#im so fucking tired of allistics

[heavy-buddy]

im gonna ban allistic people from writing autistic characters

[bostonbakeddeans]

i think that being trapped in a room for 12 hours while various sitcoms play in the background without being allowed to question the premise of the shows should be classified as a hate crime actually

[koa-z]

Uh Oh! You ignored an invisible, unspoken social cue that you were supposed to psychically detect without being asked, and now the allistics are cursing you out!: The Movie: The Sequel: The Series: The-

[dream-sans-mogai]

Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

[friendlifyre]

one thing i am starting to realize is that if someone ever asks you if something is wrong because you're doing [x behavior that they interpret as a sign of something being wrong], even if you explain that it is an unrelated behavior that doesnt mean anything is wrong on your end, when they are the ones exhibiting that behavior they 100% expect you to just recognize it as an indicator that something is wrong

[scattered-winter]

i NEED to be more autistic

[autism-corner]

sometimes i think my life is hard but then i talk to any allistic person and. how are they surviving so casually

[plaquerat]

i don't want to have to only read autism stuff written by other autistic people i think it sucks to say only a group experiencing something is allowed to write it. but im so fucking tired of how allistics treat us when they depict us. we're not some special challenge for you to make yourself feel better or babies in our 20s we're living breathing people we have lives we have jobs we have sex believe it or not. just. augh.

[anadrenalineslut]

psa and im really fucking tired of having to explain this but a "trauma bond" is a very, very, very specific phrase that refers to the bond you feel to your abuser. it is talking about how the abuse (trauma) your abuser puts you through creates a strong connection (bond) between the two of you because of the positive reinforcement that comes afterwards. the actual physical going through the abuse/being abused makes you grow closer to your abuser. it is also known as "stockholm syndrome" amongst the public but i am fucking tired of seeing people use the word incorrectly. you cannot "trauma bond" as a way to get closer to people. you cannot "trauma bond" with another but your actual literal abuser, if you have one. you do so much real life harm when you use words you don't comprehend correctly.

in other news, allistics stop looking at words and just assume you fucking know what they mean and google the definitions of new words or phrases before you use them.

[drdemonprince]

could you tell us about your experience with mushrooms? I've tried it many times, and I feel like it hasn't changed anything for me (though i had no expectations), but maybe i was "doing it wrong"

I posted about it a couple weeks back, so you can scroll thru for that, but it didn't do much for me. I felt high like I was on weed, I danced in a warehouse for a while, which was as pleasant as it always is substances or no, I went outside and the grass and leaves were shimmering, my friend drove me in their car and we listened to Bjork and it was very pretty and moving to watch the sunlight glisten on the skyscrapers and the lake, I felt a sense of peace and certainty in living here being an immense gift that I should cement by establishing more permanent roots here, housing wise, and then we went to the beach to watch a drag show and i drank a bubble tea and felt relaxed and good. later in the evening, mostly sober watching children's dog movies of the 90s like All Dogs Go to Heaven, I got kind of emotional. but nothing beyond my normal range of possible feeling. i was depressed the next day, sad like a forlorn child in a manageable way. i was irritable and pissy the next few days, desperately craving my own space and quiet, which used to happen a few years ago when i was in a worse living situation and place in my life. it felt like backsliding. i was annoyed that i felt that way. it stayed like that for a few days. now a couple weeks later im basically the same, but a little more resolute about some changes that i want to make. i feel like a serious adult man. if anything it just got me to where i was mentally heading a little bit faster.

sometimes the shrooms have something to teach you, my friend blair says, and sometimes they don't. while i was high in the car listening to bjork, i turned inward and asked the mushrooms, "hey guys, whats going on? what do i need to know, if anything?" and they said to me (im speaking metaphorically here) "you already know exactly what is going on in your life. you know what you're good at and what you want, and you know what has been persistently making you upset. youve made certain decisions about how to navigate the difficult things in your life, and you have an accurate gauge of what the costs of that are. not much else to say. you know what's going on." and i was like "bet." i didn't hallucinate, i had no big revelations, and i probably wouldnt do it again for a very long time because the come down sucked for me.

people overhype what substances can do for you, a lot of the time. it's just a tool. it can be fun. it can give you diarrhea. it can make you cry, and maybe that's good. it's not a solution to your problems it's just another problem but some problems are worth it in your own risk cost calculus etc.

and i find that many autistic people just aren't all that impacted by substances like allistics are. we're so reflexive at masking that our impulse may be to maintain composure and level headedness at all times. i was pretty sober after anesthesia too. i often wish that substances would give me some grand feeling of release, but once the drug hits my system all i want is to remain in control, as i always do. there's an infamous story about a guy who the CIA tested acid tabs on, who didn't hallucinate or act funny after like 30 consecutive doses. he just seemed normal. it turned out he was at baseline absolutely consumed with debilitating anxiety. so being super fucking high just gave him something to direct his hyperanalytical system's attention to. i hope someone reading this will remember this account and provide a link, im not being super precise. but. there's something about that experience that i relate to. ive never been out of control on any substance. i always seem pretty lucid, maybe a little sillier or more tired but even those things feel like a choice.

