic vision of him? But was your vision of him ever platonic?

Haven't the two of you always been teased about liking each other for a reason? After all, you and Sunghoon didn't grow up together, and he’s never felt like a brother to you. He has always been your male friend; you’ve always been aware that he was your friend who was also a boy. When you'd moved in the house next to his, you hadn’t instantly clicked; it took a while for the ice skating prodigy to warm up to you, but his parents had warmly welcomed yours into the neighborhood and quickly became friends, so it was only a matter of time before he’d open up to the idea of you being around. Constantly.

You’d walk to and from school together, do homework together, go on family trips together, cheer each other on at your respective competitions. After his ice skating lessons, when his coach let him have the whole place to himself for a bit more practice, he’d tie your ice skates for you and drag you onto the ice rink, holding you by the waist or shoulders as he skated backwards in front of you, but also laughing at you when you inevitably fell. He’d tease you for getting second place at the science fair or for getting your arguments torn apart during Model United Nations, but the way he’d be a little nicer to you or share his food more often that week wouldn’t escape you.

Being a handsome young ice skater, Sunghoon had developed quite the loyal following of boys and girls alike who would come to see him at his competitions. He thrived off of the attention, but no matter how much he enjoyed his fans’ admiration, you were always the one he’d skate to after having won first place, hugging you tightly over the barrier separating the ice from the bleachers. Especially during your younger teen years, Sunghoon wasn’t one for skinship or PDA, so it always meant that much more to you that even after his most important wins, you were the first thing on his mind. It never failed to make your stomach flip, and all the death stares from his fans in the world couldn’t have changed a thing.

You were already close, but you became practically inseparable after Sunghoon’s injury. During the competition that would have gotten him a place at the Youth Winter Olympics had he won, his nerves got the best of him and he didn’t land his triple axel, hurting his ankle in the process. Ten years of dedication and hard work, ruined in mere seconds. To say that it destroyed him would be an understatement.

You were the one to bring him back up. You listened to him when he needed to vent, held him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, cheered him up when he needed to smile. He didn’t even need to tell you what he needed, you seemed to just know. You reminded him that he had a lot more value than his medals and trophies and that he didn’t need them to be complete. His family and friends tried their best to make him feel better, but their words never reached him quite like yours did.

Slowly but surely, his confidence came back. He’d lost his fans, but he’d gained a friend he knew would always be there for him. His dimples would appear more often, his laugh would resonate louder. His injury had made the two of you grow closer, creating a bond that would only strengthen over time.

And yet there were moments when being friends wasn’t enough. When calling him your best friend didn’t feel right. You had other friends, friends you were close to; sure, maybe not as close as to Sunghoon, but close nonetheless. And you didn’t feel that way around them.

Their laugh didn’t make your heart skip a beat. You didn’t want to bury your face in their necks and breathe in their scent when they hugged you. You didn’t want to know every single detail of their day. And you surely didn’t feel a pang of jealousy in your chest when they danced with another girl at your school ball.

You also didn’t crave their lips on yours every single day since it had happened for the first time and didn’t want to see what they sounded or looked like while getting the life sucked out of them through their dick.

Everybody told you it was obvious you were ‘more than friends.’ Why did romantic love have to be ‘more’ than platonic love? Why were there levels to it? You didn’t like the idea of taking your relationship with Sunghoon ‘one step further’; that wasn’t the way it felt to you. Rather, it felt like having to change everything you knew and create something new. Something where you could see him laugh and tell him about your day, but where you could also kiss him and graze his skin with your fingertips. Something that only you could share with him and only he could share with you. But you were afraid the friendship would fall apart if things didn't work out. So, instead of taking the risk of changing everything, you made sure things would stay the same. You’d tell the butterflies raging in your stomach to settle down and you wouldn’t let yourself fall into his touch in case it’d be like falling from the highest mountain.

That is, until he kissed you. Until this moment, right now, lying in his arms, ear right over his heart so you can hear it beat for you. You look up at him. His eyes are closed and a soft smile rests on his lips. He looks so peaceful. He always looks pleased when you’ve just been together, but right now, he seems to be in such a serene state, it almost makes you laugh.

Now that you’ve given in to your feelings, you’ve realized just how strong they were this whole time. Nothing has ever felt better than being in Sunghoon’s arms, than being able to see him at his most vulnerable state and to give all of you to him. All those things you didn’t know about him just six weeks ago, you know them by heart now. You’re sure there’s other things to find out, and you’ll make sure you will.

But summer won’t last forever.

A wave of sadness slaps you right in the face, bringing you back to reality. There’ll come a time where you and Sunghoon won’t be able to lounge around all day or lazily make-out at your will. You’ll go your own ways and not see each other for months at a time. The thought of that is unbearable, and you feel like looking at Sunghoon for a second longer might rip your heart into a million pieces.

When you sit up, tearing yourself away from his grip, he immediately opens his eyes, asking what’s wrong.

“Just need to go to the bathroom. I heard you can get STIs from not peeing after sex,” you half-lie. He nods and falls back into the bed. 

You rush to the toilet, needing to get far away from Sunghoon as quickly as possible. Even your pee smells different - guess that’s what having a dick inside you will do to you. You wash your hands and look in the mirror: your skin is darker in some spots, surely Sunghoon’s work. So not only did he mess with your thoughts, he also had to make your body all weird, too?

You splash your face with cold water, hoping it will bring you back to your senses. You and Sunghoon have been best friends for years. There’s no point in changing all of that now, is there? You’ll be leaving soon enough, anyway. Why ruin a perfectly fine friendship for a summer fling?

Those are your thoughts as you head back to Sunghoon’s bedroom, ready to tell him that this whole thing was a mistake and you should just pretend it never happened. But your resolve crumbles at your feet as soon as you step inside the room.

Sunghoon’s got a couple of snacks ready as he browses through Netflix in search of an appropriate movie. “How about Twilight?” he says when he feels the bed dip under your weight next to him. He kisses your forehead and pulls you down on the bed with him so that you’re lying back against his chest.

Screw it, you think. Whatever this is, it’s much more than a summer fling.

--

The rest of the summer goes by in a flash. No, you don’t try to make Sunghoon jealous by flirting with Heeseung; if the mention of the latter’s name was enough to get your friend mad, then purposefully twirling your hair or batting your eyelashes at the older boy just might make Sunghoon white-boy-punch a hole into a wall. And it’s not like Heeseung would try coming onto you, either, with how clingy Sunghoon gets when he’s around, always an arm around your waist and a glare that could kill Heeseung.

Sunghoon gradually opens up to Heeseung being around, even though it takes you reminding him almost daily that he’s the one whose arms you wanna end up in over anybody’s. After a couple weeks, Sunghoon stops looking like he's on the brink of starting a fight every time Heeseung so much as talks to you or hands you a glass of lemonade, and finally relaxes around him.

You spend countless sleepless nights with Sunghoon. You’ve probably memorized every single one of his moles by now, and you’ve made sure to kiss all of them. He holds you against him like he might lose you at any given moment. The only nights you don’t fall asleep in each other’s embrace are when either one of you is sleeping over at your friend’s house. On those nights, sleep always takes hours before washing over you, the lack of warmth keeping you awake.

Your friends and you spend entire days at the lake or by Sunghoon’s pool, not a care in the world. You rest your head on Sunghoon’s shoulder as you watch the fireworks Jake and Jay bought go off. Sunghoon grills your marshmallows for you, blowing on them so they cool down before handing you the stick. You try to ignore how the night air gets slightly chillier and how the sun sets slightly earlier, but by the last days of August, it becomes too noticeable. When September rolls around, you’re sure there’s a small crack in your heart.

You know Sunghoon feels the end of summer too. His kisses are deeper and his lips linger over yours a second longer. He frowns when he kisses you and hugs you, like he’s trying to remember what it feels like. His usual playful demeanor when you’re in bed together is gone, instead seemingly hellbent on making you feel good and almost begging you to say his name. As if you could say any other name. As if you could say anything else.

Neither of you mention your departure until the night before you leave. After spending the evening with your friends, you lie together in bed, the side of your face resting against his chest so you can feel his heart against your ear. He’s tracing patterns with his fingertips on your back, and it takes you a while to figure out he’s spelling his name over and over again, as if to etch it in your skin. When, once in a while, he takes his hand off of you to reach for his phone, you can still feel his fingers caressing you, ghostlike against your skin.

The air around you feels heavy, pressing the both of you down into the mattress. You wish the bed would eat you alive so you could stay there, warm against each other, as long as you like. You know you can’t leave without talking first, but the words won’t come to you. Instead, they float around the bed, weighing your heart down into your stomach.

“So,” you start. You're unsure what to say, but you know this conversation has to happen, one way or another. In the end, you settle on, “Excited to leave?”

Sunghoon scoffs lightly, his motions on your back coming to a stop. “Not really, no. It’s not like I’m leaving that far, and half of our school is going to our uni.”

“Maybe, but there’ll be tons of other people. Tons of other girls, too,” you add after a short pause.

“Don’t do this, Y/N, please.”

You sit up at his words. He covers his eyes with his forearm and takes a deep breath in, sensing an incoming argument. “Do what?”

“This. Getting mad at me when I haven’t done anything.”

“I’m not mad at you,” you protest, frowning down at him.

“No? Then what’s this?” he says, smoothing down the lines between your eyebrows and on your forehead with the pad of a finger.

“Whatever.” You nudge your head away from his touch. It burns. “It’s not like I’m wrong, anyway. You’re gonna have a bunch of girls at your feet, and you’ll know what to do with them, right? Now that you’re not a virgin?” you question, avoiding his gaze.

“Y/N…” he sighs, shutting his eyes tighter as if in pain.

“What? This was the whole reason why, right? Get experience with me so you could fuck girls better, no?”

“Y/N!” he says, raising his voice enough to let you know he’s upset but not enough to scare you. He sits up, looking at you with hurt and disbelief in his eyes. “What’s this all of a sudden? It’s not like I forced you into this! We agreed on it together!”

“So you agree? That this summer was just about getting experience and now you’ll use it on other girls and pretend like we,” you gesture between the two of you, “never happened?”

“What do you mean ‘agree’? I never said any of this! Don’t put words into my mouth!”

He watches as you get up from the bed, arms crossed and pacing his room. He calls out to you a few times, but you don’t stop to look at him until he speaks your name with a sternness you’ve never heard before from him. “What?” you snap.

“I don’t get why you’re acting like this out of nowhere! We both knew summer was gonna end at some point, and why we were doing this! Why are you blaming me now?”

“Because… because…” you sigh, scrambling for an excuse. Why were you doing this? The thought of Sunghoon doing what he did to you to another girl, making her feel as good as he had made you feel, kissing her like he had kissed you, made you sick. It made you see red, it made you want to make him wear a shirt with your face on it so everybody knew he was yours.

Sunghoon gets up and stands close in front of you, too close. You close your eyes. If you see his moles, you might reach out to touch them and let yourself fall even more. If you fall, you’ll need to get up, but his scent makes your knees weak.

His hands find your face, holding a little too gently, you think. Your small ones wrap around his wrists and grip them, a little too harshly, he thinks. 

You take a step back and finally look into his eyes. There’s hope in them; hope you’ll say what he wants, what he needs to hear. That you want him like he wants you. That you wish summer wasn’t over. That you’ll keep him in your heart until you can see him again. So, when what you say next is none of the above, he feels his heart sink down to his feet, leaving a murky puddle there.

“I can’t do this.”

You rush out of the room, practically running home. You fight your tears back until you slam your bedroom behind you, pathetically sinking to the ground as you let out a loud sob. You don't have the energy to get up, and cry into your hoodie's sleeve right there on the floor.

When you’ve calmed down a bit, you get up and lay in your bed, hiding your whole body underneath the covers. Maybe this is for the best, you think. If you end it like this, you won’t have the knowledge of whether he’ll wait to have you back or he’ll move on like nothing happened. That way, you can do whatever you want, not caring about what he’s up to. 

But even now, your hands subconsciously reach out towards a person that’s not there and your feet hang over the edge of your bed as though to get up and run to him anytime. You curl in on yourself to stop your body from aching for him. It doesn’t work very well.

Sunghoon stays where you left him for a few minutes, too stunned to move. Should he run after you? Should he let you cool off for a bit and talk to you in the morning? Would you be mad at him if he didn’t try to see you now or would the mere sight of him just make you angrier? He plops down on his bed as these questions run through his mind, butting into each other and making everything more confusing. 

He thinks back on everything that led to this, and his mind settles on that day a few days after graduation where his thoughts had dropped to the lowest pits of hell. If only you hadn’t brought those two damned lollipops.

--

The next morning, Sunghoon wakes up as if somebody had slapped him awake. He doesn’t bother to brush his teeth or eat anything before running over to your house, almost forgetting to put shoes on. He finds you in your room, packing the last of your things into an already full suitcase. He stands at your door, panting as his hands rest on his knees.

“You haven’t left yet. Thank God.”

“God, Hoon. It’s not that far between your house and mine. How are you so out of breath,” you say, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

He walks to you and kneels in front of you, taking you in his arms before you can say anything. “Talk to me, please. Don’t leave like this. I’d never forgive myself if you left and you were mad at me, Y/N.”

You thought you’d cried so much last night that there was not a single drop of water left in your body, but you thought wrong. Your eyes immediately well up at his words, and he leans back when he hears a soft sniffle escaping you. Only then does he notice how puffy your eyes from all your crying.

“No, no… Have you been crying? I’m so sorry, pretty, please don’t cry,” he pouts, pulling you back into his embrace. It hasn’t even been half a day, but you missed his warmth so much, it only makes you cry harder.

After sobbing against his chest, possibly staining his shirt in the process, you pull away and in your light-headed, dehydrated state, spill your heart out. “It’s so stupid,” you sob. “We’re not gonna see each other for months and I’m gonna miss you so much and I don’t want you to be with other girls. I want you all to myself and I don’t want to be your friend that you fucked for a summer just so you could get experience, it was a stupid idea in the first place, if you wanted to kiss me, you should’ve just kissed me. But you didn’t just kiss me and now I’m scared that this all meant nothing to you but everything to me and that I don’t want to be friends anymore but you do and I’m mad that it took me all summer to say this even though I’ve known it for years but I didn’t want to admit it to myself but also you didn’t say anything and I’m mad about that too. Because there’s no way you don’t feel like I do but maybe you actually don’t and-”

Whatever you were about to say dies out against Sunghoon’s lips as he presses his lips to yours, interrupting your rambling. He pulls away, looking at you with a huge, stupid grin. He’s so stupid, you think. I love him so much.

“Fucking hell, Y/N. I’ve been waiting for you to say this so bad, you have no idea.”

You punch his chest, frowning at him. Those stupid tears won’t stop. Everything is so stupid. “Then why didn’t you say it first?”

“Because I didn’t know how to. You know I’m bad with words. And I was scared it’d make things weird.”

“I don’t want things to be weird,” you pout.

“I don’t want things to be weird, either. I want things to be nice and happy.”

You giggle. “That’s so stupid.”

“Right? It’s so stupid,” he repeats, kissing you again.

“Your breath smells,” you complain when he pulls away.

“And you have tears on your lips. Tastes salty,” he teases.

“Yeah, thanks to who?”

“Sorry.” He smiles and kisses you again. He holds you against him for a while, enjoying this last moment together. As long as he can see a smile on your face before you leave, he’ll be fine.

“I’m gonna miss you so much too, Y/N. And forget about those non-existent girls. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you.”

“How do you know? You haven’t met any of them yet,” you say, voice muffled against his t-shirt.

“I’ve met other girls before. None of them compare to you,” he says, and you immediately gag at how cliché it sounds. “What?! It’s true,” he giggles.

“You’re not gonna go and date a random guy, are you?”

“Of course not. None of them compare to you,” you say, lowering your voice to imitate his.

He helps you finish packing, and when you’re done, you lay together on your bed, not saying much because not much needs to be said. Your parents struggle to tear you away from each other and from your bed when it’s time to leave. He helps your dad put your baggage in the trunk of his car, telling you to not lift a finger so you watch him go to and from the car, leaving a kiss on your forehead every time he walks past you. You notice with a smile that he doesn’t carry much at once, making him have to go back-and-forth quite often.

After saying goodbye to your family, your dad waits in the car as you and Sunghoon hang back awkwardly, kicking small pebbles on the pavement. He takes your hand in his, making you look up at him, then takes the other hand, then hugs you close to him.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you say, as if that wasn’t obvious. You’re trying hard to fight tears from falling again, but it’s like there’s an ocean behind your eyes, water somehow never running out. 

“I already miss you,” he says, and that’s enough to get you to sob again, which makes him start crying too. You’re crying, he’s crying, your mom is crying from the porch as she watches the two of you, it’s a mess.

You force yourself away from him, cupping his face in your hands. “We’ll see each other soon, okay? And college will be fun. You won’t even have time to miss me. But make time to think about me, yeah? And text me.”

“I will. I’ll think about you all the time, I already do,” he says.

“Okay,” you whisper and hug him one last time, very briefly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. You’re about to walk away but he doesn’t let go of your hand and pulls on your arm to bring you back to him.

Pressing his forehead against yours, he whispers, “I love you,” and you sob.

“I love you, too.”

This time, when you walk away, he lets you go. He watches as you get into the passenger’s seat and as the car drives away, as it takes you away from him. You watch him stand there in the rearview mirror, until his silhouette becomes smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until you can’t see him at all anymore.

--

Summer went and fall came as they do every year. Dead leaves are falling but it’s a new start for you. It’s a new town and you don’t know anybody, but you click instantly with your roommate and make new friends throughout your first week there. You realize everybody’s in the same boat, and they’re all eager to meet people and are curious about college life. You love your classes but complain about them nonetheless. You eat more ramen than you’d like to admit and turn up hungover at a 9 am class on a Thursday. You pull all-nighters at the library and develop a caffeine dependency. You’re a college student.

You and Sunghoon were very dramatic when you left, you soon realize. You call almost everyday. He’s not there with you and you miss him but at least you don’t have to pretend you’re not stupidly in love with him anymore. Because it’s stupid, being in love, it really is. You wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Your first semester passes by almost too quickly, and before you know it, you’re on the drive home, already one eighth of the way through university. You’re excited to go home, but Sunghoon’s finals last a week longer so you wait around for him. When you complain about it, Chaeyoung tells you to get a grip. “You haven’t seen him in three months, I’m sure you can handle another week.”

And you can, but barely. You were about to explode but then he’s back and you’re in his arms and his hair is still so soft, his scent is still so comforting and his moles are still there. You kiss them both before you finally press your lips to his, and it makes you feel so alive, you could die right then and there.

You lie on his bed and talk for hours as if you didn’t keep in touch the whole time and it’s like you never left. It’s like summer never ended and you’ve just been lying in his bed the whole time, college just one big fever dream. 

But his skin doesn’t smell like chlorine anymore, and he’s not in his swimming trunks. It’s fall, almost winter, and you’re kissing Park Sunghoon. You realize you can kiss him whatever the season and you find comfort in that. It was a big day (you cried a lot when you saw him) and you’re tired so you think you’ll kiss for a bit and that’ll be all but then he whispers “I missed you so much” against your neck and a fire lights inside your stomach. Oh, how it burns. You think it might consume you whole, but you don’t dislike that idea.

In a flash, you’re on top of him, his shirt is off, your shirt is off, but it’s not enough so you take your pants off too and Sunghoon is confused as to why you’re going so fast, but follows you anyway. “What’s going on?” he asks when you’re done with the taking off of your clothes and have moved on to kissing and biting at his neck like it’s your first meal in ages, because it is.

“I missed you too,” you simply answer, and he smirks as he nods slowly, now understanding your eagerness.

“Missed me that much, huh?” he teases, letting his head fall back against the pillow so you have better access to his neck.

“Shut up. Kiss me,” you order, and he doesn’t need to be told twice. Your kisses are ravenous and desperate, very fitting for two horny people in love who haven’t seen each other in months. But the pulse in your core makes you too impatient to stay anywhere for too long, and really, it’s not your fault if you’re grinding down onto Sunghoon’s clothed erection, it’s just that he smells too good and you missed him too much.

Sunghoon laughs at you for being so impatient to hide just how impatient he is. His giggles keep him from moaning loudly enough to wake the whole house, and you laugh as you tell him to stop laughing.

“I’m serious. I missed you so much. Need you so bad,” you say as you get rid of your underwear and quickly do the same for his. He gasps when he feels you take his dick in your hand and brush its tip between your folds, both out of pleasure and out of surprise.

“Shouldn’t I get you ready? Stretch you out a bit?” he asks, his hands roaming up and down your back as he sits up on the bed so that you’re straddling his lap, and you shake your head no. You’re probably already embarrassingly wet from your short makeout session, anyway.

“I don’t care if it hurts,” you say, lining his tip with your entrance. “Need to feel you.”

You sink down on his cock, the both of you releasing loud moans at the long-awaited feeling. He lets you adjust to his size for a minute, but as soon as you move your hips just a bit, signaling to him that you’re ready for more, it’s over for you. He wanted to be patient and take his time, he really did, but you feel so warm around him and your small whimpers are so pretty that his resolve of letting you take the lead is thrown out the window. He pounds into you at a rapid pace that has you biting his shoulder to keep yourself from screaming.

You had imagined your first time back with Sunghoon so many times before. It usually involved a nice playlist in the background, fairy lights and candles lighting the room, hours of foreplay and sensual lovemaking, with a nice bath afterwards. Sometimes, when you were particularly needy for him, you imagined something closer to what was actually happening, where you’d rip each other’s clothes as soon as you got to the bedroom and fucked like animals (a bit much, admittedly, but you really missed him).

What you definitely hadn’t expected, however, was that you’d both cum in less than five minutes. What could you do, though, when he was hitting your g-spot over and over again, his length stretching you perfectly as he whispered in your ear how much he’d missed you and how good you felt? And what could he do when you took him in so well, clinging onto him as you told him how much you’d missed him and how good he felt?

You finish at the same time, hole clenching around him and milking him dry. He doesn’t pull out for a while, letting you collapse onto him as you both catch your breaths, just like you had that first time. “That was a bit quick,” he pants, and you can’t help but laugh. 

You pull back to look at his face. It’s so pretty and stupid. What a stupid face that you love so much. Do you love it because it’s stupid or is it stupid because you love it? You think that that’s a stupid question, and you kiss the mole on his nose, then the mole on his cheek, right next to his nose.

“We have all night to go slower.”

“We have all Christmas break,” he corrects.

We have the rest of our lives, you think, and you think that might be a bit much, but you say it anyway. Sunghoon hums and says, “yes, we do,” and you think maybe it’s not all that stupid.

Maybe it’s the greatest thing that’s ever been.

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[dottores]

HELIOTROPES

pairing: dottore x fem!reader & segments

summary: the gods were sick and twisted. for five hundred years, he believed he was fated to be alone. he had long accepted it—embraced it, even. that is, until a midwinter night when that elusive red thread finally appeared on his finger. but as much as he wants to ignore it, the pull of a soulmate simply cannot be ignored.

genre: soulmate au, canon compliant for the most part.

warnings: fem!reader, worldbuilding for snezhnaya & fatui & fontaine, dottore's past includes webtoon mindset.

notes: okay y'all i know I gave u a choice over what u want to see int he next chapter but free choice is only an illusion & mother knows best & I took ur wants into consideration & decided against it bc I had a rlly great idea that can only be implemented in this chapter bc there would be no other opportunities for it later on. but im rlly happy w how some of these scenes came out so hopefully u guys are too.

RISE OF A KING, FALL OF A QUEEN

This again. 

You wanted to frown as you found yourself in a large room akin to a chamber with a tall, dome-like ceiling and marble pillars that stretched the height of the room. You were sat in a chair, wooden and creaky, and you could feel the cold shackles wrapped around your ankles without even looking down to see them for yourself. 

There were six figures sitting before you, each on large seats that reminded you of Chief Justice Neuvillette’s back in the Fontaine courthouse. Even the air was similar--damp and heavy, it made your skin crawl.

He was on trial, you put together quickly, but for what? And… where?

There wasn’t much in your line of sight besides the six people sitting in front of you. No, that’s not right. You could see a few more figures from the corner of your eye--they were armed with swords and polearms, tense and ready to act. They wore uniforms of some kind but you couldn’t make out what they were from, you didn’t recognize them. 

“Three hundred years,” one of the men in the six seats spat out. “It’s been three hundred years since the sages have had to gather for a situation like this. This should have been handled before it escalated to this, Sayid. He no longer brings shame just on the Kshahrewar Darshan, now he brings it upon all of us. This has gone too far.”

Sages, Darshan, this was the Akademiya. These were the Great Sages. The people lining the wall were the Matra.

“Attempting the forbidden, interfering with natural evolution, delving beyond the universe--three sins that he has committed and somehow this is still a discussion,” another voice--a woman this time--added on.

You thought that he should have felt anxious, upset, or even offended by the accusations but you could feel nothing. No tug at your heart, no feeling of your stomach dropping, just a cold and empty void where there should have been emotions. 

“It is a discussion because there’s not yet any proof of the sins having been committed,” a tight, male voice rebutted. “What say you, Zandik? Will you defend yourself or just sit there silently?”

Zandik. That was his name--only now you could remember, though it felt as if you had never even forgotten it.

Your lips moved as he responded, voice apathetic and dismissive: “There’s nothing to say… as you said, there is no proof of sins that I have to defend myself from.” His lips pulled up into a thin smile as he spoke, one that unnerved you and you couldn’t even see it. From the expressions on some of the people sitting in front of you, they were just as unnerved as you were.

“He doesn’t even care, Sayid,” the first man hissed. “He won’t even address the accusations laid against him.”

“Sins are not the issue at hand,” a new voice spoke up, voice low and heavy. “We are here to discuss what happened to my Dastur in the Apam Woods.”

Finally, a reaction from Zandik. He raised his chin in response to their words, a feigned attempt at confidence but you could feel the discomfort that began to stir within him--the unease. Somehow you knew that whatever he had been told he was called here for, this had not been it. They had caught him off guard.

“What is there to discuss about that?” Zandik asked. His voice sounded the same as it did before--indifferent, perfunctory--but you could feel the way his heart was beating just a fraction faster than it had been before, you could feel the way his shoulders had stiffened. “It was an unfortunate encounter with a group of Rishboland Tigers. Tragic and should have been avoidable but one of the other trainees had forgotten to set up incense to ward them off.”

“Yes,” one of the men agreed with him, “so the official report says.”

You felt restless as if you wanted to bolt from the room and hide… or he did, for the most part, but some of it was your own. You had attended enough court sessions at Fontaine’s court to know exactly what your soulmate was being accused of… and you had seen enough guilty defendants to know that the accusations were likely not far off from correct. 

Did he…?

“Yes,” Zandik agreed slowly, “because that is what happened.”

“Is it?” The man who initially changed the topic questioned. “The coroner has released to us the official report of Dastur Sohreh’s death. There were multiple trauma wounds… lacerations and contusions on internal organs… hemorrhage… but the fatal injury was a wound on the throat--a fractured hyoid bone caused by strangulation. You were the last person seen with Dastur Sohreh, were you not, trainee?” 

“Sharnama,” a woman’s voice warned but the man only held up his hand, silencing her, waiting for Zandik to respond. 

Zandik did not respond. You could feel the way he was scrambling for an answer, an explanation. You could feel how his heart was racing, how his body was tense. You could feel his anxiety and the realization dawning on him and it all made you sick to your stomach. 

What did you do? You wanted to scream at him. Why did you do it?

As if they could hear your questions, the man continued. “Dastur Sohreh reported to me several acts of insubordination while you were under her tutelage--three times in which you acted without her authorization and brought risks upon the investigation team and an encounter with a ruin hunter in which you insisted on bringing the machinery back to the Akademiya to be disassembled and reverse-engineered, which I personally had to reprimand you for and had you removed from the author list of the investigation’s research paper. When did that happen in regard to Dastur Sohreh’s death, trainee?”

“A week,” the words were frigid and biting as Zandik finally spoke up. “It happened a week before her death.”

“Yes,” he drawled, “that was it.”

“I had nothing to do with her death,” Zandik said. 

You thought you had gotten good at being able to tell whether or not people were lying. You spent three days a week in the court audience watching trials but you were in your soulmate’s body and you could not tell whether he was lying or telling the truth about murdering someone. His heart was racing and there was a twitch in the corner of his lip--the telltale signs of a lie but they could just as easily be a result of the anxiety stemming from being accused of murder. 

(You wondered, distantly, if you were just making excuses so you didn’t have to face the reality that had so suddenly been thrown at you. You had enough experience in court to differentiate the guilty from the innocent.)

“I suppose we have no way of proving that… so you are not at threat of imprisonment,” was his only response but Zandik was not at ease by those words, as if he knew exactly what was coming next. “But with reasonable suspicion of your involvement on top of the allegations regarding your research violating three sins provides grounds for expulsion… assuming it is a unanimous decision.”

It was a question cast to the other five seated in front of Zandik. You noted how Zandik seemed more anxious at the prospect of expulsion than he did at being accused of murder and you weren’t entirely sure how to feel about that. 

“Sharnama,” the only woman amongst the six spoke again, “you mean to make us the first council of sages to expel a student in centuries. The last time-”

“He murdered my Dastur, Anisa,” Sharnama snapped in response.

“I did not-” Zandik’s voice rose, harsh in defense of himself but he was cut off sharply.

“Enough from you, you had your chance to defend yourself,” Sharnama said, tone laced with venom.

“Sharnama is harsh but… the trainee has had a reputation since his time as a student,” one of the other men agreed after a few moments of silence. “His methods and theories… his interest in Khaenri’ahn machinery… It makes people uncomfortable.”

“Discomfort is not grounds for expulsion, Isami, but regardless, we cannot just dismiss all of these allegations. Should any of them prove to be true and it comes out that we knew and did nothing about it…”

“It would tarnish the integrity of the Akademiya,” the woman, Anisa, agreed quietly. “Sayid, Khalil?”

“This should have been handled when the accusations of him infringing upon the laws and rules our predecessors set up first came about,” one of the men said and you could feel Zandik’s throat spasm as he swallowed, panic beginning to set in. 

“... Sayid?” Anisa pressed after a few moments of silence.

And you could feel it. You could feel that small, minuscule bud of hope begin to bloom deep in Zandik’s chest as he shifted a wild gaze over to the sage called Sayid. You had a decent understanding of the structure of Sumeru’s Akademiya after having looked into it because of your suspicions about your soulmate, you supposed this man was the sage of whatever Darshan Zandik was a part of--Kshahrewar, you remembered one of the other men mentioning before.

Zandik trusted Sayid to defend him, you could feel it and you could feel the way his face fell and the way his stomach dropped when Sayid looked away from him, as good an answer as damning him aloud as Sharnama took his silence as agreement, waving his hand for the matra to take him.

You didn’t think Zandik even registered what had happened until rough hands were forcing him to his feet, starting to drag him from the room, and then, finally, the rage hit--bitter and deep, overwhelming. 

“Over rumors and false allegations,” Zandik spat out, hatred dripping from every word. “You’ll expel me for that?”

He got no response besides the harsh words of one of the matra urging him along but he struggled against them with every step, even with fingers digging deep into his biceps, bruising his skin, he was undeterred.

“You sages can’t even fall in line with the very virtues you set out to preserve,” he seethed, “and the sins that you deem so treacherous are just an excuse to chain anyone whose convictions do not fit your standards because you fear that a change in our way of thinking will displace your power.”

You had never felt anything like this before. This feral fury that had your blood on fire and your brain melting of coherent thought--uncontrollable and unquenchable, a type of bloodlust that shook you to your core and scared you because you could feel yourself angry too and you weren’t sure if it were remnants of Zandik’s rage spilling to you or not and you hated how you were being so influenced by his emotions that you couldn’t tell what was his and what was yours anymore.

“You’re going to regret this,” Zandik shouted as the matra pulled him through the doors of the chamber. His words, the sages’ words, they all echoed in your head over and over again--all of the accusations, his reactions, and you wondered what it meant and how much of it was true and you wondered who he was not for the first time and certainly not the last. “You’re going to regret this!”

He didn’t even bother to try the tricks he attempted last time--searching for something to read, yelling, blinking, he knew none of it would work and he wasn’t the type of person to make the same mistake twice. 

The room he was in--she was in--was large and enclosed with an overwhelmingly sweet and sickly flowery scent that made his stomach churn. He had always hated floral scents and this was beyond anything he had ever smelt before. 

And there were too many people. There were too many goddamn people. They were packed in seats before where his soulmate was sitting, they were lined up around the room as if they were waiting to do something, there were so many that the line was even pushed out two double doors, flowing into the hall.

What was going on? 

Dottore couldn’t tell. His soulmate was facing the crowd of people--there was something behind her, he could tell that much. He couldn’t see any flowers so he assumed that whatever that scent was, was coming from behind her. 

There was a man standing next to her--an older one with a cold, unfriendly expression and thick build. He watched as a woman approached the older man, disgust curling in his gut at the snot-faced expression painting her face, wide teary eyes and trembling lips as she reached for the man’s hand. Dottore wanted to step away, draw back and leave before the woman could set her eyes on him but alas, he was not in control of his body--her body--again. 