[dormircoeur]

im so tired... of people being ableist... no... i cant control my tone of voice... no... im not trying to be aggressive... or disrespectful... im just autistic... allistic people will... wear the color blue... for autism awareness... day... which... is its incredibly ironic... because autism speaks... is a fucking hate group... and then the very next day... police the tone... of an autistic person... silence their emotions... and valid frustrations... as being... too aggressive... and rude... and then try to take away their autonomy... by demanding... that either detailed work... happens faster... or refuses... to let them do the task at all... im not a child... im a full ass grown adult... and i am capable... of doing the same work... as everyone else... in this building... but yes... it does take me longer... adhd and autism... are comorbid... austim... and ocd... are also... comorbid... when you tell me... it needs to be detailed... when you imply... that the choice i made... wont be supported... by the company... otherwise... when you lecture me... on and on... about how important... it is... for this to be an incredibly detailed... report... and then chastise me... when it takes me... an autistic person with comorbid adhd... and ocd... longer... to get it done... just the way you need it done... suddenly... im no longer... capable... of doing the work...

but yeah... keep wearing blue on autism awareness day...

[miseria-fortes-viros]

I didn’t say it means they aren’t autistic I said the score doesn’t make you autistic as in there has to be other factors not just a score that’s lower than what average allistics get anyways! And my sibling is autistic, just because I don’t have autism doesn’t mean I don’t get any opinion on anything, I look after him, I’m so tired of people saying that family of autistic people don’t matter and don’t get any opinion. Did you see how many people were self diagnosing themselves based on a score LOWER than the average allistic person?? Autistic people should be mad about that too! People like my brother are ignored so that allistic people can pretend to be autistic. Obviously not everybody who self diagnoses does it badly, but like half of the people replying to that stupid poll were just so ignorant it actually hurts. Only a few people replying to the poll were saying anything about it, out of literally THOUSANDS of people. As a community we need to stop letting people do this.

“we” you are not part of the autistic community because your sibling is autistic. that’s not how it works. also in the vein of things do not work the way you seem to think they do: allistics are not tripping over themselves to obtain an autism diagnosis. people taking the raads-r and stating their scores with the caption “huh. neat” or “probably should look into this” are not self diagnosing. self diagnosis is often a more rigorous process than an actual fucking diagnosis and people who are saying those things do not mean “oh im definitely autistic now based on this one thing. nice” they mean “this might be a possibility”. if you read my reply at all you’ll notice that i said several times that the raads-r score alone does not determine autism. you’re tired of people not including you, an allistic person, in discussions of autism? i’m tired of allistic people thinking they have a right to be in autistic spaces because they’re close with someone who belongs there. any chance i can talk to your brother or do you decide what his opinions are too?

[saltedskullz]

cw // tw // child abuse , vent , trauma

i cant speak to new people .

i don’t know what kind of symptoms this is , but it makes me incredibly lonely . the fact that i was so goddamn isolated as a kid (literally locked in a room for a majority of my childhood haha!) cemented my inability to talk to people and the autism specific “social anxiety” .

(side rant !! the autism specific social anxiety , that i put into quotes cause i feel that it’s inaccurate to my experience , is the anxiety that surrounds real social rejection. social anxiety for allistics is usually chronic anxiety about interactions with other people , but the way that it started for me was experiencing real social rejection . i was isolated from my only possible option for talking to people who wasn’t my abuser BECAUSE of my autistic traits .)

i’m going to college soon , which means that there will be MUCH more people around me . which means , that i might get talked to more . this makes me want to scratch my eyes out !!!!!!!!!!!

when i try to think about meeting new people , my brain sits on the ground and refuses to move despite me tugging on the leash . it’s hard to explain , but it makes me feel tired thinking about it . the act of getting to know people is so fucking taxing . trying to mask my constant flood of paranoid thoughts , having to stay aware of my body , facial expressions and voice to make sure that i don’t do anything that’ll freak anyone out !!! having to keep in mind what they’re doing and saying and trying to map it out on my current reality despite the fact that it doesn’t mesh with my reality so i’m slowly slipping off the edge !!!!! i’m a wet slab of meat on a rooftop sliding down to crocodile infested waters !!!!!!!!!!

i like my friends !!!! i like the people that i can talk to !!!! they know me and i know them !!!!!!!!!!!!

but they’re also my only options . when my 4 friends r busy , what am i going to do ? i don’t have anyone else to turn to so i’m consumed by guilt for subjecting my poor sweet friends to so much of me . i feel like im a parasitic mound that only my friends have . the guilt gets so strong sometimes that i’ll fully be unable to speak when im with my friends .

social spoons r the most taxing so even when i NEED to be around someone i won’t be able to manage it because of how twisted up i get about my disorganized thoughts .