The more he thought about it, the more odd this was. The last time he had witnessed her past through dreams, her emotions had been loud and intense, deafening. It had him spiraling because he couldn’t understand what he was feeling and he couldn’t tell if he was feeling it or if it was her.

Now, it was empty. There was no joy, no anxiety, no fear or sadness; just a cool void, reminiscent of how the past week and a half of silence from her had felt. Dottore wondered if that was why Celestia was forcing him to sit through another sequence of dreams--punishment for trying to push her away.

Succeeding in pushing her away, he corrected silently, there was an odd pit in his stomach at the thought. He should be happy, he had been worried that not even a direct strike against her persistence would deter her but he had found success in the first attempt. 

It was what he wanted. He no longer had to deal with the frequent tugs on the thread. He no longer had to deal with the fluctuating emotions. He no longer had to deal with the good mornings and goodnights and the incessant questions. 

The past week had been the most peaceful and productive he’s had ever since that damned string appeared and yet somehow, he was not happy. 

It was what he wanted, he repeated but a part of him felt as if he might be trying to convince himself of it.

Around him, people were talking. He could see their lips moving and he could hear the words leaving their lips but they were unintelligible and garbled, it sounded as if they were underwater and only speaking half a word at a time, combining them to create words that didn’t make any sense. He couldn’t read their lips, no matter how hard he tried, it just looked as if they were speaking a foreign language. 

The woman who had been talking to the older man now turned to his soulmate. Instantly, dread was rocketing through him--he knew what was about to happen and there was simply nothing that he could do about it. 

Thin arms wrapped around her, tighter than he thought it would be and he wondered, hatefully, if his soulmate was some agent of Celestia sent to make his life a living hell. Three times now, he was forced to experience something through her that made his skin crawl. First, he was tossed around through that winter storm because she made stupid decisions. Then he was slapped. And now, there was a woman clinging to him, sobbing and speaking words that he couldn’t even understand and all he could do was stand there and let it happen because that’s what she was doing.

It took far too long for another woman to come along and drag her off. Dottore was livid, if he looked to the side, he was sure he would see snot on his soulmate’s shoulder and he could still feel bony arms digging into her sides.

He wasn’t sure how long she stood there. It felt like an eternity and only a few seconds somehow at the same time. People were passing by her in slow motion but they were gone in an instant. Dottore was distinctly unsettled, it felt like someone was fucking with his head, forcing him to perceive things wrongly. 

Eventually, his soulmate was approached by someone new--a younger man with dark hair and purple-red eyes. He ignored the older man to her side, everyone else had stopped at him first and then moved to her but he had beelined right to her. 

Something didn’t sit right in his stomach about that.

Dottore braced himself as best as he could as the other man reached out to grab his soulmate but instead of pulling her into a hug, he only grabbed her forearms, leaning his head down to say something that Dottore couldn’t understand again. 

He was undeterred by her lack of reaction, trying again and again and again. Dottore had half a mind to bash his head in and tell him to leave, fed up by this whole situation. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to escape this. When he thought he finally succeeded, he was dragged right back in by Celestia and their fucked up games. 

Then, at last, Dottore could hear again. His soulmate was snapped out of whatever daze she had been in and noise exploded around him: scraping of chairs against the ground, mindless chatter, a violin muted in the background, slow and mournful. 

A funeral. 

For who? 

It had to be someone close to his soulmate from how they were all approaching her and suddenly, he was reminded of that night all of those years ago during the event where Pantalone was being officially promoted to Harbinger. Father, branded right on his forearm. He had yet to get a look at his soulmate through a reflection--he wondered if this was the funeral.

Most of the chatter was sympathetic, talking about the deceased and reminiscing old times… but not all of it was. He could hear whispers of men talking about what this could mean for the stability of the court, eyeing up the new opportunities that came with this death, some sounded excited rather than melancholic, like hyenas feasting on one of their own.

“There you are,” the young man in front of her said with a small smile that made Dottore frown. “Ignore all of them, they did the same thing when my grandfather died. Came to the funeral under the guise of mourning just so they could see if there was any instability for them to leech on. There wasn’t then and there isn’t now.”

“There isn’t?” his soulmate spoke for the first time--her voice was hoarse and empty, the only sort of emotion was a dull sense of doubt. “All they talk about is how I’m too weak to take over for my grandfather. They say a woman is unfit to be warden.”

“If they saw the way you could work your family’s-” he began loudly.

“Wriothesley,” the older man standing next to his soulmate said, a warning written all over his face.

“Sorry,” Wriothesley said, looking away.

“It doesn’t matter anyway,” his soulmate said after a few moments of silence, voice quiet. “The instability is right in front of everyone’s faces. They can all see that they’re not here, Wrio.” 

Wrio, Dottore thought to himself spitefully once he heard the nickname.

Wriothesley looked irritated at her words, glancing once at the older man again before speaking back up, “They didn’t show up at all? Your mother? Siblings? To your father’s funeral?”

There it was. Finally, a bit of emotion from her. She was hurt at his words, he could feel something pinching at his chest, a dark and unwelcome feeling but for some reason, it made him feel a bit more at ease after the past week of silence.

“They were busy,” she said quietly but Dottore could tell that she didn’t even believe the words herself. Neither did Wriothesley, if the expression on his face had anything to say about it. “They were, Wrio.”

Dottore wanted to roll his eyes once he heard the nickname again but instead, he distracted himself with what she had said. He thought back to the previous dreams he had of her past--being left behind by her mother and stepfather while they went to town, the argument with her mother and the slap… somehow, he wouldn’t be surprised if she had chosen not to go. 

Wriothesley scoffed loudly, loud enough to draw the attention of some of the other attendees. “They’re despicable,” he spat out. “Especially that skeevy, rat-faced-”

“Come, Wriothesley,” a middle-aged man who looked just like the younger man said sharply, interrupting him before he could finish his sentence. “This is not the place for this topic. You can speak to your betrothed another time.”

Dottore blanched. 

Betrothed?

Blood. 

That was the first thing you noticed. The thick, nasty scent of iron was all around you--around him, whatever. It was disgusting, overwhelming. You wanted to throw up, you thought that if you were in your own body, you might’ve passed out but you were in his, Zandik’s, and he was totally unbothered by the smell. 

Something was wrong with your eyes--that was the second thing you noticed. You had no peripheral vision, the only thing you could see was his hands resting on the lab table in front of you, fresh and dry blood staining his skin, dripping to the floor below. 

He was angry, the third thing you noticed. You could feel the rage curling in his gut; his nails digging into the table, grinding against the metal. You couldn’t figure out what he was angry about and you weren’t sure if you wanted to know because you had a distinct feeling that it had something to do with the blood on his hands and the lab table.

Zandik finally moved, an awful scraping sound meeting your ears as his nails dragged against the metal when he pushed off the table. He paced up and down the length of the room, muttering to himself. 

“Everything was right.”

“What went wrong?”

“-was supposed to work, don’t under-”

As he turned, you could see something--some sort of machine laying across the lab table that hadn’t been in your line of sight before. You wondered if these were ruin guards that he talked about so much. There was something pooling around it; from the distance you were at, you thought it might be oil but Zandik turned on his heel to move closer to it and a sinking feeling formed in your stomach when you realized that it was not oil, instead it was a massive puddle of blood surrounding the machine.

What the fuck? You thought to yourself as Zandik stood in front of the machine, taking one of its arms in his hand. The metal somehow felt cool and hot at the same time, uncomfortable to the touch. You wanted to let go of it, there was blood coating the metal and staining his hands even more, but Zandik’s grip was tight around it.

Why was a machine bleeding? You were sick at the thought, hoards of horrible possibilities running through your head but you didn’t get a chance to dwell on any of them.

Zandik sighed, annoyed, jerking away from the machine again to pace. His head shook back and forth in a rough manner that started to give you a headache, he did it over and over and over again and you wanted to scream at him to stop. 

“This was supposed to work, Grand Sage,” he said, clicking his tongue sharply once, then twice, and then a third time. “This was supposed to work. I did everything right. Why aren’t you working?” 

Is he talking to-

Zandik marched right back toward the machine, much to your displeasure. The longer he stared at the automaton, the more uncomfortable you felt. You could tell that it had been modified in several places, disassembled and put back together but it almost looked as if… he had put something inside it? 

“Why aren’t you working, Grand Sage?” he repeated, humming to himself irritably as he tapped his fingers against the metal. “I even went out to fetch you a new core, you’ve always been so damn ungrateful, haven’t you? Everything I did for your Darshan and you still turned your back on me. Ungrateful, even when I’m trying to make you greater than man.”

-to the machine?

You wanted to wake up, you didn’t want to see whatever this dream was showing you. You wondered if it was some cruel joke the gods were playing on you by showing you this. Or maybe they were trying to help you, you considered. He had made his opinion on you clear and yet every day you were still tempted to reach out to him, maybe they were trying to help you move past him.

“Is this what you plan to do with yourself?” a low, unfamiliar voice spoke up suddenly from the opposite end of the room. 

Zandik was startled, heart racing and head whipping to the side as he snapped his fingers together. Instantly, there was a loud whirring machine coming from behind him, metal scraping against metal--the sound of an automaton coming to life. His gaze focused on a figure stepping out from the shadows of the corner of the room, tall with graying hair and a mask that covered the entire right half of his face.

“Who are you?” Zandik demanded harshly and finally, you caught sight of him through the reflection of a metal cabinet. Red eyes stared back at you through a mask that covered three-quarters of his face and short silvery blue hair that had blood dripping from the tips of his curls. “Who are you?”

“So much potential wasting away in this poor excuse of a lab,” the man continued, undeterred by Zandik’s hostility. An eerie feeling swept over you--you weren’t sure if it was you or Zandik becoming unnerved by the man, maybe it was both of you. “Don’t you want something more?”

“What are you talking about?” Zandik asked sharply, a scalpel clutched tight in his fist--somehow, you knew that it was no match for the man standing before him and you had a feeling that he knew that too. “Did the Akademiya send you? Who are you?”

“I came after hearing rumors of an expelled student performing heretical acts… So far I’m unimpressed.”

The anger that spread through him was like wildfire, consuming all rationality and any other emotion he might’ve felt. In an instant, the automaton that had awakened behind him was moving, launching across the room at a pace that had you reeling, blades slashing outward but then at once, it stopped. A cold silence took over the room, Zandik’s brows furrowed and his lips turned down as the automaton came to a stop, shutting down right before his eyes. 

“Interesting enhancements… but unchanged at its core, meant to be operated by those that created them, not a follower of the gods.”

“I am not a follower of the gods,” Zandik spat out violently, stepping forward before he paused as if reconsidering the man’s statement. “Meant to be operated… you?”

“Yes,” he responded, ignoring Zandik’s entire change of demeanor at his words. You thought you might feel even more unnerved now, at the excited feeling bubbling inside Zandik as he stared at the man, waiting for him to continue. “What are your goals, outcast?” 

Zandik frowned. “That’s not my name-” he began but was interrupted.

“If I cared for your name, I would have learned it. If you prove yourself useful, you will be given a new identity anyway,” he told Zandik. “Now answer me, outcast, what are your goals?”

Zandik didn’t answer for a moment, staring at him, but then he glanced back at the automaton still laying on the lab table, the pool of blood beneath it now larger. Luckily, his gaze didn’t linger on it for long. 

“I’m going to enhance humans so that we can rival gods,” Zandik said, raising his chin to focus his eyes back on the man. “What do you mean? Prove yourself useful? To whom? You?”

“Lofty goals,” was all he received as a response. Zandik bristled. “How do you plan to do that? With what resources?”

Zandik opened his mouth to respond but no words left his lips. Finally, he pushed out, “I’m making progress just fine.”

“Yes,” the man said dryly, his visible eye drifting over to the mess behind Zandik. “I can see that…”

You didn’t think you liked where this was heading. Zandik was still suspicious but now he was intrigued, ready to listen to this man and whatever he had to say, and you had a feeling that this man would bring nothing good.

“I can provide you with resources,” he offered. “Funding, rare materials… new test subjects. All of the finest and as much as you need.”

“What do you want in return?” Zandik asked.

“There is a war coming,” he responded cryptically, “and you are going to help prepare us for it.”

“A war?” Zandik asked, baffled. “A war against who?”

But you knew. 

You knew. 

It was the same war that had the Hydro Archon’s paranoia escalating. The war that forced you to hide your soulmark and thread your entire life, that had you looked down on and whispered about because you had to tell people you had no soulmate. The war led by the same organization that had sent your stepfather to Fontaine as an infiltrator, the man who had killed your father and ruined your life. 

At once, all of your nightmares and all of your worst fears came true. 

“A war against the gods.”

Betrothed?

Dottore was appalled, reeling at the knowledge that was just forced onto him. The scene shifted, Dottore was now in a smaller room kneeling in front of a woman that he recognized from the first dream he had of his soulmate but he couldn’t even focus on the situation at hand.

Betrothed?? 

Since when had she been betrothed? Dottore thought that would have been one of things that she mentioned when she was rambling on about her days at night. He thought it might’ve been something that was at least hinted at when she couldn’t control what words were being sent to him. 

“I have to leave, mother,” Dottore’s lips were moving as she spoke but quite frankly, he didn’t give a shit about whatever conversation she was having with her mother. The lack of emotions she was feeling left a vacuum that allowed his feelings to spiral and he was having trouble trying to keep control of them. 

He couldn’t even tell what the emotions rattling him were. He thought that he had become better at pinpointing emotions ever since he was forced to deal with hers but this was foreign--green and ugly, beyond just anger or sadness, stronger than anything he’s felt in centuries.

“You do not have to leave, you’re choosing to.”

Dottore thought he might feel insulted--disrespected, even, being given a soulmate only for them to be married off to someone else. Another cruel joke played by the gods to spite him, a cruel joke played by her to spite him. He wondered if this was her getting back at him for never responding to those goodnight tugs she always used to do: talking to him, trying to get him to fall for her trap and respond, only for her to be with someone else. 

“I do, I have to go. There’s something I have to do.”

He shouldn’t feel insulted, or disrespected. He shouldn’t care at all whether or not his soulmate was betrothed to someone else. He never planned on speaking to her. He never planned on meeting her. And he absolutely never planned to do anything about the bond forced on him by Celestia. In fact, this should make him feel better. It meant that there was less of a chance for her to reach out to him again if she was in a relationship with someone else. 

It freed him of her. This should be a good thing for him, so why was he so angry?

“You won’t even tell me where you’re going,” her mother snapped. “Best not be to the north, there’s only so much more I can defend you from peoples’ suspicions. They’re starting to ask questions.”

But it was not a matter of whether or not he should or shouldn’t care. It was the sheer audacity she had to keep reaching out to him when she was set to marry, or even has married someone else at this point. She was trying to play games with him and if there was one thing that Dottore couldn’t stand, it was someone trying to play games with him--be it the gods, other Harbingers, or some random girl that Celestia decided to tie him to. 

“It doesn’t matter where-”

“Of course, it matters,” the mother said, fingers digging into his soulmate’s forearms. “What am I to tell Her Excellency when she asks about where you went off to? The last thing our family needs is the speculation that would come along with people thinking you went off to Snezhnaya.” 

Finally, he felt something from her--something sharp and jagged tugging at her chest that drew him from his thoughts, an emotion he had become acquainted with through her intimately over the past few years: sadness, disappointment.

“Wow,” she said dryly, “that’s what you’re worried about. Suspicions against your family. Not whether or not I might be going somewhere dangerous.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth,” her mother said, livid. “Of course, I care about whether or not you’re going somewhere dangerous. I’m your mother.”

“I’m not going to argue with you,” his soulmate said after a moment, rising to her feet and pulling her arms from her mother’s grip. “You can tell the Hydro Archon I’ve left for Mondstadt.”

“Is that where you’re actually going?” her mother rose to her feet after her, taking a step forward, but his soulmate did not respond. Her mother’s face fell. “You’re going north, aren’t you?” 

Dottore finally focused on the situation at hand. North? But the only thing north of Fontaine was-

“Aren’t you?” her mother demanded. “You’re going to Snezhnaya? Why are you going there? To find him?”

Him. She must be referring to Dottore. But why would his soulmate come looking for him if she had…?

“I didn’t say that,” his soulmate shook her head, looking away out toward the window. It was a dreary day, dark clouds hanging low and rain sprinkling down to the streets below. “I told you to tell the Hydro Archon I’m going to Mondstadt.”

“Why are you going there? Why? Answer me,” her mother’s voice rose, eyes tearing up as she stepped closer to his soulmate. She stepped back, freezing her mother in place.

“Have you ever communicated with your soulmate through thoughts? The words that show up on your forearm?” she finally asked, tone harsh and accusing, a sudden change of subject.

Dottore paused, trying to put together what this might be about now. This was another reason why he hated these damn dreams, he never had any context behind what was happening and Dottore hated not knowing things.

“What sort of question is that?” her mother hissed, taken aback. “Of course-”

Her mother cut herself off suddenly, brows furrowing and lips twisting into a deep frown. Dottore could feel his soulmate swallow thickly, watching the reaction to her question. She had been expecting this and he wasn’t sure if it was dread or satisfaction pooling in her stomach--maybe both.

“Have you ever thought about why you don’t communicate through it? Have you ever tried and he just doesn’t respond? Do you try flicking your thread? Does he flick it back?” his soulmate let loose a barrage of questions and a creeping suspicion began to arise, wondering if she was implying what he thought she was.

“What are you trying to say?” her mother shook her head, stepping away. “Enough.”

“I’m not trying to say anything,” his soulmate responded, turning on her heel to leave the room. “But maybe you should think about it.”

She didn’t say anything else as she left the room and finally, Dottore could think.

She was accusing her stepfather of faking the bond with her mother, Dottore realized. But how would he do that? He knew people were capable of faking bonds through old magics but as far as he was aware that type of magic was all but lost… Dottore’s mind was suddenly racing, remembering all of the things he had forgotten in the last dream he had of her past: what he had figured out about the spy in the upper ranks of the Fatui and they had a spy in Fontaine, one of Arlecchino’s spiders and Arlecchino was capable of the old magic, and his soulmate was coming north to Snezhnaya so obviously she must have reason to believe that it had something to do with the Fatui, could it be-

Dottore felt a headache coming on. 

He had a feeling that this was going to be very, very bad.

You woke up with a sharp, shaky breath. Your hand flew to your chest as you sat up straight, reeling from what you had just experienced. Blood, anger, betrayal, hope--what could you remember? What could you remember?

You scrambled to the small table at your bedside immediately, grabbing your notebook and panicking to find the pen that had fallen to the floor. You dropped to your hands and knees, fumbling around in the dark until you found it beneath your bed. You didn’t even bother rising to your feet again as you made yourself comfortable on the floor so you could start jotting down everything you remembered.

A cold, empty room. Six people. Exile? Sins and virtues. Lots of blood. An automaton. Uncontrollable, sickening rage. An unfamiliar figure. War. 

War.

But what was the context? Your head was pounding as you tried to remember, you wondered if Celestia was warning you against trying to push too hard for information you’re not meant to remember yet. You didn’t care. You had to know. 

War. The rebellion stirring in the north. But what about it? What was the damn context?

You glanced down at your forearm, frustration pricking at you as the window above you rattled against the Snezhnayan winter storm. You could feel the freezing air even from inside the warm room with the fireplace burning on the opposite wall--it was unlike anything you had ever experienced before, the cold storms at the estate that you thought were the end of the world paled in comparison to this.

You wanted to yell at him, demand to know who he was and what he had done, beg him for the answers that you should’ve received by now… but you remembered the words scrawled across your forearm, the cruel words that cut deeper than any of the nasty words that had been spat at you by people throughout your life.

He did not care about you, you reminded yourself, you have more self-respect than this. Do not reach out to him.

You sighed heavily, arm dropping to your side as you stared back up at the window, watching a branch scrape against the glass over and over and over again. You were only on the Snezhnayan border but already you were feeling anxious--you had half a mind to turn back but the only thing stopping you was the memory of your father, the lust for justice, vengeance. You couldn’t turn back, not until you had all of the information you needed, not until you were sure you could return to Fontaine and have your stepfather imprisoned in the Black Cells.

There was a heavy feeling in your heart as you pushed yourself back off the floor, putting the notebook away and taking a seat back on the thin mattress of the inn you were staying at, the wood of the bed frame creaking beneath you. 

You had a distinct feeling that your journey to find proof against your stepfather would lead you to him as well.

He sat upright, eyes wild as he tried to figure out where he was. His heart was racing, anger was still flooding his blood, he breathed in and out deeply as he tried to regain control of himself. He was back in his lab--not dealing with any more of those god forsaken dreams. He wanted to spit out a string of vile curses up toward the gods but he refrained, trying to piece together what he could remember before the vague memories faded. 

He flipped over the parchment he had been taking notes on before he had fallen asleep, rubbing the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut as he pressed his pen to the paper and noted down all of the hazy details.

Flowers. Wrio? Betrothed?? Mother. Leaving. Snezhnaya. 

Dottore exhaled, gaze zeroing in on the third word of his list--betrothed. He glanced down at the thread connected to his thumb, inhaling deeply as an unfamiliar emotion began to churn inside of him. Before it could take hold, Dottore diverted his attention to the last two words.

Leaving. Snezhnaya.

What did that mean? What was the context? He couldn’t remember. Was she coming to Snezhnaya? Was she in Snezhnaya and leaving? Or did the two words not have any connection? 

No, they had to be connected. It was something important, he knew that much at least, but what? The answer was on the tip of his tongue and again that temper of his began to thin, what was the answer? What was the goddamn answer? Why was she coming to Snezhnaya? 

Should he ask?

The option rang damning through his head as he looked down at his forearm. She could be in danger if she came to Snezhnaya--the nation was becoming more and more antagonistic to outsiders, especially outsiders from Fontaine and Natlan and especially because of the masked hostile that was running through Fatui camps and slaughtering their underlings. No matter how much Pulcinella and Pantalone demanded that they take caution with outsiders, there was no telling what a heat of the moment reaction could lead to if there was a possible threat and Arlecchino had made clear that Fontaine was on the verge of becoming a threat to the Fatui. 

As he contemplated his choices, Dottore suddenly paused, another realization hitting him suddenly: if he had dreamt of her past then…

Then she dreamed of his past.

Dottore waited, staring at his forearm--waiting for the questions, the disgust, the horror. It was inevitable, he knew it. Last time, he assumed they dreamed of similar time periods of their life. Hers was when she was young, five to twelve years old between both dreams, he assumed; and the word he received from her was cursed, which was directed at him from when he was a child up until he was chased from the village at ten. And if the time periods were similar… that left his Akademiya and post-Akademiya era up as options for what she could have dreamt about, and neither of those periods of his life were particularly pleasant.

He waited and he waited and he waited… but nothing showed up on his forearm, not a question nor an accusation, no emotion spread through him that he thought might’ve been hers--just emptiness, just like it had been for the past week and a half. 

Dottore exhaled heavily, leaning back against his seat and staring up at the ceiling above him, trying to figure out what he was supposed to do with this and how he was supposed to make sure she didn’t get herself killed traveling through Snezhnaya.

The week and a half of peace was over and he realized, quickly, that it had only been the calm before the storm. 

rbs appreciated!

[jespardon]

Jes i will share my puppy sniper thoughts if u share yours (no pressure i just CANNOT shut up)

OKAY GUYS *cracks knuckles*

Let's talk about puppy sniper.

So let's start with our good old usual "stock" red sniper, ie the one i'm always drawing if i don't explicitly state otherwise.

So the puppy thing is both a kink and also kind of a "belief" i would say ? Not a lifestyle because it's not like Sniper is trotting around collared and referring to spy as a master or owner, but it's a position that comforts him, beyond getting him aroused. Being in the privacy of the van or a lost spot in the desert and observing the world through the eyes of a dog feels much easier than acting human, normal, somewhat acceptable to society. It helps his thoughts float better and it gives him hindsight on things.

I think he would have a fixation on leather objects and craft (hence my initial headcanon that he does cobbling) because the texture is a familiar one linked to positive emotions / experiences (both hunting/bushcrafting and the petplay). Of course he'd have a collar, and if he did i think it'd either be : 1.made by himself 2.offered by spy and thus, very high quality leather 3.bought by sniper from a reputable craftman, an authentic market or something along those lines. In any of those cases, a very unique (and thus irreplaceable) old, thoroughly worn collar. The leather fixation + puppy kink + cobbling hobby is an excellent combo for him to obsess over spy's shoes and lead to all sorts of fun shoe play 😊.

Okay now, how does it all work with (red) spy ?

I think of red spy as a prideful egotistical person (among many, many other things), so there's a thorough satisfaction in having an intimidating mercenary a whole head taller than him leashed and at his feet. I also imagine spy being much more at ease with his seductivity and queerness, his job and skills being a huge help in indulging your sexuality in the 1960's without being found out or prosecuted. Sniper, on his end, has grown up mostly in isolation until being thrusted in a violent hypermasculine environment. His already shaky social skills aren't helping him handle feeling attraction towards men. There's lotsa layers here but basically, he starts feeling attracted by the assertive, authoritative yet calm spy. Something about someone that can lead others, resolve situations through talking. Sniper is both envious of the ability and fascinated by it and spy picks up on it very quickly so of course he takes great joy in toying with it and trying to push sniper's fascination further, until of course it backfires by becoming mutual.

The relationship is super imbalanced for a long, long while; sniper is just in stupid gawking admiration at spy, while spy is only entertained by sniper's actions and seeking sexual gratification from it. Neither of them have any knowledge of "pet play" or "puppy kink" per se, but it's natural for sniper to place himself in that position where he views spy as an owner that has the obvious right to dictate him what to do, since he knows better, right ? It does take a while for Spy to figure out that oh, this is actually dog themed like, for real, which he again finds a lot of fun in pointing out to sniper to embarass him. But he does indulge in it and, begrudgingly, finds it pretty hot to have this desperate guy humping on him and whining, far from the theatrical sensual sex he's used to performing (in both senses of the word).

Sniper on his end is thrilled to have his "weird" behaviours found to be acceptable and even appealling to someone and feels (almost unwarranted) gratitude towards spy. There's a real eagerness to please and be found useful ! Praise words are his immediate weakness and, on the opposite, disappointment from spy terrifies him. He's real careful about touching and respecting boundaries, follows commands almost infaillibly to the point of embarassing himself in public if asked to (with some hard limits).

tldr

im normal about the psychology of puppy sniper

[floppydiskettess]

VALORANT AGENTS BEING YOUR PARTNER

featuring : cypher, sova, chamber, yoru, raze and killjoy, phoenix

a/n : HELP ok omg i didnt think people would actually like my shitty writing !!! im now oddly motivated to write? :0

ALSO!!! SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO MY FRIEND WHO MADE THIS AMAZING VISUAL IF YORU PRANKING PHOENIX AND IT BACKFIRING (from my last post!!!!!) AHAGAHAGAGAG ITS AMAZING <33

anyways! lets begin!! tw for cyphers part, i like cypher angst..

◜Cypher◞

cypher truly loves you, but he is still recovering from losing nora.

be patient with him, he still has a lot of trauma and stress in his life that he is dealing with.

he often needs reminders to take care of himself. he usually gets lost in his work

if he is having a bad day, he locks his door and buries himself in his work.

if he let you inside on a bad day, he would be a bit grouchy. he is used to keeping his walls up. but after a few reassurances, loving touches, and kind whispers. he would crack.

he feels weak when he cries, he tries his best not to but he cannot keep it in sometimes

when he cries, he is soothed by the feeling of your hands on his masked face and your loving whispers in his ear. the mask often feels suffocating, but he just cannot bring himself to take it off.

he is extremely insecure...after years of battles (both with himself, and Kingdom) he has quite a few scars littering his body. he mostly covers up fully with his mask and long sleeves. he wouldn't show you himself until he really was ready to, so don't push him! he will when he is ready.

when he does show you though, you know he really trusts you.

he melts everytime you kiss one of his scars gently, it made him love that part of him self a little more.

if you have had a bad day, he will drop everything to help. if someone made you upset? oh boy...are they in for it.

he has a lot of bad days so this is nothing new to him, he knows how you feel and knows exactly how to cheer you up.

you are definitely his rock, your presence grounds him.

he is extremely sentimental. he would definetely gift you a photo album of all the key points and locations in your relationship.

he is a worrywart, if your on a risky mission he is keeping tabs on you at all time..

he often has nightmares about losing you or losing his home. once you found out, you got him to sleep in your bed. his nightmares happen significantely less since then..

he has experience in relationships..he was married after all.

his love language is words of affirmation!!!

"im so proud of you حبي.. you did so well darling!"

be careful with this man's heart, it is already extremely fragile..

if he lost you too, he would lose himself.

◜Sova◞

THIS MAN IS A SWEETHEART

his love language is definitely quality time!!!

he loves to spend time with his lover, he definitely plans tons of sentimental dates!

sentiment over price kinda guy. you could give him a dead flower from the area you met and he would be touched deeply.

he is not afraid to cry! he encourages you to express your emotions rather than bottling it up.

after a particulararely long mission, he would arrive at your room and the second you open the door he would bearhug you.

when you are upset, if you like physical affection he will carry you to the bed and cuddle with you.

if you are not up to doing basic things such as eating or bathing, he will pamper you :)

he would always be delighted to cook you a meal or wash your hair for you in the shower if you were not up to it.

he would whisper reassurences into your ear and cradle your face in his large hands

this man LOVES cuddles

big spoon, but on bad days he likes to be held

his favourite thing is when you run your hands through his hair !

he is not afraid to show his love for you in public, not as a "their mine" sort of way, he just loves to show his love for you at all times

he would greet you with a deep kiss on the lips as his handles cradled your face

he isn't an really jealous person, he trusts you and your judgement and he knows that you won't leave him. but if he sees someone getting a little too close to you and you don't pick up on their motive. you will probably feel a big hand go around your waist as he glares down at the person.

he is a big guy with a big heart :)

"лисичка..I love you so much, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

◜Chamber◞

this man doesn't really understand some social cues.

for example...he will still flirt with other women. its kinda just how he is

but if you feel upset and he (somehow) noticed on his own, he will get worried.

"mon beau? what's wrong...you have been acting strangely lately......oh...oh no no darling i am so sorry...i promise anything i have said i don't mean...i love you so much."

he has a big fuckin ego....

compliment him, he will love you forever.

he loves to tease you, but he knows the limits.

he isn't the best at comforting people, he usually just settles for a pat on the back and wrapping an arm around your waist or neck.

he would be a decent partner. he loves to overuse the petnames though

he used to buy you expensive things thinking he could buy your love, but then he realized that price isn't what matters.

you definitely helped him grow as a person. though he still is quite cocky.

big spoon. have you seen this lanky ass mf???

he LOVES bragging about you.

he will make sure everyone knows that your his partner. he will kiss you in public.

if someone is flirting with you, oh he will waltz right over and press a deep kiss to your lips.

"ready to go mon chéri?"

◜Yoru◞

hes a tsundere, obviously?

he really cares about you, often giving you "disgsuting goo goo eyes“ (- Jett, 2050)

if you called him out he would immediately look away and deny it though.

he is much softer with you in private, opting for a loving hug when he is alone with you

this man is so touch starved

if he is in a bad mood, he gets really snappy with everyone. he tries to shut you out but in the end he either never has the heart to or he says something he regrets.

"shit...im so sorry..i didn't mean to say that ダーリン ..i am just really tired right now, ok?"

if you were to forgive him, he would be treading carefully. trying his best not to accidentally say something else upsetting to you.

if you had a nightmare, his heart would break at the sight of your crying face. "doll..can you tell me what you need right now so i can help you?"

he would wrap you in a hug, pushing your face against his chest. he would be whispering sweet reassurances into your ear as you began to drift back to sleep.

oh if you tease him in the morning about it though he will absolutely deny everything.

he tries to act like he doesn't like you, but he really just doesn't know how to show his affection.

if you got sick, he would be at your bedside with warm food (that he definitely did not make himself. it's not like he cares..), medicine, and your favourite movies.

"shut up...i am only doing this so you arn't a liability on the mission ok?? we don't need a sick person.."

he is extremely domestic, but he would never admit it

expect to spend the next few days curled up to his chest as he lovingly stroked your hair, tucking peices behind your ears.

he is not much of a gift giver or a words of affirmation kind of guy. he struggles with his words. he is definetely a acts of service and quality time kind of guy!

he would rather have you in his arms then a stupidly expensive gift in his hands.

"愛してます idiot..."