every night i’m sent to spiral about the cage that i keep myself in but don’t have the key to , i’ll never be able to live out or in the cage

[hyenashark]

im so fucking tired of allistic people

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

god im so tired i feel like im. yea. but like genuinely FUCK trans people who try 2 be fuckin trans police likeeee FUCK U when ur tryna reinvent gender roles I DONT NEED TO BE COMPLIMENTED ON HOW WELL I PASS I PASS PERFECTLY WELL AS MYSELF BC I AM ME MOTHERFUCKER I DONT NEED TO BE A CIS PERSONS IDEA OF A MAN BC IM A TRANS PERSONS IDEA OF A MAN U FUCKINGGGG cop,. stop fucking cringing at me wearing a skirt go stick ur head in a toilet u fuckingggggg. bitchasss motherfucker. there is NO way i wanna wear fuckinn trackies n a hoodie all day bc that works just fine 4 other ppl but it gives me fuckin MORE dysphoria stop projecting ur dysphoria onto me youuuuu fuckingggggg. pussy. u can enjoy ur dysphoria hoodie without putting me into it as well its not a get along shirt u fucking idiottttt. wed get along better if u didnt shove our heads into the same hole. yeah. im justtt. pissed. attttttttttt. cops. for existing. and ppl who act like cops. kill the cop in ur head bla bla bla.

anyways

. im gonnago to sleep. tmrw is gonna b better bc god. today was a whole lotta anxiety. not the bad kind. bc i realised today. i finally have problems that dont feel like theyre making me feel so fucking empty. like im soooo anxious and worried abt these problems but these r normal people problems now likeeee. i can cope w this kinda stuff. wowies. so tired. gonnna fall asleep at my desk. this music is loud iand it feels like itss. a big ocean. ive almost drowned so many times yknow. crazy. i wanna swim in a river w my friends. only river close to me is dirty as fuck tho n will give me diseases. or probably has a body in it somewhere. wanna find a good river i wanna. yeah. ok my head feels like. a carousel or whatevr. or like. oh my god i havet listened to hsi song in so long this is so 2021 core. wow. did  i just type core with my own two hands. god. ok. gonna text my friend. and be like. i love u . and then im gonna sleep. and think abt my friends and my more than friends and my less than friends. forgot hwo good this song was. mmm yea. ok. tmrw got english period3 . reminder 2msyelf incaase i get scared i get the period wrong. lemme check acrually

yep. english period3. 11.15-12.15. right there. and also. reminder 2 myself to. get to Maples house at 3.50ish and then. we go to my place. and if it rains thats good. if it doesnt rain we cry forevers. we could maybe like. chill in the garden. or watch movies. movies r good. could even kick my sister out of the livin room so we could watch movies there. n like. give her a distraction. or like. let her watch as well but idk if wed want her. bc like. yea thatd be awkward. idk. we could just watch movies in my room. or we could watch heartstopper like we said that one time bc its feelgood and i love feelgood shows and its aalso smth ik is good and is familiar 2 me and my autistic ass is scared of watching new films. id that an autism thing. well my ass is still autistic. so fuck u. and ur allistic ass. unless its not then i apologise to ur ass. ok.nighty nighty. oscar if u see this . um. Hi . ur coolllllllll as fuck ok yeah fuck u im gonna embarrass u in a publiccc postttt by sayingh howwww cool u rrrrr okie yea byebye. and also byebye everyone whios not oscar. ur also cool but not as cool.

[m00nbeambaby]

rant with nowhere else to go

had a nice time hanging out with my friend earlier but she said one thing that really bugged me,,,, we were talking about autism (as an autistic baddie myself) and she started saying things that were kind of questionable,,,,, like she was making jokes and i wasn’t sure if it was her place to be making them and then she said “everyone is a bit autistic!!” like baby no no no lets not do that!! not everyone is autistic and i kinda froze and didn’t know how to respond bc i didn’t want to ruin the vibe but its also like,,,,, girl are you aware you basically just invalidated my disability???

like myself and other autistic people have real difficulties with navigating a world which doesn’t cater to us and you as an allistic person are cracking jokes about it and acting like being autistic is just having a few quirky traits and i am TIRED of people being fucking stupid about it. like im always down to talk about it but i fear i pick the wrong moments like i always think i can let my guard down around someone and then they surprise me with disappointment

i also just feel like i annoyed her and idk it was kinda weird overall i feel like our personalities *almost* mesh well together but something is always off,,, and i try to overcompensate with her and act kinda silly and unhinged but today she was like being kinda judgy about it and inwas like oh!!! okay!!! so yeah i just really dont know how to feel rn :(

i also think i need to get out more and start making friends because everyone is gone for the summer and im just alone in the city 😭 but i am so so scared of talking to people and making friends like i havent made a friend that wasnt facilitated by a living situation/school environment maybe ever??? like i cant spawn in a friend they have to be in forced proximity to me before i figure out how to act like a person so they will like me 😭

being a person is so hard man wtf