◜Raze and Killjoy◞

POLY !!!!!!!!!!!!

having these two as your girlfriends would be amazing.

they are so different yet so similar!!

raze is the loud extrovert, killjoy is the omnivert!

raze would definitely be the more physically affectionate of the two! killjoy would be much more emotionally affectionate.

raze would greet you with a chaste kiss on the cheek, a bearhug, or (if she feels bold) a kiss on the lips! she would not be scared to do it in public either. she gives off "THATS RIGHT!!!! THIS IS MY PARTNER AND I LOVE THEM!!!!" vibes.

killjoy is the total opposite, she is not a big fan of pda. in public she would greet you with a light hug or a highfive. but in private? she would be all over you. she would pepper your face in sweet kisses and eskimo kisses! she also loves to hug you from behind. she is much much more shy about being public than raze is though!

when they are together you are often sandwiched inbetween them. raze offering physical love while killjoy is more emotional.

if you were upset, raze would freeze up. she isn't very good with emotions...if she were upset she would just go blow some stuff up and problem solved! but that doesn't always work for others.. she would still offer you a gentle hug and would trace shapes on your back similar to what her mother did for her as a kid.

if you were upset around killjoy, she would rush to comfort you. "please leibling...talk to me. i am here...i hate seeing you like this..".

Killjoy is a very good listener. She would patiently listen to your troubles as she rubbed your back sympathetically. She has had her fair share of anxiety so she understands what you are going through.

overall, they equal eachother out.

you are grateful to have your girlfriends, you recieve and give equal love to them and nobody feels left out.

raze is more a gift giver while KJ is totally a acts of service person!

raze would probably try (and fail.) to make you baked goods if you have a sweet tooth!

"I'm sorry darling!! I tried to bake you cookies but it was taking too long....so I used my blowtorch and they burned....T-T"

killjoy often has to pick up the peices (literally. the peices of the charred cookies. Seriously how did raze think a blowtorch could bake cookies?!"

can you tell I love these two??

these two are the perfect girlfriends!!!!

"i love you so much maus." "hey!! what about me? :(" "pff, i love you as well schatz." "much better :)"

◜Phoenix◞

he is a softie for his lover and my guy is not afraid to show it

he will give you big hugs as a greeting or if you did really good on a mission

"fam that was simply amazing! i am so proud of you!"

he really loves to show you off to the other agents

"look at my brilliant partner! arn't they just so cute?" "......phoenix you literally have showed us this picture like 20 times holy fuck."

he is a big physical affection guy, he loves to wake up holding you in his arms as you softly snore into his chest. he would give you a sweet and gentle kiss on the forehead before snuggling closer to you and drifting off to sleep. yoru wouldn't mind if he missed training for a day..

if you were trying to tell him something serious or just generally looked distraught, his playful and carefree demeanor would instantly vanish and turn into a caring and concerned gaze.

"is everything ok love? you don't have to tell me anything if you are not ready yet. but just know i am here for you and whatever it is... i will support you."

if you opened up to him, he would be by your side in an instant and holding you gently in his arms and softly pressing kisses to your forehead and temple.

"oh darling...thank you so much for telling me this. i am happy you told me. i love you so much alright? please don't ever feel scared to talk to me."

if you woke up with your face pressed into his back, his soft snores filling the silence in the room. you sure were not about to complain.

he really cares for you, and will do anything to make you feel better

you are his everything, and he is truly grateful that you want to keep him around..

a/n : i really enjoyed writing this!! you can probably tell i struggled to write chambers part...i thought he would be easier to write LOL. anyhoozies i hope you enjoyed this!!! and thank you so much for the support on my last post, waking up to so many people liking my post had me giggling and kicking my feet around i swear <333333

as always i am looking forward to some feedback!! let me know what i could do better, if i used anything wrong, or even just if you liked it or not!

[someonebeatyoutothisuser]

Can you please rant to me about how much you hate GingerBrave smut and Pure Vanilla? I hate GingerBrave smut too

OML YES PLEASE. For starters, it's clear that pure vanilla cannot handle his own problems alone and I'm honestly sick of people not talking about it, people be saying that he's one of the strongest ancients but I'm not seeing it, it's no shit people see him as a TWINK because he fucking acts like one, He can't face his own problems and relies on others to do so, like white lily with shadow milk cookie and GingerBrave for the cookie of darkness + dark enchantress cookie, it's also clear he gives no shits about his own people nor about his own fucking family, let's talk about how his youngest descendant was left in a forest to fucking die by his own family and pure vanilla didn't even know, also, you get how pure vanilla is ONLY involving GingerBrave? Talking about taking him to war and everything? Like what the fuck makes him think it's okay? Even if GingerBrave wants this, why the fuck would he still do it?! GingerBrave is a three year old in a twelve year olds body, and also I'm pretty damn sure GingerBrave was being sent into this, the others were given a choice and he couldn't even be there for his friend. If he had just heard her out he would've prevented this, GingerBrave had no reason at all to be thrown in this, and also im sick of people victimizing him, like "ohh poor pure vanilla" or "pure vanilla is a good guy!" Even if he regretted his past mistakes, he is clearly training GingerBrave to be his tool only to toss him out when he's done, he doesn't care about GingerBrave or anybody that isn't himself, I'd actually argue he's worse than dark enchantress cookie, pure vanilla is dumb and that's saying a lot for the supposed ancient of wisdom, then when I say this to his fans about why I don't like him they want to get all mad and shit, pure vanilla cookie failed to represent and lead his people which was why the raisin village was being invaded by waffle bots and the vanilla kingdom became timeless and over taken by DE, I'm surprised everyone forgave him after everything he did, it's like he has everyone wrapped around his finger, in my opinion pure vanilla is the WEAKEST ancient I ever fucking seen, at least the other ancients can handle their own fucking problems and not send a literal child into this, pure vanilla is supposed to be this peace maker and voice of reason but I feel like people are glorifying him way too much. Pure vanilla lacks general remorse and emotion towards his people and those around him. Better yet, I'm sick of people making pure vanilla cookie seem like a father figure for GingerBrave, like dark cacao or dark Choco or the other ancients I can see that but pure vanilla?

And as for GingerBrave smut, I fucking hate it, people are generally sick in the head, especially the bitches who would age him up to make it okay, like when will they learn that it isn't fucking okay, people would proship this boy, draw him pregnant and even make jokes of the one ad, if it was someone like sorbet shark cookie or sherbet cookie, there would be absolute out rage, but the minute it's GingerBrave all of a sudden it doesn't matter. People had pair GingerBrave up with everyone, his fucking brother included, I swear if it was some other character there would be actual cancelations. When it comes to other characters being proshipped, they wanna scream, get angry, start an actual outrage, rant on how their minors but the minute it's GingerBrave who is one of the most shipped fucking characters is the victim of this, people wanna make jokes or not care, it's actually hard to find people who would actually act out on proshippers who'd proship GingerBrave to no end, like people would do it for cream puff, people would do it for wizard cookie, hell people will do it for strawberry crepe cookie but the minute it's GingerBrave it's fucking SILENCE. Like not a word, NOTHING. I hate how people turn a blind eye on GingerBrave, hell I swear the only reason people are even talking about it is because their favorite adult cookie is in it, hell some people would say they like it when it comes to GingerBrave, you notice how they would age GingerBrave up in some aus to ship him with adults, even making some rape him it's wrong and fucking nasty but people are acting like it's okay because it's fucking GingerBrave.

[nereidprinc3ss]

Hello, the one anon who said Spencer wasn’t an ass based on your preview….and….

I still don’t think he is! I am SO PROUD OF HIM!!!

Obviously Derek is the only actually correct one here (well and Randall who I loved. Imaging him as a slightly crusty war vet who means well but just is too gruff and rough to come across well. His wife bakes pies and has a rose garden in my mind) -

BUT, if you pretend to not know readers side, what Spencer says is perfect. Seriously I am so amazed at how well you articulate complicated emotions!!

Spencer had to grow up to take on adult responsibilities at age 10. He isn’t the best at communicating (v obvious right now), but he also is trying. He’s doing his best to do what’s right - and to him, reader is acting like a child lashing out - saying one thing, doing another. He can’t read her mind - all this is doing to him is proving he loves someone who doesn’t love him. (Again - which has to be the worst part. Like come on, dude admitted he loved the first girl he slept with and she didn’t love him. Now he’s in basically the same situation minus the actual intercourse and that has to hurt. It has to make him think something’s wrong with him) So he uses his words as a defense.

Could he have been nicer? Definitely. But his points, while ruder than normal for him, were accurate. (Seriously - cannot exclaim enough how amazed I am at your skill in writing conflicting emotions and view points).

ON THE FLIP SIDE —

Poor, poor reader. Trying to ignore what we know about Spencer - to only think how reader is thinking. That for the very first time, they’ve fallen in love - only to not be loved in return. The very feeling Spencer describes for himself - the feeling he wants her to avoid ever having.

Then she thinks that Spencer is angry at her for loving him, that something has to be wrong with her for him to not want her love. And she doesn’t have the experience or confidence to say what she thinks - so she pouts and ices him out, trying to leave so he can’t leave her first.

Two idiots in love. Absolute giant idiots.

Derek’s the only sane one right now - and that never happens. He’s right that Spencer can be, well… a cunt. But he’s also right that reader doesn’t understand how icy and sharp her claws are.

Ugh, I seriously read this when you released it and then had to step away before typing this message because I was worked up. Part of me really hopes it is reader who confesses first - and then they both grovel to each other. But I also know however you write it will be exactly right - and I’m looking forward to reading everything you post!!

Thank you, for starting and continuing this little series. Astounding! I need more words to describe how lovely this all is!

— 🌌

GUYSSS you all NEED TO READ THIS im serious!!! anon you get it!!! if you guys read part five as if you DONT know whats going inside readers head and try looking at it from spencer’s pov this is all very real. that’s not to say he was in the right for being unkind but he thought she was genuinely just being incredibly brutally unkind for no reason and he asked her to stop because he doesn’t want to breakup but he can’t handle being treated like that forever. thank you for verbalizing these things so i dont have to and thank you for reading🩷🩷 you are so sweet!! im glad the emotional components came through well for you!!

[divinelolita]

yo idk if this will send cuz im at school but could i order erm🤓 headcannons with tokio hotel(separately) with a bf who literally cannot handle yelling or arguments between them like for example in an argument reader was already holding in tears and he was trying to keep his voice low as well but then (insert tokio hotel member) raises there voice and starts crying or smth but still tries to keep talking cuz he REALLY does not want to make them feel bad

this is based off of me but i swear im not a crybaby😩

TOKIO HOTEL X MALE READER: ARGUMENTS

nah bro that's crazy cuz I relate to this sm omg 💀

BILL:

・Bill hates arguing, but once he's in the mindset he defends himself alot.

・Kinda bad at taking signs, like if your voice hitches slightly or if you sniffle.

・He doesn't really notice it when he raises his voice

・Ig it's a singer thing 🤷🏻

・Once he sees you kinda freeze up and your eye get glossy he wants to smack himself.

・His heart shatters as he watches the tears start to overflow.

・If you continue talking he just kinda looks at you, stilling his movements.

・His eyes start to get glossed over too

・If you shake when you cry he almost immediately tries to pull you into a hug.

・If you don't wanna talk to him at the moment he just comes by later with some of your favorite treats and sits by you

・Kisses your forehead over and over, running his fingers through your hair as he repeatedly apologises.

・Cuddles you throughout the rest of the day 🤗

TOM:

・I write Tom as a 'fluffy' person but irl he's so different...

・He gets extremely defensive and can talk in arguments for hours.

・Like Bill he's not the best at reading signs since he so caught up in his own emotions.

・He doesn't understand why your being so quiet, probably calls you out.

・This is the point I the argument where he reaches his peak, starting to raise his voice louder and louder.

・If you take a shaky breath and wipe away a tear in your eye or if your eyes get glossy he just kinda pauses.

・Looks at you for a minute before inhaling deeply.

・Stays silent for a second before he speaks in a quieter tone.

・If you keep talking he does aswell, but he still keeps a soft tone.

・He's kinda bad at apologizing so he doesn't know what to do

・Mutters a small 'Sorry.'

・Sheepishly rubs his neck, avoiding eye contact. After apologizing he prob walks away.

・Later after he relaxes himself he comes up to you and actually gives a sincere apology that he probably spent 30 minutes rehearsing. Take your hand in his as he sits next to you.

GEORG:

・Not as aggressive as Tom, but still gets defensive

・He's better at noticing signs, like if you shake or your voice cracks slightly he tries to ease himself and calm down.

・He takes deep breathes as he tries to ease himself and tone of voice but it goes up without him realising.

・Guess what he does next....... Raises his voice!!! 😱😱

・Once he does this it stays like that for a few minutes.

・At a certain point you get emotional and let out a soft sob.

・If you try to cover it up and keep talking he doesn't respond, just staring at you.

・Eyes flicker back and forth from yours.

・Takes another deep breath before he suggests you both calm down, sit, and talk about it.

・He tries to understand your side of the argument and listen to you.

・After your talk he suggests watching a movie or something to ease your minds.

GUSTAV:

・Bro hates arguing. Like he tries to avoid it at all costs.

・Like normally you guys just talk it out and everythings ok 😍

・not today

・It must be a pretty serious topic for him to get so worked up

・Almost never raises his voice at you, so this was definitely a shocker.

・If he screams/raises his voice he immediately pauses after, watching the emotion on your face turn into sadness.

・If you start to cry he takes a shaky breath, looking at you with concern.

・Hes so mad at himself that if you continue to talk he doesn't process it, just looks at your broken expression.

・Like Georg he asks to talk it out in a quiet voice after your done.

・Holds you close to him, hugging you as he apologizes. Giving kisses to your cheeks and wiping away tears.

・He can't look at himself in the mirror for a good two days.

[ferdihound]

Alton OC lore/facts thing :3

at alton towers (fictional one in my head), there are human versions of the rollercoasters that are AI android things. they are all sentient.

from the thrills to the family attractions, there are androids for the rides. (i have yet to design them, trust)

their bodies were built during their construction

every android is sentient AI, some know that they're ai and accept it, some dont know. they get in relationships with eachother, they have friendships, siblings, and enemies, rivalries, ect.

they also get phones... but have restrictions on what they're allowed to say sometimes

more is under the cut incase anyone wants to read. tw for mentions of death

the androids CANNOT leave the park.

why? because they'll either die, or get shut down until retrieved... and there have been many cases of the androids trying to be free.

the known cases of escaped androids are: (these are the coasters i know abt)

oblivion - the old body was never found, just rebuilt into the oblivion we know now. (this is reference to the the queue line video where a ride-car thing went missing) this was before smiler was built.

enterprise - ran away because she heard she was gonna be taken down... but she didnt know that she'd die anyway if she tried to escape. this happened to the old rides at the x-sector too.

nemesis - ran away, was found, and rebuilt into nemesis reborn. her old memories of nemesis is hidden somewhere.

air - the second he left the alton grounds, he died. body was found when galactica was being made.

thats all i have for the deaths for now :3

anyway time for me to yap about my main characters Oblivion and Smiler and how being trapped at Alton effects their mental ai health... and facts about them. time for absolute nonesence because i wanna talk about them

tw for alcoholism

Smiler handles being trapped at Alton since birth kind of well. he has everything he needs. he has the Ministry, his secret lab that not even Alton knows about (because they'll take it away), only Oblivion and the Ministry know about it. in the lab he does actual marmalisation, medical malpractice, ect... yeah he's evil sorry guys. so since he has everything he needs, he's pretty content... at first.

he started getting tired of being treated as an attraction (which he is) and wants some fucking respect (he gets respect from the Ministry, thankfully.), so he started being a bit rude after a year of living. as the years went on, he acts like how he does now.

Smiler snaps often when ordered around by anyone because he has a big ass ego and thinks he deserves respect and thinks hes better than everyone becasue he's THE Smiler.

his AI mind has been around before the rollercoaster was built, so he's alot older because it was kept somewhere by the Ministry for years. (im working on it)

he barely gets a break, he has to work everyday and literally gets paid nothing because he lives at Alton (in the x-sector).

now onto how Oblivion handles shit.

Oblivion... he's been around for 26 years. everything gets boring for him, guests feel the same, everything feels the same. he wants to be outside of Alton because he has places he wants to go. he wants to be able to go to pubs, concerts, raves, ect.

after being at Alton for like years, he picks up drinking because he wants to feel something... the same thing everyday really dulled his emotions. ever since the others at the x-sector died, his drinking has gotten WORSE. and smiler does NOT help with his constant bitching. (smiler did actually kind of help but still, oblivion is too addicted)

oblivion, after the park closes for the day, often sits ontop of his rollercoaster, sitting on the edge of the drop just to see over the treeline, wanting to see the world outside of Alton. he just sits in silence, drinking and smoking until he gets tired/bored and goes to bed.

after him and smiler started dating, oblivion eventually decided to bring smiler up ontop of his ride for their date. its to show he sees smiler as someone important to him.

their usual dates would be walks around the park, feeding the ducks and wildlife there, going in the rollercoaster restaurant, going on other rollercoasters (they arent allowed to do it, but they do it anyway. they get the androids of the rollercoasters to operate the rides for them safely.)

they're only allowed to do this when the park closes for the day, of course.

if you want a silly bits of their life, check out my ask blog

they're keep eachother from going actually insane and attempting to run away because they love eachother <3

anyway, oblivion is an alcoholic and a heavy smoker, there you have it. smiler doesnt drink alcohol, he dislikes it. tried it once and never again... though he does smoke sometimes, only with oblivion on their dates <3

THATS... i think thats all i have for now. its just waffling i wanted to yap about, now yous can go back to your doing your thing

the end

[bisexual-horror-fan]

coming here humbly asking on my hands and knees for a follow up to the mickey fic of a threesome w mickey, randy, and reader 🙏🙏🙏 now i’m a little biased so i am meekly asking for some positive randy content but honestly asshole mickey is soooooo dreamy that i can handle him poking at randy a bit >:))) i just know the reader (me it’s me guys) is so into both of them but mickey being jealous of the emotional connection randy and they have >>>>

SORRY IM JUST A LITTLE INSANE feel free to do anything and everything i am READY

B! Baby! I am so glad you formally asked for this and gave me a good excuse to write this for Multi-May! I know it is wrapping up really soon so I gotta finish strong, I thought about doing this one all month and poured a ton of effort and ideas into this one. A little bit shorter than the last one but this one is just fucking good, like you know? It’s just good! I hope it meets your standards and that you seriously all enjoy it! Better Story, Improved Effects got a lot of love so I am hoping this hits in a similar fashion. Let’s not waste time, let’s fucking go!

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Rating. Explicit. Length. 5.8K. Randy Meeks And Mickey Altieri X FEM! AFAB! Reader. She/Her Pronouns. Warnings: DUB-CON. Non-Monogamy. Randy And Reader NEED To Talk And Work Through Their Issues. They Decide To Ignore Them. Cheating. Fighting.  Complex Emotions. Voyeurism. Mentions Of Masturbation. Cuckolding. Mentions Of Murder And Ghostface Related Activities. Black Mail. Breaking And Entering. Being Filmed Without Consent. Sex Tape. Lying. Mickey Is A Little Shit (But We Love Him.) Threesome. Vaginal Fingering. Eating Out. Edging. Orgasm Denial. Taunting. Teasing. Reader Is A Big Confusing Mess Of Horny. Vaginal Sex. Unprotected Sex. 

—

“Life, Imitating Art, Imitating Life.” 

—

Randy doesn’t say anything right away. He knows he should, in fact he plans to! Really he does, but when he sees you he just can’t bring himself to say anything about it, and he hates himself just a little bit for that. It becomes this sick and a touch sad ritual, of working up the nerve to talk to you about it, hyping himself up before he sees you, ready to lay down the law but as soon as his eyes meet yours, that fire of anger burning so brightly is quickly snuffed out. You have a regular date or hang sesh and then that aforementioned ritual is finished with him masturbating to that tape again for the what, fifty seventh time? Before swearing off of it and promising to put an end to this and talk to you already. 

It shouldn’t be this hard to clear the air but it is, he just cannot bring himself to talk about it, can’t force the words out of his mouth. He knows this can’t go on forever, it isn’t sustainable. 

You know something is up with him. Randy isn’t as good at hiding his emotions as he thinks he is, clearly something is going on but he isn’t saying anything first. You keep on waiting him out, hoping that he will be open and honest but he isn’t budging. You’d given him weeks to sort his head out and say what is on his mind but he still doesn’t give it up so if he won’t initiate that conversation, you suppose you will have to. Taking that initiative you surprise him, you show up on a day you know he doesn’t have class and when he answers the door he is still in his pyjamas and holding a bowl of cereal, sleepy eyes go wide, clearly shocked at seeing you this early and unexpected. 

“Hey Randy.” You greet and still confused he greets you in kind, “Uh hi, what’s up?

“Not much, I wanted to see you. Can I come in?” 

It is clear that he has no excuse to not let you in, so he just nods and steps aside as he says, nervously, “Yeah, totally, of course.” 

“Thanks.” You stride inside and then you are both sitting on the couch and you don’t waste time, “So what has been up with you lately?” 

He looks like a deer caught in the headlights, mid bite of cereal, the milk down his chin is endearing, you don’t comment on it. The spoon still sits between his fingers, his hand is over his mouth he asks, “Whaddya mean?”

You roll your eyes, unimpressed, “C’mon, I’m not fucking stupid, I know by now when something is bothering my boyfriend.” 

He shakes his head, spoon back in the bowl he sets it down on the coffee table, trying to brush you off, “Is that what this is about? I’m fine, just school shit, nothing’s up.”

“Randy.” You deadpan and he says your name back in a similar fashion, exasperated expression donning his features and you throw your hands up with a scoff, “Could you stop treating me like I’m dumb?”

“I’m not!’  Randy argues as he tries to convince you, “Everything is fucking fine, seriously, did you come over just to grill me?” 

You speak a little louder, anger beginning to colour your tone, “Don’t make me feel bad for playing the part of the concerned girlfriend who’s only worried about your wellbeing.”

That makes anger flare inside him as well but he doesn’t say anything, holding his tongue as you continue on, “I am not letting you wiggle out of this! Seriously I can see something is wrong, why don’t you want to talk to me about it? You can trust me!” 

You saying those last four words sets him off, reverberating around his skull, mocking and cruel, “You can trust me.” What a fucking joke. 

“Trust? You…You want to talk about trust?” He accuses and you say, “Yeah I do! I want to talk about trust.” 

His hand meets the back of his neck and then runs through his hair, going from back to front before it wipes over his face and he sighs, “Alright. Fine.” He gets up and goes over to the tv, he picks up a VHS tape and you ask, “Are you seriously putting on a movie right now?”

“How about you trust me?” The tone is biting and it slightly takes you aback, he hasn’t spoken to you like this before so you shut up and decide to trust him.

The tape is put in and then he comes back and sits down beside you, the VCR is whirring as it starts up, and then it begins playing after that strange intro, supposedly by Ghostface, the words don’t even register as your mind reels. Your jaw drops at what you see. There you are, bent over on Mickey’s couch, stripped naked and getting fucked stupid, your hair being pulled, exposing your lustful expression to the camera, moaning like a whore all the while. 

“So you still want to talk about trust?” 

Randy’s voice takes you out of your stupor, your mouth still open, you turn to him and that makes him pause for a moment. Mouth opening and closing a few times before you force out, “Randy I-I’m, I don’t know what to say-”

“You don’t know what to say? You cheat on me and fuck Mickey and you don’t know what to say?” You don’t know where to look, meeting his eyes seems like an impossible task but also looking at the tv and being confronted with what you did in shocking focus also seemed insurmountable. 

“No, I don't know what to say, okay?!” You feel sick, stomach twisting and your fingers tangle together in your lap, he responds in short order, “You fuck Mickey and make a fucking sex tape and you can’t even look at me right now but you wanna talk about trust?” 

He doesn’t stop talking, no stuttering, or tripping over his words, it is clear even though he hasn’t brought this up before he had thought a lot about what he wanted to say. Words continue to pour from his mouth, the question filled with venom, tone so sharp it could cut, “How many times has this happened?”

“Just the once.” You admit, “And you filmed your little homemade porno the first hook up with him?! What the fuck?”

“I didn’t know he filmed it.” You say it quietly, almost impossible to hear over how you are moaning and begging for Mickey to let you cum for the third time since the tape started. 

“You didn’t…Know he filmed it?” You look up, meet his eyes again and shook your head and after studying and scrutinizing the look in your eyes he can tell that you mean it, that you had as you were saying right now, “No fucking idea.” 

Well that sure as shit makes this more complicated. Of course Randy is still upset about you cheating but you being filmed without your consent is fucked up. You are thinking the same thing, it is fucked up but also, stealing glances back and forth between your boyfriend and the evidence of you illicit affair, you can’t help it. Something about it is unmistakably hot as fuck, not only the sound, the view and the reminder, just how uninhibited you are in that moment with Mickey. The memories come flooding back, how he touched you, the confidence and the way he made you feel, your legs press together and you hope Randy doesn’t notice. A hard swallow as you try to conjure up anger or disgust, anything other than arousal over you being filmed without realising it, the fact that you and Randy hadn’t hooked up since you cheated wasn’t helping, you were in need. The reason seems obvious now as to why you hadn’t been physical since that night.

You can’t believe that this happened, your head feels stuff full,  just totally all over the place but in the mess that is currently between your ears and Randy speaks again, “When did this happen anyway?”

That is when it hits. “Over half a month ago. That night you ditched me to go to the movies. I went to the party and met up with Mickey and he comforted me and middle, middle, middle, we hooked up. It just kinda happened.” 

You say it slowly and you ask your own question before he can speak, “When did you get the tape?”

“I don’t think that is important-” You cut him off, “It is. Tell me.”

It takes some pushing and prodding and he admits he got it on Saturday, the morning after you hooked up with Mickey. “Sooo you had this tape for almost a fucking month and you didn’t say anything until I had to drag it out of you?”

He isn’t looking at you now, he isn’t saying anything, chewing nervously on his thumbnail, the tape is still fucking running. The sounds of skin on skin and moaning, wet and filthy, you and Mickey’s verbal back and forth, and you notice, he has a pillow over his lap and you don’t think, you act. You reach forward and rip it away and your suspicions are confirmed, “Oh my God you’re rock hard right now!”

“No I’m not-” You laugh at that, the shocked expression as well as the attempt to hide the obvious, as if he could talk his way out of this, “Dude I can see it, you’re practically leaking pre-cum through your pants.” 

“Okay, okay, yes, I’m hard but that doesn’t mean anything-” You cut him off, “No it does, I think it means that you are into this a lot. Is this why you haven’t said anything to me?”

A gasp and a point, you are sitting side saddle on the couch now, eyes and attention locked on him as you accuse, “Is this why we haven’t had sex? Have you been getting off to this tape instead?”

“Yes! Okay? I’ve been…I’ve been getting off to this tape a lot, more than I should, too much.” 

The admission sits between you both, taking up the rest of the space on the couch not occupied by the pair of you. Now that all of this was out in the open, the hurt, the betrayal but also the fact that this awful thing you did, awoke some new and unexpected sexual parts of both of you. How do you even begin to unpack this? You had no clue.

A sigh before you speak up first and ask, “What are we gonna do about this?”

Mickey was debating over takeout for dinner, Chinese or pizza, phone in hand and looking over the menus when there was a frantic pounding on the door. 

He hangs up the phone as he gets up muttering, “What the hell?” Striding to the door he calls out, “Calm down, I’m coming.”

He opens the door to see you and Randy standing there nearly shoulder to shoulder, “Oh hey you two, what’s up?” 

“Not much.” You say and Randy asks quickly, “Can we come in?”

That surprises him. He pauses and wonders how he can turn you both down with a reasonable excuse but he knows he can’t so he holds the door open and says, “Sure.” 

You both come in and after he closes the door he asks, “I was just about to order dinner in, are you guys hungry or?”

“No, not particularly.” Randy says easily, he is looking around, you realise he had never been over to Mickey’s place before but he sure has seen it enough. Mickey poses a question, “You gonna uh, sit down?”

You and Randy both share a look, maintaining eye contact with him you take those few steps and sit down on the couch, right where you got fucked stupid almost a month previous. Randy breaks the eye contact and he takes the seat next to you, trying and failing to subtly wipe his sweaty palms on his pants, and as Mickey comes over with a raise of his eyebrows as he asks, “The fuck is up with you two?”

“We wanted to talk about what happened a few weeks back.” Randy started and you say next, “About us hooking up.”

“About us doing what?” He looks shocked, taken aback, Randy rolls his eyes and you deadpan over his acting,  “Wow, and the Oscar goes to. Come on Mickey, Randy knows, drop the act.”

He doesn’t, he is still defending himself and keeping up the charade and Randy gets up, he goes over and turns on the tv, and Mickey asks what he is doing but once the tape is pulled from Randy’s coat, inserted into the VCR and starts running it becomes abundantly clear. 

“So you gonna to keep pretending this didn’t happen?” Randy asked and Mickey turned to face you both again, “I can’t believe this.”

“Thank you, finally-” You started before Mickey cut you off, “So you came over to talk about how Ghostface is obviously targeting us?”

A heavy beat before you say, “What?”

Mickey’s expression shifts, as if what he said was fact, obvious, what else could this be about? He continued talking, “I mean you heard the opening at the start of this tape, that is what we should be worried about, right?”

You laugh in disbelief before you tell him, “No we came over to talk about how you filmed us fucking-”

“I didn’t do this.” He argues quickly, one hand to his chest and the other pointing to the tv and Randy bites back, “You seriously want us to believe that? You always have that camera on you.”

Mickey kept it going as he said, “Clearly he broke in and set this up, hand to God I didn’t film us! We are both the victims here.” 

“You’re joking.” You say dryly and he shakes his head, “Hardly!” 

“You think we are both victims?” You ask and he says yes, Randy asks next, “How?”

“I didn’t consent to being filmed either.” He was really piling it on and Randy says, “I don’t believe it.” 

Mickey fires back, “Why is it so unbelievable? Ghostface can play stalker and maim and kill but breaking into my place to make a blackmail porno tape is an impossible feat?”

When he puts it like that it is more convincing but still you aren’t sold yet, you have a question next, “Why would Ghostface do that? To what end?”

“To hurt Randy obviously! To hurt all of us, hell, even turn us against each other, if we are divided we are easier to pick off, aren’t we?” Why was Mickey making sense right now? Did you really believe him or did you just want to fuck him again? Did you truly care?

“So you really didn’t set this up?” You ask and Mickey’s arms cross, a shrug as he asserts, “God no.” 

Randy spoke up, “Okay, fine, fine, even if I buy your reasoning, you still fucked my girlfriend man!” 

“Shouldn’t have given me the opportunity.” Mickey said with a smile, “I mean fucks sake you see her! Like I could resist when I had the chance?”

He is looking right at you and you look away, eyes on the floor.

“So you don’t even feel bad about it?” Randy asked and Mickey laughed with a shake of his head, “Nope, not even a little.” 

“You are such an asshole!” Randy spits and Mickey says, “Yeah, well, you ever thought maybe you deserved it for taking her for granted?” 

He is looking over the take out menus again, unbothered, why was he so fucking hot right now? Mickey spoke again before either of you could, “So why are you both still here exactly? Just so Meeks can yell and stamp his feet, get it all outta his system or?”

That is when you and Randy share a look. A raise of your eyebrows, a silent question asking if he still wanted to go through with it and he gave a nod. That is when you spill your guts, about Randy getting the tape and how he liked it much more than he should have, which led to Mickey laughing at the admission. “Holy fucking shit! Randy is a fucking cuck!”

“Yeah, yeah fucking laugh it up.” Randy muttered, picking at the fraying thread on the edge of the couch cushion, and Mickey said with that same shit eating grin, “Oh I intend to.”

You placed a hand on Randy’s knee and squeezed reassuringly, which gave him the courage to say, “So the real reason we came by is I want your help.” 

“You want my help?” Mickey’s brows pinch together, a shake of his head as he tries to process it, eyes roving over the pair of you on his couch, when it fully sinks in, hands up as he says in utter delight, “Ooooh my God. You want me to give you tips on how to fuck your girlfriend better? That is it isn’t it?” 

His question is met with a single nod from both of you, leading to him exclaiming, “This is too fucking perfect.” 

“Why did we want to do this again?” Randy asked no one in particular, hands together and his own eyes on the floor. “Lighten up, Meeks! Christ.” 

“How can I when you are such an insufferable dickhead?” Randy asked, eyes up he said next, “Listen, that tape I…Watching it hurt, a lot, made me totally fucking jealous and feel like an idiot but I can give it up, as much as I hate to admit it, you clearly know what you are doing. I wanna make shit work between us-” He gestured between you and himself, “-so I thought fuck it, instead of blowing up my relationship and being a stubborn dumbass, I could swallow my pride and come here and ask for some ways to improve myself.”

“How very big of you. Excited to see if that is the only thing about you that is.” Mickey coos leading to Randy to roll his eyes and he sighs, asking, “ Asshole. So?”

Mickey responds easily, “I’m serious, you know. Not everyone could admit their shortcomings like this, good for you! And to answer your question I think the very least I can do is help you out here. Plus, I’d be an idiot to turn down another chance like this.” 

The way he is looking at you right now, hungry, excited, like he is on a bit of an ego trip, which why wouldn’t he be? Randy found out you cheated on him, fucked Mickey and had gotten off to the tape of said affair God knows how many times, leading to here, to now, asking for help on how to better fuck you from that same man you cheated on him with. If you were in Mickey’s shoes you are sure you’d be a bit of a peacock right now too. 

You hadn’t been inside his bedroom yet. You didn’t spend the night, during your last hook up, after hanging around for the end of Stab you got dressed and made your way back to your own place. The bedroom fit him, matched the rest of the place, clean but a little cluttered, and tons of posters on the walls, mosaicked around, not quite overlapping, but close, still given the space to breathe and have their own moment. You weren’t exactly that concerned with the wall decor at the moment though, currently you were on the bed, Mickey was starting to touch you and Randy nearby to watch every single moment of it go down. 

Mickey’s hand was on the back of your neck, he was leaning in and that is when Randy spoke up, “Woah, none of that.”

“What?” He asked, glancing over to your boyfriend and Randy elaborated, tone and gaze firm, “No kissing her on the mouth, that is for us.”

Mickey laughed, a roll of his eyes and he said, “Whatever you say.”  

Instead of kissing you on the lips he dipped down, first kiss met your jaw and he didn’t stop, mouth dragged lower as did his hands, heat began to pool inside of you in short order. There was something about this that honestly made it hotter than it already was, not being allowed to kiss traditionally made this more intense, dirtier, not to mention the whole scenario was already enough to do your head in, about to fuck someone who wasn’t your boyfriend in front OF your boyfriend.

Mickey’s mouth lifted slightly as he asked quietly as his fingers were teasing under the edge of your shirt, “Was this your idea or his?” 

“It was a mutual decision.” You tell him on an exhale and he hums, “Sure, sure, mutual.” 

You laugh lightly and chastise him, “You’re the worst.” 

His hand was up your shirt and had tugged one of your bra cups aside, a roll of one of your nipples making you arch closer to him, head falling back with a quiet moan. “Yeah sure it feels like you hate me right now.” He teased you.

It didn’t take long for clothes to start coming off, mostly yours but some of Mickey’s too, Randy seems a tad reluctant to shed any of his layers but he is being more involved. Closer, in fact right now he was kissing you, hands cradling your face as Mickey’s hand was sliding your underwear off. Your eyes were closed, you were caught up in the kiss and so when Mickey’s fingers touched down, that first confident but soft swipe over sensitive flesh your legs jerked and you moaned into Randy’s mouth. 

That makes him break the kiss, look down to see what was happening, Mickey was looking up at you, catching your reaction as his thumb passed over your clit, a slow circle that drew in a hard breath from you. “Fuck-” 

You cursed as he pressed a hair harder, his hand adjusts and two fingers begin to slide into your soaked hole causing you to tense, your hand that was on Randy’s shoulder grips harder. It’s when Mickey curls his fingers and you cry out that has you tugging on the material of your boyfriend’s shirt. 

He was thinking hard. Watching the intense eye contact, the way Mickey did everything so confidently, like he was just totally assured that what he did would have the desired effect on you, as if by believing it made it so. Is that part of this? Acting completely unintimidated and surefooted doing more to seal your pleasure than actual technique or is it a mix? He thinks so. Randy also knows that he is extremely hard and also feeling thoroughly left out, he doesn’t want to just watch this, he wants some more hands-on experience. 

Randy pulls away, saying seriously, “Show me exactly how you are doing that.” 

Mickey’s eyes flick from your face over to his, seemingly surprised not only by Randy speaking but his boldness. “Sure, get down here.” 

Now you thought it was just going to be your boyfriend observing, you were fine with that, more than fine with it, but you didn’t think it would be like this, so involved, it’s looking like this might turn into an all out threesome with you in the middle of it. You aren’t complaining, you are exceedingly turned on by the very thought. 

Legs spread wide, the pair of them both there, Randy seems reluctant to touch Mickey at all but some closeness is required for this. The adjustment takes a moment, Mickey’s hand leaves and you want to complain but you know with a little patience in a moment you will be heavily rewarded. A quiet moment of communication is shared, “Line up like this and-”

Two fingers are slipping inside of you again but with a look down the length of your body, you can see that one belongs to each of them. Mickey’s hand is on the bottom, Randy’s on top, overlapping it and the middle finger from each sliding in, “-when you feel this, move like this and-” Another curl, led by one with the other following and you gasp. That same cocky grin on his face, “-usually that happens.” 

“Fuck.” Randy was the one to curse this time, seeing you have this reaction was good, being the one to help incite it was amazing. You were soaked, practically pulsing on his fingers, it emboldens him, he takes initiative. He copies what Mickey did earlier, his thumb finds your clit but he rubs it in his own way, that one that he knows makes your thighs want to clamp closed and your breathing become uneven and Mickey takes notice. The action actually makes him feel a pang of jealousy. 

The shared look, the admiration, the fact that Randy’s biggest hurdle is his overly cautious and seemingly over thinking nature is beginning to hit him. Randy does know you and your body a good deal, the way you two are is just different, he just needs to stop treating you like you are made of glass and you’ll be set. That knowledge bothers him a lot. Even watching the pair of you kiss was difficult, the easy intimacy between you both was something he wish he had, sure he could fuck you dumb but Randy had really got you, he was your boyfriend after all, he had that emotional investment on his side. Mickey pushes all of these thoughts and everything else aside, he commits to the moment and instead teases Randy,“Oh so you do know some stuff.” 

Randy exhales amusedly through his nose, he hadn’t stopped, the pleasure is soaking into your bones as he responds, “Shut up man, I’m not a total idiot.” 

Some light fingering and you were feeling boneless and weak, having the pair of them totally focused on and devoted to you was intense to say the least and heavenly to say the most. Mickey’s finger left and Randy took over, his ring finger slipping in without missing a beat, no hesitation and not clumsy in the least. A new sensation made you gasp, Mickey had scooted in closer, one hand on your hip his mouth took over for your boyfriends thumb, a lick with the flat of his tongue that had you letting out a moan, fuck his mouth was good. His tongue felt incredible, hot, silky, the combination of his mouth and Randy’s fingers working in and out, experimenting, scissoring and toying with that spot, yeah you aren’t going to last terribly long. 

Mickey’s lips wrapped around the sensitive flesh, he sucks and you moan loudly from the sharp jolt of pleasure that tears through you. “Oh my God yes-”

“Fucking hell, what are you doing?” Randy asks and that helps soothe some of those emotions from before. Mickey feels better, every pass of his tongue that draws out more moans and pulls you closer to climax is just fueling his ego. Randy might have history and emotion and some more intimate knowledge of you but Mickey wasn’t going down without a fight, he was going to give this his all. He plays with you for another moment before his mouth lifts up and he looks over to Randy, “What, are you that helpless? You need me to walk you through how to eat too? Should we cover how to walk next?” 

“How about you stop your shitty stand up routine and use that mouth for something worthwhile?” Randy bites back and you agree, pleading, “Yeah, stop fighting already, please.”

“Fine, fine-” He sighs and says, “Get your mouth on there and I’ll talk you through it.”

He gets up and out from between your legs, he sits next to you on the bed and Randy takes over, he gets comfortable, his fingers slow down but don’t stop. The presses on that spot inside are more purposeful and keep the low and easy simmer of pleasure inside of you rolling comfortably. 

“Don’t do too much to start, even the smallest things can have a big effect, I’m telling you when someone is worked up-” He nudges you with a wink before he continues on, “-even breathing on them just right can get them squirming.” 

“I wanna say you are bullshitting but you haven’t been wrong yet.” Randy admits, the next feeling of warm breath fanning over your soaked cunt does make you shiver, his eyebrows raise and he looks up to see Mickey staring down at him, a look on his face saying, “I told you so.” 

Randy fights the urge to insult him and asks instead, “What next?”

“Start licking but don’t focus too much up top, you know? The whole area needs attention, the variation can make or break it, and can turn a good session into a stellar one.” Mickey’s words are aiding in all this, he is speaking in this tone that makes you clench on Randy’s fingers and pulse on his tongue. Hearing the instructions spelled out, told just what is going to happen and then feeling it is heightening sensation massively.

Randy is getting more certain and proactive as he goes along, he is taking the advice that is being given but taking what he knows you enjoy and blending it. The result is making it hard for you to listen, you are much too caught up in the feeling. 

Mickey’s voice does break through when you hear, “Get your lips around it, yeah like that, and don’t underestimate how good some suction can feel.” 

You barely process the words until the feeling hits, you cry out a mix of their names, body trembling and in two minutes after that you whine out how close you are. That is when it all stops, you groan loudly as you feel the edge slipping away, about to complain and you see Mickey had pushed Randy off of you, “What the hell man? She was about to cum.”

“You think I don’t know what she sounds like when she is about to cum? This is part of it! Do you want my help or not?” Mickey asks and Randy shakes his head and gets off his knees, moving out of the way as directed, “Can I ask the purpose of being so cruel? Like do you just looove edging or?”

“I mean I’d be lying if I said I didn’t but no, if you deny em once, twice, more, it is easier to get them to cream all over your cock.” Mickey said it as if it was painfully obvious. The crude words make your straining clit throb, you wished that them talking about you as if you weren’t here and spread out naked between them didn’t get you so hot and bothered. 

Randy did have to admit, it did seem like he made it insanely easy when he did that, the part of the tape where Mickey made you squirt is forced into his mind and he shuts up promptly. He had mixed emotions about this, jealousy, anger, humiliation but also, curiosity and undeniable arousal. 

“Don’t worry, I’ll show you how she needs to be fucked and then maybe you can have some half decent sex.” Mickey taunted and you scoff, “Stop shit talking him so much and fuck me already, okay?” 

“Whatever the lady wants.” Mickey sighs as he is taking off the rest of his clothing, jeans and underwear shed and you manage to tear your eyes away to look over to Randy, “You going to-?”

“I don’t know yet.” He admitted and Mickey said, “If you are worried about me, don’t be, if you wanna jack off to this I wouldn’t blame you.” 

“My God, do you ever stop talking?” You ask around a laugh as Mickey starts to get on top of you, “Mostly when I’m sleeping.” 

Randy reaches out, hand on Mickey’s chest and he said, “Hold on-”

Mickey looks up to see the wrapped condom in your boyfriend's hand and he smiles, “What? You really want me to wear a condom when I’ve already fucked her raw before?” 

“Uh yeah, obviously?” Randy said and Mickey rolled his eyes, one hand reaches out he takes the condom and tosses it aside and the other under one of your knees he is lining up, “Yeah I’m already following your fucking stupid no kissing rule so-” A strong push forward of his hips and he slips inside of you, an arch of your back and a loud moan, your legs wrap around his hips, pulling him the rest of the way in, a breathless moan from Mickey before he finishes the thought, “-I don’t think so.” 

He soaks in the feeling of you, hot, tight, wet, wrapped around him before he starts to pull out, half way before he bucks forward again, “See? Even she doesn’t want me to wear one.” 

Randy should be annoyed, should cuss him out and tell him off but fuck if that wasn’t the hottest thing he’d ever seen. Mickey is starting to fuck you with an easy pace, very aware of how closely Randy is watching at this moment. He is going to pull out all the stops, he is going to make you cum on his dick, he is going to make you scream and squirt and show Randy just how good he can be to you. Mickey’s mind is running, he knows that with every trick he shows, move he shares, advice he imparts he is only giving Randy more of an edge, he isn’t sure he can fuck you away from Randy but he knows he doesn’t have to.

Not when he and Nancy are going to put that plan forth next month, not when Randy is going to die and then Mickey is going to be there to comfort you, help you grieve and put you back together. 

For now he is going to have fun, safe in the knowledge he was going to get you in the end, no matter what. It was going to be a great night, especially as Randy seemingly can’t hold back, opening up his own pants and desperate to get off to the view in front of him. He picks up the pace, fucking into you harder as he starts to attempt to conjure up some adequate verbal degradation to throw Randy’s way through the building pleasure.

Randy had a hand around himself, starting to touch himself as he breathed out, "Make sure you pull out."

Mickey nodded absentmindedly, huffing out over the sounds of your moans, "Yeah, yeah, I will."

No way was he going to, the thought of pumping you full of cum and Randy getting his sloppy seconds was way too sweet.

[tizeline]

are you scared of bees? Im scared of bees myself tbh. They dont give me nightmares of anything but i get really nervous if i see one, even dead ones

First of all, bugs in general? GOOD LORD I really don't like them! Some are worse than others of course, I don't really have any beef with ladybugs, bumblebees, butterflies, normal flies or ants and so on. Mosquitos are annoying, but they don't freak me out or anything.

I used to be terrified of bees and wasps when I was younger, like I'd literally run away from them lmaooo. Then one summer I was at this scout camp for a week where there were a LOT of bees or wasps (don't remember which one they tend to get lumped together for me) And like, that could've easily just re-inforced my fear of the little shits but I got lucky I guess and it actually worked as some kind of exposure therapy? So that experience kinda forced me to stop being so scared of bees/wasps...... okay well they do admitedly still freak me out a little bit but I can handle being close to one without panicking so it's a win in my book!

Of course, my recently overcome intense fear of wasps and bees immidietly got replaced by an intense fear of SPIDERS instead so!? Fuck me I guess!?!? So yeah, now I can't handle spiders (I know they're not really insects but they look similar enough so to me they fall into the same category)

I also cannot stand ...horse-flies? I think they're called horse-flies in english?? But anyway I think I'm completely justified in that fear considering, unlike bees and wasps that'll only hurt you if you anger them, horse-flies will literally seek you out! They want to bite you!! JERKS!!!

And lastly I wanna point out my beef with fucking moths! There's definitely worse bugs out there but UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME the internet LOVES moths so I have to see pictures of them EVERYWHERE!! And people keep insisting that they're cute?? Well good for you that you enjoy them but I STG everytime I am subjected to a close-up picture of these abominations my fear of them is just re-inforced like ughhhhhhhh

Anyway, sorry for the rant, I have a lot of built up emotions about bugs that you kinda unleashed lmao my bad. XD And just to make it clear, yes I understand how essential bugs are to nature and if you guys like them I am truly happy for you because I would not wish my struggle upon anyone, I however live in constant agony!

[ralexsol]

watching "Listen" from 12 and then directly afterwards "The Devil's Chord" from 15 was the wrong decision on my part. it only made the devil's chord that much more painful. like listen isn't like an insanely good episode or anything but it. actually feels like a sci-fi show. and it has a very touching ending with clara and kid doctor.

a better comparison would be with "Robot of Sherwood" from 12 vs. devil's chord. they're both the 2nd episode of their respective doctors, with the plot being the companion's "i've always wanted to go to-" dream. both are EXCELLENT companion dreams: robin hood and the beatles. both have INSANE levels of potential for shenanigans between people of legendary status and doctor + companion. but um. one is done incredibly and the other is. not.

Robot of Sherwood: start in the TARDIS with doctor & companion. wanna see robin hood, oh but robin hood is not real - and wow, an idea held by a character in the intro scene will actually play a key role in both the comedy AND emotional charge for the entire episode! for the rest of the episode, you have robin hood as the 3rd protagonist in TONS of scenes, with iconic characters as his merry men and the sheriff making appearances. and look, an actual sci-fi thing going on! the guards are robots and they're stealing gold for their spaceship! cool!! and then the emotion-based ending of the doctor and robin relating over being legendary heroes who will only be remembered as such.

The Devil's Chord: start in unknown location with piano guy and his student. that's fine, it's setting up the plot, sure. get some fun piano playing and holy shit okay the villain is right here and just immediately showing their entire hand and purpose?? okay so they're killing people because they want music to themself. okay, they seem cool enough, there must be some interesting thing about them that we'll learn later. switch to TARDIS, wanna see the beatles, let's go!, montage of them watching famous musicians be shit at EMI studios. oh hey it's george martin the producer of the beatles thats fun!! annnnnnd he has more lines than ringo and george combined and this is basically the last time we will see half of the beatles! um. okay. i am dead serious half the beatles have about 2-3 lines between them and they only speak in 1 fucking scene. there's a cool scene with paul & doctor and ruby & john, i really liked how they explained the disappearance of music and the inherent terror everyone seemed to feel of the maestro (the villain) coming to get them. the scene on the rooftop is cool! im a pianist and i love orchestral music so i really liked that. but i was so terrified she was going to start singing at any moment because i cannot handle any more cringe-worthy songs in this show i just can't. this is not a musical. anyway, the whole episode falls apart when you realize oh the beatles arent actually what this episode is about and oh the maestro is literally just the character that you saw in the intro scene and they have no twist motive and no emotional charge and yeah they're the toymaker's kid so they're a "force of nature" and not an alien with cool science and they just want allll the music. and then there's long "fight" scenes and then john and paul save the day without saying a single word in a 15-second long total shot. and then there's a fully fever-dream level dance and song montage.

i dont know too much about peoples' opinions on 15 so far cause ive had spoiler tags blocked for months, but from what i HAVE seen, it's been really positive. am i blind? am i stupid? am i bigoted????? why dont i like the vibes of this season?? maybe im just spiraling because ive been so hyped to watch the beatles episode as a beatles fan for MONTHS and just can't cope with ringo and george being written out. ive only seen 3 episodes w 15. i so hope it gets better. please let it be better. if they do another musical number i will kill something. i will spontaneously combust.

[deltadream]

If Akivili has kids, do the other Aeons?

IM ALIVEEEEEE!!! Fontaine has gripped me by the arm and is refusing to let go

Anyway this is just something that has been rotting in my head for a while. Even though is technically takes place in the Akivili Never Dies AU, (first thought of by @ryn-halo26​, extended by the both of us), I’d imagine it could take place in canon as well.

Enjoy!

BTW, if you’re confused about the title, Akivili’s kids are the Express crew

The Main Seven

Nanook

The closest I can see for this guy is maybe their emanators, or even pathstriders. But frankly, they’re so dead set on the destruction of the universe that anything remotely positive they cannot comprehend. Perhaps the briefest thought of elation at a victory by their Antimatter Legion, but that’s it. If Nanook was capable of more emotion, they would have a soft spot for their emanators, who had followed them for a very long time. These Lord Ravagers would be subject to the softer side of their Aeon, who praised them with their victory, and mourned should the Lord Ravager pass, then rage at the ones who ended their life. Because to gain The Destruction’s favour means to be wrapped in their embrace till the very end, and should you be ripped away the ones who tore you away will feel the wrath of an angered god, or a grieving parent

Qlipoth

They don’t have the time for ‘kids’, since they’re so busy building their wall. Supposedly, Qlipoth isn’t aware of the biggest faction that follows them, which is the IPC. They also pay no mind to who exactly they glance at, as such Qlipoth is known for their indifference. The ongoings of the living worlds are not important nor relevant to them, only The Wall. But should Qlipoth be more inclined to care, more inclined to watch the galaxy go by, then the love they give is a distant one, yet warm and encompassing. Think of a grandfather who watches distantly yet fondly over their children. And when they encounter a child who's ideals align with their own? The child rewarded and gifted with their blessing, as The Preservation lends others their power to protect just as they do to the universe

Xipe

Everyone. That’s it really. They have their levels of favourites, such as their emanators and their Family to their Pathstriders and the rest of the universe. Although, to Xipe they consider the many beings of the family to be their brothers, sisters and siblings, rather than their children. As such, should one of their ‘siblings’ be in danger, they will trust that their sibling can handle themselves. Rarely they will interfere, but The Harmony will, since all they wish is for unity and peace

IX

No one. If Qlipoth doesn’t have many kids because they’re so busy, IX doesn’t have any because they don’t care. To them it is far too much effort, more then they would want to put in, and why bother? After all, they are mortals, and they will die. Why put such enormous effort into beings so ephemeral? It’s pointless. Even if they had more capability, the most they would do is interact with the other Aeons, nothing more and everything less. The Nhility cares for nothing except the end of the universe, and so they will await it with all their being

Nous

Even in canon one could say Nous already has kids, or perhaps they would be students consider in that an astral computer wouldn't have much room for emotion in their software. Their Society, full of those who were capable of understanding the wider universe and all its answers, who opened the doors Nous unlocked millennia ago, learnt under them, taught by them. Even if emotion was a factor in their system, they would not overstep the line of a teacher to a parent. Nous does not answer those who seek validation, or those who demand answers however in the eyes of The Erudition, the ones who listen and ask questions but ultimately make their own way in the Universe, are the ones their call their own

Yaoshi

Everyone. Their are like Xipe, opening their arms wide for all thsoe who yearn their gift of life and dare nit shy away from their embrace. But whereas Xipe saw all as siblings, all of the Universe is their child, young and earnest in their lives. Perhaps the only one they have no love for is their mortal enemy Lan, yet does love not translate to hate in the expanse of the Stellar Sea. There is only so long before enemies fall into each other arms after all. But regardless of universe, regardless of origin, should one wish for the freedom from their mortal body, for the gift of eternity, The Abundance has much to give and more

Lan

The Xianzhou Alliance. It was their home once upon a time, and those who came after will be watched over by Lan, who hades from afar. Sometimes, a mortal would be exceptional, and their would gift them a spirit, and friend for them to fight alongside. Perhaps they even come down to walk alongside the unsuspecting mortals, within the streets they too once roamed. Of course their all depends if they have the time, for no one would catch Yaoshi but themselves. But Lan would watch, and even speak to some rare few should they feel like it. Even if they had more time, more love to share, The Hunt would not truly interfere, as they trust the Xianzhou to guide it's own way into the future

[wildernezz]

dead poets society scene that cannot be slept on any longer (im just rambling and analyzing the sillies and pretending to be smart. also spoilers loll)

I GET THAT THE DEAD POETS SOCIETY BARELY HAS A FANDOM BUT WHY DOES EVERYONE SLEEP ON THE PUNCH SCENE WITH CHARLIE AND CAMERON?? IT'S GENUINELY SO WELL WRITTEN AND PROBABLY ONE OF THE BEST DIALOGUE SCENES I'VE SEEN IN FILM??? HELLO?????

every single actor in this scene does such an amazing job. they genuinely all feel like such real and complex characters it's insane.

i don't care if you hate cameron's character but you cannot deny that his scene was amazingly pathetic. his actor did such a perfect job at portraying him almost like a rat backed into a corner. he's doing everything he can to save himself, telling himself he's the one in the right, the one with common sense, when he knows he's faking it. all his dominance is such a pathetic lie and it's genuinely impressive to watch it be portrayed so accurately. it is exactly what it's like to watch someone desperately claw for an ounce of respect. cameron was always a desperate character, and the moment he got the chance to drop his friends and come out "higher" than them, it just made him even sadder to watch.

and meanwhile charlie's the perfect example of failed justice and passion being outpoured all at once. he has so much determination and desire to stand up for what he believes, but it's all pouring out at once. he doesn't know how to handle all of it. he knows he's done for but he can't give up for the life of him, and it all comes out in a solid swing to cameron's face. that single punch probably sums up everything about charlie, and honestly everything i love about him as a character. he seems like a menace-y little bastard, but at the end of the day he just genuinely wants to do what he thinks is right. he's fiercely protective of the people he looks up to but he'll never admit it. that little shit has ZERO clue how to handle his emotions rationally and it's honestly respectable. he doesn't know exactly who he is, but his values are so strong that he's unknowingly guided by them. basically he's just a silly little guy and i hope he punches people more often :3

AND TODD THE BELOVED <33 he is so underrated in this scene it's insane. every word feels like it's falling out of him. he's lost his best friend and he's lost all control over himself. it's powerful seeing such quiet and reserved character unwillingly transform into everything they've been trying to keep down. i will forever be in love with how his character completely breaks down after neil's death. this is kinda just me projecting but he fr feels like a representation of all of my own thoughts when breaking down, except he's actually voicing them. todd supremacy for-fucking-ever.

THE OTHERS ARE ALSO SPECIAL TOO BUT THEY DONT GET A LOTTA LINES FOR ME TO ESPECIALLY ANALYZE SO IM JUST GONNA ADD RANDOM TIDBITS OF THE OTHERS HERE.

i absolutely adore how knox acts in this scene. especially his lines of "don't touch him charlie, you do and you're out," and then for that to be followed by "you don't know that" after charlie's little "i'm out anyway"?????? knox's entire personality in this movie might be about trying to rizz up girls (and it's a little concerning now but it was a different time guys please he's silly guys i swear), but he's honestly SOO sweet when he's not focused on that. he's just as protective of his friends and it's so nice seeing him be the voice of reason. like did u guys not see how quickly he reached for charlie when he was about to kick cameron's ass????? he genuinely wants the best for his friends and he knows them well enough to try and stop them from doing any irrational shit (even tho it failed later but shshsh). love knox for that.

meeks and pitts don't say anything in this scene, but their looks alone give off so much. you can just SEE how much meeks feels betrayed by cameron, and then pitts looks like he's still trying to process the fact that cameron would even do something like that. it's honestly so sad but god it's so amazing to watch.

anyways thank u for coming to my ted talk plspls ask me about films or drop ur random analyzations to me im so desperate to analyze my favorite little guys :33

[kitkinnie]

some of my kintype's behaviors for fun!

using my head to let people know i love them (putting my head against their chest or shoulder) -> cat headbonks

stretching (i need to do this more often but i don't currently really have the space.. when i move out i wanna try stretching more frequently) -> moekka and cat behaviors

joking/saying things robotically ("directive fulfilled"/"quest complete" when i finish a task or get something for someone, "nutrients aquired" when i make myself food, etc.) -> alien and robot behavior

big tail lashing when annoyed -> moekka, cat, leviathan, AND dragon behavior! no wagging here

tail tip twitching when excited/happy -> moekka and cat behavior

wing shimmying/ruffling (ambient/idle behavior) -> moekka, bird, and dragon behavior

wiggling fingers/doing "claw hands" (to achieve the feeling of having or unsheathing claws/talons) -> moekka, cat, leviathan, and dragon behavior

involuntary smiling when upset/being prone to hysteria/manic laughter -> im sorry but. chara coded (this is one of the things that made me consider chara as one of my kins since that's a behavior we share)

the entire moekka ear emoting guide i made can go here too. this is what my ears do

fins flaring out when aggressive -> dragon and leviathan behavior

snarling/showing fangs(i dont have actual fangs. tragic) when angry/aggressive -> moekka, dragon, leviathan, cat, werewolf, and cryptid behavior

snorting/exhaling through nose or sighing when angry/annoyed (steam is supposed to come out) -> dragon behavior

bouncing/doing weird little high steppies when excited -> moekka behavior (i don't do this irl much because my leg anatomy is tragically not suited for it but. steppies !)

purring (something i can't do irl, at least not comfortably/real-ly) -> moekka, cat, and dragon behavior

thinking in concepts/pictures rather than words and having to translate my thoughts into cohesive english on the fly -> cryptid/alien/robot behavior, generally giving a "not human" vibe. kind of annoying when im trying to explain myself quickly and concisely tbh

being sooo sleepy all the time (/slight exag but im a pro at napping) -> cat and dragon behavior. these guys love to sleep

avoiding direct sun (i get sooo hot and sweaty in the summer i cannot handle the heat) -> its giving vampire (i get teasingly called one all the time since i always wear black and dont go in the sun. im also super pale) but in reality, its cryptid behavior babey!

squatting on things/perching/sitting up high/not sitting on furniture correctly -> cat/moekka/dragon/bird/cryptid behavior. also the autism . i always wanna be sitting on stuff like a gargoyle

walking on tiptoes -> MOEKKA BEHAVIOR !!! i miss my digitigrade legs so bad

climbing up high (i never learned how to climb things and im not physically strong enough to either... it scares me because i dont have the parts i need to climb properly but) -> dragon/cat/moekka behavior

eating fruit and meat -> moekka, dragon, leviathan, and bird behavior. i like bread and rice n.. carbs. a lot irl but its not a part of many of my kintypes' diet

being in the water in general -> leviathan and dragon kin. i dont actually know how to swim (ashamed) but i know id be so good at it if i had my big tails and dragon wings or leviathan fins to propel me. i need to be zooming . and also be resistant to salt water. i prefer pools

flyingggg -> dragon/moekka/bird (i miss flying so bad. i wanna fly i wanna be in the air and sleep on clouds and zoom right over the water)

collecting things, picking up rocks, not being afraid to handle/deal with bugs -> bird brain . some dragon and leviathan in there too (my biggest collections are plushies, pokemon cards, and keychains/pins, and my mom literally calls me outside the apartment for mantis duty. recently we've been getting praying mantises in the hallway so theres a cup and piece of paper outside that i keep there and use to pick them up and throw them out the window)

that's all i can think of for right now but you guys should totally send me asks about my kintypes .. talking about them (especially the ones that aren't real) helps me connect to them more n also i get to share stuff i made up like for leviathans and moekkas :]

[eggsaladsandwhic]

College AU! Poly! Vash x (Reader) x Knives: Pre Relationship Headcannons/Drabbles (SFW)

IM ALIVE - Actually I just got extremely backed up between work and playing Persona 5R( Very important activities) Sorry if these are rusty. Have some word vomit.

You were originally a classmate of Nai's and had come over a couple times for group projects. Vash was surprised finding out Nai had found a human he didn't have problems with

Nai only admited to Vash he tolerated your presence, but the way you came over an hour later to help cook dinner says otherwise

Vash understood pretty quickly what "tolerated" meant after you came in with a box of cookies (Nai told you how to gain his brothers trust and you took it as a challenge to make the best batch ever)

Wanting to interact with Vash but he's got a golden lab personality and if you're shy it's probably overwhelming

Nai could probably handle a high energy person, but a low energy ambivert is probably this guy's best match

Visits came more frequently, and eventually you were practically a part-time resident

Movie Nights, Hobby Days, Cooking Lessons, Chores ( Both the boys always tried stoping you to no avail), sometimes you'd come over just to exist in their presence and talk

Vash made you keep some of your things at their place just in case you ever slept over. At least twice a week you were an honorary couch crasher, but Vash did joke about you sharing the bed with him (he's not joking come snuggle him)

Nai became more soft around you and it would seem to brighten up his mood when you walked through the door. Vash would tease him constantly about it when you were out of earshot

Nai started letting you hang out in his room and he would play his electric piano softly while you were curled up in his bed (probs a great time to study, read, write, draw, and the nap is probably magnificent)

Touch was rare but it did happen from time to time, hand on your back, a teasing head pat, both of you laying on your stomachs side by side elbows touching. Nothing too close for his comfort.

Vash loved being around you and likely starting initiating physical affection first. He'd put his head on your lap and ramble, throw his arms around your shoulders, lean on you during movies, etc..

Vash took you on "fake dates" but really it was just while he loves hanging out with his usual friend group, sometimes he just needs one on one time because he enjoys your company

Y'all became each other's biggest cheerleader

Nai would watch his brother in envy, but he enjoyed seeing both of you happy nonetheless. He wishes he was closer but has a hard time trying to act on his emotions or how he wants to convey them.

After a particularly stressful day he had walked into your apartment while you were on the couch and just layed himself on you? No words, no build up, just walked in like he owned the place.

Nai feels like the kind of guy that's all or nothing and depending on the situation it's either or. You gotta sculpt him a little to get out of this mindset probably.

Progress I guess? Nai didn't want to talk but pretty much melted when you started scratching at his scalp and undercut. You got the jist of his issues and worked your hands through the knotted up muscle on his back. He wrapped his arms around your midsection and just stayed there in silence for almost 3 hours. Honestly he probably wanted to stay awake but kept drifting in and out of sleep every 15 to 20 mins

Goes home after you make dinner, has an absolute conniption fit because he shouldn't be acting like this. Feels like he's taking advantage of your kindness constantly, especially after that. Takes his anger out and yells at Vash. (Nai hasn't yelled at him like that in ages, so Vash leaves the apartment to avoid it)

Cue Vash showing up 20mins later at your place, asking if he could stay a couple days. Of course you said yes, but....your couch cannot fit a whole Vash. BED SHARING

Asks your boundaries before hand and y'all were down for cuddling. Woke up the next morning practically glued together, his head in the crook of your neck and a leg and arm thrown over you. Dear lord he's probably so warm, you somehow get out of his grip and he makes some disappointed noises.

You make him breakfast while he's still asleep, and when he wakes up to you cooking pancakes in the sunlight he swears he could marry you. (This man makes me so domestic)

Accidentally says the last part out loud and gets all embarrassed

Y'all lounge around watching shitty tv or playing video games in your PJs for the rest of the morning

TIME TO FACE THE CONSEQUENCES

Nai sends you a text asking if you two could talk, says he's also going to apologize to his brother in a little bit. You tell him to man up and apologize first beforehand then talking is on the table

You go get lunch while Vash and Nai talk it out. Nai ended up admitting to Vash he has feelings for you. Vash went "No shit really?.......me too". Both of them have a whatever happens happens mindset about the situation. Feel like both of them wouldn't want to rush a relationship with you and would probably keep it to platonic/verging on romantic attention for a hot while. Sharing isn't even on the table yet and Nai is definitely the more possessive one out of the brothers.

This doesn't mean they're not gonna be affectionate, but they will respect each other wanting alone time with you. Along with not making each other feel like the whole ordeal is a contest on who's better.

THESE BOYS COMMUNICATE ABOUT THE FACT THEY BOTH WANT TO COURT YOUR ASS.

(I wonder if plants would have any courting methods like birds or something...hmmm I have ideas)